War is hell.
The object is to destroy and demoralize.
We will gouge out their eyes, piss in their skulls,
and anything left breathing, we rape!
Damn, white people take this softball shit serious.
This is Brickleberry versus Yellowstone.
I got two g's on this game!
Now, in the spirit of baseball, let's pray...
that they all get Lou Gehrig's disease.
Amen.
Shouldn't we wait for Ethel?
I think she went to look for her boyfriend.
Who's the lucky fella this week?
[Coughs] Slut.
Sorry, I had something in my throat before I said, "slut".
[Knocking] Honey, the game's about to start.
What are you doing in there?
Be out in a minute! I'm taping up.
Oh, don't be so shy.
[Smooching]
[Gasps] Oh, my God!
You are cheating on me with two women?
It's not what it looks like.
See? Only one woman.
They're conjoined twins.
[Sobs]
Aw, come on!
I don't even like the one that controls the legs!
So, uh, where were we?
[Grunts]
I was the one who uncrossed our legs for you.
Call me.
[Majestic music]
[Screams]
♪ Brickleberry♪
[Organ fanfare]
Damn it, you bastards. this is the bottom of the ninth!
It's our last chance.
Come on, rally bear. Show some spirit.
Why can't you dance like those black bears?
[Rap music] ♪ Go Yellow Go Yellowstone ♪
I'm fighting the urge to say something horribly racist.
Oh, that reminds me.
Denzel! Steal third base!
Pretend it's a car stereo.
I'ma kill that cracker one day.
So, what are you doing after the game?
I think you have the wrong impression of me.
I'm a lesbian, sir.
Ouch.
[Bat cracks, crowd cheers]
All right, next up?
Aw, christ, it's Steve.
Come on, easy out!
Go Steve! Don't choke!
Let's hear it for Steve!
Don't choke, Steve!
Listen to that crowd, Steve.
You're their hero, and you're 0 for 9.
Statistically, you're almost guaranteed to get a hit.
[Exaggerated grunt]
[Triumphant orchestral music]
♪ ♪
[Panting]
[Grunts]
- You're out. - Out?
How am I out?
Because you sild into the pitcher's mound, moron.
Yellowstone wins.
Steve sucks!
[Crowd booing, yelling]
Ow! Ow! Ow!
- Steve sucks! - Loser!
[Screams]!
Burn! Burning!
Thank god!
Ow!
So we lost the bet. This isn't so bad...
One lap around the field naked isn't the end of the world.
Oh, what is that?
Damn, I see your balls, but where is...
it looks like you have a vagina with balls.
- You have a ball-gina. - Okay, okay.
I don't know to be grossed out or horny.
I'm really confused right now.
The point is we're still a team, right?
Aw, okay. There it is.
Damn, man. Looks like your dick is stuck in quicksand.
[Sighs] Come on.
You guys can't be mad at me.
Here you go, little fella.
Grab on to this and I'll pull you out.
I'll get you to safety.
[Nervous chuckle] I'm not mad at you, Steve.
I just can't believe Carl cheated on me.
I am so done with him.
I do have self-respect, you know.
Oh, I know you do, Sugar snatch.
[Giggles] Oh, carl.
Are you losers ready to do your lap?
[Engine turning over]
[Overlapping grunts, groans]
[Continued grunting, groaning]
All right, good warm-up lap.
Now take 'em out on the pavement.
Who agreed to that bet?
Ah, Steve did.
I didn't think we could lose.
- We'll get 'm next week! - Next week?
I lost two grand on that game, Steve!
I don't know how I'm gonna pay up, Steve!
Oh, you'll find a way to pay me.
They always do.
[Nut crunching]
Guys, it's not my fault I can't play baseball.
No one ever taught me.
You gotta remember. I grew up without a father.
- Aw, Christ. - Blah, blah, blah.
Gay.
It's true. My father, Jonah Williams,
was the greatest park ranger, Brickleberry had ever seen.
[Inhaling deeply, blowing]
He was a hero to both man and beast alike.
[Kids cheer]
There was nothing he couldn't do...
[Kids cheer]
And he never failed to amaze us.
[Kids cheer]
But tragedy struck when he took me
on my first camping trip.
