1 00:00:06,387 --> 00:00:09,590 Jessie will be back from her TV audition soon. 2 00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,222 When she does not get the part, 3 00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:14,395 we must be ready to cheer her up. 4 00:00:14,395 --> 00:00:17,017 I just hope Jessie wrote to Santa about this part, 5 00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:19,140 because she needs all the help she can get. 6 00:00:20,811 --> 00:00:22,643 Zuri, I know Santa magically 7 00:00:22,643 --> 00:00:24,905 delivers presents to every child on the planet, 8 00:00:24,905 --> 00:00:27,358 but some miracles even he can't pull off. (ELEVATOR DINGS) 9 00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:30,111 (SHRIEKS) 10 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:35,116 Guess who just booked a part on Aloha Crime? 11 00:00:35,116 --> 00:00:37,918 Ooh, was it that new girl who lives down the hall? 12 00:00:37,918 --> 00:00:39,500 No, it's the old girl who lives here with you! 13 00:00:41,212 --> 00:00:42,253 Not that I'm old. 14 00:00:43,504 --> 00:00:44,835 Tell your laugh lines. 15 00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:49,049 Those are worry lines, and guess who gave them to me? 16 00:00:51,132 --> 00:00:52,513 Anyway, I got the role, 17 00:00:52,513 --> 00:00:54,435 and the best part is, it shoots in Hawaii. 18 00:00:54,435 --> 00:00:55,556 I'm leaving tomorrow! 19 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,178 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 20 00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,269 We are not the kind of people 21 00:00:58,269 --> 00:01:00,101 who make it all about us, 22 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:01,732 but what about us? 23 00:01:03,184 --> 00:01:05,065 Well, I talked to your parents, 24 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,107 and convinced them that we should all spend 25 00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:08,189 Christmas in Hawaii together! 26 00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:09,950 Yes. Whoa. 27 00:01:09,950 --> 00:01:12,493 So much for Bertram having our Hawaiian villa all to himself. 28 00:01:12,493 --> 00:01:13,614 We just got our first 29 00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:17,288 "glad you are not here" postcard from him. 30 00:01:17,288 --> 00:01:20,831 So not only do we get to spend Christmas in Hawaii, 31 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,003 but we get to crash Bertram's vacation 32 00:01:23,003 --> 00:01:25,206 and make him miserable? Yup. 33 00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:27,047 The look of anguish on his face 34 00:01:27,047 --> 00:01:29,049 will be the only Christmas present I need this year. 35 00:01:29,049 --> 00:01:30,471 But don't tell your parents I said that. 36 00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:35,596 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 37 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,979 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 38 00:01:38,979 --> 00:01:42,723 ♪ It feels like a party every day 39 00:01:42,723 --> 00:01:46,227 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 40 00:01:46,227 --> 00:01:50,231 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 41 00:01:50,231 --> 00:01:53,364 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 42 00:01:53,364 --> 00:01:57,117 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 43 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,581 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 44 00:02:00,581 --> 00:02:04,415 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 45 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:08,008 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 46 00:02:08,008 --> 00:02:09,510 ♪ Hey Jessie 47 00:02:11,462 --> 00:02:13,013 ♪ Hey Jessie 48 00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:18,809 ♪ It feels like a party every day 49 00:02:18,809 --> 00:02:22,563 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 50 00:02:28,859 --> 00:02:31,232 I hope Bertram will be happy to see us. 51 00:02:31,232 --> 00:02:33,194 I just hope he's wearing pants. 52 00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:35,866 This place is awesome! 53 00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:37,238 The pool is huge! 54 00:02:37,238 --> 00:02:39,039 Jessie, that's the ocean. 55 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,872 Oh, that explains the whale. 56 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:44,995 Jessie? 57 00:02:44,995 --> 00:02:46,247 Shaylee? 58 00:02:46,247 --> 00:02:48,789 I can't believe it's you! 59 00:02:48,789 --> 00:02:52,052 Shaylee Michaels broke into our villa! 60 00:02:52,052 --> 00:02:54,004 I don't know whether to call the cops or ask her out. 61 00:02:55,296 --> 00:02:58,178 Wow. Things must have really gone downhill for her 62 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,260 since Mayan Mayhem. 63 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,141 Let's give her a few bucks. 64 00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:05,806 Oh! And you brought the sprogs with you! 65 00:03:05,806 --> 00:03:08,229 But what are you doing in my villa? 66 00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:10,901 Last time I looked, this was our villa, 67 00:03:10,901 --> 00:03:12,523 and we're here for Christmas vacation. 68 00:03:12,523 --> 00:03:15,736 Oh, my gosh, are you my present? 69 00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,077 Thank you, Santa! 70 00:03:17,077 --> 00:03:18,659 I owe you a plate full of cookies! 71 00:03:22,533 --> 00:03:23,784 He hasn't changed. 72 00:03:23,784 --> 00:03:25,165 I think he's actually gotten worse. 73 00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,209 And stronger. (STRAINING) 74 00:03:31,592 --> 00:03:33,674 So, I'm confused. What are you doing here? 75 00:03:33,674 --> 00:03:35,966 I rented this villa on a vacation website 76 00:03:35,966 --> 00:03:37,838 called Winkle, Winkle, Little Star. 77 00:03:37,838 --> 00:03:40,261 Yeah. It even comes with a butler. 78 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:43,183 Mademoiselle Michaels. Your holiday crudites. 79 00:03:43,183 --> 00:03:44,555 (GASPING) 80 00:03:44,555 --> 00:03:46,186 Aloha, Bertram. 81 00:03:46,186 --> 00:03:48,108 (WAILING) 82 00:03:51,191 --> 00:03:53,694 So I'm not quite sure what's going on here... 83 00:03:53,694 --> 00:03:56,156 Well, Bertram wasn't expecting us, so obviously 84 00:03:56,156 --> 00:03:57,408 he rented the villa out 85 00:03:57,408 --> 00:03:58,739 to make a little extra cash. 86 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,160 That's horrible! 87 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,702 Why didn't I think of it? 88 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,956 So, you guys are here on vacation? 89 00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,668 Actually, it's a working vacation. 90 00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,870 Because I'm working. As an actor. I'm a working actor! 91 00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:13,173 Yeah, got a little show called Aloha Crime. 92 00:04:13,173 --> 00:04:16,176 That's awesome! So, how are you preparing for the role? 93 00:04:16,176 --> 00:04:17,758 Interviewing local authorities? 94 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,640 Studying the island and its customs? 95 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,141 Actually, I just learned my lines 96 00:04:21,141 --> 00:04:23,644 and ate a pound of poi. 97 00:04:23,644 --> 00:04:25,095 That explains that smell on the plane. 98 00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,892 Well, no luck landing a place to stay. 99 00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:34,104 The whole island is booked up for the holidays. 100 00:04:34,104 --> 00:04:35,696 Bertram, I can't believe you rented out 101 00:04:35,696 --> 00:04:37,488 Morgan and Christina's villa. 102 00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,610 You are gonna give Shaylee back her money right now. 103 00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:42,903 (INHALES SHARPLY) I'd love to, but I spent it all on essentials. 104 00:04:42,903 --> 00:04:44,114 You know, 105 00:04:44,114 --> 00:04:44,995 food, clothes... 106 00:04:44,995 --> 00:04:46,617 A dune buggy. 107 00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,831 You know what? It's okay. Yeah, I can just camp out. 108 00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:52,463 Remember, I grew up in the Outback. 109 00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:55,005 As a baby, I used a scorpion as a pacifier. 110 00:04:56,587 --> 00:04:59,179 See, all fixed! (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 111 00:04:59,179 --> 00:05:00,591 No. I'll go make lunch. 112 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,386 Why don't you stay with us? Really? 113 00:05:05,386 --> 00:05:06,977 Oh. Thanks, Jessie. 114 00:05:06,977 --> 00:05:10,140 I can't wait to stay up all night with Shaylee! 115 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:14,355 Me, too! We need a third for go fish. 116 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,898 You just don't get it. 117 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,863 (LAUGHS) Shaylee, you can bunk with me. 118 00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:24,995 Oh, yay! Another sleep over! 119 00:05:24,995 --> 00:05:26,577 I'm gonna put your bra in hot water, 120 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,539 and your hand in the freezer! 