1 00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:29,997 Uh, could you pass me the salt, please, Anais? 2 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,632 But of course. 3 00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:34,034 Thank you. 4 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,236 My pleasure. 5 00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:36,904 May I have the gravy please, Darwin? 6 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,005 Gladly. 7 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,345 Now, now, 8 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,938 maybe a little dessert will sweeten you. 9 00:00:46,947 --> 00:00:48,716 Aah! 10 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:49,950 I will not tolerate 11 00:00:49,983 --> 00:00:52,886 this kind of behavior in my house. 12 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:54,622 I barely got to lick the icing. 13 00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:55,856 Wait a minute. 14 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:57,358 You licked the cake? 15 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,160 Well, duh, how else can you tell they're ripe 16 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:00,404 when you buy them at the store? 17 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:02,230 Anyway, what's with all the tension? 18 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,697 Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. 19 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,875 Right, I think it's time we laid it all out on the table. 20 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,602 She made us believe we only had 24 hours to live 21 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,671 because of a disease called Gullibilitis. 22 00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,473 And that our butts were gonna fall off 23 00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,718 and everything inside us was gonna spill out from the bottom 24 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:15,876 like an undercooked flan. 25 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,278 I only wrote that in my diary 26 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,046 to teach you a lesson about privacy. 27 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,314 I was so distressed, 28 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:21,691 I spent the whole afternoon by the lake 29 00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,817 listening to soft rock while cross-fading. 30 00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:25,018 You... what? 31 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:27,155 Like this. 32 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,962 Well, maybe you shouldn't have bedazzled the toilet seat. 33 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:37,198 My butt looks like a Fabergé egg! 34 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,599 No amount of butt-azzling 35 00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:41,169 can make up for the day we had because of you! 36 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,671 Oh, you little -- 37 00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,041 Stop fighting! 38 00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:49,076 Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. 39 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,344 First of all, 40 00:01:50,378 --> 00:01:52,313 that is how you crashed the car earlier. 41 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,548 Secondly, what I meant by "lay it all out on the table" 42 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:55,716 was the game! 43 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,923 For Saturday night is family time, 44 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,125 and since it's my turn to choose, 45 00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,995 we're raiding Dungeons and fighting Dragons. 46 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,665 Sorry, Gumball. 47 00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,134 You rolled a 2 in stealth. Get back here. 48 00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:15,903 How is this gonna help? 49 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:19,207 You are all travelers from distant lands 50 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,708 seeking refuge from a great storm. 51 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,643 Testosteronah, the barbarian... Hmm. 52 00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,478 ...Norovirus, the Wizard... Hmm. 53 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:26,180 ...Frumpet, the elf bard... Hmm. 54 00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,549 ...then, finally, Mario Kebab the dwarf warrior 55 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,518 because I ran out of name ideas. 56 00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:33,221 You stumble across a tavern called the Merle Inn 57 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,756 and find yourself in the midst of a brawl. 58 00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:39,727 Not against each other. 59 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,596 All right, against each other, I guess. 60 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:46,033 But you're interrupted by a mysterious voice. 61 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,335 Do you want to be rich? 62 00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,237 How rich are we talking? 63 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,472 Enough to buy my kids new battle armor? More. 64 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,250 Enough to get health care against loss of limbs 65 00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:55,876 and dental for my tooth? Even more. 66 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,712 Enough for us to pay to get into a good pillaging college? 67 00:02:58,746 --> 00:02:59,947 The riches I speak of 68 00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:02,583 are to be found in the black crystal dungeon, 69 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,385 and they will give you a lifetime of joy. 70 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:06,153 But the road to the dungeon and the treasure 71 00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,555 is treacherous, 72 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,623 but not as treacherous as -- 73 00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,191 Uh... 74 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,793 The treasure will be mine! 75 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,462 Not if I get there first, wizard. 76 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,364 Had you stayed and listened to the witch, 77 00:03:16,397 --> 00:03:18,432 you'd have known the road was far less treacherous 78 00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:20,434 than the path you took to the forest of 79 00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,871 Who comes up with these names, man? 80 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,341 Sorry that was a cheese curl stuck in my throat. 