1 00:00:47,761 --> 00:00:48,761 Can I help you? 2 00:00:50,161 --> 00:00:52,441 I would like to purchase one of your material objects. 3 00:00:52,561 --> 00:00:53,681 - Books. - Books. 4 00:00:54,961 --> 00:00:58,241 Let us discuss my purchase in a private place, 5 00:00:58,361 --> 00:01:01,001 because I am buying, er... 6 00:01:01,121 --> 00:01:02,641 Pornography? 7 00:01:02,761 --> 00:01:04,161 Pornography. 8 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:07,321 Gabriel, come into my back room. 9 00:01:08,521 --> 00:01:11,601 We humans are extremely easily embarrassed. 10 00:01:11,721 --> 00:01:15,441 We must buy our pornography secretively. 11 00:01:16,761 --> 00:01:18,721 Human beings are so simple. 12 00:01:18,841 --> 00:01:21,041 And so easily fooled! 13 00:01:21,161 --> 00:01:22,281 Yes. 14 00:01:22,401 --> 00:01:24,521 Ahem, good job. You... you fooled them all. 15 00:01:24,641 --> 00:01:25,841 You remember sandalphon? 16 00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:28,401 Sodom and gomorrah. 17 00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:32,441 You were doing a lot of smiting and turning people into salt. 18 00:01:32,561 --> 00:01:35,161 Hard to forget. 19 00:01:35,281 --> 00:01:38,441 Something smells... evil. 20 00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:43,041 Oh, that'll be the Jeffrey Archer books, I'm afraid. 21 00:01:43,161 --> 00:01:47,241 Well, we just wanted to stop by and check on the status of the antichrist. 22 00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:48,681 Why? 23 00:01:48,801 --> 00:01:51,761 What's wrong? I-I mean, if there is something wrong, 24 00:01:51,881 --> 00:01:53,961 I-I could put my people onto it. 25 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:55,937 Gabriel: Nothing's wrong. Everything's going perfectly. 26 00:01:55,961 --> 00:01:57,921 There's a lot happening. All good. 27 00:01:58,041 --> 00:02:00,081 Allgood? 28 00:02:00,201 --> 00:02:03,201 Well, all going according to the divine plan. 29 00:02:03,321 --> 00:02:04,617 The hell-hound has been set loose, 30 00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:07,561 and now the four horsemen of the apocalypse are being summoned. 31 00:02:07,681 --> 00:02:11,601 Death, pollution, famine, war. 32 00:02:11,721 --> 00:02:14,201 Oh, right. Who exactly summons them? 33 00:02:14,321 --> 00:02:16,201 Not my department. 34 00:02:16,321 --> 00:02:18,041 I believe we outsource that sort of thing. 35 00:02:18,161 --> 00:02:20,041 About time, that's what I say. 36 00:02:20,161 --> 00:02:23,601 You can't have a war without war. 37 00:02:24,881 --> 00:02:27,921 Sandalphon, that is very good. 38 00:02:28,041 --> 00:02:31,321 "You can't have a war without war." 39 00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:33,921 I might use that. Huh? 40 00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,081 Anyway... 41 00:02:36,161 --> 00:02:37,801 No problems? How was the hell-hound? 42 00:02:37,921 --> 00:02:40,361 I-I didn't stick around to see. 43 00:02:40,481 --> 00:02:42,881 Thank you for my pornography! 44 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:46,161 Excellent job. 45 00:02:46,281 --> 00:02:48,081 "You can't have a war without war." 46 00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:50,961 Cleve r. 47 00:03:03,521 --> 00:03:04,521 Welcome back. 48 00:03:04,561 --> 00:03:07,721 Now, the go vernment's foreign affairs spokesman will be here to comment 49 00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:10,001 on the recent increase in international tensions. 50 00:03:10,121 --> 00:03:12,521 But first do you know what's in your fridge? 51 00:03:12,641 --> 00:03:14,361 Morning, crowley. 52 00:03:14,481 --> 00:03:16,121 Lig u r: Just checking in. 53 00:03:16,241 --> 00:03:17,521 Nice chair. 54 00:03:17,641 --> 00:03:20,521 - Hey, guys. - It's about the antichrist. 55 00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:23,001 Yeah. Great kid. Takes after his dad. 56 00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:25,121 Hastu r: 0ur operatives in the state department 57 00:03:25,241 --> 00:03:27,921 have arranged for the child's family to be flown to the middle east. 58 00:03:27,961 --> 00:03:31,321 Ligur: There, he and the hell-hound will be taken to the valley of megiddo. 59 00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:33,881 Hastu r: The four horsemen will begin their final ride. 60 00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:36,201 - Yay. - Armageddon will begin. 61 00:03:36,321 --> 00:03:38,321 The final combat 62 00:03:38,441 --> 00:03:41,201 it's what we've been working towards since we rebelled. 63 00:03:41,321 --> 00:03:43,361 We are the fallen. 64 00:03:43,481 --> 00:03:45,641 Never forget that. 65 00:03:45,761 --> 00:03:47,561 Well, it's not the sort of thing you forget. 66 00:03:47,681 --> 00:03:50,521 [ Don't trust you, crowley 67 00:03:50,641 --> 00:03:52,401 everything's going just fine. 68 00:03:54,241 --> 00:03:55,521 I didn't mean to fall. 69 00:03:56,721 --> 00:03:59,161 I just hung around the wrong people. 70 00:04:00,881 --> 00:04:04,481 Voice of god: Somebody has to summon the four horsemen of the apocalypse. 71 00:04:04,601 --> 00:04:08,201 But they outsource that sort of thing these days. 72 00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:10,921 Meet the summoner. 73 00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:13,281 He has four items to deliver in his Van. 74 00:04:13,401 --> 00:04:16,241 He works for the international express company, 75 00:04:16,361 --> 00:04:20,121 and he's about to make his first delivery in a former war zone. 76 00:04:21,401 --> 00:04:24,961 Sometimes, despite everything, 77 00:04:25,081 --> 00:04:26,761 peace breaks out. 78 00:04:26,881 --> 00:04:28,841 People get tired of fighting, and pain, and death, 79 00:04:28,961 --> 00:04:30,881 and are willing to start all over again. 80 00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:33,881 Excuse me, who are you? 81 00:04:34,001 --> 00:04:37,761 Carmine zingiber, national world weekly. 82 00:04:37,881 --> 00:04:39,121 War correspondent. 83 00:04:39,241 --> 00:04:41,961 Well, this is good, my friend. 84 00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,161 It is good that a member of the world press is here 85 00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:46,041 to see us sign the peace accord. 86 00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:53,801 Right, well, if you'd like to sign this first, your highness, 87 00:04:53,921 --> 00:04:56,641 and then the prime minister, then the supreme leader, 88 00:04:56,761 --> 00:04:58,417 and then we'll get a photograph of all three of you together. 89 00:04:58,441 --> 00:04:59,761 Wait. He signs first? 90 00:04:59,881 --> 00:05:03,801 - It is just a formality who signs first. - A formality? 91 00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:05,337 You make me a laughing stock in my country, 92 00:05:05,361 --> 00:05:07,161 and you call that a formality? 93 00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:10,361 Somebody has to sign the peace agreement first. 94 00:05:10,481 --> 00:05:13,161 They do, and it's me. 95 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,161 Oh, don't mind me, ladies and gents. 96 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:26,081 Oh, what a day, eh? Nearly didn't find the place. 97 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,201 Someone doesn't believe in signposts, eh? 98 00:05:34,321 --> 00:05:35,881 Package for you, miss. 99 00:05:36,001 --> 00:05:39,361 You, er... you have to sign for it. 100 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,801 Well, it's a lovely place you got here. 101 00:05:42,921 --> 00:05:46,401 Yeah, I always wanted to come here on my holidays. 102 00:05:53,681 --> 00:05:55,161 - Finally. - Put it down. 103 00:05:57,041 --> 00:05:58,801 Oh, you sweet thing. 104 00:05:58,921 --> 00:06:02,041 That's not gonna happen, is it? 105 00:06:03,321 --> 00:06:04,841 Sorry, folks. 106 00:06:04,961 --> 00:06:07,441 I'd love to stay and get to know you all better... 107 00:06:08,561 --> 00:06:09,761 But duty calls. 