121 00:05:28,539 --> 00:05:30,911 Okay, we need to review sleepover shenanigans. 122 00:05:32,913 --> 00:05:35,295 Okay, Shaylee, honest opinion, 123 00:05:35,295 --> 00:05:36,547 who wears this better? Huh? 124 00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:39,920 Frankly, you both look ridiculous. 125 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,463 I told you the antlers were too much. 126 00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:46,847 What the hula? 127 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:50,391 This is Parker and Joey Rooney. 128 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,022 Their family is visiting from Wisconsin 129 00:05:52,022 --> 00:05:53,774 and renting the villa next door. 130 00:05:53,774 --> 00:05:57,317 They've been coming over... A lot. 131 00:05:57,317 --> 00:06:00,240 We try to walk that fine line between fan and stalker. 132 00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:03,444 Like right now, I'm fighting the urge 133 00:06:03,444 --> 00:06:04,575 to take your used tissue 134 00:06:04,575 --> 00:06:05,656 out of that trash can. 135 00:06:05,656 --> 00:06:09,039 Oh... Keep fighting it. 136 00:06:09,039 --> 00:06:12,082 Shaylee, let's go tell Bertram he has two more kids to feed. 137 00:06:12,082 --> 00:06:13,043 If you can't get your money back, 138 00:06:13,043 --> 00:06:14,495 you might as well see him cry. 139 00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:21,001 Ooh. Hello. 140 00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:25,596 I'm Joey. And you are one tall drink of tropical punch. 141 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,388 I'm Emma, 142 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,060 and I feel really bad for those coconuts. 143 00:06:32,513 --> 00:06:33,774 Hey, buddy, 144 00:06:35,105 --> 00:06:37,227 can you tell me if she's single? 145 00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:40,691 Yes, she is. Good luck with that. 146 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:50,030 Why is he staring at me like that? 147 00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:53,033 Well, they eat a lot of cheese in Wisconsin. 148 00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:55,626 Maybe he's just backed up. 149 00:06:57,668 --> 00:06:59,339 Well, then I'm going to leave before he blows. 150 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:03,173 Dude, stop it. You're embarrassing yourself. 151 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:06,887 (SCOFFS) No, I'm not. I am wooing her. 152 00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:08,258 This is how you woo. 153 00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:11,762 He isn't too bright. 154 00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:14,104 Yes, we have one of those in the Luke model. 155 00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:17,187 So, who wants to check out the island? 156 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,438 Ugh. Count me out. 157 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,901 I'm not sure my fair Wisconsin complexion 158 00:07:20,901 --> 00:07:22,773 can handle that harsh Hawaiian sun. 159 00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:24,404 I'm heading out for a swim. 160 00:07:24,404 --> 00:07:26,156 Anyone want to come with? Race ya! 161 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,280 Hey, Shaylee, 162 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:31,492 after lunch, do you want to come see where 163 00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:32,743 I'm shooting my scene tomorrow? 164 00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,034 It's actually right here at the resort. 165 00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:35,165 Yeah, sure! 166 00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:38,629 Oh, uh, do not be afraid, Shaylee. 167 00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:41,081 Just think of Mrs. Kipling as a doggie, 168 00:07:41,081 --> 00:07:43,173 with killer claws, razor-sharp fangs 169 00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:44,464 and poisonous saliva. 170 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,136 Actually, maybe you should be afraid. 171 00:07:47,548 --> 00:07:50,140 Nah. Wild animals don't scare me, 172 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,892 I scare them. 173 00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:53,013 (SHAYLEE HISSES) 174 00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:54,014 (MRS. KIPLING FARTS) 175 00:07:55,185 --> 00:07:56,396 (ALL GROANING) 176 00:07:58,559 --> 00:08:01,562 Oh, you really did scare her. 177 00:08:01,562 --> 00:08:03,814 Bertram! Can you bring some paper towels? 178 00:08:03,814 --> 00:08:06,607 And a hazmat suit? 179 00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:09,409 See? I told you Mrs. Kipling ate my homework! 180 00:08:11,411 --> 00:08:13,033 I hope you're not expecting me to check that. 181 00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,040 So, this is where you shoot your first scene? 182 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,252 Yep. I play a mainland FBI agent 183 00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,175 helping the local cops with a homicide at this luau. 184 00:08:25,175 --> 00:08:26,717 It's a hula-dunnit! 185 00:08:26,717 --> 00:08:28,549 Hula! Get it? 186 00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,221 Got it. 187 00:08:31,221 --> 00:08:33,133 If you guys are here for a luau, 188 00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,264 you'll have to come back Christmas Eve. 189 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,016 They're shooting some silly TV show. 190 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,559 (CHUCKLES) Aloha Crime is not silly. 191 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,641 Surfer's Digest gave it two boards up! 192 00:08:43,944 --> 00:08:46,026 (BOTH GREET IN HAWAIIAN) 193 00:08:46,857 --> 00:08:48,068 My name is Keahi. 194 00:08:48,068 --> 00:08:50,490 Oh, that means "fire" in Hawaiian. 195 00:08:50,490 --> 00:08:53,363 My name is Ravi, which means "sun" in Hindi. 196 00:08:53,363 --> 00:08:56,036 So, I guess you could say we are both hot stuff. 197 00:08:57,868 --> 00:09:01,582 Wow, I found someone who is willing to talk to me! 198 00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,835 This is turning out to be the best vacation ever! 199 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:08,048 Wow, you set the fun bar really low. 200 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:09,169 I like that in a guest. 201 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,673 Can I interest you in one of our nature walks? 202 00:09:12,673 --> 00:09:15,225 I talk about the history of the island, 203 00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:16,476 then I juggle jellyfish. 204 00:09:18,098 --> 00:09:19,439 Tipping is allowed. 205 00:09:21,231 --> 00:09:22,232 You mean right now? 206 00:09:23,143 --> 00:09:24,144 'Tis the season. 207 00:09:25,646 --> 00:09:27,237 I am not sure what is appropriate... 208 00:09:27,237 --> 00:09:30,190 That'll do. You can give me the rest later. 209 00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:37,157 So, here is a legend of our local volcano. 210 00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:38,999 When angered, it erupts! 211 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,411 Much like our resort guests 212 00:09:41,411 --> 00:09:43,123 when they find out about the parking fee. 213 00:09:45,205 --> 00:09:48,709 Actually, volcanic eruptions are caused by the buoyancy of magma. 214 00:09:48,709 --> 00:09:51,712 And your local volcano is dormant. Boom! 215 00:09:51,712 --> 00:09:54,925 Dropped that knowledge like it was hot lava. 216 00:09:54,925 --> 00:09:57,768 So you already know a lot about our island. 217 00:09:59,019 --> 00:10:00,180 I'm not giving the tip back. 218 00:10:02,272 --> 00:10:04,354 But every year 219 00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:07,397 we pick one very enthusiastic resort guest 220 00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:10,230 to be the narrator for our Christmas Eve Luau. 221 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:13,033 Oh. That sounds wonderful. I hope you find somebody. 222 00:10:15,285 --> 00:10:17,157 Oh, did you mean me? 223 00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:20,661 Sorry, I have never been picked for anything before. 224 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:22,202 Yeah, I kind of got that vibe. 225 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,589 Oh... 226 00:10:29,589 --> 00:10:31,551 Ooh, what have we here? Huh. 227 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:35,886 A coupon for back hair removal? 228 00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,018 Maybe I'll be hitting the hot tub after all. 229 00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:39,429 (LAUGHS) 230 00:10:39,429 --> 00:10:40,761 (CHILDREN LAUGHING) 231 00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:43,473 What's so funny? 232 00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:45,936 Oh. Just a prank we pulled on you. 233 00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:50,070 What's so funny about a piece of fishing line attached to a coupon? 