You share a generator with the guy
in the gatehouse, Wade Kinsella.
Notice how whenever I come around, there's always sparks?
Thank you for caring, Dr. Hart.
LEMON: I wish there was a spell
that we could use to just blow Zoe Hart
right on out of this town.
She didn't turn out to be as bad as I thought.
If you can't control your own fiancé,
how in the world can you expect to command the Memory Matrons?
You are a good friend, Lavon. You're probably my best friend
in the whole world at the moment.
Judson show up? Y'all hook up?
ZOE: No, we did not. Judson and I...
I don't think we're meant to be.
* *
Good morning, lovely ladies of BlueBell!
With your fancy hats and your eyes full of wisdom.
How I cherish these moments together!
What's gotten into her?
Must be the drugs.
Morning, Tom!
Don't you look dapper today?
(faintly): I love you.
* *
Wade! Hey.
Hi.
I am so glad you're here.
I'm heading to the Dixie Stop later to get some milk,
and I thought I'd get you those pickles you like so much.
You need anything else?
Shelly! Hey, I'll have the usual.
You don't have a usual.
(phone chimes)
Oh. Excuse me.
Is it just me, or is she acting really weird?
There's only one reason a girl who hasn't had
the company of a man for several months is suddenly euphoric...
No. Trust me, okay?
It's not that. 'Cause I've been trying for months.
Maybe someone else tried harder.
(laughs)
LAWRENCE: I told you I was gonna win.
Congratulations, Lawrence.
Thank you kindly.
It was a tough case.
For you, I mean.
No, we both fought hard for our clients...
Yeah, but I fought a little better.
Well, I wouldn't exactly say better...
Well, you don't have to say it.
I won.
That pretty much says it all, doesn't it?
Heh-heh-heh.
ZOE: Addy...
my dear, have you ever-- hi--
woken up and just really, really appreciated
how beautiful life is?
(patient retches)
How could I not?
(coughing, wheezing)
Sal!
Hey! How are ya, buddy?
You know, I've been meaning to come by and pick up
some more of those world-famous shrimp of yours,
even though the veins still give me the heebie-jeebies.
Open up.
Yeah, your pharynx is swollen. Yeah?
All right, let's check out your heart.
If you could unbutton for me...
Ooh.
Ouch. Who got on your bad side?
Oh, that's Mr. Scampi, my cat.
He's got jealousy issues,
he doesn't like it when I have guests over.
Lady guests, if you know what I mean.
Unfortunately, I do.
So, did you start feeling sick before
or after he scratched you?
I'm not sure.
You know, it's probably just the flu,
but to be on the safe side, you should get Mr. Scampi looked at.
All right. I'll just call Judson--
I mean, Dr. Lyons--
and, uh, have him schedule a checkup.
We're gonna get through this together.
Okay.
Thank you. Uh-huh.
Next!
Are you absolutely positive?
Oh! Good work, AnnaBeth! Good work!
Okay. Um... I will see you tomorrow
to go over all the details for the luncheon.
Oh, and do not forget to call the florist today.
We don't want overgrown dahlias like last time, okay?
(squeals)
Is that a good squeal or a bad squeal?
I just want to prepare myself emotionally.
It's official!
Delia Ann is the new Chairwoman
of the Alabama Junior League, which means that the position
for Memory Matron is wide open.
George, do you know what this means?
That it was a good squeal?
Everything I've been working so hard for is finally paying off.
Lemon Breeland, Memory Matron!
Oh, it's so exciting!
Very happy for you, baby. You deserve it.
Don't jinx me, George! She hasn't appointed me yet.
I need something to seal the deal.
Maybe I could do a buttering-up diner for Delia Ann.
I could make all of her favorite dishes!
I mean, but that would seem a little desperate, huh?
No, you think?
Wait.
Aren't you friends with Delia Ann's husband?
No, no. Lawrence just beat me in court today,
so I wouldn't necessarily call us "friends."
And I also wouldn't call us friends because I hate him.
