2
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,562
DON: <i>There's an old expression
that marriage is like</i>

3
00:01:00,645 --> 00:01:02,438
<i>a phone call in the night.</i>

4
00:01:02,522 --> 00:01:05,692
<i>First comes the ring, and then you wake up.</i>

5
00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,321
<i>My wife, Ellie, and I were married</i>

6
00:01:10,405 --> 00:01:14,701
<i>for 20 years before we woke up.
Or fell asleep.</i>

7
00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:18,580
<i>Or whichever it was
that ultimately led to our divorce.</i>

8
00:01:18,663 --> 00:01:20,915
<i>But we never stopped loving each other.</i>

9
00:01:20,999 --> 00:01:23,418
<i>How could we, after three
beautiful children?</i>

10
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:28,381
<i>Jared, Lyla, and our
adopted son, Alejandro.</i>

11
00:01:29,674 --> 00:01:31,551
<i>We had built a home, and a history,</i>

12
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,760
<i>and a family together,</i>

13
00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:34,137
<i>and that stuff just doesn't evaporate</i>

14
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,931
<i>with the stroke of a pen
and some lawyer's fees.</i>

15
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,183
<i>At least I hope it doesn't.</i>

16
00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:41,436
Hello?

17
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:44,772
(CHUCKLES)

18
00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:53,114
Oh, wow.

19
00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:01,080
(SNIFFS) Ugh!

20
00:02:09,714 --> 00:02:11,090
Oh.

21
00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,009
Yep.

22
00:02:17,096 --> 00:02:18,556
(CHUCKLING)

23
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:23,728
(GASPS) Look at them.

24
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:25,480
(GASPS) Oh.

25
00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:27,649
Oof.

26
00:02:27,732 --> 00:02:28,900
(DOOR OPENING)

27
00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,777
DON: I mean, you can't be serious.

28
00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,987
I mean, it's really that
gargantuan of a deal?

29
00:02:33,071 --> 00:02:34,197
BEBE: It's blasphemy.

30
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,323
(BARKS)

31
00:02:35,406 --> 00:02:36,806
DON: Which do you think came first?

32
00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:39,035
The Catholic Church, or cunnilingus?

33
00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:41,663
Oh. Please do not use that language.

34
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,373
What do you mean,
I can't say "Catholic Church"?

35
00:02:43,456 --> 00:02:44,749
- No. The other thing.
(BARKS)

36
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,875
Hercules, be quiet.

37
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,039
What do I use in its place?

38
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,126
You know, when it comes up in conversation.

39
00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:49,127
Well, that is the point.

40
00:02:49,128 --> 00:02:50,797
It's not supposed to
come up in conversation.

41
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,006
DON: How about chowing box?

42
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:53,131
BEBE: Stop it, Donald.

43
00:02:53,132 --> 00:02:55,133
- Muff diving? Huh?
- Stop. You're so bad.

44
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:56,386
Poon jab?

45
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,887
(LAUGHING) Poon job?

46
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,348
Well, I just had lunch, but if you insist.

47
00:03:00,431 --> 00:03:01,683
Oh, Donny!

48
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,434
Oh, my...

49
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,144
- Cunnilingus.
(MOANS)

50
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:07,021
You are such a slut.

51
00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,148
Lucky girl. (GROWLS)

52
00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,150
(GASPS) Ohh!
(DON GROANS)

53
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:14,152
- Sorry. Oh, my...
DON: - Oh, jeez!

54
00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,655
- Eleanor?
- Oh!

55
00:03:15,738 --> 00:03:17,156
- Hi.
- Hi.

56
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,034
Oh, my God. I don't...
Really, I'm so terribly sorry.

57
00:03:20,493 --> 00:03:21,911
He told me that nobody was here.

58
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,371
And I don't know why he did.
The key was over...

59
00:03:23,454 --> 00:03:24,455
Anyway, I'm just...

60
00:03:24,539 --> 00:03:25,540
I'm gonna... You know what I'm gonna do?

61
00:03:25,623 --> 00:03:27,166
Oh, my goodness. Ellie?

62
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,793
- Hi, Bebe.
- Hi.

63
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,670
You look, um... You look wonderful.

64
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,171
Thanks. But, um...

65
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,006
Gosh, it's been such a long time.

66
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:35,258
It's great to see you. I hardly...

67
00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:36,551
I hardly recognize you.

68
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,261
I mean, you look so...

69
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,138
- So?
- So... So...

70
00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,764
- Unexpected.
BEBE: - Unexpected.

71
00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:43,821
- No, that's not...
- Hey, there's Donald.

72
00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,060
Ellie. You look like a summer day.

73
00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:47,437
Oh, well, that's because
you're on the floor.

74
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,188
Hey, what else is new?

75
00:03:49,814 --> 00:03:50,857
ELLIE: Oh, Oh.

76
00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,191
Yeah. Thanks.

77
00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,403
- Oh...
- Oh.

78
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:56,654
How long's it been?

79
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,365
- Ooh, ten years.
- Impossible. Oh!

80
00:03:59,449 --> 00:04:01,325
- Oh, you're not, I'm...
- Ooh! Oh, no, that's okay.

81
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,201
- No, that's just...
- The little blue helper.

82
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:05,163
What goes up doesn't always come down.

83
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,622
It's like a blue thing, like that.

84
00:04:06,706 --> 00:04:08,332
I thought you weren't getting in
till around 5:00.

85
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,459
6:30.

86
00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:10,585
You didn't tell me that.

87
00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:11,669
Well, that's fine.

88
00:04:11,753 --> 00:04:13,921
I just took a little stroll
through the village,

89
00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:17,925
and it's just so amazing
how little things have changed.

90
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:19,510
(ALL LAUGHING)

91
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:22,221
Oh, God.

92
00:04:22,263 --> 00:04:24,640
Honey, why don't you
take her up to the Embroidery Room.

93
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:26,267
I'm gonna round up some sheets.

94
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,560
At your service, madame.

95
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,854
- Right this way.
- Oh, thank you.

96
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,064
The Embroidery Room?

97
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:35,693
Oh, your old office. I don't go in there.

98
00:04:36,194 --> 00:04:37,278
She's got you on the wagon?

99
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,573
I ain't had a steak or a
drink in three years.

100
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,617
I can't sculpt worth a fart,

101
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,242
but they give me a lollipop

102
00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,912
every time I leave the cardiologist.

103
00:04:46,204 --> 00:04:47,245
ELLIE: Where are the kids?

104
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:50,458
Jared's at work
and AI's enjoying Pre-Cana with Missy.

105
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:51,542
Pre-Cana, oh, no.

106
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,251
You mean the Catholic
thing with the priest?

107
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,171
Yeah, you know the O'Connors.

108
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,672
(BELL TOLLING)

109
00:04:59,509 --> 00:05:02,887
MOINIGHAN: Matrimony
is God's greatest gift to his children.

110
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:05,348
To be sanctified, nurtured and protected

111
00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:07,391
against the seeds of dissent,

112
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:09,852
we're told too often
lead to the chasms of discord,

113
00:05:09,936 --> 00:05:11,771
from which too often many of today's unions

114
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,064
are unable to recover.

115
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,318
It all too often leads to
divorce, which is a sin

116
00:05:18,152 --> 00:05:19,278
in the eyes of God.

117
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,364
But no pressure.

118
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:26,285
Melissa, how long have
you and this young man been courting?

119
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,287
Just over a year.

120
00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:32,166
But we've known
each other since middle school.

121
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,168
Alejandro, is it?

122
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,575
You do speak English, don't you?

123
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,549
No. No, actually, I don't.

124
00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:41,676
(CHUCKLES)
- Oh, I see.

125
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:43,177
He just graduated from Harvard.

126
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,179
Him and half of China. (CHUCKLES)

127
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,848
(SPEAKING MAN DARIN)

128
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,017
(CHAIR CREAKS)

129
00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:51,727
He also speaks five languages,

130
00:05:51,811 --> 00:05:53,145
English being very much one of them.

131
00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,230
Really?

132
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:56,816
So, tell me this, Alejandro.

133
00:05:57,650 --> 00:06:01,404
Have you been successful thus far
at being intimate with young Mellissa?

134
00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:04,198
Excuse me, sir?

135
00:06:04,282 --> 00:06:06,742
Father Moinighan's just fine, son.

136
00:06:06,826 --> 00:06:08,494
What I'm asking is,

137
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:12,456
is Miss O'Connor's virginity still intact?

138
00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,338
(CLICKS TONGUE) I see.

139
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:23,634
And, uh, did we partake of birth control?

140
00:06:23,718 --> 00:06:26,053
- Of course.
- Ah, of course.

141
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,346
(MOINIGHAN CLICKING TONGUE)

142
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,932
Birth control.

143
00:06:30,016 --> 00:06:31,809
Relationships between consenting adults

144
00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:33,644
shall remain privately betwixt themselves,

145
00:06:33,728 --> 00:06:35,353
and the Church, of course.

146
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:36,606
I guess we're going to Hell, then.

147
00:06:36,689 --> 00:06:38,399
In God's good time, my son.

148
00:06:39,025 --> 00:06:40,359
I'm kidding.

149
00:06:40,902 --> 00:06:42,111
So, tell me, young man.

150
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,697
I know your adoptive
parents, Don and Ellie,

151
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,365
are other than Catholic.

152
00:06:46,449 --> 00:06:48,159
Yeah. Yeah. My mom is Je-Buddhist.

153
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,036
That's Jewish/Buddhist.

154
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,746
And my father thinks that
organized religion is for...

155
00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:55,541
His biological mother is
very much a Catholic.

156
00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,501
She works for a bishop in Colombia.

157
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,377
- Good for her.
MISSY: - And we're very excited

158
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:01,881
because we just
found out that she's coming to the wedding.

159
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,466
- She is.
- Oh, wonderful.

160
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,470
- Oh, God.
- Yes?

161
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:11,140
What?

162
00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:13,643
Sorry. Nothing. It's fine.

163
00:07:13,726 --> 00:07:16,270
I'm assuming that your mother
will be very encouraging

164
00:07:16,354 --> 00:07:18,689
of her grandchildren
being raised in the Church.

165
00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:22,860
Uh, actually, we decided to wait
until they're old enough

166
00:07:22,944 --> 00:07:24,403
and then just let them decide.

167
00:07:25,154 --> 00:07:26,906
Hell it is, then.

168
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:31,410
(EXHALES)

169
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,044
Hi. Is Jared in?

170
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,545
- Are you a patient?
- Sister.

171
00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:43,506
JANE: Oh. Oh. Right.

172
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,299
- Hi, I'm Jane.
- Hi.

173
00:07:45,383 --> 00:07:47,802
He's in a delivery,
so you can wait over in the Daddy's Room

174
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,178
and I'll let him know that you're here.

175
00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,596
Okay.

176
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,932
Hello.

177
00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:56,227
(GAGS)

178
00:07:57,395 --> 00:07:58,479
(BABY COOS)

179
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:02,440
MAN: No, I mean
she literally pulled it out of the socket.

180
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,442
(SIGHS)

181
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,443
- I figured I'd be a lot safer here.
- Thank Christ.

182
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:06,696
Are you freaking kidding me?

183
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,365
We're in a hospital.

184
00:08:09,448 --> 00:08:10,616
(CHUCKLES)

185
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,077
Right. Sorry.

186
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,204
Just practicing.

187
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:17,957
I don't even smoke. I quit a month ago.

188
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,250
It's a girl.

189
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,794
Oh, my God. I gotta call you back.
Is she...

190
00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,461
They're both doing just fine.

191
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:24,543
Would you like to meet her?

192
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,054
(BABIES GURGLING)

193
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:39,228
(CRASHING)

194
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,147
(BABIES CRYING)

195
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,691
There you are.

196
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:45,483
LYLA: Am I dead?

197
00:08:45,484 --> 00:08:48,779
Sorry. Jared'll be in in a sec.

198
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:50,156
My hero.

199
00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:51,490
He's a sweetie, huh?

200
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,700
Hmm.

201
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,246
I hope this isn't too inappropriate to ask,

202
00:08:57,496 --> 00:09:00,166
but is it true that he's
never really had...

203
00:09:00,499 --> 00:09:01,500
It's true.

204
00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,169
Oh.

205
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,503
Okay. What kind of a doily

206
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:07,173
passes out in the Daddy's Room?

207
00:09:09,842 --> 00:09:11,719
- I hope you feel better.
- Thank you.

208
00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:13,512
- Doctor.
- Thank you.

209
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:15,598
Thank you. (HUMMING)

210
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:16,807
She's perky.

211
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,268
Who, Jane? Yeah, she's great.

212
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:20,728
She's screaming for a shot at the title.

213
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:21,812
Nice.

214
00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:23,416
What could possibly be wrong with her?

215
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:27,860
I am so over this whole
fresh-faced, Ivy League,

216
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,653
preppie, bouncy, ponytail-y type.

217
00:09:30,029 --> 00:09:31,509
Don't you have to be under one first?

218
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:32,530
Good one.

219
00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:33,574
She knows, by the way.

220
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:34,867
Yeah. A bunch of us went out

221
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,535
for too many margaritas last month.

222
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,997
Now they have, like, an
un-virgin pool going.

223
00:09:40,081 --> 00:09:41,082
What?

224
00:09:41,165 --> 00:09:44,085
A bevy of hot nurses
are conspiring to bang your brains out?

225
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:45,503
You should press charges.

226
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:49,340
No, not my brother. He's
gotta wait for love.

227
00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:50,548
Yeah, well...

228
00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,927
It seemed like
a really noble idea when I was 15.

229
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,096
Anyway, I'm starting to waver.

230
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:56,472
Shut up.

231
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:57,890
No, I'm gonna be 30 soon.

232
00:09:57,973 --> 00:10:00,558
But then that would mean
that I've wasted the last

233
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,228
15-plus years.

234
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,438
You're fine.

235
00:10:04,522 --> 00:10:06,564
Well, call what's-her-name back in here.

236
00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:07,900
Come on. You can use my bed.

237
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:10,444
I'll wait in the hall. I
can laugh really quietly.

238
00:10:10,528 --> 00:10:13,447
Or I could just
put you back in there with the babies.

239
00:10:13,531 --> 00:10:14,573
No.

240
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:16,075
Oh.

241
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,868
Whoa, whoa. You okay?

242
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:19,662
(EXHALES)

243
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:20,830
I want you to...

244
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,999
Look right at me. Right at my nose.

245
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,963
Yeah, you might have a concussion.

246
00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:30,256
How will I know?

247
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,216
Headaches, vomiting.

248
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,468
Hmm. And I haven't even seen Dad yet.

249
00:10:34,552 --> 00:10:35,553
(CHUCKLES)

250
00:10:36,554 --> 00:10:38,013
Hey. Where's Andrew?

251
00:10:38,097 --> 00:10:40,224
I don't know. Can we bookmark it?

252
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:44,145
I want to keep the whole "Lyla's desiccating
her life" lectures down to one a day.

253
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,354
I can't wait.

254
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,605
See you, Jared.

255
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,566
Neither can they.

256
00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:53,529
He's huge.

257
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,613
(BOTH GASPING)

258
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,949
(SIGHING)

259
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,580
I remember. (CHUCKLES)

260
00:11:04,540 --> 00:11:05,916
Look at Jared.

261
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:07,835
(CHUCKLES)

262
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:12,256
Lyla. Oh, look how tiny Alejandro was.

263
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,843
BEBE: One of the workers
almost painted over that

264
00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,178
while we were redecorating.

265
00:11:17,261 --> 00:11:20,639
I had my knitting needle to his throat
when Donald pulled me off of him.

266
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,559
ELLIE: Yeah. And now they're all grown.

267
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:24,643
Yeah.

268
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:26,896
You were so wonderful to them.

269
00:11:27,980 --> 00:11:30,649
Well, they're not
officially my kids, but, you know...

270
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,027
God, you look stunning.

271
00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:36,447
Cut the crap, Bebes.
I look a decade older and so do you.

272
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,658
Said the one of us not
wearing control tops.

273
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:44,371
Wait until you see Muffin. Oh, my God.

274
00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:45,748
I heard she had work done.

275
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,958
Really, like, somebody said it was scary.

276
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:51,212
Well, let's just say most of her face
is now behind her ears.

277
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,975
(LAUGHING)
- And she's completely mental.

278
00:11:53,047 --> 00:11:55,466
She's driving me crazy
about the details of the wedding,

279
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,718
which is ironic because
we're hosting it here.

280
00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:58,802
- Right.
- Right?

281
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:00,930
And I'm catering it. Organic, of course.

282
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:04,433
Oh, God, I was just so
terrified to see you.

283
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:08,646
Oh, don't be.
I mean, look, it was a long time ago.

284
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:10,648
So...

285
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,734
Yeah. Well, now that you're here,
I realize how much I missed you.

286
00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,445
Well. Hey, I want to say something.

