1 00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:09,777 Hey, Darla, it's Jessie! 2 00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:14,082 Thank you so much for sending me that video of you 3 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,317 cruising around Europe with your rich new boyfriend. 4 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,052 (CHUCKLES) 5 00:00:18,086 --> 00:00:19,487 If you consider a guy in his 60s "new." 6 00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,490 Don't get bitter. Keep it upbeat. 7 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:28,062 So I thought I'd make a video for you 8 00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,364 about how awesome my life is here in the Big Apple. 9 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:32,300 Look who it is. Bertram. 10 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,469 He's our butler. He caters to our every whim. 11 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:38,139 Bertram, say hi to Darla. 12 00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,107 Go away. 13 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,379 New Yorkers may seem a little bit crusty, 14 00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:48,116 but once you get to know them, they can be the sweetest people in the world. 15 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:49,617 Bessie! 16 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,419 My Zeus is missing! 17 00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,388 Probably dog-napped by your revolting little delinquents! 18 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,157 (SCOFFS) Please! 19 00:00:56,190 --> 00:00:57,525 My kids wouldn't go near that rat with hair extensions! 20 00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,229 I wouldn't bet on that. 21 00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:02,563 (DOGUh-oh.NG) 22 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,365 Faster! Faster! 23 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,433 (DOG WHIMPERING) 24 00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,501 Slower! Slower! 25 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:07,635 Stop! Stop! 26 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,071 No! 27 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:19,280 Excuse me! This dog is under-cooked and over-dressed. 28 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,117 Zeusie! Oh! 29 00:01:23,151 --> 00:01:24,051 Are you all right? 30 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:28,156 Oh, Bertram, how can I ever thank you 31 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,424 for saving my precious little muchacho? 32 00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:32,393 I am so sorry! 33 00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,595 I was making a video for my friend Darla back home... 34 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:38,466 Marla, your friend is a horrible nanny. 35 00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:41,435 She couldn't take care of a bowl of sea monkeys! 36 00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:47,475 I'll have you know all my sea monkeys died of natural causes, 37 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:47,675 and a thirsty cat. 38 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:53,314 * Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 39 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,916 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 40 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:59,453 * It feels like a party every day 41 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:04,225 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 42 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,695 * But they keep on pulling me every which way 43 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:11,265 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 44 00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:15,169 * My whole world is changing Turning around 45 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,472 * They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 46 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:22,310 * But they took a chance on the new girl in town 47 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,578 * And I don't want to let them down, down, down 48 00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,747 * Hey Jessie 49 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:29,650 * Hey Jessie 50 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:36,390 * It feels like a party every day 51 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,759 * Hey, hey, hey hey, hey, Jessie * 52 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,672 Ugh! 53 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,609 I can't believe that stupid video got two million hits. 54 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,745 And the kid who posted it won a free trip to Hollywood. 55 00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:02,316 Dad would be so proud of us if we made a great viral video. 56 00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:06,487 He might even forget that you sold his Golden Globe to get a new skateboard. 57 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,457 Uh, yeah. It was a People's Choice Award. 58 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,259 I had to beg that guy to take it. 59 00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,695 Too bad we don't have a cool pet. 60 00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,663 (HISSES) 61 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,632 Quiet, Mr. Kipling, we're trying to think! 62 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:26,940 That's it! 63 00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,676 A lizard video! 64 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:29,277 A star is hatched! 65 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,750 And welcome to my crib! 66 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,586 Oh, yeah, you saw it right, Darla. 67 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,755 An elevator straight into our living room! (LAUGHS) 68 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:43,357 Front doors are so passe. 69 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,260 Cut! 70 00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,262 You want to rub Darla's nose in it, right? 71 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,730 Absolutely not! 72 00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,532 She's a dear friend. I just... 73 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,001 Why, what do you got? 74 00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:55,436 We need to get you some bling. 75 00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:59,540 Mommy wore this at her wedding. 76 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,276 Daddy bought it from someone named Tiffany. 77 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:02,843 Whoa! 78 00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,746 (GASPS) 79 00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:07,381 If diamonds are a girl's best friend, 80 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:09,550 this is Oprah and I'm Gayle. 