1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,129 Buongiorno, miei amici. 2 00:00:08,129 --> 00:00:11,472 (IN ITALIAN ACCENT) The captain said we will be docking at the Italian island 3 00:00:11,472 --> 00:00:13,684 of Capaldi in two hours! 4 00:00:13,684 --> 00:00:16,397 He also said I need to work on my Italian accent. 5 00:00:17,808 --> 00:00:21,562 Oh, I cannot wait to explore the ancient Roman ruins there! 6 00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:24,195 A beautiful island and a history lesson. 7 00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:26,357 Is this a vacation or heaven? 8 00:00:27,448 --> 00:00:28,909 Nice necklace, Jessie. 9 00:00:28,909 --> 00:00:30,701 Yeah, where did you get it? 10 00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:33,204 And does it have anything to do with why we had to leave Spain so quickly? 11 00:00:33,204 --> 00:00:37,418 No, that was because Luke caused an international incident. 12 00:00:37,418 --> 00:00:39,960 Okay. If you can't block a simple uppercut, 13 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:43,124 you have no business calling yourself the Minister of Defense. 14 00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:46,006 Anyway, 15 00:00:46,006 --> 00:00:47,468 my dad actually got this necklace 16 00:00:47,468 --> 00:00:49,590 while he was stationed in Italy years ago. 17 00:00:49,590 --> 00:00:53,134 He told me it was lucky, but that could just mean it was on sale. 18 00:00:53,134 --> 00:00:57,098 Hey, why did you two pile your dirty clothes in my room? 19 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,730 Uh, so you can wash them. 20 00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:02,773 Why else do you think we wanted you to join us on this yacht? 21 00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,395 Your bubbly personality? 22 00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:07,528 Uh, Bertram, 23 00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:09,190 thank you again for leaving Mrs. Kipling 24 00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:11,071 at the Reptile Reduction Retreat. 25 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,534 I did not tell her it was a fat camp, 26 00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:16,997 but what her cankles do not know cannot hurt her. 27 00:01:16,997 --> 00:01:20,040 Hey, Bertram, before you do our laundry, how about a refill? 28 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:21,462 No! 29 00:01:21,462 --> 00:01:23,584 Did it ever occur to you guys that I'm on vacation, too? 30 00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:25,966 (BOTH LAUGHING) 31 00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:28,759 Oh, good one. 32 00:01:28,759 --> 00:01:31,512 Let's all share a laugh while you get me some more juice. 33 00:01:34,215 --> 00:01:37,388 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 34 00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,811 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 35 00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:44,395 ♪ It feels like a party every day 36 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:47,818 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 37 00:01:47,818 --> 00:01:51,572 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 38 00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:54,945 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 39 00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:58,499 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 40 00:01:58,499 --> 00:02:02,413 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 41 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,956 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 42 00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:09,460 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 43 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,172 ♪ Hey Jessie 44 00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:14,635 ♪ Hey Jessie 45 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:20,181 ♪ It feels like a party every day 46 00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:23,894 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 47 00:02:26,687 --> 00:02:30,191 What an astonishing example of Roman architecture. 48 00:02:30,191 --> 00:02:32,483 I cannot wait to post this on Facepage. 49 00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:35,406 (GASPS) Maybe I will get my first like! 50 00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:38,539 Not unless all your friends are history professors. 51 00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:41,832 Which they probably are. 52 00:02:41,832 --> 00:02:45,496 The Director of Tourism is meeting us to give us a private tour of the island. 53 00:02:45,496 --> 00:02:47,047 This'll be fun. Ciao! 54 00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:49,210 (IN ITALIAN ACCENT) I'm Marco, I'll be your tour guide. 55 00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,422 And I thought that volcano we saw was smokin'. 56 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:53,714 Please, this way, come. 57 00:02:55,676 --> 00:03:00,431 Man, guys with accents always get the girls. 