It all started very innocently.
"The doctor says Steve needs anti-psychotic medication.
We are christian scientists!
I'll snap your neck, woman. Aah! you're hurting me!"
Aw, take that in the back!
That [bleep]ing goddamn Mother[Bleep].
Aah!
But things took a dark turn,
and someone needed his help.
My dolly!
[Heroic music]
♪ ♪
[Grunts]
[Tree snaps]
I'm okay, son.
[Screams]
I'm okay, son!
[Muffled] I'm still okay, son!
[Chain saw buzzing] [Thud]
That one hurt a little!
[Crane engine rumbling]
[Saw buzzing]
The only comfort I get is that he died peacefully.
- Wow. - Aw, please.
Steve use not having a Dad as an excuse for everything.
Damn! Ow! Ouch! ow! oh! oh!
My father never taught me how to fight.
Sorry, Denzel.
My father never taught me how to post bail.
My father nevet taught me how to ride a bike!
Look out, look out, look out!
[Glass shatters] Double paned!
[Glass continues shattering] Tempered, stained glass.
Storm window! [Glass continues shattering]
Glass ceiling! [Thud]
That one stopped me.
Enough excuses, Steve.
Denzel never had a dad, and he's not a wuss.
Woody, my father raised me.
By "father" you mean "grandmother," right?
Look, guys, I know I let you down.
But those days are over.
The next chance I get, I'm gonna prove
That I'm more of a man than anyone here
including her. [Knock at door]
Uh, Hi. I've got a real problem here.
My campsite is littered with half-eaten goats.
Half-Eaten goats?
[Goat bleating]
Crap. Looks like it's that rabid cougar again.
Which one of you is gonna hunt him down?
You know what? I've been looking for opportunity
to prove my manhood since about 30 seconds ago.
I'll do it. [Knock at door]
Sorry, I guess you didn't know that I wasn't finished speaking.
I'd like my 10 dollar camping fee back.
No problem, I'll just run your credit card.
[Machine sounds with mouth] Done.
Check your statement by end of the month.
You suck. You are a pile of shit.
And I want you to know that your parents just called,
and they're getting a divorce.
They said it's your fault, because you have leukemia,
And all your hair's gonna fall out.
Who are you talking to?
Son, we have something to tell you.
We're getting divorced.
And you have leukemia.
Molloy, I know it's past the deadline,
But I've almost got your 2,000 dollar together.
I just need 1,900 more dollars.
You worry too much, Woody.
We'll work something out.
Okay, so what are you thinking?
- Some kind of installment plan? - Will you relax?
Here.
Sniff this for me.
[Screams]
Don't look at me like that, it's just business.
[Victory trumpet]
How am I ever gonna find this cougar?
Follow the dead goats.
Good idea, voice in my head.
You sound cooler than when I talk out loud.
It's me, dumbass.
You picked the wrong time to start acting like a man.
That cougar gonna eat you alive, Steve.
Thanks for the tough love, namaste.
Nah, I'ma stay right here
I'ma stay right here where there ain't no cougars.
[Goat bleats]
Your suffering is over.
[Gun shot]
Mercy is upon you.
[Gun shot]
[Goat bleats]
Uh, sorry about that.
Now, mercy will be upon you.
[Gun shot]
[Goat bleats]
Almost done.
You'll be with Jesus soon.
[Grunting] Die!
[Goat bleats loudly]
[Goat bleating]
Save a place for me in heaven, friend.
[Boom]
[Flute chimes]
[Footsteps]
That must be where it lives.
Be a man, Steve.
Be a man, be a man, be a man,
Be a man, be a man, be a man, be a man.
[Creature growling]
[Screams]
I don't want to be a man!
[Grunts]
[Victory trumpet]
Dad?
Oh, my God! Dad!
It's you!
[Grunts]
I have one question for you, Dad.
Why do I have a ball-gina?
[Growling, grunting]
- That's your dad? - Yeah.
[Leash retracts] Dad, meet Denzel.
- [growls] - Aah!
No! Eh, eh, eh, Dad!
Jonah, listen. Sorry I never looked for you.
I meant to, but your wife was in dire need of comforting.
Way down deep in her uterus.
