1 00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:10,211 Jessie! They're having a Little Miss Big Apple beauty pageant! 2 00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,047 Could I be in it? 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,349 Zuri, beauty pageants are sexist and demeaning to women. 4 00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,052 How many did you lose? 5 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,589 Three. Now go play. 6 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:25,826 So wise of you not to let poor little Zuri into the beauty pageant. 7 00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,561 Having you as a nanny is humiliating enough. 8 00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,600 Agatha, I thought we were friends now. 9 00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,402 (IN BRITISH ACCENT) Mates. Chums. 10 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,170 (IN AMERICAN ACCENT) Well, you thought wrong. 11 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,241 I'm just thinking of Zuri's feelings. 12 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,211 She wouldn't stand a chance in this pageant against my Lindsay. 13 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:43,611 Lindsay! 14 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,482 JESSIE: Whoa. 15 00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,418 Talk about beauty and the beast. 16 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,519 What do you mean? Lindsay is lovely. 17 00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,858 Having trouble connecting those dots, are ya? 18 00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:02,130 My point is Lindsay's face has probably never made a horse faint. 19 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,533 That horse was very old, and clearly weak from lack of oats. 20 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,537 Lindsay's a black belt in karate. 21 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,105 Oh, please, every kid takes karate. 22 00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,606 Doesn't mean they can actually do... (YELLS) 23 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:18,679 So Lindsay can do karate. 24 00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:22,383 Big deal. 25 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,386 Zuri is beautiful, and talented, 26 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,256 and the most poised little girl I've ever met! 27 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,658 I'm stuck in a bucket! I'm stuck in a bucket! 28 00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:33,561 (BOTH LAUGHING) 29 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,300 (BOTH MIMICKING SIZZLING) 30 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,671 (GROANS) That's the third time this week! 31 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,274 I gotta get you a bucket that's smaller than your head. 32 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,642 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 33 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,648 All right. Let's go home and butter up your head again. 34 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,687 Then afterwards we are going to start practicing. 35 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,689 For what? 36 00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,692 You are going to be entered in the Little Miss Big Apple Beauty Pageant! 37 00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,594 Mmm-hmm. 38 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,563 Gee, you get your head stuck in a bucket for two minutes, 39 00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,332 and you miss so much! 40 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,371 * Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 41 00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,708 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 42 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,445 * It feels like a party every day 43 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,948 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 44 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,551 * But they keep on pulling me every which way 45 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:35,289 * Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 46 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:38,626 * My whole world is changing Turning around 47 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,430 * They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 48 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,233 * But they took a chance on the new girl in town 49 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:49,537 * And I don't want to let them down, down, down 50 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:53,207 * Hey Jessie 51 00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,676 * Hey Jessie 52 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,480 * It feels like a party every day 53 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:03,717 * Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie * 54 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:09,657 Yum, yum, yum, yum! 55 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,230 Ew! You're gonna eat a rat with cheese? 56 00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:19,500 Oh, dude, that's a weird snack, even for you. 57 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,671 This coming from a man who puts chocolate syrup on his spaghetti? 58 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,241 I'm thinking of patenting that. 59 00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,777 I'm gonna call it "Chocoghetti." 60 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,715 I am doing an experiment for my science class. 61 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,617 I have not yet fed Whiskers, (CHUCKLES) 62 00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:37,818 I call him Whiskers, 63 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,888 for 12 whole hours. 64 00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:45,259 Now, I must record how long it takes him to find his food. 65 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,763 Aw, poor Whiskers. 66 00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,365 I can hear his tiny stomach grumbling. 67 00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,302 Actually, that's me. 68 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,770 That chocoghetti does not go down without a fight. 69 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,242 I cannot stand it. 70 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,547 Eat up, my little beady-eyed friend. 71 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,717 I cannot experiment on this poor, innocent animal. 72 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,387 (EXCLAIMS) Vermin in my kitchen! 73 00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:13,554 And a rat. 74 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,692 Get that filthy rodent out of here, 75 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,494 or you're both going down the dumbwaiter shaft! 