1
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:10,211
Jessie! They're having
a Little Miss Big Apple
beauty pageant!
2
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:13,047
Could I be in it?
3
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,349
Zuri, beauty pageants
are sexist and
demeaning to women.
4
00:00:15,383 --> 00:00:18,052
How many did you lose?
5
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,589
Three. Now go play.
6
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:25,826
So wise of you not to let
poor little Zuri into
the beauty pageant.
7
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,561
Having you as a nanny
is humiliating enough.
8
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:32,600
Agatha, I thought
we were friends now.
9
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,402
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Mates. Chums.
10
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:36,170
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Well, you thought wrong.
11
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,241
I'm just thinking
of Zuri's feelings.
12
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:43,211
She wouldn't stand
a chance in this pageant
against my Lindsay.
13
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:43,611
Lindsay!
14
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,482
JESSIE: Whoa.
15
00:00:48,516 --> 00:00:50,418
Talk about
beauty and the beast.
16
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,519
What do you mean?
Lindsay is lovely.
17
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:57,858
Having trouble connecting
those dots, are ya?
18
00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:02,130
My point is Lindsay's face
has probably never
made a horse faint.
19
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:05,533
That horse was
very old, and clearly
weak from lack of oats.
20
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,537
Lindsay's a black belt
in karate.
21
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,105
Oh, please,
every kid takes karate.
22
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,606
Doesn't mean they
can actually do... (YELLS)
23
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:18,679
So Lindsay
can do karate.
24
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:22,383
Big deal.
25
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:25,386
Zuri is beautiful,
and talented,
26
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,256
and the most poised
little girl I've ever met!
27
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,658
I'm stuck in a bucket!
I'm stuck in a bucket!
28
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:33,561
(BOTH LAUGHING)
29
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,300
(BOTH MIMICKING SIZZLING)
30
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:43,671
(GROANS) That's the
third time this week!
31
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,274
I gotta get you
a bucket that's
smaller than your head.
32
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,642
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
33
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:54,648
All right.
Let's go home and
butter up your head again.
34
00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:59,687
Then afterwards
we are going to
start practicing.
35
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,689
For what?
36
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,692
You are going
to be entered in the Little
Miss Big Apple Beauty Pageant!
37
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,594
Mmm-hmm.
38
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,563
Gee, you get your
head stuck in a bucket
for two minutes,
39
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,332
and you miss so much!
40
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,371
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
41
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:20,708
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
42
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:24,445
* It feels like a party
every day
43
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,948
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
44
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,551
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way
45
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:35,289
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
46
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:38,626
* My whole world is changing
Turning around
47
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:42,430
* They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
48
00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,233
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
49
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:49,537
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
50
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:53,207
* Hey Jessie
51
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,676
* Hey Jessie
52
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,480
* It feels like a party
every day
53
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:03,717
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie *
54
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:09,657
Yum, yum, yum, yum!
55
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:16,230
Ew! You're gonna eat
a rat with cheese?
56
00:03:16,264 --> 00:03:19,500
Oh, dude,
that's a weird snack,
even for you.
57
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:23,671
This coming from a man
who puts chocolate syrup
on his spaghetti?
58
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,241
I'm thinking
of patenting that.
59
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,777
I'm gonna
call it "Chocoghetti."
60
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,715
I am doing
an experiment
for my science class.
61
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,617
I have not yet
fed Whiskers,
(CHUCKLES)
62
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:37,818
I call him Whiskers,
63
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,888
for 12 whole hours.
64
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:45,259
Now, I must record
how long it takes him
to find his food.
65
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,763
Aw, poor Whiskers.
66
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,365
I can hear his
tiny stomach grumbling.
67
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:54,302
Actually, that's me.
68
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,770
That chocoghetti
does not go down
without a fight.
69
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,242
I cannot stand it.
70
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,547
Eat up, my little
beady-eyed friend.
71
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,717
I cannot experiment on
this poor, innocent animal.
72
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,387
(EXCLAIMS)
Vermin in my kitchen!
73
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:13,554
And a rat.
74
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,692
Get that filthy rodent
out of here,
75
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,494
or you're both going
down the dumbwaiter shaft!
76
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:24,398
Too bad you can't
experiment on Bertram.
77
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:27,435
Are you thinking
what I am thinking?
78
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,471
That a minivan really
isn't that much smaller
than a regular van?
79
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,608
It is amazing
you can tie your shoes.
