I can't believe you're finally going out on your first date with Jessie!
Are you nervous?
Naw. This is our fourth first date.
First, I got pepper sprayed,
then she got glued to Chesterfield,
then we both got dumped in mud.
Maybe I should be nervous.
Don't worry, Tony. You know what they say.
Fourth time's the...
Time no one goes to the hospital?
I'm sure nothing's gonna go wrong this time.
Remember, girls love a gentleman,
so offer her your jacket if she gets cold.
But what if I get cold?
Do you want to be comfortable or in a relationship?
Because you can't have both.
Hey, Tony. Happy fourth first-date!
Aw, really? I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything.
Oh, don't worry. It's just a little something I made.
Ta-da!
Wow, Jessie! No girl's ever skinned a coyote for me before.
It's a scarf, silly! Coyote season is not until April.
Here.
There! It looks great.
I love it. Oh.
Wool, right? Yeah, why?
Oh, nothing. I'm just a teeny weenie bit allergic to wool.
(GASPING)
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
♪ It feels like a party every day
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
♪ My whole world is changing Turning around
♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground
♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town
♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down
♪ Hey Jessie
♪ It feels like a party every day
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪
Due to inclement weather, the prudent pilot
circles the helipad until informed he can land safely.
Way to live on the edge, Ravi.
Jessie said not to fly too high.
Bird strikes can be dangerous.
Dangerous is what makes it fun.
Using a toy responsibly is pointless.
Kind of like brushing your teeth.
You gotta take a few chances.
You mean like this?
Whoo! Fly like the wind!
Woot woot!
Wait! Wait!
Oh, no! What are you doing? Bring it back!
I cannot!
The wind is blowing it straight toward that billboard!
Brace for impact, tiny imaginary pilot!
(CRASHING) BOTH: Ooh!
JESSIE: Tony, I'm so glad the doctor said you're okay.
Me, too. It's a weird feeling when your neck's bigger than your head.
Look, I probably should have mentioned this sooner,
but I'm sort of a jinx when it comes to dating.
I don't believe that.
Believe it.
Did she tell you about the date when she fell off the donkey?
Or lit a waiter on fire?
Or got trapped in a meat locker?
Never break up with a butcher's son.
And those dates lead up to the worst one of all,
my senior prom.
But don't ask me... ALL: What happened?
We do not speak of it!
Let's just say,
the theme was "Under the Sea"
and my humiliation was over the top.
Maybe you'd have better luck if you let Zuri and me plan your date.
Are you serious?
Jessie, you know how I'm not supposed to play with scissors?
Well, dating is your scissors.
And if we don't take it out of your hands,
someone's gonna lose an eye.
(EXCLAIMS NERVOUSLY) Okay, be cool.
Be cool.
Just think of the millions before you who have climbed giant teacups and survived.
(WHINING)
Stupid tiny pilot, you landed upside-down!
And after all that time you spent in tiny flight school.
(GRUNTS) Okay then.
You leave me no choice but to become a human biscotti.
(SCREAMING)
Ow!
The sweet smell of success!
(SNIFFS)
Oh!
Nope. That is pigeon poop.
(GROANS)
(GASPS) My 'copter! Ravi, you did it!
Ravi?
Oh, my gosh, is this all that's left of you?
(IMITATING RAVI) "Dear Brother, I hope this note finds you well.
"If you would be so kind as to look through the telescope
"in the direction of the giant teacup,
"you will see that I have gotten myself into quite a pickle.
"Best wishes, Ravi."
Oh, man! I'm coming, Ravi!
Jessie and Tony are going to love this date we're planning!
We can call Dad's set decorator for help.
And Chubby the Bear can DJ!
What? You don't need opposable thumbs to spin sick beats.
♪ Wicka, wicka, fresh Chubbs in the cave
♪ Put your paws up
BOTH: ♪ Word! ♪
I have no idea how to dress.
Aw, we know, Jessie.
Luckily, Tony likes you for you.
No, I mean on this mystery date.
Well, what you got?
Ugh. Hideous.
Hideous-er.
Oh, table cloth with sleeves.
Hey, you try shopping at the army surplus store.
These are the only outfits that didn't come with ammo pockets.
Although a girl on the go can use those for lipsticks.
It's okay. We'll raid Mommy's closet.
Gee, guys. How did I ever get myself dressed before I met you?
We wonder about that all the time.
(WHIMPERING)
Ravi! Give me my controller.