287
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:17,695
- This house?
- Yeah?

288
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,365
It looks absolutely incredible.

289
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,367
When were you two married, anyway?

290
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:24,702
Oh, we weren't. I don't need a ring.

291
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:26,747
I mean, maybe
I'd like to have a ring some time, but...

292
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:27,831
You should tell him.

293
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,458
He knows. He knows.

294
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,419
Doesn't exactly back stroke
through the deep end

295
00:12:32,503 --> 00:12:33,712
of the sensitivity pool.

296
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,422
Hey. Look at you two.

297
00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:37,091
Haven't seen this much tail around here

298
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:38,592
since the last poochie died.

299
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,887
(BOTH LAUGH POLITELY)

300
00:12:45,099 --> 00:12:46,725
LYLA: Oh, Well.

301
00:12:49,186 --> 00:12:50,479
JARED: Welcome to the jungle.

302
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:52,147
I truly loathe this place.

303
00:12:52,231 --> 00:12:56,734
Oh. Is that because you've hooked up
with, like, half the staff?

304
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,536
It was high school.
And hand jobs don't count.

305
00:12:58,612 --> 00:12:59,655
Oh, thank God.

306
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:02,950
LYLA: Hi. Oh, look at you.
You look gorgeous.

307
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,286
Oh, so do you.
Oh, my God, your hair, I love it.

308
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,162
- Thanks.
- I'm so glad you're here.

309
00:13:07,246 --> 00:13:08,746
- Sister.
- Immigrant.

310
00:13:08,747 --> 00:13:10,748
- Ambulance chaser.
- Partner.

311
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:14,628
Hey, good for you. Where's Andrew?

312
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,089
- Oh, God.
- Are you okay?

313
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,341
- I gotta sit down.
- Come. Come.

314
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:22,760
She's drunk already?

315
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,681
Mild concussion. This should be fun.

316
00:13:27,308 --> 00:13:29,810
MISSY: It's, like, as
soon as we got engaged,

317
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,147
it suddenly dawned on them
that he's not Caucasian.

318
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,606
Wait, you're not Caucasian?

319
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:35,899
Not at the moment.

320
00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:37,359
JARED: Well, that's upsetting.

321
00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,278
They're, like,
putting on this whole dinner theater,

322
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:41,196
PC act, pretending to be really cool,

323
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,656
but really they're freaking out

324
00:13:42,740 --> 00:13:43,781
that they're gonna have beige grandkids.

325
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,103
Isn't that a little hypocritical,

326
00:13:45,159 --> 00:13:46,952
considering your father's
being investigated for...

327
00:13:47,036 --> 00:13:49,913
There's my little princess!

328
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,708
Darling. A wisp.

329
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:53,792
No, it's fine.

330
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,793
Sweetheart, you know the Corns.

331
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,379
- Hi.
MISSY: - Hi. Good to see you.

332
00:13:57,463 --> 00:14:00,798
And this is her friend Alejandro.

333
00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,593
MAN: - Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.

334
00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,386
- AI is fine.
MAN: - Good. AI.

335
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,804
- Well, hello, Lyla.
- Muffin.

336
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:07,890
How's Chicago?

337
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,684
Crawling with spics and Jews.

338
00:14:12,603 --> 00:14:13,645
<i>Mazel tov.</i>

339
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:18,067
DON: I'm shaking, I mean,
it's been so long.

340
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:19,610
What the hell am I gonna say to her?

341
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:20,973
BEBE: Don, you're gonna do fine.

342
00:14:21,153 --> 00:14:24,239
I need, uh, a drink.

343
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:25,824
Babe, hey.

344
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:28,702
Thanks, babe.

345
00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:31,080
ELLIE: - There she is.
- Okay.

346
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,375
Hello, sweetheart.

347
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,709
How are you?

348
00:14:35,793 --> 00:14:36,834
Donald.

349
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,295
You look breathtaking.

350
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:39,963
You've packed on a few.

351
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,924
You know, only in the good spots. But...

352
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,387
Do you... Well, is it okay if I...

353
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,722
Actually, I'm just...
I'm not feeling so hot right now.

354
00:14:48,806 --> 00:14:50,557
Oh, hey. I miss you so much.

355
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:51,642
LYLA: Oh, hey.

356
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,395
I wasn't actually kidding.
I really don't feel well.

357
00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:55,854
I really wish we could spend some time,

358
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:56,980
- you know, just the three...
- Dad!

359
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,565
(VOMITING)
(PEOPLE GASPING)

360
00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:00,442
ELLIE: Oh, my God. Is she...

361
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:03,112
DON: You all right?
ELLIE: Oh, my God.

362
00:15:03,195 --> 00:15:04,530
(GULPING)

363
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:12,287
Okay. So much better.

364
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,081
So give us the lowdown.

365
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,874
Rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

366
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,501
Saturday wedding at the house.

367
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,586
And where are we going on our honeymoon?

368
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:22,005
Vietnam and Cambodia.

369
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,882
Yeah. We suggested Venice,
but we don't count.

370
00:15:24,883 --> 00:15:26,844
Because it's safer.

371
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:31,056
But also, of course, because Venice
is Alejandro's native language.

372
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,104
Your name is Muffin.

373
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:38,939
Yes.

374
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:41,733
I love Cambodia.

375
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,026
And it's perfectly safe.

376
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:45,946
I know, because I lived
there for three months.

377
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:47,906
Mom found herself in Asia.

378
00:15:48,449 --> 00:15:49,867
- What?
(DON GROANS)

379
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:51,452
(CHUCKLES) That's absurd.

380
00:15:51,535 --> 00:15:53,120
- What'd I miss?
LYLA: - Mom.

381
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,122
Don't you know Tantra?

382
00:15:55,205 --> 00:15:56,206
Is that how you say it?

383
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:57,915
You had a nine-hour orgasm once?

384
00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,710
(GASPS)
- Seriously?

385
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:00,919
That's gross.

386
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:03,922
A little self-exploration
wouldn't kill you, young man.

387
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,048
Okay.

388
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:08,427
Or maybe a little less
self-exploration, in your case.

389
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,831
ELLIE: - Oh.
LYLA: - Right, virgy?

390
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,221
- So it's on.
LYLA: - Oh, yeah.

391
00:16:11,305 --> 00:16:12,473
One-nothing.

392
00:16:12,556 --> 00:16:13,849
- Nine hours?
- Okay.

393
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:14,932
Doesn't that hurt?

394
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:16,101
JARED: Wait a second. Lyla.

395
00:16:17,269 --> 00:16:18,854
Why isn't Andrew here?

396
00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:21,939
Trouble in paradise?

397
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,275
You're a peach.

398
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,942
And they're all tied up.

399
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:26,612
Okay, I don't understand.
What's he talking about?

400
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,945
- Andrew's moved out.
(GASPS)

401
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,947
He's moved out?

402
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:31,658
Is he fooling around?

403
00:16:31,742 --> 00:16:32,950
Because I'll tweeze his balls off.

404
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:33,951
ELLIE: Oh, great idea.

405
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:35,579
Yeah, 'cause karmically
that would make a ton of sense.

406
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,663
What happened?

407
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:37,955
We can talk about this later.

408
00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:38,957
Uh, you know what?

409
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,752
As long as it's come up,
let's just get it over with.

410
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,086
Because I'm sure Barry and Muffin here

411
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,922
are just dying to hear all about

412
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:47,216
the tests, and the injections,

413
00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:50,135
and humiliation I've so enjoyed
the last four years.

414
00:16:50,219 --> 00:16:51,803
- No, we really don't...
- Shh!

415
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,182
Honey...

416
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:59,853
We were fighting. All the time.

417
00:16:59,937 --> 00:17:01,021
And it just...

418
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,525
It just got really hard,
and he couldn't take it.

419
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:08,153
And I knew that,
so I cut him loose before he did it to me.

420
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,988
Amen. So...

421
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:12,950
Who do you have to lynch
for a cosmo around here?

422
00:17:14,660 --> 00:17:15,994
ELLIE: - Okay.
- I don't get it.

423
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,539
She can't have children.

424
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:20,749
Okay, could you please excuse me, just...

425
00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,125
- No, no. No. I've got it.
- No, no. Don.

426
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:23,627
I don't think it's a good idea.

427
00:17:26,797 --> 00:17:28,382
(INSECTS CHIRPING)

428
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:43,021
DON: Before you end it all, you should know
they filled in the kiddy pond last summer.

429
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:44,106
So?

430
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,857
DON: Let's just say, the grown-up pool

431
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:48,318
is a few degrees warmer this year.

432
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,570
Where are you?

433
00:17:49,653 --> 00:17:52,906
DON: Right behind you.
Same place I've always been.

434
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:54,032
(GROANS)

435
00:17:56,034 --> 00:17:57,035
Is it okay if I...

436
00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,372
Yeah. Thought you were afraid of heights.

437
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,207
The heights are fine.

438
00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:03,691
It's the lows I'm not in love with.

439
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,836
How's it coming?

440
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:09,047
Uh, spectacular.
I'll get there well before Christmas.

441
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,361
I know we're supposed to do this whole

442
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,970
father-daughter Kumbaya on a stick thing,

443
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,513
but it just doesn't work that way.

444
00:18:16,597 --> 00:18:17,723
I'm gonna sit down.

445
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:18,849
Okay.

446
00:18:20,726 --> 00:18:22,060
I know.

447
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:27,774
Mom wasn't the only one you cheated on.

448
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:29,066
I know.

449
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:33,614
I still don't know how Bebe sleeps at night
in a house you and Mom built together.

450
00:18:33,697 --> 00:18:35,407
And the decent thing
would have been to just sell it,

451
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,200
or burn the place down.

452
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,327
I'm sorry.

453
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:39,828
For what?

454
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,247
That things rarely
turn out the way we want them to.

455
00:18:42,331 --> 00:18:43,624
(SCOFFS)

456
00:18:45,042 --> 00:18:46,084
Yeah.

457
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:49,086
Listen, honey. You know,
this thing with Andrew...

458
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,130
Don.

459
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,091
Want my cosmo?

460
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,055
Down to my toenails.

461
00:18:58,305 --> 00:18:59,765
No, thanks.

462
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,819
Mother-pisser.

463
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,364
My God, you must be so excited.

464
00:19:15,447 --> 00:19:18,075
It's been, what, like four years
since you've seen them?

465
00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,326
Here, sweetie, have some vegetables.

466
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,118
I'm kind of nervous, actually.

467
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,120
Yeah. What? You don't have to be. Why?

468
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,873
Well, because my sister's
never even left Colombia.

469
00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:25,999
That's plenty.

470
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:28,085
Oh, really?
Is she as traditional as your mother?

471
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:30,127
I think so. She's extremely shy. So...

472
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:33,006
Well, listen to me.
We are going to make them feel

473
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,926
as welcome and at home as we possibly can.

474
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:38,135
Did you know that I have to promise

475
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:39,471
to raise our kids Catholic

476
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,138
or the priest won't even
perform the ceremony?

477
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:43,684
Oh, come on. That's very
14th-century of him.

478
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:44,927
- Right?
- Just, listen to me,

479
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:48,689
cross your fingers behind your back,
and just say, "Hallelujah, Jesus."

480
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,147
That's what Missy keeps saying.

481
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,149
But it's the principle
of the whole thing, isn't it?

482
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,944
No, it's not. It's marriage.

483
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:58,407
One compromise down, 2.999 million to go.

484
00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,410
Speaking of compromises,

485
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:06,164
I have something that I
need to ask you guys.

486
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:08,165
Anything.

487
00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:10,877
It's just, it's... It's kind of a big one.

488
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:12,170
(MUMBLING)

489
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,756
Don? Oh, my God!

490
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:16,842
Do you know what your son just told me?

491
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:18,427
- Huh?
- Oh, my God.

492
00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:21,178
You know how the Catholics
have this thing about divorce?

493
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,682
Well, it turns out that Madonna

494
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,892
is under some sort of ridiculous impression

495
00:20:25,976 --> 00:20:28,562
that divorce is a great big, fat sin.

496
00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:29,646
Who's Madonna?

497
00:20:29,730 --> 00:20:32,149
AI's biological mother! What are you, nuts?

498
00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:33,190
I'm not listening.

499
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,591
And she's also under the impression

500
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:38,530
that of all the big, fat divorce sinners
in this whole big, wide world,

501
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,907
you and I are not among them.

502
00:20:41,450 --> 00:20:42,534
- Uh...
- Don?

503
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,202
Can you even hear what I'm saying?

504
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,329
- Not remotely.
- We're not divorced!

505
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,123
- Got it?
- What?

506
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,751
For the next three days,
you and I are husband and wife.

507
00:20:50,834 --> 00:20:52,002
- What?
- Yes!

508
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,920
Shit! (SCREAMS)

509
00:20:54,004 --> 00:20:55,422
(ELLIE SCREAMS)

510
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,215
Don!

511
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,220
I feel terrible.

512
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:06,975
They're just letting
anyone into Harvard these days, huh?

513
00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:10,020
And you never told her
about them because...

514
00:21:10,854 --> 00:21:13,231
I mean, there was no way
she was ever gonna come here.

515
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:16,109
It never even occurred to me
until that Pre-Cana.

516
00:21:16,318 --> 00:21:17,319
ELLIE: - Well, wait a minute.
- Oh.

517
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:19,529
What would happen if she knew the truth?

518
00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,948
You told me what she put you
through during the adoption.

519
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:25,243
She gave up her only son so that I
could have a chance at a better life.

520
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:26,411
And now, she left Colombia,

521
00:21:26,495 --> 00:21:28,789
which she swore
she would never do. On an airplane,

522
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:29,956
which she's petrified of,

523
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:31,666
only to find out that
I've been lying to her

524
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:32,834
about being raised by heathens

525
00:21:32,918 --> 00:21:34,336
for the past 15 years.

526
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,421
- No offense.
- None taken.

527
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,590
It'd break her poor little heart.

528
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:40,842
Why don't we just fake it
for a of couple days? No big deal.

529
00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:43,303
ELLIE: And what makes either of you
think you could pull this off?

530
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:47,057
Sweetie, there's just
one little part that I'm stuck on.

531
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,266
If those two are still married,

532
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:51,144
then what does that make me?

533
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:55,899
My concubine?

534
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,070
I hadn't really gotten there yet.

535
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,488
- I see.
(CUTLERY CLATTERS)

536
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,281
All right.

537
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,743
More tea, anyone?

538
00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:10,287
I thought my life was a shit storm.

539
00:22:10,288 --> 00:22:11,623
I feel awful.

540
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,507
Well, then what the hell
are you waiting for?

541
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:17,629
This is gonna go great.

542
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:20,552
Before we start shitting kittens,
why don't we just sit the old gal down

543
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:22,509
and lay it all out for her?
You and I are divorced.

544
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,803
It's not like we moved
to a fucking petting zoo or something.

545
00:22:24,886 --> 00:22:26,721
ELLIE: She's from another country.

546
00:22:26,805 --> 00:22:28,098
A very different country.

547
00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,850
And her values aren't the same as ours.

548
00:22:29,933 --> 00:22:31,434
So just pretend to be
married for the weekend.

549
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:32,519
What's the big deal?

550
00:22:32,602 --> 00:22:33,923
Where would you like me to start?

551
00:22:33,979 --> 00:22:35,939
Hey, listen. You were no Mardi Gras, toots.

552
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:37,065
What did you call me?

553
00:22:37,148 --> 00:22:38,525
DON: Let's get that straight. Oh.

554
00:22:38,608 --> 00:22:40,026
And it's an expression. It's an expression.

555
00:22:40,110 --> 00:22:42,362
Of endearment.
So don't get all Jane Fonda about it.

556
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:44,321
ELLIE: Uh-huh. Well, you know, the Tibetans

557
00:22:44,322 --> 00:22:45,322
have a wonderful expression

558
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:46,366
for moments like these as well.

559
00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:47,450
Yeah?

560
00:22:47,534 --> 00:22:50,327
Loosely translated,
it means, "Go fuck a yak, Don."

561
00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:53,123
That's the moment. I finally feel home.

562
00:22:53,206 --> 00:22:54,332
So, she's leaving.

563
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:56,751
Some apology.
What is the matter with you? Why can't...

564
00:22:56,835 --> 00:22:57,961
She won't listen to me.

565
00:22:58,044 --> 00:22:59,336
She's not going anywhere.

566
00:22:59,337 --> 00:23:01,131
Honey, this is all very dramatic.

567
00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,716
- Can't we just...
- Put a sock in it, Donald.

568
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,885
Let me help you with this.

569
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:06,469
Let's go in the kitchen,
let's have some tea...

570
00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:08,972
- You hate my tea.
- I love your tea.

571
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:10,265
BEBE: Really?
DON: Okay, okay.

572
00:23:10,348 --> 00:23:12,349
I do hate your tea.
But the rest of you is pure perfection.

