1 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:11,445 Okay, larger ornaments go on the bottom, smaller on the top, 2 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:16,484 and gold and silver tinsel must never cross! 3 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,619 Emma's a little OCD. Obsessed with Christmas details. 4 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,359 I just want everything to be perfect for when Mom and Dad come home! 5 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,462 Back home on the army base, we used to just spray-paint a missile red and green, 6 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,563 hang a few grenades on it, and hoo-ah! Merry Christmas! 7 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,500 Jessie! Help! 8 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,636 Ha! You're under the mistletoe. 9 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,539 Ha! You're underage! 10 00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:39,640 There you go. 11 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:46,414 Oh, goodie. Now I can reach. 12 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,617 Ow! 13 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,618 I'm a butler, not a stepstool! 14 00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,089 Zuri, that doesn't go there. 15 00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:55,489 Okay. 16 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,359 Ow! Ow! Ow! 17 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,528 How about if I put it here? 18 00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,297 I know where you can both put it. 19 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,666 Bertram! Don't make me wash your mouth out with tinsel! 20 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,137 I think it needs to be higher. 21 00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,238 Okay! 22 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,107 (JOOw! Ow! Ow!NG) 23 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,277 That crackling sound you hear isn't the fire. 24 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:16,544 It's my spine. 25 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,149 (SOBBING) 26 00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:27,188 * Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 27 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,657 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 28 00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:34,262 * It feels like a party every day 29 00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,631 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 30 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,534 * But they keep on pulling me every which way 31 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:45,139 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 32 00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,576 * My whole world is changing Turning around 33 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:52,280 * They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 34 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,249 * But they took a chance on the new girl in town 35 00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:58,419 * And I don't want to let them down, down, down 36 00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,222 * Hey Jessie 37 00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,193 * Hey Jessie 38 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,463 * It feels like a party every day 39 00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:13,534 * Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie * 40 00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,679 That wasn't ice skating! That was ultimate fighting in a meat locker! 41 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,417 It was awesome. You spent more time skating on your face 42 00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,284 than on your feet. 43 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:37,157 New Yorkers are so rude. I can't believe that little girl ran over me! 44 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,228 Hello! 45 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,464 You fell right in front of me! 46 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,333 You probably should have stayed in the beginners' lane. 47 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,668 There were lanes? 48 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,739 Jessie, you should have stayed at the snack bar with me, eating chesty nuts. 49 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,344 * I'm off to Cabo and vacation 50 00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,412 * Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la 51 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,481 * No more kids and aggravation 52 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,683 * Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha 53 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,785 (OPERATICALLY) * Ha! 54 00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,724 Wow. Bertram is belting a bitter butler ballad. Bravo! 55 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:17,231 I won't miss you, or you, and I think I'll miss you least of all! 56 00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,666 (BERTRAM CHUCKLING) 57 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:24,405 Bertram, you forgot your hammock. 58 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,741 That's not a hammock. It's my bathing suit, which I will wear 59 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,010 as I frolic in the crystal blue waters of Mexico! 60 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,347 (SCATTING JOYFULLY) 61 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,782 And this is my impression of the fish when he does. 62 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,684 (SCREAMING) 63 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,287 Adios, suckers! 64 00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,293 Hey, Ravi, want to write our lists to Santa? 65 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:50,331 Who is this Santa you speak of? 66 00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:55,035 Oh, he's wonderful. He's old and chubby and he has a cool beard. 67 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,672 So he is like Bertram? 68 00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,841 No, Santa likes his job. 69 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:05,479 He watches every child all the time. 70 00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,482 He knows when you've been sleeping. He knows when you're awake. 71 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,855 A fat man is constantly spying on us? 72 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:22,763 Is it just me, or is that really creepy? 73 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:27,435 No, it's great! Because if you've been good, he brings you toys! 74 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,802 But what if you have been bad? 75 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,739 Don't be. 76 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,382 JESSIE: Okay, kids. I've got a lot of stuff to buy, so let's get in and get out. 77 00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,451 I want to go see Santa! 