[singing indistinctly on TV]
[gasps]
-Mail's here. -I can see that.
Wanna check it? Could be important.
It's never important. Just bills and junk.
Here's what I do with the mail.
Bye-bye.
I can't believe you throw out your mail without looking at it. That's crazy!
There's nothing in there.
How do you know?
Okay, why don't you go look through it? If you find anything good, it's yours.
Fine, I will.
Told you. Waste of time.
Hm.
Whoa!
What?
-I just inherited a Scottish castle! -What do you mean, you?
-You said whatever I find in here is mine. -Well, I didn't mean it. Give me that.
[chuckling] A deal is a deal.
Come back here. I mean it, Benjamin!
That castle's mine!
[whoops] I got a castle.
♪ Who's the mouse who's fun and witty Scoops the news for New Mouse City? ♪
♪ Geronimo! ♪
♪ He's amazing, he's terrific Watch out, world, he's cheddarific ♪
♪ He's out of sight and in the know ♪
♪ Go! ♪
♪ He's the one we call Geronimo ♪
So, I had a distant relative who was a Scottish lord,
and he left his castle and his property to me.
I don't get it. Why leave it to you? He doesn't know you.
-He must not have any other relatives. -Or friends.
Yeah, he must have been desperate to find someone.
I disagree.
Maybe he heard about me and decided I was the most worthy relative.
[all] No.
This could be an interesting story. Commoner becomes a lord.
Our viewers will love it. Can we come along?
Sure, why not? I'd better get packed.
-[bell jingles] -Ah!
-What? -I just thought, now that I'm a lord,
one of you might get the door for me.
[all laughing]
"Get the door."
Fine. Hm!
[all cheering]
Welcome, Lord Trap.
Oh, uh, I'm not Lord Trap.
Oh, begging your pardon.
You must be Lord Trap.
[Trap clears throat]
Actually, he is.
Really? That is to say, welcome, Lord Trap.
[Trap] Whoa, check out my castle!
We've prepared a humble feast for you. I hope it's all right.
-I'm sure you're accustomed to better. -It's the thought that counts.
On behalf of the MacGouda clan,
I'd like to welcome our cousin from New Mouse City, Lord Trap.
[all cheering]
-To Lord Trap! -To the MacGoudas!
Is everyone in town a MacGouda?
Not everyone, but almost. That's why we wear the MacGouda plaid.
Oh, Lord Trap, 'tis my honor to present you
with our local delicacy, cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie.
Yum!
One-hundred percent fat- and sugar-free, of course.
Uh, yeah. Thanks, but I'm kind of full from the in-flight meal. Heh.
[sighs] Trap, you'll insult everyone.
Not bad. In fact, it's kind of awesome. [chuckles]
-Huh? -[all laughing]
[chuckles]
That bonny lass is a lass named Bonnie. Like me to introduce you?
Don't be shy. Make hay while the sun's shining.
Lord Trap, this is Bonnie. Bonnie, Lord Trap.
[chuckles nervously]
Nice to meet you.
It's an honor.
Uh...
Did I mention that I'm a lord?
Heh. Aye, I'm aware of that.
-Of course, I still date commoners. -[Ewan] Hey, Bonnie.
What are you wanting, Ewan Fitzcracker?
We heard you've chosen a new lord.
According to the ancient custom, your lord has to battle our lord.
You can forget about that. Lord Trap isn't from these parts.
He's not familiar with our ways.
[chuckles]
Aye. So, what you're saying is, Lord Trap is a chicken.
[all clamoring]
[grunting]
That's a laugh!
Lord Trap would be happy to give your lord a good tanning, he would! Ha!
What's this about?
Our clans have been feuding for centuries.
-I didn't know that still went on. -Aye.
A long time ago, the MacGoudas and the Fitzcrackers were best of friends.
Then one day, they had their annual harvest feast together.
Everyone had a lovely time, eating and dancing late into the night.
But the next day, when the MacGoudas got home,
they saw that the Fitzcrackers had stolen their pearl-handled cheese-cutter.
Ever since, we've been at each other's throats,
clogging up wells with cheese, hitting golf balls at windows,
and having their lords knock each other silly.
Why would the Fitzcrackers steal your cheese-cutter
-if you were such good friends? -[chuckles]
Well, simple. Because the Fitzcrackers are lying, thieving blaggards.
Everyone knows that.
-Was there ever any proof? -What proof do you need?
They're Fitzcrackers.
In any case, this isn't Trap's fight.
[sighs] I'm the leader of this clan.
I shall defend the honor of the MacGoudas!
-[all cheering] -Go, Trap!
We can't let him. Trap couldn't battle his way out of a paper bag.
