1 00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:10,281 Dear diary, got my first starring role on Broadway today! 2 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,613 Okay, even I don't believe that. 3 00:00:13,584 --> 00:00:15,386 Just wanted to see how it looked. 4 00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:19,290 Jessie, I can't sleep. 5 00:00:19,290 --> 00:00:22,423 Oh, want me to tell you one of my Army sleepy-time stories? 6 00:00:22,693 --> 00:00:24,795 How about Good Night, Platoon? 7 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,660 I just want to fall asleep, not die of boredom. 8 00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,163 Milk it is. 9 00:00:32,163 --> 00:00:35,466 And tomorrow night, we're gonna read from the Big Book of Manners. 10 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,472 Jessie's diary... 11 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,445 No, I shouldn't read this... 12 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,650 (READING) "Got a smoothie today, 13 00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,183 "and they gave me what was left in the blender for free!" 14 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,326 Wow, even her secrets are boring. 15 00:00:57,388 --> 00:00:59,830 "Found the perfect thank you gift for Bertram..." 16 00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:01,092 (DOOR OPENS) 17 00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:06,597 Here you go. Sure you don't want to hear Are You My Major? 18 00:01:08,439 --> 00:01:09,570 No, thanks. I'm good. 19 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:13,344 How about Cloudy With a Chance of Paratroopers? 20 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,306 I'm already asleep! 21 00:01:16,407 --> 00:01:19,650 Well, F-Y-I, I drank out of the carton. Enjoy my backwash! 22 00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:25,116 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 23 00:01:25,116 --> 00:01:28,259 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 24 00:01:28,619 --> 00:01:32,193 ♪ It feels like a party every day 25 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,596 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 26 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:39,230 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 27 00:01:39,230 --> 00:01:42,703 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 28 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:46,377 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 29 00:01:46,377 --> 00:01:49,780 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 30 00:01:49,780 --> 00:01:53,514 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 31 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:57,318 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 32 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,549 ♪ Hey Jessie 33 00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:02,423 ♪ Hey Jessie 34 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,858 ♪ It feels like a party every day 35 00:02:07,858 --> 00:02:11,632 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 36 00:02:16,907 --> 00:02:21,242 Okay, everyone, I know we're all excited about our new morning webcast, 37 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,643 What Up, Walden? 38 00:02:25,216 --> 00:02:26,617 By everyone, do you mean me? 39 00:02:26,617 --> 00:02:28,819 Because we are the only people here. 40 00:02:29,820 --> 00:02:32,753 And I wouldn't be, if I hadn't lost rock, paper, scissors 41 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,825 to the conversational Spanish teacher. 42 00:02:35,486 --> 00:02:37,688 Curse you, Senora Feinberg! 43 00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:43,864 Hey, guys. I'm here to audition for the sportscaster. 44 00:02:44,595 --> 00:02:46,467 Talk to the producer, Ravi. 45 00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,269 (EXCITED) I am the producer? 46 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,900 It was either you or that chair. 47 00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:53,574 So I got the job? 48 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,207 That depends. What qualifications do you have? 49 00:02:56,407 --> 00:02:58,279 Well, this... 50 00:02:59,350 --> 00:03:02,883 A really cool sportscaster name, Diesel Touchdown, 51 00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:06,517 and charisma for days. 52 00:03:06,857 --> 00:03:10,321 The only thing you have for days is gas after you eat sauerkraut. 53 00:03:12,263 --> 00:03:14,325 Seriously, what is going on in there? 54 00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:19,800 Hi, news team! This just in. 55 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:20,801 Me! 56 00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,635 Emma, are you trying out for What Up, Walden? 