1 00:00:00,310 --> 00:00:02,746 Evening, ladies. Gals' night out? 2 00:00:02,747 --> 00:00:05,236 Chasing guys, eating pie, having fun. 3 00:00:05,356 --> 00:00:10,357 This table is sticky! Run a damp rag across it! 4 00:00:10,477 --> 00:00:12,022 Would it kill you to clean a little? 5 00:00:12,023 --> 00:00:13,590 What kinda place is this? 6 00:00:13,591 --> 00:00:15,936 The kind that serves soup cold. 7 00:00:16,056 --> 00:00:18,057 And what's with your crazy earrings? 8 00:00:18,058 --> 00:00:19,959 What are you, some kinda gypsy? 9 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,261 Whoa! Hold up, ladies. 10 00:00:22,262 --> 00:00:24,364 You don't get a bitch pass just 'cause you're old. 11 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,701 Yes, that's right. I said it. 12 00:00:29,702 --> 00:00:31,970 You come in here with your gangster granny attitude, 13 00:00:31,971 --> 00:00:33,705 think you can get away 14 00:00:33,706 --> 00:00:35,874 with dumping all over the lowly gypsy waitress. 15 00:00:35,875 --> 00:00:39,110 No way. At this diner, we don't discriminate due to age. 16 00:00:39,111 --> 00:00:40,612 If you're gonna act like an ass, 17 00:00:40,613 --> 00:00:43,114 I'm gonna treat you like an ass... 18 00:00:43,115 --> 00:00:48,486 No matter how close that ass is riding to the floor. 19 00:00:48,487 --> 00:00:52,956 Now, I'll wipe off the table we'll take it from the top. 20 00:00:52,957 --> 00:00:56,427 Hi, I'm Max. Who wants tapioca? 21 00:00:57,863 --> 00:00:59,629 That's more like it. 22 00:00:59,630 --> 00:01:01,612 Save the disappointment for the grandkids. 23 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:15,925 Earl, I need another book of checks. 24 00:01:16,045 --> 00:01:18,280 The last one fell between the refrigerator and the oven. 25 00:01:18,281 --> 00:01:20,015 I'd reach for it, but that falls between 26 00:01:20,016 --> 00:01:22,076 "I don't do that" and "Oh, hell no." 27 00:01:23,342 --> 00:01:26,956 Look over there, Max. Men and women in suits. 28 00:01:27,134 --> 00:01:29,318 This neighborhood is definitely on the rise. 29 00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:30,953 I remember a time when a black man 30 00:01:30,955 --> 00:01:32,621 couldn't get a cab around here. 31 00:01:32,623 --> 00:01:35,674 And that time was Wednesday. 32 00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:38,777 Max, I was just talking to the smart couples in booth two. 33 00:01:38,779 --> 00:01:40,980 I know they're smart because they're the first people in here 34 00:01:40,982 --> 00:01:42,514 who ever ordered the croque monsieur 35 00:01:42,516 --> 00:01:46,001 as croque monsieur and not "crock monster." 36 00:01:48,288 --> 00:01:50,005 They wanna meet the woman who made the cupcakes. 37 00:01:50,007 --> 00:01:51,506 I told them you'd be right over. 38 00:01:51,508 --> 00:01:53,943 - Go! They're so nice. - No, they're not nice. 39 00:01:53,945 --> 00:01:56,061 They're trendy, blood-sucking locusts 40 00:01:56,063 --> 00:01:58,314 who come into this neighborhood to pillage and destroy 41 00:01:58,316 --> 00:01:59,448 everything I care about. 42 00:01:59,450 --> 00:02:01,683 I felt the same way when the Hilton sisters 43 00:02:01,685 --> 00:02:04,119 crashed my 21st birthday. 44 00:02:06,121 --> 00:02:07,456 What? 45 00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:09,325 You made these cupcakes? 46 00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:12,661 Yeah, what's the problem? Spit it out, I've got a life. 47 00:02:12,663 --> 00:02:15,664 We just wanted to tell you that your flavor palate is... 48 00:02:15,666 --> 00:02:17,199 amazing. 49 00:02:17,201 --> 00:02:19,468 I don't know who you are or where you came from... 50 00:02:19,470 --> 00:02:21,503 Neither do I. 51 00:02:21,505 --> 00:02:24,256 But these are fabulous. 52 00:02:24,258 --> 00:02:27,142 Well, welcome to the neighborhood. 53 00:02:27,144 --> 00:02:28,644 I knew I liked you guys. 54 00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:33,515 So what did the trendy locusts want? 55 00:02:33,517 --> 00:02:36,218 You are so judgmental, you know that? 56 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:39,688 They wanted to tell me the cupcakes are "fabulous." 57 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:40,856 Thank you. 58 00:02:40,858 --> 00:02:42,358 Maybe now you'll finally start to get it 59 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,610 if someone besides me tells you how good they are. 60 00:02:44,612 --> 00:02:47,997 I believe the word was "fabulous." 61 00:02:47,999 --> 00:02:49,832 Pick up, Max. 62 00:02:49,834 --> 00:02:52,401 Oleg, from now on, you may call me Countess Max 63 00:02:52,403 --> 00:02:54,203 of the Fabulous Cupcakes. 