78 00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,518 He is here? 79 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,458 Ravi, why do you look so scared? 80 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:54,695 Because Zuri told me a horrible tale about this fat, judgmental gnome, 81 00:04:56,364 --> 00:05:00,868 a corpulent voyeur obsessed with children and their naughtiness! 82 00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:05,439 This Santa person is not real, is he Jessie? 83 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,744 Of course Santa is real! And he loves children. 84 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,380 For breakfast? 85 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,916 Oh, man up, Mowgli! 86 00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,720 Look! There's Santa! 87 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,758 Hey! Nice boys and girls wait their turn. 88 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:30,531 But if you want lap time now with the big guy, you can slip me some cookie dough. 89 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:37,471 Hey, Jessie! Santa's bouncer is trying to hit us up for a bribe. 90 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:42,476 Little girl, that's a ho, ho, horrible accusation. 91 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,813 Back of the line! 92 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,815 Don't talk to my kids that way! 93 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,919 Please do not provoke Santa's peevish henchman. 94 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,788 Get lost, before I convince a certain someone 95 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,724 to put these kids on the naughty list! 96 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,592 No! 97 00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,427 Do not talk to my kids like that! I'm watching you! 98 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,702 Don't worry, Zuri. You and Ravi will get your turn on Santa's lap. 99 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,672 (CRYING) 100 00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:28,155 He beckons me like Yama, the god of death who dwells in the fires of naraka! 101 00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:28,556 (SCREAMING) 102 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,696 He's gonna lose it when the Easter Bunny comes to town. 103 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:45,439 Luke, I told you the pattern was popcorn, popcorn, cranberry, popcorn! 104 00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,841 Instead, you did cranberry, cranberry, popcorn, cranberry. 105 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,914 Oh, I know. And I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life. 106 00:06:55,983 --> 00:07:00,220 Once, I made a gingerbread house that wasn't up to code. 107 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,722 It collapsed on a little gingerbread family. 108 00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,025 Still haunts me. 109 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,966 I hate snow. 110 00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,238 Just because one little jumbo jet slides off the runway 111 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,542 into short-term parking, my vacation is ruined! 112 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:22,910 (SOBS) 113 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:29,483 Jessie, can you help me wrap my present for Mr. Kipling? 114 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,951 Oh, of course, sweetie. What did you get him? 115 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,586 BUgh! 116 00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:41,929 (INSECTS BUZZING) 117 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,764 (CJESSIE: Emma!NG) 118 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,832 CHRISTINA: Hi, guys! 119 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:45,966 MORGAN: Hey, guys! 120 00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,034 (CHILDREN EXCLAIMING) 121 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,070 Merry almost Christmas! 122 00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,507 Listen, guys, all the planes coming out of Chicago have been grounded, 123 00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,677 so Mom and Dad are gonna hop on a train. 124 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,913 With the 10,000 other people who are also stuck at the airport. 125 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,549 So we're gonna make lots of new friends! 126 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,553 Is Mrs. Mommy upset? 127 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,655 Hard to tell since she got the BOTOX. 128 00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,925 So, kids, why don't you go get Great-Grandma Ross' 129 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,928 porcelain angel for the top of the tree? 130 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,630 (ZURI GASPS) 131 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:19,299 Jessie, come closer. 132 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:23,671 CHRISTINA: Whoa, hey! No! Not that close! 133 00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:27,274 We need to get her a faciaOh, yeah!istmas. 134 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,611 I texted you a list of some more presents you need to get. 135 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,815 Oh... Yes, I see! 136 00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:39,553 Uh, maybe it would be faster to send me a list of things you don't need. 137 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:42,723 You mean like a negative nanny with humongous pores? (LAUGHING) 138 00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:45,793 (FEIGNS LAUGHTER) 139 00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,831 Well, I will be there when the stores open. 140 00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,133 Me and my cavernous pores. 141 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,936 Get off it! 142 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,705 I always put the angel on! 143 00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,773 That's why it's my turn! 144 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,876 Gotta go! Ho ho ho! 145 00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,114 Hey! Back away from the railing! 146 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,951 If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. 147 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,087 No fighting over a priceless, extremely fragile family heirloom 148 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,656 at the top of the stairs next to a steep drop! 149 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:22,129 Ravi! Mr. Kipling is eating his present before Christmas! 150 00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,731 Mr. Kipling! Shame on you! 151 00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,702 (SNAPPING SOUND) 152 00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:29,737 Stand back! 153 00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,638 (CREAKING) 154 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,748 ALL: (SCREAMING) No! 155 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,754 (ALL CHEERING) 156 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,158 And Mr. Kipling makes the catch! 