MATURE JENNIFER: Sweet dreams
are an ideal preface to the dawn.
We can begin in sunshine and with purpose.
We can draw from a well
filled with rest and possibility.
Nothing has been started,
nothing has been spent, if we're lucky.
Each day dawns blank,
a sheet of paper waiting for our story.
We start to create it the moment that we wake.
More marmalade!
Do tuck in. Plenty more where that came from.
You can say that again.
I think what Nurse Crane means is... Well,
variety is the spice of life.
Oh. Would you like me to make a different flavour?
OTHERS: No!
Good morning, Lucille.
Morning.
You were on my mind the minute I woke up this morning.
I had fun and games last night
with the set of the sleeve on your cardigan.
There's no rush.
I've a bit of a special one for your district list today.
Mr Thomas Woodleigh.
11 Caliphate Street.
Born 1889.
It appears he took a tumble on his front step.
Multiple sutures in his left hand.
Dressing changes needed.
And whilst detained overnight,
he underwent a test
that suggests a degree of macular degeneration.
So he is losing his sight.
Further tests required, apparently,
and Mr Woodleigh is refusing to cooperate.
See if you can get him to trust you.
Then we can move things on.
Ah... Hands up everyone who remembered their PE kit.
GIRLS: Me!
Hands up everybody taking tadpoles for the nature table.
Me!
GLASS CLINKS
Hands up everyone with a delivery bag
and wearing a nurse's uniform.
ALL LAUGH
I'm sorry.
I was looking for something to donate to the raffle.
Ah! This is perfect.
Well, that was a present from a grateful patient.
Why can't you give them that Liebfraumilch?
It's been sitting there since New Year.
The Liebfraumilch?
Oh, I don't think so.
I'm sure we'll have a use for it at some point.
And we never drink whisky.
What's that?
It's the girls' measurements for their maypole costumes.
All I have to do is drop them off with Miss Nadine.
Mmm...
Teddy, do not take the lid off that Tupperware box.
OTHERS LAUGH
Sister, I collected the urn from the Florrie.
Where shall I leave it?
SISTER JULIENNE: Thank you, Cyril.
In my view, it should remain in the Florrie.
And Sister Julienne should entertain her friends there.
It's an opportunity to give first-time mothers
some practical advice in a less formal environment.
And I hope they enjoy each other's company.
I intuit the hand of Sister Veronica.
No, it's all my idea,
although I do admit Sister Veronica's arrival
has lifted my spirits
and freed me to spend more time with the people that we serve.
This parlour is a place of quietude and reflection...
..and the television.
I am not in favour of this invasion.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Nurse.
You looking for Nadine? Yes.
I think she might have popped out.
Worse than that.
HORN BEEPS TYRES SCREECH
GIGGLES
Oh, slow down, Lil!
If the boss finds out I let you drive the van,
he'll have my guts for garters.
You worry too much.
Mwah!
EXHALES
Hello.
Miss Nadine has had an ovary removed.
A very nasty case of torsion, according to Sister.
Oh, no. The neighbour said she was screaming
as they carried her into the ambulance.
Well, she will be on female surgical
for at least a fortnight,
and may then need to convalesce away from home.
I believe her little girl is staying with a friend,
but I've no idea who's looking after the dancing school.
Unmarried ladies are often extremely resourceful.
I imagine she has a plan in place for all disasters.
I know she hasn't a plan in place
for the maypole dance at Whitsuntide.
I'd refer it to the committee,
but now she's in hospital and Violet's away,
the committee is really just me.
LAUGHS Come on. Let's get out of here.
Who... Who is it?
District nurse calling.
The cut is healing nicely, Mr Woodleigh.
You'll be getting these stitches out
by the end of the week. Ah.
Can you get the smell of milk out of me trousers
while you're at it?
CHUCKLES
I made a right fool of meself
tripping over that crate.
Glass everywhere.
Gold top everywhere!
Gold top?
I like your style.
Oh, I've got this grandson, done well for himself.
He pays the milkman for me.
Yeah, keeps me in biscuits an' all.
There's a tin here somewhere. Oh, on the table.
That's them.
He gets some Royal Appointment shop up west to deliver 'em.
Classy.
Some of 'em are rock hard
and I can't dip 'em in me tea
cos they're covered in chocolate.
