1
00:00:42,085 --> 00:00:43,253
(MAC AND KELLY MOANING)
2
00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:46,840
MAC: Okay, it's happening.
It's spontaneous.
3
00:00:46,923 --> 00:00:49,384
This... Who saw this coming?
I did not see this coming.
4
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:51,720
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, let's do it.
5
00:00:51,803 --> 00:00:54,222
Okay. It's happening.
It's totally happening.
6
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:55,390
BOTH: Whoo!
7
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,601
What a twist.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
8
00:00:58,685 --> 00:01:00,395
This is so spontaneous.
9
00:01:00,478 --> 00:01:01,604
We're having sex
one minute...
10
00:01:01,688 --> 00:01:03,064
Who knows what's
gonna happen next?
11
00:01:03,148 --> 00:01:04,691
Who knows what we'll be
doing in 10 minutes?
12
00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:06,818
- Okay.
- This is crazy!
13
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:07,902
We're doing this on
the dining room...
14
00:01:07,986 --> 00:01:09,779
I've never had sex on a dining
room chair in my whole life.
15
00:01:09,863 --> 00:01:11,281
- (MOANING)
- This is amazing.
16
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:12,574
I'm taking you to
Boner Town, bitch.
17
00:01:12,657 --> 00:01:14,576
- Don't call me "bitch!"
- Okay. I'm sorry.
18
00:01:14,659 --> 00:01:16,995
I'm taking you to
Boner Town, love. Okay.
19
00:01:17,162 --> 00:01:18,955
(CONTINUES MOANING)
20
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:21,541
Baby? Baby?
21
00:01:22,333 --> 00:01:23,293
She's totally
fucking looking at us.
22
00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:24,502
Hey, baby.
23
00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:26,671
She knows
what's happening.
24
00:01:26,755 --> 00:01:28,757
She totally knows
what's happening.
25
00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,759
(LAUGHS) She can't see anything.
She just sees shapes.
26
00:01:30,842 --> 00:01:33,678
She sees shapes fucking each other,
is what she sees. She can...
27
00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:35,555
She's fine.
She just sees shapes.
28
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:36,639
It's like bouncing balls.
29
00:01:36,723 --> 00:01:38,224
My bouncing balls.
30
00:01:38,308 --> 00:01:39,893
- She's fine. She's fine.
- You know what?
31
00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:41,394
Let me turn her around.
Let me turn her around.
32
00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:43,521
Okay. Okay.
33
00:01:43,605 --> 00:01:45,774
Hey, sweetie.
Hey, little girl.
34
00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:49,486
Gonna turn around now.
Gonna look at the wall now.
35
00:01:49,569 --> 00:01:50,612
Let's go.
36
00:01:50,695 --> 00:01:53,156
Okay. There you go.
Love you, sweetie. Okay.
37
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:56,117
Okay! Let's do it.
38
00:01:56,201 --> 00:01:57,202
We're back.
We're back in business.
39
00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:58,328
Okay. Okay.
40
00:01:58,411 --> 00:02:01,706
We are back.
It's happening. Okay.
41
00:02:01,873 --> 00:02:03,082
(BOTH MOANING)
42
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,628
MAC: Oh, God. She keeps
turning... Turn around.
43
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:09,005
Just look that way.
Just turn around.
44
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,131
Why is she... Okay.
45
00:02:10,215 --> 00:02:11,591
I think it's over.
46
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:12,675
We still did that.
47
00:02:12,759 --> 00:02:15,512
Oh, I'm sorry.
Okay. We still did that.
48
00:02:15,595 --> 00:02:17,472
Hello.
49
00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:18,598
What are you doing
in your Jumperoo?
50
00:02:18,723 --> 00:02:19,808
This never happened.
51
00:02:19,891 --> 00:02:21,643
- We're gonna finish that.
- We will finish that.
52
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:23,478
FYI, we're gonna
do it in every room.
53
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,480
And this time,
I'm going to ejaculate.
54
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:27,190
Just because we have
a house and a baby
55
00:02:27,315 --> 00:02:28,858
doesn't mean that
we're old people.
56
00:02:28,942 --> 00:02:30,318
No. Fuck old people.
57
00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:31,986
Old people don't
fuck like we just did.
58
00:02:32,070 --> 00:02:33,655
Baby, I nearly came.
59
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:35,156
This is like
The Brady Bunch.
60
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:37,408
I know! What's
nice about the house
61
00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:40,495
is that it looks like every
penny we have is inside of it.
62
00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,871
So, at least
it looks like it.
63
00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:43,331
It's legitimate, right?
64
00:02:43,414 --> 00:02:44,916
- Neighbors. Hey.
- Hi.
65
00:02:46,751 --> 00:02:48,503
- Hey.
- Oh. Gay couple.
66
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,338
- There's a gay couple.
- Gay couple.
67
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,340
- They seem like a nice couple.
- They're so happy.
68
00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:53,883
- That's awesome!
- Dream!
69
00:02:53,967 --> 00:02:55,718
It is. Well,
it's the second dream.
70
00:02:55,802 --> 00:02:59,013
First dream, Taco Bell opens next door.
That would be fucking dope.
71
00:02:59,097 --> 00:03:00,682
- Hi!
- Hi!
72
00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:03,309
Hey. It's a fabulous
neighborhood.
73
00:03:03,935 --> 00:03:05,270
(STELLA CRYING
ON BABY MONITOR)
74
00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,313
- Oh, she's awake.
- Really?
75
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:09,065
- She's awake.
- Okay.
76
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,233
- Okay.
- Uh... Well, bye.
77
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,359
Okay. Bye. Love you.
78
00:03:11,484 --> 00:03:12,485
Love you. Bye.
Have a good day.
79
00:03:12,569 --> 00:03:13,570
Can I come?
80
00:03:13,653 --> 00:03:14,737
(LAUGHS) Kidding.
81
00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:17,156
No, we'll have a great day! We'll
have a great day. Okay. Bye!
82
00:03:17,782 --> 00:03:18,783
I love you!
83
00:03:20,285 --> 00:03:22,036
BILL: Uh-oh. Mac attack.
84
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,121
MAC: Hey!
85
00:03:23,246 --> 00:03:24,247
Hey, there he is.
86
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,373
Hey.
87
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,584
I need that
Mendelson file by 4:00.
88
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:28,877
Okay, yeah.
89
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,213
And this is not your bro, this
is your boss talking. (CHUCKLES)
90
00:03:32,297 --> 00:03:33,798
I'll have it to you
by 3:30. How's that?
91
00:03:33,882 --> 00:03:35,341
- Mac!
- Okay.
92
00:03:35,425 --> 00:03:36,426
Mac!
93
00:03:36,551 --> 00:03:37,552
What?
94
00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:38,970
Wait. Hold on.
95
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:40,597
Whoo!
96
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:41,806
Okay!
97
00:03:43,558 --> 00:03:45,226
(PANTING) Oh, jeez,
it's so far.
98
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:49,898
Hey, we gotta go work on that
thing we were discussing.
99
00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:51,983
- What thing?
- What's going on?
100
00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:55,153
We have to go work
on that joint file.
101
00:03:55,486 --> 00:03:56,696
Of course. The joint file.
102
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,114
You guys are
doing a joint file?
103
00:03:58,197 --> 00:03:59,240
We have a joint
file together.
104
00:03:59,324 --> 00:04:00,867
JIMMY: Yeah. We're pretty
deep into it. It's tight.
105
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,744
- It's pretty thick.
- It's a big file.
106
00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,621
- Pretty fat file.
- It's dank.
107
00:04:04,746 --> 00:04:05,914
- We should blaze through it, probably.
- Yeah.
108
00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:09,250
Yeah, we gotta file that
for the THC Corporation.
109
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:10,668
Okay.
110
00:04:10,793 --> 00:04:12,128
Because we are in the weeds.
111
00:04:13,838 --> 00:04:15,924
- How's Stella?
- She's a cute baby.
112
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:16,966
It's nice.
113
00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:19,552
I think I realized for the first
six months, everything is fucked.
114
00:04:19,636 --> 00:04:21,012
- Everything changes completely.
- Yeah.
115
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,723
You're like, "My life is over!
Everything's different!
116
00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,308
"Everything I could do,
I can't do anymore."
117
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:28,269
But now, I realize that that's
all gonna go back to normal.
118
00:04:28,353 --> 00:04:30,271
- You sure about that?
- She can start drinking soon.
119
00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:33,066
They make these little strips that
test your tit milk for alcohol.
120
00:04:33,149 --> 00:04:34,442
She puts them on her tits?
121
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,569
Yeah, she puts them on her tits.
Her tits are huge right now.
122
00:04:36,653 --> 00:04:38,071
- Are they really?
- But I can't touch them.
123
00:04:38,154 --> 00:04:39,989
She won't even let me see
them, is what's fucked up.
124
00:04:40,073 --> 00:04:41,074
- What?
- When we have sex,
125
00:04:41,157 --> 00:04:42,617
she leaves a wife-beater on.
126
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,410
It's like having sex
with Tony Soprano.
127
00:04:44,494 --> 00:04:45,495
You're the goomah
in this situation.
128
00:04:45,578 --> 00:04:46,579
Yeah, it's fucked up.
129
00:04:46,663 --> 00:04:48,790
You are the only one of our friends
that has a house and a kid.
130
00:04:48,873 --> 00:04:49,874
Yeah.
131
00:04:49,958 --> 00:04:53,211
It's like you're, like, 10 years
older than everyone, you know?
132
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:54,337
You're divorced.
133
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,463
The point is...
134
00:04:56,214 --> 00:04:57,882
It's Jimmy time.
You know what I mean?
135
00:04:57,966 --> 00:04:59,509
And the girls,
when you're dating...
136
00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:00,969
- Yeah?
- Holy shit!
137
00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:02,887
See, we missed out
on the whole, kind of,
138
00:05:03,012 --> 00:05:04,847
sex-tech bubble,
you know what I mean?
139
00:05:04,931 --> 00:05:09,644
Now they got Sex Book
and Fuck Friends and...
140
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:12,480
There's this thing called
Grindr, which is just...
141
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,941
Your phone beeps when there's
someone horny near you.
142
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:16,442
It's kind of amazing.
143
00:05:16,526 --> 00:05:18,945
It's mostly guys, but I'm gonna
find a girl pretty soon.
144
00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:21,656
JIMMY: You're up.
145
00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:22,865
Oh, oh! Oh!
146
00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,033
Hey.
147
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,159
What are you guys
doing out here?
148
00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:31,290
- There are the girls.
KELLY: Hi.
149
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,167
- How's it going, sweetie?
- Good.
150
00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:34,460
What's happening?
151
00:05:34,544 --> 00:05:36,087
There you go.
152
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,880
She's excited to see you.
153
00:05:37,964 --> 00:05:39,841
Wait, wait. Hey.
154
00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:41,551
(BABBLES)
155
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,431
Man, parenting is easy.
Look at that!
156
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:47,849
Yeah, two hours a day.
157
00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:48,933
Yeah.
158
00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:53,187
This is delightful. This
is awesome, this thing.
159
00:05:53,271 --> 00:05:55,023
We should get one of
these above our bed.
160
00:05:55,106 --> 00:05:56,441
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
BOTH: Oh!
161
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,531
- Hello?
- Hey!
162
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,867
Oh, my God. You guys have
to come out with me.
163
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:07,118
I haven't seen you
in forever.
164
00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,536
Yeah. What's going on?
165
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:11,122
Okay. My friend is spinning
at the Royalton tonight.
166
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:13,082
There's a rumor that
Prince might perform.
167
00:06:13,166 --> 00:06:14,667
I really need to
get out of the house.
168
00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:17,628
I have not been out since
Jimmy and I got divorced
169
00:06:17,712 --> 00:06:20,298
and I really need you
there. Please?
170
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,966
How do we do this? Do I
call the babysitter bunch?
171
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,301
I don't know about that.
Let's just...
172
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:24,719
- It's too late. We'll...
- Okay.
173
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,012
Why don't you drop it
at the fire station?
174
00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:27,346
We can't leave her
at the...
175
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,015
What are you talking about?
That's not how it works.
176
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:30,141
The baby drop.
177
00:06:30,308 --> 00:06:31,350
Okay. No.
178
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,435
I'm kidding.
179
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:33,644
What are you,
like, having a baby,
180
00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:34,896
you, like, lost
your sense of humor?
181
00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:35,980
What are you doing?
182
00:06:36,064 --> 00:06:39,525
I am using the little box in
the FaceTime to put makeup on.
183
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:41,235
You're not even
looking at us, are you?
184
00:06:41,319 --> 00:06:43,905
No. Who looks at the other
people when they FaceTime?
185
00:06:43,988 --> 00:06:47,158
Why are you guys not coming out?
Is fucking Jimmy there? Jimmy?
186
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,659
No, Jimmy's not here.
187
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,369
- We don't have a babysitter, so...
- Yeah.
188
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:52,872
Hello. Fucking
bring her.
189
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:54,248
(SCOFFS)
190
00:06:54,332 --> 00:06:57,794
No...
191
00:06:57,877 --> 00:06:59,587
Yes?
192
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,255
No. Yes?
193
00:07:01,339 --> 00:07:02,882
What are you doing?
What are you thinking?
194
00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:04,926
Let's just do it!
195
00:07:05,009 --> 00:07:06,511
This could be,
like, a doorway to
196
00:07:06,636 --> 00:07:08,096
a whole new life,
where we have it all.
197
00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:09,806
- We have fun and a baby.
- That's fantastic!
198
00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:10,848
- This is the moment!
- I need this!
199
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:12,600
- This is the moment. Let's do it. Okay.
- I need to go out!
200
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,726
- Let's go!
- Let's go!
201
00:07:13,810 --> 00:07:15,353
All right. I'm down.
Little chicken. Come on!
202
00:07:15,436 --> 00:07:17,105
- Baby's first rave.
- Baby's first rave.
203
00:07:17,188 --> 00:07:18,689
- Baby's first rave.
- (BOTH IMITATING DANCE MUSIC)
204
00:07:18,773 --> 00:07:20,441
Baby's first rave.
205
00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:21,567
Baby's first rave.
206
00:07:21,651 --> 00:07:24,195
(ALL IMITATING DANCE MUSIC)
207
00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:29,075
- Baby's first rave!
- Baby's first rave!
208
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:30,827
(ALL CONTINUE IMITATING
DANCE MUSIC)
209
00:07:31,327 --> 00:07:33,955
Wait. Shit! Diaper bag!
It needs to be restocked.
210
00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:35,289
- I gotta get more shit. Okay.
- Okay.
211
00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:37,834
You know what? She needs an extra
Onesie in case she craps herself.
212
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:38,960
I think I better pump.
213
00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:40,169
- You gotta pump?
- I think I need to pump.
214
00:07:40,253 --> 00:07:43,548
She wants your necklace. Give
me your necklace. Now, go pump.
215
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:44,882
We should get the cooler.
216
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,175
Okay, here we go.
217
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:48,845
Wait. If we're bringing the swing,
let's just bring the Jumperoo.
218
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:50,555
We have room.
I think we have room.
219
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:51,889
- Butt Paste.
- I don't know where the Butt Paste is.
220
00:07:51,973 --> 00:07:53,015
I don't know where it is.
221
00:07:53,057 --> 00:07:54,559
- Binky, Binky, Binky.
- I don't know where the Binky is.
222
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,269
Binky's over here.
I got Binky.
223
00:07:58,062 --> 00:07:59,730
- (BABBLING)
- Huh?
224
00:08:00,398 --> 00:08:01,649
- We fell asleep.
- Let's go. Let's go.
225
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,733
- Okay, let's go.
- We'll go now.
226
00:08:02,817 --> 00:08:05,319
Wait. Shit!
Another video.
227
00:08:05,403 --> 00:08:08,197
Best night ever.
228
00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:10,366
Look at how much
food I just ordered.
229
00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:12,827
I'm not even hungry.
It's so wasteful!
230
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,078
We missed it.
231
00:08:15,037 --> 00:08:16,038
Shit. Don't hit me.
232
00:08:16,122 --> 00:08:17,331
I'm so tired.
233
00:08:17,415 --> 00:08:19,041
I know.
Let's just go to sleep.
234
00:08:21,002 --> 00:08:23,171
(SIGHS) Tomorrow's
a new day.
235
00:08:24,172 --> 00:08:25,673
(MUFFLED) Love you.
236
00:08:28,092 --> 00:08:29,969
- Good night.
- Good night.
237
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:36,058
(FARTING)
238
00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:38,561
Excuse me. Sorry.
239
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,859
They're actually really good.
They taste like vanilla, kinda.
240
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,360
They're awesome.
241
00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:48,237
Pudgie, what do
you got there?
242
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,114
- Moving truck. Moving truck.
- (HORN HONKING)
243
00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:51,699
- There's a moving truck.
- Wow.
244
00:08:51,782 --> 00:08:53,326
- Who do you think... Come on.
- Oh, my God.
245
00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:54,619
Look, look, look.
246
00:08:55,786 --> 00:08:57,121
What do we got?
247
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,624
Gay couple? Gay couple?
248
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:01,834
What is this?
What are they doing?
249
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,294
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
250
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,795
And what are these kids
in the pink shirts?
251
00:09:06,297 --> 00:09:08,674
KELLY: Is that a fraternity?
252
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:12,178
Yeah, they got
big Greek letters.
253
00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,846
Looks like a fraternity.
254
00:09:14,805 --> 00:09:16,182
Oh, my God.
Look at that guy.
255
00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:18,226
That guy's the sexiest
guy I've ever seen.
256
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:21,145
He looks like something a gay
guy designed in a laboratory.
257
00:09:22,188 --> 00:09:23,439
KELLY: Look at his arms.
258
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:25,608
Oh, my God. They're like
two giant, veiny dicks.
259
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:27,068
It's like a gun show.
260
00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:28,653
Look at the blonde.
261
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,696
I don't see
which one you're...
262
00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:31,781
Oh, you don't know
who I'm talking about?
263
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:34,784
That blonde dude with the red sleeves?
He's a handsome guy.
264
00:09:34,909 --> 00:09:36,911
- What do we do?
- Okay, okay. I know what we do.
265
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:38,162
They're gonna be loud,
obviously.
266
00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:39,455
And they're gonna
fucking party a lot.
267
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,165
Baby,
this is a fucking nightmare!
268
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:42,750
I agree.
We need to go over there.
269
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,752
We need to fucking tell them
not to do that. Right now.
270
00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,462
As soon as they move in,
they know this
271
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,214
neighborhood doesn't
stand for that shit.
272
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:50,716
And we're fucking grown-ups, we have
a baby, and they need to be cool.
273
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,468
- They need to be cool to us, okay?
- Yeah, yeah.
274
00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,470
But... Okay, wait. Maybe we
don't come on strong, though.
275
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,347
Maybe we come on...
We act cool.
276
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,099
- We come on like peers.
- Yeah. Yes.
277
00:09:58,182 --> 00:09:59,141
Totally, we be cool.
We take them a joint.
278
00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:00,268
Yeah. We be cool.
279
00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:01,352
- Right?
- Ooh! We roll them a joint.
280
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:02,770
- Roll them a spliff.
- Give that to them.
281
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:04,438
Then we seem cool.
They're thinking...
282
00:10:04,939 --> 00:10:06,274
- We're hip.
- "Oh, they're like us.
283
00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:07,608
"This could be us
in a few years."
284
00:10:07,692 --> 00:10:08,943
Yes, respect.
285
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,528
- They'll want us to like them.
- Yeah.
286
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,780
Then we say,
"By the way, keep it down."
287
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,657
Exactly. Well, we won't say it like that.
We'll just...
288
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,617
- No, of course not.
- I'll say it. Like, we'll just...
289
00:10:16,701 --> 00:10:19,745
You know, "Keep it down."
290
00:10:19,829 --> 00:10:21,163
You're doing it
a little weird.
291
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:22,456
- Do it again. Do it normal.
- Yeah. Like...
292
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,499
- I'll throw it away.
- Just throw it away.
293
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:25,293
Just like, you know, "If you
could just keep it down."
294
00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:26,961
- Just say it normal!
- I can get it!
295
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:28,087
It's an important,
key phrase here.
296
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,297
All right, you do it.
You do it.
297
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:32,133
Okay, watch. I'm just
gonna do it like this.
298
00:10:32,216 --> 00:10:34,051
"Keep it down."
299
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:35,553
"Keep it down."
300
00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:37,096
Lift it! Come on!
301
00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:38,431
Come on!
302
00:10:38,514 --> 00:10:39,932
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
303
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:58,576
Wicca-wazzup?
304
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,536
- Hey! How's it going?
- Hey!
305
00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:02,163
- Are you our new neighbors?
- We're your new neighbors!
306
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:03,331
Yeah!
307
00:11:03,414 --> 00:11:04,665
BOTH: All right!
308
00:11:04,749 --> 00:11:06,334
TEDDY: What's up?
- (WHOOPING)
309
00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:08,419
I'm Teddy. This is Pete.
310
00:11:09,003 --> 00:11:10,338
(ALL CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
311
00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:15,259
What's going on?
And who's this little lady?
312
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,262
Oh, that's so sweet. No one
ever knows she's a girl.
313
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:21,057
What? Of course she is, because
you're a little princess.
314
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:22,183
So, you're
the little princess.
315
00:11:22,266 --> 00:11:23,267
You're a little...
316
00:11:23,351 --> 00:11:25,561
Oh, she just scrunched
her little nose!
317
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:27,355
So cute.
318
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:29,190
What's her name?
319
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,524
- Stella.
- Stella, yeah.
320
00:11:30,608 --> 00:11:32,777
That's the best name ever.
Are you kidding?
321
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,570
She's a little flirt.
322
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,113
Oh, like her mom, I bet.
323
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:37,406
PETE: Mmm.
324
00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:38,532
Cool.
325
00:11:38,616 --> 00:11:40,242
Anyway, just wanted
to let you guys know
326
00:11:40,326 --> 00:11:43,621
that in this neighborhood,
we don't keep off the grass.
327
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:45,206
- What?
- You know what I'm saying?
328
00:11:45,289 --> 00:11:46,248
No way!
329
00:11:46,332 --> 00:11:47,917
Legalize it, y'all.
330
00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:50,378
A joint. Thank you, guys.
331
00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:52,338
Also, if you could maybe,
just sometimes...
332
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:53,964
Keep it down!
333
00:11:54,632 --> 00:11:55,633
All right.
334
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,718
Well, I mean, if you
guys ever need anything,
335
00:11:57,802 --> 00:12:00,262
or we get too noisy, just
talk to me, or talk to Pete.
336
00:12:00,346 --> 00:12:01,597
- We'll take care of it.
- Same with us.
337
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,391
- I mean, we get pretty loud over there.
- Yeah, yeah.
338
00:12:03,474 --> 00:12:05,101
Game of Thrones,
we get loud.
339
00:12:05,184 --> 00:12:07,311
- When Khaleesi comes on, I'm like...
- (BOTH YELLING)
340
00:12:07,395 --> 00:12:08,813
Yeah. It's crazy.