108 00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:24,361 Voice of god: She's the first offour, and you can't have a war without her. 109 00:06:24,481 --> 00:06:26,921 She's been killing time for so long now. 110 00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,601 Time and... sometimes people. 111 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:35,361 And now, 60 centuries of waiting are about to end. 112 00:08:04,641 --> 00:08:06,761 Voice of god: This is also the story of a witch, 113 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,441 a witchfinder and a book. 114 00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:11,881 And the backstory starts about 360 years ago, 115 00:08:12,001 --> 00:08:14,601 with the last witch-burning in england 116 00:08:14,721 --> 00:08:17,281 maggs: Witchfinder major pulsifer, all is prepared. 117 00:08:17,401 --> 00:08:19,001 Where is the hag? 118 00:08:19,121 --> 00:08:21,601 In her cottage. She suspects nothing. 119 00:08:21,721 --> 00:08:23,801 I thought you'd tested her with a pin. 120 00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,761 We did. Regulation-issue witchfinder's pin. 121 00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:27,881 Pricked her all over. 122 00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:29,681 And what was the result? 123 00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:32,401 She said it cured her arthritis. 124 00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:33,521 Hmm. 125 00:08:33,641 --> 00:08:35,441 Of what else is she accused? 126 00:08:35,561 --> 00:08:37,441 Predicting the future, mostly. 127 00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:38,841 She told mistress bulcock 128 00:08:38,961 --> 00:08:41,201 that adultery would be coming to town. 129 00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,481 Such nonsense. 130 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:44,921 That's you, isn't it? 131 00:08:45,041 --> 00:08:46,121 It is not me! 132 00:08:47,721 --> 00:08:49,841 My given name, witchfinder private maggs, 133 00:08:49,961 --> 00:08:51,801 is thou shalt notcommit adultery. 134 00:08:51,921 --> 00:08:55,481 But you can call me witchfinder major pulsifer. 135 00:08:58,441 --> 00:09:01,321 So, they don't call you adultery pulsifer? 136 00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,201 They do not. 137 00:09:03,321 --> 00:09:04,681 Ag n es: Good milkman... 138 00:09:05,841 --> 00:09:07,321 Bring no more milk, 139 00:09:07,441 --> 00:09:08,561 not this day or ever, 140 00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,201 for today .i' am to die in flames. 141 00:09:11,321 --> 00:09:13,521 Yours, Agnes nutter. 142 00:09:17,081 --> 00:09:21,001 Ps - my best wishes to your wife. 143 00:09:23,601 --> 00:09:25,001 Witch! Witch! 144 00:09:25,121 --> 00:09:26,881 They're late. 145 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,601 Pulsifer: She runs, I have heard tell, 146 00:09:30,721 --> 00:09:32,161 with no-one pursuing her. 147 00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:34,721 Aye. She says running each morning 148 00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:37,281 in an unladylike manner around the village 149 00:09:37,401 --> 00:09:38,881 doth improve her health. 150 00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,481 Monstrous. 151 00:09:40,601 --> 00:09:43,481 Perhaps invisible demons pursue the witch as she runs. 152 00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:45,921 No, she said it's good for you. 153 00:09:46,041 --> 00:09:48,961 She said we should get more fibre in our diet. 154 00:09:49,081 --> 00:09:52,761 I told her, I said, "it's hard enough picking out the gravel!" 155 00:09:52,881 --> 00:09:55,881 Aye, she is obviously mad. 156 00:09:56,001 --> 00:09:58,081 But how can we be certain she is a witch? 157 00:09:58,201 --> 00:10:00,761 She cured me of the howling pox. 158 00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:03,321 And cured my son of the bloody flux. 159 00:10:03,441 --> 00:10:05,281 Obviously a witch. 160 00:10:05,401 --> 00:10:07,281 All: Witch. 161 00:10:07,401 --> 00:10:09,561 Witch. 162 00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:11,441 Witch. 163 00:10:11,561 --> 00:10:13,081 Witch. 164 00:10:18,681 --> 00:10:20,001 Adultery pulsifer, 165 00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:22,081 good people, 166 00:10:22,201 --> 00:10:23,841 thou art tardy. 167 00:10:23,961 --> 00:10:25,961 I should have been aflame ten minutes since. 168 00:10:27,201 --> 00:10:28,401 Right. 169 00:10:29,561 --> 00:10:31,161 Mistress nutter? 170 00:10:31,281 --> 00:10:32,761 - Woman: Hey! - Pulsifer: Oi! 171 00:10:32,881 --> 00:10:35,201 Woman: Oi! 172 00:10:56,121 --> 00:10:58,921 This is most irregular, mistress nutter. 173 00:11:03,761 --> 00:11:06,081 Gather thee right close, good people. 174 00:11:06,201 --> 00:11:10,001 Come close, until the fire near scorch ye... 175 00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:16,521 For I charge ye that all must see how the last true witch in england dies. 176 00:11:16,641 --> 00:11:20,161 And let my death be a message to the world. 177 00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:21,441 Come. 178 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:24,321 Come. Gather thee close, I say. 179 00:11:24,441 --> 00:11:26,921 And Mark well the fate of those who meddle 180 00:11:27,041 --> 00:11:30,481 with such as they do not understand. 181 00:11:37,601 --> 00:11:39,881 Oh, bugger. 182 00:11:49,321 --> 00:11:50,977 Voice of god: Among the folk from the next village, 183 00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,041 there was much subsequent debate 184 00:11:53,161 --> 00:11:56,801 as to whether this disaster had been sent by god or by Satan. 185 00:11:57,881 --> 00:12:01,121 However, a note found in a gnes's cottage 186 00:12:01,241 --> 00:12:04,521 suggested that any divine or devilish intervention 187 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:08,441 had been materially helped by Agnes's petticoats, 188 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,761 in which she had concealed 50 lbs of gunpowder 189 00:12:10,881 --> 00:12:14,481 and 30 lbs of roofing nails. 190 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,521 Oh, bugger. 191 00:12:16,641 --> 00:12:20,881 Agnes also left behind a box and a book. 192 00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,217 They were to be given to her daughter and her son-in-law, 193 00:12:23,241 --> 00:12:26,561 John and I/irtue de vice. 194 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,681 "Dear mistress nutter, 195 00:12:28,801 --> 00:12:30,481 "we take great pleasure in enclosing 196 00:12:30,601 --> 00:12:32,641 "your author's copy of your book. 197 00:12:32,761 --> 00:12:34,601 "We trust it will sell in huge numbers, 198 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,681 "yea, and be reprinted even unto a second printing. 199 00:12:37,801 --> 00:12:40,881 "Yours, bilton and scaggs, publishers." 200 00:12:41,001 --> 00:12:45,041 The nice and accurate prophecies of a gnes nutter. 201 00:12:45,161 --> 00:12:49,401 "Reminiscent of nostradamus at his best. 202 00:12:49,521 --> 00:12:50,641 "Ursula shipton." 203 00:12:51,961 --> 00:12:53,241 What does this mean, John? 204 00:12:53,361 --> 00:12:56,201 It means, virtue, that even though Agnes is dead, 205 00:12:56,321 --> 00:12:58,041 we must study her book, 206 00:12:58,161 --> 00:13:00,841 for your mother knew the future. 207 00:13:07,601 --> 00:13:10,161 "Prophecy 2,214. 208 00:13:11,361 --> 00:13:14,561 "In December 1980, 209 00:13:14,681 --> 00:13:17,721 "an apple will arise no man can eat. 210 00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:21,681 "Invest thy money in masterjobbes's machine, 211 00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,201 "and good fortune will tend thy days." 212 00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:27,521 Oh, I mean, this is balderdash. 213 00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,721 Voice of god: The book Agnes left behind her 214 00:13:34,841 --> 00:13:38,001 was the sole prophetic work in all of human history 215 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:41,881 to consist entirely of completely correct predictions 216 00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:45,641 concerning the following 350-odd years, 217 00:13:45,761 --> 00:13:48,361 being a precise and accurate description 218 00:13:48,481 --> 00:13:51,241 of the events that would culminate in armageddon. 