58 00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,763 Well, most guys with accents. 59 00:03:04,395 --> 00:03:06,186 You're all so lucky to be in Capaldi 60 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,808 at the very best time of year! 61 00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:09,520 Shopping season? 62 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,191 Every season is shopping season. 63 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,234 We are what you call, "a tourist trap." 64 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:15,486 No, this is a weeklong celebration 65 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,408 of our history and culture. 66 00:03:17,408 --> 00:03:18,739 The Festa di Fuoco, 67 00:03:18,739 --> 00:03:20,911 the Festival of Fire! 68 00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:22,162 Uh, hey, Marco. 69 00:03:22,162 --> 00:03:24,455 Ah, scusi. 70 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:27,998 So, what do the ladies on this island like in a man? 71 00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:30,421 FYI, I can burp the entire alphabet. 72 00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:31,542 All 15 letters. 73 00:03:32,833 --> 00:03:34,595 Impressive. (CHUCKLES) 74 00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:37,968 But what our women find most attractive is bravery. 75 00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:40,801 At the festival tonight, you have a chance to prove your bravery 76 00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:44,144 by attempting to walk on hot coals. 77 00:03:44,144 --> 00:03:47,348 (LUKE GASPS) That seems incredibly irresponsible. 78 00:03:47,348 --> 00:03:49,440 Are you not worried about lawsuits? 79 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,692 No. The legal system in Capaldi is, uh... 80 00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:52,983 How you say... 81 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,234 Imaginary, huh. 82 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:56,657 MARCO: Let's start the tour. 83 00:03:58,319 --> 00:04:01,362 Uh, but first, signorina, your necklace! 84 00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:03,534 No way, I was told this tour was already paid for. 85 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,496 Oh. (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) No, no. 86 00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:07,788 The necklace is from right here in Capaldi. 87 00:04:07,788 --> 00:04:09,630 It's a treasured antique, 88 00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:12,753 and part of the most romantic story ever told. 89 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,336 The most romantic thing that's ever happened to me was just now, 90 00:04:15,336 --> 00:04:16,677 when you reached for my necklace. 91 00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:20,641 Once, there was a very beautiful woman. 92 00:04:20,641 --> 00:04:23,263 Almost as beautiful as yourself, Jessie. 93 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,146 (GIGGLES) Oh, stop it. 94 00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,268 I'm sure there are a lot of women on this island 95 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,230 who are almost as beautiful as me. 96 00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:33,063 Actually, no. 97 00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:35,195 Most of the women here are not known for their beauty. 98 00:04:35,195 --> 00:04:37,988 Super Mario was based on my grandmother, Maria. (CHUCKLES) 99 00:04:37,988 --> 00:04:39,860 The woman loved her mushrooms. 100 00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:44,164 Gather round. Come on, kids. 101 00:04:47,618 --> 00:04:49,710 You see, according to legend, 102 00:04:49,710 --> 00:04:52,463 the beautiful woman loved the Emperor's son, 103 00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:54,415 but the Emperor did not approve. 104 00:04:54,415 --> 00:04:57,508 He was all powerful, but difficult to please. 105 00:04:57,508 --> 00:04:59,880 Ditzia! Sarcastica! 106 00:05:01,472 --> 00:05:03,724 You dare keep your emperor waiting? 107 00:05:03,724 --> 00:05:06,016 You are late with my afternoon cheese! 108 00:05:06,016 --> 00:05:08,559 You only requested it V minutes ago. 109 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,062 Sorry, Emperor Harrius Backus. 110 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,435 It's Berteus Maximus. 111 00:05:14,435 --> 00:05:16,697 Tell that to the drain in the bathhouse. 112 00:05:18,609 --> 00:05:20,240 Sorry, your Royal Emperorness, 113 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,613 but they only invented cheese-making three weeks ago. 114 00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,535 The sheep are still getting used to it. 115 00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:26,867 Enough excuses! 116 00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,370 How did you two even get this job? 117 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:32,873 Because you tossed your last servants into the jackal pit. 118 00:05:32,873 --> 00:05:35,165 What's got your toga in a twist? 