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There's an old expression
that marriage is like
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a phone call in the night.
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First comes the ring, and then you wake up.
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My wife, Ellie, and I were married
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for 20 years before we woke up.
Or fell asleep.
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Or whichever it was
that ultimately led to our divorce.
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But we never stopped loving each other.
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How could we,
after three beautiful children?
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Jared, Lyla, and our
adopted son, Alejandro.
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We had built a home, and a history,
and a family together,
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and that stuff just doesn't evaporate
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with the stroke of a pen
and some lawyer's fees.
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At least I hope it doesn't.
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Hello?
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Oh, wow.
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Look at them.
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I mean, you can't be serious.
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I mean, it's really that
gargantuan of a deal?
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It's blasphemy.
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Which do you think came first?
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The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus?
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Please do not use that language.
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What do you mean,
I can't say "Catholic Church"?
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No. The other thing.
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Hercules, be quiet.
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What do I use in its place?
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You know,
when it comes up in conversation.
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Well, that is the point.
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It's not supposed
to come up in conversation.
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How about chowing box?
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Stop it, Donald.
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- Muff diving?
- Stop. You're so bad.
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Poon job?
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Well, ljust had lunch, but if you insist.
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Donny!
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Oh, my...
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Cunnilingus.
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You are such a slut.
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Lucky girl.
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- Sorry. Oh, my___
- 0h, jeez!
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Eleanor?
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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Oh, my God. I don't...
Really, I'm so terribly sorry.
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He told me that nobody was here.
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And I don't know why he did.
The key was over...
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Anyway. I'm just...
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I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do?
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Oh, my goodness. Ellie?
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- Hi, Bebe.
- Hi.
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You look... You look wonderful.
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Thanks. But...
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Gosh, it's been such a long time.
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It's great to see you. I hardly...
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I hardly recognize you.
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I mean, you look so...
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So... So...
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- Unexpected.
- Unexpected.
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- No, that's not...
- Hey, there's Donald.
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Ellie. You look like a summer day.
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Well, that's because you're on the floor.
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Hey, what else is new?
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Yeah. Thanks.
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How long's it been?
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- Ten years.
- Impossible.
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- You're not, I'm...
- Oh, no, that's okay.
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- No, that'sjust...
- The little blue helper.
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What goes up doesn't always come down.
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It's like a blue thing, like that.
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I thought you weren't
getting in till around 5:00.
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6130.
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You didn't tell me that.
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Well, that's fine.
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Ijust took a little stroll
through the village,
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and it's just so amazing
how little things have changed.
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Oh, God.
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Honey, why don't you
take her up to the Embroidery Room.
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I'm gonna round up some sheets.
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At your service, madame.
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- Right this way.
- Thank you.
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The Embroidery Room?
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Your old office. I don't go in there.
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She's got you on the wagon?
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I ain't had a steak or a
drink in three years.
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I can't sculpt worth a fart,
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but they give me a lollipop
every time I leave the cardiologist.
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Where are the kids?
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Jared's at work
and Al's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy.
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Pre-Cana, oh, no.
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You mean the Catholic
thing with the priest?
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Yeah, you know the O'Connors.
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Matrimony is God's greatest gift
to his children.
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To be sanctified, nurtured and protected
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against the seeds of dissent,
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we're told too often
lead to the chasms of discord,
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from which too often
many of today's unions
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are unable to recover.
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It all too often leads to divorce,
which is a sin
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in the eyes of God.
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But no pressure.
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Melissa, how long have
you and this young man been courting?
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Just over a year.
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But we've known each other
since middle school.
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Alejandro, is it?
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You do speak English, don't you?
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No. No, actually, I don't.
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I see.
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He just graduated from Harvard.
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Him and half of China.
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He also speaks five languages,
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English being very much one of them.
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Really?
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So, tell me this, Alejandro.
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Have you been successful thus far
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at being intimate with young Mellissa?
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Excuse me, sir?
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Father Moinighan's just fine, son.
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What I'm asking is,
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is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact?
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I see.
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And did we partake of birth control?
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- Of course.
- Of course.
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Birth control.
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Relationships between consenting adults
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shall remain privately betwixt themselves,
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and the Church, of course.
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I guess we're going to Hell, then.
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In God's good time, my son.
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I'm kidding.
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So, tell me, young man.
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I know your adoptive
parents, Don and Ellie,
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are other than Catholic.
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Yeah. Yeah. My mom is Je-Buddhist.
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That's Jewish/Buddhist.
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And my father thinks that
organized religion is for...
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His biological mother
is very much a Catholic.
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She works for a bishop in Colombia.
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- Good for her.
- And we're very excited
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because we just found out
that she's coming to the wedding.
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- She is.
- Wonderful.
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- Oh, God.
- Yes?
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What?
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Sorry. Nothing. It's fine.
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I'm assuming that your mother
will be very encouraging
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of her grandchildren
being raised in the Church.
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Actually, we decided to wait
until they're old enough
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and then just let them decide.
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Hell it is, then.
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Hi. Ls Jared in?
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- Are you a patient?
- Sister.
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Right.
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- Hi, I'm Jane.
- Hi.
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He's in a delivery,
so you can wait over in the Daddy's Room
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and I'll let him know that you're here.
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Hello.
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No, I mean
she literally pulled it out of the socket.
156
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- I figured I'd be a lot safer here.
- Thank Christ.
157
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Are you freaking kidding me?
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We're in a hospital.
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Right. Sorry.
160
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Just practicing.
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I don't even smoke. I quit a month ago.
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It's a girl.
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Oh, my God. I gotta call you back.
Ls she...
164
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They're both doing just fine.
165
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Would you like to meet her?
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There you are.
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Am I dead?
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Sorry. Jared'll be in in a sec.
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My hero.
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He's a sweetie, huh?
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I hope this isn't too inappropriate to ask,
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but is it true that he's
never really had...
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It's true.
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Okay. What kind of a doily
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passes out in the Daddy's Room?
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- I hope you feel better.
- Thank you.
177
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,501
- Doctor.
- Thank you.
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00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:14,923
Thank you.
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She's perky.
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00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:19,347
Who, Jane? Yeah, she's great.
181
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,799
She's screaming for a shot at the title.
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Nice.
183
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,498
What could possibly be wrong with her?
184
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,936
I am so over this whole
fresh-faced, Ivy League,
185
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,733
preppie, bouncy, ponytail-y type.
186
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Don't you have to be under one first?
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Good one.
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She knows, by the way.
189
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,573
Yeah. A bunch of us went out
for too many margaritas last month.
190
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:40,072
Now they have, like,
an un-virgin pool going.
191
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,153
What?
192
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,160
A bevy of hot nurses
are conspiring to bang your brains out?
193
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,536
You should press charges.
194
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:49,412
No, not my brother. He's
gotta wait for love.
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00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,541
Yeah, well...
196
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,999
It seemed like
a really noble idea when I was 15.
197
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,175
Anyway, I'm starting to waver.
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Shut up.
199
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,969
No, I'm gonna be 30 soon.
200
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,548
But then that would mean
that I've wasted the last
201
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:02,303
15-plus years.
202
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:04,559
You're fine.
203
00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:06,599
Well, call what's-her-name back in here.
204
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:07,971
Come on. You can use my bed.
205
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,558
I'll wait in the hall. I
can laugh really quietly.
206
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:13,560
Or I could just put you back in there
with the babies.
207
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:14,561
No.
208
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,948
Whoa, whoa. You okay?
209
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,571
I want you to...
210
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,071
Look right at me. Right at my nose.
211
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,042
Yeah, you might have a concussion.
212
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,335
How will I know?
213
00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:32,287
Headaches, vomiting.
214
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,548
And I haven't even seen Dad yet.
215
00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,084
Hey. Where's Andrew?
216
00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,295
I don't know. Can we bookmark it?
217
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:44,224
I want to keep the whole "Lyla's desiccating
her life" lectures down to one a day.
218
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:45,425
I can't wait.
219
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:46,635
See you, Jared.
220
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:48,603
Neither can they.
221
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,604
He's huge.
222
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,367
I remember.
223
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:05,987
Look at Jared.
224
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:12,328
Lyla. Look how tiny Alejandro was.
225
00:11:13,590 --> 00:11:17,254
One of the workers almost painted over that
while we were redecorating.
226
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,677
I had my knitting needle to his throat
when Donald pulled me off of him.
227
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,630
Yeah. And now they're all grown.
228
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,631
Yeah.
229
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,933
You were so wonderful to them.
230
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:30,679
Well, they're not officially my kids,
but, you know...
231
00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,098
God, you look stunning.
232
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,527
Cut the crap, Bebes.
I look a decade older and so do you.
233
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:39,654
Said the one of us not
wearing control tops.
234
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:44,450
Wait until you see Muffin. Oh, my God.
235
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,823
I heard she had work done.
236
00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:48,030
Really, like, somebody said it was scary.
237
00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:51,287
Well, let'sjust say
most of her face is now behind her ears.
238
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,039
And she's completely mental.
239
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,541
She's driving me crazy
about the details of the wedding,
240
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,794
which is ironic
because we're hosting it here.
241
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:58,874
- Right.
- Right?
242
00:11:58,968 --> 00:12:01,005
And I'm catering it. Organic, of course.
243
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:04,505
Oh, God, I was just so
terrified to see you.
244
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:08,683
Oh, don't be.
I mean, look, it was a long time ago.
245
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:10,677
So...
246
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,053
Yeah. Well, now that you're here,
247
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,809
I realize how much I missed you.
248
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,517
Well. Hey, I want to say something.
249
00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:17,692
- This house?
- Yeah?
250
00:12:17,695 --> 00:12:19,436
It looks absolutely incredible.
251
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,441
When were you two married, anyway?
252
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,695
We weren't. I don't need a ring.
253
00:12:24,702 --> 00:12:26,863
I mean, maybe
I'd like to have a ring some time, but...
254
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:27,903
You should tell him.
255
00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,533
He knows. He knows.
256
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:32,491
Doesn't exactly
back stroke through the deep end
257
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,746
of the sensitivity pool.
258
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,497
Hey. Look at you two.
259
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:38,706
Haven't seen this much tail around here
since the last poochie died.
260
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:46,717
Oh, well.
261
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,555
Welcome to the jungle.
262
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,227
I truly loathe this place.
263
00:12:52,855 --> 00:12:56,723
Is that because you've hooked up
with, like, half the staff?
264
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,619
It was high school.
And hand jobs don't count.
265
00:12:58,695 --> 00:12:59,730
Thank God.
266
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:03,025
Hi. Look at you. You look gorgeous.
267
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:05,357
So do you. Oh, my God,
your hair, I love it.
268
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,237
- Thanks.
- L'm so glad you're here.
269
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:08,739
- Sister.
- Immigrant.
270
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,737
- Ambulance chaser.
- Partner.
271
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:14,707
Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?
272
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,168
- Oh, God.
- Are you okay?
273
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,417
- I gotta sit down.
- Come. Come.
274
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:22,757
She's drunk already?
275
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,752
Mild concussion. This should be fun.
276
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,882
It's, like, as soon as we got engaged,
277
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,219
it suddenly dawned on them
that he's not Caucasian.
278
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,678
Wait, you're not Caucasian?
279
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:35,978
Not at the moment.
280
00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,430
Well, that's upsetting.
281
00:13:37,525 --> 00:13:39,357
They're, like,
putting on this whole dinner theater,
282
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,276
PC act, pretending to be really cool,
283
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:42,773
but really they're freaking out
284
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,770
that they're gonna have beige grandkids.
285
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,186
Isn't that a little hypocritical,
286
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,027
considering your father's
being investigated for...
287
00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:49,985
There's my little princess!
288
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,783
Darling. A wisp.
289
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:53,825
No, it's fine.
290
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:55,782
Sweetheart, you know the Corns.
291
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,454
- Hi.
- Hi. Good to see you.
292
00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,833
And this is her friend Alejandro.
293
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,672
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
294
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,466
- Al is fine.
- Good. Al.
295
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,793
- Well, hello, Lyla.
- Muffin.
296
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:07,965
How's Chicago?
297
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,760
Crawling with spics and Jews.
298
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:13,720
Mazel tov.
299
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,142
I'm shaking, I mean, it's been so long.
300
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,688
What the hell am I gonna say to her?
301
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:20,816
Don, you're gonna do fine.
302
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:24,318
I need a drink.
303
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,812
Babe, hey.
304
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,782
Thanks, babe.
305
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,159
- There she is.
- Okay.
306
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,446
Hello, sweetheart.
307
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,826
How are you?
308
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:36,823
Donald.
309
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,370
You look breathtaking.
310
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:40,038
You've packed on a few.
311
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,995
You know, only in the good spots. But...
312
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:46,462
Do you... Well, is it okay if I...
313
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,839
Actually, I'm just...
I'm not feeling so hot right now.
314
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,632
Hey. I miss you so much.
315
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,713
Oh, hey.
316
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:54,470
I wasn't actually kidding.
I really don't feel well.
317
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,891
I really wish we could spend some time,
318
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,295
- you know, just the three...
- Dad!
319
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,517
Oh, my God. Ls she...
320
00:15:00,608 --> 00:15:03,191
- You all right?
- Oh, my God.
321
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,359
Okay. So much better.
322
00:15:13,162 --> 00:15:14,152
So give us the lowdown.
323
00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:15,871
Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
324
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,572
Saturday wedding at the house.
325
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,658
And where are we going
on our honeymoon?
326
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:22,084
Vietnam and Cambodia.
