I'm totally crackers, me, like.
I'm preened to perfection.
I might look rough and ready but I'm a massive softie.
The hardest graft I've done is my hair.
Sometimes bubbly, sometimes bitchy,
I'm all over the place.
I'm that good looking, I'd even neck on with myself.
I'm tanned, toned, and ready to tash on.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I cannot wait to show my wild side.
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
I've woken up really, really hungover,
and even though I've had the best night of my life,
all I can remember is being in the hot tub with Nathan
and Bethan kicking off.
I've never shared a bedroom with a bunch of girls before,
and I'm absolutely loving it.
What happened last night? Divent - I'm embarrassed.
You were being an absolute jerk.
It's cos I was so drunk.
I was such a dick last night, over a hot tub invitation.
I need to calm down.
What do you want? Cup of tea, five sugars.
Five sugars? No wonder she's got bloody veneers!
It went quick, the night.
I enjoyed the crack-on with Chloe. I fucking bet!
I remember seeing Chloe, and she was like,
proper like smiling, staring at you.
I've got single Chloe back, but she throws herself
at the first guy that gives her attention,
and I don't want that to happen with Ant.
Morning, morning, morning.
God, you look like shit! I feel like shit.
Ant, what are you like at cooking breakfast?
I guess you'll fucking find out. I'll go and make something.
Crispy bacon. This could be embarrassing.
I didn't want to say anything but I cannot cook for shit.
What am I gonna cook here?
Good morning.
I'm meant to be cooking but I'm just gonna give you support.
OK, mate. Just pat us on the shoulder.
You're doing well. (chuckles)
Thank God Nat's cooking, for everyone's sake.
There you go, James.
It's pretty clear that Ant is more into Chloe than he is me.
Oh, well, at least I fancy two lads in the house.
Oh!
Hello, James!
Hey, man!
Are you gonna give us attention? Everyone but you.
Oh, everyone else but me.
I'll be the bigger person.
I think you deserve to be, aye. I deserve to be?
(chuckles)
Don't. Don't make us laugh, I'm sad.
Oh, you're sad.
I'm like one argument away from crying now.
Don't, cos I am. Howay then, should we cuddle?
No, because I want to cry. I can't cuddle.
Give us a cuddle. (chuckles)
I do feel like I give her loads of attention
but if she needs a little more, maybe I could give her that.
(phone rings)
Oh, phone! Phone!
Phone!
The phone's rang, and that means one thing -
Anna, and it's gonna be work.
Fuck this!
Hello. (Anna) "Good morning Nathan."
Good morning, Anna.
"I've got a job for yous,
but it's a bit different this time." OK.
"A lad called John Jr's asked for help." OK.
"When John Jr comes home drunk, he's a liability."
"He needs to apologise to his dad."
John Jr sounds proper radged.
Like one of us. Can't we offer him a job?
"I want you and Chloe to take Amelia and Ant
and show them the ropes." OK.
"Thank you, Nathan." Thank you, bye.
"Bye."
Fuck me! Anna has hit a new low here.
She will do anything for £50 -
and I mean anything.
Right. Oh, no!
Work? Anna knows a guy
who needs to apologise for partying.
Apologising? For partying too much?
Has Anna lost her marbles?
That's our occupation every night.
So, she said, me and you have got to take Amelia and Ant
to work to show them the ropes.
I can't be arsed today! I'm too hungover. (laughter)
I've got mine on the wrong way.
These are your arm holes.
Where? Here!
Oh, for fuck's sake! I look like a bit of toast.
We're ready!
(laughing) Oh, my God!
You look better than last night!
(laughs)
It's my first day at work,
and I'm dressed like a lager/plant pot.
That is fucking hilarious.
Chloe, how are you wearing yours? Round her tits.
I've got to give it to Ant -
he can make a shit beer bottle look sexy.
Bye guys! Enjoy.
Bye! Enjoy your first day at work.
Mate, you look like a right dick.
I'm glad I'm not doing that. What the fuck?
If I had to wear them outfits, I'd quit now.
Sort your hat out. OK. Your bottle lid's not hard.
