1 00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,219 Wait, Bertram hasn't made breakfast yet? 2 00:00:08,219 --> 00:00:09,720 Why didn't someone go get him? 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,053 Although we are famished, we have mixed emotions 4 00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:15,096 about encouraging Bertram to cook. 5 00:00:15,096 --> 00:00:17,308 Don't worry, I'll whip up a Fort Tavey specialty. 6 00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,730 All I need is five kinds of jalapenos and a gallon of lard. 7 00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:22,483 ALL: Bertram! 8 00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:24,855 (WHISTLING) 9 00:00:24,855 --> 00:00:26,107 One healthy breakfast, coming up! 10 00:00:28,739 --> 00:00:29,740 Wow. 11 00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:34,615 Uh... 12 00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:39,210 So Bertram, are you going to introduce us to your little friend? 13 00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:42,213 I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about. 14 00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:45,166 Then that toupee glue must have soaked into your brain. 15 00:00:45,166 --> 00:00:46,797 (LAUGHING) 16 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,170 Did you guys forget that tonight is my reunion concert 17 00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,262 for my boy band, Badd Direction? 18 00:00:53,264 --> 00:00:56,267 How could we forget? You've been talking about it for a month! 19 00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:58,889 That's longer than the band existed! 20 00:00:58,889 --> 00:01:02,523 Hey, Grill Marks on my Heart went to number five in Finland. 21 00:01:02,523 --> 00:01:04,315 To this day, I can still get 22 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,987 free stuffed herring anywhere in Helsinki. 23 00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:13,324 But that does not explain the hedgehog on your head. 24 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,746 Back then I was called "the Hair." 25 00:01:15,746 --> 00:01:17,958 This is what my fans want to see. 26 00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:21,372 Trust me, nobody wants to see that. 27 00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:22,753 I better put this away, 28 00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:24,545 so it doesn't get messed up before the show tonight. 29 00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:26,797 Also, it might want to run on its exercise wheel. 30 00:01:26,797 --> 00:01:27,798 (ALL LAUGHING) 31 00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:32,923 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh 32 00:01:32,923 --> 00:01:36,517 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 33 00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:40,181 ♪ It feels like a party every day 34 00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:43,684 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 35 00:01:43,684 --> 00:01:47,358 ♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way 36 00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,611 ♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie 37 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:54,365 ♪ My whole world is changing Turning around 38 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,828 ♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground 39 00:01:57,828 --> 00:02:01,912 ♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town 40 00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:05,296 ♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down 41 00:02:05,296 --> 00:02:08,799 ♪ Hey Jessie 42 00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:12,343 ♪ Hey Jessie 43 00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:16,056 ♪ It feels like a party every day 44 00:02:16,056 --> 00:02:20,221 ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪ 45 00:02:23,974 --> 00:02:25,436 My fortune says, 46 00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,898 "You will be blessed with many children." 47 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:28,979 I don't know about blessed. 48 00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:36,327 Mine says I have a large sum of money coming my way. 49 00:02:36,327 --> 00:02:37,448 Did something happen to Grandma? 50 00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:41,412 Try to at least sound concerned. 51 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:44,285 Ooh, I'm going to be on a magazine cover! 52 00:02:44,285 --> 00:02:45,456 That's your fortune? 53 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:46,877 No, I just got an email. 54 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,050 All right, who stole my hair? 55 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:51,842 Father Time? Mother Nature? 56 00:02:53,344 --> 00:02:55,636 No, I mean my toupee. 57 00:02:55,636 --> 00:02:57,137 I already lost my hair once. 58 00:02:57,137 --> 00:02:58,889 I can't lose it again! 59 00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,431 Can't you get a new one? 60 00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,763 Something more Brad Pitt, less armpit? 61 00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:05,976 No, it was custom made. 62 00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:07,518 My concert's in a few hours, 63 00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:10,271 and "the Hair" can't be the only guy in the band 64 00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:11,812 without any hair! 65 00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:13,484 Don't worry, Bertram. I'll help you find it. 66 00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,736 It'll be perfect practice for my audition. 