80
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:36,710
They're Velcro.
81
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,816
So, when Agatha said
Zuri could never
win a beauty pageant,
82
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,585
suddenly
all I could
was yellow!
83
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:45,586
Don't you mean red?
84
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,856
No, yellow.
I was looking
at her teeth.
85
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:53,594
I can't believe that
Gollum in a blazer
insulted my sister!
86
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,796
Emma, it's not nice
to insult people.
87
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,466
Now, let's work
on Zuri's interview
88
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,633
so we can beat the ugly
out of that she-troll!
89
00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,472
Miss Ross,
who is your hero?
90
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:06,674
Chubby the Bear.
91
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:12,780
Okay. Let's change
that to George Washington.
92
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,616
If you had one wish,
what would it be?
93
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,352
To marry
Chubby the Bear.
94
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,491
Let's change that
to world peace.
95
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,826
Almost no one's
against that.
96
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,529
If you could
have lunch with
one historical figure,
97
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,097
who would it be?
98
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,632
And please don't say
Chubby the Bear.
99
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:33,801
Oh, don't be silly.
100
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,437
It would be Chubby
the Bear's grandfather,
101
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:37,638
Old Man Chubs.
102
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:42,676
This is gonna be
a bigger disappointment
than my Christmas bonus.
103
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,918
Okay, Zuri,
we're here to practice
your pageant walk.
104
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,787
Now, remember,
you'll have a poufy dress,
105
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,689
so use cupcake hands.
106
00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:05,533
Last time I saw
somebody walk like that
107
00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,569
was when Ravi
got hit in the head
with a baseball.
108
00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:12,906
I'm trying
to strut my stuff.
109
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,609
Not that I got
much stuff to strut.
110
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:20,748
Ha! That's my
so-called "competition"?
111
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:22,550
She looks better with
the bucket on her head!
112
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:24,585
(LAUGHING)
113
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:28,556
Every time you laugh,
I expect to look up
114
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,758
and see flying monkeys
and, "Surrender, Dorothy."
115
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,928
One more
crack out of you,
116
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,431
and I'm going
to knock those
veneers in your mouth
117
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:38,999
from here to Battery Park.
118
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,202
My teeth are real.
119
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:42,703
Not for long.
120
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,539
Okay, okay, okay.
121
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:47,641
Zuri's already
got the beauty part
of the pageant won.
122
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:49,176
And she's gonna
win the talent part, too.
123
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,444
She's been taking
piano lessons,
124
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:54,648
and she'd be
playing Carnegie Hall if
her bedtime wasn't 7:30.
125
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:56,817
Piano? How boring.
126
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,887
I actually just
dozed off for a moment.
127
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,456
That explains the drool
and bad breath.
128
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:04,758
I'll show you
tiara-winning talent.
129
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,860
WhatHi-yah!u...
130
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:08,529
(GRUNTS)
131
00:07:08,562 --> 00:07:10,931
Ow! That bishop
has a pointy hat!
132
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:17,738
(PLAYING FUR ELISE)
133
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:21,809
Zuri, that's beautiful!
134
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:25,479
You're gifted,
you're amazing!
135
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,680
Thank you!
136
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:29,483
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
137
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,019
And you can play
without touching the keys.
138
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,821
Oh, that's not me.
That's my teacher.
139
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:37,525
Oh. Well, let's hear
you play it.
140
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,559
Okay.
141
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,795
(PLAYING VERY SLOWLY)
142
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:46,934
(PLAYS WRONG NOTE)
143
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:50,003
That's all I know.
144
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:50,971
Well, then play
something you do know.
145
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:54,775
That's it.
That's all I know.
146
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:59,513
What? I drop you off for
piano lessons twice a week!
What do you do there?
147
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:00,981
Drink apple juice and
listen to Madame Kishka
148
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:04,885
sob about her
no-good ex-boyfriend.
149
00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:09,857
Apparently, he was
playing hopscotch
with other women.
150
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:14,027
Isn't there any
piano teaching going on
at your piano lesson?
151
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,064
Nope.
Just a lot of crying.
152
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:21,068
That woman goes through
more tissues than Ravi
watching that dolphin movie.
153
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:24,938
(DOLPHIN CHITTERING)
154
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:28,542
The poor dolphin
does not have a tail!
155
00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:31,579
It is so sad.
156
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:36,950
Well, obviously
we need to find
you a new talent.
