1 00:00:01,855 --> 00:00:03,278 Previously on 2 Broke Girls... 2 00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,399 Oh, no, Max! My wallet! It's gone. 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,776 All of our cash and our credit cards were in there. 4 00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:12,238 I need to get to Texas to see my boyfriend. 5 00:00:12,239 --> 00:00:14,507 There has got to be a way we can work something out. 6 00:00:14,508 --> 00:00:16,041 We'll do anything. 7 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:22,348 Just another lonely night here in Texas... 8 00:00:22,349 --> 00:00:23,983 with all my new best friends! 9 00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,785 Ha-ha! 10 00:00:25,786 --> 00:00:28,655 I'm driving to Texas if y'all want a ride. 11 00:00:28,656 --> 00:00:29,989 Shotgun! I'm sitting 12 00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:31,090 next to RuPaul. 13 00:00:31,091 --> 00:00:32,492 No. I'm sitting next to RuPaul! 14 00:00:35,496 --> 00:00:37,597 All right. 15 00:00:37,598 --> 00:00:40,633 So, this is where Randy and the other movie people are staying. 16 00:00:40,634 --> 00:00:43,402 He's been here. I smell abs. 17 00:00:44,504 --> 00:00:46,706 Ugh, I smell us. 18 00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:49,108 When did I have a hot dog? 19 00:00:49,109 --> 00:00:51,978 I shared one with you while you were sleeping. You're welcome. 20 00:00:51,979 --> 00:00:54,147 Let's ask that clerk if he's seen Randy, 21 00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:56,815 and when the outdoor sprinklers go on so we can freshen up. 22 00:00:59,485 --> 00:01:01,487 Hi. How can I help you? 23 00:01:01,488 --> 00:01:03,523 B-T-dubs, if you're going for that tossled, 24 00:01:03,524 --> 00:01:04,867 just-crawled-out-of-a-ditch look, 25 00:01:04,868 --> 00:01:06,459 you nailed it. 26 00:01:06,460 --> 00:01:08,895 I'm not gonna ask what you just crawled out of, 27 00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:10,595 because I'm too tired to be mean. 28 00:01:11,965 --> 00:01:15,034 So, Richie, 29 00:01:15,035 --> 00:01:16,669 my associate and I would like to know 30 00:01:16,670 --> 00:01:18,738 what room Randy Walsh is staying in. 31 00:01:18,739 --> 00:01:22,241 And I see you have a very strict "no pets" policy. 32 00:01:22,242 --> 00:01:25,011 Yes, Randy Walsh's room. Of course. 33 00:01:25,012 --> 00:01:26,913 Looks like he is in room number... 34 00:01:26,914 --> 00:01:29,257 what hotel clerk in the world would give out a guest's info 35 00:01:29,258 --> 00:01:30,891 to two dusty randos? 36 00:01:31,684 --> 00:01:34,554 Um, I'm more than just a dusty rando. 37 00:01:34,555 --> 00:01:36,689 I'm his dusty ex-girlfriend. 38 00:01:36,690 --> 00:01:38,558 Also, well played. 39 00:01:38,559 --> 00:01:40,493 He has friend potential. 40 00:01:40,494 --> 00:01:41,761 Not helpful friend. 41 00:01:41,762 --> 00:01:44,263 Just "tell you what not to wear" friend. 42 00:01:44,264 --> 00:01:46,899 Well, it's still early, so hopefully Randy hasn't left... 43 00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,234 oh, my God, free cookies! 44 00:01:48,235 --> 00:01:51,270 And cucumber water! 45 00:01:51,271 --> 00:01:52,939 With berries! 46 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:55,241 My nanny used to make me water like this 47 00:01:55,242 --> 00:01:58,044 before the town car would take me to preschool. 48 00:01:58,045 --> 00:01:59,579 You had a town car? 49 00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,447 My mom was called the town car. 50 00:02:01,448 --> 00:02:03,048 She sat four comfortably. 51 00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:07,453 Can't believe I have to take a van to set with other people. 52 00:02:07,454 --> 00:02:09,422 I was in Speed. 53 00:02:09,423 --> 00:02:11,290 You were on speed. 54 00:02:11,291 --> 00:02:13,026 And you were in rehab. 55 00:02:13,027 --> 00:02:14,394 And then I rebuilt your career, 56 00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:16,362 and now you have to take a van. 57 00:02:16,363 --> 00:02:19,465 Max, look! It's Randy. 58 00:02:19,466 --> 00:02:21,934 And that guy from the reverse mortgage commercials. 