1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:07,007
BERTRAM: No, no, no!
2
00:00:07,438 --> 00:00:10,141
You just have to watch
the kids for
one measly weekend.
3
00:00:10,141 --> 00:00:11,142
Please?
4
00:00:11,682 --> 00:00:14,014
No! Walking away.
Don't follow.
5
00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:17,088
You're following.
6
00:00:18,289 --> 00:00:21,422
Bertram, it's a big deal
that my dad invited me home.
7
00:00:21,422 --> 00:00:23,754
He was really mad
when I left for New York
8
00:00:23,754 --> 00:00:25,156
instead of joining
the military.
9
00:00:25,396 --> 00:00:27,158
But just think
how glad the military was.
10
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,662
Please. This is my chance
to clear the air with him,
11
00:00:31,662 --> 00:00:33,534
and prove that
I made the right decision.
12
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,337
By being a failed actress
and a mediocre nanny?
13
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,538
(CHUCKLING)
14
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:38,739
Okay, I may not have joined
the military,
15
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,511
but I can still snap
your windpipe with one finger.
16
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,814
Better that than
taking care
of those monsters.
17
00:00:44,575 --> 00:00:46,377
Please!
They're such good kids.
18
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:47,748
What could possibly
go wrong?
19
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,180
Three!
Two!
20
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:50,651
One!
Blast off!
21
00:00:51,782 --> 00:00:53,384
(EXPLODING)
22
00:01:00,491 --> 00:01:01,592
That.
23
00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:05,696
I can't believe
we blew up
the water tower.
24
00:01:06,297 --> 00:01:07,638
Awesome!
25
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,642
Ravi, you said it would
only go up 15 feet!
26
00:01:12,103 --> 00:01:14,205
Oops. It turns out
rocket science
27
00:01:14,205 --> 00:01:17,278
is as difficult as...
Well, rocket science.
28
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:21,582
On the plus side,
now we have a skylight.
29
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,386
Jessie, we are very sorry.
30
00:01:25,386 --> 00:01:27,518
Please do not
send us to our rooms,
31
00:01:27,518 --> 00:01:29,660
especially since
the structural integrity
32
00:01:29,660 --> 00:01:31,362
of the roof
has been compromised.
33
00:01:32,623 --> 00:01:34,865
Oh, you're not going
to your rooms.
34
00:01:34,865 --> 00:01:37,868
You're going to spend
this weekend
on a military base.
35
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:39,230
In Texas!
36
00:01:39,730 --> 00:01:41,472
(SHRIEKING) No!
37
00:01:43,234 --> 00:01:45,736
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
38
00:01:45,736 --> 00:01:49,310
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
39
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:53,113
♪ It feels like a party
every day
40
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,417
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
41
00:01:56,647 --> 00:02:00,291
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
42
00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:03,624
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
43
00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:07,528
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
44
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,901
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
45
00:02:10,901 --> 00:02:14,665
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
46
00:02:14,665 --> 00:02:18,369
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
47
00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:19,770
♪ Hey Jessie
48
00:02:21,772 --> 00:02:23,574
♪ Hey Jessie
49
00:02:25,516 --> 00:02:29,180
♪ It feels like a party
every day
50
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:32,283
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
51
00:02:36,327 --> 00:02:37,658
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
52
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:41,232
March.
SOLDIERS: Hut.
53
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,236
(COMMANDING OFFICER
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
SOLDIERS: Hut.
54
00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:48,939
It's so hot,
I think my freckles
are melting off.
55
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,602
It's like the surface
of the sun,
56
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:52,903
but with humidity!
57
00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:55,846
For Texas in August,
this is a cold snap.
58
00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:59,810
For great barbecue,
it's worth it.
(CHUCKLING)
59
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,483
I'm gonna find
the nearest all
you-can-eat rib shack,
60
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:03,884
and by the time
I'm done,
61
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,217
they'll have enough
bones to build a dinosaur!
62
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:08,719
(GROWLS)
63
00:03:08,719 --> 00:03:09,860
(SCREAMING)
64
00:03:12,763 --> 00:03:14,925
Jessie, were you not popular
here on the base?
65
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:17,498
The men seem
to be fleeing from you.
66
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,729
Just like the men in New York.
67
00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:21,932
They're fleeing
from the dang lizard!
68
00:03:22,433 --> 00:03:24,605
(MRS. KIPLING GROWLING)
69
00:03:24,835 --> 00:03:27,578
Well, here's our barracks.
70
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:29,440
Barracks?
71
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,513
I hope that's military
for "ugly building
near our hotel."
72
00:03:33,644 --> 00:03:35,686
Well, if you don't like it,
you can sleep outside.
73
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:37,888
Although the state
bird of Texas is the vulture,
74
00:03:37,888 --> 00:03:39,890
so I wouldn't lie too still.
75
00:03:41,252 --> 00:03:43,223
Why couldn't
you be from Hawaii?
76
00:03:46,497 --> 00:03:48,759
Well, you scared
her in there,
77
00:03:48,759 --> 00:03:50,761
but now
you'll never get her out.
78
00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:53,334
We're on a military base.
I have access to tear gas.
79
00:03:53,334 --> 00:03:55,266
After that three-bean
burrito on the plane,
80
00:03:55,266 --> 00:03:56,667
so do I.
81
00:04:00,611 --> 00:04:03,314
Ooh, I love bunk beds.
I call top!
82
00:04:04,375 --> 00:04:05,946
It'll take him all weekend
just to get up there.
83
00:04:06,477 --> 00:04:08,349
(GRUNTS) I got it.
84
00:04:08,579 --> 00:04:11,552
I got it. I don't got it.
85
00:04:13,284 --> 00:04:14,855
See.
86
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,387
I can't wait for you guys
to meet my dad,
87
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,429
but please, please behave.
88
00:04:18,429 --> 00:04:20,260
I need him to see
that my moving
to New York
89
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,963
was not, "The worst mistake
since we gave back
the Panama Canal!"
90
00:04:24,034 --> 00:04:25,366
We promise.
91
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,768
But if you want
to convince your father
you're doing well,
92
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,000
maybe you shouldn't
mention your acting career.
93
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,903
Unless he's impressed
with a callback
94
00:04:32,903 --> 00:04:34,805
for a foot fungus commercial.
(LAUGHS)
95
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,548
I should have gotten that!
96
00:04:37,808 --> 00:04:38,909
Lousy hammer toes.
97
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:41,952
(EMMA SCREAMING)
98
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:43,754
BOTH: Ow!
99
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,688
What is it?
A tarantula? Rattler?
100
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,920
One of those giant
hairy beetles
with the freaky eyes?
101
00:04:50,921 --> 00:04:52,993
Worse! The bathroom
has no shelf space
102
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,965
for my make-up,
no towel warmer,
103
00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:57,798
and eight toilets
with no dividers!
104
00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:02,533
Emma, not everyone
in the world has
a private bath.
105
00:05:02,733 --> 00:05:04,505
That's a world
I don't want to live in.
106
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,479
I can't believe you
survived growing up here.
107
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,341
Survived?
I loved it.
108
00:05:10,341 --> 00:05:11,812
My mom used to
drive me to school
in a tank.
109
00:05:12,383 --> 00:05:13,944
She never had to wait
in the drop-off line.
110
00:05:15,416 --> 00:05:17,748
You know,
you don't talk about
your mom much.
111
00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:19,990
What was she like?
Oh, she was the best.
112
00:05:19,990 --> 00:05:22,893
She was sweet, and loving,
113
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:25,325
and we always
did fun girl
stuff together.
114
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,459
I remember when
she bought me
my first make-up kit.
115
00:05:28,459 --> 00:05:31,001
I remember when my mom
bought me my first make-up
company.
116
00:05:32,903 --> 00:05:35,766
When my mom
was done putting it on me,
she said I looked beautiful.
117
00:05:35,766 --> 00:05:37,938
(LAUGHS) But then my dad
got worried about boys,
118
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,810
and made me wear camouflage.
119
00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,372
I looked like a bush
with cheekbones.
120
00:05:46,677 --> 00:05:48,849
Stand straight,
you miserable maggots!
121
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:53,424
Oh, did I spit on you, son?
122
00:05:53,424 --> 00:05:54,955
Tough toenails!
123
00:05:56,687 --> 00:05:59,590
Okay, men, fan out.
See if you
can take me down.
124
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,635
(GRUNTING)
125
00:06:07,438 --> 00:06:08,869
Dad!
Jessie!
126
00:06:16,106 --> 00:06:17,608
I've really missed you.
127
00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:19,550
I've missed you too, pumpkin.
128
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,651
Oh, you look great.
129
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:22,553
So sophisticated.
130
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:23,914
Thank you. In New York,
131
00:06:23,914 --> 00:06:26,557
I buy clothes
at a store that doesn't
also sell grenades.
132
00:06:27,818 --> 00:06:29,960
I'm sorry, I couldn't
pick you up at the airport.
133
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,161
(GRUNTING)
134
00:06:32,623 --> 00:06:34,024
(YELLS)
135
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:36,897
Work's just really
been piling up.
136
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:39,830
So how'd you know I was here?
137
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,932
Oh, I just followed
the line of soldiers
heading to the infirmary.
138
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,605
Well, welcome home.
139
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,878
Sure took you long enough
to come back to visit.
140
00:06:47,878 --> 00:06:50,180
Well, this is the first time
you've asked me back.
141
00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:52,683
I thought you were
still mad that I left.
142
00:06:52,683 --> 00:06:54,815
Mad? Why should I be mad?
143
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,817
Just because you
snuck off to New York
144
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,519
while I was getting
my tank detailed?
145
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,521
I didn't sneak.
