I'm totally crackers, me like.
I'm preened to perfection.
I might look rough and ready but I'm a massive softie.
The hardest graft I've done is doing my hair.
Sometimes bubbly, sometimes bitchy, I'm all over the place.
I'm that good looking, I'd neck on with myself.
I'm tanned, toned and ready to tash on.
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
I cannot wait to show my wild side.
(all) Geordie Shore, why aye!
Ooh! You're not Bethan.
Your breath stinks.
Well, I'm not gonna lie,
I've seen your arse more than anyone else in this house. Well, lucky you.
Are you naked? Aye, course I am.
I am a little bit annoyed at you. Why?
The whole night went tits up because of your argument with Chloe.
Nathan and Chloe were arguing about us last night,
and if I play my cards right, I could have a chance with her.
I don't really do this but, erm...
What was that?
Am I hearing things? I could have sworn that was Nathan,
trying to say that he's sorry.
Oh, my God! I'm gonna save it... Don't dwell on it, don't dwell on it.
Ssh, ssh, ssh.
Moment saved. Thank you very much. Really, really loved that.
Last night, I did take it too far,
but it's cos I don't want to see her hurt.
I am gonna have to sort it out soon, but it's just finding the right time.
I do feel like obviously Nathan kicking off ruined the night,
cos we were all actually just having a laugh.
Me and Nathan always argue because we both care about each other.
What Nathan said about me throwing myself
at the first person who gives us attention has really hit home.
Should I even pursue anything with Ant?
Right, who's making me breakfast then? Natalie?
Your turn, hun. Absolutely not.
More. Some lasses want a big strapping lad,
and some want a little baby.
Me, I get the best of both worlds with Beau.
That is so refreshing that, isn't it? That is so refreshing.
Does my breath smell?
(exhales) No.
Hello, everyone.
Fuck me, Anna, the Nineties called and they want that twin set back.
I'm launching a new party hosting business.
Tonight, you're hosting my friend's birthday party
and I want you classy and sophisticated.
Is Anna all right in the head?
Us lot and sophisticated? I'm about as classy as a fucking steak bake!
There's quite a lot of work to get you looking your best,
so I suggest that yous start getting ready.
Anna telling us to get dressed up is a bit rich,
considering she looks like she's been shat on by a charity shop.
If we're partying with Anna's friends,
yous are not gonna be able to pull.
They're probably James' age anyway. (all) Ooh.
I'm only like two years older, but I've got a body of a man
and you've got one of a 13-year-old boy. (all screaming)
Winner!
I might be older, but that makes us wiser too.
Ant, you'll do well to remember that.
Looking classy and sophisticated takes a lot of time.
I'm killing two birds with one stone.
I'm having me toast and I'm washing me lady garden.
That is what you call multi-tasking.
Do you want some toast? Not really.
What I think really makes a good host
is keeping everyone's drink full at all times.
Sir, come here, let me get you fucking drunk.
You've got ten seconds to neck it.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...
What a legend. And again!
Have yous all got gowns?
You think I look like I wear a fucking gown? Yeah.
The only gown I wear is a fucking dressing gown.
The squad is so up for tonight, but me and Nathan still haven't talked.
The sooner we sort things out, the better.
Holy shit! These are way tighter than what I thought they'd be.
But damn, my ass looks good.
Oh!
Sexy girl!
Come on, guys, woo-hoo! Hello, fucking hell!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
We're all off to a fancy event,
and Nat is dressed like she's about to do a fucking rodeo.
I'm not gonna leave work tonight because I am taking it easy.
I am not gonna be drinking as much as normal because tomorrow
I am spending the day with my mam cos it's her birthday. (all) Aww.
Right, girls, come on!
Come on, you lesbian.
I honestly haven't got a clue what Anna's got in store. Old people.
Partying with old people is a laugh.
They're senile, they say what the fuck they want
and when they take out their teeth, they give a great blow job.
I thought Anna said classy.
I was expecting a ballroom, not a boozer.
Anna!
(cheering)
Thank you very much for being here. We will be your hosts this evening.
