1
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:02,918
All right, we're going from
2
00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:04,382
the condemned building where we work
3
00:00:04,383 --> 00:00:07,216
to the condemned building where we live.
4
00:00:07,473 --> 00:00:09,137
- Do you have a moment for...
- I'm sorry,
5
00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:10,581
I don't speak English.
6
00:00:10,582 --> 00:00:12,658
Max, there's a do-gooder outside
7
00:00:12,659 --> 00:00:14,349
raising money for charity.
8
00:00:14,350 --> 00:00:17,118
Probably something like OCD pandas
9
00:00:17,119 --> 00:00:20,455
or owls that say "whom."
10
00:00:20,456 --> 00:00:22,657
Another one? I miss the days
11
00:00:22,658 --> 00:00:25,026
when you could just walk
outside and your biggest fear
12
00:00:25,027 --> 00:00:27,829
was getting stabbed in the neck.
13
00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:29,631
Okay, no one panic.
14
00:00:29,632 --> 00:00:32,700
Remember, they can't come
inside unless they're invited.
15
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:35,203
Oh, wait. That's vampires and me.
16
00:00:35,204 --> 00:00:37,405
I can't wait around, y'all.
17
00:00:37,406 --> 00:00:40,141
I'm going on a bar
crawl with Lionel Richie
18
00:00:40,142 --> 00:00:43,177
and Lionel, he's all about punctuality.
19
00:00:43,178 --> 00:00:46,214
Otherwise, hello? It's
me he'll be looking for.
20
00:00:46,215 --> 00:00:48,082
- Earl, no!
- Excuse me, sir,
21
00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:50,652
do you have a minute for...
22
00:00:50,653 --> 00:00:52,987
Rest in peace, Earl.
23
00:00:52,988 --> 00:00:55,156
Taken seconds before his time.
24
00:00:55,157 --> 00:00:57,659
Come on, let's go out
through the kitchen.
25
00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,093
There's another one out back!
26
00:00:59,094 --> 00:01:00,828
I threw a garbage can in front of her,
27
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:03,130
but it only made her more cheerful!
28
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,535
Earl, what happened
out there? Is she gone?
29
00:01:07,536 --> 00:01:10,872
Don't worry. Everything's okay.
30
00:01:10,873 --> 00:01:15,209
Unless you are the
North American honey bee.
31
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:17,111
Oh, no, they got to Earl!
32
00:01:17,112 --> 00:01:19,547
Look here: for only $19 a month...
33
00:01:19,548 --> 00:01:20,848
Everybody run.
34
00:01:20,849 --> 00:01:23,284
Or just walk at a moderately fast pace.
35
00:01:23,285 --> 00:01:26,720
No, you see, the American honey
bee needs a little sympathy...
36
00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:30,358
Have a nice day.
37
00:01:34,129 --> 00:01:40,511
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
38
00:01:46,118 --> 00:01:48,290
Mmm, cookies and whiskey.
39
00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:50,525
My favorite after-school snack.
40
00:01:50,526 --> 00:01:52,561
Loving that we turned
your childhood trauma
41
00:01:52,562 --> 00:01:54,363
into a thriving business.
42
00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:57,065
Now if we could just cash
in on your years in juvie.
43
00:01:57,066 --> 00:01:59,067
It'll come to me.
44
00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,536
Ooh, gotta get that.
45
00:02:01,537 --> 00:02:02,571
It's either Randy
46
00:02:02,572 --> 00:02:04,406
or Han clicked "Find my iPad."
47
00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:07,743
Hey, Max. Wanted to call you
48
00:02:07,744 --> 00:02:09,278
before you opened the dessert bar.
49
00:02:09,279 --> 00:02:11,446
You know, while you're
still a little sober.
50
00:02:11,447 --> 00:02:14,883
Hey, Randy! How was the gym?
It was back and bi's, right?
51
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:18,086
Well, you should know,
you set up my iCal.
52
00:02:18,087 --> 00:02:19,830
Hey, Max, did you get
my text about tonight?
53
00:02:19,831 --> 00:02:22,224
No, we didn't get it, did we?
54
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:24,259
Um, I think he just sent it to my phone
55
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,428
since I'm the only one of us dating him.
56
00:02:26,429 --> 00:02:27,996
Let me look.
57
00:02:27,997 --> 00:02:31,566
Abs, abs, pecs, penis... oh, here it is.
58
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:34,269
Yeah, I'd be down for a
face-to-FaceTime movie night.