57 00:03:24,635 --> 00:03:26,877 I don't have to try. I've got this. 58 00:03:27,938 --> 00:03:30,681 So you both have faces. Mazel tov. 59 00:03:32,683 --> 00:03:36,947 Being on What Up, Walden? could launch my brilliant career in infotainment! 60 00:03:36,947 --> 00:03:39,219 Infotainment is not even a word. 61 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,822 Try telling petite media giant Kelly Ripa that! 62 00:03:44,995 --> 00:03:46,657 Whoa, babe alert! 63 00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,399 Emma! 64 00:03:48,399 --> 00:03:51,231 Bryn "Back-stabbing" Breitbart, 65 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,604 if you're here, who's taking care of your flying monkeys? 66 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:58,839 Emma, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? 67 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,411 Diesel Touchdown, sports. 68 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:02,743 Ow! 69 00:04:03,914 --> 00:04:07,318 She's not my friend! She's the one who tried to steal all my friends! 70 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:11,952 Look, Emma, I am so sorry. I was horrible to you. 71 00:04:11,952 --> 00:04:13,724 But I promise I've learned my lesson, 72 00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:14,885 and I really want to start over. 73 00:04:15,326 --> 00:04:16,627 Well, I don't. 74 00:04:16,987 --> 00:04:20,831 I'm not asking to be BFF's, but can we at least be F's? 75 00:04:21,692 --> 00:04:22,933 Well... Please! 76 00:04:22,933 --> 00:04:24,495 Please, please, please, please? 77 00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:27,798 Oh, okay! I hate holding grudges. 78 00:04:28,038 --> 00:04:29,400 The stress gives me pimples. 79 00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:34,705 Good decision. As the producer, I cannot put on people with pimples. 80 00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:37,908 Emma, Bryn, you two will be co-anchors. 81 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,451 What do you think, Ms. Devlin? 82 00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:43,684 I think I should get in my car and just keep driving. 83 00:04:48,719 --> 00:04:49,960 (SNORING) 84 00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:51,422 Bertram! 85 00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:52,623 (SCREAMING) 86 00:04:52,863 --> 00:04:54,895 Bertram, are you okay? 87 00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:58,999 I will be as soon as I get my heart started. (GRUNTING) 88 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,831 And there we go. 89 00:05:00,831 --> 00:05:01,832 (SIGHS) 90 00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:04,675 I read something in Jessie's diary! 91 00:05:04,935 --> 00:05:08,609 (GASPS) Stop right there. That's invading her privacy. I don't want to hear it. 92 00:05:08,879 --> 00:05:11,412 She got you a present! Ooh, ooh, tell me! 93 00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:18,449 It's a CD, Pavarotti and the Backstreet Boys Live at the Acropolis! 94 00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,892 Really? I've been looking for one of those CDs for years! 95 00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:24,054 They're harder to find than a good Yoko Ono song! 96 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,627 JESSIE: Bertram! 97 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,828 Act surprised. 98 00:05:28,499 --> 00:05:31,702 I have a special thank you gift for helping me watch the kids the other day. 99 00:05:31,702 --> 00:05:32,863 I wonder what it is? 100 00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,936 It's a rare, limited edition 101 00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,368 Cheeses of China tie! 102 00:05:38,509 --> 00:05:39,840 They only have three kinds. 103 00:05:40,911 --> 00:05:43,514 Wow! Thanks! 104 00:05:43,914 --> 00:05:45,976 What a total surprise. 105 00:05:51,922 --> 00:05:54,024 There, our set is complete. 106 00:05:54,024 --> 00:05:56,887 But lose those paintings. They are an eyesore. 107 00:05:56,887 --> 00:05:58,028 I painted them! 108 00:05:58,889 --> 00:06:03,934 I mean, I sor-t of love them! 109 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,499 Especially the one of the adorable monkey. 110 00:06:10,841 --> 00:06:12,102 That's a self-portrait. 111 00:06:14,144 --> 00:06:15,806 Okay. 112 00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:21,852 Ah, my intrepid news team! So, what stories do you have for me? 113 00:06:21,852 --> 00:06:24,755 Hand dryers in the girls' bathroom are dangerously hot! 114 00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:26,857 We want our hands dried, not fried! 115 00:06:26,857 --> 00:06:29,960 I like it! Emma, what is your hard-hitting story? 116 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,162 I think we should ban goggles in chemistry. 