59 00:02:21,935 --> 00:02:23,703 Ugh! Oh, God! 60 00:02:23,704 --> 00:02:25,571 He can't see me all gross like this. 61 00:02:25,572 --> 00:02:27,073 I thought your grossness is 62 00:02:27,074 --> 00:02:28,908 one of the things he likes about you. 63 00:02:28,909 --> 00:02:31,610 Mm, it's complicated. He likes me to start out clean. 64 00:02:40,054 --> 00:02:46,172 _ _ 65 00:02:55,907 --> 00:02:57,474 I am getting really good 66 00:02:57,475 --> 00:02:59,810 at bathing in public restrooms. 67 00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:01,946 And I want it to end! 68 00:03:01,947 --> 00:03:04,582 Well, your hobo skills are not complete. 69 00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:06,183 You need to practice peeing in an alley. 70 00:03:06,207 --> 00:03:07,787 You're still splashing on your shoes. 71 00:03:09,553 --> 00:03:11,129 Now come on. Let's go find Randy. 72 00:03:11,130 --> 00:03:12,864 Fine. Let's go ask that concierge 73 00:03:12,865 --> 00:03:15,233 if he knows where it is. 74 00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,534 Hey, remember us? 75 00:03:16,535 --> 00:03:18,069 The dust bunnies from before? 76 00:03:18,070 --> 00:03:19,804 I know who you are. 77 00:03:19,805 --> 00:03:22,907 I've been following you two around with a wet vac. 78 00:03:22,908 --> 00:03:24,742 Bit of an attitude from someone who's got 79 00:03:24,743 --> 00:03:26,710 two giant horns coming out of his head. 80 00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:31,850 You're bringing horny to a whole new level. 81 00:03:31,851 --> 00:03:34,152 Can you please tell us where the movie set is? 82 00:03:34,153 --> 00:03:36,488 Oh, of course. Absolutely. No problem. 83 00:03:36,489 --> 00:03:38,823 Just go out the lobby, make a left on Main, then a right 84 00:03:38,824 --> 00:03:41,659 on There's No Way In Hell I'm Telling You That Street. 85 00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,194 Uh, was that a left or a right 86 00:03:43,195 --> 00:03:45,095 on No Way In Hell I'm Telling You That Street? 87 00:03:46,331 --> 00:03:47,999 Look. My friend came all the way here 88 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,567 to surprise her boyfriend. 89 00:03:49,568 --> 00:03:51,369 How would you feel if someone stopped you 90 00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:53,403 from seeing your boyfriend? 91 00:03:56,274 --> 00:03:58,576 Excuse me? Boyfriend? 92 00:03:58,577 --> 00:04:00,345 I'm not gay. 93 00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:03,781 This is Texas, not the Flaming Saddles Saloon 94 00:04:03,782 --> 00:04:06,383 on 9th Avenue and 52nd Street in New York City. 95 00:04:09,087 --> 00:04:11,389 Where you've definitely never been. 96 00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:13,858 Please just leave my lobby, all right? 97 00:04:13,859 --> 00:04:15,420 There's enough sad wannabes around here 98 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:16,484 with the extras casting... 99 00:04:16,485 --> 00:04:17,562 which reminds me 100 00:04:17,563 --> 00:04:20,365 I need to get to extras casting. 101 00:04:20,366 --> 00:04:22,934 We don't need him, Max. I have a great idea. 102 00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,537 We'll get cast as extras in Randy's movie. 103 00:04:25,538 --> 00:04:26,804 That way you can see him, 104 00:04:26,805 --> 00:04:29,040 and audiences everywhere can see me. 105 00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:31,709 Ah, Caroline, that's genius! 106 00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:33,211 While we're waiting, I'll call Han 107 00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:34,979 to check on the dessert bar's progress. 108 00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:39,951 Wow. I have an acting career and I own a dessert bar. 109 00:04:39,952 --> 00:04:42,053 And to think just moments ago 110 00:04:42,054 --> 00:04:45,957 I was tossing water from a sink to my privates. 111 00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:48,959 Can you call it a whore's bath if you never have sex? 112 00:04:51,596 --> 00:04:53,798 Can you please tell them to keep it down? 113 00:04:53,799 --> 00:04:56,000 A simple "no" would've done. 114 00:04:56,001 --> 00:04:58,335 You don't have to insult my sweater! 