Oh, George, you can't let one silly little case
ruin a friendship. You two are golfing buddies!
We play golf together occasionally,
which is a drag because he is the most competitive man
on the planet. He makes us play with mulligans
so he can have his "do over" swings.
Oh, no. George...
No... Mm...
No, baby... What's one little dinner?
How competitive can a man be over a turkey pot pie?
I guess we'll find out.
(humming softly)
Hey.
I need to talk to you about Zoe. What about Zoe?
Don't tell me you haven't noticed all the smiling?
A-All the pleasantries? All the,
the nice things she's going out of her way to do,
like buying a man his favorite pickles
even when that man doesn't ask for them?
Maybe she bought you pickles because she likes you.
Or maybe she bought them on account of
all the great sex she's been having.
Zoe isn't having sex.
Or is she?
As her landlord, friend and general confidante,
I'm pretty sure I would know if she had a buddy in the boudoir.
Unless it was a secret buddy.
Or if it was like a death row inmate who escaped,
and she was hiding him on account of
her secret, hidden liberal agenda.
It's not one of my more popular theories, but I kind of like it.
This is really bothering you, isn't it?
"Bothering" is a strong word, okay?
It's a, it's a matter of curiosity is all.
Mm-hmm.
I know how we can find out what's really going on with Zoe.
Hidden cameras. I'm right there with you, buddy.
We can go over there and ask her.
Or we could go the obvious route.
ZOE: Hold on!
Just a second!
(clattering, rustling inside house)
Hey, guys. What are you doing here?
We just wanted to
come in for a minute. You know, catch up.
That is so sweet!
Unfortunately, my place is a complete disaster.
I've had the craziest week,
lots of new patients, no time to clean.
So, if you guys don't need anything...
Oh, uh, actually,
it's kind of a mandatory house meeting thing. You know?
Give us a chance to talk about our feelings and issues,
kind of Real World style.
Sounds incredible.
Pencil me in for next week.
Thanks for stopping by. Okay.
(door shuts)
You can come out. They're gone.
You think they saw me?
Definitely not.
Now...
are you ready to do what I never thought I would do in BlueBell?
BOTH: Girls' night!
Well, clearly there's a man in there.
Well. I guess that answers that.
* *
(remote clicks)
You know, that movie was amazing.
I never ever laughed so hard at...
(whispers): diarrhea before.
AnnaBeth, you don't have to whisper
about bodily functions in my house.
Another reason I'm having such a good time!
Diarrhea! Vomit!
Oh, geez. Snot! Poop! Pee!
Period! Vagina!
Oh, my goodness, let's not get carried away. Mm-hmm.
I never realized how funny you were, AB.
Thanks for calling me the other night. I'm really glad you did.
Oh! You surprised me, too.
You were so brave
with that whole Belle initiation, and you helped me
with my fertility situation even though you didn't have to.
And this is seriously the best night I've had in ages.
The movie. The wine...
no coasters!
And this pizza is incredible.
It's frozen from the Dixie Stop.
It tastes like cardboard and spray cheese.
Really good pizza is the size of your face
and handed to you by a guy named Vito.
Lemon doesn't allow us to eat pizza.
I do not know how you deal with her.
If you can accept the fact that she's always right,
and you're always wrong, it's not too hard to be her friend.
I couldn't do it.
That's because you're strong. You're fearless.
I'm sorry I can't tell her about us.
She's going through a more stressed-out period than normal.
I just don't want to push her over the edge. It's really okay.
I have been having fun sneaking around.
I really missed having a girlfriend.
I mean like a real friend... someone who gets you.
It was the best part of med school.
All my roommates and I, we would hang out in the dorm rooms,
drinking, talking about boys.
Ooh. Boys!
Let's talk about boys.
My husband Jake
likes to talk about the defensive line for Auburn--
while we're doing it. Your turn.
I really don't have anything to tell.
Mm-mm. Come on now.
