1
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,777
Hey, Darla, it's Jessie!
2
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:14,082
Thank you so much
for sending me
that video of you
3
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,317
cruising around Europe
with your rich new boyfriend.
4
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,052
(CHUCKLES)
5
00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:19,487
If you consider a guy
in his 60s "new."
6
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,490
Don't get bitter.
Keep it upbeat.
7
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:28,062
So I thought I'd
make a video for you
8
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,364
about how awesome
my life is here
in the Big Apple.
9
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,300
Look who it is. Bertram.
10
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,469
He's our butler.
He caters to
our every whim.
11
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:38,139
Bertram, say hi to Darla.
12
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,107
Go away.
13
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,379
New Yorkers may seem
a little bit crusty,
14
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,116
but once you get to know them,
they can be the sweetest
people in the world.
15
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,617
Bessie!
16
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,419
My Zeus is missing!
17
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,388
Probably dog-napped
by your revolting
little delinquents!
18
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,157
(SCOFFS) Please!
19
00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,525
My kids wouldn't go
near that rat with
hair extensions!
20
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,229
I wouldn't bet on that.
21
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,563
(DOGUh-oh.NG)
22
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,365
Faster! Faster!
23
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,433
(DOG WHIMPERING)
24
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,501
Slower! Slower!
25
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:07,635
Stop! Stop!
26
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,071
No!
27
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:19,280
Excuse me!
This dog is under-cooked
and over-dressed.
28
00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,117
Zeusie! Oh!
29
00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,051
Are you all right?
30
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:28,156
Oh, Bertram,
how can I ever
thank you
31
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,424
for saving my precious
little muchacho?
32
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,393
I am so sorry!
33
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595
I was making a video
for my friend Darla
back home...
34
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:38,466
Marla, your friend is
a horrible nanny.
35
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,435
She couldn't take care
of a bowl of sea monkeys!
36
00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:47,475
I'll have you know
all my sea monkeys
died of natural causes,
37
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:47,675
and a thirsty cat.
38
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,314
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
39
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,916
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
40
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:59,453
* It feels like a party
every day
41
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:04,225
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
42
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,695
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way
43
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:11,265
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
44
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:15,169
* My whole world is changing
Turning around
45
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,472
* They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
46
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:22,310
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
47
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,578
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
48
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,747
* Hey Jessie
49
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:29,650
* Hey Jessie
50
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:36,390
* It feels like a party
every day
51
00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,759
* Hey, hey, hey
hey, hey, Jessie *
52
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,672
Ugh!
53
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,609
I can't believe
that stupid video
got two million hits.
54
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,745
And the kid who posted it
won a free trip to Hollywood.
55
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:02,316
Dad would be so proud
of us if we made
a great viral video.
56
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:06,487
He might even forget that
you sold his Golden Globe
to get a new skateboard.
57
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,457
Uh, yeah. It was
a People's Choice Award.
58
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,259
I had to beg that guy
to take it.
59
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,695
Too bad we don't
have a cool pet.
60
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,663
(HISSES)
61
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,632
Quiet, Mr. Kipling,
we're trying to think!
62
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:26,940
That's it!
63
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,676
A lizard video!
64
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,277
A star is hatched!
65
00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,750
And welcome
to my crib!
66
00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,586
Oh, yeah,
you saw it right, Darla.
67
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,755
An elevator straight into
our living room! (LAUGHS)
68
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,357
Front doors are so passe.
69
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,260
Cut!
70
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,262
You want to
rub Darla's nose
in it, right?
71
00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,730
Absolutely not!
72
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,532
She's a dear friend.
I just...
73
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,001
Why, what do you got?
74
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,436
We need to get you
some bling.
75
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,540
Mommy wore this
at her wedding.
76
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,276
Daddy bought it from
someone named Tiffany.
77
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:02,843
Whoa!
78
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,746
(GASPS)
79
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,381
If diamonds are
a girl's best friend,
80
00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,550
this is Oprah
and I'm Gayle.
81
00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,456
So. How do I look?
82
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,825
(GASPS)
83
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,694
Like a million bucks.
84
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,330
Which I think is
what Daddy paid
for that tiara!
85
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,033
Whoa!
86
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,068
Do you know what
that would buy
back in Fort Hood?
