I'm totally crackers, me, like.
I'm preened to perfection.
I might look rough and ready, but I'm a massive softie.
The hardest graft I've done is doing my hair.
Sometimes bubbly, sometimes bitchy. I'm all over the place.
I'm that good looking, I'd even neck on with meself.
I'm tanned, toned and ready to tash on.
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
(shrieks) (groans)
(screams) Go pack for us then.
Oh, my God! That went through me!
Anna has called wor back to work and I'm so excited.
It is the best job in the Toon, especially when you're single.
Which I am. Me and Sam are done.
What time are you going today? What's it got to do with you?
I'm just wanting to know. I cannot wait.
My life's done a bit of a 180.
I'm doing a master's degree in quantum mechanics
and learning about mindfulness.
(scoffs) Am I fuck. I'm just drinking protein shakes.
And necking on with loads of lasses. Get me back in that house.
Beau! Yes, baby?
Have you packed everything neatly? Yeah, course I have.
No creases in me dresses, is there?
Aye, course.
Since last time, me and Beau have moved in together.
We've taken wor relationship to a new level.
And I couldn't be happier. My big strong man.
I am still well into Bethan.
But since last time, things have moved really quickly.
So going back into that house and hanging out with the boys
is exactly what I need.
Are you ready for this? Fucking right I am.
This time round, I'm single.
I'm out of my long-term relationship.
Well, hello, my favourite lesbian!
I can't believe this time round, I'm single, Natalie's single,
Nathan's single, James is single... single!
I wanna get back in the house, I wanna have a good time,
I wanna get smashed, that's all I wanna do. Bye!
This time around, I'm going in with a fun, positive attitude.
I'm taking my sister from another mister, Abbie.
Me and her are gonna paint this time pink.
Mwah, mwah, mwah! Don't try to neck on with me, pervert!
Hello, you!
Well, that time again. I don't want youse to go.
Too bad, Nana. Cos we are outta here.
I am way too blessed... (both) To be stressed.
So ain't no stress coming from me!
I'm excited to see what Anna's got up her sleeve.
Cos there's bound to be newbies.
I love ya. I love ya.
(laughs)
Whooo! Well, I cannae wait to get back!
Let's get in! (both whoop)
We've made it! (beeps horn)
(squealing)
I tried driving too fast, man! Nathan!
My life is going so well at the minute.
Things are good with me and my boyfriend
but me and Chloe still aren't speaking.
It's gonna be awkward.
But I am determined to have a good time.
Back again. We're back!
I can't wait to get this fucking party started
and do what us Geordies do best.
Oh, my God!
There's pizza!
I would have preferred a different kind of meat feast waiting for me,
but beggars can't be choosers.
I'm out of breath running from that door.
I need to do cardio and you've got a bit of cum on your lip.
Abbie's only been here 30 seconds
and she's already got spaff all over her lips.
That's gotta be a Geordie record.
(indistinct) Can't wait.
(yells) Hi, baby!
(squeals) Nathan and Abbie!
I am o'er the moon to be back.
Hey-hey!
I am fucking buzzing that Beau is back.
He can give me loads of attention and even a cheeky dry hump.
(laughs)
(all laugh)
Get off!
I reckon that everyone thinks I'm gonna be a right boring twat
since moving in with Bethan,
but I can't wait to prove them wrong, especially Nathan.
Oh, God. They should get a fucking room.
Oh, home sweet home.
This is gonna be a proper frisk.
Hello! (cheering)
Fucking hell, how you doing, mate?!
James is back and I know he secretly loves
when we take the piss out of him.
Have you chucked all the dad jeans out then?
Is this a new look? He's cool now, howay.
Still single, still enjoying myself.
(laughter) (indistinct)
Two single birds.
We're home! Why-aye!
(all exclaim)
(Nathan) Here it comes!
I know that Chloe and Nat have come out of relationships
so something tells me this is gonna be chaos.
(all cheer)
(James) Fucking hell!
Chloe is my bestie and Tyneside's most eligible bachelorette.
Be afraid, Newcastle. Be very afraid.
(all cheer) Are you ready?
Whoooo!
Let's get it started! Get the party started, bitches!
Even though me and Abbie still haven't spoken.