64 00:02:54,205 --> 00:02:55,671 And you may call me Sir Oleg 65 00:02:55,673 --> 00:02:59,758 of the Amazing Party in My Pants. 66 00:03:03,496 --> 00:03:05,714 Caroline, the happy, shiny people in suits 67 00:03:05,716 --> 00:03:07,383 asked me to give you this note. 68 00:03:07,385 --> 00:03:09,385 Oh, what a great idea! 69 00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:11,253 They suggested we sell Max's cupcakes 70 00:03:11,255 --> 00:03:13,472 at the cool new coffee place in their building. 71 00:03:13,474 --> 00:03:17,142 But you already sell cupcakes here in my diner. 72 00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,594 Han, we're building a cupcake business that will one day 73 00:03:19,596 --> 00:03:20,896 get us out of here. 74 00:03:20,898 --> 00:03:22,614 That's what we're trying to do with our lives. 75 00:03:22,616 --> 00:03:27,102 But I thought we had something special. 76 00:03:27,104 --> 00:03:29,604 Yes, but we're not exclusive. 77 00:03:29,606 --> 00:03:32,583 The diner's cute, but I want more than this. 78 00:03:34,077 --> 00:03:35,594 Oof. 79 00:03:35,596 --> 00:03:38,330 First girlfriend all over again. 80 00:03:42,862 --> 00:03:44,062 Hey, Johnny. 81 00:03:44,064 --> 00:03:45,230 Max has the tables against the wall. 82 00:03:45,232 --> 00:03:46,832 Oh, we're good in your section. 83 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:49,132 Caroline, I want you to meet my buddy Carlos. 84 00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,153 What's happenin'? 85 00:03:51,955 --> 00:03:53,688 Hi. 86 00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,208 Well, I'm working the counter. 87 00:03:56,210 --> 00:03:57,776 What's happenin'? Come on, dude. 88 00:03:57,778 --> 00:03:59,461 You have a literature degree from NYU. 89 00:03:59,463 --> 00:04:01,296 I didn't mean to say that, but when I get nervous, 90 00:04:01,298 --> 00:04:03,031 my Rico Suave comes out. 91 00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,411 It won't happen again. 92 00:04:05,535 --> 00:04:07,002 And here's two menus. 93 00:04:07,004 --> 00:04:10,639 What's happenin'? 94 00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,695 Dude, I'm nervous. 95 00:04:13,594 --> 00:04:15,377 Hey, guys, I'm in that section over there. 96 00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:17,179 Oh, we're good in Caroline's area. 97 00:04:17,181 --> 00:04:20,148 Well, if you like hot coffee in your pants area, 98 00:04:20,150 --> 00:04:21,397 you're in the right place. 99 00:04:22,152 --> 00:04:24,197 Actually, I like that. 100 00:04:25,638 --> 00:04:27,517 Coming right at you. 101 00:04:30,076 --> 00:04:31,393 Johnny's in your section. 102 00:04:31,395 --> 00:04:32,527 Yeah, why? 103 00:04:32,529 --> 00:04:34,112 He comes in here every night to see you. 104 00:04:34,114 --> 00:04:35,998 He's your friend or... crush... or whatever he is. 105 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,733 Shh! He's not a crush. He's a... 106 00:04:38,735 --> 00:04:40,035 I don't know what he is, but whatever he is, 107 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:41,635 he's in your section. 108 00:04:45,908 --> 00:04:47,793 - Max! - Ooh! What are you doing? 109 00:04:47,795 --> 00:04:49,011 You're not supposed to be in here. 110 00:04:49,013 --> 00:04:50,994 I know, I'm a bad boy. 111 00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:54,766 Look, the reason I'm not sitting in your section 112 00:04:54,768 --> 00:04:57,686 is because my buddy Carlos is crushing pretty hard on Caroline 113 00:04:57,688 --> 00:04:59,521 and he asked me to do what I can to hook them up. 114 00:04:59,523 --> 00:05:01,890 Oh. So now you're a bartender, 115 00:05:01,892 --> 00:05:03,758 a street artist, and a pimp. 116 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,445 Ain't nuttin' wrong with me pimpin' some boy on the side. 117 00:05:06,447 --> 00:05:08,897 Keeps me in spray paint and whatnot. 118 00:05:08,899 --> 00:05:10,449 So? 119 00:05:10,451 --> 00:05:14,102 From pimp to pimp... 120 00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,620 Help me out with your girl. 121 00:05:16,922 --> 00:05:19,502 My girl don't come cheap. 122 00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:23,829 Is it hot in here? 123 00:05:25,932 --> 00:05:28,166 Yes, and we're in a freezer. 124 00:05:28,168 --> 00:05:30,952 Yes. My freezer. 125 00:05:30,954 --> 00:05:33,788 I was, uh, just talking to Max. 126 00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:35,806 Um, I'll see you out there. 127 00:05:40,847 --> 00:05:43,251 - So is this what you like in a man? - What? 128 00:05:45,018 --> 00:05:48,070 No. He's just a customer that went rogue. 129 00:05:48,072 --> 00:05:50,070 He is weak and girlish. 