1 00:00:00,792 --> 00:00:03,795 [Buzzing alarm] 2 00:00:03,878 --> 00:00:05,505 I'm late! 3 00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:12,554 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,472 [Music stops] 5 00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:17,600 [Slurping, crunching] 6 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:24,607 ♪ ♪ 7 00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,031 Right on time. 8 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,912 Mmm...feel the burn. 9 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:41,541 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,501 [Crunch] Aah! 11 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:48,214 ♪ Brickleberry ♪ 12 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,218 Hey, Malloy, nice jersey. 13 00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,636 Looks like you're wearing a purple dress. 14 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,638 Yeah, I'm gonna take fashion critiques from a guy 15 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,724 In a clip-on and mom jeans. These aren't my mom's jeans. 16 00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,642 She can't fit to them anymore-- they're mine. 17 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:03,813 Hey, Malloy's just showing his spirit for the big game today. 18 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,732 I can't wait to watch it with you, little buddy. 19 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,526 Aw, damn it! My cookie. 20 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:09,819 - Five-second rule! - Five... 21 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,404 - I can't get it! - Four... 22 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:13,031 Connie, help! 23 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:17,786 Oh, my God. That was a close one. 24 00:01:17,869 --> 00:01:20,413 [Crunching] Thank you, Connie. 25 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,791 - No problem. - Oh, come on, Connie. 26 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:26,002 Don't be so modest. You're like a freak of nature. 27 00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:26,920 - Mm. - Steve! 28 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,671 We all know Connie is a lumbering hulk-like 29 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,965 Affront to humanity, but it's not nice to say it. 30 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,802 That's why I learned sign language. 31 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,638 I was giving Connie a compliment, Ethel. 32 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:39,390 God blessed her with unnatural lesbian strength. 33 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,309 Lesbian? Watch your mouth, Steve. 34 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:42,769 That's a hate word. 35 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:45,980 I think it's high time I speak to you all about tolerance. 36 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,024 We should be tolerant of everyone, 37 00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,984 Be they straight, be they gay, 38 00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:52,153 Or the Jesus hates homos church 39 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,947 Who are having a rally at the park today. 40 00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,491 Jesus hates homos? they're an ignorant cult. 41 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,201 Well, that's intolerant. 42 00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,995 How would you feel if they said bad things about you? 43 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,998 That's all they do! I know because... 44 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,000 I used to be a member. 45 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,294 It was 15 years ago. 46 00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:11,256 I was your average, everyday little girl. 47 00:02:11,381 --> 00:02:12,841 [Grunts] 48 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:16,094 I wanted to please my mother so much. 49 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,138 [Rip] 50 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:19,722 [Girls giggling] 51 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:22,892 She just ignore me and my hankering for hoo haa-ing 52 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,102 Till she couldn't anymore. 53 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,728 My father and the church members 54 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,438 Made a "Gay Curing" machine. 55 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,941 They call it "The Homo Eradicator." 56 00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,152 You like that, sinner? do you? 57 00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,279 I bet Slater from saved by the bell 58 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,780 Would make you screech. 59 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:36,739 Mmm... 60 00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:39,159 Doesn't Pat say Jack hold your gay back? 61 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,285 Mmm... 62 00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:42,120 And try romancing Ted Danson. 63 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,288 Mmm. 64 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,915 [Slow beeping] 65 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,878 [Rapid beeping] 66 00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,673 [Electrical buzzing] 67 00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,008 - You had enough? - No! 68 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,969 I wanna see how it ends. 69 00:02:58,052 --> 00:03:00,471 When it didn't work my parents disowned me. 70 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,391 They bought a St. Bernard, Named it Connie, 71 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,060 And photoshop me out of all the family pictures. 72 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:08,188 I never spoke to them again. 73 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,772 Man, that's messed up! 74 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,024 If they wanted a dog named Connie, 75 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:12,525 They could've just kept you. 76 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,735 Shut up, idiot. 