I am excited, I can't wait to get pure mortal.
(all scream)
I am so sorry! Fucking hell.
Look at the size of that pizza.
Either Anna's been shagging Papa John... again,
or there's a load of newbies coming in.
(Chloe) Cheers to seven of wor! (Nathan) To seven heaven!
(all toast)
No Sam and no Ty this time round and most of us being single,
we need some fresh meat.
Howay, Anna. Where's the newbies?! Right, neck it.
My name's Ant, I'm 26 and I'm from Gateshead.
In my spare time, I do MMA.
Someone get this guy some Sellotape cos he's fucking ripped.
I've always been in long-term relationships
but now I'm ready to have some fun and play the field.
Got the moves, I've got tattoos and I've got nothing to lose.
(whooping)
Lads and lasses. Look at her face.
Whoa! That's a real good looking man.
Nice to meet ya. Ant.
How you doing, mate? Hi, Ant.
One word. F-I-T! That spells "fit".
Where you from? Erm, Gateshead, mate.
I'm buzzing. I cannot wait to get to know this lot.
Are you single then? Free and single, ready to mingle.
(all cheer)
When was your last relationship? Two weeks ago.
(all laugh)
He's tanned, he's got tattoos, classic Geordie lad.
Howay, then! To Ant! (all toast)
Come on, Anna. This fittie can't be the only one you're slotting in.
I demand more cock!
Oh, my God!
I didn't expect her to be here.
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
(all cheer)
Hello! What's your name?!
Haven't I seen her somewhere before?
Ex... ex... "Ex On The Beach"?
What the hell is going on?!
My name is Amelia, I'm 25 and I'm from Middlesbrough
and I am literally so excited to be joining the crew.
Since I was 16, I've been working my arse off as a performer
but I've never lived with a young group of people before,
now Anna has given me the opportunity to work for her
so I can live my best life and party hard.
I'm gonna give it my best shot.
Hold up. I know this lass.
Hello, Amelia. Hello! How are you? (laughs)
I know Ant, he tried to chat me up in the club the other week.
Do youse know each other? Nice to meet you.
Nothing happened, but he's still fit.
How old are you? 25.
And are you single? I am, yeah.
Girls, boys, both? Boys. All about the boys.
Not the only new person, we've got Ant.
We met on a night out, didn't we? (all exclaim)
Doing the Macarena.
I mightn't be the sharpest tool,
but something tells me that these two definitely know each other...
Right! I think we should get ready. Howay then!
(all cheer)
I can't wait for tonight. I'm single.
The wheels are off.
I've got a dick now. You're in here?
Are you a boy? Yeah, I'm a boy now.
Abbie's in our room?! It's lads only.
Can I come with you? Well, that's my bed.
Surely it doesn't take this long to make up with Chloe,
just give her some nuggets. Tonight is wor first night out.
We're going Tup Tup, need to be classy, sassy, bad-assy.
Bit trashy. Bad bitches!
(all whoop)
Hey! Get out, you pervert!
Pardon me.
I've only been here two minutes,
Chloe's got her bits out and James has just walked in.
What the hell is going on?!
(yells)
Abbie getting ready here is making me awkward,
so I hope this situation with Chloe can be resolved, and quick.
Amelia, I feel like I want to know more about you.
What do you want to know? Everything.
Your maddest story, sex positions you like.
So, I've been a recording artist and an actress.
I've been like, in the public eye since I was 16.
Have ya? Yeah.
So I missed out on all my youth.
So when I got the call off Anna to like, come and work for her,
that's why I was a bit like, do you know what?
I'm gonna re-live my youth. That's amazing, that.
It's mint being back with the girls doing wor make-up in wor PJs.
That Amelia girl seems sound.
I can't believe Ant's in the house. That's mad, that.
So... Have you kissed?
No, it was really brief, but he walked in and was dead confident.
So Amelia, do you fancy him then? I do fancy him.
But James is a bit of all right. Playing the field already.
James is a beast, literally. He's like, hench.
Amelia, just have them both. They're both single.
Got a big one ahead of ya, mate. Big night, mate.
Obviously this is your first impression for us.
No fear, big fella. I'm a lean, mean, party machine.