I am fine. Thank you so much for asking.
Did you bring a rope?
Nope. A ladder?
Nope. A grappling hook?
Nope. Well, what did you bring?
I have gum.
You are an idiot.
An idiot with minty fresh breath.
Now, hand me that stick. I'll pull you up.
Okay.
Ew! Is this pigeon poop?
Yes, but...
Okay, Plan B.
Just reach up as high as you can and I'll pull you up.
Okay.
(BOTH GRUNTING) Come on! Come on!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
My hero.
Whoa. What are you wearing?
My Uncle Joey's favorite threads.
And I had to promise him I'd be careful.
He wants to be buried in this suit.
I hope it'll be a closed casket.
So, young man, I need to know...
What are your intentions tonight?
To have fun?
Exactly what I was afraid of!
Keep your hands to yourself and have Jessie home by 11.
But I don't even know where we're...
Don't you sass me, mister!
What's with the third degree?
I thought you liked Tony.
I do, but since Jessie's dad isn't here,
it's my job to protect her.
You know what boys are like.
Hey! Some of us are gentlemen.
Yeah, till you get cake in you.
Then you go all crazy.
Actually, Zuri, that's you.
Oh, right.
(GASPS)
Wow!
You look...
Wow!
You look pretty "wow" yourself and very blue.
Here, give her this.
Uh, look, Jessie, I got you a...
Flower in a to-go box?
It's a corsage.
Pin it on her.
But watch those hands. No wandering fingers.
Ow. Ow!
Ow. Maybe I will just hold it. Ow!
Don't they make an adorable couple?
Oy. They grow up so fast.
So, this is all very glamorous.
Can you finally tell us where we're going?
Yup. Right this way.
Jessie, welcome to your do-over prom!
Wow, this is awesome!
Look, she loves it! She's pale with happiness.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Watch the suit!
Come on, Ravi! You can do it! You can do it!
(GRUNTING)
I could not do it.
Well, maybe you could lift me up?
With these noodle arms?
Oh! That can't be good.
The long arm of the gods is coming for us!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
That was awesome!
The heavens are raining their tea-stained tears down upon us!
Please, call someone!
No, I will not come help you!
It's the season premiere of Ice Road Butlers.
Jeeves is hauling an 18-wheeler full of doilies across the frozen tundra.
You're where?
What kind of idiots would get themselves stuck in a giant teacup?
(SCREAMS)
Welcome, fellow idiot.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
It's more slippery than it looks!
We've got to call someone!
I'm getting claustrophobic
and I don't like being this close to dirty dishes.
Or dirty laundry. Or dirty anything.
Give me that phone!
I'm calling the fire department!
(EXCLAIMING)
My phone!
Now how are we going to call anyone for help?
Like this! Help! Help! Help!
Jessie, we didn't mean to upset you.
Yeah. We're really sorry.
Oh. It's okay, guys. I know you meant well.
It's just that my prom was a very traumatic experience.
Well, maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it.
Yeah, so make like your guts and spill!
Vance and I were dancing by the giant fish tank.
I got a little carried away
and accidentally did the electric slide into the electric eels.
I was utterly humiliated.
That octopus was all tentacles.
It was the worst night of my life.
Vance and I never spoke again.
And thanks to his photo,
my misery lived on.
In the yearbook, I was voted "Class Clown-Fish"
and "Most Likely to Grow a Barnacle."
(LAUGHING)
That's funny.
But mean.
You can't just stop dating.
You always tell us not to give up.
Right. When I fell off my rocking horse,
I was ready to put her out to pasture.
But you promised me ice cream if I climbed back on.
I did, didn't I?
Yep. And I fell right on my butt again.
Plus, I didn't get any ice cream. And...
Good story, Zuri.
Look, Jessie, Tony is no Vance. He'd never laugh at you.
And you have given him plenty of opportunities.
I'll say.
Remember the time your dress got caught in the elevator?
And the time you snorked that peanut out of your nose?
And the time you sat on the... Okay, guys.
Thanks for the pep talk.
The point is, out there waiting for you is a really awesome guy
in a really awful tux.
You're right. Especially about the tux.
I'm gonna go out there and I'm going to have fun.
But not too much fun. I'm watching you.
Wow, the girls really went all out.
But these starfish cookies are a little chewy.
That's because they're plastic.
Oh.
Then they're pretty good.
This is going great!
I can't wait for them to have their first romantic dance!
Look at the stars.