130 00:05:51,141 --> 00:05:53,534 A woman like you needs a real man. 131 00:05:53,694 --> 00:05:54,910 You know what they say. 132 00:05:54,912 --> 00:05:58,350 Once you go Ukraine, you will scream with sex pain. 133 00:06:03,202 --> 00:06:05,871 That probably lost some of its sensual appeal 134 00:06:05,873 --> 00:06:08,991 in the translation, but thanks for the offer, Oleg. 135 00:06:11,677 --> 00:06:15,263 Cute, but I'm not interested. Besides, he's not my type. 136 00:06:15,265 --> 00:06:16,715 Just say it. 137 00:06:16,717 --> 00:06:19,134 You're not interested in him because he's Puerto Rican. 138 00:06:19,136 --> 00:06:20,469 Where did you get this idea 139 00:06:20,471 --> 00:06:21,970 that I would only date white guys? 140 00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:25,107 For your information, I've dated all kinds of men. 141 00:06:25,109 --> 00:06:28,093 I once had a Spaniard in Monte Carlo. 142 00:06:28,095 --> 00:06:30,779 Isn't the title of an Abba song? 143 00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:33,865 Are you sure about this? He's cute. 144 00:06:33,867 --> 00:06:37,852 And trust me, you could use a little salsa in your white rice. 145 00:06:37,854 --> 00:06:39,988 Max, I just lost every dollar I had. 146 00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:42,374 The last thing on my mind right now is guys... 147 00:06:42,376 --> 00:06:44,543 any type of guy. 148 00:06:44,545 --> 00:06:46,411 Except this guy. 149 00:06:46,413 --> 00:06:48,213 Hi, Chestnut. 150 00:06:48,215 --> 00:06:50,916 I'm much more concerned with our business 151 00:06:50,918 --> 00:06:52,717 and getting my head back above water. 152 00:06:52,719 --> 00:06:54,553 Men will come sooner or later. 153 00:06:54,555 --> 00:06:58,401 Well, according to my research most men come sooner. 154 00:06:59,476 --> 00:07:00,725 Oh, I thought we should stop by 155 00:07:00,727 --> 00:07:02,511 that new coffee place tomorrow and introduce ourselves 156 00:07:02,513 --> 00:07:04,012 and your cupcakes. 157 00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:06,481 I'm not gonna walk in there. I feel like I'm selling out. 158 00:07:06,483 --> 00:07:09,651 Okay, let's reframe the phrase selling out 159 00:07:09,653 --> 00:07:11,353 and make it sold out, 160 00:07:11,355 --> 00:07:13,522 as in "Max, we sold out of the cupcakes" 161 00:07:13,524 --> 00:07:15,157 and are now successful." 162 00:07:15,159 --> 00:07:16,525 What's that you say? 163 00:07:16,527 --> 00:07:19,411 I can now afford to buy the wax dental floss again? 164 00:07:20,213 --> 00:07:21,413 Fine. 165 00:07:21,415 --> 00:07:23,398 But I'm only doing it so you'll eventually get your mind 166 00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,866 off the business and get laid. 167 00:07:24,868 --> 00:07:27,002 Why do you think I need to get laid so badly? 168 00:07:27,004 --> 00:07:29,538 If I'd just gone through all the tension and trauma 169 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:31,173 that just happened to you, 170 00:07:31,175 --> 00:07:33,124 I'd be climbing telephone polls to take the edge off. 171 00:07:33,126 --> 00:07:36,595 Trust me, sex is the last thing on my mind right now. 172 00:07:36,597 --> 00:07:39,014 Oh, and speaking of reframing things, 173 00:07:39,016 --> 00:07:40,599 I have a surprise. 174 00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:42,100 I redecorated my room. 175 00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:44,553 I scoped out some cheap fabric in bedding places 176 00:07:44,555 --> 00:07:46,471 down on Halston Street. 177 00:07:46,473 --> 00:07:48,103 What do you think? 178 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:53,473 I think you've made a vagina. 179 00:07:56,232 --> 00:07:57,482 What? 180 00:07:57,484 --> 00:08:01,036 Sister, you may think that sex is the last thing 181 00:08:01,038 --> 00:08:04,906 on your mind, but you turned your bed into a vagina. 182 00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:07,659 Do you think my vagina has curtains? 183 00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:09,996 I don't know how long it's been. 184 00:08:11,582 --> 00:08:13,415 I'm tired. I'm going to bed. 185 00:08:13,417 --> 00:08:14,616 Okay, but I still have to make the cupcakes 186 00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:16,084 to bring by that place tomorrow. 187 00:08:16,086 --> 00:08:17,452 I don't wanna keep you awake so... 188 00:08:17,454 --> 00:08:18,803 why don't you sleep in my bed tonight 189 00:08:18,805 --> 00:08:20,505 and I'll pass out on your vagina? 190 00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:23,607 Okay, but you better buy me breakfast in the morning. 