Heard a rumor about you and that dreamboat vet,
Dr. Judson Lyons.
Things with Judson are complicated.
He asked me out, but I stood him up.
Then I felt really bad.
I thought maybe we'd have another chance.
But then he slept with my friend Gigi.
Well, you're single.
Unattached.
Free, free, free.
You should be having sex with someone!
Like your landlord, Lavon Hayes.
Oh, he is so gorgeous.
I mean like, drop-dead-spank- you-on-the-ass gorgeous.
I'm married, so I can say that.
Yeah, but Lavon is like my brother.
Then, what about door number two?
Wade Kinsella.
You can see into his window!
He must sleep naked.
Does he sleep naked?
No. Mm?
I mean, I don't know!
Okay, so Wade and I have had some...
tension.
You know, we had a moment over Christmas,
but I just don't think I could ever go there, you know?
He's just so... Wade.
Which equals delicious.
If you don't go there... you are crazypants! (laughs)
Let's make a list of all the guys in town
we would sleep with if we could.
Oh, man... Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go first.
Uh, Lavon Hayes. Oh, shocking.
Then Lavon Hayes again. What do you know!
And then Wade Kinsella.
Oh, and Hank Doherty. Mm-hmm.
And Jeremiah...
Are you sure the sunflowers match the brie?
I'm not even sure what that means.
O-Okay, baby, don't be nervous.
All right? It's gonna be a great night.
Just me and you and the Mulligans.
Oh, Lemon! It's gonna be fine.
Oh.
Good evening.
Welcome to our home.
Thank you for having us.
What a considerate and timely offer.
(chuckles) What you got there, Lawrence?
Brought along some Pictionary.
Thought we might play
a friendly little game after dinner,
if you're interested.
That is so weird!
We were just talking about Pictionary.
We love Pictionary,
don't we, George? We sure do.
Great. I'll just run out to the car and get my easel.
I'll be right back.
(clears throat)
Man brought his own easel.
I'm just saying.
There are a lot of guys it could be, you know.
Hank Doherty is available.
Or-or Franklin from the bait shop.
No, I don't see Zoe with Franklin from the bait shop.
The lobster tattoo alone would be a deal breaker.
Well, then someone from out of town, someone we don't know.
A New Yorker maybe.
I hear J.T.'s single now.
I don't think it's Justin Timberlake, Wade.
Look, Buddy,
I get that this is killing you,
but maybe we didn't see what we think we did.
FRED: Hey, Lavon.
Got a delivery for Zoe Hart.
Y'all think it's from the guy
she's been having the secret sex with?
Hey! I'm just saying.
I mean, there is a card.
Get up out of here!
I'm gonna call my alligator.
Burt Reynolds!
It's not the worst idea.
Ah, ah, ah!
Lavon Hayes is a man of integrity.
I do not snoop.
Lucky for you, Wade Kinsella is not such a man of integrity.
No... Fake out.
(clears throat)
"So glad you called.
"I've been thinking about you.
XO, Judson."
No way. Zoe would not sleep with the guy
who slept with her alleged friend Gigi.
You know what they say, Lavon.
If it walks like a duck and it sounds like a duck,
then doctor of the duck is banging Zoe Hart.
Titanic?
Really? Baby, I don't remember Leo having
a skull and bones flag when he was telling Rose
to never let go, never let go.
Good Lord, just guess something
so we can move on already.
Mutiny on the Bounty!
Ooh! So close, so close, baby.
So close.
Joe versus the Volcano?
No! So far away now.
You got to just-just-just put...
Pirates of the Caribbean?
Yes! Yes! Did you hear that?!
She said it! We win! (whooping)
Ooh-ooh-ooh.
Oh, we win.
We win. Uh-oh.
Oh-oh.
Oh, what's this?
Oh.
(grunting rhythmically)
(chuckling)
(grunting rhythmically)
Oh, oh, what?
Uh, I hate to interrupt your little halftime show,
but technically,
we are tied.
We got The Princess Bride.