59
00:02:34,270 --> 00:02:38,307
Ooh, anyone in the mood for
something Brendan Fraser-y?
60
00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,943
Not even Brendan Fraser's parents.
61
00:02:40,944 --> 00:02:42,745
Well, I'm not watching
anything unless someone
62
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,613
gets kicked in the nuts in the trailer.
63
00:02:44,614 --> 00:02:46,415
It can be a woman, I'm open.
64
00:02:46,416 --> 00:02:47,416
Well, I'm not.
65
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,417
You know what?
66
00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,785
I have an idea.
67
00:02:49,786 --> 00:02:51,420
How about I set you up with someone?
68
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,021
I think I have the perfect guy for you.
69
00:02:53,022 --> 00:02:56,692
A gay guy who doesn't mind loud chewing?
70
00:02:56,693 --> 00:03:00,495
Um, I'm sorry my teeth
aren't as soft as yours.
71
00:03:00,496 --> 00:03:02,197
Tyler's an up-and-coming associate
72
00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:03,832
at our New York office.
73
00:03:03,833 --> 00:03:05,867
And I'm pretty sure
he's my Secret Santa.
74
00:03:05,868 --> 00:03:07,469
Don't pity set me up.
75
00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,504
I like to think I'm above that.
76
00:03:09,505 --> 00:03:11,305
But I'm not! I'm in.
77
00:03:12,541 --> 00:03:14,209
Hey, girls.
78
00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:17,711
Raise your hand if you're
super depressed today.
79
00:03:22,351 --> 00:03:23,785
Don't engage.
80
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:24,820
Just ignore him
81
00:03:24,821 --> 00:03:26,455
like he ignores the word "no."
82
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,824
Did someone just say, "Yes"?
83
00:03:28,825 --> 00:03:30,459
Randy, I have to call you back.
84
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,527
There's a sexual predator
that needs my attention.
85
00:03:32,528 --> 00:03:34,129
Hey, Oleg.
86
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:37,566
What's up, R-Dog? Can
I talk to you man-to-man
87
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:38,967
about a pretty serious...
88
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:40,235
Bye, guys!
89
00:03:43,906 --> 00:03:45,140
What?
90
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,575
Sophie wants me to get rid of
91
00:03:46,576 --> 00:03:48,643
my beloved Toyota Yaris.
92
00:03:48,644 --> 00:03:50,579
That car is a part of me.
93
00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:53,148
It is the yin to my wang.
94
00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:56,350
What if we just cement the
door to the diner closed?
95
00:03:57,519 --> 00:03:59,821
Oleg, Han is looking for you, man.
96
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,556
And he's really mad because...
97
00:04:01,557 --> 00:04:03,825
well, that's when I stopped listening.
98
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,394
Sorry, Earl, what'd you say?
99
00:04:05,395 --> 00:04:07,294
I stopped listening
after you said "Han."
100
00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:10,999
We would need a very strong cement.
101
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,033
Like, brick with cement over it.
102
00:04:14,770 --> 00:04:18,673
Oleg, did you really think
you could pass this off as you?
103
00:04:18,674 --> 00:04:21,710
You don't wear glasses.
104
00:04:21,711 --> 00:04:24,145
I thought there was
something different about you.
105
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:29,584
I've never seen people
work so hard at not working.
106
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,720
Hey, everybody!
107
00:04:34,356 --> 00:04:35,757
Take a look at my sweet ride.
108
00:04:35,758 --> 00:04:37,692
It's a minivan.
109
00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:39,528
I've been test driving this bad boy
110
00:04:39,529 --> 00:04:43,131
with this other bad boy all day.
111
00:04:43,132 --> 00:04:45,067
For six hours. We went through
112
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:47,803
every Wendy's drive-thru in Queens.
113
00:04:47,804 --> 00:04:49,538
I wrote "Help me" on a napkin.
114
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,307
But nobody did.
115
00:04:52,308 --> 00:04:55,243
I wanted to see if all seven
of the cup holders worked.
116
00:04:55,244 --> 00:04:59,281
And now we can drink
Diet Coke as a family.
117
00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:03,752
You want me to give up my
sexy Yaris for a minivan?
118
00:05:03,753 --> 00:05:07,255
Why don't I just drive around
in a uterus with wheels?
119
00:05:07,256 --> 00:05:10,125
I'm not asking you to buy a Prius.
120
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:14,429
Oleg, all we have to do
now is sell the Yaris.
121
00:05:14,430 --> 00:05:18,066
Are you allowed to sell evidence?
