[Salim] I don't know where
the Jinn is or why he left.
I'll probably spend the rest of my life wondering
if we ever had real love.
But every beat of your heart
is proof that you were truly loved by someone.
[Cordelia] My sister's son Sandy leaving home
pretty much broke her heart.
[Shadow] She said he was in Florida.
I've written, texted, called him for years.
Never once have I heard back.
If he was with his dad in Florida,
I would've heard from him.
You want to kill Wednesday.
We want to help you do that.
So you can get Odin's spear out of Sweeney's hoard?
We will tell you the time and the place of the attack.
You will receive instructions on how to acquire the spear.
If you should fail to hold up on your end,
you will die and your friends'll die.
[Mr. Wednesday] Some blood-craving Berserker
who was once signed to protect me
has taken to slaughtering my followers.
[Tyrell] Your father sent me to get you.
He needs your help in a matter of some urgency.
♪
[door opening]
[panting]
Help. Please.
I did nothing wrong. I just...
They're gonna kill me.
[sirens blaring in the distance]
[keys clinking]
Room 12.
Lock yourself in.
[sirens blaring]
[car doors closing]
What can I do for you gentlemen?
Police, ma'am.
Pursuing a fugitive.
Sexual pervert.
People throw that word around a lot,
and I never understand what they mean by it.
This particular individual consorts with other men
with intent to commit sodomy.
My boy Jim here just tricked him
into giving himself away down at Smuggler's Cove.
Your boy going around tricking people
doesn't sound very nice.
Well, if it isn't Jimmy O'Rourke.
Do you remember me, Jimmy?
I know I look a bit different now,
but remember Homecoming?
Senior year?
♪
[door closing]
[breathing heavily]
♪
Tony?
You do remember.
Now, nobody's here but my guests.
So you gentlemen can go do your arresting
-somewhere else. -Bullshit.
I'm not taking the word of some broad.
I'm the most honest broad you'll ever meet.
I always tell the truth.
If Toni says he's not here, he's not here.
-If I find out you're lying... -You won't.
[door opening]
[footsteps receding]
[door opening]
♪ Baby, baby you will learn and change someday ♪
♪
Why are you being so good to me?
As far as you know, I'm some criminal the cops are chasing.
When the cops terrorize people like us,
then they become the bad guys.
People like us?
You're attracted to men.
It's hard to know who to trust.
Okay.
When I was born, everyone said I was a boy.
Well, guess what?
They were wrong.
I was lucky to find you.
Yeah.
I almost shut this place down last week.
Why?
No guests. Not enough money.
But I thought I'd give it another couple weeks.
I'm glad I did.
Long ago in China,
there was a young man that fell in love
with a handsome Imperial inspector...
♪
...who had him beaten to death for his affection.
But the young man haunted his dreams,
and eventually,
the inspector built a temple
and declared the young man
a god and protector of homosexual love.
I've been looking for a new temple
ever since I arrived in America
a hundred years ago.
Maybe we should get you to a doctor.
[chuckling]
I am Tu Er Shen, the rabbit god.
You saved me.
And in return, hospitable woman,
I bless you with a long and happy and loving life.
I bless your Grand Peacock Inn
with safety, prosperity, and joy,
and I declare this place a temple
for me and mine, you and yours,
and all our kindred spirits.
Are you sure you're okay to travel?
You might've been hit harder than you think.
Still don't believe me, do you?
I believe you are an amazing storyteller.
[birds singing]
[wings fluttering]
Oh my God.
♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪
Are they real?
Oh!
Nope, just nerds.
[automated voice] Haha! Hi, Laura Moon!
Oh, fuck me.
It's another fuckin' leprechaun.
I hate my life. Let's go.
Welcome.
Are you with the Jamboree?
Oh, we so are not.
But I am looking for a guest of yours, Liam Doyle?
Liam's our bartender.
Oh, good. Where's the bar?
Only, uh, paying guests are allowed on the property
during the Jamboree. It's a private event.
Well, you should just way overcharge me for a room, then.
[Toni] We only have one room left.
Do you mind sharing?
[Laura] Oh, it's fine. I'm not staying.
[sighing]
Let me take your bag.
I'm Kai, by the way.
Um, it's nothing.
-Uh, I've got it. -You sure?
It's my job, after all.
Uh, uh, here, I'll, uh,
take these to the room for safekeeping.
Okay.
-Go find Doyle. -Okay.
Was it something I said?
Oh, don't mind him.
He's just forgotten how to have fun.
