1
00:00:02,575 --> 00:00:04,546
Max, Caroline, I have announcement.
2
00:00:04,712 --> 00:00:07,341
You're actually much shorter
and are walking on stilts?
3
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,823
I have made a special menu
4
00:00:09,948 --> 00:00:11,928
for tomorrow's
Valentine's night dinner.
5
00:00:12,094 --> 00:00:14,139
Han, that's so romantic.
6
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:16,013
Yeah, romantic and wrong.
7
00:00:16,138 --> 00:00:17,598
This place isn't
When Harry met Sally.
8
00:00:17,723 --> 00:00:20,501
It's "When Harry met Salmonella."
9
00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:21,502
[Bell rings]
10
00:00:21,627 --> 00:00:23,003
Max, Club Sandwich.
11
00:00:23,128 --> 00:00:25,359
And heads up... I lost a band-aid.
12
00:00:27,068 --> 00:00:29,696
Theme menu means
I can charge one bigger price,
13
00:00:29,862 --> 00:00:30,697
like in top restaurants.
14
00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:33,075
See?
"Prick fix."
15
00:00:33,241 --> 00:00:34,785
Oh, Han, it's pronounced "prix fixe."
16
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:36,183
Have you seen our chef?
17
00:00:36,308 --> 00:00:38,747
It's definitely "prick fix."
18
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:40,121
Tomorrow night,
19
00:00:40,246 --> 00:00:43,043
Cupid will come
to Williamsburg diner.
20
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:49,049
Didn't have the heart
to tell him Cupid is dead.
21
00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:51,582
Yep, hit by a mack truck
22
00:00:51,707 --> 00:00:54,168
crossing
the Brooklyn-Queens expressway...
23
00:00:54,293 --> 00:00:56,220
His fat, diapered baby ass
24
00:00:56,345 --> 00:00:58,595
splattered all over the windshield.
25
00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:01,976
I love Valentine's Day.
26
00:01:02,101 --> 00:01:04,022
That's your reaction?
I killed Cupid.
27
00:01:04,188 --> 00:01:05,774
You're either romantic or not.
28
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:07,631
I'm not even going to try
to convince you.
29
00:01:07,756 --> 00:01:09,444
Oh, he's dead.
And the proof...
30
00:01:09,610 --> 00:01:11,885
When's the last time you knew
anyone who fell in love?
31
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:14,366
Real love, like Ice Loves Coco.
32
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:15,951
How about them?
33
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,161
They've been holding hands and
romantic whispering all night.
34
00:01:18,327 --> 00:01:20,945
Their romantic whispering
goes like this.
35
00:01:21,070 --> 00:01:22,670
"I own nipple clamps."
36
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,368
Plink!
Cupid's not dead.
37
00:01:27,493 --> 00:01:29,172
Plink!
There goes his little arrow.
38
00:01:29,338 --> 00:01:30,738
Plink, plink!
39
00:01:30,863 --> 00:01:33,424
Clamp, ouch!
Clamp, ouch!
40
00:01:33,549 --> 00:01:35,595
Clamp, clamp!
Ouch, ouch!
41
00:01:37,346 --> 00:01:47,123
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:53,587 --> 00:01:56,283
{pub}Max, since it's just after midnight,
43
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,612
it's now officially Valentine's Day.
44
00:01:58,737 --> 00:02:00,704
I've got something in here
for you... guess what it is.
45
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,450
Well, judging from
that smile on your face,
46
00:02:03,575 --> 00:02:05,917
I'd say it's a finger-sized hole
in your apron.
47
00:02:08,746 --> 00:02:11,208
Candy hearts!
Here, hold out your hand.
48
00:02:11,333 --> 00:02:12,966
Let's get our heart on.
49
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,844
I'm way ahead of you.
50
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:21,808
"Be mine"... classic.
What's yours say?
51
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:24,704
"Caroline Channing is lame.
52
00:02:24,829 --> 00:02:27,340
"I hate you for giving me this.
53
00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:29,810
Valentine's Day is the worst."
54
00:02:29,935 --> 00:02:31,435
Ooh, cinnamon.
Mmm.
55
00:02:37,114 --> 00:02:38,533
Good evening, Earl.
56
00:02:38,699 --> 00:02:40,520
My, my, my, Sophie,
57
00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:43,106
seeing you in that dress
makes my heart race.