327
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:24,913
Yeah. We suggested Venice,
but we don't count.
328
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,881
Because it's safer.
329
00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,921
But also, of course, because Venice
330
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,127
is Alejandro's native language.
331
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:37,179
Your name is Muffin.
332
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,018
Yes.
333
00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:41,805
I love Cambodia.
334
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:43,105
And it's perfectly safe.
335
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,025
I know,
because I lived there for three months.
336
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,944
Mom found herself in Asia.
337
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,896
What?
338
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,523
That's absurd.
339
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,199
- What'd I miss?
- Mom.
340
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,243
Don't you know Tantra?
341
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,319
Is that how you say it?
342
00:15:56,414 --> 00:15:57,904
You had a nine-hour orgasm once?
343
00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,781
Seriously?
344
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:00,911
That's gross.
345
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,997
A little self-exploration
wouldn't kill you, young man.
346
00:16:05,214 --> 00:16:08,502
Or maybe a little less
self-exploration, in your case.
347
00:16:08,593 --> 00:16:09,924
Right, virgy?
348
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,292
- So it's on.
- Oh, yeah.
349
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:12,548
One-nothing.
350
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,924
- Nine hours?
- Okay.
351
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:14,921
Doesn't that hurt?
352
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:16,172
Wait a second. Lyla.
353
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,933
Why isn't Andrew here?
354
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:21,928
Trouble in paradise?
355
00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,354
You're a peach.
356
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:24,977
And they're all tied up.
357
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,691
Okay, I don't understand.
What's he talking about?
358
00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:27,938
Andrew's moved out.
359
00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:29,026
He's moved out?
360
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:31,730
Is he fooling around?
361
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,939
Because I'll tweeze his balls off.
362
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:33,940
Great idea.
363
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,651
Yeah, 'cause karmically
that would make a ton of sense.
364
00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:36,735
What happened?
365
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:37,989
We can talk about this later.
366
00:16:38,039 --> 00:16:39,029
You know what?
367
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,831
As long as it's come up,
let's just get it over with.
368
00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:43,158
Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here
369
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:44,959
are just dying to hear all about
370
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,294
the tests, and the injections,
371
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,214
and humiliation
I've so enjoyed the last four years.
372
00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:51,883
No, we really don't...
373
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,261
Honey...
374
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:59,966
We were fighting. All the time.
375
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:01,092
And it just...
376
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,596
ltjust got really hard,
and he couldn't take it.
377
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:08,228
And I knew that,
so I cut him loose before he did it to me.
378
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,018
Amen. S0...
379
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,979
Who do you have to lynch
for a cosmo around here?
380
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:15,982
- Okay.
- I don't get it.
381
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,610
She can't have children.
382
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:20,828
Okay, could you please excuse me, just...
383
00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,201
- N0, no. No. I've got it.
- No, no. Don.
384
00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:23,702
I don't think it's a good idea.
385
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,007
Before you end it all, you should know
386
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,100
they filled in the kiddy pond last summer.
387
00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:44,177
So?
388
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,933
Let's just say, the grown-up pool
389
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:48,390
is a few degrees warmer this year.
390
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,645
Where are you?
391
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,978
Right behind you.
Same place I've always been.
392
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,023
Is it okay if I...
393
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,447
Yeah. Thought you were afraid of heights.
394
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:03,697
The heights are fine.
It's the lows I'm not in love with.
395
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:05,915
How's it coming?
396
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:09,040
Spectacular.
I'll get there well before Christmas.
397
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:15,042
I know we're supposed to do this whole
father-daughter Kumbaya on a stick thing,
398
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,588
but it just doesn't work that way.
399
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:17,794
I'm gonna sit down.
400
00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,048
I know.
401
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:27,850
Mom wasn't the only one you cheated on.
402
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,055
I know.
403
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:31,061
I still don't know how Bebe sleeps at night
404
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,685
in a house you and Mom built together.
405
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:37,272
And the decent thing would have been
to just sell it, or burn the place down.
406
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,401
I'm sorry.
407
00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:39,903
For what?
408
00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,326
That things rarely turn out
the way we want them to.
409
00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:46,072
Yeah.
410
00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:49,117
Listen, honey.
You know, this thing with Andrew...
411
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,209
Don.
412
00:18:51,922 --> 00:18:53,083
Want my cosmo?
413
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,092
Down to my toenails.
414
00:18:58,387 --> 00:18:59,843
No, thanks.
415
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,894
Mother-pisser.
416
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,435
My God, you must be so excited.
417
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,112
It's been, what,
like four years since you've seen them?
418
00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:19,401
Here, sweetie, have some vegetables.
419
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:21,153
I'm kind of nervous, actually.
420
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,151
Yeah. What? You don't have to be. Why?
421
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,948
Well, because my sister's
never even left Colombia.
422
00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:26,120
That's plenty.
423
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,114
Really?
Ls she as traditional as your mother?
424
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:30,116
I think so. She's extremely shy. So...
425
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,124
Well, listen to me.
We are going to make them feel
426
00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,997
as welcome and at home as we possibly can.
427
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,550
Did you know that I have to promise
to raise our kids Catholic
428
00:19:39,637 --> 00:19:41,173
or the priest won't even
perform the ceremony?
429
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,763
Come on. That's very 14th-century of him.
430
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,009
- Right?
- Just, listen to me,
431
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:46,891
cross your fingers behind your back,
432
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:48,763
and just say, "Hallelujah, Jesus."
433
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,185
That's what Missy keeps saying.
434
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,146
But it's the principle
of the whole thing, isn't it?
435
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,015
No, it's not. It's marriage.
436
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,486
One compromise down, 2.999 million to go.
437
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,481
Speaking of compromises,
438
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:06,240
I have something
that I need to ask you guys.
439
00:20:07,123 --> 00:20:08,158
Anything.
440
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:10,957
It's just, it's... It's kind of a big one.
441
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,832
Don? Oh, my God!
442
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:16,913
Do you know what your son just told me?
443
00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:18,506
Oh, my God.
444
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:21,175
You know how the Catholics
have this thing about divorce?
445
00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:25,968
Well, it turns out that Madonna
is under some sort of ridiculous impression
446
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,641
that divorce is a great big, fat sin.
447
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,718
Who's Madonna?
448
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,179
Al's biological mother! What are you, nuts?
449
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:33,179
I'm not listening.
450
00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,601
And she's also under the impression
451
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:38,606
that of all the big, fat divorce sinners
in this whole big, wide world,
452
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,983
you and I are not among them.
453
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:44,240
Don? Can you even hear what I'm saying?
454
00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:46,408
- Not remotely.
- We're not divorced!
455
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,202
- Got it?
- What?
456
00:20:48,205 --> 00:20:50,822
For the next three days,
you and I are husband and wife.
457
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:52,077
- What?
- Yes!
458
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,203
Shit!
459
00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:57,203
Don!
460
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,208
I feel terrible.
461
00:21:04,388 --> 00:21:07,050
They'rejust letting anyone into Harvard
these days, huh?
462
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:10,099
And you never told her
about them because...
463
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:13,268
I mean, there was no way
she was ever gonna come here.
464
00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:16,188
It never even occurred to me
until that Pre-Cana.
465
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:17,390
Well, wait a minute.
466
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,601
What would happen if she knew the truth?
467
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:22,027
You told me what she put you through
during the adoption.
468
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,323
She gave up her only son so that I
could have a chance at a better life.
469
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:26,490
And now, she left Colombia,
470
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:28,864
which she swore she would never do.
On an airplane,
471
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,035
which she's petrified of,
472
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,910
only to find out that I've been lying
to her about being raised by heathens
473
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,411
for the past 15 years.
474
00:21:34,502 --> 00:21:36,493
- No offense.
- None taken.
475
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,582
It'd break her poor little heart.
476
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:40,413
Why don't we just fake it
for a of couple days? No big deal.
477
00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:43,375
And what makes either of you
think you could pull this off'?
478
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:47,133
Sweetie, there's just one little part
that I'm stuck on.
479
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:51,217
If those two are still married,
then what does that make me?
480
00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:55,929
My concubine?
481
00:21:58,442 --> 00:22:00,149
I hadn't really gotten there yet.
482
00:22:00,236 --> 00:22:01,442
I see.
483
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,269
All right.
484
00:22:05,282 --> 00:22:06,818
More tea, anyone?
485
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,277
I thought my life was a shit storm.
486
00:22:10,371 --> 00:22:11,702
I feel awful.
487
00:22:11,789 --> 00:22:13,590
Well, then what the hell
are you waiting for?
488
00:22:16,585 --> 00:22:17,700
This is gonna go great.
489
00:22:17,795 --> 00:22:19,160
Before we start shitting kittens,
490
00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:21,542
why don't we just sit the old gal down
and lay it all out for her?
491
00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:22,713
You and I are divorced.
492
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,882
It's not like we moved
to a fucking petting zoo or something.
493
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:26,801
She's from another country.
494
00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,173
A very different country.
495
00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:29,925
And her values aren't the same as ours.
496
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:31,505
Sojust pretend to be married
for the weekend.
497
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,590
What's the big deal?
498
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:34,006
Where would you like me to start?
499
00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,018
Hey, listen. You were no Mardi Gras, toots.
500
00:22:36,105 --> 00:22:37,140
What did you call me?
501
00:22:37,231 --> 00:22:38,596
Let's get that straight.
502
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,102
And it's an expression. It's an expression.
503
00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,433
Of endearment.
So don't get all Jane Fonda about it.
504
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,314
Well, you know, the Tibetans
505
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,437
have a wonderful expression
for moments like these as well.
506
00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:47,522
Yeah?
507
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,324
Loosely translated,
it means, "Go fuck a yak, Don."
508
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,199
That's the moment. I finally feel home.
509
00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:54,370
So, she's leaving.
510
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:56,822
Some apology.
What is the matter with you? Why can't...
511
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:58,032
She won't listen to me.
512
00:22:58,127 --> 00:22:59,333
She's not going anywhere.
513
00:22:59,336 --> 00:23:01,202
Honey, this is all very dramatic.
514
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,787
- Can't we just...
- Put a sock in it, Donald.
515
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,964
Let me help you with this.
516
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,540
Let's go in the kitchen,
let's have some tea...
517
00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:09,047
- You hate my tea.
- I love your tea.
518
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:10,344
Really? 'Okay, okay,
519
00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:12,338
I do hate your tea.
But the rest of you is pure perfection.
520
00:23:12,349 --> 00:23:14,636
- Just take the suitcase.
- Honey, please. Look...
521
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,058
Bebe?
522
00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:17,226
Jesus.
523
00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:20,055
I'll call Holly
and have her oversee the catering.
524
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,015
I promise, we can figure this out.
525
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,897
This weekend should be
about you and Missy,
526
00:23:24,987 --> 00:23:26,022
and your happiness.
527
00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:29,026
And if my presence means that
that doesn't happen...
528
00:23:29,116 --> 00:23:31,357
But, Bebe,
you're a big part of that happiness.
529
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:32,358
Ru just...
530
00:23:32,369 --> 00:23:35,953
No. Because then every time
you look back on your wedding day,
531
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:37,405
it's gonna be with pain and regret.
532
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:38,737
And I can't allow that to happen.
533
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,788
I love you, sweetie.
534
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:47,753
Ciao, baby. Just consider this
my wedding present, okay?
535
00:23:48,344 --> 00:23:51,336
Oh, God, help yourfather
before he blows his bypass.
536
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:53,383
Pop, I got it.
537
00:23:57,394 --> 00:23:58,384
That's it.
538
00:23:59,396 --> 00:24:02,434
There. You be brave, and elegant.
539
00:24:02,942 --> 00:24:06,151
Okay?
Don't take shit from any of the old people.
540
00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,811
Bebe. Bebe!
541
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:10,396
Please, you don't have to do this.
542
00:24:10,407 --> 00:24:11,397
Oh, pishposh.
543
00:24:11,492 --> 00:24:14,826
I'm gonna go to The Plaza,
use Donald's platinum card.
544
00:24:14,912 --> 00:24:17,199
Listen. Look, I need you this weekend.
545
00:24:17,289 --> 00:24:19,280
I can't get through this without you.
I can't...
546
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:21,958
Back off, Donald. You're
already on thin ice.
547
00:24:22,044 --> 00:24:23,330
What the hell did I do?
548
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:26,337
It's not what you did.
549
00:24:26,423 --> 00:24:28,414
Okay. Okay, what didn't I do?
550
00:24:28,425 --> 00:24:30,132
Why don't you ask your wife?
551
00:24:30,219 --> 00:24:31,459
Maybe she'll explain it to you.
552
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:32,919
Bebe.
553
00:24:33,013 --> 00:24:34,424
- My fault.
- Yep.
554
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:37,423
My fault! Un-fucking-believable.
555
00:24:38,936 --> 00:24:41,724
Piece of wedding advice, kid,
stay single as long as you can.
556
00:24:42,439 --> 00:24:43,975
- Will do.
- Trust me.
557
00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:46,520
As long as you possibly can.
558
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:48,442
Hey, I'm sorry,
but may I just say something here?
559
00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:50,482
The woman that you supposedly love
is devastated,
560
00:24:50,572 --> 00:24:52,904
and all you've got, Don, is "stay single."
561
00:24:52,992 --> 00:24:54,073
It was a joke.
562
00:24:54,159 --> 00:24:56,446
Right, I forgot,
you haven't laughed since the '60s.
563
00:24:56,537 --> 00:24:57,902
Yeah. Not since I married you.