157 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,192 (ALL CHEER) 158 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,771 For the 9,000th time today, we're out of any doll 159 00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:08,041 that screams, cries, or wets. And if you ask me again, I'll do all three! 160 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:09,977 Next! 161 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:14,682 Hi. How are you today? 162 00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:22,189 I'm sorry for asking. Here. I don't want the kids to see what I'm buying, 163 00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,858 so can you just hurry up with this? 164 00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,627 Gee, and here I was hoping to ring in the new year with you. 165 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,165 Christina Ross? The supermodel? 166 00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,101 No offense, 167 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,670 but you're no Christina Ross. 168 00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:39,172 I know, I know. I have pores like manhole covers. Moving on! 169 00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,678 Christina gave me her card to use, so just ring me up and you can go back 170 00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:47,047 to service with a scowl. 171 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:47,948 Security! 172 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,081 (ALARM RINGING) 173 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,719 What's the problem? 174 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:52,252 Ugh, you again! 175 00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:55,956 Ugh, back at ya! 176 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,025 Keep your pointy ears out of this. 177 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,126 She gave me a stolen credit card! 178 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:03,163 She's trying to pass herself off as Christina Ross! 179 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,998 (BOTH LAUGHING) 180 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,235 Right, and I'm Tyra Banks. 181 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,803 (LAUGHING) 182 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,839 Ow! No, no, no! 183 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,807 You don't understand! I'm a nanny. That's my boss' credit card. 184 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,009 Her kids are here. They'll explain it. Emma! Luke! 185 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,981 Hey! Get your hands off my girlfriend! 186 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,050 You're his girlfriend? That is sick! 187 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,253 I'm putting you and your whole gang away. 188 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,154 Gang? We're just kids! 189 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,489 I hate kids! 190 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,157 (EMMA WHIMPERS) 191 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,226 But you're Santa's helper. 192 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:37,831 No, I'm not. I'm undercover. I'm a store detective. 193 00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:42,035 Oh, so if anything goes missing off the bottom two shelves, you're on it! 194 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,137 Ow! 195 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,474 Keep your curly-toed shoes off my kid. Come on, guys. 196 00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,910 Hold it, criminals! You're all coming with me! 197 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,746 Ignore the elf. 198 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,850 Don't make me use this. 199 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,019 What? Am I gonna get a candy caning? 200 00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,720 (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) 201 00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,224 (ALL GASPING) 202 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:08,295 Uh, she was really naughty this year. 203 00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:19,907 I should be the one laying on a table getting salt rubbed into me. 204 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:23,276 Bertram, can you see the muscles on my skin twitching? 205 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:27,848 Because I am pretty sure that is happening. 206 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:32,986 That's a sugar high. Don't worry. Afterwards, you'll sleep so soundly 207 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,254 you won't hear your teeth rotting. 208 00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,558 (SCREAMS) 209 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:38,625 (EXCLAIMS) 210 00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,902 Well, I found the fruit salad. 211 00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:53,040 Mmm, I love fruit. Almost as much as I love sprinkles. 212 00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,574 Sprinkles, sprinkles, sprinkles! 213 00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,144 I need to eat more sprinkles! I need a nap. 214 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:06,186 Okay, this is officially the worst shopping trip ever. 215 00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:09,256 And that includes the time my dad took me shopping for my first training bra! 216 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,391 The army surplus store is not exactly known for its young miss department! 217 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,963 We're never gonna get out of here! 218 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:20,600 I'm never gonna have a boyfriend, or a sweet 16, or prom! 219 00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,237 Unless I have a prom in prison... I don't wanna have a prison prom! 220 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,841 I'd like to volunteer to slap Emma back to sanity. 221 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,946 (SCREAMING) Get us out of here! 222 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,115 Stop shaking me! I'm not a snow globe! 223 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:40,320 Emma, don't worry. I'm gonna bust us out of this joint. 224 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,890 All right? Just... Oh, oh! 225 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:43,623 I saw this in a movie once. 226 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,424 Gonna chisel us out of here. 227 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,899 By the time you do, Emma will be dancing at her prison prom. 228 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:53,700 (CRYING) 229 00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,038 There will be no prison prom! 230 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,211 Well, I guess that's why nobody ever tunneled out of jail with a candy cane. 231 00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,281 Warden! Let me out! I'm innocent! 