Get me... get me... get me up. (chuckles)
Oh, my fucking God!
It's pure chocker, like!
Oh, my God! Yous, this is so embarrassing.
Right, yous, come on quick, keep your heads down.
I can't believe this is me first job.
This is one of the weirdest experiences of my life.
I just hope we don't see anybody
because we look like bloody wallys!
Is it starting to rain now? It's fucking lashing down.
I've got a lovely shelter.
It's not going to fucking stop me.
You need them guns to help you pull.
Aye. I can't be getting fat and settled like you, can I?
No, aye. No one wants that mate. What a boring life.
How was your night?
It ended the same way as yours, by myself in bed.
Milking yourself.
We both ended up... No I didn't have a wank me like. (laughs)
I don't feel you're making the most of being single.
There's no one really for us.
What about Amelia? It's a hard one with Amelia
cos when she walked in, I thought...
initially, she's not the sort I would go for.
She's not my type. Yeah.
But she seems like a really nice girl like.
If I looked like James, I would not be so picky.
Howay, mate, Amelia is way out your league.
If you and Ant go out on the pull,
who do you reckon's gonna be the better?
I don't see anyone as competition for me.
(laughs)
I see Ant being competition. Definitely.
I don't. I see him as a mate. He's good looking.
We're gonna wingman each other, and have a laugh. Aye.
The only time I'd be threatened by a new lad
is if he came in and he was in better nick than us,
and let's face it, in Newcastle, it's not gonna happen.
But I'm getting wet, so I'm sacking this off.
You're wet. You wet lettuce.
Your fucking hair looks like a wet lettuce.
Are you receding or something? Ho, ho! That was below the belt.
I've had fucking hair issues.
I'm really gonna spill the Coke on the crumpet.
What? Oh, you're spilling the Coke on the crumpet. Oh, no!
Coke crumpets.
It might taste nice.
Ooh, I'll give it a go.
I can't make out what I think about
what Chloe's thought process is at the minute.
I think it's a hard one,
cos Chloe's getting over her ex, right?
And I'm sitting here, Chloe fancies Ant,
and Ant fancies Chloe.
So they're having a bit of a flirt.
I know she's flirting,
but this is the first person that...
Came into the house... Yeah. That's turned her head.
It is good for her to have someone in the house,
giving her attention, make her feel nice.
Yeah. How long has she not had that for?
It's good for her.
Part of me feels awkward talking about Chloe,
when us two are still not speaking,
but I do care for her, and I do want her to be happy.
I cannot wait to see the day that Chloe necks on.
I know. Buzzing. I'll try a backflip.
It will happen, maybe not soon but...
Yeah. I mean, if Chloe does like Ant,
she might as well crack on.
The next person Chloe gets with is gonna be a big deal,
so she's taking her time.
You and Beau, sorted now?
Yeah. We are. I personally would...
(laughs)
What was that, my lad? (laughs) Aye, he's a fucking non.
Beau?
(laughter)
You're unbelievable, you. (laughs)
Ready to go. Running to work, you little jobsworth?
It's raining, you freak! So what?
I've never done anything like this.
I'm gonna give it 110%, fucking smash it!
Is there a John James... er, John Jr in here?
Hello!
John Jr, where have you been all my life?
Fuck me! He's fit!
We have a message for you. John Snr from John Jr.
"Dad, I want to apologise
for keeping you up when I go out drinking."
"I'm sure you're fed up with me getting hammered."
I can't read John Snr at all.
He's either gonna laugh or lamp someone.
"I'm always mortal, like a bull in a china shop."
"I swear not to be steaming anymore."
Can you believe it? John Snr is welling up.
If he carries on, we'll all be bloody crying.
Aw, this is nice. This is nice, yeah.
"If I could be half the man that you are,
I'd be a happy man. Love, John Jr."
(cheering and clapping)
Come on, give us a hug.
This is lovely, this. This is a lovely one.
(laughter) Did you enjoy that?
Oh! That was actually really good.
Well done! High fives!
We smashed our first job. You did a good job. Woo-hoo!