58
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:46,374
Two scoops of ice cream
in a one scoop cone.
59
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:50,163
[Giggles]
Oh, Earl, you make me smile.
60
00:02:50,288 --> 00:02:54,466
I wish we had black people in
Poland when I was growing up.
61
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,569
Too bad.
62
00:02:56,694 --> 00:03:01,097
We really would have enjoyed
segregation and Hitler.
63
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:04,221
Oh, hi, building neighbors.
64
00:03:04,678 --> 00:03:07,938
Well, I was just driving by,
and since it was raining,
65
00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,749
I thought I could offer you two girls
66
00:03:09,874 --> 00:03:11,733
a ride home in my town car.
67
00:03:11,899 --> 00:03:13,804
The last time
someone offered me a ride,
68
00:03:13,929 --> 00:03:17,057
I ended up in
a drainage pipe in Jersey.
69
00:03:17,182 --> 00:03:18,698
Sophia, you rent a town car?
70
00:03:18,864 --> 00:03:21,311
Yes, but only when it's raining,
71
00:03:21,436 --> 00:03:24,981
because, you know, I got hair
extensions and nail extensions,
72
00:03:25,106 --> 00:03:28,667
and, you know, I...
I'm too extended to walk.
73
00:03:31,727 --> 00:03:34,898
Hello.
I saw you from kitchen.
74
00:03:35,023 --> 00:03:38,218
You turned pick-up window
into painting.
75
00:03:38,384 --> 00:03:39,928
Plink!
76
00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,768
Velvet painting of nude at counter.
77
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:46,434
Clamp, ouch!
78
00:03:49,299 --> 00:03:51,565
The girls tell me
you own cleaning service.
79
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:53,984
I would like to hire you
to clean my house.
80
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,313
Oh, yeah, this is possible.
81
00:03:56,438 --> 00:03:58,780
I will send girl.
What is your address?
82
00:03:58,946 --> 00:04:00,433
I don't want some girl.
83
00:04:00,558 --> 00:04:02,308
I want you to come clean.
84
00:04:02,992 --> 00:04:05,274
Oh, you cannot get me to come.
85
00:04:12,436 --> 00:04:14,236
Oh, I can get you to come.
86
00:04:16,796 --> 00:04:20,677
No, I can no longer come anymore.
87
00:04:22,136 --> 00:04:24,639
No, Max and Caroline can come.
88
00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,905
Both:
No, no, we're not coming.
89
00:04:29,439 --> 00:04:32,856
So no one can get you to come?
90
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:36,843
Well, some people
can get me to come...
91
00:04:38,012 --> 00:04:40,113
Just not you.
92
00:04:41,185 --> 00:04:43,894
Hard to get... I like it.
93
00:04:44,019 --> 00:04:46,081
Go get the coats.
I'll get this check.
94
00:04:47,439 --> 00:04:48,994
Here's the last check, Earl.
95
00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:51,124
Oh, Max, can you take care
of that for me, please?
96
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:52,250
Sure. Why?
97
00:04:52,416 --> 00:04:54,571
Uh, nothing pressing...
Just having a heart attack.
98
00:04:54,696 --> 00:04:55,462
I'll see you tomorrow.
99
00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:57,589
Wait, you're having a heart attack?
100
00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:59,209
Most definitely.
101
00:04:59,334 --> 00:05:00,800
I've had three in my life.
We're old friends.
102
00:05:00,966 --> 00:05:02,677
Earl, you're having a heart attack.
103
00:05:02,843 --> 00:05:04,798
I'll be fine.
Have you seen my tangerine?
104
00:05:04,923 --> 00:05:07,307
I had a tangerine set aside
for my walk home.
105
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:08,850
Forget the tangerine.
106
00:05:09,016 --> 00:05:10,393
Earl's having a heart attack!
107
00:05:10,559 --> 00:05:13,146
Sophie, we're taking
the town car to the hospital.
108
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:14,814
Earl, when did the pain start?
109
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:18,634
When I saw Sophie in that dress.
110
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,184
Oh, hell, no!
111
00:05:24,309 --> 00:05:26,826
Why is this line so long?
Did the new iPhone come out?
112
00:05:26,992 --> 00:05:28,388
Let's just get him over there.