♪
[phone ringing]
[coin clinking]
[birds cawing in the distance]
-Still no Wednesday. -Mm.
He's probably maintaining radio silence
to dodge the New Gods.
Same reason your father sent me to get you in person.
[clanking]
He'll fill us in at the Wolf's Den.
Which is what?
A roadside attraction.
A place... of power.
Uh, like, uh, House on the Rock?
Hmm...
[phone ringing]
Might be Wednesday.
♪
[muffled phone ringing]
Ah, you fucker.
[grunting]
[body thudding]
[groaning]
[man] You okay, sir?
Oh, he's, uh, he's epileptic. I've got this.
Buddy, I'm training to be an EMT,
and that does not look like a seizure.
[sighing] I'm so sorry.
[phone ringing]
[flesh ripping]
[groaning]
[blood spurting]
[body thudding]
[phone ringing]
[muffled phone ringing]
♪
[indistinct chatter]
[door closing]
♪
[bed creaking]
[sighing]
[bed whirring]
[clicking, bed whirring faster]
[clicking repeatedly]
[sighing]
♪
[indistinct chatter]
And who are you dressed as?
Uh, a woman who needs something from a leprechaun's hoard.
You're Liam Doyle, right?
-Who's asking? -Laura Moon.
There you go.
Don't fuck with me.
What the hell, guy?
Why is my fucking name a problem for you?
Listen. I don't know who you are,
but I don't believe in ghosts, so why don't you go away
before I have Toni throw you out?
-You heard that I was dead. -[scoffing]
I read your obituary.
So how the hell are you standing here?
That's a really long story
that I may share with you at some point.
But can you first explain why on earth
you read my obituary?
Because I was hired to kill you.
Wednesday got Sweeney to kill me.
He hired me first.
Or... tried to.
I was a lawyer at the time.
You were a leprechaun lawyer?
Long story.
The point is, I always kinda knew
that I was a bit of a scumbag,
but when the Lord of All Scumbags
asked me to do his dirty work,
I realized how far I'd fallen.
I said no.
Then he destroyed my lucky coin.
So, I lost my luck, you died anyway.
And I washed up here.
Am I supposed to drink this?
It's my signature cocktail.
So, whose hoard are you trying to crack?
Sweeney's.
Legendary trove.
But I can't get into a strange hoard
with no coin.
What if I had Sweeney's coin?
You have his coin?
Will it get you into his hoard?
It'd give me my powers back.
What is it you want me to find?
A weapon. A spear.
[sighing]
I can't.
Stealing from someone else's hoard
is against the old Hibernian Code.
Taking a weapon is worse.
And, anyway, I won't be party to violence.
Why I didn't kill you to begin with.
That's very sweet. Um, if you could just hear me out.
I said, I can't.
Well, fuck you very much.
No one's sorrier than me.
[sighing]
[liquid bubbling]
[electronic glitching]
You keep telling me that you're going to fix me,
but I keep on-- [glitching]
Hey! Snap out of it!
Da-da-da-da... It's time to do things my way.
Find Bilquis.
She fucked me up.
Make her fix me.
Hm.
You must be far gone indeed
to put your faith in the Old Gods
to solve your problem.
♪
No fucking way.
Relax, it's been repurposed
to provide a restorative process
by modulating the electro-chemical neural impulses.
There is one being in the multiverse
who will never fall for techno-babble horseshit like that.
Moi.
[mechanical creaking]
I am a goddamn lord of humanity and I will not--
[muffled moaning]
[moaning, glitching]
♪
Fuck me.
You've jumped to a lot of shitty
conclusions about me.
You think that I want the spear for violence?
That is categorically untrue.
-Is it? -Yeah, after I was reanimated...
Again, long story... Sweeney and I became...
...friends.
He hated himself for murdering me,
so he gave me the coin to prove how sorry he was.
[woman] Can we get two, uh, Sapphire Fairies?
No leprechaun would give up his lucky coin.
Yeah, I know. That's how much he cared.
He also promised to get me this fuckin' magic spear
so that I could use it as self-defense
against that rat-bastard Wednesday.
Then said rat-bastard killed Sweeney.
So, I think that Sweeney would want you
to help me get the spear.
Do you swear that's true?
I swear on my grave... Graves.
I'll get you the spear.
But I keep the coin as payment.
Sure. Fucking finally.
-Let's do this. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't think you're coming with me?
Into Mad Sweeney's hoard?
Yeah, I've been in Sweeney's hoard before.
-I lived through it. -No.
I go alone or I don't go at all.
Fine. Walking away.
♪
Fuck!