That's sneaking.
146
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,792
(GRUNTS)
147
00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:06,827
See how much fun this is?
148
00:07:08,158 --> 00:07:09,960
The Army rocks!
149
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,003
I still don't understand
why you don't wanna follow
in my footsteps.
150
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:14,905
Your footsteps
lead to a minefield.
151
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,437
I wanted to make
my own choice.
152
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,840
I gave you plenty of choices!
153
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,972
Army, Navy,
Air Force, Marines.
154
00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:23,614
Yeah, don't forget
the Coast Guard.
155
00:07:23,614 --> 00:07:25,876
Exactly! There, see? Choices!
156
00:07:27,578 --> 00:07:31,051
Dad, for the last time,
I'm artistic and creative.
157
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,853
I'm not cut out
to be a soldier.
158
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,024
(GRUNTING)
159
00:07:36,827 --> 00:07:38,629
Bet that comes in handy
on the subway.
160
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:43,463
You know,
the way you flipped
that private
161
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,796
reminds me
of my first date with
your mom at the drive-in.
162
00:07:45,796 --> 00:07:48,098
Aw, is it because
you were head over
heels for her?
163
00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:50,170
Nah, I lean in for a kiss,
and she tossed me
164
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,672
into the pick-up
truck behind us.
165
00:07:52,803 --> 00:07:54,675
Woke up, I was AWOL
in Oklahoma.
166
00:07:56,006 --> 00:07:57,648
Mom was feisty.
167
00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:58,879
That's why I always
did the dishes.
168
00:08:01,852 --> 00:08:03,954
Hey, guys, look what I found?
169
00:08:03,954 --> 00:08:07,187
(GASPS)
Whoa. Check out
this ATV.
170
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,859
I have got to drive it.
171
00:08:08,859 --> 00:08:11,862
I am sure
that is not allowed.
Tell him, Emma.
172
00:08:11,862 --> 00:08:14,525
Let's drive it
to a five-star resort.
(LAUGHS) Yes.
173
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,828
Not the prudent,
mature response
I was looking for.
174
00:08:18,969 --> 00:08:21,031
Besides, we would
never get permission.
175
00:08:21,031 --> 00:08:23,003
What's the point
of getting permission?
176
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:26,036
We ask. They say no.
We do it anyway.
177
00:08:26,236 --> 00:08:27,978
Might as well
cut out the middleman.
178
00:08:32,783 --> 00:08:34,815
So, Dad, I'm really
looking forward to
179
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:35,886
spending some
time with you this
weekend.
180
00:08:35,886 --> 00:08:37,988
Me too. Oh, and great news.
181
00:08:37,988 --> 00:08:39,890
Your old friend,
Darla, is here.
182
00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:41,792
Friend?
She threw me down a well!
183
00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:44,294
Darla Shannon is evil.
184
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,956
When the devil
makes a bad decision,
185
00:08:45,956 --> 00:08:48,028
it's because he has
Darla on his shoulder!
186
00:08:48,859 --> 00:08:50,200
(CLEARS THROAT)
187
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,963
Jessie, you remember
Colonel Shannon,
my commanding officer.
188
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,035
And Darla's mom.
189
00:08:57,267 --> 00:08:58,939
Sure.
190
00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:00,871
You know,
when I said Darla was evil,
191
00:09:00,871 --> 00:09:02,542
I meant it as a compliment.
192
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,215
Evil as in "e-ville."
193
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:08,018
That's what the kids
are saying.
194
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:09,950
And I'm a kid.
I mean sort of.
195
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,722
I mean, compared to you.
Not that you're old.
196
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:14,324
Does she have an off switch?
197
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,758
Nope. I just used
to crank up the TV.
198
00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:21,331
So, Jessie,
last time I saw you,
199
00:09:21,331 --> 00:09:23,894
you were doing
the backstroke in a well.
200
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,996
Yeah, because your daughter
pushed me...
(CLEARS THROAT)
201
00:09:25,996 --> 00:09:28,639
To become such
a good swimmer.
202
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,073
Oh, yeah. She's a giver.
You know,
she's a flight attendant now.
203
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,645
And every time she comes home,
204
00:09:34,645 --> 00:09:36,677
she brings me
little sacks of nuts.
205
00:09:37,848 --> 00:09:39,910
She's quite a gal.
Yes, she is.
206
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,053
Please, she's a squirrel
with a beverage cart.
207
00:09:44,154 --> 00:09:45,886
LUKE: Yay!
(KIDS SCREAMING)
208
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:52,162
Sweet Stonewall Jackson!
209
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,125
(SCREAMING) No!
210
00:09:55,365 --> 00:09:57,998
Get this soldier off of me!
211
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,831
Hey, it could've been worse.
He could've been
on a horse.
212
00:10:02,673 --> 00:10:03,774
Ugh.
213
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:06,336
That statue has stood
there for 70 years.
214
00:10:06,937 --> 00:10:09,079
Then he's probably
happy to take a load off.
215
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:13,914
So, when I say,
"Stay in the barracks
and unpack,"
216
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,947
you hear,
"Go for a joyride and
mow down a monument"?
217
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:21,922
You have to admit,
what we hear is a lot more
fun than what you say.
218
00:10:23,193 --> 00:10:26,256
Why are you driving
my Battle Attack Transport?
219
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,228
Jessie, are these your kids?
220
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:30,831
Nope.
221
00:10:32,402 --> 00:10:33,904
Ugh, okay.
222
00:10:33,904 --> 00:10:36,236
Emma, Luke,
Ravi, Zuri,
this is my dad,
223
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:37,968
Lieutenant Colonel Prescott.
224
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,941
And Colonel Shannon,
the post commander.
225
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,914
Oh, can either of you
get me a room
with a private bath?
226
00:10:43,914 --> 00:10:45,215
Or at least a toilet
with a seat?
227
00:10:46,176 --> 00:10:48,648
I'm a colonel,
not a concierge.
228
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,821
I do not deal
with potty problems!
229
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,984
Then can we talk
about the thread count?
230
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:56,156
Because single digits
is totes unacceptable.
231
00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,890
(BARKING)
(HISSING)
232
00:11:00,230 --> 00:11:02,793
(WHIMPERING)
No!
233
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,898
You keep that overgrown
iguana away from my Patton!
234
00:11:09,439 --> 00:11:11,201
She is not an iguana!
235
00:11:11,201 --> 00:11:15,305
And it is not my fault
that your pet looks like
a big, fat, wrinkly rat!
236
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,408
Believe it or not,
he's the polite one.
237
00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:30,190
So, yesterday you broke
the penthouse.
238
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,962
Today, you broke a statue.
239
00:11:31,962 --> 00:11:33,764
What are you planning
on breaking tomorrow?
240
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:36,426
Not sure. We kind
of like to play it by ear.
241
00:11:38,068 --> 00:11:40,470
Sorry Jessie,
but that B.A.T. was so cool.
242
00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,132
It was calling to me.
243
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:44,805
Well, next time pretend
it's me and ignore it.
244
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:46,206
What'd you say?
245
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,941
Well, I just got
the short end
of the short rib.
246
00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:53,984
That all-you-can-eat
barbecue place
is closed down.
247
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,146
They probably
heard you were coming.
248
00:11:56,146 --> 00:11:57,447
(BOTH SPEAKING
GIBBERISH MOCKINGLY)
249
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:02,953
Ugh! Is this food or spackle?
250
00:12:02,953 --> 00:12:05,225
Is that your head
or is your neck
blowing a bubble?
251
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,298
Hey, watch it, mister!
252
00:12:08,298 --> 00:12:09,499
I'm a woman!
253
00:12:09,499 --> 00:12:10,931
That would have been
my third guess.
254
00:12:16,907 --> 00:12:19,439
Ugh. There's nothing
here that looks good.
255
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,112
Except him!
256
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,478
Excuse me,
is this seat taken?
257
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,782
Yeah, I'm saving it for the
prettiest girl in the room.
258
00:12:32,522 --> 00:12:33,753
Oh, okay.
259
00:12:34,785 --> 00:12:36,286
Wait.
260
00:12:37,327 --> 00:12:38,528
I meant you.
261
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:40,760
I'm Caleb.
262
00:12:40,991 --> 00:12:43,934
And I'm... Uh...
Emma.
263
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:49,369
Right, Emma.
264
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:51,842
But you can call me Mrs.
Whatever-Your-Last-Name-Is.
265
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,978
Ugh. What is this?
266
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,511
It's juice, from that fruit
that grows out on
the nuclear test site.
267
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,513
When you pick it,
it screams.
268
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:05,555
(SPITS)
269
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:10,120
Hey, want to sneak back
to the kitchen and I'll make
us some grilled cheese?
270
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:11,491
That's my fave!
271
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:13,563
Especially with...
BOTH: Tomato.
272
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,496
It's like you can
see into my soul.
273
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,528
Yeah, that's a side effect
of the nuclear juice.
274
00:13:21,832 --> 00:13:23,173
Ew.
275
00:13:23,173 --> 00:13:25,976
These mashed potatoes
are runnier than my nose.
276
00:13:25,976 --> 00:13:28,338
Zuri, you have
to eat something.
No!
277
00:13:28,538 --> 00:13:31,311
No, Zuri, you have to drink
these mashed potatoes.
278
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,442
No!
279
00:13:35,245 --> 00:13:36,416
(LAUGHS)
280
00:13:37,848 --> 00:13:39,189
Jessie?
281
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,592
Jessie Prescott?
Is that you?
282
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:46,897
Aha! I see you're
still having trouble
with your table manners.
283
00:13:48,358 --> 00:13:49,559
Hey, Darla.
284
00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:53,233
Nice to see you, too.