113
00:05:28,513 --> 00:05:30,580
Max, anything you can do
to move this along?
114
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:33,393
Move!
Celebrity coming through.
115
00:05:33,518 --> 00:05:36,169
Morgan Freeman having a heart attack.
116
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,630
He is having a heart attack.
117
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:41,174
On a scale of one to ten,
what's your pain?
118
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:43,203
Uh, two, we were
just in the neighborhood,
119
00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:45,470
looking for a place to have jell-o.
120
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:48,306
I was talking to Morgan Freeman.
121
00:05:48,472 --> 00:05:50,126
Take him now!
122
00:05:50,251 --> 00:05:52,018
Sir, he has a history
of heart trouble.
123
00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:53,645
All right, we'll get him in.
124
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,563
Earl, go with the nurse.
125
00:05:56,247 --> 00:05:58,289
Damn, it's a man.
126
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,903
We'll be right out here, Earl.
Everything is gonna be okay.
127
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:03,571
Have a seat and wait.
128
00:06:03,737 --> 00:06:07,027
Look at me, Gingerbread.
If anything happens to him,
129
00:06:07,152 --> 00:06:09,327
I will staple your nut sack
to that chair.
130
00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:28,471
{pub}That's right... it's me again.
131
00:06:28,637 --> 00:06:30,913
For the tenth time, he's fine.
132
00:06:31,038 --> 00:06:33,699
He had a minor attack,
but he's in good hands.
133
00:06:33,824 --> 00:06:36,702
I would know... I had both
of my heart attacks here.
134
00:06:36,979 --> 00:06:38,898
I want to go back there
and see for myself.
135
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:40,442
Family members only.
136
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:42,152
Well, I'm his daughter.
137
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:46,281
Oh, really? It says here
he's 75 years old...
138
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:48,074
Well, he started late.
139
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,410
And African-American.
140
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,872
He started late with a honky.
I'm one of those combo babies.
141
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,623
Here...
142
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:57,356
You need proof?
143
00:06:57,481 --> 00:07:01,493
My last name is Black, see?
Max Black.
144
00:07:01,618 --> 00:07:02,745
He's black.
I'm Black.
145
00:07:02,870 --> 00:07:04,632
It'd be dumb if we weren't related.
146
00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:07,927
Can I just get back
to playing Angry Birds?
147
00:07:08,093 --> 00:07:10,002
You are yammering on here
about nothing
148
00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,557
while the love of my life
is back there alone and scared.
149
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,089
You said he was your father.
150
00:07:14,214 --> 00:07:16,102
Now he's the love of your life?
151
00:07:16,268 --> 00:07:19,606
He's both.
We're from the South.
152
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:21,107
Have a seat.
153
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:26,237
I got us two lattes.
It took forever.
154
00:07:26,403 --> 00:07:28,637
The guy in front of me
missed his kidney transplant
155
00:07:28,762 --> 00:07:30,589
waiting for a mocha frappuccino.
156
00:07:30,714 --> 00:07:31,910
- Any news?
- The same.
157
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,913
But they won't let me back there.
I even told him Earl was my father.
158
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:35,955
[PA beeps]
159
00:07:36,121 --> 00:07:38,614
Now's my chance.
Nurse Chewbacca's on the move.
160
00:07:38,739 --> 00:07:39,793
I'm going back there.
161
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,533
If you see anyone about
to notice me sneak by,
162
00:07:41,658 --> 00:07:42,879
draw all the attention to yourself.
163
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,090
Max, I don't know if I can do that.
164
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,742
You're right.
That's kind of my thing.
165
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,985
- Okay, let me think.
- You don't have time to think.
166
00:07:49,110 --> 00:07:50,386
Just throw the coffees
against the wall.
167
00:07:50,552 --> 00:07:51,627
That's ridiculous.
168
00:07:51,752 --> 00:07:53,245
I graduated top of my class
at Wharton.
169
00:07:53,370 --> 00:07:54,307
I can do better than that.
170
00:07:54,838 --> 00:07:59,020
Paging Dr. Bender.
Paging Dr. Bender, please.
171
00:07:59,186 --> 00:08:01,272
Oh, my God!
172
00:08:05,192 --> 00:08:07,737
Those were not nonfat.
173
00:08:14,941 --> 00:08:15,829
Earl!