I've held my tongue long enough.
Your dad smells like shit.
Don't tell me you still pissed about this kidney thing,
because I've moved on.
The important thing is my dad is back
And he hasn't changed a bit.
[Grunts]
[Chewing loudly]
- Well, that's kind of cute. - That's messed up.
I'll tell you what's messed up...
Your judgmental attitude.
Father just needs a little help readjusting to society.
[Grunting]
Dad's new comedy bit. He's almost done.
Okay, that's enough.
[Chuckles] Okay, Pops, we get it.
[Loud groan]
- Please don't finish. - Aah!
[Growls weakly]
[Sighs]
Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?
I just want a nice guy,
someone who will treat me with respect.
I bet that person's closer than you think.
Oh, Connie.
I'm so lucky to have a platonic friend like you.
Stop being so chicken shit, Connie.
Tell her how you feel.
Tell her you want to start a fire
by rubbing your 'ginas together.
Don't talk about her like that.
Talk about who like that?
Ellen's on.
Now, Father, since you've returned to the civilized world,
it's crucial that you learn the difference
between a salad fork and a dessert fork.
[Chomping]
No, no, no. Salad fork.
Hmm?
[Groans]
[Gasping]
What is going on here?
Armando, these are people trying to have a nice meal.
Why you bother them? [gasps]
Allow me to apologize on Armando's behalf.
He is new, but he is very good boy.
[Gasps] Armando, why don't you go
and get these nice people some free breadsticks?
[Gasps]
You come back anytime.
Anybody you want to stab him in the neck,
You go right ahead.
[Upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[Crunches]
[Fishing line retract]
[Camera shutter clicking]
[Mechanical arm whirring]
[Mocking]
[Surprised] Yippee!
[Grunts]
[Shrieks]
Aah! Aah!
[Screaming]
[Growls]
[Toy train whistle blows]
All aboard the williams and son railroad!
Now departing for happily ever after!
You know what would make this even better?
Snow cones!
Hey, Steve, I'm doing my Match.com profile,
And I need a polite way to say "no Armenians".
Now, do you think they'll take a hint
if I say like I don't like unibrows,
or should I also throw in "no white BMWs"?
Oh, hello, you must be Steve's father.
[Low growl]
Excuse me. I just said 'Hello!'.
Is that any way to treat a woman?
You're rude, you're disrespectful,
You're... just my type.
Do you want tutti-frutti or goo-goo gra...
[Gasps]
[Grunts]
[Sobbing]
[Groans]
Are you gonna sit there and do nothing
while that creep bangs your true love?
Ethel's a grown woman.
She can date whoever she wants.
You're pathetic.
You don't even deserve an evil alter ego.
I'm not listening to you.
Why are we yelling at deer piss?
It's not fair.
My father and I were just starting
to rebuild our relationship.
I shouldn't have to share him with her.
[Growls]
Darling, I'll handle this.
Steve, you're going to have to accept
that what your father and I have is real.
Real kinky.
Anything you can imagine, we've tried it.
Think about that for a minute.
See? She's driving me crazy.
And how does that make you feel?
Crazy. Wow, you're good.
Doctor, I understand Steve's pain,
but Jonah's unlike any man I've dated before.
Sure he doesn't say much but so what?
My banter is charming enough for two people.
[Laughs]
That's a good one, Ethel.
Oh, it certainly is.
[Grunts]
No, now it's not the right time, sweetheart.
- [grunts] - Fine, I'll tell him.
Steve, your father and I,
- We're getting married. - What?
I'm sorry you had to learn this way.
I was hoping you'd find out on Facebook.
I can't handle this.
You need to choose, Dad.
It's her or me.
[Grunts]
I see you've made your choice.
[Groans]
Good news. I'm getting two grand
For your kidney on the Jamaican black market.
As far as I'm concerned, we're square.
Come on, snuggly-wubs, don't sell my kidney.
Just give me a chance to win it back, double or nothing.
- I don't know. - Please, give me a chance!
I'll bet on anything you want! I bet you will.
- Okay, let's bet. - We just did.
- Did I win? - Ooh, you lost.
Goddamn it!
Oh, man, he's on a roll.
That was such a fun night.
Sounds like we both have a problem.