234 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:53,273 Well, the coupon is covered in Stay Stuck glue, 235 00:10:53,273 --> 00:10:55,776 and that fishing line is tied to that jet ski. 236 00:10:55,776 --> 00:10:56,947 (JETS SKI STARTING UP) 237 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,119 (SCREAMING) 238 00:10:59,119 --> 00:10:59,990 (WATER SPLASHING) 239 00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:01,912 (ZURI LAUGHING) 240 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:04,374 I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 241 00:11:04,374 --> 00:11:06,496 That's based on the misery of others. 242 00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:11,051 You two are like a couple of menehune. 243 00:11:11,051 --> 00:11:13,173 A mene-who-now? 244 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:16,506 Menehune. They are Hawaiian pranking elves who live in the forest. 245 00:11:16,506 --> 00:11:19,760 Are they the ones who tricked you into buying that outfit? 246 00:11:21,471 --> 00:11:24,805 I am just lucky I found all of this in my size. 247 00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:28,568 You know what's not lucky? 248 00:11:28,568 --> 00:11:29,649 My eyeballs. 249 00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,443 Just for that, if it rains, 250 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,736 I will not make room for you under my hat. 251 00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:40,991 I can't believe I'm saying this, 252 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,082 but your brother 253 00:11:42,082 --> 00:11:44,374 might be even more embarrassing than mine. 254 00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:47,537 It's not just Ravi. 255 00:11:47,537 --> 00:11:50,670 These tourists will open up their wallets for anything. 256 00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,793 Hey, I just had a great idea! 257 00:11:52,793 --> 00:11:55,095 Let's throw some sand in a jar, slap a price tag on it 258 00:11:55,095 --> 00:11:56,546 and see if these suckers bite. 259 00:12:03,143 --> 00:12:06,847 The joke's on you. I got the coupon after all. 260 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,272 The joke's on you. The coupon expired last week. 261 00:12:12,272 --> 00:12:13,854 What? 262 00:12:13,854 --> 00:12:15,776 (SOBBING) 263 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:23,453 Ha! I wiped the floor with you, Luke, 264 00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:26,626 and I learned how to play basketball from my sister, Maddie. 265 00:12:28,288 --> 00:12:29,870 That explains the sports bra. 266 00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,084 The only baskets you made 267 00:12:34,084 --> 00:12:36,546 were when I went to get a drink of water. 268 00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:39,009 And you did not call the time out! 269 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,803 That last shot. Whoo... Was nothin' but net. 270 00:12:44,144 --> 00:12:46,686 Yeah, nothing but net. 271 00:12:46,686 --> 00:12:48,809 Right after it bounced off a palm tree, 272 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:51,271 a lifeguard's head, and a very surprised seagull. 273 00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:54,024 It still counts. 274 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,073 Wow, Bertram, that's a big meatball. 275 00:13:04,364 --> 00:13:05,745 It's a basketball! 276 00:13:07,207 --> 00:13:08,999 Why would you cook a basketball? 277 00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:12,963 I despise you, Luke. 278 00:13:14,584 --> 00:13:16,716 You too, weird kid who keeps coming over. 279 00:13:23,183 --> 00:13:24,764 Hmm, not bad. 280 00:13:26,426 --> 00:13:28,058 You're still gonna eat that? 281 00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:29,099 Of course I'm gonna eat it! 282 00:13:31,932 --> 00:13:34,855 Hey, Joey. How's your sunburn doing? 283 00:13:34,855 --> 00:13:37,697 Great! My blisters are starting to fill with pus! 284 00:13:37,697 --> 00:13:39,779 Wanna see me pop one? My record is two feet. 285 00:13:42,202 --> 00:13:43,403 You must be so proud. 286 00:13:45,655 --> 00:13:47,037 (LAUGHING) 287 00:13:47,037 --> 00:13:49,789 I'm sure Emma appreciated the pus report. 288 00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:51,001 Stupid, stupid, stupid! 289 00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:54,004 She probably thinks I'm a brain-dead zombie goofball. 290 00:13:54,004 --> 00:13:55,916 That's not true. 291 00:13:55,916 --> 00:13:57,377 She knows you're not a zombie. 292 00:13:59,219 --> 00:14:00,961 Hey, man, maybe 293 00:14:00,961 --> 00:14:03,423 I can give you some pointers on how to impress Emma. 294 00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:05,595 Thanks, buddy. I just hope they're better than 295 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:07,888 your three-pointers! Boo-yah! 296 00:14:09,269 --> 00:14:11,972 I'm gonna go get a pen! 297 00:14:11,972 --> 00:14:14,234 Are you really going to help him date your sister? 298 00:14:14,234 --> 00:14:16,186 Yeah, I'm gonna help him... 299 00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:17,898 Embarrass himself. 300 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,480 That'll teach him to shoot his mouth off about his bogus win. 301 00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:24,154 You're not going to try and stop me, right? 302 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:27,037 As long as I don't have to clean anything up, knock yourself out. 303 00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,208 Jessie, 304 00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:41,461 I'm guessing you're feeling nervous about your shoot tomorrow. 305 00:14:41,461 --> 00:14:43,213 What makes you say that? 306 00:14:43,213 --> 00:14:45,555 I remember you telling me that doing Origami 307 00:14:45,555 --> 00:14:47,217 helps calm you down. 308 00:14:52,222 --> 00:14:54,184 Yeah. Sorry about that. 309 00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,856 I guess I went a little overboard. 310 00:14:56,856 --> 00:14:58,818 I think our plane tickets home are somewhere in this mess. 311 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,402 You know, Jessie, 312 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,784 I was really nervous before my first acting job, too. 313 00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:07,077 Really? What did you do to get over it? 314 00:15:07,077 --> 00:15:08,658 Well, actually, I was three. 315 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,910 So I felt a lot better after I made boom-boom. 316 00:15:12,993 --> 00:15:16,246 I'll think I'll stick with the swans. 317 00:15:16,246 --> 00:15:18,538 You know, Jessie, if you need help tomorrow 318 00:15:18,538 --> 00:15:20,250 running lines, or if you just want me there 319 00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,002 to cheer you on, let me know. 320 00:15:22,002 --> 00:15:25,005 Really? Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. 321 00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:27,047 Supportive hug! 322 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,855 (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, I'm not great at math, 323 00:15:35,855 --> 00:15:36,977 but there seems to be an extra set 324 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,188 of arms in this hug. 325 00:15:43,563 --> 00:15:46,026 Hey, you can never have enough support. 326 00:15:47,157 --> 00:15:49,779 Get out, before I fold you into a swan. 327 00:15:49,779 --> 00:15:52,372 Whoa, somebody needs to make boom-boom. 328 00:15:52,372 --> 00:15:54,034 (LAUGHING) 329 00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:55,035 (CLEARING THROAT) 330 00:15:58,538 --> 00:16:02,212 Get your Christmas sandy canes here! 331 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,674 And try our ocean breeze in a bottle. 332 00:16:04,674 --> 00:16:06,296 Makes a great holiday gift! 333 00:16:09,139 --> 00:16:11,221 You expect people to buy this junk? 334 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:13,723 These are just empty ketchup bottles. 335 00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,096 And you didn't even bother to wash out all the ketchup! 336 00:16:18,098 --> 00:16:21,191 Thank you, sir, enjoy! No refunds. 337 00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:24,564 Oh. I want in. 338 00:16:24,564 --> 00:16:26,656 I have to pay Shaylee back, 339 00:16:26,656 --> 00:16:28,778 plus I have to buy that guy a new jet ski. 340 00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:32,492 Okay. We'll let you in if you can find 341 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,823 some way to sell these. 342 00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,669 This is the fourth year in a row you've given me coal for Christmas! 343 00:16:41,081 --> 00:16:42,122 It's not coal. 344 00:16:42,122 --> 00:16:44,584 These are rocks we found near the volcano. 345 00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:47,127 We just haven't figured out a way to market them yet. 346 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,588 I know! 347 00:16:48,588 --> 00:16:50,840 I can make a whole boy band line. 348 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,223 I'll just slap pretty boy faces on these things, 349 00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:56,436 and sell them as New Rocks on the Block! (LAUGHS) 350 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,017 That's dumb. 351 00:16:59,599 --> 00:17:02,482 Makes more sense than bottles full of air. 352 00:17:02,482 --> 00:17:04,104 The man has a point. 