You're lucky to have family around you, Mr Woodleigh.
Depends what you mean by around.
I've never been to my grandson's house.
The one who sends you the biscuits?
Uh-huh. And the rest.
They've just gone.
Gone where?
No-one is forcing me out of Poplar or this house.
I worked them wharves for near 60 years.
You were a docker?
Oh, um...
Oh... Here, make us a cuppa tea, Nurse.
I mean, I'd do it, only I reckon my hand won't let me.
CONTENTED SIGH
Everyone here has expressed an interest in attending
a breast-feeding demonstration,
therefore Mrs Wade has kindly brought baby Simon in today.
SIMON GURGLES
WOMEN: Aw...
Luckily for us, he sounds as though he's rather hungry.
LAUGHTER
Those little contented noises
they make when they're feeding...
A bit like my old man when he's got his Sunday lunch.
Your bodies will change rapidly
as you approach the birth itself.
That can cause some breast tenderness.
Do you want one of your biscuits?
Not really.
Oh, tea! Your grandson might be hurt
if he came to visit and thought you weren't enjoying them.
He won't visit.
Are there any Marie biscuits?
No, I'm afraid they're all a bit more superior.
I like a Marie biscuit.
Mr Woodleigh, I'll be coming back to check on your hand
until we take the stitches out.
But you know we're going to have to address
the trouble with your eyesight, too, don't you?
I manage.
It's like I'm looking through a window
that's been badly cleaned.
A great dark streak across the middle.
Is it like that now?
Can you see me?
Well, not if you move about.
Can you describe me?
Nurse's dress...
I don't think you're a Londoner.
But that might just be the sound of your voice.
You've got a nice voice.
Thank you.
I'm going to speak to the occupational therapists.
We'll see what they can do to make life easier for you.
My life isn't hard.
Thank you, Sister.
That was ever so nice.
Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Mrs Reynolds.
I'm Lilian.
Lilian.
I didn't like to mention it in front of everyone,
but one of my bosoms is really sore.
Just one? Yes. Sore and...I don't know.
As if it's a bit hot.
Why don't we take a look at it in clinic tomorrow?
I'm sure we can put your mind at ease.
Flower...
I'm sorry I'm late.
Don't worry.
Did they keep you in the office?
No. But I had to go and see Brother Selwyn
and Sister Meryl.
They're being evicted from their flat.
But they've just done all those repairs
and got it all spruced up.
And their neighbours objected to their presence.
That is against the law.
We all know that.
They're going to stay with his family in Brixton
and look for a new home there.
Perhaps there's safety in numbers.
There's no safety anywhere.
Lucille, have faith.
And if you can't have faith,
will you just allow me to tell you something nice?
Please tell me something nice.
I've booked a telephone call home to Jamaica.
To Jamaica? When?
Tomorrow night.
But it isn't even Christmas or anybody's birthday.
How did you even manage to do it without me finding out?
I'm just very good at keeping a neutral expression
and secrets.
If I took up poker, I might even make some money.
LOW CHATTER
Good afternoon.
What on earth happened nine months ago?
Must have been a power cut!
Lilian?
Me and my husband can't wait.
Am I still on course to have it at home, Doctor?
Absolutely.
Baby, blood pressure, urine, they're all spot-on.
Everything is as it should be in that regard.
And I can still do the splits.
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Well, probably.
I haven't tried since I've been in the family way.
LAUGHS
I would hope not!
I was a Redcoat.
I worked at a holiday camp.
That's how I met my Ronnie.
I was entertainment,
he was maintenance.
Well, they do say opposites attract.
Doctor, Mrs Reynolds - Lilian - raised a concern about
some discomfort with her breast.
I wondered if we might take a look at it before she leaves.
Of course.
Goodness. That does look sore.
I wondered this morning if it was my bra.
I've just changed soap powders.
Lilian is getting dressed.
I think the speed with which you referred her
to St Cuthbert's has shaken her a little.
I haven't much choice.
The skin feels warm as though there's an infection,
but she doesn't have a temperature
and it's extremely unlikely that it's mastitis
because she's still pregnant.
She's very keen to breast-feed.
Well, let's get the girl some answers.
The wedding photographs
were the best wedding photographs I have ever seen.