I know. I have a plan.
We'll visit the Fitzcrackers and see if we can talk them out of this.
This is Scottie Kilcheddar, a friend from the next village over.
-He's agreed to train you for the battle. -Uh, for a small fee, of course.
I'm in tip-top shape,
so all I'm looking for is practice to shake off the rust.
[chuckles, then grunts]
Great. Why don't we start with some of the traditional battle styles
of the MacGouda and Fitzcracker clans?
First, there's clobbering each other with tree branches.
I've picked out a special blackthorn branch for you.
I'll add it to your bill.
[gasps, then grunts]
-Slipped out of my hands. -Why don't we move on?
The next exercise is smacking each other with bags of peat.
I brought a bag from my personal stock.
The fee is very reasonable. [chuckles]
I got this.
[grunting]
[coughing]
-I meant to do that. -Why don't we try something more basic?
Uh... Like the battling bagpipe.
Uh, I suppose there's an extra charge for this?
Aye, but a very meager one.
Whoever can pipe the loudest wins the battle.
[chuckles] It'll be no contest. Back home, they call me Bagpipe Trap.
[blowing]
[screams, then grunts]
Maybe we should call it a day.
[groans] I'm just getting warmed up. Heh-heh.
-[grunts] -[Thea gasps]
Go away, you lousy MacGoudas! Your kind isn't wanted here!
Sir, we're Stiltons, and we've just come to talk.
Could you come down?
Aye, I hear you, but the battle must go on.
Maybe it's time the Fitzcrackers apologize to the MacGoudas
for stealing their cheese-cutter, then this whole feud could end.
Stealing their cheese-cutter? Is that what the MacGoudas claimed?
Let me tell you the real story.
Long ago, the MacGoudas and the Fitzcrackers
had their annual harvest feast together. Merry-making went on late into the night.
Next day, when the Fitzcrackers got home,
they found the MacGoudas had stolen their golf-club covers, made of the finest wool.
Ever since, the clans have been at war.
Why would the MacGoudas blame the Fitzcrackers
-and the Fitzcrackers blame the MacGoudas? -Hmm. There must be more to the story.
[both gasp]
What do you think you're doing? This is Fitzcracker territory.
-Oh, uh, we're just passing through. -You're trespassing.
And now you're gonna pay the price.
[both gasp]
We're journalists. We just came here to ask questions.
We don't like people sticking their snouts where they don't belong.
So, why don't you and your girlie here go back to New Mouse City?
And what if we don't?
Let's get them, lads!
[all shouting]
[grunting]
[shouting indistinctly]
Come on, it was just getting fun.
-What? -Nothing. I'm just glad you're in my clan.
Hey, they dropped something. Looks like a cheese stick.
Chive and cheddar. Hmm.
Wow, Scottie is a good trainer and all, but he costs a fortune.
-Look at what he's charging you for. -I'll take those. Here you go, G.
-Thanks. -Why'd you need Scottie? I'll train you.
Let's spar. I'll give you some pointers.
Uh... [whimpers]
No way. I'm not fighting a girl. It's-- It's not lordly.
Okay. Spar with Benjamin, and I'll coach you.
That's a great idea.
-That okay with you? -Sure.
Well, I don't wanna hurt him. These bad boys can be pretty dangerous.
-Uh... I'll take my chances. -Okay, square off.
-I'll give you some room. -Trap, try to take Benjamin down.
[grunting]
-I did that to build up your confidence. -Try it again.
Uh... One sec. I hurt my foot.
[yells, then grunts]
Aha!
Never turn your back on your opponent.
[grunting]
-[bones crack] -Oh! Ow!
Okay, okay, okay, I quit. [chuckles]
I can't wrestle today. I have too many injuries.
What injuries?
A hangnail, a wood splinter, an earache.
Trap, the fight is tomorrow and you're not ready.
Uh... I'm hungry. I need cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie.
[both sigh]
Oh! Cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie. Get it while it's hot.
Get your tickets here for the MacGouda-Fitzcracker smackdown!
I'm worried about Trap. If I can take him, imagine what this Fitzcracker guy will do.
Wonder what that's about.
That's Scottie Kilcheddar, the guy training Trap.
-Cheese sticks. -Huh?
-You think he's the one who attacked us? -I don't know, but I'm going to find out.
[both] Hm.
[Geronimo] Hmm.
I need your smelliest eggs to hurl at the Fitzcrackers.
Oh, hi. Always happy to oblige
when it comes to messing with those no-good Fitzcrackers.
Happy throwing.
[bell jingles]
Oh!