285
00:13:54,404 --> 00:13:56,066
That's Darla?
286
00:13:56,066 --> 00:13:58,038
She doesn't look
like a witch.
287
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,139
Oh, yeah?
288
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:00,911
Throw some water on
her and we can send
her home in a bucket.
289
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:03,974
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
290
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:06,917
I see you're
still baby-sitting.
Mmm.
291
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,450
What happened
to that big acting
career you were gonna have?
292
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,621
Oh, it's going well.
293
00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:13,223
It just takes time.
294
00:14:13,423 --> 00:14:14,584
Talent might help, too.
295
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,129
Meanwhile,
I've been traveling
all over the world
296
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:20,560
as a flight attendant.
297
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,494
Really? Because I heard
you're on the Galveston
to Amarillo run.
298
00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:27,437
I'm just glad
I don't have a job
299
00:14:27,437 --> 00:14:29,299
where I have to run
around waiting on people.
300
00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:31,601
Jessie, I need milk!
Jessie, take my tray!
301
00:14:31,601 --> 00:14:33,543
Jessie, my nose
is still running!
302
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,576
Well, at least they
are calling you,
303
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,578
unlike all the boys
in high school.
304
00:14:41,251 --> 00:14:44,154
Hey, that's my lady
you're talking to.
305
00:14:46,957 --> 00:14:48,588
You finally did
catch a man.
306
00:14:49,259 --> 00:14:52,192
But this one is so small,
you might want
to throw him back.
307
00:14:58,268 --> 00:15:00,130
(SNORING)
308
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:03,603
Aw.
309
00:15:04,274 --> 00:15:05,375
(PLAYING FANFARE)
310
00:15:05,375 --> 00:15:06,606
(ALL SCREAMING)
311
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,114
(SPITTING)
312
00:15:15,445 --> 00:15:17,187
Do you have
a snooze button?
313
00:15:17,187 --> 00:15:18,348
'Cause I'd slap it silly!
314
00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:21,491
It's 5:00 a.m.
315
00:15:21,491 --> 00:15:23,994
There better be presents
under a tree,
316
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:26,026
or things are
going to get ugly!
317
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:28,398
Uglier.
318
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,101
Welcome to my world.
319
00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:34,434
On an Army base,
we do morning calisthenics.
320
00:15:35,405 --> 00:15:37,007
Because,
when in Rome...
321
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:40,440
When in Rome,
I go shopping,
not exercising!
322
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,512
The only thing
that sweats
is my credit card.
323
00:15:43,173 --> 00:15:46,316
Listen, I want to show
my dad that even though
I didn't join the Army,
324
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:47,517
I'm still a good leader.
325
00:15:47,517 --> 00:15:50,050
So your plan to look
good in front of your father
326
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,423
is for me to show
off my athletic prowess?
327
00:15:53,683 --> 00:15:57,357
Last week he dislocated
his shoulder
lifting a glass of milk.
328
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,658
(CRACKING)
329
00:15:59,229 --> 00:16:00,730
Good point.
Ravi, stay in the back.
330
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,969
Ew, ew, ew.
331
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,441
The grass is all wet!
332
00:16:13,003 --> 00:16:14,104
(COUGHS)
333
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:20,210
And worse, I think
this is where Patton
"dropped off the troops."
334
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:24,684
Guys, it's not that hard!
335
00:16:24,684 --> 00:16:27,057
I think I just
swallowed a slug.
336
00:16:29,219 --> 00:16:31,121
(LUKE SNORING)
Jessie, is your squad asleep?
337
00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,764
No! No. No.
They're just, uh,
taking cover.
338
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:37,567
You know,
in case of enemy attack.
339
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,269
Good work, soldiers!
340
00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:42,272
(GRUMBLING)
341
00:16:44,334 --> 00:16:47,006
I heard you were bickering
with Darla yesterday.
342
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,280
Can't you try to get along
with my commanding
officer's daughter?
343
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:52,312
Darla threw me down a well!
344
00:16:53,543 --> 00:16:54,584
What do
you want me to do,
kiss her?
345
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:58,017
Just try to get
along with Darla, please?
346
00:16:58,488 --> 00:16:59,549
You owe me.
347
00:16:59,549 --> 00:17:01,791
Especially after your kids
destroyed that
expensive statue.
348
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,294
Can't they just
write you a check?
They're loaded.
349
00:17:05,495 --> 00:17:07,026
Yeah, they are
loaded and weak.
350
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,798
They are not weak.
351
00:17:09,199 --> 00:17:13,233
Jessie, I believe I aggravated
my old milk-lifting injury.
352
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:21,111
What part of "stay in the
back" do you not understand?
353
00:17:23,313 --> 00:17:28,418
♪ Gorgonzola, mozzarella
Cheese makes me
a happy fella ♪
354
00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:31,321
Ah!
355
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,223
What are you doing
in my kitchen?
356
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:35,485
Making food that actually
has some flavor.
357
00:17:35,685 --> 00:17:38,088
Not everything
should taste like brown.
358
00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:40,760
Hey, that was hurtful.
359
00:17:41,231 --> 00:17:42,562
But not as
hurtful as this.
360
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,136
Ow! You just purpled
my nurple!
361
00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,339
Serves you right
for criticizing my cuisine.
362
00:17:49,639 --> 00:17:51,401
I'd like to see you
do better.
363
00:17:51,401 --> 00:17:52,802
Challenge accepted.
364
00:17:52,802 --> 00:17:54,204
Pass me a colander.
365
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,446
(CLATTERING)
366
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,080
Here.
Ugh! Urgh!
367
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:03,813
This explains
why your pasta had dandruff.
368
00:18:04,314 --> 00:18:05,655
Oh, actually,
that was me.
369
00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:07,557
What am I supposed to do,
wear a hairnet?
370
00:18:08,558 --> 00:18:09,559
Yes!
371
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,492
♪ I don't know
but I've been told...
372
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,324
KIDS: ♪ Exercise
is getting old! ♪
373
00:18:14,324 --> 00:18:16,196
Good rhyme,
bad attitude.
374
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,776
I thought you
were gonna stop.
375
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:28,278
I thought you were gonna stop.
376
00:18:28,538 --> 00:18:31,181
Aw, we both thought
the same thing!
377
00:18:31,181 --> 00:18:33,143
And now we have
matching forehead bumps!
378
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:36,616
Emma, what are you doing
with Darla's brother?
379
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,149
Watching his eyes sparkle
in the sunlight.
380
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:41,621
See, it's happening
right now.
381
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:43,323
And now! And now!
382
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:45,655
Caleb!
(PATTON WHIMPERS)
383
00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:49,229
Stay away from them!
You don't want to be seen
with these weaklings.
384
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,330
Who you calling weak?
385
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:52,332
You should see
this one tear through
the mall on Black Friday.
386
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:55,335
I sharpen my nails
with diamonds
the night before.
387
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,468
I love a girl who fights
for what she wants.
388
00:18:58,468 --> 00:19:00,610
I'd shop for you
in the hunks department.
389
00:19:00,610 --> 00:19:01,871
DARLA AND JESSIE:
Knock it off!
390
00:19:01,871 --> 00:19:02,872
CALEB AND EMMA:
Why?
391
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,216
Because the Prescotts
and the Shannons
are sworn enemies.
392
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:08,518
But I'm not a Prescott
or a Shannon!
393
00:19:08,518 --> 00:19:11,251
Oh, there's a babysitting
clause in the feud.
It's complicated.
394
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,482
But trust me,
you're covered.
395
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,385
But I really like Caleb.
396
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:17,627
Well, tough.
You can't go against
the feud.
397
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,690
Ha! Which has gone
back for years and years,
398
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:22,462
all the way
to the 20th century.
399
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,464
I don't even know
why our families are fighting.
400
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,836
It all started when our
Grandpappy Shannon
401
00:19:26,836 --> 00:19:28,938
loaned Old Man Prescott
a corn picker,
402
00:19:28,938 --> 00:19:31,170
and he returned it broken.
403
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,642
It was already broken!
404
00:19:32,642 --> 00:19:35,345
Your grandpappy lied to try
to get a new corn picker.
(SCOFFS)
405
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:36,946
That's why they called
him Shifty Shannon.
406
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:38,778
But that's
all ancient history.
407
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,880
No one even remembers
the 20th century!
408
00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:45,615
Well, I do remember
when Jessie borrowed
and broke
409
00:19:45,615 --> 00:19:46,786
my Queasy Bake Oven.
410
00:19:47,257 --> 00:19:49,719
It was already broken!
Typical Prescott.
411
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,662
Well, Caleb and I
don't care about
412
00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:54,794
your shifty grandpappys
and their queasy
corn pickers!
413
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:58,268
Then you're no Prescott!
414
00:19:58,268 --> 00:20:01,301
Correct! Despite whatever
paperwork you have
to the contrary!
415
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,573
(GROWLS)
416
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,335
(WHIMPERING)
417
00:20:05,335 --> 00:20:06,776
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
418
00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:08,638
(WHIPPING)
(RECORD SCRATCHING)
419
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,843
See? Even Mrs. Kipling's
tiny lizard brain
understands the feud!
420
00:20:14,944 --> 00:20:16,286
Sorry.
421
00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:20,550
Caleb, stay away
from Emma, okay?
422
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:24,924
Like all us cool kids
stayed away from
Jessie in high school.
423
00:20:25,495 --> 00:20:27,597
(SMIRKS) Come on.
424
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,662
Like I wanted to
hang out with you anyway,
425
00:20:32,662 --> 00:20:35,705
in the jerk lounge.
'Cause you're a jerk.
426
00:20:37,707 --> 00:20:38,708
Jessie!