573
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:14,561
- Just take the suitcase.
- Honey, please. Look...

574
00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:15,979
ALEJANDRO: Bebe?

575
00:23:16,062 --> 00:23:17,147
- Jesus.
(DOG BARKING)

576
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:19,983
I'll call Holly
and have her oversee the catering.

577
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:21,943
I promise, we can figure this out.

578
00:23:22,027 --> 00:23:24,821
This weekend should be about you and Missy,

579
00:23:24,905 --> 00:23:25,947
and your happiness.

580
00:23:26,031 --> 00:23:28,950
And if my presence
means that that doesn't happen...

581
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:31,286
But, Bebe, you're a big
part of that happiness.

582
00:23:31,369 --> 00:23:32,369
I'll just...

583
00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:33,997
No. Because then every time

584
00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:35,874
you look back on your wedding day,

585
00:23:35,957 --> 00:23:37,374
it's gonna be with pain and regret.

586
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:38,696
And I can't allow that to happen.

587
00:23:39,419 --> 00:23:41,796
(SIGHS) I love you, sweetie.

588
00:23:42,923 --> 00:23:43,924
Oh.

589
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:47,677
Ciao, baby. Just consider this
my wedding present, okay?

590
00:23:48,261 --> 00:23:51,264
Oh, God, help your father
before he blows his bypass.

591
00:23:52,015 --> 00:23:53,308
Pop, I got it.

592
00:23:53,892 --> 00:23:55,185
(GRUNTS)

593
00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:58,396
BEBE: That's it.

594
00:23:59,397 --> 00:24:02,400
There. You be brave, and elegant.

595
00:24:02,859 --> 00:24:06,071
Okay? Don't take shit
from any of the old people.

596
00:24:06,738 --> 00:24:08,740
Bebe. Bebe!

597
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:10,407
Please, you don't have to do this.

598
00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,408
Oh, pishposh.

599
00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:14,746
I'm gonna go to The Plaza,
use Donald's platinum card.

600
00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:17,123
Listen. Look, I need you this weekend.

601
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:19,209
I can't get through this without you.
I can't...

602
00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,878
Back off, Donald. You're
already on thin ice.

603
00:24:21,962 --> 00:24:23,254
What the hell did I do?

604
00:24:24,673 --> 00:24:26,257
It's not what you did.

605
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:28,425
Okay. Okay, what didn't I do?

606
00:24:28,426 --> 00:24:30,053
Why don't you ask your wife?

607
00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:31,376
Maybe she'll explain it to you.

608
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:32,806
(ENGINE STARTING)
- Bebe.

609
00:24:32,889 --> 00:24:34,349
DON: - My fault.
- Yep.

610
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:37,435
My fault! Un-fucking-believable.

611
00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:41,648
Piece of wedding advice, kid,
stay single as long as you can.

612
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,900
- Will do.
- Trust me.

613
00:24:44,275 --> 00:24:46,444
As long as you possibly can.

614
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,445
ELLIE: Hey, I'm sorry,
but may I just say something here?

615
00:24:48,446 --> 00:24:50,448
The woman that you
supposedly love is devastated,

616
00:24:50,490 --> 00:24:52,826
and all you've got, Don, is "stay single."

617
00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:53,994
it was a joke.

618
00:24:54,077 --> 00:24:56,453
Right, I forgot,
you haven't laughed since the '60s.

619
00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:57,831
Yeah. Not since I married you.

620
00:24:57,914 --> 00:24:59,749
Yeah, well, promise to never do that again.

621
00:24:59,833 --> 00:25:01,458
Oh, believe me, not in a million years.

622
00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:03,086
Well, but let's not bring
your mother into this.

623
00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:04,212
Um, guys.

624
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:06,464
- Ki-yai!
(GRUNTS)

625
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:09,759
You just punched me in the face!
What are you doing?

626
00:25:09,843 --> 00:25:11,469
I could tell you something,
I earned my green belt,

627
00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:14,180
and you talk shit
about my mother again, I swear, Don...

628
00:25:14,264 --> 00:25:15,348
- Guys!
ELLIE: - What?

629
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,027
I thought she wasn't coming until tomorrow.

630
00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:19,227
That was yesterday. For God's sake.

631
00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:21,646
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

632
00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:23,189
You just punched me in the fucking face.

633
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:24,394
I'm sorry. Here we go, dear.

634
00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:26,693
What are you doing?

635
00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:27,819
What do you mean, what am I doing?

636
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,612
I don't know. After what you just did?

637
00:25:29,696 --> 00:25:31,489
- You're gonna hold my hand.
- It's okay.

638
00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:36,536
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

639
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:40,665
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

640
00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:42,792
Thank you for inviting me to your home.

641
00:25:43,001 --> 00:25:44,002
Oh...

642
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:46,046
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)

643
00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:48,590
I pray that Alejandro and Melissa

644
00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:51,508
are as wonderful together as you've been.

645
00:25:51,509 --> 00:25:52,509
Mmm!

646
00:25:52,510 --> 00:25:54,304
<i>- Gracias. Gracias.</i>
- Yeah.

647
00:25:55,388 --> 00:25:58,558
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

648
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,315
No, no.

649
00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:07,150
(SPEAKING BROKEN SPANISH)

650
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,113
Whatever. Just whatever...

651
00:26:12,197 --> 00:26:13,530
No, I've got it. I've got it, honey.

652
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,533
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

653
00:26:18,078 --> 00:26:19,120
(LAUGHS) Oh, dear.

654
00:26:19,204 --> 00:26:20,455
Thank you. Welcome.

655
00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:25,543
Anyway.

656
00:26:27,337 --> 00:26:28,922
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

657
00:26:29,547 --> 00:26:32,175
Oh, she wants to know
why your nose is bleeding.

658
00:26:32,258 --> 00:26:34,803
Oh, this? Well, no, it's...
No English, right?

659
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:36,513
No.

660
00:26:36,554 --> 00:26:37,639
(LAUGHING)

661
00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:40,642
Because my wife is
one of the great cunts of the 19th century.

662
00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:41,935
Uh...

663
00:26:42,018 --> 00:26:43,353
Yeah. There you go.

664
00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:50,443
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

665
00:27:00,078 --> 00:27:01,454
Mama. Here we go.

666
00:27:02,956 --> 00:27:04,833
Hi. Hello.

667
00:27:05,500 --> 00:27:07,001
This is my sister Lyla.

668
00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:09,712
- Hi.
- And this is Jared.

669
00:27:10,588 --> 00:27:11,589
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

670
00:27:11,631 --> 00:27:13,590
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

671
00:27:13,591 --> 00:27:15,802
Uh, the lawyer and the doctor.

672
00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:17,387
Yes.

673
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,055
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

674
00:27:20,223 --> 00:27:23,726
She said my son is lucky
to have such role models.

675
00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:25,937
Aww, we're your role models.

676
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:27,522
That's a mistranslation.

677
00:27:27,605 --> 00:27:29,606
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is. This is Nuria.

678
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:30,984
Hi.

679
00:27:31,067 --> 00:27:32,610
Hey. Really nice to meet you.

680
00:27:34,070 --> 00:27:35,738
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

681
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:37,448
Oh, you see, it's not...

682
00:27:37,532 --> 00:27:38,616
Excuse me. Sorry.

683
00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:43,621
Sorry. It's not...
We're in between interior decorators.

684
00:27:43,788 --> 00:27:45,832
Yes, and there's a statue, too.

685
00:27:45,915 --> 00:27:48,168
And oh, my goodness,
I have such wonderful taste.

686
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:49,961
DON: Yeah.
ELLIE: Don, darling.

687
00:27:50,044 --> 00:27:51,628
I think it would be a wonderful idea

688
00:27:51,629 --> 00:27:54,299
if you showed her your studio, dear.

689
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:55,633
I don't think that's such a good idea.

690
00:27:55,675 --> 00:27:58,636
Hey, you know,
I think that's a really good idea.

691
00:27:59,512 --> 00:28:01,113
DON: Right.
ELLIE: (LAUGHS) There you go.

692
00:28:01,222 --> 00:28:02,473
Thank you, sweetie.

693
00:28:03,224 --> 00:28:04,601
DON: Right this way.

694
00:28:10,815 --> 00:28:13,443
That's a commission.

695
00:28:15,737 --> 00:28:18,489
Birthday present for some fat cat's wife.

696
00:28:18,990 --> 00:28:20,241
It's...

697
00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:22,702
Yeah. Sucks being sober.

698
00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:27,081
You like?

699
00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,585
(SPEAKS SPANISH)

700
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,382
Well, that's weird that
AI's got a sister, right?

701
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:37,675
Yeah. And a mother.

702
00:28:37,759 --> 00:28:38,801
Are you jealous?

703
00:28:38,885 --> 00:28:39,966
ELLIE: Don't be ridiculous.

704
00:28:40,011 --> 00:28:43,264
I mean, it's just,
I never thought I'd actually meet her.

705
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:46,684
You really think
you and Dad can pull this off?

706
00:28:46,768 --> 00:28:47,977
We're adults.

707
00:28:48,436 --> 00:28:50,688
(CHUCKLES) Since when?

708
00:28:51,231 --> 00:28:53,816
Oh, no. How many pictures
can one woman have?

709
00:28:55,443 --> 00:28:56,694
On. (GASPS)

710
00:28:57,612 --> 00:28:59,781
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, yeah.

711
00:28:59,864 --> 00:29:03,326
ELLIE: Oh. That is so not okay.
Oh, no, no, no.

712
00:29:03,409 --> 00:29:04,702
(CHUCKLING)

713
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:12,210
<i>Amor.</i>

714
00:29:13,586 --> 00:29:14,629
Alejandro?

715
00:29:14,712 --> 00:29:16,256
Looks just like him, right?

716
00:29:17,048 --> 00:29:18,715
<i>Y Melissa.</i>

717
00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:20,218
Yeah, if I ever finish.

718
00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:22,387
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

719
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:24,222
What's that? I don't understand.

720
00:29:24,305 --> 00:29:27,100
Oh, oh. She asked if you know Missy well.

721
00:29:27,725 --> 00:29:29,227
Oh, <i>si, si</i>. Since...

722
00:29:30,228 --> 00:29:31,771
Her parents are friends of ours.

723
00:29:32,563 --> 00:29:34,315
(ALEJANDRO TRANSLATING)

724
00:29:34,399 --> 00:29:36,401
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

725
00:29:36,484 --> 00:29:39,737
Do you think that
Missy and I love each other enough

726
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,073
to have happiness forever?

727
00:29:46,536 --> 00:29:47,745
<i>Si.</i>

728
00:29:50,748 --> 00:29:51,958
(SPEAKS SPANISH)

729
00:29:54,377 --> 00:29:56,212
She thinks you are a serpent.

730
00:29:56,296 --> 00:29:57,297
Oh.

731
00:29:58,214 --> 00:30:00,842
Well, flattery will get you everywhere.

732
00:30:00,925 --> 00:30:02,010
(CHUCKLES)

733
00:30:02,176 --> 00:30:03,261
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

734
00:30:04,595 --> 00:30:07,764
It's a symbol of duality,
the struggle between spirit and matter.

735
00:30:07,765 --> 00:30:10,143
I know she's not saying
something good about me.

736
00:30:10,226 --> 00:30:12,812
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)

737
00:30:12,895 --> 00:30:15,315
ALEJANDRO: Perverse thrill
of a man competing

738
00:30:15,398 --> 00:30:18,067
with the purity of artistic expression.

739
00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:19,902
So, she's calling me a pervert.

740
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:21,571
ALEJANDRO: - Essentially.
- Yeah.

741
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,489
I think it was a compliment.

742
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:26,367
How refreshing.

743
00:30:29,787 --> 00:30:32,290
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

744
00:30:34,792 --> 00:30:37,587
Now she would like to
meet Father Moinighan.

745
00:30:37,670 --> 00:30:38,796
- Really?
- Mmm.

746
00:30:39,088 --> 00:30:42,799
Well. It's possible
his hangover's worn off by now.

747
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:43,843
(CHUCKLES)

748
00:30:56,689 --> 00:30:57,815
AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE: <i>You have no new messages</i>

749
00:30:57,857 --> 00:30:59,816
<i>in your mailbox. Please...</i>

750
00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:01,110
(DISCONNECTS CALL)

751
00:31:11,579 --> 00:31:14,082
Careful. We've had
shark problems in the past.

752
00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,627
Freshwater sharks?

753
00:31:17,710 --> 00:31:18,961
(CHUCKLES)

754
00:31:19,045 --> 00:31:20,838
Touché. Uh, may I?

755
00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:32,850
So, it must have been wonderful
to grow up here.

756
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:37,855
Yeah. Yeah, some of us
are still working on it.

757
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:41,609
You went to Harvard with Alejandro?

758
00:31:41,692 --> 00:31:42,944
I did. Yeah.

759
00:31:44,445 --> 00:31:45,863
In that I just drove him there.

760
00:31:45,905 --> 00:31:48,865
But I think I definitely
would have enrolled

761
00:31:48,866 --> 00:31:52,203
had I not got my parents' DNA.

762
00:31:52,870 --> 00:31:54,497
(BOTH CHUCKLING)

763
00:31:59,877 --> 00:32:03,214
You... You are funny.

764
00:32:05,341 --> 00:32:10,012
Thank you. And you're... You are...

765
00:32:13,015 --> 00:32:14,475
We are permitted to swimming?

766
00:32:14,559 --> 00:32:15,560
Why?

767
00:32:15,893 --> 00:32:17,895
No, I mean, yeah. Totally. Let's, um...

768
00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,738
My sister got a ton of
swimsuits in her room.

769
00:32:19,772 --> 00:32:22,400
I'll... Let me grab one, I'll be one sec.

770
00:32:24,402 --> 00:32:26,404
- Holy shit.
- What?

771
00:32:26,487 --> 00:32:27,572
Holy shit.

772
00:32:28,156 --> 00:32:29,532
Are you coming?

773
00:32:35,705 --> 00:32:41,794
Yeah. I should probably just... Yeah.

774
00:32:45,006 --> 00:32:47,425
So, bathing suits,

775
00:32:47,508 --> 00:32:50,219
it's not really that
big a deal in Colombia, huh?

776
00:32:50,553 --> 00:32:52,929
Well, I am only here for a few days,

777
00:32:52,930 --> 00:32:56,225
and I would like
to see as much of America as I can.

778
00:32:56,309 --> 00:32:57,351
That's only fair.

779
00:32:58,311 --> 00:33:01,355
Since we're seeing so much of you.

780
00:33:05,151 --> 00:33:08,196
You will show me around?

781
00:33:08,696 --> 00:33:11,824
Yeah. I can... Wouldn't
be, you know... Yeah.

782
00:33:11,908 --> 00:33:14,452
I got the rehearsal dinner tonight,
but then I could...

783
00:33:14,535 --> 00:33:16,954
And you will make love to me also?

784
00:33:20,541 --> 00:33:21,751
Hmm...

785
00:33:21,834 --> 00:33:23,211
(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

786
00:33:25,046 --> 00:33:26,797
(PRAYING SOFTLY)

787
00:33:28,132 --> 00:33:30,885
Just so we're clear,
you're (IMITATES RIPPING)

788
00:33:30,968 --> 00:33:31,969
from the will.

789
00:33:32,178 --> 00:33:33,679
Bebe's been trying
to rope him in here for years.

790
00:33:33,763 --> 00:33:36,224
Anyone comes at me with a ring or a crown,

791
00:33:36,307 --> 00:33:37,974
or any other legally binding bullshit,

792
00:33:37,975 --> 00:33:39,685
I take out their kneecaps. That's it.

793
00:33:39,769 --> 00:33:40,977
A crown?

794
00:33:40,978 --> 00:33:42,438
But you're a happily married man, darling.

795
00:33:42,522 --> 00:33:44,273
Remember that tonight
when we're in bed together.

796
00:33:44,357 --> 00:33:46,983
I will, right after
the pigs fly out of my ass, sweetie.

797
00:33:46,984 --> 00:33:48,611
- That's a nice image.
- Oh, would you...

798
00:33:48,694 --> 00:33:49,986
Good morning, Father.

799
00:33:49,987 --> 00:33:51,364
Oh, I thought my eyes deceived me,

800
00:33:51,447 --> 00:33:53,324
but my ears bespoke the truth.

801
00:33:53,407 --> 00:33:55,493
There are Griffins in my humble church.

802
00:33:55,576 --> 00:33:57,870
Bill. How goes the war?

803
00:33:57,954 --> 00:33:59,539
Well, being on the wagon's
not entirely bad.

804
00:33:59,622 --> 00:34:01,998
If only the wheels
didn't squeak so perniciously.

805
00:34:01,999 --> 00:34:04,502
Padre and I did AA together. Twice.

806
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:06,921
No, three times. And
third time's the charm.

