1
00:00:07,128 --> 00:00:10,471
Guess what?
Luke is shaving
for the first time!
2
00:00:10,471 --> 00:00:12,303
His face?
Both hairs?
3
00:00:13,974 --> 00:00:16,267
But they are just babies.
It seems so cruel.
4
00:00:17,808 --> 00:00:19,900
Our little Luke is growing up.
5
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:22,403
Soon he'll be applying
to trade schools and,
6
00:00:22,403 --> 00:00:24,985
and getting his own
probation officer. Oh!
7
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:30,321
Guys, this is an
important rite of passage
for Luke, okay?
8
00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:32,413
We all need
to support him.
9
00:00:33,414 --> 00:00:34,615
(ALL GASPING)
Oh!
10
00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:38,329
(ALL CHUCKLING)
11
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:41,122
Luke, you look so handsome!
12
00:00:41,122 --> 00:00:44,335
That shirt really matches
your blood stains.
13
00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,377
What did you shave with,
a cheese grater?
14
00:00:47,428 --> 00:00:50,341
Okay, so I might have
lost a little blood.
15
00:00:50,341 --> 00:00:52,803
But that's what
bath mats are for.
16
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305
Overall, I think
I nailed it.
17
00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:57,268
Why are you
all spinning around?
18
00:01:00,181 --> 00:01:02,813
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
19
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:06,647
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
20
00:01:06,647 --> 00:01:10,281
♪ It feels like a party
every day
21
00:01:10,281 --> 00:01:13,744
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
22
00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:17,248
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
23
00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:20,371
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
24
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:24,335
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
25
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:28,419
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
26
00:01:28,419 --> 00:01:31,632
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
27
00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:35,346
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
28
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:37,268
♪ Hey Jessie
29
00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:40,521
♪ Hey Jessie
30
00:01:42,223 --> 00:01:45,726
♪ It feels like a party
every day
31
00:01:45,726 --> 00:01:48,779
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
32
00:01:53,864 --> 00:01:55,946
Luke, I'd like to apologize
33
00:01:55,946 --> 00:01:57,698
for being so insensitive
this morning,
34
00:01:57,698 --> 00:02:01,121
so I got you
an electric razor.
35
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,455
It won't cut you like
that cheap plastic thing
Jessie gave you.
36
00:02:04,455 --> 00:02:07,338
Which also had
tiny leg hairs in it.
37
00:02:07,338 --> 00:02:08,509
Ugh!
38
00:02:10,251 --> 00:02:13,424
My boy, welcome to
the facial hair fraternity.
39
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:15,886
Remember, never overdo
the aftershave,
40
00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:18,389
and be ready for the day
when the hair leaves the head
41
00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:20,641
and starts growing
from your nose and ears.
42
00:02:21,602 --> 00:02:25,936
And in your case, shoulders.
43
00:02:25,936 --> 00:02:29,610
Speaking of which,
let's start by trimming
that neck hair of yours.
44
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:32,653
(WHIRRING)
45
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,235
(SCREAMING) Bertram!
Aah!
46
00:02:35,035 --> 00:02:36,036
(GASPING)
47
00:02:39,330 --> 00:02:40,371
Refill please.
48
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,746
What? What's wrong?
49
00:02:45,746 --> 00:02:48,459
Nothing. It looks great!
Doesn't he look great, Zuri?
50
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,291
He doesn't look worse.
51
00:02:54,965 --> 00:02:57,848
I can't believe I have to
return all these incredible
wedding presents.
52
00:02:57,848 --> 00:03:02,683
Alas, your dream of owning
a Turkish towel warmer
will have to wait.
53
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:05,396
Is there anything saying
I can't keep just
this one gift?
54
00:03:05,396 --> 00:03:07,268
Only common
human decency.
55
00:03:08,269 --> 00:03:10,311
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh.
56
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:12,733
It is Darla,
your step-sister.
57
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:14,485
Oh. Ignore.
58
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,988
But she has gone
from frenemy to family.
59
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:20,080
She is now framily.
60
00:03:21,662 --> 00:03:23,704
I just don't have time
to deal with all
of her questions
61
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,826
about my husband,
and my wedding...
