1
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,219
Wait, Bertram hasn't
made breakfast yet?
2
00:00:08,219 --> 00:00:09,720
Why didn't someone
go get him?
3
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,053
Although we are
famished, we have
mixed emotions
4
00:00:12,053 --> 00:00:15,096
about encouraging
Bertram to cook.
5
00:00:15,096 --> 00:00:17,308
Don't worry,
I'll whip up a
Fort Tavey specialty.
6
00:00:17,308 --> 00:00:19,730
All I need is
five kinds of jalapenos
and a gallon of lard.
7
00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:22,483
ALL: Bertram!
8
00:00:22,483 --> 00:00:24,855
(WHISTLING)
9
00:00:24,855 --> 00:00:26,107
One healthy breakfast,
coming up!
10
00:00:28,739 --> 00:00:29,740
Wow.
11
00:00:32,743 --> 00:00:34,615
Uh...
12
00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:39,210
So Bertram, are you
going to introduce us
to your little friend?
13
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:42,213
I'm sure I have
no idea what you're
talking about.
14
00:00:42,213 --> 00:00:45,166
Then that toupee glue
must have soaked
into your brain.
15
00:00:45,166 --> 00:00:46,797
(LAUGHING)
16
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,170
Did you guys forget
that tonight is my
reunion concert
17
00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,262
for my boy band,
Badd Direction?
18
00:00:53,264 --> 00:00:56,267
How could we forget?
You've been talking
about it for a month!
19
00:00:56,267 --> 00:00:58,889
That's longer
than the band
existed!
20
00:00:58,889 --> 00:01:02,523
Hey, Grill Marks on my Heart
went to number five
in Finland.
21
00:01:02,523 --> 00:01:04,315
To this day,
I can still get
22
00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:06,987
free stuffed herring
anywhere in Helsinki.
23
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:13,324
But that does not
explain the hedgehog
on your head.
24
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,746
Back then
I was called
"the Hair."
25
00:01:15,746 --> 00:01:17,958
This is what my fans
want to see.
26
00:01:17,958 --> 00:01:21,372
Trust me,
nobody wants
to see that.
27
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:22,753
I better
put this away,
28
00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:24,545
so it doesn't get messed up
before the show tonight.
29
00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:26,797
Also, it might want
to run on its
exercise wheel.
30
00:01:26,797 --> 00:01:27,798
(ALL LAUGHING)
31
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:32,923
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
32
00:01:32,923 --> 00:01:36,517
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
33
00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:40,181
♪ It feels like a party
every day
34
00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:43,684
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
35
00:01:43,684 --> 00:01:47,358
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
36
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:50,611
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
37
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:54,365
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
38
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:57,828
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
39
00:01:57,828 --> 00:02:01,912
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
40
00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:05,296
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
41
00:02:05,296 --> 00:02:08,799
♪ Hey Jessie
42
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:12,343
♪ Hey Jessie
43
00:02:12,343 --> 00:02:16,056
♪ It feels like a party
every day
44
00:02:16,056 --> 00:02:20,221
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
45
00:02:23,974 --> 00:02:25,436
My fortune says,
46
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:27,898
"You will be blessed
with many children."
47
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:28,979
I don't know
about blessed.
48
00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:36,327
Mine says I have
a large sum of money
coming my way.
49
00:02:36,327 --> 00:02:37,448
Did something
happen to Grandma?
50
00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:41,412
Try to at least
sound concerned.
51
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:44,285
Ooh, I'm going to be
on a magazine cover!
52
00:02:44,285 --> 00:02:45,456
That's your fortune?
53
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:46,877
No, I just got
an email.
54
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,050
All right, who
stole my hair?
55
00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:51,842
Father Time?
Mother Nature?
56
00:02:53,344 --> 00:02:55,636
No, I mean my toupee.
57
00:02:55,636 --> 00:02:57,137
I already lost
my hair once.
58
00:02:57,137 --> 00:02:58,889
I can't lose it again!
59
00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,431
Can't you get
a new one?
60
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:02,763
Something more
Brad Pitt, less armpit?
61
00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:05,976
No, it was
custom made.
62
00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:07,518
My concert's
in a few hours,
63
00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:10,271
and "the Hair" can't be
the only guy in the band
64
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:11,812
without any hair!
65
00:03:11,812 --> 00:03:13,484
Don't worry, Bertram.
I'll help you find it.
66
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,736
It'll be perfect practice
for my audition.