807
00:34:07,004 --> 00:34:08,004
(ELLIE LAUGHS)

808
00:34:08,005 --> 00:34:10,174
Father, I would like you
to meet my biological mother.

809
00:34:10,633 --> 00:34:11,634
Madonna Soto.

810
00:34:11,717 --> 00:34:13,636
It's a great privilege to meet you, madam.

811
00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:15,304
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

812
00:34:17,390 --> 00:34:18,766
MOINIGHAN: Your mother's
a little old school.

813
00:34:18,849 --> 00:34:20,369
I'm sorry, but my Latin's a bit rusty.

814
00:34:20,434 --> 00:34:22,019
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

815
00:34:25,314 --> 00:34:26,915
My mother would like to give confession.

816
00:34:27,024 --> 00:34:28,234
Right.

817
00:34:31,195 --> 00:34:33,614
My mother would
like all of us to give confession.

818
00:34:33,698 --> 00:34:35,031
- Nope. Sod off. Screw that.
- Like hell I will.

819
00:34:35,032 --> 00:34:36,033
Guess what? No.

820
00:34:36,534 --> 00:34:38,578
Forgive me, Father, for this is bullshit.

821
00:34:38,661 --> 00:34:42,038
Don, it's a lovely gesture
to make to your guest.

822
00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:43,791
How's sobriety working for you?

823
00:34:43,874 --> 00:34:45,668
Sucks a dick. You know that. Shit.

824
00:34:46,294 --> 00:34:48,879
It's wonderful to see you
and Donny together again.

825
00:34:48,963 --> 00:34:52,008
Oh, yeah. We got "remarried" this morning.

826
00:34:52,049 --> 00:34:53,050
You're kidding.

827
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:55,553
- Can you keep a secret?
- It's confession.

828
00:34:55,636 --> 00:34:57,013
(CHUCKLES)

829
00:34:57,054 --> 00:34:58,681
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

830
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:04,103
MOINIGHAN: I thought
you were against organized religion.

831
00:35:04,186 --> 00:35:06,062
Well, after this weekend,
I may need all the help I can get.

832
00:35:06,063 --> 00:35:07,231
Go on, my son.

833
00:35:07,315 --> 00:35:09,984
Is it wrong to lie to someone you love

834
00:35:10,067 --> 00:35:12,903
if the only reason that you're deceiving
them is to protect their happiness?

835
00:35:12,987 --> 00:35:14,071
Well, that depends.

836
00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:17,867
Are you disrupting the lives of anyone else
by enacting your deception?

837
00:35:21,329 --> 00:35:23,497
(CONTINUES SPEAKING SPANISH)

838
00:35:27,001 --> 00:35:29,587
What's a ring gonna prove after eight
years of love and companionship?

839
00:35:29,670 --> 00:35:31,831
I mean, she's my girl.
What else does she want from me?

840
00:35:31,881 --> 00:35:33,841
Oscar Wilde once said that marriage

841
00:35:33,924 --> 00:35:36,092
is a triumph of imagination
over intelligence.

842
00:35:36,093 --> 00:35:37,595
Oscar Wilde?

843
00:35:37,678 --> 00:35:40,264
Oscar Wilde used
to make whoopsie with altar boys.

844
00:35:40,348 --> 00:35:43,099
That's true. Forget what I just said.

845
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,186
This place, I miss it.

846
00:35:45,269 --> 00:35:46,771
- Mmm.
- It's like...

847
00:35:47,647 --> 00:35:48,648
It's like home.

848
00:35:48,731 --> 00:35:51,442
Even he's like home.
Even Don is like home to me.

849
00:35:51,525 --> 00:35:52,818
It's so strange.

850
00:35:52,902 --> 00:35:53,944
Does that frighten you?

851
00:35:54,028 --> 00:35:56,822
Well, I mean, obviously,
that part of my life is over,

852
00:35:56,906 --> 00:36:00,451
and I do think that that's a good thing.

853
00:36:00,534 --> 00:36:02,119
Well, there's different kinds of love.

854
00:36:02,787 --> 00:36:04,080
- There are?
- Yeah.

855
00:36:04,121 --> 00:36:05,331
You know, just because you're divorced

856
00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:08,125
doesn't mean
you're legally required to hate him.

857
00:36:09,126 --> 00:36:11,962
You know, you're not as dumb
as Don says you are.

858
00:36:12,046 --> 00:36:13,129
Thank you.

859
00:36:13,130 --> 00:36:14,131
I'm outta here.

860
00:36:14,924 --> 00:36:16,926
- Nice chatting with you.
- Bullshit.

861
00:36:23,891 --> 00:36:27,143
Griffin, table for 50.

862
00:36:27,144 --> 00:36:29,772
Uh, actually, the O'Connors requested

863
00:36:29,855 --> 00:36:32,942
a private table on the Rose Terrace.

864
00:36:33,150 --> 00:36:34,151
Outside?

865
00:36:34,902 --> 00:36:36,570
Isn't it supposed to rain?

866
00:36:36,654 --> 00:36:39,281
That was communicated to them, yes.

867
00:36:40,324 --> 00:36:42,158
Uh, right this way.

868
00:36:42,159 --> 00:36:43,828
(THUNDER CRASHING)

869
00:36:44,412 --> 00:36:46,162
Barry, what's with the alfresco?

870
00:36:46,163 --> 00:36:48,004
- It's gonna piss all over us.
- No, it's fine.

871
00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,166
We just thought it would be more private.

872
00:36:49,208 --> 00:36:50,251
She insisted.

873
00:36:50,334 --> 00:36:52,378
The thought that anyone
would see us eating with a bunch of,

874
00:36:52,461 --> 00:36:53,713
what was the expression you used, Mom?

875
00:36:53,796 --> 00:36:57,383
Uh, Barry O'Connor.
It's very, very nice to meet you.

876
00:36:57,466 --> 00:37:01,262
Nice to meet you. This is my wife, Muffin.

877
00:37:01,345 --> 00:37:03,556
We're delighted to make your acquaintance.

878
00:37:03,764 --> 00:37:06,684
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

879
00:37:06,767 --> 00:37:08,686
And of course our daughter, Melissa.

880
00:37:08,769 --> 00:37:09,979
Hi.

881
00:37:10,938 --> 00:37:13,190
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

882
00:37:25,119 --> 00:37:26,203
Mama?

883
00:37:26,746 --> 00:37:27,830
It's okay.

884
00:37:28,789 --> 00:37:31,834
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

885
00:37:52,229 --> 00:37:54,023
What the fuck did she just say?

886
00:37:54,106 --> 00:37:55,232
Shh! Please.

887
00:37:56,108 --> 00:37:57,860
DON: I don't know what she's saying.

888
00:37:59,653 --> 00:38:00,654
(WHISPERING)

889
00:38:06,243 --> 00:38:08,204
You have my blessing.

890
00:38:08,245 --> 00:38:10,164
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

891
00:38:10,331 --> 00:38:11,999
BARRY: All right.

892
00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,336
- Come sit.
BARRY: - Yeah.

893
00:38:15,419 --> 00:38:17,755
You know, contemplate, place to put it.

894
00:38:21,258 --> 00:38:22,885
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

895
00:38:23,260 --> 00:38:25,261
Hey, Don. Where's Bebe?

896
00:38:25,262 --> 00:38:28,224
We were supposed to
go over the crudités presentation together.

897
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,100
Yeah. Well, her aunt just passed,

898
00:38:30,184 --> 00:38:31,704
so she had to go back to Poughkeepsie.

899
00:38:32,269 --> 00:38:33,270
MADONNA: Nuria!

900
00:38:33,521 --> 00:38:35,481
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

901
00:38:35,564 --> 00:38:37,691
- But her aunt's dead.
- That's what I said.

902
00:38:53,082 --> 00:38:54,667
God knows I hate a boring dinner.

903
00:38:54,750 --> 00:38:56,126
Everybody have enough ice water?

904
00:38:56,335 --> 00:38:59,839
Good evening, and welcome
to Weeblewog Country Club.

905
00:38:59,922 --> 00:39:01,298
My name is Yvette.

906
00:39:02,174 --> 00:39:04,927
And I will be your captain this evening.

907
00:39:05,010 --> 00:39:06,302
Bebe?

908
00:39:06,303 --> 00:39:07,304
(THUMPING)
- Ow!

909
00:39:07,388 --> 00:39:10,099
BEBE: Tonight our soup is a lobster bisque,

910
00:39:10,182 --> 00:39:12,309
flavored with twice
the recommended daily dose of sodium.

911
00:39:12,393 --> 00:39:14,895
We also have a filet mignon.

912
00:39:14,979 --> 00:39:18,983
Not organic, stuffed with
bleu cheese, sour cream,

913
00:39:19,066 --> 00:39:20,609
bacon, and a defibrillator.

914
00:39:20,693 --> 00:39:22,319
DON: I'll have the filet mignon.

915
00:39:22,528 --> 00:39:23,863
Don't think so.

916
00:39:24,530 --> 00:39:25,656
Excuse me, miss.

917
00:39:25,739 --> 00:39:28,242
Our guests really aren't
used to American food.

918
00:39:28,325 --> 00:39:30,326
Do you think that Chef Claude

919
00:39:30,327 --> 00:39:33,956
could whip up some chimichangi thingy?

920
00:39:34,081 --> 00:39:35,332
No. Stop it.

921
00:39:35,583 --> 00:39:36,750
MUFFIN: What, I didn't say it right?

922
00:39:36,834 --> 00:39:38,711
No, you said it fine.

923
00:39:39,128 --> 00:39:40,212
Just fine.

924
00:39:40,462 --> 00:39:41,547
Are you okay?

925
00:39:43,048 --> 00:39:44,300
(SOFTLY) Just fucking with him.

926
00:39:45,009 --> 00:39:46,302
BARRY: Fine.

927
00:39:46,343 --> 00:39:47,344
Mama.

928
00:39:48,137 --> 00:39:49,346
What's the rumpus?

929
00:39:49,972 --> 00:39:51,724
Oh, um, she was wondering why the wedding

930
00:39:51,807 --> 00:39:53,349
is being held at our house,

931
00:39:53,350 --> 00:39:55,561
and not at the O'Connors'.

932
00:39:56,687 --> 00:39:57,688
Um...

933
00:39:58,230 --> 00:40:02,568
Well, we thought we'd shake it up a little.

934
00:40:02,902 --> 00:40:04,570
Uh, besides, our house...

935
00:40:04,653 --> 00:40:06,280
- Is in foreclosure?

936
00:40:06,363 --> 00:40:07,531
- Okay, that's...
MISSY: - That's right.

937
00:40:07,615 --> 00:40:09,366
He has to plead poverty

938
00:40:09,450 --> 00:40:13,203
because he's
being investigated for stock fraud.

939
00:40:13,287 --> 00:40:14,370
Spectacular fork.

940
00:40:14,371 --> 00:40:16,081
BARRY: It's more complicated
than that, I think.

941
00:40:16,165 --> 00:40:18,125
But we still have money. We do.

942
00:40:18,208 --> 00:40:19,877
- Really. It's just...
- Okay.

943
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:21,962
It's overseas for the time being.

944
00:40:22,046 --> 00:40:23,213
BARRY: That's enough!

945
00:40:25,090 --> 00:40:26,842
I'm gonna check on the soup.

946
00:40:28,385 --> 00:40:31,347
I wanted to tell you
that your house is the most

947
00:40:31,388 --> 00:40:33,389
amazing place that I have ever seen.

948
00:40:33,390 --> 00:40:34,808
You built it yourselves, yes?

949
00:40:34,892 --> 00:40:36,143
(THUDDING)

950
00:40:36,393 --> 00:40:37,436
We did, actually.

951
00:40:37,519 --> 00:40:38,812
Tell her the story.

952
00:40:39,188 --> 00:40:40,549
MISSY: Yeah, it's really romantic.

953
00:40:40,856 --> 00:40:42,983
It is. It is romantic.

954
00:40:43,067 --> 00:40:45,401
It's fine. Tell her. Tell the story.

955
00:40:45,402 --> 00:40:48,405
Don and I, we were living
in the city separately.

956
00:40:48,864 --> 00:40:50,282
She wouldn't shack up with me

957
00:40:50,366 --> 00:40:51,646
because we weren't in matrimony.

958
00:40:51,700 --> 00:40:53,744
ELLIE: So Don's latest exhibition

959
00:40:53,827 --> 00:40:55,120
had sold out completely.

960
00:40:55,204 --> 00:40:56,412
Third in a row.

961
00:40:56,413 --> 00:40:58,499
It did well. Awash in humility. As always.

962
00:40:58,582 --> 00:40:59,833
One of the many things she loves about me.

963
00:40:59,917 --> 00:41:00,918
That's our Donny. Yes.

964
00:41:01,001 --> 00:41:03,379
Can we please just skip
to the happy ending?

965
00:41:03,420 --> 00:41:04,420
(SPITS)

966
00:41:04,421 --> 00:41:05,422
ELLIE: So Don and I,

967
00:41:05,464 --> 00:41:07,383
we decided we'd take a
drive to the country,

968
00:41:07,424 --> 00:41:09,510
and we came to this open field. Remember?

969
00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:11,053
We parked there, we went for a walk.

970
00:41:11,136 --> 00:41:12,805
And it was so wonderful.

971
00:41:12,888 --> 00:41:13,931
It was sunset.

972
00:41:14,014 --> 00:41:16,016
Do you remember that, Don? Sweet.

973
00:41:16,100 --> 00:41:19,269
And we came across this gorgeous pond.

974
00:41:20,062 --> 00:41:23,983
And he proposed to me
as the sun kind of went down.

975
00:41:24,066 --> 00:41:27,361
DON: I was...
I was sneaking out here on Saturday

976
00:41:27,444 --> 00:41:28,821
while she was
spending time with her folks, and...

977
00:41:28,904 --> 00:41:30,446
Yeah, but I knew what you were up to.

978
00:41:30,447 --> 00:41:31,532
Believe me, I knew what he was up to.

979
00:41:31,615 --> 00:41:32,783
- Oh, you?
- I did.

980
00:41:32,866 --> 00:41:33,993
You didn't have a clue.

981
00:41:34,076 --> 00:41:35,619
- What are you talking about?
- You were clueless.

982
00:41:35,703 --> 00:41:36,704
He spent three months

983
00:41:36,787 --> 00:41:38,163
searching the entire New
England countryside

984
00:41:38,247 --> 00:41:39,455
for the most beautiful spot,

985
00:41:39,456 --> 00:41:41,257
and when he found it,
he took her back there.

986
00:41:41,291 --> 00:41:42,459
And then when he proposed...

987
00:41:43,002 --> 00:41:44,003
He planted...

988
00:41:44,086 --> 00:41:45,671
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

989
00:41:49,633 --> 00:41:50,843
And then they built a house over the years

990
00:41:50,926 --> 00:41:53,469
under the shade of the
tree, and added on to it

991
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:57,725
every time Don
sold another sculpture, until, well...

992
00:41:57,808 --> 00:41:59,852
(MADONNA SPEAKING SPANISH)

993
00:42:01,186 --> 00:42:03,814
You are very lucky to find a man like that.

994
00:42:04,231 --> 00:42:05,482
Oh, yes, of course.

995
00:42:05,524 --> 00:42:07,317
I'm just... I'm terribly lucky.

996
00:42:07,401 --> 00:42:09,236
Thank you. Thank you.

997
00:42:09,945 --> 00:42:11,363
ELLIE: Uh, Yvette?

998
00:42:11,822 --> 00:42:14,199
Will you please excuse me, just for...

999
00:42:15,743 --> 00:42:17,077
- Jared!
(CUTLERY CLATTERS)

1000
00:42:17,161 --> 00:42:18,494
May I please speak with you?

1001
00:42:18,495 --> 00:42:19,496
Yeah, sure.

1002
00:42:20,122 --> 00:42:22,374
You know what? I got...
Give me, like, one sec.

1003
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:24,460
I got, like, a terrible leg cramp.

1004
00:42:24,501 --> 00:42:26,253
ELLIE: Uh-huh. Nuria, dear. Please. Yes.

1005
00:42:26,336 --> 00:42:27,503
Please. May I take you to the restroom,

1006
00:42:27,504 --> 00:42:28,547
please, the ladies' room?

1007
00:42:28,630 --> 00:42:30,549
Where we can wash your beautiful hands.

1008
00:42:31,258 --> 00:42:32,968
BARRY: Well, (CLEARS THROAT)

1009
00:42:34,386 --> 00:42:36,930
here's to a wonderful dinner.

1010
00:42:37,389 --> 00:42:40,809
And a really

1011
00:42:40,893 --> 00:42:41,894
- neat wedding.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

1012
00:42:41,977 --> 00:42:43,520
- Huh? Okay.
- Indeed.

1013
00:42:44,438 --> 00:42:45,481
ALEJANDRO: Cheers.