341
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:10,523
(BOTH LAUGHING AWKWARDLY)
342
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:13,567
- All righty.
- Well...
343
00:12:13,651 --> 00:12:14,652
- Dope.
PETE: Cool.
344
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:15,820
All right.
345
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:16,904
- We're okay.
- Cool.
346
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,322
- Later!
- See you, guys.
347
00:12:18,823 --> 00:12:20,783
- All right. All right.
- Nice.
348
00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:23,369
Welcome to the neighborhood.
349
00:12:23,494 --> 00:12:24,829
Take it sleazy.
350
00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:26,539
GIRLS: Bye, Stella!
351
00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:27,873
BOYS: Bye, Stella!
352
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:33,003
And now,
as President of Delta Psi...
353
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:34,922
And Vice President,
we call...
354
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,551
Our first official meeting
in the new house to order.
355
00:12:38,634 --> 00:12:40,469
ALL: Chivalry above self!
356
00:12:40,553 --> 00:12:42,930
Much like Scoonie's cock,
357
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:45,641
this year is
going to be legendary.
358
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:47,226
(ALL CHEERING)
359
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,936
I don't know if
you guys are aware,
360
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,439
but Delta Psi is
simply responsible
361
00:12:51,564 --> 00:12:54,024
for the most epic
party moments in history.
362
00:12:54,275 --> 00:12:55,568
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
363
00:12:55,860 --> 00:12:57,611
Gentlemen,
take a look at the wall.
364
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:01,407
Travel back in time
with me to 1930.
365
00:13:01,699 --> 00:13:03,075
(1930s MUSIC PLAYING)
366
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:05,870
Delta Psi puts on a
production of Julius Caesar.
367
00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:10,541
A girl in the audience unexpectedly
hands one of our brothers a beer.
368
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:15,004
And after that
one fateful sip,
369
00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:16,714
the toga party is born!
370
00:13:16,881 --> 00:13:18,299
Hold that gam
steady, Pete.
371
00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,467
(ALL CHEERING)
372
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,345
- The year is 1971.
- (1970s ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
373
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:26,223
The US plays Red China
in ping-pong.
374
00:13:26,891 --> 00:13:29,268
Meanwhile, back at
Delta Psi, our brothers
375
00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:31,812
play a little
ping-pong of their own.
376
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:35,191
An errant ball lands
in a brother's beer,
377
00:13:36,025 --> 00:13:38,569
and he just drinks it.
378
00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:42,406
(WHOOPING)
379
00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:43,657
(ALL CHEERING)
380
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,659
I give you beer pong!
381
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,578
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
382
00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:57,755
The year is 1985!
383
00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,090
- (1980s POP MUSIC PLAYING)
- Sebastian Cremmington and his brothers
384
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,342
are at the school pep rally.
385
00:14:01,509 --> 00:14:03,928
They've been drinking
since the butt-crack of dawn.
386
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:07,598
Sebastian knows he has to throw up,
but he wants to keep partying.
387
00:14:07,765 --> 00:14:10,351
What does he do? Does he
puke, or does he drink?
388
00:14:10,518 --> 00:14:12,228
Why not do both?
389
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:16,565
I give you the boot
and motherfucking rally!
390
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,861
(ALL CHEERING)
391
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,369
So many party inventions.
392
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:30,788
So many party discoveries.
393
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,124
How are we supposed to stand
on the shoulders of giants?
394
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:35,209
Tell 'em, Teddy.
395
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,585
I'll tell you how.
396
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,547
Do you see that
empty space on the wall?
397
00:14:40,256 --> 00:14:42,299
Let's fill it with dreams.
398
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:48,222
We are gonna end the year with the
most legendary rager of all time.
399
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,601
I'm talking even bigger than
last year's White Trash Bash.
400
00:14:52,768 --> 00:14:54,645
ALL: No, no, no!
401
00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:57,064
Seems like
an impossible feat.
402
00:14:57,231 --> 00:14:59,149
But when we do it,
403
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,402
we will get our
faces on that wall,
404
00:15:01,527 --> 00:15:03,696
amidst the rest
of these legends!
405
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:05,197
(ALL CHEERING)
406
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:06,865
Yes!
407
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,743
Pete, do you want to tell us about
your first summer as a Delta?
408
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:11,245
My parents got divorced.
409
00:15:11,412 --> 00:15:13,330
- And where did you go?
- Right here.
410
00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:14,748
- And what happened?
- I cried.
411
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:16,000
Why did you cry?
412
00:15:16,125 --> 00:15:17,293
Because I felt safe.
413
00:15:17,668 --> 00:15:20,796
Because I was surrounded
by my brothers.
414
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,008
Brothers have a bond
that goes beyond friendship.
415
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:28,262
We are the family you get to choose,
and we don't get divorced!
416
00:15:28,429 --> 00:15:29,638
- No, we don't.
- We don't.
417
00:15:29,805 --> 00:15:31,807
To believe in
the life of love...
418
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,310
ALL: ...to walk
in the way of honor,
419
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,353
to serve in
the light of truth.
420
00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:39,690
This is the life, the way,
the light of Delta Psi.
421
00:15:39,857 --> 00:15:42,192
This is the creed
of our fraternity.
422
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:46,322
ALL: (SINGING)
Can you take me higher?
423
00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:47,990
(WHISPERING) Delta Psi.
424
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,783
Delta Psi.
425
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,202
Delta Psi, Delta Psi!
426
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:53,787
Delta Psi!
427
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,290
Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
428
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:58,000
Delta Psi!
Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
429
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,126
- (BOTH GROANING)
- (MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)
430
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:01,045
- Christ!
- What the fuck?
431
00:16:01,754 --> 00:16:02,796
They're so loud.
432
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,048
They're gonna wake Stella.
What do we...
433
00:16:04,173 --> 00:16:05,299
What do you think
we should do?
434
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:06,508
We should call the police.
435
00:16:06,634 --> 00:16:07,801
No, no, no, no, no.
436
00:16:07,885 --> 00:16:09,136
We can't do that.
437
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,472
We should go over there,
okay? And talk to them.
438
00:16:11,555 --> 00:16:13,807
They'll listen to us if they
think we're cool, you know?
439
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:15,809
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, okay.
440
00:16:15,893 --> 00:16:17,144
Okay.
441
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:18,520
Grab the baby monitor.
442
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,857
Hey, Mac, Kelly.
What's up?
443
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:26,070
We hate to be these guys, but do
you mind just, like, kind of...
444
00:16:26,153 --> 00:16:27,196
Just keep it down.
445
00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:28,322
Just a little bit.
A little bit.
446
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:29,365
The music?
447
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:30,658
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, just a tiny bit.
448
00:16:30,741 --> 00:16:32,076
First off, my bad.
449
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:33,827
Yo, guys! Music check!
450
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:35,746
We have neighbors,
for Christ's sake!
451
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:36,955
- Come on.
- Thank you.
452
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,082
That's a big bong.
453
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:39,249
Is that a two-story bong?
454
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:40,501
I really appreciate
you guys coming by.
455
00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:41,794
Out of control.
456
00:16:41,877 --> 00:16:43,837
Awesome, man.
Well, thank you so much.
457
00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:45,005
That's all we wanted.
458
00:16:45,089 --> 00:16:46,590
- Cool.
- Great.
459
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:48,759
See you guys around.
460
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,011
Okay, thanks, man.
Dope. Cool.
461
00:16:51,095 --> 00:16:52,304
- Sweet.
- Yeah.
462
00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:56,684
I think we should
invite the old people in.
463
00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:57,976
They're old and lame.
464
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,269
I mean, yeah,
I like their baby,
465
00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,688
but this is
no place for a baby.
466
00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,106
Yeah, I know.
But they're our neighbors.
467
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,274
They can make our lives a living hell.
We need them on our side.
468
00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,443
If we're cool with them now,
they'll be cool with us.
469
00:17:07,236 --> 00:17:08,320
Hey, slow down!
470
00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,530
Hey, there they are!
471
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:10,614
Where you going?
472
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:11,782
Do you guys
want to come in?
473
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:13,367
You don't want us
to come back in.
474
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:14,451
I mean, no, we can't.
We couldn't possibly.
475
00:17:14,618 --> 00:17:15,619
No, no, no.
476
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:16,704
Are you serious?
477
00:17:16,787 --> 00:17:18,247
- I think you should.
- Come on.
478
00:17:18,330 --> 00:17:20,374
- No, we've got the baby, so...
- We've got the baby. We can't.
479
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:21,625
Come on.
Just real quick.
480
00:17:21,709 --> 00:17:23,293
You have the baby
monitor right there.
481
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:24,420
We do, it's working.
482
00:17:24,545 --> 00:17:25,546
It works perfectly.
483
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,131
You're, like,
10 feet away. Come on.
484
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,215
Super quick tour.
485
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,050
- Just the tour, maybe.
PETE: Just the tour.
486
00:17:30,134 --> 00:17:32,261
- Just the tour. Cool.
TEDDY: Oh, it's so exciting!
487
00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,638
Oh, yeah!
Magic mushrooms!
488
00:17:35,264 --> 00:17:36,390
Slow down.
489
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:37,725
What the fuck
is gonna happen?
490
00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:41,645
I've been doing mushrooms since
before the fucking Internet existed.
491
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,898
That's a weird phone!
492
00:17:44,982 --> 00:17:46,650
No, it's my baby monitor.
493
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,068
You should look,
you can see her.
494
00:17:48,152 --> 00:17:49,236
GIRLS: Aw!
495
00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:51,739
BOYS: Peekaboo!
496
00:17:53,824 --> 00:17:55,159
He's done.
497
00:17:56,577 --> 00:17:58,245
- Peekaboo!
BOYS: Oh!
498
00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:00,664
(MONITOR BEEPING)
499
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,082
Oh, no, no. The monitor
is not working.
500
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:04,585
I gotta get back. Gotta
get back, gotta get back.
501
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,044
I'm gonna throw up.
502
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,463
BOYS: Whoa...
503
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,552
I can't...
504
00:18:13,677 --> 00:18:14,970
Right there.
Yeah, yeah!
505
00:18:15,053 --> 00:18:16,096
No, no, no!
506
00:18:16,180 --> 00:18:18,390
No, no, no!
507
00:18:18,766 --> 00:18:20,350
(ALL HUMMING)
508
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:32,780
Do you guys want to see
something amazing?
509
00:18:32,863 --> 00:18:35,115
Yes, I want to see
something amazing.
510
00:18:35,199 --> 00:18:37,117
BOYS: Yeah.
- What is it?
511
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,368
(LAUGHS)
512
00:18:39,203 --> 00:18:41,580
I know you're all wondering
why I brought you here.
513
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:42,748
Behold.
514
00:18:50,672 --> 00:18:52,216
(ALL CHEERING)
515
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,305
- Wow!
- Good job, man.
516
00:18:58,388 --> 00:18:59,723
Yeah, take a bow.
517
00:19:03,227 --> 00:19:05,270
MAC: (PANTING)
Wait. Wait.
518
00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,772
(BOTH SIGHING)
519
00:19:08,899 --> 00:19:09,942
Welcome to the lion's
den, my friend.
520
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,151
Yes!
521
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:13,987
This is my room.
Off limits during parties.
522
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,781
This is where we keep
all the important shit.
523
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:19,243
Alcohol, drugs, passports,
ping-pong paddles.
524
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,036
Those things are always
fucking disappearing.
525
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:22,830
Yeah, dude. My bros is
always stealing my paddies.
526
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:23,997
Right? What the fuck?
527
00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,708
Holy shit!
That's a lot of fireworks.
528
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:27,960
Can we light some of
those off right now?
529
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:29,169
No.
530
00:19:29,253 --> 00:19:33,006
Man, literally, the last time we lit
those off, we burned the house down.
531
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:34,258
(CHUCKLING)
532
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,718
It's not funny.
That was really bad.
533
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:39,304
Check this out.
Watch the yard.
534
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:40,764
- Ready?
- Yeah.
535
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,017
(ALL CHEERING)
536
00:19:44,768 --> 00:19:45,978
That's awesome.
537
00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:47,604
Welcome to paradise.
538
00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:48,856
Hey, who's Batman
to you?
539
00:19:48,939 --> 00:19:51,108
Like, when you think of
Batman, who's Batman?
540
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,192
Are you kidding me?
541
00:19:52,276 --> 00:19:53,610
- Christian Bale?
- Christian Bale.
542
00:19:53,694 --> 00:19:55,445
Michael Keaton
is Batman to me.
543
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,406
(IMITATING BALE AS BATMAN)
"Where is she?"
544
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,450
(LAUGHS) Michael Keaton's
Batman was like,
545
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:02,494
(IN RASPY VOICE)
"Hey, I'm Batman."
546
00:20:02,578 --> 00:20:04,997
"No! Hey, I'm Batman!"
547
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,417
"No, dude, no. I'm Batman. This
is what Batman sounds like."
548
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,793
"I'm counting on it!"
549
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:11,461
"No, I'm counting on it.
I'm Batman."
550
00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:13,630
We actually met
in college. Yeah.
551
00:20:13,714 --> 00:20:14,840
GIRLS: Aw!
552
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,259
Yeah, I was here for
an exchange program.
553
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:20,304
I was only supposed
to stay a semester,
554
00:20:20,429 --> 00:20:23,348
but then he convinced me
to hang around.
555
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:24,391
ALL: Aw!
- Yeah.
556
00:20:24,474 --> 00:20:26,393
What's cool is
we're almost roommates.
557
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:27,603
Dude, we are
almost roommates.
558
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:29,229
Our rooms are, like, 10
feet away from each other.
559
00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:30,480
Dude, we can have
walkie-talkies,
560
00:20:30,564 --> 00:20:31,690
- actually.
- (GASPS)
561
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,108
It would just work all the time.
It would be awesome.
562
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,694
Let's get walkie-talkies and
talk to each other all the time.
563
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:37,487
- Walkie-talkies and earpieces and shit.
- Oh, my God.
564
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:38,614
That would be so dope.
565
00:20:38,739 --> 00:20:39,740
It'd be so fun.
566
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,867
So, how did you meet Teddy?
567
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,036
I saw him.
He saw me.
568
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:46,079
Yeah.
569
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,332
It's a really romantic story.
570
00:20:48,415 --> 00:20:51,793
Hold on to this moment, man.
Seriously, enjoy this.
571
00:20:51,919 --> 00:20:54,463
Because soon,
you fucking blink,
572
00:20:54,588 --> 00:20:57,132
and you're the oldest
guy at the party,
573
00:20:57,299 --> 00:20:59,426
and it's terrible.
574
00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:00,969
You don't seem old.
575
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:03,847
You seem like a senior
that took a year abroad.
576
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,353
- Really?
- Yeah, man.
577
00:21:10,479 --> 00:21:11,855
Bottom of my heart.
578
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:14,358
You want to swordfight?
579
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:16,568
Absolutely.
580
00:21:20,238 --> 00:21:21,573
ALL: Aw!
581
00:21:25,035 --> 00:21:27,120
MAC: Epic night!
582
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,331
Crazy! I owe you, man.
583
00:21:29,498 --> 00:21:30,874
KELLY: I really needed that.
MAC: Thank you so much.
584
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:32,834
Yeah, again,
if you can just generally
585
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:34,711
kind of, you know,
keep it down.
586
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:35,879
Just keep it down.
587
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,255
- Just keep it down.
- Low.
588
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:39,424
That would be... That would be fucking...
That would be trill.
589
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:40,801
You really want us
to keep it down?
590
00:21:40,884 --> 00:21:41,969
Yeah, like,
every night.
591
00:21:42,094 --> 00:21:43,595
Yeah, try to keep it down.
592
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:45,597
I'll give it
the old college try.
593
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:46,848
- Nice! That was good.
- Nice.
594
00:21:47,015 --> 00:21:48,183
- Cool, cool.
- How is that?
595
00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:51,103
Just make sure if we're too
noisy, you call me first.
596
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,521
Don't call the cops, okay?
597
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:53,689
- Okay. Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
598
00:21:53,772 --> 00:21:55,023
- Do you promise?
- I promise.
599
00:21:55,107 --> 00:21:56,274
Do you promise?
600
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,567
I promise. We promise.
601
00:21:57,651 --> 00:22:00,570
You promise? Okay. Because a
promise is a big deal to me.
602
00:22:00,737 --> 00:22:02,030
- Okay.
- Okay.
603
00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:04,199
- We promise.
- Thank you so much, guys.
604
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:07,119
I hope you guys come over and
try and hang with us some more.
605
00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:08,662
- Yeah, dope, dope. Cool.
- It was a good time.
606
00:22:08,745 --> 00:22:09,913
I'll go tell them to shh!
607
00:22:09,997 --> 00:22:11,081
MAC: Yeah.
608
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:12,499
See you guys.
609
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:13,875
Great night!
610
00:22:19,089 --> 00:22:20,424
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
611
00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:24,261
Hey, Teddy. It's Mac again.
Your neighbor.
612
00:22:24,428 --> 00:22:26,722
You said to call if
it was ever too loud.
613
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,223
So, we're calling.
It's too loud.
614
00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:29,683
Can you please keep it down?
615
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:33,103
It's 4:00 in the morning, our baby's awake.
She's freaking out.
616
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:34,312
Thank you.
617
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:35,522
Ten times.
618
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:37,482
I've called him ten times.
What do we do?
619
00:22:37,607 --> 00:22:39,359
If we actually go over there
and tell them to keep it down,
620
00:22:39,443 --> 00:22:40,402
we're gonna seem so lame.
621
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:41,445
We're gonna have
to call the cops.
622
00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:42,529
- We call the cops?
- Yes.
623
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,448
He told us not
to call the cops.
624
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:45,699
Do it anonymously.
625
00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:46,908
They do our dirty work for us.
626
00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:50,287
We're cool, they shut up,
she goes to sleep. Done.
627
00:22:50,454 --> 00:22:51,705
We have no blood on our hands.
628
00:22:51,872 --> 00:22:54,082
We're innocents.
We're innocents in all this.
629
00:22:54,249 --> 00:22:55,417
- It's a good idea.
- It's a good system.
630
00:22:55,584 --> 00:22:57,127
- Let's do it. Okay, I'm doing it.
- Let's do it.
631
00:22:58,545 --> 00:23:01,089
MAC: Here we go. Here we go.
632
00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:03,008
Here they are.
633
00:23:03,175 --> 00:23:04,968
Okay.
634
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:07,846
I feel so lame. I can't
believe we called the cops.
635
00:23:10,599 --> 00:23:11,808
They can't tell it's us.
636
00:23:11,892 --> 00:23:13,602
They don't know it was us.
Could've been anyone.
637
00:23:13,727 --> 00:23:14,895
- Could have been anyone.
- Any one of these people could have called.
638
00:23:14,978 --> 00:23:16,354
We're not gonna
get caught for this.
639
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:19,441
Anyone would do this.
This isn't because we're old.
640
00:23:21,526 --> 00:23:23,487
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- Oh!
641
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:24,905
- Oh, shit!
- Oh, no!
642
00:23:24,988 --> 00:23:26,239
MAC: Oh, no! Oh, fuck!
643
00:23:26,323 --> 00:23:27,407
KELLY: Oh, no.
644
00:23:27,491 --> 00:23:29,076
He sold us out.
645
00:23:29,159 --> 00:23:31,453
Fuck, they're coming up the driveway.
Oh, shit, they're coming.
646
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:33,538
- Oh, shit. They're right there.
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
647
00:23:33,622 --> 00:23:35,082
MAC: Just go, you answer it.
KELLY: You answer it.
648
00:23:35,165 --> 00:23:37,042
You answer!
You are gonna answer.
649
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:39,127
You do it.
You do it. You do it.
650
00:23:39,336 --> 00:23:41,713
We're just getting dressed!
I'm naked!
651
00:23:41,797 --> 00:23:43,507
- No, I see you guys right there.
- One moment.
652
00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:45,050
Act like you just woke up.
653
00:23:45,342 --> 00:23:47,302
(BOTH YAWNING)
654
00:23:47,803 --> 00:23:49,012
Hey.
655
00:23:50,055 --> 00:23:51,306
WATKINS:
Hello, are you Mac?
656
00:23:51,848 --> 00:23:53,683
Yeah. What's happening?
657
00:23:53,892 --> 00:23:55,435
You called about
your neighbors?
658
00:23:56,061 --> 00:23:57,312
No.
659
00:23:57,896 --> 00:23:58,939
No.
660
00:23:59,106 --> 00:24:02,109
I have a call, it's from Mac Radner.
That's you. Right?
661
00:24:02,192 --> 00:24:04,277
Yeah. How do you
have that information?
662
00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:06,696
We have caller ID.
We're cops.
663
00:24:07,572 --> 00:24:09,658
Everybody has caller ID.
You're Mac Radner.
664
00:24:09,825 --> 00:24:10,826
Okay, yes.
665
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,869
You called us.
Why did you call us?
666
00:24:12,953 --> 00:24:16,206
I called the cops because
you were being noisy, man.
667
00:24:16,373 --> 00:24:17,958
And I tried to get you to
stop, and you wouldn't stop.
668
00:24:18,041 --> 00:24:19,126
They won't stop partying!
669
00:24:19,209 --> 00:24:20,252
Officer,
you know how it is.
670
00:24:20,335 --> 00:24:21,336
We're just trying
to get to sleep.
671
00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:22,796
- We have a little baby.
- We have a baby.
672
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:24,673
- Mac's working in the morning.
- We got jobs.
673
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,508
They were at the party
with us just last night.
674
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:28,552
- Did you party with this kid?
- We don't party with them!
675
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:30,679
We shouldn't be in trouble. We
haven't done anything wrong.
676
00:24:30,762 --> 00:24:31,805
We have a baby.
We're parents.
677
00:24:31,888 --> 00:24:33,473
Well then,
what do you call these?
678
00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:37,227
I'm too fucked up!
Ahhh! Ahhh!
679
00:24:37,602 --> 00:24:39,396
WATKINS: Well, it looks like you
guys were partying with him.
680
00:24:39,563 --> 00:24:40,730
You party pretty heavy.
681
00:24:40,856 --> 00:24:43,108
That's a joke photo!
682
00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:44,317
- It's a joke?
- That's a joke!
683
00:24:44,401 --> 00:24:45,610
It's not a good joke.
684
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:46,903
Okay, you know what?
Let's end this.
685
00:24:46,987 --> 00:24:48,947
I'm sorry.
I rescind the complaint.
686
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:51,074
You can go.
No noise complaint.
687
00:24:51,158 --> 00:24:52,826
You know the boy
who cried wolf?
688
00:24:53,201 --> 00:24:54,327
You're that boy.
689
00:24:54,411 --> 00:24:56,496
- Okay, I cried wolf.
- Never call us again.
690
00:24:56,580 --> 00:24:58,582
Never call you again?
You're the fucking police.
691
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:01,501
Look, man, we're sorry.
692
00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:02,669
You were being noisy.
693
00:25:02,752 --> 00:25:04,254
We tried to call you.
I don't know what to say.
694
00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,006
We called you five times,
you didn't answer us.
695
00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,674
You made a promise
to me last night.
