1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,967
[upbeat music]

2
00:00:12,067 --> 00:00:13,400
[Phil laughs]
Hey!

3
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:14,500
Hey, Phil,
what's up?

4
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,300
Got my first date
with Zoey tonight.

5
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,033
All right, so what do you think
I should go with?

6
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:20,533
"That's right, I'm bad,
and I know it,"

7
00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:24,633
or "I'm dating a movie star!"

8
00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:28,033
Well, as a fashion icon
I always go by one rule:

9
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:31,367
Keep it baggy
around the boys.

10
00:00:31,467 --> 00:00:32,867
Hey, guys,
what's going on?

11
00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:33,933
We're trying to decide
what I should wear

12
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,533
on my date
with Zoey tonight.

13
00:00:35,633 --> 00:00:37,067
Mm. Jeans from the left,
jacket from the right,

14
00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:40,833
and a whole lot less
cologne.

15
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,167
So where are you
taking Zoey?

16
00:00:42,267 --> 00:00:44,267
Jean-George.

17
00:00:44,367 --> 00:00:47,667
Oh, good choice. Zoey loves
the lobster tartine there.

18
00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,667
How do you know that?

19
00:00:49,767 --> 00:00:51,500
Oh, no, People magazine.

20
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,533
Yeah, I read it cover-to-cover
between my patients.

21
00:00:53,633 --> 00:00:55,167
And contrary
to the stereotype,

22
00:00:55,267 --> 00:00:59,800
all of the magazines in
my waiting room are up-to-date.

23
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:03,700
Unlike Lindsay Lohan's
cork wedges.

24
00:01:06,433 --> 00:01:07,433
What?

25
00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:12,200
I'm looking for
a "Y" chromosome.

26
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,433
[cell phone rings]

27
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:18,633
Excuse me,
movie star calling.

28
00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:20,900
So she's a movie star.
Big deal.

29
00:01:21,067 --> 00:01:22,600
She's no different
from any of us.

30
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,867
Except that she has
three million Twitter followers

31
00:01:24,967 --> 00:01:28,933
and you have a hard time
handling two e-mail accounts.

32
00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:30,567
It's a lot to juggle,
all right?

33
00:01:30,667 --> 00:01:32,933
Although I am thinking of
giving up my AOL account.

34
00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:34,633
Nothing screams "over 40"

35
00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:38,500
like livinlavidaholly@aol.com

36
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:45,133
Three million followers.

37
00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:49,200
Imagine all those people
hanging on your every word.

38
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,300
Maybe I should go on Twitter.

39
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,333
I have interesting thoughts
to share.

40
00:01:54,433 --> 00:01:56,400
I haven't heard any,
but I've only lived with you

41
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,800
for three years.

42
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,167
Uh-huh.

43
00:02:00,267 --> 00:02:01,800
So you think you're
more interesting than me?

44
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:05,067
Oh-ho!
Leaps and bounds, my friend.

45
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,600
For the record,
I think you're both boring.

46
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:10,633
I've zoned out twice since
this conversation started.

47
00:02:10,733 --> 00:02:12,833
All right, how about
a little friendly competition?

48
00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:14,233
We'll both set up
Twitter accounts

49
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:15,867
and whoever gets
the most followers wins.

50
00:02:15,967 --> 00:02:19,833
Please, you couldn't even get
your shadow to follow you.

51
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,067
You're on!

52
00:02:24,133 --> 00:02:25,067
Damn.

53
00:02:25,133 --> 00:02:26,067
What's the matter?

54
00:02:26,133 --> 00:02:27,400
Zoey changed
our reservation

55
00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:30,067
to some little out-of-the-way
place in Brooklyn.

56
00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:32,167
Wait, so you're stuck
in a romantic restaurant

57
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:36,500
with a beautiful woman?
Why, God, why?

58
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,533
No, you don't get it.

59
00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,833
The paparazzi will never
find us there.

60
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:42,067
I'm dating a movie star
and I want the world to see it.

61
00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:43,967
Well, you could always
tip off TMZ.

62
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:45,433
You know, I once
made a few bucks

63
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:48,533
when I spotted Melissa McCarthy
at a Lady Foot Locker.

64
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:51,800
TMZ, huh?

65
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,800
Phil, you're not actually
considering doing this?