1014
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:51,403
(SPLASHING)

1015
00:42:56,158 --> 00:42:57,409
BARRY: Madonna,

1016
00:42:57,493 --> 00:42:59,536
how is your bisque?

1017
00:43:00,329 --> 00:43:01,413
Huh?

1018
00:43:05,834 --> 00:43:07,503
(RAIN POURING)

1019
00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:10,547
Oh, for Pete's sake.

1020
00:43:18,055 --> 00:43:19,264
Oh, my God.

1021
00:43:19,348 --> 00:43:21,058
So, the thing to remember
is that men are like pumpkins,

1022
00:43:21,141 --> 00:43:22,351
the good ones are either taken

1023
00:43:22,434 --> 00:43:23,477
or they've had everything scraped

1024
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:24,560
out of their heads with a spoon.

1025
00:43:24,561 --> 00:43:26,562
MUFFIN: I'm melting! Oh, my God!

1026
00:43:26,563 --> 00:43:27,731
- My face!
- What's happened?

1027
00:43:27,815 --> 00:43:29,942
What's happening in here?

1028
00:43:30,025 --> 00:43:32,945
Well, Nuria and I
have become very close friends.

1029
00:43:33,028 --> 00:43:35,572
Yes. She was just explaining to me.

1030
00:43:36,448 --> 00:43:37,699
- Really?
BOTH: - Mmm-hmm.

1031
00:43:41,662 --> 00:43:43,038
Wish I had been adopted.

1032
00:43:43,705 --> 00:43:45,332
Can we please just elope now?

1033
00:43:45,582 --> 00:43:47,876
Seems like the lesser
of two evils at this point.

1034
00:43:48,335 --> 00:43:50,712
Really? Because I'm pretty sure
Vegas is just back that way.

1035
00:43:50,796 --> 00:43:52,796
I'm pretty sure that you
wouldn't survive the trip.

1036
00:43:53,006 --> 00:43:55,467
- What the hell is going on with your family?
- Why?

1037
00:43:57,970 --> 00:43:59,096
Oh.

1038
00:43:59,179 --> 00:44:03,142
My kingdom, my kingdom,
my kingdom for a steakhouse.

1039
00:44:03,225 --> 00:44:04,393
(CHUCKLES)

1040
00:44:04,810 --> 00:44:06,353
DON: What a bust that was.

1041
00:44:08,105 --> 00:44:09,606
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

1042
00:44:12,025 --> 00:44:13,152
What are you grinning at?

1043
00:44:13,235 --> 00:44:15,863
(GIGGLES) Oh, it's just women's lib.

1044
00:44:16,613 --> 00:44:18,614
You know something, I'm cold.

1045
00:44:18,615 --> 00:44:20,117
Are you sure that heat's all the way up?

1046
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:22,619
Well, yeah. We'll take a steam
when we get back to the house.

1047
00:44:22,703 --> 00:44:24,496
Wait a minute,
you have a steam in the guest room?

1048
00:44:24,580 --> 00:44:25,747
Nope. The master bedroom.

1049
00:44:26,123 --> 00:44:27,624
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

1050
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:28,667
Whatever you say.

1051
00:44:28,750 --> 00:44:30,626
AUTOMATED VOICE: <i>You have no new messages in your mailbox.</i>

1052
00:44:30,627 --> 00:44:32,796
Ridiculous. It's like I ceased to exist.

1053
00:44:32,880 --> 00:44:34,464
What's that, Lyla?

1054
00:44:34,548 --> 00:44:37,009
No texts, no calls. Nothing.

1055
00:44:38,635 --> 00:44:39,636
<i>Hombres.</i>

1056
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:40,846
I know, right?

1057
00:44:41,180 --> 00:44:42,638
ELLIE: No offense, Lyla, but honestly.

1058
00:44:42,639 --> 00:44:44,516
Really, you did leave him.

1059
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:46,643
Yeah, he doesn't have
to make it so easy for me.

1060
00:44:47,936 --> 00:44:49,396
You think he'll show up at the wedding?

1061
00:44:49,479 --> 00:44:50,772
He does, I'll tell him
to fuck the fuck off.

1062
00:44:50,856 --> 00:44:52,399
- Language.
ELLIE: - Oh, Lyla.

1063
00:44:52,482 --> 00:44:54,568
He said terrible things to me.

1064
00:44:54,651 --> 00:44:56,695
- Punch him in the nose?
- Of course not.

1065
00:44:56,778 --> 00:44:58,572
Because that would be unladylike.

1066
00:44:59,281 --> 00:45:00,866
What are you looking at me for?

1067
00:45:03,911 --> 00:45:04,953
You miss him.

1068
00:45:07,414 --> 00:45:08,582
A little.

1069
00:45:08,665 --> 00:45:11,335
That's what I thought.
Look, just give him a call.

1070
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,128
I can't.

1071
00:45:32,522 --> 00:45:34,733
So, I was thinking
we could maybe go to my room,

1072
00:45:34,816 --> 00:45:37,778
listen to some music, or you know...

1073
00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:39,696
Whatever.

1074
00:45:40,530 --> 00:45:41,573
No, thank you.

1075
00:45:41,823 --> 00:45:44,701
But you may read me
some poetry, if you wish.

1076
00:45:45,661 --> 00:45:46,662
Poetry?

1077
00:45:46,912 --> 00:45:47,913
Yes.

1078
00:45:48,705 --> 00:45:49,705
Are you serious?

1079
00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:51,833
Yes. Your mother was very informative.

1080
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:54,711
I deserve to be treated with respect.

1081
00:45:58,215 --> 00:45:59,633
Don't we all.

1082
00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:00,716
MISSY: Say it louder.

1083
00:46:00,717 --> 00:46:02,237
ALEJANDRO: I'm an idiot.
MISSY: A what?

1084
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:06,431
I'm a galactic idiot.
My idiocracy knows no bounds.

1085
00:46:06,515 --> 00:46:10,310
You won't tell a tiny white lie to a priest
that you'll never see again,

1086
00:46:10,394 --> 00:46:12,562
but make a complete farce of our wedding?

1087
00:46:12,646 --> 00:46:13,729
- I know.
- That's no problem?

1088
00:46:13,730 --> 00:46:14,731
I know.

1089
00:46:15,440 --> 00:46:17,234
I feel so bad for Bebe.

1090
00:46:17,317 --> 00:46:19,903
You know how many months she and my
mom have been planning this.

1091
00:46:19,987 --> 00:46:23,407
I know. I know. I'm an idiot.

1092
00:46:28,287 --> 00:46:30,914
I did talk with Father Moinighan, though.

1093
00:46:31,331 --> 00:46:32,666
For reals?

1094
00:46:32,749 --> 00:46:34,751
I promised that little

1095
00:46:34,793 --> 00:46:36,878
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John

1096
00:46:36,962 --> 00:46:40,257
would grow up ravenous
for the sweet baby Jesus.

1097
00:46:40,340 --> 00:46:41,341
Did you?

1098
00:46:42,467 --> 00:46:44,094
May have had crossies when I said it.

1099
00:46:46,221 --> 00:46:47,556
Thank you.

1100
00:46:48,098 --> 00:46:50,726
You really truly love me.

1101
00:46:50,767 --> 00:46:51,768
I do.

1102
00:46:52,894 --> 00:46:54,396
Yeah, you do.

1103
00:46:58,608 --> 00:47:00,277
And you'll fix all the other stuff?

1104
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:01,778
What's it worth to you?

1105
00:47:02,529 --> 00:47:03,572
Huh?

1106
00:47:03,655 --> 00:47:05,115
You honestly think...

1107
00:47:11,538 --> 00:47:14,791
It's too bad I'm saving
myself for marriage.

1108
00:47:15,334 --> 00:47:16,752
I'll see you tomorrow.

1109
00:47:17,794 --> 00:47:19,796
I'm busy tomorrow.

1110
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,799
MISSY: All I hear is, "Blah, blah, blah."

1111
00:47:23,884 --> 00:47:25,886
ELLIE: So, you know, call her again.

1112
00:47:25,969 --> 00:47:29,348
I tried, but she had the
front desk lock me out.

1113
00:47:32,017 --> 00:47:33,769
Tell me again how this is my fault.

1114
00:47:33,810 --> 00:47:34,810
Don.

1115
00:47:34,811 --> 00:47:36,931
WOMAN: (ON TV)
<i>...in a year. Many of these children...</i>

1116
00:47:36,938 --> 00:47:38,299
DON: Now, where'd you dig that up?

1117
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:40,400
Oh, my God, I can't
believe how tiny he was.

1118
00:47:40,484 --> 00:47:41,485
Yeah.

1119
00:47:42,152 --> 00:47:43,487
Sometimes I wonder

1120
00:47:43,945 --> 00:47:45,155
if we did the right thing.

1121
00:47:45,322 --> 00:47:47,115
Ellie, for two people
who did a lot of things wrong,

1122
00:47:47,199 --> 00:47:48,742
adopting AI wasn't one of them.

1123
00:47:48,825 --> 00:47:50,702
Yeah, he's the kindest of us all.

1124
00:47:50,786 --> 00:47:51,787
Yeah.

1125
00:47:51,828 --> 00:47:54,623
We didn't do that
many things that were wrong, did we?

1126
00:47:55,582 --> 00:47:57,042
Everybody's happy now.

1127
00:47:57,125 --> 00:47:58,293
- Well...
- Right?

1128
00:47:58,377 --> 00:47:59,753
(STAMMERS) Yeah, right.

1129
00:47:59,836 --> 00:48:02,297
Kids are great.
You're having nine-hour orgasms.

1130
00:48:02,381 --> 00:48:03,965
Uh... (LAUGHS)

1131
00:48:04,049 --> 00:48:05,850
No, no, no, just... Yeah,
well, give or take.

1132
00:48:06,843 --> 00:48:08,845
- I'm intrigued.
- Yeah, I'm stunned.

1133
00:48:08,929 --> 00:48:10,846
- Prove it.
- You wish.

1134
00:48:10,847 --> 00:48:12,849
- For old time's sake.
- Oh, my God. Okay.

1135
00:48:13,141 --> 00:48:15,602
You know what,
I think the coast must be clear by now.

1136
00:48:15,685 --> 00:48:16,770
Ooh.

1137
00:48:17,854 --> 00:48:18,855
Good to see you, Ell.

1138
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:21,983
I think you said that already.

1139
00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:26,947
- What the hell?
- Oh!

1140
00:48:27,030 --> 00:48:28,824
- Ow!
- What are you doing?

1141
00:48:28,865 --> 00:48:29,866
Oh!

1142
00:48:30,867 --> 00:48:33,495
Shoot. You're gonna
wake Madonna, for God's sake.

1143
00:48:33,578 --> 00:48:34,579
Shh.

1144
00:48:34,871 --> 00:48:35,871
Ow!

1145
00:48:35,872 --> 00:48:38,667
I have been reading sonnets. Out loud.

1146
00:48:38,750 --> 00:48:39,876
Well, that's very romantic.

1147
00:48:39,918 --> 00:48:41,878
So romantic for you, dear. What?

1148
00:48:42,879 --> 00:48:46,007
I am 29 years old, and
I've finally, I mean, I...

1149
00:48:46,383 --> 00:48:47,384
What?

1150
00:48:47,884 --> 00:48:49,885
I can't believe
I'm getting cock-blocked by my own mother.

1151
00:48:49,886 --> 00:48:52,013
I merely told her that
there are certain things

1152
00:48:52,097 --> 00:48:53,889
that women should expect from a man

1153
00:48:53,890 --> 00:48:56,560
before she just
jumps into bed with him. All right?

1154
00:48:57,227 --> 00:49:00,772
Yeah, I know.
Don't you think it's kind of hard to...

1155
00:49:00,856 --> 00:49:01,857
What?

1156
00:49:01,898 --> 00:49:03,378
Send her flowers every day for a year

1157
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:05,040
when she goes back to Colombia on Monday.

1158
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:06,069
<i>C'est la guerre.</i>

1159
00:49:07,028 --> 00:49:08,780
(GASPS) Oh...

1160
00:49:08,864 --> 00:49:09,906
So sorry.

1161
00:49:10,323 --> 00:49:11,907
Oh, my goodness.
Well, anyway, good night, sweetheart.

1162
00:49:11,908 --> 00:49:13,076
Sweet dreams, of course.

1163
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,161
- Yeah.
- Okay.

1164
00:49:14,244 --> 00:49:15,911
You suck. <i>Buenas noches.</i>

1165
00:49:15,912 --> 00:49:17,747
ELLIE: <i>Buenas noches.</i>

1166
00:49:22,794 --> 00:49:24,087
(GASPS) Oh!

1167
00:49:25,255 --> 00:49:26,715
<i>Noches.</i>

1168
00:49:26,965 --> 00:49:28,133
<i>Noches</i> again.

1169
00:49:29,926 --> 00:49:31,511
(EXHALING)

1170
00:49:31,803 --> 00:49:34,055
Oh! Back so soon?

1171
00:49:34,139 --> 00:49:37,225
Oh, yeah.
The temptation was more than I could stand.

1172
00:49:37,309 --> 00:49:38,934
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

1173
00:49:38,935 --> 00:49:40,312
Now you're talking.

1174
00:49:41,354 --> 00:49:43,064
- Uh...
- Be gentle.

1175
00:49:43,148 --> 00:49:45,066
(CHUCKLES)
- Or don't.

1176
00:49:47,152 --> 00:49:48,361
Good night.

1177
00:49:49,154 --> 00:49:51,573
- Good night? Says you.
- Yup.

1178
00:49:51,656 --> 00:49:53,158
Oh, please. Come on, you
didn't really think

1179
00:49:53,241 --> 00:49:55,243
that we'd go through with this, did you?

1180
00:49:55,327 --> 00:49:56,828
No one ever died from dabbling.

1181
00:49:56,912 --> 00:49:59,164
Uh-huh. Just our marriage.

1182
00:49:59,247 --> 00:50:00,956
- Fair point.
- Yeah.

1183
00:50:00,957 --> 00:50:03,293
But, you know,
I couldn't stand being ignored.

1184
00:50:04,419 --> 00:50:05,879
I ignored you?

1185
00:50:05,962 --> 00:50:09,508
You didn't need a soothsayer to know that
you were terrified of being alone with me.

1186
00:50:09,591 --> 00:50:11,927
I'm sorry, Don. Really, lam.

1187
00:50:11,968 --> 00:50:14,095
Just, you know, with the children gone,

1188
00:50:14,971 --> 00:50:17,474
I guess I didn't think
we had much in common anymore.

1189
00:50:17,557 --> 00:50:20,060
Yeah, so we picked up another kid
to avoid the issue.

1190
00:50:21,978 --> 00:50:24,564
You know, I tried to stick it out.
I really did.

1191
00:50:24,648 --> 00:50:25,982
I know you did, Don.

1192
00:50:29,027 --> 00:50:30,195
Wanna fool around?

1193
00:50:30,278 --> 00:50:31,821
(LAUGHS) Oh!

1194
00:50:33,114 --> 00:50:35,450
You need to marry Bebe.

1195
00:50:35,534 --> 00:50:37,869
And that's nothing you don't already know.

1196
00:50:38,578 --> 00:50:40,996
And what about you?
Anybody special since...

1197
00:50:40,997 --> 00:50:41,997
Me?

1198
00:50:41,998 --> 00:50:42,998
Yeah, of course.

1199
00:50:42,999 --> 00:50:44,167
There have been guys here and there.

1200
00:50:44,251 --> 00:50:47,504
Yeah. And I guess nothing
I'd write home about,

1201
00:50:47,587 --> 00:50:48,964
nothing special.

1202
00:50:49,297 --> 00:50:51,258
Well, I did date this local cop

1203
00:50:51,341 --> 00:50:52,384
when I lived over on Courtesy.

1204
00:50:52,467 --> 00:50:54,261
He was really quite nice.

1205
00:50:54,803 --> 00:50:57,055
And then in New York City
I met this stock broker

1206
00:50:57,138 --> 00:50:59,349
who actually proposed to me
on the third date.

1207
00:50:59,432 --> 00:51:02,352
You know, that should have
been my first clue. God.

1208
00:51:03,270 --> 00:51:04,563
But then...

1209
00:51:05,522 --> 00:51:07,065
(SNORING)
(GROANS)

1210
00:51:20,287 --> 00:51:22,037
(RHYTHMIC THUDDING)

1211
00:51:22,038 --> 00:51:24,583
ELLIE: A little more left. Left. Oh!

1212
00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:26,041
- Oh, yeah!
(DON GROANING)

1213
00:51:26,042 --> 00:51:28,253
ELLIE: In there! That's right!
DON: Right there?

1214
00:51:28,336 --> 00:51:30,088
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

1215
00:51:30,171 --> 00:51:31,923
(BOTH SCREAMING)

1216
00:51:57,157 --> 00:51:58,783
What happened to you?