I have such a beautiful frame
for the one of Celine and Edwin.
Tell her I will send her a photo of the photograph.
EXCITED CHATTER
What do you mean, wait till I hear the news?
Yes, of course I will act surprised when she tells me.
That is lovely.
And so soon after the wedding!
We will be needing an even bigger photo frame.
Celine is having a baby. Oh, alleluia!
Praise Jesus.
Cyril says alleluia, praise Jesus.
PHONE REPLACED
Lucille...
Lucille.
Lucille!
Our time will come.
Here, I wouldn't mind her giving me a bedbath!
TUTS
Ronnie!
I've never known anyone who could lower the tone like you.
Mrs Reynolds, you can come through.
You can wait here, sir.
Oh.
KNOCK ON DOOR
Morning, Mr Woodleigh. Ah!
Here I come, all bright and breezy.
You... You don't sound bright and breezy.
I'll have a look at your hand,
then I'll take you through the appointments we've arranged
about your eyesight.
You'll need to open them curtains
or you'll not be able to see what you're about.
The curtains are wide open, Mr Woodleigh.
And it's a sunny day.
Is it?
Oh. I can't see anything all of a sudden.
All of a sudden?
GASPS
Not on this side.
I thought X-rays were for looking at your bones,
not your bosoms.
Oh, you'd be surprised what we get up to.
MACHINE BUZZES AND CLICKS
I've never heard of anyone having a biopsy.
I'm not even sure what it is.
It'll all be over in two ticks.
And you really can't see anything at all
out of the left one now?
Drops! That's what you need to give me.
Eye drops will put it right.
I wish they could.
The trouble is, Mr Woodleigh, I think you've had some bleeding
at the back of your eye.
Is that this maculitis they've said I've got?
Macular degeneration.
Yes, I think so.
Well, we need to get you to a specialist
before we can be sure.
SIGHS
Mr Woodleigh already has an appointment booked
at the eye hospital in a fortnight's time.
I wouldn't mind getting this looked at sooner.
The thing is, Tommy, at your age,
macular degeneration usually progresses slowly.
It just creeps up on you,
but it can make sudden lunges forward like this.
I reckon an ambulance ride is in order.
GROANS
Good morning, Cyril.
Is Fred about? Oh, I'm standing in for him
while he drives Violet to the railway station.
Well, I hope she has a lovely holiday in Jersey
with the Lady Haberdasherers' Forum.
Meanwhile, since I've had no choice
but to take over the organisation
of the Whitsun event from Miss Nadine,
I'm refreshing everyone's memory
regarding their responsibilities.
This is for Fred.
Kindly draw his attention to it when he returns.
Of course. All hands on deck.
I've put you in charge of the maypole -
retrieval, refurbishment and safe installation.
Er, consider me at your service.
All I can say, Cyril,
is I wish there were more like you.
Next the raffle.
Your razor and your toothbrush are in this bag.
You hang on to it now.
I'll only get in that ambulance
if you promise me I'm coming home again.
Of course you're coming home.
They'll only keep you in for a night or two.
I need to be where I belong.
Even if you can't see home, you can smell it.
Well, we've had a day-and-a-half of it
at the maternity home.
Two deliveries
and then a very weepy admission for bed rest.
Gladys Prior.
Have you had a day of it too, lass?
Today, I had to look after an old man who has no family
and is almost completely blind.
Tommy Woodleigh?
The trick is to remind yourself
of what you've actually done to help.
Now, you've heard, because Miss Nadine is poorly,
there's been some changes to the maypole display.
No costumes, just Sunday best with white hair ribbons.
Auntie Shelagh says she'll lend me a party dress of Angela's.
Well, I've got news for you.
There's no need.
COLETTE GASPS
GIGGLES
Is this for me?
Go on and try it on.
That's an expensive little boutique.
Matthew bought a sailor suit for Jonty from there.
He said his wallet needed gas and air!
Once in a while doesn't hurt.
And I want Colette to know she's as good as anybody else.
That's not how you take somebody's pulse, Cyril.
Maybe I just like touching you.
Reminding me that the girl I love is still in there,
that her heart's still beating like it always did.
I'm not dead, Cyril.
So get up.
I'll pour you some coffee.