We're gonna get pissed, have some drinks
and have a proper little shindig.
Shindig? Where the fuck is Ant from?
The 1920s?
(cheering)
I'm happy to join in because it's work,
but Nathan needs to apologise soon, or I'm gonna be pure pissed off.
All aboard!
Everyone get on James' chopper!
(laughter)
Oh!
That's really close. (cheering)
(chanting)
Come on, James, give the people what they want.
(chanting) Boo!
Right, I can see Chloe is on her own and this has gone on far too long.
We need to talk.
So, how are ya? Fine. How are you?
I'm good. How are you? I'm OK.
Obviously, I haven't fell out with you by the way.
Right, OK. Can we just kinda explain the situation, right,
cos I think, when me and you argue,
it goes from zero to a hundred so quick. Very quick.
We're very passionate, like passion fruit.
I just want Chloe to know that I'm looking out for her.
Yeah, I might do it the wrong way sometimes,
but I'm doing it because I love her and I don't her hurt again.
What do you actually want from the Ant situation then?
I don't know if it's friendship or I fancy him.
Don't get us wrong, I love the attention from Ant,
but I do not want to fall out with me friends. I just want to have fun.
My main concern from the whole thing was,
I hope you weren't throwing yourself on the floor to get his attention.
You are better than that.
No, it were... We were all so drunk, it was just a general joke.
With, erm, Ant like, I get on with him so good.
That's what... I just enjoy his company.
I don't want you getting confused and confuse friendship for something else
and then go down the same path. Yeah, no, that would never happen.
I would never get in a relationship in this house ever again.
They're fucking doomed. Well, I'll drink to that.
Nathan's always had me back and I cannot stay mad at him forever.
Let's fuck off before anyone sees us. We've still got work to do.
Right, we're gonna have a tit battle.
Before you start, what does the winner do?
The winner gets to be my best friend!
(cheering)
You'd better win.
The stakes are high.
You've got Beau, statuesque, built like a real man,
and Ant, built like a twelve-year-old girl.
He might win. I don't know.
One!
(cheering)
Yeah!
Big boy Beau's big bad breasts battered boys badly.
I do love Beau,
but I'm really struggling to understand him at the minute.
We got a flat and we moved in together.
We were the best we've ever been,
but since coming back I feel like none of that has ever happened.
I haven't paid attention to Beau and Bethan,
but now she's said it, Nathan and Beau have been hanging out a lot.
My mission tonight is to make Beau realise that Bethan wants a date
but, for now, back to work.
(all shouting)
(cheering)
Amelia loves her work. She's giving it her all.
I wonder why?
(cheering)
We might not be classy and sophisticated,
but we definitely brought the party.
It's time to celebrate and see what the rest of the night has to offer,
and get a cheeky neck on from James.
(all) # Meet me at the club Meet me at the club
# Meet me at the club Meet me at the club
# Meet me at the club #
(all) Geordie Shore, why aye!
.
Tonight has got one word written all over it. Messy.
Ant's telling me that he's well into Chloe
but I'm not sure he knows what he's getting himself into.
Bide me time? Chloe was jealous as fuck last night.
If I don't move quickly, I'll be wasting my time.
Amelia's sound as fuck and I'm enjoying living with her,
but I think what Ant's asking is, is if I want to get into her knickers.
Don't worry, there's plenty time for that.
What's James' problem?
Amelia's single, James is single, just crack on.
Things with Amelia and James never really got started.
They did have a neck on, but that was it.
If James is not gonna make the first move,
I might have to consider taking Abbie's advice
because I won't get anywhere.
After last night's argument with Nathan,
I feel like me and Ant are best off friends.
This is hard, but it's what I need to do.
Chloe's mouth's saying one thing but her eyes are doing another.
Is she teasing us or pieing us off?
I am wankered tonight. I sneaked in a couple of extra drinks at work
and now I feel like the life and soul of the party!
Bring it on!
Fucking hell, tonight has gone from classy to carnage real quick.
I promised Bethan that tonight I'd speak to Beau
and persuade him that him and her need some quality time together,
but I might have left it too late.