353 00:17:04,104 --> 00:17:07,237 Plus, I cannot suck down one more bottle of ketchup. 354 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,455 Oh! Bertram, I told Joey Emma loves bugs. 355 00:17:16,156 --> 00:17:17,747 Watch this train wreck. 356 00:17:17,747 --> 00:17:19,119 It'll put you in the Christmas spirit. 357 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,662 I don't have time for childish games. 358 00:17:22,662 --> 00:17:25,665 Now tell me, did I get the hair right on Justin Timberslate? 359 00:17:27,587 --> 00:17:29,759 Just when I thought you couldn't get any weirder. 360 00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:36,136 (EXHALES) 361 00:17:36,136 --> 00:17:41,521 Wow. Emma. You do not have any hair on your toes at all! 362 00:17:43,183 --> 00:17:45,024 Right. Because I'm not from the Shire. 363 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,818 You know, that pedicure reminded me 364 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,400 that the American cockroach 365 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,402 sometimes feeds on human toenails. 366 00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,364 What? 367 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:55,995 (LUKE SNICKERING) 368 00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:58,248 The cockroach has also been known to feed 369 00:17:58,248 --> 00:18:00,039 on eyebrows, eyelashes and 370 00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:01,831 (CLEARS THROAT) 371 00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,203 the hair of sleeping children. 372 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,877 I think I'm going to be sick. 373 00:18:07,877 --> 00:18:10,130 Oh. Really? Well, while you're in the bathroom, 374 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,802 take time to think about the amazing housefly, 375 00:18:12,802 --> 00:18:17,427 which defecates every 4.5 minutes. 376 00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:18,768 (IMITATES EXPLOSION) 377 00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:20,180 (LAUGHING) 378 00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:22,182 What is wrong with you? 379 00:18:22,182 --> 00:18:24,184 You're, like, the high-waisted jeans of people! 380 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,280 Luke, you told me she loved bugs! 381 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,861 No, I didn't. 382 00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,032 You must have misheard me. 383 00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:36,576 I said Emma loves, uh... 384 00:18:38,538 --> 00:18:39,949 Pigs. 385 00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:42,792 Pigs? 386 00:18:42,792 --> 00:18:44,083 Oh, yeah. 387 00:18:44,083 --> 00:18:46,085 Yeah, the dirtier the animal, the better. 388 00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:48,838 If it rolls in its own filth, it's up Emma's alley. 389 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,011 Pigs! 390 00:18:52,011 --> 00:18:54,304 That makes so much more sense! 391 00:18:54,304 --> 00:18:57,177 Thanks, Luke. You're awesome! 392 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:59,259 You need to find a better use of your time. 393 00:18:59,259 --> 00:19:01,431 Says the guy gluing a goatee onto a rock. 394 00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:09,649 I can't believe I'm about to be on network TV for the first time! 395 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:10,940 If you don't count being on the news 396 00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:13,233 for falling down that manhole. 397 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:16,446 The guest star began to prepare for her television debut, 398 00:19:16,446 --> 00:19:18,698 seemingly unfazed by past failures. 399 00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,201 (CLEARS THROAT) 400 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:24,123 Uh, Ravi, why... Why are you talking like that? 401 00:19:24,123 --> 00:19:27,086 I am going to be the narrator for the Christmas Eve Luau, 402 00:19:27,086 --> 00:19:31,170 so I am practicing narrating. 403 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:35,215 Well, be a little more narrator, and a little less nar-hater. 404 00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,007 And the narrator's leaving after being rudely admonished. 405 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,264 Hi! You must be playing our FBI Agent Vickers. 406 00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:47,146 I'm Kevin Randolf, director/producer. 407 00:19:47,146 --> 00:19:51,271 Oh! I'm Jessie Prescott, actress/singer. 408 00:19:51,271 --> 00:19:52,982 I'm so sorry I'm late! 409 00:19:52,982 --> 00:19:54,694 I was wrestling with Mrs. Kipling. 410 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,025 She's a biter. 411 00:19:56,025 --> 00:19:57,947 Luckily, so am I. (CRACKS) 412 00:19:59,779 --> 00:20:01,120 Shaylee, I'm so glad you made it. 413 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,323 Wait. Shaylee Michaels? 414 00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:09,168 Kevin Randolf. Producer/huge fan. Oh... 415 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:12,211 I loved you in Teen Beach Zombie Hunters! 416 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,713 Right? When that guy broke her heart 417 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,174 and then she ate his? 418 00:20:15,174 --> 00:20:16,175 BOTH: Loved it. 419 00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:18,428 What are you doing here? 420 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:20,099 Oh, I'm here to support my friend, 421 00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,011 who is guest starring on your show. 422 00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:23,012 We have a guest star? 423 00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:25,765 Hello? Me! 424 00:20:25,765 --> 00:20:28,227 Shaylee, you have got to be in this scene. 425 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,058 Just having you on screen 426 00:20:29,058 --> 00:20:30,480 would add tons of viewers! 427 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,313 We're a little light on talent this episode. 428 00:20:35,064 --> 00:20:36,616 Again, standing right here. 429 00:20:38,278 --> 00:20:39,409 That's very flattering, 430 00:20:39,409 --> 00:20:41,321 but I'm just here to support Jessie. 431 00:20:41,321 --> 00:20:43,993 Oh, well, I'm sure Jessie 432 00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,826 wouldn't mind if Agent Vickers had a partner. 433 00:20:46,826 --> 00:20:48,127 Would you? 434 00:20:48,127 --> 00:20:49,579 No. Of course not! 435 00:20:49,579 --> 00:20:51,371 No. I would love for Shaylee to be in my scene! 436 00:20:51,371 --> 00:20:53,543 No. I don't know... It's your big day. 437 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:56,926 I insist. My first scene with my most famous friend! 438 00:20:57,797 --> 00:20:59,339 All righty then! 439 00:20:59,339 --> 00:21:00,430 This is going to be fun! 440 00:21:00,430 --> 00:21:01,551 It will! 441 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:05,305 Not giant lizard wrestling fun, but fun! 442 00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:07,647 Then it's settled! Shaylee, let's go get you a gold star 443 00:21:07,647 --> 00:21:09,689 for your dressing room door and a giant fruit basket 444 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:13,272 I like fruit, too. 445 00:21:14,394 --> 00:21:15,895 A fruitless Jessie 446 00:21:15,895 --> 00:21:17,156 watched them leave, 447 00:21:17,156 --> 00:21:19,899 as a brighter star emerged on the horizon. 448 00:21:19,899 --> 00:21:21,321 Duh-duh... 449 00:21:21,321 --> 00:21:22,532 Don't you dare finish 450 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,033 that ominous musical sting! 451 00:21:25,244 --> 00:21:27,116 Duh! 452 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:34,584 Stop! You're turning this place into a pig sty! 453 00:21:34,584 --> 00:21:36,005 (PIG GRUNTING) 454 00:21:36,005 --> 00:21:37,256 Really should have seen that coming. 455 00:21:37,256 --> 00:21:38,678 (PIG SQUEALING) 456 00:21:38,678 --> 00:21:41,381 Whoa! An actual pig in a blanket! 457 00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:47,597 You said Emma loves pigs, so I got her one of her own. 458 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,479 What do you think she'll say when she sees him? 459 00:21:49,479 --> 00:21:51,100 (EMMA SCREAMING) (SQUEALS) 460 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:53,733 That's what I was hoping for. 461 00:21:53,733 --> 00:21:56,436 Don't touch that, you swine! That's couture! 462 00:21:58,698 --> 00:22:01,110 Hi, Emma! 463 00:22:01,110 --> 00:22:03,783 This is that beautiful girl I was telling you about. 464 00:22:05,825 --> 00:22:09,409 This little piggy was about to become roast pork at the luau, 465 00:22:09,409 --> 00:22:11,040 but I rescued him, for you. 466 00:22:12,041 --> 00:22:13,042 For me? 467 00:22:16,005 --> 00:22:20,219 Aww! That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me! 468 00:22:20,219 --> 00:22:21,631 You saved a life! 469 00:22:21,631 --> 00:22:24,804 You're like a fireman. Or the fashion police. 