122
00:05:18,067 --> 00:05:21,002
Okay, Jose, you can
show me how it corners
123
00:05:21,003 --> 00:05:22,504
on the way back to Coney Island.
124
00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:24,439
Then can I please go home?
125
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,142
This guy's hilarious.
126
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:29,443
He's been saying that all day.
127
00:05:36,685 --> 00:05:39,154
Tyler, hi. I'm so sorry we're late.
128
00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:41,690
Someone jumped in
front of our subway car.
129
00:05:41,691 --> 00:05:44,092
I keep telling you to stop doing that.
130
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:47,362
There was a coupon for a
free falafel on the track.
131
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:49,164
You must be Max.
132
00:05:49,165 --> 00:05:51,500
Guilty as charged.
133
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:53,535
But never convicted.
134
00:05:53,536 --> 00:05:55,036
And you must be Caroline.
135
00:05:55,037 --> 00:05:57,339
Wow, you are even prettier
136
00:05:57,340 --> 00:05:59,203
than your Facebook
pictures I definitely wasn't
137
00:05:59,204 --> 00:06:00,709
trolling through.
138
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:02,611
I do what I can with a shadeless lamp
139
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:03,979
and an iPhone 2.
140
00:06:05,515 --> 00:06:06,882
You're waiting for one more?
141
00:06:06,883 --> 00:06:09,550
Uh, nope. My boyfriend's in my purse.
142
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,688
Well, my boyfriend's
a poster of Tom Hardy,
143
00:06:13,689 --> 00:06:16,324
but this is sadder.
144
00:06:16,325 --> 00:06:17,492
Hey, Randy.
145
00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:18,793
You look nice tonight.
146
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:22,230
It's the "hefe" filter.
147
00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:26,501
Are these prices? 'Cause
they're all two numbers.
148
00:06:26,502 --> 00:06:28,403
Don't worry, it's on me.
149
00:06:28,404 --> 00:06:29,671
Can we have a kids menu?
150
00:06:29,672 --> 00:06:31,506
My girl may want noodles and butter.
151
00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:34,042
Oh, does this guy know me or what?
152
00:06:34,043 --> 00:06:37,712
I think you'll really enjoy
the lobster quesadilla.
153
00:06:37,713 --> 00:06:40,081
Oh, I love tapas.
154
00:06:40,082 --> 00:06:42,651
Well, have you ever been to Barcelona?
155
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,753
On the way to Ibiza!
156
00:06:47,823 --> 00:06:49,257
Yeesh.
157
00:06:49,258 --> 00:06:52,594
Remind me to never go to France.
158
00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:54,829
Hey, you mind if I
put a puppy face on you
159
00:06:54,830 --> 00:06:56,364
while we do this?
160
00:06:56,365 --> 00:07:00,202
You haven't yet? I
assumed I had a snout.
161
00:07:00,203 --> 00:07:02,306
All right, let me see what
I'm gonna have for dinner.
162
00:07:02,307 --> 00:07:05,440
Either Cookie Crisp or
Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
163
00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:09,177
You have both? I love dating a rich guy.
164
00:07:09,178 --> 00:07:11,279
Hey, Caroline. You know Tyler spends
165
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,748
his weekends at the soup kitchen?
166
00:07:13,749 --> 00:07:15,417
That is so sweet.
167
00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:17,519
So do we.
168
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:20,922
Best hot dog beans in the city.
169
00:07:20,923 --> 00:07:23,358
We're holding hands.
170
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:25,026
Ooh.
171
00:07:26,629 --> 00:07:28,964
Yeah, I'll just have a roll instead.
172
00:07:30,233 --> 00:07:33,735
Uh-oh. My boyfriend is dying!
173
00:07:33,736 --> 00:07:36,071
Hi, um, he's at 3%.
174
00:07:36,072 --> 00:07:38,974
Can I, uh, plug my date in anywhere?
175
00:07:38,975 --> 00:07:41,142
There's an outlet on
the wall right there.
176
00:07:41,143 --> 00:07:44,112
Huh. Heck yeah.
177
00:07:44,113 --> 00:07:46,581
Scusi.
178
00:07:46,582 --> 00:07:48,984
Ehh.
179
00:07:48,985 --> 00:07:50,485
Hello.
180
00:07:50,486 --> 00:07:54,288
Mind if I put my wine
here while I charge my man?
181
00:07:58,727 --> 00:08:01,463
You guys are so much
cooler than the last couple
182
00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,465
we were on a double date with.
