1 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:52,761 [upbeat music playing] 2 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,887 [man] So I said, "If opposing counsel's 3 00:02:17,972 --> 00:02:20,265 "invoking fiduciary liability precedent 4 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:22,142 "under the terms of Landgraf v. Henson, 5 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:25,145 "Your Honor, please, by all means, go ahead, 6 00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:28,606 rescind the plaintiff's de facto petition for injunctive relief. " 7 00:02:28,691 --> 00:02:30,150 [all laughing] 8 00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,735 - It was fun. It was fun. - Yeah. 9 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,486 Excuse me, gentlemen. I'll be right back. 10 00:02:33,571 --> 00:02:36,698 So funny. "Injunctive relief. " That tickled my funny bone. 11 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,327 - What's up, Nick? - [sighs] 12 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:45,081 Fucking sucks dick about Grandma, huh? 13 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:46,249 Yeah. 14 00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,209 Old woman fucking murdered like that. 15 00:02:48,294 --> 00:02:52,047 - Nick, she had cancer. - That's what they want you to think. 16 00:02:52,131 --> 00:02:54,090 She had cancer for ten years. 17 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:57,260 A little too convenient, Jason. 18 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,929 No, it's not... at all. 19 00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,431 We'll never know the truth. 20 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,391 - We absolutely know the truth. - Yeah. 21 00:03:03,476 --> 00:03:05,268 Grandma had cancer for 10 years. 22 00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,395 You don't just die from cancer, Jason! 23 00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,939 It's a conspiracy, man. 24 00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:12,108 Just like 9/11. 25 00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:16,988 Oh, God. For your information, Grandma is not right here. 26 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:19,783 Grandma is gone and she was taken from us, 27 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,577 - we must find the man that did this! - Nick! Stop it! 28 00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:26,748 Ow, man! These are Rockports! Fuck, man! I just got these. 29 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,793 - Calm down... - See you at the crossroads, Grandma. 30 00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:32,962 What are you doing? Are you kidding me? Right now? 31 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,756 Hey, get your shit together! 32 00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:37,884 My dad and my fiancée are literally standing right next to us. 33 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,260 - Beyoncé's here? - No. 34 00:03:39,345 --> 00:03:41,346 Your dad and fiancée are standing next to Beyoncé? 35 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:43,348 - What? No. - Is Jay Z here too? 36 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:44,599 - No. - Is Blue Ivy here? 37 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,101 - Nick. - I'm in the minority. 38 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,645 I think that kid's gonna be hot. 39 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,563 - [inhaling] - What is that? 40 00:03:50,648 --> 00:03:52,065 Hmm? 41 00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:53,400 - What are you doing? - I'm just... 42 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:55,902 - Are you fucking high right now? - No, this isn't... 43 00:03:55,986 --> 00:03:57,404 - You're high as a kite! - It's an e-cigarette. 44 00:03:57,488 --> 00:04:00,323 It's filled with a little weed, but it's an e-cigarette. 45 00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,158 Grow up, man! What are you doing? 46 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,577 "Grow up"? How adult are you? 47 00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,621 What, do you listen to NPR in your Volvo? 48 00:04:06,705 --> 00:04:09,499 You play racquetball competitively against business associates? 49 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,043 - No. No. - You ever go away to a rented house 50 00:04:12,128 --> 00:04:13,795 with other couples and then play Scattergories 51 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,714 - over a bottle of white wine? - Jason. 52 00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:20,510 - [stammers] Uh... - [exhaling] 53 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,680 I just blew a shot at your grandma's memory. 54 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,808 Nick, get it together right now. Lock it up. 55 00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:34,357 I'm not hugging you. 56 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,403 If I hug you, will you stop messing around? 57 00:04:45,244 --> 00:04:47,036 Cropdusted, motherfucker! 58 00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,872 - You just got cropdusted! - Hey! 59 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,707 - You're high now! - Get the fuck away from me! 60 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,208 Now we're both high at Grandma's funeral! 61 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:55,879 We're bonded for life. Uncle Dan, sorry, man. Tough day! 62 00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,297 [folk music playing] 63 00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:22,864 Poor Grandpa... 64 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:47,931 Our first reading is from Deuteronomy 30:19. 65 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:53,311 "This day I call the heavens and the earth 66 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,313 as a witness against you... " 67 00:05:55,481 --> 00:05:56,439 [sighs] 68 00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,149 "... that I have set before you life and death... " 69 00:05:58,234 --> 00:06:00,318 Hey, babe, I found the tie you're going to wear 70 00:06:00,402 --> 00:06:03,196 to the rehearsal brunch Sunday. 71 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,115 Do you like the coral color or the salmon? 72 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,992 [priest] "... that the race is not to the swift... " 73 00:06:08,077 --> 00:06:09,494 [whispers] Either one. 74 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,870 [priest] "... nor the battle to the strong. " 75 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:15,166 Babe, what's wrong? 76 00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,001 Coral or salmon? 77 00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,421 - Well, what do you like? - I mean... I like the coral. 78 00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:23,591 That's what I was going to say, too. 79 00:06:23,676 --> 00:06:25,260 - Okay, cool. Okay. - Okay. 80 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,346 Coral it is! 81 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:31,140 It's going to be a special day. 82 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,768 [priest] "... now choose life, 83 00:06:33,852 --> 00:06:36,896 so that you and your children shall live. " 84 00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,318 Anyway, I'm down in Valdosta right now. 85 00:06:42,403 --> 00:06:43,987 I opened up a fucking pet shop... 86 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:47,156 - Not pet shop, "puppy mill. " - Puppy mill... 87 00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:49,575 You know, designer dogs get a bad name, 88 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,494 but they can go for quite a pretty penny. 89 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,371 - Really? - It's just hard to get them to mate. 90 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,707 - Oh. - Because the little dogs, 91 00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:57,292 they don't wanna fuck the big dogs, 92 00:06:57,376 --> 00:06:59,627 and the big dogs, they don't wanna fuck the little dogs... 93 00:06:59,712 --> 00:07:02,297 So I gotta manually do it, you know. 94 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:04,966 I gotta spread and manually shoot in. 95 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:07,093 - Uh-huh. - So, what's up with you? 96 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,095 - Well, I'm keeping pretty busy... - Cool. 97 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:12,348 - Hey, Diane, how's it going? - Hi, Nick. 98 00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:14,183 - Hey, Nick. - I just don't understand why you have 99 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,811 to drive down to Florida tomorrow already, Dad! 100 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:17,979 We just had the funeral. 101 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,481 Your grandmother and I were there at this time every year. 102 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:21,816 It's what she would have wanted. 103 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:25,695 I'd drive down myself, except they took my license away. 104 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,947 But why does Jason have to be the one to drive you? 105 00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:29,532 He's so busy at work... 106 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,701 Got the wedding coming up next weekend, the rehearsal brunch. 107 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,912 You know, the entire law firm is coming to this. 108 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,247 - It's true, Grandpa. - Jason... 109 00:07:36,332 --> 00:07:37,457 We have a lot of stuff, Meredith and I... 110 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,292 I'll handle it. 111 00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:40,752 [Jason] Go ahead. 112 00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,296 How about Cousin Nick? Huh, Dad? 113 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,381 Why doesn't Nick do it? 114 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:49,093 We got this chocolate lab down at the store that is just so horny, 115 00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:52,430 every time I touch the back of its ear, it just gushes cum. 116 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:55,224 - Uh, okay. - I mean, like a squirting... 117 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,434 Is that your dog? 118 00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:59,812 Nick isn't legally allowed to leave the state of Georgia anymore. 119 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:02,357 I've barely seen this guy since high school. 120 00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:04,108 What's wrong with spending some time with him? 121 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:07,195 Oh, so spending time with family is suddenly important to you now? 122 00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,864 Look, he can come here tomorrow morning for breakfast. 123 00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:11,574 We can drive down to Boca during the day, 124 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,576 maybe play a round of golf or two, 125 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,745 then he'd be back here in Atlanta the next day. 126 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:18,206 He can't just flake off for two days! 127 00:08:18,290 --> 00:08:21,751 The risk versus reward here is just... I don't see it happening. 128 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:25,797 [sighs] It's what she would have wanted, that's all. 129 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:30,510 But if you have to get ready for your wedding, if you're that busy... 130 00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,104 I just don't understand why he wants you to take him. 131 00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,522 You're not even that close. 132 00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,399 Well, we used to be. 133 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:46,150 Grandpa and I got along growing up. 134 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:49,904 We used to build these model trains every Christmas, so I brought him... 135 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,198 Well, it seems like we're cutting it a little close here, you know, 136 00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:55,952 - with the rehearsal brunch on Friday... - I know. I know. 137 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:59,372 And by the way, I can't find any of the Martha's Vineyard vacation photos 138 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:02,125 for the slide show. [sighs] I'm just freaking out. 139 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,710 That's because they're on my laptop, which I've got right here. 140 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,170 So I'll send them to the wedding planner. 141 00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,463 You don't have to worry about anything. 142 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:11,801 Thanks. And your dad says take 75, because 16 takes forever. 143 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,719 Yeah, I know. He's got it all mapped out for me. 144 00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,847 And can you take my car, sweetie? 145 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,224 Uh, I need the SUV for the wine. 146 00:09:27,276 --> 00:09:29,110 [exhales] 147 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,487 [1950s music playing] 148 00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:35,199 Grandpa? 149 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:40,371 Grandpa? 150 00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,933 [man grunting] 151 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,313 Grandpa? 152 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,275 [woman moans] 153 00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:15,239 [couple moaning] 154 00:10:15,324 --> 00:10:17,158 - Hey! You made it! - [screams] 155 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,327 - Give me a minute... - [woman moaning] 156 00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,537 Oh, God! Shit! 157 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,873 [woman on TV] Grab my ass! 158 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,544 - You ready to hit the road? - I'm really sorry, Grandpa. 159 00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:31,380 [stammering] I didn't think you'd be doing that. 160 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,424 Ah, so you caught me taking a number three. 161 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,343 - Big deal, right? - Number three? 162 00:10:35,427 --> 00:10:37,845 Have a drink. 163 00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:40,932 Uh... No. I'm driving, so... 164 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:47,063 I just got to finish up my exercises, and then we'll hop on 16 to 95. 165 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,526 Dad says we should take 75 to 95. It's more direct. 166 00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,152 Dad's full of shit. 167 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:55,780 Grandpa, are you sure you're okay? 168 00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:59,242 Thanks for doing this, by the way. 169 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:02,286 Those fuckheads down at the DMV took my goddamn license away 170 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,746 because of these fucking cataracts in my eye. 171 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,541 But I can still hit the shit out of a golf ball, that's for sure! 172 00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:09,835 I made a tee time for us in Florida for this afternoon. 173 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,046 You can use your grandmother's lady clubs, 174 00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,464 they're right there by the front door. 175 00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:16,050 Okay. 176 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,718 All right, you ready? 177 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,428 I thought the plan was to have breakfast here? 178 00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:22,598 That's your breakfast. Now let's go get in that giant labia you drove up in 179 00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,767 and get the fuck out of here. 180 00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,948 You sure I should be driving with this, Grandpa? 181 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,825 Don't worry, if you spill it, 182 00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:42,702 this giant tampon we're driving in should soak it up. 183 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:54,005 Just finishing a work email 184 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:58,009 for the Steinhart file... 185 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:01,762 So you're a lawyer at your dad's firm now, is that right? 186 00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:04,181 That's right, and Meredith is too. 187 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,475 You know, her dad is one of the managing partners there, so... 188 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,769 - I know, that's... - Yeah. 189 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:11,272 It couldn't have worked out better. 190 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,524 Because it's just that I remember when you were in high school, 191 00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:16,193 you told me how much you wanted to be a photographer, travel the world. 192 00:12:16,278 --> 00:12:17,403 That sort of thing. 193 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,656 You remember when I got you that subscription to Time magazine? 194 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,785 Yeah, I used to be into photography, but, um... 195 00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,954 I mean, with Dad being at the firm, pfft, 196 00:12:27,039 --> 00:12:30,249 it just made so much more sense to focus on a college curriculum 197 00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,709 that stressed the law school track. 198 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,419 I mean, I love what I do, Grandpa. 199 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:36,672 Being a corporate lawyer is awesome, I get to handle SEC compliance... 200 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,133 - No shit! - Yeah. Yeah. 201 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,510 You handle SEC compliance? 