470 00:22:24,804 --> 00:22:26,055 LUKE: Uh... 471 00:22:27,517 --> 00:22:31,060 Emma, it's a pig! 472 00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:34,183 It rolls around in its own filth and it eats garbage. 473 00:22:34,524 --> 00:22:35,935 So do you. 474 00:22:37,236 --> 00:22:39,439 At least the pig's pink and cuddly! 475 00:22:39,439 --> 00:22:42,942 Throw a little glitter on this thing, and it's my dream pet! 476 00:22:42,942 --> 00:22:44,534 Thank you, Joey! 477 00:22:45,445 --> 00:22:46,446 (PIG GRUNTING) 478 00:22:47,447 --> 00:22:49,078 They both look so happy. 479 00:22:50,540 --> 00:22:51,541 Epic fail! 480 00:22:53,753 --> 00:22:55,455 So, what are we going to name him? 481 00:22:56,335 --> 00:22:57,917 How about Hamlet? 482 00:22:57,917 --> 00:22:59,709 I love it! 483 00:22:59,709 --> 00:23:01,210 It's classy, and it acknowledges his pork heritage. 484 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:11,180 Judging by the juice spatter, 485 00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:12,271 I'd say this hula girl was 486 00:23:12,271 --> 00:23:14,854 pineappled between 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. 487 00:23:14,854 --> 00:23:19,148 Time to find this perp and make him go... Aloha. 488 00:23:20,820 --> 00:23:22,021 Cut! 489 00:23:22,021 --> 00:23:23,232 Jessie, that was amazing! 490 00:23:23,232 --> 00:23:24,363 Thank you. 491 00:23:24,363 --> 00:23:26,325 Yes, yes, great, but, Shaylee, 492 00:23:26,325 --> 00:23:29,659 I loved the emotion you showed in that scene. 493 00:23:29,659 --> 00:23:31,030 Oh, you want emotion? 494 00:23:31,030 --> 00:23:32,662 I can make myself cry. 495 00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:34,203 Just give me 30 seconds to think about my dating life, 496 00:23:34,203 --> 00:23:37,376 and I can turn this whole crime scene into a splash zone. 497 00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:40,710 Charming. So, Shaylee, I feel like Agent Vickers' 498 00:23:40,710 --> 00:23:43,092 partner needs a monologue here. 499 00:23:43,092 --> 00:23:44,303 (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) 500 00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:47,216 (STAMMERS) But I have a monologue in this scene. 501 00:23:47,216 --> 00:23:49,048 Are you saying you want to give Shaylee my lines? 502 00:23:49,048 --> 00:23:52,261 Oh, no, no! Not all of them. 503 00:23:56,015 --> 00:23:57,727 Judging by this juice spatter, 504 00:23:57,727 --> 00:23:59,148 I'd say this hula girl 505 00:23:59,148 --> 00:24:00,229 was pineappled between 506 00:24:00,229 --> 00:24:02,061 3:00 and 4:00 a.m. 507 00:24:02,061 --> 00:24:07,196 Time to find this perp and make him go... Aloha. 508 00:24:08,528 --> 00:24:10,279 Uh... Cut! 509 00:24:10,279 --> 00:24:11,661 (BELL RINGING) 510 00:24:11,661 --> 00:24:15,164 Hmm, the scene didn't quite work. 511 00:24:15,164 --> 00:24:15,995 I agree. 512 00:24:15,995 --> 00:24:17,497 Yeah. Me, too. I told you 513 00:24:17,497 --> 00:24:19,839 I shouldn't have these lines, they're Jessie's. 514 00:24:19,839 --> 00:24:21,751 Don't worry, I'm going to make Jessie 515 00:24:21,751 --> 00:24:23,753 the most important character 516 00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:25,885 in the entire murder mystery. 517 00:24:25,885 --> 00:24:27,507 (CHUCKLES) Now we're talking! 518 00:24:28,798 --> 00:24:32,762 Actually, I'm not talking... Or breathing. 519 00:24:32,762 --> 00:24:34,223 Right, because you're a corpse. 520 00:24:34,223 --> 00:24:36,055 Can't you see, you're the center 521 00:24:36,055 --> 00:24:37,727 of the whole mystery! 522 00:24:37,727 --> 00:24:39,769 I can't see anything, because I'm face down. 523 00:24:40,900 --> 00:24:42,061 Look... 524 00:24:42,061 --> 00:24:44,153 This is all wrong. 525 00:24:44,153 --> 00:24:45,525 Yeah, you're a little too high-strung to be a corpse. 526 00:24:45,525 --> 00:24:48,407 I'm going to go with the dummy. 527 00:24:48,407 --> 00:24:50,069 So, what role would you like me to play? 528 00:24:50,069 --> 00:24:51,991 The role of the fired actress. 529 00:24:52,912 --> 00:24:54,203 What? 530 00:24:54,203 --> 00:24:56,285 You're firing me, but keeping Shaylee? 531 00:24:56,285 --> 00:24:57,997 Of course, she's a star. 532 00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,458 What is this, your first job in TV? 533 00:25:00,249 --> 00:25:01,671 Yes! 534 00:25:01,671 --> 00:25:03,252 And it should have been my first fruit basket, too! 535 00:25:04,674 --> 00:25:06,005 So, Jessie, 536 00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:08,427 what important new role did he give you? 537 00:25:08,427 --> 00:25:09,759 The corpse. 538 00:25:09,759 --> 00:25:11,551 But the only lines the corpse has 539 00:25:11,551 --> 00:25:14,473 are the chalk ones around it. 540 00:25:14,473 --> 00:25:16,596 Exactly. And when I brought that to his attention, 541 00:25:16,596 --> 00:25:18,137 he fired me. 542 00:25:18,137 --> 00:25:20,900 What? That's terrible. What can I do? 543 00:25:22,401 --> 00:25:24,944 You've done enough. Okay? Don't talk to me, 544 00:25:24,944 --> 00:25:26,906 don't follow me, and I never want to see you again. 545 00:25:34,654 --> 00:25:36,916 Jessie, are you still mad? 546 00:25:36,916 --> 00:25:38,537 What do you think? (SIGHS) 547 00:25:46,335 --> 00:25:49,298 I think you're having a bit of trouble getting comfortable. 548 00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:51,470 Yeah, well, it's kind of hard to sleep 549 00:25:51,470 --> 00:25:52,762 with a knife in your back. 550 00:25:57,937 --> 00:26:00,600 Well, I guess I'll just be sleeping on this chair. 551 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:02,732 Unless I get up to get a glass of water, 552 00:26:02,732 --> 00:26:06,025 and you steal the bed, like you steal everything else. 553 00:26:06,025 --> 00:26:08,818 Jessie, I didn't mean to ruin your big break. 554 00:26:08,818 --> 00:26:10,860 I am really, really sorry. 555 00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:12,111 I thought you were my friend. 556 00:26:12,111 --> 00:26:14,033 I am your friend. 557 00:26:14,033 --> 00:26:14,994 Well, then I'd hate to see what you do to your enemies. 558 00:26:14,994 --> 00:26:16,996 I don't have any enemies. You do now. 559 00:26:18,958 --> 00:26:21,120 LUKE: Ladies, ladies, please. 560 00:26:24,664 --> 00:26:27,206 It kills me that you two are fighting. 561 00:26:27,206 --> 00:26:28,918 I want my future first 562 00:26:28,918 --> 00:26:31,050 and second wives to get along. 563 00:26:31,050 --> 00:26:32,882 BOTH: Get lost. 564 00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:35,845 See? I've already got you girls on the same page. 565 00:26:36,305 --> 00:26:39,138 Another group hug? 566 00:26:39,138 --> 00:26:41,851 Hey. It's my job to throw a pillow at Luke. 567 00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:44,063 Or are you gonna take that, too? 568 00:26:44,063 --> 00:26:46,145 Ha. I'm warning you. 569 00:26:46,145 --> 00:26:48,688 I was the star of Pillow Fight Club. 570 00:26:48,688 --> 00:26:50,990 Yeah, I saw that on the clearance rack. 571 00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:53,532 Oh, it is on. Oh! 572 00:26:53,532 --> 00:26:54,864 (GRUNTING) 573 00:26:56,786 --> 00:26:59,238 Maybe Jessie's dream didn't come true, 574 00:26:59,238 --> 00:27:00,660 but mine sure did. 575 00:27:15,214 --> 00:27:19,218 Maybe putting Bertram in a loin cloth was not our best idea. 576 00:27:19,218 --> 00:27:22,181 Yeah, he makes a terrible menehune. 577 00:27:22,181 --> 00:27:24,854 He's more like a maxihune. (BOTH LAUGHING) 578 00:27:26,025 --> 00:27:27,316 Get us some customers. 579 00:27:27,316 --> 00:27:29,148 Okay, okay. 580 00:27:29,148 --> 00:27:31,190 Ooh, watch me juggle these. 581 00:27:36,035 --> 00:27:37,697 Don't bend over! 582 00:27:40,780 --> 00:27:43,242 Bertram, you're supposed to pull customers in, 583 00:27:43,242 --> 00:27:45,084 not scare them away. 584 00:27:45,084 --> 00:27:47,126 And yet you put me in a diaper. 585 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,130 I have a better plan. 586 00:27:53,793 --> 00:27:55,344 (IN DAKOTAN ACCENT) Oh, Land o' Goshen, 587 00:27:55,344 --> 00:27:58,637 those are some beautiful rocks now, don't you know. 588 00:28:00,469 --> 00:28:02,722 Thank you, total stranger. 589 00:28:02,722 --> 00:28:05,184 Would you like to buy some? 590 00:28:05,184 --> 00:28:06,806 You betcha. 591 00:28:06,806 --> 00:28:09,108 Everyone is gabbin' about how much luck 592 00:28:09,108 --> 00:28:11,480 these rocks'll bring ya. 593 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,194 And they're right. The more you buy, the luckier you'll be. 594 00:28:16,946 --> 00:28:18,197 Oh... 595 00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:22,161 And I see you got 'em dressed up like boy bands. 596 00:28:22,161 --> 00:28:24,373 That is so darned precious. (CHUCKLES) 597 00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:29,498 I think I'll take the entire set of One Di-rock-tion. 598 00:28:32,171 --> 00:28:35,254 Here. Here's your cash. (LAUGHS) 599 00:28:35,254 --> 00:28:36,545 Good work, Fargo. 600 00:28:39,138 --> 00:28:41,140 Aloha, kids. 601 00:28:41,140 --> 00:28:43,472 I see you got yourself a little business here. 602 00:28:43,472 --> 00:28:47,146 Yes, ma'am. Would you like to buy a lucky lava rock? 603 00:28:47,146 --> 00:28:49,018 Absolutely not. 604 00:28:49,018 --> 00:28:51,060 Those rocks are part of this island, 605 00:28:51,060 --> 00:28:54,233 and this island is a living, breathing thing. 