67
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:18,028
I'm up for the role
of Detective Phyllis Marlowe
68
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,820
in a film noir
TV commercial.
69
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,532
We know. You've been
making us watch
70
00:03:21,532 --> 00:03:23,954
all those 1940s
mystery movies.
71
00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:27,418
The mystery is how
we stayed awake.
72
00:03:27,418 --> 00:03:30,251
And why everyone
talked so weird
back then?
73
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:31,882
They sounded
totes cray.
74
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:35,636
So, what's the
commercial for?
75
00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:37,758
Oh, Legs Up
Bug Spray.
76
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:39,720
But it's only
gonna air in
foreign markets.
77
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:42,553
Because it was
just banned in
the United States.
78
00:03:42,553 --> 00:03:45,396
Hey, it was supposed
to kill roaches,
and it did.
79
00:03:45,396 --> 00:03:46,727
It just
didn't stop there.
80
00:03:51,111 --> 00:03:54,154
So, blondie, do you have
anything you'd like
to tell me?
81
00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,737
Yeah. You're dressing
for the wrong century.
82
00:03:58,489 --> 00:04:00,491
And why are you talking
like a silent movie?
83
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:03,324
Nobody talks
in silent mo...
Oh, never mind.
84
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,828
I am in character.
It helps me think.
85
00:04:07,828 --> 00:04:10,170
So, why do you assume
I took the toupee?
86
00:04:10,170 --> 00:04:12,463
Because I found
glittery footprints
87
00:04:12,463 --> 00:04:14,134
leading up to
Bertram's room,
88
00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:15,586
a flake of your
nail polish on
the wig stand,
89
00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:17,838
and your nameplate
necklace at the scene
of the crime!
90
00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:19,550
(SCOFFS) That's all
you've got?
91
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,011
No.
92
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,554
I also found this
lock of golden hair.
93
00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:24,725
That's not mine!
94
00:04:24,725 --> 00:04:26,517
Good thing, because
it's dry, brittle,
95
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,389
and has horrible
split ends.
96
00:04:28,389 --> 00:04:29,690
How dare you!
97
00:04:29,690 --> 00:04:32,443
I just had
a hydrating treatment!
98
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,775
So it is yours!
Tell me everything
you know.
99
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,946
Including the name
of that treatment.
100
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,450
I was only
trying to help!
101
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,492
I couldn't let Bertram
wear that wig
the way it was.
102
00:04:41,492 --> 00:04:43,203
So, I decided
to give it
a makeover...
103
00:04:43,203 --> 00:04:46,537
JESSIE: And just like that,
she sang like a canary.
104
00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,369
Emma Ross
was a snazzy dame.
105
00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:50,000
She knew that if
being ugly were a crime,
106
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,872
that toupee would go
straight to the slammer.
107
00:04:52,753 --> 00:04:53,754
Ow!
108
00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:59,630
Oh, that's better.
109
00:04:59,630 --> 00:05:01,342
JESSIE: She was
only trying to help
the help,
110
00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,474
who was up coif creek
without a comb.
111
00:05:03,474 --> 00:05:05,095
So she tried
some conditioner,
112
00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:06,517
and it might've worked,
113
00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:08,849
except this wasn't
your run-of-the-mill mop.
114
00:05:08,849 --> 00:05:10,811
No!
115
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:14,274
Why would
the big palooka
buy such cheap hair?
116
00:05:14,274 --> 00:05:16,857
We really should
give the poor,
sweet lug a raise.
117
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:20,491
Well, that's better.
118
00:05:22,443 --> 00:05:23,784
I didn't know
the toupee
would react
119
00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:25,576
to my conditioner
like that!
120
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:26,747
I can't believe
Bertram planned
121
00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,369
to make a comeback
in synthetic hair!
122
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:31,582
The man does love
his coupons.
123
00:05:33,664 --> 00:05:35,005
So where's
the toupee?
124
00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,837
I hid it in the
living room cabinet.
125
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,629
Where we keep
the school supplies?
126
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,842
Brilliant! No one
would ever suspect you
of opening that.
127
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,054
(CHUCKLES)
I know, right?
128
00:05:44,054 --> 00:05:45,426
But when I
went back later
129
00:05:45,426 --> 00:05:47,097
to see if the toupee
had de-puffed,
130
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,178
it was gone!
131
00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,523
Wait!
132
00:05:52,523 --> 00:05:54,104
I know who has
the toupee!
133
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,106
It was in the
school supply cabinet,
134
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,689
and the only person who
does schoolwork around here
is Ravi!