117 00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:33,824 Even I can't make those work. 118 00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:37,768 Eh. I like Bryn's better. You can do weather. 119 00:06:37,768 --> 00:06:39,129 But... Hold your "but." 120 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,902 We are on in one minute! 121 00:06:43,974 --> 00:06:47,538 So, Ms. Devlin, any last words of advice for us? 122 00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,080 Yes, scooch down, you're blocking my paintings. 123 00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:52,783 Oh, and mention they're for sale on my website! 124 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,687 Okay, Luke, in three, two... 125 00:06:56,987 --> 00:07:00,791 Hey, this is Diesel Touchdown, with your Walden sports report! 126 00:07:00,791 --> 00:07:03,854 Last night the basketball team lost again. 127 00:07:03,854 --> 00:07:05,996 The only dribbling they were doing was from their mouths! 128 00:07:05,996 --> 00:07:07,127 (LAUGHS) 129 00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,659 (HORN BLARING) 130 00:07:10,601 --> 00:07:12,933 And now here's Bryn. 131 00:07:14,104 --> 00:07:17,568 You guys can't tell this on television, but she smells like happiness. 132 00:07:21,512 --> 00:07:22,613 Thanks, Diesel. 133 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,144 This is Bryn Breitbart here. 134 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,578 Reporting on the hot hand dryer horror in the girls' bathroom. 135 00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:30,651 This is the worst thing to happen to the ladies' restroom 136 00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,153 since the great seat-cover shortage of 2010. 137 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,887 And now, here's Emma Ross with the weather. 138 00:07:38,088 --> 00:07:41,031 Well, it's room temperature, because 139 00:07:41,031 --> 00:07:42,032 we're in a room. 140 00:07:42,032 --> 00:07:44,565 Cut! And we are out! 141 00:07:44,935 --> 00:07:48,138 What about my paintings? Great show, everyone! 142 00:07:48,138 --> 00:07:51,241 Not for me! I don't want to do the weather. 143 00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:52,943 It's not info, or tainment! 144 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:57,978 If you wish to get more air time, bring me a real news story, like Bryn's. 145 00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:01,011 I'm sure you'll come up with something great, Emma. 146 00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:02,482 Help! 147 00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:09,690 I assume that was just good-natured rough housing? 148 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:13,063 That's what I'm going with, otherwise I have to do a lot of paperwork. 149 00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,901 Hey, Bertram. Why aren't you wearing the new tie I bought you? 150 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,274 Oh, because... I... 151 00:08:24,274 --> 00:08:27,277 Wait, why am I trying to spare your feelings? I hate it. It's hideous. 152 00:08:29,039 --> 00:08:32,212 Okay, here's a tip. Don't start drowning if I'm the only one around. 153 00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:35,045 I'm sorry, Jessie. 154 00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:36,987 It's just that Zuri said you were getting me 155 00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:39,950 Pavarotti and the Backstreet Boys Live at the Acropolis! 156 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,222 Oh, I wanted to, but I couldn't afford it. 157 00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:45,556 Oh, I didn't know you could put a price on my happiness... 158 00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:49,229 I can. It's anything under $20. 159 00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,903 Wait a minute, how would Zuri even know that? 160 00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:55,566 She read your diary. (GASPS) She did! 161 00:08:55,906 --> 00:08:57,968 Well, thank goodness I have no life! 162 00:08:59,970 --> 00:09:01,071 Of course you do! 163 00:09:01,071 --> 00:09:04,775 In fact, you should think of turning that smoothie adventure into a movie. 164 00:09:05,976 --> 00:09:07,918 It was awesome. I got like a glass and a half! 165 00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,924 I still can't believe Zuri would invade my privacy like that! 166 00:09:14,284 --> 00:09:15,986 Hmm, welcome to my world. 167 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,089 At least she didn't go through your Hope Chest. 168 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:22,132 You still have hope? Not much. It's a very small chest. 169 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,766 Okay, we gotta teach Zuri a lesson. 