I pissed my bed on the first night. I pissed my bed six times.
I pissed the bed, Nathan pissed the bed, James...
Didn't piss the bed. What did you do?
(all laugh)
I hope this time round, Anna sorted their beds with plastic sheets.
Think everyone in this house is a fucking ten.
(all laugh) This is the first time we've had a ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.
This house is the best it's looked in a very long time.
So I can't wait to get to the club, get pissed
and everyone to get frisky.
Let's get to fuck, come on! (all cheer)
We're all back together for wor first night out
and the atmosphere is amazing.
I hope this lasts forever.
I walk into the club and I feel a million dollars.
Tup Tup is gonna be mint. It's all eyes on me tonight.
(all cheer)
It's fucking mint to be back in Newcastle with this bunch of radgies
and it's even better now we've got some new blood to tear up the Toon.
Amelia is a popstar but also pure radge.
She's definitely one of us.
This is gonna be a bit night, I can't bloody wait.
Amelia fancies Ant, so that means we've got something in common.
(burps) Oh, God.
I was really nervous coming in,
but this is turning out to be the best night ever.
I'm loving it.
Yes, James! Me and you are gonna get on fucking class.
This Ant fella seems like a proper sound kid.
And I can tell, as single lads, we're gonna have a fucking ball.
Having Bethan here is so much fun.
She's caring, sometimes daft and just unreal.
I know me and Nathan love to have a laugh
and even though there's nothing better than winding the kid up,
I fucking love the geezer.
When Beau joined the family, I thought we'd have nothing in common,
but I couldn't have been more wrong.
I can't imagine being here without him now.
I am so happy that I've got a girl here
that isn't involved in any past drama.
Amelia's fit, she looks good, she's got good craic
and she won't be able to resist my charm.
Have to do better than that.
I come in here to have fun and so far, I'm fucking nailing it.
All right, Ant. You've made it up with that move.
You're pretty cute.
Looks like the new lad Ant has only got eyes for Amelia
but she's wearing a blouse, who the fuck wears a blouse in Tup Tup?
Where's the sparkles?!
Don't get us wrong, I love being back with the family,
but being here makes us think of memories with Sam.
I'm so happy I've got Nathan.
Chloe is my day one and since we first met,
we've had some wild times.
But now she's single, I'm hoping we can have some more.
We've shown the newbies how to party at the club
but now we get to show them how we party back at the house!
No, don't do it!
Where's the scran?! (laughter)
Right, these lot can do one, I've lined myself up a menage a trois.
With pizza and chips.
Ant seems like a nice lad but you get to know someone properly
by partying naked in a hot tub.
Howay, kid. Get in! (yelling)
Amelia! Eh?!
I need your help. Why?
Cling film me braids so I can get in the hot tub.
These braids might look shit hot, but take a lot of maintenance.
Every time I want to get wet, wrap up, like a walking Johnnie.
Jump in like that.
Everyone is naked n the hot tub, but I'm keeping me dress on.
Cos that means I don't have to wash it.
(squeals) There you go. Straight in.
Don't be shy. Suck them now.
It's not bad actually. Like a chlorinated Wotsit.
He sucked on me toes! They're not too bad.
What the fuck is going on?!
I feel like a little teenager.
The queen has arrived. Greek God has arrived.
There you go. You might as well, come here.
(indistinct)
Thank you. E-fucking-ventually.
If I wasn't sure I was into Ant before,
I definitely am now, he's a bloody good kisser!
Fuck it! That was a lot.
(laughter)
Fair enough, chair one, Beau nil.
(all talk over each other)
My mum's gonna kill me.
No! Fucking awful, that. (laughs) Yes, lass!
(laughter)
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
Morning, you two.
(groans)
(laughter)
Morning, Bethan. Morning, Beau.
Did you sleep well? Oh, God, yeah. Did you?
Yeah, I did, thanks. Cup of tea?
Er... hello?!
Neck on or what? Aye, mate. I was necking on.
Who with? Fucking Natalie and Amelia.
(all laugh) Who'd you neck on with?
Nae-one. Keep that shit to yourself.
Last night I necked on with two birds.
2-0 to the new lad.
But one of them was a lesbian. Who gives a shit?