135
00:05:58,689 --> 00:06:01,692
(GASPS)
Of course!
136
00:06:01,692 --> 00:06:04,535
So, who has
the toupee?
137
00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:07,117
We should use
your college fund
on a nice vacation.
138
00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:15,205
Bertram?
139
00:06:15,205 --> 00:06:17,668
You're supposed to be
on stage in Central Park
in three hours.
140
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:20,090
Are you rehearsing
any dance steps besides
141
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,301
the Sitting Man?
142
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,596
I can't do my moves
without my hair.
143
00:06:25,596 --> 00:06:26,557
I have nothing
to flip.
144
00:06:28,769 --> 00:06:31,642
You dance
with your feet,
not your follicles.
145
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:32,723
C'mon, show me
what you got.
146
00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:33,854
I'll give you
some pointers.
147
00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:36,607
Well, in case
Jessie does find
my toupee,
148
00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:39,610
I guess I should be
ready to dazzle them
149
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:41,692
with my high-energy funk.
150
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,576
Help me up.
151
00:06:50,621 --> 00:06:53,534
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
152
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,601
(BONES CRACKING)
153
00:07:13,764 --> 00:07:15,185
Wow.
154
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:17,107
That was great!
155
00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:19,399
But maybe you could do it
a little more like this.
156
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,162
If I had my hair,
I could do that.
157
00:07:33,994 --> 00:07:35,576
Really?
158
00:07:35,576 --> 00:07:36,837
So it had
magical powers?
159
00:07:41,421 --> 00:07:42,793
Okay, there's no need
to be nervous.
160
00:07:42,793 --> 00:07:43,924
I'm just going to
ask you a few...
161
00:07:43,924 --> 00:07:46,717
I am guilty!
162
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:50,140
Send me to my room until
college entrance exams!
163
00:07:50,140 --> 00:07:51,802
Okay, I appreciate
your honesty,
164
00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:54,725
but you confessing so quick
really takes the fun
out of this for me.
165
00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:57,808
Oh, I apologize,
Jessie.
166
00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:58,979
Shall I
resist more?
167
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,981
Oh, just tell me
what you know.
168
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,733
This girdle's really tight,
and I have to go
to the bathroom.
169
00:08:04,815 --> 00:08:08,609
It was a classic case
of being in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
170
00:08:08,609 --> 00:08:10,821
I had just color-coordinated
my kurta closet...
171
00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:13,664
JESSIE: Ravi folded faster
than a dry cleaner
at quittin' time.
172
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,577
The poor crumb
found the toupee
173
00:08:16,577 --> 00:08:19,039
while pilfering recreational
homework supplies.
174
00:08:19,039 --> 00:08:20,671
Even his crimes
were boring.
175
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:24,424
What is this
puzzling puffball?
176
00:08:24,424 --> 00:08:26,006
(CROAKING)
177
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:29,219
You are right!
It is Bertram's toupee!
178
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:30,681
We must fix this.
179
00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:32,302
(CROAKING)
180
00:08:32,302 --> 00:08:34,595
Fine, I will fix it.
181
00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:37,057
You know, it would not
kill you to lift a claw
around here once in a while.
182
00:08:37,057 --> 00:08:38,308
(CROAKING)
183
00:08:39,850 --> 00:08:41,481
JESSIE: Ravi wanted
to return the toupee,
184
00:08:41,481 --> 00:08:43,694
but he knew if Bertram
took a gander at it now,
185
00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:46,486
it would take him
on a one-way trip
over Breakdown Falls.
186
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:49,700
(EXPLODING)
187
00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:53,654
Huzzah! Success!
188
00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:54,865
(SNIFFING) Oh!
189
00:08:54,865 --> 00:08:56,416
(COUGHING)
190
00:08:56,416 --> 00:08:58,829
Dear gods! Mrs. Kipling,
do you smell that?
191
00:09:02,212 --> 00:09:03,754
I will take that
as a yes.
192
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:06,667
JESSIE: Ravi had no choice
193
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:09,129
but to take the noxious
noggin warmer to...
194
00:09:09,129 --> 00:09:11,051
The Fixer.
195
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,302
(CAR SWERVING AND CRASHING)
196
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:13,804
Aw, lemons!
197
00:09:13,804 --> 00:09:15,095
(CAR HONKING)
198
00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,387
Are you
the Fixer?
199
00:09:17,387 --> 00:09:18,679
Who wants
to know?
200
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,481
I do.
That is why I asked.
201
00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:24,444
How'd you
get up here?