170 00:09:26,637 --> 00:09:28,899 I just wish I could do what my dad did when I was bad. 171 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:29,870 Well, why can't you? 172 00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,302 I don't think you're allowed to dig latrines in Central Park. 173 00:09:40,010 --> 00:09:41,351 Dear diary... 174 00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:47,688 It's getting harder and harder to keep my big secret. 175 00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,923 Boy, am I thirsty. 176 00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,866 I think I'll go make myself some tea, 177 00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:59,900 which should take at least five minutes and all my attention. 178 00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:04,905 What secret? 179 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,140 (GASPING) 180 00:10:10,881 --> 00:10:12,913 No way! 181 00:10:15,085 --> 00:10:18,148 So all of those lame entries were just a cover! 182 00:10:18,148 --> 00:10:19,950 I knew no one could be that boring! 183 00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,654 I'll show her who's boring. 184 00:10:23,654 --> 00:10:25,696 Ooh, it's 8:30, my knitting show is on! 185 00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,961 Okay, I'm here. What do you need? 186 00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:33,133 For you to get in that trash can! Okay. 187 00:10:38,108 --> 00:10:39,840 By the way, why am I in here? 188 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:44,114 Because someone texted me that evidence of a big, breaking news story 189 00:10:44,114 --> 00:10:45,876 would be left in this garbage can. 190 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,178 Do you see anything evidence-y? 191 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,922 Nah. Just orange peels, half a retainer, 192 00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:53,924 what I'm hoping is not vomit, 193 00:10:53,924 --> 00:10:56,156 and this envelope marked "evidence." 194 00:10:56,787 --> 00:10:59,690 (GASPS) Give me that! Nimrod. 195 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,965 O-M-G! 196 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:08,138 When I bring Ravi this story, I'll never have to do the weather again! 197 00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:10,170 Glad I could help! 198 00:11:10,801 --> 00:11:11,902 (CRUNCHING) 199 00:11:12,102 --> 00:11:14,174 And I think something just bit me. 200 00:11:14,905 --> 00:11:16,276 Oh, hey! (MUFFLED SCREAM) 201 00:11:18,909 --> 00:11:22,052 Ravi, I've got a scoop! I live for scoops! 202 00:11:22,713 --> 00:11:25,085 Ms. Devlin, can I do a special report? 203 00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,018 Who cares? Someone wants to buy my art! 204 00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:30,190 And not just for the picture frame this time! 205 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,725 Okay people, we are going live! 206 00:11:34,725 --> 00:11:37,868 Emma, get to the desk. Luke, stop staring at Bryn. 207 00:11:38,268 --> 00:11:40,400 I wasn't! Okay, I totally was. 208 00:11:41,932 --> 00:11:44,404 Good luck with your story, Emma. I'm so proud of you. 209 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:47,007 Thanks, Bryn. That is so sweet... 210 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:50,941 Ladies, can the chit-chat! You can braid each other's hair later! 211 00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,116 Okay, people in three, two... 212 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,252 This is Emma Ross with "Crisis in the Cafeteria." 213 00:12:02,252 --> 00:12:05,926 I've uncovered shocking proof that Walden's hamburgers are actually 214 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,157 horseburgers! 215 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:12,432 This is a signed receipt for 200 pounds of certified, Grade (NEIGHS) horse meat 216 00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:15,265 delivered here yesterday. 217 00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,968 Remember that pony you wanted for Christmas? 218 00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:20,140 Chances are, it's stuck between your teeth. 219 00:12:21,872 --> 00:12:24,014 More on this breaking story as it develops. 220 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,046 And we are out! 221 00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,377 That was brilliant! 222 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:30,851 What? 223 00:12:31,221 --> 00:12:33,423 Don't tell me, you're all vegetarians? 224 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,486 We are now. 225 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,935 Bertram, Jessie is an alien! 