You can face the day.
There's a stain on my dress.
I keep meaning to deal with it.
I'll get you a damp cloth.
I was hoping for a punctual start this morning.
Is there any other kind?
PHONE RINGS
Apparently so, if one is a health visitor.
Perhaps Sister Veronica's concerns are less pressing.
RINGING CONTINUES
Should I answer that?
No. You are not a telephonist.
This is Nonnatus House.
There is no-one here to attend to you.
Meanwhile, there has been no comment
about the uncharacteristic tardiness of Nurse Robinson.
It is four minutes past the hour.
Latecomers are my domain, and I shall deal with them.
Good morning, Sister Julienne.
Greetings.
Good morning, Sister. I feel it might be appropriate
for you to pop in on Lilian Reynolds this morning.
She was on the telephone first thing,
fretting about a home delivery pack.
I thought she sounded very on edge.
Of course.
She's due a routine urine test,
and I'd like to check on her biopsy site.
Sister, do you not find it funny
taking orders like the rest of us?
No. I'm simply a midwife amongst midwives.
Makes me happier than I can say.
I'm sorry about the mess, Sister.
My husband's like a little kid -
always taking things apart to see how they work.
As long as he puts them back together again.
He only does that when people pay him.
When it's our own belongings,
it's like he only does it to satisfy his curiosity.
This biopsy seems to be healing very nicely.
My skin's still really sore and itchy, though.
Lilian, a biopsy is a test, not a form of treatment.
Did the specialist not explain that to you?
He was quite breezy, really.
He said it looked a bit naughty
and it wasn't usual to see breast tissue
looking like orange peel, all dimpled and whatnot.
Did you ask him what he thought the problem might be?
I didn't really ask him anything.
I just wanted to get my bra back on and out of there.
I didn't feel comfortable without my underpinnings.
I was never that sort of entertainer.
So often these days, now that medicine can do so much,
doctors investigate simply because they can.
And the results can be very reassuring.
I do hope so, Sister,
because I've had a call to go and see him
at the hospital this afternoon.
It's my Ronnie.
Come to pick me up.
Mrs Wallace.
I'm so glad you could come.
Many apologies if I smell of disinfectant, Nurse Crane.
I've come straight from the hospital.
I probably smell of sterilising fluid.
My last act on duty
was to make up a dozen baby bottles.
We both know why we're here, Mrs Wallace.
Lucille is so loved by so many people.
But she is going further and further downhill.
And it breaks my heart to see it.
She needs help, Mrs Wallace.
You mean medical help?
That may become a requirement...
..but Lucille sets such store by her religion.
I was wondering if there might be some comfort
in her faith for her.
There's always comfort in faith, Nurse Crane.
The trouble comes when you stop believing that.
Please, will you try and find a way through for her?
Nurse Crane, that is what a church is for.
You leave it with me.
It might be that nurse you fancy.
TUTS AND SIGHS
You ought to ask her, has she anything wants mending.
DOOR OPENS
Do come through, Mrs Reynolds.
Oh, and Mr Reynolds too.
MUSIC ON TV
I've come round with my begging bowl, Sister.
Have you anything for the Whitsun raffle?
I have often had cause
to wish we lived in a less godly society.
For wherever there is altruism,
there is invariably a raffle.
Marmalade!
And plenty of it.
Good gracious. Someone's been busy.
There must be a year's supply in here.
The gesture is not entirely devoid of self-interest.
SISTER MONICA JOAN GIGGLES
Want a cuppa tea, Lil?
I don't know.
I don't know, Ronnie.
I don't know what's happened. I don't know what he said.
It was like my blood was rushing in my ears,
drowning his voice out.
He was smiling, wasn't he?
He can't have been saying anything that bad.
He was saying you got cancer, Lil.
I can't have cancer.
Cancer is a lump, and I haven't got a lump.
And I'm having a baby.
Nobody gets cancer when they're pregnant.
SIGHS
Miss Higgins,
I think I need to speak to Mr Sawyer at St Cuthbert's.
He's just written to me about Lilian Reynolds' diagnosis.
It's a really rare type of cancer involving inflammation.
I've never come across this before.
I'll seek to connect you immediately.
But perhaps you'd like to take the call in your office,
after which you can confer with Mr Reynolds.
