1 00:00:02,402 --> 00:00:07,539 - I'm not ready to reveal all the truth. 2 00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,276 I was just like you-- 3 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:14,213 Lost, out of control, 4 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,748 In total denial. 5 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:19,718 I had no idea what was going on around me. 6 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,620 Who's running the banks? 7 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,389 Who's running the government? 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,791 Who's running all the religious ideas? 9 00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:29,995 And how does this all connect to the lizard people? 10 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:34,166 Over the last two months, I have been traveling the globe 11 00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:37,102 Talking to the world's foremost experts, 12 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,905 And they have opened my eyes. 13 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,807 Come along! 14 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,709 - There have been people controlling stuff 15 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:45,210 In this country for centuries. 16 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,046 - How many legs does a lizard have? 17 00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:49,681 - If you suggest that there's an illuminati, 18 00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:51,984 Which we do... - These are the patterns 19 00:00:51,986 --> 00:00:54,953 That shape our lives! 20 00:00:55,588 --> 00:00:58,824 Our first truthling is a preeminent expert 21 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:01,360 In the field of alternative biology 22 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,296 And a close friend of over two years. 23 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,232 How are the lizard people controlling us? 24 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:11,170 - The mechanism chiefly used is temperature control, 25 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,704 Because they come from a warm climate, 26 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,674 And they understand that that gives them a speed advantage 27 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,943 Over us, being-- they think fast. 28 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:18,911 - Yes. - They move fast. 29 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:22,047 If you see a lizard scurrying, you think, "oh, it's very fast." 30 00:01:22,049 --> 00:01:26,051 Even the higher-evolved ones, they're more like human beings, 31 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,153 They're fast also. 32 00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,621 - And why... - [coughs] 33 00:01:29,623 --> 00:01:30,823 - Is there mind control? 34 00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:31,723 - There's mind control, 35 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,692 But through mechanisms that we're beginning to understand. 36 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:36,128 We're observing the behavior of the penguins. 37 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:36,662 - Yes. 38 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,430 - Because they're naturally cold-brained. 39 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:39,531 They thrive in this environment. 40 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:42,968 - Can penguins fly? - Penguins are not able to fly. 41 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,571 - [squawks] 42 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:47,639 - Open your eyes, world. 43 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,876 - When you confront this information, be bold. 44 00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,211 Be bold. - Be bold, be brave. 45 00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,780 - Be courageous with these numbers. 46 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:56,515 Do not shy away, because it's all-- 47 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,984 - And also, if people do want to hire you 48 00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,152 As a limo driver... 49 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:02,354 - I'm available for hire. 50 00:02:04,491 --> 00:02:07,659 [dubstep music] 51 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:15,901 ♪ ♪ 52 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,175 - [slurping] 53 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,278 - Oh, my goo-goo. - I'm back. 54 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,779 [chuckles, snorts] 55 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,815 - Liz, oh, my god. 56 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,750 Your bangs have, like, grown a lot. 57 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,752 Well, like, that's the least of it. 58 00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:37,890 I've grown as well. Like, we're like... 59 00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:43,695 - You're, like, my sister. It's like that movie frozen. 60 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:46,064 - We're like the sisters in the movie frozen 61 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:47,599 Because there are, like, characters, 62 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,335 Like, princesses, but, like, also one is a witch. 63 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,371 - Yeah, so, like, liz, what's been going on 64 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:55,807 Since I've been gone? 65 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:56,441 - I'm liz. 66 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,777 I had my baby. I bankrupted the company. 67 00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,580 And now it's time for me to grow up. 68 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:05,384 - And I'm liz. I got bangs! 69 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:09,922 - Our p.R. Firm is called publizity. 70 00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,791 - It's based off our names. 71 00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:13,792 - Oh, your car's outside 72 00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:15,460 For your meeting with tommy rothchild. 73 00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,196 - Tommy rothchild is our newest client, 74 00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:20,098 We looked him up on google to get more info on him, 75 00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,099 And there was nothing there, 76 00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:23,402 Which means he's, like, ultra important 77 00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,836 And, like, full of mystery. 