174
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,665
- You in here?
- Max, is that you?
175
00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:22,191
[Chuckles]
Ain't you sweet?
176
00:08:22,316 --> 00:08:24,102
But you didn't have
to wait around for me.
177
00:08:24,227 --> 00:08:26,111
This is Narcissus.
178
00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:27,715
She's from the Fiji Islands
179
00:08:27,881 --> 00:08:30,844
and gives one hell of a sponge bath.
180
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,568
Hi.
Can we have a minute alone?
181
00:08:34,628 --> 00:08:36,038
Earl, do you think
this is a good time
182
00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:38,184
to have a sponge bath...
I mean, in your condition?
183
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:40,042
Max, when they look like that,
184
00:08:40,167 --> 00:08:42,856
there's never a bad time
for a sponge bath.
185
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,859
- So are you doing okay now?
- Pretty good.
186
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:47,800
The doctor said it was a mild one,
187
00:08:47,925 --> 00:08:50,185
but I'm going to have
to stay here a couple nights.
188
00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:53,032
Could you find out how much
extra for me to get my own room?
189
00:08:53,198 --> 00:08:54,576
A private room?
190
00:08:54,742 --> 00:08:56,275
The last time I was
in one of these places,
191
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,844
the guy in the bed next to me
thought he was a parrot
192
00:08:58,969 --> 00:09:02,417
and asked me for crackers
the whole damn night.
193
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,182
Done. I'll get you your own room.
194
00:09:04,307 --> 00:09:05,818
And don't worry about the expenses.
195
00:09:05,943 --> 00:09:08,020
I got a little money
stashed away for a rainy day.
196
00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:09,955
I am not using your money.
197
00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,260
But let me guess,
"rainy day" is a strain of weed?
198
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,761
Now you're getting it.
199
00:09:17,537 --> 00:09:18,725
I'll see you later.
200
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,768
Don't die, or I'll kill you.
201
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:25,070
So what, now you want a private room?
202
00:09:25,195 --> 00:09:26,733
How's he going to pay for that?
203
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,641
Oh, so that old man has
to be the only man in America
204
00:09:29,766 --> 00:09:31,446
who has to pay his medical bills?
205
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:35,491
Mr. Freeman's done
a lot of successful movies.
206
00:09:35,657 --> 00:09:38,536
I don't think your sarcastic
attitude is very professional.
207
00:09:38,702 --> 00:09:40,019
"Professional"?
208
00:09:40,144 --> 00:09:43,055
Um, an hour ago,
your little thug friend here
209
00:09:43,180 --> 00:09:46,586
threatened to cut me so deep,
I'd have a vagina.
210
00:09:49,452 --> 00:09:51,257
That offer still stands.
211
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,678
She's upset.
And vagina's her go-to.
212
00:09:55,844 --> 00:09:58,003
Well, the only reason
I haven't called security
213
00:09:58,128 --> 00:10:00,225
is they were laid off two weeks ago.
214
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:01,601
What is your name?
215
00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,075
[Mockingly]
Tig.
216
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,396
And it's fake,
so good luck with that.
217
00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:06,912
Sir, you're representing
218
00:10:07,037 --> 00:10:09,108
the Shecter family wing
of this hospital.
219
00:10:09,274 --> 00:10:11,133
My family knows the Schecters.
220
00:10:11,258 --> 00:10:13,185
In fact, their son David
interns here,
221
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:15,687
and if I made a call,
he would not be pleased.
222
00:10:15,812 --> 00:10:16,922
If you know them,
223
00:10:17,047 --> 00:10:19,892
why are we talking
to this lump behind a desk?
224
00:10:20,017 --> 00:10:22,361
Suck it, red face!
We're going over your head!
225
00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:23,957
How do you like me now, bitch?
226
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:27,502
Hey, get your phone.
227
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,485
See if he can swing Earl
a private room.
228
00:10:29,610 --> 00:10:30,838
I think I still have his cell number.
229
00:10:31,004 --> 00:10:33,205
We went out a few times
until I realized he was serious
230
00:10:33,330 --> 00:10:35,009
about going down that pro Bono route.
231
00:10:35,175 --> 00:10:37,042
- Did you two have sex?
- No.
232
00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:39,819
Sweet, that's what you
can offer him for the room.