77 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,695 Connie, I never knew you'd been through so much. 78 00:03:15,778 --> 00:03:17,822 Woody, you can't have that hate-filled church here. 79 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,824 Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should reconsider 80 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,993 Having these hate-mongers at our park. 81 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,870 - They paid cash. - Cha-ching! 82 00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,371 Welcome, hate mongers! 83 00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,457 We need to make these people feel comfortable. 84 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,083 Time to de-gay the park! 85 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,585 Connie, put on this dress. 86 00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:32,879 Yow. That's a tough sell. Here. 87 00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:35,256 For the next 24 hours, you're gonna be a straight guy 88 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:38,760 Named Chester...Beefbottom. 89 00:03:38,843 --> 00:03:41,095 [Groans] 90 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,225 You don't think I'm a freak, do you? 91 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,935 Whatever you say. 92 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,603 Just don't stick me in your crotch again. 93 00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:51,606 Connie, oh, sweetie, take that off. 94 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,025 I cannot believe how insensitive Woody is. 95 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:55,068 [Rip] Oh! 96 00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,070 I already took off the fake one! 97 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,154 Ooh! Sorry. 98 00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,489 Thanks for understanding, Ethel. 99 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,324 You know I didn't choose to be this way. 100 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:02,492 Well, that's up for debate. 101 00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,369 But you are an incredible person. 102 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,954 You're sweet, you're considerate, 103 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,623 You're beautiful, inside and... 104 00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,291 Well, inside. [Gasps] 105 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,502 Oh. I didn't know you felt this way. 106 00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,046 Of course I do. Come here. 107 00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,590 Go for it! 108 00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,968 Connie no! Oh, God, gross! 109 00:04:20,051 --> 00:04:21,511 [Sobbing] Connie, wait! 110 00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,805 I didn't mean gross. I just meant... 111 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,056 Slightly nauseating. 112 00:04:25,139 --> 00:04:26,849 I just feel a little sick. 113 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:30,687 [Connie sobbing distantly] I probably won't vomit! 114 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:35,483 Welcome to Brickleberry. Make yourselves at home. 115 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,318 Who put that there? 116 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,195 Woody, here's the remainder of the payment. 117 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,197 I hope cash is okay. Cash? 118 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,740 I love cash! 119 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,867 But not as much as I love vagina. 120 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:47,870 Don't you think vagina's much better than a dude's butthole? 121 00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:48,955 I do. 122 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,500 Where are you taking us, Connie? 123 00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:53,835 Away from everyone. 124 00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:55,670 Woody's having that stupid church here, 125 00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:58,548 And Ethel thinks I'm slightly nauseating. 126 00:04:58,631 --> 00:04:59,757 [Ahem] Slightly? 127 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,843 Hey! No smoking in the park, mister. 128 00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:03,594 Uh-Oh! 129 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:07,682 [Slam, clank, beep] 130 00:05:07,765 --> 00:05:10,226 How am I ever gonna get in here? 131 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,561 Oh. 132 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:13,980 [Triggers cock] 133 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,773 Uh-Oh. 134 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,819 Ooh. They may be ignorant morons, but their cash is green. 135 00:05:19,902 --> 00:05:21,571 Think I'm gonna play golf this weekend 136 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:22,780 To celebrate the windfall. 137 00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,782 Denzel, Do you wanna caddy again? 138 00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:27,118 He can't. Denzel and I have plans. 139 00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:28,703 We're going to Pez Con! 140 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:30,788 - Pez Con? - Uh, yeah! 141 00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,707 Yeah! For pez collectors, like me. 142 00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,792 Will you say that again, so I can record it? 143 00:05:34,876 --> 00:05:36,711 Then I have something to play back when I forget 144 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,212 Why I hate you. 145 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,465 Danzel, why the hell are you going? 146 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,342 You're not a dork like Steve. 