- Everyone knows our target audience...
Is 18 to 34-year-old males.
But how do we hit that target?
- How? - How?
By relying on market testing?
No.
- [scoffs] no.
- By trusting our gut? No.
We need more.
Lars.
And so for the past six months,
We have been developing a prototype
That combines all of our target viewers
Into one composite viewer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the future of television.
[thudding]
A fully functional 18 to 34-year-old male.
- Pizza.
- Let's give them a little demonstration
Of how he works.
[tv turns on] [upbeat music]
- [robot beeps] [all applaud]
- He loves it.
[seductive music] [moaning]
[robot beeps]
He likes it.
That's a hit.
- Uh, george, if I may?
I've been working on a little show myself
And I gave it to lars and, well, I'm curious to see
What the demo monster thinks about it.
I think he's gonna love it. - Oh.
It'll be a true test.
- Fell pretty good about it, george.
- I'm liz. [cameras snapping]
I'm an amazing person with an amazing life.
- And I'm liz. I'm--
[gunfire]
[robot buzzes angrily]
- You know what, let me actually give him a different sketch.
[gun reloads] oh, god, no!
[gunfire] - [guttural moaning]
[wet noises]
- You think he's badly hurt, lars?
- [flatulence]
- [dings]
[dubstep music]
♪
- Here's a sentence you have never heard--
You know who's better on cocaine is scotty.
I love the paranoid stares he gives me.
I love the company scotty keeps when he's shneefed up.
With pot, I mean, some people are lazy and stupid.
But you're never like, "that guy made my life s--"
Well, that's no true. [laughs]
I guess pot has ruined some lives.
I don't like when people say "smoke up."
"hey, do you wanna go smoke up?"
I'm like, what are we in eighth grade?
Come on.
Let's get baked.
- [groans]
Oh, my god. - [yelps]
- Loud. Loud!
- Off.
- Shut up, gosling, you beautiful idiot.
- Nice shot, wendells.
- I'm the michael jordan of throwing vicodin everywhere.
- I'm so hung over--suela, consuela, suela!
- Oh, yayo. Yayo.
- Why is our life so [bleep] hard, wendy?
- Shut up!
- You know, I'm just gonna have a little coffee.
[snorts and moans]
- I just gotta check my email real quick.
- Oh, god. Oh, god. [farts]
- Oh, [bleep]. Oh--
[farts] - what? Wendells, what?
- [groans] oh, god.
- I'm going as fast as I can, wendells.
- Oh, my god, please hurry.
I've gotta push out a big gray coke snake.
- Oh, my god, I am just spraying
Chocolate shaving cream right now.
- Yeah. No durr.
- Where are the baby wipes? - I don't know!
- Fine, I'll just keep using these carpet samples,
But we need to go to one of those big bulk stores
And buy, like, a thousand rolls of tp
And we'll never have to go to a store again.
- Those big box stores are ruining america.
- We do it once, we do it right.
We'll just get shneefed to the dome
And then we'll go make fun of fat americans.
- Oh, nice. - Yeah.
- I'm gonna go in the hot tub.
[groaning and splattering]
- Wendy, that's not the bidet.
- What?
- That's not the huge bidet.
- It's fine. It's gonna work.
- Hey, fellow americans.
Stop your remote thumb and listen.
- Do you want nice possession,
But have no money for possession you want?
- Yes.
- Then get a fun loan.
- Fun loan?
- Super deluxe fun loan.
Follow me.
- Hey, cool guy.
What are you gonna buy with your loan?
- Steamed milk coffee drink?
- New york city. - Cool.
- College?
Super deluxe fun loan.
Hey, cool guy, you want speed boat?
Get super deluxe fun loan. - I like it.
- Dog as pet?
Get super deluxe fun loan.
- Tight jean. Big truck.
- Easy sex. - Get a super deluxe fun loan.
- That's cool.
- Wanna play some baseball?
- Get a super deluxe fun loan.
- [laughs]
- Hey, look who it is.
Bart simpson.
- Cool. Bart simpson.
Don't have a cow.
Super deluxe fun loan.
It's basically free money.
- When do I pay this back?
[ominous music] - stay cool.
- Don't get a job.
Both: Get a loan.
Both: Sheh sheh.
- I'm liz.
I'm an amazing person with an amazing life.
- And I'm liz.
I'm a college graduate and I expect the best.
I'm the driven one.
- And I'm trying to have a life.
Our pr firm is called publizity.