219 00:13:52,521 --> 00:13:55,121 [T was on the money in every single detail. 220 00:13:56,761 --> 00:13:58,761 On the night the antichrist was born, 221 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,001 in a house in Malibu, Agnes nutter's 222 00:14:01,121 --> 00:14:03,801 great-great-great-great-great granddaughter 223 00:14:03,921 --> 00:14:06,081 was drawing on the title page. 224 00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:10,081 And metaphorically, the book had just begun to tick. 225 00:14:13,441 --> 00:14:16,961 Ok, anathema. Prophecy 2,214. 226 00:14:17,081 --> 00:14:19,601 "In December 1980, 227 00:14:19,721 --> 00:14:22,841 "an apple will arise that no man can eat." 228 00:14:22,961 --> 00:14:25,521 That one's stupid, mom. It doesn't mean anything. 229 00:14:25,641 --> 00:14:31,161 My mom bought 5,000 shares in apple in 1980. 230 00:14:31,281 --> 00:14:33,601 That's worth $40 million today. 231 00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:38,281 Ok, 2,213. 232 00:14:38,401 --> 00:14:42,561 "Four shall ride, and three shall ride the sky as two, 233 00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:44,921 "and one shall ride in flames, 234 00:14:45,041 --> 00:14:47,401 "and there shall be no stopping them. 235 00:14:47,521 --> 00:14:51,961 "Not fish, nor rain, neither devil or angel. 236 00:14:52,081 --> 00:14:54,801 "And ye shall be there also, anathema." 237 00:14:54,921 --> 00:14:56,481 You see? 238 00:14:56,601 --> 00:14:59,081 She's got special plans for you, mi amor. 239 00:14:59,201 --> 00:15:02,041 Agnes gave us the easyjob. 240 00:15:02,161 --> 00:15:05,361 We just had to make sure everything was good for the family. 241 00:15:05,481 --> 00:15:09,041 You're the one that's going to have to save the world. 242 00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:15,601 Voice of god: Meanwhile, in dorking, surrey, 243 00:15:15,721 --> 00:15:19,721 thou shalt not c ommitadultery pulsifer's great-great-great-great-great grandson 244 00:15:19,841 --> 00:15:21,881 should have been in bed hours ago. 245 00:15:23,121 --> 00:15:24,121 Newton? 246 00:15:24,241 --> 00:15:26,321 It's after your bedtime, dear. 247 00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:27,721 Just a few more minutes, mum. 248 00:15:27,841 --> 00:15:29,521 I'm putting the old computer back together. 249 00:15:29,561 --> 00:15:32,121 You young scientists and your experiments. 250 00:15:32,241 --> 00:15:33,921 It's not really an experiment, mum. 251 00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,441 I just changed the plug. 252 00:15:35,561 --> 00:15:36,561 It'll work now. 253 00:15:41,801 --> 00:15:44,401 I do hope the man from the electric isn't going to be upset again. 254 00:15:44,441 --> 00:15:45,561 It's not fair. 255 00:15:45,681 --> 00:15:46,961 Oh, don't worry, love. 256 00:15:47,081 --> 00:15:48,801 It's not as if it's the end of the world. 257 00:15:49,881 --> 00:15:53,161 I just wanted to say, well, good luck on the new job. 258 00:15:53,281 --> 00:15:55,041 I hope it works out this time. 259 00:15:55,161 --> 00:15:57,481 - I'm sure it'll be fine, mum. - You've just been unlucky. 260 00:15:57,601 --> 00:15:58,841 I made you sandwiches. 261 00:16:06,561 --> 00:16:08,241 Louisa: And you are? 262 00:16:09,521 --> 00:16:11,721 Newton pulsifer. Wages clerk. 263 00:16:11,841 --> 00:16:12,921 I'm new. 264 00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:17,841 Excuse me, I was just wondering, 265 00:16:17,961 --> 00:16:20,921 is there a way that I could do this without putting it in the computer? 266 00:16:21,041 --> 00:16:23,521 Is there a way of accessing the wages database... 267 00:16:24,521 --> 00:16:26,081 Without using a computer? 268 00:16:26,201 --> 00:16:28,561 Or maybe someone could print it out for me, 269 00:16:28,681 --> 00:16:30,921 and then I could do the sums on paper. 270 00:16:37,681 --> 00:16:39,801 Who's excited by the training initiative? 271 00:16:39,921 --> 00:16:41,681 Let's see some hands. Yeah? 272 00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,441 Just so that you know, Norman, 273 00:16:43,561 --> 00:16:45,961 I've registered a complaint with hr 274 00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:48,721 about this whole training initiative nonsense. 275 00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:51,041 It's a team-building exercise, Janice. 276 00:16:51,161 --> 00:16:54,921 And, um, just so as you know, there's no I in team. 277 00:16:55,041 --> 00:16:58,321 - Yeah? - But there's two 1's in building, Nigel. 278 00:16:59,321 --> 00:17:01,521 - And an I in exercise. - Nigel: Yeah. All right. 279 00:17:01,641 --> 00:17:04,401 So, can I have everybody's attention, please? 280 00:17:04,521 --> 00:17:06,721 Sorry, I've just got to hit return and I'll be with you. 281 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,041 Staff: Oh! 282 00:17:12,161 --> 00:17:13,521 Sorry. 283 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:16,401 Just not very good with computers. 284 00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:22,121 Need a hand, dick? 285 00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:24,761 My name's not actually dick. It's the car's name. 286 00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,601 You can ask me why, if you like. 287 00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:40,921 Hello. 288 00:17:42,761 --> 00:17:44,481 Athaneema device? 289 00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:47,201 Anathema device. It's an old family name. 290 00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:50,201 Purpose of your visit to the United Kingdom? 291 00:17:50,321 --> 00:17:52,281 Well, I'm commanded by an ancient family prophecy. 292 00:17:52,361 --> 00:17:55,081 I'm going to use all the wisdom and witchcraft at my disposal 293 00:17:55,201 --> 00:17:56,921 to hunt down the heart of darkness, 294 00:17:57,041 --> 00:17:58,617 and then do all that I can to destroy it 295 00:17:58,641 --> 00:18:00,297 before it brings about the end of the world. 296 00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:01,521 I'm sorry? 297 00:18:02,641 --> 00:18:04,121 Vacation. 298 00:18:05,161 --> 00:18:06,281 Newton: Hello, mum. 299 00:18:06,401 --> 00:18:08,201 The new job? 300 00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,401 Yeah, it's... it's going really well. 301 00:18:10,521 --> 00:18:11,961 They're great. 302 00:18:12,081 --> 00:18:13,841 - They loved me. - Shadwell: Walk past them 303 00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:15,041 with your noses in the air. 304 00:18:15,161 --> 00:18:16,521 Bye, mum. 305 00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:18,881 There's only one thing we have to fear, you sissies, 306 00:18:19,001 --> 00:18:23,441 and it's not global warming, and it's not nuclear armageddon. 307 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,401 Can anyone here tell me what it is? 308 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,801 Ha! You don't answer. 309 00:18:27,921 --> 00:18:30,041 You don't answer because you know it's true. 310 00:18:30,161 --> 00:18:32,041 They are hidden in our midst. 311 00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:33,361 I'm the thin red line 312 00:18:33,481 --> 00:18:35,641 that stands between humanity and the darkness. 313 00:18:35,761 --> 00:18:38,241 - Yea, I'm talking about... - Witches? 314 00:18:39,441 --> 00:18:41,281 Aye, witches. 315 00:18:41,401 --> 00:18:44,041 They lurk behind a facade of righteousness. 316 00:18:44,161 --> 00:18:46,241 And there's naebody can stop them... 317 00:18:46,361 --> 00:18:47,521 But me. 318 00:18:49,681 --> 00:18:52,361 In the old days, witchfinders were respected. 319 00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:54,321 Matthew Hopkins, witchfinder general. 320 00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:58,681 He used to charge each town and village ninepence 321 00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:00,041 for every witch he found. 