67 00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:18,028 I'm up for the role of Detective Phyllis Marlowe 68 00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,820 in a film noir TV commercial. 69 00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,532 We know. You've been making us watch 70 00:03:21,532 --> 00:03:23,954 all those 1940s mystery movies. 71 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:27,418 The mystery is how we stayed awake. 72 00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:30,251 And why everyone talked so weird back then? 73 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,882 They sounded totes cray. 74 00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:35,636 So, what's the commercial for? 75 00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:37,758 Oh, Legs Up Bug Spray. 76 00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,720 But it's only gonna air in foreign markets. 77 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,553 Because it was just banned in the United States. 78 00:03:42,553 --> 00:03:45,396 Hey, it was supposed to kill roaches, and it did. 79 00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:46,727 It just didn't stop there. 80 00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:54,154 So, blondie, do you have anything you'd like to tell me? 81 00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,737 Yeah. You're dressing for the wrong century. 82 00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,491 And why are you talking like a silent movie? 83 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,324 Nobody talks in silent mo... Oh, never mind. 84 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,828 I am in character. It helps me think. 85 00:04:07,828 --> 00:04:10,170 So, why do you assume I took the toupee? 86 00:04:10,170 --> 00:04:12,463 Because I found glittery footprints 87 00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:14,134 leading up to Bertram's room, 88 00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:15,586 a flake of your nail polish on the wig stand, 89 00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:17,838 and your nameplate necklace at the scene of the crime! 90 00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:19,550 (SCOFFS) That's all you've got? 91 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,011 No. 92 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,554 I also found this lock of golden hair. 93 00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:24,725 That's not mine! 94 00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:26,517 Good thing, because it's dry, brittle, 95 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,389 and has horrible split ends. 96 00:04:28,389 --> 00:04:29,690 How dare you! 97 00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:32,443 I just had a hydrating treatment! 98 00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,775 So it is yours! Tell me everything you know. 99 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,946 Including the name of that treatment. 100 00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,450 I was only trying to help! 101 00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,492 I couldn't let Bertram wear that wig the way it was. 102 00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:43,203 So, I decided to give it a makeover... 103 00:04:43,203 --> 00:04:46,537 JESSIE: And just like that, she sang like a canary. 104 00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,369 Emma Ross was a snazzy dame. 105 00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,000 She knew that if being ugly were a crime, 106 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,872 that toupee would go straight to the slammer. 107 00:04:52,753 --> 00:04:53,754 Ow! 108 00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:59,630 Oh, that's better. 109 00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:01,342 JESSIE: She was only trying to help the help, 110 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,474 who was up coif creek without a comb. 111 00:05:03,474 --> 00:05:05,095 So she tried some conditioner, 112 00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:06,517 and it might've worked, 113 00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:08,849 except this wasn't your run-of-the-mill mop. 114 00:05:08,849 --> 00:05:10,811 No! 115 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:14,274 Why would the big palooka buy such cheap hair? 116 00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:16,857 We really should give the poor, sweet lug a raise. 117 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,491 Well, that's better. 118 00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:23,784 I didn't know the toupee would react 119 00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:25,576 to my conditioner like that! 120 00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:26,747 I can't believe Bertram planned 121 00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,369 to make a comeback in synthetic hair! 122 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,582 The man does love his coupons. 123 00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,005 So where's the toupee? 124 00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,837 I hid it in the living room cabinet. 125 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,629 Where we keep the school supplies? 