62
00:03:25,826 --> 00:03:28,249
How long could that take?
You have had neither.
63
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,422
Darla doesn't know that.
64
00:03:31,422 --> 00:03:34,675
You neglected to tell
your family that you
did not get married?
65
00:03:34,675 --> 00:03:36,427
I told them!
In Morse Code.
66
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,839
Look, if Darla finds out,
67
00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:40,301
then she'll assume
Brooks dumped me,
68
00:03:40,301 --> 00:03:41,432
and I'll never hear
the end of it.
69
00:03:41,432 --> 00:03:43,223
Kind of like you never
let her forget that
70
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,395
she pushed you
down a well?
71
00:03:44,395 --> 00:03:46,897
That's different!
One word, leeches.
72
00:03:47,898 --> 00:03:49,270
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
73
00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:51,442
Hi, Tony.
74
00:03:51,442 --> 00:03:53,444
Hey. I'm here to ship out
the wedding presents.
75
00:03:54,355 --> 00:03:57,157
(GRUNTING) Whoa!
76
00:03:57,157 --> 00:03:59,620
Did someone give you
his-and-hers anvils?
77
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:02,413
Not everyone was
considerate enough to give
78
00:04:02,413 --> 00:04:07,077
Jessie a nice, lightweight,
used take-out
menu like you did.
79
00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:09,870
That's a used take-out
menu in a frame.
80
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,833
And it's still
my favorite present.
81
00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:15,426
I've heard it's okay
to keep one wedding gift.
82
00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:17,007
I hope you'll choose this one.
83
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:19,760
Aww. Of course I will.
84
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,092
But this was really more
of a pre-wedding gesture.
85
00:04:22,092 --> 00:04:23,644
So the towel warmer stays.
86
00:04:29,350 --> 00:04:31,392
(BOTH LAUGHING)
87
00:04:34,445 --> 00:04:35,856
What happened?
88
00:04:35,856 --> 00:04:37,237
You look like you got
in a fight with a lawnmower.
89
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,362
(SCREAMING)
90
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,166
Bertram must've done
this when he shaved me!
91
00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,369
Bertram was shaving you?
92
00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,411
What goes on
in that house
when I'm not there?
93
00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:53,334
I can't believe he and Zuri
94
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,336
just let me walk
outside looking
like an idiot.
95
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,047
You always look like an idiot.
96
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,679
Now you just look like
an idiot with a bad haircut.
97
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,387
I really think
you should
just tell Darla
98
00:05:06,387 --> 00:05:08,349
you did not get married.
99
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:11,562
After all, you always
tell us, honesty
is the best policy.
100
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:13,193
Mmm, not with Darla.
101
00:05:13,193 --> 00:05:15,275
One time, she took a picture
of me in my training bra,
102
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:17,027
and put it where
everyone could see it.
103
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:18,439
On the Internet?
104
00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:20,200
No, on the base water tower.
105
00:05:21,492 --> 00:05:24,284
And they say Texas is flat.
106
00:05:24,284 --> 00:05:26,286
It's not like I'm ever gonna
run into Darla in
New York City.
107
00:05:26,286 --> 00:05:27,708
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
108
00:05:28,999 --> 00:05:30,210
(GASPS)
109
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:32,413
Howdy, step-sissy!
110
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,254
Darla?
111
00:05:34,254 --> 00:05:36,877
Wh... Why doesn't this
ever happen when
I mention Channing Tatum?
112
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,511
Jessie, I called you,
like, 50 times.
113
00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:42,262
Why didn't you pick up?
114
00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:45,265
It's not like you
have any friends
keeping you busy.
115
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,430
Well, with enemies like you,
who needs friends?
116
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,812
Good one, Jessie!
Thank you.
117
00:05:51,812 --> 00:05:55,275
Hi, there!
Who's this little fella?
118
00:05:55,275 --> 00:05:57,107
That's Ravi.
You've already met him.
119
00:05:58,148 --> 00:05:59,690
Texas? Your mother's wedding?
120
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:01,782
His giant lizard
briefly dated your dog?