202 00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:44,680 - LP agreements. - Oh, man, I didn't know that. 203 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,557 - LLC agreements. - You're shitting me! 204 00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:50,019 Being a corporate lawyer, it's got its upsides. 205 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,605 - You know what I'd rather do? - What? 206 00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:55,358 I'd rather let Queen Latifah shit in my mouth 207 00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,860 from a fucking hot air balloon. 208 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,738 That's me. I'm gonna hit the liquor store over there, 209 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,532 get some more of the creature. Meet you back at the Dildomobile in five. 210 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,869 You're paying the check, Alan Douche-owitz. 211 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,704 [door opens] 212 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,957 Where do I know that guy from? He looks so familiar. 213 00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:14,377 He looks like Abercrombie fucked Fitch. 214 00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,545 Mmm, yeah, while J.Crew J'd-off. 215 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:19,048 Shit! No, you guys, he was... It's so funny. 216 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,343 He was my lab partner in photography class, freshman year. 217 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:25,554 No shit! He's a Florida alum? 218 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,223 Lenore, you can totally finish the trifecta. 219 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,934 Oh, my God, I already have alum, remember? 220 00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,561 I fucked that crying divorced guy, Tony. 221 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,313 - With the big balls. - Right. Yeah. 222 00:13:34,398 --> 00:13:35,564 - In the porta-potty. - Yeah. 223 00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,899 - At the tailgate. - Yeah. 224 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:37,983 I need a professor. 225 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,111 Wait, I'm sorry. What's the trifecta again? 226 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:42,905 It's this thing I read about 227 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:46,075 where in my senior year I have to fuck a freshman, 228 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,368 an alumni, and a professor. 229 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:49,412 - Where did you read that? - In my diary. 230 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,122 Hmm. 231 00:13:51,206 --> 00:13:52,748 - Where I wrote it... - Yeah. 232 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:55,501 He used to take the most beautiful portraits 233 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,461 without using any filters or Photoshop... 234 00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,423 - [Lenore] I've read your diary. - [Shadia] He was amazing. 235 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:01,549 [Bradley] Oh, my God, you did? 236 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:02,758 - Yeah. - [Bradley] Did you like it? 237 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,428 You guys aren't listening. I'm gonna go say hi to him. Okay? 238 00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,471 - Slut... - Cool... 239 00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:10,850 I hope you don't get Tommy Hilfingered. 240 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,436 That was really late, but it still counts. 241 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,479 Just like all my periods... 242 00:14:15,564 --> 00:14:16,564 - Ew. - What? 243 00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,820 Hi. How are you? 244 00:14:22,904 --> 00:14:25,656 Good. Here you go, you can keep the change. 245 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,367 Oh, no, no, no. I'm not... You... 246 00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:32,455 - Uh-huh. - Okay. 247 00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,751 Um... 248 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:39,795 - Guys? Guys, listen to me. - What? 249 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,422 - Let's go. - Bitch, what? 250 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,215 - Shut the fuck up! Go! - Oh, my God! 251 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,053 - You all set? - [door opens] 252 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:50,639 Yeah, I just gave my money to the other waitress, sorry. 253 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,808 There is no other waitress. 254 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:56,729 I'm the only one who's ever worked here. Ever... 255 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:59,315 Shit! The fucking piece of shit car never starts! 256 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,650 Hey! 257 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:02,902 Hey! 258 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:06,655 God, he's like a Mitt Romney Terminator. 259 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,240 Excuse me! 260 00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:11,994 Uh, sorry, my shift is actually over, so... Sorry... 261 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,538 - Oh, no way. - What? 262 00:15:14,623 --> 00:15:16,499 - I know you. - No. 263 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,417 Yeah, I do. You were in my photography class. 264 00:15:18,502 --> 00:15:20,961 You took all those landscapes. Right? 265 00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:24,757 - Shadia. - Yeah. Shadia. 266 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:27,176 Holy shit, you're Shadia? 267 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,886 - Yeah. Shadia. - Shadia. 268 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:31,305 - Jamba! - [exclaims] What the fuck! 269 00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:34,016 Shadia. It means "singer" in Arabic. 270 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,436 Or in ancient Arabic, "al-munshida alati tunadi lel-mei. " 271 00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:40,147 Or, "she whose name calls others to water. " 272 00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,566 - That's actually right. - Uh, Shadia, this is my... 273 00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:45,152 Dr. Richards. I teach history at the University of Georgia. 274 00:15:45,237 --> 00:15:47,029 You're a professor? 275 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,281 Yeah. Why? You looking for some extra credit? 276 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,493 Jason and I are doing a story on the Middle East. 277 00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:54,495 He's a photographer for Time magazine. 278 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:58,541 You know, I lost my virginity at my pop-pop's bingo night. 279 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,708 My name's Lenore. 280 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:04,797 Ah! "The rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore" 281 00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,465 Quoth the Raven, 'Nevermore"' 282 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:12,388 - Diplomaticos, huh? - Hey, you know your cigars. 283 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:13,973 What are you, half Cuban or something? 284 00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:15,808 Actually, I am, professor. 285 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,980 - The bottom half. - Okay. 286 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,064 [Shadia] Okay, yeah, we're heading out. 287 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,232 - Yeah. - Good to see you. 288 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,400 We're going to Daytona Beach for the week. 289 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,902 Oh, my God, and we should have been there three fucking hours ago... 290 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,988 [snapping fingers] ... so let's go, bitches! 291 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:30,990 - Holy shit. - What? 292 00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,576 Nothing. You're just really gay. 293 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:37,162 Oh, am I? Thanks, Captain Gaydar. 294 00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:39,582 Jesus! You know, I'm also black, right? 295 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,584 Yeah, I know. That's funny too. 296 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,044 So you guys wanna tag along for a bit maybe? 297 00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,797 Party some babies into us? 298 00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:48,090 - Absolutely not! - Absolutely not! 299 00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,176 - Why? - We have a very important tee time. 300 00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,344 Of course you do. 301 00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,179 And do you also have to take a nap before you play Mahjong? 302 00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,931 - No, it's shuffleboard. - Shuffleboard. 303 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:56,974 And then early dinner at 4:00. 304 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,310 We have a long-standing bet. Who's the better golfer. 305 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,437 Obviously I've got the bigger 3-wood... 306 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:04,565 Good. Maybe you can use it to hit your balls right into my vagina. 307 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,442 - Holy shit! - Okay, we're going inside now. 308 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,110 - Jesus! - Let's go. That's enough. 309 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,738 - Bye, professor. - Thanks for lunch. 310 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,031 Peace! 311 00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,659 - Nice girl. - Yeah. 312 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,997 [women laughing] 313 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:31,926 Well? How do I look? 314 00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,303 Like the keynote speaker at a butt-fucking convention. 315 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,596 - What? - What? 316 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,389 - What? - What? 317 00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:40,434 We're gonna write in the first hole, it's an easy par-4. 318 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,728 - No, no, no, no. Hey... - Jump in. 319 00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:45,230 - This is against the rules, Grandpa. - Fuck the rules. Jump in. Come on. 320 00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:48,484 Not to mention, a breach in golf etiquette. 321 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,319 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! 322 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,820 - Whoa! Hey! - Out of my way, butt-fuckers! 323 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:53,322 Really? What are you doing? 324 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,199 We gotta get this guy to his butt-fucking convention. 325 00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:57,576 [man] What are you trying to do, man? What was that all about? 326 00:17:57,661 --> 00:18:00,454 Hey. Now there's a million-dollar swing! 327 00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:02,206 [chuckling] I'm sorry! Um... 328 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:06,418 You can go in front of us if you want to. We are not very good. 329 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:09,588 No, it's a good cut, you're just not bending your knees enough. 330 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,548 I'm a licensed golf pro. You mind if I show you? 331 00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:13,842 Yes, please. 332 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:16,595 Maybe bend over a little bit... Here. 333 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,514 That feels about right, doesn't it? 334 00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,642 Hands on my shaft... The shaft. 335 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,811 Let me just get my finger in there. 336 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:27,356 One, two, three... Oh! 337 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,818 Oh, my God! Did you see that? Thank you! 338 00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,528 How long have you been teaching golf? 339 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,822 Ever since I retired from being an astronaut. 340 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:38,826 It's nice to see some heavenly bodies around here too. 341 00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:42,371 Hey, Grandpa, don't you think we should probably start golfing soon... 342 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,707 - What the fuck? - Wanna be a lamb and get that for me? 343 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:47,710 - Did he just call you "Grandpa"? - Who, Pepe? 344 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,045 He's a retard. Got it pretty bad, too. 345 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,047 He thinks I'm his grandpa. 346 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,717 He usually sits at home just drawing dolphins all day. 347 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,468 We used to let him out on his own, 348 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:59,680 but the raping got so bad that we just... 349 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,517 Got it. 350 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,852 - You guys want a refill? - [woman] Sure. 351 00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:07,646 - Absolutely! - BRB! 352 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,482 [sighs] I'm sorry about my grandpa. 353 00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,568 He's, um... He's not doing too well. 354 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:15,404 My grandma just passed and the funeral was yesterday. 355 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,364 [women] Oh... 356 00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:20,409 I'm actually a lawyer, not a retard. 357 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:25,164 I handle of lot of important issues. SEC compliance, 358 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:30,085 LLC agreements. LP agreements. That sort of stuff. 359 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,464 Yeah, um, well, I think we're gonna get going. 360 00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:36,925 - Nice to meet you, Pepe. - Nice... 361 00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:41,555 Fuck! 362 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,474 Whoa, whoa, whoa! What happened? 363 00:19:43,558 --> 00:19:45,434 Why are they going? What did you do? 364 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,602 What? I told them the truth. 365 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,353 I told them that I'm getting married next week, 366 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:51,190 and you're not well because your wife just died. 367 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:53,192 What are you, fucking vagina repellent? 368 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:54,401 Those cougars wanted to party! 369 00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:55,903 - They wanted to party? - Yes! 370 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,112 Do you hear yourself? 371 00:19:57,197 --> 00:19:58,947 Grandpa, are you kidding me right now? Grandma... 372 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,074 I'm trying to listen to myself. 373 00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:03,118 Grandma's funeral was yesterday! Now you wanna hit on college girls? 374 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,788 [stammers] You're jerking off to porn? 375 00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:08,373 - What's wrong with you? - Jason, I want to fuck! 376 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:09,708 Oh, my God... 377 00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,795 For the first time in 40 years I'm single and I want to fuck. 378 00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,004 - [groans] - I want to fuck 379 00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,464 until my dick falls off. 380 00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,717 I want to fuck a horse and I wanna drink its blood! 381 00:20:18,802 --> 00:20:19,802 I'm gonna throw up. 382 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:23,597 I was faithful to your grandmother every day for 40 years, 383 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:26,016 even through the menopause, even through the cancer. 384 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:29,228 She was the love of my life. I'll miss her every goddamn day. 385 00:20:29,312 --> 00:20:33,482 But she told me on her deathbed, "You get back out there again. " 386 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,984 I haven't had sex in 15 years, Jason, 387 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,986 and I want to fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! 388 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:39,279 Oh, so that's what this is all about? 389 00:20:39,364 --> 00:20:41,698 This whole thing. You didn't want to be with me. 390 00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,158 You wanted me to drive you down to Boca 391 00:20:43,243 --> 00:20:44,493 so I could be your fucking wingman? 392 00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:45,619 Well, obviously I made a bad decision 393 00:20:45,703 --> 00:20:47,371 because you're nothing but a cock-blocking machine. 394 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,082 I don't know what you are. You're like the Israeli Iron Dome defense system, 395 00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,750 but with vaginas instead of missiles. 396 00:20:51,835 --> 00:20:53,127 - What? - You're like some sort of 397 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:56,338 cock-blocking Terminator sent back from the future to cock-block humans. 398 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,756 - Oh! - The robots should have sent you 399 00:20:57,841 --> 00:20:59,174 instead of Arnold Schwarzenegger, 400 00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,510 you could have cock-blocked John Connor's parents 401 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,679 - and he would never have been born! - Shut up, Grandpa! 