606 00:28:54,233 --> 00:28:55,654 Just like your friend here. 607 00:28:55,654 --> 00:28:58,617 You wouldn't sell pieces of him, would you? 608 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,030 Depends on the offer. 609 00:29:02,031 --> 00:29:03,572 That's cold. 610 00:29:03,572 --> 00:29:06,075 My point is, no one in Hawaii sells these rocks. 611 00:29:09,128 --> 00:29:10,920 Oh, man, did you hear what she just said? 612 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,331 I sure did. 613 00:29:12,331 --> 00:29:14,964 We're the only game in town. Yes. 614 00:29:16,465 --> 00:29:21,180 Get your exclusive lucky lava rocks. 615 00:29:21,180 --> 00:29:23,012 We're going to sell the whole dang island. 616 00:29:23,012 --> 00:29:26,265 (RUMBLING) 617 00:29:28,227 --> 00:29:30,890 Bertram, you've got to lay off the coconut milk. 618 00:29:34,894 --> 00:29:38,197 Jessie, do you want me to help you get dressed? 619 00:29:38,197 --> 00:29:40,659 Or at least scrape the dried food off your robe? 620 00:29:42,241 --> 00:29:44,994 It's not all food. That's puss. 621 00:29:44,994 --> 00:29:48,998 Always stay at least two feet away from Joey. 622 00:29:48,998 --> 00:29:52,121 Aloha Crime is a stupid show anyway. 623 00:29:52,121 --> 00:29:54,043 This job was supposed to be my big break, 624 00:29:54,043 --> 00:29:55,965 and now I'll never get another one. 625 00:29:55,965 --> 00:29:58,257 Sure you will. You always bounce back. 626 00:29:58,257 --> 00:30:01,380 Just like you did after you were expelled from that improv troupe. 627 00:30:01,380 --> 00:30:03,302 And fired from that understudy role. 628 00:30:03,302 --> 00:30:06,135 Or when you almost burned down the set of that infomercial. 629 00:30:08,427 --> 00:30:11,350 Are you guys done cheering me up? 630 00:30:11,350 --> 00:30:13,642 I just want to know why nothing ever works out for me. 631 00:30:13,642 --> 00:30:15,814 (HAMLET GRUNTING) And why there's a pig here in a sailor suit. 632 00:30:17,606 --> 00:30:20,699 Jessie, I met this amazing, sweet guy... 633 00:30:20,699 --> 00:30:23,903 He's not in the Navy, is he? 634 00:30:23,903 --> 00:30:26,495 No. I'm talking about Joey. 635 00:30:26,495 --> 00:30:28,447 He's romantic and quirky. 636 00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:30,449 Oh, Jessie, 637 00:30:30,449 --> 00:30:31,871 someday I hope you'll find a guy 638 00:30:31,871 --> 00:30:33,913 who cares enough to steal you a pig. 639 00:30:35,044 --> 00:30:37,166 A girl can dream. 640 00:30:37,166 --> 00:30:39,879 Look, guys, I really appreciate this pep talk, 641 00:30:39,879 --> 00:30:43,012 although it was oddly lacking in pep. 642 00:30:43,012 --> 00:30:44,093 But ever since I moved to New York, 643 00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:45,594 I've been pounding the pavement 644 00:30:45,594 --> 00:30:47,556 trying to become an actress, and... 645 00:30:47,556 --> 00:30:48,807 It just hasn't happened. 646 00:30:48,807 --> 00:30:50,059 You need to give it time. 647 00:30:50,059 --> 00:30:51,560 I've given it three years. 648 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,102 It's obviously never going to happen. 649 00:30:53,102 --> 00:30:54,183 Don't say that. 650 00:30:54,183 --> 00:30:56,936 What, the truth? That I'm kidding myself? 651 00:30:58,107 --> 00:31:00,980 That's it, I quit acting. 652 00:31:00,980 --> 00:31:02,531 Okay, I give up. 653 00:31:05,744 --> 00:31:08,827 Okay, honest opinion. 654 00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,579 Who wears this better? 655 00:31:12,621 --> 00:31:15,164 Sweetie, we're in the middle of a crisis. 656 00:31:15,164 --> 00:31:17,666 Now, is not the time for silly costumes. 657 00:31:17,666 --> 00:31:19,959 Well, then someone should tell Admiral Oink. 658 00:31:19,959 --> 00:31:21,130 (HAMLET GRUNTING) 659 00:31:24,423 --> 00:31:27,306 We made a fortune off my boy band rocks. 660 00:31:27,306 --> 00:31:30,849 We made even more off my Legends of Country Collection. 661 00:31:30,849 --> 00:31:32,141 We sold out, 662 00:31:32,141 --> 00:31:35,394 but I couldn't bear to part with Quarry Underwood. 663 00:31:37,186 --> 00:31:40,109 You guys, I'm really worried about Jessie. 664 00:31:40,109 --> 00:31:42,571 She's so depressed, she won't even leave the villa to eat. 665 00:31:42,571 --> 00:31:45,784 She's surviving off the stains on her bathrobe. 666 00:31:45,784 --> 00:31:47,286 (RUMBLING) 667 00:31:47,286 --> 00:31:49,078 Did you all hear that? 668 00:31:49,078 --> 00:31:51,490 It wasn't me. 669 00:31:51,490 --> 00:31:53,792 Correct. It is something even bigger 670 00:31:53,792 --> 00:31:56,745 and more explosive than Bertram's intestines. 671 00:31:56,745 --> 00:31:58,087 The sun? 672 00:31:59,168 --> 00:32:01,300 No, the volcano. 673 00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:03,462 According to my Lava Locator app, 674 00:32:03,462 --> 00:32:06,215 this supposedly dormant volcanic formation 675 00:32:06,215 --> 00:32:10,809 has been experiencing a freakish escalation in seismic activity. 676 00:32:10,809 --> 00:32:12,221 What is he talking about? 677 00:32:12,931 --> 00:32:14,353 (SIGHS) 678 00:32:14,353 --> 00:32:17,556 Sleepy mountain go boom. 679 00:32:19,018 --> 00:32:20,689 (ALL GASPING) 680 00:32:20,689 --> 00:32:24,273 Finally. A delayed reaction, but an appropriate one. 681 00:32:24,273 --> 00:32:28,367 Because it is highly likely we are all going to perish. 682 00:32:28,367 --> 00:32:31,120 If it's dormant, why would it suddenly start erupting? 683 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:35,034 There is no logical, scientific explanation. 684 00:32:35,034 --> 00:32:37,997 But Keahi told me that if you offend the island, 685 00:32:37,997 --> 00:32:39,838 the volcano will get angry. 686 00:32:39,838 --> 00:32:41,710 How can you offend an island? 687 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,923 Say, "That beach makes you look fat"? 688 00:32:44,923 --> 00:32:48,137 No, by exploiting its natural resources. 689 00:32:48,137 --> 00:32:51,010 For example, by selling lava rocks. 690 00:32:51,010 --> 00:32:52,181 (GASPS) 691 00:32:52,181 --> 00:32:54,183 What? 692 00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:55,644 Selling a bunch of old rocks 693 00:32:55,644 --> 00:32:57,936 isn't going to make a volcano erupt. 694 00:32:57,936 --> 00:32:59,728 Maybe not by itself. 695 00:32:59,728 --> 00:33:03,902 But if someone also picked the forbidden pua aloalo blossom... 696 00:33:03,902 --> 00:33:05,104 What does that look like? 697 00:33:08,607 --> 00:33:10,449 Like the thing behind your ear. 698 00:33:10,449 --> 00:33:11,660 Uh-oh. 699 00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:13,912 But what enrages the island most 700 00:33:13,912 --> 00:33:16,955 is if you steal the local fauna. 701 00:33:16,955 --> 00:33:20,749 Emma, Hammy misses you. Aww. 702 00:33:20,749 --> 00:33:23,832 Whew. Good thing Hammy is a pig and not a fawn. 703 00:33:25,674 --> 00:33:29,007 No, fauna is Latin for animal, 704 00:33:29,007 --> 00:33:31,180 which includes pigs. 705 00:33:31,180 --> 00:33:32,681 They're too dumb to live. 706 00:33:32,681 --> 00:33:35,224 Let's grab some pool noodles and swim outta here. 707 00:33:35,224 --> 00:33:37,636 (VOLCANO RUMBLING) 708 00:33:37,636 --> 00:33:40,229 Smart kid, tell us what to do. 709 00:33:41,810 --> 00:33:43,442 First, learn my name. 710 00:33:43,442 --> 00:33:45,904 We have been hanging out for four days now. 711 00:33:45,904 --> 00:33:50,239 Sorry... Ralphie? Randy? Ricky? Doug? 712 00:33:51,860 --> 00:33:53,282 And second, 713 00:33:53,282 --> 00:33:55,954 legend says that we must take all the purloined items 714 00:33:55,954 --> 00:33:57,366 to the precipice of the crater 715 00:33:57,366 --> 00:34:00,579 to make restitution for our ecological transgressions. 716 00:34:00,579 --> 00:34:04,213 Doug. Please, speak English. This is an emergency. 717 00:34:06,004 --> 00:34:08,587 He's saying we need to go up to the exploding volcano 718 00:34:08,587 --> 00:34:10,048 and apologize to it. 719 00:34:10,048 --> 00:34:12,131 Thank you, Bertram. You're welcome, Doug. 720 00:34:12,131 --> 00:34:13,762 Now, let's go. 721 00:34:14,803 --> 00:34:16,265 (FARTS) 722 00:34:16,265 --> 00:34:17,806 The volcano. 723 00:34:17,806 --> 00:34:19,678 Actually, that one was me. 724 00:34:19,678 --> 00:34:21,890 I've need to drop some lava rocks off at the crater, 725 00:34:21,890 --> 00:34:23,772 if you know what I mean. 726 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:31,240 Oh, hey, Luke. 727 00:34:33,242 --> 00:34:35,073 How'd you know I was back here? 728 00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:37,035 Christmas trees don't usually wear sneakers. 729 00:34:38,747 --> 00:34:40,038 What you doing? 730 00:34:40,038 --> 00:34:42,000 Hiding in shame. 731 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,704 My last prank actually made the victims happy. 732 00:34:47,506 --> 00:34:50,048 I don't even know who I am anymore. 733 00:34:51,970 --> 00:34:54,012 Oh, you think you feel bad? 734 00:34:54,012 --> 00:34:56,925 I'm here while Shaylee is off playing my part on a big TV show. 735 00:34:56,925 --> 00:34:58,016 You know what? Move over. 736 00:35:00,018 --> 00:35:01,640 (SOBBING) 737 00:35:03,272 --> 00:35:06,985 I just can't live with the humiliation. 738 00:35:06,985 --> 00:35:10,529 Get used to it. When all is said and done, Luke, 739 00:35:10,529 --> 00:35:14,153 life is just one big, long, dark tunnel of failure. 740 00:35:15,904 --> 00:35:17,115 Yikes. 741 00:35:19,077 --> 00:35:21,660 Ugh, I'm exhausted. 742 00:35:21,660 --> 00:35:23,702 I can't walk another step. 743 00:35:23,702 --> 00:35:26,205 We've only been walking for three minutes. 