I can see Chloe chatting to Beau, but he just looks way too pissed.
Beau is fucking mortal. I think it's time to leave.
Right, howay, everyone! Come on, come on!
Geordie Shore, Geordie Shore!
This is the first night I've been fucking mortal.
Mate, I'm so confused, it's unreal.
I love my girls. You've all made me feel so welcome.
We all love you as well. I'm not even joking.
I've never felt so welcome in my life.
This is definitely the most twatted Amelia's been since she's got here.
Good girl.
Tonight has been fucking mint and it's not stopping here.
Beau is on one! I guess it's just me and my bullet again tonight.
Right!
These lot are being boring. I want some fucking carnage.
They can eat in the morning!
I'm going to fucking bed!
Don't want it to kick off. I don't need anyone.
Beau, man! What the fuck?!
Everyone, calm the fuck down!
I have seen Beau pissed, but tonight he's possessed.
I can't go two hours without seeing Beau's cock and balls.
Beau! Right, stop! Beau, stop!
You're taking the piss now. Beau!
There's only one thing to do when Beau is acting pure crackers,
escape to safety in the girls' boudoir.
Oi, oi, Chloe's changed her tune.
She's rolled back her covers and offered us her bed.
Don't mind if I do.
I don't see any harm in a cheeky spoon,
but there'll definitely be no forking.
I couldn't pass up a cheeky cuddle with James,
if he's in the girls' room, right next to me.
Seriously, what am I gonna do with Beau?
What are you doing?
Morning.
Hang on, can we address the fucking two elephants in the room?
Why the fuck are you in here and why the fuck are you in here?
Bethan, you know a lady never tells, but I did enjoy our spoon session.
Well, if anything, they done all the sex positions at work, didn't they?
So there was nowt left for them to do when they got into bed.
Believe us, Bethan, there was none of that business last night.
So, did anything... any hanky panky go down? Nah? Nah.
She tried to neck on with us. But I pied her.
Oh, fucking right! You pied her?
Don't flatter yourself, you skinny fucking toothpick.
(laughs)
If anything was gonna happen,
it would have happened last night, but nothing did.
There is a lot of attraction but not a lot of chemistry.
As far as I'm concerned, me and Ant are just friends.
I'm starving. Shall we go and make a bacon sarnie?
To be fair, Chloe pied us, but it only left us wanting more,
and I do not give up that easily.
Can I have a sarnie and a coffee?
Just because we shared a bed, darling,
I'm not making you a fucking... barking.
Barking? (laughs)
I've weed the bed.
You know it's a good night when you wake up in a puddle.
Oh, my God! Why is that wet?
I've weed the bed.
Oh, well. What's a bit of bodily fluids between best mates?
This will bond us even more.
Ugh, God!
I don't feel comfortable with you doing that.
Oh, my God, you're like a dog.
I am getting sick of the boys' room.
Me and Chloe need to talk
because I'm not sure how much more I can take of this.
This is true romance. Oh, my God.
Lay in your piss and kissing, I love it.
Why is the table like that?
Fucking Beau!
I wanna do something nice for Bethan and spend a bit more time with her.
I was mortal last night, but I kind of remember Chloe
mention about me planning something nice for Bethan.
I think you should take out Bethan for the day,
then when she gets back... powey!
Let's hope he doesn't mess it up like the house.
Leave it to me and you do the surprise.
Perfect, I love that a lot. Right. Howay then.
Hello. Me and you are going out for the day. Are we?
I wanna take you out.
A day out? I am so happy to have Chloe as my best friend.
Where's my bacon, like? There's no fucking bacon left for me!
Are you fucking taking the piss?!
Thank Christ I'm taking my mam out for her birthday,
cos I can't be arsed to tidy this shit up after last night.
Bye, everyone. Bye!
I love you. I love you.
Did Beau just kiss Nathan goodbye? This is just getting too much now.
Me and Bethan are going out. I want all of this cleaned up, right?
I feel like Nathan and Beau's relationship, friendship...
Is it a relationship?
Get your fucking glad rags on and get ready.
That's all you need to worry about right now.
This house is a fucking shit-tip. I can't remember making any of this.