402 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,097 - Shut up! - What got into you? 403 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,265 I remember you in high school, 404 00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:08,350 you were ripping people's dicks off on the football field, 405 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,060 talking about traveling the world! 406 00:21:10,145 --> 00:21:12,229 Now you're pushing some papers at a fucking law firm 407 00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,814 and probably peeing sitting down. 408 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,607 Grandpa, I don't know what you thought this weekend was going to be about, 409 00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:20,696 but I came here for one reason, to get you to Boca. That's it. 410 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:22,865 - Fine. - Now can I please play some golf? 411 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,324 - Fucking golf. - Okay. 412 00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:25,951 Cocky McBlockerson. 413 00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,667 What the fuck? 414 00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:38,088 Bam! 415 00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,300 Who does your taxes? H&R Cock-block? 416 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,219 Stop it. 417 00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:50,434 Bam! 418 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:52,603 Are you still Jenny from the cock-block? 419 00:21:52,687 --> 00:21:55,147 What the fuck! What is your obsession with my ass? 420 00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:57,983 - [cell phone buzzing] - Your vibrator's on. 421 00:21:59,402 --> 00:22:01,403 You can't get into it anyway because you don't know my code. 422 00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:04,364 Looks like your grandpa remembered your birthday! 423 00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:06,700 - What? Give me that! - We're going to fucking Daytona. 424 00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:09,995 We're not going to Daytona, 425 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:13,165 because I've got the keys to the golf cart. 426 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,253 What are you doing? 427 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,546 - Hey. - [engine starting] 428 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:22,591 - How'd you do that? - Coming or staying, Jack Dicklaus? 429 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,551 - Grandpa? - Hurry up, Bubba Twatson. 430 00:22:24,636 --> 00:22:26,595 - Grandpa, stop. - Gary Player-with-my-balls. 431 00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,679 Stop the cart! 432 00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,264 Fred Couples-of-big-dicks-in-your-ass. 433 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:32,601 - Oh, my God. Grandpa! Stop! - Michelle Wies-all-over-my-face. 434 00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:35,103 [Latin pop music playing] 435 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:53,705 - [horns honking] - [people whooping] 436 00:22:53,790 --> 00:22:55,916 [Grandpa] Now, this is what I'm fucking talking about. 437 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:57,960 This is so fucked up. 438 00:22:58,044 --> 00:23:00,712 Calm down, you'll get to hang out with that gypsy girl you like. 439 00:23:00,797 --> 00:23:02,798 - I don't like her. - Oh, yes, you do. 440 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:05,550 That's why you didn't deny being a photographer for Time magazine. 441 00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:08,637 You can hang out with her, I can have vaginal sex with Lenore. 442 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:11,473 It all works out! We can even go visit my old army buddy, Stinky. 443 00:23:11,557 --> 00:23:13,642 Stinky? [sighs] 444 00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,727 Which tiki bar are they in? 445 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:18,313 - [cell phone ringing] - Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. 446 00:23:18,398 --> 00:23:19,856 - What's that? - It's Meredith. 447 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:21,775 - Please, I've got to answer that. - Ah, tell her to fuck off. 448 00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:22,859 Grandpa! 449 00:23:22,944 --> 00:23:25,445 I'm just gonna check the testosterone levels on your phone first. 450 00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:26,822 Grandpa, give me my phone now! 451 00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:28,490 Just as I thought. Pretty low. 452 00:23:28,574 --> 00:23:30,492 This is Meredith calling... Shit! 453 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,120 Now, look what you did, you dropped it in the car's vagina. 454 00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:35,038 God damn it, I have to put it on speaker. 455 00:23:35,123 --> 00:23:37,582 - Don't say anything. - I will not say a word. 456 00:23:37,667 --> 00:23:40,002 - [exhales] - Ballbags! 457 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:42,671 Hey! Who was that? 458 00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,464 No one. We're in a restaurant. Sorry. 459 00:23:44,549 --> 00:23:45,549 [mimicking] "Who's that?" 460 00:23:45,633 --> 00:23:48,927 - What's up? - Okay... Well, I really want them 461 00:23:49,012 --> 00:23:50,262 to post our wedding announcement 462 00:23:50,346 --> 00:23:53,432 on the New York Times website before our rehearsal brunch Friday, 463 00:23:53,516 --> 00:23:55,309 so I just wanted to run your section back to you. 464 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,436 Yeah, you know, now's really not a good time... 465 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,272 Jason? Can we just do this please? 466 00:24:00,356 --> 00:24:02,691 [mimicking] "Can we do this now?" 467 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:07,863 - "Jason Richard Kelly, son of... " - Doctor Smegma Von BoxMunchers. " 468 00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:12,868 "David and Brooke, is a junior associate at the law firm of... " 469 00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:16,705 - "Cream pie fart and donkey punch!" - Okay, who is that? 470 00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,208 It's no one. It's a waiter with pretty bad Tourette's, I think... 471 00:24:20,293 --> 00:24:21,543 [hip-hop music blaring] 472 00:24:21,627 --> 00:24:24,379 He just keeps walking by yelling weird shit, I don't know why... 473 00:24:24,464 --> 00:24:27,090 [Meredith] Okay, well, what restaurant are you at? 474 00:24:27,175 --> 00:24:29,384 - I can barely even hear you now. - We're at Chuck E. Cheese's... 475 00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:32,512 [grunting] Daytona fucking Beach! 476 00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:35,515 Daytona fucking Beach! You're right, buddy! 477 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,185 - You're in Daytona Beach? - Uh... 478 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:40,479 Listen, we're just driving through Daytona Beach. 479 00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:42,439 - We're en route to Grandpa's... - Jason! 480 00:24:42,523 --> 00:24:43,899 I don't know why you're there, 481 00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:46,735 but you'd better call me from your grandfather's house 482 00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:49,237 - when you get there tonight, okay? - Of course, baby. 483 00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:51,114 - [line disconnects] - I love you so much... 484 00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,200 - Fuck! - Marriage is hard. 485 00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,659 What'd the hot college girls text back? 486 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,745 - [cell phone chimes] - Grandpa, what are you texting them? 487 00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,080 - I just texted them. - What are you texting them? 488 00:24:58,164 --> 00:24:59,915 "We'll meet you on the beach. " 489 00:24:59,999 --> 00:25:03,502 Yeah, and I added the emoji with the wink and the tongue out. 490 00:25:03,669 --> 00:25:05,629 [Jason] I'm not kidding, Grandpa. 491 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:08,340 You realize that if I don't call her from your house in Boca tonight, 492 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:09,966 I'm fucked, man, I'm fucked. 493 00:25:10,051 --> 00:25:13,261 Jesus. Sounds like you're marrying your fucking parole officer. 494 00:25:13,346 --> 00:25:15,847 It's just Meredith. It's the way she is, man. 495 00:25:15,932 --> 00:25:20,185 She just gets, like, anxious when she doesn't know exactly where I am. 496 00:25:20,269 --> 00:25:22,479 Don't panic. It's organic. 497 00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:24,606 Yeah, I know. Couples get in fights all the time. 498 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,109 But it's different with Meredith. She takes it to another level, man, 499 00:25:27,193 --> 00:25:29,611 and I'm telling you, if I don't call her from your house in Boca, I'm screwed. 500 00:25:29,695 --> 00:25:31,905 Well, ain't nobody got time for that. 501 00:25:31,989 --> 00:25:34,366 Yeah, I know. Clearly. 502 00:25:34,450 --> 00:25:36,952 Which is why I don't understand how we got so far off schedule. 503 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:39,496 Oh... Sometimes life is just a fart zone, 504 00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:41,289 and you enter at your own risk. 505 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:46,044 Have you been reading shit off the shot glasses and the shirts in here 506 00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:47,963 and just saying it like it's wisdom? 507 00:25:48,047 --> 00:25:49,631 I was seriously trying to talk to you, man. 508 00:25:49,715 --> 00:25:51,258 Do you realize the stakes here? 509 00:25:51,342 --> 00:25:53,343 - You're ridiculous! - Smile. 510 00:25:53,428 --> 00:25:56,012 You've had a phone this entire fucking time? 511 00:25:56,097 --> 00:25:57,514 What else don't I know about you? 512 00:25:57,598 --> 00:25:59,641 How the hell do you know how to speak Arabic? 513 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:01,476 Dad's never said anything about that. 514 00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:03,645 That's because your dad doesn't really know much about me. 515 00:26:03,729 --> 00:26:05,814 I was away with the army during most of his childhood. 516 00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:10,110 - So we were never that close. - Is that why he doesn't like you? 517 00:26:13,906 --> 00:26:15,407 Anybody work here? 518 00:26:15,491 --> 00:26:17,451 Okay, everybody on the fucking floor! 519 00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:22,456 This is a goddamn robbery! On the fucking ground! 520 00:26:22,540 --> 00:26:24,541 [laughing] 521 00:26:24,625 --> 00:26:27,502 Oh, my God, you should see your faces! 522 00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:30,005 I just went out to grab lunch and a new horse mask. 523 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:32,883 I left mine at the beach the other day. Whoo! 524 00:26:32,967 --> 00:26:35,719 I thought you were gonna shit your pants, little guy. 525 00:26:35,803 --> 00:26:39,473 - Gun's real though. - What the fuck, man! 526 00:26:39,557 --> 00:26:41,892 Relax, this is Florida. 527 00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:43,935 Everything's a licensed gun range. 528 00:26:44,103 --> 00:26:46,021 You just shot through a wall, man! 529 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,564 - Hey... - There's pedestrians outside! 530 00:26:47,648 --> 00:26:51,610 Yeah, again, it's Florida! These people don't matter. 531 00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:55,238 - What? - So? Welcome to Tam Pam Surf Slam. 532 00:26:55,323 --> 00:26:57,365 What can I do for you gentlemen? I'm Pam. 533 00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,409 - You're Pam? - Yeah. It's a nickname. 534 00:26:59,494 --> 00:27:01,119 Real name's Pamela. 535 00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:06,208 Hey, no, guys! Absolutely not! 536 00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:12,214 I will not ever sell you drugs out of this establishment! 537 00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:13,757 We didn't ask you to sell us drugs. 538 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:15,550 Okay, cool. You're not cops. 539 00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:20,263 In which case, welcome to drugs! 540 00:27:20,348 --> 00:27:22,265 - Oh, my God. - Now, I'm pretty cool, 541 00:27:22,350 --> 00:27:24,392 so I only sell the stuff that occurs naturally. 542 00:27:24,477 --> 00:27:26,937 So I got weed, I got mushrooms, I got meth. 543 00:27:27,021 --> 00:27:28,396 - Meth? - Yeah. 544 00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:29,439 How is that natural? 545 00:27:29,523 --> 00:27:31,775 Well, it occurs naturally in my cousin's basement in Baltimore, 546 00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:34,236 if you know what I mean. [laughs] 547 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:39,074 Okay, fine, drugs aren't your thing. Got it. Message received. 548 00:27:39,158 --> 00:27:43,203 In which case, listen, we got a great local charity here. Pam's Kids. 549 00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:45,789 - What's Pam's Kids? - It's my kids. 550 00:27:45,873 --> 00:27:47,958 I got four kids by six different women. 551 00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,043 I know, the numbers don't add up. 552 00:27:50,127 --> 00:27:52,754 Most of 'em are pretty developmentally disabled. 553 00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:55,048 One of 'em you gotta push around in a weird chair. 554 00:27:55,132 --> 00:27:59,135 Heyo! Now that is the generosity of the human spirit, 555 00:27:59,220 --> 00:28:02,013 and I appreciate that. Some of this money's gonna feed my kids, 556 00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:04,349 some of it's gonna get me a blowjob by a toothless whore 557 00:28:04,433 --> 00:28:06,184 behind a Dumpster down at the McDonald's. 558 00:28:07,436 --> 00:28:10,105 [hip-hop music playing] 559 00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:37,799 - Hey. - Hey. 560 00:28:37,883 --> 00:28:39,092 Hi, professor. 561 00:28:39,176 --> 00:28:41,303 Well, there's the prettiest little girl on the beach. 562 00:28:41,387 --> 00:28:43,722 - Thank you. - I was actually talking to him. 563 00:28:43,806 --> 00:28:47,726 Yup! Immediately offensive. I'm going back to the hotel. 564 00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:50,395 Just try not to join the cast of Rent on the way back! 565 00:28:50,479 --> 00:28:51,521 [groans] 566 00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:54,649 So we got the professor, you got the millionaire. 567 00:28:54,734 --> 00:28:56,943 How's the rest of the Gilligan's Island cast? 568 00:28:57,028 --> 00:28:58,111 We're good. 569 00:28:58,195 --> 00:28:59,487 - Yeah? - Yeah, everyone's good. 570 00:28:59,572 --> 00:29:01,197 - Well, that's good. - Copacetic on the island. 571 00:29:01,282 --> 00:29:02,282 [laughs] 572 00:29:02,366 --> 00:29:03,575 How are those washed-out pictures you're taking 573 00:29:03,659 --> 00:29:05,160 because you still have the lighting optimizer on? 574 00:29:05,244 --> 00:29:06,661 They're not... Where is that? 575 00:29:06,746 --> 00:29:11,333 Actually, it's really hypersensitive on the new 60D model. 576 00:29:11,417 --> 00:29:12,500 So you have to... 577 00:29:12,585 --> 00:29:14,127 - Wait. What is that? - [Shadia] Okay, nope. 578 00:29:14,211 --> 00:29:16,421 - What are you doing? - Give it back, Malibu Ken. 579 00:29:16,505 --> 00:29:17,672 - No... - What? 580 00:29:17,757 --> 00:29:19,966 You did it. You turned into one of those people. 581 00:29:20,051 --> 00:29:23,470 I turned into one of those people that gives a shit about something? 582 00:29:23,554 --> 00:29:24,929 Are you gonna chain yourself to a polar bear? 583 00:29:25,014 --> 00:29:28,266 Only if you let me borrow... What is this, a beach sweater? 584 00:29:28,351 --> 00:29:31,144 - Yeah. - What, did you just come from skiing? 585 00:29:31,228 --> 00:29:34,856 Yeah, I skied in, just to see you save the world. 586 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:38,693 - One Jell-O shot at a time. - High-five! 587 00:29:38,778 --> 00:29:40,612 You want me to do your back? 588 00:29:40,696 --> 00:29:42,697 Only if you promise to do my front first. 589 00:29:42,782 --> 00:29:44,282 Gladly. 590 00:29:44,367 --> 00:29:47,202 Oh. Whoops! 591 00:29:47,286 --> 00:29:49,120 That never usually happens. 592 00:29:49,205 --> 00:29:51,039 Really? It happens to me all the time. 593 00:29:51,123 --> 00:29:53,708 [laughing] Well, guess who just took a shit in the water? 594 00:29:53,793 --> 00:29:55,585 [man] We've been looking for you bitches all day. 595 00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:59,047 - Where the fuck have you been? - Uh, our car broke down in Orlando. 596 00:29:59,131 --> 00:30:00,673 Do you ever look at your cell phone? 597 00:30:00,758 --> 00:30:03,301 Awesome. Who are these cunt punches? 598 00:30:03,386 --> 00:30:06,304 These are our friends that we met on the way down. 599 00:30:06,389 --> 00:30:09,224 - Yeah. - That's Cody and Brah. 600 00:30:09,308 --> 00:30:11,309 They're on the lacrosse team at Florida. 601 00:30:11,394 --> 00:30:13,895 - This guy plays lacrosse? - All-conference, brah! 602 00:30:13,979 --> 00:30:16,064 Yeah? Which one, the fucking Diabetes Conference? 603 00:30:16,148 --> 00:30:18,233 [laughing] 604 00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:20,276 All right, we're about to boat race a bunch of those fucks 605 00:30:20,361 --> 00:30:22,821 from the University of Georgia up in the room. So... 606 00:30:22,905 --> 00:30:24,739 Oh, my God! University of Georgia! 607 00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:27,325 - No way! You're a Hornet? - Afraid so. 608 00:30:27,410 --> 00:30:32,163 Well, you guys should get in there then, Edward Jizzumhands. 609 00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:34,124 Well, thank you. We will. 610 00:30:34,208 --> 00:30:37,168 Good, that's great. I'll see you up there. 611 00:30:37,253 --> 00:30:40,588 Oh, good. Well, you say we'll be there and on time. 612 00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:43,341 - Sweet. I will. - Yeah. Yeah, let's do that. 613 00:30:43,426 --> 00:30:44,717 - No, we should. - Let's do it now. 614 00:30:44,802 --> 00:30:46,469 - Yeah, I'll see you up there. - What... 615 00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:51,099 Come to the hotel. By the pool. Georgia sucks! 616 00:30:51,183 --> 00:30:54,769 Can we please just go? They've got boyfriends. 617 00:30:54,854 --> 00:30:57,063 Those meatdick fucks? They're not their boyfriends. 618 00:30:57,148 --> 00:30:58,773 They're just seniors, 619 00:30:58,858 --> 00:31:00,817 and they're all just terrified and speed-fucking each other 620 00:31:00,901 --> 00:31:03,111 before the ship goes down. Didn't you ever go on Spring Break? 621 00:31:03,195 --> 00:31:06,448 No, I didn't go to Spring Break, 'cause I was studying for law school. 622 00:31:06,532 --> 00:31:08,992 Besides, I can't chug alcohol anymore like I used to, Grandpa. 