1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,129
Buongiorno, miei amici.
2
00:00:08,129 --> 00:00:11,472
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
The captain said we will be
docking at the Italian island
3
00:00:11,472 --> 00:00:13,684
of Capaldi in two hours!
4
00:00:13,684 --> 00:00:16,397
He also said I need
to work on my Italian accent.
5
00:00:17,808 --> 00:00:21,562
Oh, I cannot wait to explore
the ancient Roman ruins there!
6
00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:24,195
A beautiful island
and a history lesson.
7
00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:26,357
Is this a vacation or heaven?
8
00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:28,909
Nice necklace, Jessie.
9
00:00:28,909 --> 00:00:30,701
Yeah, where
did you get it?
10
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:33,204
And does it have anything
to do with why we had
to leave Spain so quickly?
11
00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:37,418
No, that was because
Luke caused an
international incident.
12
00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,960
Okay. If you can't block
a simple uppercut,
13
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,124
you have no business
calling yourself the
Minister of Defense.
14
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:46,006
Anyway,
15
00:00:46,006 --> 00:00:47,468
my dad actually got
this necklace
16
00:00:47,468 --> 00:00:49,590
while he was stationed
in Italy years ago.
17
00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:53,134
He told me it was lucky,
but that could just mean
it was on sale.
18
00:00:53,134 --> 00:00:57,098
Hey, why did you two
pile your dirty clothes
in my room?
19
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,730
Uh, so you can wash them.
20
00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:02,773
Why else do you think
we wanted you to join us
on this yacht?
21
00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,395
Your bubbly personality?
22
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,528
Uh, Bertram,
23
00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:09,190
thank you again for
leaving Mrs. Kipling
24
00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:11,071
at the Reptile
Reduction Retreat.
25
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,534
I did not tell her it
was a fat camp,
26
00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:16,997
but what her cankles
do not know cannot hurt her.
27
00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:20,040
Hey, Bertram,
before you do our laundry,
how about a refill?
28
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,462
No!
29
00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,584
Did it ever occur
to you guys that
I'm on vacation, too?
30
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:25,966
(BOTH LAUGHING)
31
00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:28,759
Oh, good one.
32
00:01:28,759 --> 00:01:31,512
Let's all share a laugh
while you get me
some more juice.
33
00:01:34,215 --> 00:01:37,388
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
34
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,811
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
35
00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:44,395
♪ It feels like a party
every day
36
00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:47,818
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
37
00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:51,572
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
38
00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:54,945
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
39
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:58,499
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
40
00:01:58,499 --> 00:02:02,413
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
41
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,956
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
42
00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:09,460
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
43
00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,172
♪ Hey Jessie
44
00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,635
♪ Hey Jessie
45
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,181
♪ It feels like a party
every day
46
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,894
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
47
00:02:26,687 --> 00:02:30,191
What an astonishing
example of Roman architecture.
48
00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,483
I cannot wait to post
this on Facepage.
49
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:35,406
(GASPS) Maybe I will get
my first like!
50
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:38,539
Not unless all your friends
are history professors.
51
00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:41,832
Which they probably are.
52
00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:45,496
The Director of Tourism
is meeting us to give us
a private tour of the island.
53
00:02:45,496 --> 00:02:47,047
This'll be fun.
Ciao!
54
00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:49,210
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT) I'm Marco,
I'll be your tour guide.
55
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,422
And I thought that volcano
we saw was smokin'.
56
00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,714
Please, this way, come.
57
00:02:55,676 --> 00:03:00,431
Man, guys with accents
always get the girls.
58
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,763
Well, most guys
with accents.
59
00:03:04,395 --> 00:03:06,186
You're all so lucky
to be in Capaldi
60
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,808
at the very
best time of year!
61
00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:09,520
Shopping season?
62
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,191
Every season is
shopping season.
63
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,234
We are what you call,
"a tourist trap."
64
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,486
No, this is
a weeklong celebration
65
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,408
of our history and culture.