322 00:19:00,161 --> 00:19:02,081 And they paid. 323 00:19:02,201 --> 00:19:04,841 Are you, um, witchfinder general? 324 00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:06,481 Oh, I am not. 325 00:19:06,601 --> 00:19:08,841 There is no longer a witchfinder general. 326 00:19:08,961 --> 00:19:10,881 Nor is there a witchfinder colonel, 327 00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:13,561 a witchfinder major, not even a witchfinder captain. 328 00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:17,321 There is, however, a witchfinder sergeant. 329 00:19:17,441 --> 00:19:18,921 And you're looking at him. 330 00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:21,721 Well, pleased to meet you, mr shadwell. 331 00:19:21,841 --> 00:19:25,241 Um, cup of tea. Nine sugars. 332 00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:27,481 And a packet of cheese and onion crisps. 333 00:19:27,601 --> 00:19:29,761 Server: Coming right up, boss. 334 00:19:29,881 --> 00:19:32,241 Get your wallet out, laddie. 335 00:19:32,361 --> 00:19:34,217 Bit of advice - you never want to appear tight-fisted 336 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:36,641 on first acquaintance. 337 00:19:36,761 --> 00:19:40,281 - Thank you. - And it's not mr shadwell, 338 00:19:40,401 --> 00:19:44,521 it's sergeant. Witchfinder sergeant shadwell. 339 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:45,641 What's your name, lad? 340 00:19:45,721 --> 00:19:47,761 Newton. Newton pulsifer. 341 00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:50,001 Pulsifer? 342 00:19:50,121 --> 00:19:51,801 That's a familiar name, now you mention it. 343 00:19:53,761 --> 00:19:55,281 You have your own teeth? 344 00:19:55,401 --> 00:19:56,801 Er, yes. 345 00:19:59,121 --> 00:20:00,321 How many nipples have you got? 346 00:20:00,401 --> 00:20:02,921 - What? - Nipples, laddie. How many? 347 00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,881 Um, just the usual two. 348 00:20:07,801 --> 00:20:10,201 Be here at 11 o'clock tomorrow. 349 00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:11,681 Bring scissors. 350 00:20:42,321 --> 00:20:45,001 Just put it there. Thanks so much. 351 00:20:45,121 --> 00:20:47,921 What a gorgeous village, huh? 352 00:20:48,041 --> 00:20:49,881 Thank you. 353 00:20:50,001 --> 00:20:51,601 Hmm. 354 00:21:12,721 --> 00:21:13,761 Right. 355 00:21:15,201 --> 00:21:16,441 To work. 356 00:21:18,681 --> 00:21:19,921 Easyjob. 357 00:21:21,161 --> 00:21:22,841 Deliver the antichrist. Keep an eye on him. 358 00:21:24,281 --> 00:21:25,721 Nice, straightforward job, eh? 359 00:21:27,321 --> 00:21:29,961 Not the kind of thing any demon is going to screw up, right? 360 00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:34,361 Voice of god: The only things in the flat crowley devotes any personal attention to 361 00:21:34,481 --> 00:21:36,281 are the house plants. 362 00:21:36,401 --> 00:21:40,201 He had heard about talking to plants in the early 705 363 00:21:40,321 --> 00:21:42,161 and thought it an excellent idea. 364 00:21:42,281 --> 00:21:46,881 Although "talking" is perhaps the wrong word for what crowley does. 365 00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:48,161 Is that a spot? 366 00:21:50,241 --> 00:21:51,361 Is it? 367 00:21:53,921 --> 00:21:57,761 Right, you know what I've told you all about leaf spots. 368 00:21:57,881 --> 00:21:59,881 I will not stand for them! 369 00:22:08,041 --> 00:22:09,121 You know what you've done. 370 00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,241 You've disappointed me. 371 00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,121 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. 372 00:22:16,241 --> 00:22:18,041 Everyone! 373 00:22:18,161 --> 00:22:20,041 Say goodbye to your friend. 374 00:22:20,161 --> 00:22:21,721 He just couldn't cut it. 375 00:22:23,681 --> 00:22:28,441 Now, this is going to hurt you so much more than it will hurt me. 376 00:22:28,561 --> 00:22:32,721 You guys, grow better! 377 00:22:32,841 --> 00:22:35,841 Voice of god: What he does is put the fear of god into them. 378 00:22:35,961 --> 00:22:38,601 More precisely, the fear of crowley. 379 00:22:38,721 --> 00:22:42,281 The plants are the most luxurious, verdant and beautiful in London... 380 00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:45,321 Also, the most terrified. 381 00:23:06,241 --> 00:23:09,241 The nice and accurate prophecies of a gnes nutter? 382 00:23:09,361 --> 00:23:11,201 I'm so sorry, I can't help you. 383 00:23:11,321 --> 00:23:13,921 Well, of course I know who she was. 384 00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:17,161 Born 1600, exploded 1656. 385 00:23:17,281 --> 00:23:20,081 But there are no copies of herbook available. 386 00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:24,161 No, I can't name my price. I don't have it. 387 00:23:24,281 --> 00:23:25,561 Nobody ha... 388 00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:31,121 Well, there really is no need for that kind of language. 389 00:23:48,561 --> 00:23:50,161 Um, hello. 390 00:23:50,281 --> 00:23:53,041 I'm here about the advert? In the paper? 391 00:23:53,161 --> 00:23:56,241 Well, madame Tracy draws aside the veil 392 00:23:56,361 --> 00:23:58,641 every afternoon except Thursdays. 393 00:23:58,761 --> 00:24:00,921 I think there must be another advert. 394 00:24:01,041 --> 00:24:02,601 Oh, fight 395 00:24:03,721 --> 00:24:06,481 come in, clear. You're lucky. 396 00:24:06,601 --> 00:24:08,601 One of my regulars had to cancel. 397 00:24:09,841 --> 00:24:13,681 Now, I don't do anything kinky except by prior arrangement. 398 00:24:13,801 --> 00:24:15,241 And my knees... 399 00:24:16,561 --> 00:24:17,681 Aren't what they were. 400 00:24:17,801 --> 00:24:20,681 Also, if it's strict discipline you'll be wanting, 401 00:24:20,801 --> 00:24:22,121 you'd better tell me now 402 00:24:22,241 --> 00:24:25,201 cos it can take me half an hour to squeeze into the leather pinny. 403 00:24:25,321 --> 00:24:27,521 I'm sorry? 404 00:24:28,961 --> 00:24:32,321 Are you not here for intimate personal relaxation 405 00:24:32,441 --> 00:24:35,161 and stress relief for the discerning gentleman? 406 00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:39,961 I'm here to join the witchfinder army. 407 00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:41,521 Oh! 408 00:24:41,641 --> 00:24:44,121 Mr shadwell said he was expecting a visitor. 409 00:24:48,281 --> 00:24:51,041 It's just been him for so long. 410 00:24:52,681 --> 00:24:54,681 Aye? 411 00:24:54,801 --> 00:24:57,801 It's your new recruit, mr shadwell, look. 412 00:24:57,921 --> 00:24:59,241 Away with you, harlot. 413 00:24:59,361 --> 00:25:01,761 Scarlet woman. Jezebel! 414 00:25:01,881 --> 00:25:03,721 Oh, mr shadwell. 415 00:25:04,841 --> 00:25:06,001 I'll bring you both tea. 416 00:25:07,161 --> 00:25:08,401 Milk and sugar, dear? 417 00:25:08,521 --> 00:25:10,601 Shadwell: He's in the army now, jezebel. 418 00:25:10,721 --> 00:25:12,721 He'll make his own tea. 419 00:25:19,361 --> 00:25:21,881 Welcome to the witchfinder army, new recruit. 420 00:25:22,001 --> 00:25:25,241 You are, as of now, witchfinder private pulsifer. 421 00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:28,081 We used to be powerful. 422 00:25:28,201 --> 00:25:29,521 We used to be important. 423 00:25:29,641 --> 00:25:31,961 - Oh. - Condensed milk, lad. 424 00:25:32,081 --> 00:25:34,521 - And I take... - Nine sugars. 425 00:25:34,641 --> 00:25:36,441 Exactly. 426 00:25:36,561 --> 00:25:38,481 We were the line of fire 427 00:25:38,601 --> 00:25:40,921 between the darkness and the poor unsuspecting folk 428 00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:42,441 who don't believe in witches. 429 00:25:42,561 --> 00:25:45,481 - Hmm! - But, sergeant shadwell, 430 00:25:45,601 --> 00:25:48,001 don't the churches do that these days? 431 00:25:48,121 --> 00:25:49,761 Nae, laddie. 432 00:25:49,881 --> 00:25:51,681 Against the darkness? 433 00:25:51,801 --> 00:25:53,201 It's a war. 434 00:25:53,321 --> 00:25:55,201 And you know what our first weapon is? 435 00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:59,081 Oh! The thundergun 436 00:25:59,201 --> 00:26:02,361 of witchfinder colonel "get 'em before they get you" dalrymple? 