119 00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:38,258 My son returns from battle today 120 00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:41,762 and I know he's going to see his obnoxious girlfriend. 121 00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:43,764 I'd have her enslaved, 122 00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:45,426 but, ugh, it's too much paperwork. 123 00:05:46,176 --> 00:05:47,808 Now fan me! 124 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:51,682 (SIGHS) 125 00:05:51,682 --> 00:05:54,234 Oscillate! BOTH: Yes, Emperor! 126 00:05:59,239 --> 00:06:02,653 Oh sure, "aqueducts will improve everyone's lives." 127 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:06,156 Well, not for us human toilet brushes! 128 00:06:06,156 --> 00:06:08,449 It was better when people just pooped in the streets! 129 00:06:08,449 --> 00:06:10,791 If there was a clog, you just waited for it to rain. 130 00:06:12,453 --> 00:06:14,204 Veritas dat, brother. 131 00:06:16,757 --> 00:06:18,999 Look, Nerdicus! 132 00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,171 There goes Hottia Messica, 133 00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:23,714 the prettiest girl in the empire. 134 00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,716 She takes my breath away. 135 00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,308 That could be the raw sewage. Ugh! 136 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,392 (GASPS) Hunkio, my love. 137 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,726 Aw, you've returned safely from battle. 138 00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:38,148 And you look so cute in your little uniform! 139 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,782 Hottia, not in front of the guys. 140 00:06:42,523 --> 00:06:43,734 (CLEARS THROAT) 141 00:06:43,734 --> 00:06:45,696 A gift, my dear. 142 00:06:45,696 --> 00:06:49,870 Its magnificent beauty struck me from across the battlefield, 143 00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,291 and I just had to bring it back to you. 144 00:06:51,291 --> 00:06:54,084 Ah, that is so romantic. 145 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,537 The Barbarian standing next to it said the same thing. 146 00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:58,629 Right before I chopped his legs off. 147 00:06:58,629 --> 00:07:00,170 (CHUCKLES) 148 00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,092 And now I'm wondering if this flower was always red. 149 00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:04,424 Is that a piece of tendon? 150 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:08,889 Hottia, while I was away fighting, 151 00:07:08,889 --> 00:07:11,762 all I could think about was my deep love for you. 152 00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,313 And not getting killed. 153 00:07:13,313 --> 00:07:14,765 But mostly my deep love for you. 154 00:07:18,398 --> 00:07:21,401 Why does Hunkio get the hottest babeus in the land, 155 00:07:21,401 --> 00:07:25,826 while we're up to our waists in waste? 156 00:07:25,826 --> 00:07:28,158 He is a descendant of royalty, 157 00:07:28,158 --> 00:07:30,911 while you are a filth-encrusted peasant. 158 00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:32,202 You do the math. 159 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,374 Actually do not, it always ends badly. 160 00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:36,416 True. 161 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:39,960 Hey. 162 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,842 Let's become gladiators. 163 00:07:41,842 --> 00:07:43,884 No one's braver than those guys. 164 00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:45,345 The ladies will love us! 165 00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:46,927 Brilliant, Odorus! 166 00:07:46,927 --> 00:07:49,179 But do you think there are any openings? 167 00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:52,593 (CRASHING) (MAN SCREAMING) 168 00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:54,895 (PEOPLE GASPING) 169 00:07:56,897 --> 00:07:57,938 I'm guessing yes. 170 00:08:03,443 --> 00:08:04,695 Ditzia! 171 00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,026 Sarcastica! 172 00:08:07,107 --> 00:08:09,660 Are you sleeping on the job? 173 00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:11,912 What kind of lazy, good for nothing 174 00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:15,165 servant naps when there's work to be done? 175 00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:21,792 Sorry, Emperor, but we didn't get much sleep last night. 176 00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,384 Our mattress is made from the bones of your last servants. 177 00:08:25,295 --> 00:08:26,627 Silence! 178 00:08:26,627 --> 00:08:29,970 It is now time for the imperial grape-feeding. 179 00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:30,841 Ah! 180 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:34,845 You do it. 181 00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:36,516 No, you do it. 182 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,898 Do you know how hard it is 183 00:08:37,898 --> 00:08:40,851 to get a job as a nine-fingered servant in this economy? 