147 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,177 He's coming with me because we're friends-- 148 00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,471 Something money can't buy. 149 00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,181 You must have forgotten Steve, 150 00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,724 That I always get what I want. 151 00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:51,434 Denzel, I'll pay you double. 152 00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:53,019 Double? oh, hell, yeah. 153 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,688 Come on, Denzel. I can't go to Pez Con alone. 154 00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,982 The pez heads will think I'm a loser! 155 00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,901 The pez heads will think I'm a loser! 156 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:01,027 Got it. 157 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,446 Gays are witty. Gays are clean. 158 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:06,157 They are polite, they are good dancers, 159 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,660 Snappy dressers and raise property values. 160 00:06:09,744 --> 00:06:12,205 But you got to take my word for it-- 161 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,916 Homosexuals are evil! 162 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,542 [Applause] Thank you. 163 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:18,628 There is nothing that Jesus hates more 164 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:19,587 Than a gay-- 165 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,756 Not a murderer, not a rapist, 166 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:23,341 Not even a Jew. 167 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:24,842 But Jesus was a Jew. 168 00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:27,053 Stone him! 169 00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,266 Just a park ranger.. 170 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,560 Sorry about that, Mr...Beefbottom. 171 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,854 Wow. What is this place? 172 00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:40,608 You're inside of a top-secret military research facility. 173 00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,318 - Top secret? - Yes! 174 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,112 So you must promise to keep our secret a secret. 175 00:06:44,862 --> 00:06:46,280 Pinkie swear! 176 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:47,615 Good enough for me. 177 00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,450 The government is using Brickleberry 178 00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:50,827 As a cover for decades. 179 00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,871 What we do here is develop highly classified 180 00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,540 Specialized explosives. 181 00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,708 This bomb gives the enemy low blood sugar. 182 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,586 Try fighting a war when you're all cranky. 183 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,630 This one makes your face look like Bruce Jenner's. 184 00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:04,799 Usually leads to mass suicide. 185 00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:07,260 This bomb turnes people into dead people. 186 00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:09,262 Just a regular bomb, really. 187 00:07:09,345 --> 00:07:11,556 This one's a gay bomb. This one's a-- 188 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,391 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gay bomb? 189 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:15,143 Tell me about this one. 190 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,395 It's, uh...top secret. 191 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,522 Show the top secret film, are you sure about that? 192 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,649 Yeah. He did the pinkie swear. 193 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,152 Top secret movietone news, 194 00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:26,237 Your source for all things classified. 195 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,906 To take over all of europe. 196 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,825 Uncle Sam's only hope was a secret weapon 197 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:33,870 Developed using state-of-the-art homo-nuclear technology-- 198 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,038 The gay bomb. 199 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,540 Ka-Pow. And like that, 200 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,168 Those krauts went from sour to sweet. 201 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,003 The gay bomb, pride of America, 202 00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,838 Savior to the world! 203 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:47,383 This baby turns every person in a 20-mile radius 204 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,427 Into an instant homosexual. 205 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,679 Wow, I never knew there was a gay bomb. 206 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:53,556 Well, that's just the slang name. 207 00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,642 The eggheads back in Los Alamos call it "The Sissy Missile." 208 00:07:56,726 --> 00:07:58,853 Hmm. 209 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:04,108 ♪ ♪ 210 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:06,235 [Growls] 211 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,362 Screw it. Set this bitch off. 212 00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,781 What did that hand just say? 213 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,950 No! Stop that hand! 214 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:23,794 Oh, no, you didn't! [Snap] 215 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,800 [Effeminately] What have you done? 216 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,011 The shockwave is going to hit all of those people 217 00:08:32,094 --> 00:08:33,554 Any minute now! 218 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:36,599 He's my friend, and he's going to Pez con with me! 219 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,643 He is a grown man. 220 00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:40,561 He can make his own decisions. 