- It's based off our names.
So this morning, we have meeting with, like,
A very demanding new client.
The ceo of cultured yogurt water and liz better wake up.
Yogurt water? I love it. - Wow.
I think, like, a lot of women really want to drink something
That's, like, medium-thick. - Try it.
- I'm gonna try it, if you don't mind.
Like, I lie in meetings a lot, it's true.
I like the idea of just, like sucking down
One of these little things.
But, like, in this case, I really do hate water.
Like, I hate it.
It's, like, very exciting
To be trying a new beverage. [sniffs]
I love it. It's delicious.
- Well, th--thank you. - I like water,
But I want that sour taste that, like, only yogurt can bring.
So what can we do to help promote your product?
Um, let's see. [snorts]
Oh, I just had an amazing idea.
What if we did an event?
- Liz! Sorry.
You are a genius. - I love you.
- I love you, too. - You're my best friend.
- Here's what I'm thinking
We should do.
Cultured water is, like, very cultured,
And, like, what is the most cultured thing--
[snorts] oh, my god. England.
- Oh, England. - London, England.
- Oh, my god, I love london England.
- So it's, like, a theme party all about
London, England and cultured water.
And then we can have, like, adele perform!
We should have adele perform!
- I think adele might be a little expensive.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I could perform then.
I could do it.
I could actually just complete the performance.
I could do it. I could perform.
- Right? - But--
- You don't perform. - Mm.
- Liz is, like, crazy untalented,
And I don't know if she can deliver.
So I'm thinking what if we had anybody else perform?
- Mm, or I could do it.
- Or you know what we could do is we could just have, like,
A monkey with down syndrome smashing on cymbals.
I thought that was, like, a good possibility for something to do.
- You know what, liz, I'm gonna stop you right there
Because I would be so nervous for you
If that tiny monkey with the brain problem
Were to jump up and just scratch on someone's face.
- It's, like, the client's decision.
Whatever you think is best is fine.
So, like, either we do the monkey
Or something else or we have liz sing.
- Right, and, like, whatever you think is free.
- Well why don't we try it?
Why doesn't liz have a song-- - great. Amazing.
- Let's try it.
[singing nasally] - ♪ I would love to sing
♪ at your event
- Wow.
- Well that's proof positive right there that we should
Think of a bunch of options.
Coming up next on publizity...
What is she doing?
- [speaks spanish]
[arguing in spanish]
- [speaks spanish]
[dial tone and beeping]
- [speaks spanish]
- Este, I think my boyfriend,
He's cheating on me.
- [speaks spanish]
- [speaking energetically]
You are on the air on... [speaks spanish]
[trumpet blares]
[rooster crows]
[speaking gibberish]
- Well, I find text messages on my boyfriend's phone.
All: Ooh...
- [speaks spanish]
Cynthia, would you like to talk to an expert about this?
- Yes, I wanna talk to an expert.
- Okay, okay, here we are.
[high-pitched] hola?
Uh-oh, it's a baby.
[speaks spanish]
- I'm serious, what should I do?
- What should you do? - Yes.
- Maybe you should do doo doo. [laughs]
[elephant trumpets]
- [speaks spanish]
Is there any reason
I should stay with carlos?
- Is there any reason she should stay with carlos?
That's a great question.
Goat, what do you think, you stupid goat?
[slurred] uh, I don't know.
I just a goat.
I just want to eat garbage.
You are useless to me, you [bleep] goat.
- Here's what I think we should do.
I think we should call carlos por telefono.
- No, no. - We're going to prank call him.
- [speaks spanish]
- Okay! - Bueno.
- Why are you texting another woman
When you have a beautiful woman at home?
- [speaks spanish] [buzzer buzzes]
- Oh, he dances around.
Ah, we just disconnected him.
[laughter]
- Okay, cynthia, does that make you feel better?
- Si, chupa. I feel better, but, you know,
It's not gonna bring his amor back to me.
- Ooh, maybe we have a four-way with me, you,
Consuela and el bebe.
[weak voice] what about me?
Oh, old man juarez has been in the studio the whole time.
He doesn't speak much, but when he does, he speaks volumes.
- Uh, I don't know.
Maybe he's not for me.
- Oh, old man juarez, cynthia not interested in you.
[weak voice] my legs are not working anymore.
Wow, that's a downer.
[cries like a baby]
I want to go out with cynthia.
- Aw.
- Okay, cynthia, are you happy now?