183
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:06,101
Speaking of which, looks
like our third wheel
184
00:08:06,102 --> 00:08:09,170
found a guy to make out with.
185
00:08:09,171 --> 00:08:13,308
Wow, people can be so inappropriate.
186
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:16,244
Ugh!
187
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:19,080
You guys didn't tell me
there was fennel in these!
188
00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,782
I say we just call it a night.
189
00:08:20,783 --> 00:08:23,817
Yeah. Ugh. This was a swing and a miss.
190
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,136
Um, you know you're smiling.
191
00:08:39,137 --> 00:08:41,519
This is about the time
of day you start weeping
192
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,492
and saying "Why me?" at the ceiling.
193
00:08:43,493 --> 00:08:45,327
I am smiling, Max.
194
00:08:45,328 --> 00:08:49,064
Kissing Tyler last night
awoke something in my loins.
195
00:08:49,065 --> 00:08:52,134
Loins? That was out of loin.
196
00:08:52,135 --> 00:08:54,236
And now I need to be aloin.
197
00:08:54,237 --> 00:08:56,405
So do I. Tonight, I'm making Tyler
198
00:08:56,406 --> 00:08:58,407
a romantic dinner in our apartment.
199
00:08:58,408 --> 00:09:01,377
Also, do we have a second plate?
200
00:09:01,378 --> 00:09:04,980
Yes, I keep it in our
limousine, Your Majesty.
201
00:09:04,981 --> 00:09:06,644
And I'll tell you what
I tell you any time
202
00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:09,251
a guy smiles at you and you
start planning your wedding.
203
00:09:09,252 --> 00:09:11,487
I'll have the chicken and the fish.
204
00:09:11,488 --> 00:09:13,055
You've made your order clear.
205
00:09:13,056 --> 00:09:15,991
But this isn't about
that. This is about Stella
206
00:09:15,992 --> 00:09:19,028
getting her groove back.
207
00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:22,031
Maybe it should be about
updating your references.
208
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:23,565
Stella's 90 now.
209
00:09:23,566 --> 00:09:26,602
All she wants back is her mobility.
210
00:09:26,603 --> 00:09:29,038
Max, I haven't had sex in...
211
00:09:29,039 --> 00:09:32,675
You don't have to whisper, girl.
212
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:35,711
We all know it's coming up on two years.
213
00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:37,012
That you hear?
214
00:09:37,013 --> 00:09:38,914
I yelled "Help" into your face
215
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:40,849
for an hour yesterday.
216
00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:43,252
Say what?
217
00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:45,187
Max, I don't want a relationship.
218
00:09:45,188 --> 00:09:50,859
I just wanna break me off
a piece of that Kit Kat bar.
219
00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:52,961
You know, sexually.
220
00:09:52,962 --> 00:09:54,897
Don't drag Kit Kats into this.
221
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,564
Who got Kit Kat?
222
00:09:58,434 --> 00:10:00,969
I hope Tyler knows
"I'm making you dinner"
223
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:03,372
is code for "I'm DTML."
224
00:10:03,373 --> 00:10:05,741
Down to make love.
225
00:10:05,742 --> 00:10:08,210
And I'm down to my last
conversation with you
226
00:10:08,211 --> 00:10:10,245
for saying "making love."
227
00:10:10,246 --> 00:10:11,914
But I'm happy for you, girl.
228
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,818
I'm also happy for Earl,
'cause he had two years
229
00:10:13,819 --> 00:10:16,819
in the "Will Caroline
Ever Have Sex Again?" pool.
230
00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:19,054
- What did you have?
- I wasn't in the pool.
231
00:10:19,055 --> 00:10:21,123
- Aw, thank you.
- I just ran it.
232
00:10:21,124 --> 00:10:23,325
And I will say, seeing you and Tyler
233
00:10:23,326 --> 00:10:25,327
make out in a public
place was kind of a...
234
00:10:25,328 --> 00:10:26,762
- Turn on?
- No.
235
00:10:26,763 --> 00:10:28,346
- Erotic awakening?
- No, it had nothing
236
00:10:28,347 --> 00:10:30,399
to do with you.
237
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,235
It made me realize I haven't
actually laid lips on Randy
238
00:10:33,236 --> 00:10:35,471
since we decided to be
in a relationship again.
239
00:10:35,472 --> 00:10:36,939
So tell him to fly here.
240
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,407
Maybe you can stay at a hotel.