202
00:09:24,444 --> 00:09:27,107
Remind me to have
my doorman rubbed out,
203
00:09:27,107 --> 00:09:29,109
and I don't mean
by a masseuse.
204
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,863
Miss Fixer,
I need your help.
205
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,245
I am desperate
to get this
problem fixed.
206
00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:37,157
So why are you twistin'
my nose about it?
207
00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:39,660
Because your nickname
and your business card
208
00:09:39,660 --> 00:09:42,292
rather strongly imply
that you fix things.
209
00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,794
(SNIFFING) Oh!
210
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:46,797
Yeah, but that thing stinks
like last week's chop suey.
211
00:09:47,758 --> 00:09:49,840
Perhaps this
will help?
212
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,678
Deal. Now beat it,
213
00:09:57,678 --> 00:10:00,771
unless you want to
stick around for
a knuckle sandwich.
214
00:10:00,771 --> 00:10:02,432
No, thank you.
I just ate.
215
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,896
(KNUCKLES CRACKING)
216
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:09,149
Oh, I get it.
That was a threat,
not a menu item.
217
00:10:10,691 --> 00:10:11,732
(SNIFFING) Oh!
218
00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:16,116
So Zuri
has the toupee?
Yes.
219
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,948
And all of my
vacation money.
220
00:10:17,948 --> 00:10:18,949
Which, let us
face it,
221
00:10:18,949 --> 00:10:20,831
I was probably going to use
for college anyway.
222
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:27,337
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
223
00:10:30,010 --> 00:10:31,962
(GROANING)
This is hopeless!
224
00:10:31,962 --> 00:10:34,845
Bertram, the problem
isn't your dancing,
it's your attitude.
225
00:10:34,845 --> 00:10:36,466
And also your dancing.
226
00:10:38,058 --> 00:10:40,681
You have to show
some confidence
on stage.
227
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:42,182
Think of your fans.
228
00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:44,064
This performance
is the highlight
of their lives,
229
00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:46,606
which I have to assume
are profoundly empty.
230
00:10:48,028 --> 00:10:50,150
But they're expecting
"the Hair,"
231
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,571
not "the Scalp."
232
00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:53,033
Well then, maybe you could
have a different nickname.
233
00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:54,825
Like what?
234
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:56,947
Like...
"The Hoarder!"
Or "the Napper."
235
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,368
Oh! Oh!
How about
236
00:10:58,368 --> 00:11:01,702
"the One with
an Unhealthy Obsession
for Nesting Dolls"?
237
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:03,373
That won't fit
on a T-shirt!
238
00:11:04,915 --> 00:11:06,747
Maybe you
could be...
239
00:11:06,747 --> 00:11:08,288
"The Hat"?
Yeah!
240
00:11:08,288 --> 00:11:11,922
We had "the Hat."
He quit the band!
241
00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,844
You know nothing
about Badd Direction!
242
00:11:18,298 --> 00:11:19,930
Hey, all I did was
243
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,012
take the toupee
and get the smell out,
244
00:11:22,012 --> 00:11:23,764
just like
Ravi wanted.
245
00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:26,646
That's a relief.
I knew you were a good kid...
246
00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:28,398
Despite what
Kenny Chesney's
bodyguard says.
247
00:11:30,310 --> 00:11:32,022
So, where's
the toupee?
248
00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:33,073
Up a tree.
249
00:11:33,073 --> 00:11:34,735
Please tell me
that's a metaphor.
250
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,367
Nope. See, I tried
to wash it,
251
00:11:37,367 --> 00:11:40,120
but that did not
go so well.
I was just following...
252
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,163
JESSIE: Everyone knew
the Fixer had
many skills,
253
00:11:43,163 --> 00:11:44,915
but laundry
wasn't one of them.
254
00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:47,918
Aw, nuts!
255
00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:49,629
(BLOWING)
256
00:11:49,629 --> 00:11:52,252
Maybe five bottles
of bubble bath
was too much.
257
00:11:52,252 --> 00:11:53,423
(SNIFFING)
258
00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:55,425
Smells beautiful,
though.
259
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,969
JESSIE: The Fixer
may have nixed the stink...
260
00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,641
(BIRD CAWING)
...but she was about to
eat crow.
261
00:12:01,641 --> 00:12:03,053
Hey!
262
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:05,345
This job is for the birds!
263
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,403
So, let me see
if I follow your tune.