226 00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:48,899 Now, Zuri, Texas may be strange, but it is part of this country. 227 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:53,473 She's not from Texas, she's from the planet Tsuris! 228 00:12:53,974 --> 00:12:57,047 She's here to gather information so they can invade Earth! 229 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,811 Really? Well, that would explain who she's texting all the time. 230 00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:02,512 We know she doesn't have any friends. 231 00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:07,087 It also explains those tennis rackets she calls feet! 232 00:13:08,158 --> 00:13:09,159 (LIFT DOOR BEEPS) 233 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,269 (SLURPING) 234 00:13:26,336 --> 00:13:27,337 (BELCHES) 235 00:13:30,941 --> 00:13:34,184 Did you see that? She drinks through her finger! 236 00:13:34,915 --> 00:13:36,917 I'd hate to see where it comes out. 237 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,893 (APPLAUDING) 238 00:13:43,093 --> 00:13:45,495 Emma, look, they're applauding for you! 239 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:48,028 I haven't seen this many smiling faces 240 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,960 since that health class video mix-up. 241 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:50,961 (LAUGHS) 242 00:13:51,201 --> 00:13:53,833 Emma Ross! You are in big trouble, young lady! 243 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,967 You have ruined the reputation of What Up, Walden? 244 00:13:56,967 --> 00:14:00,840 What are you talking about? It turns out your big scoop was poop! 245 00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:05,916 The meat in the cafeteria, while oddly grey and repellent, 246 00:14:05,916 --> 00:14:08,518 is in fact cow, not horse! 247 00:14:08,518 --> 00:14:11,221 But I found a receipt in the garbage! What else do you want? 248 00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:14,354 Uh, lab reports, witnesses, you know, 249 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,626 anything that resembles actual journalism. 250 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,961 Principal Rodriguez is furious! 251 00:14:21,431 --> 00:14:22,933 He took away my bus pass! 252 00:14:25,495 --> 00:14:28,999 Emma, I am afraid I must fire you from What Up, Walden? 253 00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:33,043 (GASPS) But you can't! I'm a rising star in the infotainment universe! 254 00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:37,047 If Emma is kicked off the show, then I'm quitting, too! 255 00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,111 Thanks, Bryn, but there's no reason for both of us to be punished. 256 00:14:41,451 --> 00:14:42,482 Okie-doke. 257 00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:51,621 I just want to thank you, Ms. Devlin, for not bringing your wrath down on me 258 00:14:51,621 --> 00:14:53,393 for Emma's gross negligence. 259 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,025 By the way, we are not that close. 260 00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,299 Luke, I just wanted to say how impressed I am that you're here. 261 00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:02,332 It's no biggie, I just remember to turn left at the water fountain. 262 00:15:02,332 --> 00:15:03,403 (GIGGLING) 263 00:15:04,074 --> 00:15:05,275 Funny and cute! 264 00:15:05,976 --> 00:15:09,009 In fact, I think you're awesome. 265 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,081 You do? 266 00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:15,185 Okay, people, in three, two... 267 00:15:18,488 --> 00:15:20,120 (WHISPERING) Luke! Talk! 268 00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,125 Thank you, Diesel. 269 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,527 Bryn Breitbart here with your Walden news! 270 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,629 Luke, are you okay? 271 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,931 Smells nice. 272 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:39,469 Ew! Ew! 273 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,641 Eww! 274 00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:46,146 I can't believe I have to work as a janitor for my punishment. 275 00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,978 Murderers get cuter jumpsuits! 276 00:15:51,381 --> 00:15:54,154 Huh, somebody lost a phone. 277 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:55,155 (BEEPING) 278 00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:58,328 Hey, Emma, whoever had this texted you. 279 00:15:58,528 --> 00:15:59,959 Let me see that. 280 00:16:01,491 --> 00:16:04,134 Hey, someone used this phone to text me 281 00:16:04,134 --> 00:16:06,496 that bogus story tip about the horse meat! 282 00:16:07,237 --> 00:16:09,099 This could lead me to the person who destroyed 283 00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:11,271 my reputation as a serious infotainer! 