191 00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:33,084 I love this place. Looks like Paris in the '20's. 192 00:08:33,086 --> 00:08:36,354 More like posers in their 20's. 193 00:08:36,356 --> 00:08:38,323 Man, they have really cleaned this place up. 194 00:08:38,325 --> 00:08:40,025 You've been here before? 195 00:08:40,027 --> 00:08:41,359 Yeah, it used to be a liquor store 196 00:08:41,361 --> 00:08:42,527 owned by this old Irish guy 197 00:08:42,529 --> 00:08:44,388 who had freckles on his penis. 198 00:08:45,115 --> 00:08:46,981 Sometimes he'd corner you and flash it, 199 00:08:46,983 --> 00:08:49,651 but then he'd always comp you a free lotto ticket. 200 00:08:49,653 --> 00:08:50,952 Okay, well, let's try and keep 201 00:08:50,954 --> 00:08:52,487 that sort of charming nostalgia 202 00:08:52,489 --> 00:08:54,205 out of our sales pitch. 203 00:08:54,207 --> 00:08:56,174 Oh, that's the owner. 204 00:08:56,176 --> 00:08:57,676 I scoped it out before you got here. 205 00:08:57,678 --> 00:08:59,761 And remember, I'll do the talking. 206 00:08:59,763 --> 00:09:00,929 Why don't I get to talk? 207 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:03,632 Freckled penis. 208 00:09:03,634 --> 00:09:04,966 And besides, I have more experience. 209 00:09:04,968 --> 00:09:07,018 All those who pitched business models to Warren Buffett 210 00:09:07,020 --> 00:09:09,003 as a member of the Phillips Exeter Entrepreneurs Club 211 00:09:09,005 --> 00:09:11,839 raise their hands. Holla! 212 00:09:11,841 --> 00:09:14,175 Well, if you care enough to raise your arms about it, 213 00:09:14,177 --> 00:09:16,591 fine. You talk. I won't say anything. 214 00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:20,148 Hi, what can I get for you? 215 00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:23,351 Hi, I'm Caroline and this is my business partner Max. 216 00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,153 - And you are? - Semhar. 217 00:09:25,155 --> 00:09:27,706 - Oh, jeez. - Such a pretty name. 218 00:09:27,708 --> 00:09:30,492 It means "light of the tiger" in Sanskrit. 219 00:09:30,494 --> 00:09:32,077 Oh, jeez. 220 00:09:32,079 --> 00:09:33,695 It's my yoga name. 221 00:09:33,697 --> 00:09:35,880 Help me, God. 222 00:09:35,882 --> 00:09:37,632 Well, Semhar, we just opened 223 00:09:37,634 --> 00:09:39,551 a local neighborhood cupcake company. 224 00:09:39,553 --> 00:09:40,669 Our card. 225 00:09:40,671 --> 00:09:42,470 We're introducing our exciting product 226 00:09:42,472 --> 00:09:43,722 to local boulangeries. 227 00:09:43,724 --> 00:09:46,374 Please try a sample. Max. 228 00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,643 Would you like coconut-coffee, chocolate-curry, 229 00:09:48,645 --> 00:09:50,729 or blueberry-lemon zest? 230 00:09:50,731 --> 00:09:53,014 My absolute fave is the coconut-coffee. 231 00:09:53,016 --> 00:09:54,265 Let's start with that, shall we? 232 00:09:54,267 --> 00:09:58,236 Thank you, but no thank you. 233 00:09:58,238 --> 00:10:00,689 Well, can I ask you why? 234 00:10:00,691 --> 00:10:03,358 They're not pretty enough. 235 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:04,826 Excuse me? 236 00:10:04,828 --> 00:10:07,862 They're not pretty enough. 237 00:10:07,864 --> 00:10:10,031 Perhaps if you tried one, 238 00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:12,334 you'd see how amazing our flavor palate is. 239 00:10:12,336 --> 00:10:14,502 Hold off, Flava Flav. 240 00:10:14,504 --> 00:10:16,121 What do you mean, they're not pretty enough? 241 00:10:16,123 --> 00:10:19,090 They have a charming homemade look, 242 00:10:19,092 --> 00:10:20,458 but my customer would prefer 243 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,927 a more upscale, prettier product. 244 00:10:22,929 --> 00:10:25,597 Just FYI, some upscale residents 245 00:10:25,599 --> 00:10:27,298 in this very upscale building 246 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,100 where your upscale store actually is located 247 00:10:29,102 --> 00:10:31,085 recently told us they were fabulous. 248 00:10:31,087 --> 00:10:32,937 I understand. 249 00:10:32,939 --> 00:10:35,190 But they're not pretty enough. 250 00:10:35,192 --> 00:10:37,892 Listen, battlefield earth. 251 00:10:42,314 --> 00:10:45,150 This is Williamsburg, Brooklyn, 252 00:10:45,152 --> 00:10:47,101 and no amount of exposed brick and paint 253 00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:50,038 can change the fact that, right where you're standing, 254 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,273 I've seen Tommy O'Hanlon's wing-wang 255 00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,209 more times than I care to remember. 256 00:10:54,211 --> 00:10:57,545 And I must say, it was way less offensive than your attitude. 257 00:10:57,547 --> 00:10:59,714 And you can shove that up your upscale. 