126 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,842 Brilliant! No one would ever suspect you of opening that. 127 00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,054 (CHUCKLES) I know, right? 128 00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,426 But when I went back later 129 00:05:45,426 --> 00:05:47,097 to see if the toupee had de-puffed, 130 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,178 it was gone! 131 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,523 Wait! 132 00:05:52,523 --> 00:05:54,104 I know who has the toupee! 133 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,106 It was in the school supply cabinet, 134 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,689 and the only person who does schoolwork around here is Ravi! 135 00:05:58,689 --> 00:06:01,692 (GASPS) Of course! 136 00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:04,535 So, who has the toupee? 137 00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:07,117 We should use your college fund on a nice vacation. 138 00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:15,205 Bertram? 139 00:06:15,205 --> 00:06:17,668 You're supposed to be on stage in Central Park in three hours. 140 00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:20,090 Are you rehearsing any dance steps besides 141 00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,301 the Sitting Man? 142 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,596 I can't do my moves without my hair. 143 00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:26,557 I have nothing to flip. 144 00:06:28,769 --> 00:06:31,642 You dance with your feet, not your follicles. 145 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:32,723 C'mon, show me what you got. 146 00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:33,854 I'll give you some pointers. 147 00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:36,607 Well, in case Jessie does find my toupee, 148 00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:39,610 I guess I should be ready to dazzle them 149 00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:41,692 with my high-energy funk. 150 00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,576 Help me up. 151 00:06:50,621 --> 00:06:53,534 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 152 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,601 (BONES CRACKING) 153 00:07:13,764 --> 00:07:15,185 Wow. 154 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,107 That was great! 155 00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:19,399 But maybe you could do it a little more like this. 156 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,162 If I had my hair, I could do that. 157 00:07:33,994 --> 00:07:35,576 Really? 158 00:07:35,576 --> 00:07:36,837 So it had magical powers? 159 00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:42,793 Okay, there's no need to be nervous. 160 00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:43,924 I'm just going to ask you a few... 161 00:07:43,924 --> 00:07:46,717 I am guilty! 162 00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:50,140 Send me to my room until college entrance exams! 163 00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,802 Okay, I appreciate your honesty, 164 00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:54,725 but you confessing so quick really takes the fun out of this for me. 165 00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:57,808 Oh, I apologize, Jessie. 166 00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:58,979 Shall I resist more? 167 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,981 Oh, just tell me what you know. 168 00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,733 This girdle's really tight, and I have to go to the bathroom. 169 00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:08,609 It was a classic case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 170 00:08:08,609 --> 00:08:10,821 I had just color-coordinated my kurta closet... 171 00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:13,664 JESSIE: Ravi folded faster than a dry cleaner at quittin' time. 172 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,577 The poor crumb found the toupee 173 00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:19,039 while pilfering recreational homework supplies. 174 00:08:19,039 --> 00:08:20,671 Even his crimes were boring. 175 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,424 What is this puzzling puffball? 176 00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:26,006 (CROAKING) 177 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:29,219 You are right! It is Bertram's toupee! 178 00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:30,681 We must fix this. 179 00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:32,302 (CROAKING) 180 00:08:32,302 --> 00:08:34,595 Fine, I will fix it. 181 00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:37,057 You know, it would not kill you to lift a claw around here once in a while. 182 00:08:37,057 --> 00:08:38,308 (CROAKING) 183 00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:41,481 JESSIE: Ravi wanted to return the toupee, 184 00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:43,694 but he knew if Bertram took a gander at it now, 185 00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:46,486 it would take him on a one-way trip over Breakdown Falls. 186 00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:49,700 (EXPLODING) 187 00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:53,654 Huzzah! Success! 