437 00:26:02,481 --> 00:26:04,041 Nae, laddie. 438 00:26:04,161 --> 00:26:05,961 That'll ne'er be used again. 439 00:26:06,081 --> 00:26:08,161 Not in this degenerate age. 440 00:26:09,321 --> 00:26:10,921 Very good. 441 00:26:11,041 --> 00:26:12,601 And you know what we do with them? 442 00:26:16,721 --> 00:26:18,201 No, lad. 443 00:26:21,201 --> 00:26:22,681 We read. 444 00:26:22,801 --> 00:26:25,521 And we cut. 445 00:26:29,561 --> 00:26:31,561 Recording: Hey, this is Anthony crowley. 446 00:26:31,681 --> 00:26:33,201 You know what to do. Do it with style. 447 00:26:34,921 --> 00:26:36,681 Aziraphale: No leads yet my end. 448 00:26:36,801 --> 00:26:38,441 Anything at your end? 449 00:26:38,561 --> 00:26:40,961 Listen, .i' have sort of an idea. 450 00:26:41,081 --> 00:26:42,081 What? 451 00:26:42,121 --> 00:26:44,841 Ah, hello. When you did the baby swap 77 years ago, 452 00:26:44,961 --> 00:26:48,081 - could something have gone wrong? - What? 453 00:26:54,481 --> 00:26:57,561 - You've lost the boy. - We've lost him. 454 00:26:57,681 --> 00:26:59,441 A child has been lost. 455 00:26:59,561 --> 00:27:01,561 - But you still know his age... - We know. 456 00:27:01,681 --> 00:27:03,281 His birthday. He's 11. 457 00:27:03,401 --> 00:27:04,481 You make it sound easy. 458 00:27:04,601 --> 00:27:06,081 Well, it can't be that hard. 459 00:27:06,201 --> 00:27:07,761 I just hope nothing's happened to him. 460 00:27:07,881 --> 00:27:09,601 Happened? Nothing's happened to him. 461 00:27:09,721 --> 00:27:11,161 He happens to everything. 462 00:27:11,281 --> 00:27:15,361 So, we only have to find his birth records. 463 00:27:15,481 --> 00:27:18,081 Go through the hospital files. 464 00:27:18,201 --> 00:27:20,921 - And then what? - And then we find the child. 465 00:27:21,041 --> 00:27:22,801 And then what? 466 00:27:22,921 --> 00:27:24,057 Watch out for that pedestrian! 467 00:27:24,081 --> 00:27:26,881 She's on the street. She knows the risk she's taking. 468 00:27:27,001 --> 00:27:28,921 Just watch the road. Watch the road! 469 00:27:30,281 --> 00:27:32,841 Where is this hospital, anyway? 470 00:27:32,961 --> 00:27:34,481 A village near Oxford - tadfield. 471 00:27:34,601 --> 00:27:38,001 Crowley, you can't do 90mph in central London. 472 00:27:38,121 --> 00:27:40,121 - Why not? - You'll get us killed. 473 00:27:40,241 --> 00:27:43,121 Well, inconveniently discorporated. 474 00:27:43,241 --> 00:27:47,441 Music. Why don'tl put on a little... 475 00:27:47,561 --> 00:27:49,201 Music? 476 00:27:49,321 --> 00:27:50,641 What's a velvet underground? 477 00:27:50,761 --> 00:27:52,361 You wouldn't like it. 478 00:27:52,481 --> 00:27:54,321 Oh. Bebop. 479 00:27:54,441 --> 00:27:56,401 Agh! 480 00:28:01,801 --> 00:28:04,201 I still can't believe your dad let you keep him, Adam. 481 00:28:05,401 --> 00:28:07,321 Actually, when I found a cat, 482 00:28:07,441 --> 00:28:09,721 we had to put up a notice saying we found a lost cat, 483 00:28:09,841 --> 00:28:11,401 and then we had to give her back. 484 00:28:11,521 --> 00:28:14,961 It's my birthday. And he wasn't wearing a collar. 485 00:28:15,081 --> 00:28:17,081 And we asked, and nobody's reported a missing dog. 486 00:28:17,201 --> 00:28:19,881 Our dog doesn't like me. It pretends I'm not there. 487 00:28:20,001 --> 00:28:23,961 Did you know that my cousin Charlotte says that, in america, 488 00:28:24,081 --> 00:28:28,121 they have shops that sell 39 different flavours of ice cream? 489 00:28:28,241 --> 00:28:30,761 Voice of god: Wensleydale's first name is jerem y, 490 00:28:30,881 --> 00:28:32,921 but nobody's ever used it 491 00:28:33,041 --> 00:28:36,441 not even his parents, who call him youngster. 492 00:28:36,561 --> 00:28:38,281 All that stands between wensleydale 493 00:28:38,401 --> 00:28:39,441 and chartered accountancy 494 00:28:39,561 --> 00:28:41,401 is... time. 495 00:28:41,521 --> 00:28:43,761 There aren't 39 different flavours of ice cream. 496 00:28:43,881 --> 00:28:48,001 There aren't 39 flavours of ice cream in the whole world. 497 00:28:50,401 --> 00:28:54,561 Voice of god: Pepper's given first names were pippin Galadriel moonchild. 498 00:28:54,681 --> 00:28:57,241 She had been given them in a naming ceremony 499 00:28:57,361 --> 00:29:00,161 in a muddy valley field that contained several sheep 500 00:29:00,281 --> 00:29:02,961 and a number of leaky polythene tents. 501 00:29:03,081 --> 00:29:06,001 Six months later, sick of the rain, the men, the sheep - 502 00:29:06,121 --> 00:29:09,761 who ate first their mar/j'uana crop and then their tents - 503 00:29:09,881 --> 00:29:11,681 pepper's mother returned to tadfield 504 00:29:11,801 --> 00:29:14,321 and enrolled in a sociology course. 505 00:29:15,961 --> 00:29:17,961 There could be if you mix them up. 506 00:29:18,081 --> 00:29:20,841 You know, strawberry and chocolate. 507 00:29:20,961 --> 00:29:23,001 Voice of god: Every gang needs a Brian. 508 00:29:23,121 --> 00:29:27,641 Always grimy, always supportive of anything a dam in vents or needs. 509 00:29:27,761 --> 00:29:28,961 Brian: Vanilla and chocolate. 510 00:29:29,081 --> 00:29:30,681 Chocolate and vanilla. 511 00:29:30,801 --> 00:29:33,961 Strawberry and vanilla... and chocolate. 512 00:29:34,081 --> 00:29:36,081 Anyway, nobody's going to take dog away from me. 513 00:29:36,201 --> 00:29:37,841 We're together to the end. Aren't we, boy? 514 00:29:42,521 --> 00:29:44,721 Anath ema: Eye of newt and tongue of dog, 515 00:29:44,841 --> 00:29:47,561 north by northwest. 516 00:29:50,841 --> 00:29:52,121 And it's southwest. 517 00:29:58,641 --> 00:30:01,081 You must be here somewhere. 518 00:30:01,201 --> 00:30:03,801 Pepper: There's a witch moved in to Jasmine cottage. 519 00:30:03,921 --> 00:30:06,401 - Brian: That's stupid. - Pepper: It's not stupid, stupid. 520 00:30:06,521 --> 00:30:07,761 Mrs Henderson told my mother 521 00:30:07,881 --> 00:30:10,001 that the lady there gets a witches' newspaper. 522 00:30:10,121 --> 00:30:13,881 Excuse me. My father says there's no such thing as witches. 523 00:30:14,001 --> 00:30:16,321 It makes sense that witches would have their own newspaper. 524 00:30:16,401 --> 00:30:17,841 My dad gets the anglers' times, 525 00:30:17,961 --> 00:30:19,697 and I bet there's loads more witches than anglers. 526 00:30:19,721 --> 00:30:22,561 Shut up. I'm trying to tell you things. 527 00:30:22,681 --> 00:30:25,641 It's called the psychic news. 528 00:30:25,761 --> 00:30:26,801 She's a witch. 529 00:30:26,921 --> 00:30:29,001 Actually, there are no more witches, 530 00:30:29,121 --> 00:30:30,721 because we invented science, 531 00:30:30,841 --> 00:30:33,561 and all the vicars set fire to the witches for their own good. 532 00:30:33,681 --> 00:30:35,241 It was called the Spanish inquisition. 533 00:30:35,361 --> 00:30:37,921 I don't reckon it's allowed, going round setting fire to people. 534 00:30:38,041 --> 00:30:40,361 Otherwise people would be doing it all the time. 535 00:30:40,481 --> 00:30:41,657 It's all right if you're a vicar, 536 00:30:41,681 --> 00:30:43,377 and it stops the witches from going to hell. 537 00:30:43,401 --> 00:30:46,057 So I expect they'd be quite grateful if they understood it properly. 538 00:30:46,081 --> 00:30:48,401 We could be the new Spanish inquisition. 539 00:30:48,521 --> 00:30:51,561 Actually, we can't be the Spanish inquisition, 540 00:30:51,681 --> 00:30:53,161 because we're not actually Spanish. 541 00:30:53,281 --> 00:30:56,081 I've been to Barcelona. I can teach you Spanish. 542 00:30:56,201 --> 00:30:58,121 They say "olé" a lot. 543 00:30:58,241 --> 00:31:01,001 We should practise before we start burning witches. 544 00:31:01,121 --> 00:31:02,761 We should start small and work our way up. 545 00:31:03,881 --> 00:31:04,881 Leave it to me. 546 00:31:06,601 --> 00:31:10,761 Aziraphale: This is the tadfield area. Does it look familiar yet? 547 00:31:10,881 --> 00:31:11,881 You know, it does. 548 00:31:11,921 --> 00:31:14,441 I think there's an air base around here somewhere. 549 00:31:14,561 --> 00:31:16,681 Air base? 550 00:31:16,801 --> 00:31:19,201 Well, you don't think American diplomats' wives 551 00:31:19,321 --> 00:31:21,321 usually give birth in little religious hospitals 552 00:31:21,441 --> 00:31:23,481 in the middle of nowhere, do you? 553 00:31:23,601 --> 00:31:25,801 No, it all had to seem to happen naturally, 554 00:31:25,921 --> 00:31:28,081 so there's an air base at lower tadfield. 