1 00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,442 That magic show was awesome. 2 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:11,212 I loved when the magician pulled money out of Jessie's nose. 3 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:13,447 (SNEEZES) 4 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,383 (COINS CLINKING) 5 00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:18,452 Hey, I'm one head cold away from getting those boots I wanted. 6 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:24,325 So far, I fail to see the magic in these magic rings. 7 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,595 Jessie! Rosslings! Check out my new dolly. 8 00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,131 I can carry luggage, schlep garbage, 9 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,433 I can even ride it. Watch me catch air. 10 00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,138 Whoo-hoo! 11 00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:40,241 Oh! X Games, here you come. 12 00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,477 Hey, Jessie! 13 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:46,514 I was wondering if you want to 14 00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:48,482 have an apple? 15 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,352 Thanks, Tony. I will enjoy this 16 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,155 linty goodness. 17 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,258 (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING) 18 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,265 Awesome bike! 19 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,601 Awesome roses! 20 00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:10,471 Awesome face. Did I say that out loud? 21 00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:15,476 Well, hello. My name's Brody Winton. 22 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,111 And you are? 23 00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:20,348 (GASPING) Totally available! 24 00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:22,450 Oh, no! She isn't. 25 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:24,518 Is so. Every Saturday night, 26 00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:26,254 she veges out in front of the TV 27 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,457 in a ratty old Longhorns sweatshirt covered in food stains. 28 00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,225 Which you guys spilled on me. 29 00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:33,261 (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) Kids. 30 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,297 I'm Jessie. 31 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,666 And I happen to look awesome in that sweatshirt. 32 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:39,700 I'm sure you do. 33 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,503 Allow me, Jessie. 34 00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:44,238 Oh, thanks. 35 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:50,278 He's stealing your woman and your job! 36 00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:51,512 Do something! 37 00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,115 Ow! 38 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,323 Hello? Guys? 39 00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,459 I will try the magic word. 40 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,562 Help! 41 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,365 * Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 42 00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:15,169 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 43 00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:18,572 * It feels like a party every day 44 00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:22,210 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 45 00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,679 * But they keep on pulling me every which way 46 00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,949 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 47 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,553 * My whole world is changing Turning around 48 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,324 * They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 49 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:40,294 * But they took a chance on the new girl in town 50 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:43,531 * And I don't want to let them down, down, down 51 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:47,201 * Hey Jessie 52 00:02:47,235 --> 00:02:50,638 * Hey Jessie 53 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:54,375 * It feels like a party every day 54 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:58,346 * Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie * 55 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,620 Can you buzz Mrs. Winton in 3802? 56 00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,224 I'm taking my grandma to the Giants game. 57 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,559 We sit in the owners' box. 58 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:15,596 Take me instead. When we do the wave, I won't go, "Oy, my back." 59 00:03:17,765 --> 00:03:19,500 So, Jessie, I'm free tomorrow night. 60 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,535 Wanna have dinner? Say, around 7:00? 61 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:23,404 She can't. 62 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:27,375 My bedtime's 8:00, and Jessie always reads me a story. 63 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:30,578 Guess it wasn't meant to be. Bye-bye. 64 00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,547 Whoa, maybe just this once, 65 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,616 Horton can hear that Who just a little bit faster. 66 00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,420 Does 8:30 work? 67 00:03:40,821 --> 00:03:43,824 Perfect. Until then. 68 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,398 He gave you a rose. He's such a gentleman. 69 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,766 So, on your date, try not to chew with your mouth open. 70 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,572 (LOUD CRASHING) 71 00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:05,779 Tony, I am afraid I have broken your awning. 72 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,784 Hey, guys, I need your opinion. 73 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,286 That vest is too small. 74 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,654 You should trim your ear hair. 75 00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,389 Less is more with that cologne. 76 00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,691 I meant my speech. 77 00:04:17,725 --> 00:04:19,059 You tend to slur your "S's." 78 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,562 Shtop it! 79 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,532 I have to give a speech at the Butler's Association. 80 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,468 We're going to roast our colleague Alfred Pennyworth. 81 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,802 You're going to cook him? 82 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:32,473 Yes, yes, we are. 83 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:35,609 Hey, girls, I need your opinion. 