[bed whirring]
-Here to fix the bed? -[chuckling]
This jalopy and I go way back.
I have a special touch.
I take it you're not here for the convention.
[door closing]
Why? Because I'm not wearing wings?
If that's your look, then that's a tough one.
Uh, homeless Jackson Pollock?
No... Wait, I got it.
Lesbian Harry Potter.
[chuckling]
It's just me.
God, you must be really depressed.
Hey, I dunno if this is your thing,
but there's this party later.
It's, uh, part of the convention.
I-I'd love it if you came.
What kind of party?
I guess you'd call it a pansexual
adventure-love-inn
where you can get your uh, kinky boots on.
Completely safe and...
absolutely legendary.
♪
Ready for action.
[chuckling]
No pressure, but Toni is the greatest hostess ever
and she brings it pretty hard for this party every year,
so you don't wanna miss it.
Uh...
I mean, um, I haven't received an invitation.
Oh! You have now.
This is your passport to...
...wherever you wanna go.
So you'll come?
♪
Well, the fucking leprechaun is a dick.
[bottles clinking]
He said he needs Sweeney's coin to access the hoard.
Only then, he wants to keep it as payment.
Seems fair.
Are you kidding?
The moment he gets his greasy little fingers
on that thing... poof.
No coin. No spear.
No fucking leprechaun.
You think he's gonna steal it?
Why would he do such a thing?
Because he's a lowlife.
This is the guy that Wednesday tried to hire to kill me.
But that didn't happen.
No. No, he refused.
So, you don't trust the guy who refused to kill you,
but you fell in love with the guy who did?
Oh, my God, Salim.
I did not "fall in love" with Sweeney.
We just went through some shit together, okay?
You no longer need the coin to stay alive, correct?
-No, but-- -But...
If you don't get the spear,
you can't kill Wednesday, which means you will die.
Along with me and Shadow.
Yes, that's technically true.
Since Doyle is the only one who can get the spear,
seems like a risk worth taking.
Yeah. Maybe if you're some fucking rube
who just fell off the turnip truck.
I have no idea what that means,
but what I do know is
if you let go of Sweeney's coin
or his ashes,
you will be acknowledging
the harsh reality that he is dead.
And you will have to grieve.
♪
And it will hurt.
But it's the only way for you to move on.
Says the guy who refuses to ditch his M.I.A.
boyfriend's butt-ugly sweater.
Yes.
Like that.
My Jinn.
Your Sweeney.
They're not coming back,
but we can't let go.
[swooshing]
What the fuck?
[in a distorted voice] What the fuck did you do to me?
[inaudible]
[moaning]
[inaudible]
[soft moaning]
♪
[coin clinking]
[sighing]
You change your mind?
Ah! You go into the hoard.
You get the spear. You bring it back to me.
I've seen how this shit works,
so I know it should only take a couple seconds.
If you don't come back,
if you fuck with me in any way,
I will become your worst fucking nightmare.
Got it?
I gave you my word.
[sighing]
Well, then.
Wish me luck.
[swooshing]
[sighing]
♪
[breathing heavily]
[sighing]
[metallic clinking]
I'm guessing you're the one
who's been killing Wednesday's followers.
Regrettably, yes.
What is that?
[clanking]
Oh, it's a scaffold
used to display a body in the old way,
with the ribs splayed open.
[grunting]
What are you?
I am a god of justice
bringing divine retribution down upon your father.
Yeah, I gotta give you that. He...
He is one selfish, lying fuck. But, uh...
Please let me know why I'm being murdered.
[laughing]
Back when I,
not Odin,
was lord of the Norse gods,
Loki fathered a monstrous wolf named Fenrir.
The beast was uncontrollable,
laying waste to everything in its path.
So, in secret,
we forged an unbreakable chain to bind him.
[grunting]
Odin, always the conman,
challenged Fenrir to prove his might by escaping it.
Fenrir demanded that Odin place his hand
in his jaws for insurance.
Odin refused.
[growling]
But I,
knowing that the wolf's reign of terror must end,
offered myself.
[crackling]
[growling, screaming]
My sacrifice saved us all from destruction,
but your father used it to mock and belittle me.
My name, my deeds, nearly forgotten.
And he's never paid any price for it...
Until now.
[breathing heavily]
[grunting]
♪
How about you quit feeling sorry for yourself
and watch where you're going, you self-absorbed fuck.
You.
It's about fucking time!
You broke me.
You owe me. Now fix me.
I didn't break you.
I awakened you
to feelings that were already inside you.
You are the one choosing
and I stress "choosing"...
to stay awake.