Oh, you did, you did.
After the timer ran out.
It wasn't after the timer ran out.
GEORGE: Look, look, Lawrence,
you don't have to admit that we played better than you tonight.
All you got to do is look at the board.
Now, the board says we won.
And as a wise man once told me,
winning says it all, doesn't it?
DELIA ANN: Yes, well, I think
I have had quite enough fun for one evening.
Oh, but, um, we haven't even had dessert yet,
and I-I made peach cobbler.
George.
(wry chuckle)
Man, you believe that guy?
Didn't even stay for cobbler.
Ooh.
(knocking)
LAVON: I come bearing gifts.
Mm.
Surprised you let me in.
Wow. Who are these from?
No point in pretending.
Now, I'm... I'm happy you're having sex with someone, Z.
I'm a little surprised by the choice, but...
I'm not sleeping with Judson.
Well, it sure seems that way.
The happy glow, the sneaking around,
the not letting me and Wade in tonight.
All right, look, if I tell you what's going on,
do you swear not to tell anyone?
Yeah.
I was hiding AnnaBeth.
Oh, no! Ew!
We're just friends.
Friends who make out?
Friends who are friends.
Friends who sometimes make out?
I see.
And no one is allowed to know this because...?
It's not that no one can know this.
It's that Lemon can't know this.
AnnaBeth and Lemon are really close,
but Lemon hates me.
And apparently, right now
she's even more screwy than usual
because of some Memory Madame.
Memory Matron.
Yeah. So AnnaBeth doesn't think
this would be a good time to tell her.
But eventually she's going to tell people, right?
Yeah, you know, well, I just, I think it's difficult for her,
and I'm not so sure
that her friends and family would embrace me.
But she's my friend, and I am
really, really happy to have a girlfriend.
So I'm just trying to be understanding.
That's what all mistresses say.
I'm not a mistress.
Really?
Well, you're sneaking around, lying,
keeping your relationship a secret. (chuckles)
That's the very definition of a mistress right there.
You're making a bigger deal of this than it is.
I'm just calling it like I see it.
If I asked her to, if I said that it was important,
I'm sure that AnnaBeth would out us.
Then ask her.
'Cause a real friend
is someone you can walk through town with.
Fine.
(line ringing)
(cell phone ringtone playing)
Hello.
Hey, AnnaBeth, it's me.
Listen, I think that we should...
Sorry!
I'm not interested in any subscriptions today.
Thanks... Carl.
Oh, my God.
I am a mistress.
A mistress named Carl.
AnnaBeth, I don't mean to stalk you,
but I really need to talk to you.
Will you call me?
It's... Carl.
Hey, Zoe.
So, I checked out that cat you asked me about.
O-Oh, great.
This is gonna sound so cheesy.
You just get prettier every time I see you.
You're right, it sounds cheesy.
Never been too good at flirting, so...
Maybe next time don't start with: "This may sound cheesy."
Kind of gives away your game.
So how did it go
with Mr. Scampi?
Poor little guy had what's called
Bartonella henselae infection,
otherwise known as cat scratch fever.
He probably just caught it from some fleas.
And he probably gave it to Sal.
I'll get him a prescription for Azithromycin.
Thanks for getting back to me.
Yeah, no problem.
Did you get my flowers?
Yeah, I did.
And the note.
I've been thinking about you, Zoe.
A lot, actually.
Look at you.
Flirting better already.
You're a quick learner.
Does that mean I can buy you breakfast?
I don't think so.
But "A" for effort, Doctor.
Well, thank you.
All right, I'll see you later.
Bye.
Huh, she doesn't seem that interested in him.
So, they're not together?
Oh, no, they're totally together.
Thanks.
Joelle Sugarbaker!
Looking fine as ever.
What do you say I buy you a cup of coffee?
You sure can.
(cell phone ringtone playing)
You've been quite popular this morning.
Who in the world is calling you?
Uh, my Aunt Irene.
She's a little senile.