84 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,045 You don't want to go down that road. 85 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:41,449 Okay. What do you think about this for my date with Brody? 86 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,583 It's hideous! 87 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:47,355 You obviously have nothing to wear. 88 00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:49,823 Hey! I need someone to tell me if this material works. 89 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:53,060 Actually, it's a little bunchy around your waist. 90 00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,463 No. I'm trying to find out if my speech is funny. 91 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:56,797 Now, listen. (CLEARS THROAT) 92 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,098 Good evening... 93 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,668 (LAUGHING) 94 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:03,404 "Good evening." Priceless! 95 00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:11,645 Tony! You have to tell Jessie that you like her 96 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,381 before Brody gets here. 97 00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:15,716 Take her for ice cream. 98 00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,418 Then bring me ice cream. 99 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,120 I can't compete with Brody. 100 00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,356 He's rich, and I'm poor. 101 00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,725 He rides a motorcycle, I ride a dolly. 102 00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:27,361 His grandma lives in a stately penthouse, 103 00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:29,430 and my grandma lives in the state penitentiary. 104 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,901 But you and Jessie are meant to be together. 105 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:36,570 You're gonna live happily ever after. 106 00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:41,409 Thanks, Zuri, but guys from my neighborhood don't get fairy-tale endings. 107 00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:44,845 Although Grandpa and Grandma still make it work, 108 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,747 one visiting day at a time. 109 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:52,386 And that's what I want for you and Jessie. 110 00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:55,656 But without the bulletproof glass, the menacing guard, 111 00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,425 and the invasive pat-down. 112 00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,893 The TV in my room gets cable. 113 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,829 Don't tell Jessie. 114 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,439 (DOOR OPENING) 115 00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:12,773 Ready for your bedtime story? 116 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,842 Your choice, but since I'm going out to dinner, 117 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,411 I'd rather not read Sally Swallows Slugs. 118 00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:23,851 No problem. Tonight, I am going to tell a story. 119 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:26,920 And I'm feeling pretty creative, so get comfy. 120 00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:31,625 Okay, but can we pretty please make it quick? 121 00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:35,563 Hush, child. Now, a long, long time ago, 122 00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:39,667 lived a beautiful princess and her lazy lady-in-waiting. 123 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,968 Ahem! 124 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,471 Lady-in-waiting, I'm waiting. 125 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,740 And I'm trying to message a friend. 126 00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:49,877 (SIGHS) 127 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:50,911 (COOS) 128 00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:54,982 You're way over your limit. 129 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,586 Your carrier plan is only 15 pigeons a month. 130 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:03,457 That's why I asked for unlimited pigeons, but no. 131 00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,726 Instead of using up pigeons, you should post on the wall. 132 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,600 Zounds! Lady Gwenyth's relationship status 133 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,468 was changed back to "maiden." 134 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,004 That means the Earl of Sandwich is available. 135 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,772 I'm gonna go ask him to lunch. 136 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:24,211 Alas, if only I could find my true love, 137 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:27,481 a poetic soul who could open the door 138 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:28,816 to my heart. 139 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,520 Good morrow, Your Highness. 140 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,657 An apple a day keeps the leeches away. 141 00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,893 Thank you, kind peasant. 142 00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,530 What are those weird things on your shoulders? 143 00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,932 Epaulets. I invented them last week. 144 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,800 And this thing that replaces buttons. 145 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,771 I call it a "microwave." 146 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,941 Don't quit thy day job. 147 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:56,043 Your Highness, word on the cobblestones is 148 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:59,012 there's a fearsome dragon loose in the village. 149 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:03,651 So you need someone with cobblestone smarts to protect you. 150 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:07,855 Do you know anyone? All the guys I know wear tights and play lutes. 151 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:09,056 (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING) 152 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,696 Prince Smarming! 153 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:20,067 Yes, it is I, Prince Smarming, 154 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,803 with my half-wit squire, Lucas. 155 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:27,641 Hey! That's DJ Half-Wit Master Flex to you. 156 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,644 I'm available for birthdays, bar mitzvahs, and witch burnings. 157 00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,782 So, Smarms, 158 00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,684 what are you doing back in the realm? 