- Si, gracias.
- Okay, you're going to go on a date with a baby!
Thank you, consuela.
Thank you, cynthia.
Call back any time you want at chupacabra
[speaks gibberish]
- I can't trust the banking system
In the United States of america.
It was ruined by the presidents.
What can I trust?
[laughs]
- [laughs]
- Digital money!
- Digital money.
- First, get digital mine to win compu-coin.
[ticking and whirring]
$1,000 equals $1 million in cybercash!
- Trade in all your dollars for cyber cash.
- Oh, yeah, I'm a millionaire!
- Oh! - [laughs]
Both: Digital money!
- Cybercash-redeemed best product.
- Hand fan. Tax free.
There's no way to end up in prison.
[giggles]
[dance music]
♪
- You're welcome, and I hope you liked it.
Well, how are you doing?
Would you like to try a mini quiche?
They're called petite quiche.
- My baby boy might. - Goo goo ga ga.
- Hope you like the petite quiche.
- Oh, just what I want.
Quiche from a grocery store.
No, thank you, I had diarrhea already today.
- Okay, well we have--
- Speaking of, can you tell us
Where the toilet paper is?
- Toilet paper is in aisle eight.
- We'll just be on our way then. [quiche plops]
- You guys are so interesting.
- Well, we're super rich, and this place is for poor people
So it's a very interesting dynamic.
- But I really think you would enjoy these quiches.
- [farts] ooh, doorknob.
- Oh, well.
Thank you.
- Look at america, it's crazy. I mean, this kid.
- [sighs] the world's coming to an end.
- I wanna tell him it's gonna get better
Because of the internet videos, but I don't think so.
- I think that's for gay kids,
Not for kids who are just going down in flames.
Hey!
- [groans]
- I'm the king of gallons!
[both cackle]
- Yes! - Blop blop blop!
- What can I do for you today?
- We just wanna dome some cats.
- What gun did the menendez brothers use
To rightfully kill their parents?
- They used a shotgun, but I'm thinking you boys
Might like something like a, uh, glock.
- Wow. - Glock.
- Check it out.
- Oh, and then do you have hollow points?
What are hollow points? - Hollow points?
Hollow points are a type of ammunition
And what they do is they go in small and they come out big.
- [explosion sound] they make your head explode.
- Exactly. - Aw.
- If you would...Shoot someone in the head.
- Nice. And so, like, is there a waiting period for, like,
White people? - Good question.
- For white people? No. No.
- So, as far as sex goes, does owning a gun,
Like, change that forever?
- I wanna, like, curve it. - No, it--
- You know, like mcavoy in wanted. Like--
[gunshot] - [screams]
My ear! - Wendells! Behave yourself.
- Oh, bebe, I'm so sorry. [alarm siren blares]
- Freeze! - Ooh...
- You're going to jail!
You're going to jail!
- Cool, so is this, like, a courtesy shuttle?
- Thanks, maureen.
Both: Oh...Hello.
- How are you? I'm george st. Geegland.
- Oh, charmed, I'm sure.
I'm gil faizon.
What am I supposed to say?
- And this is our prank show.
- And this is our prank show, too much tuna.
- Every week on too much tuna, we prank someone
By giving them too much tuna fish.
- Which is a delicious fish.
- Pranks are the hot new thing.
From candid camera to bloopers and practicing jokes.
- To ashram kitchen's pranth'd.
- This week our guest is our dear, dear friend,
Dr. Jeffrey gurian, d.D.S.
- Jeffrey gurian, you've led such a fascinating life.
Do tell us about it.
- Well, you know, I have led a fascinating life.
I was born in new york.
I, uh, I write. I write projects.
Gurian news network. - Oh.
- Gnn. - Gnn.
- Can I get shot of you two? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay. Cool.
[snaps picture]
One more. - One with my eyes closed.
- Yeah. [snaps picture]
- You know, jeffrey, you're on our prank show,
Too much tuna where we're gonna deliver
Too much tuna fish to you. - I mean, I--
- Well let's just see what happens.
Oh, that's wonderful. Thank you.
- Okay. You're probably thinking...
- You're probably... - You're probably thinking
That's too much tuna.
- No, I'm not thinking anything. No.
I think it's great.
- You ticked off?
- No, not at all. It's--
- Are you just heated at us
For giving you this much tuna?
- Not at all. - Too much.
- We've had a lot of guests on too much tuna.
- And this is just too much tuna.
- This is fabulous.