Okay, AnnaBeth, you need to make sure
that the ribbons are curled properly, okay?
See? Easy as pie. Do them again, won't you?
Quick, like a bunny. Mm-hmm.
How many women you got coming to at this thing?
This "thing" is a luncheon to honor Delia Ann's promotion.
You remember her, right?
She's the woman you told to "suck it" last night.
I was just trying to keep up with Lawrence.
Well, congratulations. You succeeded.
Was I really that bad? Oh, yes, dear,
you really were that bad, but I don't have time to be angry,
so you get a free pass.
I'll take it.
Love you.
Okay, AnnaBeth, I need to go talk to my Daddy
about the scotch, and you keep working on the centerpieces,
'cause honestly, it looks like a second grader did them.
I got your text.
Look, I know you're busy.
But I really need to talk to you.
Okay? Call me, Ann...
Addy?
What is your problem?
Me?
Nothing.
Why do you look all... stuck?
Oh. Stiff joints.
Oh, yeah. They freeze up sometimes. Weird, huh?
Uh, Sal's back.
Sal? Oh, great.
I'll go to the exam room and catch up with Sal.
Good-bye, Lemon.
Is it just me or is she acting stranger than normal?
That depends on what you consider normal.
What can I help you with, Lemon?
I'm having a huge, extremely important luncheon
for Delia Ann Lee, which is why it is imperative
that I have Daddy's best scotch.
Well, Brick's in with a patient right now,
but you know where he hides the good stuff.
Be my guest.
How could you have lost the prescription?
I had Addy hand-deliver it to you.
I don't know. I just lost it.
I get so absentminded sometimes, I don't know what I'm doing.
But you just said that you've been feeling better,
which would indicate that you've been taking
the prescribed medication.
Which would also indicate that you didn't lose anything.
Dang. You're like a doctor detective.
ZOE: What's going on, Sal?
Mr. Scampi scratched my lady friend last night,
and his medication hasn't come in yet,
which means he's still sick,
which means he probably gave her what I just got.
Possibly. Why don't you have your "lady friend"
come in and see me, and I'd be happy to
prescribe her the antibiotics after I give her an exam.
The thing is, she's married.
She ain't coming in.
She don't want anybody to know about us.
Oh, I see.
So you're a mister.
You know, like a mistress?
But you're a man, so I said mister.
I see how that's confusing.
The point is, she is treating you like a chump.
Well, it's not like that. She loves me.
Really? Yeah.
Does she make you wait around until she's free? Yeah.
Does she return your phone calls
even after you've called her four times? No.
You have to stop letting her treat you like this.
Well, what am I supposed to do? Ask her to pick one of us?
Yes! That is exactly what we're supposed to do.
I mean you.
What you are supposed to do.
So, you're not going to give me the prescription?
No. She can come in and see me,
or she can go to Mobile if she wants discretion.
I will no longer aid in covering up someone's secrets.
ZOE: Go.
Faster.
(sighs)
AnnaBeth, I can't do this anymore.
I don't want to be a mistress.
You're gonna have to choose.
It's either Lemon or me.
(phone rings)
Hello?
Zoe, hey, it's Judson.
Oh, hey, Judson.
Listen, I just want
to make it clear...
I like you.
Sleeping with Gigi was wrong and stupid.
And I so hope you'd give me a second chance.
I appreciate the effort, the flowers and the romance,
but I'm just kind of distracted right now.
It isn't a good time.
Oh. Okay.
But, Judson, I like you, too.
Oh. Okay.
Bye.
How about that? She likes me, too.
That's what I said.
Judson, huh?
How's that good ol' boy doing?
Fine, I guess.
Hmm, peanut butter.
Yoink!
Hey, I was using that!
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see your name on it.
What the hell is your problem?
Me? No problem.
I'm peachy keen, jelly bean.
JOELLE: There you are.
Hey, baby.
(Wade moans, chuckles)
What're you looking at?
Yeah, Doc?
What are you looking at?