159 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,719 Are you going to slay that dreadful dragon? 160 00:08:39,687 --> 00:08:42,690 Uh... Sure. 161 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:46,794 But I'm all booked up today with suit of armor fittings. 162 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,996 I'm headlining the big joust later. Ha! 163 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:54,568 Oh, really? I hear the half-time act is milady Gaga. 164 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:58,305 Care to be my plus wench? I have back pit passes. 165 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,741 Well, I was gonna go to a spinning class, 166 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:03,310 but that little Rumpelstiltskin guy kind of creeps me out, 167 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:06,580 so... Okay. 168 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,648 Great. 169 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:09,750 Oh! 170 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,058 This stinketh. 171 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:22,162 Oh, wait, that's me. 172 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,600 I should invent a small, tiled chamber 173 00:09:26,634 --> 00:09:29,670 where you can spray yourself clean with water. 174 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,105 I shall call it a "toaster." 175 00:09:34,141 --> 00:09:38,646 ZURI: The peasant feared he had lost the fair princess, 176 00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:43,150 so he went and found a sorcerer on Merlin's List. 177 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:47,721 A dash of thistle, a pinch of mugwort... 178 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:51,859 Pardon, are you Ravnik the Weird? 179 00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:54,928 No, I am Ravnik the Weird. 180 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:57,831 How may I help you? 181 00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:00,668 I have fallen in love with a beautiful princess, 182 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,736 but she has fallen for Prince Smarming, 183 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,905 and I'm stuck in ye olde friend zone. 184 00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,207 I feel ya. 185 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:12,780 So I seek a potion that will make me irresistible. 186 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,081 I think I have that in stock. 187 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:17,651 Would you like brand-name or generic? 188 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,152 I shovel manure for a living. 189 00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,655 Generic, it is. 190 00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,725 Let's see. Invisible, Irregular, Itchy... 191 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,794 Pustules? 192 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,797 This belongs on the Plague shelf! 193 00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,999 I should fire that apprentice. 194 00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,100 You're fired! 195 00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:40,674 Oh, here it is. Irresistible. 196 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:44,011 Whoa! When you fire someone, you really fire 'em. 197 00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,947 I know. I felt kind of bad about that. 198 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,817 I was just trying to throw him his last paycheck. 199 00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:51,985 Anyhoo... 200 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,122 Drinketh this. 201 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,827 By the way, the side effects may include 202 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,162 tremors, nausea, death, and sweaty palms. 203 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,663 (COUGHS) 204 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,735 Wait, did you say "death"? 205 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:10,938 Yes, but that is only if you take it on an empty stomach. 206 00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:13,240 I'm a peasant. I haven't eaten in two weeks. 207 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,844 Unless dirt counts. Does dirt count? 208 00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,879 (CHUCKLES) We will hope for the best. 209 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,984 Hey, I think I feel something. 210 00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,485 The potion is working. 211 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,888 In one moment, you will be irresistible. 212 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,161 What did you do to me? 213 00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,263 Everybody loves hamburgers. 214 00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,999 But they don't marry them. 215 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:47,975 Oh, man, I think I got sesame seeds between my buns. 216 00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,278 Well, I guess you must win the princess the old-fashioned way. 217 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,813 Enter the joust. 218 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,882 Chicks love jocks. 219 00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,750 And then the princess will marry me? 220 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:59,820 Well, if you live, probably. 221 00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,155 But just in case, pay me now. 222 00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:09,296 Br(SCREAMS)y! 223 00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,198 Brody! Brody! Brody! 224 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,768 Can I ride on your motorcycle? 225 00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:15,936 Please. 226 00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,206 Sure. Yeah, I'll give you a ride... 227 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,174 Sometime. 228 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:25,178 Hey, did I tell you guys I'm thinking of painting flames on my dolly? 229 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,217 Brody, Brody, watch me do a magic trick. 230 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:34,054 The Great Ravi will now pull a snake out of his hat. 231 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,255 Alakazam! 232 00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:43,797 Uh, there might be a snake loose in the apartment. 233 00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:44,998 (BERTRAM SCREAMING) 234 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,972 Ta-da! 235 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,375 I haven't seen Bertram run that fast since... 236 00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,177 Ever. 237 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,820 The big jousting tournament was about to begin. 238 00:13:06,854 --> 00:13:11,191 The sky was a brilliant blue, with a 10-mile an hour wind 239 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,293 blowing from the north-northeast... 