121
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,486
Oh, yeah! Of course!
122
00:06:05,486 --> 00:06:08,539
(LAUGHS)
That was creepy.
123
00:06:08,539 --> 00:06:11,912
Sorry I missed
your calls, Darla.
My phone's not working.
124
00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:13,373
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
125
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,374
Huh.
126
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,167
Hmm.
127
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,499
You can't hear that?
128
00:06:18,499 --> 00:06:20,260
What? Um...
129
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,502
Oh, you know what?
130
00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:23,213
Sorry, I thought it
was the ringing
in my head.
131
00:06:23,213 --> 00:06:26,136
It's been there ever
since you threw me
down that well!
132
00:06:27,968 --> 00:06:30,851
Wow, it took only
two minutes for
you to bring that up.
133
00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:33,393
Well, it took two days
for them to bring me up.
134
00:06:35,315 --> 00:06:37,818
So, don't you
need to be
getting back
135
00:06:37,818 --> 00:06:41,021
to the airport to
catch a plane,
or a flying monkey?
136
00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:43,654
Actually, I have
a two-night layover,
137
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:47,077
and I'm spending all
of it with you and
your brand new hubby.
138
00:06:48,238 --> 00:06:49,870
Great.
139
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:52,202
Um, actually,
the wedding was can...
140
00:06:52,202 --> 00:06:55,415
Candle-lit like a dream.
141
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,417
Hey, where's
your wedding ring?
142
00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:00,711
When you first posted
a picture of it,
143
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,214
I was like,
"Wow, that is so fake."
144
00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:06,306
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
145
00:07:06,306 --> 00:07:09,930
Oh, oh, it's real,
and it's at a photo shoot.
146
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,352
For the cover of
BQ magazine.
147
00:07:12,352 --> 00:07:14,224
BQ?
Bling Quarterly.
148
00:07:14,224 --> 00:07:16,356
Aah!
149
00:07:16,356 --> 00:07:19,359
Uh-huh.
And where's Brooks?
150
00:07:19,359 --> 00:07:25,275
On the cover of IHQ?
Imaginary Husband Quarterly?
151
00:07:25,275 --> 00:07:28,328
That's ridiculous.
Whoever heard
of that magazine?
152
00:07:28,328 --> 00:07:30,831
Sweetie,
Brooks doesn't exist,
does he?
153
00:07:30,831 --> 00:07:32,913
You made him up
so you could feel special,
154
00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:36,126
just like you made up
having a Valentine every year.
155
00:07:36,126 --> 00:07:38,168
Hey, dads count!
156
00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:43,544
And BTW, here comes
my hunky husband now.
157
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:47,347
Darla, meet Brooks!
158
00:07:47,347 --> 00:07:49,139
Doo-doo, meet fan.
159
00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:58,018
LUKE: Bertram! Zuri!
160
00:07:58,018 --> 00:07:59,399
BOTH: Hide!
161
00:08:00,601 --> 00:08:02,152
(WHIMPERING)
162
00:08:08,158 --> 00:08:09,279
Hello.
163
00:08:11,572 --> 00:08:13,994
So, Bertram,
why didn't
you tell me
164
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,496
you carved
a moat in my hair?
165
00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,000
I was hoping you
wouldn't notice.
166
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:24,715
I'm gonna get you
back for this, Bertram.
167
00:08:24,715 --> 00:08:26,176
Huh?
168
00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:29,259
You won't know
how or when,
but it will happen.
169
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:32,012
Yeah. And that goes
for you, too, Zuri.
170
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:35,976
ZURI: There's no Zuri here!
171
00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:37,768
Just us pots and pans.
172
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,400
Ow! And a corkscrew.
173
00:08:42,643 --> 00:08:45,405
Wow! Jessie!
174
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:48,028
This place is way
too nice for you.
175
00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:51,281
You, too.
176
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:54,364
Why don't you go check
into the Budget Hut
on Queens Boulevard?
177
00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:57,077
That place is nice!
178
00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:58,919
They wash the
sheets after
every guest.
179
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,753
As if you would
stay there.
180
00:09:02,753 --> 00:09:07,127
You, Brooks Wentworth III,
my rich, perfect husband.