You seem intrigued. Want to join in?
You are an infant.
(phone chimes)
ANNABETH: I'm sorry, but I told you,
it's not a good time to tell her about us. Lemon is...
Crazier than usual?
She's always gonna be crazier than usual.
You know why? Because she's crazy!
I want to tell her, I do,
but I'm just so bad with confrontation.
Like yesterday, I thought I came up
with this really good idea to have petit fours
at today's luncheon for Delia Ann,
but Lemon shot me down,
and I just caved.
You can't let people walk all over you
for the rest of your life because you're afraid of them.
I don't mind, really.
Look, I was the only woman
in my surgical residency.
Do you think
any of those doctors would have taken me seriously
if I didn't assert myself?
Let me help you!
I don't know, Zoe. Oh, come on.
You're always saying that you like the fact that I'm brave.
Why don't we see if we can make you a little fearless, too.
(mimics Lemon): AnnaBeth, that apple looks enticing.
And I haven't eaten an itty-bitty thing all day.
I should probably wash it for you first.
No! Do not let her take your apple
and do not wash it for her!
Oh, right. Sorry.
* *
(mimics Lemon): I need a tissue.
Now!
Oh, I'm sorry, I don't have any on me.
Heavens to Betsy! What kind of belle
doesn't carry a tissue with her?
Have I taught you nothing?
I'm so sorry.
I'll go to the bathroom and get you one.
Uh!
Oh, shoot, that's wrong, right?
(groans)
I'm sorry, this is my apple.
I said my apple.
Touch it and you lose an arm!
Hey! Whoo!
This stuff sure looks fancy.
I can't even pronounce the names of some of these.
Want to do body shots?
(chuckles) Yeah. Yeah, let's do that.
I'm just gonna see if
Lavon has any lemons in the fridge.
Dumbass pickles.
What?
Nothing. Hey, you know what?
Uh, forget the body shots.
Just, uh, just come here.
Stupid peanut butter. I'll bet Dr. Perfect doesn't
stick his fingers in the peanut butter jar.
He's such a damn grown-up.
Why are you talking to the peanut butter?
Are you okay?
I'm, I'm fine, okay?
I just..
I need to get to work.
No problem.
If you change your mind,
you know where to find me.
Delia Ann, it must be so rewarding
to have all these people here
to honor your impressive career as Memory Matron.
I hope to follow in your footsteps one day.
Yes, I'm sure you do, Lemon.
Um, and I wanted to apologize about the other night.
Our menfolk got a little carried away. (chuckles)
I realize it would be unfair to punish you
for George's absurdly inappropriate behavior.
Well, um, to be fair,
Lawrence did bring his own easel.
How dare you insult my husband.
Lawrence is a proud Southern man who believes in sportsmanship!
No, I didn't mean to...!
What's wrong with Delia Ann?
Mind your own business, Crickett!
Bubbly water. Keep it coming.
AnnaBeth, are those petit fours?
Have you suffered a head injury?
I told you no.
Sorry, Lemon, I got confused.
(snaps fingers thrice)
No, I didn't.
As usual, you just commanded us to do whatever
you want without asking what
anyone else thought about it first!
Excuse me? No, it's time you listened to me for once.
I happen to have great ideas, and for the record,
everyone is just sick to death
of your dreadful cherry tortes!
See, now that's the kind of spirit
I'm looking for in a Memory Matron.
Thank you for coming.
I knew AnnaBeth was trying weasel her way to the top.
If anyone other than you were
to be named Memory Matron, it should at least be me.
I am the one with the porcelain skin.
Although it's still definitely gonna be you.
Oh, wait, wait, stop! Don't forget your party favor.
It's handmade soap. I made it from scratch.
Just one of the many traditions I like to preserve.
(soap hits floor)
Oh, I'm sorry.
Ooh.
What are you staring at?
You have a nasty little scratch
on the back of your neck. It's just a cat scratch.
Oh, honestly, Lemon, you are becoming quite bothersome.