188 00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:54,865 (SNIFFING) Oh! 189 00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,416 (COUGHING) 190 00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:58,829 Dear gods! Mrs. Kipling, do you smell that? 191 00:09:02,212 --> 00:09:03,754 I will take that as a yes. 192 00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,667 JESSIE: Ravi had no choice 193 00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:09,129 but to take the noxious noggin warmer to... 194 00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,051 The Fixer. 195 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,302 (CAR SWERVING AND CRASHING) 196 00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,804 Aw, lemons! 197 00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,095 (CAR HONKING) 198 00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,387 Are you the Fixer? 199 00:09:17,387 --> 00:09:18,679 Who wants to know? 200 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,481 I do. That is why I asked. 201 00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:24,444 How'd you get up here? 202 00:09:24,444 --> 00:09:27,107 Remind me to have my doorman rubbed out, 203 00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,109 and I don't mean by a masseuse. 204 00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,863 Miss Fixer, I need your help. 205 00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,245 I am desperate to get this problem fixed. 206 00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,157 So why are you twistin' my nose about it? 207 00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:39,660 Because your nickname and your business card 208 00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,292 rather strongly imply that you fix things. 209 00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,794 (SNIFFING) Oh! 210 00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:46,797 Yeah, but that thing stinks like last week's chop suey. 211 00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,840 Perhaps this will help? 212 00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,678 Deal. Now beat it, 213 00:09:57,678 --> 00:10:00,771 unless you want to stick around for a knuckle sandwich. 214 00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:02,432 No, thank you. I just ate. 215 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,896 (KNUCKLES CRACKING) 216 00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:09,149 Oh, I get it. That was a threat, not a menu item. 217 00:10:10,691 --> 00:10:11,732 (SNIFFING) Oh! 218 00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:16,116 So Zuri has the toupee? Yes. 219 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,948 And all of my vacation money. 220 00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:18,949 Which, let us face it, 221 00:10:18,949 --> 00:10:20,831 I was probably going to use for college anyway. 222 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:27,337 (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) 223 00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,962 (GROANING) This is hopeless! 224 00:10:31,962 --> 00:10:34,845 Bertram, the problem isn't your dancing, it's your attitude. 225 00:10:34,845 --> 00:10:36,466 And also your dancing. 226 00:10:38,058 --> 00:10:40,681 You have to show some confidence on stage. 227 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,182 Think of your fans. 228 00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:44,064 This performance is the highlight of their lives, 229 00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:46,606 which I have to assume are profoundly empty. 230 00:10:48,028 --> 00:10:50,150 But they're expecting "the Hair," 231 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,571 not "the Scalp." 232 00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:53,033 Well then, maybe you could have a different nickname. 233 00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:54,825 Like what? 234 00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:56,947 Like... "The Hoarder!" Or "the Napper." 235 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,368 Oh! Oh! How about 236 00:10:58,368 --> 00:11:01,702 "the One with an Unhealthy Obsession for Nesting Dolls"? 237 00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,373 That won't fit on a T-shirt! 238 00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,747 Maybe you could be... 239 00:11:06,747 --> 00:11:08,288 "The Hat"? Yeah! 240 00:11:08,288 --> 00:11:11,922 We had "the Hat." He quit the band! 241 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,844 You know nothing about Badd Direction! 242 00:11:18,298 --> 00:11:19,930 Hey, all I did was 243 00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,012 take the toupee and get the smell out, 244 00:11:22,012 --> 00:11:23,764 just like Ravi wanted. 245 00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:26,646 That's a relief. I knew you were a good kid... 246 00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:28,398 Despite what Kenny Chesney's bodyguard says. 247 00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,022 So, where's the toupee? 248 00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:33,073 Up a tree. 249 00:11:33,073 --> 00:11:34,735 Please tell me that's a metaphor. 250 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,367 Nope. See, I tried to wash it, 251 00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,120 but that did not go so well. I was just following... 