66
00:02:53,900 --> 00:02:58,500
I mean, it's completely shallow,
vain, and despicable.

67
00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,567
I can live with that.

68
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:02,600
[upbeat music]

69
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:04,733
* De-do de-do

70
00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:07,067
* De-do de-do

71
00:03:07,167 --> 00:03:08,067
* De-do de-do

72
00:03:08,167 --> 00:03:13,133
*

73
00:03:13,233 --> 00:03:15,367
* Do-do-do-do

74
00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:19,100
So there I am. Ten years old,

75
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,633
Run-DMC's playing at the Garden,
and I'm begging my parents.

76
00:03:21,733 --> 00:03:23,700
I'm like,
"Please, you gotta let me go."

77
00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,600
They're like,
"Fine. Under one condition.

78
00:03:25,700 --> 00:03:27,067
You take your Nana."

79
00:03:27,133 --> 00:03:29,367
[both laughs]

80
00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:32,667
Oh, my God. You went to
a rap show with your grandma?

81
00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:34,433
Yeah, but she was so cool, man.

82
00:03:34,533 --> 00:03:38,833
I got her a Kangol hat,
some gold chains.

83
00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:40,300
Yeah, she even let me draw
Adidas stripes

84
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,967
on her orthopedic shoes.

85
00:03:42,067 --> 00:03:44,300
[both laugh]

86
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,667
Okay, she sounds bad-ass.

87
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:46,867
Yeah, runs in the family.

88
00:03:46,967 --> 00:03:48,733
[giggles]

89
00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:50,067
I got to tell you,

90
00:03:50,133 --> 00:03:53,200
this is going a lot different
than I thought it would.

91
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,067
How'd you think it would go?

92
00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,367
You're a movie star,

93
00:03:56,467 --> 00:03:58,833
so I thought we'd be
talking about you all night.

94
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:01,467
Please. I talk about me 24/7.

95
00:04:01,567 --> 00:04:02,667
I could use the break.

96
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:07,233
Besides, you're hilarious
and adorable.

97
00:04:07,333 --> 00:04:09,633
Well, then let's
talk about that.

98
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:11,867
[laughs]

99
00:04:11,967 --> 00:04:14,267
By the way, thank you for coming
all the way out here.

100
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:16,633
A lot of guys just want to go
to some flashy restaurant

101
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:19,267
so they can get their picture
in the paper.

102
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:26,300
People do that?

103
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,933
One guy even tipped off TMZ.

104
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:31,400
You know,

105
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:33,300
why don't we get out of here
and get dessert someplace else?

106
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,367
Okay?

107
00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:36,600
But we haven't even
finished dinner.

108
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:41,333
Anyway, I'm feeling
real comfortable right here.

109
00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:49,567
Oh no. I am so sorry, Phil.

110
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:52,067
Somebody must have
tipped them off.

111
00:04:57,433 --> 00:05:00,700
[upbeat music]

112
00:05:02,133 --> 00:05:03,933
Would either of you care to hear
my latest pearl

113
00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:05,167
from my Twitter feed?

114
00:05:05,267 --> 00:05:07,833
- Not at all.
- No, thank you.

115
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,300
Very well.

116
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,433
"If you stare at an old lady
on the subway long enough,

117
00:05:12,533 --> 00:05:14,467
she'll give you her seat."

118
00:05:18,167 --> 00:05:21,067
#ScareTheElderly.

119
00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:27,567
How about #YoureAnIdiot.

120
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:30,267
Hello, all. My Twitter feed
is up and running.

121
00:05:30,367 --> 00:05:31,267
Who wants to hear my bio?

122
00:05:31,367 --> 00:05:32,433
- No, thank you.
- Not me.

123
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:33,767
All right.

124
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,200
I'm Dr. Stuart Gardner,
successful New York dentist.

125
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:38,233
I specialize
in analgesic dentistry

126
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:42,133
and wry observations
on this crazy trip we call life.

127
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,367
It's going to be like
taking candy

128
00:05:45,467 --> 00:05:49,333
from a very dull baby.

129
00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,833
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey!

130
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:51,833
There he is!

131
00:05:51,933 --> 00:05:53,200
Hey, how'd it go
with Zoey?

132
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:54,300
What did she wear?
What did she eat?

133
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,333
Did you get me her fork
like you promised?