241
00:10:38,408 --> 00:10:39,942
'Cause I may need your bed.
242
00:10:39,943 --> 00:10:41,366
If I put too much pressure on mine,
243
00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:42,745
it flips back into the wall.
244
00:10:42,746 --> 00:10:44,980
Yeah. I do miss him.
245
00:10:44,981 --> 00:10:46,949
And I'm kind of sick of licking my iPad.
246
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:48,984
Know what I mean?
247
00:10:48,985 --> 00:10:51,686
No. That's how long it's been.
248
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:55,990
Hey, everybody!
249
00:11:00,329 --> 00:11:03,665
Ah. Baby Barbara loves that.
250
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:09,304
Oh, we got good news.
251
00:11:09,305 --> 00:11:12,441
And it's not just 'cause the guy
selling the VHS pornos outside
252
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:15,277
asked if we were sisters.
253
00:11:15,278 --> 00:11:17,179
I have some good news, too.
254
00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:19,114
I'm gonna have sex tonight.
255
00:11:19,115 --> 00:11:21,683
If you know what I mean.
256
00:11:21,684 --> 00:11:23,619
Oh, no.
257
00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:25,720
I lost the pool.
258
00:11:26,955 --> 00:11:28,724
Yeah, I said ten years.
259
00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:32,394
And that's only 'cause
"never" was already taken.
260
00:11:32,395 --> 00:11:35,864
Sophie, I haven't been
able to sell the Yaris.
261
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:38,000
Looks like we're gonna
have to keep it forever.
262
00:11:38,001 --> 00:11:39,735
I tried, for only, like an hour.
263
00:11:39,736 --> 00:11:41,170
But I tried.
264
00:11:41,171 --> 00:11:44,039
Oh, Oleg. Yeah, well, the good news is,
265
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:46,175
you don't have to
worry about selling it.
266
00:11:46,176 --> 00:11:47,843
Good, I didn't try.
267
00:11:47,844 --> 00:11:49,845
Ah, 'cause I already sold it!
268
00:11:49,846 --> 00:11:51,180
What?
269
00:11:51,181 --> 00:11:53,048
Oh, no. It's like you've just
270
00:11:53,049 --> 00:11:55,150
taken my manhood from me.
271
00:11:55,151 --> 00:11:57,252
Okay, I can't hold this in any longer.
272
00:11:57,253 --> 00:11:59,354
Who had "never"?
273
00:11:59,355 --> 00:12:01,690
I did.
274
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:03,692
Hey, Sophie, at least tell me
275
00:12:03,693 --> 00:12:08,230
you sold it to a stud who
will carry on my sexual legacy.
276
00:12:08,231 --> 00:12:10,765
Guess who's the owner of a 2008 Yaris?
277
00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:18,073
Oh, this is tougher to take than
the success of a close friend.
278
00:12:18,074 --> 00:12:21,944
Luckily we have my sexcapades
to lift everyone's spirits.
279
00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:25,881
I'm gonna go stick my
Garfield to the back window.
280
00:12:25,882 --> 00:12:28,250
Oh, that car was magic.
281
00:12:28,251 --> 00:12:31,453
And now, the only tail my
Yaris will ever see again
282
00:12:31,454 --> 00:12:34,488
belongs to a lasagna-eating cat!
283
00:12:37,192 --> 00:12:38,694
What did Randy say? Did you tell him
284
00:12:38,695 --> 00:12:41,063
I'm gonna have a horizontal hoedown?
285
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,232
He was on your email blast.
286
00:12:43,233 --> 00:12:44,967
He's coming tomorrow night.
287
00:12:44,968 --> 00:12:47,151
But don't worry, I'll get
out of the apartment tonight.
288
00:12:47,152 --> 00:12:50,372
I'll find a pick-up stick
ball game or something.
289
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:54,409
Okay, now who do I give
my $5 to for the pool?
290
00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:58,046
You know what? I think
I'm gonna hold onto it
291
00:12:58,047 --> 00:13:00,081
till it actually happens.
292
00:13:04,119 --> 00:13:05,821
Ooh, fancy.
293
00:13:05,822 --> 00:13:07,789
You got all the kinds of cheeses.
294
00:13:07,790 --> 00:13:09,291
White, yellow, orange.
295
00:13:09,292 --> 00:13:11,126
Uh-buh-buh! Whatever he doesn't eat
296
00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:13,462
is our lunch for the week.
297
00:13:13,463 --> 00:13:15,931
Well, I'll be back in a few hours.