157
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:37,685
And Madame Kishka
a new boyfriend.
158
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:40,888
That's not
going to be easy.
159
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:44,091
She moonlights as
a Hagar look-alike.
160
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:45,993
That's who she reminds me of!
It's been driving me crazy!
161
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,836
Experiment number one.
162
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:59,039
Determine if the test
subject can successfully
navigate labyrinth
163
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,575
in pursuit of a reward.
164
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,044
I have no idea
what you just said.
165
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,846
I just want to
mess with Bertram.
166
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,585
What the...
167
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,954
Emma must be on
another feng shui kick.
168
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:19,693
What is that
delightful fragrance?
169
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,963
Could that be
a rare Stella Royale,
170
00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:25,766
the most magnificent
of all Spanish cheeses?
171
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:27,901
(SNIFFING)
172
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,707
Whoa! Bertram could be
a cheese bloodhound.
173
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:39,980
A-ha!
174
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:47,755
Oh! Come to me,
Stella Royale!
175
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,793
Wow!
He found the cheese
in 12.7 seconds.
176
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,761
And he ate it in 2.3.
177
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,968
Okay, you've been
taking ballet lessons.
178
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,704
And your ballet teacher is
emotionally stable, right?
179
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:05,773
Eh.
180
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:08,976
So show us your moves!
181
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,143
Okay.
182
00:10:21,855 --> 00:10:23,691
Let me guess.
That's all you know?
183
00:10:24,692 --> 00:10:25,926
Yup.
184
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:29,429
* Oh, say can you see
(SINGING FLAT)
185
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:30,764
(SNARLING)
186
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:34,201
* By the dawn's early light
187
00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:40,073
Hold it,
Taylor-not-so-Swift.
188
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:43,877
I don't mean
to be judgmental,
but that was a bit pitchy.
189
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:46,714
And it might
have been treason.
190
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:53,053
Experiment number two.
191
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,188
If Bertram chooses
the unhealthy snack,
192
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,958
I will give him
a small electric shock.
193
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,460
If he selects
the healthy snack,
nothing will happen.
194
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,796
What's the fun in that?
195
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,264
I say we zap him
no matter what he does.
196
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:06,867
Bertram is coming. Hide!
197
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,271
(WHISTLING)
198
00:11:14,775 --> 00:11:15,876
Cookies and carrots?
199
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,749
Cookies.
(CHUCKLES)
200
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,918
(ELECTRICOw! BUZZING)
201
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:29,790
Ooh! Cookies.
202
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,793
Ow!
203
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:37,831
Fascinating.
Subject displays absolutely
no learning curve.
204
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,176
Ow!
205
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,982
Zuri is so untalented
it's almost a talent.
206
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,086
Hello, Jessie.
207
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:01,855
I hope Zuri's talent
is being a human mop,
208
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:04,057
because Lindsay
is going to wipe
the floor with her.
209
00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:07,294
Well, I hope
Lindsay's talent is
impersonating a turkey,
210
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:09,529
because Zuri's
going to beat the
stuffing out of her!
211
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,931
(LAUGHS)
212
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:11,899
Meh.
213
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,803
Well, if you're
so confident,
214
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,905
why don't we put
a little wager on it?
215
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,239
I don't believe
in gambling.
216
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,909
Whattaya got?
217
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:25,846
Whichever girl loses,
her nanny has to...
218
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:28,148
Hang from
the monkey bars,
upside down!
219
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,150
Dressed like a monkey!
220
00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,786
Done! You won't
even need a costume.
221
00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:32,953
Just don't shave
for a few hours.
222
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:39,960
What are you doing?
Zuri doesn't have a talent.
223
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:42,329
Unless desecrating the
national anthem counts.
224
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:47,100
I know. I just wanted to
wipe that snaggle-toothed
smirk off Agatha's face.
225
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:50,003
So what's your plan?
226
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:53,807
First, I'm going to cry.
227
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:54,875
I hope something good
will come out of that.
228
00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:05,819
Experiment number three.
Effect of physical
exertion upon subject.
229
00:13:05,853 --> 00:13:08,922
We get to watch
Bertram exercise?
(CHUCKLES)
230
00:13:08,956 --> 00:13:10,290
This is gonna
be hysterical!
231
00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:12,092
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
232
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:20,000
For the first time ever,
I'm glad I cleaned the oven.