Ant and Amelia did us proud today,
and it was great getting to know them,
but all I wanna do is get ready and get smashed.
Get home, get changed, let's fuck off. Come on!
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
Oh, yeah, that's it, man. Ooh, baby, yeah1 Oh, yeah!
I've started off working the top.
He's got a bit of shoulder fluff
but Nathan's real problem area is his backside,
his groin, and probably his anus.
I just have to get stuck in.
Ow! Ow!
Ow! (laughs) I'm doing it.
Me and Beau have got each other's backs,
and now he's shaving mine.
I just seen, from the balcony, yous shaving each other's pubes.
I was rimming him.
I know but do you not, like... This is weird!
Like, I knew they were close
but I didn't know they were that close.
You look sexy as with glasses. You look sexy as.
Sexy fucking senoritas!
No matter what day of the week it is,
the girls in this house always glam up for a night out.
Tonight, we'll have a couple of drinks
and see who's about.
That's a great plan, Ant. I just hope Chloe does the same,
cos if she ends up necking on with you tonight,
I guarantee it ends in tears.
Oh, James, James, please, show me your best chat-up line,
just one line, a stinking one, pull it out of the bag.
Straight to the point,
"Do you wanna come back for sex and pizza?"
If they say no, "Why? Do you not like pizza?"
(laughs) Oh, that's a good one. I like that.
Do they honestly think that we'd fall for that shite?
What a bunch of divvies.
"Have you got a mirror in your pocket?"
"Cos I'm seeing myself in your pants." (all exclaim)
Nathan, you look extra sexy, like Kanye West.
Yous are dressed the same. We are? Colour coordination.
He might be dressed like Nathan but Ant is rocking that outfit.
He looks dead fit.
Let's get out there. Tonight is all about fun,
necking on, and getting fucking mortal!
It's nice to have Chloe in the car. (laughs)
It's been so long since a lad has given me attention,
and you know what? I love it.
# BEN MUEHLETHALER AND ADRIAN ZAGORITIS: Spinning Around
There's a lot of single people in this squad right now,
which is good because this club is banging and full of talent.
Happy days!
Amelia's a nice girl and I'm enjoying getting to know her,
but do I want to rip her clothes off? We'll see.
James is an absolute fitty.
My family's in a good place, the newbies are settling in,
and it's the best vibe ever.
I get it. I really do,
but I can't help if I want to spend time with my man.
If Chloe's flirting, then that's fine,
but if she gets obsessed with Ant,
like she did Scottie, Mattie, and Sam,
things could all change.
Chloe clearly fancies Ant.
It is so obvious!
Ant and Amelia love a party,
and they are just what this house needs.
Ant, go and fetch a pen and paper,
because you, my little newbie,
are gonna witness a masterclass in the art of graft.
I can't believe I am jealous Ant is going on the pull.
I like him more than I realise.
Amelia's looking fit tonight,
and I know I did say that I wasn't gonna go there,
but when you're in the desert, a man's gotta drink.
I think Amelia fancies James.
Bless. She needs some help.
Nae bother. A neck-on, is a neck-on.
Oh, my God! I cannot believe James and Amelia are necking on.
That kiss was incredible!
It was actually really, really, bloody good.
I've done a couple of laps of the dance floor,
and I can't find anyone worth necking on with.
So, there's only one thing for it.
If that's how this house rolls, I'm game as a badger.
(screams, laughs)
I wouldn't say I'm a jealous friend,
but I'm feeling as emotional as I've ever felt before.
No, no, no, no, no!
Chloe getting with a boy in this house.
It never works. When will she realise?
I might be new to all this but I'm not wet behind the ears.
Nathan's just cock-blocked us.
What a wanker!
(laughter)
I'm having the best night ever, and, to top it all off,
James has put a giant smile on this face.
(laughter)
We've only been here two minutes,
and Beau and Nathan are all over each other.
I'm not fighting you naked, that's weird!
That's weird! I'm not fighting you naked!
Normally, I like Beau chasing me around half-naked,
but I need to find out where Chloe and Ant are.
Just eat it all.
Ssh. Put it all in your mouth and just be quiet.
