1 00:00:07,128 --> 00:00:10,471 Guess what? Luke is shaving for the first time! 2 00:00:10,471 --> 00:00:12,303 His face? Both hairs? 3 00:00:13,974 --> 00:00:16,267 But they are just babies. It seems so cruel. 4 00:00:17,808 --> 00:00:19,900 Our little Luke is growing up. 5 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:22,403 Soon he'll be applying to trade schools and, 6 00:00:22,403 --> 00:00:24,985 and getting his own probation officer. Oh! 7 00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:30,321 Guys, this is an important rite of passage for Luke, okay? 8 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,413 We all need to support him. 9 00:00:33,414 --> 00:00:34,615 (ALL GASPING) Oh! 10 00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:38,329 (ALL CHUCKLING) 11 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,122 Luke, you look so handsome! 12 00:00:41,122 --> 00:00:44,335 That shirt really matches your blood stains. 13 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,377 What did you shave with, a cheese grater? 14 00:00:47,428 --> 00:00:50,341 Okay, so I might have lost a little blood. 15 00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:52,803 But that's what bath mats are for. 16 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305 Overall, I think I nailed it. 17 00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:57,268 Why are you all spinning around? 18 00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:02,813 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 19 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:06,647 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 20 00:01:06,647 --> 00:01:10,281 ♪ It feels like a party every day 21 00:01:10,281 --> 00:01:13,744 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 22 00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:17,248 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 23 00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:20,371 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 24 00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:24,335 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 25 00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:28,419 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 26 00:01:28,419 --> 00:01:31,632 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 27 00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:35,346 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 28 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,268 ♪ Hey Jessie 29 00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:40,521 ♪ Hey Jessie 30 00:01:42,223 --> 00:01:45,726 ♪ It feels like a party every day 31 00:01:45,726 --> 00:01:48,779 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 32 00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,946 Luke, I'd like to apologize 33 00:01:55,946 --> 00:01:57,698 for being so insensitive this morning, 34 00:01:57,698 --> 00:02:01,121 so I got you an electric razor. 35 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,455 It won't cut you like that cheap plastic thing Jessie gave you. 36 00:02:04,455 --> 00:02:07,338 Which also had tiny leg hairs in it. 37 00:02:07,338 --> 00:02:08,509 Ugh! 38 00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:13,424 My boy, welcome to the facial hair fraternity. 39 00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,886 Remember, never overdo the aftershave, 40 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,389 and be ready for the day when the hair leaves the head 41 00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:20,641 and starts growing from your nose and ears. 42 00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:25,936 And in your case, shoulders. 43 00:02:25,936 --> 00:02:29,610 Speaking of which, let's start by trimming that neck hair of yours. 44 00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,653 (WHIRRING) 45 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,235 (SCREAMING) Bertram! Aah! 46 00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,036 (GASPING) 47 00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:40,371 Refill please. 48 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,746 What? What's wrong? 49 00:02:45,746 --> 00:02:48,459 Nothing. It looks great! Doesn't he look great, Zuri? 50 00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,291 He doesn't look worse. 51 00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,848 I can't believe I have to return all these incredible wedding presents. 52 00:02:57,848 --> 00:03:02,683 Alas, your dream of owning a Turkish towel warmer will have to wait. 53 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,396 Is there anything saying I can't keep just this one gift? 54 00:03:05,396 --> 00:03:07,268 Only common human decency. 55 00:03:08,269 --> 00:03:10,311 (CELL PHONE RINGING) Oh. 56 00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:12,733 It is Darla, your step-sister. 57 00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:14,485 Oh. Ignore. 58 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,988 But she has gone from frenemy to family. 59 00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:20,080 She is now framily. 60 00:03:21,662 --> 00:03:23,704 I just don't have time to deal with all of her questions 61 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,826 about my husband, and my wedding... 62 00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:28,249 How long could that take? You have had neither. 63 00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,422 Darla doesn't know that. 64 00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:34,675 You neglected to tell your family that you did not get married? 