87
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:28,135
Fort Hood.
88
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,311
He's not doing anything.
89
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,079
He is so!
90
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,548
He is oozing
star quality.
91
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,454
Well, go get
a paper towel
and clean it up.
92
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,721
(GASPS)
I think I just
saw him blink.
93
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,891
Oh, wait.
That was me blinking.
94
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,465
Darla, darling,
here's the view
from my apartment.
95
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,099
Or should I say,
penthouse?
96
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,768
Why not?
Penthouse!
97
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,338
That's it, Jessie!
Work that crown!
98
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,877
Oh! Whoa!
99
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,712
No!
100
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,883
(KARATE GRUNTS)
101
00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,452
What was that?
102
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,353
(WHIMPERS)
103
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:28,496
Look, Zeusie.
It's raining diamonds.
104
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,365
Dreams do come true!
105
00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,400
Let's go check the sauna
for Matt Lauer!
106
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:43,911
(PANTING)
107
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:44,945
Ugh!
108
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,548
Ow! Open-toed shoes!
109
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,754
Did you happen to notice
a tiara falling from
our terrace a moment ago?
110
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,390
Oh, I'm not sure.
Could you describe it?
111
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,659
Oh, come on now.
112
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,661
How many crowns
fell in your tub?
113
00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,667
It's diamond, sparkly,
my boss got married under it.
114
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,402
Is tYes!it?
115
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,837
Oh! Thank you!
You just saved my job!
116
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,638
Uh-uh-uh.
117
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,807
I will return it
to your employer,
118
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:17,678
along with an explanation
of just how it came to be
in my possession.
119
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,855
By the way,
tell that delicious hunk
of butler Bertram
120
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,490
that Rhoda says...
(GROWLS)
121
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:36,864
Great!
122
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,499
Now I'm about to lose
my job and my lunch.
123
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,740
Bertram, I think you have
a secret admirer
in the building.
124
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,875
Really?
125
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,843
Is it that
saucy little dancer
on the 12th floor?
126
00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,980
She's always
making eyes at me
in the elevator.
127
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,849
No.
128
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,417
And ew!
129
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:02,923
Even better,
it's Mrs. Chesterfield!
130
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,893
Mega ew!
131
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,764
Actually,
you guys have
a lot in common.
132
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,199
You're both old,
you're both cranky,
133
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,769
you both need a shave.
134
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,571
I'm surprised you
haven't put a ring
on that yet.
135
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,579
Why are you trying
to fix me up with
that old harpy?
136
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,916
Okay, I dropped
Christina's diamond tiara
off the balcony,
137
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,718
it fell in
Mrs. Chesterfield's hot tub,
138
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,719
and I need you
to get her out
of her apartment
139
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,754
so I can go retrieve it,
so I don't get fired.
140
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,254
(CHUCKLES)
141
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,023
Nice knowing you.
142
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,627
Then you've
left us no choice.
143
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,495
It's time to move on
to Plan B.
144
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:44,665
Ow!
145
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,036
Zuri, that's Plan C!
146
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,772
Sorry, I just
really love Plan C.
147
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,711
Plan B is to tell Christina
that you left the tiara out
148
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,747
when it came back
from the jewelers
149
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:00,681
instead of putting
it in the safe
where it belongs.
150
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,253
Because the safe is
all the way upstairs.
It's...
151
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,523
It's too far.
152
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,658
You know what's
nice and close?
153
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,959
The unemployment office.
154
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,694
Okay, okay!
Give me the phone.
155
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,634
(GRUNTS)
156
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,569
Seriously?
157
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,944
(PHONE RINGING)
158
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,946
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Rhoda Chesterfield's
residence.
159
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:36,083
Hello, this is
Bertram from upstairs.
160
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,785
Is she available?
161
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,819
Let me check.
162
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:40,921
(NORMAL VOICE)
Bertram!
163
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,759
To what do I owe this
delightful surprise?
164
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,960
I was wondering
if you'd like to...
165
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,297
Yes!
166
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,032
But, you don't even know
what I was going to say!
167
00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,334
Doesn't matter.
I'll be ready at 8:00.
168
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,803
See you tonight!
169
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:57,738
Score!
170
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:00,708
(SOBBING)
171
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,746
He's taking it
better than I
thought he would.