66
00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:18,739
The Festa di Fuoco,
67
00:03:18,739 --> 00:03:20,911
the Festival of Fire!
68
00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:22,162
Uh, hey, Marco.
69
00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:24,455
Ah, scusi.
70
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:27,998
So, what do the ladies on
this island like in a man?
71
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:30,421
FYI, I can burp
the entire alphabet.
72
00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:31,542
All 15 letters.
73
00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:34,595
Impressive. (CHUCKLES)
74
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:37,968
But what our women find
most attractive is bravery.
75
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,801
At the festival tonight,
you have a chance
to prove your bravery
76
00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:44,144
by attempting to walk
on hot coals.
77
00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:47,348
(LUKE GASPS)
That seems incredibly
irresponsible.
78
00:03:47,348 --> 00:03:49,440
Are you not worried
about lawsuits?
79
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,692
No. The legal system
in Capaldi is, uh...
80
00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:52,983
How you say...
81
00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,234
Imaginary, huh.
82
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:56,657
MARCO: Let's start
the tour.
83
00:03:58,319 --> 00:04:01,362
Uh, but first, signorina,
your necklace!
84
00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:03,534
No way, I was told this tour
was already paid for.
85
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,496
Oh. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
No, no.
86
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:07,788
The necklace is from
right here in Capaldi.
87
00:04:07,788 --> 00:04:09,630
It's a treasured antique,
88
00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:12,753
and part of the most
romantic story ever told.
89
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,336
The most romantic thing
that's ever happened
to me was just now,
90
00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:16,677
when you
reached for my necklace.
91
00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:20,641
Once, there was
a very beautiful woman.
92
00:04:20,641 --> 00:04:23,263
Almost as beautiful as
yourself, Jessie.
93
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,146
(GIGGLES) Oh, stop it.
94
00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,268
I'm sure there are a lot
of women on this island
95
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,230
who are almost as
beautiful as me.
96
00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:33,063
Actually, no.
97
00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:35,195
Most of the women
here are not known
for their beauty.
98
00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:37,988
Super Mario was based
on my grandmother, Maria.
(CHUCKLES)
99
00:04:37,988 --> 00:04:39,860
The woman loved
her mushrooms.
100
00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,164
Gather round.
Come on, kids.
101
00:04:47,618 --> 00:04:49,710
You see,
according to legend,
102
00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:52,463
the beautiful woman
loved the Emperor's son,
103
00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:54,415
but the Emperor
did not approve.
104
00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:57,508
He was all powerful,
but difficult to please.
105
00:04:57,508 --> 00:04:59,880
Ditzia! Sarcastica!
106
00:05:01,472 --> 00:05:03,724
You dare keep
your emperor waiting?
107
00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:06,016
You are late with
my afternoon cheese!
108
00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:08,559
You only requested it
V minutes ago.
109
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,062
Sorry, Emperor
Harrius Backus.
110
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,435
It's Berteus Maximus.
111
00:05:14,435 --> 00:05:16,697
Tell that to the drain
in the bathhouse.
112
00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,240
Sorry, your Royal Emperorness,
113
00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,613
but they only invented
cheese-making
three weeks ago.
114
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,535
The sheep are still
getting used to it.
115
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:26,867
Enough excuses!
116
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,370
How did you two
even get this job?
117
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,873
Because you tossed
your last servants
into the jackal pit.
118
00:05:32,873 --> 00:05:35,165
What's got your toga
in a twist?
119
00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:38,258
My son returns
from battle today
120
00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:41,762
and I know he's going to see
his obnoxious girlfriend.
121
00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:43,764
I'd have her enslaved,
122
00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:45,426
but, ugh,
it's too much paperwork.
123
00:05:46,176 --> 00:05:47,808
Now fan me!
124
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,682
(SIGHS)
125
00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:54,234
Oscillate!
BOTH: Yes, Emperor!
126
00:05:59,239 --> 00:06:02,653
Oh sure, "aqueducts will
improve everyone's lives."