427
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,010
I can't believe you said that!
428
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,373
I know. I should have
gone with "loser lounge."
429
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,676
I mean, I can't believe you
just insulted her.
430
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:49,319
I can't believe
you and Darla
are ruining my life.
431
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:53,953
Okay, she didn't
break it down,
but it's like 95% Darla.
432
00:20:55,325 --> 00:20:57,827
I specifically told you
to get along with Darla.
433
00:20:57,827 --> 00:20:59,929
And once again,
you can't follow
a simple order.
434
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:03,293
You're my dad,
not my drill sergeant.
435
00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:04,864
You can't order me around
anymore.
436
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,736
I'm an adult.
Oh, really?
437
00:21:06,996 --> 00:21:08,538
Because you're sure
acting like a child.
438
00:21:08,538 --> 00:21:10,300
Nuh-uh! She started it!
439
00:21:11,641 --> 00:21:12,772
I rest my case.
440
00:21:14,344 --> 00:21:16,546
You know, I was really
hoping we wouldn't argue
this weekend,
441
00:21:16,546 --> 00:21:18,608
but instead,
we're right back
where we left off.
442
00:21:20,450 --> 00:21:22,552
This visit's turning
out to be pretty
disappointing.
443
00:21:34,924 --> 00:21:37,597
I never saw anyone
coming back for seconds
of your gruel.
444
00:21:38,067 --> 00:21:39,929
Ugh! I don't get it.
445
00:21:39,929 --> 00:21:42,432
What does your food
have that mine doesn't?
446
00:21:42,432 --> 00:21:45,905
Hmm... Flavor, texture,
fewer fingernails.
447
00:21:47,837 --> 00:21:50,780
I need three gallons
of Neapolitan and
a weapons-grade spoon.
448
00:21:52,642 --> 00:21:55,645
Sorry, tonight's dessert
is mini fruit compotes.
449
00:21:55,645 --> 00:21:56,746
That'll do.
450
00:21:58,618 --> 00:22:00,620
You're not gonna
believe what's going on.
451
00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:02,552
I'm not gonna care either.
I'm busy.
452
00:22:04,394 --> 00:22:06,956
I came back here to smooth
things over with my dad,
453
00:22:06,956 --> 00:22:09,929
but all he seems
to care about is if
I connect with Darla.
454
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:12,632
When all I wanna do
is connect her face
to a hornets' nest.
455
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:16,105
No!
I'm not actually gonna do it.
456
00:22:16,105 --> 00:22:17,667
It wouldn't be fair
to the hornets.
457
00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:21,411
I meant no,
don't drown
my chicken in sauce!
458
00:22:21,411 --> 00:22:23,413
Drizzle it!
Oh, you mean like this?
459
00:22:25,915 --> 00:22:29,018
Hey, you spilled
that on my fake
designer shoes!
460
00:22:29,018 --> 00:22:30,980
You owe me
20 bucks.
Plus shipping!
461
00:22:32,822 --> 00:22:35,585
Does this one ever stop
yakking about her problems?
462
00:22:35,585 --> 00:22:38,788
No. Just wait
till she starts in about
her ex-boyfriends.
463
00:22:38,788 --> 00:22:41,030
(SARCASTICALLY)
She's single?
I'm shocked.
464
00:22:41,030 --> 00:22:42,732
(BOTH LAUGHING)
465
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:44,764
Thanks for the sympathy.
466
00:22:45,795 --> 00:22:48,367
Hey, take it easy.
I only made 3,000 of those.
467
00:22:52,472 --> 00:22:53,503
Hey!
(GASPS)
468
00:22:54,504 --> 00:22:57,977
(GROANS)
Caleb, I am so sorry.
469
00:22:58,578 --> 00:23:00,910
Did I hurt you?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
470
00:23:01,711 --> 00:23:04,414
The thorns broke my fall.
471
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:07,617
Aw, they're beautiful.
472
00:23:08,017 --> 00:23:10,159
I love stems.
473
00:23:12,121 --> 00:23:14,123
Did Jessie teach you
that move for self-defense?
474
00:23:14,123 --> 00:23:16,766
No, to get to the front row
of a One Direction concert.
475
00:23:18,167 --> 00:23:19,629
Yeah, sorry I'm late.
476
00:23:19,629 --> 00:23:21,000
I had to sneak past Darla.
477
00:23:21,631 --> 00:23:23,603
We don't have long,
because every hour
she finds me
478
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,104
and serves me a beverage.
479
00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:27,176
And offers me a tiny,
useless pillow.
480
00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:30,409
It's not fair
that we have to
sneak around
481
00:23:30,409 --> 00:23:31,911
because
of their stupid feud.
482
00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:35,014
I know. It's like
we're the original
star-crossed lovers.
483
00:23:35,845 --> 00:23:37,046
Bella and Edward?
484
00:23:37,046 --> 00:23:39,519
No, Romeo and Juliet.
485
00:23:40,590 --> 00:23:42,922
"'Tis but my name
that is my enemy
486
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:45,094
"That which we call a Ross
487
00:23:45,795 --> 00:23:48,458
"by any other name,
would smell as sweet."
488
00:23:49,198 --> 00:23:51,531
Roses are red
Violets are blue
489
00:23:52,101 --> 00:23:54,664
You talk pretty
Me likey you, too.
490
00:23:56,836 --> 00:23:58,167
(MRS. KIPLING GROWLING)
491
00:23:59,609 --> 00:24:00,870
(PATTON WHINING)
492
00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,217
Looks like he's finally
winning her over.
493
00:24:08,217 --> 00:24:09,579
Girls love uniforms.
494
00:24:11,621 --> 00:24:13,222
I haven't been this bored
495
00:24:13,222 --> 00:24:16,225
since Ravi
told us about
his summer at math camp.
496
00:24:16,225 --> 00:24:18,858
We got to play
Capture the Fraction!
497
00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:23,793
Look, the B.A.T.
498
00:24:24,534 --> 00:24:27,597
Well, clearly,
faith has brought this to us.
499
00:24:29,869 --> 00:24:31,971
No, no.
It was that soldier.
500
00:24:33,973 --> 00:24:37,547
Guys, Jessie has specifically
told us not to drive
the B.A.T.
501
00:24:37,547 --> 00:24:38,708
I don't remember that.
502
00:24:38,708 --> 00:24:40,710
She wrote it on your arm!
503
00:24:43,683 --> 00:24:46,556
Oh, yeah.
But I'm sure she
didn't really mean it.
504
00:24:51,661 --> 00:24:54,023
(SCOFFS) Doesn't count,
she knows I don't read.
505
00:24:55,565 --> 00:24:57,697
Plus, you could've
taken a bath.
506
00:24:57,697 --> 00:24:59,498
(ALL LAUGHING)
507
00:25:03,232 --> 00:25:04,634
Let the record state,
508
00:25:04,634 --> 00:25:07,677
I'm reluctantly
succumbing to vicious
peer pressure.
509
00:25:07,677 --> 00:25:09,709
We don't care
if you come or not.
510
00:25:09,709 --> 00:25:11,581
Quit twisting my arm!
511
00:25:15,985 --> 00:25:18,618
Wow! This thing
even has a microwave oven.
512
00:25:18,888 --> 00:25:20,019
Where?
513
00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:22,622
Right here,
next to the toaster!
514
00:25:23,252 --> 00:25:25,595
That is our tax dollars
hard at work.
515
00:25:27,156 --> 00:25:29,829
Zuri, help me find popcorn.
Ravi, keep a lookout.
516
00:25:30,159 --> 00:25:33,633
I strongly suggest
we refrain from
touching anything.
517
00:25:36,936 --> 00:25:39,038
LUKE: That goop
is sticking her
to the wall!
518
00:25:41,711 --> 00:25:42,572
(SPITS)
519
00:25:43,813 --> 00:25:46,746
Did you not hear
the word "refrain"?
520
00:25:46,976 --> 00:25:48,818
I heard it,
I just don't know
what it means.
521
00:25:49,118 --> 00:25:50,720
JESSIE: Darla?
522
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:53,182
I told you guys
not to go near
that thing.
523
00:25:53,182 --> 00:25:55,855
No, you said not to drive it.
524
00:25:56,285 --> 00:25:57,627
Exhibit A!
525
00:25:59,158 --> 00:26:00,229
PRESCOTT: Jessie!
526
00:26:00,229 --> 00:26:02,331
Oh, my stars and stripes!
527
00:26:02,331 --> 00:26:03,863
Dar-Dar, is that you?
528
00:26:03,863 --> 00:26:06,135
Yes, Mommy!
Look what they did to me!
529
00:26:06,135 --> 00:26:07,566
Oh, dear.
530
00:26:07,566 --> 00:26:11,270
You look like one
of those hideous aliens
from Area 51. (GASPS)
531
00:26:12,672 --> 00:26:13,973
Which completely
does not exist.
532
00:26:13,973 --> 00:26:16,175
And if any of you
dare to mention
this conversation,
533
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:18,748
there will be a probing
in your future.
534
00:26:21,050 --> 00:26:22,752
Dad, I know
what you're thinking.
535
00:26:22,752 --> 00:26:25,715
But anytime there's trouble,
Darla is the
one who starts it.
536
00:26:25,715 --> 00:26:27,016
So did she start this?
537
00:26:28,117 --> 00:26:30,860
Okay, maybe this time
is a bad example.
538
00:26:32,161 --> 00:26:34,694
I asked you to try
to get along with Darla,
539
00:26:34,694 --> 00:26:37,767
but instead, you attack her
with experimental weaponry?
540
00:26:37,767 --> 00:26:40,269
Why do you care
so much if I get along
with Darla?