81 00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,885 It's actually called the Forest of Groth, 82 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,844 and there's an owlbear blocking your path. 83 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,448 Everybody, roll for initiative. 84 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,117 Guess it's me first. 85 00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,419 What are you gonna do? 86 00:03:38,452 --> 00:03:40,754 I throw Norovirus into the mouth of the owlbear. 87 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,189 Oh, come on. 88 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,191 Darwin, you're next. What do you do? 89 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,226 I play a merry tune, and I dance. 90 00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,498 Ugh, Nicole, what do you do? 91 00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:51,965 Testosteronah sits this one out. 92 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,335 She already crashed her station horse wagon 93 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,436 because of these fools. 94 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,070 All right, whatever. 95 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,306 He swallows you. 96 00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,274 Norovirus, what do you do? 97 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:02,310 Anais" I perform a suggestion charm. 98 00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:05,279 17 plus 2 intelligence bonus -- 19. 99 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,080 Finally, someone's getting into the game 100 00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,282 and playing it properly. 101 00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,550 Mario Kebab, Frumpet, 102 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,727 head-butt yourselves in the butt 103 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:12,219 as you walk towards the owlbear. 104 00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:19,960 All right, you're now all inside 105 00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,261 the stomach of the beast. 106 00:04:21,295 --> 00:04:22,472 What do you do before your last breath? 107 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,231 I pop Norovirus in the face. 108 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,300 Your attack roll is 1. 109 00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:28,235 You miss and hit Testosteronah. 110 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,538 Then I enter a rage, and I swing my sword. 111 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,681 Okay, you're fighting again, 112 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,883 but somehow your literal internal struggle 113 00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:43,951 frees you from the beast. 114 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,319 However, you are hurt, 115 00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:46,787 and in the remains of the beast, 116 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,021 you find its fire gland. 117 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,222 What do you do? 118 00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:50,658 I pick it up. Of course. 119 00:04:50,691 --> 00:04:52,159 With your knowledge of potions, 120 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,561 you could use it to heal everyone. 121 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,596 No, I throw it at Mario Kebab's face. 122 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,098 I throw it at Testosteronah. 123 00:04:58,131 --> 00:04:59,767 And I throw it at Frumpet. 124 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,604 Despite your constant bickering, 125 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,906 you continue your journey towards the dungeon. 126 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,878 A sphinx gives you this riddle -- 127 00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:13,313 What comes up from the deepest, darkest mine, 128 00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:16,083 rots mens' souls, and lingers in their senses? 129 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,018 The dungeonmaster's toots? 130 00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,153 Aah! 131 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,722 Ugh, the answer was "gold." 132 00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:29,062 Aah! 133 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,365 Aah! 134 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,269 Huh? 135 00:05:40,307 --> 00:05:42,576 Give me that. Let go of it. 136 00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:46,847 Hiya! 137 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,882 Hm. 138 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,157 Aah! 139 00:06:04,432 --> 00:06:06,834 - Aw, where we even going? - I think it's this way. 140 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,036 No, I think it's over here. - No, listen. 141 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,038 We already went that way. 142 00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:12,873 In the name of Galgax's beard, stop fighting. 143 00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,642 Otherwise, we'll be here all night. 144 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,054 Before you plummet into the depths of the nether-floor, 145 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,513 an astral portal appears 146 00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,615 and conveniently teleports you across the kingdom 147 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:25,553 to the entrance of the Black Crystal Dungeon. 148 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,655 Hmm. Kind of sounds like a nightclub. 149 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,823 Ugh, you enter the dungeon. 150 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,026 Finally, after all your travels and battles, 151 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:34,495 mostly with each other, 152 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:37,498 the object of your quest lies before you -- 153 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:38,866 The treasure. 154 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,902 Suddenly, out of the darkness, 155 00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,704 a familiar face appears. 156 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,806 It is the witch from the tavern. 157 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:49,710 Come closer, my valorous warriors. 