696
00:25:07,757 --> 00:25:10,093
We were pissing.
We crossed streams.
697
00:25:10,177 --> 00:25:11,678
Don't worry
about it, you know?
698
00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,139
"Hey, I'm Batman."
You know? Right?
699
00:25:14,306 --> 00:25:15,432
No, we're done
with that, bro.
700
00:25:15,557 --> 00:25:17,267
- We're still cool, man. We're still cool.
- We're sorry.
701
00:25:17,350 --> 00:25:19,102
I'm not mad.
702
00:25:19,186 --> 00:25:21,104
I'm just disappointed.
703
00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:23,231
Hey, come on.
Wait, let's just...
704
00:25:26,651 --> 00:25:27,819
MAC: What's that?
705
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:29,654
Those are for you.
706
00:25:29,946 --> 00:25:31,239
What the fuck?
707
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:32,908
Oh.
708
00:25:35,702 --> 00:25:37,537
TEDDY: You shouldn't have
called the cops, bro!
709
00:25:37,621 --> 00:25:38,914
Okay.
710
00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,625
- (ALL SHOUTING)
- Okay, very good.
711
00:25:41,708 --> 00:25:42,709
Very good.
712
00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,461
KELLY: Okay.
- Congratulations.
713
00:25:44,544 --> 00:25:46,087
You better put that
in the recycling bin.
714
00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:47,172
- All of it.
- All of it.
715
00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:51,468
PETE: It's like Edward Scissorhands.
Do you like it?
716
00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:53,136
It's a really
expensive bush!
717
00:25:53,303 --> 00:25:55,555
I'm sorry, I felt inspiration.
What was I supposed to do?
718
00:25:55,722 --> 00:25:57,641
I'm about to rip this
shit out of the ground.
719
00:25:58,058 --> 00:25:59,142
(GRUNTING)
720
00:25:59,226 --> 00:26:00,769
- Fuck this bush!
- Fuck that bush, man!
721
00:26:00,936 --> 00:26:02,395
- Fuck this bush!
- Fuck that bush!
722
00:26:02,562 --> 00:26:04,689
Harder, man. Yeah,
really get in there.
723
00:26:04,856 --> 00:26:06,149
- Oh! Oh!
- God damn it! Kelly!
724
00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:07,984
Whoa. Hey, man,
buy him dinner first.
725
00:26:08,109 --> 00:26:09,110
Fuck this bush!
726
00:26:10,487 --> 00:26:11,613
(GROANS)
727
00:26:11,696 --> 00:26:12,739
ALL: Oh!
- Shit!
728
00:26:12,822 --> 00:26:14,366
Okay. Ha-ha.
729
00:26:14,449 --> 00:26:16,368
Sorry, man. Sorry my ball
just got in your face.
730
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:18,370
(BOTH MOANING)
731
00:26:21,331 --> 00:26:23,166
- I love you.
- Baby.
732
00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:26,002
Oh, God.
733
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,587
I can't believe
this is happening.
734
00:26:28,588 --> 00:26:30,006
It's finally happening.
735
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:31,341
(ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
736
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:34,261
- What the fuck?
- Oh, my God!
737
00:26:34,427 --> 00:26:36,096
Oh, no! Oh, no!
738
00:26:36,263 --> 00:26:38,098
We can't be the only people
in the neighborhood
739
00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,266
who are sick of
this bullshit, you know.
740
00:26:39,349 --> 00:26:40,767
We've gotta get
everyone on our side.
741
00:26:40,934 --> 00:26:42,102
We could lead a revolution.
742
00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:43,186
Oh, no.
743
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:47,023
They're buying off the whole
neighborhood with their slave army.
744
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,485
Oh! Mrs. Haywood,
you're better than that.
745
00:26:54,739 --> 00:26:56,283
I can't sell your house.
746
00:26:56,491 --> 00:26:57,534
- Why?
- Well,
747
00:26:57,659 --> 00:26:59,703
because the only
people who would want
748
00:26:59,828 --> 00:27:01,830
to live next to a frat
house is a frat house.
749
00:27:01,997 --> 00:27:03,873
Oh, the university
might be interested.
750
00:27:03,957 --> 00:27:06,793
I know the Spanish department
is looking for a new building.
751
00:27:06,876 --> 00:27:08,545
Only thing, if you
sell to the university,
752
00:27:08,628 --> 00:27:11,089
I'd say, optimistically,
you're looking
753
00:27:11,214 --> 00:27:13,717
at losing about
half your investment.
754
00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:15,302
MAC: Half of all of our...
755
00:27:15,385 --> 00:27:16,845
- We put all of our money in.
- This is all of our money.
756
00:27:16,928 --> 00:27:18,013
We can't lose half.
757
00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:20,473
But you keep half.
758
00:27:20,557 --> 00:27:22,142
We don't need that!
What is that?
759
00:27:22,225 --> 00:27:23,393
Sold!
760
00:27:23,476 --> 00:27:25,145
And you keep making
money no matter what!
761
00:27:25,228 --> 00:27:26,896
Real estate is
a fickle bitch.
762
00:27:27,022 --> 00:27:29,232
Okay, maybe it's
best you just go.
763
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:30,650
- Thank you for coming.
- Okay.
764
00:27:30,734 --> 00:27:31,818
That was not helpful.
765
00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,194
Well, okay.
766
00:27:33,862 --> 00:27:35,322
- What are you wearing?
- What is this?
767
00:27:35,488 --> 00:27:36,948
- What are you doing?
- Yeah.
768
00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:38,742
We're throwing
a Robert De Niro party.
769
00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:41,328
Should be pretty
fucking loud.
770
00:27:41,494 --> 00:27:43,830
It's probably gonna go
pretty fucking late, too.
771
00:27:44,122 --> 00:27:46,374
I'm Taxi Driver De Niro.
772
00:27:46,541 --> 00:27:48,251
Yeah, I'm Meet the Fockers
De Niro.
773
00:27:48,418 --> 00:27:50,628
I'm watching you.
I'm watching you.
774
00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:53,631
Who painted that mole on your face?
Did you do that yourself?
775
00:27:53,798 --> 00:27:55,842
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did, Focker.
776
00:27:56,009 --> 00:27:57,010
Who are you?
777
00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:00,347
Oh, I'm Sam Jackson, you know,
from Jackie Brown.
778
00:28:00,889 --> 00:28:02,098
Hoo-ah!
779
00:28:02,182 --> 00:28:03,391
ALL: Hoo-ah!
780
00:28:03,725 --> 00:28:05,101
- That's Al Pacino.
- That's not even... Yeah.
781
00:28:05,185 --> 00:28:06,227
Scent of a Woman.
782
00:28:06,353 --> 00:28:07,604
ALL: Hoo-ah!
783
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:09,731
There's
no consistency here.
784
00:28:09,898 --> 00:28:11,483
You're all over the place
with your references.
785
00:28:11,649 --> 00:28:12,650
You're upsetting
Jinxy cat.
786
00:28:12,817 --> 00:28:15,236
Just stop doing this
stupid shit! We're sorry.
787
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:17,864
Hey, when you called the cops, you
violated the circle of trust, Focker.
788
00:28:18,031 --> 00:28:20,033
We're sorry we
called the cops, okay?
789
00:28:21,409 --> 00:28:22,410
Are you talking to me?
790
00:28:22,577 --> 00:28:23,620
MAC: Yes.
KELLY: Yes.
791
00:28:23,745 --> 00:28:24,746
Are you talking
to me?
792
00:28:24,829 --> 00:28:25,872
- Yes!
- Yes!
793
00:28:25,955 --> 00:28:27,040
No, you talking to me.
794
00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:28,416
- Are you talking to me?
- Are you talking to me?
795
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,709
I don't see
anyone else here.
796
00:28:29,793 --> 00:28:30,919
I don't see anyone
else here, either!
797
00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:32,170
We're trying
to talk to you.
798
00:28:32,253 --> 00:28:35,590
"The path of the righteous man
is beset on all sides..."
799
00:28:35,673 --> 00:28:38,635
What the fuck are you doing? That's
the wrong Sam Jackson speech!
800
00:28:38,718 --> 00:28:40,553
Are you talking to me,
or are you talking to him?
801
00:28:40,637 --> 00:28:41,679
(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)
802
00:28:41,763 --> 00:28:43,681
- Just get off!
- Are you talking to me?
803
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:44,849
Shut the fuck up!
804
00:28:44,933 --> 00:28:45,934
You get the fuck
out of here.
805
00:28:46,017 --> 00:28:47,018
Stop it!
806
00:28:48,144 --> 00:28:50,480
Hey. What's nice
is in a few years,
807
00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:52,899
we'll have a third
person to help us do this.
808
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:54,067
Hey.
809
00:28:54,609 --> 00:28:56,319
What do you got there,
sweetie?
810
00:28:57,237 --> 00:28:58,530
Is that a balloon?
811
00:28:59,072 --> 00:29:00,490
Did you find a balloon?
812
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,576
Oh, shit! That's
not a balloon!
813
00:29:03,910 --> 00:29:05,036
- Oh, Jesus!
- (SCREAMS)
814
00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:06,704
Oh, God! Oh, no!
815
00:29:06,871 --> 00:29:08,206
Help! Help!
816
00:29:08,373 --> 00:29:10,417
Get the fuck...
Get out of my way! Move!
817
00:29:10,583 --> 00:29:12,419
- Doctor! Doctor!
- Oh, God!
818
00:29:15,171 --> 00:29:16,673
- All right.
- Hey.
819
00:29:19,759 --> 00:29:21,344
Your baby
820
00:29:22,804 --> 00:29:24,264
has HIV.
821
00:29:24,389 --> 00:29:25,515
(GASPS)
Oh, my God.
822
00:29:25,682 --> 00:29:27,600
Is how bad this
could have gone.
823
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:29,686
The condom was unused.
824
00:29:29,811 --> 00:29:31,062
(MURMURING) Are you fucking
kidding me?
825
00:29:31,146 --> 00:29:34,065
Who the fuck says that
to a couple of parents?
826
00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:36,693
Hey! Ma'am!
827
00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:37,902
Chill out, chill out!
828
00:29:38,069 --> 00:29:39,362
They are dangerous
to the neighborhood!
829
00:29:39,529 --> 00:29:40,822
There's a clear
focus going on here.
830
00:29:40,905 --> 00:29:42,282
I heard they burned
down their last house.
831
00:29:42,365 --> 00:29:44,200
And they were
reprimanded for that.
832
00:29:44,367 --> 00:29:47,495
We have a very strict three-strike
policy at this school.
833
00:29:47,662 --> 00:29:50,498
So, they have one strike. If they
get two more, then they're out.
834
00:29:50,665 --> 00:29:51,749
A strike?
835
00:29:51,833 --> 00:29:53,751
Well, listen,
the way I do my job is,
836
00:29:53,835 --> 00:29:56,296
you know, I'm always thinking
about the headlines, right?
837
00:29:56,379 --> 00:30:01,176
So, "Duke Lacrosse Team Rapes
Stripper." Bad headline.
838
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:02,969
"Fraternity
Keeps Couple Awake"?
839
00:30:03,136 --> 00:30:05,180
That's not really
even a headline.
840
00:30:05,346 --> 00:30:07,390
I don't even think it would
make the local police blotter.
841
00:30:07,557 --> 00:30:09,392
Get ready to read
the headline of the century.
842
00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:12,562
Extra, extra!
"Baby Swallows Condom!"
843
00:30:12,729 --> 00:30:14,355
- That's disgusting!
- Exactly!
844
00:30:14,564 --> 00:30:15,940
- It's the frat's condom!
- That's the frat's condom!
845
00:30:16,107 --> 00:30:17,650
I have a headline for this.
846
00:30:17,817 --> 00:30:19,986
"Fraternity
Practices Safe Sex."
847
00:30:20,153 --> 00:30:22,405
That's a good headline. I could
get a raise off that headline.
848
00:30:22,572 --> 00:30:23,948
I got a headline for you.
849
00:30:24,115 --> 00:30:29,329
"Mean Dean Doesn't Realize That
Frat Is Bad For Everyone."
850
00:30:29,496 --> 00:30:30,538
It's really not.
851
00:30:30,705 --> 00:30:33,041
It's very poorly worded. I don't think
that would ever make it to print.
852
00:30:33,124 --> 00:30:34,292
I don't know where
you went to school.
853
00:30:34,459 --> 00:30:36,794
I went here, okay?
That's why I'm dumb!
854
00:30:36,961 --> 00:30:39,047
You know what? I just thought
of another headline.
855
00:30:39,172 --> 00:30:42,383
"Negligent Parents
Allow Baby to Swallow Condom."
856
00:30:43,259 --> 00:30:45,011
- What'd you say?
- It's not a good headline.
857
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,972
Here's a headline. How
about, "Go Fuck Yourself"?
858
00:30:48,139 --> 00:30:49,140
That's what you get.
859
00:30:49,265 --> 00:30:50,475
- This is our home!
- It's our home!
860
00:30:50,558 --> 00:30:53,853
This is our little cub on our
lawn with a condom in her mouth.
861
00:30:53,937 --> 00:30:55,772
Oh, my God.
I'm a mama bear.
862
00:30:55,939 --> 00:30:56,940
- Yes, you are.
- You know what?
863
00:30:57,106 --> 00:30:58,942
I'm gonna act all
docile and then...
864
00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:00,443
(BOTH ROARING)
865
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,612
My claws are out!
I'm gonna fucking get them!
866
00:31:03,112 --> 00:31:04,531
- (HISSING)
- Fuck these fucking guys!
867
00:31:04,697 --> 00:31:06,199
They don't know who
they are fucking with.
868
00:31:06,366 --> 00:31:08,117
They think I'm
just a regular dad
869
00:31:08,284 --> 00:31:09,994
and then you
know what happens?
870
00:31:10,078 --> 00:31:11,371
Boom! Boom!
871
00:31:11,454 --> 00:31:13,623
Teddy's dead!
Pete's dead! Scoonie's dead!
872
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,124
- Fuck you!
- No, no.
873
00:31:15,291 --> 00:31:16,626
- I'll fucking kill them!
- No, no.
874
00:31:16,793 --> 00:31:18,294
- Boom!
- No.
875
00:31:18,461 --> 00:31:19,921
- I'm buying a fucking gun!
- No, you're not!
876
00:31:20,088 --> 00:31:22,257
I'm not buying a gun!
You're right, it's a bad idea.
877
00:31:22,423 --> 00:31:23,424
Bad call.
878
00:31:23,508 --> 00:31:24,592
What about one of those
small prostitute guns?
879
00:31:24,676 --> 00:31:26,135
No. You're not buying a gun.
880
00:31:26,511 --> 00:31:27,637
(EXHALES) Fuck!
881
00:31:27,762 --> 00:31:28,972
What can we do?
That fucking Dean.
882
00:31:29,138 --> 00:31:31,182
What woman is named "Dean"?
883
00:31:31,558 --> 00:31:33,142
She's not named "Dean."
That's her job.
884
00:31:33,476 --> 00:31:35,228
- What?
- That's what "dean" is here.
885
00:31:35,478 --> 00:31:36,563
- No.
- Yeah.
886
00:31:36,646 --> 00:31:38,064
- Really?
- What did you think?
887
00:31:38,147 --> 00:31:39,482
- I thought that was her name.
- No.
888
00:31:39,566 --> 00:31:40,650
Oh, no.
889
00:31:40,775 --> 00:31:42,652
- What do they call it in Australia?
- "Chancellor."
890
00:31:42,819 --> 00:31:44,320
No, she's the chancellor.
891
00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:46,656
Oh, my God.
I was so rude to her.
892
00:31:46,823 --> 00:31:48,658
- I don't know what to do.
- What do we know?
893
00:31:48,825 --> 00:31:49,993
What didn't we
have in college?
894
00:31:50,159 --> 00:31:51,661
I didn't have any money.
895
00:31:51,828 --> 00:31:52,912
- I had no money either.
- We had no money.
896
00:31:53,079 --> 00:31:54,163
They're broke.
They don't have any money.
897
00:31:54,330 --> 00:31:55,915
We fuck with their house.
They can't afford to fix it.
898
00:31:56,165 --> 00:31:57,458
- Yes.
- They have to move.
899
00:31:57,625 --> 00:31:58,835
- Yeah, fuck them!
- Fuck them!
900
00:31:59,002 --> 00:32:00,086
- We're gonna fucking fuck them!
- Fuck them!
901
00:32:00,295 --> 00:32:02,213
- We are going to fuck them!
- Fuck them!
902
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:18,688
(BOTH SCREAMING)
903
00:32:21,232 --> 00:32:22,567
(ALL GROANING)
904
00:32:22,984 --> 00:32:24,694
- So the water came out of here?
- Yep.
905
00:32:24,944 --> 00:32:26,362
This is gonna ruin us.
906
00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:29,282
I mean, the foundation is flooded.
We can't pay for this shit.
907
00:32:29,365 --> 00:32:30,950
They're gonna
condemn the house.
908
00:32:31,034 --> 00:32:32,452
Okay, well,
on that note,
909
00:32:32,535 --> 00:32:34,037
maybe we should
clean up and not
910
00:32:34,162 --> 00:32:35,663
stand here with our
dicks in our hands.
911
00:32:37,290 --> 00:32:38,958
"Dicks in our hands."
912
00:32:41,336 --> 00:32:44,422
Dicks in our hands.
913
00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:48,509
Dicks in our hands.
914
00:32:49,844 --> 00:32:53,056
Dicks in our hands.
915
00:32:54,349 --> 00:32:56,351
Dicks in our hands.
916
00:32:56,809 --> 00:32:58,061
Teddy, how much time we got?
917
00:32:58,227 --> 00:33:01,397
Just a couple minutes, and
then we pour in the latex.
918
00:33:01,564 --> 00:33:03,650
We've got Delta Psi dildos
we can merchandise.
919
00:33:04,192 --> 00:33:06,277
Oh, God, I can't keep
my boner much longer.
920
00:33:07,153 --> 00:33:08,237
We're supposed
to have boners?
921
00:33:08,363 --> 00:33:10,031
Yeah.
Nobody wants a limp dildo.
922
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:13,993
You don't know that. People
could want it for after.
923
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,580
Like, for cuddling,
and it's like a love...
924
00:33:17,747 --> 00:33:19,415
Okay, you're right.
It's just a limp dick.
925
00:33:19,582 --> 00:33:22,251
Hey, you boys
have to go digital.
926
00:33:22,418 --> 00:33:23,920
Look at that
3-D printer go.
927
00:33:24,045 --> 00:33:25,046
Look at it go!
928
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:26,297
That's awesome.
929
00:33:26,589 --> 00:33:27,590
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Penis completed.
930
00:33:27,757 --> 00:33:30,343
Now I can go to class
while my dick prints.
931
00:33:30,426 --> 00:33:31,427
Where did you get that?
932
00:33:31,552 --> 00:33:33,096
Got it at my architecture lab.
Pretty cool, right?
933
00:33:33,221 --> 00:33:34,597
- Wow.
- Man, you should go to class sometime.
934
00:33:34,681 --> 00:33:36,974
We have excellent facilities
that, like, no one uses.
935
00:33:37,058 --> 00:33:39,060
All right, let's pull these bad
boys off and see what we've got.
936
00:33:39,143 --> 00:33:40,186
- We're good?
- Yeah.
937
00:33:40,269 --> 00:33:41,354
GARF: Let's do it.
938
00:33:41,479 --> 00:33:43,439
- This is like Christmas.
- Oh!
939
00:33:43,523 --> 00:33:44,607
- Wow.
- Whoa.
940
00:33:45,608 --> 00:33:48,653
Hey, you know, I think the
clay is stuck to my pubes.
941
00:33:48,736 --> 00:33:50,071
Why do you have pubes?
942
00:33:51,072 --> 00:33:52,865
Wait. You guys shaved?
943
00:33:52,949 --> 00:33:54,659
Dude, I texted you.
I said, "Shave."
944
00:33:54,742 --> 00:33:56,828
I thought we were taking pictures.
I cleaned up a little, but...
945
00:33:56,911 --> 00:33:57,954
Not your face.
946
00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:00,623
Oh, God.
947
00:34:00,790 --> 00:34:01,874
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
948
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,292
- Don't worry about it.
- I'm gonna enjoy this.
949
00:34:03,459 --> 00:34:04,502
It's not gonna come off.
950
00:34:04,585 --> 00:34:05,878
I'm just gonna leave it on.
951
00:34:05,962 --> 00:34:08,381
I'm gonna drill a hole, I'm gonna pee.
I can get bigger pants.
952
00:34:08,548 --> 00:34:10,258
Look at me.
You trust me, right?
953
00:34:10,425 --> 00:34:11,384
I'm gonna
pull this thing off.
954
00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:12,510
Come on, just relax.
I got you.
955
00:34:12,635 --> 00:34:13,970
Stay the fuck away from me!
956
00:34:14,053 --> 00:34:15,722
Calm down. Count of three.
957
00:34:15,805 --> 00:34:17,306
- Teddy...
- One.
958
00:34:17,432 --> 00:34:18,391
Look at my eyes.
959
00:34:18,474 --> 00:34:19,809
- Two!
- (SHRIEKS)
960
00:34:26,566 --> 00:34:29,277
That was so much
worse than I thought.
961
00:34:29,652 --> 00:34:32,405
SCOONIE: Ladies,
I need a single-file line.
962
00:34:32,572 --> 00:34:33,740
There will be no
cutting in this line,
963
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:36,242
and if you're in the back, it is
approximately a 20-minute wait.
964
00:34:36,409 --> 00:34:37,577
- Hey.
- Hi.
965
00:34:37,660 --> 00:34:39,704
- Um... I'll take a Teddy.
- Cool. How about a Pete?
966
00:34:39,996 --> 00:34:41,205
Oh, no.
967
00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:42,540
I was just kidding, anyway.
968
00:34:42,623 --> 00:34:43,624
So weird.
969
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,627
Holy shit, guys.
I think we made $10,000.
970
00:34:47,128 --> 00:34:48,880
Hey, you guys, if my
calculations are correct,
971
00:34:49,005 --> 00:34:50,757
not only can we
fix the water damage,
972
00:34:50,923 --> 00:34:54,093
but we can get the biggest
hot tub in the world!
973
00:34:54,677 --> 00:34:56,554
- (CHEERING)
- And outdoor speakers!
974
00:34:56,804 --> 00:34:58,681
- Yes!
- Yeah!
975
00:34:59,015 --> 00:35:00,641
Delta Psi!
976
00:35:00,808 --> 00:35:02,018
ALL: (CHANTING) Delta Psi.
977
00:35:02,435 --> 00:35:06,272
Delta Psi!
Delta Psi! Delta Psi!
978
00:35:06,522 --> 00:35:07,857
Dildo Psi!
979
00:35:08,024 --> 00:35:10,610
Dildo Psi! Dildo Psi!
980
00:35:11,194 --> 00:35:12,570
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
981
00:35:16,032 --> 00:35:17,116
This is fucking
ridiculous.
982
00:35:17,241 --> 00:35:18,284
This is ridiculous.