65 00:03:34,675 --> 00:03:36,427 I told them! In Morse Code. 66 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,839 Look, if Darla finds out, 67 00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:40,301 then she'll assume Brooks dumped me, 68 00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:41,432 and I'll never hear the end of it. 69 00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:43,223 Kind of like you never let her forget that 70 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,395 she pushed you down a well? 71 00:03:44,395 --> 00:03:46,897 That's different! One word, leeches. 72 00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:49,270 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 73 00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:51,442 Hi, Tony. 74 00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:53,444 Hey. I'm here to ship out the wedding presents. 75 00:03:54,355 --> 00:03:57,157 (GRUNTING) Whoa! 76 00:03:57,157 --> 00:03:59,620 Did someone give you his-and-hers anvils? 77 00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:02,413 Not everyone was considerate enough to give 78 00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:07,077 Jessie a nice, lightweight, used take-out menu like you did. 79 00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:09,870 That's a used take-out menu in a frame. 80 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,833 And it's still my favorite present. 81 00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:15,426 I've heard it's okay to keep one wedding gift. 82 00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:17,007 I hope you'll choose this one. 83 00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,760 Aww. Of course I will. 84 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,092 But this was really more of a pre-wedding gesture. 85 00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:23,644 So the towel warmer stays. 86 00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,392 (BOTH LAUGHING) 87 00:04:34,445 --> 00:04:35,856 What happened? 88 00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,237 You look like you got in a fight with a lawnmower. 89 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,362 (SCREAMING) 90 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,166 Bertram must've done this when he shaved me! 91 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,369 Bertram was shaving you? 92 00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,411 What goes on in that house when I'm not there? 93 00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:53,334 I can't believe he and Zuri 94 00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,336 just let me walk outside looking like an idiot. 95 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,047 You always look like an idiot. 96 00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,679 Now you just look like an idiot with a bad haircut. 97 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,387 I really think you should just tell Darla 98 00:05:06,387 --> 00:05:08,349 you did not get married. 99 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:11,562 After all, you always tell us, honesty is the best policy. 100 00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,193 Mmm, not with Darla. 101 00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,275 One time, she took a picture of me in my training bra, 102 00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:17,027 and put it where everyone could see it. 103 00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:18,439 On the Internet? 104 00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:20,200 No, on the base water tower. 105 00:05:21,492 --> 00:05:24,284 And they say Texas is flat. 106 00:05:24,284 --> 00:05:26,286 It's not like I'm ever gonna run into Darla in New York City. 107 00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:27,708 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) 108 00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:30,210 (GASPS) 109 00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:32,413 Howdy, step-sissy! 110 00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,254 Darla? 111 00:05:34,254 --> 00:05:36,877 Wh... Why doesn't this ever happen when I mention Channing Tatum? 112 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,511 Jessie, I called you, like, 50 times. 113 00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:42,262 Why didn't you pick up? 114 00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:45,265 It's not like you have any friends keeping you busy. 115 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,430 Well, with enemies like you, who needs friends? 116 00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,812 Good one, Jessie! Thank you. 117 00:05:51,812 --> 00:05:55,275 Hi, there! Who's this little fella? 118 00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:57,107 That's Ravi. You've already met him. 119 00:05:58,148 --> 00:05:59,690 Texas? Your mother's wedding? 120 00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:01,782 His giant lizard briefly dated your dog? 121 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,486 Oh, yeah! Of course! 122 00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:08,539 (LAUGHS) That was creepy. 123 00:06:08,539 --> 00:06:11,912 Sorry I missed your calls, Darla. My phone's not working. 124 00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:13,373 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 125 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,374 Huh. 126 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,167 Hmm. 127 00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,499 You can't hear that? 128 00:06:18,499 --> 00:06:20,260 What? Um... 129 00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,502 Oh, you know what? 130 00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:23,213 Sorry, I thought it was the ringing in my head. 131 00:06:23,213 --> 00:06:26,136 It's been there ever since you threw me down that well! 132 00:06:27,968 --> 00:06:30,851 Wow, it took only two minutes for you to bring that up. 133 00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:33,393 Well, it took two days for them to bring me up. 134 00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:37,818 So, don't you need to be getting back 135 00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:41,021 to the airport to catch a plane, or a flying monkey? 