221 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,772 He's caddying for me. 222 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,732 [Rumbling] 223 00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:45,858 Denzel is my man! 224 00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:47,485 You can have him after I get through 225 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:50,071 With his brown chocolate ass and balls. 226 00:08:57,036 --> 00:09:01,249 Wow this is a utopia dreamed of! 227 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:02,959 Connie, is that you? 228 00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,627 Uh, Reverend Rusty? 229 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:08,047 An eye-opening moment, you know? 230 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:11,425 I can't believe I was all about hate for so many years. 231 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,177 I just wanna apologize for 232 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:15,096 [Shrilly] Being so rude to you. 233 00:09:15,179 --> 00:09:17,431 Uh...no problem. 234 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,933 Would you two cut it out? 235 00:09:19,016 --> 00:09:21,519 We're late for the cathy griffin show in tucson. 236 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,272 ♪ All aboard the winky wagon! ♪ 237 00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:25,648 [Bell dings] 238 00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:29,986 ♪ ♪ 239 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,779 Hiya, Coco. 240 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,991 Oh, my God. Have you seen my snuggly wuggly? 241 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,784 - Who? Malloy? - Mall--ha ha! 242 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:39,787 No, miss thing. My boy toy, Denzel. 243 00:09:39,870 --> 00:09:41,998 Ooh! There he is. 244 00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:48,838 ♪ ♪ 245 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:51,299 How do these pants make my ass look? 246 00:09:51,382 --> 00:09:53,634 - Big? - Good! 247 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:54,802 ConinI panini! 248 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,554 There you are. 249 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:59,098 Hey, Steve. I love your frosted tips. 250 00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:00,891 Thank you. What did Woody want? 251 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,227 He's looking for Denzel. That bitch! 252 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,895 Ta ta! 253 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,689 This is awesome! 254 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:08,566 What the hell is going on, Connie? 255 00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,569 Woody's acting really weird. Steve, pretty much the same. 256 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:12,695 Well, I found this secret base. 257 00:10:12,778 --> 00:10:15,448 I accidentally set off a gay bomb, and then-- 258 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,699 Oh, yeah, yeah. 259 00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:19,201 No, I read about that in highly unlikely magazine. 260 00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,911 Connie, sorry about earlier. 261 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,497 I've always liked you a lot as a friend, 262 00:10:23,581 --> 00:10:25,499 But something's different about you. 263 00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:29,503 Your thighs are so... Your breasts are completely... 264 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,506 I just wanna bang your frigging brains in. 265 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,592 Thank you, Jesus! 266 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,594 Ethel, don't rush it. 267 00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:38,512 I've dreamed of this moment. 268 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,349 I wanna do it just right. 269 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:48,189 ♪ ♪ 270 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:50,816 This is like a dream, Connie. 271 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,068 I know. 272 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:55,696 Don't ever wake me up. 273 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,490 [Cooing] 274 00:11:03,788 --> 00:11:05,623 Oh, no! 275 00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:07,625 Oh my God-- No! 276 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:09,335 What's wrong? 277 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:12,171 I'm straight! 278 00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,881 Ten seconds left in triple overtime! 279 00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:15,758 One final play! 280 00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,802 Give me that, the cupcake wars season finale. 281 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:21,639 - Hey, hey, what are you doing? - Ugh. I cannot get into sports. 282 00:11:21,722 --> 00:11:23,474 [Click] Change it back. 283 00:11:23,557 --> 00:11:24,850 And that's it! 284 00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:27,103 The best play in the history of sports! 285 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,855 What's that, Jim? our instant replay machine broke? 286 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,024 Hmm. Well, it looks like if you missed that play, 287 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,484 You'll never get to see it. 288 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,778 We now join the bachelorette all ready in progress. 289 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,238 Yay! Ow! 290 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,323 You know that's a hate crime. 291 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,911 Hi, brown sugar. 292 00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,955 - You getting pretty for me? - Maybe. 