What the hell is Ant trying to put in Chloe's mouth?
You two, in your own beds, right now!
All we want to do tonight was literally have fun.
But Nathan has got it wrong.
I could not be arsed. I'm going to bed.
Cooey! Anthony!
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
I've woke up this morning,
and all I can taste is vodka, chicken kebab,
and that kiss off James.
So, James, you said that Amelia wasn't your type,
but now you necked on with her and you spoke to her,
do you think you could actually like her?
She's nice and I'm enjoying getting to know her,
but I don't want to start cracking on with her.
There's a lot of things I'm great at,
and necking on is just one.
But I'm having too much fun being single.
Ant, did you not neck on with Chloe?
I do think with her, though, she's been messed around a lot,
and I don't know if she knows where her head's at.
Maybes her getting with you could actually fuck her head up,
and send her the opposite way to what we want.
To be fair, I do fancy Chloe
but I'm not looking for anything serious.
Because I'm used to being here with me partner,
this is the first time I've been single.
I feel like... (burps) Sorry.
I'm, like, whoa, it's hard a little bit.
Do you mis... do you miss, erm... that?
I miss that, yeah.
And speaking of... that,
what I would say, you and Ant are cracking on,
and, at the end of the day, I think,
you should rather get it over and done with
sooner, rather than later.
I don't know what I want. I'm just fucking confused.
I divent know why Chloe's holding back.
If she likes Ant, she should just go for it.
Right, can I get a plate? Please.
Good morning, fellow friends. Hello!
Since coming in the house, we have been so busy,
settling in, meeting the newbies,
getting wankered,
which means that me and Chloe haven't had time to catch up.
I think me and you need to get out this house.
So I'm gonna take you out,
and we're going to do something cute, cool, just us two.
What is it? It's a surprise.
Do you know what it is? Yes.
This is so cool. It's been a long time
since me and Nathan had some alone time,
and hopefully, we can bond like we used to.
My love for Nathan is probably more than Bethan's.
Nah, I'm joking. (chuckles)
Urgh! No, can't do it. (laughs)
I can't do it, nah. Put the cream on now.
Agh!
(retching)
I can't wait to be blown away.
I love being in love, me, you know?
Do you? I love being in love. Do you not?
I love feeling like warm and fuzzy inside. Do you?
Aye. Fucking rainbows and unicorns?
You know when you just lie there and look them in the eye,
and you just think, "Dreamy."
"My life is made."
Then get a house and buy a dog. That's what I do.
It is nice to have some new faces
especially a new lad because we all know it gets a bit weird
between Beau and Nathan.
Charver. I love being...
Let's see you best radgie dance.
(laughs) Go on, man, do it again.
One more time. Cor!
Yeah. Cor!
You have to stick your jaw out and all.
So you look thick. (laughs)
I knew you were gonna do that one.
That's belter that. It's quite a charver.
Chlo? Coming. Come on.
I've booked me and Chloe a cheeky spa
to give us chance to talk about the situation with Ant.
Bye! Welcome to your executive, chauffeur-driven car.
Go on, Nathan, give us a clue. Nope!
What treatment am I getting?
A surprise is a surprise for a reason.
I can't tell you because you're not gonna be surprised.
OK, I won't ask. Just enjoy it.
Ah, you fucker!
How can you be that bad at pool?
No, Ant, please, explain to me.
Yous, I'm starving. I am.
Literally. I'm always hungry.
Shall we order food? What do you fancy?
Why don't we get a big, dirty chippy for everyone?
Sausage in batter. Chips and curry sauce.
Oh, I do like chips and curry sauce like.
Yous, we're gonna go and get a chippy. Do you wanna come?
Oh, nah. I'll have a battered sausage.
Ant, do you want owt? Nah.
Right, come on then. Enjoy!
We're all hanging, so I've got the perfect idea
to take James and Amelia to a chippy,
and I might even play Cupid.
Bye! Bye!
Oh, I'm starving.
Fucking hell, get a little walk in on the way.
Spending time with James
and getting a battered sausage. Winning!
Why do I walk like this? Watch.
You're walking like a gadgie. Like that?