127
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:06,156
Well, not for us
human toilet brushes!
128
00:06:06,156 --> 00:06:08,449
It was better when people
just pooped in the streets!
129
00:06:08,449 --> 00:06:10,791
If there was a clog,
you just waited
for it to rain.
130
00:06:12,453 --> 00:06:14,204
Veritas dat, brother.
131
00:06:16,757 --> 00:06:18,999
Look, Nerdicus!
132
00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,171
There goes Hottia Messica,
133
00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:23,714
the prettiest girl
in the empire.
134
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,716
She takes my breath away.
135
00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,308
That could be
the raw sewage.
Ugh!
136
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,392
(GASPS) Hunkio, my love.
137
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,726
Aw, you've returned
safely from battle.
138
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:38,148
And you look so cute
in your little uniform!
139
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,782
Hottia, not in front
of the guys.
140
00:06:42,523 --> 00:06:43,734
(CLEARS THROAT)
141
00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:45,696
A gift, my dear.
142
00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:49,870
Its magnificent beauty
struck me from
across the battlefield,
143
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,291
and I just had to
bring it back to you.
144
00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:54,084
Ah, that is
so romantic.
145
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,537
The Barbarian standing
next to it said
the same thing.
146
00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:58,629
Right before
I chopped his legs off.
147
00:06:58,629 --> 00:07:00,170
(CHUCKLES)
148
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,092
And now I'm wondering
if this flower was
always red.
149
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:04,424
Is that a piece
of tendon?
150
00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:08,889
Hottia, while I was
away fighting,
151
00:07:08,889 --> 00:07:11,762
all I could think about was
my deep love for you.
152
00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,313
And not getting killed.
153
00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:14,765
But mostly my
deep love for you.
154
00:07:18,398 --> 00:07:21,401
Why does Hunkio get the
hottest babeus in the land,
155
00:07:21,401 --> 00:07:25,826
while we're up to our
waists in waste?
156
00:07:25,826 --> 00:07:28,158
He is a descendant of royalty,
157
00:07:28,158 --> 00:07:30,911
while you are
a filth-encrusted peasant.
158
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:32,202
You do the math.
159
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,374
Actually do not,
it always ends badly.
160
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:36,416
True.
161
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,960
Hey.
162
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,842
Let's become gladiators.
163
00:07:41,842 --> 00:07:43,884
No one's braver
than those guys.
164
00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:45,345
The ladies will love us!
165
00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:46,927
Brilliant, Odorus!
166
00:07:46,927 --> 00:07:49,179
But do you think
there are any openings?
167
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:52,593
(CRASHING)
(MAN SCREAMING)
168
00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:54,895
(PEOPLE GASPING)
169
00:07:56,897 --> 00:07:57,938
I'm guessing yes.
170
00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:04,695
Ditzia!
171
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,026
Sarcastica!
172
00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,660
Are you sleeping
on the job?
173
00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:11,912
What kind of lazy,
good for nothing
174
00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:15,165
servant naps when there's
work to be done?
175
00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:21,792
Sorry, Emperor,
but we didn't get much
sleep last night.
176
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,384
Our mattress is made
from the bones
of your last servants.
177
00:08:25,295 --> 00:08:26,627
Silence!
178
00:08:26,627 --> 00:08:29,970
It is now time for the
imperial grape-feeding.
179
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:30,841
Ah!
180
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:34,845
You do it.
181
00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:36,516
No, you do it.
182
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,898
Do you know how hard it is
183
00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:40,851
to get a job as
a nine-fingered servant
in this economy?
184
00:08:43,313 --> 00:08:44,905
(CHOMPING)
185
00:08:44,905 --> 00:08:46,817
Blech! (SPITS)
(SHRIEKS)
186
00:08:48,989 --> 00:08:51,361
These grapes are not peeled!
187
00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:53,153
What am I, livestock?
188
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:56,116
You two can make it up to me
189
00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:58,078
with a back waxing!