623 00:31:09,076 --> 00:31:11,119 I've developed, like, a gag reflex. 624 00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,704 - A gag reflex? - Yeah. 625 00:31:12,788 --> 00:31:15,457 You're chugging a beer, not taking down a horse cock, Jason. 626 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:17,167 Come on. 627 00:31:17,293 --> 00:31:19,627 - [hip-hop music playing] - [crowd cheering] 628 00:31:27,178 --> 00:31:30,013 - Go Hornets! - Go Hornets, yeah... 629 00:31:30,097 --> 00:31:32,098 Hey, you know, one in three of these girls has herpes. 630 00:31:32,183 --> 00:31:33,641 Even if you can't see it. 631 00:31:33,726 --> 00:31:35,435 Oh, Jesus. Nut the fuck up. 632 00:31:35,519 --> 00:31:37,896 It's just a college party, you nance. Chill! 633 00:31:37,980 --> 00:31:40,023 Hey, here they are. 634 00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:43,151 I'm gonna get some beers. What about you, twinkle toes? 635 00:31:43,235 --> 00:31:45,987 You want some of dat drank? Some of dat purple drank? 636 00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:50,533 Some of dat purple-ass muthafuckin' pimp-dick drank? 637 00:31:50,618 --> 00:31:54,245 Who the fuck are you? 638 00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:59,667 It's a pretty rockin' party. 639 00:31:59,752 --> 00:32:01,503 Whoo. 640 00:32:01,587 --> 00:32:05,173 Who let the dogs out? Am I right? 641 00:32:18,729 --> 00:32:21,940 Sir, before we start, would you prefer if we gave you a spritzer to chug? 642 00:32:22,024 --> 00:32:23,983 - Ah... - Maybe a Pinot Noir? 643 00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:32,116 You're going down, old man. Nobody chugs like me. 644 00:32:32,201 --> 00:32:35,328 I bet. You've been chugging Brah's cum for years. 645 00:32:35,412 --> 00:32:37,914 [crowd cheering] 646 00:32:37,998 --> 00:32:39,624 Let's go. 647 00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:42,961 [triumphant classical music playing] 648 00:32:43,045 --> 00:32:45,171 [crowd chanting] Chug! 649 00:32:45,256 --> 00:32:48,049 Chug! Chug! 650 00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:49,842 Chug! 651 00:32:49,927 --> 00:32:55,390 Go! Go! Chug! 652 00:33:02,189 --> 00:33:05,441 [inaudible] 653 00:33:52,364 --> 00:33:53,990 It's actually kind of fun. 654 00:33:54,908 --> 00:33:57,785 [alarm blaring] 655 00:33:57,870 --> 00:34:03,958 Yeah, I'm not really, you know, for sure... 656 00:34:04,043 --> 00:34:05,793 - ... per say... - [groaning] 657 00:34:05,878 --> 00:34:07,712 ...what we're doing after graduation. 658 00:34:07,796 --> 00:34:09,922 I mean, 659 00:34:10,007 --> 00:34:12,050 - we have offers to play... - Blah, blah, blah... 660 00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:13,718 ...professional lacrosse in Europe, 661 00:34:13,802 --> 00:34:16,220 - but a bunch of agents - Words, words, words... 662 00:34:16,305 --> 00:34:18,056 also want us to start modeling, so... 663 00:34:18,140 --> 00:34:20,808 And again, we're talking about this fat fuck right here? 664 00:34:20,893 --> 00:34:25,313 You guys... Uh, you have to come see this right now. 665 00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,774 [Latin pop music playing] 666 00:34:41,789 --> 00:34:43,039 [crowd cheering] 667 00:34:43,123 --> 00:34:45,041 All right, our team won! 668 00:34:45,125 --> 00:34:49,003 Let's celebrate by buying local drugs 669 00:34:49,088 --> 00:34:52,674 from a reputable, local drug dealer. 670 00:34:52,758 --> 00:34:55,510 Hey, what are you doing here? 671 00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:57,011 I'm selling drugs, man. 672 00:34:57,096 --> 00:34:58,763 I'm trying to put my kid through preschool. 673 00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:01,516 [laughing] How honest is that! 674 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,894 Touching my face a lot, bro. Touching my face a whole lot, man. 675 00:35:04,978 --> 00:35:07,021 Why don't you take some of this. This'll mellow you out. 676 00:35:07,106 --> 00:35:09,190 - What is it? - E-cig, bro. 677 00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,651 - "E" is for "Weed"! - [laughs] 678 00:35:11,735 --> 00:35:15,321 - Sure, why not? - [inhaling] 679 00:35:15,406 --> 00:35:20,243 Yeah, ooh, that's a big... That's a big one. 680 00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:23,121 - Oh! - [coughing] 681 00:35:23,205 --> 00:35:25,248 - [laughing] - Whoo! 682 00:35:25,332 --> 00:35:28,418 Just be glad you didn't smoke this, man. This is crack! 683 00:35:28,502 --> 00:35:30,253 - What? - Oh, yeah! 684 00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:33,297 This one... Oh, wait a minute... 685 00:35:33,382 --> 00:35:37,218 Maybe that one's crack and this one's weed. 686 00:35:37,302 --> 00:35:39,887 Hang on. What'd you do now, Pam? 687 00:35:39,972 --> 00:35:42,890 Fuck. Hold on. Which one's crack? 688 00:35:42,975 --> 00:35:47,228 Okay. I got this. Don't freak out. 689 00:35:47,312 --> 00:35:49,689 Sorry to worry you, man. You're not gonna believe this. 690 00:35:49,773 --> 00:35:52,859 - They're both crack. - What? 691 00:35:52,943 --> 00:35:56,904 And you have taken an amount that will probably kill you in about 30 minutes. 692 00:35:56,989 --> 00:36:00,700 - I just smoked crack? - Yeah. But just, like, a lot. 693 00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:02,994 I just smoked crack. 694 00:36:05,998 --> 00:36:07,915 I just smoked crack! 695 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,419 [all cheering] 696 00:36:11,503 --> 00:36:14,088 [all chanting] USA! USA! 697 00:36:14,173 --> 00:36:16,799 USA! USA! 698 00:36:16,884 --> 00:36:20,595 - Told you. - [chanting continues] 699 00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:24,056 He's fine. He's just a little drunk. 700 00:36:24,141 --> 00:36:27,518 - [all cheering] - Whoo! 701 00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:31,564 Everybody loves crack! 702 00:36:31,648 --> 00:36:34,859 Bee loves crack. Bee loves some crack. 703 00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:37,111 We should probably go help him. 704 00:36:37,196 --> 00:36:40,948 [mimicking buzzing] 705 00:36:41,033 --> 00:36:43,785 Sting? You're stung! 706 00:36:43,869 --> 00:36:45,328 [camera clicks] 707 00:36:45,412 --> 00:36:47,663 Oh, shit, I just found my queen. 708 00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:50,249 All right. [grunts] 709 00:36:50,334 --> 00:36:54,295 - Okay, let's help him. - [mimicking gorilla] 710 00:36:54,379 --> 00:36:56,380 [Shadia] Excuse me. Jason! 711 00:36:56,465 --> 00:36:59,634 - [whooping] - [crowd cheering] 712 00:36:59,718 --> 00:37:01,344 - Hey, Jason. - [Shadia] Jason. 713 00:37:01,428 --> 00:37:03,471 [grunting] 714 00:37:03,555 --> 00:37:05,181 - Jason. - Jason. 715 00:37:05,265 --> 00:37:09,227 Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. 716 00:37:09,311 --> 00:37:13,564 [motorcycle engine starts] 717 00:37:13,649 --> 00:37:15,566 I'm gonna live forever! 718 00:37:22,032 --> 00:37:24,200 [woman] Party on! 719 00:37:27,162 --> 00:37:30,665 [cell phone ringing] 720 00:37:33,669 --> 00:37:35,586 [gasps] 721 00:37:38,423 --> 00:37:39,882 Oh, shit! 722 00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:41,843 [panting] 723 00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:44,178 One, two, three... 724 00:37:44,263 --> 00:37:46,848 - Hello? - Where the fuck have you been? 725 00:37:46,932 --> 00:37:51,018 Uh... we got to Grandpa's a little bit later than we thought last night, 726 00:37:51,103 --> 00:37:54,230 and my phone charger wasn't working. 727 00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:55,565 Well, you know we missed the deadline 728 00:37:55,649 --> 00:37:57,692 for our wedding announcement to be in the Times. 729 00:37:57,776 --> 00:37:59,861 Where are you? Are you close? 730 00:37:59,945 --> 00:38:04,365 Um... Listen, Grandpa got really upset last night. 731 00:38:04,449 --> 00:38:08,911 So I'm just getting a little bit of a late jump here. 732 00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:10,746 I want to show you the bouquets for the bridesmaids. 733 00:38:10,831 --> 00:38:12,039 So switch to FaceTime, okay? 734 00:38:12,124 --> 00:38:15,459 Shit! Baby, the reception at Grandpa's isn't very good... 735 00:38:15,544 --> 00:38:18,880 - Jason, just fucking do it! - Okay, one second. Switching over. 736 00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,799 Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! 737 00:38:21,884 --> 00:38:23,885 Is that sand on your face? 738 00:38:23,969 --> 00:38:26,888 It's just sawdust because I was helping Grandpa in the garage, so... 739 00:38:26,972 --> 00:38:29,891 I naturally got the dust of the saw on the face. 740 00:38:29,975 --> 00:38:32,351 - Hi, honey. - Jason. 741 00:38:32,436 --> 00:38:37,231 - Mom? Dad? - Is that writing on your face? 742 00:38:37,316 --> 00:38:41,235 Oh! I was working on my vows late last night and... 743 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:42,820 Hmm... 744 00:38:42,905 --> 00:38:46,782 And I fell asleep and I got some pen on my face, so... 745 00:38:46,867 --> 00:38:49,160 Yeah, that must be the exact thing that happened. 746 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:52,038 [David] Yeah, Meredith called us because she hadn't heard from you all night. 747 00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:54,415 We got the rabbi here to work on the vows. 748 00:38:55,584 --> 00:38:59,795 - Boker tov, Jason. - Hey. Shalom. 749 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:02,840 No, Jason, really... What is on your forehead? 750 00:39:02,924 --> 00:39:06,927 It's a swastika of penises. 751 00:39:07,012 --> 00:39:08,387 No, that's not what it is. 752 00:39:08,472 --> 00:39:11,974 Acting as a pinwheel of ejaculate... 753 00:39:12,059 --> 00:39:14,644 No, no, no, it's a FaceTime effect. 754 00:39:14,728 --> 00:39:16,103 All the kids are using them these days. 755 00:39:16,396 --> 00:39:18,022 There's a Hanukkah one. See? 756 00:39:20,025 --> 00:39:22,985 I don't like that one as much as the swastika full of dicks. 757 00:39:23,070 --> 00:39:26,364 [rabbi] Okay, let's discuss the wedding vows. 758 00:39:26,448 --> 00:39:29,575 Jason, why don't you begin by telling us all 759 00:39:29,660 --> 00:39:32,078 what it is you like about Meredith. 760 00:39:32,162 --> 00:39:35,414 [stammers] Yeah, where do I start? She's... 761 00:39:35,499 --> 00:39:38,793 - Hello. - Uh... 762 00:39:38,877 --> 00:39:42,421 - Hello, buzzy bee. - What? 763 00:39:42,589 --> 00:39:45,007 If you can't think of anything, lean into them looks, dawg. 764 00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:47,009 Can I touch buzzy bee? 765 00:39:47,094 --> 00:39:48,636 I've loved her for... No, you can't touch buzzy bee! 766 00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:52,807 Um... I love the way that she, um... 767 00:39:52,891 --> 00:39:56,477 What are you doing? Stop it! Go away! 768 00:39:56,561 --> 00:39:58,646 You're getting me in... Fuck, go away! 769 00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:00,356 - [boy] Your buzzy bee looks so fluffy! - What did he say? 770 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,651 - I just don't know where to start. - [child] Let me touch buzzy bee! 771 00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,319 - You can't have the bee! - What? 772 00:40:05,404 --> 00:40:06,987 I want to stroke the bee! 773 00:40:07,072 --> 00:40:08,322 [Jason] You can't stroke the bee! Okay? 774 00:40:09,783 --> 00:40:11,701 - [boy] I want to kiss buzzy bee! - [Jason] You can't kiss the bee! 775 00:40:11,785 --> 00:40:13,327 I love the way that she kisses. 776 00:40:13,412 --> 00:40:15,496 - Ow! Kid! - [man] Hey! 777 00:40:15,580 --> 00:40:17,164 - [Jason] Oh, my God... - [man] Hey! 778 00:40:17,249 --> 00:40:18,207 - Fucking pervert! - Oh, no. 779 00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:20,835 I got to go right now. I'm sorry. I love you. Bye! 780 00:40:20,919 --> 00:40:22,837 No, no, no! Jason! Jason! 781 00:40:22,921 --> 00:40:25,256 Come on. I told you to stay with us. 782 00:40:26,758 --> 00:40:29,385 - He let me stroke it. - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 783 00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:31,303 Hold on! He's talking about a pee... A bee. 784 00:40:31,388 --> 00:40:34,515 - A little stuffed bee. - What bee? 785 00:40:34,599 --> 00:40:35,850 There was a bee here, man! 786 00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:38,519 It was so soft. He let me kiss it. 787 00:40:38,603 --> 00:40:40,771 No, I did not let you kiss it! What are you talking about? 788 00:40:40,856 --> 00:40:42,732 - He did not even... Ahh! - You're fucking dead! 789 00:40:42,816 --> 00:40:44,692 Dad, that was cool! 790 00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:48,446 - [sirens wailing] - Oh, shit! 791 00:41:12,179 --> 00:41:15,055 Could I have some pants? Please... 792 00:41:15,140 --> 00:41:19,393 Oh, Jesus Christ, I'm so sorry. Of course. 793 00:41:19,478 --> 00:41:22,730 Yeah, absolutely. 794 00:41:22,814 --> 00:41:26,317 You want khakis or sweatpants? 795 00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:29,445 - Khakis, please. - What brand? You like Dockers? 796 00:41:29,529 --> 00:41:32,281 - Yeah. - Yeah, okay. All right. 797 00:41:32,365 --> 00:41:36,452 You're like a 30... 798 00:41:36,536 --> 00:41:38,245 Yeah, 30 is fine. 799 00:41:38,330 --> 00:41:40,539 What I wouldn't give to fit in a 30. 800 00:41:40,624 --> 00:41:44,835 Maybe 20 years ago, you know? When I was seven years old. 801 00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,505 Yeah... all right. 802 00:41:47,589 --> 00:41:49,757 Also I'm gonna step out and get some lunch. 803 00:41:49,841 --> 00:41:50,925 Do you want a sandwich? 804 00:41:51,009 --> 00:41:53,677 I would love a sandwich. 805 00:41:53,762 --> 00:41:56,180 - Ham? Turkey? - Turkey? 806 00:41:56,264 --> 00:41:59,475 Turkey. That's so funny, because I'm a turkey guy myself. 807 00:41:59,559 --> 00:42:01,894 - You know. - Thank you so much. 808 00:42:01,978 --> 00:42:03,687 Okay, absolutely. You want mayo on that? 809 00:42:03,772 --> 00:42:05,523 - Uh, no thank you, no. - Okay. 810 00:42:05,607 --> 00:42:07,608 - Extra veggies. - Extra veggies? 811 00:42:07,692 --> 00:42:09,610 - Yes, please. - You got it. Absolutely. 812 00:42:09,694 --> 00:42:10,778 - And... - Salt and vinegar. 813 00:42:10,862 --> 00:42:13,572 - You want salt and vinegar as well? - Yeah, thank you. 814 00:42:13,657 --> 00:42:15,658 You gotta watch that sodium. 815 00:42:15,742 --> 00:42:17,368 That's what drives your blood pressure up, 816 00:42:17,452 --> 00:42:19,245 and blood pressure is a silent killer. 817 00:42:19,329 --> 00:42:22,456 All right, turkey, okay... all right. 818 00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:24,917 Yeah. And, uh, finally, 819 00:42:25,001 --> 00:42:29,255 do you want to be sodomized by a man with the mental age of seven 820 00:42:29,339 --> 00:42:30,881 who calls himself Ping-Pong, 821 00:42:30,966 --> 00:42:34,969 or do you want to be shivved by, uh, the same guy? 822 00:42:35,053 --> 00:42:39,557 Just let me know what time works for you, 'cause you're in fucking jail. 823 00:42:41,142 --> 00:42:44,019 [toilet flushing] 824 00:42:44,104 --> 00:42:47,356 All right. Gary, I'm all done. It's late. 825 00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,860 - I gotta go open the store, buddy. - I know, but you tried to sell peyote 826 00:42:50,944 --> 00:42:55,322 - to middle schoolers. - What? Come on. It's me. Pam! 827 00:42:55,407 --> 00:42:59,285 Don't be a dick. Come on! I just had watery diarrhea, 828 00:42:59,369 --> 00:43:01,912 I want to get out of here. It stinks. 829 00:43:01,997 --> 00:43:04,331 It does stink. 830 00:43:04,416 --> 00:43:06,000 All right, let's get you out of there. 831 00:43:06,084 --> 00:43:10,045 All right! Whoo! I don't like being in a cage. 832 00:43:10,130 --> 00:43:12,548 You're letting him out? He's the one that sold drugs. 833 00:43:12,632 --> 00:43:15,342 - Why are you letting him out? - Hey, man! Not cool! 834 00:43:15,427 --> 00:43:17,553 That's a real dick move, throwing me under the bus. 835 00:43:17,637 --> 00:43:19,013 What the fuck are you talking about? 836 00:43:19,097 --> 00:43:20,848 You're the one that sold drugs last night! 837 00:43:20,932 --> 00:43:24,602 - Hey, guy, snitches get stitches! - All right. 838 00:43:24,686 --> 00:43:26,562 So why don't you shut your fucking mouth, bro. 839 00:43:26,646 --> 00:43:30,482 Yeah. Snitches get stitches, my friend. 840 00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:33,068 My name's Pam. [laughs] 841 00:43:33,153 --> 00:43:35,446 - All right. - You're incorrigible. 842 00:43:35,530 --> 00:43:38,365 - Hey, how are you, Finch? - How you doing? Good to see you. 843 00:43:38,450 --> 00:43:40,993 - Finchy! Finch! - Hey! You got it. 844 00:43:41,077 --> 00:43:43,162 Must beautiful woman on the police force, right here. 845 00:43:43,246 --> 00:43:45,998 - Jeez! - The only woman, but- 846 00:43:46,082 --> 00:43:47,333 - Here's the deal. - What's up? 847 00:43:47,417 --> 00:43:50,753 I came in here with a bag of drugs, I'm not gonna lie to you. 848 00:43:50,837 --> 00:43:53,547 I can't leave without it. 849 00:43:53,632 --> 00:43:55,549 - Can you guys hook me up there? - Yep- 850 00:43:55,634 --> 00:43:57,426 - Ooh! Gary! - These yours? 851 00:43:57,510 --> 00:44:00,220 - Yeah. Thanks, Gare-Bear. - Oh! Nice catch. 852 00:44:00,305 --> 00:44:03,307 [Pam] Hey, right? Please remember, next Tuesday is the election. 853 00:44:03,391 --> 00:44:05,559 Vote for me for mayor. I'm gonna win this year. 854 00:44:05,644 --> 00:44:07,770 - I'm gonna beat that goat. - You got my vote. 855 00:44:07,854 --> 00:44:11,565 - [laughs] - Pam! Pam! 856 00:44:11,650 --> 00:44:14,652 - [Finch] He is just a good one. - He is just a number one... 857 00:44:14,736 --> 00:44:17,696 - Lover and a fighter. - Okay, listen. 858 00:44:17,781 --> 00:44:21,909 Guys, I really respect the job you guys do. 859 00:44:21,993 --> 00:44:24,203 I'm being completely honest, from the bottom of my heart, 860 00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:27,206 I look up to you. I fight for the law. 861 00:44:27,290 --> 00:44:28,415 Thank you, no one ever says that to us. 862 00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:30,042 - Ever. - That's what I wanted to do 863 00:44:30,126 --> 00:44:31,251 when I was a kid. 864 00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:32,920 Like, I wanted to do what you guys do. 865 00:44:33,004 --> 00:44:36,715 Mostly people just call us pigs and throw bags of fast food at us. 866 00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:38,759 - Yeah. - I'm incredibly sorry 867 00:44:38,843 --> 00:44:40,302 for all this confusion, but listen to me, please. 868 00:44:40,387 --> 00:44:43,263 I have to let you know, I am a lawyer. 869 00:44:43,348 --> 00:44:47,101 - Whoa! You're a lawyer? - I am, yeah. I'm actually a lawyer. 870 00:44:47,185 --> 00:44:49,812 Whoa! You don't look like a lawyer. 871 00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:52,272 Yeah. Yeah, I handle, like, uh, corporate stuff. 872 00:44:52,357 --> 00:44:56,235 Like, uh... like LLC agreements, 873 00:44:56,319 --> 00:44:57,319 - LP agreements... - You lost me. 874 00:44:57,404 --> 00:45:00,447 - I don't even know what that means. - I mean, like, you... 875 00:45:00,532 --> 00:45:02,074 - ... you don't look Jewish. - No. 876 00:45:02,158 --> 00:45:04,618 - Which is weird. - It's actually pretty funny. 877 00:45:04,703 --> 00:45:07,538 - [laughing] - There you go... 878 00:45:07,622 --> 00:45:11,125 That is funny! It is so weird! 879 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:12,793 - It's darkly ironic. - It really is. 880 00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,129 Yes, exactly. Dark irony. 