115 00:04:59,604 --> 00:05:02,240 And hello, Max. 116 00:05:05,244 --> 00:05:07,145 There's more banging going on in there 117 00:05:07,146 --> 00:05:10,114 than season one of The Affair. 118 00:05:10,115 --> 00:05:13,651 It's really ruining the fine dining ambiance in here. 119 00:05:13,652 --> 00:05:15,653 What's that, doc? 120 00:05:15,654 --> 00:05:18,690 Is it on my testicle or just near it? 121 00:05:19,692 --> 00:05:21,459 Come on! 122 00:05:23,429 --> 00:05:25,997 And now they woke up Barbara. 123 00:05:25,998 --> 00:05:29,133 And I don't have the DVD of Amy Adams' last movie 124 00:05:29,134 --> 00:05:31,936 to put her back to sleep. 125 00:05:31,937 --> 00:05:34,872 That's the last straw. I'm going over there. 126 00:05:34,873 --> 00:05:38,676 I can't stand the sound of a crying baby. 127 00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:41,679 That's why I'm waiting a couple years to have my own. 128 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:43,948 Hey! Oleg. 129 00:05:43,949 --> 00:05:47,385 Come on. Your daughter just got woken up with that heavy noise. 130 00:05:47,386 --> 00:05:49,487 You should be going over there. 131 00:05:49,488 --> 00:05:51,556 Uh, I'm kind of in the middle of taking 132 00:05:51,557 --> 00:05:55,893 a "Which Friends character are you?" quiz. 133 00:05:55,894 --> 00:05:58,563 Ross? 134 00:05:58,564 --> 00:06:02,367 Well, maybe you should be doing some more manly things 135 00:06:02,368 --> 00:06:04,669 so that when Barbara sees your picture, 136 00:06:04,670 --> 00:06:07,037 she doesn't say "Mama." 137 00:06:08,706 --> 00:06:11,342 She calls me Mama? 138 00:06:11,343 --> 00:06:12,877 I'm going over there. 139 00:06:12,878 --> 00:06:15,679 I'm not Mama. I'm Dadushki! 140 00:06:17,148 --> 00:06:19,116 You're being a da-douche-ski. 141 00:06:22,253 --> 00:06:24,188 James jostled Gene gently. 142 00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:25,723 James jostled Gene gently. 143 00:06:25,724 --> 00:06:27,258 James jostled Gene... 144 00:06:27,259 --> 00:06:30,161 Somebody help. I think my robot's broken. 145 00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:32,196 It's an acting exercise, Max. 146 00:06:32,197 --> 00:06:33,731 It stretches out the mouth. 147 00:06:33,732 --> 00:06:36,233 Uh, I think all those teeth do the trick. 148 00:06:38,870 --> 00:06:40,538 I just want to be prepared. 149 00:06:40,539 --> 00:06:43,875 I mean, maybe I'm not just on this journey for you. 150 00:06:43,876 --> 00:06:46,444 Maybe I'm supposed to be discovered as an actress. 151 00:06:46,445 --> 00:06:49,747 Maybe something's finally about me. 152 00:06:49,748 --> 00:06:52,750 Everything is always about you. 153 00:06:52,751 --> 00:06:55,752 You call Christmas "The Day Caroline Gets Presents." 154 00:06:57,689 --> 00:07:00,758 And we're only auditioning so I can get to the set to see Randy. 155 00:07:00,759 --> 00:07:02,126 Not for your acting career. 156 00:07:02,127 --> 00:07:04,696 Also, you don't have an acting career. 157 00:07:04,697 --> 00:07:06,764 Well, shouldn't you be practicing 158 00:07:06,765 --> 00:07:08,599 what you're gonna say to Randy? 159 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,436 I mean, your original plan to "jump Dem bones" 160 00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:13,204 might not fly on a movie set. 161 00:07:13,205 --> 00:07:16,107 Hey! I got words. 162 00:07:16,108 --> 00:07:19,243 I was thinking something along the lines of, 163 00:07:19,244 --> 00:07:22,213 "Howdy, Dude-y." 164 00:07:22,214 --> 00:07:23,781 You know, 'cause we're in Texas 165 00:07:23,782 --> 00:07:25,982 and he was kind of a doody for blocking me. 166 00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:29,620 Okay, extras, since this is a zombie movie, 167 00:07:29,621 --> 00:07:31,723 I'm gonna need to see you act like zombies. 