We, uh...
We thought you might know what's happening.
Where's Lilian?
She's at home.
She was too upset to leave the house.
I would like to be connected to Mr Sawyer, please,
consultant general surgeon.
Mr Sawyer took me through your diagnosis
step by step.
Could you understand what he was saying?
Some doctors are better at talking to other doctors
than they are to people.
I'm sorry if he didn't make things clear enough to you.
Your variant of breast cancer is very, very unusual.
He's only ever seen one case before.
It is cancer, then?
I'm afraid it is, Lilian.
He only ever said that word once.
He used all kinds of other words
like problem and malignancy and disease,
but he only said cancer once.
I was hoping it was a slip of the tongue.
And I haven't got a lump.
It's just sore.
Mr Sawyer recommends that you start treatment
as soon as possible.
And we will be with you every step of the way.
But I'm having a baby.
How can I feed my baby if they cut my breast off?
You won't have a mastectomy.
It isn't suitable for this kind of cancer.
The best treatment at the moment is radiotherapy.
Mr Woodleigh...
I know that voice.
I thought you was the district nurse.
I am.
But I was passing by on my way home
and I thought you might like a packet of Marie biscuits.
Oh, now you're talking.
It's not much, but I thought you might not have anyone
to bring you anything.
Well, they're all so far away.
I'll write to them when I get home,
tell them the good news.
Have you had good news?
Oh, not about me eyes.
They say I'll never get me sight back.
No, the good news'll be that I'm back in my own house.
And writing letters.
A man can dream.
Yes.
Wh-What do you dream of?
I can't tell you, Mr Woodleigh.
It might not come true otherwise.
They'll be bringing the tea soon.
You enjoy your biscuits.
Shelagh, are you ready?
Excellent. I need another B.
You come in here between Sister Veronica and Nancy.
Right, everyone extend your free arm.
What are we doing? Don't interrupt.
Now, Team A are going to process
in a clockwise direction,
and Team B anticlockwise.
Am I A or B?
You're the maypole.
Don't we all just go in the same direction?
Not according to these excellent,
if not quite complicated,
instructions Miss Nadine's provided.
What do we do next? If I've read this correctly,
the As go underneath the B's extended arm,
then the next B and so on.
Shall we give it a go?
JAUNTY MUSIC
One, two, three and...
Clockwise, Nancy!
THUD
BOTH GROAN
Don't forget to skip.
DR TURNER LAUGHS
OTHERS LAUGH
It's not funny.
I've got to teach this to Miss Nadine's Dance School.
Oh, can you not teach them the twist instead?
I know that one.
Lil!
Sister Julienne's here.
Have you come about the baby or about the cancer?
That's not a question anyone should have to ask, is it?
But I can answer it.
I've come about you.
First and foremost, I am your midwife,
and my overwhelming concern
is for your wellbeing and for that of the baby.
But the cancer specialist wants radiation to start
within the next two weeks, so he has asked if the baby
can be induced in hospital.
I wanted to have it here at home
with Ronnie holding my hand.
An appointment has been made for you
on the maternity ward at St Cuthbert's on Monday.
I'm not ready.
I'm just not ready.
I used to have a whole routine before I went on stage.
I'd line up my tap shoes and my ballet shoes.
I'd have a particular way of setting out everything -
eyelashes, panstick, lipstick.
Getting pretty was part of the performance
and getting ready is part of this.
I'm so sorry.
We haven't even thought of a name.
SISTER JULIENNE SIGHS
So...no home birth for Lilian Reynolds.
Oh...
And I suppose that decision was made for her
without consultation or agreement,
and certainly not with her approval.
All I could do was pass on the news as kindly as possible.
I saw this day after day
when I was looking after my godmother Daphne.
It's as though cancer is this monstrous bully,
this great dictator whose voice must be heard first,
who must be considered before all else,
and very often before the wishes of the patient.
And we're not used to that, are we?
Hmm.
The mother is at the heart of everything we do.
It's kind of you to offer to pray with us, Mrs Wallace,
but I'm not sure we should force the issue,
given Lucille's state of mind.
Lucille's state of mind is forcing the issue.
The girl is under spiritual attack
and you are her pastor as well as her husband!
I know I am.
And that doesn't make things any easier.