184 00:08:43,313 --> 00:08:44,905 (CHOMPING) 185 00:08:44,905 --> 00:08:46,817 Blech! (SPITS) (SHRIEKS) 186 00:08:48,989 --> 00:08:51,361 These grapes are not peeled! 187 00:08:51,361 --> 00:08:53,153 What am I, livestock? 188 00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:56,116 You two can make it up to me 189 00:08:56,116 --> 00:08:58,078 with a back waxing! 190 00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:00,290 (RETCHING) 191 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,873 I think I'm gonna need to hit the vomitorium. 192 00:09:05,876 --> 00:09:07,507 Emperor Baldius... 193 00:09:07,507 --> 00:09:09,169 I mean, Berteus... 194 00:09:09,169 --> 00:09:11,131 You have visitors. 195 00:09:11,131 --> 00:09:14,434 Father, I know you do not approve of our union, 196 00:09:14,434 --> 00:09:16,266 but I love Hottia Messica 197 00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:17,808 and I intend to marry her. 198 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,309 What? 199 00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,103 Yeah, maybe I'll just go wait in the chariot. 200 00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,777 So go ahead, 201 00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,028 throw us to the lions, 202 00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:29,529 burn us at the stake, 203 00:09:29,529 --> 00:09:32,072 hurl us from the highest mountains... Sweetie. 204 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,153 Stop giving him ideas. 205 00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:36,697 Very well. 206 00:09:36,697 --> 00:09:40,661 If you two are truly in love, then I support you. 207 00:09:40,661 --> 00:09:42,002 Say whatticus, now? 208 00:09:43,914 --> 00:09:45,836 In fact, I have a gift for you. 209 00:09:47,507 --> 00:09:49,970 The Enchanted Necklace. 210 00:09:49,970 --> 00:09:50,881 (GASPS) 211 00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,093 Hey! 212 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,215 You said that would be my reward for a life of brain-numbing servitude. 213 00:09:55,215 --> 00:09:58,268 Well, don't believe anything I say when I'm hungry for grapes. 214 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:02,683 Welcome to the family, my dear. 215 00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:04,935 Aw, thanks, Dad. 216 00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:06,727 Ugh... Okay. Okay. 217 00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:08,108 It's baby steps, gotcha. 218 00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,032 Meet me at the arena tonight! 219 00:10:12,032 --> 00:10:13,363 We shall celebrate 220 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,906 by watching a tiger eat a thief's foot! 221 00:10:17,577 --> 00:10:20,661 I feel like Emperor Berteus is just misunderstood. 222 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,083 He sounds like a great guy! 223 00:10:23,083 --> 00:10:25,085 No, he was obviously a mean, 224 00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:28,048 demanding, bossy-pants who mistreats his servants. 225 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,711 I'm tired of standing. 226 00:10:30,711 --> 00:10:32,512 Knee seat! (SIGHS) 227 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,098 Signorina Jessie, 228 00:10:38,098 --> 00:10:39,930 there is something I want to ask you. 229 00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,022 Uh-oh. Here it comes. 230 00:10:42,022 --> 00:10:43,523 He wants to borrow money. 231 00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:47,607 Or ask you to carry his suitcase, 232 00:10:47,607 --> 00:10:49,900 "just until you get through customs." 233 00:10:50,861 --> 00:10:52,572 No, no, no. 234 00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:55,035 I wish to ask Jessie to be my date to the Festival of Fire. 235 00:10:55,035 --> 00:10:57,277 Oh, Marco, I would love to. 236 00:10:57,277 --> 00:11:01,121 I'll wear my best flame-retardant dress and go easy on the hair spray! 237 00:11:01,121 --> 00:11:03,874 You make me the happiest man in all of Capaldi! 238 00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,125 Except for Giuseppe. 239 00:11:05,125 --> 00:11:07,547 He invented the stuffed crust pizza. 240 00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:09,710 He live like a King! 241 00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,791 (CELL PHONE CHIMING) 242 00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:13,053 Oh, mi scusi, per momento. 243 00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:18,138 Well, Jessie, 244 00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:20,100 it looks like you finally got the romantic adventure you were looking for. 245 00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,301 You can say that again. 246 00:11:21,301 --> 00:11:22,432 Slump over! 247 00:11:23,013 --> 00:11:24,394 (GASPS) 248 00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:26,897 Jessie, you ruined the ruins! 