172
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,784
Hey, guys. I've got
the perfect thing
173
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,786
to make Mr. Kipling's
video go viral.
174
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,888
Let me guess.
A cute outfit!
175
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,892
No. A cute costume.
176
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,062
Captain Kipling
to the rescue!
177
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,132
I love it!
178
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,867
Can we even get him
into that?
179
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,602
Try keeping him
out of it.
180
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,741
That was not so hard.
181
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,112
Yeah, we still have
most of our fingers.
182
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,751
It's worth it.
He looks totes adorable.
183
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,619
Okay, so,
184
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,355
let's go throw him
off the stairway and
pretend that he's flying.
185
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,659
I hope you are
planning on having
a stunt lizard.
186
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,394
Oh, relax!
When we throw him,
we'll aim for the couch.
187
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,729
You cannot even
aim correctly
for the toilet!
188
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,100
True.
189
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,904
So you're clear
on the plan?
190
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:04,738
Yes! I get the crone
out of her apartment
191
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,174
and I leave the door
open a crack.
192
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,842
It's not exactly
Mission Impossible.
193
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:11,912
Where are you
taking her for dinner?
194
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,782
I'm hoping Australia.
195
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,685
You expect me to spend money
on her, too? Uh-uh-uh.
196
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,387
We'll be dining on
leftovers upstairs.
197
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,989
And then I'm gonna
make her do the dishes,
198
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,157
while I hit my head
until the memory's gone.
199
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:25,726
Now, scram!
200
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,133
(CLEARS THROAT)
201
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,673
I'm ready.
202
00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,809
Okay, let's
get her done.
203
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,814
You romantic devil.
204
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,961
WaNo, no, no, no, no.t!
205
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,231
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
That was close.
206
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,133
(CHUCKLES)
207
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:12,205
Uh-oh.
This mission just got
a little more impossible.
208
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,877
I don't suppose you
could chew your way
through the door.
209
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,011
Who am I kidding.
210
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,780
If you could,
you would've done it
a long time ago.
211
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,723
Oh, Bertram,
these appetizers
are simply divine.
212
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,058
What did you say
they were called?
213
00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,026
Potato chips?
214
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:34,862
Mmm.
215
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,965
Delightfully crunchy!
216
00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,769
And I just can't get over
this breathtaking view.
217
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,281
They must be
having dinner
in the kitchen.
218
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,950
Okay, we use
this rope ladder
from the helicopter
219
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,886
to get down to
Chesterfield's terrace.
220
00:11:58,919 --> 00:11:59,953
What do you mean "we"?
221
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:03,090
I'm afraid of heights.
And dying.
222
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,327
Okay, okay.
Just hold it
steady for me.
223
00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,001
(GASPS)
224
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:14,067
Bertie, what's wrong?
225
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,938
Nothing. I just want to
226
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,008
show you something
in the kitchen.
227
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,347
What did you
want to show me?
228
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,917
Um...
229
00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:34,054
Oh! My new mp3 player!
230
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:34,822
(UShall we dance?YS)
231
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,357
Oh, yes!
232
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,995
Spin me,
spin me right round
like a record!
233
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,870
(ZEUS BARKS)
234
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:50,804
Did you hear that?
235
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,140
I can't hear anything
over your outfit.
236
00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,341
(LAUGHS)
237
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,344
I heard barking!
238
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,913
That's because
you bring out
the animal in me.
239
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,248
(BARKS)
240
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,215
(SPITS))
241
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,986
(ZEUS BARKING)
242
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,821
No, it sounds
like my Zeus.
243
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,356
Wait! Wait!
We can't leave
the kitchen.
244
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,125
Why not?
245
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,961
Because, um,
246
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,295
my garlic bread
is burning.
247
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,131
Oh, I know exactly
how it feels.
248
00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:20,968
(SNEEZES)
249
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,105
Zeus, why are you
sweating so much?
250
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,340
I'm the one who
should be nervous.
251
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,042
Wait a minute.
Dogs don't sweat.
252
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:29,142
Ew!
253
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,191
(SCREAMS)
254
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,128
Hurry!
They're almost
done with dinner
255
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,930
and I know what
Mrs. Chesterfield
wants for dessert.
256
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:53,000
Bertram a la mode!