555 00:31:28,201 --> 00:31:31,641 Things started to happen, base hospital isn't ready. 556 00:31:31,761 --> 00:31:34,041 "Oh," our man there says, 557 00:31:34,161 --> 00:31:36,961 "there's a birthing hospital just down the road." 558 00:31:37,081 --> 00:31:38,881 And there we were. 559 00:31:39,001 --> 00:31:41,121 Rather good organisation. 560 00:31:41,241 --> 00:31:42,641 Flawless. 561 00:31:42,761 --> 00:31:44,321 It should have worked. 562 00:31:44,441 --> 00:31:49,441 Ah, but evil always contains the seeds of its own destruction. 563 00:31:50,441 --> 00:31:53,961 No matter how well-planned, how foolproof an evil plan, 564 00:31:54,081 --> 00:31:58,601 no matter how apparently successful it may seem upon the way, 565 00:31:58,721 --> 00:32:04,241 in the end, it will founder on the rocks of iniquity and vanish. 566 00:32:05,721 --> 00:32:08,721 For my money, it was just an ordinary cock-up. 567 00:32:20,041 --> 00:32:21,041 Hey, guys. 568 00:32:22,601 --> 00:32:23,601 Nice hat. 569 00:32:23,681 --> 00:32:25,961 Actually, we made it out of cardboard. 570 00:32:26,081 --> 00:32:27,161 It's for our game. 571 00:32:27,281 --> 00:32:28,521 Stylish. 572 00:32:28,641 --> 00:32:29,681 What are you guys playing? 573 00:32:29,721 --> 00:32:31,137 Wensleydale: The British inquisition. 574 00:32:31,161 --> 00:32:32,921 Come on, wensleydale! 575 00:32:33,041 --> 00:32:36,161 Sounds like fun. How does the game work? 576 00:32:36,281 --> 00:32:38,441 I am chief inquisitor, Brian is head torturer, 577 00:32:38,561 --> 00:32:39,961 and we're trying to find a witch. 578 00:32:40,081 --> 00:32:42,441 Oh. Sounds very sensible. 579 00:32:43,881 --> 00:32:45,281 - How do you do that? - Adam: Watch. 580 00:32:45,361 --> 00:32:47,761 Art thou a witch? 581 00:32:47,881 --> 00:32:49,601 Olé! 582 00:32:50,841 --> 00:32:52,641 Yes? 583 00:32:52,761 --> 00:32:54,001 You can't say yes. 584 00:32:54,121 --> 00:32:56,201 - You've got to say no. - Then what? 585 00:32:56,321 --> 00:32:58,281 Then we torture you until you say yes. 586 00:32:58,401 --> 00:32:59,921 Wait, you're going to torture him? 587 00:33:00,041 --> 00:33:01,201 We built a torturing machine. 588 00:33:06,641 --> 00:33:08,561 It looks like a swing. 589 00:33:08,681 --> 00:33:12,521 But obviously, in this situation, I actually am a witch. 590 00:33:12,641 --> 00:33:16,081 I have a big pointy hat, and we have a cat at home, and... 591 00:33:16,201 --> 00:33:17,681 And I borrowed mum's broom. 592 00:33:17,801 --> 00:33:19,297 Pepper: Look, no-one's saying you can't be a witch, 593 00:33:19,321 --> 00:33:20,681 but you just have to say 594 00:33:20,801 --> 00:33:24,081 you're nota witch. There's no point taking all this trouble 595 00:33:24,201 --> 00:33:26,001 if you're going to go around saying yes 596 00:33:26,121 --> 00:33:28,441 the minute we ask you. Just say no! 597 00:33:28,561 --> 00:33:32,081 - Wensleydale: But... - Art thou a witch, oh, evil crone? 598 00:33:32,201 --> 00:33:35,601 Excuse me, Adam, why must I do all the work? 599 00:33:35,721 --> 00:33:39,001 I'm being tortured here. Actually, this is very painful. 600 00:33:39,121 --> 00:33:40,737 I'm thinking of admitting to being a witch. 601 00:33:40,761 --> 00:33:43,481 I'm going to go home if I can't have a go. 602 00:33:43,601 --> 00:33:45,641 Don't see why evil witches should have all the fun. 603 00:33:45,761 --> 00:33:47,601 Wensleydale: You have to keep pushing! 604 00:33:47,721 --> 00:33:50,121 - Hey, kid. - Adam: Yo? 605 00:33:50,241 --> 00:33:51,961 - Can I ask you something? - Yeah. 606 00:33:52,081 --> 00:33:54,841 Are there any great beasts or strange things happening? 607 00:33:56,001 --> 00:33:57,801 Well, there's dog. I mean, he's a beast. 608 00:33:57,921 --> 00:33:58,921 Come on, dog, say hello. 609 00:34:00,601 --> 00:34:02,041 Not what I was looking for. 610 00:34:02,161 --> 00:34:04,721 Adam: Hold on. I have to tell them what to do. 611 00:34:04,841 --> 00:34:07,761 All right, evil witch wensleydale, don't do it again. 612 00:34:07,881 --> 00:34:10,881 And now you get off the torturing swing and let someone else have a turn. 613 00:34:11,001 --> 00:34:15,561 Right, well, you kids are hilarious, but I'm going to keep looking, so, bye. 614 00:34:27,801 --> 00:34:30,841 Aziraphale: Um, are you sure this is the right place? 615 00:34:30,961 --> 00:34:33,281 This... this doesn't look like a hospital. 616 00:34:33,401 --> 00:34:34,841 And... 617 00:34:35,801 --> 00:34:37,321 Well... 618 00:34:38,721 --> 00:34:39,921 It feels loved. 619 00:34:42,201 --> 00:34:43,681 No, it's definitely the place. 620 00:34:44,801 --> 00:34:45,881 What do you mean loved? 621 00:34:46,001 --> 00:34:47,337 Well, I mean the opposite of when you say, 622 00:34:47,361 --> 00:34:50,121 "I don't like this place. It feels spooky." 623 00:34:50,241 --> 00:34:52,841 I don't ever say that. I like spooky. 624 00:34:52,961 --> 00:34:55,161 Big spooky fan, me. Let's go talk to some nuns. 625 00:34:56,961 --> 00:34:59,041 Ah! Oh! 626 00:35:00,801 --> 00:35:02,961 Blue? 627 00:35:04,161 --> 00:35:06,401 - Oh, it's paint. - Tompkins: Hey! 628 00:35:07,561 --> 00:35:08,641 You've both been hit! 629 00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:11,897 I don't know what you think you're playing at, right... 630 00:35:11,921 --> 00:35:14,761 Ah! 631 00:35:17,081 --> 00:35:19,041 - Well, that was fun. - Well, yes, fun for you. 632 00:35:19,161 --> 00:35:20,801 Look at the state of this coat. 633 00:35:20,921 --> 00:35:25,121 I've kept this in tip-top condition for over 180 years now. 634 00:35:25,241 --> 00:35:26,841 I'll never get this stain out. 635 00:35:28,001 --> 00:35:29,321 You could miracle it away. 636 00:35:29,441 --> 00:35:31,961 Hmm... yes, but... 637 00:35:32,081 --> 00:35:35,401 Well, I would always know the stain was there. 638 00:35:36,481 --> 00:35:39,881 Underneath, I mean. 639 00:35:44,521 --> 00:35:45,641 Oh! 640 00:35:47,241 --> 00:35:48,241 Thank you. 641 00:35:50,041 --> 00:35:51,321 Impressive hardware. 642 00:35:54,201 --> 00:35:56,081 I've looked at this gun. 643 00:35:56,201 --> 00:35:58,281 It's not a proper one at all. 644 00:35:58,401 --> 00:36:00,641 It just shoots paintballs. 645 00:36:00,761 --> 00:36:02,361 Don't your lot disapprove of guns? 646 00:36:02,481 --> 00:36:05,361 Unless they're in the right hands. 647 00:36:05,481 --> 00:36:08,481 Then they give weight to a moral argument... 648 00:36:08,601 --> 00:36:10,201 I think. 649 00:36:10,321 --> 00:36:11,521 A moral argument? 650 00:36:11,641 --> 00:36:13,081 Really? 651 00:36:13,201 --> 00:36:14,721 Come on. 652 00:36:17,441 --> 00:36:18,681 This is definitely the place. 653 00:36:18,801 --> 00:36:20,577 Voice of god: Management training no longer meant 654 00:36:20,601 --> 00:36:23,801 watching half a dozen unreliable powerpoint presentations. 655 00:36:23,921 --> 00:36:26,241 Firms these days expected more than that. 656 00:36:26,361 --> 00:36:29,041 They wanted to establish leadership potential, 657 00:36:29,161 --> 00:36:31,481 group cooperation and initiative, 658 00:36:31,601 --> 00:36:33,481 which allowed their employees to fire paintballs 659 00:36:33,521 --> 00:36:36,361 at any colleagues who irritated them. 660 00:36:36,481 --> 00:36:38,521 Wonder where the nuns went. 661 00:36:38,641 --> 00:36:41,201 The brochure for tadfield manor crowley is inspecting 662 00:36:41,321 --> 00:36:43,481 fails to contain any sentences along the lines of 663 00:36:43,601 --> 00:36:46,881 "until 77 years ago, the manor was used as a hospital 664 00:36:47,001 --> 00:36:51,161 "b y an order of satanic nuns who weren't actually very good at it." 665 00:36:54,801 --> 00:36:58,121 Oh, Millie from accounts caught me on the elbow. 666 00:36:58,241 --> 00:37:00,481 - Who's winning? - You're all going to lose. 667 00:37:03,001 --> 00:37:05,361 What... what the hell did you just do? 668 00:37:06,361 --> 00:37:09,561 Well, they wanted real guns, so I gave them what they wanted. 669 00:37:15,041 --> 00:37:17,297 I always said you couldn't trust those people from purchasing. 670 00:37:17,321 --> 00:37:18,841 The bastards! 