136 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:43,654 Actually, I have a two-night layover, 137 00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:47,077 and I'm spending all of it with you and your brand new hubby. 138 00:06:48,238 --> 00:06:49,870 Great. 139 00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:52,202 Um, actually, the wedding was can... 140 00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:55,415 Candle-lit like a dream. 141 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,417 Hey, where's your wedding ring? 142 00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:00,711 When you first posted a picture of it, 143 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,214 I was like, "Wow, that is so fake." 144 00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:06,306 (ELEVATOR DINGS) 145 00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:09,930 Oh, oh, it's real, and it's at a photo shoot. 146 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,352 For the cover of BQ magazine. 147 00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,224 BQ? Bling Quarterly. 148 00:07:14,224 --> 00:07:16,356 Aah! 149 00:07:16,356 --> 00:07:19,359 Uh-huh. And where's Brooks? 150 00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:25,275 On the cover of IHQ? Imaginary Husband Quarterly? 151 00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:28,328 That's ridiculous. Whoever heard of that magazine? 152 00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:30,831 Sweetie, Brooks doesn't exist, does he? 153 00:07:30,831 --> 00:07:32,913 You made him up so you could feel special, 154 00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:36,126 just like you made up having a Valentine every year. 155 00:07:36,126 --> 00:07:38,168 Hey, dads count! 156 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,544 And BTW, here comes my hunky husband now. 157 00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,347 Darla, meet Brooks! 158 00:07:47,347 --> 00:07:49,139 Doo-doo, meet fan. 159 00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:58,018 LUKE: Bertram! Zuri! 160 00:07:58,018 --> 00:07:59,399 BOTH: Hide! 161 00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:02,152 (WHIMPERING) 162 00:08:08,158 --> 00:08:09,279 Hello. 163 00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:13,994 So, Bertram, why didn't you tell me 164 00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,496 you carved a moat in my hair? 165 00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,000 I was hoping you wouldn't notice. 166 00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:24,715 I'm gonna get you back for this, Bertram. 167 00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:26,176 Huh? 168 00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:29,259 You won't know how or when, but it will happen. 169 00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:32,012 Yeah. And that goes for you, too, Zuri. 170 00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:35,976 ZURI: There's no Zuri here! 171 00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:37,768 Just us pots and pans. 172 00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,400 Ow! And a corkscrew. 173 00:08:42,643 --> 00:08:45,405 Wow! Jessie! 174 00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:48,028 This place is way too nice for you. 175 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:51,281 You, too. 176 00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,364 Why don't you go check into the Budget Hut on Queens Boulevard? 177 00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:57,077 That place is nice! 178 00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:58,919 They wash the sheets after every guest. 179 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,753 As if you would stay there. 180 00:09:02,753 --> 00:09:07,127 You, Brooks Wentworth III, my rich, perfect husband. 181 00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:10,631 Jessie, are you okay? 182 00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:13,383 Yes! I'm just nuts about you, Brooks! 183 00:09:13,383 --> 00:09:15,385 And so are all of the kids. 184 00:09:15,385 --> 00:09:17,437 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) It is true. 185 00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,269 We are cray-cray about Brooks. 186 00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:20,771 (WHISPERS) I feel so dirty. 187 00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:27,397 Yes. Darla does look dirty. 188 00:09:27,397 --> 00:09:30,490 Why don't you show her up to the guest room so she can freshen up? 189 00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,192 I don't think that's necessary. 190 00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:34,494 (SNIFFS) I do. 191 00:09:37,457 --> 00:09:40,330 I do not smell anything. 192 00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,372 Except a stinking lie! 193 00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:47,878 Are you guys rehearsing some weird play I don't know about? 194 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:51,091 Look, I don't want Darla to know I didn't get married, 195 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,303 so I need you to pretend to be Brooks until she leaves. 196 00:09:53,303 --> 00:09:55,095 Please? 