81 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:15,456 So. How do I look? 82 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,825 (GASPS) 83 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,694 Like a million bucks. 84 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,330 Which I think is what Daddy paid for that tiara! 85 00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:26,033 Whoa! 86 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,068 Do you know what that would buy back in Fort Hood? 87 00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:28,135 Fort Hood. 88 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,311 He's not doing anything. 89 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,079 He is so! 90 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,548 He is oozing star quality. 91 00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:46,454 Well, go get a paper towel and clean it up. 92 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:47,721 (GASPS) I think I just saw him blink. 93 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,891 Oh, wait. That was me blinking. 94 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:57,465 Darla, darling, here's the view from my apartment. 95 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,099 Or should I say, penthouse? 96 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:00,768 Why not? Penthouse! 97 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,338 That's it, Jessie! Work that crown! 98 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,877 Oh! Whoa! 99 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,712 No! 100 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,883 (KARATE GRUNTS) 101 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:18,452 What was that? 102 00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:19,353 (WHIMPERS) 103 00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:28,496 Look, Zeusie. It's raining diamonds. 104 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,365 Dreams do come true! 105 00:05:31,399 --> 00:05:32,400 Let's go check the sauna for Matt Lauer! 106 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:43,911 (PANTING) 107 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:44,945 Ugh! 108 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,548 Ow! Open-toed shoes! 109 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,754 Did you happen to notice a tiara falling from our terrace a moment ago? 110 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,390 Oh, I'm not sure. Could you describe it? 111 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,659 Oh, come on now. 112 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,661 How many crowns fell in your tub? 113 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:06,667 It's diamond, sparkly, my boss got married under it. 114 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,402 Is tYes!it? 115 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,837 Oh! Thank you! You just saved my job! 116 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:10,638 Uh-uh-uh. 117 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,807 I will return it to your employer, 118 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:17,678 along with an explanation of just how it came to be in my possession. 119 00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:27,855 By the way, tell that delicious hunk of butler Bertram 120 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,490 that Rhoda says... (GROWLS) 121 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:36,864 Great! 122 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,499 Now I'm about to lose my job and my lunch. 123 00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,740 Bertram, I think you have a secret admirer in the building. 124 00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:47,875 Really? 125 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,843 Is it that saucy little dancer on the 12th floor? 126 00:06:49,877 --> 00:06:52,980 She's always making eyes at me in the elevator. 127 00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:55,849 No. 128 00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,417 And ew! 129 00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:02,923 Even better, it's Mrs. Chesterfield! 130 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,893 Mega ew! 131 00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:10,764 Actually, you guys have a lot in common. 132 00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,199 You're both old, you're both cranky, 133 00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,769 you both need a shave. 134 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,571 I'm surprised you haven't put a ring on that yet. 135 00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,579 Why are you trying to fix me up with that old harpy? 136 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,916 Okay, I dropped Christina's diamond tiara off the balcony, 137 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,718 it fell in Mrs. Chesterfield's hot tub, 138 00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,719 and I need you to get her out of her apartment 139 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,754 so I can go retrieve it, so I don't get fired. 140 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:34,254 (CHUCKLES) 141 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,023 Nice knowing you. 142 00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,627 Then you've left us no choice. 143 00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,495 It's time to move on to Plan B. 144 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:44,665 Ow! 145 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:49,036 Zuri, that's Plan C! 146 00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:51,772 Sorry, I just really love Plan C. 147 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,711 Plan B is to tell Christina that you left the tiara out 148 00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,747 when it came back from the jewelers 149 00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:00,681 instead of putting it in the safe where it belongs. 150 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,253 Because the safe is all the way upstairs. It's... 151 00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:09,523 It's too far. 152 00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,658 You know what's nice and close? 153 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:11,959 The unemployment office. 154 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,694 Okay, okay! Give me the phone. 155 00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:20,634 (GRUNTS) 156 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,569 Seriously? 157 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,944 (PHONE RINGING) 158 00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,946 (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Rhoda Chesterfield's residence. 159 00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:36,083 Hello, this is Bertram from upstairs. 160 00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,785 Is she available? 161 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,819 Let me check. 162 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:40,921 (NORMAL VOICE) Bertram! 163 00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,759 To what do I owe this delightful surprise? 