76 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,398 Too bad you can't experiment on Bertram. 77 00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:27,435 Are you thinking what I am thinking? 78 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,471 That a minivan really isn't that much smaller than a regular van? 79 00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,608 It is amazing you can tie your shoes. 80 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:36,710 They're Velcro. 81 00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,816 So, when Agatha said Zuri could never win a beauty pageant, 82 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,585 suddenly all I could was yellow! 83 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:45,586 Don't you mean red? 84 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,856 No, yellow. I was looking at her teeth. 85 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:53,594 I can't believe that Gollum in a blazer insulted my sister! 86 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,796 Emma, it's not nice to insult people. 87 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,466 Now, let's work on Zuri's interview 88 00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,633 so we can beat the ugly out of that she-troll! 89 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,472 Miss Ross, who is your hero? 90 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,674 Chubby the Bear. 91 00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,780 Okay. Let's change that to George Washington. 92 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,616 If you had one wish, what would it be? 93 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,352 To marry Chubby the Bear. 94 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,491 Let's change that to world peace. 95 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,826 Almost no one's against that. 96 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,529 If you could have lunch with one historical figure, 97 00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,097 who would it be? 98 00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,632 And please don't say Chubby the Bear. 99 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,801 Oh, don't be silly. 100 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,437 It would be Chubby the Bear's grandfather, 101 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,638 Old Man Chubs. 102 00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:42,676 This is gonna be a bigger disappointment than my Christmas bonus. 103 00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,918 Okay, Zuri, we're here to practice your pageant walk. 104 00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,787 Now, remember, you'll have a poufy dress, 105 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,689 so use cupcake hands. 106 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,533 Last time I saw somebody walk like that 107 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,569 was when Ravi got hit in the head with a baseball. 108 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,906 I'm trying to strut my stuff. 109 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,609 Not that I got much stuff to strut. 110 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,748 Ha! That's my so-called "competition"? 111 00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,550 She looks better with the bucket on her head! 112 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,585 (LAUGHING) 113 00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,556 Every time you laugh, I expect to look up 114 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,758 and see flying monkeys and, "Surrender, Dorothy." 115 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,928 One more crack out of you, 116 00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,431 and I'm going to knock those veneers in your mouth 117 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:38,999 from here to Battery Park. 118 00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,202 My teeth are real. 119 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:42,703 Not for long. 120 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,539 Okay, okay, okay. 121 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,641 Zuri's already got the beauty part of the pageant won. 122 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,176 And she's gonna win the talent part, too. 123 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,444 She's been taking piano lessons, 124 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:54,648 and she'd be playing Carnegie Hall if her bedtime wasn't 7:30. 125 00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,817 Piano? How boring. 126 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,887 I actually just dozed off for a moment. 127 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,456 That explains the drool and bad breath. 128 00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,758 I'll show you tiara-winning talent. 129 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,860 WhatHi-yah!u... 130 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,529 (GRUNTS) 131 00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,931 Ow! That bishop has a pointy hat! 132 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,738 (PLAYING FUR ELISE) 133 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,809 Zuri, that's beautiful! 134 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:25,479 You're gifted, you're amazing! 135 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,680 Thank you! 136 00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,483 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 137 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,019 And you can play without touching the keys. 138 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,821 Oh, that's not me. That's my teacher. 139 00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,525 Oh. Well, let's hear you play it. 140 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,559 Okay. 141 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,795 (PLAYING VERY SLOWLY) 142 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,934 (PLAYS WRONG NOTE) 143 00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,003 That's all I know. 144 00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:50,971 Well, then play something you do know. 145 00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:54,775 That's it. That's all I know. 146 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:59,513 What? I drop you off for piano lessons twice a week! What do you do there? 147 00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,981 Drink apple juice and listen to Madame Kishka 148 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:04,885 sob about her no-good ex-boyfriend. 149 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:09,857 Apparently, he was playing hopscotch with other women. 150 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:14,027 Isn't there any piano teaching going on at your piano lesson? 151 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,064 Nope. Just a lot of crying. 152 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:21,068 That woman goes through more tissues than Ravi watching that dolphin movie. 