264
00:12:13,403 --> 00:12:16,616
Some sticky-taloned
Maltese falcon air-lifted
the wacky weave
265
00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:19,239
to tall, green, and
leafy over here?
266
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:23,573
If you have an English
button, please push it!
267
00:12:23,573 --> 00:12:25,285
Sorry, but
I am paying $100
268
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,997
for a dialogue coach for
a 30-second commercial.
269
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:29,369
I gotta get
my money's worth.
270
00:12:29,369 --> 00:12:31,081
Now, are you sure
you saw the bird
271
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,043
bring Bertram's toupee
to this tree?
272
00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:37,007
Definitely. I watched
the whole thing
through the telescope.
273
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:38,718
Well, there's
no hairpiece up here.
274
00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:41,511
Just some binoculars,
and alarmingly large eggs.
275
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:45,555
(CAWING)
(GASPS)
No! No!
276
00:12:45,555 --> 00:12:47,097
JESSIE: Take that,
stupid bird!
277
00:12:47,097 --> 00:12:47,848
(GRUNTING)
278
00:12:51,561 --> 00:12:53,193
My belt is stuck
on the branch.
279
00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:55,065
(LAUGHING)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
280
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:57,157
Wait, these
are Luke's and...
281
00:12:57,157 --> 00:12:58,738
I know this tree.
282
00:12:58,738 --> 00:13:01,992
Zuri, you said the bird
snatched the toupee
at 4:15?
283
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:03,243
Yeah, why?
284
00:13:03,243 --> 00:13:05,245
Because this is
where Luke sits
285
00:13:05,245 --> 00:13:07,958
to watch the 4:00 p.m.
Ladies Trampoline Practice.
286
00:13:07,958 --> 00:13:11,081
He must've been up here
when the bird snatched
the toup to its coop.
287
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:12,913
Thank you,
Dr. Seuss.
288
00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:15,545
(CAWING)
Oh, no!
289
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,918
He's coming back! Help me!
Get me down, quick!
290
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,886
What? You said "quick."
291
00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,642
♪ I'm burned but I am free
292
00:13:32,642 --> 00:13:35,856
♪ No more grill marks
on my heart ♪
293
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:41,741
So, what do you think
of our hit music video?
294
00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:43,203
I think people
must not have had
295
00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:46,536
a lot of entertainment
options back then.
(SIGHING)
296
00:13:46,536 --> 00:13:49,039
Okay, we've all
seen Bertram's...
297
00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:51,621
Talents.
298
00:13:51,621 --> 00:13:52,953
So now let's
help him rehearse.
299
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,126
Thanks, but
I'm not going on.
300
00:13:56,126 --> 00:13:58,418
I don't want to be
the only one up there
with no hair.
301
00:13:58,418 --> 00:14:00,170
Hey, don't think
about that.
302
00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:03,223
Just remember
you have great hair...
303
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,346
On the inside.
304
00:14:07,767 --> 00:14:10,770
I'm sure in your warped mind
that was encouraging.
305
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:13,433
Okay, I'll give it
a go.
306
00:14:13,433 --> 00:14:15,855
But just like when
I tried skinny jeans,
307
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,318
I don't think
this is gonna work.
308
00:14:18,318 --> 00:14:21,071
At least this time
we won't have to use
the Jaws of Life!
309
00:14:22,983 --> 00:14:25,195
Why can I not be
the cool one?
310
00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:27,327
Genetics.
311
00:14:27,327 --> 00:14:29,039
But don't
feel bad.
312
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:30,620
Luke will never
read a book
without pictures.
313
00:14:32,042 --> 00:14:33,623
Okay, ready?
And...
314
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:36,836
Five, six,
seven, eight.
315
00:14:36,836 --> 00:14:39,709
♪ First time I saw you
on the street
316
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,171
♪ You looked at me... ♪
317
00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:42,132
I don't know
about this...
318
00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,004
C'mon, what could
go wrong?
319
00:14:45,005 --> 00:14:46,967
(ALL MOANING)
320
00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:51,061
What happened here?
321
00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:53,813
All I know is we started
cabbage patching.
322
00:14:53,813 --> 00:14:55,315
The rest is a blur.
323
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:57,938
Here, Luke,
let me help you up.
324
00:14:58,568 --> 00:14:59,940
Thank you.
325
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:02,232
A-ha! Look at
your arm!
I know...
326
00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:04,614
I've been working out.
327
00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:06,826
No, I mean,
look at these scratches.
328
00:15:06,826 --> 00:15:08,578
You got these
in the nest!