A neck on's a neck on. Love that, like.
Amelia, how was your first night? What the fuck went on downstairs?
I feel like I missed out on a lot.
I've woken up in such a better mood.
Living in this house is all about making memories.
That's what I'm gonna do. People in the hot tub.
You and Ant dragged me in head-first.
Did youse neck on? I made them.
Well, Nat made us.
It's my first day waking up in here
and I do not want to think about what happened last night.
Oh, my God!
Well, I'm not gonna lie, I had a mint night.
I do hope every night is gonna be like last night.
You can drink, you. Course I can!
I've got an idea, girls.
I think as it's our first morning, you should make brekkie. (laughs)
I still feel like I'm the guest. Leave me alone!
Absolutely not. Make me an egg McMuffin.
(groans)
Hiya, Abbie. You all right? Yeah, you?
I'm not gonna lie, I'm hungover. Are ya?
The first night takes its toll. Proper hungover.
I want you to come in the girls room.
I've got that double bed to meself.
Have ya? Yeah!
Amelia seems keen to get me back in the girls room
but I'm OK with the way things are at the minute.
I don't wanna make Chloe uncomfortable.
Well, I'm excited to get to know ya. I am too.
What more could I want? A fellow Teesider in the house.
Nathan! Nathan's willy! (screams)
Nathan, no! I've got no knickers on!
Nathan! (laughs)
Hello, everybody! Oh, my God!
Hi! (cheering)
(all greet Anna)
Oh, Anna. Well, aren't you a sight for fucking sore eyes.
Welcome back, everybody.
Hi, Ant. How are you?
I'm OK. Amelia, hi. You all right? Yeah, I'm good. Are you?
Yeah. Listen, you've got a lot of jobs coming up
and you're not here just to party and to play about and mess around.
OK? Is it wrong that I fancy Anna?
She's probably the same age as me nan but she is fit.
Today I'm gonna let you have an easy day.
Just to let you settle back in. I've got a treat for ya.
Oh, what is it?!
You're gonna go rage-buggying. (cheering)
Yes! Rage-buggying, that sounds class.
Have a good time. (all thank Anna)
Class, that. What are we doing?
I don't feel that's good on a hangover.
Rage-buggies or no rage-buggies, I'm gonna look fucking fabulous.
Why youse all wearing black?
I'm buzzing that it's our first day in the house
and we're spending it as family.
(cheering) Man-wich!
You all right? You all right, mate?
Ant, you all right, mate? You're sound?
(all) Ant, you all right?
Ant, Ant? Ant?
(all) Ant? Ant? Ant?
Fucking hell, this is gonna be a long journey.
(Nathan) Let's go, go, go!
(James) Is it big enough for Beau's head?
This is gonna get very muddy!
Anna said she's got a treat for us, but we're at a farm.
Is this some kind of wind-up?
Appreciate what Chloe's wearing and what we're doing today.
To be fair, she looks mint in whatever she wears.
(laughter)
Wow! (groans)
Oh, my God. It's so muddy.
Abbie, you're getting smashed. Fuck sake.
I'll show you how it's done. Leave that down.
I can't, man! OK, I can.
This is the only time Natalie is gonna get to ride me.
I am giving her the ride of her life!
(horn sounds)
It'll go on your face.
Oh, my God! This is awful!
(Bethan) Don't run into them, Beau!
(James) What the fuck?! (squealing)
(screaming)
I'm in a muddy farm, Ant's going wild,
and I'm in the passenger seat getting cow shit all in me hair.
This is my idea of hell.
(squelching, screaming) (Ant) I cannot see!
(screaming)
Oh, my God! I can't see!
Now I've started winning, I'm really enjoying myself.
I am such a brat.
Rage-buggying actually turned out to be fucking sick.
These buggies are naughty as fuck.
Well, that was absolute class. That was belter.
Smashed you there! I actually let you win.
No, you didn't. I lapped you twice. I was boosting your confidence.
We overlapped youse at least three times.
Right, shall we go then? I need a wash for tonight.
I stink of shit. You always fucking do.
Oh, me fucking arse is soaking.
(laughter)
I have got mud in places that I didn't think I had.
I need to get a shower A$ap Rocky.