All we're going to do is pray.
You don't have to anoint her,
you don't have to lay hands on her.
You just have to give the Holy Spirit a chance!
I have given the Holy Spirit every chance.
I have given him the chance
to make me feel welcome in this country.
I have given him the chance to put a child inside my body.
I have given him opportunity after opportunity,
and either he has failed me
or I have failed in his grace...
That is impossible, Lucille. If you think that,
then you can't see me clearly.
Or perhaps you aren't even looking.
DOOR SLAMS
You're going to have to come and live with us, Grandad.
Harlow is not the moon.
You don't need an oxygen helmet or even vaccinations.
I seen it on the newsreel when they built it.
There was cows. There's more concrete now
than there is down the Commercial Road.
You'll feel right at home.
Mr Woodleigh.
Oh, is that my little foreign nurse?
SIGHS
I came to ask for your permission
to admit the occupational therapist to your house
so she can assess you for aids.
Hey, hear that? My house.
No-one's telling me where I can or can't live.
Not my granddaughters. Not my daughters. No-one.
Is this your family?
Some of us.
My mum's gone out for a smoke in the day room.
I thought you didn't have any family,
apart from the one who sends you the posh biscuits.
My grandad's a bigger liar than Pinocchio.
He's got three daughters, 11 grandkids,
including Simon, the biscuit monitor.
And these are his youngest great-grandchildren.
LAUGHS
You all left Poplar without a backward glance!
Which suited you down to the ground.
You can't take somebody's independence off them
if they're alone in the world.
Hold Nicole for a minute. I need to get her a bottle.
What about Harold?
It's a good, solid name.
For somebody's grandad!
I want something modern.
Paul, then.
Or John.
You can't get much more modern than a Beatle.
What if it's a girl?
How about Yoko?
LILIAN GASPS
Are you in discomfort, Lilian?
It's them practice contractions.
She gets loads of them.
It's just that your blood pressure's up a tiny bit.
And that can happen when you're in labour.
If I'm in labour, you're going to make me go to hospital.
Nonnatus House. Midwife speaking.
She's four fingers dilated already and doing well.
Sister, if we can't put her first,
who will?
GROANS
Midwife! May I come in?
Step right in.
Perfect timing.
Lilian's waters just broke, and we needed to change the bed.
Well done.
You're going to make me
go to St Cuthbert's now, aren't you?
Because of the cancer.
Just for tonight, the cancer is not relevant.
You are going to have the baby here.
Here? At home?
If that's what you choose.
I do choose it.
CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT
Where is Mrs Turner?
Oh, she's caught up at work, most probably.
Those babies don't work to the same time clock as we do.
I hope she hurries up.
This is like being stuck inside a migraine.
STICK BANGS LOUDLY
Cease this at once!
I came to watch a rehearsal of the maypole dancing,
not a re-enactment of the Battle of Agincourt.
GASPS
Baby's head is advancing, Lilian.
Well done.
Yes, that's my girl! Oh, shut up.
I need to concentrate.
Another one?
STRAINS
Lilian, I'm going to apply some pressure
to prevent baby's head from being born too quickly.
Now give me a steady, steady push.
And pant.
LILIAN PANTS
And here's your reward.
Baby's head. Really?
Well done, sweetie.
Can I touch it? Is it real?
Ah, yes. Now use the pain.
BABY CRIES
You have a daughter.
A girl?
I told you.
The most beautiful baby I have ever seen.
We won't be calling her Harold, anyway.
She's absolute perfection.
So I can't think of a better name for her than Lilian.
Lilian's old-fashioned.
It's a name from the past.
My mum's name. Her mum's.
Andrea.
Andrea Lilian Reynolds.
Put Lilian in the middle, where she won't lose it.
PANTS
I'm so sorry.
There was a forceps delivery. Don't worry.
JAUNTY MUSIC
It all worked out.
One and two and three and four.
That is magnificent, class.
Sister Monica Joan!
Why didn't you tell us you knew the maypole dance?
You omitted to enquire!
Mr Woodleigh chose to isolate himself.
It was his way of saying, "The world no longer suits me."
'Tis turning in a way I do not choose,
so I will stand still, shut the door.
I thought you said you liked him.
Perhaps he saw himself in me.