164 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,960 I was wondering if you'd like to... 165 00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,297 Yes! 166 00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,032 But, you don't even know what I was going to say! 167 00:08:52,065 --> 00:08:54,334 Doesn't matter. I'll be ready at 8:00. 168 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,803 See you tonight! 169 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:57,738 Score! 170 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:00,708 (SOBBING) 171 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,746 He's taking it better than I thought he would. 172 00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,784 Hey, guys. I've got the perfect thing 173 00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:12,786 to make Mr. Kipling's video go viral. 174 00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:14,888 Let me guess. A cute outfit! 175 00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,892 No. A cute costume. 176 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,062 Captain Kipling to the rescue! 177 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,132 I love it! 178 00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,867 Can we even get him into that? 179 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,602 Try keeping him out of it. 180 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,741 That was not so hard. 181 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,112 Yeah, we still have most of our fingers. 182 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:43,751 It's worth it. He looks totes adorable. 183 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,619 Okay, so, 184 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,355 let's go throw him off the stairway and pretend that he's flying. 185 00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,659 I hope you are planning on having a stunt lizard. 186 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:54,394 Oh, relax! When we throw him, we'll aim for the couch. 187 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,729 You cannot even aim correctly for the toilet! 188 00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:00,100 True. 189 00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,904 So you're clear on the plan? 190 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:04,738 Yes! I get the crone out of her apartment 191 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:07,174 and I leave the door open a crack. 192 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:08,842 It's not exactly Mission Impossible. 193 00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:11,912 Where are you taking her for dinner? 194 00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,782 I'm hoping Australia. 195 00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,685 You expect me to spend money on her, too? Uh-uh-uh. 196 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:20,387 We'll be dining on leftovers upstairs. 197 00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,989 And then I'm gonna make her do the dishes, 198 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:24,157 while I hit my head until the memory's gone. 199 00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:25,726 Now, scram! 200 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:33,133 (CLEARS THROAT) 201 00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,673 I'm ready. 202 00:10:39,707 --> 00:10:41,809 Okay, let's get her done. 203 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,814 You romantic devil. 204 00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,961 WaNo, no, no, no, no.t! 205 00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,231 Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! That was close. 206 00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,133 (CHUCKLES) 207 00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:12,205 Uh-oh. This mission just got a little more impossible. 208 00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,877 I don't suppose you could chew your way through the door. 209 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:18,011 Who am I kidding. 210 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,780 If you could, you would've done it a long time ago. 211 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,723 Oh, Bertram, these appetizers are simply divine. 212 00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,058 What did you say they were called? 213 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:33,026 Potato chips? 214 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:34,862 Mmm. 215 00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,965 Delightfully crunchy! 216 00:11:37,998 --> 00:11:41,769 And I just can't get over this breathtaking view. 217 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,281 They must be having dinner in the kitchen. 218 00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,950 Okay, we use this rope ladder from the helicopter 219 00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,886 to get down to Chesterfield's terrace. 220 00:11:58,919 --> 00:11:59,953 What do you mean "we"? 221 00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:03,090 I'm afraid of heights. And dying. 222 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,327 Okay, okay. Just hold it steady for me. 223 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:14,001 (GASPS) 224 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:14,067 Bertie, what's wrong? 225 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,938 Nothing. I just want to 226 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,008 show you something in the kitchen. 227 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:27,347 What did you want to show me? 228 00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,917 Um... 229 00:12:29,950 --> 00:12:34,054 Oh! My new mp3 player! 230 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:34,822 (UShall we dance?YS) 231 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:37,357 Oh, yes! 232 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,995 Spin me, spin me right round like a record! 233 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,870 (ZEUS BARKS) 234 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:50,804 Did you hear that? 235 00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:53,140 I can't hear anything over your outfit. 236 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:54,341 (LAUGHS) 237 00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,344 I heard barking! 238 00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,913 That's because you bring out the animal in me. 239 00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:01,248 (BARKS) 240 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,215 (SPITS)) 241 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:05,986 (ZEUS BARKING) 242 00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,821 No, it sounds like my Zeus. 243 00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,356 Wait! Wait! We can't leave the kitchen. 244 00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,125 Why not? 245 00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,961 Because, um, 246 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,295 my garlic bread is burning. 247 00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:18,131 Oh, I know exactly how it feels. 248 00:13:19,867 --> 00:13:20,968 (SNEEZES) 249 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,105 Zeus, why are you sweating so much? 250 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,340 I'm the one who should be nervous. 