257
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,902
I don't wanna
talk about it.
258
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,339
Okay. We need to
find that tiara.
259
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,141
I don't want
to lose my job!
260
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,911
And I don't want to lose
the best nanny I ever had!
261
00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,213
You've been such
a great role model.
262
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,181
Thank you.
263
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,250
Now put on your gloves
and let's ransack this joint.
264
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,024
Ravi, if you really want
our video to go viral,
265
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,292
let me bungee Mr. Kipling
off the balcony!
266
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,028
Look how safe it is.
267
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:25,232
(HISSES)
268
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,906
This is why Mr. Kipling
does not work with
first time directors!
269
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,644
Hey, Luke!
Dad texted you back.
270
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,446
He says,
"To make a hit movie,
271
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,915
"tell the story
that's in your heart.
272
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:42,215
"Then hire Johnny Depp."
273
00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,921
Hey! Mr. Kipling is
the star of this video.
274
00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:48,121
He gets top billing.
275
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,591
"And if you can't
get Johnny Depp,
276
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,328
"strap the camera
to the lizard and
see what happens."
277
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,931
That is brilliant!
278
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,267
We'll have to give Dad
a shout out when we
accept our Webby Award.
279
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:04,104
Wait! If Mr. Kipling
is also going to be
the cameraman,
280
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,039
he must be
paid double.
281
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:06,706
Since we're
paying him nothing...
282
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,508
Deal!
283
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,946
Bertram,
this freezer-burned
key lime pie
284
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,314
is like a little slice
of expired heaven.
285
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,419
Served by a husky angel.
286
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,289
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
287
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,156
This is the longest meal
of my life.
288
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,131
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, that tickles!
289
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,000
Oh, Bertram,
you frisky rascal!
290
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,135
That's not me.
291
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:38,305
(SCREAMS)
292
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:43,043
Sorry about that.
293
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,479
No sudden moves.
He can smell fear.
294
00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,249
That smell's been
coming off me all night.
295
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,418
Bertram,
I'm going to faint!
296
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,385
Catch me.
297
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,957
(SOBBING)
298
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,561
He's licking my face.
299
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,164
Better him than me.
300
00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,501
If you were a tiara,
where would you be?
301
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:08,901
On a head.
302
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,038
Not helping.
303
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:15,042
Oh, not now, Zeus!
304
00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,376
Zeus! Knock it off!
305
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,750
(GASPS) Holy hound dog!
The tiara!
306
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:24,317
Why didn't you
say something?
307
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:27,587
(DOOUh-oh.ING)
308
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,324
MRS. CHESTERFIELD:
Let me just check on Zeus.
309
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:38,031
Are you okay,
Mr. Fluffy Pants?
310
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:38,231
Hang that up for me.
311
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,404
Aah!
312
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:46,773
(GROWLS)
313
00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,208
(LAUGHING)
314
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,343
Shh!
315
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,380
He slammed the door
on my fingers!
316
00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,449
Which, so far,
is the highlight
of my day.
317
00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:59,252
Zeusie, meet
the other man
in my life.
318
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,254
Give Uncle Bertie
a kiss!
319
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,589
I don't kiss
on the first date.
320
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,324
(CHUCKLES)
We'll see about that.
321
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:06,293
(GROANS)
322
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:14,267
That video of Kipling
licking Chesterfield
was hilarious.
323
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,070
Too bad it was
completely out of focus.
324
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,538
Kipling really blew it.
325
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:24,444
He is a lizard,
not J.J. Abrams!
326
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,646
Hey, what's this
rope ladder doing
out here?
327
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,048
Who cares?
328
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,517
Let's dress Mr. Kipling
as a pirate
329
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,286
and have him pretend
to climb it.
330
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,287
Great idea!
331
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,590
We'll need an eye patch,
a peg leg, and a hook.
332
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,293
(GRUNTS)
333
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:43,196
And that's just
for whoever tries to
get him into the costume.
334
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,867
Come closer.
I don't bite.
335
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,336
I do.
When I feel threatened.
336
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,107
(BARKING)
337
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,842
What is it, Zeus?
Is there something
in the armoire?
338
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,577
No!
339
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:02,515
What is that
intoxicating fragrance?
340
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,451
Eau de key lime pie.