134
00:05:58,067 --> 00:05:59,667
Zoey is amazing, all right?

135
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:02,067
Best date ever.

136
00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:04,900
But unfortunately,
we had to cut it short

137
00:06:05,067 --> 00:06:07,067
when the damn paparazzi
showed up.

138
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,767
You mean the damn paparazzi
you called.

139
00:06:11,633 --> 00:06:12,633
Okay. Okay,
so, yeah.

140
00:06:12,733 --> 00:06:14,833
I was stupid
for doing that.

141
00:06:14,933 --> 00:06:17,100
But look, how was I supposed
to know she was so great

142
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,067
and that I'd like her
so much?

143
00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:21,967
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So that's
a negative on the fork?

144
00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:25,067
Hey, check it out.

145
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,167
Somebody posted a picture
of you two

146
00:06:26,267 --> 00:06:27,800
on Zoey's Twitter feed.

147
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,433
No, really?
What did they saying about me?

148
00:06:29,533 --> 00:06:32,633
Nothing. All good stuff.

149
00:06:32,733 --> 00:06:34,433
Let me see that.

150
00:06:34,533 --> 00:06:37,667
"What's Zoey doing
with that nobody?"

151
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,067
Nobody?

152
00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:42,333
Well, you know what,

153
00:06:42,433 --> 00:06:43,633
there's always going to be
one hater out there.

154
00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:45,600
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.

155
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,400
Why don't you read another one?

156
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:51,900
"I can't decide. Are his ears
too small or his head too big?

157
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,067
Dude's got baby ears."

158
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,067
[laughs]

159
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:02,300
All right, now.

160
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,600
These aren't baby ears.

161
00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:09,467
These are man ears.

162
00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:11,267
"Hey Zoey fans,
just did a quick search,

163
00:07:11,367 --> 00:07:14,100
and Baby Ears' name
is Phil Chase."

164
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,133
"Hey, Phil Chase, your face
is stupid and I hate you."

165
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,767
That's not even clever.
They're just mean.

166
00:07:21,867 --> 00:07:24,067
Hey, here's one in Spanish.

167
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:27,867
"Creo que Phil Chase,
parece estupido."

168
00:07:30,867 --> 00:07:32,700
Sounds positive.

169
00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:38,067
[upbeat music]

170
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:41,467
Oh, hey, Stu.

171
00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:44,267
Guess who has
50 followers?

172
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:45,333
[whistles]

173
00:07:45,433 --> 00:07:47,167
Ah, that's impressive,
Haskell.

174
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:51,100
Especially since
I only have 12....

175
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,767
hundred!
Bam!

176
00:07:52,867 --> 00:07:55,933
What?
That's impossible!

177
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:58,200
Oh, no, my bad.
Now it's 1,205.

178
00:07:58,300 --> 00:07:59,700
So at the risk
of being redundant,

179
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,167
bam!

180
00:08:01,267 --> 00:08:02,900
What the hell
could you possibly be saying

181
00:08:03,067 --> 00:08:04,467
that people
find interesting?

182
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,467
Let me read you
a sample Tweet:

183
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:08,133
"If you want to make
a candle last longer,

184
00:08:08,233 --> 00:08:12,600
keep it
in the freezer."

185
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:13,833
I don't
get it.

186
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:14,833
Oh, you see,
the cold helps the wax.

187
00:08:14,933 --> 00:08:15,833
Makes it last--

188
00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:18,067
No, I understand
your stupid tip.

189
00:08:18,167 --> 00:08:21,667
I just don't get
who on earth would give a crap.

190
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:24,100
Well, Mr. G.K. Gunaratna
of Mumbai just said,

191
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,167
"You're killing it, brah."

192
00:08:25,267 --> 00:08:28,100
Nah!

193
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,167
[knock on door]

194
00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:31,600
It just doesn't
make any sense.

195
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:33,700
It doesn't--

196
00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,900
Hi, I'm Zoey.
Is Phil here?

197
00:08:36,067 --> 00:08:38,667
You're her.

198
00:08:38,767 --> 00:08:40,067
Look, it's not for me,

199
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:42,900
but could I get
a French kiss for my nephew?

200
00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:49,333
Come in, please, Ms. Banks.
Come in. Come in.

201
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:51,267
Sorry. Sorry about Haskell.