168 00:07:31,724 --> 00:07:34,591 But don't touch me. My entire body's an erogenous zone. 169 00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:38,162 Zombies? I didn't prepare for that. 170 00:07:38,163 --> 00:07:40,898 You also didn't prepare for being a celibate poor person, 171 00:07:40,899 --> 00:07:42,599 but you're knocking that out of the park. 172 00:07:46,371 --> 00:07:47,071 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 173 00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:56,197 Excuse me, sir... 174 00:07:56,198 --> 00:07:58,031 if that is your real name. 175 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,635 We're from the diner next door, 176 00:08:00,636 --> 00:08:02,703 and you need to keep the noise down. 177 00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:04,138 It woke up a baby 178 00:08:04,139 --> 00:08:06,340 and the man who lives in booth two. 179 00:08:06,341 --> 00:08:08,342 Sorry for the loud noise. 180 00:08:08,343 --> 00:08:10,645 If there's one thing New York's known for, 181 00:08:10,646 --> 00:08:12,146 it's quiet construction. 182 00:08:12,147 --> 00:08:14,682 Listen. You may think you're 183 00:08:14,683 --> 00:08:16,517 some sort of authority figure 184 00:08:16,518 --> 00:08:18,553 with that tank top, 185 00:08:18,554 --> 00:08:19,887 but you're not. 186 00:08:19,888 --> 00:08:22,356 What you are is fired. 187 00:08:22,357 --> 00:08:24,658 Was anyone recording that for baby Barbara? 188 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,229 Well, that escalated rather quickly. 189 00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:32,200 Take your gorgeous tank top 190 00:08:32,201 --> 00:08:34,368 and get the hell out of here. 191 00:08:34,369 --> 00:08:36,304 Fine. I don't need this. 192 00:08:36,305 --> 00:08:38,672 My dance company got a grant from Pfizer. 193 00:08:41,309 --> 00:08:43,144 - Knock, knock. - Who's there? 194 00:08:43,145 --> 00:08:45,313 Not a door. 195 00:08:45,314 --> 00:08:46,981 The girls are gonna kill me 196 00:08:46,982 --> 00:08:49,550 if they get back and the dessert bar isn't finished. 197 00:08:49,551 --> 00:08:51,185 Well, Oleg will do it. 198 00:08:51,186 --> 00:08:53,186 He says he can nail anything. 199 00:08:54,255 --> 00:08:56,424 I was talking about Jersey skanks, 200 00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:58,024 but sure, I'll give it a try. 201 00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:03,431 You're in. 202 00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:04,999 Go wait next to the corpse extras. 203 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,234 Next. 204 00:09:06,235 --> 00:09:08,402 Hi. My name is Caroline Channing, 205 00:09:08,403 --> 00:09:10,504 and I will be singing "Hamilton" 206 00:09:10,505 --> 00:09:13,107 from the musical of the same name. 207 00:09:13,108 --> 00:09:15,176 Hold off on that. 208 00:09:15,177 --> 00:09:17,143 I'm not quite ready to kill myself. 209 00:09:18,846 --> 00:09:21,716 Are you sure you don't have any non-zombie parts? 210 00:09:21,717 --> 00:09:23,050 Maybe a cheerleader? 211 00:09:23,051 --> 00:09:25,353 Or a socialite who lost all her money 212 00:09:25,354 --> 00:09:27,588 but not her looks or her will to succeed? 213 00:09:27,589 --> 00:09:29,724 But she has lost everyone's interest. 214 00:09:29,725 --> 00:09:31,525 Uh, fine. 215 00:09:31,526 --> 00:09:34,327 Here we go with a zombie. 216 00:09:37,766 --> 00:09:40,767 Here I come! I'm a zombie! 217 00:09:42,803 --> 00:09:44,772 God, I want to go back to casting commercials 218 00:09:44,773 --> 00:09:46,274 for Applebee's. 219 00:09:46,275 --> 00:09:48,141 You just have to be white and a little fat. 220 00:09:49,477 --> 00:09:54,848 Or I can do... mow mow mow mow mow! 221 00:09:56,617 --> 00:09:58,752 Not a zombie. Not anything. 222 00:09:59,921 --> 00:10:01,956 Hey, are those sodas up for grabs? 223 00:10:01,957 --> 00:10:02,957 Yeah. 224 00:10:02,958 --> 00:10:05,191 Oh-ho! Root beer! 225 00:10:06,894 --> 00:10:08,796 Now, that's a zombie! 226 00:10:08,797 --> 00:10:11,165 Amazing walk and moan. You're hired. 227 00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,401 What? 228 00:10:13,402 --> 00:10:15,102 But she's not an actor. 229 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:17,738 She can't even pretend to laugh at my jokes. 230 00:10:20,641 --> 00:10:21,742 You thought that was funny? 231 00:10:21,743 --> 00:10:23,811 No! Boo. 232 00:10:23,812 --> 00:10:26,180 Bad news, Bon Bon: I can't be in your movie today. 233 00:10:26,181 --> 00:10:28,249 Carlos won't work my shift at the desk. 234 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:29,984 We broke... 235 00:10:29,985 --> 00:10:31,451 we had a fight. 