298
00:13:15,932 --> 00:13:18,100
I'd say break a leg, but
you're so out of practice,
299
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:19,401
you just might.
300
00:13:19,402 --> 00:13:21,503
Thanks, Max. I really need this.
301
00:13:21,504 --> 00:13:23,672
I'll try to text you when it's over.
302
00:13:23,673 --> 00:13:26,074
I'll know when it's over, right?
303
00:13:26,075 --> 00:13:28,110
Yeah, he'll leave immediately.
304
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:34,482
I believe that's my FedSex delivery.
305
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:36,952
Godspeed.
306
00:13:36,953 --> 00:13:38,452
And thank you for your service.
307
00:13:41,924 --> 00:13:43,425
Hey.
308
00:13:43,426 --> 00:13:45,594
Hey.
309
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:46,762
- Hey.
- Hey.
310
00:13:46,763 --> 00:13:49,197
That's enough small talk.
311
00:13:49,198 --> 00:13:52,301
Unbelievable!
312
00:13:52,302 --> 00:13:54,836
Randy just canceled!
313
00:13:54,837 --> 00:13:57,205
He can't leave L.A.
'cause of "work stuff."
314
00:13:57,206 --> 00:14:00,142
And now my phone died, so I
can't Google ways to kill him.
315
00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,344
I'll have to do it from memory.
316
00:14:02,345 --> 00:14:04,646
Ugh, I need to charge this.
317
00:14:04,647 --> 00:14:06,315
Oh, that is so rude of me.
318
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,215
Do you guys need this outlet?
319
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,361
- Olive?
- I'm allergic.
320
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:20,581
It's gone.
321
00:14:20,582 --> 00:14:22,549
So, what's the main course?
322
00:14:22,550 --> 00:14:25,853
Me: the other white meat.
323
00:14:25,854 --> 00:14:28,689
That sounds great, but
maybe some crackers first.
324
00:14:28,690 --> 00:14:31,258
Your text did say, "Come hungry."
325
00:14:31,259 --> 00:14:35,129
And thirsty!
326
00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:37,564
Well, I'm always thirsty,
'cause I'm an alcoholic.
327
00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:40,934
That's so funny.
328
00:14:40,935 --> 00:14:44,304
I don't even care if you're not kidding.
329
00:14:44,305 --> 00:14:45,768
I'm just mad you're not coming.
330
00:14:45,769 --> 00:14:47,207
I'm not yelling!
331
00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:50,010
I am angrily whispering because my phone
332
00:14:50,011 --> 00:14:52,197
still isn't charged, and
Caroline's in the other room
333
00:14:52,198 --> 00:14:54,598
trying to remember how to have sex.
334
00:14:54,599 --> 00:14:56,600
She's kidding.
335
00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:58,602
Nothing's changed, right?
336
00:14:58,603 --> 00:15:01,571
I think there's more choking
now, but it's not my thing.
337
00:15:01,572 --> 00:15:04,608
All right, my phone's at 23%.
338
00:15:04,609 --> 00:15:07,010
I'm gonna go steal a car
and finish charging it.
339
00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:09,446
Okay, see you in the
morning, not before, bye.
340
00:15:10,982 --> 00:15:12,883
It's Randy. I'm not getting it.
341
00:15:12,884 --> 00:15:15,986
Hm, you and me both, sister.
342
00:15:15,987 --> 00:15:17,420
Okay, that should do it.
343
00:15:17,421 --> 00:15:19,122
Good-bye, Randy.
344
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,827
It's Randy.
345
00:15:23,828 --> 00:15:25,328
Don't you dare get it.
346
00:15:25,329 --> 00:15:26,997
Max, please don't threaten my date.
347
00:15:26,998 --> 00:15:28,965
He's not a kid with a McFlurry.
348
00:15:28,966 --> 00:15:31,468
I kinda have to get this.
He's sort of my boss.
349
00:15:31,469 --> 00:15:34,271
And he doesn't know it yet,
but he's my Secret Santa.
350
00:15:34,272 --> 00:15:36,095
I'm warning you, she's
not having sex with you
351
00:15:36,096 --> 00:15:37,040
if you answer that.
352
00:15:37,041 --> 00:15:38,542
Uh, hello!
353
00:15:38,543 --> 00:15:41,044
Who are you trying to punish here?
354
00:15:41,045 --> 00:15:42,548
All right. The phone stopped ringing.
355
00:15:42,549 --> 00:15:44,347
Everybody calm down.