190
00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:00,290
(RETCHING)
191
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,873
I think I'm gonna need to
hit the vomitorium.
192
00:09:05,876 --> 00:09:07,507
Emperor Baldius...
193
00:09:07,507 --> 00:09:09,169
I mean, Berteus...
194
00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:11,131
You have visitors.
195
00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:14,434
Father, I know you do not
approve of our union,
196
00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:16,266
but I love Hottia Messica
197
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:17,808
and I intend to marry her.
198
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,309
What?
199
00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,103
Yeah, maybe I'll just go
wait in the chariot.
200
00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,777
So go ahead,
201
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,028
throw us to the lions,
202
00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:29,529
burn us at the stake,
203
00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:32,072
hurl us from the
highest mountains...
Sweetie.
204
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,153
Stop giving him ideas.
205
00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:36,697
Very well.
206
00:09:36,697 --> 00:09:40,661
If you two are truly in love,
then I support you.
207
00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,002
Say whatticus, now?
208
00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:45,836
In fact, I have
a gift for you.
209
00:09:47,507 --> 00:09:49,970
The Enchanted Necklace.
210
00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:50,881
(GASPS)
211
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,093
Hey!
212
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,215
You said that would be my
reward for a life of
brain-numbing servitude.
213
00:09:55,215 --> 00:09:58,268
Well, don't believe
anything I say when
I'm hungry for grapes.
214
00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:02,683
Welcome to the family,
my dear.
215
00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:04,935
Aw, thanks, Dad.
216
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:06,727
Ugh...
Okay. Okay.
217
00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:08,108
It's baby steps, gotcha.
218
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,032
Meet me at the arena tonight!
219
00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:13,363
We shall celebrate
220
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,906
by watching a tiger
eat a thief's foot!
221
00:10:17,577 --> 00:10:20,661
I feel like Emperor Berteus
is just misunderstood.
222
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,083
He sounds like a great guy!
223
00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,085
No, he was
obviously a mean,
224
00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:28,048
demanding, bossy-pants
who mistreats his servants.
225
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,711
I'm tired of standing.
226
00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:32,512
Knee seat!
(SIGHS)
227
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,098
Signorina Jessie,
228
00:10:38,098 --> 00:10:39,930
there is something
I want to ask you.
229
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,022
Uh-oh.
Here it comes.
230
00:10:42,022 --> 00:10:43,523
He wants to borrow money.
231
00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:47,607
Or ask you to
carry his suitcase,
232
00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:49,900
"just until you
get through customs."
233
00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,572
No, no, no.
234
00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:55,035
I wish to ask Jessie
to be my date to the
Festival of Fire.
235
00:10:55,035 --> 00:10:57,277
Oh, Marco, I would love to.
236
00:10:57,277 --> 00:11:01,121
I'll wear my best
flame-retardant dress and
go easy on the hair spray!
237
00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,874
You make me the happiest man
in all of Capaldi!
238
00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,125
Except for Giuseppe.
239
00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,547
He invented
the stuffed crust pizza.
240
00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:09,710
He live like a King!
241
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,791
(CELL PHONE CHIMING)
242
00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:13,053
Oh, mi scusi, per momento.
243
00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:18,138
Well, Jessie,
244
00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:20,100
it looks like you finally got
the romantic adventure
you were looking for.
245
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,301
You can say that again.
246
00:11:21,301 --> 00:11:22,432
Slump over!
247
00:11:23,013 --> 00:11:24,394
(GASPS)
248
00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:26,897
Jessie, you ruined the ruins!
249
00:11:28,148 --> 00:11:29,269
That was already broken.
250
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,238
(ALL GASPING)
251
00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:43,033
(BOTH GIGGLE)
252
00:11:45,786 --> 00:11:48,378
Man, Marco was right.
253
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:49,960
Girls love firewalking.
254
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:50,961
Come on.
255
00:11:51,591 --> 00:11:54,134
Uh, hi.
256
00:11:54,134 --> 00:11:56,676
Me and my bro are going
to be firewalking later, too.