541
00:26:40,269 --> 00:26:42,131
After this trip,
I'll never have
to see her again!
542
00:26:42,131 --> 00:26:44,834
Oh, yes you will,
because you and Darla
are going to be sisters.
543
00:26:45,604 --> 00:26:46,706
What?
544
00:26:47,006 --> 00:26:48,307
SHANNON:
That's right, girls.
545
00:26:48,307 --> 00:26:53,713
My armored heart
has been captured
by this uniformed yum-yum.
546
00:26:56,315 --> 00:26:57,346
Ew! Ew!
547
00:26:58,848 --> 00:27:01,390
So we wanted
you girls to become friends
before we told you,
548
00:27:01,390 --> 00:27:03,092
but now
we're out of time.
549
00:27:03,723 --> 00:27:04,754
Our wedding is tomorrow.
550
00:27:04,754 --> 00:27:07,857
Tomorrow?
As in, the day after today?
551
00:27:08,157 --> 00:27:09,959
Yes, if I can wait that long.
552
00:27:09,959 --> 00:27:11,330
The only man
I've had in my life
553
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:13,703
in the last 10 years
is Uncle Sam.
554
00:27:13,703 --> 00:27:15,204
And now, I want you!
555
00:27:16,635 --> 00:27:19,709
Wait, wait, wait.
So that's why you
invited me to come home?
556
00:27:19,709 --> 00:27:21,741
Yes, and I invited you,
557
00:27:21,741 --> 00:27:23,813
not these little threats
to national security.
558
00:27:24,313 --> 00:27:27,016
Now get out of my B.A.T.
I had the seat
just where I liked it.
559
00:27:28,818 --> 00:27:31,280
We are extremely sorry, sir.
560
00:27:31,681 --> 00:27:35,384
Even though I did not do
anything, and it was
all Luke's fault.
561
00:27:45,394 --> 00:27:47,396
Okay, that one is on me.
562
00:27:47,396 --> 00:27:51,270
By the way, for the wedding,
could you put me down
for a vegetarian meal?
563
00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:59,148
I can't believe my dad
is getting remarried
to Darla's mom.
564
00:27:59,378 --> 00:28:01,180
Darla is a total...
(MIXER WHIRRING)
565
00:28:01,410 --> 00:28:03,783
(INAUDIBLE)
(MIXER TURNS OFF)
566
00:28:04,283 --> 00:28:07,717
And my dad knows how I feel,
but clearly
he doesn't give a...
567
00:28:07,717 --> 00:28:08,788
(MIXER WHIRRING)
568
00:28:11,761 --> 00:28:13,422
Bertram, I feel like you
don't care
about my problems.
569
00:28:13,963 --> 00:28:15,224
What makes you say that?
570
00:28:15,424 --> 00:28:16,966
There's nothing
in that blender.
571
00:28:18,697 --> 00:28:21,200
Listen! The rehearsal
brunch is today.
572
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:22,471
They're getting
married tonight,
573
00:28:22,471 --> 00:28:24,403
and my whole world
is falling apart!
574
00:28:24,403 --> 00:28:25,404
Ooh, so,
there's gonna be a brunch?
575
00:28:27,176 --> 00:28:30,279
You're missing the point.
There's going
to be a wedding!
576
00:28:30,279 --> 00:28:31,811
Ooh, so there's
gonna be cake!
577
00:28:33,182 --> 00:28:36,415
Well, I better bake it
instead of Corporal Cookie,
578
00:28:36,415 --> 00:28:39,248
or even the little bride
and groom on top
of the cake will hurl.
579
00:28:39,248 --> 00:28:40,389
(LAUGHING)
580
00:28:40,389 --> 00:28:41,450
Hey!
(BOTH EXCLAIM IN SHOCK)
581
00:28:42,051 --> 00:28:45,394
And no one is baking
the wedding cake
of my officers except me.
582
00:28:45,795 --> 00:28:48,898
Well, get ready
for a dishonorable
discharge.
583
00:28:49,128 --> 00:28:50,900
Which everybody's
gonna have,
if you make it.
584
00:28:50,900 --> 00:28:52,061
(LAUGHS)
585
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,164
You know what?
You make your cake,
586
00:28:55,164 --> 00:28:58,237
I'll make mine,
and we'll see who gets
the last laugh.
587
00:28:58,507 --> 00:28:59,769
Besides your barber.
588
00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:05,744
Have I mentioned
Darla and I have to wear
matching bridesmaid dresses?
589
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,746
We'll look like
a couple of...
(MIXER WHIRRING)
590
00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:09,148
(INAUDIBLE)
591
00:29:13,923 --> 00:29:16,055
Emma, to celebrate
the end of the feud,
592
00:29:16,055 --> 00:29:17,256
I drew a picture
of us together.
593
00:29:17,927 --> 00:29:19,959
See, the Pegasus represents
our love,
594
00:29:20,459 --> 00:29:22,962
which has lifted us
above all the obstacles
in our path.
595
00:29:22,962 --> 00:29:25,034
Aw, that is so deep.
596
00:29:25,835 --> 00:29:28,397
Who are these two people?
That's you and me.
597
00:29:29,368 --> 00:29:32,171
Oh, thank goodness.
I was afraid it was you
and Blake Lively.
598
00:29:34,043 --> 00:29:37,406
So then the trapezoid
said to the triangle,
599
00:29:37,406 --> 00:29:39,378
"Quit being obtuse!"
(LAUGHING)
600
00:29:43,252 --> 00:29:46,055
You're the reason
the Math Club meets
in the boiler room.
601
00:29:47,556 --> 00:29:49,788
Hey, let's go find that B.A.T.
602
00:29:50,489 --> 00:29:52,361
No! Jessie forbade it,
603
00:29:52,361 --> 00:29:54,793
and I will not leave
this place no matter what.
604
00:29:55,224 --> 00:29:57,496
(FEEDBACK CRACKLING)
Okay, everybody,
time for speeches.
605
00:29:57,496 --> 00:29:58,497
Wait for me!
606
00:30:01,570 --> 00:30:04,533
I just want to thank you
all for coming
to our rehearsal brunch.
607
00:30:04,533 --> 00:30:07,806
Even though you had
no choice, because it was
an order. (LAUGHING)
608
00:30:09,338 --> 00:30:12,381
I just want to say
that I cannot wait
609
00:30:12,581 --> 00:30:16,145
wait for this officer
to stop acting like
a gentleman.
610
00:30:17,546 --> 00:30:19,348
Okay, J.W., it's your turn.
611
00:30:19,348 --> 00:30:20,519
Oh, no. No, thanks.
612
00:30:21,090 --> 00:30:23,252
Did it sound
like I was asking,
soldier?
613
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:28,427
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
614
00:30:29,028 --> 00:30:30,559
I'm not much for speeches.
615
00:30:31,260 --> 00:30:32,862
If you talk in a foxhole,
616
00:30:32,862 --> 00:30:35,534
the enemy's likely
to find you
and take you out!
617
00:30:37,436 --> 00:30:39,038
Next, my future daughter,
Darla.
618
00:30:44,573 --> 00:30:46,315
Hmm, okay. Um...
619
00:30:46,575 --> 00:30:49,478
I am so glad my mom
is marrying J.W.
620
00:30:50,479 --> 00:30:53,252
I've always admired
his daughter, Jessie.
621
00:30:53,252 --> 00:30:54,253
Wait for it.
622
00:30:54,553 --> 00:30:58,087
Not everyone could fail
so miserably at acting,
623
00:30:58,087 --> 00:31:00,629
and still have
the courage to keep trying,
624
00:31:00,629 --> 00:31:04,863
Even though
she gets rejected over
and over and over.
625
00:31:04,863 --> 00:31:06,195
And there it is.
626
00:31:07,536 --> 00:31:10,539
Kind of like the way she was
rejected by all of
the boys in high school.
627
00:31:10,539 --> 00:31:12,171
She was so unpopular,
628
00:31:12,171 --> 00:31:13,572
even the vending
machines rejected
her quarters.
629
00:31:13,572 --> 00:31:17,576
Okay, all right.
Thank you, Darla.
630
00:31:17,576 --> 00:31:19,208
That was fascinating.
631
00:31:19,608 --> 00:31:22,611
Just like your
stories about collecting
barf bags at 30,000 feet.
632
00:31:23,482 --> 00:31:25,454
And your "how
to-put-on-a-seatbelt"
speech
633
00:31:25,454 --> 00:31:27,216
is always a big hit
at parties.
634
00:31:28,417 --> 00:31:29,919
And I know that
whenever I need advice,
635
00:31:29,919 --> 00:31:31,390
Jessie will always be there,
636
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:33,322
because, Lord knows,
she's never out on a date.
637
00:31:34,363 --> 00:31:35,594
Let's hear
it for Darla Shannon.
638
00:31:36,295 --> 00:31:38,497
If her name sounds familiar,
it's probably because
639
00:31:38,497 --> 00:31:40,429
you wrote a complaint
letter to an airline
about her.
640
00:31:40,429 --> 00:31:42,301
(BOTH LAUGHING)
641
00:31:45,474 --> 00:31:47,006
(SCREAMING)
642
00:31:47,436 --> 00:31:49,438
This is awesome!
643
00:31:49,438 --> 00:31:51,340
This is fun!
644
00:31:51,340 --> 00:31:54,313
This is going
to be the day I die!
645
00:31:55,414 --> 00:31:59,218
And I was so looking
forward to puberty!
646
00:32:03,692 --> 00:32:05,524
You should've seen
Darla's face in high school.
647
00:32:05,524 --> 00:32:06,695
The moon had less craters.
648
00:32:07,926 --> 00:32:09,258
Then again,
the moon didn't eat
649
00:32:09,258 --> 00:32:11,430
four personal pan
pizzas for lunch every day.