329
00:15:08,578 --> 00:15:09,579
You have
the toupee!
330
00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:11,621
Hang on...
331
00:15:11,621 --> 00:15:13,203
All this time you were
trying to convince me
332
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,085
I can get by
without my hair,
333
00:15:15,085 --> 00:15:16,296
and it was you
who stole it?
334
00:15:16,296 --> 00:15:17,877
Hey, wait,
I can explain.
335
00:15:17,877 --> 00:15:19,669
So Luke took
the toupee?
336
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,092
I'm glad I'm not
the only one.
337
00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,883
Wait a minute,
you stole it too?
338
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,046
Actually,
Luke didn't steal it.
339
00:15:26,046 --> 00:15:27,047
He took it
from a bird,
340
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,969
who stole it from Zuri,
who got it from Ravi,
341
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:30,100
who found it
where Emma hid it,
342
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:32,012
after she took it
from you. Ha!
343
00:15:32,392 --> 00:15:33,974
Man, I'm good!
344
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,265
I'm gonna sell
so much bug spray.
345
00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:38,268
Okay, so
I took it!
346
00:15:38,268 --> 00:15:41,481
But what was I
supposed to do,
leave it in that tree?
347
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:43,823
I was trying to do
Bertram a favor.
348
00:15:43,823 --> 00:15:46,026
See, Melinda had just done
a double backflip,
349
00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:47,277
when I noticed
the toupee.
350
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,163
JESSIE: Luke started yammering
that the toupee was
in bad shape
351
00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:54,574
because he had to
wrestle it away
352
00:15:54,574 --> 00:15:56,626
from a pterodactyl
with a temper.
353
00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,458
I haven't seen
this many feathers
354
00:15:58,458 --> 00:16:01,001
since I got tangled up
in that kick line
at the Cotton Club!
355
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:05,675
JESSIE: He didn't want
to get caught
holding the rug,
356
00:16:05,675 --> 00:16:07,257
but before
he could fix it...
357
00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,009
(BERTRAM HUMMING)
358
00:16:12,552 --> 00:16:14,514
Hey, Bertie!
359
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,266
What brings you
into this neck of the woods?
360
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,229
My job,
unfortunately.
361
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:22,192
Oh, cheer up, bub.
362
00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:24,314
The Great Depression
is over.
363
00:16:24,314 --> 00:16:26,156
You haven't seen
my paycheck.
364
00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,068
Out!
365
00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:35,955
I meant to go back
and get the toupee
cleaned up,
366
00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:38,288
but I've been so busy
helping Bertram
with his choreography,
367
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,879
I totally
forgot about it.
368
00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:42,422
How could you forget
you had my toupee?
369
00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:45,085
All day I've been talking
about how much I need it.
370
00:16:45,085 --> 00:16:48,128
In my defense,
your dancing
is very distracting.
371
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,092
Okay, so apparently
everyone's guilty.
372
00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,634
First thing tomorrow,
I'll issue a mass grounding.
373
00:16:54,634 --> 00:16:56,266
But for now,
the important
thing is
374
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:57,307
we know where
the toupee is!
375
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,558
It's in
the freezer!
376
00:16:58,558 --> 00:17:01,351
Well, an icy toupee
is fine with me!
377
00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:03,403
It'll thaw out
before my first
pop 'n lock.
378
00:17:05,405 --> 00:17:08,318
Is he talking about
his dance moves,
or his joints?
379
00:17:11,111 --> 00:17:12,492
I don't see it!
380
00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:14,284
There it is!
My toupee?
381
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,496
No, but I solved
the mystery of
the missing remote.
382
00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:17,917
Yay!
383
00:17:24,214 --> 00:17:25,375
Now, I'm not trying
to accuse anyone,
384
00:17:25,375 --> 00:17:26,966
but one of you
has the toupee.
385
00:17:26,966 --> 00:17:28,628
Jessie, I do not mean
to pick nits,
386
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:31,131
but that is
a textbook example
of an accusation.
387
00:17:32,632 --> 00:17:35,175
Now, listen here.
You were all
in on the grift.
388
00:17:35,175 --> 00:17:38,228
You're all hoodlums, punks,
goons, flimflam artists...
389
00:17:38,228 --> 00:17:39,729
If she keeps
talking like this,
390
00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:41,141
I'm calling a doctor.
391
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:45,105
Cram it,
Jeeves!
392
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,187
It's her process.
Just go with it.
393
00:17:48,488 --> 00:17:50,900
Now, whoever took that toupee
out of the freezer
394
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:53,363
and isn't coming clean
is the lowest of the low.