78 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,838 - If this client comes through, 79 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,242 I might never have to tell liz that I [bleep] up 80 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,777 Our cash flow. 81 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:34,880 - Where are we? - Oh, my god. 82 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,348 This is gorgeous. 83 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,050 Like, I feel like I've been here before, 84 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,818 But, like, I definitely haven't. 85 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,820 - Thanks so much for meeting with me. 86 00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:45,390 - [gasps] both: Oh, my god! 87 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:49,528 - Tommy rothchild's entrance just, like, took my breath away. 88 00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:51,763 - We've never been to this neighborhood before, 89 00:03:51,765 --> 00:03:53,799 But it's, like, very charming, 90 00:03:53,801 --> 00:03:55,534 But, like, also, like, shady. 91 00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,035 - Sounds like an ex of mine. 92 00:03:57,037 --> 00:04:00,672 [both laughing] - [snorts] 93 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,373 - Just a joke. 94 00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,775 - Like, is this how we're gonna have the meeting? 95 00:04:03,777 --> 00:04:07,646 - I think it would be best if I came down, because... 96 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:09,648 We're certainly not doing it up here. 97 00:04:09,650 --> 00:04:10,749 Both: Why not? 98 00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:15,220 - I would never make a lady walk up even a single step. 99 00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:18,724 Both: Oh, my god! 100 00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,260 - Tommy rothchild is, like, such a gentleman. 101 00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,428 It's, like, I'm embarrassed, that I have, like, 102 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,830 A little bit of a crush on him. 103 00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,466 Oh, my god. [laughs, snorts] 104 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,334 Oh, my god. - Please. 105 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:33,405 - Tommy rothchild is such a gentleman. 106 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:37,409 [both slurping] 107 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:40,112 - Have either of you heard of the illuminati? 108 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:42,080 Both: Mm-hmm. 109 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:45,951 - You know, world leaders, ceos, movie stars. 110 00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:49,655 - Of course. Those are, like, our main client bank. 111 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,957 - Mm-hmm. - I need you to organize 112 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,225 A top-secret event 113 00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,727 For the world's most powerful people. 114 00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:58,664 This is a party for the illuminati. 115 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,932 - When I hear the word "illuminati," 116 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,301 I hear, like, "naughty." 117 00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:05,103 What if this party was, like, naughty? 118 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:07,306 - We don't want this to be a sex party, but-- 119 00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:08,373 - This is a dirty little party. 120 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,776 Like, it's a naughty, little naughty party. 121 00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:11,510 - No. 122 00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:12,177 - All right. - Great. 123 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:16,114 - Have I mentioned how beautiful you ladies are? 124 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,317 [both laughing] 125 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,853 I meant to say it before, but I love your bangs. 126 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:24,022 - [snorting] 127 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,124 Oh, my god! 128 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,761 - I like to compliment women whenever I see them. 129 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,296 - And just, like, as a matter on course, 130 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:34,766 Like, we should probably be discussing, like, payment forms, 131 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,368 Which, like, need to be due to us. 132 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,637 - I'm all about work, and she's all about fumbling. 133 00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,906 Right now liz is, like, all about business. 134 00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,708 - Just to be clear, you're certain you can get 135 00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,910 These people at your event, right? 136 00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,078 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 137 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,779 - Can you give me an example of one name? 138 00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,414 Just so I know you can do this. 139 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:52,017 - Have you ever heard of... - Barack obama? 140 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:55,320 - The people I work with will be very pleased. 141 00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:58,990 - At the end of the day, you're gonna get what you want. 142 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,525 - Would you mind repeating that for me? 143 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,928 - Sure. You're gonna get what you want. 144 00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:06,465 [hail to the chief plays] 145 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,466 - Have you ever done drag? 146 00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,301 Have you ever dressed up as a lady? 147 00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:10,836 - I have once. - How did it go? 148 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:14,639 - Good. I actually felt like I could embrace... 149 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:18,443 I kind of did a little kind of move with my body that-- 150 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,579 I don't know-- just, like, that confident 151 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,147 Female-type thing, you know? 152 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,850 I don't know if women do that, but I guess it felt... 153 00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,017 - Yeah, women move all the time. 154 00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:29,721 - And now, a special episode of crab cab, 155 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,089 With your host, fabrice fabrice. 