197 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,387 Jessie, I don't know how to fake being a rich guy. 198 00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:59,770 The last time I opened my wallet, a moth flew out! 199 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,222 It's nothing you can't learn. 200 00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:05,225 And luckily for you, I know the perfect teacher. 201 00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:07,527 Welcome to Faking Wealth 101. 202 00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:10,821 In this class, you'll go from sad-sack to NASDAQ! 203 00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,324 I have no idea what that means. 204 00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,408 It means we have a lot of work to do. 205 00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,541 Jessie! Oh! 206 00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:23,744 Look at what Bertram and Zuri did to me! 207 00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:27,047 You could land a toy plane on my head! 208 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,339 Great! Hours of fun for everyone. I'm busy here. 209 00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:31,381 What? What? But... 210 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,923 Okay, fine. 211 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,845 You get started without me. I'll be right back. 212 00:10:34,845 --> 00:10:36,807 Come on! 213 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,889 Is that the new rich guy hairdo? 214 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,851 'Cause if so, that is a deal-breaker. 215 00:10:51,772 --> 00:10:55,575 So, Jessie, your solution is tagging my head? 216 00:10:57,277 --> 00:10:59,409 I'm gonna be the laughing stock of the tenth grade. 217 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,491 On the bright side, now Ravi will have someone to eat lunch with. 218 00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,545 Okay, 219 00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:07,998 Luke, you know, you're a man who shaves now, 220 00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:09,629 so you can make your own decisions... 221 00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:13,213 Oh, I have. I'm gonna destroy Zuri and Bertram. 222 00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:15,295 Luke, please don't retaliate. 223 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,636 Why not? 224 00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:18,678 Because it's childish and petty. 225 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,972 Now if you'll excuse me, 226 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,393 I have to go make Darla eat her rotten little heart out. 227 00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:29,189 Hey, we're going to dinner with Darla in an hour. 228 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,731 So, how's it going? 229 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:33,653 Whoa, Tony, you're really working up a sweat. 230 00:11:33,653 --> 00:11:35,655 It's not sweat. 231 00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:37,697 What's your name? 232 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,029 Tony! 233 00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:44,664 No! For the tenth time, your name is Brooks! 234 00:11:44,664 --> 00:11:46,496 Hey, that's mean. 235 00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:49,830 He's doing his best. Hang on, let me try. 236 00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:53,713 Brooks, what is the most valuable painting in your collection? 237 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,047 I don't know. Dogs Playing Poker? 238 00:12:04,264 --> 00:12:05,555 (BOTH SCREAMING) 239 00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:07,017 Stay away from us! 240 00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,349 I've got a spatula here, and I'm not afraid to use it. 241 00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,903 I just came in to watch TV. 242 00:12:12,903 --> 00:12:14,775 What's on? 243 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,697 Coronary Country Cookin'. 244 00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:21,741 They're making squirrel sausage with a road kill reduction. 245 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,956 You look great, Luke. 246 00:12:25,956 --> 00:12:28,919 That shirt really goes with your very life-like liquid hair. 247 00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,420 Oh. 248 00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,923 Uh, now, is that matte or semi-gloss? 249 00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,297 The TV is all yours, Luke. 250 00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:39,219 You can watch anything you want. 251 00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:41,051 Maybe you'd like a foot massage? 252 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,472 Give him a foot massage! 253 00:12:42,472 --> 00:12:43,934 Why me? 254 00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,306 You're younger! You have more years to forget the horror! 255 00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:49,810 Well, you're older, so you have less time to be haunted by the memory! 256 00:12:52,102 --> 00:12:55,065 You know, my feet are a little tired. 257 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,397 A massage sounds lovely. 258 00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:01,952 Mmm. Ew. 259 00:13:01,952 --> 00:13:05,325 Couldn't you have trimmed his toe hair while you had the razor out? 260 00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:10,120 I mean, you should be a foot model. 