564
00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,829
Yeah, well, promise to never do that again.
565
00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,451
Believe me, not in a million years.
566
00:25:01,458 --> 00:25:03,165
Well, but let's not
bring your mother into this.
567
00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:04,287
Guys.
568
00:25:08,007 --> 00:25:09,839
You just punched me in the face!
What are you doing?
569
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:11,507
I could tell you something,
I earned my green belt,
570
00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:14,255
and you talk shit about my mother again,
lswear, Don...
571
00:25:14,346 --> 00:25:15,802
- G uys!
- What?
572
00:25:16,390 --> 00:25:18,110
I thought she wasn't coming until tomorrow.
573
00:25:18,142 --> 00:25:20,053
That was yesterday. For God's sake.
574
00:25:21,812 --> 00:25:23,268
You just punched me in the fucking face.
575
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:24,476
I'm sorry. Here we go, dear.
576
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:26,764
What are you doing?
577
00:25:26,859 --> 00:25:27,894
What do you mean, what am I doing?
578
00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:29,692
I don't know. After what you just did?
579
00:25:29,778 --> 00:25:31,564
- You're gonna hold my hand.
- Lt's okay.
580
00:25:41,206 --> 00:25:42,867
Thank you for inviting me to your home.
581
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,665
I pray that Alejandro and Melissa
582
00:25:48,756 --> 00:25:51,498
are as wonderful together as you've been.
583
00:25:52,509 --> 00:25:54,375
- Gracias. Gracias.
- Yeah.
584
00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:05,386
No, no.
585
00:26:11,028 --> 00:26:12,189
Whatever. J ust whatever...
586
00:26:12,279 --> 00:26:13,719
No, I've got it. I've got it, honey.
587
00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,195
Oh, dear.
588
00:26:19,286 --> 00:26:20,526
Thank you. Welcome.
589
00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:25,619
AnyWaV-
590
00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:32,254
She wants to know
why your nose is bleeding.
591
00:26:32,341 --> 00:26:34,878
This? Well, no, it's... No English, right?
592
00:26:35,511 --> 00:26:36,546
No.
593
00:26:37,805 --> 00:26:40,718
Because my wife is
one of the great cunts of the 19th century.
594
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:44,058
Yeah. There you go.
595
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,525
Mama. Here we go.
596
00:27:03,038 --> 00:27:04,904
Hi. Hello.
597
00:27:05,582 --> 00:27:07,072
This is my sister Lyla.
598
00:27:07,793 --> 00:27:09,784
- Hi.
- And this is Jared.
599
00:27:13,674 --> 00:27:15,881
The lawyer and the doctor.
600
00:27:16,218 --> 00:27:17,458
Yes.
601
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:23,798
She said my son is lucky
to have such role models.
602
00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,008
We're your role models.
603
00:27:26,103 --> 00:27:27,593
That's a mistranslation.
604
00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:29,595
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. This is Nuria.
605
00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:31,062
Hi.
606
00:27:31,150 --> 00:27:32,606
Hey. Really nice to meet you.
607
00:27:36,155 --> 00:27:37,520
You see, it's not...
608
00:27:37,614 --> 00:27:38,695
Excuse me. Sorry.
609
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:43,618
Sorry. It's not...
We're in between interior decorators.
610
00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:45,908
Yes, and there's a statue, too.
611
00:27:45,998 --> 00:27:48,239
And oh, my goodness,
I have such wonderful taste.
612
00:27:48,333 --> 00:27:50,040
- Yeah.
- Don, darling.
613
00:27:50,127 --> 00:27:54,371
I think it would be a wonderful idea
if you showed her your studio, dear.
614
00:27:54,464 --> 00:27:55,670
I don't think that's such a good idea.
615
00:27:55,757 --> 00:27:58,715
Hey, you know,
I think that's a really good idea.
616
00:27:59,595 --> 00:28:01,051
- Right.
- There you go.
617
00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:02,545
Thank you, sweetie.
618
00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:04,638
Right this way.
619
00:28:10,898 --> 00:28:13,515
That's a commission.
620
00:28:15,819 --> 00:28:18,561
Birthday present for some fat cat's wife.
621
00:28:19,072 --> 00:28:20,312
It's...
622
00:28:20,657 --> 00:28:22,773
Yeah. Sucks being sober.
623
00:28:26,121 --> 00:28:27,156
You like?
624
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:36,462
Well, that's weird
that Al's got a sister, right?
625
00:28:36,548 --> 00:28:37,754
Yeah. And a mother.
626
00:28:37,841 --> 00:28:38,876
Are you jealous?
627
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:40,002
Don't be ridiculous.
628
00:28:40,093 --> 00:28:43,336
I mean, it'sjust,
I never thought I'd actually meet her.
629
00:28:44,681 --> 00:28:46,763
You really think
you and Dad can pull this off?
630
00:28:46,850 --> 00:28:48,056
We're adults.
631
00:28:49,394 --> 00:28:50,680
Since when?
632
00:28:51,313 --> 00:28:53,896
Oh, no.
How many pictures can one woman have?
633
00:28:57,694 --> 00:28:59,856
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, yeah.
634
00:28:59,947 --> 00:29:03,281
That is so not okay. Oh, no, no, no.
635
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:14,704
Alejandro?
636
00:29:14,711 --> 00:29:16,327
Looksjust like him, right?
637
00:29:18,799 --> 00:29:20,289
Yeah, if I ever finish.
638
00:29:22,719 --> 00:29:24,301
What's that? I don't understand.
639
00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:27,721
She asked if you know Missy well.
640
00:29:27,724 --> 00:29:29,306
Si, sl'. Since...
641
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:31,846
Her parents are friends of ours.
642
00:29:36,566 --> 00:29:39,729
Do you think that
Missy and I love each other enough
643
00:29:40,362 --> 00:29:42,148
to have happiness forever?
644
00:29:54,459 --> 00:29:56,291
She thinks you are a serpent.
645
00:29:58,297 --> 00:30:00,914
Well, flattery will get you everywhere.
646
00:30:04,678 --> 00:30:07,761
It's a symbol of duality,
the struggle between spirit and matter.
647
00:30:07,848 --> 00:30:10,215
I know she's not saying
something good about me.
648
00:30:12,978 --> 00:30:15,390
Perverse thrill of a man competing
649
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,142
with the purity of artistic expression.
650
00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:19,974
So, she's calling me a pervert.
651
00:30:20,068 --> 00:30:21,650
- Essentially.
- Yeah.
652
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:23,564
I think it was a compliment.
653
00:30:24,906 --> 00:30:26,442
How refreshing.
654
00:30:34,791 --> 00:30:37,658
Now she would
like to meet Father Moinighan.
655
00:30:37,753 --> 00:30:38,788
Really?
656
00:30:39,171 --> 00:30:42,789
Well. It's possible
his hangover's worn off by now.
657
00:30:56,772 --> 00:30:59,810
You have no new messages in your mailbox.
Please...
658
00:31:11,661 --> 00:31:14,153
Careful.
We've had shark problems in the past.
659
00:31:16,041 --> 00:31:17,702
Freshwater sharks?
660
00:31:19,127 --> 00:31:20,834
Touché. May l?
661
00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:32,847
So, it must have been wonderful
to grow up here.
662
00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:37,851
Yeah. Yeah, some of us
are still working on it.
663
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:41,684
You went to Harvard with Alejandro?
664
00:31:41,775 --> 00:31:43,015
I did. Yeah.
665
00:31:44,528 --> 00:31:45,893
In that ljust drove him there.
666
00:31:45,987 --> 00:31:48,900
But I think I definitely
would have enrolled
667
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,324
had I not got my parents' DNA.
668
00:31:59,876 --> 00:32:03,289
You... You are funny.
669
00:32:05,424 --> 00:32:10,089
Thank you. And you're... You are...
670
00:32:13,098 --> 00:32:14,554
We are permitted to swimming?
671
00:32:14,641 --> 00:32:15,631
VVhy?
672
00:32:15,976 --> 00:32:17,933
No, I mean, yeah. Totally. Let's...
673
00:32:18,019 --> 00:32:22,479
My sister got a ton of swimsuits in her room.
I'll... Let me grab one, I'll be one sec.
674
00:32:24,484 --> 00:32:26,475
- Holy shit.
- What?
675
00:32:26,570 --> 00:32:27,651
Holy shit.
676
00:32:28,238 --> 00:32:29,603
Are you coming?
677
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:41,874
Yeah. I should probablyjust... Yeah.
678
00:32:45,088 --> 00:32:47,500
So, bathing suits,
679
00:32:47,591 --> 00:32:50,299
it's not really that big a deal
in Colombia, huh?
680
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:52,922
Well, lam only here for a few days,
681
00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:56,301
and I would like to see
as much of America as I can.
682
00:32:56,391 --> 00:32:57,426
That's only fair.
683
00:32:58,393 --> 00:33:01,431
Since we're seeing so much of you.
684
00:33:05,233 --> 00:33:08,271
You will show me around?
685
00:33:08,778 --> 00:33:11,941
Yeah. I can... Wouldn't
be, you know... Yeah.
686
00:33:11,948 --> 00:33:14,531
I got the rehearsal dinner tonight,
but then I could...
687
00:33:14,618 --> 00:33:17,030
And you will make love to me also?
688
00:33:20,707 --> 00:33:21,868
Well...
689
00:33:28,215 --> 00:33:31,958
Just so we're clear, you're...
From the will.
690
00:33:32,260 --> 00:33:33,750
Bebe's been trying to rope him in here
for years.
691
00:33:33,845 --> 00:33:36,303
Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown,
692
00:33:36,389 --> 00:33:39,757
or any other legally binding bullshit,
I take out their kneecaps. That's it.
693
00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:40,966
A crown?
694
00:33:41,061 --> 00:33:42,517
But you're a happily married man, darling.
695
00:33:42,604 --> 00:33:44,345
Remember that tonight
when we're in bed together.
696
00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:46,976
I will, right after
the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie.
697
00:33:46,983 --> 00:33:48,690
- That's a nice image.
- Would you...
698
00:33:48,777 --> 00:33:49,983
Good morning, Father.
699
00:33:49,986 --> 00:33:51,442
I thought my eyes deceived me,
700
00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,396
but my ears bespoke the truth.
701
00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:55,572
There are Griffins in my humble church.
702
00:33:55,659 --> 00:33:57,991
Bill. How goes the war?
703
00:33:57,994 --> 00:33:59,610
Well, being on the wagon's
not entirely bad.
704
00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:01,991
If only the wheels
didn't squeak so perniciously.
705
00:34:01,998 --> 00:34:04,535
Padre and I did AA together. Twice.
706
00:34:04,626 --> 00:34:06,958
No, three times. And
third time's the charm.
707
00:34:07,837 --> 00:34:10,124
Father, lwould like you
to meet my biological mother.
708
00:34:10,674 --> 00:34:11,664
Madonna Soto.
709
00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,669
It's a great privilege to meet you, madam.
710
00:34:17,430 --> 00:34:18,795
Your mother's a little old school.
711
00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:20,410
I'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty.
712
00:34:25,355 --> 00:34:26,956
My mother would like to give confession.
713
00:34:27,023 --> 00:34:28,263
Right.
714
00:34:31,236 --> 00:34:33,648
My mother would
like all of us to give confession.
715
00:34:33,738 --> 00:34:36,258
- Nope. Sod off. Screw that.
- Like hell I will. Guess what? No.
716
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:38,612
Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit.
717
00:34:38,702 --> 00:34:42,036
Don, it's a lovely gesture
to make to your guest.
718
00:34:42,038 --> 00:34:43,824
How's sobriety working for you?
719
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:45,701
Sucks a dick. You know that. Shit.
720
00:34:46,334 --> 00:34:48,917
It's wonderful to see you and Donny
together again.
721
00:34:49,004 --> 00:34:52,042
Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning.
722
00:34:52,048 --> 00:34:53,038
You're kidding.
723
00:34:53,550 --> 00:34:55,587
- Can you keep a secret?
- Lt's confession.
724
00:35:02,642 --> 00:35:04,053
I thought you were
against organized religion.
725
00:35:04,144 --> 00:35:06,101
Well, after this weekend,
I may need all the help I can get.
726
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:07,265
Go on, my son.
727
00:35:07,355 --> 00:35:10,063
Is it wrong to lie to someone you love
728
00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,933
if the only reason that you're deceiving
them is to protect their happiness?
729
00:35:13,028 --> 00:35:14,109
Well, that depends.
730
00:35:14,195 --> 00:35:18,109
Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else
by enacting your deception?
731
00:35:27,042 --> 00:35:29,625
What's a ring gonna prove after
eight years of love and companionship?
732
00:35:29,711 --> 00:35:31,872
I mean, she's my girl.
What else does she want from me?
733
00:35:31,921 --> 00:35:33,127
Oscar Wilde once said that
734
00:35:33,214 --> 00:35:36,127
marriage is a triumph
of imagination over intelligence.
735
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:37,624
Oscar Wilde?
736
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:40,302
Oscar Wilde used
to make whoopsie with altar boys.
737
00:35:40,388 --> 00:35:43,096
That's true. Forget what I just said.
738
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:45,215
This place, I miss it.
739
00:35:45,310 --> 00:35:46,800
It's like...
740
00:35:47,687 --> 00:35:48,677
It's like home.
741
00:35:48,772 --> 00:35:51,480
Even he's like home.
Even Don is like home to me.
742
00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:52,852
It's so strange.