181
00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:10,631
Jessie, are you okay?
182
00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:13,383
Yes! I'm just nuts
about you, Brooks!
183
00:09:13,383 --> 00:09:15,385
And so are
all of the kids.
184
00:09:15,385 --> 00:09:17,437
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
It is true.
185
00:09:17,437 --> 00:09:19,269
We are cray-cray
about Brooks.
186
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:20,771
(WHISPERS)
I feel so dirty.
187
00:09:22,482 --> 00:09:27,397
Yes. Darla does look dirty.
188
00:09:27,397 --> 00:09:30,490
Why don't you show her up
to the guest room
so she can freshen up?
189
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,192
I don't think
that's necessary.
190
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:34,494
(SNIFFS) I do.
191
00:09:37,457 --> 00:09:40,330
I do not smell anything.
192
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,372
Except a stinking lie!
193
00:09:44,164 --> 00:09:47,878
Are you guys
rehearsing some
weird play I don't know about?
194
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:51,091
Look, I don't want
Darla to know
I didn't get married,
195
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,303
so I need you to
pretend to be Brooks
until she leaves.
196
00:09:53,303 --> 00:09:55,095
Please?
197
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,387
Jessie, I don't know
how to fake being
a rich guy.
198
00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:59,770
The last time I opened
my wallet, a moth flew out!
199
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,222
It's nothing you can't learn.
200
00:10:02,222 --> 00:10:05,225
And luckily
for you, I know
the perfect teacher.
201
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:07,527
Welcome to Faking Wealth 101.
202
00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:10,821
In this class,
you'll go from
sad-sack to NASDAQ!
203
00:10:13,033 --> 00:10:14,324
I have no idea
what that means.
204
00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:18,408
It means
we have a lot
of work to do.
205
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,541
Jessie!
Oh!
206
00:10:21,541 --> 00:10:23,744
Look at what
Bertram and Zuri
did to me!
207
00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:27,047
You could land
a toy plane
on my head!
208
00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,339
Great! Hours of fun
for everyone.
I'm busy here.
209
00:10:29,339 --> 00:10:31,381
What? What? But...
210
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,923
Okay, fine.
211
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:34,845
You get started without me.
I'll be right back.
212
00:10:34,845 --> 00:10:36,807
Come on!
213
00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:38,889
Is that the
new rich guy hairdo?
214
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,851
'Cause if so,
that is a
deal-breaker.
215
00:10:51,772 --> 00:10:55,575
So, Jessie,
your solution
is tagging my head?
216
00:10:57,277 --> 00:10:59,409
I'm gonna be
the laughing stock
of the tenth grade.
217
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,491
On the bright side,
now Ravi will have
someone to eat lunch with.
218
00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,545
Okay,
219
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:07,998
Luke, you know,
you're a man
who shaves now,
220
00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:09,629
so you can make
your own decisions...
221
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:13,213
Oh, I have. I'm gonna
destroy Zuri and Bertram.
222
00:11:13,213 --> 00:11:15,295
Luke, please
don't retaliate.
223
00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,636
Why not?
224
00:11:16,636 --> 00:11:18,678
Because
it's childish and petty.
225
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,972
Now if you'll excuse me,
226
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,393
I have to go
make Darla eat her
rotten little heart out.
227
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:29,189
Hey, we're going to dinner
with Darla in an hour.
228
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:30,731
So, how's it going?
229
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:33,653
Whoa, Tony,
you're really
working up a sweat.
230
00:11:33,653 --> 00:11:35,655
It's not sweat.
231
00:11:35,655 --> 00:11:37,697
What's your name?
232
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,029
Tony!
233
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:44,664
No! For the tenth time,
your name is Brooks!
234
00:11:44,664 --> 00:11:46,496
Hey, that's mean.
235
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:49,830
He's doing his best.
Hang on, let me try.
236
00:11:49,830 --> 00:11:53,713
Brooks, what
is the most valuable
painting in your collection?
237
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:57,047
I don't know.
Dogs Playing Poker?