258 00:10:59,716 --> 00:11:00,954 Let's go. 259 00:11:02,586 --> 00:11:04,502 - Namaste. - Namaste. 260 00:11:11,507 --> 00:11:13,024 What's with the empty hands, Max? 261 00:11:13,026 --> 00:11:14,425 No cupcakes tonight? 262 00:11:14,427 --> 00:11:16,961 No, they're bugging me. I decided to take the night off. 263 00:11:16,963 --> 00:11:19,080 Be careful with decisions like that. 264 00:11:19,082 --> 00:11:22,183 In 1987, I took a night off from Earth, Wind, and Fire 265 00:11:22,185 --> 00:11:26,271 and the next day, they earth, wind, and fired my ass. 266 00:11:29,225 --> 00:11:31,309 Hi. Sorry I'm late. 267 00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:33,728 Mid-afternoon nap in your vagina? 268 00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,596 I wish! No. 269 00:11:35,598 --> 00:11:37,782 I went to a cheap bakery supply store in Greenpoint 270 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:39,200 and got us some supplies. 271 00:11:39,202 --> 00:11:40,151 Here. 272 00:11:40,153 --> 00:11:42,203 It's the basic cake decorating kit. 273 00:11:42,205 --> 00:11:43,905 And best of all I found us a fun, 274 00:11:43,907 --> 00:11:46,040 reasonable two-session cupcake decorating class 275 00:11:46,042 --> 00:11:47,208 at a bakery. 276 00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:49,043 We can learn how to make pretty roses. 277 00:11:49,045 --> 00:11:50,245 No way. 278 00:11:50,247 --> 00:11:51,746 The cupcakes don't need to be pretty. 279 00:11:51,748 --> 00:11:54,448 They compensate by having a great sense of humor. 280 00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:57,585 Pretty cupcakes is just another option for our business. 281 00:11:57,587 --> 00:11:58,803 People want pretty, we do pretty. 282 00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,172 Or people want homemade, we do... 283 00:12:01,174 --> 00:12:04,559 - Wait, where is our homemade? - I didn't make any tonight. 284 00:12:04,561 --> 00:12:06,561 You didn't make any? 285 00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:08,846 What, you get one piece of constructive criticism 286 00:12:08,848 --> 00:12:10,413 and you stop making them? 287 00:12:11,184 --> 00:12:12,951 Max, it's business. 288 00:12:12,953 --> 00:12:15,103 And maybe Semhar has a point about making them pretty. 289 00:12:15,105 --> 00:12:17,188 First of all, what does she know about pretty? 290 00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:19,234 The woman has dreadlocks. 291 00:12:20,476 --> 00:12:22,310 Her head looks like the stuff 292 00:12:22,312 --> 00:12:23,828 you empty out of a vacuum cleaner bag. 293 00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:24,996 Not pretty. 294 00:12:24,998 --> 00:12:27,332 Forget her. 295 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:28,666 What's happening with you? 296 00:12:28,668 --> 00:12:30,318 What's your problem with pretty? 297 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:35,123 Don't wave your divas live hand at me. 298 00:12:35,125 --> 00:12:37,041 I just think society's way too concerned 299 00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:38,858 with other people's idea of what's pretty. 300 00:12:38,878 --> 00:12:41,495 You don't think you can do it. 301 00:12:41,497 --> 00:12:42,997 That's what this is about. 302 00:12:42,999 --> 00:12:44,215 This isn't about society. 303 00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:45,633 You're afraid you can't do pretty. 304 00:12:45,635 --> 00:12:47,385 Look, I don't do pretty 305 00:12:47,387 --> 00:12:49,317 the way you don't do Puerto Ricans. 306 00:12:49,773 --> 00:12:51,556 What are you talking about? 307 00:12:51,558 --> 00:12:53,391 I'll do Puerto Ricans. 308 00:12:53,393 --> 00:12:54,842 All right. 309 00:12:54,844 --> 00:12:56,625 Then go do one and leave me alone. 310 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,531 Max, it's a skill. That's all. 311 00:13:00,533 --> 00:13:02,567 It's not shameful to not know how to do something. 312 00:13:02,569 --> 00:13:05,153 Didn't you have piano lessons growing up? 313 00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:07,272 Seriously? 314 00:13:07,274 --> 00:13:09,123 Ice skating? 315 00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,376 Closest I've come to blades on ice 316 00:13:11,378 --> 00:13:12,827 was when a pregnant girl pulled a knife on me 317 00:13:12,829 --> 00:13:14,579 at a hockey game. 318 00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:16,631 Look, you and I have a business, 319 00:13:16,633 --> 00:13:18,499 and this is a skill we need. 320 00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:20,335 We're going to that class 321 00:13:20,337 --> 00:13:21,919 and we are gonna master how to make pretty roses. 