261 00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,374 Guys, relax. 262 00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:17,217 Jessie said I shouldn't retaliate against you, and she's right. 263 00:13:17,217 --> 00:13:19,589 So you mean you're not gonna get us back? 264 00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:22,472 No, of course not. I'm not a child. 265 00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:24,304 (SIGHS) 266 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,846 You guys have a nice night. 267 00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:34,234 Luke isn't done with us yet. 268 00:13:34,234 --> 00:13:38,398 Revenge is a dish best served cold. 269 00:13:38,398 --> 00:13:41,361 You should know. All your dishes are served cold. 270 00:13:46,616 --> 00:13:49,329 I can see why Jessie likes this place. 271 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,331 She's partial to food in baskets, 272 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,954 being from a long line of carnival workers. 273 00:13:56,256 --> 00:13:57,958 Not a long line. 274 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,760 One uncle. 275 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,343 And he ran the most honest bean-bag toss on the midway. 276 00:14:04,804 --> 00:14:06,306 I, for one, 277 00:14:06,306 --> 00:14:08,848 am proud that our five kids will be part carny. 278 00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:12,182 Wow, five kids? 279 00:14:12,182 --> 00:14:15,525 Yeah. Teresa, Angela-Marie, Vinny, Carmella, and Tony Junior. 280 00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,278 (CLEARS THROAT) I mean, Brooks Junior. 281 00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:20,360 Yeah. The Fourth. 282 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,945 Your free-range corndogs are almost ready. 283 00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:27,037 While you're waiting, maybe Brooks could tell Darla 284 00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,369 two or three fun things about his college days. 285 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,451 Yeah, Brooks is a Harvard grad. 286 00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,584 Wow! I keep telling Jessie to get an education. 287 00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:36,336 I loved college. 288 00:14:36,336 --> 00:14:38,418 Flight attendant school is not college. 289 00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,552 Then why did I get a diploma, and tiny little wings? 290 00:14:43,843 --> 00:14:46,056 That's between you and Dustbowl Airlines. 291 00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:50,140 So, Brooks, did you like Harvard? 292 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,642 Loved it. It was the best two years of my life. 293 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,434 Mmm-mmm. One year? 18 months? 294 00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,518 He graduated early. 295 00:14:58,518 --> 00:15:01,691 Yeah, he's so smart that he didn't need all four years. 296 00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:05,445 Which, as everyone knows, is how long college takes. 297 00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,121 (CHUCKLES) Jessie, may I have a quick word? 298 00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:16,836 Excuse me. Oh, sweetie, while I'm gone, why don't you let Darla do all the talking? 299 00:15:18,748 --> 00:15:21,461 So, Jessie tells me you own an airline? 300 00:15:21,461 --> 00:15:25,095 I do? Boy, am I rich! 301 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,348 I really hope Tony doesn't mess this up. 302 00:15:28,348 --> 00:15:31,972 Speaking of mess-ups, if you wanted Tony to sound like a Harvard grad, 303 00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,314 you should not have asked Emma to coach him. 304 00:15:41,321 --> 00:15:44,364 Just tell Darla the truth. 305 00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:46,196 What, that she's a banshee with a beverage cart? 306 00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,158 The middle seat of people? 307 00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:50,280 Oh, you mean about Brooks? No, not gonna happen. 308 00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:53,873 Jessie, you married the perfect guy! 309 00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:56,416 I love you both! I'll be right back. 310 00:15:56,416 --> 00:15:57,417 What? Ugh! 311 00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:02,212 (CHUCKLES) Okay! Whatever you said, you are a genius. 312 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,214 You're the witch whisperer. 313 00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:07,757 Thanks! All I did is offer her a job at my airline. 314 00:16:09,179 --> 00:16:11,431 What? You can't do that! 315 00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:15,355 Yes, I can. I own the company! 316 00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:19,399 No, Brooks owns the company! You're not Brooks, you're Tony. 317 00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,901 Well, I wish you would make up your mind! 318 00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,733 Where's a spray bottle when you need one? 319 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,239 Thank you. 320 00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:39,289 Jessie, you don't seem very excited about my new job. 321 00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,291 Look, Darla, there's no easy way to say this, 322 00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:44,044 but Brooks is... 323 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:47,337 A terrible boss. I can't let you work for him. 324 00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:50,930 What? But he seems like an absolute angel. 