238
00:12:04,264 --> 00:12:05,555
(BOTH SCREAMING)
239
00:12:05,555 --> 00:12:07,017
Stay away from us!
240
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:09,349
I've got a spatula here,
and I'm not afraid to use it.
241
00:12:10,350 --> 00:12:12,903
I just came in to watch TV.
242
00:12:12,903 --> 00:12:14,775
What's on?
243
00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,697
Coronary Country Cookin'.
244
00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:21,741
They're making squirrel
sausage with
a road kill reduction.
245
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,956
You look great, Luke.
246
00:12:25,956 --> 00:12:28,919
That shirt really goes
with your very
life-like liquid hair.
247
00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,420
Oh.
248
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,923
Uh, now, is that
matte or semi-gloss?
249
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,297
The TV is all yours, Luke.
250
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:39,219
You can watch
anything you want.
251
00:12:39,219 --> 00:12:41,051
Maybe you'd like
a foot massage?
252
00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,472
Give him a foot massage!
253
00:12:42,472 --> 00:12:43,934
Why me?
254
00:12:43,934 --> 00:12:46,306
You're younger!
You have more years
to forget the horror!
255
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:49,810
Well, you're older,
so you have less time
to be haunted by the memory!
256
00:12:52,102 --> 00:12:55,065
You know, my feet
are a little tired.
257
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,397
A massage sounds lovely.
258
00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:01,952
Mmm.
Ew.
259
00:13:01,952 --> 00:13:05,325
Couldn't you have trimmed
his toe hair while you
had the razor out?
260
00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:10,120
I mean,
you should be
a foot model.
261
00:13:12,712 --> 00:13:14,374
Guys, relax.
262
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:17,217
Jessie said I shouldn't
retaliate against you,
and she's right.
263
00:13:17,217 --> 00:13:19,589
So you mean
you're not gonna
get us back?
264
00:13:19,589 --> 00:13:22,472
No, of course not.
I'm not a child.
265
00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:24,304
(SIGHS)
266
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,846
You guys have a nice night.
267
00:13:31,771 --> 00:13:34,234
Luke isn't done
with us yet.
268
00:13:34,234 --> 00:13:38,398
Revenge is a dish
best served cold.
269
00:13:38,398 --> 00:13:41,361
You should know.
All your dishes
are served cold.
270
00:13:46,616 --> 00:13:49,329
I can see why Jessie
likes this place.
271
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,331
She's partial
to food in baskets,
272
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,954
being from a long line
of carnival workers.
273
00:13:56,256 --> 00:13:57,958
Not a long line.
274
00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,760
One uncle.
275
00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,343
And he ran the most
honest bean-bag
toss on the midway.
276
00:14:04,804 --> 00:14:06,306
I, for one,
277
00:14:06,306 --> 00:14:08,848
am proud that our
five kids will be
part carny.
278
00:14:10,270 --> 00:14:12,182
Wow, five kids?
279
00:14:12,182 --> 00:14:15,525
Yeah. Teresa, Angela-Marie,
Vinny, Carmella,
and Tony Junior.
280
00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:18,278
(CLEARS THROAT)
I mean, Brooks Junior.
281
00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:20,360
Yeah.
The Fourth.
282
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,945
Your free-range corndogs
are almost ready.
283
00:14:24,945 --> 00:14:27,037
While you're waiting,
maybe Brooks could tell Darla
284
00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,369
two or three
fun things about
his college days.
285
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,451
Yeah, Brooks
is a Harvard grad.
286
00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,584
Wow! I keep telling
Jessie to get an education.
287
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:36,336
I loved college.
288
00:14:36,336 --> 00:14:38,418
Flight attendant
school is not college.
289
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,552
Then why did I get
a diploma, and
tiny little wings?
290
00:14:43,843 --> 00:14:46,056
That's between you
and Dustbowl Airlines.
291
00:14:48,098 --> 00:14:50,140
So, Brooks,
did you like Harvard?
292
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,642
Loved it. It was
the best two years
of my life.
293
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,434
Mmm-mmm.
One year?
18 months?
294
00:14:56,816 --> 00:14:58,518
He graduated early.