744 00:35:27,546 --> 00:35:29,378 Well, it feels like four. 745 00:35:29,378 --> 00:35:31,960 (VOLCANO RUMBLING) (HAMLET SQUEALING) 746 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,462 Poor Hammy. 747 00:35:33,462 --> 00:35:35,514 (SQUEALS) 748 00:35:35,514 --> 00:35:37,055 Are your hoofies hurting? 749 00:35:37,055 --> 00:35:40,219 Emma, you really should not baby him. 750 00:35:40,219 --> 00:35:42,140 Don't you want him to grow up to be 751 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,022 a strong and confident hog? 752 00:35:44,022 --> 00:35:46,104 Of course, but right now he's a piglet, 753 00:35:46,104 --> 00:35:48,607 and he really needs his daddy's love and support. 754 00:35:48,607 --> 00:35:50,979 It's a pig. The only thing he needs 755 00:35:50,979 --> 00:35:53,362 is an apple in his mouth and a nice honey glaze. 756 00:35:53,362 --> 00:35:55,864 (SQUEALING) 757 00:35:55,864 --> 00:35:57,616 You are a terrible aunt. 758 00:35:58,697 --> 00:36:01,280 Enough with the porcine parenting. 759 00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,282 We must get to the volcano. 760 00:36:03,282 --> 00:36:05,664 But it's so far. 761 00:36:10,789 --> 00:36:14,673 Okay, the crater of the volcano is right below us. 762 00:36:14,673 --> 00:36:18,006 It reeks. It's like we're trapped inside a hot fart. 763 00:36:19,968 --> 00:36:22,261 Been there. The zipper on my sleeping bag 764 00:36:22,261 --> 00:36:25,474 jammed during my scout troupe's chili cook-off. 765 00:36:25,474 --> 00:36:27,226 I had to burn those pajamas. 766 00:36:29,728 --> 00:36:31,690 You picked a real winner. 767 00:36:34,733 --> 00:36:38,196 Honey, sometimes a little mystery in a relationship 768 00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:40,699 is a good thing. 769 00:36:40,699 --> 00:36:43,492 Just make your offerings, so we can appease the volcano 770 00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:44,783 and get out of here. 771 00:36:44,783 --> 00:36:46,034 Throw in the rocks. 772 00:36:46,034 --> 00:36:48,327 I'll miss you, Joey Fistone. 773 00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:51,590 Oh, I can't. 774 00:36:51,590 --> 00:36:53,502 Just toss it in. What? 775 00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:57,095 See ya, Quarry Underwood. 776 00:36:59,177 --> 00:37:01,760 It's your heart that's made of stone. 777 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:05,223 They're rocks. Unlike you, I have friends who are people. 778 00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:10,108 And now the flower. 779 00:37:10,108 --> 00:37:13,522 Poor flower. Everything beautiful must die. 780 00:37:14,483 --> 00:37:16,194 Except me, hopefully. 781 00:37:17,906 --> 00:37:20,569 Oh, why won't it stop rumbling? 782 00:37:20,569 --> 00:37:22,531 (SQUEALS) It's upsetting Hammy. 783 00:37:22,531 --> 00:37:24,743 We need to take him home. 784 00:37:24,743 --> 00:37:27,496 Well, uh, this is awkward. 785 00:37:30,919 --> 00:37:34,002 The last thing that must be thrown into the volcano is... 786 00:37:34,633 --> 00:37:36,004 The pig. 787 00:37:36,004 --> 00:37:38,256 (GASPING) (HAMLET SQUEALS) 788 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:41,340 You expect us to hurl our baby into burning hot lava? 789 00:37:41,340 --> 00:37:43,432 I suppose you could lower him down slowly, 790 00:37:43,432 --> 00:37:45,013 but that just seems cruel. 791 00:37:46,845 --> 00:37:49,388 There is no way we are sending our beloved Hamlet 792 00:37:49,388 --> 00:37:51,850 to a fiery, yet delicious-smelling death. 793 00:37:53,231 --> 00:37:56,104 I am sorry, but there is no other way. 794 00:37:56,104 --> 00:37:58,697 Maybe the island will accept a heartfelt apology. 795 00:38:00,989 --> 00:38:03,822 We're supes sorry! Forgivesies? 796 00:38:05,994 --> 00:38:07,866 (RUMBLING STOPS) 797 00:38:07,866 --> 00:38:10,078 See, it worked. 798 00:38:10,078 --> 00:38:11,249 (RUMBLING LOUDLY) 799 00:38:12,170 --> 00:38:13,171 (ALL SCREAMING) 800 00:38:15,173 --> 00:38:17,125 RAVI: Dear gods, it's erupting! 801 00:38:17,125 --> 00:38:18,467 (SCREAMING) 802 00:38:23,512 --> 00:38:24,763 Where could they be? 803 00:38:24,763 --> 00:38:26,555 Jessie, I'm sure they're fine. 804 00:38:26,555 --> 00:38:29,137 They're probably just playing a prank on you. 805 00:38:29,137 --> 00:38:30,769 And they left me out 806 00:38:30,769 --> 00:38:33,352 because I've lost my pranking mojo. Okay. 807 00:38:35,103 --> 00:38:38,357 I think they went on a hike to apologize to the island. 808 00:38:38,357 --> 00:38:40,148 Is that some weird day trip you guys offer? 809 00:38:42,070 --> 00:38:45,494 And where would one go to apologize to an island? 810 00:38:45,494 --> 00:38:47,155 To the volcano. 811 00:38:47,155 --> 00:38:48,537 (RUMBLING) 812 00:38:50,208 --> 00:38:52,160 What? Why didn't you stop them? 813 00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,623 In my defense, I didn't know if they were coming or going. 814 00:38:54,623 --> 00:38:56,545 Aloha means hello and goodbye. 815 00:38:58,216 --> 00:39:01,420 Jessie, there you are. Please, can we talk? 816 00:39:01,420 --> 00:39:04,052 I can't. I need to get to the mouth of that erupting volcano. 817 00:39:04,052 --> 00:39:07,175 No, no! It's not worth it. It was just a TV role. 818 00:39:08,467 --> 00:39:10,058 I mean I have to save my kids, 819 00:39:10,058 --> 00:39:12,350 who for some incredibly stupid reason went up there. 820 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:15,273 The only way you'll get up there in time is by helicopter. 821 00:39:15,273 --> 00:39:17,025 Where am I going to find one of those? 822 00:39:17,025 --> 00:39:19,277 Hey, there was one in the scene that I just shot. 823 00:39:19,277 --> 00:39:21,069 Great, let's go. 824 00:39:21,069 --> 00:39:23,782 Wait. They added a helicopter scene for you? 825 00:39:26,114 --> 00:39:28,407 Just a little one. Sorry. 826 00:39:28,407 --> 00:39:31,199 If it makes you feel any better, my character got pushed out and died. 827 00:39:31,199 --> 00:39:33,291 So they needed another corpse and no one called me? 828 00:39:35,083 --> 00:39:36,625 This is why I quit the business. 829 00:39:40,669 --> 00:39:42,461 We must make a break for it. 830 00:39:42,461 --> 00:39:44,132 Oh, now we have to run? 831 00:39:44,132 --> 00:39:46,304 This is officially the worst Christmas vacation ever. 832 00:39:50,138 --> 00:39:52,100 (YELLS) The lava is coming up the stairs. 833 00:39:53,472 --> 00:39:56,104 Now the lava can climb stairs? 834 00:39:56,104 --> 00:39:58,146 It's evolving. Game over, man. 835 00:39:59,648 --> 00:40:02,020 I can't believe I'm going to die with the frizzies. 836 00:40:02,020 --> 00:40:03,612 I can't believe I'm going to die with 837 00:40:03,612 --> 00:40:05,784 unopened Christmas presents. 838 00:40:05,784 --> 00:40:08,527 I can't believe I'm going to die surrounded by children. 839 00:40:08,527 --> 00:40:11,119 Give me that squealing sausage 840 00:40:11,119 --> 00:40:13,161 and rib sampler. No! 841 00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:15,584 You are not throwing our baby into the volcano. 842 00:40:15,584 --> 00:40:17,375 Who said anything about throwing him in? 843 00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:19,668 I'm not going to the afterlife on an empty stomach. 844 00:40:19,668 --> 00:40:21,089 Now give me that pig! No! 845 00:40:21,089 --> 00:40:22,541 Give him to me! 846 00:40:23,842 --> 00:40:25,133 Where are they? 847 00:40:25,133 --> 00:40:27,135 Do you see anything? (VOMITING) 848 00:40:28,006 --> 00:40:29,387 Just my lunch, 849 00:40:29,387 --> 00:40:31,720 and what appears to be very old chewing gum. 850 00:40:33,682 --> 00:40:37,055 Even though you just barfed, I'd, uh, still kiss you. 851 00:40:39,057 --> 00:40:41,229 Yeah, you might want to reconsider. 852 00:40:41,229 --> 00:40:42,731 (BREATHES HEAVILY) 853 00:40:46,525 --> 00:40:48,527 Works every time! 854 00:40:48,527 --> 00:40:50,118 You've done that before? 855 00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:53,241 Oh, look, I see them. 856 00:40:53,241 --> 00:40:55,333 Okay. Hang on, we're going down. 857 00:40:55,333 --> 00:40:57,205 Oh, and my breakfast is coming up. 858 00:40:57,205 --> 00:40:59,127 (SHAYLEE VOMITING) 859 00:40:59,127 --> 00:41:01,339 Ow! Get off me! 860 00:41:01,339 --> 00:41:02,961 How dare you try to eat Hamlet? 861 00:41:02,961 --> 00:41:04,503 Where is your Christmas spirit? 862 00:41:04,503 --> 00:41:08,046 Oh, right, like ham on Christmas is such a crazy idea. 863 00:41:09,087 --> 00:41:11,299 (LOUD RUMBLING) 864 00:41:11,299 --> 00:41:13,221 We are doomed! Emma... 865 00:41:15,183 --> 00:41:16,555 I just can't believe we're never going to get 866 00:41:16,555 --> 00:41:18,306 to see our little porker grow up. 867 00:41:18,306 --> 00:41:19,938 I know. 868 00:41:19,938 --> 00:41:22,360 I was so looking forward to spoiling the grandpiglets. 869 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,232 (HAMLET GRUNTS) 870 00:41:24,232 --> 00:41:26,234 Oh, it's okay. It's okay. 871 00:41:27,656 --> 00:41:29,367 I will treasure the time we've had together 872 00:41:29,367 --> 00:41:30,529 for as long as I live. 873 00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:32,160 Which, according to my calculations, 874 00:41:32,160 --> 00:41:33,992 will be approximately two minutes. 875 00:41:33,992 --> 00:41:34,993 (HAMLET SQUEALS) 876 00:41:36,284 --> 00:41:37,826 Joey... 877 00:41:37,826 --> 00:41:39,668 I'd rather have two minutes with you 878 00:41:39,668 --> 00:41:42,040 than a lifetime with anyone else. 879 00:41:42,040 --> 00:41:43,882 Even Chris Hemsworth? 