325 00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:53,393 Thank you, Darla. 326 00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:57,557 Well, he's not. He has a horrible memory, lousy taste in art, 327 00:16:57,557 --> 00:17:00,310 and cannot follow simple, clear instructions. 328 00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,942 Oh, yeah? Yeah. 329 00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:05,195 Well, your step-sister can be very ungrateful, 330 00:17:05,195 --> 00:17:09,409 even when someone is doing her a huge, huge favor. 331 00:17:09,409 --> 00:17:11,201 She's always been selfish. 332 00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:14,654 One time, she threw herself down a well just to get attention. 333 00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:20,290 Yes, who wouldn't want to be seen on national TV, 334 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,502 fishing a leech out of their underpants? 335 00:17:24,924 --> 00:17:27,167 I just felt bad for that poor leech. 336 00:17:28,838 --> 00:17:30,170 Whoa! Whoa! 337 00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:38,308 Brooks, just tell Darla she can't work for you. 338 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,230 How mean can you be? 339 00:17:40,230 --> 00:17:43,233 This from the girl who told me a hornet's nest was a pinata. 340 00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:49,359 Well, it was filled with lots of little surprises. 341 00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,693 Brooks, I just hope you got a pre-nup, 342 00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,995 because you could do a lot better. 343 00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:57,407 You know what? That's it! 344 00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,659 Why am I still trying to impress you? 345 00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:02,832 Uh, all of our lives, I have been so worried 346 00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,334 what you think about me. 347 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,005 But why should I care what you think? 348 00:18:06,005 --> 00:18:08,338 I mean, you're mean and petty. 349 00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,170 Cinderella had nicer step-sisters! 350 00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,883 What are you babbling about? 351 00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,387 Okay, the truth is Brooks and I didn't get married. 352 00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,389 Finally! 353 00:18:22,522 --> 00:18:26,436 So, Brooks, does that mean you're available? 354 00:18:26,436 --> 00:18:28,318 This isn't Brooks. This is Tony. 355 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,491 Tony the doorman? 356 00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:32,862 So you've heard of me? 357 00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:37,617 So you made all of this up? What's going on here? 358 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,240 Uh, I was engaged to a billionaire named Brooks, 359 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,832 but I called it all off at the last minute. 360 00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,245 I didn't want to tell you, because even though I didn't get dumped, 361 00:18:45,245 --> 00:18:47,417 I knew you would still rub my nose in it. 362 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,589 I don't rub your nose in things. 363 00:18:49,589 --> 00:18:52,882 Have I said one word about your pathetic excuse for an acting career? 364 00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,715 Uh, you just did. 365 00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:59,138 Well, you deserved it because you made me quit my job. 366 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,431 Okay, actually, uh, I do feel really bad about that. 367 00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,263 Maybe you can get it back. 368 00:19:03,263 --> 00:19:07,437 Oh, I don't think so. Um, here's the text I sent my boss. 369 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,402 Whoa! 370 00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:15,405 Are you sure you're not from Jersey? 371 00:19:18,238 --> 00:19:21,621 Darla, how can I make this up to you? 372 00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:24,204 (ELEVATOR DINGS) Well, you can start by giving me that watch. 373 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,086 And that necklace. 374 00:19:27,086 --> 00:19:28,918 And those earrings. 375 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,251 And your shoes. 376 00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:33,002 Wha...Wait! But we don't even have the same size feet! 377 00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,925 I know. I just need something huge to put all this stuff in. 378 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,762 Let this be a lesson to you, Ravi. 379 00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:44,974 Lying is never the answer. 380 00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:47,307 Yes, when will I ever learn? 381 00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:53,813 (SIGHS) 382 00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:56,366 I wish Luke would just take his revenge 383 00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:58,157 and get this over with! 384 00:19:58,157 --> 00:19:59,489 The waiting is torture! 385 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,201 I know! I haven't closed my eyes once, 386 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,033 even when I'm napping! 387 00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,326 Yeah, and it's really creepy looking. 