650
00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:14,503
Okay, at least
I didn't have to eat
with the cafeteria lady.
651
00:32:14,503 --> 00:32:17,206
Olga was a sparkling
conversationalist.
652
00:32:18,307 --> 00:32:20,970
At least, I assume so
I don't speak Russian.
653
00:32:22,241 --> 00:32:25,474
Congratulations, Luke.
You have driven us
to the mess hall,
654
00:32:25,474 --> 00:32:28,017
the one place
we are sure to get caught.
655
00:32:28,017 --> 00:32:29,618
That's where
the rush comes in.
656
00:32:30,519 --> 00:32:33,582
I'll just go in reverse.
It must be this "R" button.
657
00:32:34,553 --> 00:32:35,985
(GUESTS SCREAM)
658
00:32:35,985 --> 00:32:37,456
Incoming!
659
00:32:40,159 --> 00:32:42,191
(WHISPERS)
You think anybody noticed?
660
00:32:44,293 --> 00:32:46,435
Luke, did it ever occur
to you that
661
00:32:47,036 --> 00:32:49,098
"R" might stand
for "rocket"?
662
00:32:55,144 --> 00:32:58,207
I told you kids
never to set foot
in that thing again.
663
00:32:58,477 --> 00:32:59,608
We can explain!
664
00:32:59,608 --> 00:33:00,649
Ravi made us do it!
665
00:33:02,451 --> 00:33:04,313
Okay, I can fix this.
666
00:33:04,513 --> 00:33:08,687
All I need is a hammer,
a screwdriver,
and a time machine.
667
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:13,592
Dad, I can explain.
It was an accident.
668
00:33:14,463 --> 00:33:15,594
You think maybe
669
00:33:15,594 --> 00:33:17,296
if you had been
watching these kids
670
00:33:17,296 --> 00:33:18,997
instead of trading
insults with Darla,
671
00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:21,130
this accident would
never have happened?
672
00:33:21,130 --> 00:33:23,302
Okay, I got carried away.
673
00:33:23,302 --> 00:33:24,603
That was a mistake.
674
00:33:24,603 --> 00:33:27,406
But so is ambushing
your daughter with
a surprise wedding!
675
00:33:27,406 --> 00:33:28,737
PRESCOTT:
I was afraid if I told you
676
00:33:28,737 --> 00:33:31,540
I was marrying
Darla's mom over
the phone, you'd freak out!
677
00:33:31,540 --> 00:33:32,711
What do you think
I'm doing now?
678
00:33:33,212 --> 00:33:36,315
I came back here
to try and make things
right between us.
679
00:33:36,315 --> 00:33:38,347
But instead I'm stuck
with a new family,
680
00:33:38,587 --> 00:33:40,119
and you didn't
even ask me!
681
00:33:40,119 --> 00:33:41,250
Why should I ask you?
682
00:33:41,250 --> 00:33:43,452
You didn't ask
me when you ran off
to New York!
683
00:33:43,452 --> 00:33:45,524
Because I knew you wouldn't
be supportive!
684
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:49,258
It's a lot easier
to be supportive when
somebody makes good decisions.
685
00:33:49,628 --> 00:33:52,201
Leaving home
was a good decision.
686
00:33:52,201 --> 00:33:53,602
Mom always told me
to follow my dreams.
687
00:33:53,602 --> 00:33:55,164
She'd be proud
that I moved to New York.
688
00:33:55,164 --> 00:33:57,666
Not if she saw
what a disaster
it's turned into.
689
00:33:58,637 --> 00:34:01,670
Well, if that's how you feel,
then maybe I just should
just not come to your wedding.
690
00:34:03,041 --> 00:34:04,113
If that's what you want.
691
00:34:06,375 --> 00:34:08,677
It wouldn't be the first time
you went AWOL
from this family.
692
00:34:10,679 --> 00:34:12,621
That's it.
693
00:34:15,624 --> 00:34:17,756
Kids, we're going back
to New York, right now.
694
00:34:18,557 --> 00:34:20,229
They're going
to tear us apart!
695
00:34:20,229 --> 00:34:21,390
We have to run away!
696
00:34:21,690 --> 00:34:24,333
Okay, but I'm wearing
high heels, so you might
have to carry me.
697
00:34:24,633 --> 00:34:25,534
Done.
698
00:34:28,637 --> 00:34:30,539
And I thought our private jet
was a fun way to travel!
699
00:34:32,541 --> 00:34:34,243
Jump in. I'll drive us
to the airport.
700
00:34:34,443 --> 00:34:36,575
Get out of that vehicle!
701
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:39,077
Or you know what?
Don't. I don't care.
702
00:34:39,648 --> 00:34:40,649
I'm done.
703
00:34:40,649 --> 00:34:41,750
What do you mean?
704
00:34:42,351 --> 00:34:44,753
I mean you knew how important
this weekend was to me,
705
00:34:44,753 --> 00:34:46,485
but you obviously didn't care.
706
00:34:47,286 --> 00:34:48,717
You deliberately disobeyed me,
707
00:34:48,717 --> 00:34:51,620
over and over,
and I'm sick of it!
708
00:34:51,620 --> 00:34:53,522
We promise it will
never happen again.
709
00:34:53,722 --> 00:34:55,264
You're right, it won't.
710
00:34:55,264 --> 00:34:58,267
And it's not
my problem anymore,
because I quit.
711
00:35:10,479 --> 00:35:12,441
I hope you two
are satisfied.
712
00:35:12,441 --> 00:35:16,114
Because of your malfeasance,
we are going to
lose Jessie!
713
00:35:16,615 --> 00:35:19,248
Hey, her quitting
is your fault, too!
714
00:35:19,248 --> 00:35:20,489
You're the one
who's supposed to stop us
715
00:35:20,489 --> 00:35:22,351
from doing
stupid stuff like that.
716
00:35:22,351 --> 00:35:25,694
Yeah, you're like our smaller,
more annoying Jiminy Cricket.
717
00:35:29,528 --> 00:35:32,431
Jessie, you have
every right to be angry,
718
00:35:32,661 --> 00:35:34,363
but please, do not quit.
719
00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:38,136
Yeah, we're really,
really, really sorry.
720
00:35:38,507 --> 00:35:39,668
Sorry doesn't
cut it this time.
721
00:35:39,668 --> 00:35:41,670
I promise, we've
learned our lesson.
722
00:35:41,670 --> 00:35:44,673
Good, then I hope
you'll be more respectful
to your next nanny.
723
00:35:45,244 --> 00:35:46,775
We do not want another nanny!
724
00:35:46,775 --> 00:35:47,816
We just want you.
725
00:35:48,477 --> 00:35:50,619
You're the best nanny
in the whole wide world!
726
00:35:50,879 --> 00:35:52,321
And Emma would agree,
727
00:35:52,321 --> 00:35:55,454
if she had not run away
with Caleb when
you were not paying attention.
728
00:35:56,885 --> 00:35:58,657
What?
Why didn't you tell me?
729
00:36:00,459 --> 00:36:02,431
After you quit,
there was a power vacuum.
730
00:36:02,431 --> 00:36:04,363
We did not know
who to report to.
731
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,796
Emma's not picking up.
How am I supposed
to find them?
732
00:36:08,237 --> 00:36:10,369
Well, I know where
there is a computer
733
00:36:10,369 --> 00:36:13,842
that can triangulate
her cell phone signal
and pinpoint her location.
734
00:36:13,842 --> 00:36:14,903
Great, where is it?
735
00:36:15,444 --> 00:36:17,346
In the B.A.T.
736
00:36:19,478 --> 00:36:20,909
Of course it is.
737
00:36:21,810 --> 00:36:23,912
Well, then I guess
we're taking that B.A.T.
738
00:36:24,583 --> 00:36:27,386
Yes! I am so proud of you
right now.
739
00:36:27,386 --> 00:36:29,418
Which will probably
never happen again,
so enjoy it.
740
00:36:30,619 --> 00:36:32,921
Okay, everybody buckle up.
741
00:36:33,622 --> 00:36:35,324
I hope this thing is fast.
742
00:36:35,324 --> 00:36:37,566
There's a button marked "F."
Maybe that means fast.
Right there.
743
00:36:43,932 --> 00:36:45,404
It means "fly"!
744
00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:48,637
Or "fetal position,"
which I will now assume.
745
00:36:49,338 --> 00:36:50,939
And I'm gonna assume
the whoo-hoo position.
746
00:36:51,380 --> 00:36:53,211
Whoo-hoo!
747
00:36:54,843 --> 00:36:57,346
I want one of these
for Christmas,
748
00:36:57,346 --> 00:36:59,448
but pink and with streamers!
749
00:37:01,490 --> 00:37:02,991
I'm glad you guys
are both having fun.
750
00:37:02,991 --> 00:37:05,424
Meanwhile,
I think I just
got a bug in my teeth.
751
00:37:06,325 --> 00:37:08,457
Although my vision
is blurred from fear,
752
00:37:08,827 --> 00:37:12,261
I believe the computer
has located Emma's
cell signal!
753
00:37:12,261 --> 00:37:13,532
Great, where is she?
754
00:37:13,532 --> 00:37:15,434
I have good news
and bad news.
755
00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:16,565
What's the good news?
756
00:37:16,765 --> 00:37:19,508
Emma appears
to be in a munitions bunker.
757
00:37:19,508 --> 00:37:22,641
The munitions bunker
is where they keep all
of the deadly explosives!
758
00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:24,573
And that was the bad news.
759
00:37:24,573 --> 00:37:26,445
Way to steal my thunder.