284 00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:16,206 You can keep on saying it, it's still not a word! 285 00:16:21,751 --> 00:16:23,983 Hi, guys. What's up? The jig! 286 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,456 Yes, Jessie. We know the truth! 287 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:31,061 Okay. So my hair needs a little help getting this red. It's not a crime. 288 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:36,566 I'll tell you what's a crime, being an alien spy from outer space! 289 00:16:37,567 --> 00:16:41,131 Well, actually, I'm not sure if that's a crime, but it's still not good! 290 00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,534 Admit it, or else! 291 00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:49,309 Zuri, I am not an alien. I put my pants on one tentacle at a time... 292 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,510 (GASPS) ...just like everyone... 293 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:51,711 (GASPS) 294 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,144 Did I say that out loud? Gleep glork! 295 00:16:55,585 --> 00:16:57,047 I knew it! 296 00:16:57,047 --> 00:17:00,490 So now you know. What do you plan on doing about it, Earth scum? 297 00:17:01,051 --> 00:17:02,792 Well, there's no need for name calling. 298 00:17:04,394 --> 00:17:07,797 We are going to stop you, you evil alien-type space thing! 299 00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:13,363 Ha! Now you've been caught in my freeze ray, you nurling floog! 300 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,306 You pathetic humans can't stop me. 301 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,368 Who you callin' human? 302 00:17:18,708 --> 00:17:21,411 News-flash! I am also an alien, 303 00:17:21,411 --> 00:17:26,216 sent to Earth as a baby from the planet Mmm-Hmm 1138. 304 00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,820 Okay. Nice try, Zuri. Now let's stop playing games, 305 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:34,053 and have a little chat about respecting people's privacy. 306 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,158 We can chat on the mothership, after I destroy this planet. 307 00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:40,730 Zuri, that toy does not scare me. 308 00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,096 Okay, it scares me a little. 309 00:17:54,844 --> 00:17:58,148 Bertram, do something! You don't have to pretend to be frozen anymore. 310 00:17:58,148 --> 00:18:00,580 I'm not pretending, I'm petrified! 311 00:18:02,112 --> 00:18:03,853 Have a seat, Jessie. 312 00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,789 Jumpin' J.J. Abrams! What is going on? 313 00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,226 How is this happening? 314 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,298 I'm making it happen. 315 00:18:19,169 --> 00:18:21,301 I always knew there was something weird about her! 316 00:18:21,801 --> 00:18:24,103 No offense, alien overlord. 317 00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:28,438 On my planet, you'll be my slaves! 318 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:30,780 Oh, so not much is gonna change? 319 00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:35,815 This is ridiculous! There is no way Zuri is an alien! 320 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,317 Oh, yeah? 321 00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:42,222 Don't probe me! You were always my favorite! 322 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:44,854 Suckers! 323 00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:46,656 She's got suckers? 324 00:18:46,656 --> 00:18:48,828 She's gonna suck our faces off! 325 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,833 I meant you guys are suckers! I'm not an alien. 326 00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,568 You're not? 327 00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:00,870 But then how do you explain the zap, 328 00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:03,213 and the boom, and the whoosh and the... 329 00:19:04,874 --> 00:19:08,918 Well, after I saw your lame finger-slurping trick, 330 00:19:08,918 --> 00:19:11,281 I realized you and Bertram were punking me. 331 00:19:11,681 --> 00:19:16,456 So I paid Dad's special effects guy to rig this place with invisible wires. 332 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,559 See? 333 00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:25,435 Okay, her allowance is way too big. 334 00:19:26,436 --> 00:19:29,639 So you can manage to set up this whole elaborate scam, 335 00:19:29,639 --> 00:19:31,601 but you can't manage to hang up your coat? 336 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:32,872 Weird, huh? 337 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,276 So much for teaching you a lesson. 