233
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:44,633
That's amazing.
234
00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:47,355
Someone found a florist
that delivers after midnight.
235
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:48,587
That's not so amazing.
236
00:10:48,712 --> 00:10:50,422
I know a guy
named "Sticky Icky" Ricky
237
00:10:50,547 --> 00:10:53,486
who delivers
exclusively after midnight.
238
00:10:53,652 --> 00:10:56,478
You know, I just realized
this is the first Valentine's Day
239
00:10:56,603 --> 00:10:58,116
I won't get flowers from my father.
240
00:10:58,282 --> 00:11:01,995
Aw, that's cute,
with a big old side of creepy.
241
00:11:02,161 --> 00:11:03,569
No, it's sweet.
242
00:11:03,694 --> 00:11:05,354
Every year
from the time I was a baby,
243
00:11:05,479 --> 00:11:07,072
and even when I had boyfriends,
244
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:09,691
I'd get flowers from my father
with a card that says,
245
00:11:09,816 --> 00:11:11,462
"You'll always be my Valentine."
246
00:11:11,628 --> 00:11:14,530
I got a sweet Valentine from
a guy I liked in high school.
247
00:11:14,655 --> 00:11:17,969
It said, "I'll give you
five bucks to lift your shirt."
248
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:22,515
Caroline...
Hey, I'll be right with you.
249
00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:25,143
There he is.
Cuter than I remember.
250
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:28,961
Hey. Wow.
251
00:11:29,086 --> 00:11:31,107
When I heard your voice mail,
I couldn't believe it.
252
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,265
Yes, well, I wasn't sure
you'd want to come down,
253
00:11:33,390 --> 00:11:35,278
because...
you know...
254
00:11:35,444 --> 00:11:37,280
You dumped me two years ago?
[Laughs]
255
00:11:37,446 --> 00:11:39,615
Well, "dumped" is a strong word.
256
00:11:39,781 --> 00:11:42,434
Tore my heart out,
shook it in front of my face.
257
00:11:42,915 --> 00:11:44,120
That any softer?
258
00:11:44,286 --> 00:11:45,844
[Laughs awkwardly]
259
00:11:45,969 --> 00:11:48,230
Hate to interrupt
the "perfect white teeth" convention,
260
00:11:48,355 --> 00:11:49,514
but we're in a hurry.
261
00:11:49,639 --> 00:11:50,918
David, this is my friend Max.
262
00:11:51,084 --> 00:11:52,350
A friend of ours was admitted,
263
00:11:52,475 --> 00:11:54,339
and we were hoping
to get him a private room.
264
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,954
Oh, so you're not here to return
265
00:11:56,079 --> 00:11:57,592
my Dartmouth t-shirt
you stole from me.
266
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:58,957
You gave that to me.
267
00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:00,595
No, I didn't!
I love that shirt.
268
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:03,462
I feel like I lost custody
of it in a divorce,
269
00:12:03,587 --> 00:12:05,558
and now I'm like a deadbeat dad.
270
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:07,216
How about the room?
Any chance?
271
00:12:07,341 --> 00:12:08,519
Please.
Pretty please.
272
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:10,169
Oh, well, since
you said "pretty please,"
273
00:12:10,294 --> 00:12:11,272
I'll see what I can do.
274
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:14,056
We should be clear.
We can't pay.
275
00:12:14,181 --> 00:12:16,225
We're broke...
both of us.
276
00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:17,904
But I'm sure
you heard that somewhere.
277
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:18,927
Yeah...
278
00:12:19,052 --> 00:12:19,989
Everywhere.
279
00:12:21,355 --> 00:12:23,348
David, I hope your family
didn't lose any money
280
00:12:23,473 --> 00:12:24,410
with my father.
Did they?
281
00:12:24,576 --> 00:12:26,287
Nope, still filthy rich.
282
00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:29,938
And I can do my best to burn
some filthy off that rich,
283
00:12:30,063 --> 00:12:31,292
by getting your friend a V.I.P. room.
284
00:12:32,063 --> 00:12:33,544
I'll just drop some names.
285
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:35,527
By that, I mean my own.
286
00:12:35,652 --> 00:12:36,798
Shouldn't be a problem.
287
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:39,106
I love Jews.
288
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,986
Yeah, we're generous.
Spread the word.