257
00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:57,717
(CHUCKLES)
Huh?
258
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,049
But, you know,
259
00:11:59,049 --> 00:12:00,220
even slower
260
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,182
and, uh, brave-ier.
261
00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,934
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
262
00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:04,975
(CRACKING KNUCKLES)
263
00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:08,688
Luke.
Yeah?
264
00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:12,312
I'm afraid your mouth has
written a check our feet
cannot cash.
265
00:12:12,312 --> 00:12:15,355
I also think I just broke
one of my knuckles.
266
00:12:15,355 --> 00:12:18,779
Okay, who wants to hear
the rest of the story
of the necklace? Huh?
267
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,030
What else is there to hear?
268
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,993
Emperor Berteus is awesome.
End of story.
269
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:26,036
Oh, no, stories on Capaldi
are notoriously long.
270
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,667
Minimum two
bathroom breaks.
271
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,080
Don't you worry. I have the
bladder of an elephant.
272
00:12:30,871 --> 00:12:32,082
Okay, not what men
want to hear.
273
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,213
On with the story!
274
00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:36,176
Oh.
275
00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:37,798
Hunkio.
276
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,640
As an early wedding present,
I got you this
designer sundial watch.
277
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,302
It keeps perfect time.
278
00:12:42,302 --> 00:12:43,804
As long as you
use it outside.
279
00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,305
During the day.
And there's no clouds.
280
00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,099
Hottia, I'm sorry, but...
281
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,231
The wedding is off!
282
00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:53,854
Okay, not an
accessories guy. Noted.
283
00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:56,236
No, it is...
284
00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:58,028
I cannot explain it.
285
00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,239
Somehow...
286
00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:01,701
I am just not in love
with you anymore.
287
00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:03,954
What? Is this about
your father?
288
00:13:03,954 --> 00:13:05,075
No...
289
00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:08,118
I do not know what it is.
It is just over.
290
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:10,911
Wait!
291
00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,173
Hunkio, can't we talk
about this?
292
00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:15,175
Oh, but you're just gonna
keep the watch?
293
00:13:15,175 --> 00:13:16,546
Okay. All right...
294
00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:22,552
My lady,
are you all right?
295
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,264
No.
296
00:13:24,264 --> 00:13:27,187
The love of my life
just handed me my
walking parchments.
297
00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:29,349
And I have
no clue in Hades why!
298
00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:32,102
I am so sorry that
happened to you.
299
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,024
The names
Odorus Armpiticus.
300
00:13:34,024 --> 00:13:35,435
Here's my Roman numeral.
301
00:13:35,435 --> 00:13:36,646
Call me.
302
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,199
Excuse him.
303
00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:40,440
He's feeling rather confident
304
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,653
as we have just
signed up to be gladiators!
305
00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:45,445
I hear they have a great
retirement plan.
306
00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:48,328
Of course,
no one's ever lived
to use it, but still.
307
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:54,334
Okay, I'm done
cutting your hair.
308
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,295
All four of them.
309
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,459
Hey, you got it easy!
310
00:13:59,459 --> 00:14:02,302
It's like trying to cut
through marble down here!
311
00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:04,134
Gross, nasty marble.
312
00:14:06,176 --> 00:14:07,677
You know what would
make that harder?
313
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,599
If I cut off your hand.
314
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,312
Which, I won't do,
as I'm in such a good mood.
315
00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:15,645
Because you're happy
that your son has found
true love with Hottia?
316
00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:17,647
What? No!
317
00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,940
Their relationship is doomed!
318
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:24,244
The enchanted necklace
I gave Hottia
has a spell on it!
319
00:14:24,244 --> 00:14:26,536
(GASPS) A spell?
320
00:14:26,536 --> 00:14:28,909
I had a witch curse it.
321
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,451
Whoever is in possession
of that necklace,
322
00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,754
will forever be
unlucky in love.
323
00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:35,755
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)
324
00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:41,881
Now, if you'll
excuse me, it is time
for my milk bath.