1217
00:51:59,075 --> 00:52:00,327
What time is it?

1218
00:52:01,036 --> 00:52:02,637
A little after 8:00. I thought you quit?

1219
00:52:02,871 --> 00:52:04,998
Thought I quit a lot of things. 8:00?

1220
00:52:06,207 --> 00:52:07,626
So that would make it, hey...

1221
00:52:09,044 --> 00:52:11,796
Forty minutes. Not bad for starters.

1222
00:52:14,090 --> 00:52:15,300
Was that what that...

1223
00:52:16,092 --> 00:52:19,012
You didn't. Oh, tell me you didn't.

1224
00:52:19,095 --> 00:52:23,141
You and Mom for 40, that's... You scumbags.

1225
00:52:23,224 --> 00:52:24,476
Gross. What?

1226
00:52:25,477 --> 00:52:27,354
- What about Bebe?
- I know.

1227
00:52:28,104 --> 00:52:30,106
God, what is wrong with you?

1228
00:52:33,485 --> 00:52:35,110
Forward, ducklings.

1229
00:52:35,111 --> 00:52:36,529
(BARKING)

1230
00:52:38,114 --> 00:52:42,118
We are gonna cater the shit out of this
thing whether they like it or not.

1231
00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,412
(HONKING)

1232
00:52:46,122 --> 00:52:49,668
I know you can't understand me,
but now that you're here,

1233
00:52:49,751 --> 00:52:53,797
I want you to know that I've always been
intimidated by you.

1234
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:58,134
Even so, I never
tried to take your place with him,

1235
00:52:58,218 --> 00:53:03,056
but I always encouraged
the phone calls, and the visits.

1236
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:05,767
And meeting you, oh, my God,

1237
00:53:06,101 --> 00:53:10,980
I see where so much
of what's good in him comes from.

1238
00:53:11,064 --> 00:53:13,148
And I just, I'm just so...

1239
00:53:13,149 --> 00:53:16,820
I'm just so happy you're here.

1240
00:53:17,404 --> 00:53:21,950
Uh, do you...
Uh, oh, um, do you understand me?

1241
00:53:22,534 --> 00:53:24,160
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1242
00:53:41,177 --> 00:53:42,887
DON: You working on anything lately?

1243
00:53:44,180 --> 00:53:45,765
Haven't touched a chisel in years.

1244
00:53:46,182 --> 00:53:48,183
Wow, shame. You have more talent

1245
00:53:48,184 --> 00:53:49,936
in your little finger
than I have in my whole body.

1246
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:51,186
I'm a big girl now, Don.

1247
00:53:51,187 --> 00:53:52,187
You don't have to say that anymore.

1248
00:53:52,188 --> 00:53:53,690
It happens to be true.

1249
00:53:54,566 --> 00:53:55,817
Hair of the dog?

1250
00:53:56,651 --> 00:53:57,986
No.

1251
00:53:58,069 --> 00:54:00,697
You sure today's the day
you want to fall off the wagon?

1252
00:54:00,780 --> 00:54:02,532
Coin flip at this point.

1253
00:54:08,580 --> 00:54:10,039
Pass the riffler.

1254
00:54:10,373 --> 00:54:11,374
How is it

1255
00:54:12,500 --> 00:54:14,169
that you can make something so beautiful

1256
00:54:14,210 --> 00:54:16,838
and yet be such a complete douchebag?

1257
00:54:17,213 --> 00:54:19,174
I'm a complicated serpent.

1258
00:54:19,215 --> 00:54:20,800
Or whatever the hell she said.

1259
00:54:20,884 --> 00:54:23,052
So is this what happens with men?

1260
00:54:23,136 --> 00:54:24,888
Just a grain of strife in the relationship

1261
00:54:24,971 --> 00:54:26,611
and suddenly you're knee-deep in your ex?

1262
00:54:26,931 --> 00:54:28,183
Grandpa?

1263
00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:29,225
Grandpa?

1264
00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:32,437
Sweetie, I may be on the back nine of life,

1265
00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:34,189
but I just spent the last 40 minutes

1266
00:54:34,230 --> 00:54:36,149
laying more pipe than I have in 20 years.

1267
00:54:36,232 --> 00:54:37,942
I didn't say no to the scotch

1268
00:54:38,026 --> 00:54:39,611
'cause I didn't want the drink.

1269
00:54:41,863 --> 00:54:43,239
So wait a second.

1270
00:54:45,450 --> 00:54:46,618
You're...

1271
00:54:51,831 --> 00:54:53,166
Andrew doesn't know.

1272
00:54:55,668 --> 00:54:58,254
I'm not one of those women who thinks

1273
00:54:59,130 --> 00:55:01,216
I deserve to have a child

1274
00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:04,093
just because my uterus
suddenly decides to work.

1275
00:55:05,053 --> 00:55:06,554
He either loves me or he doesn't.

1276
00:55:22,695 --> 00:55:25,198
(SIGHS) I'd hug you, but...

1277
00:55:25,365 --> 00:55:26,533
After last time...

1278
00:55:42,298 --> 00:55:44,884
I'll just try one of these.

1279
00:55:51,182 --> 00:55:52,307
- Delicious.
- Good.

1280
00:55:52,308 --> 00:55:53,685
Happy you're pleased, Mr. Griffin.

1281
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:54,769
You are paying for it.

1282
00:55:54,853 --> 00:55:57,355
Mmm-hmm. Well, you know,
I think I'll have a few more.

1283
00:55:57,438 --> 00:55:58,439
No.

1284
00:55:59,148 --> 00:56:00,316
I don't think so.

1285
00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:03,278
You know, if I were talking to you,

1286
00:56:03,403 --> 00:56:05,071
I would ask you what happened over there.

1287
00:56:05,321 --> 00:56:06,447
- With Lyla?
- Yeah.

1288
00:56:06,531 --> 00:56:08,157
- Did you see us?
- I did.

1289
00:56:08,241 --> 00:56:09,284
How about that?

1290
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:11,326
It must be very comforting to know that

1291
00:56:11,327 --> 00:56:13,037
not everybody hates you.

1292
00:56:13,496 --> 00:56:15,331
Eases the burden somewhat.

1293
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:20,335
Listen. There's something I need...

1294
00:56:20,336 --> 00:56:21,838
No. I'm not talking to you.

1295
00:56:24,966 --> 00:56:26,342
Is she upset about something?

1296
00:56:26,426 --> 00:56:27,552
Yeah, she is.

1297
00:56:28,887 --> 00:56:30,597
I'm not sure what to do about it.

1298
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:31,880
Well, you love her, don't you?

1299
00:56:32,181 --> 00:56:33,349
More than anything.

1300
00:56:33,850 --> 00:56:35,350
Well, then,

1301
00:56:35,351 --> 00:56:38,354
you do whatever it takes
to make her happy again.

1302
00:56:51,826 --> 00:56:53,369
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
NURIA: <i>- Si?</i>

1303
00:56:53,453 --> 00:56:56,205
JARED: Can I come in?
NURIA: Uh, okay.

1304
00:56:56,372 --> 00:56:57,498
JARED: Oh, geez.

1305
00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:00,835
NURIA: (CHUCKLES)
Can you help me, please?

1306
00:57:00,919 --> 00:57:03,504
JARED: Oh, my God, this is so not fair.

1307
00:57:04,505 --> 00:57:05,715
All right.

1308
00:57:08,217 --> 00:57:09,344
(NURIA GRUNTS)

1309
00:57:09,385 --> 00:57:10,386
Sorry.

1310
00:57:11,387 --> 00:57:12,764
(CHUCKLES)

1311
00:57:15,224 --> 00:57:16,267
Listen, I...

1312
00:57:16,351 --> 00:57:22,023
No, it's, come here,
impolite to interrupt a performance.

1313
00:57:22,523 --> 00:57:23,733
A performance?

1314
00:57:25,610 --> 00:57:26,986
JARED: Item one.

1315
00:57:28,196 --> 00:57:29,405
Serenade her.

1316
00:57:32,033 --> 00:57:33,743
(PLAYS UKULELE)

1317
00:57:36,663 --> 00:57:39,958
(SINGING) <i>There's not a lot of words
that rhyme with Nuria</i>

1318
00:57:41,334 --> 00:57:42,710
<i>But I really want to</i>

1319
00:57:43,795 --> 00:57:45,421
<i>Reassure ya</i>

1320
00:57:45,505 --> 00:57:47,131
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

1321
00:57:48,049 --> 00:57:49,968
<i>That I will try not to be</i>

1322
00:57:51,678 --> 00:57:53,888
<i>Premature-ia</i>

1323
00:57:53,972 --> 00:57:55,431
(CHUCKLING)

1324
00:57:56,182 --> 00:57:57,183
I...

1325
00:57:58,685 --> 00:58:03,606
Look, I decided
that I will not make love with you.

1326
00:58:05,441 --> 00:58:07,402
Okay. Um...

1327
00:58:07,610 --> 00:58:09,821
I disagree. Here's why.

1328
00:58:10,279 --> 00:58:12,448
Look. I did everything on your list.

1329
00:58:12,490 --> 00:58:14,033
Breakfast in bed.

1330
00:58:14,909 --> 00:58:17,370
And I even did a list of the top 10

1331
00:58:17,453 --> 00:58:19,414
greatest moments in our relationship.

1332
00:58:21,499 --> 00:58:23,292
"The first moment I saw you."

1333
00:58:25,336 --> 00:58:27,922
"The first moment I saw you naked."

1334
00:58:28,673 --> 00:58:31,009
That's... It's very sweet.

1335
00:58:31,801 --> 00:58:32,844
But

1336
00:58:33,177 --> 00:58:34,554
we are brother and sister.

1337
00:58:35,013 --> 00:58:38,433
Yeah, but only a little bit.

1338
00:58:41,436 --> 00:58:45,398
Look, you have waited a long time for love.

1339
00:58:46,274 --> 00:58:50,486
And I could not forgive myself
if I took that away from you.

1340
00:58:51,696 --> 00:58:53,114
No, you're right.

1341
00:58:56,492 --> 00:58:58,036
The song is nice, though.

1342
00:58:59,912 --> 00:59:02,790
Um, this... Flowers every day, for a year.

1343
00:59:05,251 --> 00:59:06,836
(WAGON WHEELS SQUEAKING)

1344
00:59:10,548 --> 00:59:11,966
We have to tell her.

1345
00:59:13,176 --> 00:59:14,677
I'm not sure I agree.

1346
00:59:14,761 --> 00:59:17,430
Well, we at least
have to invite her to our wedding.

1347
00:59:18,097 --> 00:59:19,390
I'm... I'm sorry?

1348
00:59:19,474 --> 00:59:20,641
(LAUGHING)

1349
00:59:21,851 --> 00:59:24,270
I'm kidding you. I'm kidding you.
I'm kidding.

1350
00:59:25,146 --> 00:59:26,606
- Thank Christ.
- Yeah.

1351
00:59:26,689 --> 00:59:30,359
I mean, not that it would
be a bad idea, but...

1352
00:59:30,443 --> 00:59:35,615
Yeah. No, it's okay.
We're behind each other.

1353
00:59:37,742 --> 00:59:39,035
Finally.

1354
00:59:39,327 --> 00:59:40,536
We're still family.

1355
00:59:41,704 --> 00:59:43,289
Still family.

1356
00:59:43,748 --> 00:59:45,291
ALEJANDRO: So, what's going on?

1357
00:59:46,292 --> 00:59:47,710
ELLIE: Um, oh...

1358
00:59:47,794 --> 00:59:51,339
First things first. Thank you.

1359
00:59:53,216 --> 00:59:54,509
No.

1360
00:59:54,801 --> 00:59:58,554
Well, honey, your father
and I wanted to give you something.

1361
00:59:59,555 --> 01:00:01,474
- Together?
DON: - Crazy, right?

1362
01:00:01,682 --> 01:00:02,975
We're so proud of you.

1363
01:00:03,059 --> 01:00:05,770
We really are proud of you,
of the man you've become,

1364
01:00:06,187 --> 01:00:08,439
and of the woman that you love,

1365
01:00:08,523 --> 01:00:12,318
of the wonderful life
that you have ahead of you, and so...

1366
01:00:16,572 --> 01:00:17,573
We love you, bud.

1367
01:00:25,623 --> 01:00:28,292
You, um... You carved this from the tree?

1368
01:00:28,709 --> 01:00:29,919
Your mother's idea.

1369
01:00:30,002 --> 01:00:33,589
No, actually it wasn't my idea,
but I'm speechless at the modesty.

1370
01:00:37,051 --> 01:00:38,511
Oh, wow.

1371
01:00:42,598 --> 01:00:45,226
I saved a few just in case
the first didn't take.

1372
01:00:48,604 --> 01:00:50,022
I don't know what to say.

1373
01:00:53,192 --> 01:00:56,112
Does this come with a piece of land?
Waterfront, if possible.

1374
01:00:56,195 --> 01:00:58,322
Sure, just click your heels three times.

1375
01:00:59,031 --> 01:01:00,992
See you on the flip side, kid.

1376
01:01:01,159 --> 01:01:02,160
(LAUGHING)

1377
01:01:02,660 --> 01:01:04,245
I love you guys.

1378
01:01:05,621 --> 01:01:06,664
Thank you.

1379
01:01:24,307 --> 01:01:25,641
It's perfect.

1380
01:01:32,982 --> 01:01:34,150
(GASPS)

1381
01:01:34,233 --> 01:01:37,653
Oh, my gosh, look at you!

1382
01:01:38,654 --> 01:01:39,780
You're here.

1383
01:01:39,864 --> 01:01:41,949
Of course I'm here. Where would I be?

1384
01:01:42,533 --> 01:01:44,577
You look gorgeous.

1385
01:01:44,827 --> 01:01:45,912
Except this.

1386
01:01:45,995 --> 01:01:48,706
Well. Let me put that, here you go.

1387
01:01:48,789 --> 01:01:51,666
Which reminds me of the prom fiasco.

1388
01:01:51,667 --> 01:01:53,461
- You remember the junior prom?
(CHUCKLES)

1389
01:01:53,544 --> 01:01:55,880
White tux and blood
everywhere from the pin?

1390
01:01:55,963 --> 01:01:57,798
There you go. Perfect.

1391
01:01:59,550 --> 01:02:00,551
Thank you.

1392
01:02:01,719 --> 01:02:06,224
Hey. We're family. At
least most of the time.

1393
01:02:06,307 --> 01:02:08,893
All the time. Mom.

1394
01:02:14,482 --> 01:02:18,152
(GASPS) Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

1395
01:02:20,988 --> 01:02:22,031
Hey.

1396
01:02:22,323 --> 01:02:23,366
I know, we were just talking...

1397
01:02:23,449 --> 01:02:24,617
Hi, Bebe.

1398
01:02:24,700 --> 01:02:25,952
Right, Mrs. Griffin. I was just leaving.

1399
01:02:26,035 --> 01:02:27,119
No, no, that's okay. No, it's all right.

1400
01:02:27,203 --> 01:02:28,537
Wait a second. Mom?

1401
01:02:28,621 --> 01:02:30,206
ELLIE AND BEBE: Yes?
MADONNA: Si?

1402
01:02:30,289 --> 01:02:31,415
Uh...

1403
01:02:33,000 --> 01:02:37,213
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1404
01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:38,714
BEBE: Hello.

1405
01:02:55,273 --> 01:02:57,942
Um, Bebe?

1406
01:02:58,025 --> 01:03:01,028
Have you by any chance seen our boyfriend?

1407
01:03:01,654 --> 01:03:05,741
No, not since this morning.
My... Oh, fudge.

1408
01:03:06,909 --> 01:03:10,079
- Well. If it isn't...
ELLIE: - Oh, no.

1409
01:03:10,162 --> 01:03:15,084
Uh, one, two, three.
It's like a convention.

1410
01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:18,753
Donald Robert Griffin, what have you done?

1411
01:03:18,754 --> 01:03:20,006
ELLIE: Oh, my God. He's plastered!

1412
01:03:20,089 --> 01:03:21,890
- I'm sorry, sweetheart, I...
ELLIE: - No, no.

1413
01:03:21,924 --> 01:03:24,093
DON: - I, you know, we...
- Oh, my gosh.

1414
01:03:24,176 --> 01:03:25,760
One minute we were sleeping...

1415
01:03:25,761 --> 01:03:26,762
BEBE: How...

1416
01:03:26,846 --> 01:03:30,057
The next minute, boom, boom,
chi-boom, boom, chicka boom...

1417
01:03:30,933 --> 01:03:32,101
Excuse me?

1418
01:03:32,852 --> 01:03:34,770
DON: We came into the bedroom.

1419
01:03:34,937 --> 01:03:35,980
And what are you gonna do?

1420
01:03:36,063 --> 01:03:37,773
You do what you do in the bedroom.

1421
01:03:38,024 --> 01:03:39,525
ELLIE: Don!