983
00:35:18,451 --> 00:35:21,370
Their dicks bought a hot tub?
My dick couldn't buy a hot tub.
984
00:35:21,537 --> 00:35:22,705
Hey.
985
00:35:22,872 --> 00:35:26,042
Your dick could buy more than a hot tub.
Your dick bought me.
986
00:35:26,542 --> 00:35:28,002
Thank you very much.
987
00:35:28,169 --> 00:35:29,629
I'm not a sizeist.
988
00:35:29,796 --> 00:35:31,547
That's a little
patronizing.
989
00:35:32,089 --> 00:35:33,216
(MOUTHING)
990
00:35:38,012 --> 00:35:40,973
I don't get it. Who would
even buy one of those dildos?
991
00:35:44,977 --> 00:35:46,145
Bros before hos.
992
00:35:46,312 --> 00:35:49,232
Why? Because your bros
are always there for you.
993
00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:53,027
They have got your back after
your ho rips your heart out.
994
00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:54,403
"Bros before hos."
995
00:35:54,570 --> 00:35:56,864
And you were nothing
but great to your ho.
996
00:35:57,323 --> 00:35:59,700
And you told her that she
was the only ho for you,
997
00:35:59,867 --> 00:36:03,037
and that she was better than all
the other hos in the world.
998
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:06,541
Bros before hos.
999
00:36:07,250 --> 00:36:09,168
Fraternities. They live and die
on the concept of brotherhood.
1000
00:36:09,252 --> 00:36:10,253
I know.
1001
00:36:10,336 --> 00:36:12,296
The only way to break it
apart is to get in there,
1002
00:36:12,380 --> 00:36:15,925
infiltrate a party, and get
them to put hos before bros.
1003
00:36:16,092 --> 00:36:18,261
Hos don't go before bros. It
just doesn't work like that.
1004
00:36:18,427 --> 00:36:19,804
A ho has never
gone before a bro.
1005
00:36:19,929 --> 00:36:21,931
Maybe I have been a ho
who's taken down some bros.
1006
00:36:22,181 --> 00:36:23,850
- Ho, no, you haven't.
- I'm just saying.
1007
00:36:23,933 --> 00:36:26,018
You have?
That is messed up.
1008
00:36:26,102 --> 00:36:27,436
I'm saying,
that's the only way.
1009
00:36:27,520 --> 00:36:29,188
We've got to get in there,
we gotta infiltrate.
1010
00:36:29,272 --> 00:36:31,941
Get those little motherfuckers,
turn them against each other.
1011
00:36:32,024 --> 00:36:33,150
- Okay.
- I'm serious.
1012
00:36:33,234 --> 00:36:34,443
Just ease up.
1013
00:36:34,527 --> 00:36:35,695
Sorry.
1014
00:36:35,778 --> 00:36:37,697
She's on the fast road to her
first word being "cunt."
1015
00:36:37,864 --> 00:36:39,448
- It's not cool here.
- Sorry.
1016
00:36:39,699 --> 00:36:41,325
We're gonna make them
put hos before bros.
1017
00:36:41,409 --> 00:36:43,953
Step one,
lock down a babysitter.
1018
00:36:44,537 --> 00:36:46,080
Get this one taken care of.
1019
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:47,373
- Yeah?
- Right?
1020
00:36:47,456 --> 00:36:48,457
- Yeah?
- Right?
1021
00:36:48,541 --> 00:36:50,418
- Yeah.
- We're gonna get these guys.
1022
00:36:51,002 --> 00:36:52,169
- Yo.
- I've been waiting forever.
1023
00:36:52,295 --> 00:36:53,421
- Yeah, glad you made it.
- Whoa, whoa!
1024
00:36:53,462 --> 00:36:55,548
- What is she doing here?
- Wait. What is he doing here?
1025
00:36:55,631 --> 00:36:56,966
Look, we're friends
with both of you.
1026
00:36:57,091 --> 00:36:58,384
Fucking just learn
to deal with it, okay?
1027
00:36:58,467 --> 00:37:00,052
This is an abomination.
1028
00:37:00,136 --> 00:37:02,889
You... Right now, both of you
have to make a choice right now.
1029
00:37:02,972 --> 00:37:04,891
Me or her, choose.
It's up to you. You choose.
1030
00:37:05,224 --> 00:37:07,101
Shut the fuck up.
1031
00:37:07,268 --> 00:37:08,728
We're on a mission.
1032
00:37:09,228 --> 00:37:10,771
Yes, ma'am.
I was just kidding.
1033
00:37:11,939 --> 00:37:13,065
Yo.
1034
00:37:13,149 --> 00:37:14,400
You here to ask us to
turn the music down?
1035
00:37:14,525 --> 00:37:15,818
Because that's
not gonna happen.
1036
00:37:15,985 --> 00:37:17,695
No, we're here to
tell you to turn it up.
1037
00:37:18,487 --> 00:37:20,990
Shit, homie, we've been
beefing for too long.
1038
00:37:21,157 --> 00:37:22,700
We just want to
squash this like a bug.
1039
00:37:23,492 --> 00:37:26,245
That's all my weed, and it's
really hard for me to get weed.
1040
00:37:26,412 --> 00:37:27,496
Oh, shit.
1041
00:37:28,664 --> 00:37:31,000
Okay, you guys can come in.
1042
00:37:31,167 --> 00:37:32,668
No 'shrooms for you, mister.
1043
00:37:32,835 --> 00:37:33,836
Don't worry about it, man.
1044
00:37:34,003 --> 00:37:35,129
All right.
1045
00:37:36,088 --> 00:37:37,423
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1046
00:38:00,154 --> 00:38:02,698
Okay, Teddy's fucking Brooke,
but Brooke wants to fuck Pete.
1047
00:38:02,865 --> 00:38:05,451
But she's afraid because Pete
and Teddy are best friends.
1048
00:38:05,660 --> 00:38:07,954
We've gotta get Brooke
to hook up with Pete publicly.
1049
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:09,497
Then Teddy is
gonna want to kill Pete
1050
00:38:09,622 --> 00:38:10,998
and the whole
frat will implode.
1051
00:38:11,707 --> 00:38:14,293
Paula, flirt with Scoonie. Keep
him talking and distracted.
1052
00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:15,461
Okey-dokey.
1053
00:38:15,962 --> 00:38:17,463
Jimmy, isolate Whitney.
1054
00:38:17,546 --> 00:38:18,631
Okey-dokey.
1055
00:38:18,714 --> 00:38:20,007
What do I do? Do I
get to do something?
1056
00:38:20,174 --> 00:38:21,717
You're on Teddy patrol.
Keep him close.
1057
00:38:21,884 --> 00:38:22,969
He's gotta see
them hooking up.
1058
00:38:23,094 --> 00:38:24,220
Otherwise,
this plan won't work.
1059
00:38:24,387 --> 00:38:25,554
And remember,
once they start kissing,
1060
00:38:25,721 --> 00:38:28,849
we've only got a few minutes before
they go upstairs and start fucking.
1061
00:38:29,016 --> 00:38:30,685
- Okay, let's do it.
- Okay?
1062
00:38:30,768 --> 00:38:31,811
- Let's go.
- Go team.
1063
00:38:35,898 --> 00:38:37,483
What? What?
1064
00:38:37,566 --> 00:38:39,068
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
1065
00:38:39,151 --> 00:38:40,486
Cutting through.
1066
00:38:40,653 --> 00:38:42,571
What it is, y'all.
1067
00:38:42,738 --> 00:38:44,240
What's up?
1068
00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:46,075
What's this, a dance-off?
1069
00:38:46,242 --> 00:38:48,411
I don't know, bitch.
Is it a dance-off?
1070
00:38:48,577 --> 00:38:50,496
- You tell me.
- I think it's a dance-off.
1071
00:38:50,579 --> 00:38:51,539
GARF ON SPEAKERS:
Oh, shit!
1072
00:38:51,622 --> 00:38:53,916
Dance-off!
1073
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,793
(ALL CHEERING)
1074
00:38:58,254 --> 00:39:00,923
Jesus Christ,
not another dance-off.
1075
00:39:01,090 --> 00:39:02,550
He likes them.
1076
00:39:02,717 --> 00:39:04,218
How about
some shots, guys?
1077
00:39:04,385 --> 00:39:05,720
Okay, yeah!
1078
00:39:05,845 --> 00:39:07,179
Sure!
1079
00:39:08,597 --> 00:39:10,099
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1080
00:39:41,255 --> 00:39:43,132
- Cheers.
- Here we go.
1081
00:39:43,466 --> 00:39:44,759
Cheers. Here we go.
1082
00:39:47,803 --> 00:39:49,388
- Another one!
- Another one!
1083
00:39:51,724 --> 00:39:52,892
One more, one more,
one more.
1084
00:39:53,267 --> 00:39:54,685
- I can't.
- No.
1085
00:39:55,269 --> 00:39:56,771
I don't want to.
1086
00:39:56,937 --> 00:39:58,230
Oh, shit.
1087
00:39:58,397 --> 00:39:59,774
I think I'm drunk.
1088
00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:02,068
You guys are
so cute together.
1089
00:40:02,151 --> 00:40:03,235
- No!
- No!
1090
00:40:03,319 --> 00:40:04,779
No. She's my...
1091
00:40:04,862 --> 00:40:05,905
- I'm with Teddy.
- She's with Teddy.
1092
00:40:05,988 --> 00:40:07,448
So you guys have
never hooked up?
1093
00:40:07,531 --> 00:40:08,783
No!
1094
00:40:08,908 --> 00:40:10,117
You're blushing.
1095
00:40:10,201 --> 00:40:11,827
- No, I'm not.
- You are.
1096
00:40:12,661 --> 00:40:14,080
You guys have gotta relax.
1097
00:40:24,673 --> 00:40:25,883
Shit!
1098
00:40:30,096 --> 00:40:32,348
You're so cute.
You're like a little possum.
1099
00:40:32,515 --> 00:40:34,308
- Look at you.
- I'm a possum.
1100
00:40:34,475 --> 00:40:35,726
I'm a possum.
1101
00:40:46,445 --> 00:40:47,696
No...
1102
00:40:47,863 --> 00:40:50,533
No! No, no, no, okay? No!
1103
00:40:51,867 --> 00:40:54,120
Just a little taste,
a little taste.
1104
00:41:09,343 --> 00:41:11,220
That was sexy. Can I make
out with someone now?
1105
00:41:11,303 --> 00:41:13,722
What are you doing? We have 60
seconds before they go upstairs.
1106
00:41:13,806 --> 00:41:14,932
Get in the dance circle.
1107
00:41:15,015 --> 00:41:16,809
Okay, okay.
I'm winning, by the way.
1108
00:41:17,101 --> 00:41:18,644
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1109
00:42:13,490 --> 00:42:15,159
(BROOKE MOANING)
1110
00:42:17,453 --> 00:42:18,996
- Hey, man.
BOTH: Oh, shit!
1111
00:42:19,079 --> 00:42:20,664
I think Teddy saw you.
1112
00:42:21,457 --> 00:42:22,458
What? No.
1113
00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:24,793
No, no, no. Shit. Shit.
1114
00:42:28,505 --> 00:42:29,506
Hey, what's up, man?
1115
00:42:29,632 --> 00:42:30,633
Hey, man.
1116
00:42:30,716 --> 00:42:31,926
What's up?
1117
00:42:32,009 --> 00:42:34,386
What's up? You good?
1118
00:42:34,470 --> 00:42:35,846
Yeah, I'm good, man.
How's it going?
1119
00:42:35,930 --> 00:42:37,848
- Everything's good.
- Fucking great party.
1120
00:42:37,932 --> 00:42:39,141
- Great party, right?
- Awesome party.
1121
00:42:39,225 --> 00:42:40,226
Yeah?
1122
00:42:40,309 --> 00:42:41,602
- Yeah, man.
- Yeah.
1123
00:42:45,314 --> 00:42:47,566
And we got
a fight over here!
1124
00:42:47,650 --> 00:42:49,026
(PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)
1125
00:42:49,693 --> 00:42:51,528
- Fuck, are you okay, man? Dude, I'm so...
- (YELLS)
1126
00:42:55,741 --> 00:42:56,867
(SQUEAKS)
1127
00:42:56,951 --> 00:42:58,118
CROWD: Oh!
1128
00:42:58,619 --> 00:43:00,371
Is that how people fight now?
What are they doing?
1129
00:43:00,913 --> 00:43:01,956
Let go, let go.
1130
00:43:02,873 --> 00:43:03,916
I'll never let go.
1131
00:43:04,041 --> 00:43:06,335
I'll hold onto
your balls forever.
1132
00:43:12,383 --> 00:43:14,218
What are you
thinking about?
1133
00:43:14,385 --> 00:43:15,719
Why are you so calm?
1134
00:43:17,763 --> 00:43:19,890
(SCREAMS)
What the fuck? Ew!
1135
00:43:20,057 --> 00:43:21,308
So gross!
1136
00:43:21,475 --> 00:43:23,269
I never wanted to
have to use that on you!
1137
00:43:23,352 --> 00:43:24,353
What the fuck, man?
1138
00:43:24,478 --> 00:43:26,105
It's a blessing and a curse!
1139
00:43:26,188 --> 00:43:28,649
Get the fuck out of here!
You're so gross!
1140
00:43:28,732 --> 00:43:29,984
(TEDDY CONTINUES SCREAMING)
1141
00:43:30,192 --> 00:43:31,652
God damn it.
1142
00:43:33,237 --> 00:43:34,446
Throw shit off the porch!
1143
00:43:34,738 --> 00:43:37,783
ALL: (CHANTING) Throw shit off the porch.
Throw shit off the porch.
1144
00:43:37,866 --> 00:43:40,577
Let's throw shit
off the porch! Whoo!
1145
00:43:46,041 --> 00:43:48,127
- Yes!
- Come on, Delta Psi!
1146
00:43:48,460 --> 00:43:50,087
ALL: Whoa!
1147
00:43:55,342 --> 00:43:57,136
(CROWD GASPING)
1148
00:43:58,470 --> 00:43:59,722
Holy fuck.
1149
00:44:01,598 --> 00:44:06,312
Somebody call 911!
1150
00:44:06,895 --> 00:44:08,147
(GROANS)
1151
00:44:08,564 --> 00:44:09,857
He's still alive.
1152
00:44:10,024 --> 00:44:11,483
He's still alive!
1153
00:44:11,650 --> 00:44:12,901
ALL: (CHANTING)
He's still alive.
1154
00:44:13,068 --> 00:44:14,445
Oh, shit.
1155
00:44:14,653 --> 00:44:15,821
We didn't kill anyone.
We didn't kill anyone.
1156
00:44:15,988 --> 00:44:17,072
PAULA: Hey, guys!
1157
00:44:17,239 --> 00:44:18,824
What do you think
of my new necklace?
1158
00:44:19,033 --> 00:44:20,409
It's a choker.
1159
00:44:20,951 --> 00:44:22,411
(EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK)
1160
00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:25,998
I fucking did it!
I totally did it.
1161
00:44:26,123 --> 00:44:27,291
We couldn't have
planned it better.
1162
00:44:27,875 --> 00:44:29,710
That was incredible!
1163
00:44:30,461 --> 00:44:31,754
We're celebrating.
1164
00:44:32,296 --> 00:44:33,422
Fuck it.
I'll pump and dump.
1165
00:44:33,756 --> 00:44:35,174
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1166
00:44:51,732 --> 00:44:52,775
We fucking did it.
1167
00:44:53,776 --> 00:44:54,943
- Baby.
- Yeah.
1168
00:44:55,027 --> 00:44:57,654
Baby, let's be spontaneous. Let's
go fuck on the kitchen floor.
1169
00:44:57,738 --> 00:44:58,822
- Yes!
- Come on.
1170
00:44:58,906 --> 00:45:00,949
- Let's do that shit. Whoo!
- Let's do it!
1171
00:45:01,450 --> 00:45:03,118
- Let's do something we've never done.
- Okay.
1172
00:45:03,202 --> 00:45:05,079
I don't know.
Hit me with something.
1173
00:45:05,162 --> 00:45:06,705
- Okay.
- Smack me.
1174
00:45:06,789 --> 00:45:08,123
Let's be crazy.
1175
00:45:08,207 --> 00:45:09,500
- Okay.
- Ow! Fuck!
1176
00:45:09,583 --> 00:45:11,794
Fuck! Hey! Shit, stop! Stop! I
don't like it, I don't like it!
1177
00:45:11,877 --> 00:45:13,337
- I like it.
- I don't like it, stop!
1178
00:45:13,420 --> 00:45:14,630
- This is turning me on.
- I don't like it.
1179
00:45:14,755 --> 00:45:16,048
- I like it.
- Don't do that!
1180
00:45:16,131 --> 00:45:17,091
- Sorry.
- It hurts.
1181
00:45:17,174 --> 00:45:18,175
- Okay.
- Okay.
1182
00:45:18,300 --> 00:45:19,593
Let's do something crazy.
1183
00:45:19,676 --> 00:45:21,303
Why don't I stick
something up your ass?
1184
00:45:22,638 --> 00:45:24,431
No, not tonight. Not tonight.
1185
00:45:24,598 --> 00:45:25,599
Can I stick
something up your ass?
1186
00:45:25,724 --> 00:45:26,725
No, I'm not that drunk.
1187
00:45:26,809 --> 00:45:27,851
Oh, I'm gonna come soon.
1188
00:45:28,018 --> 00:45:29,353
Okay, I'm not even close.
1189
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:30,813
- I'm gonna come.
- Come, baby.
1190
00:45:30,979 --> 00:45:32,981
- I'm coming.
- Are you close?
1191
00:45:33,148 --> 00:45:34,691
Come on.
1192
00:45:34,817 --> 00:45:36,443
And... I'm too drunk to come.
1193
00:45:36,693 --> 00:45:38,153
I'm not gonna come.
1194
00:45:38,487 --> 00:45:40,280
- It's gone mushy.
- Thank you, sire.
1195
00:45:40,656 --> 00:45:44,243
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I will take the
gentleman's route out and call it a day,
1196
00:45:44,326 --> 00:45:48,497
for no ejaculation will be occurring
due to over-intoxication.
1197
00:45:48,580 --> 00:45:49,665
Thank you.
1198
00:45:51,375 --> 00:45:53,710
(IN NORMAL ACCENT)
That's how adults do it.
1199
00:45:54,169 --> 00:45:55,170
I love you, baby.
1200
00:45:55,295 --> 00:45:56,797
Baby, I love you.
1201
00:45:56,922 --> 00:45:58,048
We're a great team.
1202
00:45:58,173 --> 00:45:59,341
Baby, we're a hot team.
1203
00:46:01,093 --> 00:46:02,928
My boobs really hurt.
1204
00:46:03,762 --> 00:46:05,681
I think I should
probably pump.
1205
00:46:05,806 --> 00:46:07,724
My boobs are
feeling really full.
1206
00:46:07,891 --> 00:46:09,935
I like 'em like that.
1207
00:46:10,102 --> 00:46:12,604
I like 'em full, baby.
1208
00:46:19,069 --> 00:46:21,029
- We did it.
- We did it.
1209
00:46:21,196 --> 00:46:22,614
That's a beautiful thing.
1210
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:24,533
Bros before hos,
motherfucker.
1211
00:46:24,700 --> 00:46:26,368
That dude forgot
the golden rule.
1212
00:46:26,535 --> 00:46:28,370
I feel like shit.
1213
00:46:28,537 --> 00:46:29,538
But I love it.
1214
00:46:29,663 --> 00:46:31,165
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1215
00:46:32,207 --> 00:46:33,208
Oh, my boobs.
1216
00:46:33,375 --> 00:46:34,376
Oh, God.
1217
00:46:34,751 --> 00:46:36,628
- I gotta feed Stella.
- Okay.
1218
00:46:36,879 --> 00:46:39,715
Is she awake?
I'm more milk than woman.
1219
00:46:40,924 --> 00:46:42,217
I gotta get
this out of me.
1220
00:46:42,384 --> 00:46:43,886
Get it out of you.
1221
00:46:45,262 --> 00:46:48,223
Wait. Wait, wait, wait!
1222
00:46:48,390 --> 00:46:50,267
Wait. Wait, no! Wait!
1223
00:46:50,434 --> 00:46:53,228
Wait. Wait. Wait.
1224
00:46:53,562 --> 00:46:55,022
Whoa. Wait. Wait.
1225
00:46:55,105 --> 00:46:57,024
- No, no, no!
- What? What?
1226
00:46:57,107 --> 00:46:58,650
Don't slap my boob.
1227
00:46:58,734 --> 00:47:01,069
There's booze in your boobs.
There's booze in your boobs.
1228
00:47:01,820 --> 00:47:03,363
It's poison.
It's alcohol.
1229
00:47:03,447 --> 00:47:05,115
There's alcohol in there.
1230
00:47:06,074 --> 00:47:08,702
It's like a White Russian.
Lay down, sweetie.
1231
00:47:08,785 --> 00:47:11,079
KELLY: Oh, it fucking hurts!
I need this milk out of me.
1232
00:47:11,246 --> 00:47:13,373
- Okay, we'll get that milk out.
- Get the pump. Ow!
1233
00:47:14,583 --> 00:47:15,876
Okay, I got it.
1234
00:47:16,210 --> 00:47:17,920
- Fuck me!
- Fucking idiot!
1235
00:47:18,212 --> 00:47:19,421
- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.
1236
00:47:19,630 --> 00:47:21,965
Fuck. Oh, no.
Okay, relax.
1237
00:47:22,132 --> 00:47:23,258
I'm sorry. What the fuck?
1238
00:47:23,425 --> 00:47:25,260
It broke.
I totally broke it.
1239
00:47:25,594 --> 00:47:27,429
I don't even know what the
fuck to do with this.
1240
00:47:27,804 --> 00:47:28,805
Oh, no.
1241
00:47:28,972 --> 00:47:30,098
Oh, shit!
1242
00:47:30,933 --> 00:47:32,935
Oh, they're Hulking out!
They're gonna blow.
1243
00:47:33,018 --> 00:47:34,520
What is happening to me?
1244
00:47:34,770 --> 00:47:38,106
Oh, gross! They look
like my grandma's legs.
1245
00:47:39,024 --> 00:47:41,610
Okay, let me call my mom. She'll
tell us what to do right now.
1246
00:47:41,777 --> 00:47:43,111
Do not call your mother!
1247
00:47:43,278 --> 00:47:45,697
Jesus! You Jews and
your fucking mothers!
1248
00:47:45,781 --> 00:47:46,949
What do I do?
1249
00:47:47,032 --> 00:47:48,033
- Milk me.
- What?
1250
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:49,284
You're gonna have to milk me.
1251
00:47:49,451 --> 00:47:51,411
- I don't want to milk you.
- Well, you're gonna have to.
1252
00:47:51,495 --> 00:47:53,205
I don't fucking want to!
What do you mean "milk you"?
1253
00:47:53,288 --> 00:47:54,289
You don't have a choice!
1254
00:47:54,456 --> 00:47:55,457
Be a man and milk me.