202
00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:53,567
He's never met a movie star
before, so he's--

203
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,667
I'm Stuart.

204
00:08:56,767 --> 00:08:58,867
I don't know why
I just did that. I'm sorry.

205
00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:00,433
Uh, Phil. Phil!

206
00:09:00,533 --> 00:09:02,367
What's going on?

207
00:09:02,467 --> 00:09:03,500
Zoey. Hey.

208
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,800
Hey, Phil.
Is there someplace we can talk?

209
00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:07,800
Uh, feel free to use
the kitchen.

210
00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:08,800
Thanks, Stuart.

211
00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:12,433
My pleasure.

212
00:09:12,533 --> 00:09:13,833
I don't know
what's wrong with me!

213
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,500
Zoey, not that
I'm complaining,

214
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,167
but what are you
doing here?

215
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,633
I don't know if you've seen it,
but some of my fans

216
00:09:20,733 --> 00:09:25,367
have been saying some
pretty mean things about you.

217
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:29,200
What?

218
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,333
Hadn't noticed.

219
00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:32,267
Well, they have,
and I'm sorry.

220
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:35,367
They can get pretty vicious
when I start dating a new guy.

221
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,367
None of this
would have even happened

222
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:39,067
if the paparazzi
hadn't shown up.

223
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,833
It's not a problem.
I've got thick skin.

224
00:09:41,933 --> 00:09:44,633
Besides, who cares
if some stupid guy

225
00:09:44,733 --> 00:09:47,433
thinks I have baby ears.

226
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:53,067
I might have read
one or two.

227
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:56,800
Well, not to worry.
I love those little puka shells.

228
00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,067
[chuckles]

229
00:09:58,133 --> 00:10:00,967
They are cute,
aren't they?

230
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,467
Adorable.

231
00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:05,333
Listen, tonight I'm going to the
Manhattan Film Critics Awards.

232
00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:08,000
To show my fans
you're important to me,

233
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,033
why don't you come
as my date?

234
00:10:10,133 --> 00:10:11,533
Are you saying
you want to show me off?

235
00:10:11,633 --> 00:10:13,500
That's what
I'm saying.

236
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,567
Hey.

237
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,200
[both laugh]

238
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:20,833
I have to get there early
to do some press.

239
00:10:20,933 --> 00:10:25,133
This will get you
past security.

240
00:10:29,767 --> 00:10:33,700
Why don't we just head
to the after party right now?

241
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,000
[ cell phone rings]

242
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,800
Oh. Sorry. I've got
to take this. Do you mind?

243
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:40,133
False alarm, y'all.

244
00:10:40,233 --> 00:10:41,567
All's good in Zoey Land.

245
00:10:41,667 --> 00:10:43,033
Okay.

246
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:44,933
I still can't believe there's a
movie star in our apartment.

247
00:10:45,033 --> 00:10:46,700
I feel like I should
do something to impress her.

248
00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:49,300
Oh, why don't you tell her to
put a candle in the freezer

249
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,633
and then curtsey again?

250
00:10:57,033 --> 00:10:58,233
Hey, Phil.

251
00:10:58,333 --> 00:10:59,700
Listen, I've been reading
all of those horrible Tweets

252
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,767
and I don't think you have
beady eyes, chipmunk cheeks,

253
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:07,567
or an E.T. head.

254
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,600
Well, you don't have to
worry about it.

255
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:10,567
All is good
with Zoey and me.

256
00:11:10,667 --> 00:11:11,733
As a matter of fact,

257
00:11:11,833 --> 00:11:13,267
she's taking me
to an award show tonight.

258
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:14,700
Great! And this time you won't
have to alert the paparazzi

259
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,067
because they'll
already be there.

260
00:11:16,167 --> 00:11:18,867
[Phil laughs]

261
00:11:18,967 --> 00:11:22,700
What? You mean you're the one
who tipped them off last night?

262
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:23,767
Yes, but--

263
00:11:23,867 --> 00:11:25,067
So this is what
that was all about.

264
00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:27,267
You just wanted to be seen
with a star?

265
00:11:27,367 --> 00:11:28,900
I trusted you
and you set me up?

266
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:31,100
- I can explain.
- Don't bother.

267
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,267
I wouldn't believe
it anyway.

268
00:11:35,533 --> 00:11:37,333
[door slams]

269
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,700
I'm sorry, Phil.
I didn't mean--

270
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,833
Well, you did.

