Perfect!
You win!
All tea, no shade,
but this couple is getting sickening,
and not in a good way.
I'd say they're about to lip-synch for their lives.
I have no idea what any of that means,
but I'm so fluent in gossip that I understood anyway.
And you're right.
Darwin and Carrie's relationship is going so well.
Something must be going wrong.
Hmm. Hmm.
Before you ask, yes, I dipped my tail in the toilet
while sitting, yes, they had just disinfected it,
and, no, I don't know how long it will be
until it goes back to normal.
Wow, it looks like an uncooked wiener wearing a fur coat.
But as enchanting as that is,
it's not what we're here to talk about.
What do you want, then? Carrie and Darwin.
Come on. Dish the dirt. There is no dirt.
They literally look like what you get
when you search "perfect couple" online.
Come on! They have nothing in common!
Surely you have a little doubt.
No. Why do you care, anyway?
I'm only worried Darwin might get his heart broken.
Mm? All right, I just like drama, okay?!
Oh, well, I know of this great place
where there's lots of drama.
Don't say "the theater."
It's a lame dad joke. Respect yourself.
Ha! The joke's on you! I wasn't gonna say theater
because I had no punch line for that setup.
And guess what, I still haven't.
Boom!
Uh, who are you?
I'm Doubt.
But I don't have any doubt.
Are you sure?
Hmm?
Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
Are you really, really sure?
Mm-hmm?
See, I don't have --
Are you sure?!
Darn it, they're too far away.
Oh, can I borrow those?
Hey!
Excuse me, but do you realize how dangerous it is
for me to walk without my gl--
What the...?
What kind of prescription is this?
That's literally the edge of the universe.
Guess I'll just have to use stealth mode.
Mm, I don't get it.
"When you're at the party and you've got to stop bae
from disappearing like the Island of Buise
in St. Peter's Flood..."
"When Marshal de Bouffler's French troops
besieged the Spanish-held town of Mons,
but you didn't care because you were a toddler
who was only interested in golf and brioche"?
It's so true, though.
"When you're about to spit fire
but remember the Treaty of Ryswick
promised the lands in Freisberg to the Holy Roman Empire"?
Well, the article did say,
"Things only '90s kids will get."
I always thought the '90s were about floppy hair,
people dressing like children, and grunge music.
It meant the 1690s.
Wait, how old are you, exactly?
I'm 327 years old.
Oh, no!
The age difference is gonna tear them apart
like a dysfunctional family on a camping trip
that forgets to put their food in Ziploc bags
and gets attacked by a bear.
Oh, well. It's so sweet that you waited for me
all those years before finding love.
Yeah... Sure...
Wait, you've had boyfriends before?
Well... one.
Oh, right. What was he like?
Like this.
"When you and your friends are all geared up
but Coachella isn't happening for another 300 years."
His name is Azrael. He's the one in the hoodie.
Oh. Right. Was it serious?
Nah, we were dating for like one, maybe two d--
Two days?! That sounds pretty serious to me!
I was gonna say "decades."
Oh. I see.
Picture it this way.
He was like a roaring sports car,
and you're more like a shopping cart.
Sure, the convertible looks cool, sounds cool,
and everyone wants one, but the shopping cart is filled
with all the stuff you love.
Come on, you big goof.
Ugh!
What are you listening to?
It's not really your style.
Oh, yeah? And what is my style, then?
Okay, FYI, those girls yodeled
everyone's socks off at the county fair.
But that doesn't mean I don't like the rock and the roll.
Really? What are you into, then?
Oh, you wouldn't know them.
They're called something like The Candy Bears
or the Flannelettes, aren't they?
No. They're called The Lollypoppies.
Okay, so I don't listen to hardcore punk,
but it's never too late to start, right?
Okay, you're gonna love it.
It's gonna melt your face off.
What are they called?
The Profanities.
The lyrics sound like someone with no head is shouting
Swedish furniture names directly from their windpipe.
Uh, are you okay?
Oh, yes, I love it.
Oh, no! She's cool, and he's not!
Their relationship is gonna be in more pieces than a jigsaw...
which got thrown into a wood chipper.
Ahh, what a beautiful, peaceful place.
Uh, through your eyes, maybe.
Why do you say that?
Don't you know this park was built
on an ancient burial ground?
Yeah, but if you think about it,
the whole country is built on an ancient burial ground.
A little windy today, huh?
Yep.
Oh, no! They see the world differently!
Their relationship is gonna fall apart
like a 40-year-old divorcee...
who caught leprosy and is bouncing on a pogo stick.
So, how does it work?
Oh, it's simple. We put our hands here,
and it measures our pulses to scientifically rate our love.
Yeah, but... Come on! It'll be fun!
Okay.
"Your love is in need of... CPR"?
Ugh, that's what I was trying to say.
I don't have a pulse.
Oh, no! He's alive, and she's not.
Their relationship is gonna crash harder
than a race-car driver...
who forgot to have breakfast
and gets low blood sugar at about 11:00.
- Oh, hey, Carrie! - Azrael!
So good to bump into you after all these years.
I know, right? What have you been up to? Oh, the usual.
Keeping it deceased and rocking out like a beast!
Hey, we should hang out. You wanna grab a soda?
Yeah, that sounds great!
Well, too bad. You can't.
Neither of us can!
Oh, it's funny 'cause we're dead.
Darn it, he's right! It is funny for that reason!
Yeah, let's hang out later. It'll be good to catch up.
I'll see through you soon. Nice to meet you, Darwin.
Bye!
Aah! Sorry!
I tried to kick the door down for dramatic effect, but, uh --
Ow! Darn it!
So, you really gonna do nothing?!
Dude, you always do stuff like that.
If I stopped to help you every time,
I'd never get anything done.
I'm talking about Carrie meeting up with that guy!
Wait. Have you been spying on us?!
Grow up, Darwin. It's the 21st century.
Everyone's spying on everyone.
There's probably someone watching us right now!
Huh? What?
Uh, let's go!
Don't worry, Darwin!
We'll find Carrie and her ex-boyfriend!
Okay, firstly, why are you yelling?
I'm right here.
Secondly, I don't know why you're telling me.
I already know. They're at the cemetery.
How can you not be threatened by this guy?!
I trust Carrie! She told me I had nothing to worry about!
Dude, this is you versus the guy
she tells you not to worry about.
I'm not sure you understand how that meme works.
We're not going fast enough!
Faster! I said faster!
We gotta stop Azrael!
From doing what?! He just said he wanted to chew the fat.
Chew the fat, fan the cake, rotate the terrarium --
Those are all code names!
- For what?! - For cheating!
Enough talking! We got to get to them
before he starts flunking the armadillo!
Look out!
Sweet Christmas!
You totally Yoshi'd that poor guy!
So, how's your mom?
Oh, I'm fine.
Thanks for askin'.
Anyway, it was great to see you.
Catch you next century?
Uh, next century isn't good for me.
Maybe the one after that? Sure.
I'm glad we could stay friends after all these...
Hey.
Sorry, guys.
I really shaved the toucan on this one.
It's fine. I blame Leslie and Masami
for messing with your head.
Lucky they didn't do that with you and Penny.
You'd have gone completely loco.
Yeah!
Huh?
Hmm?
No!
Ohh! Ohh!
Hmm!