338 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,909 I know. I never should've read your diary. 339 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:41,881 I'm really sorry, Jessie. 340 00:19:42,312 --> 00:19:45,315 I accept your apology, but promise you'll never do it again. 341 00:19:45,315 --> 00:19:46,856 I promise. 342 00:19:46,856 --> 00:19:49,859 And I promise no more special effects. 343 00:19:50,260 --> 00:19:51,621 Oh, thank goodness. 344 00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:53,793 (SCREAMING) 345 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,467 (CRASHING) (BERTRAM SCREAMS) 346 00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:58,828 Starting now. 347 00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:03,973 I got your text to meet. 348 00:20:04,574 --> 00:20:07,877 Aww, Emma, you look so cute in your garbage girl outfit. 349 00:20:08,878 --> 00:20:10,580 You're the one who's garbage, girl! 350 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,812 Ooh, things just got real! 351 00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:14,844 Emma, let me hold your hoops! Come on. 352 00:20:17,987 --> 00:20:20,390 Bryn, I know you set me up. 353 00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:21,751 Why would you think that? 354 00:20:21,951 --> 00:20:24,794 Because this phone has your make-up shade all over it. 355 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,726 Who else wears Vampire White? 356 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,900 How dare you! It happens to be Apparition Eggshell. 357 00:20:32,832 --> 00:20:34,864 I can't believe I actually thought you had changed. 358 00:20:34,864 --> 00:20:38,408 Please! Like I would ever share the spotlight with you. 359 00:20:38,808 --> 00:20:40,870 Face it, Emma, I always get what I want. 360 00:20:41,571 --> 00:20:44,314 And what I want is to have the show all to myself. 361 00:20:44,814 --> 00:20:47,777 That's it! You are officially off my fantasy girlfriend list. 362 00:20:48,978 --> 00:20:50,920 That's right, I have a list! 363 00:20:52,682 --> 00:20:54,354 You Rosses are finished. 364 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:58,928 All I have to do is get your wimpy little brother fired, and the show is all mine. 365 00:20:59,489 --> 00:21:01,531 RAVI: That will not happen, you she-devil! 366 00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:07,567 You have been caught like a sleepy turtle in a coracle's net! 367 00:21:09,539 --> 00:21:13,843 That is a type of Indian boat! Stop texting, and start traveling, people! 368 00:21:15,405 --> 00:21:16,476 Ba-boosh! 369 00:21:16,806 --> 00:21:19,809 Too bad for you our brother fits comfortably inside a locker. 370 00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:23,313 My knees are in my arm-pits. Do I look comfortable? 371 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,987 So, here's what's going to happen next, Bryn. 372 00:21:27,987 --> 00:21:30,960 Either you confess to Ms. Devlin so I get back on What Up, Walden? 373 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,423 or I play this video to the whole school. 374 00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:35,064 You would actually do that? 375 00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:38,398 Duh, that's why we crammed our little brother in a locker. 376 00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,899 We wouldn't do that for no reason. 377 00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:41,371 But Luke gave no reason last week... 378 00:21:41,371 --> 00:21:43,873 Ravi, we're busy blackmailing Bryn right now. Focus. 379 00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:47,306 Fine, you win. 380 00:21:47,537 --> 00:21:48,908 I'll go tell Ms. Devlin the truth. 381 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:53,383 And speaking as the producer, we will not miss you at What Up, Walden? 382 00:21:53,983 --> 00:21:55,885 Fine. I'll just take over the yearbook! 383 00:21:55,885 --> 00:21:59,449 And I don't care how many clubs you join, none of you are making it in. 384 00:21:59,449 --> 00:22:00,450 Peace! 385 00:22:00,690 --> 00:22:01,691 (SCREAMING) 386 00:22:02,852 --> 00:22:03,993 Are you all right, Ravi? 387 00:22:04,454 --> 00:22:07,397 Not really. I am sitting on an umbrella. 388 00:22:07,927 --> 00:22:09,999 Which just opened. 389 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,607 So, I am now the sole anchor of What Up, Walden? 390 00:22:17,607 --> 00:22:19,509 and Bryn is on garbage detail. 391 00:22:19,509 --> 00:22:21,010 I'm just glad everything worked out for you guys. 392 00:22:21,471 --> 00:22:24,414 Me too. Hey, would you guys like a snack? 393 00:22:24,714 --> 00:22:25,715 ALL: Sure! 394 00:22:32,722 --> 00:22:33,723 (ALL SCREAMING)