271
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:47,633
[upbeat music]

272
00:11:47,733 --> 00:11:50,200
[upbeat music]

273
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,967
Phil didn't accept
your apology basket?

274
00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:52,967
No.

275
00:11:53,067 --> 00:11:54,367
(Eden)
Well, I'll take it.

276
00:11:54,467 --> 00:11:55,867
I've got an uncle who's
taken a turn for the worse.

277
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,300
It'll give me something
to snack on while I'm visiting.

278
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:00,900
I don't even know
why I feel so guilty.

279
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,400
If Phil hadn't called
the paparazzi,

280
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,800
there would have been nothing
for me to accidentally blurt.

281
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,233
You're totally
blameless.

282
00:12:06,333 --> 00:12:07,867
How can you say that?

283
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:09,067
If I hadn't opened
my big mouth,

284
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,367
none of this
would have happened.

285
00:12:10,467 --> 00:12:11,633
That's true.

286
00:12:11,733 --> 00:12:14,600
Don't you judge me.
You weren't even there.

287
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:15,867
I feel like
I should do something,

288
00:12:15,967 --> 00:12:17,467
but maybe I should
just stay out of it.

289
00:12:17,567 --> 00:12:18,633
Maybe you should.

290
00:12:18,733 --> 00:12:19,733
How could you be
so heartless?

291
00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:23,267
I just destroyed
a man's relationship.

292
00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:25,333
I need to do something,
but what?

293
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:28,433
What? Don't just stand there.
Say something.

294
00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:32,567
Before I do, can we agree
on a safe word?

295
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:35,133
I know. Zoey's going to be
at that award show tonight.

296
00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:36,167
All I have to do
is go down there

297
00:12:36,267 --> 00:12:38,367
and catch her
before she gets in.

298
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:39,367
- Eden.
- Asparagus.

299
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:42,700
What?

300
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,567
That's going to be
my safe word.

301
00:12:45,667 --> 00:12:46,967
So should I
go down there?

302
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,533
Yes. No.
Maybe.

303
00:12:49,633 --> 00:12:52,367
Great! All right. I've got
30 minutes to get ready.

304
00:12:52,467 --> 00:12:53,500
Help me squeeze into
something sexy.

305
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,300
You might have to move
some stuff around.

306
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,733
Asparagus.

307
00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:05,733
[upbeat music]

308
00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:11,833
*

309
00:13:11,933 --> 00:13:12,833
Hello.

310
00:13:12,933 --> 00:13:14,900
Hi, can I see
your pass, please?

311
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:16,733
Oh, it's not
around my neck?

312
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:17,933
Oh, it was there
just a second ago.

313
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:19,833
It must have
slipped down.

314
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,133
Can you
see it?

315
00:13:22,233 --> 00:13:23,133
No.

316
00:13:23,233 --> 00:13:24,500
Are you sure?
Take a look.

317
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,267
Take a long,
lingering look.

318
00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:30,267
Nope, still don't see it.
Thanks for the peek, though.

319
00:13:30,367 --> 00:13:31,400
Now back
behind the rope.

320
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:32,600
No, you peeked.

321
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,967
And a peek is as good
as a pass.

322
00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:36,533
It's an implied contract.
I'm a lawyer.

323
00:13:36,633 --> 00:13:38,200
Back behind the rope.

324
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,433
You'll see these
in court.

325
00:13:43,467 --> 00:13:45,567
There you are,
Alfonso.

326
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:47,567
I haven't seen you
since Cannes.

327
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:49,767
You absolutely should have
won the Palme D'Or.

328
00:13:49,867 --> 00:13:50,767
You were hosed.

329
00:13:50,867 --> 00:13:53,433
- But I'm not--
- Hosed!

330
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:55,867
You know, I'm not
who you think I am.

331
00:13:55,967 --> 00:13:57,067
Are any of us?

332
00:13:57,167 --> 00:14:00,200
Now go stand over there
and ponder that.

333
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,100
Zoey!

334
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,467
Miss! Over here!

335
00:14:04,567 --> 00:14:05,500
What?

336
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,400
- Oh.
- Show us your dress!

337
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,067
(photographer)
Who are you?

338
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:15,433
Just another innocent ingénue,
spewed out by the dream machine.