289
00:12:48,581 --> 00:12:52,688
Uh, if you wouldn't mind
giving Narcissus my whereabouts?
290
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,714
Did you see the look on
that desk lump's big, red face
291
00:12:55,839 --> 00:12:56,943
when I pushed you by him?
292
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,084
I did, but I think
throwing him the finger
293
00:12:59,209 --> 00:13:01,823
was a tad out of line.
294
00:13:02,793 --> 00:13:06,058
Wow, Dr. David really hooked us up.
295
00:13:06,183 --> 00:13:10,095
Yeah, this is like an episode
of Cribs: I.C.U. Edition.
296
00:13:10,220 --> 00:13:11,763
So, Earl, what do you think?
297
00:13:11,888 --> 00:13:13,334
Good lord, is that a Matisse?
298
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,129
- I believe so.
- Then, mama, I'm home.
299
00:13:24,776 --> 00:13:26,639
{pub}Here, ladies, put
these suckers in your station.
300
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:29,142
I think I might get
a late Valentine dinner crowd.
301
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,628
You also think you might
get a late growth spurt,
302
00:13:31,753 --> 00:13:34,230
but that's not happening either.
303
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,983
At best,
you'll get three single girls
304
00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:39,527
waddling over at midnight
to cry into some tapioca.
305
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:42,156
True.
I need to cut the crap.
306
00:13:42,281 --> 00:13:43,774
Valentine's dinner is bust.
307
00:13:43,899 --> 00:13:48,411
And look, I have sacrificed
my manhood for no cash value.
308
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:50,872
But your wings are adorable.
309
00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:55,334
Yes, but matching panties
are suffocating the boys.
310
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,004
Come on, close early.
311
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,047
We've only got
one table of twi-hards.
312
00:14:00,213 --> 00:14:01,382
I want to go see Earl.
313
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:04,044
Oh, what the hell?
I love my man Earl, too.
314
00:14:04,169 --> 00:14:06,053
So screw it.
Let's fly over there.
315
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:13,470
Ooh, this isn't like
the hospitals in Poland.
316
00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:15,939
The lights are working.
317
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,566
Okay, sit down.
I'll take you in one at a time.
318
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,018
All right, Cupid, you're first.
319
00:14:23,521 --> 00:14:25,573
Oh, don't wake him.
Go back out.
320
00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:29,535
Angels.
Oh, lord, no.
321
00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:32,990
Thank God it's you, Han.
322
00:14:33,115 --> 00:14:35,292
I saw the wings,
and I thought heaven was filled
323
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:39,962
with chunky Chinese cherubs
and no jazz.
324
00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:43,382
Oh, okay, great.
I'll see you in five.
325
00:14:43,548 --> 00:14:45,085
I'm gonna go meet Dr. David.
326
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:46,470
Oh, wait a second.
327
00:14:46,595 --> 00:14:48,555
If you're going to go meet man,
you need lip gloss.
328
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,014
Oh, thanks, Sophie.
329
00:14:50,180 --> 00:14:52,391
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
330
00:14:57,388 --> 00:15:00,733
I have Valentine gift
I want to give you.
331
00:15:00,899 --> 00:15:03,444
Oh, hepatitis "C"?
332
00:15:04,350 --> 00:15:06,455
Happy Valentine's Day.
333
00:15:08,682 --> 00:15:12,046
Look at me.
Now look at you.
334
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,431
Now look at me again.
335
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:17,458
Does this look right to you?
336
00:15:19,027 --> 00:15:21,540
Hard to get... I like it.
337
00:15:24,626 --> 00:15:27,635
Oh, hey.
So how's your friend doing?
338
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,096
Good.
And thanks for that V.I.P. room.
339
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:31,798
He feels like a million bucks,
which I'm sure is what it costs,
340
00:15:31,923 --> 00:15:33,683
so I brought you
a little thank-you gift.
341
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,353
That is not my Dartmouth shirt.
342
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,145
No, that's held hostage
at the townhouse.
343
00:15:38,311 --> 00:15:40,273
This says Williamsburg.
That's where I live now.
344
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,359
No way.
That's where I live.
345
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:43,977
Yeah, I moved there
just to piss my father off,
346
00:15:44,102 --> 00:15:45,444
but I wound up loving it.
347
00:15:45,610 --> 00:15:47,447
I wound up loving it, too.