881 00:45:15,213 --> 00:45:18,549 I thought you had to be, like, at least 80 to be a lawyer. 882 00:45:18,633 --> 00:45:21,051 - Like, it's a lot of school, right? - Yeah. 883 00:45:21,136 --> 00:45:23,595 It's... it's, uh... it's a lot of school. 884 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:27,433 The bar... something I took and passed. 885 00:45:27,517 --> 00:45:29,935 It's not something I stand behind. 886 00:45:30,103 --> 00:45:34,064 - [chuckles] - Yeah. I'm not on this side, typically, 887 00:45:34,149 --> 00:45:37,484 and I just, uh, I just... I know my rights, 888 00:45:37,569 --> 00:45:38,819 and I would love my phone call. 889 00:45:38,903 --> 00:45:40,154 - Objection. - Overruled. 890 00:45:40,238 --> 00:45:42,906 - Permission to approach the bench? - Denied! 891 00:45:42,991 --> 00:45:45,659 - What? - It's easy to be a lawyer. 892 00:45:45,744 --> 00:45:48,871 - It's so easy. - I would love my phone call. 893 00:45:48,955 --> 00:45:52,499 - [mimicking] - Okay. I know my rights. 894 00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:54,960 - I want my phone call. - [babbling] Give me my phone call! 895 00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:57,713 - I should have a phone call! - This is my First Amendment right. 896 00:45:57,797 --> 00:46:01,008 [mimicking] My first, page one, number one amendment 897 00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:03,343 - says that I have a telephone! - I get a phone call. 898 00:46:03,553 --> 00:46:06,597 - This is my First Amendment right. - I'm guaranteed a phone call. 899 00:46:07,807 --> 00:46:09,892 - I don't sound like that. - [mimicking] Yeah? 900 00:46:09,976 --> 00:46:12,019 - What do you sound like then? - Not like that. 901 00:46:12,103 --> 00:46:15,481 - I don't even sound like that. - [mimicking, babbling] 902 00:46:15,565 --> 00:46:18,066 - Give me my phone call. - [mimicking] Oh, please, let me 903 00:46:18,151 --> 00:46:19,902 - have my phone call. - [moaning] 904 00:46:19,986 --> 00:46:22,529 I'm an American and I'm fucking guaranteed- 905 00:46:22,614 --> 00:46:24,406 - [mimicking] - I am an American... 906 00:46:24,491 --> 00:46:26,366 - [mimicking] - I am guaranteed a phone call. 907 00:46:26,451 --> 00:46:29,912 [strained voice] My right to have a phone call! 908 00:46:31,456 --> 00:46:35,125 I just said I'm an American, and I'm guaranteed a phone call. 909 00:46:35,210 --> 00:46:37,461 - Hm. Well, now he's getting demanding. - Yeah. 910 00:46:37,545 --> 00:46:40,172 - We better give him his phone call. - Better give him his phone call. 911 00:46:40,256 --> 00:46:44,051 Guys, come on. Come on, please. [stammers] Why are we doing this? 912 00:46:44,135 --> 00:46:45,886 This is your phone right here, right? 913 00:46:45,970 --> 00:46:49,056 - That is my phone, yes. - Well, you know what? 914 00:46:49,140 --> 00:46:52,059 We get to make one phone call on your phone. 915 00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:53,685 That's where you're a little bit mixed up. 916 00:46:53,770 --> 00:46:55,562 Yeah, hopefully, you're not out of "framily" minutes. 917 00:46:55,647 --> 00:46:57,898 - No, no, no. - Get a free Uber ride on that. 918 00:46:57,982 --> 00:46:59,399 - Go ahead. - Take us out to lunch. 919 00:46:59,484 --> 00:47:02,903 You know what? We're gonna be kind and set you up with a Tinder account. 920 00:47:02,987 --> 00:47:05,322 - How about Grindr? What about, uh... - Look at this! 921 00:47:05,406 --> 00:47:07,658 - Jefe, is that how you pronounce that? - Yeah, how about Jefe. 922 00:47:07,742 --> 00:47:10,077 Yeah, huh? A little alone time with Jefe? 923 00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:13,664 He'd like some light conversation and heavy petting, 924 00:47:13,748 --> 00:47:15,457 - flirting, flirtations. - He looks thick and lonely. 925 00:47:15,542 --> 00:47:18,836 [Finch] You will meet him at eight. You'll bring wine coolers. 926 00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:24,550 - And... children's condoms. - [laughs] 927 00:47:24,634 --> 00:47:27,386 - Just gonna take a little picture. - Snatch-chat. 928 00:47:27,470 --> 00:47:29,346 - Yeah, a little Snatch-chat. - Please don't do that with my phone. 929 00:47:29,430 --> 00:47:30,722 Hope you got a wide-angle lens on that. 930 00:47:30,807 --> 00:47:33,600 - Oh! Wow. - [phone rings] 931 00:47:33,685 --> 00:47:35,853 [chuckles] Kidding. 932 00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:41,567 Somebody just posted his bail. Get that pervert some pants. 933 00:47:41,651 --> 00:47:43,277 [Finch] All right. 934 00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,112 These were a couple pair of pants 935 00:47:45,196 --> 00:47:49,575 from murder victims from a 1990s orgy gone bad. 936 00:47:49,659 --> 00:47:53,370 We got semen-stained or blood-stained. 937 00:47:53,454 --> 00:47:56,039 Take your pick. What's it gonna be? 938 00:47:57,166 --> 00:47:59,376 - Blood. - Semen it is. 939 00:48:01,796 --> 00:48:04,631 - Hey, there he is. - No. 940 00:48:04,716 --> 00:48:06,300 Don't even fucking talk to me. 941 00:48:06,384 --> 00:48:11,096 I know things got a little chaotic, but I'm so close with Lenore... 942 00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:12,848 What the fuck is wrong with you? 943 00:48:12,932 --> 00:48:15,225 I'm about to get fucking married, Grandpa! 944 00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:19,146 In one week! To a Jewish girl! And I just woke up in fucking jail 945 00:48:19,230 --> 00:48:24,818 with a bunch of penises on my forehead in the shape of a swastika! 946 00:48:24,902 --> 00:48:27,279 Could call it a swasticock. 947 00:48:27,447 --> 00:48:30,490 - What? - It's a play on words. 948 00:48:30,575 --> 00:48:32,075 Oh, it's a play on words. 949 00:48:33,411 --> 00:48:35,245 A play on words. 950 00:48:36,539 --> 00:48:37,956 Play on these words. 951 00:48:38,041 --> 00:48:41,793 I'm dropping you off at your old army vet buddy's house, 952 00:48:41,878 --> 00:48:43,670 he's gonna drive you to fucking Boca. 953 00:48:43,755 --> 00:48:45,881 Because I'm fucking done with you. 954 00:48:49,135 --> 00:48:52,596 - What the fuck are you looking at? - I can't help staring at your tits. 955 00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,558 - Pow! - What the fuck is wrong with you? 956 00:49:01,189 --> 00:49:03,357 You know, Stinky had more confirmed kills 957 00:49:03,441 --> 00:49:07,361 than anyone in our platoon back in 'Nam? 118. 958 00:49:07,445 --> 00:49:08,528 Shut the fuck up. 959 00:49:10,948 --> 00:49:13,950 - What is this place? - I don't know. Or care. 960 00:49:14,035 --> 00:49:15,243 At least just come in with me. 961 00:49:15,328 --> 00:49:17,204 Let's make sure it's the right house. 962 00:49:17,288 --> 00:49:19,122 After you. 963 00:49:19,207 --> 00:49:21,291 Grandson of the year. 964 00:49:21,376 --> 00:49:24,169 Your grandmother's ashes are in there. 965 00:49:26,673 --> 00:49:28,632 She's in a coffin. Fuck you! 966 00:49:31,010 --> 00:49:34,054 Oh, well, better late than never. 967 00:49:34,138 --> 00:49:36,556 Yeah! Fuck them up, ALF! 968 00:49:36,641 --> 00:49:38,392 Motherfucker! 969 00:49:38,476 --> 00:49:40,519 Stinky? 970 00:49:40,603 --> 00:49:43,480 What the fuck are you doing here, Dick? 971 00:49:44,482 --> 00:49:46,483 Oh, this? 972 00:49:46,567 --> 00:49:49,111 This is liver failure. 973 00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:55,075 - Who's the lesbian? - That's my grandson, Jason. 974 00:49:55,159 --> 00:49:59,162 Yeah? Is he here to scissor with me? 975 00:49:59,247 --> 00:50:00,914 Okay, that's just offensive to lesbians. 976 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:04,418 I am very sorry, K.D. Lang. 977 00:50:04,502 --> 00:50:06,420 Time for Bingo! 978 00:50:06,504 --> 00:50:08,922 Come on. Stinky, we got to get you the fuck out of here. 979 00:50:09,006 --> 00:50:12,676 - Come on, let's go. - I have one fucking month left, Dick! 980 00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,637 I don't want you to remember me like this, man. 981 00:50:15,721 --> 00:50:18,432 I want you to remember me as a warrior. 982 00:50:18,516 --> 00:50:21,435 - Please. Leave me be. - But, Stinky... 983 00:50:21,519 --> 00:50:23,603 No, no, no... Just let me finish, Dick. 984 00:50:23,688 --> 00:50:29,443 Leave me your beautiful lesbian grandson so he can blowjob me to death. 985 00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:35,866 It's all over for me, Dick. 986 00:50:35,950 --> 00:50:40,787 You know, all I wanna do is play Bingo. 987 00:50:40,872 --> 00:50:42,372 Go. 988 00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:45,709 [nurse] All ready? 989 00:50:49,005 --> 00:50:51,548 Bingo! [laughing] 990 00:50:57,555 --> 00:51:00,849 I'm sorry about your friend, Grandpa. 991 00:51:00,933 --> 00:51:02,851 So it comes to this. 992 00:51:04,187 --> 00:51:07,564 Even before you die, you just stop living, 993 00:51:07,648 --> 00:51:10,734 and it's all one fucked-up facsimile of the real thing. 994 00:51:16,574 --> 00:51:19,117 - We have to go back. - [sighs] 995 00:51:19,202 --> 00:51:20,785 Yeah. I know. 996 00:51:22,079 --> 00:51:25,665 - I'll drive us home. - Not Atlanta. Daytona. 997 00:51:27,585 --> 00:51:29,503 - What? - I have to fuck that girl, Jason. 998 00:51:29,587 --> 00:51:32,214 - Jesus, Grandpa! - I do. I have to fuck her. 999 00:51:32,298 --> 00:51:35,091 Grandpa, you're just depressed. 1000 00:51:35,176 --> 00:51:37,177 You're confused right now because of Grandma. 1001 00:51:37,261 --> 00:51:39,429 Grandma wanted me to do this. 1002 00:51:39,514 --> 00:51:41,681 - What? - Yeah. She said when she died, 1003 00:51:41,766 --> 00:51:44,643 she wanted me to move on and live my life the way I wanted to, 1004 00:51:44,727 --> 00:51:46,186 and right now, you know what I want to do? 1005 00:51:46,270 --> 00:51:48,480 I want to get my dick sucked by that fucking college girl! 1006 00:51:48,564 --> 00:51:50,524 What is that going to do for you? 1007 00:51:50,608 --> 00:51:52,275 Is that going to make you feel young again? 1008 00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,111 - Yeah! Yeah, what's wrong with that? - Yeah? 1009 00:51:55,196 --> 00:51:57,572 Feeling young again? What do I have? 1010 00:51:57,657 --> 00:51:59,491 A dead wife, dying friends. 1011 00:51:59,575 --> 00:52:01,701 A few fucking good years left if I'm lucky. 1012 00:52:01,786 --> 00:52:05,539 And you know what? It fucking freaks me out! 1013 00:52:05,623 --> 00:52:07,207 Yeah. 1014 00:52:08,793 --> 00:52:12,087 Look, I don't expect you to understand. You're young. 1015 00:52:12,171 --> 00:52:15,465 You have a long, long time before you have to look into that abyss. 1016 00:52:15,550 --> 00:52:19,594 But the way I see it, having sex with that girl is my last stand. 1017 00:52:19,679 --> 00:52:22,055 And I can't do it without you. 1018 00:52:22,139 --> 00:52:28,436 So I'm asking you. Please, Jason, just stay one more day so I can do this. 1019 00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:30,730 Please. 1020 00:52:33,985 --> 00:52:35,277 [sighs] 1021 00:52:35,486 --> 00:52:39,531 Okay, Daytona Beach! Who's ready for a Flex Off! 1022 00:52:39,615 --> 00:52:44,411 I'm talking about dudes getting on stage, getting ripped! 1023 00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:46,871 Yeah! 1024 00:52:46,956 --> 00:52:48,957 Yes, I'll be home tomorrow. I promise. 1025 00:52:49,041 --> 00:52:51,001 - [cell phone buzzing] - And I know... Yes, 1026 00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:52,919 I know the dinner is important to the firm... 1027 00:52:53,004 --> 00:52:56,756 Hold on, I'm getting another call. It might be Meredith. Okay? Bye. 1028 00:52:56,841 --> 00:52:58,383 - Hello? - [Dick] Hey, it's me. 1029 00:52:58,467 --> 00:53:00,135 Someone just stuck their thumb up my ass. 1030 00:53:00,219 --> 00:53:01,928 What? 1031 00:53:02,013 --> 00:53:04,431 Yeah, I was just standing right there, talking on the phone, 1032 00:53:04,515 --> 00:53:07,517 and someone came right up behind me and stuck their thumb up my ass. 1033 00:53:07,602 --> 00:53:09,686 - Did you see who it was... - Jamba! 1034 00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:11,771 Ow! Fuck! Stop doing that! 1035 00:53:11,856 --> 00:53:14,065 - How'd it go on the home front? - How do you think? 1036 00:53:14,150 --> 00:53:16,276 Come on. Let's go. 1037 00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,612 Come on. 1038 00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:21,573 Top Gun in the house! 1039 00:53:21,657 --> 00:53:25,619 We got Maverick! We got Fat Goose! 1040 00:53:25,703 --> 00:53:28,622 Do we have a challenger? 1041 00:53:28,706 --> 00:53:31,625 - Right here! Right here! - These two! She wants to! 1042 00:53:31,709 --> 00:53:33,293 - These two. - Pick her! 1043 00:53:33,377 --> 00:53:35,295 Who will accept this challenge? 1044 00:53:35,379 --> 00:53:38,131 You go up there, I'll let you do whatever you want to me tonight. 1045 00:53:38,215 --> 00:53:40,300 - All right, I'm doing it. - All right! 1046 00:53:40,384 --> 00:53:41,843 - What? - Whoo! 1047 00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:44,220 - No, no, no! - Are you kidding me? 1048 00:53:44,305 --> 00:53:46,640 I saw your body last night, it's a lot better than Cody's. 1049 00:53:46,724 --> 00:53:49,976 And my body sure as shit looks better than that fucking Shamu's up there. 1050 00:53:50,061 --> 00:53:51,353 There's 1,000 people out here! 1051 00:53:51,437 --> 00:53:53,855 [Pam] A lost old man has wandered on stage. 1052 00:53:53,939 --> 00:53:57,150 - Are you his nurse? - No. Fuck no. 1053 00:53:57,234 --> 00:54:00,153 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1054 00:54:00,237 --> 00:54:03,365 [all chanting] Get on stage! Get on stage! 1055 00:54:03,449 --> 00:54:05,700 Get on stage! Get on stage! 1056 00:54:05,785 --> 00:54:11,164 - Do it for me! - Get on stage! Get on stage! 1057 00:54:11,248 --> 00:54:14,292 - [all cheering] - So we have team Top Gun 1058 00:54:14,377 --> 00:54:18,505 versus creepy old guy and his lesbian daughter. 1059 00:54:18,589 --> 00:54:20,048 [all laughing] 1060 00:54:20,132 --> 00:54:24,427 Okay, Daytona Beach, are you ready to Flex Off? 1061 00:54:24,512 --> 00:54:29,391 Three! Two! One! Flex! 1062 00:54:29,475 --> 00:54:31,601 Having trouble getting that coat off, Fat Goose? 1063 00:54:31,686 --> 00:54:34,145 Uh... 1064 00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,356 [Pam] Look at this guy! 1065 00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,608 He's like Mother Teresa's vagina! 1066 00:54:38,693 --> 00:54:41,111 Old and tight! 1067 00:54:41,195 --> 00:54:44,239 Hey, look, it's Cirque du So Gay! 1068 00:54:44,323 --> 00:54:47,450 - [laughs] - What now? 1069 00:54:49,704 --> 00:54:51,913 [Pam] Uh-oh! Has the old man fallen? 1070 00:54:51,997 --> 00:54:53,456 Or is it... 1071 00:54:53,541 --> 00:54:55,959 One-armed motherfucking push-ups! 1072 00:54:56,043 --> 00:54:57,585 Holy shit! 1073 00:54:57,670 --> 00:54:59,879 Lesbian daughter's getting in on the action! 1074 00:54:59,964 --> 00:55:02,340 I happen to know he smoked crack last night! 1075 00:55:02,425 --> 00:55:05,552 These push-ups are fueled by the devil's candy! 1076 00:55:05,636 --> 00:55:09,222 - Unbelievable! - [all cheering] 1077 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,558 Your move, Dolly Parton. 1078 00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:14,936 [Pam] What are you gonna do now, team Top Gun? 1079 00:55:15,020 --> 00:55:16,771 [dance music playing] 1080 00:55:16,856 --> 00:55:18,106 And, hey, everybody, don't forget to stop 1081 00:55:18,190 --> 00:55:22,736 by Tam Pam Surf Slam in town where I'm selling "beach towels" 1082 00:55:22,820 --> 00:55:24,362 for 50 bucks an ounce. 1083 00:55:24,447 --> 00:55:28,241 "Sun screen" for 10 bucks a dime bag. 1084 00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,827 And I'm also selling meth! 1085 00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:34,247 - [all cheering] - Oh! Just got married! 1086 00:55:34,331 --> 00:55:36,916 Your move, Viagra Falls. 1087 00:55:37,001 --> 00:55:40,253 Crowd going wild for team Top Gun! 1088 00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:43,673 Grandpa, I got this. Watch! 1089 00:55:43,758 --> 00:55:47,427 Most muscular, on three. One, two, three. 1090 00:55:47,511 --> 00:55:50,013 [farting over speakers] 1091 00:55:50,097 --> 00:55:53,141 Oh! I think this guy just sharted! 1092 00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:54,601 - No, I didn't! - Yes! 1093 00:55:54,685 --> 00:55:57,854 Call a lifeguard, I think there's been a shart attack! 1094 00:55:57,938 --> 00:56:00,857 - [both laughing] - [breathing heavily] 1095 00:56:00,941 --> 00:56:06,321 [Pam mimics high-pitched fart] 1096 00:56:08,073 --> 00:56:09,783 I'm not even holding the mic right now. 1097 00:56:09,867 --> 00:56:12,869 [all laughing] 1098 00:56:12,953 --> 00:56:16,581 - [woman] You suck! - I have an idea. 1099 00:56:16,665 --> 00:56:18,750 Do you remember that thing we used to do when I was a kid? 1100 00:56:18,834 --> 00:56:20,585 Yeah. 1101 00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:24,714 One, two, three... 1102 00:56:24,799 --> 00:56:27,091 [Pam] Hold on, what's this? 1103 00:56:27,176 --> 00:56:31,763 What is going on? Oh, my God, what am I seeing? 1104 00:56:31,847 --> 00:56:33,640 [all cheering] 1105 00:56:33,724 --> 00:56:36,017 Am I on drugs? Of course I am! 1106 00:56:36,101 --> 00:56:38,686 - [all cheering] - This is too incredible! 1107 00:56:38,771 --> 00:56:41,481 Flex Off history is being made! 1108 00:56:41,565 --> 00:56:45,235 - What's up now, Brah? - Yeah, what's up now, Brah? 1109 00:56:45,319 --> 00:56:47,695 [Pam] Yeah, what's up now, Brah? 1110 00:56:47,780 --> 00:56:49,155 'Sup now, Brah? 1111 00:56:49,240 --> 00:56:52,033 [all chanting] 'Sup now, Brah? 'Sup now, Brah? 1112 00:56:52,117 --> 00:56:55,203 This is incredible! Take out your cameras! 1113 00:56:55,287 --> 00:56:58,540 Put this online! This shit is going viral! 1114 00:56:58,624 --> 00:57:00,959 Shit. Let me down. 1115 00:57:01,043 --> 00:57:03,127 Did everybody get a picture of that? 1116 00:57:03,212 --> 00:57:05,088 What the fuck are you doing? 1117 00:57:05,172 --> 00:57:07,006 - I can't do this... - What? 1118 00:57:07,091 --> 00:57:08,341 - God... - The winners 1119 00:57:08,425 --> 00:57:11,928 of the Alpha Delta Flex Off... Wait a minute! Where are you going? 1120 00:57:12,012 --> 00:57:13,805 - Guys? - Where are you going? 1121 00:57:13,889 --> 00:57:14,889 Jason! 1122 00:57:14,974 --> 00:57:15,974 [Pam] You can't just leave me here like this. 1123 00:57:16,058 --> 00:57:17,225 Why'd you stop? We were winning! 1124 00:57:17,309 --> 00:57:18,476 [Jason] Because I'm a lawyer! 1125 00:57:18,561 --> 00:57:20,812 I can't have people taking pictures of me doing stuff like this. 1126 00:57:20,896 --> 00:57:22,814 Can you imagine if the firm saw something like that? 1127 00:57:22,898 --> 00:57:26,860 [Pam] By default, the winner of the Flex Off is... 1128 00:57:26,944 --> 00:57:29,237 - Bring the cup home, baby! - ... these two dildos. 1129 00:57:29,321 --> 00:57:31,698 [crowd booing] 1130 00:57:31,782 --> 00:57:34,117 Every single day, my career's in jeopardy... 1131 00:57:34,201 --> 00:57:36,494 - What are you doing? - I'm taking the regulator off 1132 00:57:36,579 --> 00:57:38,872 the pneumatic propulsion system. 1133 00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:40,415 Give me a beer. 1134 00:57:40,499 --> 00:57:43,209 Grandpa, what did you really do for the army? 1135 00:57:43,294 --> 00:57:46,045 - I told you, I was a mechanic. - Bullshit. 1136 00:57:46,130 --> 00:57:50,133 You speak Arabic. You hot-wired a golf cart. 1137 00:57:50,217 --> 00:57:51,968 Tell me the truth. 