156 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:34,126 - My name is fabrice fabrice, the beast from the east. 157 00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:36,862 The name so nice, you have to say it again. 158 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:40,232 Obviously, you know that already, as you have indeed 159 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,099 Called my service. 160 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,001 I'm here to service you, top to bottom. 161 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:45,670 - Maybe we could just get you to drive to the baseball game? 162 00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:49,007 - All right, so that's the location where you're going now. 163 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,675 I'll tell you what's more important 164 00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,878 And more popular than baseball 165 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,813 On the internet right now is porno. 166 00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:58,216 I know some girls that will do awful things to you. 167 00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:01,420 You can treat their asses like garbage cans. 168 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,055 Is that interesting to you boys? - No, thank you. 169 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,724 - Okay. Well, I don't know if you know this, 170 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:09,227 But there's something special waiting in that cooler for you. 171 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,896 So why don't you open that cooler up. 172 00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:15,066 Open it up. What's in there? - There's a crab. 173 00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:18,170 - Oh, look at that! Y'all are on crab cab! 174 00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:20,005 - What the hell? - Now, if you answer 175 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,874 This question correctly, this crab could be yours. 176 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,076 - I don't want the crab. - Why did you do this? 177 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,212 - Okay, here's the question... 178 00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,021 - Popcorn. - Tootsie rolls. 179 00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:38,156 - You're both right! - That's not possible. 180 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,091 - His favorite thing was candy! 181 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,761 And that means that you win the crab! 182 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:43,995 Get that crab out my cab! 183 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,498 - ♪ I'll be bringin' something special ♪ 184 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:52,037 [eerie music] 185 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:55,640 ♪ ♪ 186 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:59,211 - They went for it. - The illuminati took the bait? 187 00:07:59,213 --> 00:08:00,245 The publicists did. 188 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,113 The invitations go out today. 189 00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,516 - That's great. - All the elites will be there-- 190 00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,318 The rockefellers, the st. Clairs, 191 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,687 The bilderburgers, the lizard people. 192 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,356 Macklemore will be there. - My god. 193 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,124 - These publicists are connected. 194 00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,360 - I can't wait to tell the illuminati 195 00:08:15,362 --> 00:08:18,129 What we think about their new world order. 196 00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,297 - ♪ ready, set ♪ 197 00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,467 [energetic music] 198 00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,269 ♪ ♪ 199 00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:27,372 - Crush your beliefs. - Empty your thoughts. 200 00:08:27,374 --> 00:08:33,245 ♪ ♪ 201 00:08:33,247 --> 00:08:36,314 - Subvert your experience. 202 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,483 - Wait, wait, wait. What's going on? 203 00:08:38,485 --> 00:08:42,220 I'm sorry I'm not there. I'm at my girlfriend's place. 204 00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,421 - Are those her stuffed animals? 205 00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,723 - Can we just get back to the meeting? 206 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,824 I have limited time. I have to go. 207 00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:49,628 - I also have limited time. I have to go, actually. 208 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:50,395 - What? - Huh? 209 00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:52,797 - It's the last day of the warranty on my elantra, 210 00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,266 And I have to get it serviced today, 211 00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:56,768 Or else I have to take it completely out of pocket. 212 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,269 - Okay. 213 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,104 - This is the beginning of the end 214 00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:00,872 And a new beginning. 215 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,841 This is it, brother. 216 00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,009 - Wait. What's he doing? 217 00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,978 I actually would like to see this. 218 00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,346 - What? 219 00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:10,048 - Why is it fully silent in there right now? 220 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,717 What's happening? - See you at the party. 221 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,285 - Okay. 222 00:09:13,287 --> 00:09:14,719 - Look, we got to get back on track. 223 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,288 - This isn't gonna be easy. We need money. 224 00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:18,123 - Well, how fancy is this party gonna be? 225 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:21,192 - The puppet masters are going to expect the best-- 226 00:09:21,194 --> 00:09:22,027 Open bar and everything. 227 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:23,495 - That sounds like it's gonna be expensive. 228 00:09:23,497 --> 00:09:25,130 How are we gonna raise the money? 229 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,631 - We're off the grid. 230 00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,066 We have no credit, on purpose. 