322 00:13:21,921 --> 00:13:23,537 And I know how much you hate anything trendy, 323 00:13:23,539 --> 00:13:26,891 so I found us a family-owned Italian bakery in Brooklyn. 324 00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,593 Italian's good. 325 00:13:28,595 --> 00:13:29,978 Maybe they'll know how to dump the body 326 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:31,262 after I kill you. 327 00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:39,354 First of all, welcome to Spice and Sugar. 328 00:13:39,356 --> 00:13:42,240 We did a little twist on the traditional sugar and spice 329 00:13:42,242 --> 00:13:44,525 putting spice first because... 330 00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:47,245 We're Italian. 331 00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:48,946 And we always got the spice up front 332 00:13:48,948 --> 00:13:50,398 and a little in the rear. 333 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,450 Holla! 334 00:13:52,452 --> 00:13:55,670 Now are you embarrassed you ever said holla? 335 00:13:55,672 --> 00:13:58,739 My name is Stephanie, and this is my cousin Serena, 336 00:13:58,741 --> 00:14:01,209 and this bakery has been in our family for years 337 00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:03,544 and then we took it over and made it... 338 00:14:03,546 --> 00:14:06,931 Hot. 339 00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:08,633 All right, let's go around and introduce ourselves 340 00:14:08,635 --> 00:14:10,351 and tell us why you came tonight. 341 00:14:10,353 --> 00:14:11,936 Let's start with the cute guys. 342 00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:14,422 Always! 343 00:14:14,424 --> 00:14:15,923 I'm Steve, I thought this would be 344 00:14:15,925 --> 00:14:17,725 a fun idea for my bachelor party. 345 00:14:17,727 --> 00:14:20,728 I'm getting married to Michael...right there. 346 00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,480 So cute. God bless! 347 00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:23,597 And I'm Michael. 348 00:14:23,599 --> 00:14:27,702 - I'm Michael as well. - Michael. 349 00:14:27,704 --> 00:14:31,205 Oh...So many Michaels. 350 00:14:31,207 --> 00:14:34,108 - And you are? - Michael. 351 00:14:34,110 --> 00:14:35,243 No, I'm Max. 352 00:14:35,245 --> 00:14:38,162 Oh, she's funny. So cute, God bless! 353 00:14:38,164 --> 00:14:40,465 And I'm Caroline. I'm Max's partner. 354 00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:43,551 - Oh, so many gays tonight. - I know. 355 00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:45,920 No, I'm her business partner. 356 00:14:45,922 --> 00:14:48,506 We actually have our own cupcake business over in Williamsburg, 357 00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:50,808 and I must say, we're doing very well. 358 00:14:50,810 --> 00:14:53,177 Max is the baker and I'm the business head 359 00:14:53,179 --> 00:14:55,096 and we're here tonight to increase our skill level 360 00:14:55,098 --> 00:14:57,131 and take our business up to a level that's... 361 00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:59,934 Hot as well. 362 00:14:59,936 --> 00:15:01,302 If you're gonna talk that much, 363 00:15:01,304 --> 00:15:03,540 no one will have time to learn anything. 364 00:15:04,807 --> 00:15:06,324 I know, right? 365 00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:07,808 So, uh, where's your shop? 366 00:15:07,810 --> 00:15:10,644 Well, right now, we're just working out of our apartment. 367 00:15:10,646 --> 00:15:12,663 - So no shop. - Oh, that's sweet. 368 00:15:12,665 --> 00:15:15,500 - Cute. - Yeah, good luck, God bless. 369 00:15:15,502 --> 00:15:17,919 Can you say jealous? 370 00:15:17,921 --> 00:15:19,337 All right, let's start simple 371 00:15:19,339 --> 00:15:20,538 with a pretty little icing flower. 372 00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,656 Everybody pick up your piping bags, 373 00:15:22,658 --> 00:15:24,292 and with a straight-edge tip... 374 00:15:24,294 --> 00:15:26,424 But you guys can use your gay-edge tip. 375 00:15:28,514 --> 00:15:30,631 All right, everybody watch Stephanie. 376 00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:31,883 You're gonna take the nail head 377 00:15:31,885 --> 00:15:33,050 and you're gonna make a little "U" 378 00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:34,102 so that you get little petals. 379 00:15:34,104 --> 00:15:35,386 And we'll do this five times. 380 00:15:35,388 --> 00:15:37,638 And then, you have a pretty little five-petal flower. 381 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:41,192 - Simple. - So cute. How fun! 382 00:15:41,194 --> 00:15:43,861 No, no. You gotta start by making a "U". 383 00:15:43,863 --> 00:15:45,229 I did. That's a "U". 