1255
00:47:55,666 --> 00:47:57,876
Milk yourself!
Try milking yourself!
1256
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:58,961
I can't...
1257
00:47:59,044 --> 00:48:00,295
Ow! (SOBBING)
1258
00:48:00,712 --> 00:48:02,172
Oh! I'm sorry. Okay.
1259
00:48:02,256 --> 00:48:04,633
Get on your hands and knees.
We need a pail or something.
1260
00:48:04,758 --> 00:48:06,635
- What?
- You gotta get on your hands and knees.
1261
00:48:06,718 --> 00:48:08,804
- I'm not a cow!
- Well, how else do you do it?
1262
00:48:09,054 --> 00:48:10,097
Just, normal.
1263
00:48:10,180 --> 00:48:12,140
There's no normal way
to milk a human woman.
1264
00:48:12,307 --> 00:48:13,475
- Okay, okay!
- Come on!
1265
00:48:15,477 --> 00:48:16,562
Ow!
1266
00:48:16,645 --> 00:48:18,105
I can't do it.
Don't yell, just try to...
1267
00:48:18,188 --> 00:48:19,481
- Come on! Ow!
- I'm sorry.
1268
00:48:20,232 --> 00:48:21,441
It's not working.
1269
00:48:21,525 --> 00:48:22,651
- (GROANING)
- (GRUNTING)
1270
00:48:23,068 --> 00:48:24,069
- (SCREAMS)
- Oh, fuck!
1271
00:48:24,570 --> 00:48:26,113
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, God.
1272
00:48:26,196 --> 00:48:27,739
- Yeah!
- (GRUNTS IN RELIEF)
1273
00:48:27,990 --> 00:48:29,074
Boo-ya!
1274
00:48:29,283 --> 00:48:30,576
Okay.
1275
00:48:30,659 --> 00:48:31,827
Whoo!
1276
00:48:33,078 --> 00:48:34,288
We are not high-fiving.
1277
00:48:34,454 --> 00:48:35,747
Oh, God.
1278
00:48:35,914 --> 00:48:37,124
It tastes funny.
1279
00:48:37,291 --> 00:48:39,209
They say it tastes good to the baby.
It tastes funny to me.
1280
00:48:39,334 --> 00:48:41,211
- Just relax. Just settle down.
- Okay.
1281
00:48:42,713 --> 00:48:44,840
I got, like,
four pails out of you.
1282
00:48:45,549 --> 00:48:47,009
We should go
mom tipping later.
1283
00:48:47,134 --> 00:48:48,719
- (LAUGHING)
- Hey, too soon.
1284
00:48:48,885 --> 00:48:50,220
- Okay, too soon.
- Way too soon.
1285
00:48:50,512 --> 00:48:53,432
Yeah, I agree. I'm just trying
to lighten the moo-ood.
1286
00:48:54,683 --> 00:48:56,768
Moo-ood.
1287
00:48:56,935 --> 00:48:58,353
- Stop it.
- I know.
1288
00:48:58,645 --> 00:49:00,522
I'm gonna move back to
Australia if you don't stop.
1289
00:49:01,023 --> 00:49:03,108
Now I can't stop
thinking of them.
1290
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:04,276
- Okay.
- Mac...
1291
00:49:04,735 --> 00:49:06,445
That was udder-ly traumatic.
1292
00:49:06,862 --> 00:49:07,946
Please stop.
1293
00:49:08,155 --> 00:49:11,033
How much of you is
traumatized? 2%? 1%?
1294
00:49:11,658 --> 00:49:12,909
That was a cheesy one.
1295
00:49:13,076 --> 00:49:14,328
- That was good.
- You like that?
1296
00:49:14,411 --> 00:49:16,079
You did it. See?
(LAUGHS)
1297
00:49:16,163 --> 00:49:17,372
Yeah?
1298
00:49:17,539 --> 00:49:18,999
But you know what?
You hear that?
1299
00:49:19,374 --> 00:49:20,500
It's victory.
1300
00:49:20,709 --> 00:49:21,918
We can finally go
back to our lives.
1301
00:49:22,044 --> 00:49:23,295
It's over.
1302
00:49:24,129 --> 00:49:25,964
What the heck are you guys doing here?
Where's Pete?
1303
00:49:26,048 --> 00:49:27,549
I don't know. At some
job fair or some shit.
1304
00:49:27,674 --> 00:49:29,009
What the heck's more
important than this?
1305
00:49:29,343 --> 00:49:31,136
Hey, I just wanna
let you guys know
1306
00:49:31,219 --> 00:49:33,513
that I ate a whole pot brownie
before coming in here
1307
00:49:33,597 --> 00:49:35,974
- and I am really starting to feel it right now.
- Yeah.
1308
00:49:36,058 --> 00:49:37,392
Why would you do that?
1309
00:49:37,643 --> 00:49:40,228
Guys, don't talk.
Please let me handle this.
1310
00:49:40,395 --> 00:49:41,438
Okay.
1311
00:49:41,521 --> 00:49:43,231
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (WHISTLES)
1312
00:49:43,398 --> 00:49:47,069
"Fraternity Severely Injures
Economics Professor."
1313
00:49:47,903 --> 00:49:49,071
What is this?
1314
00:49:49,154 --> 00:49:50,238
It's a headline.
1315
00:49:50,447 --> 00:49:52,199
Is it a good one,
or a bad one?
1316
00:49:52,491 --> 00:49:53,575
It's a bad one.
1317
00:49:53,659 --> 00:49:55,118
Yeah, it's
a really bad one.
1318
00:49:55,285 --> 00:49:56,787
It's a bad one.
1319
00:49:56,870 --> 00:49:59,289
I promise you, as
the President of Delta Psi,
1320
00:49:59,414 --> 00:50:01,833
that we will find
a way to right this wrong.
1321
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:03,251
(LAUGHING)
1322
00:50:03,752 --> 00:50:05,003
Very sorry about this.
1323
00:50:06,463 --> 00:50:07,964
You know what? That's it.
1324
00:50:08,048 --> 00:50:09,091
That's two strikes.
1325
00:50:09,174 --> 00:50:10,717
You're on probation
until the end of the year.
1326
00:50:11,093 --> 00:50:13,261
Okay? You so much
as throw a party,
1327
00:50:13,345 --> 00:50:17,265
generate a noise complaint, or
end up on any sort of headline,
1328
00:50:17,349 --> 00:50:18,684
and you are out.
1329
00:50:18,934 --> 00:50:20,060
Please don't put us
on probation.
1330
00:50:20,310 --> 00:50:22,020
What about the
end-of-the-year bash, Teddy?
1331
00:50:22,104 --> 00:50:24,398
I mean, we have to get on the
wall, plus we bought the kegs.
1332
00:50:24,481 --> 00:50:26,358
What, is she gonna reimburse
us for those kegs?
1333
00:50:26,441 --> 00:50:28,068
- Are you gonna reimburse us for those kegs?
- No.
1334
00:50:28,151 --> 00:50:29,736
Scoonie. Not now.
1335
00:50:30,987 --> 00:50:31,988
Get out!
1336
00:50:33,615 --> 00:50:34,700
I'm so sorry.
1337
00:50:34,783 --> 00:50:35,951
Mmm-hmm.
1338
00:50:36,034 --> 00:50:39,037
I just want to let you know, I ate a
pot brownie before coming in here.
1339
00:50:39,121 --> 00:50:42,207
I'm the opposite of the
person you say that to.
1340
00:50:42,290 --> 00:50:45,293
That could have been
two strikes, right there.
1341
00:50:45,794 --> 00:50:47,421
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
1342
00:50:48,964 --> 00:50:50,298
Oh, there he is.
1343
00:50:50,924 --> 00:50:52,175
Holy shit.
1344
00:50:52,259 --> 00:50:54,010
I'm just kidding. Sort of.
1345
00:50:54,219 --> 00:50:55,387
What's up, man?
1346
00:50:55,554 --> 00:50:57,013
Thanks for missing
our meeting, Mr. VP.
1347
00:50:57,097 --> 00:50:59,182
I had this job interview,
so...
1348
00:50:59,683 --> 00:51:02,060
No, no, clearly you had
more important things to do.
1349
00:51:02,144 --> 00:51:03,270
Yeah.
1350
00:51:03,353 --> 00:51:04,855
So, how'd the meeting go?
1351
00:51:04,938 --> 00:51:06,064
Oh, it went great.
It went great.
1352
00:51:06,148 --> 00:51:07,899
We're on probation.
We can't party.
1353
00:51:07,983 --> 00:51:09,901
- Shit. That's a bummer.
- Mmm-hmm.
1354
00:51:13,155 --> 00:51:17,993
So, are we cool with
what happened last night?
1355
00:51:18,076 --> 00:51:20,328
Bros before hos. Right?
1356
00:51:20,412 --> 00:51:21,455
- Yeah.
- Right?
1357
00:51:22,038 --> 00:51:23,373
Yeah, man.
1358
00:51:23,498 --> 00:51:24,875
Junk before trunk.
1359
00:51:26,209 --> 00:51:27,627
All right,
balls before dolls.
1360
00:51:27,711 --> 00:51:30,422
Compadres before
I sleep with tu madres.
1361
00:51:30,505 --> 00:51:32,340
Brad Pitt before grab clit.
1362
00:51:32,424 --> 00:51:34,009
Deez nuts before
skinny sluts.
1363
00:51:34,092 --> 00:51:35,802
Masturbate before
I ask her to date.
1364
00:51:35,886 --> 00:51:38,430
Beef stew before
watching The View.
1365
00:51:38,513 --> 00:51:40,974
Male erection
before One Direction.
1366
00:51:41,266 --> 00:51:44,478
Mario and Luigi
before Thelma & Louise-ee.
1367
00:51:44,561 --> 00:51:47,272
Bert and Ernie
before squirtin' spermy.
1368
00:51:47,355 --> 00:51:51,443
Man purses
before regular purses.
1369
00:51:51,526 --> 00:51:52,569
- Makes sense.
- Yeah.
1370
00:51:52,652 --> 00:51:53,612
- Okay.
- It does.
1371
00:51:53,695 --> 00:51:56,907
Sports before genital warts...
No, fuckin'. That's bad.
1372
00:51:56,990 --> 00:51:58,950
- That was a little weird.
- I'm fading a little bit.
1373
00:51:59,034 --> 00:52:00,494
John Madden before...
1374
00:52:01,203 --> 00:52:03,747
- Jasmine from Aladdin!
- Jasmine from Aladdin!
1375
00:52:03,872 --> 00:52:04,831
Yes!
1376
00:52:04,915 --> 00:52:06,625
We just said it
at the same time!
1377
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:08,585
All right, man,
I should probably...
1378
00:52:08,668 --> 00:52:09,753
But, I'll see you
back at the house, yeah?
1379
00:52:09,836 --> 00:52:10,796
See you, brother.
1380
00:52:10,879 --> 00:52:11,880
- All right. Good talk, man.
- Later.
1381
00:52:13,882 --> 00:52:15,592
Hey! You Delta Psi?
1382
00:52:15,759 --> 00:52:17,219
Yeah. Are you a Delta?
1383
00:52:17,385 --> 00:52:20,347
No, my roommate was. I used to
wear his ties to get girls.
1384
00:52:21,389 --> 00:52:22,933
You interested in
working for AT&T?
1385
00:52:23,642 --> 00:52:25,143
What do you guys do?
1386
00:52:26,353 --> 00:52:29,564
We're a giant
telecommunications corporation.
1387
00:52:30,023 --> 00:52:31,233
- Cell phones.
- Oh.
1388
00:52:31,733 --> 00:52:32,859
What's your GPA?
1389
00:52:33,193 --> 00:52:34,402
Like, low twos.
1390
00:52:35,070 --> 00:52:37,155
I'm just kidding. High ones.
1391
00:52:39,032 --> 00:52:40,742
We're actually
looking for candidates
1392
00:52:40,867 --> 00:52:42,577
that are a little more
academically inclined.
1393
00:52:42,702 --> 00:52:45,080
So, you have a nice day.
1394
00:52:45,247 --> 00:52:46,248
What does that mean?
1395
00:52:46,832 --> 00:52:48,416
It means you're too dumb.
1396
00:52:50,502 --> 00:52:51,503
Good luck, bro.
1397
00:52:51,670 --> 00:52:52,712
Okay.
1398
00:52:54,923 --> 00:52:57,509
PETE: I hope we can "build"
a great future together.
1399
00:52:57,592 --> 00:52:58,593
Architecture joke.
1400
00:52:59,761 --> 00:53:00,762
I know!
1401
00:53:01,930 --> 00:53:03,598
I like to have fun with it.
1402
00:53:03,765 --> 00:53:05,016
Lame.
1403
00:53:10,105 --> 00:53:11,940
- Big Mac!
- Yo!
1404
00:53:12,065 --> 00:53:13,733
- There he is.
- Hey!
1405
00:53:13,900 --> 00:53:15,151
- Hey.
- Hello.
1406
00:53:15,318 --> 00:53:17,737
You know,
I was just thinking,
1407
00:53:17,946 --> 00:53:20,615
it would be great
to have you and Kelly
1408
00:53:20,740 --> 00:53:23,410
and your little princess
over for a play date.
1409
00:53:23,577 --> 00:53:25,495
- We'll put it on the books.
- Okay, cool. Great.
1410
00:53:25,579 --> 00:53:27,205
Sometime soon. I'll just...
I'll get back to you.
1411
00:53:27,289 --> 00:53:28,290
- Yeah.
- Great.
1412
00:53:29,749 --> 00:53:34,296
"And the dog goes,
'Woof, woof, woof, woof!
1413
00:53:34,504 --> 00:53:37,924
"'Woof, woof, woof!'"
1414
00:53:38,550 --> 00:53:40,468
- Oh, hi, baby.
MAC: How's it going?
1415
00:53:40,969 --> 00:53:43,305
Oh, good.
Yeah, I'm good, I'm fine.
1416
00:53:43,471 --> 00:53:44,472
I'm fine.
1417
00:53:44,598 --> 00:53:46,308
I'm a bit bored,
but I'm fine. I'm fine.
1418
00:53:46,474 --> 00:53:47,684
Yeah, I'm bored, too.
1419
00:53:47,851 --> 00:53:49,519
My boss just invited us
for a play date,
1420
00:53:49,644 --> 00:53:51,146
so we can both
just kill each other.
1421
00:53:51,229 --> 00:53:52,397
(STELLA CRYING ON MONITOR)
1422
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,816
I kind of miss the rush
of messing with the frat.
1423
00:53:54,983 --> 00:53:56,526
I have to go. She's awake.
1424
00:53:56,693 --> 00:53:58,486
Okay, call me after.
Call me soon.
1425
00:54:05,785 --> 00:54:07,162
TEDDY: Hey, neighbor.
1426
00:54:07,954 --> 00:54:09,205
Ooh!
1427
00:54:09,289 --> 00:54:10,415
(ALL LAUGHING)
1428
00:54:13,335 --> 00:54:14,377
Okay. Are you ready?
1429
00:54:14,502 --> 00:54:16,087
Me and Kelly,
we have found a way
1430
00:54:16,212 --> 00:54:17,839
to give the frat
their last strike.
1431
00:54:18,006 --> 00:54:19,549
- Get them out of here forever!
- Out!
1432
00:54:19,716 --> 00:54:22,177
Why are we doing this? Didn't
we already win? Remember?
1433
00:54:22,260 --> 00:54:24,512
"Bros before hos," that whole thing?
It's over!
1434
00:54:24,596 --> 00:54:26,640
They're still fucking there!
There's beer cans on the lawn.
1435
00:54:26,723 --> 00:54:27,724
They're barbecuing.
1436
00:54:27,807 --> 00:54:28,934
- So?
- "So?"
1437
00:54:29,017 --> 00:54:30,185
It smells delicious in here.
1438
00:54:30,352 --> 00:54:31,937
Try living next to it.
Try living next to it!
1439
00:54:32,020 --> 00:54:33,563
Hey, you guys don't
want to go back to your
1440
00:54:33,688 --> 00:54:35,231
boring ass lives as parents.
That's what it is.
1441
00:54:35,315 --> 00:54:37,233
I'm surprised and
shocked, honestly,
1442
00:54:37,317 --> 00:54:38,902
that it is so hard
to convince you,
1443
00:54:39,027 --> 00:54:40,612
of all people,
that this is a good idea.
1444
00:54:40,695 --> 00:54:41,738
What?
1445
00:54:41,863 --> 00:54:45,742
One of those childs is
having sex with your wife.
1446
00:54:46,034 --> 00:54:47,994
It's fine. We're divorced.
1447
00:54:48,203 --> 00:54:49,955
- Jimmy! Wake up!
- Wake up, man.
1448
00:54:50,038 --> 00:54:51,122
His dick is this big!
1449
00:54:51,206 --> 00:54:53,291
"Hey, homie. I'm gonna fuck
your wife with my giant dick."
1450
00:54:53,375 --> 00:54:54,709
"Oh, my God,
this is amazing."
1451
00:54:54,876 --> 00:54:56,252
"Oh, my God, homie.
It feels so good."
1452
00:54:56,336 --> 00:54:57,504
- "Oh, homie."
- "Wow. Oh, my God."
1453
00:54:57,587 --> 00:54:59,172
"It feels so good, homie."
"What are you doing later?"
1454
00:54:59,255 --> 00:55:00,298
"Oh, homie, let's do it.
Oh, God, homie."
1455
00:55:00,382 --> 00:55:01,424
"That's amazing."
1456
00:55:01,508 --> 00:55:03,718
Okay, enough! Stop imitating!
1457
00:55:03,802 --> 00:55:05,762
I get it!
He's got a huge dick!
1458
00:55:05,971 --> 00:55:07,013
And her vagina, "Bye!"
It's ruined!
1459
00:55:07,138 --> 00:55:08,181
MAC: Destroyed. Gone!
1460
00:55:08,264 --> 00:55:09,975
It's like when you lend
a fat friend your shirt,
1461
00:55:10,058 --> 00:55:12,394
and it comes back, and it's
all stretchy and flappy!
1462
00:55:12,811 --> 00:55:15,563
Sagging all over the place!
It'll be like this.
1463
00:55:16,856 --> 00:55:18,024
- I'm in!
MAC: Yes!
1464
00:55:18,191 --> 00:55:21,152
Nice! Nice! Great!
Awesome, awesome!
1465
00:55:21,236 --> 00:55:22,570
- What's the plan?
- Okay, okay.
1466
00:55:22,696 --> 00:55:24,114
We've been thinking.
What gets frats
1467
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:25,699
kicked out of schools
more than anything?
1468
00:55:26,241 --> 00:55:27,367
Rape!
1469
00:55:29,452 --> 00:55:31,621
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
1470
00:55:31,788 --> 00:55:33,123
- Hazing scandals.
- Hazing scandals!
1471
00:55:33,206 --> 00:55:34,165
- Yes!
- Hazing scandals!
1472
00:55:34,249 --> 00:55:35,250
- Hazing scandals!
- Yes!
1473
00:55:35,333 --> 00:55:36,918
You should've said it
before you let me answer.
1474
00:55:37,210 --> 00:55:39,337
We need all that equipment
you bought to spy on Paula.
1475
00:55:39,629 --> 00:55:42,215
I didn't...
(LAUGHS) What?
1476
00:55:43,299 --> 00:55:44,384
Just stop.
1477
00:55:44,592 --> 00:55:46,094
MAC: Look, you just take
these spy glasses.
1478
00:55:46,428 --> 00:55:48,096
They look totally
like normal glasses.
1479
00:55:48,263 --> 00:55:49,639
You wear them
into the frat house.
1480
00:55:49,723 --> 00:55:51,141
Teddy's gonna start
pushing you around
1481
00:55:51,266 --> 00:55:52,684
and fucking with you,
like he always does.
1482
00:55:52,767 --> 00:55:54,352
Like I've seen him
do a million times.
1483
00:55:54,436 --> 00:55:56,855
At that moment,
you just push back.
1484
00:55:56,938 --> 00:55:58,815
Okay? Just push back.
1485
00:55:58,898 --> 00:56:00,483
The rest will
take care of itself.
1486
00:56:00,567 --> 00:56:02,068
He'll haze
the fucking shit out of you.
1487
00:56:02,193 --> 00:56:03,695
It'll all get
caught on this camera.
1488
00:56:03,945 --> 00:56:06,031
Delta Psi is gone,
you're a free man.
1489
00:56:06,865 --> 00:56:07,907
Those guys are my brothers.
1490
00:56:07,991 --> 00:56:09,034
KELLY: Your brothers?
1491
00:56:09,117 --> 00:56:11,077
Do you think your brothers would
really treat you like that?
1492
00:56:11,161 --> 00:56:12,245
Think about what
they've done to you.
1493
00:56:12,454 --> 00:56:13,621
They dehumanized you.
1494
00:56:13,788 --> 00:56:15,623
- They treated you like shit.
- They degraded you.
1495
00:56:15,790 --> 00:56:17,333
JIMMY: You're an animal.
- They called you Assjuice.
1496
00:56:17,459 --> 00:56:18,460
Assjuice.
1497
00:56:18,585 --> 00:56:20,003
KELLY: Assjuice.
MAC: Assjuice.
1498
00:56:20,086 --> 00:56:21,755
JIMMY: Subhuman.
KELLY: Assjuice.
1499
00:56:21,838 --> 00:56:23,590
ALL: Assjuice. Assjuice.
1500
00:56:23,757 --> 00:56:25,717
Assjuice. Assjuice.
1501
00:56:25,967 --> 00:56:29,137
Assjuice! Assjuice!
Assjuice! Assjuice!
1502
00:56:29,345 --> 00:56:31,389
You better eat this
fucking dog food, now!
1503
00:56:31,890 --> 00:56:32,932
(SCREAMING)
1504
00:56:33,933 --> 00:56:35,018
PETE: What's the lesson?
1505
00:56:35,185 --> 00:56:38,229
BOYS: Don't go to sleep!
1506
00:56:38,605 --> 00:56:40,356
This is your destiny,
Assjuice.
1507
00:56:41,399 --> 00:56:42,400
Assjuice!
1508
00:56:42,525 --> 00:56:44,778
ALL: (CHANTING)
Assjuice! Assjuice! Assjuice!
1509
00:56:44,944 --> 00:56:46,529
Assjuice! Assjuice!
1510
00:56:46,654 --> 00:56:47,614
I don't know.
1511
00:56:47,697 --> 00:56:48,698
JIMMY: Everyone breaks, bro.
1512
00:56:48,990 --> 00:56:50,116
Biology.
1513
00:56:50,283 --> 00:56:51,618
That's from Zero Dark Thirty.
1514
00:56:53,620 --> 00:56:55,163
You guys don't get it.
1515
00:56:55,663 --> 00:56:57,457
I've gone through hell.
1516
00:56:57,665 --> 00:56:59,459
I'm not gonna throw
that all away now.
1517
00:56:59,834 --> 00:57:02,128
You know how many BJs
I've been promised?
1518
00:57:02,629 --> 00:57:03,880
Infinite BJs.