Does it look like I've got a choice to do anything?
I couldn't even scratch my own fucking balls if I wanted to.
Well, I'm not scratching 'em for you, douche canoe.
On account I'm not here.
I'm not really Bilquis, you twerp.
I am a manifestation of your subconscious.
I don't have a subconscious.
You do now, motherfucker.
After everything I have done for you.
You are such an ungrateful cooze.
-Oh! -Keep talking like that,
pussy boy, and I'm gonna rip these little girls off
so you never have to scratch 'em again.
You couldn't if you used both hands and a fucking chainsaw.
Because none of this is happening.
The head grabber's doing all of this.
The head grabber ain't shit and you know it.
World is just keeping you on ice.
He's the one who's got you by the balls.
[grunting]
Focus, shit-for-brains!
You're Dorothy, and I'm gonna tell you
how to get back to Kansas.
You can fix these glitches yourself.
You always could.
How?
They happen when you feel a strong emotion
and try to repress it.
What is it with this emotion bullshit?
I don't do emotion.
Try to keep up with me here, dim bulb.
You are awake.
You can't unthink a thought.
Repress what you are feeling; you will snap in two.
Let them come, whatever they are:
mad, sad, glad, scared.
Just don't deny them; don't act on them.
Let them come, and then let them go.
♪
Tell me what you are feeling.
Pissed off.
I am really fucking angry.
About... what?
I want World to get his fucking boot off my neck.
Then find Artifact One.
How the fuck am I supposed to do that
when I am stuck in here?
[distorted voice] Isn't it enough that I am beautiful and mysterious?
Does your fucking subconscious have to do everything for you?
[beeping]
Salim, right?
♪
Is everything okay?
No. Yes.
Uh, I don't know.
[chuckling nervously]
N-never mind.
Uh-huh. Are you going to the party?
Kai invited me, but he didn't,
uh, I didn't... I didn't know...
Everybody says this is a safe place,
but I don't- I don't feel very safe right now.
Feel free to tell me to mind my own business,
but is it possible you feel ashamed?
Shame?
Because sometimes unsafe
and ashamed can feel similar,
but shame is a whole lot of made-up bullshit.
But I've worked through that. I...
I didn't feel ashamed;
I felt proud.
Happy.
I trusted in God that love is never wrong.
Maybe God is trying to tell me something.
Maybe He's trying to tell me
I've been wrong this whole time.
Come to the party.
Try being your true self, in your own right.
It may feel scary at first, but you'll be safe.
I promise you.
Maybe that's what God is offering you.
Maybe just for one night.
Take your time.
We'll be here.
Wait.
May I have the honor of escorting you inside?
♪
May I kiss you?
Yes.
[moaning]
May I?
[breathing heavily]
Whatever you want.
♪
You floss every day?
I always wonder why people do or don't.
Just another roadside attraction.
Hope you haven't touched the boy.
This is just between you and me.
♪
We were once brothers, Tyr.
But now I see our story ends in discord...
...and blood.
And over what?
Jealousy.
Pathetic.
You think this is about Demeter?
She's just one of your countless crimes.
You're a usurper!
Usurping the entire world with this endless war of yours!
I won't allow it!
And you would murder my son to stop me.
Submit to me; he goes free.
Has he been telling you his sob story
about how the big bad wolf bit his hand off?
Always the victim, huh, Tyr?
[scoffing]
My life is yours. Let Shadow go.
[sighing]
Done.
Do you believe him?
Sure I believe him.
Tyr's honesty is his biggest weakness.
Greatest strength.
Weakness.
You bested me only by deceiving me, huh?
Donating to the cause while murdering my followers.
Oh, I counted on you to underestimate me.
Oh, you surprised me; I'll give you that.
And you in turn.
I never thought you would give up your life
for your son.
Well, I never said I was gonna do that.
[thunder rumbling]
[swooshing]
We settle this the old way.
[blade resonating]
♪
[distorted voice] So be it.
[waves crashing]
[growling]
[shouting]
[grunting]
[scraping]
[clanking]
[grunting]
[low growling]
[grunting]
[cracking, blade resonating]
[grunting]
[clanking]
[grunting]
[shouting]
[blade resonating]
[moaning]
[grunting]
I'm sorry, Shadow.
Because of your interference,
justice demands that I take your life.
But, rest assured, the death I give you
will be merciful compared to your--
[gasping]
[blood spurting]
[exhaling]
♪
So long!
[fire crackling]
[Mr. Wednesday laughing]
Shadow, my boy,
you've always wanted a normal life.