1138 00:57:52,052 --> 00:57:54,804 All right, I was Special Forces! 1139 00:57:54,889 --> 00:57:57,557 I trained insurgents behind enemy lines from Vietnam to Iraq. 1140 00:57:57,641 --> 00:57:59,392 Now give me the fucking beer can! Come on! 1141 00:57:59,476 --> 00:58:02,604 - [both cheering] - [Pam] Look at this dummy! 1142 00:58:02,688 --> 00:58:04,397 What an idiot! 1143 00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:06,316 [groans] 1144 00:58:09,278 --> 00:58:12,614 Whoo! Yeah! Do it again! 1145 00:58:12,698 --> 00:58:15,074 We can change in Cody's room. I picked his pocket earlier. 1146 00:58:15,159 --> 00:58:16,826 [Pam] Nothing to see here, guys. 1147 00:58:16,911 --> 00:58:19,162 Cops are gonna come pretty quick. 1148 00:58:20,998 --> 00:58:23,625 No, no, this is his father, so that's what I'm saying. 1149 00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,126 Keep him heavily sedated, 1150 00:58:25,210 --> 00:58:27,670 but don't be afraid to pull the plug if you have to. 1151 00:58:27,755 --> 00:58:29,505 Thank you, doctor. 1152 00:58:30,841 --> 00:58:33,509 Okay. They're in the hospital till tomorrow! 1153 00:58:33,594 --> 00:58:36,554 The room's ours for the night. 1154 00:58:36,639 --> 00:58:39,057 Look at these fucking people. 1155 00:58:39,141 --> 00:58:41,434 How was brunch at Hitler's house that day? 1156 00:58:41,518 --> 00:58:43,937 Hey, Grandpa, who else in our family knows 1157 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,606 that you were, uh, Special Forces or whatever? 1158 00:58:46,690 --> 00:58:49,233 No one, once your grandmother passed. 1159 00:58:49,318 --> 00:58:52,445 Your father stopped talking to me before my missions were declassified. 1160 00:58:52,529 --> 00:58:56,157 So he always thought I was just an army mechanic. 1161 00:58:56,241 --> 00:58:58,201 But don't you think that you guys would get along a little better 1162 00:58:58,285 --> 00:59:01,162 if you told him? 1163 00:59:03,207 --> 00:59:05,959 Hey, come on. Let's see how you look. Come on out. 1164 00:59:10,965 --> 00:59:14,801 First of all, nobody wears a fucking white belt. 1165 00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:17,428 The only people who wear white belts are people who suck at karate 1166 00:59:17,513 --> 00:59:20,723 and people who suck at life. Take the fucking belt off. 1167 00:59:20,808 --> 00:59:23,559 And you better lose that fucking white polo shirt 1168 00:59:23,644 --> 00:59:25,478 and those pleated khaki pants. 1169 00:59:25,562 --> 00:59:27,397 You're meeting up with girls, not blowing an oil executive 1170 00:59:27,481 --> 00:59:30,566 on a fucking golf course. Put these on. 1171 00:59:32,653 --> 00:59:35,989 Well, in case you forgot, I don't even have underwear, from last night. 1172 00:59:36,073 --> 00:59:38,116 All right, just put them on. I'll turn around. 1173 00:59:40,577 --> 00:59:42,912 - Nice dick. - Aw, jeez, Grandpa. 1174 00:59:42,997 --> 00:59:45,123 That's a good dick. You got your grandpa's dick. 1175 00:59:45,207 --> 00:59:47,834 Not the girth, not the length, but same style. 1176 00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:50,753 That's good to know. 1177 00:59:50,838 --> 00:59:53,840 You're lucky you're not your dad. He's got his mom's dick. 1178 00:59:53,924 --> 00:59:56,009 What the fuck? [laughs] 1179 00:59:56,093 --> 00:59:57,677 Now put your pants on. 1180 00:59:57,761 --> 01:00:00,346 [1950s music playing] 1181 01:00:10,024 --> 01:00:12,775 [cell phone ringing] 1182 01:00:12,860 --> 01:00:15,778 - Shit. It's Meredith. - Don't answer it. 1183 01:00:15,863 --> 01:00:17,864 My rehearsal brunch is this weekend. 1184 01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:22,201 No calls. For one night, stop worrying about your wedding. Please. 1185 01:00:22,286 --> 01:00:24,495 We have two hot, smart, beautiful college girls 1186 01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:27,206 at the peak of their sexual powers about to meet us at one of 1187 01:00:27,291 --> 01:00:30,918 the last great nightclubs in Florida. Worry about them. 1188 01:00:31,003 --> 01:00:33,671 [sighs] 1189 01:00:33,756 --> 01:00:35,923 Okay. 1190 01:00:36,008 --> 01:00:37,842 [women cheering] 1191 01:00:37,926 --> 01:00:40,720 [hip-hop music playing] 1192 01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:57,528 I don't think you're very popular here, Grandpa. 1193 01:00:57,613 --> 01:01:00,073 You're the one that's going to have to watch out. 1194 01:01:00,157 --> 01:01:03,034 - You might get Oreo'd. - Oreo'd? 1195 01:01:03,118 --> 01:01:05,411 That's when two black guys fuck a white guy. 1196 01:01:05,496 --> 01:01:07,914 You're the cream in the middle. 1197 01:01:07,998 --> 01:01:10,541 [dance music playing] 1198 01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,762 [Dick] Game on. 1199 01:01:22,846 --> 01:01:24,931 Hey! Glad you guys made it. 1200 01:01:25,015 --> 01:01:28,601 - Let's all get fucked up. Right? - My step dad hates me! 1201 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:31,687 [chuckles] Let's go! 1202 01:01:40,781 --> 01:01:42,448 Party till you're pregnant! 1203 01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:45,785 [all whooping] 1204 01:01:45,869 --> 01:01:48,162 - [hip-hop music playing] - Oh, my God, I love this song! 1205 01:01:49,414 --> 01:01:50,998 You're not gonna die on me, are you? 1206 01:01:51,083 --> 01:01:53,292 - I don't think so. - All right! 1207 01:02:00,551 --> 01:02:02,969 - Come on. - Oh, no. No. 1208 01:02:14,231 --> 01:02:17,233 [dance music playing] 1209 01:02:35,419 --> 01:02:39,422 You want it? Come here, give me that hat! 1210 01:02:39,506 --> 01:02:41,757 [Bradley] Oh, my God... 1211 01:02:43,760 --> 01:02:44,927 Give me that! What is this? 1212 01:02:45,012 --> 01:02:47,138 Hey! Hey, hey, hey... 1213 01:02:47,222 --> 01:02:50,016 Leave my illegitimate black son alone. 1214 01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:52,810 We were just asking him to dance. 1215 01:02:52,895 --> 01:02:56,731 - Well, he don't wanna dance. - Well, maybe you wanna dance instead. 1216 01:02:56,815 --> 01:02:58,274 - I don't wanna dance... - Colonel Sanders! 1217 01:02:58,358 --> 01:03:00,109 It's all right. It's all right. 1218 01:03:00,194 --> 01:03:02,695 Let's not dirty this place up. 1219 01:03:02,779 --> 01:03:05,948 It's a shrine. Sinatra sang here. Parking lot? 1220 01:03:11,580 --> 01:03:13,122 It'll be fine. 1221 01:03:13,207 --> 01:03:17,710 How is this going to be fine? Look at this crew. 1222 01:03:17,794 --> 01:03:19,587 Come on. We have a good crew too. 1223 01:03:20,881 --> 01:03:23,216 We have no crew. 1224 01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:24,800 We have no crew. 1225 01:03:24,885 --> 01:03:26,886 Are we going to J.Crew? 1226 01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:28,471 Fuck J.Crew. 1227 01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:32,183 Don't do this. 1228 01:03:32,267 --> 01:03:33,893 I think I'm going to have to fight them all, 1229 01:03:33,977 --> 01:03:35,561 so you're going to have to take the first punch. 1230 01:03:35,646 --> 01:03:38,564 - What? - Okay! He's up first. 1231 01:03:38,649 --> 01:03:40,983 - Whatever. - [crowd exclaiming] 1232 01:03:41,068 --> 01:03:42,401 You like that shit, white boy? 1233 01:03:42,486 --> 01:03:44,153 Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you? 1234 01:03:44,238 --> 01:03:46,906 - What? You want next, bitch? - [bodies thudding] 1235 01:03:46,990 --> 01:03:49,992 - Hey, I thought I had next. - [all groaning] 1236 01:03:51,787 --> 01:03:53,537 [groans] 1237 01:04:03,173 --> 01:04:04,757 [screams] 1238 01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:07,885 Tell him you're sorry you made fun of him for being gay. 1239 01:04:07,970 --> 01:04:09,095 - [bones cracking] - [groans] 1240 01:04:09,179 --> 01:04:11,681 I'm sorry I made fun of you for being gay! 1241 01:04:11,765 --> 01:04:13,933 Tell him you were raised in a different era, 1242 01:04:14,017 --> 01:04:16,143 but now you know it's wrong to judge people 1243 01:04:16,228 --> 01:04:18,479 based on their sexual orientation 1244 01:04:18,563 --> 01:04:21,440 and that if you had to be gay with someone for some reason, 1245 01:04:21,525 --> 01:04:23,776 you know, to prevent a terrorist attack or something, 1246 01:04:23,860 --> 01:04:25,361 it would be with him. 1247 01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:27,780 What? Ow! 1248 01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:29,824 Say it. 1249 01:04:29,908 --> 01:04:34,328 If I had to be gay with somebody 1250 01:04:34,413 --> 01:04:37,832 to prevent a terrorist attack, it would be you! 1251 01:04:37,916 --> 01:04:40,001 [crowd exclaiming] 1252 01:04:40,085 --> 01:04:42,920 Apology accepted. 1253 01:04:43,005 --> 01:04:44,380 Okay. 1254 01:04:45,215 --> 01:04:47,508 Get out of here before I use my other arm. 1255 01:04:49,219 --> 01:04:52,346 [panting] This ain't over. 1256 01:04:52,431 --> 01:04:54,557 Ooh! Oh! 1257 01:04:54,641 --> 01:04:57,768 Now fuck off and take Jodeci with you. 1258 01:04:57,853 --> 01:04:59,687 Let's roll. 1259 01:05:04,401 --> 01:05:07,737 It's too bad Lenore barfed all over herself tonight. 1260 01:05:07,821 --> 01:05:09,739 I definitely could have had sex with her. 1261 01:05:09,823 --> 01:05:11,574 Yup. 1262 01:05:11,658 --> 01:05:15,494 I probably could have still had sex if she just threw up on her front, 1263 01:05:15,579 --> 01:05:18,789 but she somehow got it all over her back, and I would have felt bad. 1264 01:05:18,874 --> 01:05:21,792 Well, chivalry isn't dead. 1265 01:05:21,877 --> 01:05:25,171 I like the way you took that haymaker tonight. 1266 01:05:25,255 --> 01:05:28,341 Sometimes you just gotta take that punch up front, you know? 1267 01:05:28,425 --> 01:05:31,344 Then things get easier in the long run. 1268 01:05:35,599 --> 01:05:38,851 "De Oppresso Liber. " It's written on your knife too. 1269 01:05:38,935 --> 01:05:40,353 What does that mean? 1270 01:05:40,437 --> 01:05:44,357 Hey, lights out after 12:00, boys. 1271 01:05:44,441 --> 01:05:46,067 I better not catch you swimming 1272 01:05:46,151 --> 01:05:48,069 across the lake to the girls' camp, okay? 1273 01:05:48,153 --> 01:05:50,363 - Night. - Good night. 1274 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,448 [door closes] 1275 01:05:55,077 --> 01:05:58,537 You know, maybe I'll find something to do with Shadia tomorrow 1276 01:05:58,622 --> 01:06:02,208 and give you and Lenore a little more alone time. 1277 01:06:02,292 --> 01:06:06,128 [Dick sighs] 1278 01:06:06,213 --> 01:06:08,547 I kind of feel like we're just getting in your way. 1279 01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,926 - Yeah? - I'm sure there's something... 1280 01:06:12,010 --> 01:06:15,721 What the fuck? Did you just get naked? 1281 01:06:15,806 --> 01:06:19,100 - It's the best way to sleep. - Oh, my God! 1282 01:06:19,184 --> 01:06:21,644 I picked it up in Uganda from the Umbatdo. 1283 01:06:21,728 --> 01:06:25,523 Umbat-don't let your junk touch my leg again or you're sleeping on the floor. 1284 01:06:27,025 --> 01:06:30,152 - Night. - Night. 1285 01:06:42,124 --> 01:06:45,668 [Dick whispering] Jason... 1286 01:06:45,752 --> 01:06:47,503 The fuck! Oh, my God! 1287 01:06:53,051 --> 01:06:54,176 [camera clicks] 1288 01:06:54,261 --> 01:06:56,595 What do these guys want to cut all the trees down for anyway? 1289 01:06:56,680 --> 01:06:59,974 For some stupid, like, massive, tacky entertainment complex. 1290 01:07:00,058 --> 01:07:03,102 You know, the ones with, like, arcades and laser tag. That sort of thing. 1291 01:07:03,186 --> 01:07:05,938 - Laser tag? I love laser tag. - Yeah. 1292 01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:07,898 - When does it open? - Nice. Thanks a lot. 1293 01:07:07,983 --> 01:07:09,483 - Shadia! - Hi, Griz. 1294 01:07:09,568 --> 01:07:13,154 Oh, my God, your pics from the Boston rally look amazing! 1295 01:07:13,238 --> 01:07:14,780 - Thank you. - Yeah. Absolutely. 1296 01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:16,907 Sweet Hacky Sack, man. 1297 01:07:16,992 --> 01:07:18,784 It's not a Hacky Sack, dawg. That's the trade name. 1298 01:07:18,869 --> 01:07:21,078 It's an organic hemp-seed foot satchel. 1299 01:07:21,163 --> 01:07:24,290 And what's someone from the fucking laser tag lobby doing here? 1300 01:07:24,374 --> 01:07:26,083 No, I'm just a friend of Shadia's. 1301 01:07:26,168 --> 01:07:27,334 Just a friend. 1302 01:07:27,419 --> 01:07:29,044 That's pretty cool, man. What is that, a dance ball? 1303 01:07:29,129 --> 01:07:31,338 - Fuck! What the fuck? - [all laughing] 1304 01:07:31,423 --> 01:07:32,882 - You're fucking kidding me. - It's like a... 1305 01:07:32,966 --> 01:07:35,509 [mimics guns firing] What the fuck! 1306 01:07:35,594 --> 01:07:38,637 It's a 4-inch acrylic juggling orb! Dick. 1307 01:07:38,722 --> 01:07:41,765 Um... I'll see you guys next weekend. 1308 01:07:41,850 --> 01:07:44,143 - [Griz] Absolutely. Absolutely. - Yeah? Okay. Bye. 1309 01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:46,312 - [woman] Love your necklace. - Bye. 1310 01:07:49,566 --> 01:07:51,400 Hey, Griz... 1311 01:07:52,569 --> 01:07:54,487 Don't touch that, it's from Laser Tag. 1312 01:07:54,571 --> 01:07:55,571 Sorry. 1313 01:07:55,655 --> 01:07:58,365 - They're good people. I swear. - Let me see that. 1314 01:07:58,450 --> 01:08:00,784 Where are you going with these "good people"? 1315 01:08:00,869 --> 01:08:04,163 We're heading out to the coast to, um, charter a boat for the year. 1316 01:08:04,247 --> 01:08:05,998 - For the year? - Yeah. 1317 01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:07,416 - [chuckles] - To do what? 1318 01:08:07,501 --> 01:08:10,294 We're documenting the effects of climate change out on the ocean. 1319 01:08:11,755 --> 01:08:14,882 Aren't you supposed to graduate next weekend? 1320 01:08:14,966 --> 01:08:16,717 Yeah. 1321 01:08:16,801 --> 01:08:18,761 - [clicks] - [laughs] 1322 01:08:18,845 --> 01:08:22,848 Seems to me like you're running from something. 1323 01:08:22,933 --> 01:08:24,642 Come on, haven't you had to make sacrifices 1324 01:08:24,726 --> 01:08:26,560 to get where you are as a photographer? 1325 01:08:26,645 --> 01:08:30,064 I mean, yeah, but... 1326 01:08:30,148 --> 01:08:31,899 That's different. 1327 01:08:33,235 --> 01:08:34,985 Look at this. 1328 01:08:39,950 --> 01:08:44,370 - I hate photos of myself. - Why? 1329 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,497 You look beautiful. 1330 01:08:48,375 --> 01:08:50,000 See? 1331 01:08:59,678 --> 01:09:01,804 [cell phone ringing] 1332 01:09:03,765 --> 01:09:06,225 Hey. 1333 01:09:06,309 --> 01:09:07,810 Wait, just calm down. 1334 01:09:07,894 --> 01:09:11,564 - What? - Shit. Yeah, we'll be right there. 1335 01:09:11,648 --> 01:09:14,733 - What's going on? - We gotta go. 1336 01:09:14,818 --> 01:09:18,362 And then I came back from the bathroom and all those black guys from the club 1337 01:09:18,446 --> 01:09:20,531 were, like, standing around Lenore and Dr. Richards 1338 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:22,700 and they were yelling at them and threatening them 1339 01:09:22,784 --> 01:09:24,326 and they, like, kidnapped them! 1340 01:09:24,411 --> 01:09:27,621 - And I think one of them had a gun! - Did you see where they took them? 1341 01:09:27,706 --> 01:09:28,747 - No. - [cell phone ringing] 1342 01:09:28,832 --> 01:09:31,250 Those guys are staying at The Tillman. That's all I know. 1343 01:09:31,334 --> 01:09:33,335 - Okay. - Come on! 1344 01:09:33,420 --> 01:09:35,421 - Come on! - Shit! 1345 01:09:39,926 --> 01:09:42,428 - What? - [sniffing] 1346 01:09:42,512 --> 01:09:44,305 - [whispering] I smell marijuana. - Mmm-hmm. 1347 01:09:48,518 --> 01:09:50,102 What are you going to do with a bucket? 1348 01:09:50,186 --> 01:09:51,770 I don't know! 1349 01:09:51,855 --> 01:09:54,565 Okay, on three. Ready? 1350 01:09:54,649 --> 01:09:59,111 One, two, three! 1351 01:09:59,195 --> 01:10:01,572 Okay, let me try one more time. 1352 01:10:01,656 --> 01:10:05,451 The GZA, the RZA, 1353 01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:07,578 Ol' Dirty Bastard. 1354 01:10:07,662 --> 01:10:10,789 - What's going on? - Gang stuff. 1355 01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:13,208 - Raekwon the Chef! - [all cheering] 1356 01:10:13,293 --> 01:10:15,502 And the Method Man! 1357 01:10:18,506 --> 01:10:22,051 Hey! Here they are! How was the protest? 1358 01:10:22,135 --> 01:10:24,803 - Uh, it was good. - Yeah, it was good. 1359 01:10:24,888 --> 01:10:30,017 This is Lamar, Lil' Chris, Big Chris, Murray Finkelstein. 1360 01:10:30,101 --> 01:10:32,811 And, of course, you've already met Ty-rizone. 1361 01:10:32,896 --> 01:10:35,189 [chuckles] That nigga's crazy, man. 1362 01:10:35,273 --> 01:10:37,775 Yeah, what's with the N-word, anyway? I can say it. I can't say it... 1363 01:10:37,859 --> 01:10:39,652 You can say it when we let you say it. 1364 01:10:39,736 --> 01:10:43,947 Which is never. Just never say that under any circumstances. 1365 01:10:46,326 --> 01:10:48,160 [all exclaiming] 1366 01:10:48,244 --> 01:10:49,536 [man] Shotgun! 1367 01:10:49,621 --> 01:10:52,915 [laughs] 1368 01:10:52,999 --> 01:10:54,958 What the fuck is going on? 1369 01:10:55,043 --> 01:10:56,835 I thought these guys wanted to kill you! 1370 01:10:56,920 --> 01:10:58,462 Lebanese Red. 1371 01:10:59,756 --> 01:11:02,424 I had some of this left over from my time in the Middle East. 1372 01:11:02,509 --> 01:11:05,386 You throw some of this shit around, you can really get away with anything. 1373 01:11:05,470 --> 01:11:08,347 - Have some. - You're smoking grass now? 1374 01:11:08,431 --> 01:11:10,557 Jesus, this is a gateway drug, Grandpa. 1375 01:11:10,642 --> 01:11:12,976 Yeah, well, you just opened the gateway to being a pussy. 1376 01:11:13,061 --> 01:11:15,437 - Take some. - Yo, D. Let's fucking bounce! 1377 01:11:15,522 --> 01:11:18,816 - Let's fucking bounce! - [Jason] Where? 1378 01:11:20,735 --> 01:11:22,861 [rapping] ♪ And everything is all right 1379 01:11:22,946 --> 01:11:27,366 ♪ I got a beep from Kim And she can fuck all night 1380 01:11:27,450 --> 01:11:29,618 ♪ Called up the homies and I'm asking y'all 1381 01:11:29,703 --> 01:11:32,538 ♪ Which park are y'all playing basketball? 1382 01:11:32,622 --> 01:11:35,040 ♪ Get me on the court and I'm trouble 1383 01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:38,669 ♪ Last week fucked around And got a triple double 1384 01:11:38,753 --> 01:11:40,963 Can I say it? Can I say it? 1385 01:11:41,047 --> 01:11:42,214 No! No, no. 1386 01:11:42,298 --> 01:11:44,174 - Say it! - Say that shit! 1387 01:11:44,259 --> 01:11:46,969 ♪ Freaking niggas every way like MJ 1388 01:11:47,053 --> 01:11:50,055 [all exclaiming] 1389 01:11:50,140 --> 01:11:52,850 ♪ I can't believe today was a good day ♪ 1390 01:11:52,934 --> 01:11:55,519 I'm totally gonna fuck him tonight. 1391 01:11:55,603 --> 01:11:58,480 Can I watch? 'Cause I kind of want to fuck him too now. 1392 01:12:00,734 --> 01:12:03,485 Drop the mic, baby! Drop the mic, baby! 1393 01:12:03,570 --> 01:12:05,571 - That's what I'm talking about! - Peace out, niggas! 1394 01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:08,449 I see you, boy. [grunts] Nasty! 1395 01:12:11,035 --> 01:12:15,748 - Up next we have Shadia and Jason! - Yep, it's us now. 1396 01:12:15,832 --> 01:12:18,834 What? No. No, no, no, no. 1397 01:12:18,918 --> 01:12:20,586 - No... - Come on. 1398 01:12:20,670 --> 01:12:23,088 We can't top that. I don't want to do this. 1399 01:12:23,173 --> 01:12:24,173 [slow music playing] 1400 01:12:24,257 --> 01:12:28,677 You know the song. You know every word. See? 1401 01:12:28,762 --> 01:12:30,679 You're going to make me do it all alone? 