153 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,938 (DOLPHIN CHITTERING) 154 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:28,542 The poor dolphin does not have a tail! 155 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,579 It is so sad. 156 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,950 Well, obviously we need to find you a new talent. 157 00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:37,685 And Madame Kishka a new boyfriend. 158 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,888 That's not going to be easy. 159 00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,091 She moonlights as a Hagar look-alike. 160 00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,993 That's who she reminds me of! It's been driving me crazy! 161 00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,836 Experiment number one. 162 00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,039 Determine if the test subject can successfully navigate labyrinth 163 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,575 in pursuit of a reward. 164 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,044 I have no idea what you just said. 165 00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,846 I just want to mess with Bertram. 166 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,585 What the... 167 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,954 Emma must be on another feng shui kick. 168 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,693 What is that delightful fragrance? 169 00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,963 Could that be a rare Stella Royale, 170 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,766 the most magnificent of all Spanish cheeses? 171 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:27,901 (SNIFFING) 172 00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,707 Whoa! Bertram could be a cheese bloodhound. 173 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:39,980 A-ha! 174 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,755 Oh! Come to me, Stella Royale! 175 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,793 Wow! He found the cheese in 12.7 seconds. 176 00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,761 And he ate it in 2.3. 177 00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,968 Okay, you've been taking ballet lessons. 178 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,704 And your ballet teacher is emotionally stable, right? 179 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:05,773 Eh. 180 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:08,976 So show us your moves! 181 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,143 Okay. 182 00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,691 Let me guess. That's all you know? 183 00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,926 Yup. 184 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,429 * Oh, say can you see (SINGING FLAT) 185 00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,764 (SNARLING) 186 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,201 * By the dawn's early light 187 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,073 Hold it, Taylor-not-so-Swift. 188 00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:43,877 I don't mean to be judgmental, but that was a bit pitchy. 189 00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:46,714 And it might have been treason. 190 00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,053 Experiment number two. 191 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,188 If Bertram chooses the unhealthy snack, 192 00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,958 I will give him a small electric shock. 193 00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,460 If he selects the healthy snack, nothing will happen. 194 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,796 What's the fun in that? 195 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,264 I say we zap him no matter what he does. 196 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:06,867 Bertram is coming. Hide! 197 00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,271 (WHISTLING) 198 00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:15,876 Cookies and carrots? 199 00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,749 Cookies. (CHUCKLES) 200 00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,918 (ELECTRICOw! BUZZING) 201 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,790 Ooh! Cookies. 202 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,793 Ow! 203 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:37,831 Fascinating. Subject displays absolutely no learning curve. 204 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,176 Ow! 205 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,982 Zuri is so untalented it's almost a talent. 206 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,086 Hello, Jessie. 207 00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:01,855 I hope Zuri's talent is being a human mop, 208 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,057 because Lindsay is going to wipe the floor with her. 209 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:07,294 Well, I hope Lindsay's talent is impersonating a turkey, 210 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,529 because Zuri's going to beat the stuffing out of her! 211 00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,931 (LAUGHS) 212 00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:11,899 Meh. 213 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,803 Well, if you're so confident, 214 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,905 why don't we put a little wager on it? 215 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,239 I don't believe in gambling. 216 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,909 Whattaya got? 217 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,846 Whichever girl loses, her nanny has to... 218 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,148 Hang from the monkey bars, upside down! 219 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,150 Dressed like a monkey! 220 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,786 Done! You won't even need a costume. 221 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:32,953 Just don't shave for a few hours. 222 00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,960 What are you doing? Zuri doesn't have a talent. 223 00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,329 Unless desecrating the national anthem counts. 224 00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:47,100 I know. I just wanted to wipe that snaggle-toothed smirk off Agatha's face. 225 00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,003 So what's your plan? 226 00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,807 First, I'm going to cry. 227 00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:54,875 I hope something good will come out of that. 228 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:05,819 Experiment number three. Effect of physical exertion upon subject. 229 00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,922 We get to watch Bertram exercise? (CHUCKLES) 230 00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,290 This is gonna be hysterical! 