Like a fucking charver.
Hiya. How are you? Hello.
It smells lovely in here. hank you.
Nathan's booked some treatments. Exactly what I need.
It's a new, a unique treatment.
It is a bum facial. What?
What the hell is a bum facial?
This is classic Nathan to pick something like this.
That boy is a fucking freak.
A whole afternoon dedicated to my arse.
I'm gonna love this.
Oh, God!
Nathan, stop making sex noises!
Ooh, God!
Oh, you're wiping my bum. I feel like a child!
Mammy!
The last woman that went near my bum was my mam
when she used to wipe my arse, as a kid.
Am I a baby?
It's nice that we've both got out of the house. Yeah.
I think we needed to.
I've noticed you're having a lot of fun. I am.
What are you doing about Ant?
Tell us what you've been saying. About what? Me.
He said he fancied ya.
What's going on with you? Do you fancy him? What?
I don't know. You do flirt with him a lot.
Do I?
Chloe has been through a lot, so I don't think she's ready.
I don't know. Cos this is the first person that I've...
Why are you smiling? I don't know. I'm not.
I'm enjoying my bum getting played with.
So, it's like the first person that I've fancied since Sam.
You're getting over a break-up.
You don't want to rush. Definitely not.
I know that Nathan is coming from a good place,
but if a fit lad is giving me attention,
what's a girl gonna do?
Everyone... Ooh, that looks good.
(moans)
Are yous hungover? I feel a bit fresh.
Hello. Hiya.
Hello. How you doing?
So, I'm thinking sausage roll, chips, beans,
and melted cheese?
I might go steak, you know, with gravy. Steak pie.
I might do the same, please.
Are you copying me? Yeah.
I'm really liking getting to know Amelia,
so I'm going to help her out and quiz James on that kiss.
So, do you think a neck-on will be on the cards again tonight?
I feel really awkward right now.
Fucking hell, man, Abbie!
What are you doing, you shit-stirrer?
I told you this morning exactly how I'm feeling.
You know me, I don't rush into things, do I?
Mm, true. You rushed into Amelia's gob last night, though.
I'm not listening anymore.
Oh, God! I'm so embarrassed.
Once you've done it, it's not as bad, is it?
That means a yes. We'll see.
Where's the food? Get me out of this awkward conversation.
My aim of this whole time around
is to get you back to that time when walked in the house,
we were both single.
We were mad. We were actually mad.
I want that to happen again.
Tonight, we gonna get as drunk as we used to,
dance like we used to and just, just be carefree,
not worry about anyone.
It's great spending time with Chloe
but I just hope I've got through to her about the Ant situation,
for her sake.
What about Abbie? I still haven't spoke to her.
Do you think you're going to? Yeah, course I am.
If left any longer, it's going to be awkward.
It's getting a bit, like, long overdue now. Yeah.
It's awkward, and I'd rather not talk about it.
To move on, this needs to get resolved
but she needs to come to me.
Yous do need to speak,
because I'd like you to be friends.
Nathan, I don't hold grudges.
That's all I wanted to make sure.
All right, kids? Oi-oi!
We've got the goods.
You're not fucking cooking, are you? Sorry mate.
You took ages. I don't wanna be fat anymore,
and that's gonna make me fat.
I'm getting close to Abbie.
Come on, Abbie.
But I'd closer to her if there wasn't an elephant in the room
between her and Chloe.
I love you and I want you to be in the girls' room
with us and get ready with us and stuff. I know.
Obviously, me and Chloe haven't spoke. Yeah.
Are you wanting to? Yeah, definitely.
Like, I didn't want to do it in the club.
No. Like, when the time's right.
I've had not really had the chance yet.
I want it to be a nice conversation.
I want me to kind of just explain myself a bit
and just say, "Look, I want us to be friends,
and have friendship again," which I think that we can do.
Do you know what I mean?
We want you in the girls' room.
Once I have that chat,
I will be able to come into the girls' room and we can bond.
I might pull Chloe for a chat tonight
and try and clear the air,
cos I really want to get back in the girls' room.