743
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:53,977
Does that frighten you?
744
00:35:54,069 --> 00:35:56,857
Well, I mean, obviously,
that part of my life is over,
745
00:35:56,946 --> 00:36:00,484
and I do think that that's a good thing.
746
00:36:00,575 --> 00:36:02,111
Well, there's different kinds of love.
747
00:36:02,827 --> 00:36:04,113
- There are?
- Yeah.
748
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,360
You know, just because you're divorced
749
00:36:05,455 --> 00:36:08,117
doesn't mean
you're legally required to hate him.
750
00:36:09,125 --> 00:36:11,992
You know,
you're not as dumb as Don says you are.
751
00:36:12,087 --> 00:36:13,122
Thank you.
752
00:36:13,129 --> 00:36:14,164
I'm outta here.
753
00:36:14,964 --> 00:36:16,955
- Nice chatting with you.
- Bullshit.
754
00:36:23,932 --> 00:36:27,141
Griffin, table for 50.
755
00:36:27,143 --> 00:36:32,980
Actually, the O'Connors requested
a private table on the Rose Terrace.
756
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:34,139
Outside?
757
00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:36,604
Isn't it supposed to rain?
758
00:36:36,695 --> 00:36:39,312
That was communicated to them, yes.
759
00:36:40,365 --> 00:36:42,151
Right this way.
760
00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:46,159
Barry, what's with the alfresco?
761
00:36:46,162 --> 00:36:48,003
- It's gonna piss all over us.
- No, it's fine.
762
00:36:48,081 --> 00:36:49,162
Wejust thought it would be more private.
763
00:36:49,249 --> 00:36:50,284
She insisted.
764
00:36:50,375 --> 00:36:52,412
The thought that anyone
would see us eating with a bunch of,
765
00:36:52,502 --> 00:36:53,742
what was the expression you used, Mom?
766
00:36:53,837 --> 00:36:57,421
Barry O'Connor.
It's very, very nice to meet you.
767
00:36:57,507 --> 00:37:01,296
Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin.
768
00:37:01,386 --> 00:37:03,593
We're delighted to make your acquaintance.
769
00:37:06,808 --> 00:37:08,719
And of course our daughter, Melissa.
770
00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:10,016
Hi.
771
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,195
Mama?
772
00:37:26,786 --> 00:37:27,867
It's okay.
773
00:37:52,228 --> 00:37:54,060
What the fuck did she just say?
774
00:37:54,147 --> 00:37:55,228
Please.
775
00:37:56,149 --> 00:37:57,890
I don't know what she's saying.
776
00:38:06,242 --> 00:38:08,233
You have my blessing.
777
00:38:10,371 --> 00:38:12,032
All right.
778
00:38:14,250 --> 00:38:15,365
- Come sit.
- Yeah.
779
00:38:15,460 --> 00:38:17,792
You know, contemplate, place to put it.
780
00:38:23,259 --> 00:38:25,296
Hey, Don. Where's Bebe?
781
00:38:25,303 --> 00:38:28,261
We were supposed to
go over the crudités presentation together.
782
00:38:28,264 --> 00:38:30,130
Yeah. Well, her auntjust passed,
783
00:38:30,225 --> 00:38:31,745
so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie.
784
00:38:32,268 --> 00:38:33,303
Nuria!
785
00:38:35,605 --> 00:38:37,721
- But her aunt's dead.
- That's what I said.
786
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:54,704
God knows I hate a boring dinner.
787
00:38:54,791 --> 00:38:56,156
Everybody have enough ice water?
788
00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:59,869
Good evening, and welcome
to Weeblewog Country Club.
789
00:38:59,963 --> 00:39:01,294
My name is Yvette.
790
00:39:02,215 --> 00:39:04,957
And lwill be your captain this evening.
791
00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:06,291
Bebe?
792
00:39:07,428 --> 00:39:10,136
Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque,
793
00:39:10,223 --> 00:39:12,339
flavored with twice
the recommended daily dose of sodium.
794
00:39:12,433 --> 00:39:14,925
We also have a filet mignon.
795
00:39:15,019 --> 00:39:19,013
Not organic, stuffed with
bleu cheese, sour cream,
796
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:20,643
bacon, and a defibrillator.
797
00:39:20,733 --> 00:39:22,315
I'll have the filet mignon.
798
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:23,900
Don't think so.
799
00:39:24,571 --> 00:39:25,686
Excuse me, miss.
800
00:39:25,780 --> 00:39:28,317
Our guests really aren't
used to American food.
801
00:39:28,324 --> 00:39:30,315
Do you think that Chef Claude
802
00:39:30,326 --> 00:39:33,990
could whip up some chimichangi thingy?
803
00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:35,328
No. Stop it.
804
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:36,784
What, I didn't say it right?
805
00:39:36,875 --> 00:39:38,741
No, you said it fine.
806
00:39:39,168 --> 00:39:40,249
Just fine.
807
00:39:40,503 --> 00:39:41,584
Are you okay?
808
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:44,329
Just fucking with him.
809
00:39:45,049 --> 00:39:46,335
Fine.
810
00:39:46,342 --> 00:39:47,332
Mama.
811
00:39:48,177 --> 00:39:49,338
What's the rumpus?
812
00:39:50,013 --> 00:39:53,381
She was wondering
why the wedding is being held at our house,
813
00:39:53,391 --> 00:39:55,598
and not at the O'Connors'.
814
00:39:58,271 --> 00:40:02,606
Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little.
815
00:40:02,942 --> 00:40:04,603
Besides, our house...
816
00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:06,355
ls in foreclosure?
817
00:40:06,362 --> 00:40:07,642
- Okay, that's...
- That's right.
818
00:40:07,655 --> 00:40:09,396
He has to plead poverty
819
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:13,233
because he's being
investigated for stock fraud.
820
00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:14,363
Spectacular fork.
821
00:40:14,370 --> 00:40:16,111
It's more complicated than that, I think.
822
00:40:16,205 --> 00:40:18,162
But we still have money. We do.
823
00:40:18,249 --> 00:40:19,910
- Really. It's just...
- Okay.
824
00:40:20,001 --> 00:40:21,992
It's overseas for the time being.
825
00:40:22,086 --> 00:40:23,247
That's enough!
826
00:40:25,131 --> 00:40:26,872
I'm gonna check on the soup.
827
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:31,376
I wanted to tell you
that your house is the most
828
00:40:31,387 --> 00:40:33,378
amazing place that I have ever seen.
829
00:40:33,389 --> 00:40:34,845
You built it yourselves, yes?
830
00:40:36,392 --> 00:40:37,473
We did, actually.
831
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,846
Tell her the story.
832
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:40,389
Yeah, it's really romantic.
833
00:40:40,897 --> 00:40:43,013
It is. It is romantic.
834
00:40:43,107 --> 00:40:45,394
It's fine. Tell her. Tell the story.
835
00:40:45,401 --> 00:40:48,393
Don and I, we were living
in the city separately.
836
00:40:48,905 --> 00:40:50,316
She wouldn't shack up with me
837
00:40:50,406 --> 00:40:51,686
because we weren't in matrimony.
838
00:40:51,741 --> 00:40:55,154
So Don's latest exhibition
had sold out completely.
839
00:40:55,244 --> 00:40:56,405
Third in a row.
840
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,528
It did well. Awash in humility. As always.
841
00:40:58,623 --> 00:40:59,863
One of the many things she loves about me.
842
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:00,948
That's our Donny. Yes.
843
00:41:01,042 --> 00:41:03,409
Can we please just skip
to the happy ending'?
844
00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,420
So Don and I, we decided we'd
take a drive to the country,
845
00:41:07,423 --> 00:41:09,539
and we came to this open field. Remember?
846
00:41:09,634 --> 00:41:11,090
We parked there, we went for a walk.
847
00:41:11,177 --> 00:41:12,838
And it was so wonderful.
848
00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:13,964
It was sunset.
849
00:41:14,055 --> 00:41:16,046
Do you remember that, Don? Sweet.
850
00:41:16,140 --> 00:41:19,303
And we came across this gorgeous pond.
851
00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:24,017
And he proposed to me
as the sun kind of went down.
852
00:41:24,107 --> 00:41:27,441
I was... I was sneaking
out here on Saturday
853
00:41:27,443 --> 00:41:28,854
while she was
spending time with her folks, and...
854
00:41:28,945 --> 00:41:30,435
Yeah, but I knew what you were up to.
855
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:31,561
Believe me, I knew what he was up to.
856
00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:32,817
- Oh, you?
- I did.
857
00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:34,022
You didn't have a clue.
858
00:41:34,117 --> 00:41:35,653
- What are you talking about?
- You were clueless.
859
00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:38,201
He spent three months searching
the entire New England countryside
860
00:41:38,287 --> 00:41:39,493
for the most beautiful spot,
861
00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:41,257
and when he found it,
he took her back there.
862
00:41:41,332 --> 00:41:42,453
And then when he proposed...
863
00:41:42,959 --> 00:41:43,994
He planted...
864
00:41:49,674 --> 00:41:50,880
And then they built a house over the years
865
00:41:50,967 --> 00:41:53,459
under the shade of the tree,
and added on to it
866
00:41:53,469 --> 00:41:57,758
every time Don sold another sculpture,
until, well...
867
00:42:01,227 --> 00:42:03,844
You are very lucky to find a man like that.
868
00:42:04,272 --> 00:42:05,478
Oh, yes, of course.
869
00:42:05,565 --> 00:42:07,351
I'm just... I'm terribly lucky.
870
00:42:07,442 --> 00:42:09,274
Thank you. Thank you.
871
00:42:09,986 --> 00:42:11,397
Yvette?
872
00:42:11,863 --> 00:42:14,230
Will you please excuse me, just for...
873
00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:17,114
Jared!
874
00:42:17,201 --> 00:42:18,487
May I please speak with you?
875
00:42:18,494 --> 00:42:19,484
Yeah, sure.
876
00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:22,404
You know what'? I got...
Give me, like, one sec.
877
00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,489
I got, like, a terrible leg cramp.
878
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:26,286
Nuria, dear. Please. Yes.
879
00:42:26,377 --> 00:42:28,584
Please. May I take you to the restroom,
please, the ladies' room?
880
00:42:28,671 --> 00:42:30,582
Where we can wash your beautiful hands.
881
00:42:31,299 --> 00:42:33,006
Well,
882
00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:36,964
here's to a wonderful dinner.
883
00:42:37,430 --> 00:42:40,843
And a really
884
00:42:40,933 --> 00:42:41,923
neat wedding.
885
00:42:42,018 --> 00:42:43,508
- Okay.
- Lndeed.
886
00:42:44,479 --> 00:42:45,514
Cheers.
887
00:42:56,199 --> 00:42:57,439
Madonna,
888
00:42:57,533 --> 00:42:59,570
how is your bisque?
889
00:43:08,544 --> 00:43:10,535
For Pete's sake.
890
00:43:18,096 --> 00:43:19,302
Oh, my God.
891
00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:21,095
So, the thing to remember
is that men are like pumpkins,
892
00:43:21,182 --> 00:43:22,388
the good ones are either taken
893
00:43:22,475 --> 00:43:24,557
or they've had everything scraped
out of their heads with a spoon.
894
00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:26,551
I'm melting! Oh, my God!
895
00:43:26,562 --> 00:43:27,768
- My face!
- What's happened?
896
00:43:27,855 --> 00:43:29,971
What's happening in here?
897
00:43:30,066 --> 00:43:32,979
Well, Nuria and I have become
very close friends.
898
00:43:33,069 --> 00:43:35,561
Yes. She was just explaining to me.
899
00:43:36,489 --> 00:43:37,729
Really?
900
00:43:41,702 --> 00:43:43,067
Wish I had been adopted.
901
00:43:43,746 --> 00:43:45,362
Can we please just elope now?
902
00:43:45,581 --> 00:43:47,913
Seems like the lesser of two evils
at this point.
903
00:43:48,376 --> 00:43:50,743
Really? Because I'm pretty sure
Vegas is just back that way.
904
00:43:50,837 --> 00:43:52,837
I'm pretty sure
that you wouldn't survive the trip.
905
00:43:53,047 --> 00:43:55,505
- What the hell is going on with your family?
- Why?
906
00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:03,179
My kingdom, my kingdom,
my kingdom for a steakhouse.
907
00:44:04,851 --> 00:44:06,387
What a bust that was.
908
00:44:12,066 --> 00:44:13,181
What are you grinning at?
909
00:44:14,443 --> 00:44:16,650
It's just women's lib.
910
00:44:16,654 --> 00:44:18,611
You know something, I'm cold.
911
00:44:18,614 --> 00:44:20,215
Are you sure that heat's all the way up?
912
00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:22,641
Well, yeah. We'll take a steam
when we get back to the house.
913
00:44:22,743 --> 00:44:24,529
Wait a minute,
you have a steam in the guest room?
914
00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:25,781
Nope. The master bedroom.
915
00:44:27,707 --> 00:44:28,697
Whatever you say.
916
00:44:28,791 --> 00:44:30,623
You have no new messages in your mailbox.
917
00:44:30,626 --> 00:44:32,833
Ridiculous. It's like I ceased to exist.
918
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:34,502
What's that, Lyla?
919
00:44:34,589 --> 00:44:37,047
No texts, no calls. Nothing.
920
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:40,875
I know, right?
921
00:44:41,220 --> 00:44:42,631
No offense, Lyla, but honestly.