325
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,464
Servants,
squeeze me a goat!
326
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,178
This is terrible!
327
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,350
We have to go
warn Hottia.
328
00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,682
And that goat!
329
00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:54,144
JESSIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa,
stop right there!
330
00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:56,146
So...
331
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,647
The necklace that
I'm wearing right now,
332
00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,860
the one I thought
was lucky, is actually cursed?
333
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,652
It's not that simple,
you see.
334
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:06,156
Oh, mi scusi,
one more time,
per favore.
335
00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:08,868
Wait, so...
336
00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:11,661
My love life is the
victim of an ancient curse?
337
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:15,085
That explains so, so much.
338
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,038
Yeah!
339
00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:21,211
That necklace is the
reason that Jessie and
I are not a couple.
340
00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,253
Hmm, it's not even on
the first page of reasons.
341
00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:27,137
You know what,
my dad gave me
this necklace
342
00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:29,259
right before my first
school dance.
343
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:30,971
No wonder every boy
turned me down,
344
00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,892
even the guy in the
coyote suit.
345
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:34,394
You mean the mascot?
346
00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:35,145
No.
347
00:15:36,816 --> 00:15:38,438
What about Marco?
348
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,730
Yeah, he's obviously
into you.
349
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:41,982
Maybe you guys are right.
350
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,024
Marco is great,
and he does seem to like me.
351
00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:49,279
And her!
352
00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:50,240
What!
353
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,123
That two-timing tour
guide has a girlfriend?
354
00:15:54,164 --> 00:15:55,996
Maybe I am cursed.
355
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,288
I'll never find true love.
356
00:15:58,288 --> 00:16:01,341
We didn't have to travel all
the way to the Mediterranean
to find that out.
357
00:16:04,174 --> 00:16:07,297
Many apologies, my friends,
for all the interruptions.
358
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:09,509
Oh, Jessie, you have
a cute vein on your forehead
359
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:12,262
going boom-boom-boom.
360
00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,434
Yeah, that means I either
want to smack someone,
361
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:15,265
or it's going to rain.
362
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,858
Come on, kids,
let's get back to the boat.
363
00:16:18,858 --> 00:16:21,861
Jessie, don't you want
to hear the end
of the necklace story?
364
00:16:21,861 --> 00:16:24,364
Yeah, maybe there's a way
to break the curse.
365
00:16:24,364 --> 00:16:27,487
Right, I mean, you don't want
to end up like Ravi.
366
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,449
Hey!
367
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:32,282
I will have you know
I have been chatting
with a very cute girl online.
368
00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,324
Her screen
name is Catfish.
369
00:16:36,116 --> 00:16:38,458
Yeah. I've been
meaning to talk to
you about that.
370
00:16:39,539 --> 00:16:41,381
All right. Fine.
371
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,423
We'll let Marco
finish his story.
372
00:16:43,423 --> 00:16:45,835
While he still has his teeth.
373
00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:47,717
So...
Where were we?
374
00:16:49,339 --> 00:16:51,841
Can't I just throw this
cursed necklace away?
375
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:54,434
Or trade it in for store
credit at Abercrombie
and Witch?
376
00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,346
No!
377
00:16:56,346 --> 00:16:58,518
There's only one way
to lift the curse.
378
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,691
You must place it in
the Cave of
Cursicus Reversicus.
379
00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,353
The name's
a bit on-the-nose,
380
00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,485
but so is the
word fireplace,
381
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:08,568
and no one
has a problem with that.
382
00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:12,112
But first, you must get past
the vicious lion that guards
the entrance.
383
00:17:12,112 --> 00:17:14,454
(SIGHS) Why does it always
have to be a lion?
384
00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:17,457
We're gonna need
some gladiators.
385
00:17:17,457 --> 00:17:21,791
But where are we gonna find
big, brave gladiators
on a moment's notice?
386
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,043
Hey, ladies!
387
00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:26,296
Whatus uppus?