1519
00:57:04,339 --> 00:57:06,341
Infinite. Infinite.
1520
00:57:06,716 --> 00:57:08,218
Infinite BJs.
1521
00:57:09,135 --> 00:57:12,013
Delta Psi forever, ya bish.
1522
00:57:16,351 --> 00:57:18,520
We'll give you $1,000.
1523
00:57:18,770 --> 00:57:20,271
Okay. I'm in.
1524
00:57:20,522 --> 00:57:21,731
Nice!
1525
00:57:22,023 --> 00:57:23,942
- Nice! That was good!
JIMMY: That was good. That was really good.
1526
00:57:24,025 --> 00:57:25,527
That was good.
That was sexy, too.
1527
00:57:26,486 --> 00:57:27,904
He looks like J.J. Abrams.
1528
00:57:28,321 --> 00:57:30,824
MAC: You look good. It looks okay.
I think it's okay.
1529
00:57:30,990 --> 00:57:31,991
You're never
gonna forget this!
1530
00:57:32,158 --> 00:57:34,994
Move, elephants!
Move! Keep marching.
1531
00:57:35,161 --> 00:57:36,830
March!
1532
00:57:36,955 --> 00:57:38,665
March, march,
march, elephants.
1533
00:57:38,873 --> 00:57:40,083
I'm not doing this anymore.
1534
00:57:40,208 --> 00:57:41,209
Get back in line, Assjuice!
1535
00:57:41,292 --> 00:57:42,293
Get back in line!
1536
00:57:42,502 --> 00:57:44,420
Fuck you.
I am not an elephant!
1537
00:57:44,587 --> 00:57:45,588
What did you just say to me?
1538
00:57:45,755 --> 00:57:47,048
I am not an elephant!
1539
00:57:47,340 --> 00:57:48,550
He's doing it.
He's doing it.
1540
00:57:48,716 --> 00:57:51,386
I'm a human man!
I have dignity!
1541
00:57:51,553 --> 00:57:53,388
- We all have dignity!
- Yes, Assjuice, yes!
1542
00:57:53,555 --> 00:57:57,267
Our names are not Fuckhead,
or Jizzface, or Lea Michele.
1543
00:57:57,475 --> 00:57:58,726
- Lea Michele from Glee?
- That's actually funny.
1544
00:57:58,852 --> 00:57:59,853
Yeah, that's really funny.
1545
00:58:00,103 --> 00:58:01,146
It's Evan.
1546
00:58:03,398 --> 00:58:04,732
And Brendan.
1547
00:58:05,400 --> 00:58:06,401
And Juan.
1548
00:58:06,568 --> 00:58:08,444
So, fuck you.
1549
00:58:08,611 --> 00:58:10,238
Haze me. Say it.
1550
00:58:10,405 --> 00:58:12,031
- Say it! Come on!
- Say it, Teddy.
1551
00:58:12,407 --> 00:58:14,826
I will haze you until your
fucking face falls off!
1552
00:58:15,076 --> 00:58:16,911
ALL: Yeah!
1553
00:58:17,954 --> 00:58:19,455
- That's great. Okay, okay.
- We did it.
1554
00:58:19,873 --> 00:58:22,041
You're in so much fucking trouble.
Come with me, pledge.
1555
00:58:22,125 --> 00:58:23,126
ASSJUICE: Oh, fuck.
1556
00:58:24,419 --> 00:58:25,587
Fuck him up, Teddy.
1557
00:58:28,464 --> 00:58:30,425
I'm sorry.
I'll do anything.
1558
00:58:35,763 --> 00:58:36,848
What's going on, Gary?
1559
00:58:38,057 --> 00:58:40,059
Are you okay, man?
You seem distraught.
1560
00:58:40,226 --> 00:58:41,853
"You seem distraught"?
1561
00:58:41,936 --> 00:58:44,189
I mean, you've always been, in my
opinion, like, our strongest pledge,
1562
00:58:44,272 --> 00:58:45,523
and now you're talking back.
1563
00:58:45,607 --> 00:58:46,900
ASSJUICE: I'm scared.
- You're scared?
1564
00:58:46,983 --> 00:58:50,153
I'm fucking scared, man.
I'm tired all the time.
1565
00:58:50,236 --> 00:58:52,363
Fucking tired.
I miss my mom.
1566
00:58:52,447 --> 00:58:54,199
- Oh, no, Assjuice.
- Breaking? The guy was right.
1567
00:58:54,282 --> 00:58:55,241
Everybody breaks.
1568
00:58:55,325 --> 00:58:56,701
Okay. I'll tell you what.
1569
00:58:56,784 --> 00:58:58,328
You go up to my room.
1570
00:58:58,411 --> 00:59:00,872
Lock the door,
draw yourself a bath. Relax.
1571
00:59:01,122 --> 00:59:02,457
- (GASPS)
- "Draw yourself a bath"?
1572
00:59:02,665 --> 00:59:04,709
Catch up on some Z's,
okay? Take a nap.
1573
00:59:04,834 --> 00:59:06,336
Full season of Girls
up there in the DVR.
1574
00:59:06,419 --> 00:59:07,795
We never planned for nice.
1575
00:59:07,921 --> 00:59:09,255
Thanks for talking to me,
brother. All right?
1576
00:59:09,589 --> 00:59:12,008
You can always come to me with
this kind of stuff, all right?
1577
00:59:13,635 --> 00:59:15,970
You're doing a great job.
See you upstairs.
1578
00:59:16,429 --> 00:59:17,889
(BOTH IMITATING EXPLOSIONS)
1579
00:59:22,894 --> 00:59:25,355
I'm sorry, guys.
He's too good of a dude.
1580
00:59:26,022 --> 00:59:27,482
- No!
- Teddy!
1581
00:59:29,025 --> 00:59:30,902
- What's up?
- Yeah, one more thing.
1582
00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:31,986
No more thing!
1583
00:59:32,111 --> 00:59:34,155
These glasses,
there's a camera in them.
1584
00:59:34,364 --> 00:59:35,406
ALL: No!
1585
00:59:35,531 --> 00:59:36,574
Oh, my God!
1586
00:59:36,741 --> 00:59:37,867
The asset's gone rogue.
1587
00:59:37,992 --> 00:59:38,993
Shit, he's still talking.
1588
00:59:39,077 --> 00:59:40,078
ASSJUICE: Your neighbors
got me to wear them,
1589
00:59:40,161 --> 00:59:41,371
so they could
film you hazing us,
1590
00:59:41,496 --> 00:59:42,705
so the fraternity
would get dissolved.
1591
00:59:43,039 --> 00:59:46,042
And this isn't the first time. No, no,
no, no. They flooded the basement.
1592
00:59:46,209 --> 00:59:48,920
They got Brother Pete to
hook up with Sister Brooke.
1593
00:59:50,004 --> 00:59:51,172
I'm so sorry, man.
1594
00:59:51,256 --> 00:59:52,590
- It's okay.
- They've been after us for weeks.
1595
00:59:52,674 --> 00:59:54,133
- No!
- He's telling him everything!
1596
00:59:54,217 --> 00:59:55,802
- Oh, my God!
- Jesus Christ, guys!
1597
00:59:55,927 --> 00:59:57,262
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
1598
00:59:59,597 --> 01:00:00,598
MAC: Wait.
1599
01:00:01,224 --> 01:00:02,267
He's looking at us.
1600
01:00:02,350 --> 01:00:04,185
- What are you doing?
- He's looking at us.
1601
01:00:05,019 --> 01:00:07,939
You guys just crossed
the fucking line. You're dead.
1602
01:00:08,523 --> 01:00:09,607
We're dead?
1603
01:00:09,983 --> 01:00:11,067
(YELLS)
1604
01:00:11,150 --> 01:00:13,111
- Oh, God! Oh, my God!
- That was scary.
1605
01:00:13,194 --> 01:00:14,529
- Come on, guys.
- Jesus.
1606
01:00:14,862 --> 01:00:16,698
How do you turn these off?
1607
01:00:16,990 --> 01:00:18,366
ASSJUICE: It's on the side.
1608
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:21,869
(SINGING) We're gonna
go to the shops
1609
01:00:22,203 --> 01:00:25,540
Then we're gonna
go to Mommy and Me
1610
01:00:25,707 --> 01:00:29,043
And see all those
bitches that I hate
1611
01:00:29,210 --> 01:00:32,880
It's gonna be really boring
1612
01:00:33,172 --> 01:00:35,341
But we'll get
out of the house!
1613
01:00:44,058 --> 01:00:47,687
KELLY: I think the frat has broken into
the car and stolen all of the airbags.
1614
01:00:47,854 --> 01:00:49,230
- Airbags?
- Yeah.
1615
01:00:49,397 --> 01:00:51,065
That's so weird.
Is anything else missing?
1616
01:00:51,232 --> 01:00:52,608
- No!
- Okay.
1617
01:00:53,276 --> 01:00:54,819
Why would they just break in
and steal the airbags?
1618
01:00:54,902 --> 01:00:56,404
I don't know. We should
file a police report...
1619
01:00:59,073 --> 01:01:00,491
(GROANING)
1620
01:01:02,243 --> 01:01:03,619
What the fuck?
1621
01:01:04,662 --> 01:01:05,788
Oh, shit!
1622
01:01:07,749 --> 01:01:09,167
Found the airbags!
1623
01:01:11,044 --> 01:01:12,253
There's three left!
1624
01:01:13,713 --> 01:01:14,797
Fuck!
1625
01:01:15,173 --> 01:01:16,257
- Two left!
- (JIMMY GROANING)
1626
01:01:17,300 --> 01:01:18,760
Jimmy, are you okay?
1627
01:01:19,594 --> 01:01:20,595
I'm fine!
1628
01:01:20,762 --> 01:01:23,598
It wasn't as bad as
it seemed. I'm fine.
1629
01:01:23,765 --> 01:01:25,516
Delta Psi has
the upper hand!
1630
01:01:25,892 --> 01:01:28,394
We went too far now.
This is dangerous.
1631
01:01:28,936 --> 01:01:30,563
We did not go too far.
1632
01:01:30,646 --> 01:01:32,607
Now is when we get
them back even more.
1633
01:01:32,690 --> 01:01:34,442
Do you see what they fucking did to me?
We don't stop now!
1634
01:01:34,609 --> 01:01:36,819
So, what it's gonna be next? They're
gonna break into the house?
1635
01:01:36,903 --> 01:01:37,945
No. No.
1636
01:01:38,029 --> 01:01:40,698
You need to grow up, okay?
Our family is in danger.
1637
01:01:40,948 --> 01:01:42,533
- I need to grow up?
- Yes, you need to grow up.
1638
01:01:42,784 --> 01:01:44,869
One of us has got to be the
adult in this relationship.
1639
01:01:44,994 --> 01:01:46,120
You should take
responsibility.
1640
01:01:46,287 --> 01:01:48,456
That's not only offensive,
but it's fucking stupid.
1641
01:01:48,706 --> 01:01:50,458
It's offensive that I'm saying
that you should be smart?
1642
01:01:50,625 --> 01:01:53,378
Yes, it's offensive that I have
to be the smart one all the time!
1643
01:01:53,461 --> 01:01:54,921
I'm allowed to be
just as irresponsible as you.
1644
01:01:55,004 --> 01:01:57,298
Well, that's how it works!
I'm the dumb guy,
1645
01:01:57,382 --> 01:01:58,800
and you're the woman
who's supposed to
1646
01:01:58,925 --> 01:02:00,343
stop the dumb guy
from doing dumb shit!
1647
01:02:00,426 --> 01:02:02,512
Haven't you ever seen
a fucking Kevin James movie?
1648
01:02:02,595 --> 01:02:04,764
We can't both be Kevin James.
I'm Kevin James!
1649
01:02:04,847 --> 01:02:06,599
I have a little bit
of Kevin James in me.
1650
01:02:06,682 --> 01:02:07,725
Well, we can't both...
1651
01:02:07,809 --> 01:02:09,977
Clearly, you're the one who knows
better, so you should know better.
1652
01:02:10,103 --> 01:02:13,231
You know that I'm not like that,
and I've never been like that.
1653
01:02:13,314 --> 01:02:14,899
- Well, maybe you should be.
- That's never been me.
1654
01:02:14,982 --> 01:02:16,401
Just because I'm
a mom doesn't mean
1655
01:02:16,526 --> 01:02:17,985
that I'm gonna
change who I am.
1656
01:02:18,069 --> 01:02:19,237
Well, just because
I'm a father,
1657
01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:22,907
it doesn't mean I can stop doing
mushrooms with teenagers.
1658
01:02:22,990 --> 01:02:23,991
- Fine!
- Fine!
1659
01:02:24,117 --> 01:02:25,076
- Good.
- Good, then.
1660
01:02:25,159 --> 01:02:26,994
Okay, Kevin, I don't think
we're a good team anymore.
1661
01:02:27,161 --> 01:02:28,162
- The team is breaking up.
- Yep.
1662
01:02:28,329 --> 01:02:30,206
This worked before
we had Stella, but...
1663
01:02:30,373 --> 01:02:31,999
- Now it doesn't.
- It doesn't work anymore.
1664
01:02:32,166 --> 01:02:33,418
Yeah, because
someone refuses to grow up.
1665
01:02:33,501 --> 01:02:34,502
- Fine. Okay.
- Fine then.
1666
01:02:34,585 --> 01:02:36,337
You go find your
nagging wife that you
1667
01:02:36,504 --> 01:02:38,256
want to find,
and I'll go find a real man.
1668
01:02:38,339 --> 01:02:39,799
- Fine! Good to know.
- Fine.
1669
01:02:39,882 --> 01:02:42,218
I don't feel safe here,
just in case you didn't know.
1670
01:02:42,301 --> 01:02:43,428
Well, that's crazy.
1671
01:02:43,553 --> 01:02:44,637
I'm gonna take
our child and go.
1672
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:46,013
Oh, yeah? Well,
that's ludicrous,
1673
01:02:46,097 --> 01:02:49,058
because this is perhaps the
safest place on the planet,
1674
01:02:49,225 --> 01:02:50,309
just so you know!
1675
01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:51,936
- You're kidnapping our baby!
- Asshole!
1676
01:02:52,019 --> 01:02:53,563
Don't kidnap our baby!
1677
01:02:53,646 --> 01:02:55,356
I'm gonna put out
an AMBER fucking Alert!
1678
01:02:55,523 --> 01:02:57,233
Enjoy the house by
yourself, you child!
1679
01:02:57,567 --> 01:02:58,985
This is safer
than the White House!
1680
01:02:59,861 --> 01:03:01,195
(GROANING)
1681
01:03:01,737 --> 01:03:03,364
Dude, we missed the airbag!
1682
01:03:03,573 --> 01:03:05,158
Kelly, there's one left!
1683
01:03:05,658 --> 01:03:07,160
It could be anywhere!
1684
01:03:07,869 --> 01:03:09,287
Ow!
1685
01:03:11,706 --> 01:03:16,210
Hey, man, do you think, maybe we're
going, like, way too far with this?
1686
01:03:16,544 --> 01:03:18,588
I mean, as a child
of divorce, I just...
1687
01:03:18,671 --> 01:03:21,257
I can't help it,
I sympathize with them.
1688
01:03:21,382 --> 01:03:24,552
Well, my parents love each other,
and I think it's hilarious.
1689
01:03:41,611 --> 01:03:42,904
(SCREAMS)
1690
01:03:43,779 --> 01:03:44,906
Fuck!
1691
01:03:45,615 --> 01:03:47,909
Fuckers! Fuck!
1692
01:04:17,063 --> 01:04:18,105
Shalom, Mac.
1693
01:04:19,982 --> 01:04:22,568
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.
1694
01:04:22,652 --> 01:04:23,778
- How's it going?
- I'm sorry.
1695
01:04:23,861 --> 01:04:25,404
I'm so sorry,
I'm so sorry.
1696
01:04:25,488 --> 01:04:26,614
I love you so much.
I'm so sorry.
1697
01:04:26,739 --> 01:04:27,782
I love you, I'm sorry.
1698
01:04:27,865 --> 01:04:29,200
I was so stupid.
1699
01:04:29,283 --> 01:04:31,035
What a stupid
fucking fight to have.
1700
01:04:31,118 --> 01:04:32,328
No, I was stupid.
I'm really, really sorry.
1701
01:04:32,453 --> 01:04:33,704
I'm so sorry.
It was so dumb.
1702
01:04:33,788 --> 01:04:35,414
- It was really dumb.
- I love you so much, okay?
1703
01:04:35,498 --> 01:04:36,749
- Do you still like me?
- I miss you. I love you.
1704
01:04:36,832 --> 01:04:37,959
- Do you still like me?
- Yes, I still like you.
1705
01:04:38,084 --> 01:04:39,669
- Okay, good. I love you.
- Okay.
1706
01:04:40,378 --> 01:04:41,587
She's so crazy.
1707
01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:42,922
She's still behind you.
1708
01:04:44,298 --> 01:04:46,008
- Hey.
- Hi.
1709
01:04:53,182 --> 01:04:54,642
Lame, isn't it, Pete?
1710
01:05:00,648 --> 01:05:01,899
Whoa.
1711
01:05:01,983 --> 01:05:04,610
You're really
villaining out in here.
1712
01:05:05,361 --> 01:05:07,154
What's lame?
What's going on?
1713
01:05:07,780 --> 01:05:09,865
Lame that
we're on probation.
1714
01:05:10,825 --> 01:05:12,243
We're not gonna
end up on this thing.
1715
01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:16,122
That is kind of lame, but also
kind of meaningless, right?
1716
01:05:16,205 --> 01:05:17,540
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1717
01:05:17,623 --> 01:05:20,918
No, man. I just mean, like,
you're the President, you know?
1718
01:05:21,002 --> 01:05:23,045
If you want to be up there so
bad, just put your picture up.
1719
01:05:23,129 --> 01:05:24,088
No one's gonna stop you.
1720
01:05:24,171 --> 01:05:26,299
Because then
I didn't earn it.
1721
01:05:27,508 --> 01:05:30,136
It doesn't mean anything
if you don't earn it.
1722
01:05:30,219 --> 01:05:31,637
Who cares?
1723
01:05:32,179 --> 01:05:33,681
"Who cares?"
1724
01:05:35,266 --> 01:05:36,892
Are you kidding me?
1725
01:05:39,729 --> 01:05:41,522
You're the VP, man.
1726
01:05:42,356 --> 01:05:44,609
We have wanted this
since we were freshmen.
1727
01:05:44,692 --> 01:05:46,986
Dude, that was
four years ago, okay?
1728
01:05:47,069 --> 01:05:49,196
We were fucking virgins.
All right?
1729
01:05:49,363 --> 01:05:51,449
We're about to be,
like, adults now.
1730
01:05:51,532 --> 01:05:52,950
In two weeks, none of this
is even gonna matter.
1731
01:05:53,034 --> 01:05:54,410
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1732
01:05:54,493 --> 01:05:57,788
I mean, you do realize that all this
stuff, it's all bullshit, right?
1733
01:05:57,872 --> 01:05:59,248
It's all made up.
1734
01:05:59,332 --> 01:06:02,752
Like, my brother's fraternity also
thinks they invented beer pong.
1735
01:06:02,835 --> 01:06:03,961
Well, your brother
is a liar.
1736
01:06:04,045 --> 01:06:05,588
All right,
let's put that down.
1737
01:06:06,672 --> 01:06:08,799
Dude, I don't want you
to take this the wrong way,
1738
01:06:08,883 --> 01:06:10,551
but I think
you're freaking out
1739
01:06:10,718 --> 01:06:12,345
about what you're
gonna do next year.
1740
01:06:12,428 --> 01:06:13,804
What?
1741
01:06:13,929 --> 01:06:15,306
I'm trying to be
your friend, okay?
1742
01:06:15,389 --> 01:06:17,350
But I don't know why you try
to hide this stuff from me.
1743
01:06:17,433 --> 01:06:19,185
I'm a psychology minor,
you know that.
1744
01:06:19,268 --> 01:06:20,519
"I'm a psychology minor."
1745
01:06:20,603 --> 01:06:22,480
Dude, why do you think
you're so obsessed
1746
01:06:22,605 --> 01:06:24,482
with that old couple
next door, all right?
1747
01:06:24,565 --> 01:06:26,317
It's because they
remind you of the future.
1748
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:27,610
I'm sorry, but it's true.
1749
01:06:27,693 --> 01:06:29,153
What the fuck are
you talking about?
1750
01:06:29,236 --> 01:06:30,613
- You're trying to be my friend?
- Yes!
1751
01:06:30,696 --> 01:06:32,657
Well, why don't you go
fuck my girlfriend again?
1752
01:06:32,740 --> 01:06:34,033
- What?
- Yeah.
1753
01:06:34,116 --> 01:06:35,660
I thought we were over that.
What are you...
1754
01:06:35,743 --> 01:06:37,411
How the fuck could I
be cool with that, man?
1755
01:06:37,578 --> 01:06:39,246
You had sex
with my girlfriend!
1756
01:06:39,330 --> 01:06:41,248
What are you... We said all
those things, all right?
1757
01:06:41,332 --> 01:06:42,917
They rhymed!
What the hell was that?
1758
01:06:43,000 --> 01:06:45,753
We said some shit that rhymed?
Are you crazy, man?
1759
01:06:45,836 --> 01:06:47,421
How the fuck would
that make me feel better?
1760
01:06:47,505 --> 01:06:51,050
You don't think I was clearly
trying to mask how I really felt,
1761
01:06:51,133 --> 01:06:52,385
so I tried to
bro out with you?
1762
01:06:52,468 --> 01:06:54,136
I don't know!
You're a good actor!
1763
01:06:54,261 --> 01:06:55,971
What the fuck am I
supposed to think?
1764
01:06:56,097 --> 01:06:57,515
Get the fuck out of here!
1765
01:06:57,598 --> 01:07:00,059
God! Dude, take your shit out
on someone else, all right?
1766
01:07:00,142 --> 01:07:01,686
- This isn't about me.
- Okay.
1767
01:07:01,769 --> 01:07:03,604
That's right, Pete.
Walk away.
1768
01:07:05,022 --> 01:07:06,524
- Bitch.
- Oh, my God.
1769
01:07:06,607 --> 01:07:07,733
Ahhh!
1770
01:07:08,776 --> 01:07:10,111
Scoonie put his
dick in your mouth
1771
01:07:10,236 --> 01:07:11,612
while you were sleeping,
bitch!
1772
01:07:12,446 --> 01:07:13,739
Uh-uh. I wasn't asleep.
1773
01:07:20,037 --> 01:07:21,163
(DOOR CLOSES)
1774
01:07:21,372 --> 01:07:22,540
(GROANS)
1775
01:07:32,717 --> 01:07:33,843
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
1776
01:07:33,968 --> 01:07:35,136
One sec!
1777
01:07:36,137 --> 01:07:37,680
Get your knees
in there.
1778
01:07:38,097 --> 01:07:39,306
There you go.
1779
01:07:42,893 --> 01:07:44,103
Hey, neighbor.
1780
01:07:45,438 --> 01:07:46,480
What the fuck
do you want, man?