158 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,579 - It's trap. - It's not a trap. 159 00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,046 It's totally a trap. No, it ain't. 160 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,716 This is more trap than an Auto-Tuned rapper. 161 00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,920 Yeah, okay, it's a trap. 162 00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,222 The beast swallows the treasure. 163 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,757 Beast? LOL. 164 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:05,158 It looks more like a police drawing 165 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:07,294 of the imaginary friend of some crayon-eating kid. 166 00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,997 LOL all you want. 167 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,599 I lured you here for food, 168 00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,200 and a band of warriors 169 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,735 is always easier to swallow 170 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,505 when they've been chewing each other up all day. 171 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:18,939 You face certain doom. 172 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:20,107 What are you gonna do? 173 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,441 Right. 174 00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,343 We're gonna have to use our greatest weapon... 175 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,313 Blame. 176 00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,285 The tarrasque successfully attacks. 177 00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:33,420 You all lose 30 HP. 178 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,455 Okay, time out. 179 00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:42,262 We decided to change tactics and use our greatest weapon... 180 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,899 Blame. 181 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,135 But this time, we blame the game master 182 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,837 for making us spend time together. 183 00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:52,673 So now it's us against you. 184 00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,474 Finally. 185 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:56,877 I heard the beast say 186 00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,311 Testosteronah's neck was so thick 187 00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:00,047 she'd have to wear drapes as a necktie. 188 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,892 And I heard it ask if she's wearing hairy boots 189 00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,785 or if she just forgot to shave her legs. 190 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,756 And I heard it say her hair looks great. Oh. 191 00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,157 Said it makes you look 50 again. 192 00:08:10,190 --> 00:08:12,425 I fly into an epic barbarian rage 193 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,094 and take my anger out on the beast. 194 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,596 Your attack works. 195 00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:17,397 The beast is weakened. Who's next? 196 00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,766 Me. 197 00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,934 I play a seduction ballad to woo the monster. 198 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:22,536 But you can't. It's an animal. 199 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,304 Yeah, but it's half-witch. 200 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:30,878 Ahh! 201 00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,746 Okay, what do you do now? 202 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,514 The creature's in love with you. 203 00:08:34,548 --> 00:08:35,783 I break up with her 204 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,485 by text message. 205 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,188 Okay, I'll use rule of cool for that one. 206 00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:46,594 ♪ This house don't feel like home anymore ♪ 207 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:47,895 ♪ You say 208 00:08:47,928 --> 00:08:49,763 The beast is down, but not defeated. 209 00:08:49,797 --> 00:08:52,499 Mario, it lunges at you, its fangs bared. 210 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,500 What do you do? 211 00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,035 I panic and scream! 212 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,637 Aah! 213 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,406 I cast a portal spell between Mario Kebab and the tarrasque. 214 00:08:59,439 --> 00:09:00,784 Its head disappears into the portal 215 00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,676 just before it bites Mario. 216 00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,277 Where is the other portal opening? 217 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,312 Its butt. 218 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,647 Good one. 219 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,716 The beast loses more HP through shame. 220 00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:11,685 Suddenly, the monster rears up, ready to strike. 221 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:12,953 What do you say to that? 222 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,187 Snack break? 223 00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:18,959 The beast has eaten so much, 224 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:21,061 it is exhausted and on the verge of defeat. 225 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,830 But you, too, have overeaten, 226 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,032 and are now on the edge of a food coma. 227 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,233 What do you do? 228 00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,534 I sing a song 229 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,145 to inspire strength in my fellow warriors 230 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:33,273 so we can deliver the final blow. 231 00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,396 As the light fades, you see the chest. 232 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,364 The treasure. 233 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:32,900 You open it 234 00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:36,636 and inside find only a small piece of parchment. 235 00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:39,807 "The greatest treasure on Earth 236 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,075 is the time you spend together." 237 00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:44,912 Lame. 238 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,356 Boom. 239 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,557 Mega-happy ending. 240 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,126 Game master out.