880 00:41:43,882 --> 00:41:45,213 Is he here? 881 00:41:47,175 --> 00:41:49,387 Forget him. And two minutes... 882 00:41:49,387 --> 00:41:52,220 Actually, one minute and 21 seconds. 883 00:41:56,555 --> 00:41:59,057 It's still enough time for a goodbye kiss. 884 00:41:59,057 --> 00:42:01,810 Oh, goodie. I mean, cool babe. 885 00:42:03,562 --> 00:42:05,564 Take him now, he's peaked. 886 00:42:07,315 --> 00:42:09,908 Look! Look! A rescue helicopter. 887 00:42:09,908 --> 00:42:11,029 It's Jessie. 888 00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:12,571 Huzzah, we are saved! 889 00:42:12,571 --> 00:42:14,202 Ha-ha. But not yet. 890 00:42:14,202 --> 00:42:16,454 We still have time for a kiss. 891 00:42:18,156 --> 00:42:20,999 Can't you just, like, circle around a few times? 892 00:42:22,711 --> 00:42:25,123 Hey, hey, get away. 893 00:42:25,123 --> 00:42:28,216 You know the saying, women and children last. 894 00:42:28,216 --> 00:42:29,798 Well, at least if he goes first, 895 00:42:29,798 --> 00:42:32,671 we will know the ladder is sturdy. 896 00:42:32,671 --> 00:42:35,884 I'm just glad he's not wearing his menehune outfit. 897 00:42:40,268 --> 00:42:42,180 You know, when I thought 898 00:42:42,180 --> 00:42:43,682 we weren't going to make it off that volcano, 899 00:42:43,682 --> 00:42:46,234 my whole life passed before my eyes. 900 00:42:47,235 --> 00:42:48,607 I sleep a lot. 901 00:42:50,899 --> 00:42:52,951 Doesn't Hammy look like a little angel? 902 00:42:52,951 --> 00:42:55,243 (HAMLET GRUNTS) Beyond. 903 00:42:55,243 --> 00:42:57,325 So, uh, Emma... 904 00:42:57,325 --> 00:43:00,038 Remember when we were up on the volcano, 905 00:43:00,038 --> 00:43:02,120 things were getting kind of crazy, 906 00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:04,703 and we almost kissed? (LAUGHS) 907 00:43:04,703 --> 00:43:05,914 We almost kissed. 908 00:43:05,914 --> 00:43:08,126 Oh. That. (HAMLET GRUNTS) 909 00:43:08,126 --> 00:43:10,418 So, don't you think we should, like, 910 00:43:10,418 --> 00:43:13,171 I don't know, pick up where we left off? 911 00:43:15,173 --> 00:43:16,304 Okay. 912 00:43:23,221 --> 00:43:24,482 Why didn't you lean in? 913 00:43:24,482 --> 00:43:25,854 Why didn't you lean in? 914 00:43:25,854 --> 00:43:27,355 (SCOFFS) Because I'm the girl. 915 00:43:27,355 --> 00:43:29,147 Well, I'm the nerd. 916 00:43:29,147 --> 00:43:31,029 Wow. 917 00:43:31,029 --> 00:43:33,902 Look, Joey, if you're going to move to New York, 918 00:43:33,902 --> 00:43:35,363 you've got to be a little more assertive. 919 00:43:35,363 --> 00:43:36,825 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 920 00:43:36,825 --> 00:43:38,446 Who said anything about me moving to New York? 921 00:43:38,446 --> 00:43:41,159 Well, how else are we going to co-parent Hamlet? 922 00:43:41,159 --> 00:43:42,500 Why can't you just move to Wisconsin? 923 00:43:42,500 --> 00:43:44,332 So many reasons. 924 00:43:44,332 --> 00:43:46,164 One, it's shaped like a mitten. 925 00:43:46,164 --> 00:43:48,046 And two... Actually, that's enough. 926 00:43:48,046 --> 00:43:50,298 I don't even need to go to two. 927 00:43:51,209 --> 00:43:54,052 How dare you? 928 00:43:54,052 --> 00:43:56,134 Hamlet is coming with me to New York. 929 00:43:56,134 --> 00:43:57,555 A pig belongs in a penthouse. 930 00:43:57,555 --> 00:43:58,807 JOEY: Why should you get him? 931 00:43:58,807 --> 00:44:00,098 I'm the one that stole him. 932 00:44:00,098 --> 00:44:01,970 Exactly. 933 00:44:01,970 --> 00:44:04,853 I can't let him be raised by a common swine snatcher. 934 00:44:04,853 --> 00:44:06,815 Well, then you'll be speaking with my lawyers. 935 00:44:06,815 --> 00:44:08,897 Because he belongs to me. 936 00:44:08,897 --> 00:44:11,109 No, he belongs to me. 937 00:44:11,109 --> 00:44:13,902 Actually, he belongs to Aloha Catering. 938 00:44:13,902 --> 00:44:15,033 (HAMLET SQUEALS) 939 00:44:15,033 --> 00:44:18,036 But they're letting us keep him as our resort mascot. 940 00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:23,491 Hammy! Don't forget to text. 941 00:44:24,873 --> 00:44:26,374 He didn't even look back. 942 00:44:26,374 --> 00:44:28,666 In his defense, he has no neck. 943 00:44:30,338 --> 00:44:33,842 I know what will cheer you guys up. Nuts? 944 00:44:33,842 --> 00:44:35,343 Oh, thanks. 945 00:44:35,343 --> 00:44:38,346 Joey, don't. It's probably just one of his lame pranks. 946 00:44:38,346 --> 00:44:40,218 Don't worry, Emma. I got this. 947 00:44:41,179 --> 00:44:43,561 Huh... 948 00:44:43,561 --> 00:44:46,104 Your stupid fake snake didn't even pop out. 949 00:44:46,104 --> 00:44:48,897 (LAUGHS) And that's because the snake's not fake. 950 00:44:48,897 --> 00:44:50,188 (HISSING) 951 00:44:50,188 --> 00:44:53,111 (SCREAMING) 952 00:44:53,111 --> 00:44:54,442 I'm back! 953 00:44:56,234 --> 00:44:57,525 (LAUGHING) 954 00:44:57,525 --> 00:44:59,577 Nice twist on an old classic. 955 00:44:59,577 --> 00:45:02,320 And we made 20 bucks selling him that snake. 956 00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:04,202 And we'll make a lot more 957 00:45:04,202 --> 00:45:06,034 selling the antivenom. 958 00:45:07,916 --> 00:45:10,628 Well, flying into the fiery jaws of death 959 00:45:10,628 --> 00:45:13,291 sure does make our issues seem petty, doesn't it? 960 00:45:13,291 --> 00:45:15,333 Not really. 961 00:45:15,333 --> 00:45:17,836 But thank you for helping me get the helicopter. 962 00:45:19,137 --> 00:45:20,548 Okay. 963 00:45:20,548 --> 00:45:23,641 Look, Jessie, I will say this one last time. 964 00:45:23,641 --> 00:45:25,683 I am truly sorry 965 00:45:26,895 --> 00:45:28,346 for taking your part. 966 00:45:28,346 --> 00:45:30,018 Okay? I'll clear my stuff out of the villa, 967 00:45:30,018 --> 00:45:31,519 and you'll never have to see me again. 968 00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,113 Shaylee, wait. 969 00:45:35,113 --> 00:45:37,485 (SIGHS) I know you didn't mean to hurt me. 970 00:45:37,485 --> 00:45:39,778 Okay? I'm not even mad at you anymore. 971 00:45:39,778 --> 00:45:42,490 I'm mad at myself, for wasting so much time 972 00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:45,033 on this stupid dream. 973 00:45:45,033 --> 00:45:46,624 I guess I just don't have what it takes. 974 00:45:46,624 --> 00:45:48,366 No. That's not true. 975 00:45:48,366 --> 00:45:51,459 I know talent when I see it, and you have got it. 976 00:45:51,459 --> 00:45:53,461 What? You really think so? 977 00:45:53,461 --> 00:45:55,253 Absolutely. 978 00:45:55,253 --> 00:45:57,836 The hardest part about acting isn't the acting part. 979 00:45:57,836 --> 00:45:59,878 It's dealing with the rejection, 980 00:45:59,878 --> 00:46:03,091 and never giving up. That is what takes guts. 981 00:46:03,091 --> 00:46:05,093 Well, I guess I don't have that kind of guts. 982 00:46:05,093 --> 00:46:06,474 Are you kidding me? 983 00:46:06,474 --> 00:46:09,017 You dove straight into an erupting volcano. 984 00:46:09,017 --> 00:46:10,688 What takes more guts than that? 985 00:46:10,688 --> 00:46:13,942 Diving into Luke's laundry hamper. 986 00:46:13,942 --> 00:46:16,564 Jessie, please do not give up on your dream. 987 00:46:16,564 --> 00:46:18,316 But I've been... Promise me. 988 00:46:20,448 --> 00:46:22,240 Okay, I promise. 989 00:46:23,031 --> 00:46:24,993 Thank you, Shaylee. 990 00:46:24,993 --> 00:46:26,074 Aww. 991 00:46:32,170 --> 00:46:33,621 Luke. 992 00:46:33,621 --> 00:46:35,333 Will you ever give up? 993 00:46:35,333 --> 00:46:37,175 Sure. When pigs fly. 994 00:46:39,217 --> 00:46:40,218 (GRUNTING) 995 00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,842 Unless that pig takes off, it doesn't count. 996 00:46:48,056 --> 00:46:50,018 And that is the story 997 00:46:50,018 --> 00:46:53,391 of this beautiful island paradise. 998 00:46:53,391 --> 00:46:55,523 Hawaii, a magical place 999 00:46:55,523 --> 00:46:57,815 where one does not own the land, 1000 00:46:57,815 --> 00:47:00,989 but lives in harmony with it. 1001 00:47:00,989 --> 00:47:04,402 Let's hear it for our fabulous narrator, Doug. 1002 00:47:04,402 --> 00:47:06,034 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 1003 00:47:09,077 --> 00:47:11,539 Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. 1004 00:47:11,539 --> 00:47:13,501 Let's start the show. 1005 00:47:13,501 --> 00:47:15,543 (RHYTHMIC MUSIC PLAYING) 1006 00:47:31,229 --> 00:47:32,810 (BELCHES) (MUSIC STOPS) 1007 00:47:36,234 --> 00:47:39,187 A fire-breathing dragon. That's awesome. 1008 00:47:39,187 --> 00:47:42,110 I saw enough fire when we flew over that stupid volcano. 1009 00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:43,531 (VOLCANO RUMBLING) 1010 00:47:43,531 --> 00:47:45,823 I meant smart, nice, pretty volcano. 1011 00:47:48,156 --> 00:47:52,700 Gentlemen, join us for a traditional Hawaiian dance, 1012 00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:55,954 after stopping at the traditional Hawaiian tip jar. 1013 00:47:56,544 --> 00:47:58,376 (MUSIC RESUMES) 1014 00:48:18,276 --> 00:48:19,647 (CHEERING) 1015 00:48:21,189 --> 00:48:23,151 Come on, girls, let's show them how it's done. 1016 00:48:45,003 --> 00:48:46,134 (CHEERING) 1017 00:48:50,808 --> 00:48:52,100 (PLAYING SLOW TUNE) 1018 00:49:04,983 --> 00:49:07,695 Look, everyone, it's snowing in Hawaii. 1019 00:49:08,656 --> 00:49:10,698 It's a Christmas miracle. 1020 00:49:10,698 --> 00:49:13,571 Uh... I do not think this is snow. 1021 00:49:13,571 --> 00:49:15,493 It's ash from the volcano. 1022 00:49:15,493 --> 00:49:17,075 Are you sure? 1023 00:49:18,876 --> 00:49:20,878 (COUGHING) 1024 00:49:20,878 --> 00:49:22,380 Yup. That's ash. 1025 00:49:27,345 --> 00:49:29,587 Jessie, shouldn't you be stopping them?