922
00:44:42,638 --> 00:44:44,549
Really, you did leave him.
923
00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,631
Yeah, he doesn't have to
make it so easy for me.
924
00:44:47,977 --> 00:44:49,433
You think he'll show up at the wedding?
925
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:50,806
He does, I'll tell him
to fuck the fuck off.
926
00:44:50,897 --> 00:44:52,479
- Language.
- Lyla.
927
00:44:52,565 --> 00:44:54,647
He said terrible things to me.
928
00:44:54,650 --> 00:44:56,732
- Punch him in the nose?
- Of course not.
929
00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:58,605
Because that would be unladylike.
930
00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:00,904
What are you looking at me for?
931
00:45:03,951 --> 00:45:04,986
You miss him.
932
00:45:07,455 --> 00:45:08,661
A little.
933
00:45:08,664 --> 00:45:11,372
That's what I thought.
Look, just give him a call.
934
00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:13,162
I can't.
935
00:45:32,563 --> 00:45:34,770
S0, lwas thinking
we could maybe go to my room,
936
00:45:34,857 --> 00:45:37,815
listen to some music, or you know...
937
00:45:38,694 --> 00:45:39,684
Whatever.
938
00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:41,606
No, thank you.
939
00:45:41,864 --> 00:45:44,697
But you may read me some poetry,
if you wish.
940
00:45:45,701 --> 00:45:46,691
Poetry?
941
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:47,943
Yes.
942
00:45:48,704 --> 00:45:49,739
Are you serious?
943
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:51,863
Yes. Your mother was very informative.
944
00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:54,703
I deserve to be treated with respect.
945
00:45:58,256 --> 00:45:59,712
Don't we all.
946
00:45:59,715 --> 00:46:00,705
Say it louder.
947
00:46:00,716 --> 00:46:02,252
- L'm an idiot.
- A what?
948
00:46:02,343 --> 00:46:06,507
I'm a galactic idiot.
My idiocracy knows no bounds.
949
00:46:06,597 --> 00:46:10,386
You won't tell a tiny white lie to a priest
that you'll never see again,
950
00:46:10,476 --> 00:46:12,638
but make a complete farce of our wedding?
951
00:46:12,728 --> 00:46:13,718
- I know.
- That's no problem?
952
00:46:13,813 --> 00:46:14,803
I know.
953
00:46:15,523 --> 00:46:17,309
I feel so bad for Bebe.
954
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,983
You know how many months
she and my mom have been planning this.
955
00:46:20,069 --> 00:46:23,482
I know. I know. I'm an idiot.
956
00:46:28,369 --> 00:46:30,986
I did talk with Father Moinighan, though.
957
00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:32,745
For reals?
958
00:46:32,748 --> 00:46:34,739
I promised that little.
959
00:46:34,834 --> 00:46:36,950
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John
960
00:46:37,044 --> 00:46:40,332
would grow up ravenous
for the sweet baby Jesus.
961
00:46:40,423 --> 00:46:41,413
Did you?
962
00:46:42,550 --> 00:46:44,166
May have had crossies when I said it.
963
00:46:46,304 --> 00:46:47,635
Thank you.
964
00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:50,763
You really truly love me.
965
00:46:50,766 --> 00:46:51,801
I do.
966
00:46:53,019 --> 00:46:54,509
Yeah, you do.
967
00:46:58,733 --> 00:47:00,394
And you'll fix all the other stuff?
968
00:47:00,484 --> 00:47:01,770
What's it worth to you?
969
00:47:03,779 --> 00:47:05,235
You honestly think...
970
00:47:11,662 --> 00:47:14,780
It's too bad I'm saving
myself for marriage.
971
00:47:15,458 --> 00:47:16,789
I'll see you tomorrow.
972
00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:19,909
I'm busy tomorrow.
973
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:22,792
All l hear is, "Blah, blah, blah."
974
00:47:24,008 --> 00:47:25,999
So, you know, call her again.
975
00:47:26,093 --> 00:47:29,461
Itried, but she had
the front desk lock me out.
976
00:47:32,141 --> 00:47:33,802
Tell me again how this is my fault.
977
00:47:33,809 --> 00:47:34,799
Don.
978
00:47:34,894 --> 00:47:36,976
In a year. Many of these children...
979
00:47:37,063 --> 00:47:38,224
Now, where'd you dig that up?
980
00:47:38,522 --> 00:47:40,479
Oh, my God, I can't
believe how tiny he was.
981
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:41,556
Yeah.
982
00:47:42,234 --> 00:47:43,565
Sometimes I wonder
983
00:47:44,028 --> 00:47:45,234
if we did the right thing.
984
00:47:45,404 --> 00:47:47,190
Ellie, for two people
who did a lot of things wrong,
985
00:47:47,281 --> 00:47:48,817
adopting Al wasn't one of them.
986
00:47:48,824 --> 00:47:50,815
Yeah, he's the kindest of us all.
987
00:47:50,826 --> 00:47:51,816
Yeah.
988
00:47:51,827 --> 00:47:54,694
We didn't do that many things
that were wrong, did we?
989
00:47:55,664 --> 00:47:57,120
Everybody's happy now.
990
00:47:57,208 --> 00:47:58,369
- Well...
- Right?
991
00:47:58,459 --> 00:47:59,824
Yeah, right.
992
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:02,372
Kids are great.
You're having nine-hour orgasms.
993
00:48:04,131 --> 00:48:05,932
No, no, no, just... Yeah,
well, give or take.
994
00:48:06,842 --> 00:48:08,924
- L'm intrigued.
- Yeah, I'm stunned.
995
00:48:09,011 --> 00:48:10,843
- Prove it.
- You wish.
996
00:48:10,930 --> 00:48:12,921
- For old time's sake.
- Oh, my God. Okay.
997
00:48:13,224 --> 00:48:15,682
You know what,
I think the coast must be clear by now.
998
00:48:17,853 --> 00:48:18,934
Good to see you, Ell.
999
00:48:20,523 --> 00:48:22,059
I think you said that already.
1000
00:48:25,903 --> 00:48:27,018
What the hell?
1001
00:48:27,113 --> 00:48:28,854
What are you doing?
1002
00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:33,608
Shoot. You're gonna wake Madonna,
for God's sake.
1003
00:48:35,871 --> 00:48:38,784
I have been reading sonnets. Out loud.
1004
00:48:38,874 --> 00:48:39,955
Well, that's very romantic.
1005
00:48:40,042 --> 00:48:41,999
So romantic for you, dear. What?
1006
00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:46,121
Iam 29 years old, and I've
finally, I mean, I...
1007
00:48:46,507 --> 00:48:47,497
What?
1008
00:48:47,883 --> 00:48:49,874
I can't believe I'm getting cock-blocked
by my own mother.
1009
00:48:50,010 --> 00:48:53,924
I merely told her that there are certain
things that women should expect from a man
1010
00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:56,676
before she justjumps into bed with him.
All right?
1011
00:48:57,351 --> 00:49:00,889
Yeah, I know.
Don't you think it's kind of hard to...
1012
00:49:00,896 --> 00:49:01,886
What?
1013
00:49:01,897 --> 00:49:03,433
Send her flowers every day for a year
1014
00:49:03,524 --> 00:49:05,125
when she goes back to Colombia
on Monday.
1015
00:49:08,904 --> 00:49:09,939
So sorry.
1016
00:49:10,448 --> 00:49:11,938
Oh, my goodness.
Well, anyway, good night, sweetheart.
1017
00:49:12,032 --> 00:49:13,193
Sweet dreams, of course.
1018
00:49:13,284 --> 00:49:14,274
- Yeah.
- Okay.
1019
00:49:14,368 --> 00:49:15,904
You suck.
1020
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:28,250
Noches again.
1021
00:49:32,928 --> 00:49:34,168
Back so soon?
1022
00:49:34,263 --> 00:49:37,346
Oh, yeah.
The temptation was more than I could stand.
1023
00:49:37,433 --> 00:49:38,923
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.
1024
00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:40,424
Now you're talking.
1025
00:49:42,229 --> 00:49:43,640
Be gentle.
1026
00:49:44,106 --> 00:49:45,141
Or don't.
1027
00:49:47,276 --> 00:49:48,482
Good night.
1028
00:49:49,278 --> 00:49:51,690
- Good night? Says you.
- Yup.
1029
00:49:51,780 --> 00:49:55,239
Oh, please. Come on, you didn't really think
that we'd go through with this, did you?
1030
00:49:55,326 --> 00:49:57,192
No one ever died from dabbling.
1031
00:49:57,953 --> 00:49:59,284
Just our marriage.
1032
00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:00,953
- Fair point.
- Yeah.
1033
00:50:00,956 --> 00:50:03,414
But, you know,
I couldn't stand being ignored.
1034
00:50:04,543 --> 00:50:05,954
I ignored you?
1035
00:50:05,961 --> 00:50:09,625
You didn't need a soothsayer to know that
you were terrified of being alone with me.
1036
00:50:09,715 --> 00:50:11,956
I'm sorry, Don. Really, I am.
1037
00:50:11,967 --> 00:50:14,208
Just, you know, with the children gone,
1038
00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:17,587
I guess I didn't think
we had much in common anymore.
1039
00:50:17,681 --> 00:50:20,969
Yeah, so we picked up another kid
to avoid the issue.
1040
00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:24,685
You know, I tried to stick it out.
I really did.
1041
00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:26,012
I know you did, Don.
1042
00:50:29,151 --> 00:50:30,312
Wanna fool around?
1043
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:35,571
You need to marry Bebe.
1044
00:50:35,658 --> 00:50:37,990
And that's nothing you don't already know.
1045
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:40,989
And what about you?
Anybody special since...
1046
00:50:40,996 --> 00:50:42,031
Me?
1047
00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,280
Yeah, of course.
There have been guys here and there.
1048
00:50:44,375 --> 00:50:47,618
Yeah.
And I guess nothing I'd write home about,
1049
00:50:47,711 --> 00:50:48,997
nothing special.
1050
00:50:49,421 --> 00:50:52,504
Well, I did date this local cop
when I lived over on Courtesy.
1051
00:50:52,591 --> 00:50:54,377
He was really quite nice.
1052
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:57,168
And then in New York City
I met this stock broker
1053
00:50:57,263 --> 00:50:59,470
who actually proposed to me
on the third date.
1054
00:50:59,557 --> 00:51:02,470
You know, that should have
been my first clue. God.
1055
00:51:03,394 --> 00:51:04,680
But then...
1056
00:51:22,037 --> 00:51:24,699
A little more left. Left.
1057
00:51:24,790 --> 00:51:26,076
0h, yeah!
1058
00:51:26,166 --> 00:51:28,373
- In there! That's right!
- Right there'?
1059
00:51:57,281 --> 00:51:58,897
What happened to you?
1060
00:51:59,158 --> 00:52:00,444
What time is it?
1061
00:52:01,076 --> 00:52:02,677
A little after 8:00. I thought you quit?
1062
00:52:02,995 --> 00:52:05,077
Thought I quit a lot of things. 8:00?
1063
00:52:06,290 --> 00:52:07,701
So that would make it, hey...
1064
00:52:09,084 --> 00:52:11,917
Forty minutes. Not bad for starters.
1065
00:52:14,089 --> 00:52:15,420
Was that what that...
1066
00:52:16,216 --> 00:52:19,083
You didn't. Tell me you didn't.
1067
00:52:19,094 --> 00:52:23,258
You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags.
1068
00:52:23,349 --> 00:52:24,589
Gross. What?
1069
00:52:25,601 --> 00:52:27,467
- What about Bebe?
- I know.
1070
00:52:28,187 --> 00:52:30,098
God, what is wrong with you?
1071
00:52:33,609 --> 00:52:35,099
Forward, ducklings.
1072
00:52:38,113 --> 00:52:42,152
We are gonna cater the shit out of this
thing whether they like it or not.
1073
00:52:46,246 --> 00:52:49,784
I know you can't understand me,
but now that you're here,
1074
00:52:49,875 --> 00:52:53,914
I want you to know
that I've always been intimidated by you.
1075
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:58,251
Even so, I never tried
to take your place with him,
1076
00:52:58,342 --> 00:53:03,132
but I always encouraged
the phone calls, and the visits.
1077
00:53:03,555 --> 00:53:05,887
And meeting you, 0h, my God,
1078
00:53:06,141 --> 00:53:11,136
I see where so much of what's good in him
comes from.
1079
00:53:11,146 --> 00:53:13,183
And ljust, I'm just so...
1080
00:53:13,273 --> 00:53:16,937
I'm just so happy you're here.
1081
00:53:18,153 --> 00:53:22,021
Do you... Do you understand me?
1082
00:53:41,176 --> 00:53:43,008
You working on anything lately?
1083
00:53:44,179 --> 00:53:45,886
Haven't touched a chisel in years.
1084
00:53:46,223 --> 00:53:50,057
Wow, shame. You have more talent in your
little finger than I have in my whole body.
1085
00:53:50,144 --> 00:53:52,181
I'm a big girl now, Don.
You don't have to say that anymore.
1086
00:53:52,271 --> 00:53:53,807
It happens to be true.
1087
00:53:54,690 --> 00:53:55,930
Hair of the dog?
1088
00:53:56,775 --> 00:53:58,106
No.
1089
00:53:58,193 --> 00:54:00,810
You sure today's the day
you want to fall off the wagon?
1090
00:54:00,904 --> 00:54:02,645
Coin flip at this point.
1091
00:54:08,704 --> 00:54:10,160
Pass the riffler.