Is Beau having a laugh? He was grinding his cock all over the table.
Last night was mint, but I am hanging today.
I can still taste that Sambuca.
(sighs)
(groans)
Ooh.
Yeah, I could shag that.
Right, are you ready or what?
Wow! It's a sad state of affairs when the banister
is the only thing I've been sliding down recently.
Bye, everyone! Have fun.
Bye! Bye!
There's one place I know Bethan loves to go
when she needs some advice, some cheering up and some general LOLs.
She is gonna love it.
(all) Geordie Shore, why aye!
.
Chloe has sprung a surprise day out for us
and I'm so excited to see where we're going.
How do you feel about being here then?
Is Chloe off her nut? It's her ma's?
Well, I mean, this is more of a treat for you, isn't it?
Is it fuck! It is.
I didn't think about me once. (laughs)
Yeah, I've seen me house, me dog and me mam.
We're all gonna have fun at the end of the day.
Howay then. Mam, how's Ivy been? Has she been naughty?
She's, erm, been really good,
but let's go and feed the swans, the ducks, the moorhens.
It's so good getting out the house with me main bitches.
So, how's things in the house?
So there's a new lad called Ant, right?
I just think we get on really well as friends.
All good having a friend, enjoy yourself,
but I think you need to look after yourself.
I know exactly what Chloe means when she calls a lad "a friend".
She's been doing it since she was a teenager. It's sweet really.
Romeo. (whistles) See how he knows his name?
A spa day, wine tasting, afternoon tea?
No. I'm with the Ferrys, feeding the local ducks.
How's you and Beau? Oh, we're like...
This time around, he's constantly with Nathan.
What you gonna do about that, cos Nathan's very good looking?
Are you sure Beau's not gay?
Fuck me, Liz! What a way to settle me nerves.
Well, Liz, I bloody well hope not.
I know what we need to do. Does he get hard when he's around Nathan?
I don't feel his willy when he's around Nathan.
Maybe you should start. They might as well be in a relationship.
They're always with each other.
Like, today, Nathan left the house and Beau give him a kiss.
If this goes tits up, Bethan can come and move in with me
and she can come and feed the ducks.
Do you want to see Steven?
Who the fuck's Steven? The moorhen.
Oh, God!
There's something funny going on.
Beau tidying up the garden? What's going on here?
He breaks something walking to the toilet.
(knock on door)
Who's that? Oh, that's for me. That's for me.
Bethan is the love of me life,
so I wanna show her how much she actually means to us.
I just hope that she likes the surprise.
Oh, that's exactly what I want. Come here, man.
What's going on here?
What the fuck's he playing at? Beau is about as romantic as a wet sock.
I thought I'd pay a little bit more attention to Bethan
and pull all the stops out. So I'm putting in a bit of effort,
showing her that I really do love her.
I bet you any money Bethan gets upset. She'll cry.
If she doesn't cry, this'll be going back.
Keep out of the fucking garden. Thank you very much, guys.
Oh, Beau, that's amazing that, love.
That's fucking cute, that.
Shit!
Argh! Oh, that's fucking massive.
Oh! How's it that big?
Has any pus come out? A little bit, but there's still loads.
Hi! Hello. Ola!
Finally the girls are all back,
and it means we all get to see Beau's big surprise,
and hopefully, this time, it's not just his cock.
Where's Beau?
He's out the back. I think you should go and find him.
Yeah... Don't.
What's going on? I'm ill.
Everyone is acting pure weird. What the fuck is going on?
(gasps) Oh, my God!
Are my eyes deceiving me, or is Beau doing something romantic?
No, don't, I'm gonna cry!
Aww. Aww!
Why the hell am I crying?
I knew about the bastard surprise.
Oh! (crying)
Aww! (laughing)
Aww!
Aw!
(crying)
(both laughing)
I'm not always the most romantic but when I am, I go all out.
I love you. I love you.
And don't ever think that I'm not paying attention to you
because I'm always paying attention to you. You don't, but now you are.
This is all I've ever wanted.