384 00:15:45,231 --> 00:15:50,118 - Serena, is that a "U"? - Not a "U". 385 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,303 Fine, I'll start over. 386 00:15:52,305 --> 00:15:53,871 That was a "U". 387 00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:55,740 And what, just because I don't have a quote-unquote shop 388 00:15:55,742 --> 00:15:57,125 I don't know a "U"? 389 00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:58,292 What's with the attitude? 390 00:15:58,294 --> 00:15:59,693 All right, let's leave. 391 00:15:59,695 --> 00:16:01,746 Next time the gays giggle, we'll just slide out. 392 00:16:01,748 --> 00:16:04,215 No, we're here to learn. 393 00:16:04,217 --> 00:16:05,699 That looks good. 394 00:16:05,701 --> 00:16:07,752 I suck. I'm starting over. 395 00:16:07,754 --> 00:16:09,887 Max, why'd you do that? It was good. 396 00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:11,139 Not good enough. 397 00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:12,723 You two not done yet? 398 00:16:12,725 --> 00:16:14,892 You have to master the little flower, 399 00:16:14,894 --> 00:16:17,228 or when we move on to roses you'll be screwed. 400 00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,380 - Right, cuz? - Oh, totally screwed. 401 00:16:19,382 --> 00:16:21,549 Screwed and not in the good way. 402 00:16:22,519 --> 00:16:24,435 Do you think we can convince them 403 00:16:24,437 --> 00:16:26,963 that slapping each other's face is the new high five? 404 00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:32,944 Steve, oh, my God. That rose is gorgeous. 405 00:16:32,946 --> 00:16:34,412 Good for you. 406 00:16:34,414 --> 00:16:37,398 All right, one more minute and we'll display our roses. 407 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,868 Psst. Steve. Little help. 408 00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:44,373 I choke at timed tests. I got like a 40 on my SAT's. 409 00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:46,692 Damn it, Steve! 410 00:16:47,710 --> 00:16:48,960 Look at this place. 411 00:16:48,962 --> 00:16:50,211 There's no way these girls 412 00:16:50,213 --> 00:16:52,380 could have this much cupcake success in this economy. 413 00:16:52,382 --> 00:16:54,549 I mean, the overhead on this building alone... 414 00:16:54,551 --> 00:16:55,766 What are you saying? 415 00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:57,084 Not saying mob money, 416 00:16:57,086 --> 00:16:58,752 just saying maybe we'd have a shop too 417 00:16:58,754 --> 00:17:00,438 - if we had mob money. - Shh. 418 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,722 Keep it down. 419 00:17:01,724 --> 00:17:03,357 You wanna wake up tomorrow with Chestnut's head 420 00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:05,053 in your vagina bed? 421 00:17:05,979 --> 00:17:08,753 Okay, time's up. Let's see what you got. 422 00:17:09,549 --> 00:17:11,782 What is that? There's like nothing there. 423 00:17:11,784 --> 00:17:12,900 That's not a rose. 424 00:17:12,902 --> 00:17:15,536 - It's minimalist. - Whatev. 425 00:17:15,538 --> 00:17:17,822 No, not "whatev". It's brilliant. 426 00:17:17,824 --> 00:17:20,274 And I would know because, when I was in Tokyo, 427 00:17:20,276 --> 00:17:22,410 I had a private Japanese flower arranging class 428 00:17:22,412 --> 00:17:24,745 with the head of the Ikebana Institute. 429 00:17:24,747 --> 00:17:26,247 And he said I had a gift. 430 00:17:26,249 --> 00:17:32,953 In his words, "Caroline..." 431 00:17:34,556 --> 00:17:37,058 Whatev. Okay, what about your friend there? 432 00:17:37,060 --> 00:17:38,926 I kinda ran out of time. 433 00:17:38,928 --> 00:17:40,645 You had 20 minutes. 434 00:17:40,647 --> 00:17:42,129 I thought she said you were the baker. 435 00:17:42,131 --> 00:17:45,132 No, you need to be able to whip these out in like 20 seconds 436 00:17:45,134 --> 00:17:46,851 if you wanna be successful in your little bakery. 437 00:17:46,853 --> 00:17:51,305 "Um, I'd like a cupcake." "That'll be 12 hours." 438 00:17:51,307 --> 00:17:53,107 - Right? - Right. 439 00:17:53,109 --> 00:17:54,659 And they have to be prettier than that. 440 00:17:54,661 --> 00:17:56,494 Well, maybe you'll do better tomorrow. 441 00:17:56,496 --> 00:17:59,664 Remember. Your homework assignment 442 00:17:59,666 --> 00:18:03,284 is to bring in a cupcake with a pretty rose on it. 443 00:18:03,286 --> 00:18:04,835 Right. 444 00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:06,153 Like we're gonna come back here 445 00:18:06,155 --> 00:18:08,937 and spend time with these Robert de Nir-hos. 446 00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:16,097 Ugh! That one stinks too. Damn it! 447 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:20,618 Max, forget it. 448 00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:22,603 It's 3:00 A.M. Go to bed. 449 00:18:22,605 --> 00:18:24,388 Don't. Don't say anything to me. 450 00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:26,274 I am so mad at you right now. 451 00:18:26,276 --> 00:18:28,409 - What did I do? - Everything. 