388
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,471
Would scrawny, smelly
gladiators do?
389
00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:40,560
Remember, you must go
to the back of the cave
390
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,642
and place the necklace
on the marble altar.
391
00:17:42,642 --> 00:17:44,184
Then wait for a large
puff of smoke,
392
00:17:44,184 --> 00:17:46,065
which means the curse
has been reversed.
393
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,567
We think.
394
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,779
Nobody's ever made
it out of there alive.
395
00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:52,492
But, hey, there's always
a first time.
396
00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,539
Huh. Thank Jupiter!
397
00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:02,162
It appears the lion
is not here.
398
00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:03,913
(LION ROARING)
399
00:18:04,504 --> 00:18:06,416
Huh. Um...
400
00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,508
Caves don't usually
burp, do they?
401
00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,423
Okay, I need you guys
to go in there
402
00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,595
and lure out the lion
so I can sneak in.
403
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,428
Who, us?
404
00:18:19,479 --> 00:18:20,770
Yes, you.
405
00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:23,353
That's what gladiators do,
battle lions.
406
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,484
And tigers.
And bears.
407
00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,396
Oh my!
408
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:30,530
Well, I never thought
I would miss cleaning up human
excrement, yet here we are.
409
00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:33,653
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...
410
00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,867
(LION ROARING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
411
00:18:42,502 --> 00:18:45,505
Wow, I've never seen two
guys in skirts run that fast.
412
00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:48,628
(SIGHS) Okay.
413
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,089
I'm going in.
414
00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:52,382
Let me know if
the lion finishes his lunch
and comes back for dessert.
415
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,597
I really hope this works.
416
00:18:57,597 --> 00:18:59,679
I don't want to live
the rest of my life
without true love.
417
00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:05,315
I'd just be happy to get some
bread without maggots.
418
00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:07,567
(GASPS) I thought
those were raisins.
419
00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:14,984
I don't see
the lion anymore.
420
00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:16,866
Do you think we lost it?
421
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,489
(LION GROWLING)
(BOTH SHRIEK)
422
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:23,743
No. I do not.
423
00:19:26,546 --> 00:19:28,127
(BOTH SCREAMING)
424
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,507
Okay.
425
00:19:37,507 --> 00:19:40,850
I just inhaled a bonfire,
and stepped in what I think
was my second cousin.
426
00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:45,605
But on the bright side,
the curse is reversed.
427
00:19:45,605 --> 00:19:47,106
Congratulations!
428
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:49,479
We knew you could do it!
429
00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:52,402
(LION ROARING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
430
00:19:57,527 --> 00:19:59,489
Hunkio?
Hottia!
431
00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,622
Guards! Fetch the
foot eating tiger!
432
00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:05,204
I hope he didn't
get too full on thief.
433
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,537
No, Father, wait!
434
00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:09,539
Suddenly, I love
Hottia again
435
00:20:09,539 --> 00:20:11,631
and I've missed
her desperately.
436
00:20:11,631 --> 00:20:13,042
You what?
437
00:20:13,042 --> 00:20:15,255
Ha! In your face, Berteus!
438
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,136
Please don't hurt me.
439
00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:20,640
Hottia, I know I said
some terrible things
to you and,
440
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,513
honestly, I still do
not know why.
441
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,515
But I did not mean
any of it.
442
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,017
I want to marry you,
if you will still have me.
443
00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:30,310
Of course I will.
444
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,311
(GASPS)
445
00:20:32,612 --> 00:20:34,404
(ALL CHEERING)
446
00:20:34,404 --> 00:20:35,905
A thousand blessings
on your house!
447
00:20:35,905 --> 00:20:38,117
Babooshio!
448
00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:40,740
Oh, and we can even honeymoon
at Caesar's Palace.
449
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,572
Great! I have a coupon
for the buffet.
Oh!
450
00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:45,745
Yeah!
Stupid curse
reversing cave.
451
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,328
I have got to have
that thing filled in.