I'm dying to get back and get ready to go out tonight.
After such a good day, I'm up for another one now.
(yells)
Let's get ready and gan' oot.
Anyone want a cuppa? (laughs)
Whoa-whoa-whoa! Look who's home!
Today has been amazing, I've been hoyed around a muddy field,
and now I'm going back out on the piss!
This is what I signed up for.
I'm so excited for tonight. I put extra mascara on.
(whooping) I'm gonna get bladdered tonight.
Even though me hair is already down, tonight my hair is getting let down
and I'm gonna have a wild, wild night.
Watch us.
Those legs look a bit dry, mate. Wanna moisturise them?
Come here, son.
Youse are very, very, very close.
Moisturising Beau is something Bethan should do, not Nathan.
Youse have a very special bond no-one could compete with.
No-one.
Come on then! (all cheer)
Why's everyone screaming?
Howay, lads. Hurry up. We're gan' oot.
It's the power couple! Not! Look who's copping on.
Girls, wait there, we've got some competition.
Did youse do the tartan on purpose? We did cos we're matching.
Shoes, socks, jeans. Rings. Everything, bitch.
I feel like youse are more bothered than we are.
I'm black, you're white. I'm gay, you're straight.
We're the same, but different. This is a lot take on board.
I don't wanna be a part of it. You're not.
Oh, Beau. I love it when you're a bitch.
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
I'm looking forward to tonight and to having a flirt with Ant.
I am buzzing for the second night out.
I can't wait to get in that bar and get the vodka down me neck.
Last night I did have a bit of a flirt with Amelia
but tonight I want to keep me options open
because Chloe is looking fitter than a butcher's dog.
Ant's looking fit and I've had a few drinks
so I might have a crack on.
What I'd give for a couple of black eyes off them.
Chloe is having fun and she's taking centre stage.
For the first time in years, I've got my radgie friend back.
It's Chloe is (indistinct) with her tits.
Fuck it, I'm the new lad, who am I to say no?
I have not had this much attention off a single fit lad in ages.
I am loving it.
Sometimes in life you might be lucky enough to find your soulmate,
Nathan is muy soulmate.
Pass them shots, I'm getting mortal.
I'm not gonna lie, it's been a long time since I've had a flirt
and I have forgotten how to.
Ant's flirting with Chloe and she's all over him.
I just hope she's not gonna jump into bed with the first boy.
All having a laugh and Ant seems to be cracking on with Chloe.
Oh, mate. You do not know what you're letting yourself into.
Ant was flirting with me last night and tonight, he's all over Chloe.
I thought he was into me.
Oh, right.
Thanks then.
That's sweet, Nat.
But if I'm being honest, it was a fork I was after.
Fucking hell, we are absolutely mortal.
Kebab and home is definitely calling.
(yells)
(they groan)
(yells)
You are beginning to pipe me off. Put it down!
You're really draining me. (laughs)
Tonight has literally been unreal.
I can feel the old Chloe coming back better than ever.
Fuck off.
Who's had a good night then?! (all cheer)
I'm not interested in stuffing my face with scran,
it's sexy time for me and Beau.
Ow! Ow!
Ow! (groans)
I got a friction burn. (groans)
Oh, shut up, it's not like you haven't had a burning fanny before.
The fuck is this? (indistinct)
What was the lad chat? Sorry, I'll go.
(mocking) "Lad chat."
Lads chat? Fucking lads chat?
Do you not mean shag pad, Beau? I'm right here.
What the fuck is a lad chat?!
We've all had a wicked time but only one way I like to finish.
That's getting in the fucking hot tub.
Where's Chloe?
(all laugh)
Caller, I have to put you on hold.
(farts)
Where the fuck have you been? In the hot tub with Beau and Nathan.
I'm fuming, me. Why the fuck did they not invite me?
I'm not being funny, but where's my invite to the hot tub?
Youse invited Chloe so why not me?
Bethan, if you want to jump in, jump in the hot tub.
You don't need an invitation. It's not a garden party.
Well, Chloe's just been in.
So why have youse not come and got me to be in?
What do you mean?
Well, no. I don't want to fucking come in now.
Oh, fuck off, Beau. You fucking arsehole.
.