339
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,067
"Fall sunrises
are the best.

340
00:14:20,133 --> 00:14:22,067
Re-tweet
if you agree."

341
00:14:22,133 --> 00:14:25,067
Hey, Haskell.
I just reached the 5,000 mark.

342
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,567
Is that good?

343
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:30,167
How the hell are you getting
all these people to follow you?

344
00:14:30,267 --> 00:14:31,233
I don't know.

345
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,833
I guess I'm just
number sign blessed!

346
00:14:33,933 --> 00:14:37,567
It's hashtag! Hashtag!

347
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:41,467
All right, two can play
at this Stuart lame game.

348
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,067
All right.

349
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:47,767
"Roll neck sweaters
are like a warm hug."

350
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:51,133
I just lost
five followers.

351
00:14:53,467 --> 00:14:54,467
What are you doing?

352
00:14:54,567 --> 00:14:56,067
Oh, I want to watch
the award show.

353
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,067
I'm in a fantasy fashion pool.

354
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:01,500
How insensitive
can you be?

355
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,933
Phil is in the next room
heartbroken over Zoey.

356
00:15:04,067 --> 00:15:07,400
Every time he sees her face
a little piece of him will die.

357
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,400
Because he knows that he screwed
up the best thing he ever had.

358
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,600
Hey, champ.

359
00:15:14,733 --> 00:15:16,833
You know what, why don't I
just turn off the TV?

360
00:15:16,933 --> 00:15:17,900
Oh, no,
it's okay.

361
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,333
I screwed up
big time, man.

362
00:15:20,433 --> 00:15:22,333
I'm going to have to get
used to seeing her face.

363
00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:23,467
Hey, is it me,

364
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,300
or does that tall woman
shamelessly mugging

365
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,133
for the camera
look like Holly?

366
00:15:28,233 --> 00:15:29,867
(Haskell)
It is Holly!

367
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:31,067
What is she
doing there?

368
00:15:31,167 --> 00:15:32,567
Oh my--

369
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,067
She must be trying to
fix things with me and Zoey.

370
00:15:35,133 --> 00:15:39,233
No! Hey!
Get off the red carpet, girl!

371
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:45,200
Get your ass
off the carpet!

372
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:49,267
You--you know
she can't hear you, right?

373
00:15:49,367 --> 00:15:50,967
She will
when I get down there.

374
00:15:51,067 --> 00:15:56,067
[upbeat music]

375
00:15:56,133 --> 00:15:58,200
[upbeat music]

376
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,067
I'm here with the beautiful
and talented Zoey Banks

377
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,367
who's got a movie
coming out next week.

378
00:16:02,467 --> 00:16:03,767
Tell us about it.

379
00:16:03,867 --> 00:16:06,467
Well, it's been a passion
project of mine for years.

380
00:16:06,567 --> 00:16:09,867
It goes back to a time when
women were invisible in society

381
00:16:09,967 --> 00:16:11,300
and had no voice.

382
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:14,533
- Hello.
- Holly?

383
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:16,233
- May I speak to you?
- Excuse me.

384
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,967
We're kind of in the middle
of an interview.

385
00:16:18,067 --> 00:16:19,400
Okay, well,
we'll be right back

386
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:20,733
and then I'll tell you
who I'm wearing

387
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:23,533
and what I'm not.

388
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:26,100
What are you
doing here?

389
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,400
- It's about Phil.
- Yeah, that's just not--

390
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:28,733
I know he screwed up,
all right?

391
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:30,133
He got caught up
in all of this.

392
00:16:30,233 --> 00:16:32,700
Some people just
can't handle it.

393
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,367
Oh.

394
00:16:34,467 --> 00:16:36,367
Listen. He's a great guy.

395
00:16:36,467 --> 00:16:38,067
And he really
likes you.

396
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:41,867
Well, I'm sorry. I just can't
be with someone I don't trust.

397
00:16:41,967 --> 00:16:43,133
Phil's really crushed.

398
00:16:43,233 --> 00:16:46,100
Please, give him
another chance.

399
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,300
Yeah, I've got
to go.

400
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:53,933
Holly?

401
00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:55,300
What the hell
are you doing here?

402
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,233
You're going to embarrass me
and make things worse.

403
00:16:57,333 --> 00:16:58,233
No, nobody's
getting embarrassed.