240 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:14,794 Zuri, 241 00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:20,100 this fairy tale is wonderful and remarkably detailed, 242 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:23,103 but if we don't hurry, I'm gonna miss my date. 243 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,237 And my youth. 244 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:29,209 You just made me lose my place. 245 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,377 (SIGHS) 246 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,912 Once upon a time... 247 00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,881 The joust. You were up to the joust. 248 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,883 Oh, right. 249 00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,019 The big jousting tournament was about to begin. 250 00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,289 Ugh, I'm only getting one beak. 251 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,925 Oh, well. Go tweet this. 252 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:50,130 Oh, man, another dropped bird. 253 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,432 Quit it. It's very rude to pigeon during a show. 254 00:13:56,336 --> 00:14:00,107 JESSIE: Wait, wait, wait. What's Millie the Mermaid doing at the joust? 255 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:03,176 Working her tail off for a few extra sand dollars. 256 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,045 Don't judge her. 257 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,215 (REVVING ENGINE) 258 00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:14,154 (ALL CHEERING) 259 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,994 Wow, he went over easy. 260 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,098 Smarming dumped Humpty. He got scrambled. 261 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:28,168 Oh, it was not that bad. 262 00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,244 And now, on to our main event. 263 00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,049 In this corner... You know him, you love him, 264 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,952 because if you don't, he'll send you to the dungeon. 265 00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,354 It's Prince Smarming. 266 00:14:50,991 --> 00:14:54,361 Smarming's in the hizzle! Let's get our joust on! 267 00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,998 (SHRIEKING EXCITEDLY) 268 00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:02,035 (SIGHS) 269 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:07,207 Milady, would you grant me a token of your affection? 270 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,908 What, right here in front of the whole kingdom? 271 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,913 You mean my hanky. Okay. 272 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,116 (SNEEZES) 273 00:15:19,186 --> 00:15:20,187 Thanks? 274 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,391 I wish she'd bestow her affection onto me. 275 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,460 Yes, because nothing says "I love you" like a used snot-rag. 276 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:31,498 And in this corner, we have 277 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,967 some peasant guy. 278 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,535 (ALLYay!ING) 279 00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,706 Get the stretcher ready. 280 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:43,743 Isn't that the peasant who invented the microwave? He's kind of cute 281 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:47,947 in a wretchedly poor, only takes a bath once a year kind of way. 282 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,383 (ENGINE REVVING) 283 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,019 (ALL CHEERING) 284 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:07,034 I can't believe it! I think he actually missed! 285 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,138 (ALL LAUGHING) 286 00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,277 Or not. 287 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,312 I don't know if it's the peasant's bravery, 288 00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:22,149 or his unicorn boxers, 289 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,417 but suddenly, I'm rooting for the poor guy. 290 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,520 Me, too. I think it's rally cap time. 291 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,425 (CHEERING) 292 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,095 (RUMBLING) 293 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,066 (SCREAMS) The dragon! 294 00:16:43,136 --> 00:16:45,338 (WHIMPERS) Uh-oh. 295 00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,308 It looks like Prince Smarming 296 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,377 has rusted his metal pants. 297 00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:52,279 (ALL LAUGHING) 298 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:53,213 You should see what I had to clean out of his armor 299 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,781 when he saw that ogre. 300 00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:56,116 Ow! 301 00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,484 (SMARMING SOBBING) 302 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,189 Stand back, Princess! 303 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,257 You don't have to tell me twice. 304 00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:11,331 Um, peasant, I hate to be a backseat jouster, 305 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:15,468 but why did you drop the big pointy stabby thingy? 306 00:17:15,502 --> 00:17:17,504 Don't you kind of need that to slay that? 307 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,507 I know what I'm doing. And if not, 308 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:22,275 I hope I give him indigestion. 309 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,047 (ALL CHEERING) 310 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:37,090 You see? He just wanted to play fetch. 311 00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:41,161 Brave peasant, please accept this token of my esteem and affection. 312 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,599 You know what? Let me wash it first. 313 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,370 ZURI: At this point, the brave, handsome peasant 314 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:55,074 with the awesome hair is looking pretty darn good to the princess. 315 00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,446 (CLEARS THROAT) Where's my lemonade? 316 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,115 I give up. Where? 317 00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:06,253 How did you ever become a butler? 318 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:10,557 Well, I wanted to be an obnoxious rich guy, but the job was filled. 319 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,092 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 320 00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,628 (SIGHS) 321 00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:19,399 Caitlyn. Hey, babe. 322 00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:22,402 No, no, no. Of course I love you. 323 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:25,172 I'm so sorry I canceled our date tonight, 324 00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:28,475 but I had to take my grandma to dance class. 