1422
01:03:40,026 --> 01:03:41,485
The two...

1423
01:03:44,572 --> 01:03:45,948
I'm sorry, Bebe.

1424
01:03:48,075 --> 01:03:52,204
Wow, you really know how
to serve your revenge cold, don't you?

1425
01:03:57,793 --> 01:03:59,170
DON: Come on, honey.

1426
01:04:02,757 --> 01:04:04,884
- All right, I forgive you.
- You do?

1427
01:04:04,967 --> 01:04:05,968
Well, I mean, of course.

1428
01:04:06,052 --> 01:04:07,553
Otherwise I'm a hypocrite, right?

1429
01:04:07,636 --> 01:04:09,055
So, all right, I forgive you.

1430
01:04:09,138 --> 01:04:10,306
DON: I'm sorry, too.

1431
01:04:11,849 --> 01:04:13,267
Forty minutes, by the way.

1432
01:04:14,727 --> 01:04:15,810
(DON GROANS)
(MADONNA GASPS)

1433
01:04:15,811 --> 01:04:17,855
Aah! Whoa!

1434
01:04:19,190 --> 01:04:20,858
NURIA: Hey. Hey, wait.

1435
01:04:23,027 --> 01:04:25,821
Of course. You look amazing.

1436
01:04:26,614 --> 01:04:27,615
Thank you.

1437
01:04:27,698 --> 01:04:28,741
There's no chance that you've...

1438
01:04:28,824 --> 01:04:29,824
No. No.

1439
01:04:29,825 --> 01:04:31,077
...changed your mind?
Yeah, I didn't think so.

1440
01:04:31,202 --> 01:04:32,827
- Sorry.
- That's okay.

1441
01:04:32,828 --> 01:04:35,331
BEBE: Well, you have to admire
the symmetry of it.

1442
01:04:35,414 --> 01:04:36,832
Hey, Donald, sit down.

1443
01:04:36,874 --> 01:04:38,918
Although, I guess
if we were really being sticklers,

1444
01:04:39,001 --> 01:04:40,835
you'd have to put your dick in Muffin.

1445
01:04:40,836 --> 01:04:41,836
ELLIE: What?

1446
01:04:41,837 --> 01:04:43,422
I dig the vulgarity,

1447
01:04:43,506 --> 01:04:45,925
but why would I ever want
to bang Muffin O'Connor?

1448
01:04:46,008 --> 01:04:48,844
Well, I'm just saying,
if you want to go for true symmetry.

1449
01:04:49,011 --> 01:04:50,554
What are you talking about?

1450
01:04:50,638 --> 01:04:51,722
BEBE: Eleanor?

1451
01:04:51,806 --> 01:04:52,848
Uh...

1452
01:04:54,975 --> 01:04:57,770
Would somebody just please
punch me in the face again?

1453
01:04:57,853 --> 01:04:59,854
Because I don't know...
What are we talking about?

1454
01:04:59,855 --> 01:05:01,315
She cheated on you first.

1455
01:05:01,399 --> 01:05:02,691
- What?
- Oh...

1456
01:05:02,775 --> 01:05:03,859
I...

1457
01:05:04,193 --> 01:05:05,860
What. Wait. Well, wait a second.

1458
01:05:05,861 --> 01:05:07,261
Well, there was... It was like a...

1459
01:05:08,864 --> 01:05:10,658
Mistake. Honey...

1460
01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:12,159
DON: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

1461
01:05:12,243 --> 01:05:16,871
If making it even
means that I'm supposed to boink Muffin,

1462
01:05:16,872 --> 01:05:19,875
that would mean that you boinked...

1463
01:05:25,506 --> 01:05:26,507
Barry.

1464
01:05:26,590 --> 01:05:27,758
- What?
- What?

1465
01:05:27,842 --> 01:05:29,301
DON: - Why?
- What do you mean, why?

1466
01:05:29,385 --> 01:05:30,386
What's the rumpus?

1467
01:05:30,469 --> 01:05:33,889
Wait, wait, wait.
You slept with Missy's father today?

1468
01:05:33,973 --> 01:05:35,890
No, no, no. Not today.

1469
01:05:35,891 --> 01:05:37,892
It was years ago, when we were married.

1470
01:05:37,893 --> 01:05:40,020
He must have read you a ton of poetry, huh?

1471
01:05:40,104 --> 01:05:41,313
How could you?

1472
01:05:41,397 --> 01:05:43,065
I was really very unhappy at that time.

1473
01:05:43,149 --> 01:05:44,233
- What about me?
ELLIE: - Well, I don't really

1474
01:05:44,316 --> 01:05:45,985
- care about you.
- I know you don't!

1475
01:05:46,068 --> 01:05:47,194
Listen, I don't know what to say.

1476
01:05:47,278 --> 01:05:48,654
It was practically an accident.

1477
01:05:48,737 --> 01:05:51,115
And I never told anyone.
Never. Not one person.

1478
01:05:51,198 --> 01:05:53,534
Except, of course, my very best friend.

1479
01:05:53,909 --> 01:05:56,162
It was a long time ago. it was.

1480
01:05:56,245 --> 01:05:58,414
And now you all have a wedding to go to.

1481
01:05:58,497 --> 01:05:59,874
I'm gonna call the movers.

1482
01:05:59,915 --> 01:06:00,916
ALEJANDRO: No.
ELLIE: Wait, no.

1483
01:06:00,958 --> 01:06:02,917
Just for the record,

1484
01:06:02,918 --> 01:06:04,920
whatever happens, no way am I ever

1485
01:06:04,962 --> 01:06:06,839
bumping uglies with Muffin O'Connor.

1486
01:06:06,922 --> 01:06:07,922
I beg your pardon?

1487
01:06:07,923 --> 01:06:08,923
What the hell did you just say?

1488
01:06:08,924 --> 01:06:10,301
Just because you porked my wife

1489
01:06:10,384 --> 01:06:11,844
doesn't mean I have to return the favor.

1490
01:06:11,927 --> 01:06:13,262
Excuse me?

1491
01:06:13,345 --> 01:06:14,388
ALEJANDRO: All right, that's it.

1492
01:06:14,472 --> 01:06:15,890
- Oh, God.
BARRY: - What are you doing?

1493
01:06:15,931 --> 01:06:17,266
You look amazing, by the way.

1494
01:06:17,349 --> 01:06:18,350
Please. Okay.

1495
01:06:18,934 --> 01:06:22,146
Look, I... Barry, Barry, it wasn't me.

1496
01:06:22,229 --> 01:06:24,939
Okay, so I did the thing with you.
I mean, I didn't do that.

1497
01:06:24,940 --> 01:06:26,358
I did the... Whatever you do.

1498
01:06:26,442 --> 01:06:28,235
I'm sorry about it. it was a mistake.

1499
01:06:29,236 --> 01:06:31,697
Fuck you. Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck me.

1500
01:06:31,780 --> 01:06:32,781
Where is he going?

1501
01:06:32,865 --> 01:06:34,700
Overseas, I imagine.

1502
01:06:34,783 --> 01:06:36,452
So you're the one.

1503
01:06:36,535 --> 01:06:37,870
And I'm so sorry, Muffin.

1504
01:06:37,953 --> 01:06:39,205
You have to understand

1505
01:06:39,288 --> 01:06:41,248
that it didn't mean one single thing.

1506
01:06:41,332 --> 01:06:43,167
I feel so used.

1507
01:06:43,250 --> 01:06:44,960
MUFFIN: Don't even worry about it.

1508
01:06:45,419 --> 01:06:48,297
Barry and I have an understanding.

1509
01:06:48,964 --> 01:06:53,052
I occasionally look the other way,
and he doesn't harp on my fetishes.

1510
01:06:54,512 --> 01:06:55,721
What fetishes?

1511
01:06:56,305 --> 01:06:57,973
Your wife, for example.

1512
01:06:58,974 --> 01:07:00,184
Which one?

1513
01:07:00,601 --> 01:07:02,394
They're both equally delicious.

1514
01:07:02,853 --> 01:07:03,896
Oh.

1515
01:07:03,979 --> 01:07:06,690
And that's the ballgame.
Wow. I did not see that one coming.

1516
01:07:07,900 --> 01:07:09,984
- Hi.
- Hi.

1517
01:07:09,985 --> 01:07:12,321
Yeah. You guys might want to step out here.

1518
01:07:12,988 --> 01:07:14,198
DON: Good idea.

1519
01:07:17,493 --> 01:07:18,869
- Oh.
(GASPS)

1520
01:07:18,953 --> 01:07:19,995
Hmm.

1521
01:07:22,998 --> 01:07:25,084
- Oh, God. This is humiliating.
- Mmm-hmm.

1522
01:07:25,167 --> 01:07:26,544
(GUESTS APPLAUDING)

1523
01:07:32,758 --> 01:07:33,968
- What?
- What do we do?

1524
01:07:34,009 --> 01:07:36,178
- About which one?
- You know, Bebe.

1525
01:07:37,638 --> 01:07:40,975
Can't live without her, right? Right?

1526
01:07:42,017 --> 01:07:45,020
Okay. So, you've
gotta think about what you're gonna do.

1527
01:07:46,146 --> 01:07:47,231
Right.

1528
01:07:48,148 --> 01:07:50,024
- Where are the children?
- I don't know.

1529
01:07:50,025 --> 01:07:52,027
Dying of embarrassment somewhere?

1530
01:07:52,111 --> 01:07:53,862
You think they might call it off?

1531
01:07:53,946 --> 01:07:55,948
Oh, man, Muffin, get over it.

1532
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:57,031
Okay. It's okay.

1533
01:07:57,032 --> 01:07:59,033
You're gonna have
beige grandkids that are bilingual.

1534
01:07:59,034 --> 01:08:00,786
We'll see about that, won't we?

1535
01:08:00,869 --> 01:08:03,205
Oh, we will see about that. Yes, we will.

1536
01:08:03,455 --> 01:08:05,039
ALEJANDRO: Sure you're okay with this?

1537
01:08:05,040 --> 01:08:06,041
MISSY: You kidding me?

1538
01:08:06,083 --> 01:08:08,335
Just get this over with
before anybody sees us.

1539
01:08:08,419 --> 01:08:10,044
ALEJANDRO: Father?
MOINIGHAN: Everybody ready?

1540
01:08:10,045 --> 01:08:11,380
ALEJANDRO: Just give us
the Cliff Notes version.

1541
01:08:11,463 --> 01:08:12,590
I'm sorry, but I have...

1542
01:08:12,673 --> 01:08:14,800
MISSY: Oh, come on, please,
before anything else happens.

1543
01:08:14,883 --> 01:08:16,093
Okey dokey.

1544
01:08:17,011 --> 01:08:18,429
Melissa, do you take...

1545
01:08:18,512 --> 01:08:19,763
Yes, I do.

1546
01:08:21,307 --> 01:08:23,642
MOINIGHAN: Do you,
Alejandro Soto Griffin...

1547
01:08:23,726 --> 01:08:25,060
ALEJANDRO: Yes.

1548
01:08:25,894 --> 01:08:27,021
I do.

1549
01:08:28,647 --> 01:08:29,648
LYLA: <i>On your marks...</i>

1550
01:08:30,065 --> 01:08:31,066
Get set...

1551
01:08:31,483 --> 01:08:33,027
I'm pregnant.

1552
01:08:34,570 --> 01:08:35,863
Surprise.

1553
01:08:36,864 --> 01:08:37,948
Oh!

1554
01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:43,412
(GASPS)

1555
01:08:43,495 --> 01:08:44,538
Oh, look! Lyla!

1556
01:08:44,622 --> 01:08:46,957
Oh, God, they're eloping on the dock!

1557
01:08:48,083 --> 01:08:49,084
No, no! No!

1558
01:08:49,710 --> 01:08:51,462
- Stop! Don't do it!
- Holy mother.

1559
01:08:52,087 --> 01:08:53,339
- Oh!
MOINIGHAN: - Alejandro...

1560
01:08:53,464 --> 01:08:54,715
You put the ring... Yeah.

1561
01:08:54,798 --> 01:08:56,216
The ring on her finger.
You put the ring on his finger.

1562
01:08:56,300 --> 01:08:57,676
MUFFIN: No, no! Don't!
MOINIGHAN: Blah, blah, blah.

1563
01:08:57,760 --> 01:08:59,011
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

1564
01:08:59,094 --> 01:09:00,494
- You may...
MUFFIN: - Please. Stop!

1565
01:09:00,512 --> 01:09:01,597
- ...kiss the bride.
MUFFIN: - No!

1566
01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:03,097
- Now can we elope?
- Definitely.

1567
01:09:03,098 --> 01:09:04,099
(GUESTS EXCLAIMING)

1568
01:09:05,184 --> 01:09:07,686
MOINIGHAN: - Now, now, Muffin.
- How could you do this to me?

1569
01:09:09,605 --> 01:09:11,106
(ALL SCREAMING)

1570
01:09:15,194 --> 01:09:16,570
She can't swim.

1571
01:09:16,654 --> 01:09:17,655
Really?

1572
01:09:24,244 --> 01:09:26,121
(BAND PLAYING JAZZ)

1573
01:09:39,510 --> 01:09:40,511
Hey.

1574
01:09:41,929 --> 01:09:45,307
Look, I know we might never
see each other again, so,

1575
01:09:46,558 --> 01:09:48,686
I thought maybe we'd toast to

1576
01:09:48,769 --> 01:09:50,854
what was almost a beautiful friendship.

1577
01:09:51,939 --> 01:09:52,940
Hmm.

1578
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:54,608
No, you know,

1579
01:09:54,775 --> 01:09:57,151
your mother was the one that told me that

1580
01:09:57,152 --> 01:10:01,365
American women are more reserved
when it comes to their sexuality.

1581
01:10:01,615 --> 01:10:03,325
Except for her, of course.

1582
01:10:03,659 --> 01:10:06,245
I think I Will not...

1583
01:10:08,163 --> 01:10:09,540
Take her advice anymore.

1584
01:10:10,290 --> 01:10:13,335
The men of Colombia will be thrilled.

1585
01:10:15,671 --> 01:10:17,089
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1586
01:10:18,507 --> 01:10:19,717
What?

1587
01:10:21,301 --> 01:10:23,137
Close the door.

1588
01:10:26,724 --> 01:10:27,766
Oh.

1589
01:10:32,855 --> 01:10:37,317
Bebe! Bebe! Bebe!

1590
01:10:43,449 --> 01:10:45,033
(ELLIE CLEARS THROAT)

1591
01:10:46,201 --> 01:10:47,202
Is that them?

1592
01:10:48,162 --> 01:10:51,832
BEBE: Yeah.
They're gonna be spectacular together.

1593
01:10:53,751 --> 01:10:55,127
They're smarter than we are, huh?

1594
01:10:55,210 --> 01:10:58,547
BEBE: It's hard not to be.
I mean, what was I thinking?

1595
01:10:58,630 --> 01:11:00,431
What an idiot. I mean,
what is wrong with me?

1596
01:11:00,507 --> 01:11:01,925
No, there's nothing wrong with you.

1597
01:11:02,009 --> 01:11:03,093
At all, Bebe.

1598
01:11:03,177 --> 01:11:04,303
In fact, you know what
I've come to believe?

1599
01:11:04,386 --> 01:11:06,220
I believe you're the
sanest one of all of us.

1600
01:11:06,221 --> 01:11:07,890
- Oh, no.
- Yes.

1601
01:11:07,973 --> 01:11:10,267
You don't have to say that. That's crazy.

1602
01:11:10,350 --> 01:11:12,227
That doesn't make it any less true.

1603
01:11:14,229 --> 01:11:16,023
You've always been more beautiful.

1604
01:11:16,106 --> 01:11:18,609
Ellie. And, I mean, I think actually that's

1605
01:11:18,692 --> 01:11:20,152
probably one of the reasons

1606
01:11:20,235 --> 01:11:22,529
that I found Don so attractive.

1607
01:11:22,613 --> 01:11:25,407
Come on. You were in love with Don Griffin

1608
01:11:25,491 --> 01:11:27,367
from the first time I introduced you

1609
01:11:27,534 --> 01:11:28,744
at the Crabtree summer party.

1610
01:11:28,827 --> 01:11:30,245
Was it that obvious?

1611
01:11:30,329 --> 01:11:31,371
Yeah, to me.

1612
01:11:31,455 --> 01:11:33,540
Well, then why didn't
you hit me with your car or something?

1613
01:11:33,624 --> 01:11:36,251
Come on, you were my best friend.

1614
01:11:38,253 --> 01:11:39,922
Still are, I hope.

1615
01:11:41,173 --> 01:11:43,884
Oh, Bebe. It wasn't him.

1616
01:11:44,092 --> 01:11:46,386
Oh, yeah, okay, so he was flirting,

1617
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:47,930
but I made the first move.