249 00:11:28,148 --> 00:11:29,269 That was already broken. 250 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,238 (ALL GASPING) 251 00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:43,033 (BOTH GIGGLE) 252 00:11:45,786 --> 00:11:48,378 Man, Marco was right. 253 00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:49,960 Girls love firewalking. 254 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:50,961 Come on. 255 00:11:51,591 --> 00:11:54,134 Uh, hi. 256 00:11:54,134 --> 00:11:56,676 Me and my bro are going to be firewalking later, too. 257 00:11:56,676 --> 00:11:57,717 (CHUCKLES) Huh? 258 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,049 But, you know, 259 00:11:59,049 --> 00:12:00,220 even slower 260 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,182 and, uh, brave-ier. 261 00:12:02,182 --> 00:12:03,934 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 262 00:12:03,934 --> 00:12:04,975 (CRACKING KNUCKLES) 263 00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:08,688 Luke. Yeah? 264 00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:12,312 I'm afraid your mouth has written a check our feet cannot cash. 265 00:12:12,312 --> 00:12:15,355 I also think I just broke one of my knuckles. 266 00:12:15,355 --> 00:12:18,779 Okay, who wants to hear the rest of the story of the necklace? Huh? 267 00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:20,030 What else is there to hear? 268 00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:22,993 Emperor Berteus is awesome. End of story. 269 00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:26,036 Oh, no, stories on Capaldi are notoriously long. 270 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:27,667 Minimum two bathroom breaks. 271 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,080 Don't you worry. I have the bladder of an elephant. 272 00:12:30,871 --> 00:12:32,082 Okay, not what men want to hear. 273 00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,213 On with the story! 274 00:12:35,085 --> 00:12:36,176 Oh. 275 00:12:36,176 --> 00:12:37,798 Hunkio. 276 00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,640 As an early wedding present, I got you this designer sundial watch. 277 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,302 It keeps perfect time. 278 00:12:42,302 --> 00:12:43,804 As long as you use it outside. 279 00:12:43,804 --> 00:12:45,305 During the day. And there's no clouds. 280 00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:49,099 Hottia, I'm sorry, but... 281 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:51,231 The wedding is off! 282 00:12:51,231 --> 00:12:53,854 Okay, not an accessories guy. Noted. 283 00:12:54,394 --> 00:12:56,236 No, it is... 284 00:12:56,236 --> 00:12:58,028 I cannot explain it. 285 00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,239 Somehow... 286 00:12:59,239 --> 00:13:01,701 I am just not in love with you anymore. 287 00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:03,954 What? Is this about your father? 288 00:13:03,954 --> 00:13:05,075 No... 289 00:13:05,075 --> 00:13:08,118 I do not know what it is. It is just over. 290 00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:10,911 Wait! 291 00:13:10,911 --> 00:13:13,173 Hunkio, can't we talk about this? 292 00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:15,175 Oh, but you're just gonna keep the watch? 293 00:13:15,175 --> 00:13:16,546 Okay. All right... 294 00:13:20,340 --> 00:13:22,552 My lady, are you all right? 295 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,264 No. 296 00:13:24,264 --> 00:13:27,187 The love of my life just handed me my walking parchments. 297 00:13:27,187 --> 00:13:29,349 And I have no clue in Hades why! 298 00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:32,102 I am so sorry that happened to you. 299 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,024 The names Odorus Armpiticus. 300 00:13:34,024 --> 00:13:35,435 Here's my Roman numeral. 301 00:13:35,435 --> 00:13:36,646 Call me. 302 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,199 Excuse him. 303 00:13:39,199 --> 00:13:40,440 He's feeling rather confident 304 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:43,653 as we have just signed up to be gladiators! 305 00:13:43,653 --> 00:13:45,445 I hear they have a great retirement plan. 306 00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:48,328 Of course, no one's ever lived to use it, but still. 307 00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:54,334 Okay, I'm done cutting your hair. 308 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,295 All four of them. 309 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,459 Hey, you got it easy! 310 00:13:59,459 --> 00:14:02,302 It's like trying to cut through marble down here! 311 00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:04,134 Gross, nasty marble. 312 00:14:06,176 --> 00:14:07,677 You know what would make that harder? 313 00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,599 If I cut off your hand. 314 00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,312 Which, I won't do, as I'm in such a good mood. 315 00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:15,645 Because you're happy that your son has found true love with Hottia? 