252 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,163 JESSIE: Everyone knew the Fixer had many skills, 253 00:11:43,163 --> 00:11:44,915 but laundry wasn't one of them. 254 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:47,918 Aw, nuts! 255 00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:49,629 (BLOWING) 256 00:11:49,629 --> 00:11:52,252 Maybe five bottles of bubble bath was too much. 257 00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:53,423 (SNIFFING) 258 00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:55,425 Smells beautiful, though. 259 00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,969 JESSIE: The Fixer may have nixed the stink... 260 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,641 (BIRD CAWING) ...but she was about to eat crow. 261 00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:03,053 Hey! 262 00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,345 This job is for the birds! 263 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,403 So, let me see if I follow your tune. 264 00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:16,616 Some sticky-taloned Maltese falcon air-lifted the wacky weave 265 00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:19,239 to tall, green, and leafy over here? 266 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,573 If you have an English button, please push it! 267 00:12:23,573 --> 00:12:25,285 Sorry, but I am paying $100 268 00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,997 for a dialogue coach for a 30-second commercial. 269 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:29,369 I gotta get my money's worth. 270 00:12:29,369 --> 00:12:31,081 Now, are you sure you saw the bird 271 00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,043 bring Bertram's toupee to this tree? 272 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:37,007 Definitely. I watched the whole thing through the telescope. 273 00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,718 Well, there's no hairpiece up here. 274 00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:41,511 Just some binoculars, and alarmingly large eggs. 275 00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,555 (CAWING) (GASPS) No! No! 276 00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:47,097 JESSIE: Take that, stupid bird! 277 00:12:47,097 --> 00:12:47,848 (GRUNTING) 278 00:12:51,561 --> 00:12:53,193 My belt is stuck on the branch. 279 00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:55,065 (LAUGHING) (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 280 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,157 Wait, these are Luke's and... 281 00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:58,738 I know this tree. 282 00:12:58,738 --> 00:13:01,992 Zuri, you said the bird snatched the toupee at 4:15? 283 00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:03,243 Yeah, why? 284 00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:05,245 Because this is where Luke sits 285 00:13:05,245 --> 00:13:07,958 to watch the 4:00 p.m. Ladies Trampoline Practice. 286 00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:11,081 He must've been up here when the bird snatched the toup to its coop. 287 00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,913 Thank you, Dr. Seuss. 288 00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,545 (CAWING) Oh, no! 289 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,918 He's coming back! Help me! Get me down, quick! 290 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,886 What? You said "quick." 291 00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,642 ♪ I'm burned but I am free 292 00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:35,856 ♪ No more grill marks on my heart ♪ 293 00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:41,741 So, what do you think of our hit music video? 294 00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:43,203 I think people must not have had 295 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:46,536 a lot of entertainment options back then. (SIGHING) 296 00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:49,039 Okay, we've all seen Bertram's... 297 00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:51,621 Talents. 298 00:13:51,621 --> 00:13:52,953 So now let's help him rehearse. 299 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,126 Thanks, but I'm not going on. 300 00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,418 I don't want to be the only one up there with no hair. 301 00:13:58,418 --> 00:14:00,170 Hey, don't think about that. 302 00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:03,223 Just remember you have great hair... 303 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,346 On the inside. 304 00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:10,770 I'm sure in your warped mind that was encouraging. 305 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,433 Okay, I'll give it a go. 306 00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:15,855 But just like when I tried skinny jeans, 307 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,318 I don't think this is gonna work. 308 00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:21,071 At least this time we won't have to use the Jaws of Life! 309 00:14:22,983 --> 00:14:25,195 Why can I not be the cool one? 310 00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:27,327 Genetics. 311 00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:29,039 But don't feel bad. 312 00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,620 Luke will never read a book without pictures. 313 00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,623 Okay, ready? And... 314 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,836 Five, six, seven, eight. 315 00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:39,709 ♪ First time I saw you on the street 316 00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,171 ♪ You looked at me... ♪ 317 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,132 I don't know about this... 318 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,004 C'mon, what could go wrong? 