452
00:20:48,328 --> 00:20:51,371
And fire that lion.
453
00:20:51,371 --> 00:20:55,715
Oh, Hottia, I cannot wait
to spend the rest
of our lives together.
454
00:20:55,715 --> 00:20:57,587
And thanks
to modern medicine,
455
00:20:57,587 --> 00:21:00,009
that could be as much
as three more years.
456
00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,384
So, the curse
was lifted?
457
00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:06,596
That can't be true.
You must have told
the story wrong.
458
00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:07,807
Oh, no, signorina.
459
00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:10,189
This is the most
famous story
in all of Capaldi.
460
00:21:10,189 --> 00:21:12,482
And also the only one
not involving a
magical zucchini.
461
00:21:13,943 --> 00:21:15,655
Okay, my necklace
must be cursed.
462
00:21:15,655 --> 00:21:18,398
How else can you explain
my miserable love life?
463
00:21:18,398 --> 00:21:20,660
Maybe it's those earrings
you always wear.
464
00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:22,532
You think my earrings
are cursed, too?
465
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,863
No. They're just tacky.
466
00:21:25,615 --> 00:21:27,537
I am sure you
exaggerate, signorina.
467
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:30,119
Give me one example of why
your love life is so horrible.
468
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,622
(SCOFFS)
Do not get her started.
469
00:21:32,622 --> 00:21:34,714
You'll wish you
were eaten by a lion.
470
00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:37,547
Here's a great example.
471
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:38,678
You!
472
00:21:38,678 --> 00:21:40,630
I thought you were this
amazing, sweet guy,
473
00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,301
and then I find out
you have a girlfriend.
474
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:45,555
What? No, no, I do
not have a girlfriend.
475
00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,637
Oh, Marcella,
my little sister.
476
00:21:47,637 --> 00:21:49,729
She came home
for the Festa.
477
00:21:49,729 --> 00:21:51,060
Oh!
478
00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,392
I am so sorry.
479
00:21:52,392 --> 00:21:54,734
I'm just not used to
seeing siblings get along.
480
00:21:54,734 --> 00:21:55,895
Last April Fools',
481
00:21:55,895 --> 00:21:57,777
Zuri framed Luke for
a diamond heist.
482
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:04,073
Can I get you two
anything to eat or drink?
483
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:07,657
Or perhaps carry you
both around in
a giant baby bjorn?
484
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,790
You know what, Bertram?
485
00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,951
Relax for a while.
486
00:22:11,951 --> 00:22:13,713
This is your
vacation too.
487
00:22:13,713 --> 00:22:15,294
Absolutely.
488
00:22:15,294 --> 00:22:18,838
We realized we were being
just like that mean
emperor, Berteus.
489
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,590
I'm sorry.
Me too.
490
00:22:22,051 --> 00:22:23,342
That's very nice of you.
491
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,804
Thank you.
492
00:22:24,804 --> 00:22:26,926
But we draw the line
at cutting your toenails.
493
00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,349
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)
494
00:22:31,771 --> 00:22:33,933
Okay, Ravi, the girls
are watching us.
495
00:22:33,933 --> 00:22:35,104
We can't be wimps!
496
00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,856
I am not a wimp.
497
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:40,029
I am just a
sensitive soul
with sensitive soles.
498
00:22:41,571 --> 00:22:43,783
Hey, just remember
those gladiators.
499
00:22:43,783 --> 00:22:46,195
When in doubt, run!
500
00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:47,747
(BOTH SCREAMING)
501
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:54,203
Guys, that was amazing!
502
00:22:54,203 --> 00:22:57,707
You were so brave!
And broiled.
503
00:22:57,707 --> 00:23:00,259
That smell isn't
the grilled calamari.
504
00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:01,671
It's us!
505
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,596
Do not make a big deal
of this in front of the girls,
506
00:23:06,596 --> 00:23:09,268
but we need
immediate medical attention.
507
00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:12,892
I'd call for help,
508
00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,434
but I'm pretty sure
the village ambulance