295
00:14:58,518 --> 00:15:01,691
Yeah, he's so smart
that he didn't need
all four years.
296
00:15:01,691 --> 00:15:05,445
Which, as everyone knows,
is how long college takes.
297
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:11,121
(CHUCKLES)
Jessie, may I have
a quick word?
298
00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:16,836
Excuse me. Oh, sweetie,
while I'm gone, why don't you
let Darla do all the talking?
299
00:15:18,748 --> 00:15:21,461
So, Jessie tells me
you own an airline?
300
00:15:21,461 --> 00:15:25,095
I do?
Boy, am I rich!
301
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,348
I really hope
Tony doesn't mess this up.
302
00:15:28,348 --> 00:15:31,972
Speaking of mess-ups,
if you wanted Tony to sound
like a Harvard grad,
303
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:34,314
you should not have asked
Emma to coach him.
304
00:15:41,321 --> 00:15:44,364
Just tell Darla the truth.
305
00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:46,196
What, that she's a banshee
with a beverage cart?
306
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,158
The middle seat of people?
307
00:15:48,158 --> 00:15:50,280
Oh, you mean about Brooks?
No, not gonna happen.
308
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:53,873
Jessie, you married
the perfect guy!
309
00:15:53,873 --> 00:15:56,416
I love you both!
I'll be right back.
310
00:15:56,416 --> 00:15:57,417
What? Ugh!
311
00:15:59,289 --> 00:16:02,212
(CHUCKLES) Okay!
Whatever you said,
you are a genius.
312
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,214
You're the witch whisperer.
313
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:07,757
Thanks! All I did is
offer her a job at my airline.
314
00:16:09,179 --> 00:16:11,431
What? You can't do that!
315
00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:15,355
Yes, I can.
I own the company!
316
00:16:15,355 --> 00:16:19,399
No, Brooks owns the company!
You're not Brooks,
you're Tony.
317
00:16:19,399 --> 00:16:21,901
Well, I wish you would
make up your mind!
318
00:16:21,901 --> 00:16:23,733
Where's a spray bottle
when you need one?
319
00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:29,239
Thank you.
320
00:16:34,164 --> 00:16:39,289
Jessie, you don't seem
very excited about
my new job.
321
00:16:39,289 --> 00:16:41,291
Look, Darla,
there's no easy way
to say this,
322
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:44,044
but Brooks is...
323
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:47,337
A terrible boss.
I can't let you work for him.
324
00:16:47,337 --> 00:16:50,930
What? But he seems
like an absolute angel.
325
00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:53,393
Thank you, Darla.
326
00:16:53,393 --> 00:16:57,557
Well, he's not.
He has a horrible memory,
lousy taste in art,
327
00:16:57,557 --> 00:17:00,310
and cannot follow simple,
clear instructions.
328
00:17:01,311 --> 00:17:02,942
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
329
00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:05,195
Well, your step-sister
can be very ungrateful,
330
00:17:05,195 --> 00:17:09,409
even when someone
is doing her
a huge, huge favor.
331
00:17:09,409 --> 00:17:11,201
She's always
been selfish.
332
00:17:11,201 --> 00:17:14,654
One time, she threw
herself down a well
just to get attention.
333
00:17:17,207 --> 00:17:20,290
Yes, who wouldn't
want to be seen
on national TV,
334
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,502
fishing a leech out
of their underpants?
335
00:17:24,924 --> 00:17:27,167
I just felt bad
for that poor leech.
336
00:17:28,838 --> 00:17:30,170
Whoa! Whoa!
337
00:17:33,473 --> 00:17:38,308
Brooks, just tell
Darla she can't
work for you.
338
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:40,230
How mean can you be?
339
00:17:40,230 --> 00:17:43,233
This from the girl
who told me a hornet's
nest was a pinata.
340
00:17:46,276 --> 00:17:49,359
Well, it was filled
with lots of little
surprises.
341
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:53,693
Brooks, I just hope you
got a pre-nup,
342
00:17:53,693 --> 00:17:55,995
because you could
do a lot better.
343
00:17:55,995 --> 00:17:57,407
You know what?
That's it!
344
00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,659
Why am I still trying
to impress you?