- Listen, that's too much tuna
And we just pranked you but good.
I mean, there's a camera right there.
- Look, oh y-- - you want me to leave here?
- You're on a prank show.
There's a camera behind you.
- I'm not looking, I'm not looking.
- There's a camera over there.
- I'm not even looking. - You've been pranked.
You're sitting here.
- How do you feel?
- The tuna's perfect.
- You're on a prank show called
Too much tuna, jeff, whether you like it or not.
- No, I'm not.
- ♪ I'll treat you right
- So the party's going, like, amazing.
Like, everything is, like, really english.
The ceo is, like, really happy with how I'm schmoozing her.
Thank you cassandra.
I just, like, don't know if liz
Could, like bring it.
- I'm backstage, totally calm
And ready to take on the performance.
- I think what we're doing is just, like,
Building anticipation.
You know that feeling of, like,
"oh, my god, is it gonna happen?
Is it gonna happen?" - all right. Is it gonna happen?
- [vocalizes nasally]
- Oh, my god, you look amazing.
Are you putting on weight?
- Wait, weight?
The client is ready and then she's super demanding.
She knows exactly what she wants...
- Right. - And, like, what she wants
Is a great night.
- Liz. - Uh-huh?
- I feel like you think I'm not gonna deliver.
- [muffled] oh, my god.
- Why would I put our business at risk?
- Like, if you don't [muffled speech]
- [squeaky] I want to perform!
- Of course, then, like, just do it.
- Right. - It's gonna be [muffled speech]
I'm, like, freaking out.
Am I gonna have to get up there and sing myself?
I have a beautiful voice, but I have not
Sang since my bat mitzvah.
- [hyperventilates]
[squeaking]
- Oh, my god, here she is.
[tires screeching] hold on, what is she doing?
- ♪ look at me, don't look at me ♪
♪ I'm the one who knows who's me ♪
♪ I'm the queen, the queen of mean ♪
Oh, my god, my voice sounds amazing.
♪ I am the queen of mean
- I always had total faith that liz could deliver,
And she did.
- ♪ I need a drink
♪ cultured water
- It's, like, so on brand, and it's like perfect
For cultured water, right?
She's really delivering.
- Did you remember to refrigerate this?
- Weigh it?
- ♪ I'm the queen, the queen of mean ♪
♪ I am so mean, so mean to the extreme ♪
♪ so just let me be mean
♪ I am the queen of mean
To the land of England.
- Apparently they neglected to refrigerate the yogurt drinks.
Everyone got sick.
It's been all over the internet.
- Oh, my god.
- ♪ I'll treat you right-- [belches]
- [speaks chinese]
- Yes, the fun loans people are gonna make
A ton of money off of me.
I didn't realize that it was 50% interest,
But, I mean, the opportunity to meet bart simpson
Was just too much for me.
- [laughs]
- Can you take an animated gif?
- One where I look like the black dude
Who looks like the predator in dave matthews band.
The violin player.
What's up, guys?
- What up?
- I like you.
- I like you too, man.
- I'm gonna kill you.
- This is where I start to cry.
- I'm gonna rape you.
- You seem great.
- Bruckenhiemer, shawn, you are free to go.
- Oh, thank you, daddy.
- [bleep] you.
- [bleep] you!
- Blow me, bro.
- [bleep] hitler.
- [laughs] - see ya.
- Cell phone. - For the hoes.
- One gold nail file. - For the toes.
- That's it, gents. Empty.
- Come on.
- We came in with one more thing in our pockets.
- Um...I don't know what you guys are talking about.
- I did a semester at bart, so I'm a pretty good writer.
So the yelp review I'm gonna write about this place
Is gonna be scathing.
- His word choice is brilliant.
- You're idiots.
Leave now.
- Give me my cocaine or I'm gonna have a spaz attack!
- So do you guys have, like, good memories? Or...
- [cracks neck]
- Bummer.
- Bruckenhiemer, shawn, you are free to go.
[both laugh]
- Thank you, daddy.
- [bleep] you!
[bleep] you! - [bleep] you!
- Eat my [bleep]. Okay?
- [laughs] good at bizness.
- My hand--my hand smells so bad I'm passing out.
- What do they smell like? - Tuna.
- Oh.
- You know what, I have purell.
I have purell-- I carry purell on my waist.
- You gotta carry purell.
Oh, there you go. - It hangs from my waist.
- And it looks like a kabbalah bracelet.
- It does.