395
00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,954
(CROAKING)
396
00:17:54,954 --> 00:17:56,196
Can it, Kippy.
397
00:17:57,997 --> 00:18:00,200
Perhaps Mrs. Kipling
is hungry.
398
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,583
She can't be. I just gave her
some grub. Two frozen rats.
399
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,255
(CROAKING)
400
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:07,417
Really? Then that means
401
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:09,469
you were the last one
in the freezer, Jessie.
402
00:18:09,469 --> 00:18:12,512
And that's where
the toupee was last seen...
403
00:18:12,512 --> 00:18:15,425
Wait, you guys think
I pinched the rug?
404
00:18:15,425 --> 00:18:17,137
That's a bunch
of hooey!
405
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,848
I never touched it, see,
and I'll prove it to you.
406
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,220
Here's what happened...
407
00:18:20,220 --> 00:18:22,812
JESSIE: Rat wrangling
was never my favorite chore...
408
00:18:22,812 --> 00:18:25,225
Still, this dame was game.
409
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:29,399
I gave a hungry lizard
her chow, and that's all
she wrote.
410
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,731
Anyone who thinks
I took Bertram's toupee is...
411
00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:32,732
(RECORD SCRATCHING)
412
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,037
Ugh.
413
00:18:39,199 --> 00:18:40,410
There's a rat
in this story,
414
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,622
and it's not
the one Kipling ate!
415
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:46,246
You fed Bertram's toupee
to Mrs. Kipling?
416
00:18:46,246 --> 00:18:47,957
It was an
honest mistake!
417
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,959
I didn't mean to mess up
the toupee!
418
00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:51,461
We messed it up.
419
00:18:51,461 --> 00:18:52,552
You destroyed it.
420
00:18:52,552 --> 00:18:55,595
And you call yourself
a fake detective.
421
00:18:55,595 --> 00:18:57,387
Hey, I'm the one
who solved the crime!
422
00:18:57,387 --> 00:18:58,758
You committed
the crime!
423
00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:00,310
I'm pretty sure
those cancel
each other out!
424
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,602
No, no...
(ALL ARGUING)
425
00:19:02,602 --> 00:19:05,645
Stop it! You were all
involved in this.
426
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,268
And thanks to you,
my reunion concert
is ruined!
427
00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:12,402
Nanny,
ground thyself.
428
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,448
Hey, Bertram.
429
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:20,450
I'm sorry I fed
your toupee to the lizard.
430
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:23,333
I tried to find a card
for that, but no such luck.
431
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,377
It's okay. You didn't know
what you were doing.
432
00:19:27,377 --> 00:19:28,748
Which is kind of
par for the course.
433
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,422
Look, Bertram,
434
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,054
I really think
you should perform
with Badd Direction.
435
00:19:35,054 --> 00:19:37,297
You've waited
25 years for this!
436
00:19:37,297 --> 00:19:40,470
I can't. Not without
my secret weapon.
437
00:19:40,470 --> 00:19:43,062
Well, I've only known you
without your hair, and...
438
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:44,854
I think
you're wonderful.
439
00:19:44,854 --> 00:19:47,146
I mean, think of all
the things you're good at.
440
00:19:47,146 --> 00:19:48,768
Like what?
Well, you can...
441
00:19:48,768 --> 00:19:50,400
Huh?
442
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,071
And there's...
Uh...
443
00:19:52,071 --> 00:19:53,523
(CHUCKLING)
444
00:19:53,523 --> 00:19:55,405
Let's not get
bogged down
in the details.
445
00:19:56,406 --> 00:19:58,077
The point is,
446
00:19:58,077 --> 00:20:00,280
every single one
of those kids
went out of their way
447
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,121
to make sure you
looked great tonight.
448
00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:03,743
I mean, Zuri did
laundry for you.
449
00:20:03,743 --> 00:20:06,035
(CHUCKLES)
That was sweet.
450
00:20:06,035 --> 00:20:07,917
By the way,
the new machine's
coming tomorrow.
451
00:20:11,421 --> 00:20:13,543
Look, we all
believe in you, Bertram.
452
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:14,964
Really?
LUKE: Really.
453
00:20:15,925 --> 00:20:17,006
(GASPS)
454
00:20:17,006 --> 00:20:18,007
Aww...
455
00:20:19,549 --> 00:20:21,180
(CHUCKLES)
456
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,513
We are your
secret weapon.