232 00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,450 I'll get the keys. 233 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,053 Prepare to be grateful. 234 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,926 I got it! I got it! I got it! 235 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:26,266 I don't got it. 236 00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,634 I think I'm stuck. 237 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:28,368 Here. 238 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,972 Ow! You're gonna rip my ears off! 239 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,041 What do you care? You never listen anyway. 240 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,342 (SCREAMS) 241 00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,377 Here, ready? And go! 242 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,745 (SCREAMING) 243 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:42,950 Pipe down! The girls in the complaint department are complaining! 244 00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:50,290 Look, Officer Jingles, (CHUCKLING) 245 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,095 I know my rights and I demand a phone call. 246 00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:55,963 Okay. 247 00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,935 Hello? Hello? 248 00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,971 (COW MOOING) 249 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,272 (GASPS) 250 00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:05,905 Does anybody here speak cow? 251 00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,476 You gave us a toy phone? 252 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,111 You're in toy jail. 253 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,681 We need a Christmas miracle! 254 00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,316 Jingles, the police just called. 255 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,485 There was a heist at a jewelry store. 256 00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,353 Someone just stole five golden rings. 257 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:24,091 ALL: Five golden rings? 258 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,392 So they can't pick up your suspects. 259 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,095 Well, I'm not just gonna let them go. 260 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,131 But the store Christmas party is starting, and I got us matching outfits! 261 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:36,236 Come on, Officer Jingles. You don't want to miss the party. 262 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,239 After all, you've got the limbo contest in the bag. 263 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:44,144 Oh, just get out and never come back! 264 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:47,147 LUKE: Okay! 265 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:51,251 Free at last! From now on, I'm shopping online! 266 00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:51,418 JESSIE: Go, go. 267 00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:57,090 Thank you, sir... Ma'am... Officer? Elf? I don't... 268 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,493 Hey! You forgot something! 269 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,365 Here, bite down on this. 270 00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,634 Oh, boy. 271 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,304 This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. 272 00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,172 (GOw!TS) 273 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,450 Mommy and Daddy should be home by now. 274 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,154 Perhaps the evil Santa has kidnapped them and put them to work 275 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,555 in his North Pole sweatshop! 276 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:38,031 Okay, I'm gonna say this once more, slowly and calmly. 277 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,333 (SCREAMING) Santa is a good guy! 278 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,239 Do you know how late it is? 279 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,208 How dare you leave me all alone with these sugar fiends! 280 00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,512 Yeah, I can see how tough it's been. 281 00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:56,783 Meanwhile, I was caned and thrown in the slammer by a power-mad elf! 282 00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:00,820 Long story. About a short person. 283 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,589 Well, I'm still picking cherries out of my nose! 284 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,923 I don't want to hear about your nose cherries! 285 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,194 Or how you should be shaking your maracas in a Mexican disco! 286 00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,196 I should be shaking my... 287 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,297 Hi, guys. 288 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:11,564 ALL: Hi! 289 00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,533 Hi, Mommy! 290 00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,069 Where are you? 291 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:20,073 Well, we're on the train, but the blizzard has shut everything down. 292 00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,842 Oh, that gives me an idea for a movie! 293 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,478 Two parents trying to get home to their kids for Christmas, 294 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,514 but they're trapped in a blizzard on a train! 295 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,316 How do you do it? 296 00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,351 I don't know! 297 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:35,222 So you're not gonna be home for Christmas? 298 00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,356 Of course we will, sweetie. 299 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,858 When you wake up Christmas morning, we'll be there. 300 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:43,163 And meantime, Jessie and Bertram are gonna make this 301 00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:46,233 the best Christmas ever, right guys? 302 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:50,870 Right! The best ever. 303 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:55,375 Kids, gather by the fire, and Daddy and I will read you The Night Before Christmas. 304 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,276 Yeah, let's go. 305 00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,247 I hope the evil Santa is not in that story. 306 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,519 We're lucky Morgan and Christina had these presents in their regifting closet. 307 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,554 That bike will be perfect for Ravi. 308 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,423 Only if he likes peddling in place. 309 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,659 This is a stationary bike! 310 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,493 He just came all the way from India. 