We sure got a beautiful night for our fifth first date.
Yeah. And it looks like we're actually going to make it through this time
without anyone getting hurt!
(YELLING)
Holy cannoli! That's not good!
What, is there an asteroid hurtling towards Earth?
Why does everything happen to me?
Oh, my gosh!
These kids could sure use some adult supervision.
Sorry.
Wait, we were just going to announce the prom court!
Thanks for the magical evening, girls,
but we have to go save your brothers. Emma, watch Zuri.
By the way, you're both officially my favorites.
I can't believe those losers upset Jessie on her big night!
She's gonna be even more upset when she finds out she's not Prom Queen.
Come on. Tony, hurry up!
No! If I rip Uncle Joey's suit, he's gonna bury me in it.
I'm really looking forward to meeting your family.
Jessie! Jessie!
What am I, chopped liver?
Ravi, Luke, are you guys okay?
Yes, we're fine.
Speak for yourselves.
We're stuck under a teapot gushing East River water!
Get us out of here!
Bertram, get a grip!
I'm sorry. I have a fear of tight spaces.
Then how do you wear those pants?
Jessie, did you bring a rope? No.
What is it with you people and your lack of emergency tools?
Here's what we'll do.
Jessie, grab on to my waist and I'll hang over the side
and pull the kids up. Okay.
(LAUGHING)
That tickles!
Don't tell Zuri we're doing this.
Okay, kids, just grab my hands.
Take me first! Take me!
Bertram! When I said "get a grip,"
I didn't mean on my prom date!
It's okay, Jessie, I didn't get hurt.
That's because my back broke your fall.
This isn't going well.
I can't believe our beautiful prom cake is going to waste!
Don't worry, I'm on it.
Tony, put Ravi, then Luke on your back, so I can haul them out.
Wait, wait! Me first!
Let me step on your back!
Goodbye, vertebrae.
(GRUNTING) No! No!
Help Tony with the boys.
Ow! That really hurt my hammer toe.
All this "women and children first" bunk is a load of hooey.
I suppose you want me to boost you up now?
Yeah, and don't rip the suit.
It's 100% polyester. A chainsaw couldn't rip it.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Come on, put your back into it!
I've got everything into it!
Is your leg tied to an anvil?
(LAUGHING)
Again, even a step ladder would have been useful!
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, Mom. We miss you, too.
No, Jessie isn't... Can't come to the phone right now.
She's, uh,
having a cup of tea.
Actually, a cup of tea is having her.
Jessie, did I tell you, you look really pretty tonight?
Thanks. I think the butler on my head
really sets off the dress.
Less flirting, more lifting!
Oh, shut it, you big lug!
Okay. Now grab my hand and pull me up!
Geez, let me catch my breath! I'm tired!
BOTH: You're tired?
Tony, I can't believe another date got ruined.
This is the worst.
Even worse than your prom disaster?
No, but that ended up with me all wet,
and my date laughing so hard he wet himself.
Then that guy was a jerk.
With bladder control issues.
Jessie, look! We're finally alone together,
and there's no way you're going to get soaked all the way up here.
Are you kidding me?
Come on! Where's the octopus?
Hey, calm down.
I can't! When I get steamed up, that's when I shout!
Yeah, and you spit a little, too.
I'm sorry. It's just...
I really like you, and I wanted this night to be perfect.
But it is.
Why are you not laughing at me? I look ridiculous.
No, you don't. You look beautiful.
Yeah, right. I'm a mess.
Make that a hot mess.
Yes! He kissed her!
He better not do it again,
or that young man and I are gonna have words!
This is great!
There's just one more thing we need to do.
Zuri, start the music.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello? Tony! Ask her to dance!
Okay.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
To the music!
Which is coming through the phone!
Oh. Right. Sorry.
(PUTS ON LOUDSPEAKER)
May I?
Aw! This is so romantical.
We need some mood lights up in here!
Bertram, are you crying?
Of course not!
I'm just allergic to tea.
I really need a date.
Jessie looks so happy.
She's just pretending.
The lengths that woman will go to to make me jealous.
Aw, they're still dancing!
Our work here is done.
Hey, Tony! Keep those hands north of the equator!
Not that far north, mister!
You know, this is the best fifth first date
and second senior prom ever.
Yeah? We had a few bumps in the road,
but we're together, and hey,
Uncle Joey's suit still looks sharp.
Tony! Uncle Joey's gonna kill you!