[grunting]
[yells, then groans]
-Oh! -[bell jingles]
-How can I help you? -I need your rottenest peaches
-to throw at the MacGoudas. -Aye, for sure.
Throw a few for me while you're at it.
-[bell jingles] -[grunting]
So, that's his game.
[grunting]
[grunts]
Hmm.
Ladies and gents, let's rumble!
[cell phone rings]
-Uncle G, where are you? -At Scottie Kilcheddar's store.
-I need you here right away. -The battle's about to start.
-All the more reason to get here quickly. -I'm on my way.
Representing the MacGouda clan, I give you Lord Trap!
[all cheering]
And representing the Fitzcrackers,
here's Lord Kilroy Fitzcracker!
[all cheering]
Ah!
So, gentlemen, what'll it be? Fisticuffs? Wrestling? Five-irons?
-Cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie. -What?
I challenge you to a pie-eating contest. Unless you're chicken.
Ha!
I can eat more pie than any mouse alive.
Bring it on.
All right, lads. Let's get to it.
Ready, steady, chow down.
[grunts]
So, what's up?
I need to see what's in this safe. There must be a code.
Let me try something.
[beeping]
-[buzzes] -Ha!
Brilliant, Benjamin.
Ha. Just as I suspected.
[chuckles]
There's none left.
Guess we'll have to call it a draw. Good match.
Nonsense. Now that we've had a good meal, it's time for fisticuffs.
[all] Fisticuffs! Fisticuffs! Fisticuffs!
[whimpers]
Gentlemen, are you ready to commence the fisticuffs?
Aye. I'll give this MacGouda a sound thrashing!
Uh... We should take a nap. It's not good to do fisticuffs
-less than an hour after eating pie. -What are you, a coward?
Me? Heh. A coward? Ha! That's a good one. [chuckles]
It's just that my wood splinter's acting up.
This hangnail is bothering me, too.
I say we meet back here in a month. Let's round it off to a year.
[all booing]
You can do it, and I'll be yours forever.
Look, Bonnie, you're a sweet kid--
And someday, after we're married, we'll inherit my father's factory.
-What kind of factory? -Cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie.
Huh?
All right, Kilroy. Let's do this! Come on, big boy.
Ha-ha! Lord Trap is in the house.
Ha-ha! All right. [chuckles]
Yeah. Here I am. That's right.
[grunting]
[sighs]
Thistle-thorn pies, thistle-thorn pies.
-[screams] -[Geronimo] Wait!
Stop the battle!
[all shouting indistinctly]
This whole feud is a hoax,
and the man behind it all is Scottie Kilcheddar.
-[all gasp] -That's impossible. Scottie's our friend.
What? He's our friend, not yours.
He's neither. He's playing you off of each other.
His family has been doing it for centuries.
It's all right in this diary I found in his safe.
Let me tell you what really happened many years ago.
Once everyone had gone to sleep, Scottie's ancestor stole something
from each clan that he knew they valued. He knew they'd blame each other,
and once they did, he'd profit by selling them feuding supplies.
Weapons, fences to protect their property, even training their fighters.
Ever since, the Kilcheddars have been getting rich off of your feud.
-It's a lie! -I thought you might say that.
Which is why I also brought these from your safe.
-[all gasp] -The cheese-cutter?
[chuckles nervously]
How did you figure out it was Scottie?
The mice who attacked us knew where we were from.
That's right. They told us to go back to New Mouse City.
One of them dropped a chive and cheddar cheese stick.
When I saw Scottie eating one, I suspected our attackers
weren't Fitzcrackers but Scottie and his relatives,
afraid we'd find out what they were up to.
Thank you for bringing our two clans back together.
Aye, you're a good man, Geronimo Stilton.
[grunts]
My pleasure. Trap, we're heading back. You sure you wanna stay?
Aye. My place is here with my clan and with my fair Bonnie.
We're going to miss you a lot.
Yeah. Things won't be the same without you.
Don't be a stranger.
Honeycakes, when are we getting married?
Um, I'm afraid there's a little problem.
-[Trap] Ewan Fitzcracker? -We've secretly been in love for years,
but we couldn't be together. Now that the feud is over, we can.
So, no cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie factory?
Is that all you care about?
Uh... No, of course not. Heh. I'm heartbroken. [chuckles]
Well, so long.
Hey, guys, wait up!
The feud between the MacGoudas and Fitzcrackers has come to an end
now that the clans have nothing to fight about.
As for Scottie, his assets have been divided up by the clans,
and he's doing community service.
When you're done with the MacGouda lawns, move on to the Fitzcrackers'.
[grumbling]
Next, Trap will show us how to make a cheese-and-thistle-thorn pie.
That's Lord Trap.
[both sigh]