341
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,685
Want a taste?
342
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:23,170
The rope ladder's gone!
343
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:26,539
I bet Luke took it.
344
00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,341
He's had dirty socks
on his floor
for three months,
345
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,476
but this he picks up!
346
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,681
MRS. CHESTERFIELD:
Come, Bertie!
Let's go look at the stars.
347
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,588
No room!
Casa Chihuahua is ocupado.
348
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:57,537
Look, Bertram.
The hot tub is steamy
and freshly disinfected.
349
00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,472
Like me.
350
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,175
TMI.
351
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,177
Let's jump in.
352
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,145
It's time to play
a little game
I like to call,
353
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,716
Rub-a-dub Rhoda.
354
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,351
Can't we just
play checkers?
355
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,394
Last one in
gets the wonky jet.
356
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,269
(SCREAMS)
357
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,408
Nessie!
What are you
doing here?
358
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,577
Wait, this isn't
our terrace?
359
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,779
I must be
sleep soaking.
360
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,416
And I must be
going now!
361
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:48,421
Those revolting children
were in my house?
362
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:50,290
BERTRAM: Hey!.
363
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:53,760
No one calls those kids
revolting and repugnant
except me.
364
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,497
And they wouldn't be here
if you'd given that tiara
back in the first place.
365
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,631
And I wouldn't
be here, either!
366
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:02,269
You mean this was
all a set-up?
367
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,736
I've never been
so humiliated.
368
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,538
I find that
hard to believe.
369
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,609
I'm sorry,
Mrs. Chesterfield.
370
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,245
We didn't mean
to hurt you.
I just...
371
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,646
I don't want
to lose my job.
372
00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,383
I love these kids
so much.
373
00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,985
We love you, too.
374
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,553
I don't like
any of you.
375
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,291
Clearly.
376
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,593
I'd be weeping now
if my tear ducts
weren't so full of Botox.
377
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,496
Look, Rhoda,
378
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,698
if you don't
rat on Jessie,
379
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,733
I'll take you out
on a real date.
380
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,569
Why should I
go out with you
381
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,771
after the shabby way
you've treated me?
382
00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,273
Suit yourself.
383
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,609
Ooh! I love when
you play hard to get.
384
00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,647
Shall we say Chez Fancy
tomorrow night, 8:00?
385
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,649
You can say it.
386
00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,418
I'll be at the Korean
Barbecue truck on
the corner at 4:30.
387
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:52,585
Done!
388
00:20:58,325 --> 00:20:59,459
Score!
389
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,296
Thank you, Bertram.
390
00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,831
Talk about taking one
for the team.
391
00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,399
I took more than one!
392
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,302
That dog was
all over me, too.
393
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:12,305
Now go put that tiara
back in the safe.
394
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,440
I'd do it, but...
395
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,808
We know.
It's too far.
396
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,614
RAVI: Mr. Kipling looks
quite the swashbuckler,
does he not?
397
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,451
This stinks.
398
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,586
I told you
we should have
moved the furniture.
399
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,622
I give up.
400
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,091
Making a funny viral video
is impossible
if you don't have
401
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,695
a talking dog,
or a sneezing panda.
402
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:38,731
Hi, guys! You want to see
the video I just posted?
403
00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:45,338
No! No! No! No!
Bad! The tiara!
Gone! Fell!
404
00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:49,342
It fell! It's gone!
It's gone!
Really, really bad!
405
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:51,478
Cut! Cut!
Turn it off!
Cut! Cut!
406
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:52,078
Cut! Cut!
407
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:55,582
(ALL LAUGHING)
408
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,450
Please don't tell me
you put this
on the Internet.
409
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,652
Yep! You're a star!
410
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,854
You already got
40,000 hits!
411
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:05,592
You're gonna be more popular
than that monkey who sniffed
his own butt!
412
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:11,431
Great!
Now thousands of people
think I'm a klutz,
413
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,701
who lives in a penthouse
and has an awesome priceless
jewelry collection?
414
00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,903
(GASPS) I'm sending a link
to Darla back home.
415
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,373
That should have
been Mr. Kipling.
416
00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:23,710
I guess he is just another
pretty face with no talent.
417
00:22:23,743 --> 00:22:24,911
(PIANO PLAYING)