236 00:10:38,192 --> 00:10:40,261 Looks like you got the part. 237 00:10:40,262 --> 00:10:42,830 Congratulations on me running out of people. 238 00:10:42,831 --> 00:10:44,332 All right, everyone on the van. 239 00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,133 We got to get you to set and makeup. 240 00:10:46,134 --> 00:10:47,501 Oh, wait, Bonnie. Am I going with, 241 00:10:47,502 --> 00:10:48,936 "Here I come. I'm a zombie." 242 00:10:48,937 --> 00:10:51,137 or "mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow, mow"? 243 00:10:53,207 --> 00:10:54,407 They're both good. 244 00:11:02,817 --> 00:11:05,186 Why do you get to be a hot zombie? 245 00:11:05,187 --> 00:11:07,654 I look like dead David Spade. 246 00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:11,459 So, David Spade? 247 00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:15,062 And I have this gross axe wound in my neck. 248 00:11:15,063 --> 00:11:17,231 Oh, I thought that was a second mouth. 249 00:11:17,232 --> 00:11:19,135 I was worried it was gonna start telling stories 250 00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,235 about how rich it used to be. 251 00:11:21,236 --> 00:11:23,671 I've been working on my zombie's backstory. 252 00:11:23,672 --> 00:11:25,673 She's a teacher named Jill 253 00:11:25,674 --> 00:11:27,641 with an online gambling addiction 254 00:11:27,642 --> 00:11:30,877 and an interest in women she's never acted on. 255 00:11:32,646 --> 00:11:36,417 So, as your lawyer, can you please stop asking me 256 00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:38,185 for a drunk driver's license? 257 00:11:38,186 --> 00:11:40,321 It's not a real thing. 258 00:11:40,322 --> 00:11:42,423 Neither is a cocaine permit. 259 00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:45,026 Oh, my God, it's Randy. Hide! Hide! 260 00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:47,094 Hide? Like Jill is doing with her feelings 261 00:11:47,095 --> 00:11:48,461 for her neighbor Sarah? 262 00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:51,932 Will you run lines with me? 263 00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:53,501 Sure. 264 00:11:53,502 --> 00:11:55,485 You want to take it from, "You can take my brains, 265 00:11:55,486 --> 00:11:58,105 but you can't take my freedom"? 266 00:11:58,106 --> 00:11:59,907 Max, we came all this way. 267 00:11:59,908 --> 00:12:02,009 You can't just avoid him forever. 268 00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:04,945 He's not a Hulu original. 269 00:12:04,946 --> 00:12:07,014 Just go tell him what you want. 270 00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:08,416 And what do you want? 271 00:12:08,417 --> 00:12:10,351 Are you planning on moving to LA? 272 00:12:10,352 --> 00:12:12,453 Because when this acting thing takes off, 273 00:12:12,454 --> 00:12:14,388 they'll want me to live there, too. 274 00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:15,523 Who's "they"? 275 00:12:15,524 --> 00:12:17,591 Is "they" all of New York? 276 00:12:17,592 --> 00:12:19,460 Oi! Drop the brains, 277 00:12:19,461 --> 00:12:21,094 you zombie scum! 278 00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:25,665 Yeah, the script says "brightly," not "British." 279 00:12:27,368 --> 00:12:29,303 I mean, I can't move to LA. 280 00:12:29,304 --> 00:12:32,106 We've worked too hard getting the dessert bar to where it is. 281 00:12:32,107 --> 00:12:34,275 I can be happy with the long-distance thing. 282 00:12:34,276 --> 00:12:36,110 I mean, it's better than nothing, 283 00:12:36,111 --> 00:12:38,546 and I don't have to shave as much. 284 00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:41,048 Well, none of that's A-material, 285 00:12:41,049 --> 00:12:42,450 but it's how you feel, 286 00:12:42,451 --> 00:12:44,951 so just go tell him before he goes off again. 287 00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:47,621 I'm pushing you with my stub. 288 00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:49,656 All right. All right. I'm going. 289 00:12:51,225 --> 00:12:54,261 Just to make sure he recognizes me. 290 00:12:54,262 --> 00:12:57,598 Here you are. You two wander off more than my stepson's left eye. 291 00:12:57,599 --> 00:12:59,266 You're late for your scene. 