1092
00:54:10,497 --> 00:54:11,487
How is it
1093
00:54:12,624 --> 00:54:14,206
that you can make something so beautiful
1094
00:54:14,209 --> 00:54:16,951
and yet be such a complete douchebag?
1095
00:54:17,212 --> 00:54:19,203
I'm a complicated serpent.
1096
00:54:19,214 --> 00:54:20,921
Or whatever the hell she said.
1097
00:54:21,008 --> 00:54:23,215
So is this what happens with men?
1098
00:54:23,218 --> 00:54:26,538
Just a grain of strife in the relationship
and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex?
1099
00:54:27,055 --> 00:54:29,217
Grandpa?
1100
00:54:30,225 --> 00:54:32,557
Sweetie, I may be on the back nine of life,
1101
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:36,228
but I just spent the last 40 minutes
laying more pipe than I have in 2O years.
1102
00:54:36,231 --> 00:54:39,724
I didn't say no to the scotch
'cause I didn't want the drink.
1103
00:54:41,987 --> 00:54:43,273
So wait a second.
1104
00:54:45,574 --> 00:54:46,735
You're...
1105
00:54:51,955 --> 00:54:53,241
Andrew doesn't know.
1106
00:54:55,793 --> 00:54:58,251
I'm not one of those women who thinks
1107
00:54:59,254 --> 00:55:04,215
I deserve to have a child just because
my uterus suddenly decides to work.
1108
00:55:05,177 --> 00:55:06,667
He either loves me or he doesn't.
1109
00:55:23,570 --> 00:55:24,731
I'd hug you, but...
1110
00:55:25,405 --> 00:55:26,566
After last time...
1111
00:55:42,297 --> 00:55:45,005
I'll just try one of these.
1112
00:55:51,306 --> 00:55:52,296
- Delicious.
- Good.
1113
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,349
Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin.
You are paying for it.
1114
00:55:55,477 --> 00:55:58,310
- Well, you know, I think I'll have a few more.
- No.
1115
00:55:59,273 --> 00:56:00,308
I don't think so.
1116
00:56:00,858 --> 00:56:05,193
You know, if I were talking to you,
I would ask you what happened over there.
1117
00:56:05,320 --> 00:56:06,560
- With Lyla?
- Yeah.
1118
00:56:06,655 --> 00:56:08,316
- Did you see us?
- I did.
1119
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,313
How about that?
1120
00:56:09,324 --> 00:56:13,158
It must be very comforting to know that
not everybody hates you.
1121
00:56:13,620 --> 00:56:15,452
Eases the burden somewhat.
1122
00:56:19,042 --> 00:56:20,442
Listen. There's something I need...
1123
00:56:20,460 --> 00:56:21,950
No. I'm not talking to you.
1124
00:56:25,090 --> 00:56:26,455
Is she upset about something?
1125
00:56:26,550 --> 00:56:27,665
Yeah, she is.
1126
00:56:29,011 --> 00:56:30,718
I'm not sure what to do about it.
1127
00:56:30,804 --> 00:56:32,004
Well, you love her, don't you?
1128
00:56:32,306 --> 00:56:33,341
More than anything.
1129
00:56:33,974 --> 00:56:35,339
Well, then,
1130
00:56:35,350 --> 00:56:38,342
you do whatever it takes
to make her happy again.
1131
00:56:53,577 --> 00:56:56,319
- Can I come in?
- Okay.
1132
00:56:56,455 --> 00:56:57,616
Oh, geez.
1133
00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:00,956
Can you help me, please?
1134
00:57:01,043 --> 00:57:03,626
Oh, my God, this is so not fair.
1135
00:57:04,630 --> 00:57:05,836
All right.
1136
00:57:09,384 --> 00:57:10,374
Sorry.
1137
00:57:15,349 --> 00:57:16,384
Listen, I...
1138
00:57:16,391 --> 00:57:22,137
No, it's, come here,
impolite to interrupt a performance.
1139
00:57:22,648 --> 00:57:23,854
A performance?
1140
00:57:25,734 --> 00:57:27,099
Item one.
1141
00:57:28,320 --> 00:57:29,435
Serenade her.
1142
00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:40,075
There's not a lot of words
that rhyme with Nuria.
1143
00:57:41,416 --> 00:57:42,827
But I really want to.
1144
00:57:43,919 --> 00:57:45,535
Reassure ya.
1145
00:57:48,173 --> 00:57:50,084
That I will try not to be.
1146
00:57:51,802 --> 00:57:54,009
Premature-ia
1147
00:57:56,306 --> 00:57:57,296
'up-
1148
00:57:58,809 --> 00:58:03,724
Look, I decided
that I will not make love with you.
1149
00:58:05,482 --> 00:58:06,722
Okay...
1150
00:58:07,734 --> 00:58:09,941
I disagree. Here's why.
1151
00:58:10,404 --> 00:58:12,520
Look. I did everything on your list.
1152
00:58:12,614 --> 00:58:14,150
Breakfast in bed.
1153
00:58:15,033 --> 00:58:19,448
And I even did a list of the top 10
greatest moments in our relationship.
1154
00:58:21,623 --> 00:58:23,364
"The first moment I saw you."
1155
00:58:25,460 --> 00:58:28,043
"The first moment I saw you naked."
1156
00:58:28,797 --> 00:58:31,129
That's... It's very sweet.
1157
00:58:31,925 --> 00:58:32,960
But
1158
00:58:33,301 --> 00:58:34,666
we are brother and sister.
1159
00:58:35,137 --> 00:58:38,471
Yeah, but only a little bit.
1160
00:58:41,476 --> 00:58:45,470
Look, you have waited a long time for love.
1161
00:58:46,398 --> 00:58:50,483
And I could not forgive myself
if I took that away from you.
1162
00:58:51,820 --> 00:58:53,231
No, you're right.
1163
00:58:56,533 --> 00:58:58,149
The song is nice, though.
1164
00:59:00,037 --> 00:59:02,904
This... Flowers every day, for a year.
1165
00:59:10,672 --> 00:59:12,083
We have to tell her.
1166
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:14,790
I'm not sure I agree.
1167
00:59:14,885 --> 00:59:17,502
Well, we at least have to
invite her to our wedding.
1168
00:59:18,513 --> 00:59:20,003
I lm“ rm sorry?
1169
00:59:21,975 --> 00:59:24,387
I'm kidding you.
I'm kidding you. I'm kidding.
1170
00:59:25,270 --> 00:59:26,726
- Thank Christ.
- Yeah.
1171
00:59:26,813 --> 00:59:30,522
I mean, not that it would
be a bad idea, but...
1172
00:59:30,525 --> 00:59:35,736
Yeah. No, it's okay.
We're behind each other.
1173
00:59:37,866 --> 00:59:39,152
Finally.
1174
00:59:39,451 --> 00:59:40,612
We're Still family.
1175
00:59:41,828 --> 00:59:43,410
Still family.
1176
00:59:43,872 --> 00:59:45,408
So, what's going on?
1177
00:59:47,918 --> 00:59:51,536
First things first. Thank you.
1178
00:59:53,340 --> 00:59:54,546
No.
1179
00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:58,543
Well, honey, your father and I
wanted to give you something.
1180
00:59:59,638 --> 01:00:01,549
- Together?
- Crazy, right?
1181
01:00:01,807 --> 01:00:03,093
We're so proud of you.
1182
01:00:03,183 --> 01:00:05,891
We really are proud of you,
of the man you've become,
1183
01:00:06,311 --> 01:00:08,552
and of the woman that you love,
1184
01:00:08,563 --> 01:00:12,431
of the wonderful life
that you have ahead of you, and so...
1185
01:00:16,571 --> 01:00:17,686
We love you, bud.
1186
01:00:25,747 --> 01:00:28,409
You... You carved this from the tree?
1187
01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:30,040
Your mother's idea.
1188
01:00:30,127 --> 01:00:31,663
No, actually it wasn't my idea,
1189
01:00:31,753 --> 01:00:33,585
but I'm speechless at the modesty.
1190
01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:38,586
Oh, wow.
1191
01:00:42,597 --> 01:00:45,339
I saved a few
just in case the first didn't take.
1192
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:50,139
I don't know what to say.
1193
01:00:53,316 --> 01:00:56,229
Does this come with a piece of land?
Waterfront, if possible.
1194
01:00:56,319 --> 01:00:58,435
Sure, just click your heels three times.
1195
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,113
See you on the flip side, kid.
1196
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:04,366
I love you guys.
1197
01:01:05,704 --> 01:01:06,785
Thank you.
1198
01:01:24,431 --> 01:01:25,762
It's perfect.
1199
01:01:34,357 --> 01:01:37,645
Oh, my gosh, look at you!
1200
01:01:38,653 --> 01:01:39,893
You're here.
1201
01:01:39,988 --> 01:01:42,070
Of course I'm here. Where would I be?
1202
01:01:42,657 --> 01:01:44,648
You look gorgeous.
1203
01:01:44,951 --> 01:01:46,032
Except this.
1204
01:01:46,119 --> 01:01:48,827
Well. Let me put that, here you go.
1205
01:01:48,914 --> 01:01:51,656
Which reminds me of the prom fiasco.
1206
01:01:51,666 --> 01:01:53,577
You remember thejunior prom?
1207
01:01:53,668 --> 01:01:56,000
White tux and blood everywhere
from the pin'?
1208
01:01:56,087 --> 01:01:57,919
There you go. Perfect.
1209
01:01:59,674 --> 01:02:00,664
Thank you.
1210
01:02:01,843 --> 01:02:06,337
Hey. We're family. At
least most of the time.
1211
01:02:06,431 --> 01:02:09,014
All the time. Mom.
1212
01:02:15,273 --> 01:02:17,685
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
1213
01:02:21,112 --> 01:02:22,147
Hey.
1214
01:02:22,447 --> 01:02:23,482
I know, we were just talking...
1215
01:02:23,573 --> 01:02:24,688
Hi, Bebe.
1216
01:02:24,699 --> 01:02:26,064
Right, Mrs. Griffin. Lwasjust leaving.
1217
01:02:26,159 --> 01:02:27,240
No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right.
1218
01:02:27,327 --> 01:02:28,692
Wait a second. Mom?
1219
01:02:28,703 --> 01:02:30,319
- Yes?
- Yes?
1220
01:02:37,712 --> 01:02:38,702
Hello.
1221
01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:58,058
Bebe?
1222
01:02:58,149 --> 01:03:01,141
Have you by any chance
seen our boyfriend?
1223
01:03:01,736 --> 01:03:05,730
No, not since this morning.
My... Oh, fudge.
1224
01:03:07,033 --> 01:03:10,196
- Well. If it isn't...
- Oh, no.
1225
01:03:11,496 --> 01:03:15,205
One, two, three. It's like a convention.
1226
01:03:15,292 --> 01:03:18,751
Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done?
1227
01:03:18,753 --> 01:03:20,118
Oh, my God. He's plastered!
1228
01:03:20,213 --> 01:03:21,954
- L'm sorry, sweetheart, I...
- No, no.
1229
01:03:22,048 --> 01:03:24,210
- L, you know, we...
- Oh, my gosh.
1230
01:03:24,301 --> 01:03:25,791
One minute we were sleeping...
1231
01:03:25,885 --> 01:03:26,875
How...
1232
01:03:26,970 --> 01:03:30,179
The next minute, boom, boom, chi-boom,
boom, chicka boom...
1233
01:03:31,057 --> 01:03:32,218
Excuse me?
1234
01:03:32,976 --> 01:03:34,762
We came into the bedroom.
1235
01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:36,101
And what are you gonna do?
1236
01:03:36,187 --> 01:03:37,769
You do what you do in the bedroom.
1237
01:03:38,148 --> 01:03:39,638
Don!
1238
01:03:40,150 --> 01:03:41,606
The two...
1239
01:03:44,696 --> 01:03:46,061
I'm sorry, Bebe.
1240
01:03:48,199 --> 01:03:52,318
Wow, you really know
how to serve your revenge cold, don't you?
1241
01:03:57,834 --> 01:03:59,290
Come on, honey.
1242
01:04:02,797 --> 01:04:05,004
- All right, I forgive you.
- You do?
1243
01:04:05,091 --> 01:04:07,674
Well, I mean, of course.
Otherwise I'm a hypocrite, right?
1244
01:04:07,761 --> 01:04:09,172
So, all right, I forgive you.
1245
01:04:09,262 --> 01:04:10,423
I'm sorry, too.
1246
01:04:11,973 --> 01:04:13,338
Forty minutes, by the way.
1247
01:04:19,314 --> 01:04:20,975
Hey. Hey, wait.
1248
01:04:23,151 --> 01:04:25,939
Of course. You look amazing.
1249
01:04:26,738 --> 01:04:27,728
Thank you.
1250
01:04:27,822 --> 01:04:29,813
- There's no chance that you've...
- No. No.
1251
01:04:29,824 --> 01:04:31,189
Changed your mind?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
1252
01:04:31,326 --> 01:04:32,816
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
1253
01:04:32,911 --> 01:04:35,448
Well, you have to admire
the symmetry of it.
1254
01:04:35,538 --> 01:04:36,903
Hey, Donald, sit down.
1255
01:04:36,998 --> 01:04:39,035
Although, lguess
if we were really being sticklers,
1256
01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:40,832
you'd have to put your dick in Muffin.
1257
01:04:40,835 --> 01:04:41,825
What?