404
00:16:58,333 --> 00:17:01,667
Zoey! Zoey!

405
00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:03,400
Would you
just stop it?

406
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,700
And now you're here?

407
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:05,700
I don't know
what's going on,

408
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,167
but would you
please just leave?

409
00:17:07,267 --> 00:17:08,600
Yes, I'll leave.

410
00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:10,967
But since I'm here,
there's something I want to say.

411
00:17:11,067 --> 00:17:12,967
We're listening.

412
00:17:13,067 --> 00:17:15,300
- Do you mind?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

413
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,800
Give 'em room,
people!

414
00:17:18,900 --> 00:17:19,800
Yes?

415
00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:21,867
I screwed up big-time.

416
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:22,967
And calling the paparazzi

417
00:17:23,067 --> 00:17:25,833
was the stupidest thing
I've ever done.

418
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:29,267
I just wanted to brag that
I was out with a movie star.

419
00:17:29,367 --> 00:17:32,500
Funny thing happened
on our date.

420
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,300
I fell for the girl,
not the star.

421
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,700
And I just wanted you
to know that.

422
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,667
- Phil, don't go!
- That's my line!

423
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:43,900
Well, say it, already!

424
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:47,633
Phil, don't go!

425
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:48,733
How about we start all over

426
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:53,333
and you walk me
down the red carpet?

427
00:17:53,433 --> 00:17:54,567
I don't think so.

428
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:55,667
What?

429
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:57,433
Yeah, it's like you said.

430
00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:58,600
I want to start over,

431
00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:02,900
but without the cameras
or any of this stuff.

432
00:18:03,067 --> 00:18:06,800
Just us.

433
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,933
I'd like that.

434
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,167
I like that.

435
00:18:15,267 --> 00:18:16,667
I'd better
get inside.

436
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:19,333
Yes, they're waiting
for us.

437
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:23,167
Why not?

438
00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:24,567
(Photographer)
Just Zoey! Just Zoey!

439
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:27,133
Bite me.

440
00:18:27,233 --> 00:18:30,133
[upbeat music]

441
00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:32,567
*

442
00:18:32,667 --> 00:18:33,567
I'm afraid
to look.

443
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:36,733
How many followers
does he have?

444
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,667
Yeah, he's
up to 10,000.

445
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,267
Impossible!
How can that many people

446
00:18:40,367 --> 00:18:41,933
be interested in the
inane musings

447
00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:46,067
of an analgesic dentist?

448
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,200
I think I just figured it out,
Haskell.

449
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,333
What is it?

450
00:18:48,433 --> 00:18:49,733
Well, it looks like Stuart
didn't know

451
00:18:49,833 --> 00:18:51,867
that Twitter limits the number
of characters you can have

452
00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:56,067
in the bio. He got cut off
mid-sentence.

453
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:57,533
Let me see.

454
00:18:57,633 --> 00:19:00,667
"I'm Dr. Stuart Gardner,
a successful New York dentist,

455
00:19:00,767 --> 00:19:04,700
"and I specialize
in anal."

456
00:19:14,833 --> 00:19:18,067
Well...

457
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:21,067
Well, Haskell,
time's up.

458
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:24,800
Are you ready to concede
that I'm the more popular guy?

459
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:28,467
Yes, I am.

460
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:32,333
Stuart, you have way more
to offer than I do.

461
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:37,667
There's a "but" coming,
isn't there?

462
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:45,133
Not from me.

463
00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:47,767
- All right.
- Congratulations, Stuart.

464
00:19:47,867 --> 00:19:50,067
Hey, bottoms up.

465
00:19:50,167 --> 00:19:55,200
[upbeat music]

466
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,733
[upbeat music]

467
00:19:56,833 --> 00:19:59,100
* DE-DO DE-DO

468
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,300
* DE-DO DE-DO

469
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:04,867
* DE-DO DE-DO

470
00:20:04,967 --> 00:20:07,167
* DO-DO-DO DO-DO-DO

471
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:10,500
* DO-DO-DO

472
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,867
* DE-DO DE-DO

473
00:20:12,967 --> 00:20:15,133
* DE-DO DE-DO

474
00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:17,267
* DO-DO-DO-DO

475
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:19,267
YEAH.

476
00:20:19,367 --> 00:20:21,267
ACME!
[coughs]