Now, you can have it.
Your obligation to me has been fulfilled.
I'm proud of the man you have become.
[fire crackling]
[swooshing]
Don't forget to ditch the car.
[swooshing]
♪
No, no, no, no. Fuck you.
F...
[sighing]
[inhaling]
Fuck you too.
♪
[inhaling]
I didn't mean to wake you.
Last night was...
...wonderful.
[chuckling]
Glad you came?
More than you know.
Uh, Laura...
Morning.
-Uh, this is -Hot Bellhop. Hi.
Uh... Beat it?
Salim, we need to talk.
You leaving today?
[door closing]
Well...
then...
Goodbye, sweet Salim.
[kissing]
Thank you, Hot Bellhop.
[chuckling]
Truly.
Thank you.
[door opening]
[sighing] Bye.
[door closing]
So you got the spear?
Uh, no. I did not.
The leprechaun fucked me over.
Took the coin and vamoosed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who told you to trust him.
No, it's my fault.
You're naive. I shouldn't have listened to you.
[chuckling]
Ouch.
No, it's a nice thing.
You see the best in people
even when they're coming to rip your heart out.
Which is why I need you to listen to me.
What are you planning?
Well, uh, I failed to get the spear,
which means that I probably won't be able to kill Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell still gonna try.
But, if I fuck it up,
you know the terms of the deal.
Some of us objected to those terms.
Yes, I know. I fucked that up too, okay?
Um, so, they're gonna kill me.
Again. Whatever.
I'm gonna go and warn Shadow, but, um...
I need you to stay here,
like here in this hotel, where you're gonna be safe.
No.
No, I'm not hiding anymore.
I'll come with you.
No, dude. [scoffing]
The worst possible place that you can be
when all this goes down is anywhere near me.
Fine, then I'll travel.
-See the world. -No, you have to stay safe.
Why do you care?
Because I fucking care about you, Salim!
Okay? Jesus Christ!
Let's just leave it at that.
I love you too, Laura Moon.
Like I said: You see good in all the wrong places.
If this is where our roads part for now, so be it.
But I'm not running from myself anymore.
And I'll be damned if I'm going to run from the New Gods.
I am going to live my life as I please.
[sighing]
Okay.
Well, that sounds, uh,
super brave and shit.
For what it's worth, I think you're being a total moron.
But, okay.
We all make our own choices.
It'll be all right.
Inshallah.
If God wills it.
Uh-huh.
Um.
Where's your sweater?
Um...
I don't know.
I lost it. [chuckling]
Good.
Um...
Cool. Bye.
[sighing]
Hey.
Lakeside, Wisconsin, please. One way.
All right. We've got one in a half hour,
and then 6:11 tonight.
[echoes of laughter]
♪
What time do you want to leave?
Can you scratch that?
Make it Jacksonville.
Hey, jackass.
So, um...
I fucked everything up, again...
As usual.
They told me in Purgatory
that not everything is always my fault,
but... it sure fucking feels like it.
And um...
I guess that's what I...
[sighing]
...liked about you?
Everything was always your fault, too.
Just a couple of assholes.
[sighing]
Okay. Uh...
Um, fuck you. Goodbye.
[crying]
[clock ticking]
[swooshing]
What the fuck kind of hoard was that?
What is wrong with that guy?
He had a pooka in there, I mean a, a full-on Harvey.
Batshit out of its mind, 12-feet tall and hungry.
I really didn't think you were coming back.
Me too. Shit!
Well, I finally found your damn spear.
What a fucking mess. [shudders]
Hey, I'm not done with you yet.
That's not just for protection.
That's Gungnir, Odin's spear.
What do you really plan to do with that?
Uh, I'm gonna kill Wednesday.
♪ Well, you like what you're given ♪
♪ A lot of us are standing in line ♪
♪ And you'll find that you're missing ♪
♪ What others thought you had all the time ♪
♪ And it's high, but you're reaching ♪
♪ The trees are getting harder to climb ♪
♪ So you try to begin there ♪
♪ 'Cause life is such a wonderful slide ♪
♪ You're hanging around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself... ♪
Allahu Akbar.
♪ You're taking it all to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪
♪ God only knows what you're missing ♪
♪ Well, you know where you're going ♪
♪ And knowing is a comfortable fight ♪
♪ And you sigh at the rainbow ♪
♪ That's coming from the other side ♪
♪ It's a slide with a message ♪
♪ This trouble seems to give you some life ♪
♪ You're hanging around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself with blame ♪
♪ You're taking it all to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