292 00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:02,069 Um, I just need two minutes with that guy who just left, 293 00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:04,004 and a condom if you have one on you. 294 00:13:04,005 --> 00:13:06,674 What do I look like? The sound guy? 295 00:13:06,675 --> 00:13:08,642 Uh, and I'm gonna need you to zip that dress up. 296 00:13:08,643 --> 00:13:09,777 This movie's PG. 297 00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:11,512 All right, I'll zip up. 298 00:13:11,513 --> 00:13:13,380 Guess you guys don't want a sequel. 299 00:13:24,192 --> 00:13:28,173 There. The door, much like the man who put it up, 300 00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:30,736 is well hung. 301 00:13:30,737 --> 00:13:32,062 Have you ever done anything 302 00:13:32,063 --> 00:13:34,231 without bringing up your penis size? 303 00:13:34,232 --> 00:13:36,900 Sure. My driver's test. 304 00:13:36,901 --> 00:13:38,301 Oh, wait. No. 305 00:13:39,636 --> 00:13:42,339 Han, hey, just a heads up. 306 00:13:42,340 --> 00:13:47,244 Man, there's literally no one working in your diner right now. 307 00:13:47,245 --> 00:13:50,180 And that's unusual how? 308 00:13:50,181 --> 00:13:53,850 Well, since I don't have to be at work, I am going on a break, 309 00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,686 which means smoking a J 310 00:13:55,687 --> 00:13:57,520 and taking a nap in the trunk of my car. 311 00:13:59,289 --> 00:14:01,123 He doesn't even have a car. 312 00:14:09,700 --> 00:14:11,134 How about that? 313 00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,535 Earl has superpowers. 314 00:14:13,670 --> 00:14:15,005 The only superpowers he has 315 00:14:15,006 --> 00:14:16,740 is that he's still alive. 316 00:14:16,741 --> 00:14:19,008 Hey, what's going on here? 317 00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:23,013 Fine. The jig is up. 318 00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:25,015 I can't hang a door. 319 00:14:25,016 --> 00:14:27,351 Sophie, my daughter may think I'm a mama, 320 00:14:27,352 --> 00:14:29,486 but I don't want her to think I'm a liar. 321 00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:32,956 Ooh. This went from zero to Lifetime pretty quickly. 322 00:14:32,957 --> 00:14:34,958 I'm out. 323 00:14:34,959 --> 00:14:38,562 Oh, Oleg, 324 00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:40,864 come on... it doesn't matter 325 00:14:40,865 --> 00:14:44,501 that you can't build anything or protect us 326 00:14:44,502 --> 00:14:46,736 or... or... or be a man. 327 00:14:48,472 --> 00:14:51,108 What's really important 328 00:14:51,109 --> 00:14:53,510 is how much you love Barbara. 329 00:14:53,511 --> 00:14:57,047 But she thinks I'm a mama. 330 00:14:57,048 --> 00:15:00,383 Well, she also thinks that Danny Glover is the president. 331 00:15:02,386 --> 00:15:04,087 Dadushki! 332 00:15:04,088 --> 00:15:06,790 Oh, my gosh, Oleg, did you hear that? 333 00:15:06,791 --> 00:15:08,558 Yeah. You just said it. 334 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,228 No. No, no, no. It was Barbara. 335 00:15:11,229 --> 00:15:13,597 Barbara just called you Dadushki. 336 00:15:13,598 --> 00:15:14,964 She did? 337 00:15:17,034 --> 00:15:18,802 Papa. 338 00:15:18,803 --> 00:15:22,039 "Papa"? What the hell is that? 339 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,574 Eh, she's not very bright. 340 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:28,145 But thank God she's pretty like her mamas. 341 00:15:35,118 --> 00:15:37,454 Ugh, my gash is itchy. 342 00:15:37,455 --> 00:15:39,756 You should see someone about that. 343 00:15:39,757 --> 00:15:42,392 Ugh! This is one of the least comfortable harnesses 344 00:15:42,393 --> 00:15:44,428 I've ever hung from. 345 00:15:44,429 --> 00:15:47,230 On the upside, it's currently rounding third base. 346 00:15:47,231 --> 00:15:48,565 Jealous! 347 00:15:48,566 --> 00:15:52,035 Oh, Richie! How did you get here? 348 00:15:52,036 --> 00:15:53,737 I thought you had to work. 349 00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:55,372 Not that acting isn't work. 350 00:15:55,373 --> 00:15:58,475 Just act my fellow thespian, Natalie Portman. 351 00:15:58,476 --> 00:16:00,744 You look like a thespian in that shirt. 