356
00:15:44,348 --> 00:15:47,450
You did not vacuum your bed for nothing.
357
00:15:47,451 --> 00:15:49,019
I mean, you can't be too mad at Randy,
358
00:15:49,020 --> 00:15:51,120
given the situation between you two.
359
00:15:53,957 --> 00:15:55,425
What situation?
360
00:15:55,426 --> 00:15:57,227
- Oh, no.
- Is there a bathroom here?
361
00:15:57,228 --> 00:16:00,130
This whole place is a
bathroom. Start talking.
362
00:16:00,131 --> 00:16:02,365
You know, you choosing your business
363
00:16:02,366 --> 00:16:05,769
over seeing where things
could go with you two.
364
00:16:05,770 --> 00:16:07,137
Kinda.
365
00:16:07,138 --> 00:16:09,573
Am I still talking?
366
00:16:09,574 --> 00:16:11,541
Max, please don't hit
him in his sex parts,
367
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:15,979
which, if I remember
correctly, is in his winkle.
368
00:16:15,980 --> 00:16:17,847
Continue, Tyler.
369
00:16:17,848 --> 00:16:19,516
I'm just saying, what do you expect
370
00:16:19,517 --> 00:16:21,218
from a long-distance relationship?
371
00:16:21,219 --> 00:16:23,282
If he's not moving here
and you're not moving there,
372
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,222
what's the point?
373
00:16:25,223 --> 00:16:28,024
The point is that anything can happen.
374
00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:30,627
And maybe Randy will move
here. And even if he doesn't,
375
00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:32,329
we're gonna have
jetpacks in, like, a year.
376
00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:33,530
Everybody knows that.
377
00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:37,234
It's Randy. I'm not getting it.
378
00:16:37,235 --> 00:16:38,768
Or anything else tonight.
379
00:16:38,769 --> 00:16:40,537
- Gimme that phone.
- Max, no!
380
00:16:40,538 --> 00:16:42,839
I wanna remember what it's
like to be touched on the boob.
381
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:44,874
And not by a guy at LensCrafters
382
00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:47,911
who didn't even work there.
383
00:16:47,912 --> 00:16:49,579
Hello, Randy.
384
00:16:49,580 --> 00:16:51,848
It's the person that,
uh, chose her business
385
00:16:51,849 --> 00:16:54,417
over seeing where things...
what was that, Tyler?
386
00:16:54,418 --> 00:16:57,654
This is exactly how my
parents got divorced.
387
00:16:57,655 --> 00:16:59,588
He wants to talk to you.
388
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:05,629
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, Randy, can't hear you.
389
00:17:05,630 --> 00:17:07,063
I'm going through a tunnel.
390
00:17:07,064 --> 00:17:10,333
I wish.
391
00:17:10,334 --> 00:17:12,669
Are you ever gonna move to New York?
392
00:17:12,670 --> 00:17:14,070
Are you ever gonna move to L.A.?
393
00:17:14,071 --> 00:17:16,006
I asked you first.
394
00:17:16,007 --> 00:17:17,741
Max, do you really wanna do this now?
395
00:17:17,742 --> 00:17:19,676
Yeah, now's not great for me.
396
00:17:19,677 --> 00:17:22,112
Yeah, I do. If I'm not moving there,
397
00:17:22,113 --> 00:17:24,714
and you're not moving
here, what's the point?
398
00:17:24,715 --> 00:17:27,550
So, I guess this is it.
399
00:17:27,551 --> 00:17:29,185
I want a boyfriend I'm not afraid of
400
00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:31,054
dropping in the toilet.
401
00:17:31,055 --> 00:17:33,723
- Oh.
- Yeah.
402
00:17:33,724 --> 00:17:35,492
So this is good-bye.
403
00:17:35,493 --> 00:17:37,460
I guess so. Good-bye.
404
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:43,033
Why?
405
00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:45,335
Why me?
406
00:17:45,336 --> 00:17:48,305
- Should I go?
- No, I will.
407
00:17:48,306 --> 00:17:50,073
Max, you and Randy just broke up.
408
00:17:50,074 --> 00:17:51,808
You can't go.
409
00:17:51,809 --> 00:17:54,911
Unless you really, really want to.
410
00:17:54,912 --> 00:17:56,713
I need to be alone.
411
00:17:56,714 --> 00:17:59,214
Maybe I'll go to a
taping of Carson Daly.
412
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,755
Maybe we should have
done this at my place.
413
00:18:05,756 --> 00:18:07,791
I live with my ex, but she's a lesbian.