316 00:14:15,645 --> 00:14:17,647 What? No! 317 00:14:17,647 --> 00:14:19,940 Their relationship is doomed! 318 00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:24,244 The enchanted necklace I gave Hottia has a spell on it! 319 00:14:24,244 --> 00:14:26,536 (GASPS) A spell? 320 00:14:26,536 --> 00:14:28,909 I had a witch curse it. 321 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,451 Whoever is in possession of that necklace, 322 00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,754 will forever be unlucky in love. 323 00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:35,755 (LAUGHS MANIACALLY) 324 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:41,881 Now, if you'll excuse me, it is time for my milk bath. 325 00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,464 Servants, squeeze me a goat! 326 00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,178 This is terrible! 327 00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:50,350 We have to go warn Hottia. 328 00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:52,682 And that goat! 329 00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:54,144 JESSIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop right there! 330 00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:56,146 So... 331 00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,647 The necklace that I'm wearing right now, 332 00:14:57,647 --> 00:15:00,860 the one I thought was lucky, is actually cursed? 333 00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,652 It's not that simple, you see. 334 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:06,156 Oh, mi scusi, one more time, per favore. 335 00:15:07,697 --> 00:15:08,868 Wait, so... 336 00:15:08,868 --> 00:15:11,661 My love life is the victim of an ancient curse? 337 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:15,085 That explains so, so much. 338 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,038 Yeah! 339 00:15:18,038 --> 00:15:21,211 That necklace is the reason that Jessie and I are not a couple. 340 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:23,253 Hmm, it's not even on the first page of reasons. 341 00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:27,137 You know what, my dad gave me this necklace 342 00:15:27,137 --> 00:15:29,259 right before my first school dance. 343 00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:30,971 No wonder every boy turned me down, 344 00:15:30,971 --> 00:15:32,892 even the guy in the coyote suit. 345 00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:34,394 You mean the mascot? 346 00:15:34,394 --> 00:15:35,145 No. 347 00:15:36,816 --> 00:15:38,438 What about Marco? 348 00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,730 Yeah, he's obviously into you. 349 00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:41,982 Maybe you guys are right. 350 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,024 Marco is great, and he does seem to like me. 351 00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:49,279 And her! 352 00:15:49,279 --> 00:15:50,240 What! 353 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,123 That two-timing tour guide has a girlfriend? 354 00:15:54,164 --> 00:15:55,996 Maybe I am cursed. 355 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:58,288 I'll never find true love. 356 00:15:58,288 --> 00:16:01,341 We didn't have to travel all the way to the Mediterranean to find that out. 357 00:16:04,174 --> 00:16:07,297 Many apologies, my friends, for all the interruptions. 358 00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:09,509 Oh, Jessie, you have a cute vein on your forehead 359 00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:12,262 going boom-boom-boom. 360 00:16:12,262 --> 00:16:14,434 Yeah, that means I either want to smack someone, 361 00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:15,265 or it's going to rain. 362 00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:18,858 Come on, kids, let's get back to the boat. 363 00:16:18,858 --> 00:16:21,861 Jessie, don't you want to hear the end of the necklace story? 364 00:16:21,861 --> 00:16:24,364 Yeah, maybe there's a way to break the curse. 365 00:16:24,364 --> 00:16:27,487 Right, I mean, you don't want to end up like Ravi. 366 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,449 Hey! 367 00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:32,282 I will have you know I have been chatting with a very cute girl online. 368 00:16:32,282 --> 00:16:34,324 Her screen name is Catfish. 369 00:16:36,116 --> 00:16:38,458 Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that. 370 00:16:39,539 --> 00:16:41,381 All right. Fine. 371 00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,423 We'll let Marco finish his story. 372 00:16:43,423 --> 00:16:45,835 While he still has his teeth. 373 00:16:45,835 --> 00:16:47,717 So... Where were we? 374 00:16:49,339 --> 00:16:51,841 Can't I just throw this cursed necklace away? 375 00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:54,434 Or trade it in for store credit at Abercrombie and Witch? 376 00:16:55,185 --> 00:16:56,346 No! 377 00:16:56,346 --> 00:16:58,518 There's only one way to lift the curse. 