352 00:16:00,745 --> 00:16:02,879 Funny story: I actually got here 353 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,182 on the None of Your Beeswax Express. 354 00:16:05,183 --> 00:16:06,883 Ha! He did it again. 355 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,651 Turns out it doesn't get old. 356 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:13,123 Okay, zombies. Three minutes till we shoot. 357 00:16:13,124 --> 00:16:15,092 Let me see you wriggle and moan. 358 00:16:15,093 --> 00:16:17,761 Mow, mow, mow, mow. 359 00:16:17,762 --> 00:16:21,031 Bonnie, am I moaning because I am horrified 360 00:16:21,032 --> 00:16:22,799 at what I've become? 361 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,334 Or because I'm in pain from hanging on this meat hook? 362 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,340 She must be going to ask the director. 363 00:16:30,341 --> 00:16:32,274 Here comes Randy. How do I look? 364 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,912 Like a piece of meat. 365 00:16:35,913 --> 00:16:37,012 I'll take it. 366 00:16:38,749 --> 00:16:40,917 You were hilarious in that last scene. 367 00:16:40,918 --> 00:16:43,387 I think everybody's really happy they didn't get Eddie Murphy. 368 00:16:43,388 --> 00:16:45,288 Eddie Murphy? 369 00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,957 I was wondering why I had to play my whole family at dinner. 370 00:16:52,396 --> 00:16:54,898 This is a comedy? 371 00:16:54,899 --> 00:16:57,100 Well, it's a good thing I'm so versatile. 372 00:16:57,101 --> 00:16:59,503 I think I'll make Jill clumsy. 373 00:16:59,504 --> 00:17:02,105 Ugh! Where'd they go? 374 00:17:02,106 --> 00:17:05,342 Yeah, meditation has totally changed me. 375 00:17:05,343 --> 00:17:06,943 I'm not as angry. 376 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:08,410 Hey! Don't look at me! 377 00:17:09,913 --> 00:17:12,516 Yeah, you do seem calmer. 378 00:17:12,517 --> 00:17:14,751 I wonder why they demanded your lawyer be on set. 379 00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:16,753 Dude, when we get back to LA, 380 00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:18,417 there's someone I want to set you up with. 381 00:17:18,418 --> 00:17:20,590 Oh... I need to hear this. Push me. 382 00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:24,161 She's hot. But I'm just not dating anyone 383 00:17:24,162 --> 00:17:25,996 who drives a Prius right now. 384 00:17:25,997 --> 00:17:27,697 I don't know. 385 00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,266 I'm in a weird place right now, 386 00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:31,201 and I don't just mean Texas. 387 00:17:31,202 --> 00:17:33,737 You're not still seeing that girl in New York, are you? 388 00:17:33,738 --> 00:17:36,706 What girl in New York? 389 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,775 Me! 390 00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:40,143 Did your brain get eaten already, 391 00:17:40,144 --> 00:17:42,145 or is Jill just an idiot? 392 00:17:42,146 --> 00:17:43,547 She is just overwhelmed. 393 00:17:43,548 --> 00:17:45,282 She has three kids under the age of five 394 00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:46,515 and car trouble. 395 00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,486 We broke up. 396 00:17:49,487 --> 00:17:50,854 We were Facetiming so much 397 00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:52,789 I felt like I was dating my iPhone. 398 00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:54,810 The other night at dinner, we split an appetizer. 399 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:58,227 Play dead! 400 00:17:59,529 --> 00:18:01,364 Yeah, Max is incredible, 401 00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:04,167 but we're just in different places right now. 402 00:18:04,168 --> 00:18:06,035 - No, you're not. - Shh! 403 00:18:09,372 --> 00:18:11,035 I wish I could say the long distance thing 404 00:18:11,036 --> 00:18:12,242 was gonna be enough for me, 405 00:18:12,243 --> 00:18:14,678 but it wasn't... it wasn't ever gonna be. 406 00:18:14,679 --> 00:18:16,279 It just can't be enough. 