457
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:24,724
And we'll be
rooting for you
458
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,396
when you are up
on that stage tonight,
459
00:20:26,396 --> 00:20:27,807
showing everyone
why you still get
460
00:20:27,807 --> 00:20:29,519
free fish
in Finland.
461
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:30,480
(LAUGHS)
462
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,851
I appreciate it, guys,
but...
463
00:20:31,851 --> 00:20:33,943
No, no, no.
No buts.
464
00:20:33,943 --> 00:20:35,315
Now you get up
on that stage
465
00:20:35,315 --> 00:20:37,317
and you give those
fans what they've
been waiting for.
466
00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:39,238
Their social security
checks?
467
00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:42,532
No!
468
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:44,454
Badd Direction
has a new direction,
469
00:20:44,454 --> 00:20:47,457
and it's bigger,
better, and bald!
470
00:20:47,457 --> 00:20:51,331
You're right! I'm going
to go out there
and give it my all!
471
00:20:51,331 --> 00:20:53,042
I just hope they don't
laugh at me.
472
00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,174
Of course
they won't
laugh at you!
473
00:20:55,174 --> 00:20:58,047
They paid $65 to see
some middle-aged
one-hit wonders.
474
00:20:58,047 --> 00:20:59,639
They have no business
laughing at anybody.
475
00:21:03,933 --> 00:21:06,726
♪ First time I saw you
on the street
476
00:21:06,726 --> 00:21:09,389
♪ You looked at me
so warm and sweet
477
00:21:09,389 --> 00:21:11,981
♪ Frothed me up
like a fine souffle
478
00:21:11,981 --> 00:21:14,444
♪ Then brought me down, baby
479
00:21:14,444 --> 00:21:15,525
♪ Don't go!
480
00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:17,357
♪ No matter how I tried
481
00:21:17,357 --> 00:21:18,608
Is that one
"the Heartbreaker"?
482
00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:19,659
More like
the hip-breaker.
483
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,992
♪ Can't take any more of you
484
00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:25,074
♪ Even with gravy
485
00:21:25,074 --> 00:21:26,165
♪ So dry!
486
00:21:26,165 --> 00:21:28,578
♪ This is the brand new me
487
00:21:28,578 --> 00:21:31,250
♪ Don't mean your fricassee
488
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,413
♪ I'm burned but I am free
489
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:36,626
♪ No more grill marks
on my heart ♪
490
00:21:37,547 --> 00:21:38,548
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
491
00:21:41,681 --> 00:21:43,132
(LAUGHING)
492
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,185
Thank you,
Central Park!
493
00:21:48,728 --> 00:21:50,560
I'm so happy
for Bertram!
494
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:51,891
Me too!
495
00:21:51,891 --> 00:21:54,524
And I actually
enjoyed the concert.
496
00:21:54,524 --> 00:21:57,527
Although,
Bertram's crowd surfing
was rather unpleasant.
497
00:21:57,527 --> 00:21:59,859
His heinie is
excessively sweaty.
498
00:21:59,859 --> 00:22:01,280
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
499
00:22:05,495 --> 00:22:08,498
You're all
bald, too?
500
00:22:08,498 --> 00:22:11,871
Wow! And I thought
the fans were
flipping their wigs.
501
00:22:11,871 --> 00:22:14,754
See? All Bertram
needed was
a little confidence.
502
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:20,169
You are all
my disciples!
503
00:22:20,169 --> 00:22:23,383
And I...
I'm a golden god!
504
00:22:24,594 --> 00:22:25,675
Wow.
505
00:22:25,675 --> 00:22:27,597
I think we built up
his confidence
506
00:22:27,597 --> 00:22:29,769
a little
too much.
507
00:22:29,769 --> 00:22:32,432
Oh, no! He's gonna
crowd surf again!
508
00:22:32,432 --> 00:22:33,643
Run!
509
00:22:33,643 --> 00:22:35,685
(THUDDING)
(GLASS BREAKING)
510
00:22:35,685 --> 00:22:38,608
JESSIE: So,
the bug spray people
told me to bug off.
511
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:41,481
My career was as dead
as those roaches.
512
00:22:41,481 --> 00:22:44,484
But at least I cracked
the Case of the Wandering Wig.
513
00:22:45,194 --> 00:22:46,536
Still...
514
00:22:46,536 --> 00:22:49,158
There was one little question
gnawing at me.
515
00:22:49,158 --> 00:22:50,620
If the lizard
ate the hair,
516
00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,542
then why hadn't the perp
pooped the toup?