AnnaBeth, would you care to join me for dinner?
I'd love to.
(agitated sigh)
Crickett, I don't recall
Delia Ann having a cat, do you?
(bicycle bell rings)
Oh, my gosh, the petit fours went over so well,
Delia Ann is taking me to dinner tonight!
That's amazing!
And it's all thanks to you.
After dinner, I'm telling Lemon everything,
and then you and I are going out on the town to celebrate.
You are on, girlfriend!
Okay, girlfriend.
I am on.
Hey, Sal.
How goes it, buddy?
(sobbing)
Whoa... Keep it together.
It can't be that bad.
I got nothing to live for anymore!
I took your advice and asked
my lady friend to choose between me
and her husband and, as you can see,
I'm the loser sitting here drinking all alone.
You're not a loser, Sal. You may be a little drunk
for 3:00 in the afternoon, but hey, I don't judge.
Although, FYI, it's really not a great thing
to mix alcohol with antibiotics.
(sobbing)
Advice for another time, perhaps.
Let's focus on you, Sal.
It was a mistake.
I never should've given her that ultimatum.
No, hey, you did the right thing, okay?
This woman didn't appreciate you for how great you are.
The right person will, trust me.
Now you need to go home and get some rest.
Doctor's orders.
No, let's not do that.
All right.
Okay, ooh. Yep, there... Okay.
(sighs)
Ooh, watch that backhand, see?
Are we gonna talk about it? No.
Okay, then.
Look, for the record,
veterinarians should not be called doctors.
They don't even go to medical school.
No, they go to vet school,
which I hear is more competitive.
Whose side are you on?
I didn't realize there were official teams.
Well, there are. Well, as far as I can tell,
you still haven't thrown your hat in the ring.
There's no point, Lavon, okay?
Zoe's... she's made her choice.
Zoe is not with Judson.
Yes, she is. No, she's not.
Yes, she is.
I'm gonna smack you.
Now I know for a fact that Zoe Hart
is 100% single.
(sighs)
Zoe's sneaking around with a girl.
No, not like that.
She has a closet nonsexual girlfriend.
(both laugh)
I would've told you earlier,
but I swore I wouldn't tell anybody, so...
Wade, you're a good guy.
But if you want Zoe,
you gotta stop pulling her pigtails and be a man.
Meaning what exactly, Lavon?
Comb your damn hair, huh?
Put on a clean shirt.
Zoe may not be with Judson today,
but there are a lot of other Judsons out there,
serious men with adult responsibilities,
who have the sense to tell the girl how they feel.
But right now, there is no one else.
The only thing keeping you from being with Zoe Hart is you.
Hey.
Thought we were having dinner tonight.
Can't. Have to go fix everything
that you screwed up for me with Delia Ann. What are you talking about?
This morning you said everything was fine.
Yeah, well, this morning I didn't know she was considering
making AnnaBeth Memory Matron.
Luckily for me, I found out a juicy little tidbit,
so she'll have to pick me. You're kidding, right?
Do I seem like I'm kidding?
Okay, Lemon, hold on a second. I told you, I have to go!
Lemon, stop.
This... craziness ends now.
Do you hear me?
'Cause you've been acting insane for weeks.
'Cause Memory Matron is important to me.
Well, nothing is worth crossing this kind of line, Lemon.
And if you so much as knock on Delia Ann's door tonight,
do not bother calling me again, because there is only so much
I am willing to put up with, Lemon. There's only so much.
(door opens, door slams shut)
(knock at door)
Zoe, it's me.
You are looking at the next Memory Matron!
(both squeal)
I'm so happy for you!
Where are we going to celebrate?
Well, the thing is...
now that I am about to become a highly esteemed
member of the community,
it's probably not the best time to be seen with you.
From a political standpoint, that is.
Very funny.
Zoe, you are still pretty unpopular.
The Breelands, well, they hate you.
Plus, people are still complaining about the parade
and the homecoming party.
And you did accuse the minister of cheating and...