231 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:12,092 (BOTH CHUCKLING) 232 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,000 For the first time ever, I'm glad I cleaned the oven. 233 00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,837 If those two want a rat, 234 00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,874 I'm giving them one that bites. 235 00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:28,909 Ow! 236 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,947 All right, Zuri! I got the answer to winning the pageant. 237 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,850 You are going to sing! 238 00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,285 But I can't sing. 239 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,188 Remember all the neighbors called to complain? 240 00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,092 No, Zuri, they weren't complaining. 241 00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,627 No, they were just worried you were hurt. 242 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,931 Look, I got this idea when I thought you were playing the piano. 243 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,265 Come on. 244 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:53,967 Now, pretend to sing. 245 00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,304 (MUSIC PLAYING) 246 00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:04,011 You want me to lip-synch? But wouldn't that be wrong? 247 00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:09,449 No, it's like air guitar with your mouth. 248 00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,158 Where on earth did you get that thing? 249 00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,427 Tony knows a guy. 250 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,396 Wheeling is the latest fitness craze. 251 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,466 Everyone's doing it. Athletes, supermodels, 252 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,903 really big hamsters. 253 00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:33,073 I live to wheel! 254 00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,141 But you may have a go, my friend. 255 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,380 JuYeah, go ahead.n? 256 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,082 Whoa. Whoa. 257 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,419 Hey, look, Ma, I'm wheelin'! 258 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,059 Subject is displaying euphoria. 259 00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,326 Whee! 260 00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,133 Subject is now sweating like a plow horse with a cement saddle. 261 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:03,136 (GASPS) 262 00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,973 Chest pain! 263 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,107 Chest pain! 264 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,978 Ah, I see a white light. 265 00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,981 Grandma, is that you? 266 00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,951 It's me. Pumpkin. 267 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,490 I would have called, but I didn't have your number. 268 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,992 (CHOKING) 269 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,334 Oh, my gosh! Luke, what have we done? 270 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,437 All that exercise! His body didn't know what hit it! 271 00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,107 This is horrible! Luke, give him mouth to mouth resuscitation! 272 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,042 I'd rather go to jail! 273 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:46,379 If Jessie grounded us two days for not eating our broccoli, 274 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,182 imagine the punishment for offing a butler! 275 00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,987 Wait! I know what to do! 276 00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:57,257 We'll need paper towels, garbage bags, and a hatchet. 277 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,425 What? 278 00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,559 (ALL SCREAMING) 279 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,063 That's right, I'm alive! 280 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:08,401 And after what you two have done to me, you're lucky you are. 281 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:12,405 Bertram, I am truly sorry for abusing you in the name of science. 282 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,506 Luke made me do it. 283 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,011 Fish gotta swim. 284 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:18,945 In the future, please remember, 285 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,549 I am a person, not a science experiment. 286 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:27,554 So much for getting an A on my project. 287 00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:32,059 On the bright side, at least we did not have to collect a stool sample. 288 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,226 Now you tell me. 289 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,066 (GROANS) 290 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,502 (AUDIENCE CLAPPING) 291 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,477 Lindsay just got a standing ovation for kicking a guy in the gut. 292 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,448 That's not fair. I did that to Ravi 293 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,550 and all I got was grounded. 294 00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,187 You know what? You are gonna do great, Zuri. 295 00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,389 Okay? I'm not even worried. 296 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,126 (RETCHING) 297 00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,098 When did I have pizza? 298 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,070 So worried you'll lose you're losing your lunch? 299 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,406 No. I was looking for my earring. 300 00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:21,241 You know what? I'll get a new pair. 301 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,548 Rocked it. My dad will be walking with a limp for a month. 302 00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,319 So, Jessie, what do you take? 303 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,154 About a size four monkey suit? 304 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,559 Oh, I want you to beat them so bad! 305 00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,760 Don't worry, Jessie. 306 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,531 As long as we use your cheating idea, we can't lose! 307 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,468 Shh! 308 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,339 Now, we agreed lip-synching isn't cheating, remember? 309 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,373 It's playing to our strengths. 