345
00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:02,832
Uh, all of our lives,
I have been so worried
346
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,334
what you think about me.
347
00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,005
But why should
I care what you think?
348
00:18:06,005 --> 00:18:08,338
I mean,
you're mean and petty.
349
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,170
Cinderella had
nicer step-sisters!
350
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:13,883
What are you
babbling about?
351
00:18:13,883 --> 00:18:17,387
Okay, the truth is Brooks
and I didn't get married.
352
00:18:18,138 --> 00:18:19,389
Finally!
353
00:18:22,522 --> 00:18:26,436
So, Brooks,
does that mean
you're available?
354
00:18:26,436 --> 00:18:28,318
This isn't Brooks.
This is Tony.
355
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,491
Tony the doorman?
356
00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:32,862
So you've heard of me?
357
00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:37,617
So you made all of this up?
What's going on here?
358
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,240
Uh, I was engaged
to a billionaire
named Brooks,
359
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:42,832
but I called it all off
at the last minute.
360
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,245
I didn't want to tell you,
because even though
I didn't get dumped,
361
00:18:45,245 --> 00:18:47,417
I knew you
would still rub
my nose in it.
362
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:49,589
I don't rub
your nose in things.
363
00:18:49,589 --> 00:18:52,882
Have I said one word
about your pathetic
excuse for an acting career?
364
00:18:52,882 --> 00:18:55,715
Uh, you just did.
365
00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:59,138
Well, you deserved it
because you made me
quit my job.
366
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,431
Okay, actually, uh,
I do feel really bad
about that.
367
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,263
Maybe you can get it back.
368
00:19:03,263 --> 00:19:07,437
Oh, I don't think so.
Um, here's the text
I sent my boss.
369
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,402
Whoa!
370
00:19:13,983 --> 00:19:15,405
Are you sure
you're not
from Jersey?
371
00:19:18,238 --> 00:19:21,621
Darla, how can
I make this up to you?
372
00:19:21,621 --> 00:19:24,204
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
Well, you can start
by giving me that watch.
373
00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,086
And that necklace.
374
00:19:27,086 --> 00:19:28,918
And those earrings.
375
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:31,251
And your shoes.
376
00:19:31,251 --> 00:19:33,002
Wha...Wait! But
we don't even have
the same size feet!
377
00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,925
I know. I just need
something huge
to put all this stuff in.
378
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,762
Let this be
a lesson to you, Ravi.
379
00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:44,974
Lying is never the answer.
380
00:19:44,974 --> 00:19:47,307
Yes, when
will I ever learn?
381
00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:53,813
(SIGHS)
382
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:56,366
I wish Luke would
just take his revenge
383
00:19:56,366 --> 00:19:58,157
and get this over with!
384
00:19:58,157 --> 00:19:59,489
The waiting is torture!
385
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,201
I know! I haven't
closed my eyes once,
386
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,033
even when I'm napping!
387
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,326
Yeah,
and it's really
creepy looking.
388
00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:08,248
This afternoon,
I thought you
were dead.
389
00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:11,090
And you didn't
call someone?
390
00:20:12,632 --> 00:20:16,135
What do you think,
I have the coroner
on speed dial?
391
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,339
(ALL SCREAMING)
392
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,391
Man, you guys are jumpy.
393
00:20:21,391 --> 00:20:23,393
I told you,
you're forgiven.
394
00:20:23,393 --> 00:20:25,345
Oh! By the way,
Tony sent these
up for you.
395
00:20:25,345 --> 00:20:26,896
I'm not touching
that thing!
396
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:28,227
What is it, itching powder?
397
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,400
Or a bunch of fake snakes
about to pop out.
398
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,522
Beats me. What you
ordered is your business.
399
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,404
Stand back!
I'll take care of this.
400
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,026
You can't fool us!
401
00:20:38,658 --> 00:20:41,411
Wow! You guys really
don't like getting mail!
402
00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:48,077
Wha... Oh, no. Oh, no!
403
00:20:48,077 --> 00:20:50,420
My One Direction
nesting dolls!
404
00:20:51,631 --> 00:20:54,173
I just annihilated Niall!