311 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,296 He doesn't need to go anywhere else. 312 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:22,335 Meanwhile, this mushroom extract will be perfect for Zuri's laugh lines. 313 00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,272 You can't put anti-aging make-up on a 7-year-old. She'll disappear! 314 00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:30,210 Fine, then we will give Zuri the canned ham, 315 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,678 Luke the laser hair removal session... 316 00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,382 You really want to put Luke in the same room with a laser? 317 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,418 Good lookin' out. Yeah, we'll give this to Emma. 318 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,288 She's starting to get a unibrow. 319 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,323 Okay, grab your beard, and let's go take some photos. 320 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:50,297 Why do I have to do this? 321 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,200 So Ravi sees that Santa is a good guy, and not a creepy stalker. 322 00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:58,271 Ho, ho, ho. 323 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,707 Oh, come on. Show me the jolly! 324 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:04,444 I'm trying, but this beard is itchy and these pants smell like reindeer pee. 325 00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:08,581 Ow! Ow! My hair! 326 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,450 Oh! Oh! Oh! 327 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,585 Hey! 328 00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,521 That hurts! DonStop!ve! 329 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,257 Stop! Stop! Stop! 330 00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,258 Don'Hey!ve! 331 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,261 Let her go, you bearded brute! (SCREAMS) 332 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,364 (BOTH SCREAMING) 333 00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:26,999 This is how we do it in Calcutta! 334 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,236 Ravi! Ravi! Stop! Quit! 335 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:31,704 Stop it! 336 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,576 Ravi! You're beating Santa! 337 00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,344 With something that says "peace on Earth." 338 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:45,385 Yes, keep crawling like the insect you are! 339 00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:49,756 Ravi, thank you so much, but Santa wasn't hurting me. 340 00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,391 An innocent man does not run. 341 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,263 What is all the racket? 342 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,764 Are Mom and Dad here? 343 00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:01,334 (SIGHS) No, guys, you know they wish they could be here, 344 00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:02,735 but they can't control the weather. 345 00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:07,274 All we wanted was to have Mommy and Daddy home. 346 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,643 I wouldn't say "all," because Mortal Terror 5 just came out, 347 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,979 but it was still really important! 348 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:16,249 (ALL CRYING) 349 00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,652 Guys, guys, please don't cry! We can still have a fun Christmas. 350 00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:20,787 Look, Zuri! 351 00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,291 A ham! 352 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,395 Can you put sprinkles on it? 353 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,730 Of course. I can do anything you want. 354 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,633 Can you make Mommy and Daddy appear? 355 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:37,404 Oh, trust me, guys, if I could, they'd walk out of that elevator right now. 356 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,573 BOTH: Merry Christmas! 357 00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,345 Thanks, Jessie! Now turn Luke into a pony! 358 00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,717 Guys, I thought the trains were stopped. How did you make it home? 359 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,521 Mommy and Daddy ran into Santa Claus, and he gave us a ride home in his sleigh. 360 00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,689 CHRISTINA: Absolutely. 361 00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,525 And he even let me steer! 362 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,294 CHRISTINA: He was so nice! 363 00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:05,532 Well, now I feel terrible, because I just beat the curry out of him. 364 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,605 (PIANO PLAYING CHRISTMAS MUSIC) 365 00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:19,045 RAVI: Mr. Kipling loves his new antlers. 366 00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:20,347 You are a cute little rein-lizard. Yes, you are. 367 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,485 Ooh, a new phone! 368 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,321 Cut! Love it! 369 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,322 Okay, sweetheart, that was great. 370 00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:31,424 Let's try one more with a little more energy. 371 00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:38,598 Ooh! A new phone! (SHRIEKING) I love it! 372 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,734 We'll go with the first one. I'll fix it in post. 373 00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:45,738 You're my new best friend. 374 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,408 Next to Hammy. 375 00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:54,481 Okay, guys, I want to take a picture by the tree. 376 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:57,384 Oh, and by the way, I love that the strings 377 00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,886 are popcorn, popcorn, cranberry, popcorn. 378 00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:03,456 I told you! I'm so glad someone appreciates my popcorn pattern. 379 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,796 Wait a minute. Where is Jessie? 380 00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,764 Yeah, she needs to be in the family picture, too. 381 00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,132 (JESSIE SNORING) 382 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,367 ZURI: Yeah. 383 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,706 All right, everybody gather around Jessie. 384 00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:22,509 Aw, she looks so cute. 385 00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:23,843 Aw, she's drooling. 386 00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:26,379 That makes two of us. 387 00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:30,483 Everybody, say "Jessie." 388 00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:31,851 ALL: Jessie! 389 00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:32,885 Huh?