Beau lying naked on the bed, with rose petals spread around the room,
a couple of butt plugs here and there.
Right, go and get a bikini on... Bikini?
Let's get this party started!
Oh, my God! What the fuck?!
Chloe, I need a bikini. I haven't got a bikini.
Is that a fucking door? I've got the fucking best lad. Woo!
Bethan is definitely gonna get the D today like,
and we need to make her look as sexy as we can.
I've got the bestest friend and the bestest boyfriend
anyone could ever ask for. Look how sexy that is. Sexy?
Chloe, you fucking shat in it! Ah, it's period.
(both laughing)
Chloe does know that I'm trying to be sexy dirty, right?
Look at you!
Beau's naked again!
Beau does not make it easy sometimes, but them two are a lovely couple.
Fucking hell! Hurry up!
Hurry up and pop the cork! Pop the cork! Come on!
(cheering)
It's great spending some quality time, just me and Bethan.
I'm glad that this plan worked out so well.
(laughs)
This is exactly what I wanted.
It reminds us of when we were both at home, just the two of us.
So in love and so happy.
I just don't want it to end.
Do you know what? I knew about that, you know, yous.
Is that what you and Beau were talking about?
That's why I took Bethan out today. Ah!
Guys, I've come up with a bit of an idea.
We always end up in a club, so I want to change things up a little bit
and try something new with the family.
I just think we should have a family night,
have some proper quality time together.
So I think we should go to the Forest Fright Night.
'Fright Night? What's that then?'
Is it when the lasses forget to put their makeup on?
So, shall we all got and get ready? Come on then! (cheering)
It's a good idea, that.
Fright Night, Fright Night, Fright Night.
You are a fright alone, come on.
I love horror films, I love Halloween
and I love being frightened.
I have a feeling tonight is gonna be amazing.
There he is, Mr Lover Lover.
Fucking right, I came really well there.
Did ya? Oh, you came well? Cos obviously, the romantic scene...
Yeah, you got really into it. Yeah, it sets the mood, doesn't it?
The anticipation of her coming back, I was really fucking horny.
I'm horny, now you're talking about it. Fucking hell!
Who said romance is dead? These boys are gross.
Hopefully a good night tonight.
You had a lot of fun last night, Ant, didn't ya?
All I'm wanting at the minute is just a little bit of fun.
So... Which is ideal then, isn't it?
If we both kind of crack on with each other, then great.
I think I'd rather bang your mam than you.
Hello! These are for you.
I know Beau done the romance but Chloe made it possible,
so she gets some loving, too.
So I've decided you could have them. Aww! That's lush.
This is sick shit.
Tell us what happened. I've had the best day. I can't wait for tonight.
I am so fucking ready. So, we're gonna mix it up.
We're gonna go to a Forest Fright Night.
You are joking? No. What you saying?
Oh, my God! I can't wait!
Come on, then. Howay then, guys!
Howay then! Yous ready to get a fright?!
I am so excited for tonight,
but I feel like it's us that's gonna be doing the scaring.
I've got a fucking fanny pad on me foot!
For fuck's sake!
Go on then, Chloe. Disgusting fanny pad!
Go on, Chloe. Hurry up. It's fucking stuck on us!
Hurry up, man!
I love shit like this. Do you?
I will be scared.
(spooky music)
I've heard this is terrifying.
We're basically walking into a horror film.
Right, here, what's this then?
(cackling)
Oh, man! Beau! What the fuck is...?
(screaming)
Where the hell is James when I bloody need him?
(screaming)
Oh, give over man!
(screaming)
Fuck off, all of yous!
(screaming)
I've made some noises in a caravan before, but never like this.
Get out! Ah, it's touching me leg!
What the fuck?!
(screaming) Oh, God!
(screaming)
Oh, my God! Oh, fuck! Oh, my God!
This is fucking frightening now everyone's been split up.
Fuck off! (screams)
Fuck me, mate, you're a bit fucking close!
Out of all of the people to get trapped with, it's fucking Chloe.
Oh, my God!
I am not sure I'm ready for this, like.
(all) Geordie Shore, why aye!
.
Great, just my luck.