378 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,691 You must place it in the Cave of Cursicus Reversicus. 379 00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:03,353 The name's a bit on-the-nose, 380 00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:05,485 but so is the word fireplace, 381 00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:08,568 and no one has a problem with that. 382 00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:12,112 But first, you must get past the vicious lion that guards the entrance. 383 00:17:12,112 --> 00:17:14,454 (SIGHS) Why does it always have to be a lion? 384 00:17:15,575 --> 00:17:17,457 We're gonna need some gladiators. 385 00:17:17,457 --> 00:17:21,791 But where are we gonna find big, brave gladiators on a moment's notice? 386 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:24,043 Hey, ladies! 387 00:17:24,714 --> 00:17:26,296 Whatus uppus? 388 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,471 Would scrawny, smelly gladiators do? 389 00:17:38,388 --> 00:17:40,560 Remember, you must go to the back of the cave 390 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,642 and place the necklace on the marble altar. 391 00:17:42,642 --> 00:17:44,184 Then wait for a large puff of smoke, 392 00:17:44,184 --> 00:17:46,065 which means the curse has been reversed. 393 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,567 We think. 394 00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:49,779 Nobody's ever made it out of there alive. 395 00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:52,492 But, hey, there's always a first time. 396 00:17:57,367 --> 00:17:59,539 Huh. Thank Jupiter! 397 00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:02,162 It appears the lion is not here. 398 00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:03,913 (LION ROARING) 399 00:18:04,504 --> 00:18:06,416 Huh. Um... 400 00:18:06,416 --> 00:18:08,508 Caves don't usually burp, do they? 401 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:13,423 Okay, I need you guys to go in there 402 00:18:13,423 --> 00:18:15,595 and lure out the lion so I can sneak in. 403 00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:18,428 Who, us? 404 00:18:19,479 --> 00:18:20,770 Yes, you. 405 00:18:20,770 --> 00:18:23,353 That's what gladiators do, battle lions. 406 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,484 And tigers. And bears. 407 00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,396 Oh my! 408 00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:30,530 Well, I never thought I would miss cleaning up human excrement, yet here we are. 409 00:18:31,491 --> 00:18:33,653 Here kitty, kitty, kitty... 410 00:18:35,495 --> 00:18:37,867 (LION ROARING) (BOTH SCREAMING) 411 00:18:42,502 --> 00:18:45,505 Wow, I've never seen two guys in skirts run that fast. 412 00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:48,628 (SIGHS) Okay. 413 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,089 I'm going in. 414 00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:52,382 Let me know if the lion finishes his lunch and comes back for dessert. 415 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,597 I really hope this works. 416 00:18:57,597 --> 00:18:59,679 I don't want to live the rest of my life without true love. 417 00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:05,315 I'd just be happy to get some bread without maggots. 418 00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:07,567 (GASPS) I thought those were raisins. 419 00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:14,984 I don't see the lion anymore. 420 00:19:15,695 --> 00:19:16,866 Do you think we lost it? 421 00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:19,489 (LION GROWLING) (BOTH SHRIEK) 422 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:23,743 No. I do not. 423 00:19:26,546 --> 00:19:28,127 (BOTH SCREAMING) 424 00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,507 Okay. 425 00:19:37,507 --> 00:19:40,850 I just inhaled a bonfire, and stepped in what I think was my second cousin. 426 00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:45,605 But on the bright side, the curse is reversed. 427 00:19:45,605 --> 00:19:47,106 Congratulations! 428 00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:49,479 We knew you could do it! 429 00:19:49,479 --> 00:19:52,402 (LION ROARING) (ALL SCREAMING) 430 00:19:57,527 --> 00:19:59,489 Hunkio? Hottia! 431 00:19:59,489 --> 00:20:02,622 Guards! Fetch the foot eating tiger! 432 00:20:02,622 --> 00:20:05,204 I hope he didn't get too full on thief. 433 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,537 No, Father, wait! 434 00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:09,539 Suddenly, I love Hottia again 435 00:20:09,539 --> 00:20:11,631 and I've missed her desperately. 436 00:20:11,631 --> 00:20:13,042 You what? 437 00:20:13,042 --> 00:20:15,255 Ha! In your face, Berteus! 