671 00:37:25,481 --> 00:37:28,361 There are people out there shooting at each other. 672 00:37:28,481 --> 00:37:32,201 Well, it lends weight to their moral argument. 673 00:37:33,361 --> 00:37:34,401 Everyone has free will, 674 00:37:34,521 --> 00:37:35,961 including the right to murder. 675 00:37:36,081 --> 00:37:38,361 Just think of it as a microcosm of the universe. 676 00:37:39,441 --> 00:37:41,561 I wanted to be a graphics designer, 677 00:37:41,681 --> 00:37:43,641 design lps for the rolling stones, 678 00:37:43,761 --> 00:37:45,617 but the careers teacher said he hadn't heard of them. 679 00:37:45,641 --> 00:37:50,601 So I spent 36 years double-checking form bf-18. 680 00:37:50,721 --> 00:37:54,401 They couldn't just say, "oh, Norman, we're giving you early retirement. 681 00:37:54,521 --> 00:37:56,641 "Have a watch, bugger off and tend to your marigolds." 682 00:37:58,201 --> 00:38:00,161 Well, if they want war, 683 00:38:00,281 --> 00:38:02,001 we're going to give them war. 684 00:38:02,121 --> 00:38:05,521 Ok, guys, let's get the bastards. 685 00:38:13,761 --> 00:38:15,761 They're murdering each other? 686 00:38:15,881 --> 00:38:18,601 No, they aren't. No-one's killing anyone. 687 00:38:18,721 --> 00:38:21,041 They're all having miraculous escapes. 688 00:38:21,161 --> 00:38:22,721 It wouldn't be any fun otherwise. 689 00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:27,081 You know, crowley, 690 00:38:27,201 --> 00:38:30,401 I've always said that deep down, 691 00:38:30,521 --> 00:38:32,121 you really are quite a nice... 692 00:38:32,241 --> 00:38:33,441 Shut it! 693 00:38:33,561 --> 00:38:35,161 I'm a demon. I'm not nice. 694 00:38:35,281 --> 00:38:36,961 I'm never nice. Nice is a four-letter word. 695 00:38:37,041 --> 00:38:39,401 - I will not have... - Mary: Excuse me, gentlemen. 696 00:38:39,521 --> 00:38:41,601 Sorry to break up an intimate moment. Can I help you? 697 00:38:46,321 --> 00:38:47,521 You. 698 00:38:47,641 --> 00:38:49,641 Saints and demons preserve us, it's master crowley! 699 00:38:51,361 --> 00:38:53,201 You didn't have to do that. 700 00:38:53,321 --> 00:38:54,841 You could have just asked her. 701 00:38:56,761 --> 00:38:58,881 Of course, of course. No. Yeah. 702 00:38:59,001 --> 00:39:01,121 "Excuse me, ma'am, we're two supernatural entities 703 00:39:01,241 --> 00:39:03,641 "just looking for the notorious son of Satan. 704 00:39:03,761 --> 00:39:06,081 "Wonder if you might help us with our enquiries?" 705 00:39:10,601 --> 00:39:12,841 Um... Look... 706 00:39:12,961 --> 00:39:14,121 Hello. 707 00:39:14,241 --> 00:39:17,721 You weren't by any chance a nun here, at this convent, 708 00:39:17,841 --> 00:39:19,321 11 years ago, were you? 709 00:39:19,441 --> 00:39:20,961 I was. 710 00:39:22,041 --> 00:39:23,081 Luck of the devil. 711 00:39:24,881 --> 00:39:26,641 What happened to the baby I gave you? 712 00:39:26,761 --> 00:39:30,961 I swapped him with the son of the American ambassador. 713 00:39:31,081 --> 00:39:32,281 Such a nice man. 714 00:39:32,401 --> 00:39:34,481 He used to be ambassador to swindon. 715 00:39:36,601 --> 00:39:40,681 Then sister Theresa garrulous came and took the other baby away. 716 00:39:40,801 --> 00:39:43,361 This American ambassador - what was his name, 717 00:39:43,481 --> 00:39:45,681 where did he come from and what did he do with the baby? 718 00:39:45,761 --> 00:39:47,881 - I don't know. - Aziraphale: Records. 719 00:39:48,001 --> 00:39:50,401 - There must have been records. - Yes. 720 00:39:50,521 --> 00:39:52,161 There were lots of records. 721 00:39:52,281 --> 00:39:53,761 We were very good at keeping records. 722 00:39:53,841 --> 00:39:55,841 Well, where are they? 723 00:39:55,961 --> 00:39:57,281 Burned in the fire. 724 00:40:00,121 --> 00:40:02,201 Hastur! 725 00:40:02,321 --> 00:40:06,121 Well, is there anything you remember about the baby? 726 00:40:07,881 --> 00:40:10,361 He had lovely little toesie-woesies. 727 00:40:11,561 --> 00:40:13,041 Let's go. 728 00:40:13,161 --> 00:40:17,041 You will wake having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best. 729 00:40:17,161 --> 00:40:18,921 Crowley: Oi. 730 00:40:23,281 --> 00:40:26,401 You'd think he'd show up, wouldn't you? 731 00:40:26,521 --> 00:40:28,561 You'd think we could detect him in some way. 732 00:40:28,681 --> 00:40:31,321 He won't show up. Not to us. Protective camouflage. 733 00:40:33,041 --> 00:40:35,641 He won't even know it, but his powers will keep him hidden 734 00:40:35,761 --> 00:40:37,161 from prying occult forces. 735 00:40:37,281 --> 00:40:38,601 Occult forces? 736 00:40:38,721 --> 00:40:40,441 You and me. 737 00:40:41,681 --> 00:40:43,881 - I'm not occult. - Oh... 738 00:40:44,001 --> 00:40:46,721 Angels aren't occult. We're ethereal. 739 00:40:53,321 --> 00:40:54,897 Is there some other way of locating him? 740 00:40:54,921 --> 00:40:56,881 How the heaven should I know? 741 00:40:57,001 --> 00:40:58,801 Armageddon only happens once, you know. 742 00:40:58,921 --> 00:41:01,281 You don't get to go round again until you get it right. 743 00:41:02,441 --> 00:41:04,561 I know one thing - if we don't find him, 744 00:41:04,681 --> 00:41:06,681 it won't be the war to end all wars. 745 00:41:06,801 --> 00:41:09,361 It'll be the war to end everything. 746 00:41:09,761 --> 00:41:11,681 Voice of god: Most books on witchcraft 747 00:41:11,801 --> 00:41:14,321 will tell you that witches work naked. 748 00:41:14,441 --> 00:41:18,081 This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men. 749 00:41:19,121 --> 00:41:21,441 "Darksome night and shining moon..." 750 00:41:28,001 --> 00:41:29,161 Come on. 751 00:41:41,201 --> 00:41:42,881 Aziraphale: There's a very peculiar feeling 752 00:41:42,921 --> 00:41:44,281 to this whole area. 753 00:41:45,361 --> 00:41:47,321 I'm astonished you can't feel it. 754 00:41:47,441 --> 00:41:49,361 I don't feel anything out of the ordinary. 755 00:41:49,481 --> 00:41:51,761 But it's everywhere. All over here. 756 00:42:02,081 --> 00:42:03,241 Love. 757 00:42:03,361 --> 00:42:04,361 Flashes of love. 758 00:42:04,401 --> 00:42:05,681 You're being ridiculous. 759 00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:08,801 Last thing we need right now is... 760 00:42:13,561 --> 00:42:14,761 You hit someone. 761 00:42:14,881 --> 00:42:16,121 I didn't. 762 00:42:17,481 --> 00:42:18,641 Someone hit me. 763 00:42:27,321 --> 00:42:28,481 Let there be light. 764 00:42:35,081 --> 00:42:36,641 How the hell did you do that? 765 00:42:42,481 --> 00:42:44,241 I think I hit my head. 766 00:42:45,321 --> 00:42:47,881 Aziraphale: That's it. No bones broken. 767 00:43:00,601 --> 00:43:01,881 My bike. 768 00:43:10,841 --> 00:43:13,441 Amazingly resilient, these old machines. 769 00:43:13,561 --> 00:43:14,921 Where do you need to get to? 770 00:43:15,041 --> 00:43:17,001 No, no, we're not giving her a lift. 771 00:43:17,121 --> 00:43:19,201 Out of the question. There's nowhere to put the bike. 772 00:43:19,321 --> 00:43:22,961 Except for the bike rack. 773 00:43:26,281 --> 00:43:27,841 Do get in, my dear. 774 00:43:31,081 --> 00:43:33,641 So, where are we taking you? 775 00:43:33,761 --> 00:43:35,761 Back to the village. I'll give you directions. 776 00:43:38,601 --> 00:43:41,801 ♪ Bicycle, bicycle, bicycle 777 00:43:41,921 --> 00:43:48,041 ♪ .i' want to ride my bicycle, bicycle, bicycle... ♪ 778 00:43:48,161 --> 00:43:51,201 Listen, my bike, it didn't have gears. 779 00:43:51,321 --> 00:43:52,801 I know my bike didn't have gears. 780 00:43:54,921 --> 00:43:55,921 Make a left. 781 00:43:58,161 --> 00:44:01,601 Oh, lord, heal this bike. 782 00:44:01,721 --> 00:44:03,121 I got carried away. 783 00:44:03,241 --> 00:44:05,361 Oh, you can drop me off here. 784 00:44:20,161 --> 00:44:22,761 Oh, look, no gears. 785 00:44:22,881 --> 00:44:24,961 Just a perfectly normal velocipede. 786 00:44:25,081 --> 00:44:26,201 Bicycle. 787 00:44:26,321 --> 00:44:28,921 Can we get on? 788 00:44:29,041 --> 00:44:30,721 Get in, angel. 789 00:44:35,041 --> 00:44:37,321 ♪ .I' want to ride my 790 00:44:37,441 --> 00:44:38,481 ♪ bicycle 791 00:44:38,601 --> 00:44:42,041 ♪ bicycle, bicycle... ♪ 792 00:44:47,081 --> 00:44:49,041 Anathema's mother: Hola, mi amor. How is it going? 793 00:44:49,121 --> 00:44:51,001 Lousy. 794 00:44:51,121 --> 00:44:54,401 - Any progress in finding the...? - The young beast and the lesser beast? 