I'm stuck in a field with killer clowns and Chloe that hates us.
I'm not sure what's worse.
I've been wanting to find the right time to talk to ya.
It's just hit us,
me and Abbie haven't been alone since me and Sam split.
I guess we're gonna have to sort things out right now.
I really do apologise for what happened.
Like, I never, ever wanted to do it in a malicious way.
And it did happen, like, completely the wrong way.
Damn right, it was shit. Yes, I kissed a lad in Ibiza,
but Abbie didn't need to tell everyone.
The reason I was so hurt is because obviously, like,
we were in Ibiza together and you saw how upset I was.
Stuff that you tell your friends, you expect them to keep it a secret.
The reason that I didn't keep it a secret
is because any lasting relationship shouldn't be built on lies.
I just didn't want to see my friend get hurt.
Everything that happened was from a good place. Yeah.
Because, like, I've always wanted the best for you.
Chloe and Abbie are actually talking?
Howay, surely this is too good to be true.
I do appreciate you coming to see me.
Like, it's gone, I've moved on and he's in the past now.
I think, like, with you being in a better place,
it's made it easier for us to kind of come together
and speak about things.
I do appreciate Abbie apologising,
but I need to learn how to trust her again.
Me and you used to be really close.
It's gonna take us time to be build trust up.
The thing is, like, we might not ever be best friends.
Like, who knows? But I just think, as long as I know
that we can both move on from it,
then I think that's all we can do really, isn't it, is just try?
I know that it's gonna take a lot of time for Chloe to trust us again,
but this is a good start.
It feels so good to have cleared the air with Abbie,
and the house will be buzzing too.
Hi, guys. There yous fucking are.
Yous, I've got something to tell you. Me and Abbie have made up.
Does this mean Abbie's back in the woman cave?
(cheering)
Thank fuck for that.
Finally, we get Abbie back in the girls' room.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Hey, get in the girls' car!
That was absolutely class. I loved every minute of that, mind.
I didn't think I was gonna be scared but I fucking shit myself.
Finally, I'm back in with the girls.
This is time for a celebration.
It's the first time since I've arrived
that there's unity amongst the girls and it's great.
I was having an incredible time anyway
and this has just made it even better.
(cork pops, cheering)
This is the perfect way to end the night,
in the hot tub, with all the lasses.
After what me and Chloe have been through,
who would have thought it would end like this?
We've got the perfect opportunity, while the girls are out,
to fucking prank them.
There's way too much girl power going on for us lads to ignore.
I think we should give them one more little scare before bed.
Just put them underneath, put them underneath.
Prank sorted.
One, go!
(shouting, screaming)
For fuck's sake, man! Trust the lads to wanna ruin our night.
(indistinct chatter)
Tonight has been unreal.
Although I do love the boys,
I cannot wait to try out my new bed in the woman cave.
Ah! (groans)
There goes my bastard coccyx.
Oh!
What's happened here?
It's me first night back in the girls' room and the bed is fucked!
The little cunts.
Nay one, I mean nay one, messes with the woman cave.
Now them bell-ends are gonna get it.
Who was it? Who was it? I don't know. Who was it?
Who cares who it was? Let's just trash the place!
Time to see whether the girls have fell through the beds yet. Classic!
(girls laughing)
Lads, what the fuck are you standing round for?
Two can play at this game, let's get the girls back.
(shouting)
This is getting out of hand now, like.
Ching-ching, motherfuckers!
(screaming, laughter)
What the hell is happening?
No! Beau! Oh!
(laughter, shouting)
Time to get saucy, you bunch of twats!
Ah!
Don't worry about me, Abbie.
It's only the second time I've stacked it tonight.
(shouting, laughter)
(laughter)
Oh, my God! These guys are on another level tonight.
(shouting)
Me and Beau have had such a good day, all day today.
It's funny how Nathan's not here, isn't it?
(laughter)
Exciting!
There's been some ups and downs since we've been back,
but tonight has literally been amazing.
Everyone is enjoying themselves and we are such a tight squad.
Long may it continue.
Night, Chloe. Goodnight, Abbie.
.