319 00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,967 (ALL MOANING) 320 00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:51,061 What happened here? 321 00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:53,813 All I know is we started cabbage patching. 322 00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:55,315 The rest is a blur. 323 00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,938 Here, Luke, let me help you up. 324 00:14:58,568 --> 00:14:59,940 Thank you. 325 00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,232 A-ha! Look at your arm! I know... 326 00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:04,614 I've been working out. 327 00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:06,826 No, I mean, look at these scratches. 328 00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:08,578 You got these in the nest! 329 00:15:08,578 --> 00:15:09,579 You have the toupee! 330 00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:11,621 Hang on... 331 00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:13,203 All this time you were trying to convince me 332 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,085 I can get by without my hair, 333 00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:16,296 and it was you who stole it? 334 00:15:16,296 --> 00:15:17,877 Hey, wait, I can explain. 335 00:15:17,877 --> 00:15:19,669 So Luke took the toupee? 336 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,092 I'm glad I'm not the only one. 337 00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,883 Wait a minute, you stole it too? 338 00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,046 Actually, Luke didn't steal it. 339 00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:27,047 He took it from a bird, 340 00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,969 who stole it from Zuri, who got it from Ravi, 341 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,100 who found it where Emma hid it, 342 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,012 after she took it from you. Ha! 343 00:15:32,392 --> 00:15:33,974 Man, I'm good! 344 00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,265 I'm gonna sell so much bug spray. 345 00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:38,268 Okay, so I took it! 346 00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:41,481 But what was I supposed to do, leave it in that tree? 347 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:43,823 I was trying to do Bertram a favor. 348 00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:46,026 See, Melinda had just done a double backflip, 349 00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:47,277 when I noticed the toupee. 350 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,163 JESSIE: Luke started yammering that the toupee was in bad shape 351 00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:54,574 because he had to wrestle it away 352 00:15:54,574 --> 00:15:56,626 from a pterodactyl with a temper. 353 00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,458 I haven't seen this many feathers 354 00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,001 since I got tangled up in that kick line at the Cotton Club! 355 00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,675 JESSIE: He didn't want to get caught holding the rug, 356 00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:07,257 but before he could fix it... 357 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,009 (BERTRAM HUMMING) 358 00:16:12,552 --> 00:16:14,514 Hey, Bertie! 359 00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,266 What brings you into this neck of the woods? 360 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,229 My job, unfortunately. 361 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,192 Oh, cheer up, bub. 362 00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:24,314 The Great Depression is over. 363 00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:26,156 You haven't seen my paycheck. 364 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,068 Out! 365 00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:35,955 I meant to go back and get the toupee cleaned up, 366 00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:38,288 but I've been so busy helping Bertram with his choreography, 367 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,879 I totally forgot about it. 368 00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:42,422 How could you forget you had my toupee? 369 00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:45,085 All day I've been talking about how much I need it. 370 00:16:45,085 --> 00:16:48,128 In my defense, your dancing is very distracting. 371 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,092 Okay, so apparently everyone's guilty. 372 00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,634 First thing tomorrow, I'll issue a mass grounding. 373 00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,266 But for now, the important thing is 374 00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,307 we know where the toupee is! 375 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,558 It's in the freezer! 376 00:16:58,558 --> 00:17:01,351 Well, an icy toupee is fine with me! 377 00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:03,403 It'll thaw out before my first pop 'n lock. 378 00:17:05,405 --> 00:17:08,318 Is he talking about his dance moves, or his joints? 