251 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,042 Wait a minute. Dogs don't sweat. 252 00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:29,142 Ew! 253 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:44,191 (SCREAMS) 254 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,128 Hurry! They're almost done with dinner 255 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,930 and I know what Mrs. Chesterfield wants for dessert. 256 00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:53,000 Bertram a la mode! 257 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,902 I don't wanna talk about it. 258 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:59,339 Okay. We need to find that tiara. 259 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,141 I don't want to lose my job! 260 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,911 And I don't want to lose the best nanny I ever had! 261 00:14:03,944 --> 00:14:06,213 You've been such a great role model. 262 00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,181 Thank you. 263 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,250 Now put on your gloves and let's ransack this joint. 264 00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:17,024 Ravi, if you really want our video to go viral, 265 00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,292 let me bungee Mr. Kipling off the balcony! 266 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,028 Look how safe it is. 267 00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:25,232 (HISSES) 268 00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:32,906 This is why Mr. Kipling does not work with first time directors! 269 00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:37,644 Hey, Luke! Dad texted you back. 270 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,446 He says, "To make a hit movie, 271 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,915 "tell the story that's in your heart. 272 00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:42,215 "Then hire Johnny Depp." 273 00:14:45,118 --> 00:14:47,921 Hey! Mr. Kipling is the star of this video. 274 00:14:47,955 --> 00:14:48,121 He gets top billing. 275 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,591 "And if you can't get Johnny Depp, 276 00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:55,328 "strap the camera to the lizard and see what happens." 277 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,931 That is brilliant! 278 00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,267 We'll have to give Dad a shout out when we accept our Webby Award. 279 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:04,104 Wait! If Mr. Kipling is also going to be the cameraman, 280 00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,039 he must be paid double. 281 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:06,706 Since we're paying him nothing... 282 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,508 Deal! 283 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,946 Bertram, this freezer-burned key lime pie 284 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,314 is like a little slice of expired heaven. 285 00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,419 Served by a husky angel. 286 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,289 (BOTH CHUCKLE) 287 00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,156 This is the longest meal of my life. 288 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:31,131 (CHUCKLES) Oh, that tickles! 289 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,000 Oh, Bertram, you frisky rascal! 290 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,135 That's not me. 291 00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:38,305 (SCREAMS) 292 00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:43,043 Sorry about that. 293 00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,479 No sudden moves. He can smell fear. 294 00:15:46,513 --> 00:15:49,249 That smell's been coming off me all night. 295 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,418 Bertram, I'm going to faint! 296 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:52,385 Catch me. 297 00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,957 (SOBBING) 298 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:01,561 He's licking my face. 299 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,164 Better him than me. 300 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:08,501 If you were a tiara, where would you be? 301 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:08,901 On a head. 302 00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:11,038 Not helping. 303 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:15,042 Oh, not now, Zeus! 304 00:16:15,075 --> 00:16:16,376 Zeus! Knock it off! 305 00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:23,750 (GASPS) Holy hound dog! The tiara! 306 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:24,317 Why didn't you say something? 307 00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:27,587 (DOOUh-oh.ING) 308 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,324 MRS. CHESTERFIELD: Let me just check on Zeus. 309 00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:38,031 Are you okay, Mr. Fluffy Pants? 310 00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:38,231 Hang that up for me. 311 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,404 Aah! 312 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:46,773 (GROWLS) 313 00:16:46,806 --> 00:16:48,208 (LAUGHING) 314 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,343 Shh! 315 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,380 He slammed the door on my fingers! 316 00:16:53,413 --> 00:16:56,449 Which, so far, is the highlight of my day. 317 00:16:56,483 --> 00:16:59,252 Zeusie, meet the other man in my life. 318 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,254 Give Uncle Bertie a kiss! 319 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,589 I don't kiss on the first date. 320 00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,324 (CHUCKLES) We'll see about that. 321 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:06,293 (GROANS) 322 00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:14,267 That video of Kipling licking Chesterfield was hilarious. 323 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:17,070 Too bad it was completely out of focus. 324 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,538 Kipling really blew it. 325 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:24,444 He is a lizard, not J.J. Abrams! 326 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,646 Hey, what's this rope ladder doing out here? 327 00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:29,048 Who cares? 328 00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,517 Let's dress Mr. Kipling as a pirate 329 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,286 and have him pretend to climb it. 330 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:34,287 Great idea! 331 00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,590 We'll need an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook. 332 00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,293 (GRUNTS) 333 00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:43,196 And that's just for whoever tries to get him into the costume. 334 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:47,867 Come closer. I don't bite. 335 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,336 I do. When I feel threatened. 