325 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,379 Grandma, quit popping and locking. 326 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,314 You're gonna break a hip. 327 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:39,419 No, Caitlyn, I am not seeing any other woman tonight. 328 00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,887 Unless you count a 95-year-old 329 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,455 who wants to be Willow Smith. 330 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:47,527 And the princess discovered that Prince Smarming 331 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,464 was a two-timing weenie with a grandma who whips her hair back and forth. 332 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,566 The end. 333 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:57,304 You okay, Jessie? 334 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:01,408 I will be. Right after I go medieval on Prince Smarming's butt. 335 00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,180 Jessie's still not ready? (SCOFFS) 336 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:08,415 Any girl that makes me wait this long 337 00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,949 better look even cuter than I do. 338 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,651 (CHUCKLES) 339 00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:17,190 You, sir, are a curry stain on the tablecloth of humanity. 340 00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:20,693 How can such a loser come in such a totes adorable package? 341 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,532 You don't deserve a cool motorcycle. 342 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,767 But I still want a ride. No, I don't! 343 00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,503 (MOUTHING) 344 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,339 What's your problem? 345 00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,674 You. You are the problem! 346 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,643 You don't deserve a girl like Jessie. 347 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:40,713 She's smart and pretty and nice and she always smells really, really good. 348 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:42,449 Like one of those fancy air fresheners 349 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,783 you plug in to an outlet of the wall. 350 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,556 My point is... 351 00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:52,225 Jessie's great and you're a piece of 352 00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,494 moldy lasagna! 353 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:59,399 No, doorman, the point is that Jessie thinks I'm great. 354 00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:01,968 And can you blame her? 355 00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:03,503 The doorman's name is Tony. 356 00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:07,607 And even though he rides a dolly 357 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,309 and gives out linty apples, 358 00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:11,411 he's more of a gentleman than you'll ever be. 359 00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:16,383 And I don't date guys who are afraid of dragons. 360 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:18,351 That's a long story. Which you don't have time to hear, 361 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:19,452 'cause you're leaving! 362 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,394 And I'm telling your grandma that you're a two-timing loser. 363 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:28,395 What? No, no, no, no! 364 00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,563 Then she won't let me borrow the private jet. 365 00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,532 You have a private jet? 366 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,567 Jessie, have mercy. 367 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:38,838 Snap out of it! 368 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:43,843 Bye-bye, Brody. 369 00:20:46,078 --> 00:20:48,581 (SCOFFS) Whatever. Your loss. 370 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,851 (SCREAMS) 371 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:54,821 Ta-da! 372 00:20:57,324 --> 00:20:59,025 Thanks for sticking up for me, Tony. 373 00:20:59,058 --> 00:21:02,295 And by the way, you smell nice, too. 374 00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,431 Kind of lemony. 375 00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,699 Thanks. It's furniture polish. 376 00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,469 I wax my own desk. 377 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:12,539 HOh.o? 378 00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:18,578 So, Jessie, I was maybe wondering if you 379 00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:19,646 want to... 380 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,415 I would love to go out on a date with you, Tony. 381 00:21:22,449 --> 00:21:23,850 YoYeah.ld? 382 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,353 Huh, that was easier than I thought. 383 00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,489 Yeah, 'cause I did all the heavy lifting. 384 00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:32,392 Kids. 385 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:40,400 My wife is so ugly, even the trolls go, "Ugh!" 386 00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:42,769 (GROWLS) 387 00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:49,609 I can't believe this guy won So You Think You Can Jest. 388 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,645 Let's ask the Queen to cut off his head. Or ours. 389 00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:54,647 Your Highness. 390 00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:58,485 Sorcerer, is there anything you can do 391 00:21:58,518 --> 00:22:00,353 to make this jester funny? 392 00:22:00,387 --> 00:22:03,623 I am a sorcerer, not a miracle worker. 393 00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:06,526 Eh, but I will try. 394 00:22:09,396 --> 00:22:11,898 Before these awful jokes can fester, 395 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,933 make this fool a better jester. 396 00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:16,769 (ALL GASP) 397 00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,505 (EXCLAIMS) He disappeared! 398 00:22:18,538 --> 00:22:20,873 (IN SQUEAKY VOICE) I didn't disappear. I'm down here. 399 00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:23,510 Hey, wait! Wait! 400 00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,877 Pretend you don't hear him. 401 00:22:24,911 --> 00:22:26,413 (WHISTLING) 402 00:22:26,446 --> 00:22:28,515 Hey, wait! Wait! 403 00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:31,451 A druid, a monk, and a varlet walk into a tavern... 404 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:32,785 (GROWLING) 405 00:22:32,819 --> 00:22:35,121 (SCREAMING)