760
00:37:31,380 --> 00:37:32,451
(SIGHS)
761
00:37:32,451 --> 00:37:35,354
Sorry, I couldn't find us
a more romantic place to hide.
762
00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:37,626
Any place with you
is romantic.
763
00:37:37,956 --> 00:37:40,258
I just won't be lighting
these candles I brought.
764
00:37:42,461 --> 00:37:43,862
Oh, you look cold.
765
00:37:44,433 --> 00:37:45,434
Do you want my jacket
or something?
766
00:37:48,997 --> 00:37:51,300
LUKE: Sweet!
ZURI: Yeah!
767
00:37:51,300 --> 00:37:53,402
RAVI: God protect us.
768
00:37:53,402 --> 00:37:54,643
(THUDS)
769
00:37:55,043 --> 00:37:57,446
Are we in heaven?
770
00:37:57,446 --> 00:38:01,950
Am I playing washboard
for the late, great country
legend, Tammy Wynette?
771
00:38:01,950 --> 00:38:03,512
Then no.
772
00:38:08,056 --> 00:38:10,489
Okay, I'll run in and grab
Caleb and Emma.
773
00:38:10,889 --> 00:38:12,961
You guys stay put.
774
00:38:14,393 --> 00:38:16,795
And don't touch anything!
775
00:38:16,795 --> 00:38:18,367
But I want a snow cone.
776
00:38:18,367 --> 00:38:19,898
It has a
snow cone maker, too?
777
00:38:19,898 --> 00:38:21,500
No wonder you guys
keep stealing this thing.
778
00:38:24,873 --> 00:38:27,476
Jessie,
I am not going back
to New York.
779
00:38:27,476 --> 00:38:28,707
Don't even bother to ask.
780
00:38:28,707 --> 00:38:30,539
Oh, I'm not asking.
I'm grabbing and pulling.
781
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:32,981
You can't separate us!
782
00:38:32,981 --> 00:38:34,613
We're two souls
that have become one.
783
00:38:34,813 --> 00:38:36,685
Your two souls
can video chat.
We're leaving.
784
00:38:38,086 --> 00:38:41,650
No! I'm staying here
with Caleb. I love him!
785
00:38:43,452 --> 00:38:44,693
(ALARM BLARING)
786
00:38:45,924 --> 00:38:48,096
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Munitions bunker in lock down.
787
00:38:48,096 --> 00:38:52,000
Emma! You just locked us
in a room packed
with deadly explosives.
788
00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:53,402
As opposed to safe explosives?
789
00:38:54,563 --> 00:38:56,535
Sorry, I get sarcastic
when I'm nervous.
790
00:38:57,766 --> 00:38:59,768
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Munitions bunker in lock down!
791
00:38:59,768 --> 00:39:01,039
Cool!
792
00:39:01,870 --> 00:39:03,772
I know I should care
that Jessie and Emma
are trapped,
793
00:39:03,772 --> 00:39:05,514
but I'm all hopped up
on snow cones!
794
00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:07,916
Want some?
Want some?
Want some?
795
00:39:10,519 --> 00:39:12,681
Emma, why did you do that?
796
00:39:12,681 --> 00:39:13,952
You left me no choice.
797
00:39:13,952 --> 00:39:16,354
No choice?
You didn't hear me mention
the video chat option?
798
00:39:17,386 --> 00:39:18,987
And you shouldn't have run
away in the first place.
799
00:39:18,987 --> 00:39:20,429
That never solves anything.
800
00:39:20,689 --> 00:39:23,532
Says the girl who's running
away from her own
father's wedding.
801
00:39:23,532 --> 00:39:25,494
(SCOFFS) That is
completely different!
802
00:39:26,465 --> 00:39:27,536
Somewhat different.
803
00:39:27,966 --> 00:39:29,468
Okay, it's exactly the same.
804
00:39:29,998 --> 00:39:32,701
But I'm running away
from the demon seed, Darla!
805
00:39:32,701 --> 00:39:34,102
No offense.
None taken.
806
00:39:34,102 --> 00:39:37,145
She used to hold
me down and make me
smell her armpit.
807
00:39:37,145 --> 00:39:39,107
That is a terrible thing
to do to a little kid.
808
00:39:39,748 --> 00:39:40,779
It was this morning.
809
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:46,455
So you're going to let Darla
make things worse between
you and your dad?
810
00:39:46,455 --> 00:39:47,456
(SIGHS)
811
00:39:48,086 --> 00:39:49,688
Look, it's not just Darla.
812
00:39:52,390 --> 00:39:54,392
I never thought my dad
would get married again.
813
00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:55,864
But he's fallen in love.
814
00:39:56,865 --> 00:39:58,396
Don't you want him
to be happy?
815
00:39:58,396 --> 00:40:00,128
Well, of course I do, but...
816
00:40:00,799 --> 00:40:02,971
Everything
is happening so fast.
817
00:40:04,533 --> 00:40:06,735
I don't want
my family to change.
818
00:40:07,536 --> 00:40:09,508
You wouldn't understand.
819
00:40:10,579 --> 00:40:13,542
Actually, I do understand.
820
00:40:16,945 --> 00:40:20,418
When my parents adopted Luke,
then Zuri, then Ravi,
821
00:40:20,819 --> 00:40:23,922
I was upset, because
I didn't want my family
to change.
822
00:40:25,423 --> 00:40:27,526
But now I love them
more than anything.
823
00:40:27,526 --> 00:40:30,198
Even Luke,
who's about as
demon seed as they come.
824
00:40:32,561 --> 00:40:34,733
But my dad and I have been
through a lot together.
825
00:40:35,464 --> 00:40:36,765
We've always been a team.
826
00:40:37,566 --> 00:40:41,670
You can still be a team,
you're just adding
a few more players.
827
00:40:43,011 --> 00:40:44,643
Yeah, but I'm getting Darla
on my team.
828
00:40:45,974 --> 00:40:49,578
Well, I got a 7-foot
lizard with rat breath
and a scary, forked tongue.
829
00:40:50,949 --> 00:40:52,050
Okay, it's a draw.
830
00:40:54,583 --> 00:40:58,226
I guess my dad deserves
to start a new chapter
in his life.
831
00:40:59,528 --> 00:41:02,160
Like I did when I moved
to New York and started taking
care of you guys.
832
00:41:02,561 --> 00:41:05,494
Exactly, and look
how great that turned out.
833
00:41:05,934 --> 00:41:06,935
It did, didn't it?
834
00:41:08,537 --> 00:41:09,998
How did you get so smart?
835
00:41:10,539 --> 00:41:11,800
I've had a great teacher.
836
00:41:17,205 --> 00:41:19,477
Besides, I know
a lot about love.
837
00:41:19,848 --> 00:41:21,780
After all,
I've been in it
for two whole days.
838
00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:28,116
Just wait until you can
finally make a guy really care
about you, too.
839
00:41:30,559 --> 00:41:31,790
Okay, moment over.
840
00:41:34,563 --> 00:41:35,964
But you're right.
I should get to that wedding.
841
00:41:37,566 --> 00:41:41,029
Except, I can't,
because thanks to you,
I'm locked in!
842
00:41:41,570 --> 00:41:45,003
Maybe Luke, Ravi and Zuri
will try to blast us
out of here with the B.A.T.
843
00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:48,036
(SCOFFS) We are in
a room full of explosives
844
00:41:48,036 --> 00:41:50,138
equipped with
a hair-trigger
self-destruct system
845
00:41:50,138 --> 00:41:52,180
in case someone
tries to steal them.
846
00:41:52,180 --> 00:41:55,513
Not even they
would be dumb
enough to fire on it.
847
00:41:55,714 --> 00:41:59,217
Ready, aim, fire!
848
00:42:03,852 --> 00:42:05,293
(LAUGHS)
849
00:42:06,925 --> 00:42:08,156
Nimrods.
850
00:42:08,597 --> 00:42:11,730
(SIREN BLARING)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Munitions bunker under attack!
851
00:42:11,730 --> 00:42:13,902
Activate self-destruct
sequence!
852
00:42:13,902 --> 00:42:15,103
Well, that's not good.
853
00:42:16,234 --> 00:42:18,306
ALL: Help! Let us out.
854
00:42:21,169 --> 00:42:23,241
I can't believe
Jessie's really not coming.
855
00:42:24,012 --> 00:42:25,574
Maybe I was too hard on her.
856
00:42:25,574 --> 00:42:27,646
Aw, she wouldn't miss
your wedding.
857
00:42:28,076 --> 00:42:29,277
I know it.
She'll be here.
858
00:42:29,748 --> 00:42:31,079
I don't know.
859
00:42:31,079 --> 00:42:32,881
I haven't seen her this mad
since she broke curfew
860
00:42:32,881 --> 00:42:34,583
and I took away
the keys to her tank.
861
00:42:37,255 --> 00:42:39,588
Hey, Dar-Dar,
have you seen Jessie?
862
00:42:39,958 --> 00:42:42,661
No. With any luck,
she fell down that well again.
863
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:46,264
Oh, hey, if she's been
in that cold water
long enough,
864
00:42:46,264 --> 00:42:47,896
she could be your
something blue.
865
00:42:50,268 --> 00:42:51,569
Peanuts?
866
00:42:53,071 --> 00:42:54,603
We're going
to get blown to bits!
867
00:42:54,603 --> 00:42:56,004
And you're too pretty
to be rubble!
868
00:42:56,004 --> 00:42:57,245
I know!
869
00:42:57,245 --> 00:42:58,707
Jessie, do something!
870
00:42:58,907 --> 00:43:00,779
(SPEAKING HINDI)
871
00:43:04,152 --> 00:43:06,685
Okay, you have been spending
way too much time with Ravi.