1402 01:12:30,764 --> 01:12:32,306 Fine. 1403 01:12:34,392 --> 01:12:35,726 Hey. 1404 01:12:35,810 --> 01:12:39,730 ♪ For all those times you stood by me 1405 01:12:39,814 --> 01:12:43,192 ♪ For all the truth that you made me see 1406 01:12:43,276 --> 01:12:47,070 ♪ For all the joy you brought to my life 1407 01:12:47,155 --> 01:12:51,116 ♪ For all the wrong that you made right 1408 01:12:51,201 --> 01:12:54,912 ♪ For every dream you made come true 1409 01:12:54,996 --> 01:12:59,166 ♪ For all the love I found in you 1410 01:12:59,250 --> 01:13:03,587 ♪ I'll be forever thankful, baby 1411 01:13:03,671 --> 01:13:07,257 ♪ You're the one who held me up 1412 01:13:07,342 --> 01:13:11,303 ♪ And never let me fall Yeah, yeah 1413 01:13:11,387 --> 01:13:14,723 ♪ You're the one who saw me through 1414 01:13:14,808 --> 01:13:17,351 ♪ Through it all 1415 01:13:17,435 --> 01:13:21,104 ♪ You were my strength when I was weak 1416 01:13:21,189 --> 01:13:24,900 ♪ You were my voice when I couldn't speak 1417 01:13:24,984 --> 01:13:28,779 ♪ You were my eyes when I couldn't see 1418 01:13:28,863 --> 01:13:32,449 ♪ You saw the best there was in me 1419 01:13:32,534 --> 01:13:36,537 ♪ Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 1420 01:13:36,621 --> 01:13:40,958 ♪ You gave me faith 'cause you believed 1421 01:13:41,042 --> 01:13:47,047 ♪ I'm everything I am 1422 01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:52,261 - Damn! - ♪ Because you loved me ♪ 1423 01:13:56,099 --> 01:13:58,016 [exhales] 1424 01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:01,645 Who are you? 1425 01:14:04,107 --> 01:14:06,900 [Shadia] I'm just saying, who sings that well 1426 01:14:06,985 --> 01:14:08,819 and isn't a professional singer? 1427 01:14:08,903 --> 01:14:11,029 You're so good at singing you actually suck! 1428 01:14:11,114 --> 01:14:13,365 You guys want to come up for a nightcap? 1429 01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:17,494 - Yeah, well... - See if shit gets real? 1430 01:14:18,955 --> 01:14:24,293 Well, young Michael Buble and I are gonna have a stogie by the pool, so... 1431 01:14:26,504 --> 01:14:28,213 - See you up there? - Yeah. 1432 01:14:34,554 --> 01:14:36,388 I want you to know how much I appreciate 1433 01:14:36,472 --> 01:14:38,098 you doing this for me, Jason. 1434 01:14:38,182 --> 01:14:41,685 The greatest gift a grandson can give his grandfather 1435 01:14:41,769 --> 01:14:46,231 is a hot college girl who wants to have unprotected sex with him before he dies. 1436 01:14:46,316 --> 01:14:50,986 Yeah, well, most grandpas just want toffee. 1437 01:14:52,530 --> 01:14:56,325 - [sighs] - What's the matter? 1438 01:14:57,744 --> 01:14:59,995 I think I'm gonna call off my wedding. 1439 01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:07,502 Well, when you get married, it's for a long fucking time. 1440 01:15:07,587 --> 01:15:09,463 And it's hard. 1441 01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:12,966 So it damn well better be with a woman who keeps things interesting. 1442 01:15:13,051 --> 01:15:17,262 You know your grandmother, she tried to grow her own pot plant once? 1443 01:15:18,890 --> 01:15:19,890 - Really? - Yeah, 1444 01:15:19,974 --> 01:15:22,017 she just wanted to see if she could do it. 1445 01:15:22,101 --> 01:15:23,977 [laughs] 1446 01:15:24,062 --> 01:15:26,605 She was always surprising me like that. 1447 01:15:28,608 --> 01:15:31,902 We also tried anal once every five years. 1448 01:15:33,738 --> 01:15:35,405 Sweet. 1449 01:15:35,490 --> 01:15:39,034 I miss having someone to share everything with. 1450 01:15:42,080 --> 01:15:45,916 It's not fair to just keep Shadia in the dark like this. 1451 01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:49,252 Since we started this, it's just been one big lie. 1452 01:15:49,337 --> 01:15:52,172 She has no idea who I am. 1453 01:15:52,256 --> 01:15:54,132 I have to tell her the truth. 1454 01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:58,637 Well, maybe telling her tonight is a little abrupt. 1455 01:15:58,721 --> 01:16:01,807 The most important part of a relationship is trust. 1456 01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:04,643 - That's right. - And I'm going to start now. 1457 01:16:04,727 --> 01:16:08,563 Or you can just wait till I have sex with Lenore tonight, 1458 01:16:08,648 --> 01:16:10,732 then you can tell Shadia everything. 1459 01:16:10,817 --> 01:16:15,737 - No. I'm just lying. - Jason, I'm your grandfather! 1460 01:16:15,822 --> 01:16:17,489 You wait till I fuck that college girl! 1461 01:16:17,573 --> 01:16:19,658 - I'm telling her now. - Jason... 1462 01:16:19,742 --> 01:16:21,660 Jason! Jason! 1463 01:16:21,744 --> 01:16:23,912 Jason! Jason! 1464 01:16:25,915 --> 01:16:28,583 [laughs] 'Sup, brah? 1465 01:16:30,378 --> 01:16:32,212 Back off, D cups! 1466 01:16:32,296 --> 01:16:35,632 Well, if it isn't the "professor. " 1467 01:16:35,717 --> 01:16:39,636 You know, it's amazing what you can find with a name and Google these days. 1468 01:16:39,721 --> 01:16:41,263 You're not a real professor? 1469 01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:44,182 Oh, my God! You lied to us. How could you. 1470 01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:47,227 Wait, wait, wait, this is the best part. This is the best part. 1471 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:51,273 Richard "Dick" Kelly, Lieutenant Colonel 1472 01:16:51,357 --> 01:16:54,359 in the United States Army, 1473 01:16:54,444 --> 01:16:58,363 also known as the American Gladiator "Nitro. " 1474 01:16:58,448 --> 01:16:59,823 What the fuck did you Google? 1475 01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:03,660 Okay, well, there's another best part then. 1476 01:17:03,745 --> 01:17:09,207 "Jason Patrick Kelly will wed Meredith Miriam Goldstein 1477 01:17:09,292 --> 01:17:12,878 at Jericho Temple on Saturday, March 27th. " 1478 01:17:12,962 --> 01:17:17,090 Oh, wait, that's, um, next Saturday. 1479 01:17:17,175 --> 01:17:20,844 Wait, you're grandfather and grandson? 1480 01:17:20,928 --> 01:17:23,430 Oh, my God! That is so fucked up. 1481 01:17:23,514 --> 01:17:25,974 That is so hot. I mean, that is so fucked up. 1482 01:17:29,312 --> 01:17:34,900 So... are you getting married next weekend? 1483 01:17:34,984 --> 01:17:37,736 I was. I was getting married, 1484 01:17:37,820 --> 01:17:39,404 but then I met you, and now I don't... 1485 01:17:39,489 --> 01:17:41,698 Oh, my God! No. Don't pull that shit. 1486 01:17:43,326 --> 01:17:45,744 [voice breaking] I feel fucking stupid enough as it is. 1487 01:17:50,083 --> 01:17:52,959 So you're not a professor? Are you even a photographer? 1488 01:17:53,044 --> 01:17:56,797 - I'm a lawyer. - [laughs] 1489 01:17:56,881 --> 01:18:00,717 I handle SEC compliance. 1490 01:18:00,802 --> 01:18:03,136 LLC agreements. I came up here to... 1491 01:18:03,221 --> 01:18:04,930 Get the fuck out, Jason. Seriously. 1492 01:18:05,014 --> 01:18:07,099 - Can I have a second to explain? - No! 1493 01:18:07,183 --> 01:18:10,018 Hold up, hold up. Not so fast, professor. 1494 01:18:12,105 --> 01:18:15,565 For what's it worth, I still really want to fuck you. 1495 01:18:15,650 --> 01:18:17,943 - And we're going to fuck. - Yeah, we are. 1496 01:18:18,027 --> 01:18:20,737 - We're going to thunder fuck. - You're gonna tsunami on my face! 1497 01:18:20,822 --> 01:18:23,198 You're gonna flood like the Nile. 1498 01:18:23,282 --> 01:18:25,492 Yeah. I guess the drought in my pussy is finally over. 1499 01:18:25,576 --> 01:18:27,702 The villagers will finally eat. 1500 01:18:27,787 --> 01:18:29,204 You're gonna die while you're eating me out. 1501 01:18:29,288 --> 01:18:31,081 I want your last breath to be in my pussy. 1502 01:18:31,165 --> 01:18:32,332 Lenore! You're such a slut. 1503 01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:35,627 - [both] Police! - That's right. Po-po in the ho-ho. 1504 01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:37,462 [Officer Reiter] Some kind of ganja party? 1505 01:18:37,547 --> 01:18:40,257 - Sorry to harsh your mellows. - [Finch] Where's my e-vite? 1506 01:18:40,341 --> 01:18:41,925 - Is that the jacket? - Check the right coat pocket. 1507 01:18:42,009 --> 01:18:43,093 - Check it, man. - Okay, turn around. Come on. 1508 01:18:43,177 --> 01:18:44,719 That's my jacket. That's not his jacket. 1509 01:18:44,804 --> 01:18:45,971 [Finch] Up against the palm. There you go. 1510 01:18:46,055 --> 01:18:47,973 Let's have a look. What've you got in here? Huh? 1511 01:18:48,057 --> 01:18:49,266 - Bingo-bango. - OMG. 1512 01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,059 What the fuck? That's not mine! 1513 01:18:51,144 --> 01:18:53,186 - "What the fuck?" - That's not mine! 1514 01:18:53,271 --> 01:18:57,482 The fuck? Well, it looks like Spring Break is finally drug free! 1515 01:18:57,567 --> 01:18:59,234 Come on, let's go. Let's go, pretty boy. 1516 01:18:59,318 --> 01:19:00,694 Oh, shall we? 1517 01:19:00,778 --> 01:19:02,988 No, it doesn't go down that way. Let's go. 1518 01:19:03,072 --> 01:19:04,114 I'll wait for you, Grandpa. 1519 01:19:04,198 --> 01:19:05,949 [Dick] Keep that shit tight for me! 1520 01:19:06,033 --> 01:19:08,201 He's my Henry Miller. 1521 01:19:08,286 --> 01:19:11,580 - What the fuck does that mean? - Exactly! 1522 01:19:11,664 --> 01:19:13,623 [door buzzing] 1523 01:19:14,584 --> 01:19:16,334 Hey, there he is. 1524 01:19:16,419 --> 01:19:18,670 You got blood on your pants, you know. 1525 01:19:18,754 --> 01:19:20,380 Your license isn't even suspended, is it? 1526 01:19:20,464 --> 01:19:22,549 You made all this up just so I'd come down here with you. 1527 01:19:22,633 --> 01:19:26,595 - I had to make sure you'd come. - Fuck you! 1528 01:19:26,679 --> 01:19:29,306 Just chill, Jason. Hakuna matata. 1529 01:19:31,100 --> 01:19:32,559 Who the fuck are you? 1530 01:19:32,643 --> 01:19:34,686 I should have known you were fucking crazy 1531 01:19:34,770 --> 01:19:37,772 the moment you started hitting on women the day after Grandma's funeral! 1532 01:19:37,857 --> 01:19:39,816 Don't you fucking judge me. 1533 01:19:39,901 --> 01:19:41,902 You have no idea what I had with your grandmother. 1534 01:19:41,986 --> 01:19:45,155 And everything I've done these last few days I've done for a reason. 1535 01:19:45,239 --> 01:19:47,616 You were about to fuck up royally by getting married, 1536 01:19:47,700 --> 01:19:49,075 - and you fucking know it! - Oh, yeah? 1537 01:19:49,160 --> 01:19:52,037 What the fuck am I supposed to do now? 1538 01:19:52,121 --> 01:19:54,247 Chase around some college girl 1539 01:19:54,332 --> 01:19:56,208 that doesn't even want to fucking talk to me? 1540 01:19:56,292 --> 01:19:58,627 Not know what the fuck I'm doing for the rest of my life? 1541 01:19:58,711 --> 01:20:00,754 Yeah, because at least you'd be thinking for yourself for a change. 1542 01:20:00,838 --> 01:20:03,340 - What the fuck does that even mean? - Your father has lorded over 1543 01:20:03,424 --> 01:20:05,926 every decision you've made in your adult life, 1544 01:20:06,010 --> 01:20:08,094 and Meredith is just the latest example of that! 1545 01:20:08,179 --> 01:20:09,804 She's not right for you, Jason. 1546 01:20:09,889 --> 01:20:11,556 If you marry her, you're going to be sleepwalking 1547 01:20:11,641 --> 01:20:13,558 through the rest of your life and be completely unhappy, 1548 01:20:13,643 --> 01:20:16,519 - just like your father! - I am already unhappy with my life, 1549 01:20:16,604 --> 01:20:19,898 because I've done nothing but get fucked by you 1550 01:20:19,982 --> 01:20:22,609 and this insane fuck rampage that you've been on. 1551 01:20:22,693 --> 01:20:26,196 It wasn't a "fuck rampage" for me. It was a "fuck rampage" for you. 1552 01:20:26,280 --> 01:20:29,324 - How? How is this for me? - I fucked up as a father. 1553 01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:32,285 I wasn't there to raise your dad and he turned into a materialistic, 1554 01:20:32,370 --> 01:20:35,664 henpecked, poop-dick country clubber. 1555 01:20:35,748 --> 01:20:39,793 - I don't want that to happen to you. - So that's what this was? 1556 01:20:39,877 --> 01:20:41,586 [sighs] 1557 01:20:41,671 --> 01:20:44,547 I was your last-ditch redemption project. 1558 01:20:50,012 --> 01:20:51,972 Congratulations, Grandpa. 1559 01:20:52,056 --> 01:20:54,140 You thought you were a shitty father? 1560 01:20:55,893 --> 01:20:57,727 Now you're a shitty grandfather. 1561 01:21:00,731 --> 01:21:03,358 I don't want to see you at my wedding. 1562 01:21:03,442 --> 01:21:05,318 Stay the fuck away from me. 1563 01:21:10,032 --> 01:21:12,492 [R&B music playing] 1564 01:21:48,029 --> 01:21:50,864 So, do you like this size, or this size? 1565 01:21:58,205 --> 01:21:59,581 [sighs] 1566 01:22:01,876 --> 01:22:04,252 Hey, hon, the people at the venue 1567 01:22:04,337 --> 01:22:06,463 said they don't have enough mint napkins, 1568 01:22:06,547 --> 01:22:09,883 so which one do you like better? 1569 01:22:09,967 --> 01:22:14,220 The seafoam or the pistachio? 1570 01:22:14,305 --> 01:22:16,598 - [doorbell rings] - I'll get it. 1571 01:22:31,739 --> 01:22:32,822 What is it? 1572 01:22:32,907 --> 01:22:36,159 Oh, it's, uh... Just another wedding present. 1573 01:22:36,243 --> 01:22:40,914 I hope it's that new big dipping spoon from Williams-Sonoma. 1574 01:22:50,883 --> 01:22:55,887 ...and as a tribute to Meredith and Jason 1575 01:22:55,971 --> 01:22:57,722 and the love that you guys share. 1576 01:22:57,807 --> 01:22:59,682 A love I will never know because my dog 1577 01:22:59,767 --> 01:23:03,061 died the first day I masturbated. So now I can't get hard unless... 1578 01:23:03,145 --> 01:23:04,187 Okay. 1579 01:23:04,271 --> 01:23:07,857 Also, we've got to stop ISIS. It's gotten... It's too much. 1580 01:23:09,944 --> 01:23:11,945 Got it. Got it. 1581 01:23:12,029 --> 01:23:16,032 You know, today's celebration is much more 1582 01:23:16,117 --> 01:23:18,535 than just about the union of two people, 1583 01:23:18,619 --> 01:23:21,788 it's also about the union of two families. 1584 01:23:21,872 --> 01:23:24,541 - Meredith... - The Kellys and the Goldsteins. 1585 01:23:25,543 --> 01:23:28,628 Let's have Jason and Meredith tell their own story. 1586 01:23:28,712 --> 01:23:31,673 [all cheering] 1587 01:23:33,509 --> 01:23:35,927 [Nick] Nice job, Uncle Dave! 1588 01:23:39,140 --> 01:23:42,142 [playing slow music] 1589 01:23:42,226 --> 01:23:46,479 ♪ For all those times you stood by me 1590 01:23:46,564 --> 01:23:50,525 ♪ For all the truth that you made me see 1591 01:23:50,609 --> 01:23:54,320 ♪ For all the joy you brought to my life 1592 01:23:54,405 --> 01:23:55,697 ♪ Into my life 1593 01:23:55,781 --> 01:23:58,575 ♪ For all the wrong that you made right 1594 01:23:58,659 --> 01:24:02,704 ♪ For every dream you made come true 1595 01:24:02,788 --> 01:24:04,581 ♪ For all the love 1596 01:24:04,665 --> 01:24:07,417 [both] ♪ I found in you 1597 01:24:07,501 --> 01:24:08,501 ♪ I'll be... 1598 01:24:08,586 --> 01:24:12,088 ♪ You've gotta be forever thankful, baby 1599 01:24:12,173 --> 01:24:15,842 ♪ You're the one who held me up 1600 01:24:15,926 --> 01:24:20,513 ♪ Never let me fall 1601 01:24:20,598 --> 01:24:22,599 Let's go in for the kill. 1602 01:24:24,310 --> 01:24:27,687 ♪ Through it all 1603 01:24:27,771 --> 01:24:32,525 [vocalizing] 1604 01:24:32,610 --> 01:24:33,902 You've been hacked. 1605 01:24:33,986 --> 01:24:36,779 ♪ You were my strength when I was weak 1606 01:24:36,864 --> 01:24:40,533 - ♪ You were my voice... - ♪ When I couldn't speak 1607 01:24:40,618 --> 01:24:44,370 ♪ You were my eyes when I couldn't see 1608 01:24:44,455 --> 01:24:48,416 ♪ You saw the best there was in me 1609 01:24:48,501 --> 01:24:53,463 ♪ Lifted me up when I couldn't reach 1610 01:24:53,547 --> 01:24:57,550 [vocalizing] 1611 01:24:57,635 --> 01:25:00,845 ♪ I'm everything I am 1612 01:25:00,930 --> 01:25:04,432 ♪ Because you loved me ♪ 1613 01:25:04,517 --> 01:25:06,226 Because you loved me. 1614 01:25:10,481 --> 01:25:11,981 [exhales] 1615 01:25:21,075 --> 01:25:22,367 What the fuck? 1616 01:25:24,703 --> 01:25:26,746 That is not Martha's Vineyard. 1617 01:25:27,998 --> 01:25:29,499 Jason! 1618 01:25:31,126 --> 01:25:33,211 - Take it off! - Trying, dear. Trying. 1619 01:25:33,295 --> 01:25:35,797 - Leave them on. - Shut it down. 1620 01:25:35,881 --> 01:25:37,632 I have something to say. 1621 01:25:40,094 --> 01:25:44,264 I think I've been listening to everybody else 1622 01:25:44,348 --> 01:25:46,474 about what I should be doing with my life. 1623 01:25:46,559 --> 01:25:49,102 My grandpa said something really interesting. 1624 01:25:49,186 --> 01:25:51,646 All right, cut the mics. I'm going up. 1625 01:25:51,730 --> 01:25:55,858 ...take that punch, that point forward, things get easier. 1626 01:25:57,611 --> 01:25:59,445 - The mic's off. - Jason, your mic cut out. 1627 01:25:59,530 --> 01:26:00,530 What? 1628 01:26:00,614 --> 01:26:02,448 Your mic cut out at the most inopportune time, 1629 01:26:02,533 --> 01:26:05,868 so we can't hear why you want to leave those images up. 1630 01:26:06,787 --> 01:26:09,914 Hitting it won't work. If they caught it from the PA... Band? 1631 01:26:09,999 --> 01:26:11,124 What the fuck? 1632 01:26:11,208 --> 01:26:13,710 Nick, can you tell her something for me? 1633 01:26:13,794 --> 01:26:16,671 Can you tell her that, uh... 1634 01:26:18,424 --> 01:26:22,427 I'm really sorry, but I can't marry her. 1635 01:26:22,511 --> 01:26:26,431 You think that message should come from me? Okay... 1636 01:26:26,515 --> 01:26:31,436 Uncle Ramon, can you tell Meredith that Jason's sorry, 1637 01:26:31,520 --> 01:26:33,646 but that they can't get married? 1638 01:26:36,483 --> 01:26:37,900 Oh, fuck! 1639 01:26:39,612 --> 01:26:43,906 I forgot Uncle Ramon was deaf and I talked to him like a normal. 1640 01:26:45,034 --> 01:26:48,745 Uncle Ruben, can you please tell Meredith that Jason is really sorry, 1641 01:26:48,829 --> 01:26:50,913 but that he can't marry her? 1642 01:26:53,042 --> 01:26:58,796 [voice box voice] He says he's very sorry, but he can't marry you. 1643 01:26:58,881 --> 01:27:02,342 Uncle Ruben, can you turn that thing up a little? 1644 01:27:02,426 --> 01:27:04,677 It doesn't get any louder. 1645 01:27:04,762 --> 01:27:06,638 Where'd you get that thing, SkyMall? 1646 01:27:08,140 --> 01:27:12,352 At this point, I'm kind of nervous that anybody I pick will have a disability. 1647 01:27:12,436 --> 01:27:15,229 Okay... Waiter... Hey, Pubes. 1648 01:27:16,649 --> 01:27:21,027 Can you please go tell Meredith that my cousin Jason is very sorry, 1649 01:27:21,111 --> 01:27:22,362 but they cannot get married? 1650 01:27:24,073 --> 01:27:25,615 Come on, man. It's my first day... 1651 01:27:25,699 --> 01:27:26,949 [Nick] I know it's your first day, 1652 01:27:27,034 --> 01:27:28,868 but everybody needs you to be a man here. 1653 01:27:28,952 --> 01:27:30,453 Okay. 1654 01:27:33,123 --> 01:27:34,999 Just real quick... 1655 01:27:35,084 --> 01:27:38,169 He sent me... He wants me to tell you that... 1656 01:27:38,253 --> 01:27:40,171 Um... [stammers] 1657 01:27:40,255 --> 01:27:42,465 He doesn't think that he can marry you. 1658 01:27:44,718 --> 01:27:46,219 But that he's sorry that he can't. 1659 01:27:46,303 --> 01:27:51,140 [laughing] 1660 01:27:51,225 --> 01:27:55,019 She's laughing, so I think that you're in the clear, bro. 1661 01:27:55,104 --> 01:27:56,688 No, it's good. That was good. 1662 01:27:56,772 --> 01:27:58,815 You can just go back and tell him 1663 01:27:58,899 --> 01:28:02,235 that I fucked his cousin Nick while he was gone. 1664 01:28:03,987 --> 01:28:05,697 She's so super cool about it. 1665 01:28:05,781 --> 01:28:10,159 She's like, "Go! Do your thing. Do you. " 1666 01:28:10,244 --> 01:28:13,204 - She said that? - [Nick] That's what she said, verbatim. 1667 01:28:13,288 --> 01:28:15,123 Wait. Should I come down and say bye? 1668 01:28:15,207 --> 01:28:16,874 - [Nick] No. God! Fuck no! - No? 1669 01:28:16,959 --> 01:28:18,626 Yeah. No need to even... Let's not even... 1670 01:28:18,711 --> 01:28:21,212 You just... I've done it... We're great! 