414
00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:09,192
Not because of anything I did.
415
00:18:09,193 --> 00:18:10,927
I'm still talking!
416
00:18:10,928 --> 00:18:13,295
Let's let our bodies do it for us.
417
00:18:18,369 --> 00:18:22,138
See, she loves it.
418
00:18:22,139 --> 00:18:23,807
Ah, can you believe
that Oleg still won't
419
00:18:23,808 --> 00:18:25,241
buy the minivan?
420
00:18:25,242 --> 00:18:27,077
Sophie, I'm telling you.
421
00:18:27,078 --> 00:18:30,012
A van with windows? What's the point?
422
00:18:31,748 --> 00:18:34,584
Never had such a hard
time closing the deal.
423
00:18:34,585 --> 00:18:36,786
Yeah, me neither.
424
00:18:36,787 --> 00:18:40,856
Wow, you put out your lunch cheese.
425
00:18:42,125 --> 00:18:44,060
I like this guy for you, Caroline.
426
00:18:44,061 --> 00:18:46,596
You should have sex with him.
427
00:18:46,597 --> 00:18:48,131
Don't love his outfit,
428
00:18:48,132 --> 00:18:49,995
but he's only gonna be
wearing the belt, right?
429
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,002
Did you tell him how long it's been?
430
00:18:53,003 --> 00:18:55,170
I got five bucks riding on this.
431
00:18:58,174 --> 00:19:00,944
Max, you're really upset about Randy.
432
00:19:00,945 --> 00:19:05,482
Usually you high-five me when
we pass a "Rear Entry Only" sign.
433
00:19:05,483 --> 00:19:08,485
After last night, I'm too
upset for sophisticated humor.
434
00:19:08,486 --> 00:19:10,487
I feel like it's my fault.
435
00:19:10,488 --> 00:19:12,989
If you hadn't set me up, none
of this would've happened.
436
00:19:12,990 --> 00:19:15,959
It's not your fault, it's your date...
437
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,762
I wanna say his name is Triscuit.
438
00:19:18,763 --> 00:19:20,163
It was Tyler.
439
00:19:20,164 --> 00:19:21,227
Well, I'm sorry you didn't
440
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,532
get in the bone zone with him.
441
00:19:22,533 --> 00:19:24,968
It's okay. He was a talker.
442
00:19:24,969 --> 00:19:27,470
And if I'm saying that...
443
00:19:27,471 --> 00:19:29,254
And I'm surprised you're
taking this so hard.
444
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,207
You and Randy are more on and off
445
00:19:31,208 --> 00:19:33,843
than a jacket in early fall.
446
00:19:33,844 --> 00:19:35,845
I must be feeling a little better.
447
00:19:35,846 --> 00:19:37,046
"Heavy Load."
448
00:19:43,853 --> 00:19:45,522
Hey, girls.
449
00:19:45,523 --> 00:19:49,726
Guess who just hit a guy
in her brand new minivan?
450
00:19:49,727 --> 00:19:53,363
This thing is so smooth,
we barely even felt it.
451
00:19:53,364 --> 00:19:55,307
Oleg, I thought you said
you'd only get a minivan
452
00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:56,900
over your dead body.
453
00:19:56,901 --> 00:19:59,436
And no offense, but we
all kind of got excited.
454
00:19:59,437 --> 00:20:01,371
Jose failed to mention
that you could fit
455
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:04,207
a full-size mattress back there.
456
00:20:04,208 --> 00:20:06,910
Not a great salesman.
457
00:20:06,911 --> 00:20:09,712
Let's park this thing so
I can show you the inside.
458
00:20:16,820 --> 00:20:18,754
What the hell, man?
459
00:20:21,191 --> 00:20:23,760
We have lit candles in here.
460
00:20:23,761 --> 00:20:25,795
Han's with a girl?
461
00:20:25,796 --> 00:20:29,232
Oh, ho, that is one magic car.
462
00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,301
You know what that means.
463
00:20:31,302 --> 00:20:34,737
Even Han got sex before Caroline.
464
00:20:38,042 --> 00:20:41,277
Who had 32 years for Han in the pool?
465
00:20:41,278 --> 00:20:44,914
Uh, I did.
466
00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,683
He heard that?
467
00:20:46,684 --> 00:20:49,652
Hey, Han, can Caroline
borrow that Yaris sometime?
468
00:20:49,653 --> 00:20:51,186
Real soon?
469
00:20:55,683 --> 00:21:03,283
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