348
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,816
Hey, maybe we could see
each other there sometime...
349
00:15:49,941 --> 00:15:51,200
You know, go out?
350
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:53,035
Yeah, I don't think so.
351
00:15:53,201 --> 00:15:54,947
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what?
352
00:15:57,164 --> 00:15:59,242
Look, Caroline,
it's been really great
353
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:01,052
getting to reconnect with you, but...
354
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:03,129
I don't see this happening again.
355
00:16:03,911 --> 00:16:04,755
Oh.
356
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:06,500
I mean, it's my parents.
357
00:16:06,625 --> 00:16:08,903
With your father in prison,
the whole scandal,
358
00:16:09,283 --> 00:16:10,886
I could never bring you home.
359
00:16:11,713 --> 00:16:13,848
Not even just
to piss off your father?
360
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:16,784
I mean, me dating Caroline Channing...
What would people think?
361
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,624
I hope you understand.
Oh, hey, thanks for the tee.
362
00:16:22,397 --> 00:16:24,434
Nice of everyone to stop by.
363
00:16:24,559 --> 00:16:27,028
Didn't see Caroline.
She busy tonight?
364
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:28,655
Oh, no, she's here.
365
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,408
She's out there running around,
trying to swing a boyfriend situation
366
00:16:31,533 --> 00:16:33,909
with her doctor friend
who got us the V.I.P. hook-up.
367
00:16:34,422 --> 00:16:35,912
What about you, Max?
368
00:16:36,037 --> 00:16:38,771
No sweetheart on Valentine's Day.
369
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:40,817
I worry about you.
370
00:16:40,942 --> 00:16:43,044
Be nice if you had someone special.
371
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:45,087
I already do.
372
00:16:45,253 --> 00:16:49,593
Ah, Max, I'm only going to be
around another 30 or 40 years.
373
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:51,302
You better widen the net a bit.
374
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:54,805
Visiting hours are up.
Friends have to leave.
375
00:16:54,971 --> 00:16:56,432
She can stay, nurse.
She's family.
376
00:16:57,432 --> 00:16:59,644
Earl, I'm family?
377
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:02,730
Yes, and the best kind of family.
You don't want my money.
378
00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:07,610
Hey, Earl.
You look really good.
379
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:11,848
So did you and Dr. Dave
do it in a hospital closet?
380
00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:13,366
All very "Grey's Monotony"?
381
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:15,018
No, that won't be happening.
382
00:17:15,143 --> 00:17:17,020
I asked him out and
he said he could never date me,
383
00:17:17,145 --> 00:17:20,414
because of my father
and "what would people think?"
384
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:22,358
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, what?
385
00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:23,794
I feel like I was just hit
386
00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:25,836
by the same mack truck
that killed Cupid.
387
00:17:26,002 --> 00:17:28,415
Well, somebody's about
to get hit by a truck...
388
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:30,466
A Max truck.
389
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:36,706
Hey, you, Dr. I-Forget-Your-Name.
390
00:17:36,831 --> 00:17:39,058
How?
It's written on every wall.
391
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,532
Okay, Dr. Exit.
392
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:46,600
What is wrong with you?
Doctors are supposed to be sensitive.
393
00:17:46,725 --> 00:17:49,102
I mean, it's Valentine's Day,
and she has nothing.
394
00:17:49,227 --> 00:17:50,987
Couldn't you be like
every other guy on the planet
395
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,989
and just lead her on
and not call her the next day?
396
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:55,908
That is the decent thing to do.
397
00:17:56,074 --> 00:17:59,496
And for the record, she is
so hopped up on candy hearts,
398
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,238
you would have gotten some
tonight, fo' sho!
399
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,001
You just made the biggest
mistake of your life.
400
00:18:06,861 --> 00:18:09,005
Well, I guess nobody knows me
better than you,
401
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,589
girl I've never met before.
402
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:14,577
And now I would like to speak
to the pro Bono part of you,
403
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:16,096
who understands
that nothing I just said
404
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,048
should affect that man
in the V.I.P. room.
405
00:18:18,173 --> 00:18:19,932
That was actually
a very cool thing to do.
406
00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:21,584
Earl is fine.
Don't worry.
407
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:23,898
And as far as Caroline goes,
I'm sorry, but...