1781
01:07:46,647 --> 01:07:48,357
Hi, how's it going?
1782
01:07:48,441 --> 01:07:49,900
- What do you want? It's over.
- Yeah.
1783
01:07:49,984 --> 01:07:51,610
You won. There's
nothing else.
1784
01:07:51,694 --> 01:07:52,737
We're just
getting started.
1785
01:07:52,820 --> 01:07:54,739
I know what you
might be thinking.
1786
01:07:54,822 --> 01:07:56,240
"Teddy is gonna
graduate this year
1787
01:07:56,365 --> 01:07:57,825
"and everything's
gonna be fine."
1788
01:07:57,908 --> 01:07:58,909
But it won't.
1789
01:07:58,993 --> 01:08:01,454
Because in a few weeks, when school
ends, so does our probation.
1790
01:08:02,163 --> 01:08:07,001
There's gonna be hundreds and thousands of
Teddys living next door to you for all time.
1791
01:08:07,668 --> 01:08:10,921
Because "Teddy"
is just an idea.
1792
01:08:11,172 --> 01:08:12,173
- It's over.
- It's over, man.
1793
01:08:12,256 --> 01:08:13,257
Okay? It's done.
1794
01:08:13,340 --> 01:08:14,592
It's over? Okay, it's over,
it's over, it's over.
1795
01:08:14,675 --> 01:08:16,093
I just have one
thing I wanted to say.
1796
01:08:16,177 --> 01:08:19,096
This entire time, your daughter
is gonna be growing up
1797
01:08:19,180 --> 01:08:21,974
watching all these young,
shirtless men next door,
1798
01:08:22,057 --> 01:08:24,226
and we're gonna be
watching right back.
1799
01:08:24,351 --> 01:08:26,771
You're a bad boy!
Get off our porch.
1800
01:08:26,896 --> 01:08:28,397
- Delta Psi, bitch.
- Now! I'm gonna call the police!
1801
01:08:28,481 --> 01:08:29,482
Get off!
1802
01:08:31,567 --> 01:08:32,610
We are not moving.
1803
01:08:32,693 --> 01:08:34,612
No. They are.
1804
01:08:35,196 --> 01:08:36,906
The problem is that
they're on probation.
1805
01:08:36,989 --> 01:08:38,157
- I know.
- They're being careful.
1806
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,658
They're never gonna
do anything ridiculous,
1807
01:08:39,784 --> 01:08:41,202
because they're
watching themselves.
1808
01:08:41,285 --> 01:08:44,705
What would be great is if they
didn't think they were on probation.
1809
01:08:48,459 --> 01:08:52,505
Our probation's been lifted!
Our probation's been lifted!
1810
01:08:52,880 --> 01:08:54,215
Our probation's been lifted!
1811
01:08:55,549 --> 01:08:57,009
Yeah, this is amazing.
1812
01:08:57,176 --> 01:08:59,345
I want a baby.
I'm gonna have a baby.
1813
01:08:59,512 --> 01:09:01,388
- You don't want a baby.
- Oh, I do.
1814
01:09:01,555 --> 01:09:02,723
Would you be
my surrogate, Kelly?
1815
01:09:02,973 --> 01:09:04,683
- No!
- Dude, don't ask that.
1816
01:09:04,850 --> 01:09:07,728
Don't be so fucking offended. It's
not like we're gonna have sex.
1817
01:09:08,687 --> 01:09:10,314
- I would masturbate into her.
MAC: That's not how it works.
1818
01:09:10,397 --> 01:09:11,357
That's not
what you would do.
1819
01:09:11,482 --> 01:09:12,733
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- I don't want to talk about this.
1820
01:09:12,817 --> 01:09:13,859
Oh, shit. Teddy just tweeted.
1821
01:09:13,943 --> 01:09:15,277
What?
1822
01:09:15,402 --> 01:09:16,779
Tomorrow night, party's on.
1823
01:09:17,238 --> 01:09:18,322
Free party tonight.
1824
01:09:18,405 --> 01:09:20,699
There'll be food, blankets.
It's gonna be great.
1825
01:09:20,866 --> 01:09:21,951
(ON RADIO) We're back on
the air with Dirty Boy.
1826
01:09:22,034 --> 01:09:22,993
And Romie the Homie.
1827
01:09:23,077 --> 01:09:24,870
ROMIE: Right, right.
So let's take a few calls.
1828
01:09:24,954 --> 01:09:26,038
DIRTY BOY: All right, caller,
what's your name?
1829
01:09:26,121 --> 01:09:27,122
Hey, dude.
1830
01:09:27,206 --> 01:09:29,792
This is Nutsack calling
over from Delta Psi.
1831
01:09:29,875 --> 01:09:31,126
ROMIE: What's up, Nutsack?
1832
01:09:31,252 --> 01:09:32,545
We're having
a huge rager tonight.
1833
01:09:32,753 --> 01:09:34,755
You know what brings people to
a party more than anything?
1834
01:09:36,131 --> 01:09:37,174
Celebrities.
1835
01:09:37,258 --> 01:09:39,301
This is Mark Wahlberg. If you
don't come to this party,
1836
01:09:39,385 --> 01:09:40,928
I'm gonna give you a
world-class knuckle sandwich.
1837
01:09:41,095 --> 01:09:43,180
Oh, my gosh.
This is Anne Hathaway.
1838
01:09:43,347 --> 01:09:47,101
I want to ask you to the party this
weekend that I'm having with friends.
1839
01:09:47,351 --> 01:09:49,436
Hello.
This is Julia Child.
1840
01:09:50,020 --> 01:09:52,189
- Ho!
- Hey, babe, you want to party?
1841
01:09:52,273 --> 01:09:54,358
The question is,
do you want to party?
1842
01:09:54,441 --> 01:09:55,609
Right there.
1843
01:09:55,693 --> 01:09:57,027
You, too, Deadwood.
There you go.
1844
01:09:57,111 --> 01:09:58,112
See you guys.
1845
01:09:58,571 --> 01:10:02,032
Hey, it's Ray Romano.
What are you doin'?
1846
01:10:02,116 --> 01:10:04,034
- No, this is Ray Romano and...
- No, this is Ray Romano...
1847
01:10:04,159 --> 01:10:05,786
Who is Ray Romano?
1848
01:10:06,412 --> 01:10:08,539
This is
President Barack Obama,
1849
01:10:08,622 --> 01:10:11,667
telling you to
come to a great party
1850
01:10:11,792 --> 01:10:14,795
this evening at
2203 West Olmstead.
1851
01:10:14,879 --> 01:10:16,005
Peace, nigga.
1852
01:10:17,298 --> 01:10:19,258
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1853
01:10:35,399 --> 01:10:37,818
Gentlemen,
we are fortunate members
1854
01:10:37,902 --> 01:10:41,405
of a prestigious lineage
of extraordinary gentlemen.
1855
01:10:42,656 --> 01:10:45,409
We are Delta Psi Beta.
1856
01:10:45,492 --> 01:10:46,869
ALL: Delta Psi!
1857
01:10:49,955 --> 01:10:54,960
Now, there is no higher honor in Delta
Psi than making it onto the wall.
1858
01:10:55,502 --> 01:10:59,632
And this year,
we will make it on that wall.
1859
01:11:00,007 --> 01:11:01,926
People have
hot-boxed showers.
1860
01:11:02,009 --> 01:11:03,218
They've hot-boxed cars.
1861
01:11:03,302 --> 01:11:05,554
Attics. Caves. Fire trucks.
1862
01:11:05,638 --> 01:11:07,765
Porta-Potties. Private planes.
1863
01:11:07,848 --> 01:11:10,601
But tonight,
forget the hot-box.
1864
01:11:10,684 --> 01:11:13,854
I give you the hot house.
1865
01:12:29,888 --> 01:12:31,682
MAC: Holy shit.
1866
01:12:31,765 --> 01:12:33,684
- (CAR ALARM BLARING)
- This party is getting out of control.
1867
01:12:33,767 --> 01:12:35,102
- This is strike three.
- This is crazy.
1868
01:12:35,185 --> 01:12:36,937
- Strike three.
- Yes!
1869
01:12:37,021 --> 01:12:40,024
JIMMY: Yes, hello. This is the
President of the neighborhood watch.
1870
01:12:40,107 --> 01:12:44,820
There is a giant party at
2203 West Olmstead right now.
1871
01:12:44,903 --> 01:12:48,365
They're yelling and fighting. The
ringleader's name is Scoonie.
1872
01:12:48,449 --> 01:12:50,075
He's a little scrawny piece
of shit with a giant dick.
1873
01:12:50,200 --> 01:12:51,827
- Come on, come on. Stay on message!
- I'm sorry.
1874
01:12:51,910 --> 01:12:52,953
They are sending
the cops.
1875
01:12:53,078 --> 01:12:56,623
DISPATCH ON RADIO: We have a
disturbance at 2203 West Olmstead.
1876
01:12:56,707 --> 01:12:57,708
10-4.
1877
01:12:57,833 --> 01:12:59,168
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1878
01:13:00,294 --> 01:13:02,546
What is this?
Is this our flyer?
1879
01:13:02,629 --> 01:13:04,965
No, we do everything online!
1880
01:13:05,049 --> 01:13:06,717
Who makes flyers anymore?
1881
01:13:06,800 --> 01:13:08,052
Fucking old people!
1882
01:13:08,135 --> 01:13:09,386
Old people?
1883
01:13:09,470 --> 01:13:12,306
Thumbsucker! Let me see the
letter from the school, man!
1884
01:13:17,478 --> 01:13:19,396
Our school's
insignia is in Latin.
1885
01:13:19,480 --> 01:13:21,023
This is in Jewish!
1886
01:13:21,106 --> 01:13:22,733
- What?
- We're not off probation!
1887
01:13:22,816 --> 01:13:23,984
The old people
have the upper hand.
1888
01:13:24,109 --> 01:13:25,235
We got to get
everyone out of here!
1889
01:13:25,319 --> 01:13:26,320
We got to get everybody...
1890
01:13:26,445 --> 01:13:28,197
BOTH: Hootie-hoo!
Hootie-hoo!
1891
01:13:29,823 --> 01:13:30,824
TEDDY: Guys!
1892
01:13:31,325 --> 01:13:33,160
DELTA PSI BROTHERS:
Hootie-hoo! Hootie-hoo!
1893
01:13:41,251 --> 01:13:42,419
Shit, they're hootie-hooing!
1894
01:13:42,503 --> 01:13:43,962
- What?
- They're fucking hootie-hooing.
1895
01:13:44,046 --> 01:13:45,089
KELLY: What does that mean?
1896
01:13:45,172 --> 01:13:46,423
That means they know
the cops are coming.
1897
01:13:46,507 --> 01:13:48,258
- I don't get it!
MAC: It's from an Outkast song.
1898
01:13:48,342 --> 01:13:50,010
BOTH: (SINGING) Born and
bred up on the street top
1899
01:13:50,094 --> 01:13:52,179
Get the money and the sweet
spot And forever hollerin'
1900
01:13:52,262 --> 01:13:53,722
- Hootie-hoo
- When we see cops
1901
01:13:53,806 --> 01:13:55,390
Yo, cops be robbing niggaz
blind With the dollars...
1902
01:13:55,516 --> 01:13:57,142
- Okay, okay, we fucking get it!
- I get it. I get it.
1903
01:13:57,226 --> 01:13:58,811
- That's the song.
- How could they know that's happening?
1904
01:13:58,894 --> 01:14:00,020
How do they know
something's wrong?
1905
01:14:00,104 --> 01:14:01,105
It's because of the Hebrew.
1906
01:14:01,188 --> 01:14:04,191
I put a little Hebrew in the school
sign, you know, like a coded game.
1907
01:14:04,316 --> 01:14:05,609
- What?
- What?
1908
01:14:05,692 --> 01:14:07,111
Check this out.
Inside the school seal,
1909
01:14:07,194 --> 01:14:11,532
I put sof hamisschak, which
is Hebrew for "game over."
1910
01:14:11,615 --> 01:14:14,243
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
Why did you do that?
1911
01:14:14,368 --> 01:14:15,452
- Stop hitting me.
MAC: That's so stupid!
1912
01:14:15,536 --> 01:14:16,787
No! No, no!
It's like a wink, you know?
1913
01:14:16,870 --> 01:14:18,497
Like at the end of a heist,
you leave your calling card.
1914
01:14:18,580 --> 01:14:20,165
It's like,
"They got us again."
1915
01:14:20,249 --> 01:14:22,042
One big difference,
the heist isn't done!
1916
01:14:22,167 --> 01:14:23,919
We're mid-fucking-heist,
genius!
1917
01:14:32,970 --> 01:14:34,388
(ALL PROTESTING)
1918
01:14:36,306 --> 01:14:39,059
Everybody out! Party's over!
1919
01:14:39,184 --> 01:14:41,436
Let's go!
This is not a fucking drill!
1920
01:14:41,520 --> 01:14:43,480
Stop standing around!
Let's go!
1921
01:14:43,564 --> 01:14:46,650
Drinks down! No alcohol outside!
Get the fuck out of here!
1922
01:14:47,234 --> 01:14:49,403
Party's over!
Dirty Santa, let's go!
1923
01:14:50,404 --> 01:14:51,655
- Everyone's clearing out.
- Oh, my God!
1924
01:14:51,738 --> 01:14:52,823
Everyone's leaving!
1925
01:14:53,407 --> 01:14:56,243
This isn't a strike! It's not a
strike if everyone's leaving!
1926
01:14:56,326 --> 01:14:57,327
Shit!
1927
01:14:58,745 --> 01:14:59,746
It's Watkins.
1928
01:14:59,997 --> 01:15:02,416
Looks like
the party shut down.
1929
01:15:02,541 --> 01:15:03,876
(SIREN WAILING)
1930
01:15:04,585 --> 01:15:05,586
Cops are here.
1931
01:15:06,086 --> 01:15:08,589
Fuck me! Shit! They're sending
Garf out to talk to him.
1932
01:15:08,755 --> 01:15:10,424
He's so charming,
he'll get the cop to leave.
1933
01:15:10,591 --> 01:15:11,842
WATKINS: Yo, is there a party
going on around here?
1934
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:14,094
No, no. There was,
but I shut that down.
1935
01:15:14,261 --> 01:15:16,013
You got nothing to
worry about, officer.
1936
01:15:16,180 --> 01:15:17,723
That's really
responsible of you guys.
1937
01:15:17,848 --> 01:15:19,433
You must've heard
we were coming.
1938
01:15:19,600 --> 01:15:22,603
Look, we're in a nice neighborhood.
We want to be good neighbors.
1939
01:15:22,769 --> 01:15:23,854
It's the least we
could do, you know?
1940
01:15:24,021 --> 01:15:25,606
We appreciate that, man.
1941
01:15:25,939 --> 01:15:27,024
- I'm gonna go now.
- No.
1942
01:15:27,191 --> 01:15:28,609
You're not trying to
get rid of me, are you?
1943
01:15:28,775 --> 01:15:30,777
No. No.
1944
01:15:31,278 --> 01:15:33,113
We've got to save...
Come on, we're so close!
1945
01:15:33,280 --> 01:15:34,948
- We gotta save this. What do we do?
- Okay, okay, okay.
1946
01:15:35,115 --> 01:15:36,783
Teddy's room. We got to
sneak into Teddy's room.
1947
01:15:36,950 --> 01:15:38,619
Fuse box. We'll turn
the party back on.
1948
01:15:38,785 --> 01:15:40,204
- Get the party going again.
- Get the party started.
1949
01:15:40,370 --> 01:15:41,622
- Let's go.
- Get the party started! Come on!
1950
01:15:41,788 --> 01:15:42,873
Grab the monitor.
Grab the monitor.
1951
01:15:43,415 --> 01:15:45,292
- What are you doing?
- I'm sneaking.
1952
01:15:45,459 --> 01:15:46,877
What the fuck?
1953
01:15:47,002 --> 01:15:48,462
Don't worry about it.
1954
01:15:48,629 --> 01:15:50,047
Is that your real name? Garf?
1955
01:15:50,255 --> 01:15:51,381
Well, Garfield.
1956
01:15:51,548 --> 01:15:53,258
- Garfield.
- Garfield, yeah. Yeah.
1957
01:15:53,342 --> 01:15:54,384
- Oh.
- Yeah.
1958
01:15:54,468 --> 01:15:56,053
- Like the cat.
- My father... Yeah.
1959
01:15:56,136 --> 01:15:57,721
"I hate Mondays!"
1960
01:15:58,096 --> 01:15:59,765
"I hate Mondays!"
1961
01:15:59,932 --> 01:16:01,266
"I love lasagna!"
1962
01:16:01,350 --> 01:16:02,976
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1963
01:16:05,437 --> 01:16:09,191
Do some cat stuff real quick.
Be sarcastic or lick yourself.
1964
01:16:10,567 --> 01:16:12,819
Okay. All right.
1965
01:16:14,821 --> 01:16:16,031
(LAUGHING)
1966
01:16:16,240 --> 01:16:17,658
(MEOWING)
1967
01:16:19,159 --> 01:16:21,328
I love fucking with
you when you high, man.
1968
01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:28,752
PETE: Get the hell
out of here.
1969
01:16:28,835 --> 01:16:32,005
Everybody out!
Hootie-hoo! Let's go!
1970
01:16:32,172 --> 01:16:35,133
All right, fellas,
get a move on. Hootie-hoo!
1971
01:16:35,300 --> 01:16:38,178
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?
What the...
1972
01:16:38,262 --> 01:16:40,514
That was, like, a distraction so
they couldn't see what was going on.
1973
01:16:40,597 --> 01:16:41,598
- Grow up! It worked.
- Okay. Okay.
1974
01:16:41,682 --> 01:16:42,808
Yeah. There wasn't
anything behind it.
1975
01:16:42,933 --> 01:16:44,017
You used so much tongue!
1976
01:16:44,434 --> 01:16:46,186
PETE: Upstairs clear!
1977
01:16:51,483 --> 01:16:54,319
Hey. Do not let anyone
upstairs, you got me?
1978
01:16:54,486 --> 01:16:56,029
Yes, sir.
1979
01:16:56,280 --> 01:16:57,531
(CREAKING)
1980
01:17:04,871 --> 01:17:06,373
Holy fuck.
1981
01:17:10,294 --> 01:17:12,004
What was that?
1982
01:17:12,170 --> 01:17:15,132
Shaggy, Scooby,
Jizzface, let's investigate!
1983
01:17:17,384 --> 01:17:19,219
It's open. It's open.
1984
01:17:30,063 --> 01:17:31,356
(EXHALES)
1985
01:17:31,481 --> 01:17:33,150
He's right there!
He's right there!
1986
01:17:33,233 --> 01:17:34,860
What do we do? What do we do?
What do we do?
1987
01:17:34,985 --> 01:17:36,820
- We got to get him out of there!
- Distraction.
1988
01:17:36,903 --> 01:17:37,904
Okay, distraction.
What? What do we do?
1989
01:17:38,071 --> 01:17:39,072
Distraction, distraction.
1990
01:17:39,156 --> 01:17:40,824
- I'm gonna jump off the balcony.
- What?
1991
01:17:42,743 --> 01:17:45,037
- No, no, why? Why?
- No! What?
1992
01:17:45,162 --> 01:17:46,204
(JIMMY GROANING)
1993
01:17:46,288 --> 01:17:47,998
JIMMY: Oh, God!
1994
01:17:48,081 --> 01:17:49,541
(JIMMY SCREAMING)
1995
01:17:50,500 --> 01:17:52,669
Fuck! Shit, shit. Go!
1996
01:17:55,422 --> 01:17:56,798
What the fuck?
1997
01:18:00,427 --> 01:18:01,428
Nice. He's gone.
1998
01:18:01,595 --> 01:18:02,637
He's gone.
1999
01:18:03,889 --> 01:18:05,724
- Come on, come on!
- Damn it!
2000
01:18:05,891 --> 01:18:07,809
One, two, three?
2001
01:18:07,893 --> 01:18:08,852
No!
2002
01:18:08,935 --> 01:18:11,521
JIMMY: Oh, God! Oh, God!
2003
01:18:11,605 --> 01:18:13,023
My God, Jesus!
2004
01:18:13,106 --> 01:18:14,232
What the hell, bro?
2005
01:18:14,316 --> 01:18:15,442
What up, Teddy?
2006
01:18:15,567 --> 01:18:16,610
What the fuck?
2007
01:18:16,693 --> 01:18:17,694
"Boobs" upside down!
2008
01:18:17,778 --> 01:18:19,905
I can't do "boob."
I can do "Bob."
2009
01:18:19,988 --> 01:18:21,823
I can do "cock."
I can do "C-O-K."
2010
01:18:21,907 --> 01:18:22,866
Sixty-nine?
2011
01:18:22,949 --> 01:18:23,992
Sixty-nine?
There's three numbers!
2012
01:18:24,076 --> 01:18:26,078
What other stupid number
combinations are there?
2013
01:18:26,411 --> 01:18:29,873
I'll never talk!
I'm unbreakable!
2014
01:18:29,956 --> 01:18:31,166
Jesus!
2015
01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:33,251
I'm not a distraction.
2016
01:18:34,252 --> 01:18:35,295
It's a distraction?
2017
01:18:35,462 --> 01:18:36,463
No! No!
2018
01:18:36,630 --> 01:18:39,466
I got it, I got it.
I got it.
2019
01:18:42,886 --> 01:18:43,929
Four-twenty?
2020
01:18:44,054 --> 01:18:45,055
Victory.
2021
01:18:45,222 --> 01:18:46,473
Boom! Yes!
2022
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:48,642
BOTH: Yes! Yes! Yes!
2023
01:18:49,810 --> 01:18:51,978
(CHUCKLES) Yes.
I'm gonna kill you.
2024
01:18:52,854 --> 01:18:54,314
- Go, go.
- Okay.
2025
01:18:55,107 --> 01:18:57,234
Don't open this door
no matter what you hear!
2026
01:18:57,818 --> 01:18:58,902
TEDDY: This is it.
2027
01:18:59,069 --> 01:19:00,904
Mano y mano.
2028
01:19:01,071 --> 01:19:02,781
You are not getting
through this door.
2029
01:19:02,864 --> 01:19:05,158
Jesus. Okay.
2030
01:19:06,743 --> 01:19:08,537
Fuck, these kids
locked everything!
2031
01:19:08,620 --> 01:19:09,579
God damn it.
2032
01:19:09,663 --> 01:19:11,915
I've been wanting this.
I've got your number.
2033
01:19:11,998 --> 01:19:13,333
Ready?
2034
01:19:13,500 --> 01:19:14,751
Yeah, I'm ready.
Are you ready, huh?
2035
01:19:14,835 --> 01:19:15,836
Oh?
2036
01:19:15,919 --> 01:19:17,003
- Huh?
- Oh?
2037
01:19:18,171 --> 01:19:19,423
- Old man.
- Oh, my nuts!
2038
01:19:19,589 --> 01:19:21,007
Why the fuck do
you keep fighting?