233
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,837
If those two
want a rat,
234
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:26,874
I'm giving them
one that bites.
235
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:28,909
Ow!
236
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:33,947
All right, Zuri!
I got the answer
to winning the pageant.
237
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,850
You are going to sing!
238
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:38,285
But I can't sing.
239
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,188
Remember
all the neighbors
called to complain?
240
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:45,092
No, Zuri, they
weren't complaining.
241
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:47,627
No, they were just
worried you were hurt.
242
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,931
Look, I got this idea
when I thought you
were playing the piano.
243
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,265
Come on.
244
00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:53,967
Now, pretend to sing.
245
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:57,304
(MUSIC PLAYING)
246
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:04,011
You want me to lip-synch?
But wouldn't that be wrong?
247
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:09,449
No, it's like air guitar
with your mouth.
248
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,158
Where on earth
did you get that thing?
249
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,427
Tony knows a guy.
250
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,396
Wheeling is the
latest fitness craze.
251
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:26,466
Everyone's doing it.
Athletes, supermodels,
252
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,903
really big hamsters.
253
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:33,073
I live to wheel!
254
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,141
But you may have
a go, my friend.
255
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:40,380
JuYeah, go ahead.n?
256
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,082
Whoa. Whoa.
257
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,419
Hey, look, Ma,
I'm wheelin'!
258
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:52,059
Subject is
displaying euphoria.
259
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,326
Whee!
260
00:14:56,396 --> 00:15:00,133
Subject is now sweating
like a plow horse
with a cement saddle.
261
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:03,136
(GASPS)
262
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:05,973
Chest pain!
263
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:07,107
Chest pain!
264
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,978
Ah, I see a white light.
265
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,981
Grandma, is that you?
266
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:17,951
It's me. Pumpkin.
267
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,490
I would have called,
but I didn't have
your number.
268
00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:24,992
(CHOKING)
269
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:34,334
Oh, my gosh!
Luke, what have we done?
270
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:37,437
All that exercise!
His body didn't know
what hit it!
271
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,107
This is horrible!
Luke, give him mouth
to mouth resuscitation!
272
00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:42,042
I'd rather go to jail!
273
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:46,379
If Jessie grounded
us two days for not
eating our broccoli,
274
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,182
imagine the punishment
for offing a butler!
275
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:53,987
Wait!
I know what to do!
276
00:15:54,021 --> 00:15:57,257
We'll need paper towels,
garbage bags, and a hatchet.
277
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,425
What?
278
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,559
(ALL SCREAMING)
279
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,063
That's right,
I'm alive!
280
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:08,401
And after what
you two have done to me,
you're lucky you are.
281
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:12,405
Bertram, I am truly
sorry for abusing you
in the name of science.
282
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,506
Luke made me do it.
283
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,011
Fish gotta swim.
284
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:18,945
In the future,
please remember,
285
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,549
I am a person,
not a science experiment.
286
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:27,554
So much for getting
an A on my project.
287
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:32,059
On the bright side,
at least we did not have
to collect a stool sample.
288
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:33,226
Now you tell me.
289
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,066
(GROANS)
290
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,502
(AUDIENCE CLAPPING)
291
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,477
Lindsay just got
a standing ovation for
kicking a guy in the gut.
292
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,448
That's not fair.
I did that to Ravi
293
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,550
and all I got
was grounded.
294
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:00,187
You know what?
You are gonna
do great, Zuri.
295
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,389
Okay?
I'm not even worried.
296
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,126
(RETCHING)
297
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,098
When did I have pizza?
298
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:17,070
So worried you'll lose
you're losing your lunch?
299
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,406
No. I was looking
for my earring.
300
00:17:21,108 --> 00:17:21,241
You know what?
I'll get a new pair.
301
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,548
Rocked it.
My dad will be walking
with a limp for a month.
302
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,319
So, Jessie,
what do you take?
303
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,154
About a size
four monkey suit?
304
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,559
Oh, I want you to
beat them so bad!
305
00:17:39,592 --> 00:17:40,760
Don't worry, Jessie.
306
00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:44,531
As long as we use
your cheating idea,
we can't lose!
307
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,468
Shh!
308
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,339
Now, we agreed
lip-synching isn't
cheating, remember?
309
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,373
It's playing
to our strengths.
310
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,176
Gotcha.
311
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,148
I can't wait to
"play to my strengths"
312
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:03,516
on my spelling test.