388 00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:08,248 This afternoon, I thought you were dead. 389 00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:11,090 And you didn't call someone? 390 00:20:12,632 --> 00:20:16,135 What do you think, I have the coroner on speed dial? 391 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,339 (ALL SCREAMING) 392 00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,391 Man, you guys are jumpy. 393 00:20:21,391 --> 00:20:23,393 I told you, you're forgiven. 394 00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:25,345 Oh! By the way, Tony sent these up for you. 395 00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:26,896 I'm not touching that thing! 396 00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:28,227 What is it, itching powder? 397 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,400 Or a bunch of fake snakes about to pop out. 398 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,522 Beats me. What you ordered is your business. 399 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,404 Stand back! I'll take care of this. 400 00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,026 You can't fool us! 401 00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:41,411 Wow! You guys really don't like getting mail! 402 00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:48,077 Wha... Oh, no. Oh, no! 403 00:20:48,077 --> 00:20:50,420 My One Direction nesting dolls! 404 00:20:51,631 --> 00:20:54,173 I just annihilated Niall! 405 00:20:56,376 --> 00:20:57,637 (GASPS) 406 00:20:57,637 --> 00:21:01,140 My Dolly Parton, Best Little Dollhouse in Texas! 407 00:21:01,681 --> 00:21:03,303 No! 408 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,144 (SOBBING) 409 00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:08,888 Huh. Jessie was right about not retaliating. 410 00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:11,811 All I had to do was wait, and your own paranoia destroyed you. 411 00:21:12,442 --> 00:21:14,273 Maturity rocks! 412 00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:20,029 We just got outwitted by Luke. 413 00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,322 I've never been more ashamed. 414 00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:23,993 We both know that's not true. 415 00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:31,250 Hey, Tony. 416 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,292 Hey. Sorry I messed up your plan. 417 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,674 I'm not a very good actor. 418 00:21:34,674 --> 00:21:36,836 When I was a cow in the third grade play, 419 00:21:36,836 --> 00:21:39,218 I forgot my line. It was, "Meow." 420 00:21:39,218 --> 00:21:41,220 You, you mean, "Moo"? 421 00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,302 Ah, man! 422 00:21:44,263 --> 00:21:45,635 See? 423 00:21:45,635 --> 00:21:47,597 What I see is the sweetest, 424 00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:51,731 most understanding ex-boyfriend any girl could ever have. 425 00:21:51,731 --> 00:21:54,354 And I should never have asked you to be someone else. 426 00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:56,275 You're perfect just the way you are. 427 00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:58,738 (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS) 428 00:21:59,198 --> 00:22:00,279 Ugh! 429 00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:02,992 (GAGS) 430 00:22:02,992 --> 00:22:05,535 Quit the act already. Where's a barf bag when you need one? 431 00:22:07,286 --> 00:22:08,448 So, Jessie, 432 00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:10,870 I guess I'll be staying with you until I get another job. 433 00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:12,952 Oh, no, no, no. No. 434 00:22:12,952 --> 00:22:15,875 Actually, I got you your job back. 435 00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:17,377 You did? How? 436 00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,298 Well, I just called your boss, 437 00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:22,552 and explained to him that you were a deeply disturbed young woman 438 00:22:22,552 --> 00:22:24,173 who's willing to take a pay cut. 439 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,557 You're welcome. Thanks for nothing. 440 00:22:27,557 --> 00:22:30,139 I'll go get my luggage. 441 00:22:30,139 --> 00:22:31,851 Don't worry, I'll leave your shoes. 442 00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,023 They won't fit in the overhead bin. 443 00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:37,527 Actually, no need to go back up. 444 00:22:37,527 --> 00:22:39,278 Bertram is sending your luggage down. 445 00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:44,694 How dare you? 446 00:22:44,694 --> 00:22:47,747 You are never getting an upgrade on Dustbowl Airlines. 447 00:22:47,747 --> 00:22:50,079 That won't be a problem. I fly private. 448 00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,492 Buh-bye. Buh-bye. Buh-bye. 449 00:22:59,208 --> 00:23:00,420 Oh, Luke. 450 00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,211 Now that you're finally old enough, 451 00:23:02,211 --> 00:23:03,553 I have a sweet surprise for you. 452 00:23:03,553 --> 00:23:06,766 All right! All my begging has finally paid off! 453 00:23:07,767 --> 00:23:08,888 Mmm... 454 00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:12,932 Oh. 455 00:23:14,273 --> 00:23:16,606 Look, this shaving kit used to be my dad's. 456 00:23:16,606 --> 00:23:18,898 And now that you're finally becoming a man, 457 00:23:19,859 --> 00:23:21,280 I want you to have it. 458 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,113 Oh, this is cool! What do I shave with? 459 00:23:24,113 --> 00:23:26,155 Oh, that's the best part.