452 00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:29,977 I used to love making cupcakes. 453 00:18:29,979 --> 00:18:31,845 It was the one thing I could zone out and do 454 00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:33,030 without thinking. 455 00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:34,398 And now all I'm doing is thinking. 456 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,400 Thinking that I stink at making cupcakes. 457 00:18:36,402 --> 00:18:37,851 Well, stop it. 458 00:18:37,853 --> 00:18:42,039 Who cares what they think? They're bitchy baking bullies. 459 00:18:42,041 --> 00:18:43,708 We don't have to go back there. 460 00:18:43,710 --> 00:18:45,192 Oh, and then what? 461 00:18:45,194 --> 00:18:46,827 I'm gonna think my cupcakes weren't good enough 462 00:18:46,829 --> 00:18:48,079 for the rest of my life? 463 00:18:48,081 --> 00:18:50,548 You said we need the skill, then we need the skill. 464 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:53,000 I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a quitter. 465 00:18:53,002 --> 00:18:56,036 I'm gonna make a stupid, pretty cupcake if it kills me. 466 00:18:56,038 --> 00:18:58,255 Or you. 467 00:18:58,257 --> 00:19:00,007 And you are going back there with me. 468 00:19:00,009 --> 00:19:01,509 And we're gonna shove our pretty cupcake 469 00:19:01,511 --> 00:19:04,812 right up Snooki and her cousin's asses. 470 00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,648 Now, shut up, don't talk to me, 471 00:19:07,650 --> 00:19:11,602 and go back in your vagina. 472 00:19:11,604 --> 00:19:14,605 Sorry you had to see that, Chestnut. 473 00:19:20,399 --> 00:19:22,367 Oh, not very pretty. 474 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:24,469 But at least you tried, Michael. 475 00:19:24,471 --> 00:19:25,753 Just one question. 476 00:19:25,755 --> 00:19:27,989 Are you sure that you're gay? 477 00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:34,295 Oh, okay, Caroline. Let's see your pretty rose. 478 00:19:34,297 --> 00:19:35,596 I didn't do one. 479 00:19:35,598 --> 00:19:36,898 Society is way too concerned with other people's idea 480 00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:38,182 of what's pretty. 481 00:19:38,184 --> 00:19:40,268 Whatevs. 482 00:19:40,270 --> 00:19:41,853 Okay, what about your baker there? 483 00:19:41,855 --> 00:19:43,154 She bail too? 484 00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:45,639 No, here it is. 485 00:19:47,526 --> 00:19:49,994 - Mm-hmm. - Max, that's so pretty. 486 00:19:49,996 --> 00:19:51,996 I'm so proud of you. 487 00:19:51,998 --> 00:19:53,748 Good work, God bless. Good for you. 488 00:19:53,750 --> 00:19:55,083 How long did it take you? 489 00:19:55,085 --> 00:19:57,251 About three hours and 40 minutes. 490 00:19:57,253 --> 00:19:58,669 But I did it! 491 00:19:58,671 --> 00:20:00,421 I just wanted to prove to you and myself 492 00:20:00,423 --> 00:20:01,956 I can make something pretty. 493 00:20:01,958 --> 00:20:03,674 And now that I have... 494 00:20:03,676 --> 00:20:04,675 Mm! 495 00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:15,436 That cupcake wasn't me. I don't do pretty. 496 00:20:15,438 --> 00:20:18,022 But I did make each of you a cupcake that I think says 497 00:20:18,024 --> 00:20:21,008 what I feel about this whole cupcake class. 498 00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:24,979 This one says "Bite me". 499 00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:27,865 This one says "Screw U". 500 00:20:27,867 --> 00:20:30,568 You see that "U"? That's a "U". 501 00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:32,987 Holla! 502 00:20:38,243 --> 00:20:39,527 Well, good luck with that. 503 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:43,798 People don't want cupcakes that insult them. 504 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,134 Oh, my God, Max. That's our thing. 505 00:20:46,136 --> 00:20:47,335 I was wrong. You were right. 506 00:20:47,337 --> 00:20:48,669 We don't need to make pretty cupcakes. 507 00:20:48,671 --> 00:20:49,921 Everybody does pretty. 508 00:20:49,923 --> 00:20:51,472 We have to do what you do best. 509 00:20:51,474 --> 00:20:54,475 Insult people. 510 00:20:54,477 --> 00:20:56,060 Yeah, who's gonna buy that? 511 00:20:56,062 --> 00:20:58,346 We will. For our shower. 512 00:20:58,348 --> 00:21:00,641 And really let us bitches have it!