2039
01:19:21,842 --> 01:19:23,260
(GROANING)
2040
01:19:23,343 --> 01:19:25,137
(YELLING IN DELIGHT)
2041
01:19:25,512 --> 01:19:26,972
Yes, that felt good!
2042
01:19:27,347 --> 01:19:28,598
MAC: I hit him, Kelly!
- Fuck!
2043
01:19:29,182 --> 01:19:31,601
Oh, yeah!
2044
01:19:32,060 --> 01:19:33,353
(INHALING DEEPLY)
2045
01:19:35,605 --> 01:19:37,524
Okay, let's just
relax for a second.
2046
01:19:37,691 --> 01:19:38,692
Baby, let me in!
2047
01:19:38,859 --> 01:19:42,112
I can't let you in yet. I haven't
figured out how to open it!
2048
01:19:42,195 --> 01:19:43,196
Okay, fuck me!
2049
01:19:48,493 --> 01:19:49,536
Stay!
2050
01:19:52,372 --> 01:19:53,457
(LAUGHS)
2051
01:19:53,540 --> 01:19:54,541
What the fuck?
2052
01:19:55,876 --> 01:19:56,918
(GROANS)
2053
01:19:57,002 --> 01:19:58,003
How'd you even do that?
2054
01:19:58,128 --> 01:19:59,129
No idea.
2055
01:19:59,296 --> 01:20:01,173
- Come here!
- No!
2056
01:20:02,174 --> 01:20:03,300
What the fuck? Damn it!
2057
01:20:03,383 --> 01:20:04,843
Who still has waterbeds?
2058
01:20:11,057 --> 01:20:12,309
(PANTING)
2059
01:20:19,608 --> 01:20:20,692
Let's do this shit.
2060
01:20:27,574 --> 01:20:28,909
Suck my dick!
2061
01:20:30,202 --> 01:20:31,578
Suck my dick.
2062
01:20:35,415 --> 01:20:36,625
Yeah, suck it! Suck my dick.
2063
01:20:36,750 --> 01:20:38,001
No, no!
2064
01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:44,257
So gross! Ew!
2065
01:20:44,758 --> 01:20:46,718
That was very immature!
2066
01:20:51,932 --> 01:20:53,016
I'm Batman!
2067
01:20:53,600 --> 01:20:55,352
Oh! Fuck!
2068
01:20:57,437 --> 01:20:58,522
I'm Batman!
2069
01:21:00,524 --> 01:21:01,775
Ahhh!
2070
01:21:02,275 --> 01:21:03,276
Oh, shit!
2071
01:21:04,444 --> 01:21:05,737
Fuck me!
2072
01:21:15,163 --> 01:21:16,331
God damn it!
2073
01:21:18,667 --> 01:21:21,294
Good luck with all
your problems, officer.
2074
01:21:21,628 --> 01:21:22,837
Really.
2075
01:21:32,138 --> 01:21:33,473
Get off of me!
2076
01:21:33,807 --> 01:21:34,933
God damn it!
2077
01:21:35,642 --> 01:21:36,935
- No, no, no!
- Yeah!
2078
01:21:38,311 --> 01:21:39,396
Oh, shit!
2079
01:21:39,479 --> 01:21:40,647
Kelly!
2080
01:21:41,147 --> 01:21:42,440
Kelly, honey.
2081
01:21:43,316 --> 01:21:45,068
- He's coming.
- Kelly, it's over!
2082
01:21:45,902 --> 01:21:47,237
Kelly, he's coming!
2083
01:21:47,362 --> 01:21:49,322
Fuck! Shit!
2084
01:21:50,073 --> 01:21:51,658
So long, neighbor.
2085
01:21:54,536 --> 01:21:55,745
(SCREAMING)
2086
01:21:56,746 --> 01:21:58,456
- (PEOPLE SCREAMING)
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
2087
01:21:59,791 --> 01:22:00,875
(LAUGHING)
2088
01:22:03,336 --> 01:22:06,298
I need backup at
2203 West Olmstead!
2089
01:22:06,881 --> 01:22:09,551
Delta Psi is attacking me!
I'm under fire right now!
2090
01:22:09,634 --> 01:22:10,760
I need backup! Over!
2091
01:22:11,970 --> 01:22:13,263
Well played, motherfuckers.
2092
01:22:13,346 --> 01:22:14,514
What the fuck
are you looking at?
2093
01:22:14,639 --> 01:22:15,807
What the fuck are
y'all looking at?
2094
01:22:17,309 --> 01:22:19,144
- Well played.
- What the fuck?
2095
01:22:20,812 --> 01:22:23,315
You can't tell anyone I showed you this.
Okay, baby?
2096
01:22:23,398 --> 01:22:24,482
Oh, my God.
Shut up, Scoonie.
2097
01:22:24,608 --> 01:22:25,692
I'm sorry, baby.
2098
01:22:25,859 --> 01:22:27,193
(ALL CHEERING)
2099
01:22:31,114 --> 01:22:33,700
No, guys! Hey, hey!
2100
01:22:34,159 --> 01:22:35,201
Oh, shit!
2101
01:22:35,285 --> 01:22:36,411
Holy shit!
2102
01:22:36,536 --> 01:22:37,704
My brothers need me.
2103
01:22:37,787 --> 01:22:38,955
(LAUGHING)
2104
01:22:42,000 --> 01:22:43,084
Holy shit.
2105
01:22:58,558 --> 01:22:59,601
(JIMMY GROANING)
2106
01:23:00,477 --> 01:23:02,479
Holy shit!
Did you break your leg?
2107
01:23:03,188 --> 01:23:04,731
Baby broke his leg!
2108
01:23:04,814 --> 01:23:06,650
I'm not a baby.
2109
01:23:06,733 --> 01:23:08,401
- Oh, no?
- I'm a fucking man!
2110
01:23:08,485 --> 01:23:10,070
My God, Jimmy!
2111
01:23:10,195 --> 01:23:11,738
He's so light.
He's all dick.
2112
01:23:11,821 --> 01:23:13,073
Thank you.
2113
01:23:13,698 --> 01:23:15,659
Keep your dick
away from my wife!
2114
01:23:15,742 --> 01:23:17,327
(WHOOPING)
2115
01:23:17,535 --> 01:23:18,870
YOLO!
2116
01:23:21,206 --> 01:23:22,624
This is who I am.
2117
01:23:23,500 --> 01:23:25,460
Jimmy fuckin' Blevitz.
2118
01:23:26,503 --> 01:23:27,587
You want this?
2119
01:23:28,922 --> 01:23:30,256
Oh, my leg.
2120
01:23:33,551 --> 01:23:34,761
Let's make a baby.
2121
01:23:36,805 --> 01:23:37,806
That'll solve
all our problems.
2122
01:23:37,931 --> 01:23:38,973
Yeah.
2123
01:23:40,892 --> 01:23:42,727
(BOTTLES SHATTERING)
2124
01:23:46,189 --> 01:23:47,357
We are fucked, man.
2125
01:23:47,691 --> 01:23:49,067
Yeah. We're fucked, man.
2126
01:23:49,734 --> 01:23:52,362
I guess we're all going down
in a blaze of glory, huh?
2127
01:23:52,445 --> 01:23:55,240
What? No way, man.
Get out of here.
2128
01:23:55,323 --> 01:23:57,117
Dude, all that shit
I was saying the other day
2129
01:23:57,283 --> 01:23:59,035
about you and
the fraternity...
2130
01:23:59,119 --> 01:24:01,079
Fuck that, all right?
I was out of line, man.
2131
01:24:01,162 --> 01:24:02,163
This stuff is important.
2132
01:24:02,288 --> 01:24:03,331
I know.
2133
01:24:03,415 --> 01:24:06,626
Regardless of anything,
we're brothers for life.
2134
01:24:06,710 --> 01:24:09,045
This is on me.
I took it too far.
2135
01:24:09,170 --> 01:24:10,672
That's why you got to go.
2136
01:24:10,755 --> 01:24:12,048
- (SIRENS WAILING)
- You got a bright future, kid.
2137
01:24:12,132 --> 01:24:13,675
You're the smartest
person I know.
2138
01:24:14,426 --> 01:24:15,844
I'm the President
of a fraternity.
2139
01:24:15,927 --> 01:24:17,470
You could be President
of the United Nations.
2140
01:24:17,554 --> 01:24:19,597
There is no President
of the United Nations.
2141
01:24:19,681 --> 01:24:22,809
Yeah, but see, that's my fucking point!
You know shit like that, man!
2142
01:24:22,892 --> 01:24:23,977
This is all my fault.
2143
01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:25,145
You're not taking
the heat for this.
2144
01:24:25,228 --> 01:24:26,312
I fucking will, man.
2145
01:24:26,688 --> 01:24:28,523
- Brothers don't get divorced.
- Yeah, I know.
2146
01:24:28,690 --> 01:24:30,942
I'm a supernova.
Burn bright, die young.
2147
01:24:31,109 --> 01:24:32,318
I fucking love you, man.
2148
01:24:32,527 --> 01:24:34,487
- I love you, dawg.
- I love you.
2149
01:24:35,155 --> 01:24:36,906
I fucking love you, man.
Get out of here.
2150
01:24:37,073 --> 01:24:39,367
Be in this moment!
Live in this shit with me!
2151
01:24:40,493 --> 01:24:41,911
- I love you!
- I love you, too, man.
2152
01:24:42,078 --> 01:24:43,121
I love you!
2153
01:24:43,288 --> 01:24:44,789
- I fucking love you, Pete.
- I love you!
2154
01:24:46,624 --> 01:24:49,919
I love you, too, but...
Get out of here, man! Just go!
2155
01:24:51,671 --> 01:24:53,173
Delta Psi.
2156
01:24:53,298 --> 01:24:54,758
Delta Psi, man. All right?
2157
01:24:56,968 --> 01:24:59,053
Go! Get the brothers
out of here now, man!
2158
01:24:59,137 --> 01:25:00,555
- Go, go!
- All right! Hey!
2159
01:25:00,638 --> 01:25:04,267
T-Bone, Gerbil, Jizzface, let's get
the fuck out of here! Let's go!
2160
01:25:13,777 --> 01:25:15,487
Delta Psi forever!
2161
01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:18,865
- (GROANS)
- Delta Psi this shit!
2162
01:25:19,073 --> 01:25:22,660
You've been a bad boy.
I'm gonna spank you.
2163
01:25:23,453 --> 01:25:24,871
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
2164
01:25:42,055 --> 01:25:43,223
KELLY: That's our baby.
2165
01:25:43,723 --> 01:25:45,141
She's so sweet.
2166
01:25:45,558 --> 01:25:46,643
Look at her.
2167
01:25:49,604 --> 01:25:50,980
We're a family.
2168
01:25:51,648 --> 01:25:53,066
We are.
2169
01:25:56,402 --> 01:25:57,695
I love you.
2170
01:26:00,073 --> 01:26:01,157
(BOTH GASP)
2171
01:26:05,995 --> 01:26:07,330
(BOTH EXHALE)
2172
01:26:07,413 --> 01:26:09,123
- Holy shit.
- That was close.
2173
01:26:09,290 --> 01:26:11,209
- I could not deal with that right now.
- Fuck, no way.
2174
01:26:11,376 --> 01:26:12,752
- Jesus.
- I'm exhausted.
2175
01:26:12,919 --> 01:26:14,879
- That would be a fucking disaster.
- Oh, Jesus.
2176
01:26:15,171 --> 01:26:16,172
We did it!
2177
01:26:16,256 --> 01:26:17,590
We did it.
We fucking did it.
2178
01:26:17,674 --> 01:26:18,758
We did it.
2179
01:26:18,883 --> 01:26:19,926
- We did it.
- (IMITATES EXPLOSION)
2180
01:26:20,134 --> 01:26:21,261
Come on.
2181
01:26:21,427 --> 01:26:22,554
We fucking did that shit.
2182
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:24,514
We totally did it.
2183
01:26:24,681 --> 01:26:28,726
I think I was near one of
those oil drums for too long.
2184
01:26:29,435 --> 01:26:31,771
I think I might be
really quite stoned.
2185
01:26:31,855 --> 01:26:32,981
Me, too.
2186
01:26:34,023 --> 01:26:35,108
Life's crazy.
2187
01:26:35,233 --> 01:26:36,276
It is crazy.
2188
01:26:36,359 --> 01:26:38,278
I milked you.
2189
01:26:38,361 --> 01:26:41,614
You're a human being,
and I fucking milked you.
2190
01:26:42,532 --> 01:26:45,702
We made a baby. Things have changed.
Everything has changed.
2191
01:26:45,869 --> 01:26:47,078
Part of our life is
just totally over.
2192
01:26:47,203 --> 01:26:48,413
Yeah.
2193
01:26:48,496 --> 01:26:50,206
- Just gone.
- Yeah.
2194
01:26:50,290 --> 01:26:52,166
- It's never coming back.
- No.
2195
01:26:52,250 --> 01:26:56,629
We'll never not be responsible for
someone until we're so, so old.
2196
01:26:57,463 --> 01:27:00,550
I think I like old people shit
better than young people shit now.
2197
01:27:00,633 --> 01:27:01,801
I love brunch.
2198
01:27:01,968 --> 01:27:03,052
Oh, it's the best!
2199
01:27:03,136 --> 01:27:06,472
And I get really excited when I
smell freshly ground coffee.
2200
01:27:06,556 --> 01:27:07,849
Me, too, because
it's awesome.
2201
01:27:07,932 --> 01:27:10,268
Like, way too excited.
2202
01:27:10,351 --> 01:27:12,437
I want a tomato garden.
How's that?
2203
01:27:12,520 --> 01:27:15,732
I love going to The Container
Store and buying containers.
2204
01:27:15,815 --> 01:27:16,900
Me, too.
2205
01:27:16,983 --> 01:27:19,694
I love our hand soap
that's shaped like seashells.
2206
01:27:19,777 --> 01:27:20,862
Why?
2207
01:27:20,987 --> 01:27:22,071
It smells like lemongrass.
2208
01:27:22,155 --> 01:27:23,698
Me, too.
2209
01:27:23,781 --> 01:27:26,034
Do you think
we'll be good parents?
2210
01:27:26,117 --> 01:27:28,953
I think we'll be good
at it and bad at it.
2211
01:27:30,204 --> 01:27:32,498
BOTH: Whoa! (LAUGH)
2212
01:27:33,458 --> 01:27:37,003
You know, when we had Stella, I
was afraid of missing the party,
2213
01:27:37,086 --> 01:27:40,381
but then I realized
that we are the party.
2214
01:27:41,132 --> 01:27:43,092
This is the only party
I want to be at.
2215
01:27:44,719 --> 01:27:46,179
You're gonna make me cry.
2216
01:27:46,262 --> 01:27:47,597
Don't cry.
2217
01:27:51,684 --> 01:27:53,061
Oh, my God.
2218
01:27:54,854 --> 01:27:56,314
Where did you get that?
2219
01:27:57,357 --> 01:27:59,525
I brought it
into bed with us.
2220
01:28:01,235 --> 01:28:03,154
I also got some
ranch dipping sauce.
2221
01:28:04,197 --> 01:28:05,865
- Oh, my God.
- Mmm-hmm.
2222
01:28:05,949 --> 01:28:07,533
That's the best idea.
2223
01:28:07,617 --> 01:28:08,785
Yeah.
2224
01:28:09,994 --> 01:28:11,204
Mmm!
2225
01:28:17,794 --> 01:28:19,379
TEDDY: Welcome
to Abercrombie.
2226
01:28:19,712 --> 01:28:21,631
Come inside. Check out
some board shorts.
2227
01:28:22,215 --> 01:28:23,758
Hey, Mac!
2228
01:28:24,759 --> 01:28:25,802
- Hey, dude.
- What's up, man?
2229
01:28:25,885 --> 01:28:26,970
- What up, man?
- How's it going?
2230
01:28:27,053 --> 01:28:28,471
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you, too.
2231
01:28:28,721 --> 01:28:29,973
You're one of those guys!
2232
01:28:30,056 --> 01:28:31,265
- I am, yeah.
- Yeah.
2233
01:28:31,349 --> 01:28:33,226
- It's a pretty good gig.
- Yeah.
2234
01:28:33,309 --> 01:28:35,520
You'd be surprised, I actually
meet a shit-ton of girls here.
2235
01:28:35,603 --> 01:28:36,771
Not that surprised.
2236
01:28:36,854 --> 01:28:38,231
Your body basically
looks like a giant arrow
2237
01:28:38,398 --> 01:28:39,732
pointing right
towards your dick.
2238
01:28:39,816 --> 01:28:41,776
- Oh, my God. Thank you.
- No problem, man.
2239
01:28:41,859 --> 01:28:43,820
- I think that's a compliment.
- It is a compliment.
2240
01:28:43,903 --> 01:28:45,113
We went nuts.
2241
01:28:45,238 --> 01:28:46,447
It escalated very quickly.
2242
01:28:46,531 --> 01:28:49,742
It escalated to a really crazy place.
That was really nuts, man.
2243
01:28:50,368 --> 01:28:51,828
How are the guys?
2244
01:28:51,911 --> 01:28:53,663
They're all great. They got
a big house off campus.
2245
01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:56,666
Pete's a fancy architect,
designing buildings and stuff.
2246
01:28:56,749 --> 01:28:59,210
How's the rest of post-college
life treating you?
2247
01:28:59,293 --> 01:29:00,920
It's good, man.
I'm having fun.
2248
01:29:01,004 --> 01:29:03,840
I realize I probably should
have studied a little bit more.
2249
01:29:03,923 --> 01:29:05,258
Little bit. (LAUGHS)
2250
01:29:05,341 --> 01:29:08,928
But I'm going to night school
to get my degree, so...
2251
01:29:09,012 --> 01:29:10,763
- Awesome, man.
- Yeah.
2252
01:29:11,681 --> 01:29:13,683
Well, it's still
really good to see you, man.
2253
01:29:13,766 --> 01:29:14,851
Great to see you too, buddy.
2254
01:29:14,934 --> 01:29:16,019
- All right, brother.
- Good to see you.
2255
01:29:16,102 --> 01:29:17,395
Bring it in for
the real thing.
2256
01:29:17,478 --> 01:29:19,605
Nice, okay.
Good to see you, dude.
2257
01:29:19,689 --> 01:29:21,607
You know what?
While I'm here...
2258
01:29:22,567 --> 01:29:24,110
I've always wanted
to do this.
2259
01:29:24,485 --> 01:29:27,071
All right. Wow,
you're really going for it.
2260
01:29:27,155 --> 01:29:28,740
- I'm doing it.
- Oh, man.
2261
01:29:28,823 --> 01:29:32,702
So, is it our posture?
Why do we look so different?
2262
01:29:32,785 --> 01:29:33,870
I don't know, man.
Just be free.
2263
01:29:33,953 --> 01:29:35,413
- Just kind of let it out.
- Okay.
2264
01:29:35,496 --> 01:29:36,622
I feel free.
2265
01:29:37,457 --> 01:29:38,458
(LAUGHS)
2266
01:29:39,709 --> 01:29:42,420
Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
Can we take your order?
2267
01:29:42,503 --> 01:29:43,671
Welcome to
Abercrombie & Fitch.
2268
01:29:43,755 --> 01:29:45,840
Abercrombie, Fitch.
2269
01:29:45,923 --> 01:29:47,216
- Welcome to Abercrombie & Fitch.
- How you doing?
2270
01:29:47,300 --> 01:29:48,509
Can we take your order?
2271
01:29:48,593 --> 01:29:50,053
- We're a great team.
- Thanks.
2272
01:29:50,136 --> 01:29:51,512
You make the store
more approachable.
2273
01:29:52,138 --> 01:29:53,556
What does that mean?
2274
01:29:53,639 --> 01:29:54,599
(STAMMERS)
2275
01:29:54,682 --> 01:29:56,768
It's like, I make...
2276
01:29:56,851 --> 01:29:59,187
I'm a more obtainable goal.
2277
01:29:59,270 --> 01:30:00,855
Yeah, you're like
the relaxed-fit jean guy.
2278
01:30:00,980 --> 01:30:02,648
Yeah.
I'm the relaxed-fit jeans.
2279
01:30:06,694 --> 01:30:08,863
I made some blue meth.
It's Gatorade.
2280
01:30:08,946 --> 01:30:10,073
Oh, perfect! Great.
2281
01:30:10,156 --> 01:30:11,532
She's all ready to go.
2282
01:30:11,616 --> 01:30:13,576
This is gonna be
the best calendar yet.
2283
01:30:13,659 --> 01:30:14,744
Look at that, sweetie.
2284
01:30:14,827 --> 01:30:16,287
All right. Let's do it.
2285
01:30:16,370 --> 01:30:18,289
Who's my little Heisenberg?
You are!
2286
01:30:18,372 --> 01:30:19,499
She's a little meth head.
2287
01:30:19,624 --> 01:30:20,708
No, she just makes it.
2288
01:30:20,792 --> 01:30:22,085
- (COMPUTER RINGING)
- Oh...
2289
01:30:24,378 --> 01:30:26,172
Hey. Look who it is.
JIMMY: What's up, dude?
2290
01:30:26,464 --> 01:30:28,049
We're at Burning Man!
2291
01:30:28,174 --> 01:30:29,759
Burning Man!
2292
01:30:29,842 --> 01:30:31,010
KELLY: Hey!
2293
01:30:31,177 --> 01:30:32,345
You guys should come here.
2294
01:30:32,512 --> 01:30:34,347
- Bring Stella! You can bring kids!
- Bring Stella!
2295
01:30:34,514 --> 01:30:36,766
MAC: No.
- No, we're making a Stella calendar.
2296
01:30:36,849 --> 01:30:37,975
Yeah, we got six months left.
2297
01:30:38,059 --> 01:30:39,102
She's Heisenberg.
She's Walter White.
2298
01:30:39,185 --> 01:30:41,187
KELLY: See?
- You're such a lame-o!
2299
01:30:41,312 --> 01:30:43,231
- Don't be so fucking lame!
- Totally lame.
2300
01:30:43,314 --> 01:30:44,315
It's awesome!
2301
01:30:44,398 --> 01:30:45,775
It only gets
better and better!
2302
01:30:45,900 --> 01:30:49,070
I feel completely comfortable
missing that party. Okay.
2303
01:30:49,612 --> 01:30:51,280
- We gotta go, okay?
KELLY: We gotta go.
2304
01:30:51,364 --> 01:30:53,991
Yeah, have a good one.
Try not to die.
2305
01:30:54,075 --> 01:30:55,368
What should we do next?
2306
01:30:55,451 --> 01:30:56,953
- Don Draper. Yeah.
MAC: Yeah, Don Draper.
2307
01:30:57,036 --> 01:30:58,704
Let's get the leading
men out of the way.
2308
01:30:59,747 --> 01:31:01,374
- I love you.
- I love you.
2309
01:31:02,542 --> 01:31:04,001
- We love you.
- We love you.
2310
01:31:04,085 --> 01:31:05,753
- Little Walter White.
- Baby.
2311
01:36:35,791 --> 01:36:38,794
JIMMY: Sof hamisschak.
It means "game over."