293 00:11:46,038 --> 00:11:47,331 These are for you. 294 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,457 Oh... My... 295 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,334 God! 296 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,169 Wow! You really like roses, huh? 297 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,296 Oh, Woody, Woody, I love it, I love it, 298 00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,882 I love it! 299 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,970 I can't believe I'm not gay anymore. 300 00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:03,806 The blast from the bomb must have done it somehow. 301 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,558 I wonder if... Mm... 302 00:12:05,641 --> 00:12:08,185 Uuuhhhh! 303 00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,855 My lesbian strength. 304 00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:13,315 It's gone! Oh, my heavens. 305 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,859 I broke a nail. 306 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,319 Honk, honk. Why'd you run off, sexy? 307 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:20,322 You left me high and not-so-dry back there. 308 00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:22,158 Uh, Ethel, look, 309 00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:24,869 How to explain this, but... 310 00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,246 I'm just not into you anymore. 311 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:29,206 What? you're kidding. You're rejecting me? 312 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:32,001 Nobody rejects me. I am [bleep] hot. 313 00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:34,879 You're, what, a four, a five? 314 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,714 And that's orichter scale! 315 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,008 Oh. Look, I'm sorry, Ethel. 316 00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:41,343 You don't understand I can be with whoever I want. 317 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,679 - And I wanna be with you. - No. 318 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,056 Oh, your mouth says no, but your body says... 319 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,018 My body says no too. 320 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,561 Playing hard to get, huh? 321 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855 Well, that gets my lady parts barking like a Jack Russell. 322 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:57,485 [Barking] 323 00:12:57,568 --> 00:13:01,113 That big, pasty butt'll be mine soon enough. 324 00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,451 Oh, I can't believe I'm straight. 325 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,536 This is a disaster. 326 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,958 Excuse me, sir. We're late. 327 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:15,878 Do you know where the Jesus Hates Homos rally is? 328 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,214 Mom? Dad? 329 00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,382 Connie? 330 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:21,967 [Woof woof] 331 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:25,095 Oh, not you, Connie. The Bull Dyke. 332 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:29,266 ♪ ♪ 333 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:32,645 Your eyes glisten like a star. 334 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:34,855 Your skin is brown and tasty 335 00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,233 Like a kit kat bar. 336 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,985 [Horn blasts] 337 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:42,154 Yoo-Hoo! Denzel! 338 00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:44,573 Wanna take a ride on a real boat? 339 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,743 You're not leaving me, are you? 340 00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,538 No, Steve, I'd rather stay here and listen to your poem. 341 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:51,956 - Really? - Hell, no! [Snaps] 342 00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:53,499 [Bleep] your poem. 343 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,794 [Engine revving] 344 00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:59,088 [Ding ding] aah! 345 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,674 Dear, why haven't you called in all these years? 346 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,759 You moved and didn't give me the number. 347 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,678 Right. Well, it's been fun. 348 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,930 Let's do it again in 15 years. Or 20. 349 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,599 Wait, mom, dad, 350 00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,601 I have something to tell you. 351 00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:14,687 [Gasps] I'm straight! 352 00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,772 Really? Oh, thank God! 353 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,775 My little girl. Oh, we've got our daughter back! 354 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,777 Kind of awkward 355 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,779 Having two Connies around though. 356 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,823 Way ahead of you. 357 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,783 [Dog whimpering] Shh, shh... 358 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,160 Go to sleep, Connie. 359 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:32,913 Go to sleep. 360 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,625 Her little girl. 361 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,669 Mommy's little girl! 362 00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:40,212 Hello, lover. 363 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,255 Aah! 364 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:42,756 Ethel, stop trying to get a peek 365 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,174 At my baby maker. 366 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:46,427 You gonna ruin everything with my mom. 367 00:14:46,510 --> 00:14:49,179 Screw that crotch blocker that woman had you tortured. 368 00:14:49,263 --> 00:14:50,806 Things are different now, Ethel. 369 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,641 She even bought me this body wash. 370 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,312 No! I like it when you smell like the floor of a circus. 