- You must be insane!
[thunder crashes]
[grunts]
- [laughs evilly]
- You destroyed the entire family.
You demon!
- [laughs evilly]
[dramatic music]
[metallic schling]
They were infected with evil.
The gods revealed their nature to me,
as they do you.
- [growls]
both: [grunting]
[dramatic music]
- [laughs evilly]
- I tracked you down to bring you to justice.
- I see the evil in this realm, Ronin.
I am the definition of justice!
Huh!
both: [grunting]
[thunder crashes]
both: [grunting]
- The gods impart this skill to me,
to cleanse the world of evil!
both: [grunting]
- You're the evil one!
[thunder crashes]
both: Aah!
- [grunts]
[groans]
- [laughs evilly]
- Who are you?
- [laughs]
I am Kai,
the blade of the gods.
Aah!
[screams]
- [squeaks]
- [groans]
[moans]
[somber music]
♪
[heavy guitar chords]
[glass shatters]
♪
- Ahh!
[driving percussive music]
♪
[jazzy theme music]
♪
- [low growl]
♪
- Now we're talking. Yeah!
- I've got an idea!
- [groans] Aw, sewer apples!
- Booyakasha!
♪
[birds chirping]
[wind whooshes]
[dragonfly buzzes]
- [panting]
[dramatic music]
[crow cawing]
♪
[somber Eastern music]
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
- I know you're here.
♪
Come out!
♪
- [barks and snorts]
[fluttering]
- Huh?
Akemi.
- I'm glad you've come.
- What happened here?
- A band of samurai.
They must have been Ronin.
They were led by a mercenary called Sumo Kuma.
- I have never heard of him.
- All my samurai have been wiped out
and many villagers, too.
I barely escaped.
They ransacked the village looking for the holy child
but could not find him.
Come, Kintaro is this way.
I hid him well.
[door creaks]
- It's about time!
I was in there for days!
How dare you treat me so disrespectfully.
I don't like small spaces!
- This is the holy child?
- Please humor him.
Kintaro has been pampered his entire life
because he is the golden boy,
destined to have superhuman abilities.
Just not yet.
My apologies, Kintaro-sama.
This is Miyamoto Usagi.
He is a fierce swordsman,
and with his help,
I will deliver you to the temple palace.
- Bah!
This sorry-looking long ear?
He looks like he couldn't deliver sushi to a banquet.
[yelps]
- We must get started immediately.
The hour has already grown late.
Uh! Uh!
- Akemi.
You're injured.
- But I am not hurt badly.
I must continue with you to escort the boy--uh!
- No.
You are barely able to stand,
much less travel over mountains.
- You are right.
Kintaro, you must go with Usagi-san.
Do what he says.
- I am not listening to this stupid Ronin.
He was late for the battle,
and I don't like his face.
- Taro-kun!
Do what he says!
He will protect you.
- Well, I'll...
all right!
But I will hold onto my Axe of Power.
Just remember your place, Ronin,
and treat me with the respect I deserve.
Aah! Ugh!
- Good luck, Usagi-san.
[upbeat music]
- You don't even have a horse?
What kind of Ronin are you?
Can you carry me, you smelly rabbit?
Hello!
Can you hear me with those giant ears?
- Be silent, Kintaro-sama.
We must not be noticed on the road.
♪
- What?
You dare insult the golden boy by offering a bone?
♪
[dramatic music]
- So, Ronin,
the gods have brought you to me again.
No one has escaped my blade before.
I need great warriors to destroy you,
Miyamoto Usagi,
powerful pawns to strike when the time is right.
[speaking Japanese]
[thunder crashes]
[continues speaking Japanese]
together: Aah!
[dramatic music]
- Where--where the heck are we?
- Donnie, were you messing with some portal experiment again?
- Why do you always assume it's me?
- These are the great warriors I asked for?
[laughs evilly]
- [groans]
- Ahh, Turtle Ninja,
mythic kappa of legend?
I need your help.
I was attacked by a vicious rabbit Ronin.
Save me.
Save me from the wrath of this madman, please.
[dramatic music]
- We can take care of this evil jerkface for you.
No worries, bruh.
- He is pure evil.
I can sense it inside of him,
corrupting him like a plague.
[laughs]
- Uh! Ahh. [sighs]
Evil. Yes, we can help you, old man.
No problem.
♪
- You can count on us.
- Hunt down and destroy the long-eared Ronin
who travels with a child.
But do not harm the boy.
Go!
Do my bidding, Turtle Warriors.
Destroy the one called
Miyamoto Usagi!
♪
[owl hoots]
- You're useless and slow
and probably a terrible cook, too.
It's already night,
and the camp should have been set up hours ago!
- We only just stopped.
You must be patient, Kintaro.
Unless you would like to help.
- Do you dare suggest I dirty my hands
with peasant work?
Fool!
- He is still a child.
I must remain patient.
[dramatic music]
♪
What is this?
[metallic schling]
♪
[metallic schling]
[metallic clanging]
- We must hide! They're a kappa!
- But like no kappa I have ever seen.
[dramatic music]
[metallic clanging]
- [groaning]
Aah!
♪
- You are not unskilled, demon!
A willow branch is thirsty.
Huh!
[metallic clanging]
And I will quench its thirst on your blood.
[metallic clanging]
[dramatic music]
♪
- I will save you, stupid rabbit.
Aah! Uh!
♪
- Aah! Uh.
[bell dings]
Ow!
What the?
My head. Oh!
What happened?
- Stop!
Kappa, I sense you are under an evil enchantment.
- Guys. Uh.
The kid's right.
- We're not bad guys, little pug kid.