Wait. Let me get this straight.
I help you achieve the greatest success of your life...
and you break up with me?
I wish more than anything
that I could be Memory Matron and your friend,
because you're cool
and smart and funny.
But this is a small town.
And Memory Matron, well... that's a dream come true for me.
I'm so sorry.
I guess this is a good-bye gift, then.
(choking up): An apple.
It's perfect.
I will miss you, Zoe Hart.
Me, too.
* *
You, uh, avoiding anyone in particular?
People who are nice to me.
'Cause then I feel obligated to be nice back.
Which makes you the perfect person to be around.
I will take that as a compliment.
Go suck a rock.
That's my girl. Feel better?
A little bit, yeah.
On the house.
You are a freak, you know that?
I'm nice to you, you're a jerk.
I tell you to suck a rock, you're pouring me free wine.
I'm working on it with my therapist.
So...
who peed in your cornflakes?
Nobody important, it turns out.
I just missed having a girlfriend.
Look, Zoe... a friend's a friend.
Male, female, who gives a damn?
You got Lavon, you got George Tucker...
As long as you got someone to back you in a knife fight,
I'd say you're doing all right in my book.
Why do you look different?
New shirt.
It looks nice on you.
DELIA ANN: Come along, ladies.
I'll be in the corner.
I'll take the whole bottle.
* *
Hey, sit down. I'll buy you a drink.
No, that's all right. I'm just gonna...
I know I've been an ass, George.
Just let me buy you a drink.
Scotch.
Neat, please.
Look, I've been an ass, too.
And I am, uh...
(laughs)
Well, I'm sorry about last night.
(chuckles) I-I don't...
No, no, no. Listen, when you're with the kind of women we are,
sometimes, you need an outlet.
Yeah.
For me it's, uh, it's the courtroom
or a golf course.
And these.
I'll have another.
Make it a double.
Rough night?
Rough year.
Started out her just being moody and withdrawn.
Then she started having these
irrational bursts of anger at me.
Now, it's like she's a stranger in my bed.
She's been keeping me at arm's length for so long now,
I don't know, uh...
how to get her back.
Ooh, huh, whoa...
You're young, engaged.
Don't mean to bring you down with boring tales
of an old married couple.
DELIA ANN: Greetings, people of BlueBell.
It is with a heavy heart that I must resign
from my post as Memory Matron.
It has been an honor
serving all of you
and preserving our fine traditions.
(applause) Oh, no, no, no, no...
With that,
it is truly a thrill to introduce to you
your new Memory Matron,
Mrs. AnnaBeth Nass!
Thank you so much!
There are so many people I want to thank.
Uh, Crickett, would you be a dear
and get my speech out of my bag?
But first, let's all give another round of applause
to Delia Ann,
a true hero and inspiration to us all.
What in the world...?
Allow me.
Here's your speech, sugarplum.
Why, thank you, Lemon...
And here's a keychain engraved to you by Zoe Hart.
Which is peculiar, considering you two aren't even friends.
Or are you?
Care to explain yourself, AnnaBeth?
What?
I mean, there's nothing to explain.
LEMON: It's really a simple question. Are you or are you not
carrying on a secret relationship with Zoe Hart?
Of course not!
Oh, it all makes sense now, doesn't it?
Your sudden defiance,
why Zoe Hart has been acting crazier than usual.
It was you she was hiding. Admit it!
I...
My keychain!
Pardon me. Excuse me.
Pardon me.
Um, I was wondering where it went.
I must have dropped it.
Dropped a keychain engraved to yourself?
Um...
Peaches!
I got this for you.
For me?
It's the key to my carriage house.
I decided that I didn't want to
hide our relationship anymore.
Our what?
Obviously, I'm a part of something I don't understand,
but I just want to say, I don't care.
'Cause that kiss was...
Worth taking another shot at.
* *
Hey, Joelle. It's Wade.
Yeah, I'm feeling like doing those body shots.
* *
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org