371 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,565 - Alan, we have a problem. - Yeah. 372 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:02,443 I can't believe you ruined my game, Woody. 373 00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:05,738 [Whirring] What the hell are you doing? 374 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,989 I have company coming over later, 375 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,657 And you shading all over the house. 376 00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,200 And you left toothpaste in the sink again. 377 00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,661 Toothpaste in the sink? last week you got drunk 378 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,288 And shit down the garbage disposal. 379 00:15:14,371 --> 00:15:17,082 Well, that was the old me. Meet the new me, honey. 380 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,626 I'm here, [smack] I'm queer, 381 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,210 Get used to it! [Snaps] 382 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,046 I'm fine if you turn into a gay guy. 383 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:24,757 But only you would turn into the most annoying gay guy on earth. 384 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,218 That was uncalled for, you heartless bastard! 385 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,428 [Sobbing] 386 00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:30,554 [Door slams] 387 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:33,098 And now I suddenly have sympathy for Katie Holmes. 388 00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,060 My little girl is straight. 389 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,937 Oh, we're gonna spend the whole day together. 390 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:38,979 I'm so excited, mom. 391 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:42,483 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! 392 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,321 Hope I'm not interrupting anything! 393 00:15:47,404 --> 00:15:49,323 Can't you see we're busy getting busy? 394 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:50,741 I'm not speaking to you. 395 00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:53,327 Denzel, I just want to give you this. 396 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:54,453 Ooh, arts and crafts! 397 00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:56,455 Oh, turn down the flame a little bit. 398 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,082 Oh, Steve, I love it. 399 00:15:58,165 --> 00:16:00,209 Huh? 400 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,585 Oh, no, you don't! He's mine! 401 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,420 - Says who? - Says me! 402 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,881 Will you two stop it? I like both of you. 403 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,134 - But he likes me more. - You shut your big mouth! 404 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:11,178 Uhh! [Shrilly] Aah! 405 00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,598 [Grunting, muttering] 406 00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:17,685 That's it. I'm done. 407 00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:23,440 Hey, anybody else got a little stiffy? 408 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,403 Ethel, I've come to my senses. 409 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:30,572 I need your evil lesbian body now. 410 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,409 Connie? 411 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,286 That was a weird note, but I-- 412 00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,789 No! Hey! What are you doing to me? 413 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,960 Meet the homo eradicator. 414 00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,796 You know, I never really liked that name that much. 415 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:49,174 I always thought we should call it "The queer-o-disappear-o." 416 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,385 - [Gasping] Alan, stop! - Shh, shh. 417 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,303 - I was just kidding. - Go to sleep, chuck. 418 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,139 - I like the name, Alan. - Go to sleep. 419 00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:59,601 ♪ ♪ 420 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:02,146 Connie you look great in your outfit. 421 00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:04,523 I don't know. It's kinda itchy, mom. 422 00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:07,276 Well, sometimes having class is itchy, dear. 423 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,485 What's the matter? 424 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,903 Your haven't touched your crumpets. 425 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,823 Oh, I was just thinking about my friend Ethel. 426 00:17:12,906 --> 00:17:15,617 Oh, that evil lez ho? about her... 427 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,786 It was supposed to be a surprise, 428 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:21,331 But your father is reprogramming her as we speak! 429 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,332 - No! - What? 430 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,001 You should be happy for that skank. 431 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,878 Look how well this worked on you. 432 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,006 It doesn't work, mother. That machine is torture. 433 00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:31,300 It does work, look at you now. 434 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,634 You used to be a freak. 435 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:33,969 I liked being a freak. 436 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,430 All my life, I just wanted your acceptance. 437 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:37,973 But it's not worth it. 438 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,683 I gotta be me! 439 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:43,062 Now, excuse me while I save my friend. 