408
00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:26,143
Her father hurt a lot of people.
409
00:18:26,511 --> 00:18:28,399
Whatever you put out there
comes back to you.
410
00:18:33,357 --> 00:18:34,358
Ugh.
411
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:40,578
What now... you gonna threaten
to feed me my nipples again?
412
00:18:41,895 --> 00:18:42,907
No.
413
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,991
Actually, someone just said something
414
00:18:45,116 --> 00:18:46,960
about the things
you do coming back to you,
415
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:49,920
and I decided the smart move
was to apologize.
416
00:18:50,086 --> 00:18:52,814
Thanks, but it's not necessary.
417
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:56,719
Actually, you're the nicest
person I've dealt with tonight.
418
00:18:56,885 --> 00:19:00,307
Ugh.
Rough job, dude.
419
00:19:00,432 --> 00:19:03,726
Here, Happy Valentine's Day.
420
00:19:04,830 --> 00:19:06,353
You want to go out sometime?
421
00:19:06,519 --> 00:19:09,399
[Scoffs]
Why would...
422
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,109
Yeah, give me your number.
I'll call you tomorrow.
423
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,777
Sleeping in
that hospital chair all night
424
00:19:20,902 --> 00:19:22,245
wasn't that uncomfortable.
425
00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:23,446
No, the chairs weren't.
426
00:19:23,571 --> 00:19:27,117
Your sad Valentine whimpering was.
427
00:19:27,242 --> 00:19:29,835
- So how you feeling this morning?
- Pretty good,
428
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:32,372
considering I survived
the very first Valentine's Day
429
00:19:32,497 --> 00:19:34,131
I didn't get flowers from my father.
430
00:19:34,297 --> 00:19:36,126
Ugh.
431
00:19:36,251 --> 00:19:38,044
So you got one year under your belt.
432
00:19:38,169 --> 00:19:39,303
Don't get so cocky.
433
00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:42,264
You still have
to make 23 more to tie me.
434
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:46,102
You know, all this time,
I've been feeling sorry for you
435
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,554
'cause you didn't know your father,
436
00:19:47,679 --> 00:19:50,806
but after seeing
how you took care of Earl...
437
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:54,027
I feel sorry for your father
that he didn't know you.
438
00:19:54,317 --> 00:19:56,403
You would have been
a wonderful daughter.
439
00:19:56,935 --> 00:19:58,315
[Knock at door]
440
00:19:58,440 --> 00:19:59,740
Don't hold that thought.
441
00:19:59,906 --> 00:20:04,077
I don't want to cry till after
we break open the tapioca.
442
00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:12,546
No, I didn't just win
a beauty contest.
443
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:15,198
No, these were left
on the front doorstep.
444
00:20:15,323 --> 00:20:16,833
They're both addressed to Caroline.
445
00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:19,035
- Sorry, Max.
- Oh, no, that's cool.
446
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,679
Wouldn't want to break
my winning streak.
447
00:20:21,845 --> 00:20:24,374
Oh, well, just look at it this way.
448
00:20:24,499 --> 00:20:27,560
She got the flowers.
You got the knockers.
449
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,105
All right, girls,
450
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,816
well, I'm off to buy scratchers
451
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:36,235
before all
the Puerto Ricans get them.
452
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:38,888
[Door closes]
453
00:20:39,013 --> 00:20:40,807
"You'll always be my Valentine.
454
00:20:40,932 --> 00:20:42,859
Love, Daddy."
455
00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:43,893
Aw.
456
00:20:44,018 --> 00:20:45,612
The other one from Dr. Dave?
457
00:20:45,737 --> 00:20:48,163
Change his mind
after I tore him a new one?
458
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:50,958
It's from my father as well,
but it's written to you.
459
00:20:53,210 --> 00:20:56,172
"Thank you for taking such
good care of my sweetheart.
460
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,375
M. Channing."
461
00:20:58,214 --> 00:20:59,633
That is so sweet.
462
00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:01,565
Roses from a man.
463
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,832
Now I'm starting to get it.
464
00:21:04,522 --> 00:21:07,683
Is it weird that I kind of want
to have sex with your dad?
465
00:21:07,849 --> 00:21:09,602
Sync and correction by Mlmlte
www.addic7ed.com
466
00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:12,730
Plink!