379 00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:12,492 I don't see it! 380 00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:14,284 There it is! My toupee? 381 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,496 No, but I solved the mystery of the missing remote. 382 00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:17,917 Yay! 383 00:17:24,214 --> 00:17:25,375 Now, I'm not trying to accuse anyone, 384 00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:26,966 but one of you has the toupee. 385 00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:28,628 Jessie, I do not mean to pick nits, 386 00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:31,131 but that is a textbook example of an accusation. 387 00:17:32,632 --> 00:17:35,175 Now, listen here. You were all in on the grift. 388 00:17:35,175 --> 00:17:38,228 You're all hoodlums, punks, goons, flimflam artists... 389 00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:39,729 If she keeps talking like this, 390 00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:41,141 I'm calling a doctor. 391 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,105 Cram it, Jeeves! 392 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,187 It's her process. Just go with it. 393 00:17:48,488 --> 00:17:50,900 Now, whoever took that toupee out of the freezer 394 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:53,363 and isn't coming clean is the lowest of the low. 395 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,954 (CROAKING) 396 00:17:54,954 --> 00:17:56,196 Can it, Kippy. 397 00:17:57,997 --> 00:18:00,200 Perhaps Mrs. Kipling is hungry. 398 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,583 She can't be. I just gave her some grub. Two frozen rats. 399 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,255 (CROAKING) 400 00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:07,417 Really? Then that means 401 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,469 you were the last one in the freezer, Jessie. 402 00:18:09,469 --> 00:18:12,512 And that's where the toupee was last seen... 403 00:18:12,512 --> 00:18:15,425 Wait, you guys think I pinched the rug? 404 00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:17,137 That's a bunch of hooey! 405 00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,848 I never touched it, see, and I'll prove it to you. 406 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,220 Here's what happened... 407 00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,812 JESSIE: Rat wrangling was never my favorite chore... 408 00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:25,225 Still, this dame was game. 409 00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:29,399 I gave a hungry lizard her chow, and that's all she wrote. 410 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,731 Anyone who thinks I took Bertram's toupee is... 411 00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:32,732 (RECORD SCRATCHING) 412 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,037 Ugh. 413 00:18:39,199 --> 00:18:40,410 There's a rat in this story, 414 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,622 and it's not the one Kipling ate! 415 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,246 You fed Bertram's toupee to Mrs. Kipling? 416 00:18:46,246 --> 00:18:47,957 It was an honest mistake! 417 00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,959 I didn't mean to mess up the toupee! 418 00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:51,461 We messed it up. 419 00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:52,552 You destroyed it. 420 00:18:52,552 --> 00:18:55,595 And you call yourself a fake detective. 421 00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:57,387 Hey, I'm the one who solved the crime! 422 00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,758 You committed the crime! 423 00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:00,310 I'm pretty sure those cancel each other out! 424 00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,602 No, no... (ALL ARGUING) 425 00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:05,645 Stop it! You were all involved in this. 426 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,268 And thanks to you, my reunion concert is ruined! 427 00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:12,402 Nanny, ground thyself. 428 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,448 Hey, Bertram. 429 00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,450 I'm sorry I fed your toupee to the lizard. 430 00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,333 I tried to find a card for that, but no such luck. 431 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,377 It's okay. You didn't know what you were doing. 432 00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:28,748 Which is kind of par for the course. 433 00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,422 Look, Bertram, 434 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,054 I really think you should perform with Badd Direction. 435 00:19:35,054 --> 00:19:37,297 You've waited 25 years for this! 436 00:19:37,297 --> 00:19:40,470 I can't. Not without my secret weapon. 437 00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,062 Well, I've only known you without your hair, and... 438 00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,854 I think you're wonderful. 439 00:19:44,854 --> 00:19:47,146 I mean, think of all the things you're good at. 440 00:19:47,146 --> 00:19:48,768 Like what? Well, you can... 441 00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:50,400 Huh? 442 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,071 And there's... Uh... 443 00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:53,523 (CHUCKLING) 444 00:19:53,523 --> 00:19:55,405 Let's not get bogged down in the details. 