438 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,136 Please don't hurt me. 439 00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:20,640 Hottia, I know I said some terrible things to you and, 440 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,513 honestly, I still do not know why. 441 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:25,515 But I did not mean any of it. 442 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:28,017 I want to marry you, if you will still have me. 443 00:20:28,938 --> 00:20:30,310 Of course I will. 444 00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:31,311 (GASPS) 445 00:20:32,612 --> 00:20:34,404 (ALL CHEERING) 446 00:20:34,404 --> 00:20:35,905 A thousand blessings on your house! 447 00:20:35,905 --> 00:20:38,117 Babooshio! 448 00:20:38,117 --> 00:20:40,740 Oh, and we can even honeymoon at Caesar's Palace. 449 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,572 Great! I have a coupon for the buffet. Oh! 450 00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:45,745 Yeah! Stupid curse reversing cave. 451 00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,328 I have got to have that thing filled in. 452 00:20:48,328 --> 00:20:51,371 And fire that lion. 453 00:20:51,371 --> 00:20:55,715 Oh, Hottia, I cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together. 454 00:20:55,715 --> 00:20:57,587 And thanks to modern medicine, 455 00:20:57,587 --> 00:21:00,009 that could be as much as three more years. 456 00:21:02,221 --> 00:21:04,384 So, the curse was lifted? 457 00:21:04,384 --> 00:21:06,596 That can't be true. You must have told the story wrong. 458 00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:07,807 Oh, no, signorina. 459 00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:10,189 This is the most famous story in all of Capaldi. 460 00:21:10,189 --> 00:21:12,482 And also the only one not involving a magical zucchini. 461 00:21:13,943 --> 00:21:15,655 Okay, my necklace must be cursed. 462 00:21:15,655 --> 00:21:18,398 How else can you explain my miserable love life? 463 00:21:18,398 --> 00:21:20,660 Maybe it's those earrings you always wear. 464 00:21:20,660 --> 00:21:22,532 You think my earrings are cursed, too? 465 00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:23,863 No. They're just tacky. 466 00:21:25,615 --> 00:21:27,537 I am sure you exaggerate, signorina. 467 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:30,119 Give me one example of why your love life is so horrible. 468 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:32,622 (SCOFFS) Do not get her started. 469 00:21:32,622 --> 00:21:34,714 You'll wish you were eaten by a lion. 470 00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:37,547 Here's a great example. 471 00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:38,678 You! 472 00:21:38,678 --> 00:21:40,630 I thought you were this amazing, sweet guy, 473 00:21:40,630 --> 00:21:42,301 and then I find out you have a girlfriend. 474 00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:45,555 What? No, no, I do not have a girlfriend. 475 00:21:45,555 --> 00:21:47,637 Oh, Marcella, my little sister. 476 00:21:47,637 --> 00:21:49,729 She came home for the Festa. 477 00:21:49,729 --> 00:21:51,060 Oh! 478 00:21:51,060 --> 00:21:52,392 I am so sorry. 479 00:21:52,392 --> 00:21:54,734 I'm just not used to seeing siblings get along. 480 00:21:54,734 --> 00:21:55,895 Last April Fools', 481 00:21:55,895 --> 00:21:57,777 Zuri framed Luke for a diamond heist. 482 00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:04,073 Can I get you two anything to eat or drink? 483 00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:07,657 Or perhaps carry you both around in a giant baby bjorn? 484 00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,790 You know what, Bertram? 485 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:11,951 Relax for a while. 486 00:22:11,951 --> 00:22:13,713 This is your vacation too. 487 00:22:13,713 --> 00:22:15,294 Absolutely. 488 00:22:15,294 --> 00:22:18,838 We realized we were being just like that mean emperor, Berteus. 489 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,590 I'm sorry. Me too. 490 00:22:22,051 --> 00:22:23,342 That's very nice of you. 491 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,804 Thank you. 492 00:22:24,804 --> 00:22:26,926 But we draw the line at cutting your toenails. 493 00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,349 (CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 494 00:22:31,771 --> 00:22:33,933 Okay, Ravi, the girls are watching us. 495 00:22:33,933 --> 00:22:35,104 We can't be wimps! 496 00:22:35,104 --> 00:22:36,856 I am not a wimp. 497 00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:40,029 I am just a sensitive soul with sensitive soles. 498 00:22:41,571 --> 00:22:43,783 Hey, just remember those gladiators. 499 00:22:43,783 --> 00:22:46,195 When in doubt, run! 500 00:22:46,195 --> 00:22:47,747 (BOTH SCREAMING) 501 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:54,203 Guys, that was amazing! 502 00:22:54,203 --> 00:22:57,707 You were so brave! And broiled. 503 00:22:57,707 --> 00:23:00,259 That smell isn't the grilled calamari. 504 00:23:00,760 --> 00:23:01,671 It's us! 505 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,596 Do not make a big deal of this in front of the girls, 506 00:23:06,596 --> 00:23:09,268 but we need immediate medical attention. 507 00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:12,892 I'd call for help, 508 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,434 but I'm pretty sure the village ambulance