407 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,114 Like you with compliments about your hair. 408 00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:21,618 You like it, though, right? 409 00:18:21,619 --> 00:18:25,055 You know, I'm doing everything I can to get over her. 410 00:18:25,056 --> 00:18:27,924 Blocked her on my phone, went to therapy, 411 00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:30,961 watched all 13 seasons of Grey's Anatomy, 412 00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:33,697 then realized I'd only watched 20 minutes of one episode. 413 00:18:33,698 --> 00:18:37,200 So, yes or no on my hair? 414 00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:39,169 It's great. 415 00:18:39,170 --> 00:18:41,771 But I'm not ready to meet that girl with the Prius just yet. 416 00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:46,042 I mean, I'm all for good gas mileage. 417 00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:47,176 Just not yet. 418 00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:51,081 I get it. You're gay now. 419 00:18:51,082 --> 00:18:52,948 I wish! 420 00:19:09,866 --> 00:19:12,269 All right, two minutes, everybody. 421 00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:15,437 Let's do this thing quick, 'cause this movie sucks. 422 00:19:16,973 --> 00:19:18,708 Max, why didn't you say something? 423 00:19:18,709 --> 00:19:20,377 That was your chance. 424 00:19:20,378 --> 00:19:23,880 Ugh, you heard what he said to that fake sheriff. 425 00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,749 The long distance thing isn't enough for him, 426 00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,217 and he needs to move on. 427 00:19:27,218 --> 00:19:29,386 It's only fair that I let him. 428 00:19:29,387 --> 00:19:31,821 Call me stupid for being a romantic 429 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,623 and thinking love could conquer all. 430 00:19:33,624 --> 00:19:34,890 Stupid! 431 00:19:38,862 --> 00:19:40,362 I'm sorry, Max. 432 00:19:42,632 --> 00:19:44,067 What are you doing? 433 00:19:44,068 --> 00:19:46,002 Do you have to pee? 434 00:19:46,003 --> 00:19:47,844 Because I find if you go in your pants a little 435 00:19:47,845 --> 00:19:49,308 and then a little and then a little, 436 00:19:49,309 --> 00:19:50,473 it's not that noticeable. 437 00:19:50,474 --> 00:19:52,142 I was gonna give you a hug. 438 00:19:52,143 --> 00:19:54,243 Mm. All right, bring it in. 439 00:20:00,183 --> 00:20:02,719 Ahh. 440 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,589 - You okay? - No. 441 00:20:05,590 --> 00:20:07,324 My relationship is really over, 442 00:20:07,325 --> 00:20:09,626 and I'm starting to lose feeling in my downstairs. 443 00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:11,328 Yeah. 444 00:20:11,329 --> 00:20:13,964 Ugh. I'm sorry I dragged you across the country. 445 00:20:13,965 --> 00:20:17,934 You didn't drag me anywhere. I wanted to be here with you. 446 00:20:17,935 --> 00:20:19,636 Let's go home, Max. 447 00:20:19,637 --> 00:20:21,171 I'll tell Bonnie we're quitting, 448 00:20:21,172 --> 00:20:23,440 and we'll tell the press it was exhaustion. 449 00:20:23,441 --> 00:20:25,575 No. We're not going anywhere yet. 450 00:20:25,576 --> 00:20:27,439 We came all this way. At least one of us should 451 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,445 get what they want. 452 00:20:28,446 --> 00:20:29,946 You are gonna be in this movie. 453 00:20:29,947 --> 00:20:32,616 Max! 454 00:20:32,617 --> 00:20:35,285 I won't forget about you when I'm big. 455 00:20:35,286 --> 00:20:37,786 I mean, I'll definitely see you less. 456 00:20:39,522 --> 00:20:41,558 What's that? Get rid of the blonde zombie? 457 00:20:41,559 --> 00:20:42,525 Oh, thank God. 458 00:20:42,526 --> 00:20:44,461 What? Why? 459 00:20:44,462 --> 00:20:46,696 Was it my "mow, mow, mow, mow"? 460 00:20:46,697 --> 00:20:50,066 Bonnie, wait. I... I can also write. 461 00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:51,201 Check this line out: 462 00:20:51,202 --> 00:20:53,135 "freezed to meet you." 463 00:20:54,938 --> 00:20:57,507 Cut me down, Bon Bon. You can't split us up. 464 00:20:57,508 --> 00:20:58,707 Believe me. I've tried. 465 00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:12,589 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.