231 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:31,436 We'll have to find a way. - Mm. 232 00:09:32,705 --> 00:09:35,473 I could forward you one half hundred 233 00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,008 Or two half hundred euros. 234 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,978 And in exchange, you will provide me with papers, 235 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,179 Papers I will use to travel. 236 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,214 - Why are you in such a hurry to get out of here? 237 00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,183 What are you, french? - I'm a european. 238 00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:48,620 - From the european non-branch of our anti-organization. 239 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,155 - Where's your passport? 240 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,157 - I had a visa, but I lost it. 241 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:56,394 It was clawed from my hands when I was making sausages, 242 00:09:56,396 --> 00:10:00,565 Sausages that were made from chocolate and human bone. 243 00:10:00,567 --> 00:10:01,933 - Uh-huh. - What'd he say? 244 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,270 - The coolest musical band is the chemical brothers. 245 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:08,006 - We got to show the illuminati what we think 246 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,240 Of their new world order. 247 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,543 - Right. What did I say? 248 00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,144 - Just go back to talking. I'll be here. 249 00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,814 - Okay, so we're taking down the illuminati, right? 250 00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:16,848 Both: Yes. 251 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:19,017 - You two were the editors of kroll show. 252 00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,219 - Yes. - And you have been promoted 253 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,454 To directors. - Yes. 254 00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:24,689 - How does it feel--does it feel different to direct, 255 00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:27,626 Knowing that you're gonna edit everything? 256 00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,561 Bill? - Huh? 257 00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:30,061 - [laughs] 258 00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:31,930 Does it make you feel good to have nerds-- 259 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:34,599 I don't want to say in charge, but, like, you know what I mean? 260 00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,201 Like, does it make you feel good 261 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:38,737 To have nerds around that are kind of, like... 262 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,739 - What I've tried to do in putting together 263 00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,074 The team behind kroll show is to have men 264 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:46,077 That I can feel more manly than. Both: Men. 265 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:46,611 - Men. 266 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,847 - In the case of the rest of the crew-- 267 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,249 - I don't think I've ever been referred to as a man. 268 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,117 - Yeah. 269 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:53,551 [energetic music] 270 00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,988 - Tommy rothchild, aka basically prince charming, 271 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,924 Has hired us to throw a party for the illuminati. 272 00:10:59,926 --> 00:11:02,794 Step one-- do some research. 273 00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,964 - The top of the washington monument, 274 00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:08,900 A child's drawing of a witch's hat, 275 00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,068 A cat's mouth... 276 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,470 What do these things have in common? 277 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:15,206 All you have to do is connect the dots. 278 00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,442 - Oh, my god, this is interesting. 279 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,678 - This seems, like, educational. 280 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,080 This video is, like, so confusing. 281 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,782 - The lizards are at the top 282 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,284 Of all of the major corporations, 283 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:30,221 Government agencies, and hit music groups 284 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:31,890 On the planet today. 285 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,992 - Believe it or not, I was shocked 286 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:37,028 To hear that it's lizards that run the world. 287 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,229 This is, like, so spooky, 288 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,532 But, like, I've always, like, suspected 289 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:44,903 That there's, like, something special about me. 290 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:48,373 Did you see that? - You flicked your tongue out? 291 00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,374 Real subtle, liz. 292 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,910 I know exactly what game plan you're going with. 293 00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,144 Honestly, like, as you know, 294 00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,947 I go to, like, a very expensive dermatologist... 295 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:57,816 - Yeah, we all know. - Because I had to treat 296 00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,783 My, like, scaly skin, 297 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,952 Which is, like, a number-one skin problem 298 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,654 That, like, most lizards have. 299 00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:03,988 - Right, well, like, I feel like 300 00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,156 If you were, like, a lizard queen, 301 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,725 Like, you wouldn't, like, literally 302 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:08,393 Have pieces of your skin falling off. 303 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,627 Like, obviously, I'm a lizard. 304 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,528 That's why my name is liz. 305 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,763 It's based on my name-- lizard. 306 00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:14,499 - Every single invitation to this event has been declined. 