He knew I was mourning for home. He heard it in my voice.
I hear it in your voice.
I see it in your eyes.
Even when they're closed
and your lashes come halfway down your cheek.
Do you remember dancing outside in the dark
when I was mending Nurse Crane's car?
I remember you picking me up on that motorbike
that you borrowed for our first date.
And you in your tiny yellow dress and your giant hair.
Giant expensive hair blowing all over the place.
I got in that sidecar next to you
and I thought,
"This is the beginning of a journey
"and I don't know where it's going to end."
And I put my foot on that kick-starter and I thought,
"This is it.
"I'm never getting off this ride."
I have to get better, Cyril.
In the morning, I'm going to the doctor.
Thank you.
Lilian, dear.
We need you to take these pills.
What are they?
They're called Stilboestrol
and they will prevent you from lactating.
It would be better if we stop any milk flow
before the radiotherapy begins.
It wouldn't be good for Andrea, would it?
Feeding off a breast that's diseased,
never mind full of radiation.
Can I ask you a question?
I want you to.
Do you think God is punishing me?
I haven't always lived a virtuous life.
In fact, I've never lived a virtuous life.
I don't believe in a God that punishes.
The God I know is full of love.
He's got a funny way of showing it sometimes.
I can fix just about anything, but I can't fix her.
I can't imagine a world without her.
SOBS
I can't imagine bringing up a baby
on me own.
Please don't imagine that yet.
Lilian's about to start treatment.
And no-one will tell us it's going to cure her.
And I can't either.
But I can tell you to hope.
Men don't look after babies, not without their wives.
Oh, I promise you, they do.
And they do it well.
But it isn't just the baby that needs you now.
It's Lilian, too.
She hasn't stopped being your wife
just because she's a mother or because she's ill.
I wish, um...
I wish I knew more about babies.
They're much less complicated than television sets,
I assure you.
CHUCKLES
Good morning, Nurse Robinson.
Oh, good morning, Miss Higgins.
Would it be possible for me to see Dr Turner?
And what is it regarding?
I need to speak to him about something personal.
I wasn't sure if you'd put your white coat on,
if you'd treat me as a physician or like a friend.
I can be either...
..because I'm both.
I have such a lot of friends.
Even my husband is my friend,
and they've all tried to help me and got nowhere.
I think I want you to be my doctor.
That's all right.
And from everything you've told me about your feelings,
even your physical symptoms -
the lethargy,
the headaches -
medical intervention is what you need.
I know the way through these woods, Lucille.
Now, before we move on...
..I have to ask you one last thing.
Have you found yourself thinking of hurting yourself?
Yes.
Yesterday.
I went walking.
I stood by the road. I stared at the traffic.
I stared at the road, thinking maybe it could take me home.
In what way?
If I died on it.
MUSIC: All My Love (Solo Tu) By Cliff Richard
# All my love
# Came to nothing at all, my love... #
MUSIC PLAYS OVER SPEECH
# When I woke up to find
# You were no longer mine
# All my love
# Thrown away after all this time
# Now there's no place for me in the future you see
# I don't understand you
# I've done all I can do
# Tell me how could I give you more
# More than all my love... #
Is it the Valium helping her to sleep?
Rest is the best thing in this phase of a nervous breakdown.
A nervous breakdown, it seems like...
..such a big thing for her to have.
It's an overwhelming thing.
But we will look after her, and it will pass.
I was afraid I would lose her.
I started to think she was already lost.
I've no doubt she thought the same.
But...Lucille is still inside Lucille.
And we will bring her out again.
Lil!
How was it?
Quick.
It might not be so bad,
even if I do have to go every few days for a bit.
Oh... It feels like I've got sunburn.
That may become a little more intense over time.
Sit down and rest.
LILIAN SIGHS
BABY CRIES
She needs a bottle.
All in hand!
CLEARS HIS THROAT
Oh, and guess what? Took her to the clinic.
She's put on 5oz.
You took her to the clinic for the first time without me?
Yeah.
I thought I might as well get into the swing of things.
You'd think I was dead already!
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
Are you getting up?
I've made an appointment to get my hair done.
I'm determined to go,
even if I have to come straight back to bed.
Good girl, because one way or another,
you're going to be wanting to look your best.