313
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:06,319
And "play to my strengths"
Nowon my math test...
314
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:12,325
Stop, stop. Wait.
This is all wrong.
315
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:13,560
Because of me,
you now think
cheating is okay.
316
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,397
But you said people
do it all the time.
317
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,266
They do. Luke also
puts chocolate
on his spaghetti.
318
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,501
That does not
make it right!
319
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,371
Zuri, you're on!
320
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:27,240
The girl before you
is finishing her
interpretive dance
321
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,376
to the sounds of sea lions.
322
00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,444
So you might not
come in last after all.
323
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:36,349
Thanks.
Something to hold on to.
324
00:18:36,383 --> 00:18:39,286
Zuri, I'm so sorry.
I wish Madame Kishka
had taught you
325
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,620
more about piano
and less about heartbreak.
326
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:45,225
Jessie, I just
got a great idea!
327
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:48,295
Does it involve
changing our names
and fleeing the country?
328
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:50,330
'Cause I'm way
ahead of you.
329
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:54,167
Watch!
I'm gonna win this thing.
330
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,668
I know you are!
(CHUCKLING)
331
00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,337
She's toast.
332
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,240
(IMITATES SEAL BARKING)
333
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:08,215
I will now
do an original,
dramatic monologue.
334
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:11,484
And it's gonna be good,
so get your cameras ready.
335
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:22,195
Why, Chubby?
Why did you leave me?
336
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:28,268
I'll never forget the day
you were not in the den
watching the cubs.
337
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:30,703
Zuri, smile!
338
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,772
Cupcake hands!
339
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:37,277
Why am I not
good enough for you?
340
00:19:39,246 --> 00:19:42,782
Did you find sweeter honey
in the arms of another?
341
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:48,388
Even though
our life together
was often "grizzly,"
342
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:50,657
I can't bear
to see you go.
343
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,495
Stay, Chubby, stay!
344
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,400
And scene.
345
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:10,810
Zuri!
That was something!
346
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,647
Where did that come from?
347
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:19,018
It's what Madame Kishka
cries about during
my piano lessons.
348
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:23,790
I just substituted
Chubs for her no-good
ex-boyfriend, Leopold.
349
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,526
Well, first of all,
great job!
350
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,795
And second of all,
we're getting you a
new piano teacher.
351
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:35,402
Well, that was
the silliest thing
I've ever seen.
352
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,836
Apparently
you haven't looked
in the mirror recently.
353
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:41,641
You walked right
into that one.
354
00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:45,512
MAN: (ON PA)
Ladies and gentlemen,
it's crowning time.
355
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,847
Our new Little
Miss Big Apple is...
356
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:50,683
Susie Gunter!
357
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:51,584
(BARKING)
358
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,288
ALL: Sea lion girl?
359
00:20:55,322 --> 00:20:59,626
I didn't know they were
giving points for crazy.
360
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,629
Well, at least there's
a silver lining.
361
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,566
Since neither of us won,
neither of us has to dress up
like a monkey.
362
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,435
Wait a minute.
363
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,670
You said,
"Whoever loses."
364
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,339
And you both lost.
365
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,574
Now you listen to me?
366
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,576
Where were you when
I said having a pen pal
in juvie was a bad idea?
367
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,081
For once, I agree
with the twit from Texas.
368
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,683
Thank you.
Wait. Rude.
369
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:30,523
So, what you're teaching us
is that it's okay to
break your promises?
370
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:34,494
That's a fine lesson for two
impressionable little girls.
371
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,868
This is actually
kind of fun.
372
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:44,504
Which is a sad commentary
on the rest of your life.
373
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:48,741
Okay, I'm see no evil,
and hear no evil.
374
00:21:48,775 --> 00:21:49,842
You're just evil.
375
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,715
Isn't that half hour up yet?
376
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,818
Oh, yeah. It was up
a long time ago.
377
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,523
We just wanted
to see how red
your faces would get.
378
00:22:05,124 --> 00:22:06,759
I guessed
as red as a tomato.
379
00:22:06,793 --> 00:22:08,528
I guessed fire truck.
380
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,930
I went with
baboon butt!
381
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:13,766
Let's get 'em.
382
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:14,567
For once,
I agree with Hagatha.
383
00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:22,542
My legs are numb.
384
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:24,577
I can't even
feel my legs.
385
00:22:27,547 --> 00:22:29,916
Should we run?
What if they catch us?