1618
01:11:48,764 --> 01:11:50,808
- Why?
- Because...

1619
01:11:52,100 --> 01:11:54,353
I wanted to make sure I was over him.

1620
01:11:54,436 --> 01:11:56,313
And you know what? it turns out

1621
01:11:56,396 --> 01:11:59,274
I've been over him for such a long time.

1622
01:12:01,276 --> 01:12:03,278
I want you to know something else.

1623
01:12:03,862 --> 01:12:05,697
I've always been happy

1624
01:12:06,281 --> 01:12:09,076
that it was you he turned to.

1625
01:12:11,662 --> 01:12:13,288
I told you I forgive you.

1626
01:12:13,330 --> 01:12:14,832
Then forgive him, too.

1627
01:12:17,918 --> 01:12:19,628
(JARED AND NURIA MOANING)

1628
01:12:19,711 --> 01:12:21,213
JARED: Oh, my God!

1629
01:12:23,298 --> 01:12:24,383
Oh, my God.

1630
01:12:25,342 --> 01:12:26,552
Again.

1631
01:12:26,927 --> 01:12:28,178
Oh, hell yeah.

1632
01:12:30,305 --> 01:12:31,305
Ah!

1633
01:12:31,306 --> 01:12:33,308
MAN: - Excuse me...
- No, thank you.

1634
01:12:36,895 --> 01:12:38,564
At least no one will ever forget it.

1635
01:12:38,772 --> 01:12:39,773
I'm an orphan.

1636
01:12:39,857 --> 01:12:41,400
No, no. It's not that bad.

1637
01:12:41,483 --> 01:12:45,320
My mother's a lesbian, and my father
has had his penis in your mom.

1638
01:12:45,988 --> 01:12:47,406
Ugh! That's a picture.

1639
01:12:47,698 --> 01:12:49,449
If it makes you feel any better,
I think my brother

1640
01:12:49,533 --> 01:12:50,993
is somewhere having sex with my sister.

1641
01:12:51,076 --> 01:12:52,077
What?

1642
01:12:52,661 --> 01:12:54,329
They are all coming out of the woodwork.

1643
01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:02,004
Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

1644
01:13:03,338 --> 01:13:07,926
No. No, I'm just saying call me
if she gets back to the hotel.

1645
01:13:08,343 --> 01:13:11,763
Well, how the hell...
Listen, how am I supposed to know?

1646
01:13:11,847 --> 01:13:13,348
That's why I'm asking you.

1647
01:13:13,557 --> 01:13:14,600
Ow!

1648
01:13:15,392 --> 01:13:18,145
And that makes a full set.
What the hell did I do now?

1649
01:13:18,228 --> 01:13:20,354
Do you know why I've
stayed away from you for all these years?

1650
01:13:20,355 --> 01:13:22,399
I have some idea. But I... Okay.

1651
01:13:22,482 --> 01:13:25,485
Because like it or not, I'm your daughter.

1652
01:13:25,694 --> 01:13:26,904
Jared got all of Mom's traits,

1653
01:13:26,987 --> 01:13:28,906
and I won the lottery with all of yours.

1654
01:13:29,364 --> 01:13:31,365
Yeah. You know, if we're the same,

1655
01:13:31,366 --> 01:13:34,368
how come no one's
popping you in the face every five minutes?

1656
01:13:34,369 --> 01:13:35,370
Huh?

1657
01:13:36,371 --> 01:13:37,706
You know, when you cheated on Mom

1658
01:13:38,081 --> 01:13:41,001
I became terrified that I was gonna
ruin my marriage the same way.

1659
01:13:41,919 --> 01:13:43,253
And I don't want to be like that.

1660
01:13:43,337 --> 01:13:45,380
I don't want to be like you anymore.

1661
01:13:46,048 --> 01:13:48,300
- Andrew's here.
- Yeah, I know, Dad.

1662
01:13:48,634 --> 01:13:50,135
I wonder who called him?

1663
01:13:51,637 --> 01:13:52,638
Yeah, okay, two things.

1664
01:13:52,721 --> 01:13:55,349
Then if you never speak
to me again, so be it.

1665
01:13:56,183 --> 01:14:00,520
Look. I know you would figure out that
I called him.

1666
01:14:01,188 --> 01:14:02,981
And you're right, Lyla, we are alike.

1667
01:14:03,065 --> 01:14:05,399
Neither of us are particularly close
to being stupid.

1668
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:06,818
And you know what, you can hate me

1669
01:14:06,902 --> 01:14:08,695
for the rest of your life,
if that's what you need.

1670
01:14:08,779 --> 01:14:10,614
But I'm gonna tell you
what I need as your father.

1671
01:14:10,697 --> 01:14:12,157
I need as your father

1672
01:14:12,240 --> 01:14:13,575
to be able to give my little girl

1673
01:14:13,659 --> 01:14:15,410
the best chance at a happy life.

1674
01:14:15,494 --> 01:14:19,413
Because ultimately, and we're all selfish,
that gives me the best chance at a happy life.

1675
01:14:19,414 --> 01:14:20,874
Even if you hate me for it.

1676
01:14:20,958 --> 01:14:22,358
- I don't hate you.
- Let me finish.

1677
01:14:22,417 --> 01:14:24,044
Let me finish.

1678
01:14:24,127 --> 01:14:26,420
I know you love me,
sweetheart, even if you don't.

1679
01:14:26,421 --> 01:14:27,714
I do know that.

1680
01:14:27,798 --> 01:14:30,838
And I know that when Mom and I split up
you felt that you had to pick a side.

1681
01:14:30,842 --> 01:14:32,177
And I was okay with that.

1682
01:14:32,260 --> 01:14:34,262
Because, you know,
she needed you more than I did.

1683
01:14:34,346 --> 01:14:35,555
And I understand that.

1684
01:14:37,808 --> 01:14:39,226
(SIGHS)

1685
01:14:39,768 --> 01:14:44,439
The day you were born,
I went out and I got blasted,

1686
01:14:45,190 --> 01:14:49,486
and I left your mom alone.
I just drank my face off.

1687
01:14:52,030 --> 01:14:54,448
You know, you had these
swollen little eyes,

1688
01:14:54,449 --> 01:14:56,451
and these pink little hands.

1689
01:15:00,455 --> 01:15:01,915
You were so...

1690
01:15:02,457 --> 01:15:05,627
I couldn't rectify how something

1691
01:15:08,005 --> 01:15:11,466
so incandescent could come
from an old douchebag like me.

1692
01:15:12,092 --> 01:15:13,093
Same with the boys.

1693
01:15:13,176 --> 01:15:15,017
You know, but for a few
mistakes along the way,

1694
01:15:15,053 --> 01:15:18,015
I did the best I could
to earn my place in all of your lives.

1695
01:15:19,224 --> 01:15:21,025
You know, you can
be mad at me, not mad at me.

1696
01:15:21,184 --> 01:15:24,104
It's never gonna change
how I feel about you.

1697
01:15:25,063 --> 01:15:27,983
And, look, I know these are
just words to you now.

1698
01:15:28,483 --> 01:15:29,818
But trust me, you'll understand what I mean

1699
01:15:29,901 --> 01:15:31,528
when your daughter is born.

1700
01:15:37,492 --> 01:15:39,202
How do you know it's a girl?

1701
01:15:40,746 --> 01:15:44,041
I don't. I'm just hoping
you'll be that lucky.

1702
01:16:01,099 --> 01:16:03,310
And I'm sorry that I'm so late, by the way.

1703
01:16:03,393 --> 01:16:05,228
I actually wasn't planning on coming.

1704
01:16:05,312 --> 01:16:06,313
You didn't miss much.

1705
01:16:06,396 --> 01:16:08,356
My mom's a part-time lesbian.

1706
01:16:08,440 --> 01:16:11,860
(CHUCKLES) I don't have
a response for that.

1707
01:16:11,943 --> 01:16:13,445
That's okay.

1708
01:16:13,612 --> 01:16:14,613
(SIGHS)

1709
01:16:17,324 --> 01:16:18,325
Hi.

1710
01:16:19,534 --> 01:16:20,577
Hey.

1711
01:16:20,744 --> 01:16:21,912
You look beautiful, honey.

1712
01:16:21,995 --> 01:16:23,580
I'm not the one who invited you.

1713
01:16:24,247 --> 01:16:28,543
Okay. He said that
you had something to tell me.

1714
01:16:28,752 --> 01:16:29,753
We're just gonna go.

1715
01:16:29,836 --> 01:16:31,505
No, no, no, no, no.

1716
01:16:31,546 --> 01:16:33,924
You are my sister now.
This involves you as well.

1717
01:16:35,217 --> 01:16:36,468
You never called me.

1718
01:16:37,552 --> 01:16:40,347
Well, you did say that
you never wanted to speak to me again.

1719
01:16:41,139 --> 01:16:42,766
You said terrible things to me.

1720
01:16:43,850 --> 01:16:44,851
I know.

1721
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:49,064
We were in a... I was...
I'm sorry. I am sorry.

1722
01:16:50,899 --> 01:16:51,983
I...

1723
01:16:53,568 --> 01:16:54,736
I'm pregnant.

1724
01:16:55,737 --> 01:16:57,572
That's why you barfed on Dad.

1725
01:16:58,740 --> 01:16:59,866
Sorry.

1726
01:17:02,577 --> 01:17:03,745
Oh.

1727
01:17:03,829 --> 01:17:07,541
Are you serious? I don't believe this.

1728
01:17:10,794 --> 01:17:13,587
Andrew, I won't bring this baby
into an unhappy marriage.

1729
01:17:13,588 --> 01:17:16,341
I agree. I agree. We can work on that.

1730
01:17:17,592 --> 01:17:18,802
Okay.

1731
01:17:20,053 --> 01:17:21,054
Can I...

1732
01:17:24,141 --> 01:17:25,600
(BOTH LAUGHING)

1733
01:17:30,981 --> 01:17:34,317
<i>Beatrice. I know you're still here</i>

1734
01:17:34,401 --> 01:17:36,778
<i>because I just threw
your car keys in the pond.</i>

1735
01:17:36,862 --> 01:17:38,738
And into the kitty litter.

1736
01:17:38,822 --> 01:17:41,408
<i>- Beatrice?</i>
- I love it.

1737
01:17:41,491 --> 01:17:43,076
<i>- Beatrice.</i>
- Oh, my God.

1738
01:17:43,160 --> 01:17:44,661
- Oh.
- I think that's for you.

1739
01:17:44,744 --> 01:17:47,122
<i>Get your tight little ass
out here,</i> toute de suite.

1740
01:17:47,205 --> 01:17:49,541
<i>Beatrice Martha McBride,
you come out here now</i>

1741
01:17:49,624 --> 01:17:51,168
<i>or I'll huff, and I'll puff,
and I'll blow your house...</i>

1742
01:17:51,376 --> 01:17:54,337
And you'll give everybody here a migraine
if you don't shut the dilly up.

1743
01:17:54,421 --> 01:17:55,589
What do you want?

1744
01:17:55,630 --> 01:17:56,631
<i>Okay.</i>

1745
01:17:56,756 --> 01:17:59,259
<i>Here you go. Sorry for cutting in.</i>

1746
01:17:59,342 --> 01:18:01,011
I just want to tell you something.

1747
01:18:01,094 --> 01:18:03,638
Well, okay. We're all listening.

1748
01:18:04,014 --> 01:18:07,809
If I've learned anything about life,
it's that it's all but a dream.

1749
01:18:08,018 --> 01:18:09,227
- Brilliant.
- And there's no wizard

1750
01:18:09,311 --> 01:18:11,313
pulling levers behind a curtain,

1751
01:18:11,396 --> 01:18:12,856
which means, as far as I can see,

1752
01:18:12,939 --> 01:18:14,816
the only real use in loving someone

1753
01:18:15,650 --> 01:18:17,194
is that it makes your life better.

1754
01:18:17,277 --> 01:18:20,071
And my life would suck infinitely more
without you in it.

1755
01:18:20,488 --> 01:18:21,698
CROWD: Aww!

1756
01:18:23,575 --> 01:18:24,659
That's it?

1757
01:18:24,868 --> 01:18:25,911
That's the truth.

1758
01:18:26,453 --> 01:18:27,704
(ALL BOOING)

1759
01:18:28,622 --> 01:18:31,458
Okay. Okay. I just have one answer for you.

1760
01:18:31,541 --> 01:18:34,419
No, no, I did not ask you a question.

1761
01:18:34,502 --> 01:18:35,670
The answer is yes.

1762
01:18:35,754 --> 01:18:38,215
I did not ask him a question.

1763
01:18:38,298 --> 01:18:42,469
Yes. Yes. Yes, I am a horse's ass.
Yes, I will ogle,

1764
01:18:42,552 --> 01:18:44,137
but never again, other
than perhaps mentally,

1765
01:18:44,221 --> 01:18:45,555
fondle another woman.

1766
01:18:45,680 --> 01:18:47,681
And yes, I will embarrass you,

1767
01:18:47,682 --> 01:18:49,142
and shock you, and often cause you

1768
01:18:49,226 --> 01:18:50,685
to question every last reason in the world

1769
01:18:50,769 --> 01:18:52,570
why you would ever love
me in the first place.

1770
01:18:52,604 --> 01:18:53,688
- Yes.
- You...

1771
01:18:53,939 --> 01:18:56,566
- Yeah?
- Think that I still love you?

1772
01:18:57,525 --> 01:18:58,568
Really, you don't?

1773
01:19:01,363 --> 01:19:03,697
- Keep going.
- Right, right. And yes,

1774
01:19:03,698 --> 01:19:07,744
I would rather gouge out my eyeballs
with hot spoons than cause you pain again.

1775
01:19:07,827 --> 01:19:10,830
And yes, I will keep you
on an alabaster pedestal.

1776
01:19:10,914 --> 01:19:12,123
Words.

1777
01:19:13,500 --> 01:19:14,709
And yes,

1778
01:19:15,252 --> 01:19:18,296
I will love you and only you
for the rest of my life,

1779
01:19:18,380 --> 01:19:19,714
if you will allow me

1780
01:19:19,881 --> 01:19:21,132
(BOX CLICKS OPEN)

1781
01:19:22,759 --> 01:19:26,304
the honor of becoming your husband.

1782
01:19:26,638 --> 01:19:27,722
(GASPS)

1783
01:19:31,309 --> 01:19:33,687
Where the fuck did you get that ring?

1784
01:19:33,728 --> 01:19:35,608
I've had it around for a
while, six years or so.

1785
01:19:35,647 --> 01:19:36,898
Six years?

1786
01:19:37,274 --> 01:19:38,733
So, what do you say?

1787
01:19:39,192 --> 01:19:40,485
Oh, what the hell.

1788
01:19:40,568 --> 01:19:41,945
MOINIGHAN: That's the spirit.

1789
01:19:42,320 --> 01:19:43,321
Okay then.

1790
01:19:44,197 --> 01:19:46,658
By the power still vested in me,

1791
01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:49,911
I now pronounce you husband and wife.

1792
01:19:50,245 --> 01:19:51,955
You may kiss the bride.

1793
01:19:52,872 --> 01:19:55,041
(WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE)

1794
01:20:00,755 --> 01:20:02,465
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1795
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:47,761
Wait a second.

1796
01:21:02,817 --> 01:21:03,818
(CHUCKLES)

1797
01:21:10,658 --> 01:21:11,825
(LAUGHING)

1798
01:21:11,826 --> 01:21:13,578
You'll always love me.

1799
01:21:24,839 --> 01:21:26,299
May I have this dance?

1800
01:21:30,470 --> 01:21:31,638
Oh!

1801
01:21:33,807 --> 01:21:35,308
ANDREW: Ooh, yeah.

1802
01:21:35,392 --> 01:21:37,060
Oh! (LAUGHS)

1803
01:21:38,853 --> 01:21:40,397
Ohh! Oh, Oh.

1804
01:21:40,480 --> 01:21:42,232
Oh, some wedding, huh?

1805
01:21:42,315 --> 01:21:43,441
It's my first two-fer.

1806
01:21:43,525 --> 01:21:44,734
Yeah. Congratulations.

1807
01:21:44,818 --> 01:21:45,819
You, too.

1808
01:21:45,860 --> 01:21:49,030
Yeah. You know, you were right.

1809
01:21:49,864 --> 01:21:51,116
About what?

1810
01:21:51,825 --> 01:21:54,077
There are different kinds of love.

1811
01:21:55,286 --> 01:21:56,871
Which one are you feeling now?

1812
01:21:56,913 --> 01:21:58,873
(EXHALES) All Of them.

1813
01:22:11,261 --> 01:22:12,262
Whoo!

1814
01:22:24,482 --> 01:22:26,901
DON: <i>Welcome to the family, baby Jane.</i>

1815
01:22:26,943 --> 01:22:30,822
<i>Lesson one, your grandmothers are all nuts.</i>