336 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,107 (BARKING) 337 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:55,842 What is it, Zeus? Is there something in the armoire? 338 00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,577 No! 339 00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:02,515 What is that intoxicating fragrance? 340 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,451 Eau de key lime pie. 341 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,685 Want a taste? 342 00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:23,170 The rope ladder's gone! 343 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:26,539 I bet Luke took it. 344 00:18:26,573 --> 00:18:28,341 He's had dirty socks on his floor for three months, 345 00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,476 but this he picks up! 346 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,681 MRS. CHESTERFIELD: Come, Bertie! Let's go look at the stars. 347 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,588 No room! Casa Chihuahua is ocupado. 348 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:57,537 Look, Bertram. The hot tub is steamy and freshly disinfected. 349 00:18:58,571 --> 00:18:59,472 Like me. 350 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,175 TMI. 351 00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:04,177 Let's jump in. 352 00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:06,145 It's time to play a little game I like to call, 353 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,716 Rub-a-dub Rhoda. 354 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,351 Can't we just play checkers? 355 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,394 Last one in gets the wonky jet. 356 00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,269 (SCREAMS) 357 00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:35,408 Nessie! What are you doing here? 358 00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:37,577 Wait, this isn't our terrace? 359 00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,779 I must be sleep soaking. 360 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,416 And I must be going now! 361 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:48,421 Those revolting children were in my house? 362 00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:50,290 BERTRAM: Hey!. 363 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:53,760 No one calls those kids revolting and repugnant except me. 364 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:57,497 And they wouldn't be here if you'd given that tiara back in the first place. 365 00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,631 And I wouldn't be here, either! 366 00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:02,269 You mean this was all a set-up? 367 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,736 I've never been so humiliated. 368 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:05,538 I find that hard to believe. 369 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,609 I'm sorry, Mrs. Chesterfield. 370 00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,245 We didn't mean to hurt you. I just... 371 00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,646 I don't want to lose my job. 372 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,383 I love these kids so much. 373 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,985 We love you, too. 374 00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,553 I don't like any of you. 375 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,291 Clearly. 376 00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,593 I'd be weeping now if my tear ducts weren't so full of Botox. 377 00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:29,496 Look, Rhoda, 378 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,698 if you don't rat on Jessie, 379 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,733 I'll take you out on a real date. 380 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,569 Why should I go out with you 381 00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,771 after the shabby way you've treated me? 382 00:20:38,805 --> 00:20:40,273 Suit yourself. 383 00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:42,609 Ooh! I love when you play hard to get. 384 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,647 Shall we say Chez Fancy tomorrow night, 8:00? 385 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,649 You can say it. 386 00:20:49,682 --> 00:20:51,418 I'll be at the Korean Barbecue truck on the corner at 4:30. 387 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:52,585 Done! 388 00:20:58,325 --> 00:20:59,459 Score! 389 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,296 Thank you, Bertram. 390 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,831 Talk about taking one for the team. 391 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:06,399 I took more than one! 392 00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:09,302 That dog was all over me, too. 393 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:12,305 Now go put that tiara back in the safe. 394 00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:13,440 I'd do it, but... 395 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,808 We know. It's too far. 396 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:21,614 RAVI: Mr. Kipling looks quite the swashbuckler, does he not? 397 00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:24,451 This stinks. 398 00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:26,586 I told you we should have moved the furniture. 399 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,622 I give up. 400 00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,091 Making a funny viral video is impossible if you don't have 401 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,695 a talking dog, or a sneezing panda. 402 00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:38,731 Hi, guys! You want to see the video I just posted? 403 00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:45,338 No! No! No! No! Bad! The tiara! Gone! Fell! 404 00:21:45,372 --> 00:21:49,342 It fell! It's gone! It's gone! Really, really bad! 405 00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:51,478 Cut! Cut! Turn it off! Cut! Cut! 406 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:52,078 Cut! Cut! 407 00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:55,582 (ALL LAUGHING) 408 00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,450 Please don't tell me you put this on the Internet. 409 00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,652 Yep! You're a star! 410 00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,854 You already got 40,000 hits! 411 00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:05,592 You're gonna be more popular than that monkey who sniffed his own butt! 412 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:11,431 Great! Now thousands of people think I'm a klutz, 413 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:14,701 who lives in a penthouse and has an awesome priceless jewelry collection? 414 00:22:14,734 --> 00:22:16,903 (GASPS) I'm sending a link to Darla back home. 415 00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:20,373 That should have been Mr. Kipling. 416 00:22:20,407 --> 00:22:23,710 I guess he is just another pretty face with no talent. 417 00:22:23,743 --> 00:22:24,911 (PIANO PLAYING)