1671 01:28:21,296 --> 01:28:24,257 Wait, where the fuck is he going? 1672 01:28:24,341 --> 01:28:26,759 Jason! Jason! 1673 01:28:37,646 --> 01:28:40,606 It's actually the guy on the moped with the iPad. 1674 01:28:40,691 --> 01:28:44,610 NSA stopped using utility vans years ago. 1675 01:28:44,695 --> 01:28:46,779 I figured once you sent the camera back, 1676 01:28:46,864 --> 01:28:48,865 it was time to take drastic measures. 1677 01:28:48,949 --> 01:28:50,950 What'd he say? Are we doing this? 1678 01:28:51,034 --> 01:28:53,327 [Dick] Plan B, have Pam kidnap you. 1679 01:28:53,412 --> 01:28:56,706 - I've got to get her back. - You want me to kidnap her? 1680 01:28:56,790 --> 01:28:58,833 I'll bring her back to you in a box, bro. 1681 01:28:58,917 --> 01:29:01,836 She's on a bus headed west on I-85 across Florida. 1682 01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:04,088 Her boat leaves in four hours. 1683 01:29:04,173 --> 01:29:06,799 It was easy to track her down because of the whole Middle Eastern thing. 1684 01:29:06,884 --> 01:29:09,802 Bet you never thought you'd 69 a girl because of the Patriot Act. 1685 01:29:09,887 --> 01:29:12,221 You 69 her, man! 1686 01:29:12,306 --> 01:29:14,056 And then she's dead. 1687 01:29:14,141 --> 01:29:15,892 Are you kidding me, Pam? This is what you drive? 1688 01:29:15,976 --> 01:29:18,144 Oh, yeah, it is so easy selling kids drugs 1689 01:29:18,228 --> 01:29:20,104 from an ice cream truck. It's crazy! 1690 01:29:20,189 --> 01:29:22,940 - Jason! Jason! - Go, go, go, go! 1691 01:29:23,025 --> 01:29:24,400 Jason, stop! Stop right now. 1692 01:29:24,485 --> 01:29:25,777 - [engine revving] - Stop! Stop! 1693 01:29:26,570 --> 01:29:29,739 If you leave right now, you can kiss your job at the firm goodbye! 1694 01:29:29,823 --> 01:29:31,866 David, will you get the fuck out of the way! 1695 01:29:32,910 --> 01:29:36,120 Hey, hey! Come on! What the hell! 1696 01:29:36,205 --> 01:29:38,790 Hey, guy, unless you want a Chipwich or some heroin, 1697 01:29:38,874 --> 01:29:40,291 get off my ice cream truck! 1698 01:29:40,375 --> 01:29:41,626 Who the fuck is this slob? 1699 01:29:41,710 --> 01:29:44,462 Slob? I am a small business owner! 1700 01:29:44,546 --> 01:29:46,339 I am the backbone of this country! 1701 01:29:46,423 --> 01:29:48,758 - I am holding a Taser! - [groans] 1702 01:29:48,842 --> 01:29:50,802 - [Jason] Whoa! Shit! - Dude, should I stop? 1703 01:29:50,886 --> 01:29:51,928 - What are you... - I'm kind of in the middle 1704 01:29:52,012 --> 01:29:53,012 of it right here. 1705 01:29:53,096 --> 01:29:55,014 - Shit! All right. - [thuds] 1706 01:29:55,098 --> 01:29:56,641 [Dick chuckling] 1707 01:29:56,725 --> 01:29:59,018 Raise your hand if you've got a boner! 1708 01:30:00,771 --> 01:30:02,939 What were we supposed to do? Just leave him on the side of road? 1709 01:30:04,274 --> 01:30:07,693 Hey, man, can you slow down? You're making this very difficult. 1710 01:30:07,778 --> 01:30:10,488 What the fuck! That was you who drew all those dicks on me last week? 1711 01:30:10,572 --> 01:30:12,824 - Yeah, I drew the dicks. Busted! - Oh, my God! 1712 01:30:12,908 --> 01:30:14,325 Oh, shit! 1713 01:30:14,409 --> 01:30:16,077 Don't worry. Get up. We'll cut through the back roads. 1714 01:30:16,161 --> 01:30:17,912 - Wait, what? - You navigate. I'll drive. 1715 01:30:20,999 --> 01:30:22,667 [honking] 1716 01:30:22,751 --> 01:30:25,378 Watch out! Watch out! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1717 01:30:25,462 --> 01:30:27,296 What the hell, man? 1718 01:30:34,930 --> 01:30:36,681 What the hell is going on? 1719 01:30:38,559 --> 01:30:41,727 - Whoa! Got ourselves a bogey. - All right, let's do this! 1720 01:30:43,814 --> 01:30:45,982 [sirens wailing] 1721 01:30:47,693 --> 01:30:49,777 Fuck! We gotta lose some of this weight. 1722 01:30:49,862 --> 01:30:51,696 Pam, throw some of this shit out of here! 1723 01:30:51,780 --> 01:30:55,658 Hey, look, it's Pam. He's the good kind of Greek. 1724 01:30:55,742 --> 01:30:56,993 Hey! 1725 01:30:57,077 --> 01:30:58,452 Hey, Gene. Hey, Gary. 1726 01:31:01,540 --> 01:31:03,291 How do you know how to drive like that, Dad? 1727 01:31:04,459 --> 01:31:06,294 Damn it, Grandpa. Just tell him! 1728 01:31:06,378 --> 01:31:09,589 Uh... I was a Green Beret in Special Forces. 1729 01:31:09,673 --> 01:31:11,924 I taught insurgents behind enemy lines. 1730 01:31:12,009 --> 01:31:13,551 Mechanic was just my cover. 1731 01:31:13,635 --> 01:31:15,678 Good! We're all made up! 1732 01:31:15,762 --> 01:31:18,806 [Jason] There they are! That's them! Let's go, go, go! 1733 01:31:22,185 --> 01:31:24,186 - Shadia! - Jason? 1734 01:31:24,271 --> 01:31:27,023 Stop the bus! I need to talk to you! 1735 01:31:27,107 --> 01:31:28,149 What are you doing here 1736 01:31:28,233 --> 01:31:29,734 - in an ice cream truck? - Stop the bus! 1737 01:31:29,818 --> 01:31:31,110 - Okay! - Pull over! 1738 01:31:31,194 --> 01:31:33,195 I'm not pulling over! 1739 01:31:33,280 --> 01:31:36,073 Thanks a lot, Pam! You narc! 1740 01:31:36,158 --> 01:31:39,619 What! I'm not a narc, Barry! Fuck you! 1741 01:31:39,703 --> 01:31:40,953 Pam, you know him? 1742 01:31:41,038 --> 01:31:42,955 Barry? Yeah, he's, like, my best friend. 1743 01:31:43,040 --> 01:31:45,291 I sold him, like, six tons of ecstasy... Oh! 1744 01:31:45,375 --> 01:31:47,752 That's why they're not stopping the bus. 1745 01:31:47,836 --> 01:31:51,756 It's full of drugs. Classic Pam. 1746 01:31:51,840 --> 01:31:53,257 - I know that man. - Stop the bus! 1747 01:31:53,342 --> 01:31:56,552 - Jason, where are you going? - What are you doing? 1748 01:31:58,138 --> 01:31:59,722 What are they... 1749 01:32:11,193 --> 01:32:12,610 You'd better marry that girl. 1750 01:32:12,694 --> 01:32:15,029 Me? Nah, she's not really my type. Too skinny. 1751 01:32:24,915 --> 01:32:26,540 What the fuck? 1752 01:32:27,626 --> 01:32:29,377 Slow down! Oh, my God! 1753 01:32:29,461 --> 01:32:31,379 What are you doing? 1754 01:32:31,463 --> 01:32:33,422 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1755 01:32:33,507 --> 01:32:34,590 Slow down, dude! 1756 01:32:34,675 --> 01:32:38,177 [all screaming] 1757 01:32:39,846 --> 01:32:41,639 [crashing] 1758 01:32:43,100 --> 01:32:45,101 - Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! - Go get her, man! 1759 01:32:46,478 --> 01:32:48,020 What is going on? What just happened? 1760 01:32:48,105 --> 01:32:51,607 Hey. I don't even fucking know, but I'm not getting married. 1761 01:32:51,692 --> 01:32:56,654 Okay, so that makes it okay that you were lying to me? 1762 01:32:56,738 --> 01:32:57,947 [Jason] No. No, it doesn't. 1763 01:32:58,031 --> 01:33:01,617 But you have to admit that when we were together it felt great. 1764 01:33:01,702 --> 01:33:05,621 - There was something real there. - Yeah. 1765 01:33:07,624 --> 01:33:13,129 - What do you want from me, Jason? - I want you to stay. 1766 01:33:16,800 --> 01:33:19,719 I just can't stay. 1767 01:33:22,222 --> 01:33:24,390 [both] Okay. 1768 01:33:24,474 --> 01:33:26,809 No, I get it. 1769 01:33:26,893 --> 01:33:28,811 Yeah. 1770 01:33:34,443 --> 01:33:35,943 What if I come with you? 1771 01:33:37,863 --> 01:33:39,488 Come... 1772 01:33:40,866 --> 01:33:42,450 - Really? - I mean... 1773 01:33:43,744 --> 01:33:48,414 I just broke up with my fiancée, lost my job. 1774 01:33:48,498 --> 01:33:50,916 And I think I'm wanted by the police, so... 1775 01:33:51,001 --> 01:33:53,210 A year at sea... 1776 01:33:55,005 --> 01:33:57,298 ...might actually be the best place for me. 1777 01:33:59,676 --> 01:34:01,635 Okay. 1778 01:34:13,732 --> 01:34:16,525 - Break it up, lesbians! Let's go. - Get down on the ground! 1779 01:34:16,610 --> 01:34:18,194 We're doing this because you're lesbians! 1780 01:34:18,278 --> 01:34:19,779 Get down on the ground! 1781 01:34:19,863 --> 01:34:23,991 According to Interstate Statute 17.37, 1782 01:34:24,076 --> 01:34:26,619 arrests made on the Interstate Highway System 1783 01:34:26,703 --> 01:34:29,747 must be executed by state police, not your local law enforcement 1784 01:34:29,831 --> 01:34:31,791 from your adjacent municipalities. 1785 01:34:31,875 --> 01:34:35,252 You seem, like, really familiar with the penal code. 1786 01:34:35,337 --> 01:34:38,672 You seem real cocksure about the juris-dick-tion you're in. 1787 01:34:38,757 --> 01:34:41,717 Real cocksure! Someone drew dicks all over your face, you idiot! 1788 01:34:41,802 --> 01:34:43,803 [Finch] Well, look at that! You got dicks on your face. 1789 01:34:43,887 --> 01:34:46,430 That middle one's mine. Look it, this one right here. 1790 01:34:46,515 --> 01:34:49,016 - I traced it. - I thought I recognized that! 1791 01:34:49,101 --> 01:34:51,477 Enough catching up. Let my friends go. 1792 01:34:51,561 --> 01:34:54,063 They've literally done nothing wrong. 1793 01:34:54,147 --> 01:34:56,398 Pam, we've got obstruction ofjustice here. 1794 01:34:56,483 --> 01:35:00,319 - We got reckless endangerment. - The bus is full of drugs, I get it. 1795 01:35:00,403 --> 01:35:02,113 Ooh, speaking of which, I've got to get out of here. 1796 01:35:02,197 --> 01:35:05,199 I got three keys of "Frisbees" showing up to the store today, so... 1797 01:35:05,283 --> 01:35:09,495 - I should go, question mark? - Why don't you take my squad car. 1798 01:35:09,579 --> 01:35:10,871 That's a good idea. Give him your keys. 1799 01:35:10,956 --> 01:35:13,290 - You mean these keys? - There they are. 1800 01:35:13,375 --> 01:35:14,625 [Pam laughing] 1801 01:35:14,709 --> 01:35:16,418 - Get out! - Classic Pam. 1802 01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:18,462 Classic Pam. What do you say we get some lunch? 1803 01:35:18,547 --> 01:35:19,588 Love it. 1804 01:35:19,673 --> 01:35:21,507 - [engine starts] - [siren wailing] 1805 01:35:21,591 --> 01:35:23,509 [Pam] See you fucks later. 1806 01:35:23,593 --> 01:35:28,848 So, uh, I'm gonna go with her. 1807 01:35:30,767 --> 01:35:34,562 Yeah, you should. She seems real nice. 1808 01:35:36,064 --> 01:35:39,692 You know, I think this is our only way back now, 1809 01:35:39,776 --> 01:35:43,237 so I'm gonna try to get these cocks off of my face 1810 01:35:43,321 --> 01:35:45,948 - and get that truck started. - [chuckles] 1811 01:35:48,285 --> 01:35:50,619 - Just give me one sec. - Yeah. 1812 01:35:58,295 --> 01:36:00,838 Grandpa... 1813 01:36:00,922 --> 01:36:03,299 - Thank you for... - Don't give me any of that shit. 1814 01:36:03,383 --> 01:36:05,050 Just let me know when you get back. 1815 01:36:05,135 --> 01:36:08,596 And I actually want to see your photos in Time magazine. 1816 01:36:08,680 --> 01:36:11,891 This camera set me back three months of my army pension! 1817 01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:26,864 Thanks, Grandpa. 1818 01:36:27,699 --> 01:36:32,328 - Oh, and, Jason... - Yeah? 1819 01:36:34,164 --> 01:36:36,290 Back in the '80s, when Andre the Giant 1820 01:36:36,374 --> 01:36:39,251 used to go to the Playboy Mansion, 1821 01:36:39,336 --> 01:36:42,755 he'd stack five playmates on top of each other on a bed 1822 01:36:42,839 --> 01:36:44,965 and fingerfuck them all. Five at a time. 1823 01:36:45,050 --> 01:36:46,842 Because his hands were so big. 1824 01:36:49,179 --> 01:36:53,182 So... that's it. 1825 01:36:57,896 --> 01:37:00,439 Thanks, Grandpa. 1826 01:37:00,523 --> 01:37:02,316 [Dick] "De Oppresso Liber. " 1827 01:37:03,860 --> 01:37:05,653 Motto of the Green Berets. 1828 01:37:07,197 --> 01:37:09,031 It means "to liberate the oppressed. " 1829 01:37:22,379 --> 01:37:25,047 - Hey. You ready? - Yep. 1830 01:37:32,389 --> 01:37:35,307 I don't think he's gonna find anybody as good as me. 1831 01:37:36,935 --> 01:37:40,145 I'm sorry, but you know what they say... 1832 01:37:40,230 --> 01:37:43,232 Um... tough times 1833 01:37:43,316 --> 01:37:46,193 can sometimes lead to tougher people. 1834 01:37:46,278 --> 01:37:49,154 - Hm. - That's Kurt Vonnegut. 1835 01:37:57,205 --> 01:37:58,872 Yeah. 1836 01:38:08,341 --> 01:38:10,843 Holy fucking shit! 1837 01:38:12,762 --> 01:38:14,847 Has anyone ever told you that you have the pussy 1838 01:38:14,931 --> 01:38:16,098 of an English sheepdog? 1839 01:38:27,944 --> 01:38:29,653 Well, thanks for the ride. 1840 01:38:31,948 --> 01:38:33,324 You gonna be okay, Dad? 1841 01:38:35,618 --> 01:38:37,244 I miss her. 1842 01:38:39,289 --> 01:38:40,914 But I'll be okay. 1843 01:38:44,794 --> 01:38:51,050 - I was a shitty father and I'm sorry. - Well, we'll work on it. 1844 01:39:07,150 --> 01:39:09,693 You're a hard man to track down, professor. 1845 01:39:13,323 --> 01:39:16,408 - Are those my pants? - Yeah, these are your pants. 1846 01:39:16,493 --> 01:39:18,410 I found a Werther's Original in the pocket 1847 01:39:18,495 --> 01:39:20,329 and I've been sucking on it all morning. 1848 01:39:20,413 --> 01:39:23,916 You do know that I'm not a professor, right? 1849 01:39:24,000 --> 01:39:25,125 Yeah, I know. 1850 01:39:25,210 --> 01:39:27,753 You're just a dirty, dirty grandpa, 1851 01:39:27,837 --> 01:39:30,923 and I'm just a girl from Long Island City 1852 01:39:31,007 --> 01:39:32,591 who likes to fuck old people. 1853 01:39:33,843 --> 01:39:35,594 I like your pull-out couch. 1854 01:39:35,678 --> 01:39:38,472 Yeah, well, I got news for you. 1855 01:39:38,556 --> 01:39:41,850 That's the only thing that's gonna be pulling out tonight. 1856 01:39:41,935 --> 01:39:43,519 I'll be right back. 1857 01:40:00,620 --> 01:40:01,954 Oh, hey. 1858 01:40:02,038 --> 01:40:06,625 Look, I'm... I'm sorry. I don't know if I can do this. 1859 01:40:06,709 --> 01:40:08,127 I haven't done it for a long time. 1860 01:40:27,272 --> 01:40:30,232 Whoops! I guess they just slipped off. 1861 01:40:31,818 --> 01:40:34,778 I want you to tear open my bra like it's a social security check. 1862 01:40:45,498 --> 01:40:47,749 Tell me you've fallen and you can't get up. 1863 01:40:47,834 --> 01:40:50,669 "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up. " 1864 01:40:50,753 --> 01:40:52,004 Oh, no! 1865 01:40:53,423 --> 01:40:56,133 Now fumble around and pretend like you're trying to find your glasses. 1866 01:40:56,217 --> 01:40:58,302 "I'm trying to find my glasses. I can't see. 1867 01:40:59,929 --> 01:41:03,557 I found them! I can see! I can see!" 1868 01:41:03,641 --> 01:41:06,685 Tell me it's 4:00 and you want to eat dinner. 1869 01:41:06,769 --> 01:41:08,937 "It's 4:00 and I want to eat dinner. " 1870 01:41:09,022 --> 01:41:10,481 Tell me the buttons on your remote control 1871 01:41:10,565 --> 01:41:12,733 are so small that you can't find Fox News. 1872 01:41:12,817 --> 01:41:16,528 "The buttons on my remote control are so small I can't find Fox News!" 1873 01:41:16,613 --> 01:41:18,864 - Tell me how small they are! - "They're real small!" 1874 01:41:18,948 --> 01:41:20,741 Tell me how this neighborhood used to be safer! 1875 01:41:20,825 --> 01:41:22,367 "This neighborhood used to be safer!" 1876 01:41:22,452 --> 01:41:24,495 Tell me how things were better under Eisenhower! 1877 01:41:24,579 --> 01:41:26,580 "Things were better under Eisenhower!" 1878 01:41:26,664 --> 01:41:28,207 - We like Ike! - We like Ike! 1879 01:41:28,291 --> 01:41:29,500 - We like Ike! - We like Ike! 1880 01:41:29,584 --> 01:41:30,792 We like Ike! 1881 01:41:30,877 --> 01:41:32,044 We like Ike! 1882 01:41:32,128 --> 01:41:33,712 We like Ike! 1883 01:41:33,796 --> 01:41:35,380 We like Ike! 1884 01:41:35,465 --> 01:41:37,049 We like Ike! 1885 01:41:37,133 --> 01:41:38,884 [Dick yelling] 1886 01:41:38,968 --> 01:41:40,219 [Lenore] Are you cumming or dying? 1887 01:41:40,303 --> 01:41:43,013 [Dick] I'm not sure! Maybe both! 1888 01:41:43,097 --> 01:41:44,097 [both panting] 1889 01:41:44,182 --> 01:41:46,433 [1950s music playing] 1890 01:41:53,942 --> 01:41:56,693 "... for as by a man came death. 1891 01:41:59,739 --> 01:42:04,284 By a man has come also life. " 1892 01:42:04,369 --> 01:42:07,579 Richard Kelly ll. 1893 01:42:07,664 --> 01:42:10,624 Congratulations on the baby's new godparents, 1894 01:42:10,708 --> 01:42:12,584 - Jason and Shadia. - [all] Aww! 1895 01:42:12,669 --> 01:42:13,919 [man] Congratulations! 1896 01:42:16,339 --> 01:42:19,758 Back to Mommy. All baptized. 1897 01:42:19,842 --> 01:42:21,677 You just keep surprising me, Grandpa. 1898 01:42:22,637 --> 01:42:25,556 New dad at 72. Great fucking idea. 1899 01:42:25,640 --> 01:42:27,182 Hey, watch your potty mouth! 1900 01:42:27,267 --> 01:42:29,476 - Jesus, sorry... - Yeah, clean up your language. 1901 01:42:29,561 --> 01:42:31,603 And show some respect for your new grandmother! 1902 01:42:31,688 --> 01:42:33,188 - I'm sorry, honey. - That's all right. 1903 01:42:33,273 --> 01:42:36,108 And sweetie, would it kill you to visit us sometimes? 1904 01:42:36,192 --> 01:42:39,278 - We never see you. - Sorry, Nanna. 1905 01:42:39,362 --> 01:42:41,446 Did you get that card I sent for your birthday? 1906 01:42:41,531 --> 01:42:42,698 - Yeah. - Mm-hm. 1907 01:42:42,782 --> 01:42:46,034 Yeah, with the $12 check? It was a very nice touch. Thank you. 1908 01:42:46,119 --> 01:42:48,787 Thank you, that's right. Hey, are you gaining some weight? 1909 01:42:48,871 --> 01:42:50,872 - You look a little heavy in the face. - No, what are you talking about? 1910 01:42:50,957 --> 01:42:52,457 - Where'd this come from, huh? - What? 1911 01:42:52,542 --> 01:42:53,709 - You wanna- - Where'd these guys come from? 1912 01:42:53,793 --> 01:42:54,960 - What? - Wanna go get the car? 1913 01:42:55,044 --> 01:42:56,128 - Yeah. All right. - Okay. 1914 01:42:56,212 --> 01:42:59,006 I'll pull around the minivan. Go to Daddy. 1915 01:42:59,090 --> 01:43:03,468 There we go, come to Daddy. All right. 1916 01:43:04,846 --> 01:43:06,555 It's a little bit weird. 1917 01:43:07,432 --> 01:43:09,057 She's my grandma. 1918 01:43:10,893 --> 01:43:12,978 And you're my uncle. 1919 01:43:15,064 --> 01:43:17,482 - Look at that. - Holy shit! 1920 01:43:17,567 --> 01:43:20,235 - It's a good dick. - Oh, my God! Put that away. 1921 01:43:20,320 --> 01:43:21,653 - It's our dick. - Yeah. 1922 01:43:21,738 --> 01:43:23,322 I'm just relieved it's not his dick. 1923 01:43:26,034 --> 01:43:27,659 You want to get the bottle for me? 1924 01:43:27,744 --> 01:43:29,536 - Oh, yeah. - Hey! What you doing there? 1925 01:43:29,621 --> 01:43:32,247 [farting sound] 1926 01:43:32,332 --> 01:43:34,583 [laughing] 1927 01:43:34,667 --> 01:43:36,335 Hey, Jason, you should check your diaper, bro. 1928 01:43:36,419 --> 01:43:38,086 I think you just shit your pants. 1929 01:43:38,171 --> 01:43:41,548 And in church, too, in front of God? 1930 01:43:41,633 --> 01:43:43,342 - I don't get why you're here. - [farting sound] 1931 01:43:43,426 --> 01:43:48,805 Oh! Someone made a doodie in their yum-yum! 1932 01:43:48,890 --> 01:43:51,850 I'm just gonna put this out there once. I know your baby just got baptized. 1933 01:43:51,934 --> 01:43:55,270 But I've got a guy in Tampa who will pay upwards of 60 grand 1934 01:43:55,355 --> 01:44:00,317 for a healthy, white, male baby that can fight. 1935 01:44:00,401 --> 01:44:01,818 This is a good deal, you should take it. 1936 01:44:01,903 --> 01:44:04,696 I don't know this guy that well, but he seems extremely trustworthy. 1937 01:44:04,781 --> 01:44:06,865 Oh, yeah. You interested? 1938 01:44:06,949 --> 01:44:09,534 - Classic Pam. - Classic Pam. 1939 01:44:09,619 --> 01:44:12,079 Knock-knock. Who's there? Classic Pam. 1940 01:44:12,163 --> 01:44:15,624 [laughing] 1941 01:44:15,708 --> 01:44:18,085 Guess it's never too late to start over. 1942 01:44:18,169 --> 01:44:20,796 Yeah, nice to have a second chance. 1943 01:44:20,880 --> 01:44:24,383 Maybe it won't take me so long to get the father thing right this time. 1944 01:44:26,844 --> 01:44:28,387 Right? 1945 01:44:28,471 --> 01:44:30,097 I'll go get his car seat. 1946 01:44:37,980 --> 01:44:39,815 - Jamba! - [laughter]