Ronin rabbit here is. Uh.
- Usagi is my loyal bodyguard.
Even if he is a useless peasant.
- Oh, man, what a headache.
Skull's aching.
- Yeah, this is like a double chocolate Mikey pizza hangover.
- I sense they are not evil.
- Then what are these strange yokai?
- Strange? Look who's talking,
a giant samurai rabbit.
- All I remember is that blind wolf guy
telling us to find this long-eared samurai.
- What blind wolf guy?
- He summoned us here somehow,
to your dimension.
- He carried a black spear,
like nothing I've ever seen before.
- Black spear?
That old, blind wolf is not blind,
but possessed by evil.
His name is Jei.
He had you under a spell.
Where are you from?
- Who cares?
Look how ugly they are.
- [growls]
- And my sensitive nose
can't handle how bad they smell.
- Be silent, child! - Aah!
- Excuse the boy, kappa warriors.
Please, share our campfire.
- Thanks, Usagi.
So what's your story?
- I was Lord Mifune's personal bodyguard
in the battle against Lord Hikiji.
[dramatic music]
Our forces might have been victorious...
- [groans]
- had not a trusted general
turned against our lord.
It was my duty to protect his flank.
- Aah!
- I failed.
♪
I became a Ronin,
roaming the land.
Now, I am charged with taking this boy
to the temple palace of his order.
But where do you come from, strange warriors?
My brothers and I are...
from far away.
It--it's kind of hard to explain.
- Have we traveled back in time again?
- I don't think so.
We must have been transported to a different dimension.
one inhabited by anthropomorphic animals
instead of humans.
- Sounds like my kind of place!
- But how are we ever gonna get home?
- Hmm, the monks of Kintaro's order
may know a way.
They are powerful mystics.
- Ha! These turtles are doomed.
- Whatever, Pug-taro.
- [growls] - Yeah.
That's what I'm gonna call you.
It's a way better name than Kintaro.
- What would a simple reptile know?
You don't even have ears or a nose.
[meowing]
- Ah, humph!
both: [grunting]
[dramatic music]
[bird caws]
♪
- [barks]
- Oh, I can't believe we're stuck here!
Donnie, can't you invent something
to send us back home?
- Well, I could build a portal
to get back to our home dimension.
But manufacturing all of the necessary wires
and components in this feudal age
would only take approximately...
[mumbles] 57 years.
- Sweet! Good thing turtles have long lives.
- Listen.
[wind whistles]
- What is it?
I don't hear anything.
- Horses are approaching
from the east.
[horses clomping]
[dramatic music]
[horses whinny]
♪
- Kintaro,
are these the samurai who attacked the village?
[horses whinny and neigh]
- They are.
That's Sumo Kuma.
- We need to find out what his plan is
for the boy.
But how can we get close enough to hear them?
- We're ninja.
We're experts at getting close to people.
[horses neigh]
[whizzes] - Ugh!
- Bam!
- What-- Uh!
- Quick, before they realize they're missing a few riders.
- What about me?
You're missing a horse, fools!
- All right, get in there, shorty.
And don't make a peep.
- Let me outta here!
I told you I don't like small spaces!
I will have your head for this!
- Don't worry, young one, this is for your own good.
- Excitable little guy, isn't he?
Hmm, not at all what I pictured
as a mystical savior of the realm to be like.
- I think he's just grumpy 'cause he missed breakfast.
- We all did. So hungry.
- Quiet, Ninjas. Let's blend in.
[horse neighs]
- Oh, man, easy girl!
[horse whinnies]
Why do horses hate me?
[dramatic music]
- Hurry, stragglers. Keep up!
The master awaits us.
[horse whinnies]
♪
- Spread out.
But do not let Sumo Kuma spot you.
[horse whinnies]
♪
- I don't trust Master Jei.
- But there is something in his voice that compels me.
He is a wise leader.
We must obey at whatever the cost.
- Master Jei?
- [sniffs]
Hmm.
[growls]
♪
[horse whinnies]
We have intruders in our midst.
[metal clicks]
[horse whinnies]
- Oh, no. Watch out!
[whizzes]
- Huh!
- Oh! Thanks, Usagi dude.
- Aah!
[grunting]
[horse neighs]
[dramatic music]
♪
- Ha! How did you find us out?
- You smell different.
- [grunts]
- What? Why do we smell different?
- We live in the sewer, dude.
Not hard to figure out.
[upbeat music]
♪
- Ha!
[grunting]
both: [grunting]
- [groans]
both: [grunting]
- Heads-up! Uh!
♪
[whizzing]
both: [grunting]
- Hmm!
♪
- Ah, uh!
[horse whinnies]
♪
- Ha!
♪
- Faster, Kappa! We are losing them!
♪
[yelps]
[horses whinny]
♪
Move ahead, Kappa.
♪
- Ha! Hoo! Ah!
[metallic schling]
Ha!
[metallic clang]
- [growls]
I have heard of you, long ear.
I will relish crushing your proud skull.
[roars]
You are no match for me, little one.
- Yea!
- [growls]
[grunts and groans]
- Yea!
both: [grunt]
- Kintaro!
Saving this brat better be worth it!
- Hey! What's going on out there?
You stupid kappa!
I'll get you for this!
You are the worst bodyguards!
You couldn't protect a rock!
♪
[horse whinnies]
- Ooh! [groans]
- My... brain...
feels... like...
mochi!
- Ha!
[whizzes]
♪
- Aah!
[horse whinnies]
- Ride!
♪
- They're gaining on us!
- Hurry, Kappa! Ride faster!
- Oh, no.
Cliff!
all: [scream]
[metallic schling]
[rousing music]
♪