440 00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:47,399 I'm taking these. 441 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:50,861 And these. 442 00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:52,905 You gonna eat that pink one? 443 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,532 Ethel! 444 00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:58,410 I can't get past those guards without my lesbian strength. 445 00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,703 Come on, Connie. 446 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,872 You must have a little lesbian left in there. 447 00:18:01,955 --> 00:18:04,041 Just dig deep. Yeah. 448 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,167 You're right. 449 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:11,548 ♪ ♪ 450 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:13,884 You bastard! Let her go. 451 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:16,053 - Let her go! - That's it, sinner. 452 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,721 Let it all out. 453 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,640 Get your hands off me. 454 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,353 Those maniacs are gonna torture Ethel to death, 455 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:26,438 And I'm powerless to stop them. 456 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:27,731 That's it! 457 00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:29,942 I need to reverse the effects of the gay bomb. 458 00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:31,902 - Yes, we do. - Malloy? 459 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,904 Yes. This is my problem too. 460 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:36,573 A gay Woody is hard to swallow. 461 00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:37,866 Get your mind outta the gutter, Connie. 462 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,077 We need to get to the army base. 463 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:47,084 ♪ ♪ 464 00:18:53,841 --> 00:18:54,758 This is exactly what I thought 465 00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:56,510 Secret government bases were like. 466 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,971 Beefbottom! How are you? 467 00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,931 - We need to reverse the-- - What? 468 00:19:01,014 --> 00:19:02,641 We're hoping that you know a way-- 469 00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:05,853 - What? - We need the Goddamn antidote. 470 00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:07,646 Oh! Here. 471 00:19:07,729 --> 00:19:10,107 We only have one dose. 472 00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:13,819 Hey, who says you get it? I'm taking this to Woody. 473 00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,320 No, I need it to save Ethel. 474 00:19:15,404 --> 00:19:17,030 Give me that! 475 00:19:18,574 --> 00:19:21,994 Oh! 476 00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,370 Oh, look what you did. 477 00:19:23,453 --> 00:19:26,999 That was my last chance to save Ethel. 478 00:19:27,082 --> 00:19:29,459 I was just [bleep] with you. 479 00:19:29,543 --> 00:19:30,836 That wasn't the antidote. 480 00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:33,046 That was a Mai Tai that Bruce made. 481 00:19:33,130 --> 00:19:35,841 ♪ ♪ 482 00:19:35,924 --> 00:19:37,593 Well, where's the real antidote? 483 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,886 There isn't one. 484 00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,430 In fact we're open 24 hours, silly. 485 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,932 What kind of bomb goes away after 24 hours? 486 00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,934 Uh, anything Katherine Heigl's in. 487 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:50,272 So the effects should be wearing off right about... 488 00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,484 What the [bleep] am I wearing? 489 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:59,781 [Grunting, exclaiming] 490 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,075 Oh, you guys feeling straight? 491 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,161 Yeah. 492 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,621 Five-second rule? 493 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:08,165 [Grunting, yelling] 494 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:10,000 [Electric buzzing] 495 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:12,002 I'm not gay anymore! 496 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,213 Of course you'd say that. 497 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,048 Crank up the juice! 498 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,008 [Electric buzzing] 499 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:19,927 [Thud] 500 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,970 I think we're all done here. 501 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,514 Congratulations. You passed. 502 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:26,934 Oh, no need to thank us for fixing your friend. 503 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:29,436 You'll have to come over for Christmas dinner this year. 504 00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,480 Dad, I'm gay again. 505 00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,190 Or not. 506 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,858 You know what I'm really regretting right now. 507 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,611 Choking our dog to death? 508 00:20:37,694 --> 00:20:40,447 ♪ ♪ 509 00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,866 Thank you for saving my life, Connie. 510 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,910 I'm sorry I caused all this trouble, guys. 511 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,954 Next time, instead of turning everyone gay, 512 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:50,040 I'm just gonna sneak into Ethel's cabin 513 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:51,959 And chloroform her. 514 00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:55,087 [Laughter] 515 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:56,088 Wait, what? 516 00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:57,381 Aah!