795 00:44:56,161 --> 00:44:57,841 It must be at the north end of the village. 796 00:44:57,961 --> 00:44:59,201 I'm certain of it. I just... 797 00:45:00,241 --> 00:45:02,441 Can't figure out... where. 798 00:45:02,561 --> 00:45:06,401 - Have you used your pendulum? - Mom, I'm not a kid. 799 00:45:06,521 --> 00:45:08,201 If I get too close, the signal swamps me. 800 00:45:08,321 --> 00:45:10,001 Further away, I can't get an accurate fix. 801 00:45:10,121 --> 00:45:14,281 Mi amor, the answers are always in the book. 802 00:45:14,401 --> 00:45:17,161 It's just sometimes you don't see them till afterwards. 803 00:45:20,721 --> 00:45:22,721 The book. 804 00:45:22,841 --> 00:45:24,841 Holy shit, mom. I'm going to have to call you back. 805 00:45:47,641 --> 00:45:51,041 You know, we might get another human to find him. 806 00:45:53,441 --> 00:45:55,841 - What? - Humans are good at finding other humans. 807 00:45:55,961 --> 00:45:57,761 They've been doing it for thousands of years. 808 00:45:57,881 --> 00:46:00,201 And the child is partly human. 809 00:46:00,321 --> 00:46:03,041 Other humans might be able to sense him. 810 00:46:03,161 --> 00:46:04,481 He's the antichrist. 811 00:46:04,601 --> 00:46:06,801 He's got an automatic defence thingy. 812 00:46:06,921 --> 00:46:09,521 Suspicion slides off him like... 813 00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:13,721 Whatever it is water slides off. 814 00:46:13,841 --> 00:46:16,641 Got any better ideas? 815 00:46:16,761 --> 00:46:19,361 Or one single better idea? 816 00:46:24,881 --> 00:46:27,097 Deirdre: I still don't know why you let him keep that dog. 817 00:46:27,121 --> 00:46:29,201 It was his birthday and... 818 00:46:29,321 --> 00:46:30,641 Oh, I don't know, 819 00:46:30,761 --> 00:46:33,681 the way that he was looking at the dog, and the dog was looking at him. 820 00:46:34,881 --> 00:46:36,521 As if they were made for each other. 821 00:46:36,641 --> 00:46:38,401 Arthur... 822 00:46:38,521 --> 00:46:40,721 You are a softie sometimes. 823 00:46:40,841 --> 00:46:42,161 I resent that remark. 824 00:46:43,601 --> 00:46:45,801 - Where's the dog now? - Tied up outside. 825 00:46:45,921 --> 00:46:49,481 Adam asked if he could have him in his room, but I said absolutely not. 826 00:46:49,601 --> 00:46:51,921 "Absolutely not," I said. 827 00:47:17,681 --> 00:47:19,041 Come on, dog. 828 00:47:27,161 --> 00:47:28,441 What was that about? 829 00:47:28,561 --> 00:47:30,961 Oh, just checking on Adam. 830 00:47:33,001 --> 00:47:34,761 He's quite sweet, you know... 831 00:47:34,881 --> 00:47:36,161 When he's asleep. 832 00:47:37,241 --> 00:47:38,961 When he's asleep, yeah. 833 00:48:10,241 --> 00:48:12,401 Look, there's something I should tell you. 834 00:48:13,841 --> 00:48:15,161 I have a... 835 00:48:16,441 --> 00:48:17,961 Network... 836 00:48:18,081 --> 00:48:20,521 Of highly-trained human agents 837 00:48:20,641 --> 00:48:23,081 spread across the country. 838 00:48:23,201 --> 00:48:27,001 Now, I could set them searching for the boy. 839 00:48:27,121 --> 00:48:30,041 You do? I actually... I actually have something similar. 840 00:48:30,161 --> 00:48:31,161 Human operatives. 841 00:48:31,201 --> 00:48:36,201 Gosh, do you think they ought to work together? 842 00:48:36,321 --> 00:48:38,921 I don't think that's a very good idea. 843 00:48:39,041 --> 00:48:41,841 My lot are not very sophisticated, 844 00:48:41,961 --> 00:48:43,281 politically speaking. 845 00:48:44,681 --> 00:48:47,121 No, no, neither are mine. 846 00:48:47,241 --> 00:48:51,401 So we tell our respective operatives to look for the boy. 847 00:48:51,521 --> 00:48:54,441 Unless you have a better idea? 848 00:48:55,841 --> 00:48:56,841 Ducks! 849 00:48:56,881 --> 00:49:00,521 - What about ducks? - They're what water slides off. 850 00:49:00,641 --> 00:49:03,121 Just drive the car, please. 851 00:49:17,041 --> 00:49:21,321 You know, if you lined up everyone in the whole world 852 00:49:21,441 --> 00:49:23,481 and asked them to describe the velvet underground, 853 00:49:23,601 --> 00:49:26,761 nobody at all would say bebop. 854 00:49:29,001 --> 00:49:30,681 Oh, there's a book back there. 855 00:49:30,801 --> 00:49:32,801 Well, it's not mine. I don't read books. 856 00:49:32,921 --> 00:49:35,401 It has to belong to the young lady you hit with your car. 857 00:49:35,521 --> 00:49:36,801 I'm in enough trouble as it is. 858 00:49:36,921 --> 00:49:39,001 I'm not going to start returning lost property. 859 00:49:39,121 --> 00:49:41,121 That's what your lot do. 860 00:49:41,241 --> 00:49:43,681 Why don't you just send it to the tadfield post office, 861 00:49:43,801 --> 00:49:46,361 addressed to "the mad American woman with the bicycle"? 862 00:49:48,121 --> 00:49:49,481 Oh, er... 863 00:49:49,601 --> 00:49:52,161 Jolly good, yes. Rather. 864 00:49:52,281 --> 00:49:55,521 Right, so we'll both contact our respective human operatives, then? 865 00:49:55,641 --> 00:49:57,441 All right. 866 00:49:57,561 --> 00:49:59,601 - You all right? - Perfectly, yes. 867 00:49:59,721 --> 00:50:01,001 Er, tip-top. 868 00:50:01,121 --> 00:50:03,961 - Absolutely tickety-boo. - Tickety-boo? 869 00:50:04,081 --> 00:50:05,081 Mind how you go. 870 00:50:08,161 --> 00:50:09,681 Right. 871 00:50:09,801 --> 00:50:11,081 Well, that was a thing. 872 00:50:11,201 --> 00:50:13,441 Voice of god: Aziraphale was particularly proud 873 00:50:13,561 --> 00:50:15,761 of his books of prophecy. 874 00:50:15,881 --> 00:50:17,601 First editions, usually. 875 00:50:17,721 --> 00:50:19,681 And every one was signed. 876 00:50:19,801 --> 00:50:22,681 He had Martha the gypsy and .i'gnatius s ybilla 877 00:50:22,801 --> 00:50:25,321 and 0ttwell binns. 878 00:50:25,441 --> 00:50:27,081 Nostradamus had signed, 879 00:50:27,201 --> 00:50:31,361 "to myne olde friend azerafel, with beste wishes." 880 00:50:31,481 --> 00:50:34,681 Mother shipton had spilled drink on his copy of her book. 881 00:50:34,801 --> 00:50:36,521 He even owned an original scroll 882 00:50:36,641 --> 00:50:39,281 in the handwriting of st John the divine of patmos, 883 00:50:39,401 --> 00:50:43,241 whose revelation had been the all-time best seller. 884 00:50:43,361 --> 00:50:44,857 But there was one book he didn't have. 885 00:50:44,881 --> 00:50:46,761 One book he had only heard of 886 00:50:50,601 --> 00:50:56,281 aziraphale: The nice and accurate prophecies of a gnes nutter. 887 00:51:06,561 --> 00:51:08,361 "3,008. 888 00:51:08,481 --> 00:51:12,081 "When that the angel readeth these words of mine, 889 00:51:12,201 --> 00:51:15,241 "in his shop of other men's books, 890 00:51:15,361 --> 00:51:19,201 "then the final days are certes upon us. 891 00:51:19,321 --> 00:51:21,761 "Open thine eyes to understand. 892 00:51:21,881 --> 00:51:25,121 "Open thine eyes and read, I do say, 893 00:51:25,241 --> 00:51:26,641 "foolish principalitee, 894 00:51:26,761 --> 00:51:31,041 "for thy cocoa doth grow... cold." 895 00:51:33,241 --> 00:51:36,161 "Thy cocoa doth grow cold"? 896 00:51:36,281 --> 00:51:38,561 What cocoa...? Ohh! 897 00:52:18,001 --> 00:52:19,001 Any news? 898 00:52:19,041 --> 00:52:20,297 Found the missing antichrist yet? 899 00:52:20,321 --> 00:52:22,561 No! No news. Nothing. Nothing at all. 900 00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,457 If I had anything, I would tell you, obviously. 901 00:52:24,481 --> 00:52:26,417 Immediately. We're friends. Why would you even ask? 902 00:52:26,441 --> 00:52:27,697 Oh, there's no news here either. 903 00:52:27,721 --> 00:52:29,801 Call me if you find anything. 904 00:52:29,921 --> 00:52:31,641 Absolutely. Why would you think I wouldn't? 905 00:52:42,481 --> 00:52:44,401 Hang on. 906 00:52:53,601 --> 00:52:57,961 "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast, 907 00:52:58,081 --> 00:53:01,441 "for it is the number of a man. 908 00:53:01,561 --> 00:53:06,801 "And his number is six hundred threescore and six." 909 00:53:08,361 --> 00:53:10,121 It can't be that simple, can it? 910 00:53:13,721 --> 00:53:18,001 I'd have to put the tadfield area code first, of course. 911 00:53:37,441 --> 00:53:40,481 Tadfield, 0-4-6-triple 6. Arthur young here. 912 00:53:40,601 --> 00:53:43,241 Dad, look, I got dog to walk on his hind legs! 913 00:53:46,321 --> 00:53:48,321 Sorry, right number!