307 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,102 - What? Let me take a look at this. 308 00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:18,470 Are you joking me? Hold on. 309 00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:22,140 [gasps] barack obama said no? 310 00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,210 Lady gaga said no? 311 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,879 Orpah winfrey said no? 312 00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:31,616 Oh, my god! Macklemore said no! 313 00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:34,152 - I'm a lizard queen. - It's ironing 314 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,754 That you are in the sun right now, 315 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:39,057 Because, honestly, you're acting, like, shady. 316 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:42,193 [suspenseful music] 317 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:48,533 - When I set out to make this video, 318 00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,769 I had a lot of ideas. 319 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,704 And I still do! 320 00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:54,339 You see, the world is broken up 321 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,976 Into a number of different patterns and hierarchies. 322 00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:00,845 And you might wonder why. 323 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:05,083 - We believe that the world 324 00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:08,353 Is controlled by the most powerful people in the world. 325 00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:09,954 I mean, that's almost the tautology. 326 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,657 - Yeah. And those people are all lizards. 327 00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:14,826 - Well, we don't believe they're literally lizards, 328 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:17,162 But if you want to imagine the concept of greed 329 00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,764 As reptilian, then I would agree with you. 330 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:24,969 - Well, if they're not lizards, then who's right here? 331 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:28,006 - Well, that's a cartoon of a... 332 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,676 Lizard assuming a human's pose. - Exactly. 333 00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,479 And who do you think drew it? 334 00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,347 - Actually, it looks like more of a 3-d model. 335 00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:38,917 - Or is it the control of the lizard overlords, 336 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:42,353 The reptilian species that runs the top echelons 337 00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,689 Of the government? - No. 338 00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:46,658 That's not true. 339 00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,426 There's not another species of creature 340 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:51,696 That's in charge of the, um, government. 341 00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,198 That's a fantasy. 342 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,667 People developed those fantasies so that they feel 343 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,168 That someone's in control. 344 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,971 Actually confronting the chaos of the universe 345 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,606 Is too frightening for some people, 346 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,042 So they have to come up with elaborate theories 347 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,077 That explain someone being in control 348 00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,646 In the face of a dead god. - So much--so much-- 349 00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:10,381 So many interesting things to get to. 350 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,918 - If you want to find out more about my radical politics 351 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,286 And our organization, 352 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:17,088 Open your tor browser 353 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,525 And go to realists.Onion. 354 00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,428 Here's the details. 355 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,897 The illuminati gala is tonight at the hotel telho. 356 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,600 - Oh, I didn't know that's when the party was. 357 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:29,734 Did you say "tonight"? - Yeah. 358 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,437 - No. No, I can't do tonight. - I don't-- 359 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,371 It's always been tonight. 360 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,273 - Stephanie has another show tonight, 361 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,675 And even though I videotaped her last show, 362 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:38,509 I got to do it tonight, 363 00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:40,245 'cause she says that I got her at a bad angle. 364 00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:43,147 - For me, entertainment is hooking fish hooks 365 00:14:43,149 --> 00:14:45,884 To a human body that has been taken of its life 366 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,518 And then treating it like a puppet. 367 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,386 - Look, I don't understand 368 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,888 Why you're going above and beyond like this 369 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,590 For a woman who doesn't even say she's your girlfriend. 370 00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:53,324 - Thank you. 371 00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,093 - Oh, I can't win. I can't win. 372 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:57,362 You know, when I'm with her, she's giving me grief 373 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,797 About spending all my time focusing on you guys. 374 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,967 And when I'm with her, you guys are giving me grief. 375 00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,302 It's just like who am I dating, 376 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,572 And who am I, you know, doing terrorism with? 377 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,574 I don't--I don't-- 378 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,809 [sighs] - okay, well, I'm going 379 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:12,710 To get out of here. 380 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,480 I like to hide in plain sight. I'm a cannibal. 