I feel like me and Bethan are getting on,
me and you have bonded. Yeah.
I've always been close with Nat,
so I think now, get it back on track with Chloe,
be in the girls' room, and we can all be...
Little girl... A girl group.
Bitches. Mm-hm.
The old Chloe and the old Nathan.
The old Chloe, Nathan. Cheers!
Just neck it! Three, two, one, go.
How the fuck did you just do that?
I'm really good at swallowing a big load.
Christ! Yes. please. (burps)
You must be able to suck dick good.
Howay, this is making Sue uncomfortable.
(burps) Oh, God, I just burped! God, how did that come out?
Sue, do you want to see what I can do? Watch.
Oh, my God! (laughs)
Jesus Christ!
I don't know why I'm single.
(all) Geordie Shore, why-aye!
.
(Nathan) Yous, guess what's being blown in your mouth.
(laughter)
Ah, what the fuck?
(laughter)
Urgh!
Fucking dickhead!
Things with us are going good,
and the newbies are fitting in so well.
We just need to keep these good times rolling.
(laughter)
(coughing)
What was that? Jalapeno juice.
(laughter)
I'm well up for tonight.
I'm gonna be like the Pied Piper of good times.
I'm gonna fly the fun flag,
and we'd better hope that no one gets in my way.
Let's get ready and get mortal.
Right, yous, has anyone seen the chain
that I had on last night?
One thing I've not missed is that everything goes missing.
Where is the condom?
I can't tell you. Maybe it's in my arsehole!
Listen, do you know what? Right.
Can I just talk? What's going on with James?
(laughs)
I can't stop giggling because I'm hoping that I'm gonna get
another one of James' amazing kisses.
Did you use tongues? Yeah.
Did you get a twinge in the minge? No, not yet.
But I did have butterflies though.
No, you didn't! That is a big step that!
because I didn't think he was gonna kiss me. Why?
You know what he's like. Why wouldn't he?
I didn't think he thought it was the right time.
There's no time like the present Amelia.
Nat's right.
I want to make sure tonight, Ant's attention is all on me.
Howay, then, guys, round fucking two tonight!
Whoa! Whoa!
I feel so fucking sexy.
Yeah, I'm probably gonna be George Forman
when he gets to the pub
Do you think he's gonna see psycho Chloe tonight then?
Oh, God, yeah, I'll show him psycho Chloe!
Poor Ant! He's got no idea.
Listen, girls. I'm excited for tonight.
I am. So let's just go and get fuckin' hammered!
Steady on, you saucy minx.
I don't think there's enough room for that but I'm game.
Last night, I was necking on with Nathan,
and now, I'm getting a lap dance!
Bring it on, big boy!
This night is off the hook,
and Nathan is having it big-time.
Perfect timing, check this out! Nae hands!
Ant has definitely turned my head....
...and Nathan is gonna kill me.
Story of my life - I kiss a girl and she wants to marry us.
Always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
(cheering)
Me and Chloe are on one tonight.
Cooey! Oh, Anthony!
I could get Kim Kardashian's number easier than attention.
Right, let's see if he notices these bad boys.
Something's telling me Chloe's into us,
but do you blame her?
What is Ant playing at?
He's giving everyone attention, bar me.
I really wanted to talk to Chloe tonight,
but she is far too mortal,
and it is easy for her to switch when she's this pissed.
Drunk girls are fun
but mortal girls are a fucking nightmare.
I'm off to the dance floor for a mingle, me.
Chloe has let herself down.
I know that Nathan has genuinely got my best interests at heart
but he just doesn't need to be that harsh.
There are so many fit birds. This club is amazing.
I'm fucking buzzing with myself.
Little neck-on, mission accomplished.
I can see that Ant is pulling a girl,
and it is pissing us off.
I know Chloe's about to swill Ant,
and he's done nothing wrong.
Fuck me, it's all kicking off,
and if Nathan and Chloe are at each other's throats,
the family's in a bad place.
Eh? Is that all because of me?
Chloe obviously likes what she sees.
I need to separate these two
in case they do something they're gonna regret.
We were having the best time
but these two fuckwits had to ruin it.
.