445 00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:58,077 The point is, 446 00:19:58,077 --> 00:20:00,280 every single one of those kids went out of their way 447 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,121 to make sure you looked great tonight. 448 00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:03,743 I mean, Zuri did laundry for you. 449 00:20:03,743 --> 00:20:06,035 (CHUCKLES) That was sweet. 450 00:20:06,035 --> 00:20:07,917 By the way, the new machine's coming tomorrow. 451 00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:13,543 Look, we all believe in you, Bertram. 452 00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:14,964 Really? LUKE: Really. 453 00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:17,006 (GASPS) 454 00:20:17,006 --> 00:20:18,007 Aww... 455 00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:21,180 (CHUCKLES) 456 00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,513 We are your secret weapon. 457 00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:24,724 And we'll be rooting for you 458 00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,396 when you are up on that stage tonight, 459 00:20:26,396 --> 00:20:27,807 showing everyone why you still get 460 00:20:27,807 --> 00:20:29,519 free fish in Finland. 461 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:30,480 (LAUGHS) 462 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,851 I appreciate it, guys, but... 463 00:20:31,851 --> 00:20:33,943 No, no, no. No buts. 464 00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:35,315 Now you get up on that stage 465 00:20:35,315 --> 00:20:37,317 and you give those fans what they've been waiting for. 466 00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:39,238 Their social security checks? 467 00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:42,532 No! 468 00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,454 Badd Direction has a new direction, 469 00:20:44,454 --> 00:20:47,457 and it's bigger, better, and bald! 470 00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:51,331 You're right! I'm going to go out there and give it my all! 471 00:20:51,331 --> 00:20:53,042 I just hope they don't laugh at me. 472 00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,174 Of course they won't laugh at you! 473 00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:58,047 They paid $65 to see some middle-aged one-hit wonders. 474 00:20:58,047 --> 00:20:59,639 They have no business laughing at anybody. 475 00:21:03,933 --> 00:21:06,726 ♪ First time I saw you on the street 476 00:21:06,726 --> 00:21:09,389 ♪ You looked at me so warm and sweet 477 00:21:09,389 --> 00:21:11,981 ♪ Frothed me up like a fine souffle 478 00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:14,444 ♪ Then brought me down, baby 479 00:21:14,444 --> 00:21:15,525 ♪ Don't go! 480 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,357 ♪ No matter how I tried 481 00:21:17,357 --> 00:21:18,608 Is that one "the Heartbreaker"? 482 00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:19,659 More like the hip-breaker. 483 00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,992 ♪ Can't take any more of you 484 00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:25,074 ♪ Even with gravy 485 00:21:25,074 --> 00:21:26,165 ♪ So dry! 486 00:21:26,165 --> 00:21:28,578 ♪ This is the brand new me 487 00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,250 ♪ Don't mean your fricassee 488 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,413 ♪ I'm burned but I am free 489 00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:36,626 ♪ No more grill marks on my heart ♪ 490 00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:38,548 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 491 00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:43,132 (LAUGHING) 492 00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,185 Thank you, Central Park! 493 00:21:48,728 --> 00:21:50,560 I'm so happy for Bertram! 494 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,891 Me too! 495 00:21:51,891 --> 00:21:54,524 And I actually enjoyed the concert. 496 00:21:54,524 --> 00:21:57,527 Although, Bertram's crowd surfing was rather unpleasant. 497 00:21:57,527 --> 00:21:59,859 His heinie is excessively sweaty. 498 00:21:59,859 --> 00:22:01,280 (AUDIENCE CHEERING) 499 00:22:05,495 --> 00:22:08,498 You're all bald, too? 500 00:22:08,498 --> 00:22:11,871 Wow! And I thought the fans were flipping their wigs. 501 00:22:11,871 --> 00:22:14,754 See? All Bertram needed was a little confidence. 502 00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:20,169 You are all my disciples! 503 00:22:20,169 --> 00:22:23,383 And I... I'm a golden god! 504 00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:25,675 Wow. 505 00:22:25,675 --> 00:22:27,597 I think we built up his confidence 506 00:22:27,597 --> 00:22:29,769 a little too much. 507 00:22:29,769 --> 00:22:32,432 Oh, no! He's gonna crowd surf again! 508 00:22:32,432 --> 00:22:33,643 Run! 509 00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:35,685 (THUDDING) (GLASS BREAKING) 510 00:22:35,685 --> 00:22:38,608 JESSIE: So, the bug spray people told me to bug off. 511 00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:41,481 My career was as dead as those roaches. 512 00:22:41,481 --> 00:22:44,484 But at least I cracked the Case of the Wandering Wig. 513 00:22:45,194 --> 00:22:46,536 Still... 514 00:22:46,536 --> 00:22:49,158 There was one little question gnawing at me. 515 00:22:49,158 --> 00:22:50,620 If the lizard ate the hair, 516 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,542 then why hadn't the perp pooped the toup?