1258
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:43,536
I dig the vulgarity,
1259
01:04:43,630 --> 01:04:46,042
but why would I ever want
to bang Muffin O'Connor?
1260
01:04:46,132 --> 01:04:48,965
Well, I'm just saying,
if you want to go for true symmetry.
1261
01:04:49,052 --> 01:04:50,668
What are you talking about?
1262
01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:51,843
Eleanor?
1263
01:04:55,100 --> 01:04:57,842
Would somebody
just please punch me in the face again?
1264
01:04:57,852 --> 01:04:59,843
Because I don't know...
What are we talking about?
1265
01:04:59,938 --> 01:05:01,428
She cheated on you first.
1266
01:05:01,523 --> 01:05:02,854
What?
1267
01:05:02,857 --> 01:05:03,972
'Up-
1268
01:05:04,317 --> 01:05:05,899
What. Wait. Well, wait a second.
1269
01:05:05,902 --> 01:05:07,392
Well, there was... It was like a...
1270
01:05:09,030 --> 01:05:10,862
Mistake. Honey...
1271
01:05:10,865 --> 01:05:12,321
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
1272
01:05:12,409 --> 01:05:16,903
If making it even
means that I'm supposed to boink Muffin,
1273
01:05:16,996 --> 01:05:19,909
that would mean that you boinked...
1274
01:05:25,630 --> 01:05:26,620
Barry.
1275
01:05:26,714 --> 01:05:27,875
- What?
- What?
1276
01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:29,464
- Why?
- What do you mean, why?
1277
01:05:29,551 --> 01:05:30,541
What's the rumpus?
1278
01:05:30,635 --> 01:05:34,048
Wait, wait, wait.
You slept with Missy's father today?
1279
01:05:34,139 --> 01:05:35,880
No, no, no. Not today.
1280
01:05:35,974 --> 01:05:37,931
It was years ago, when we were married.
1281
01:05:37,934 --> 01:05:40,175
He must have read you a ton of poetry, huh?
1282
01:05:40,270 --> 01:05:41,476
How could you?
1283
01:05:41,563 --> 01:05:43,224
I was really very unhappy at that time.
1284
01:05:43,314 --> 01:05:45,100
- What about me?
- Well, I don't really care about you.
1285
01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:47,353
- I know you don't!
- Listen, I don't know what to say.
1286
01:05:47,444 --> 01:05:48,809
It was practically an accident.
1287
01:05:48,903 --> 01:05:51,270
And I never told anyone.
Never. Not one person.
1288
01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:53,696
Except, of course, my very best friend.
1289
01:05:53,992 --> 01:05:56,324
It was a long time ago. It was.
1290
01:05:56,411 --> 01:05:58,573
And now you all have a wedding to go to.
1291
01:05:58,663 --> 01:05:59,903
I'm gonna call the movers.
1292
01:05:59,914 --> 01:06:01,029
- No.
- Wait, no.
1293
01:06:01,124 --> 01:06:02,910
Just for the record,
1294
01:06:03,001 --> 01:06:06,915
whatever happens, no way am I ever
bumping uglies with Muffin O'Connor.
1295
01:06:06,921 --> 01:06:07,911
I beg your pardon?
1296
01:06:07,922 --> 01:06:09,003
What the hell did you just say?
1297
01:06:09,090 --> 01:06:11,923
Just because you porked my wife
doesn't mean I have to return the favor.
1298
01:06:11,926 --> 01:06:13,416
Excuse me?
1299
01:06:13,511 --> 01:06:14,546
All right, that's it.
1300
01:06:14,637 --> 01:06:15,923
- Oh, God.
- What are you doing?
1301
01:06:15,930 --> 01:06:17,420
You look amazing, by the way.
1302
01:06:17,515 --> 01:06:18,505
Please. Okay.
1303
01:06:18,975 --> 01:06:22,309
Look, I... Barry, Barry, it wasn't me.
1304
01:06:22,395 --> 01:06:24,978
Okay, so I did the thing with you.
I mean, I didn't do that.
1305
01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:26,520
I did the... Whatever you do.
1306
01:06:26,608 --> 01:06:28,394
I'm sorry about it. It was a mistake.
1307
01:06:29,402 --> 01:06:31,860
Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck me.
1308
01:06:31,946 --> 01:06:32,936
Where is he going?
1309
01:06:32,947 --> 01:06:34,858
Overseas, I imagine.
1310
01:06:34,949 --> 01:06:36,610
So you're the one.
1311
01:06:36,701 --> 01:06:37,941
And I'm so sorry, Muffin.
1312
01:06:37,952 --> 01:06:41,411
You have to understand
that it didn't mean one single thing.
1313
01:06:41,498 --> 01:06:43,330
I feel so used.
1314
01:06:43,416 --> 01:06:45,032
Don't even worry about it.
1315
01:06:45,585 --> 01:06:48,452
Barry and I have an understanding.
1316
01:06:48,963 --> 01:06:51,204
I occasionally look the other way,
1317
01:06:51,299 --> 01:06:53,210
and he doesn't harp on my fetishes.
1318
01:06:54,677 --> 01:06:55,883
What fetishes?
1319
01:06:56,471 --> 01:06:57,961
Your wife, for example.
1320
01:06:59,098 --> 01:07:00,338
Which one?
1321
01:07:00,767 --> 01:07:02,553
They're both equally delicious.
1322
01:07:03,978 --> 01:07:06,845
And that's the ballgame.
Wow. I did not see that one coming.
1323
01:07:07,982 --> 01:07:09,973
- Hi.
- Hi.
1324
01:07:09,984 --> 01:07:12,476
Yeah. You guys might want to step out here.
1325
01:07:12,987 --> 01:07:14,352
Good idea.
1326
01:07:23,164 --> 01:07:25,246
Oh, God. This is humiliating.
1327
01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:34,005
- What?
- What do we do?
1328
01:07:34,008 --> 01:07:36,340
- About which one?
- You know, Bebe.
1329
01:07:37,804 --> 01:07:41,013
Can't live without her, right? Right?
1330
01:07:42,016 --> 01:07:45,179
Okay. So, you've gotta think
about what you're gonna do.
1331
01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:47,393
Right.
1332
01:07:48,314 --> 01:07:50,055
- Where are the children?
- I don't know.
1333
01:07:50,149 --> 01:07:52,015
Dying of embarrassment somewhere?
1334
01:07:52,277 --> 01:07:54,018
You think they might call it off?
1335
01:07:54,028 --> 01:07:56,019
Oh, man, Muffin, get over it.
1336
01:07:56,030 --> 01:07:57,020
Okay. It's okay.
1337
01:07:57,031 --> 01:07:59,113
You're gonna have
beige grandkids that are bilingual.
1338
01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:00,941
We'll see about that, won't we?
1339
01:08:01,035 --> 01:08:03,367
We will see about that. Yes, we will.
1340
01:08:03,621 --> 01:08:05,077
Sure you're okay with this?
1341
01:08:05,081 --> 01:08:06,162
You kidding me?
1342
01:08:06,249 --> 01:08:08,490
Just get this over with
before anybody sees us.
1343
01:08:08,585 --> 01:08:10,121
- Father?
- Everybody ready?
1344
01:08:10,211 --> 01:08:11,542
Just give us the Cliff Notes version.
1345
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:12,744
I'm sorry, but I have...
1346
01:08:12,839 --> 01:08:14,955
Oh, come on, please,
before anything else happens.
1347
01:08:15,049 --> 01:08:16,255
Okey dokey.
1348
01:08:17,051 --> 01:08:18,587
Melissa, do you take...
1349
01:08:18,678 --> 01:08:19,918
Yes, I do.
1350
01:08:21,472 --> 01:08:23,804
Do you, Alejandro Soto Griffin...
1351
01:08:23,891 --> 01:08:25,131
Yes.
1352
01:08:26,060 --> 01:08:27,050
I do.
1353
01:08:28,813 --> 01:08:29,803
On your marks...
1354
01:08:30,064 --> 01:08:31,054
Get set...
1355
01:08:31,649 --> 01:08:33,060
I'm pregnant.
1356
01:08:34,736 --> 01:08:36,022
Surprise.
1357
01:08:43,661 --> 01:08:44,696
Look! Lyla!
1358
01:08:44,787 --> 01:08:47,074
Oh, God, they're eloping on the dock!
1359
01:08:48,082 --> 01:08:49,072
No, no! No!
1360
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:51,617
- Stop! Don't do it!
- Holy mother.
1361
01:08:52,086 --> 01:08:53,417
Alejandro...
1362
01:08:53,504 --> 01:08:54,915
You put the ring... Yeah.
1363
01:08:55,006 --> 01:08:56,371
The ring on her finger.
You put the ring on his finger.
1364
01:08:56,466 --> 01:08:57,866
- No, no! Don't!
- Blah, blah, blah.
1365
01:08:57,925 --> 01:08:59,086
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1366
01:08:59,093 --> 01:09:00,549
- You may...
- Please. Stop!
1367
01:09:00,678 --> 01:09:01,759
- ...kiss the bride.
- No!
1368
01:09:01,846 --> 01:09:03,132
- Now can we elope?
- Definitely.
1369
01:09:05,350 --> 01:09:07,842
- Now, now, Muffin.
- How could you do this to me?
1370
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:16,725
She can't swim.
1371
01:09:16,819 --> 01:09:17,809
Really?
1372
01:09:39,676 --> 01:09:40,666
Hey.
1373
01:09:42,095 --> 01:09:45,463
Look, I know
we might never see each other again, so,
1374
01:09:46,724 --> 01:09:48,840
I thought maybe we'd toast to
1375
01:09:48,935 --> 01:09:51,017
what was almost a beautiful friendship.
1376
01:09:53,314 --> 01:09:54,770
No, you know,
1377
01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:57,144
your mother was the one that told me that.
1378
01:09:57,235 --> 01:10:01,524
American women are more reserved
when it comes to their sexuality.
1379
01:10:01,614 --> 01:10:03,321
Except for her, of course.
1380
01:10:03,825 --> 01:10:05,736
Ithink I will not...
1381
01:10:08,162 --> 01:10:09,698
Take her advice anymore.
1382
01:10:10,456 --> 01:10:13,494
The men of Colombia will be thrilled.
1383
01:10:18,673 --> 01:10:19,879
What?
1384
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:23,174
Close the door.
1385
01:10:32,895 --> 01:10:37,480
Bebe! Bebe! Bebe!
1386
01:10:46,200 --> 01:10:47,235
Is that them?
1387
01:10:48,202 --> 01:10:51,991
Yeah.
They're gonna be spectacular together.
1388
01:10:53,916 --> 01:10:55,237
They're smarter than we are, huh?
1389
01:10:55,293 --> 01:10:58,706
It's hard not to be.
I mean, what was I thinking?
1390
01:10:58,796 --> 01:11:00,582
What an idiot.
I mean, what is wrong with me?
1391
01:11:00,673 --> 01:11:02,084
No, there's nothing wrong with you.
1392
01:11:02,175 --> 01:11:03,210
At all, Bebe.
1393
01:11:03,217 --> 01:11:04,457
In fact, you know what
I've come to believe?
1394
01:11:04,552 --> 01:11:06,259
I believe you're the
sanest one of all of us.
1395
01:11:06,262 --> 01:11:08,048
- Oh, no.
- Yes.
1396
01:11:08,139 --> 01:11:10,426
You don't have to say that. That's crazy.
1397
01:11:10,516 --> 01:11:12,348
That doesn't make it any less true.
1398
01:11:14,228 --> 01:11:16,185
You've alwa s been more beautiful.
Y.
1399
01:11:16,606 --> 01:11:18,768
Ellie. And, I mean, I think actually that's
1400
01:11:18,858 --> 01:11:22,692
probably one of the reasons
that I found Don so attractive.
1401
01:11:22,779 --> 01:11:27,524
Come on. You were in love with Don Griffin
from the first time I introduced you
1402
01:11:27,617 --> 01:11:28,903
at the Crabtree summer party.
1403
01:11:28,993 --> 01:11:30,279
Was it that obvious?
1404
01:11:30,369 --> 01:11:31,530
Yeah, to me.
1405
01:11:31,621 --> 01:11:33,703
Well, then why didn't you
hit me with your car or something?
1406
01:11:33,790 --> 01:11:36,248
Come on, you were my best friend.
1407
01:11:38,336 --> 01:11:40,077
Still are, I hope.
1408
01:11:41,255 --> 01:11:44,043
Oh, Bebe. It wasn't him.
1409
01:11:44,133 --> 01:11:46,420
Oh, yeah, okay, so he was flirting,
1410
01:11:46,886 --> 01:11:48,092
but I made the first move.
1411
01:11:48,930 --> 01:11:50,967
- Why?
- Because...
1412
01:11:52,266 --> 01:11:54,507
I wanted to make sure I was over him.
1413
01:11:54,602 --> 01:11:59,267
And you know what? It turns out
I've been over him for such a long time.
1414
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:03,353
I want you to know something else.
1415
01:12:04,028 --> 01:12:05,860
I've always been happy
1416
01:12:06,280 --> 01:12:09,238
that it was you he turned to.
1417
01:12:11,828 --> 01:12:13,410
I told you I forgive you.
1418
01:12:13,496 --> 01:12:14,986
Then forgive him, too.
1419
01:12:19,877 --> 01:12:21,288
Oh, my God!
1420
01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:24,545
Oh, my God.
1421
01:12:25,508 --> 01:12:26,714
Again.
1422
01:12:27,093 --> 01:12:28,299
Oh, hell yeah.