310 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,176 Gotcha. 311 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,148 I can't wait to "play to my strengths" 312 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,516 on my spelling test. 313 00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:06,319 And "play to my strengths" Nowon my math test... 314 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:12,325 Stop, stop. Wait. This is all wrong. 315 00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:13,560 Because of me, you now think cheating is okay. 316 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,397 But you said people do it all the time. 317 00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,266 They do. Luke also puts chocolate on his spaghetti. 318 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,501 That does not make it right! 319 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,371 Zuri, you're on! 320 00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:27,240 The girl before you is finishing her interpretive dance 321 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,376 to the sounds of sea lions. 322 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,444 So you might not come in last after all. 323 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:36,349 Thanks. Something to hold on to. 324 00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:39,286 Zuri, I'm so sorry. I wish Madame Kishka had taught you 325 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,620 more about piano and less about heartbreak. 326 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:45,225 Jessie, I just got a great idea! 327 00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,295 Does it involve changing our names and fleeing the country? 328 00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,330 'Cause I'm way ahead of you. 329 00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:54,167 Watch! I'm gonna win this thing. 330 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,668 I know you are! (CHUCKLING) 331 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,337 She's toast. 332 00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,240 (IMITATES SEAL BARKING) 333 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,215 I will now do an original, dramatic monologue. 334 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,484 And it's gonna be good, so get your cameras ready. 335 00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:22,195 Why, Chubby? Why did you leave me? 336 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:28,268 I'll never forget the day you were not in the den watching the cubs. 337 00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:30,703 Zuri, smile! 338 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,772 Cupcake hands! 339 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,277 Why am I not good enough for you? 340 00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:42,782 Did you find sweeter honey in the arms of another? 341 00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:48,388 Even though our life together was often "grizzly," 342 00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,657 I can't bear to see you go. 343 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,495 Stay, Chubby, stay! 344 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,400 And scene. 345 00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:10,810 Zuri! That was something! 346 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,647 Where did that come from? 347 00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:19,018 It's what Madame Kishka cries about during my piano lessons. 348 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:23,790 I just substituted Chubs for her no-good ex-boyfriend, Leopold. 349 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,526 Well, first of all, great job! 350 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,795 And second of all, we're getting you a new piano teacher. 351 00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,402 Well, that was the silliest thing I've ever seen. 352 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,836 Apparently you haven't looked in the mirror recently. 353 00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,641 You walked right into that one. 354 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,512 MAN: (ON PA) Ladies and gentlemen, it's crowning time. 355 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,847 Our new Little Miss Big Apple is... 356 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,683 Susie Gunter! 357 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:51,584 (BARKING) 358 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,288 ALL: Sea lion girl? 359 00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:59,626 I didn't know they were giving points for crazy. 360 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,629 Well, at least there's a silver lining. 361 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,566 Since neither of us won, neither of us has to dress up like a monkey. 362 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,435 Wait a minute. 363 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,670 You said, "Whoever loses." 364 00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,339 And you both lost. 365 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,574 Now you listen to me? 366 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,576 Where were you when I said having a pen pal in juvie was a bad idea? 367 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,081 For once, I agree with the twit from Texas. 368 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,683 Thank you. Wait. Rude. 369 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:30,523 So, what you're teaching us is that it's okay to break your promises? 370 00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:34,494 That's a fine lesson for two impressionable little girls. 371 00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,868 This is actually kind of fun. 372 00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,504 Which is a sad commentary on the rest of your life. 373 00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,741 Okay, I'm see no evil, and hear no evil. 374 00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:49,842 You're just evil. 375 00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,715 Isn't that half hour up yet? 376 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,818 Oh, yeah. It was up a long time ago. 377 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,523 We just wanted to see how red your faces would get. 378 00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,759 I guessed as red as a tomato. 379 00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,528 I guessed fire truck. 380 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,930 I went with baboon butt! 381 00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:13,766 Let's get 'em. 382 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:14,567 For once, I agree with Hagatha. 383 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,542 My legs are numb. 384 00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:24,577 I can't even feel my legs. 385 00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:29,916 Should we run? What if they catch us?