A ticket to Jamaica?
An open return. For you.
I can't go, because I can't leave my job.
But you have sick leave.
So I took the money out of our savings.
We're saving to buy a house.
We'll have a house one day.
But now...you must go.
Before you ask, I'm not going anywhere nice.
I just want to look...
better. Better enough so people stop treating me
like I'm on my way out. Lilian...
I know my chances aren't good,
but just for now, I'm not going to ask you any more about them.
Lilian, I am so sorry if we were overstepping the mark.
We only meant to help.
Look at me.
That was me.
I gave it all up to be a mother, and I was glad to.
But cancer has taken more than that,
and it's not going to stop until it's taken everything.
I understand... You don't.
How could you possibly understand?
You threw away everything that made you a woman.
You didn't want it.
Covered it up. You denied it.
And what I can't deny is how much I have hurt you.
I can only beg for your forgiveness.
You look like a woman in great want of a galvanising beverage.
I hid a swiss roll at the back of the larder.
Lilian's needs...
are very complex, Sister.
You mustn't exhaust yourself trying to care for her.
It's never a burden to love or give.
I know that.
That doesn't mean it isn't tiring.
And it doesn't mean that I don't make mistakes.
No. To the left a bit.
A bit more.
A bit more...
That's it.
Oh... Now it's listing.
It's definitely listing to one side.
I think it needs a little more ballast at the base.
Then you will have to get that organised.
It is clearly unsafe.
In fact, it is the most perilous erection
I've ever seen.
BABY CRIES
BABY SCREAMS
KNOCK ON DOOR
Oh... I-I-I've done everything I can think of.
She won't feed.
She doesn't need a fresh nappy...
Lilian, she won't come out the bedroom.
Shh-shh.
CRYING CONTINUES
Lilian...
Your baby needs you.
CRYING LESSENS
She was calling for you,
for her mother, and only her mother will do.
I said terrible things to you.
I... I don't wish I'd led a different life.
But your body,
your brave, enduring body
has done unimaginable things.
And it's doing things now that I can only wonder at.
You do things that I can only wonder at.
Thank you for helping me.
NURSE CRANE: Oh...
There was a stain on the skirt of the top one,
but I managed to get it out in a boil wash.
I couldn't bear to put it away
unless it was completely pristine.
And why doesn't that surprise me?
They'll be here waiting for you when you come home.
When I come home from going home.
Maybe it is that much of a puzzle.
For now, no-one's making you choose.
I don't think I could choose anything just now.
Dr Turner prescribed change.
Cyril bought the ticket.
Sister Julienne gave me the time off.
I feel like a parcel being posted somewhere.
You could choose to give in to it,
choose to be loved, even.
Loved...
Choose to let the sun shine down on you.
If it does turn nippy...
..there's always this.
You finished it? Oh, Phyllis.
Well, it's hardly a present. You paid for the wool.
Now, off you pop and finish your packing.
JAUNTY MUSIC
Congratulations, madam.
This...
Thank you, maestro.
And for our next number,
we have 31.
Next ticket, please.
CHEERING
And the final number is...
..56.
56.
I have the ticket.
Come and collect your prize, Sister Monica Joan.
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
It's time to say your goodbyes, Lucille.
I don't want to.
I want to go, but I don't want to leave
or watch them waving.
We can slip away.
Just the two of us.
Like we're going on a date.
Like we're going on our first date.
GIGGLES Cyril, where you get that from?
Let's just say someone owed me a favour.
Come on.
The sooner you get to Jamaica,
the sooner you'll be coming back.
Just when I've had my hair done.
I love you, Nurse Robinson.
I'll fetch your bags.
MATURE JENNIFER: Nothing is written,
and no dream has a duty to come true.
Their power is to show us where the heart's desire lies
and what beauty really is.
A touch. A glance.
A glimpse into the future.
Lay these moments down like treasure,
for when today becomes the past,
we are forever what we hope for
and what we must let go.
Mrs McKay?
Talbot, not McKay.
We do everything together.
I shall soon be giving Fanny Cradock quite a run
for her money.
I meant to give it to you earlier.
I could go weeks
not knowing where the next meal was coming from.
The ambulance has arrived.
Please get my mum.
You were the one forcing me to talk about this.