872
00:43:12,260 --> 00:43:13,261
(LAUGHS)
873
00:43:14,162 --> 00:43:17,265
See? I told you "G"
was for "grappling hook"!
874
00:43:17,265 --> 00:43:20,098
Even a broken clock
is right twice a day.
875
00:43:22,631 --> 00:43:24,102
Guys,
876
00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:25,704
I never thought
I would say this,
877
00:43:25,704 --> 00:43:27,605
but thank you
for disobeying me!
878
00:43:28,306 --> 00:43:30,238
You're welcome.
And you can thank us
879
00:43:30,238 --> 00:43:31,910
by becoming our nanny again.
880
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:34,612
Jessie, please,
you cannot quit.
881
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,044
You are part of our family.
882
00:43:36,044 --> 00:43:37,646
And we love you.
883
00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:39,648
I love you guys, too!
884
00:43:39,988 --> 00:43:42,020
And I'm not going anywhere.
885
00:43:42,020 --> 00:43:43,892
LUKE: Yes!
Except to that wedding.
886
00:43:45,794 --> 00:43:48,256
Wow, Jessie quit
and I didn't even know?
887
00:43:48,697 --> 00:43:50,258
I really am self-involved.
888
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:54,863
All right. Everyone in?
Buckled, buckled.
889
00:43:55,303 --> 00:43:57,635
Okay. Brace yourselves.
890
00:43:57,966 --> 00:44:00,238
I'm hitting "T" for "turbo."
891
00:44:03,972 --> 00:44:05,073
Or toast.
892
00:44:07,375 --> 00:44:11,149
I gotta say, both these cakes
would definitely
pass inspection.
893
00:44:11,349 --> 00:44:12,350
Agreed.
894
00:44:12,350 --> 00:44:15,253
But I think my confection
is perfection.
895
00:44:15,253 --> 00:44:17,385
Oh, yeah? Well.
896
00:44:19,758 --> 00:44:21,189
Your icing tastes like dirt.
897
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:24,362
That's your finger.
898
00:44:24,362 --> 00:44:26,765
Oh, yeah. I really
should wash my hands
more often.
899
00:44:26,765 --> 00:44:28,096
Ugh.
900
00:44:28,767 --> 00:44:30,668
Look, we're both great chefs.
901
00:44:30,668 --> 00:44:32,370
It doesn't really matter
who wins.
902
00:44:32,370 --> 00:44:33,972
(WHIRRING)
903
00:44:38,276 --> 00:44:40,108
Oh.
(LUKE LAUGHS)
904
00:44:40,408 --> 00:44:42,210
But I just did!
905
00:44:42,210 --> 00:44:45,183
What kind of twisted
sicko laughs at someone
else's misfortune?
906
00:44:48,186 --> 00:44:49,357
(SCREAMING)
907
00:44:51,890 --> 00:44:53,161
(LAUGHING)
908
00:44:53,161 --> 00:44:55,964
Oh, now I get it.
This is fun.
909
00:44:56,324 --> 00:44:57,826
(SHRIEKS)
910
00:44:58,126 --> 00:45:00,268
This icing tastes like dirt.
911
00:45:00,268 --> 00:45:01,800
Ha ha, told ya.
912
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,231
(LAUGHS)
913
00:45:04,232 --> 00:45:07,435
Darla, I am so...
Happy that happened.
914
00:45:07,435 --> 00:45:08,937
(LAUGHING)
915
00:45:10,178 --> 00:45:12,380
Jessie! You came!
916
00:45:13,011 --> 00:45:14,142
Dad.
917
00:45:16,244 --> 00:45:19,287
I'm sorry I crashed
your wedding. Literally.
918
00:45:20,248 --> 00:45:21,389
That's okay.
919
00:45:22,250 --> 00:45:25,093
It was considerate
of you to crash through
the same hole in the wall.
920
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:28,356
Yeah, that was the plan.
921
00:45:30,258 --> 00:45:31,860
I'm just glad you're here.
922
00:45:31,860 --> 00:45:34,432
And I'm very sorry
to have sprung
all this on you.
923
00:45:35,503 --> 00:45:37,135
It's okay, Dad.
924
00:45:38,967 --> 00:45:40,368
You deserve to be happy.
925
00:45:42,140 --> 00:45:43,311
Thank you, pumpkin.
926
00:45:43,311 --> 00:45:45,373
That's the best wedding
present you could give me.
927
00:45:50,879 --> 00:45:55,954
Do you, John Wayne Prescott,
take Beverly Shannon,
to love, honor and cherish?
928
00:45:56,384 --> 00:45:58,957
I do.
And do you, Bev...
929
00:45:58,957 --> 00:46:00,328
Affirmative!
930
00:46:00,328 --> 00:46:02,290
(KISSING)
931
00:46:02,290 --> 00:46:06,264
Well, I now pronounce you
man and wife.
You may now...
932
00:46:07,295 --> 00:46:10,398
Uh, well, just keep on
doing what you're doing.
933
00:46:11,499 --> 00:46:14,002
(ALL APPLAUDING)
934
00:46:17,175 --> 00:46:18,446
(GROWLS SUGGESTIVELY)
935
00:46:21,910 --> 00:46:23,511
(EXPLOSION)
(GUESTS GASP)
936
00:46:23,912 --> 00:46:25,884
Hey, who set off
the fireworks?
937
00:46:28,286 --> 00:46:31,319
Uh-oh. Someone forgot
to shut down
the self-destruct sequence
938
00:46:31,319 --> 00:46:32,520
on the munitions bunker.
939
00:46:34,562 --> 00:46:35,994
Ravi...
940
00:46:42,270 --> 00:46:46,134
So, Darla, now that
we are "sisters,"
941
00:46:46,504 --> 00:46:48,036
should we try
and get along?
942
00:46:49,377 --> 00:46:50,979
Absolutely.
943
00:46:51,409 --> 00:46:53,842
Do you wanna take
a walk by the old well?
944
00:46:55,483 --> 00:46:57,315
And the feud continues.
945
00:46:58,016 --> 00:47:00,818
I hope you have
nine airsick babies
on your next flight!
946
00:47:04,092 --> 00:47:06,394
So, we're gonna
video chat every day, right?
947
00:47:06,594 --> 00:47:08,596
Right. Let's start now.
948
00:47:10,428 --> 00:47:11,860
Hi!
Hi!
949
00:47:11,860 --> 00:47:13,501
I miss you.
I miss you more.
950
00:47:14,863 --> 00:47:17,365
You know,
once you pick off
the floor lint,
951
00:47:17,835 --> 00:47:19,167
your cake tastes great.
952
00:47:19,467 --> 00:47:21,009
Yours is great, too.
953
00:47:21,009 --> 00:47:23,411
But I think I've found
something even sweeter.
954
00:47:23,411 --> 00:47:24,842
Oh, the mini-churros?
955
00:47:26,114 --> 00:47:28,917
No... You,
you big love-burger.
956
00:47:30,448 --> 00:47:32,850
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
957
00:47:32,850 --> 00:47:34,422
Well, Corporal Cookie,
I'm flattered,
958
00:47:34,422 --> 00:47:37,485
But uh...
I have two weeks
leave next month.
959
00:47:37,485 --> 00:47:40,458
I'm gonna come stay with you,
960
00:47:40,458 --> 00:47:43,391
and take a bite
out of the Big Apple!
961
00:47:43,391 --> 00:47:44,933
(GROWLS SUGGESTIVELY)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
962
00:47:44,933 --> 00:47:46,394
But just the Apple, right?
963
00:47:50,298 --> 00:47:51,569
You know, Jessie,
it's very impressive
964
00:47:51,569 --> 00:47:53,201
that those kids saved you
from that bunker.
965
00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:58,346
Yeah. I got a pretty
good squad.
966
00:47:58,907 --> 00:48:01,950
Well, a squad is only
as good as its leader.
967
00:48:01,950 --> 00:48:03,881
You've obviously been
a good influence on them.
968
00:48:03,881 --> 00:48:06,514
Wow, marriage
really agrees with you.
969
00:48:06,514 --> 00:48:08,586
No, I mean it.
They are lucky to have you.
970
00:48:11,289 --> 00:48:12,961
And...
971
00:48:13,291 --> 00:48:15,423
I think you did make
the right decision
going to New York.
972
00:48:15,964 --> 00:48:17,465
Really?
973
00:48:18,266 --> 00:48:19,897
Thanks, Daddy.
That means a lot.
974
00:48:20,428 --> 00:48:22,200
Your mother would be
so proud of you.
975
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,102
And she'd be happy for you.
976
00:48:25,203 --> 00:48:26,574
We're never gonna
forget her, right?
977
00:48:27,375 --> 00:48:28,436
How could I?
978
00:48:28,906 --> 00:48:31,439
Whenever I look at you,
I see her.
979
00:48:38,316 --> 00:48:41,549
All right,
all the single ladies,
fall in.
980
00:48:41,549 --> 00:48:43,091
Come on.
981
00:48:43,091 --> 00:48:44,522
(EXCITED CHATTERING)
982
00:48:48,496 --> 00:48:50,698
Not Cookie, not Cookie.
983
00:48:51,359 --> 00:48:53,301
Well, that's the first time
I've prayed for that.
984
00:48:55,163 --> 00:48:56,364
ALL: Me, me!
Over here.
985
00:48:58,406 --> 00:49:00,568
(GROWLS)
(BARKS)
986
00:49:07,575 --> 00:49:08,516
Hello.
987
00:49:10,478 --> 00:49:12,420
(CHUCKLES) Goodbye.
988
00:49:14,582 --> 00:49:17,525
Darla, I assume
you know where the exits are.