381 00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,415 I like to consume human flesh. 382 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,983 And I will do it around the world 383 00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:21,152 Until someone chooses to listen to me. 384 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,620 - So who's it gonna be-- the three of us? 385 00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,023 - Hardly a crew. It's a plus-one plus-one. 386 00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:28,026 - I hope they have some good appetizers. 387 00:15:28,727 --> 00:15:32,897 - Crab cab was a pitch that I was very invested in 388 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:34,966 In season two of kroll show. - Mm-hmm. 389 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:39,003 Season three. - No, I brought it up last year. 390 00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:39,971 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 391 00:15:39,973 --> 00:15:43,007 Everyone kind of laughed at it, because it's two words 392 00:15:43,009 --> 00:15:45,009 That rhyme with each other, and then they said, 393 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:48,279 "no, we'll never do that. It doesn't make any sense." 394 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,848 Now we did multiple crab cabs this year. 395 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:54,552 [woman speaking native language] 396 00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:57,588 - Today... 397 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,191 And his... 398 00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:01,759 - Y'all are on crab cab! 399 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:04,529 Hold up. Are you holding stuffed animals 400 00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:05,997 And an accordion right now? 401 00:16:05,999 --> 00:16:09,567 - Yes, she does music with the accordion. 402 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,970 - I've had pinky since I was four 403 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:13,204 In the hospital with pneumonia. 404 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,640 - Oh, yeah? I got this little mother[bleep] right here. 405 00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,342 - What's its name? - His name is phone. 406 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:21,245 I use him to make calls and text people about getting laid 407 00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:23,648 And sucking [bleep] and getting even 408 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,950 And even eating [bleep] now and again. 409 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,352 Speaking of... - Getting even? 410 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,121 - As you already can tell, you are on a game show. 411 00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:34,192 It's called crab cab. - We're on crab cab? 412 00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:35,793 Oh, my god! - Look at the crab. 413 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,395 To win that crab, you better answer 414 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,364 The following question correctly. 415 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,465 - Oh, you have to... 416 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,101 - Do you love your boyfriend? 417 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,305 - I mean, you do. - I mean, we've been together-- 418 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:48,673 - You just don't like the work. - I'm sorry. 419 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:52,210 I'm sorry I didn't win the crab. Can you just pull over, please? 420 00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,312 - What do you mean "pull over"? - I can't love you. 421 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,714 I'm sorry, and you're making me uncomfortable. 422 00:16:56,716 --> 00:16:58,383 I feel a lot of pressure. I'm sorry. 423 00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:03,221 - Wait. - I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. 424 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,957 - Ooh. 425 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,825 Aw. You sad? 426 00:17:07,827 --> 00:17:09,360 - [sobbing] yeah, I'm sad. 427 00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,930 - You got that crab? - No, I don't want the crab. 428 00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:15,533 I want my girlfriend back. - Oh, buddy. 429 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:18,336 I'm real sorry about that. - That went really bad. 430 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:22,673 - ♪ I'll be bringin' something special ♪ 431 00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:23,841 - The, you know, u.S. Government 432 00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,144 Keeps a record of every web search 433 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,713 You've ever done, every text message you've ever sent, 434 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,415 Every web page you've ever visited, 435 00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,383 Every video you've ever watched, 436 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,886 Every facebook profile of a friend 437 00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:35,653 That you ever looked up. 438 00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:39,257 - I guess-- so my question is, so what? 439 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,224 - So what? 440 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,659 - ♪ I'll treat you right ♪ 441 00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,929 - This party is gonna be amazing. 442 00:17:44,931 --> 00:17:48,599 And we should just comment ourselves on a job well done. 443 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:49,467 - Liz, like, honest, 444 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,668 You couldn't have put it better yourself, 445 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:52,170 And, like, we should comment ourselves 446 00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:52,970 On, like, a job well done, 447 00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,705 Because, like, only time will be to tell, like, 448 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:59,010 Who actually is the lizard liz that, like, does reign supreme. 449 00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:01,646 And, like, you're my best friend 450 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:02,814 And, like, also my sister, 451 00:18:02,816 --> 00:18:04,715 And, like, tonight is, like, 452 00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,018 Just about, like, making the client happy 453 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:10,521 And, like, having fun, which, by the way, is, like, 454 00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,056 My favorite thing ever. 455 00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:14,325 - Let's have a naughty time. 456 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:17,595 - Liz! You're under arrest. 