405
00:20:56,376 --> 00:20:57,637
(GASPS)
406
00:20:57,637 --> 00:21:01,140
My Dolly Parton,
Best Little Dollhouse
in Texas!
407
00:21:01,681 --> 00:21:03,303
No!
408
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,144
(SOBBING)
409
00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:08,888
Huh. Jessie was
right about not
retaliating.
410
00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:11,811
All I had to do was wait,
and your own paranoia
destroyed you.
411
00:21:12,442 --> 00:21:14,273
Maturity rocks!
412
00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:20,029
We just got outwitted by Luke.
413
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,322
I've never been more ashamed.
414
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:23,993
We both know
that's not true.
415
00:21:29,579 --> 00:21:31,250
Hey, Tony.
416
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,292
Hey. Sorry
I messed up
your plan.
417
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,674
I'm not a very good actor.
418
00:21:34,674 --> 00:21:36,836
When I was a cow
in the third grade play,
419
00:21:36,836 --> 00:21:39,218
I forgot my line.
It was, "Meow."
420
00:21:39,218 --> 00:21:41,220
You, you mean, "Moo"?
421
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,302
Ah, man!
422
00:21:44,263 --> 00:21:45,635
See?
423
00:21:45,635 --> 00:21:47,597
What I see is the sweetest,
424
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:51,731
most understanding
ex-boyfriend any girl
could ever have.
425
00:21:51,731 --> 00:21:54,354
And I should never
have asked you
to be someone else.
426
00:21:54,354 --> 00:21:56,275
You're perfect just
the way you are.
427
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:58,738
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
428
00:21:59,198 --> 00:22:00,279
Ugh!
429
00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:02,992
(GAGS)
430
00:22:02,992 --> 00:22:05,535
Quit the act already.
Where's a barf bag
when you need one?
431
00:22:07,286 --> 00:22:08,448
So, Jessie,
432
00:22:08,448 --> 00:22:10,870
I guess I'll be staying
with you until
I get another job.
433
00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:12,952
Oh, no, no, no. No.
434
00:22:12,952 --> 00:22:15,875
Actually, I got
you your job back.
435
00:22:15,875 --> 00:22:17,377
You did? How?
436
00:22:17,377 --> 00:22:19,298
Well, I just called
your boss,
437
00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:22,552
and explained to him
that you were a deeply
disturbed young woman
438
00:22:22,552 --> 00:22:24,173
who's willing to
take a pay cut.
439
00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,557
You're welcome.
Thanks for nothing.
440
00:22:27,557 --> 00:22:30,139
I'll go get my luggage.
441
00:22:30,139 --> 00:22:31,851
Don't worry,
I'll leave your shoes.
442
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,023
They won't fit
in the overhead bin.
443
00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:37,527
Actually, no need
to go back up.
444
00:22:37,527 --> 00:22:39,278
Bertram is sending
your luggage down.
445
00:22:43,112 --> 00:22:44,694
How dare you?
446
00:22:44,694 --> 00:22:47,747
You are never getting
an upgrade on
Dustbowl Airlines.
447
00:22:47,747 --> 00:22:50,079
That won't be a problem.
I fly private.
448
00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:52,492
Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
Buh-bye.
449
00:22:59,208 --> 00:23:00,420
Oh, Luke.
450
00:23:00,420 --> 00:23:02,211
Now that you're
finally old enough,
451
00:23:02,211 --> 00:23:03,553
I have a sweet
surprise for you.
452
00:23:03,553 --> 00:23:06,766
All right! All my begging
has finally paid off!
453
00:23:07,767 --> 00:23:08,888
Mmm...
454
00:23:11,891 --> 00:23:12,932
Oh.
455
00:23:14,273 --> 00:23:16,606
Look, this shaving kit
used to be my dad's.
456
00:23:16,606 --> 00:23:18,898
And now that you're
finally becoming
a man,
457
00:23:19,859 --> 00:23:21,280
I want you to have it.
458
00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,113
Oh, this is cool!
What do I shave with?
459
00:23:24,113 --> 00:23:26,155
Oh, that's the best part.