1423
01:12:31,430 --> 01:12:33,296
- Excuse me...
- No, thank you.
1424
01:12:37,061 --> 01:12:38,722
At least no one will ever forget it.
1425
01:12:38,813 --> 01:12:39,803
I'm an orphan.
1426
01:12:39,897 --> 01:12:41,558
No, no. It's not that bad.
1427
01:12:41,649 --> 01:12:42,980
My mother's a lesbian,
1428
01:12:43,067 --> 01:12:45,308
and my father has had his penis
in your mom.
1429
01:12:46,153 --> 01:12:47,564
That's a picture.
1430
01:12:47,864 --> 01:12:48,945
If it makes you feel any better,
1431
01:12:49,031 --> 01:12:51,147
I think my brother is somewhere
having sex with my sister.
1432
01:12:51,242 --> 01:12:52,232
What?
1433
01:12:52,827 --> 01:12:54,428
They are all coming out of the woodwork.
1434
01:13:00,334 --> 01:13:02,166
You've gotta be kidding me.
1435
01:13:03,337 --> 01:13:07,547
No. No, I'm just saying call me
if she gets back to the hotel.
1436
01:13:08,342 --> 01:13:11,926
Well, how the hell...
Listen, how am I supposed to know?
1437
01:13:12,013 --> 01:13:13,344
That's why I'm asking you.
1438
01:13:15,558 --> 01:13:18,346
And that makes a full set.
What the hell did I do now?
1439
01:13:18,352 --> 01:13:20,343
Do you know why I've stayed away from you
for all these years?
1440
01:13:20,438 --> 01:13:22,554
I have some idea. But I... Okay.
1441
01:13:22,648 --> 01:13:25,640
Because like it or not, I'm your daughter.
1442
01:13:25,735 --> 01:13:29,069
Jared got all of Mom's traits,
and I won the lottery with all of yours.
1443
01:13:29,488 --> 01:13:31,399
Yeah. You know, if we're the same,
1444
01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:34,365
how come no one's popping you in the face
every five minutes?
1445
01:13:36,537 --> 01:13:37,868
You know, when you cheated on Mom
1446
01:13:38,247 --> 01:13:41,160
I became terrified that I was gonna
ruin my marriage the same way.
1447
01:13:42,084 --> 01:13:43,370
And I don't want to be like that.
1448
01:13:43,377 --> 01:13:45,368
I don't want to be like you anymore.
1449
01:13:46,213 --> 01:13:48,375
- Andrew's here.
- Yeah, I know, Dad.
1450
01:13:48,799 --> 01:13:50,289
Iwonder who called him?
1451
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:52,792
Yeah, okay, two things.
1452
01:13:52,887 --> 01:13:55,379
Then if you never speak to me again,
so be it.
1453
01:13:56,349 --> 01:14:00,684
Look. I know you would figure out
that I called him.
1454
01:14:01,354 --> 01:14:03,140
And you're right, Lyla, we are alike.
1455
01:14:03,230 --> 01:14:05,392
Neither of us are
particularly close to being stupid.
1456
01:14:05,399 --> 01:14:06,981
And you know what, you can hate me
1457
01:14:07,068 --> 01:14:08,854
for the rest of your life,
if that's what you need.
1458
01:14:08,945 --> 01:14:10,777
But I'm gonna tell you
what I need as your father.
1459
01:14:10,863 --> 01:14:12,319
I need as your father
1460
01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:15,444
to be able to give my little girl
the best chance at a happy life.
1461
01:14:15,534 --> 01:14:17,400
Because ultimately, and we're all selfish,
1462
01:14:17,411 --> 01:14:19,402
that gives me
the best chance at a happy life.
1463
01:14:19,497 --> 01:14:21,033
Even if you hate rne for it.
1464
01:14:21,123 --> 01:14:22,523
- I don't hate you.
- Let me finish.
1465
01:14:22,583 --> 01:14:24,199
Let me finish.
1466
01:14:24,293 --> 01:14:26,455
I know you love me, sweetheart,
even if you don't.
1467
01:14:26,545 --> 01:14:27,876
I do know that.
1468
01:14:27,964 --> 01:14:30,877
And I know that when Mom and I split up
you felt that you had to pick a side.
1469
01:14:30,967 --> 01:14:32,332
And I was okay with that.
1470
01:14:32,426 --> 01:14:34,417
Because, you know,
she needed you more than I did.
1471
01:14:34,428 --> 01:14:35,714
And I understand that.
1472
01:14:39,934 --> 01:14:44,599
The day you were born,
I went out and I got blasted,
1473
01:14:45,356 --> 01:14:49,645
and I left your morn alone.
Ljust drank my face off.
1474
01:14:52,196 --> 01:14:56,565
You know, you had these swollen little
eyes, and these pink little hands.
1475
01:15:00,454 --> 01:15:02,070
You were so...
1476
01:15:02,498 --> 01:15:05,786
I couldn't rectify how something
1477
01:15:08,170 --> 01:15:11,504
so incandescent could come
from an old douchebag like me.
1478
01:15:12,258 --> 01:15:15,046
Same with the boys. You know,
but for a few mistakes along the way,
1479
01:15:15,136 --> 01:15:18,128
I did the best I could
to earn my place in all of your lives.
1480
01:15:19,390 --> 01:15:21,191
You know, you can be mad at me,
not mad at me.
1481
01:15:21,225 --> 01:15:24,138
It's never gonna change
how I feel about you.
1482
01:15:25,229 --> 01:15:28,142
And, look,
I know these are just words to you now.
1483
01:15:28,649 --> 01:15:31,687
But trust me, you'll understand what I mean
when your daughter is born.
1484
01:15:37,533 --> 01:15:39,365
How do you know it's a girl?
1485
01:15:40,911 --> 01:15:44,199
I don't. I'm just hoping
you'll be that lucky.
1486
01:16:01,265 --> 01:16:03,506
And I'm sorry that I'm so late, by the way.
1487
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:05,349
I actually wasn't planning on coming.
1488
01:16:05,436 --> 01:16:06,426
You didn't miss much.
1489
01:16:06,520 --> 01:16:08,511
My mom's a part-time lesbian.
1490
01:16:09,940 --> 01:16:12,022
I don't have a response for that.
1491
01:16:12,109 --> 01:16:13,520
That's okay.
1492
01:16:17,490 --> 01:16:18,480
Hi.
1493
01:16:19,533 --> 01:16:20,739
Hey.
1494
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,071
You look beautiful, honey.
1495
01:16:22,161 --> 01:16:23,743
I'm not the one who invited you.
1496
01:16:24,413 --> 01:16:28,532
Okay.
He said that you had something to tell me.
1497
01:16:28,918 --> 01:16:29,908
We're just gonna go.
1498
01:16:30,002 --> 01:16:31,538
No, no, no, no, no.
1499
01:16:31,545 --> 01:16:34,082
You are my sister now.
This involves you as well.
1500
01:16:35,382 --> 01:16:36,543
You never called me.
1501
01:16:37,718 --> 01:16:40,506
Well, you did say that
you never wanted to speak to me again.
1502
01:16:41,305 --> 01:16:42,921
You said terrible things to me.
1503
01:16:44,016 --> 01:16:45,347
I know.
1504
01:16:45,726 --> 01:16:49,219
We were in a... Iwas... I'm sor . Lam sor.
1505
01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,146
'Up-
1506
01:16:53,651 --> 01:16:54,857
I'm pregnant.
1507
01:16:55,903 --> 01:16:57,564
That's why you barfed on Dad.
1508
01:16:58,906 --> 01:17:00,021
Sorry.
1509
01:17:03,994 --> 01:17:07,578
Are you serious? I don't believe this.
1510
01:17:10,960 --> 01:17:13,622
Andrew, I won't bring this baby
into an unhappy marriage.
1511
01:17:13,629 --> 01:17:16,417
I agree. I agree. We can work on that.
1512
01:17:19,802 --> 01:17:20,792
Can I...
1513
01:17:31,147 --> 01:17:34,481
Beatrice. I know you're still here
1514
01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:36,934
because I just
threw your car keys in the pond.
1515
01:17:37,027 --> 01:17:38,893
And into the kitty litter.
1516
01:17:38,988 --> 01:17:41,605
- Beatrice?
- I love it.
1517
01:17:41,615 --> 01:17:43,231
- Beatrice.
- Oh, my God.
1518
01:17:43,325 --> 01:17:44,815
I think that's for you.
1519
01:17:44,910 --> 01:17:47,277
Get your tight little ass out here,
toute de suite.
1520
01:17:47,371 --> 01:17:49,612
Beatrice Martha McBride,
you come out here now
1521
01:17:49,623 --> 01:17:51,330
or I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house...
1522
01:17:51,417 --> 01:17:54,500
And you'll give everybody here a migraine
if you don't shut the dilly up.
1523
01:17:54,587 --> 01:17:55,622
What do you want?
1524
01:17:55,629 --> 01:17:56,619
Okay.
1525
01:17:56,922 --> 01:17:59,414
Here you go. Sorry for cutting in.
1526
01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:01,169
I just want to tell you something.
1527
01:18:01,260 --> 01:18:03,752
Well, okay. We're all listening.
1528
01:18:04,180 --> 01:18:06,512
If I've learned anything about life,
1529
01:18:06,599 --> 01:18:07,964
it's that it's all but a dream.
1530
01:18:08,184 --> 01:18:09,390
- Brilliant.
- And there's no wizard
1531
01:18:09,476 --> 01:18:11,467
pulling levers behind a curtain,
1532
01:18:11,562 --> 01:18:14,975
which means, as far as I can see,
the only real use in loving someone
1533
01:18:15,733 --> 01:18:17,349
is that it makes your life better.
1534
01:18:17,443 --> 01:18:20,231
And my life would suck infinitely more
without you in it.
1535
01:18:23,657 --> 01:18:24,647
That's it?
1536
01:18:25,034 --> 01:18:26,069
That's the truth.
1537
01:18:28,662 --> 01:18:31,654
Okay. Okay. Ljust have one answer for you.
1538
01:18:31,665 --> 01:18:34,578
No, no, I did not ask you a question.
1539
01:18:34,668 --> 01:18:35,829
The answer is yes.
1540
01:18:35,920 --> 01:18:38,378
I did not ask him a question.
1541
01:18:38,464 --> 01:18:42,674
Yes. Yes. Yes, I am a horse's ass.
Yes, lwill ogle,
1542
01:18:42,676 --> 01:18:45,668
but never again, other than perhaps
mentally, fondle another woman.
1543
01:18:45,679 --> 01:18:49,297
And yes, I will embarrass you,
and shock you, and often cause you
1544
01:18:49,391 --> 01:18:50,847
to question every last reason in the world
1545
01:18:50,935 --> 01:18:52,676
why you would
ever love me in the first place.
1546
01:18:52,686 --> 01:18:53,676
- Yes.
- You...
1547
01:18:54,104 --> 01:18:56,687
- Yeah?
- Think that I still love you?
1548
01:18:57,691 --> 01:18:58,681
Really, you don't?
1549
01:19:01,528 --> 01:19:03,690
- Keep going.
- Right, right. And yes,
1550
01:19:03,697 --> 01:19:07,907
I would rather gouge out my eyeballs
with hot spoons than cause you pain again.
1551
01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:10,985
And yes, I will keep you
on an alabaster pedestal.
1552
01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:12,286
Words.
1553
01:19:13,666 --> 01:19:14,701
And yeS.
1554
01:19:15,417 --> 01:19:18,409
I will love you and only you
for the rest of my life,
1555
01:19:18,504 --> 01:19:19,710
if you will allow me
1556
01:19:22,883 --> 01:19:26,421
the honor of becoming your husband.
1557
01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:33,720
Where the fuck did you get that ring?
1558
01:19:33,727 --> 01:19:35,718
I've had it around for a while,
six years or so.
1559
01:19:35,729 --> 01:19:37,015
Six years?
1560
01:19:37,398 --> 01:19:38,729
So, what do you say?
1561
01:19:39,316 --> 01:19:40,602
What the hell.
1562
01:19:40,693 --> 01:19:42,058
That's the spirit.
1563
01:19:42,444 --> 01:19:43,434
Okay then.
1564
01:19:44,321 --> 01:19:46,733
By the power still vested in me,
1565
01:19:47,157 --> 01:19:50,024
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1566
01:19:50,369 --> 01:19:52,076
You may kiss the bride.
1567
01:20:45,924 --> 01:20:47,790
Wait a second.
1568
01:21:11,950 --> 01:21:13,691
You'll alwa s love me. Y.
1569
01:21:24,963 --> 01:21:26,419
May I have this dance?
1570
01:21:34,848 --> 01:21:35,838
Yeah.
1571
01:21:41,021 --> 01:21:43,558
- Some wedding, huh?
- Lt's my first two-fer.
1572
01:21:43,649 --> 01:21:45,856
- Yeah. Congratulations.
- You, too.
1573
01:21:45,859 --> 01:21:49,147
Yeah. You know, you were right.
1574
01:21:49,863 --> 01:21:51,228
About what?
1575
01:21:51,865 --> 01:21:54,197
There are different kinds of love.
1576
01:21:55,411 --> 01:21:56,947
Which one are you feeling now?
1577
01:21:57,538 --> 01:21:58,994
All of them.
1578
01:22:24,606 --> 01:22:26,973
Welcome to the family, baby Jane.
1579
01:22:27,067 --> 01:22:30,901
Lesson one, your grandmothers are all nuts.