457 00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:19,263 - You're under arrest. - Cheers. 458 00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,832 - Cheers. 459 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:24,802 [both slurping] 460 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,137 - ♪ baby ♪ 461 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,106 ♪ I see you walking ♪ 462 00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:30,374 ♪ and I like the way you... ♪ 463 00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:32,210 - Between us, I'm gonna come clean. 464 00:18:32,212 --> 00:18:33,511 That's not the real macklemore. 465 00:18:33,513 --> 00:18:36,981 Barack obama-- thank you so much for coming 466 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,683 As president of the United States. 467 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:42,386 I'd love to introduce you to our actual leader, 468 00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,088 The lizard king. 469 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:46,991 - [slurps] 470 00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:48,993 - Tasty. [both laughing] 471 00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,795 - Enjoy your lizard snacks! 472 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:51,762 - Hello, lizzes. 473 00:18:51,764 --> 00:18:55,933 - [gasps] both: Oh, my god! 474 00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,636 - Tommy's entrance, like, blew me away. 475 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,838 How do you do this? - Wow. 476 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,242 - I snuck up beside the table and, uh... 477 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:04,942 Hiding my face. 478 00:19:04,944 --> 00:19:06,444 - Yeah. - I look to see when you guys 479 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,112 Would look away, and then I turned around. 480 00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,114 - Like, what do you think of the event? 481 00:19:10,116 --> 00:19:13,217 - Everyone here is just a celebrity impersonator, 482 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,520 Besides mitt romney. 483 00:19:15,522 --> 00:19:19,190 - Oh, my god. That is so kind to get positive reinforcement. 484 00:19:19,192 --> 00:19:22,426 - What are you talking about? This party sucks. 485 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:22,960 - [gasps] 486 00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,529 - You said you knew these people. 487 00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:25,930 This is, like, for babies. 488 00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,866 - It's horrible! - Honestly, liz! 489 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,868 - Tommy, the idea that you would make me cry 490 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,871 In front of the lizard king, the most respected person 491 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,940 In the reptilian-overlord community... 492 00:19:35,942 --> 00:19:39,076 - That's, like, a major low blow. 493 00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,978 - You just put a crown on an iguana. 494 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,981 - Honestly, tommy... - Honestly, like, face it. 495 00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,883 - Honestly, tommy, just, like... 496 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,451 - When might we actually be paid? 497 00:19:47,453 --> 00:19:50,087 'cause that is a pressing issue. - How about never? 498 00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,055 - Go! - What? 499 00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,490 - Fan out! Get pictures! 500 00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,791 - Oh, my god! - Cassandra! 501 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:56,360 - Cassandra! - Cassandra, what's going on? 502 00:19:56,362 --> 00:20:00,498 - Get the photos. - Wait. 503 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,699 - These aren't even the illuminati. 504 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,301 - Why do you have, like, a flap over your gonker? 505 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:06,604 Are you afraid someone's gonna, like, bonk your blinker, or... 506 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,140 - Do you know who tommy rothchild is? 507 00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:09,941 Like, what's his deal? 508 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:12,076 Is he, like, a gentleman, or is he, like, a bad guy? 509 00:20:12,078 --> 00:20:13,244 - He's my brother's friend from college. 510 00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:16,914 - Well, somebody is gonna have to give a payment to cassandra. 511 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:20,918 - Cassandra can't find us. [laughs] 512 00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,187 - Even though we didn't get to confront 513 00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:26,123 The secret cabal of plutocrats who control the entire world, 514 00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:26,958 It was a pretty good party. 515 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,393 - The party was, like, a bit of a bust, 516 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:33,864 But, like, I want you to know, like... 517 00:20:33,866 --> 00:20:37,368 Really amazing to see you, like, 518 00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:39,337 [sniffles deeply] become, like, 519 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:43,941 This woman I always that I, like, suspected you to be. 520 00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:47,578 - You're my sister, and so I want you to know that... 521 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,182 - I'm sorry. What? 522 00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:53,117 You lost all the money! - I lost all the money! 523 00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:56,387 - The company is ruined, and guess whose fault it is. 524 00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:57,255 Um, liz. 525 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,857 [suspenseful music] 526 00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:03,127 Ha ha. Good at bizness. 527 00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:07,732 - Ow. 528 00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:08,799 - From the perspective of someone 529 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,468 With all the money and power in the world-- 530 00:21:10,470 --> 00:21:11,335 - 'cause they can fly. 531 00:21:11,337 --> 00:21:12,536 - Well, they can fly an airplane. 532 00:21:12,538 --> 00:21:14,805 - Mm-hmm. But if you look at the wings 533 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,141 And connect them to the front of the plane, 534 00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:20,144 It takes on a triangular form. 535 00:21:20,146 --> 00:21:20,177 - Any three points make a triangle.