Who are you?
Oh, connie.
Here's the thing, Steve.
Neither of us want this wedding to happen.
Perhaps we should join forces.
Yeah, join forces.
Do as I say, and we'll both be very happy.
[Laughs]
Yeah, yeah.
You're... You're...
You're not gonna hurt my Dad, are you?
Of course not. He'll be fine...
In hell.
How did you do that?
Sorry. I farted on your candle.
Are you with the bride or the groom?
She's with the bride, she's with the groom.
Anybody got a chain saw? [laughs]
Sorry I dragged you to this.
Actually, I dragged you to this.
- [grunts] - Well, I'm happy for you, Dad.
No ulterior motives here. [Grunts]
Ha! Good one. would you excuse me, Father?
I need to sabotage the wedding.
Not this wedding, a different one.
The Finklesteins, Bob and Jill.
You don't know them, nobody knows them.
They're made up. Damn it!
So here it is. My life savings. Just like you wanted.
400 dollars.
So, what are we spending it on?
No, don't tell me. I want to be surprised.
Whoo!
[Middle eastern music playing]
Uh, I got it.
We're gonna hit Ethel with this crate.
Oh, Malloy, you make the cutest "ring-bear-er".
[Laughs] Oh, you are funny.
Is that why you're wearing white on your wedding day, you whore?
I cannot believe you brought that thing here.
Talk about passive-aggressive.
Come on, let me get even.
One more shot, double or nothing.
You need help, Woody. You've got a disease.
I know that because when I tried to sell your kidney,
They said, "that man has a disease".
Well, I need to get this wedding started.
I've only got five minutes of clean blood left.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today
to legitimize the fornication
between this beautiful woman and this man, who...
Oh, God, he's eating a rat.
[Chomping]
My God.
Connie's totally lost it.
She's planning on murder.
I need to do something.
Dad, why don't you and Ethel switch places?
Crisis averted.
Damn, she's good.
Would you, uh, excuse me, everyone?
I have to make a number two.
[Straining] Come on.
[Toilet flushes]
And now, to save my Dad!
Marriage is the sacred union of man and woman,
not man and man, and certainly not between the races,
except for Spaniards and Asians.
They make Filipinos, who are great looking
and desperate for cash.
What are you waiting for? pull the trigger.
I don't know if I can do this.
You're a weak, bloated land whale.
Why did I even lug that stupid boudoir up here?
[Door slams open]
Freeze, you weak, bloated land whale.
Why is everyone picking on me?
Gimme! Gimme!
[Gunshot] Oh my God!
[Overlapping shouts and screams]
[Gunshot]
[Overlapping screams]
- No! - Aah!
I'm such a dick.
[Screaming]
[Grunting]
[Clatter]
Gimme that! Gimme that!
Uhh! Gimme!
I don't usually hit women, but I have no other choice.
Aah! [Groans]
Hey, let me go! [Crunch]
Aah! Aah!
Kegels.
[Grunts]
[Grunting]
[Gunshot]
This is terrible.
I'll never look in a mirror again.
It's gonna make it really tricky when you shave.
I just want Jonah to be okay.
Well, I want him to be more than okay,
because I love him more than you do.
Oh, Steve, we're not in competition.
We love him in different ways.
You love is innocent and simple.
Ours is nasty and dirty, violent and sexual.
Good news, everyone. The patient's going to make it.
[Cheering] Yay, he's alive.
- Oh, thank God. - Hell yeah!
Oh, one minor detail.
- He's not your father. - What?
- How do you know that? - [laughs]
I know that because he's a bear.
- A bear? - I [bleep] a bear?
Ooh, even I think that's bad.
Yes, he had a bad case of the mange.
Most of his fur fell out, but now he's as good as new.
Damn it. I bet he was a human.
I thought that was a lock.
You definitely have a gambling problem.
[Whistles]
When we're done with you, mon,
You're gonna be nothing but a mustache.
Well, at least he didn't get me pregnant.
[Forced laugh]
[Stops laughing]
[Grunting]
Good-Bye, old bear.
Just so you know, I'm not mad at you
for lying to me and breaking my heart.
Steve, we both saw things in this bear that we wanted to see,
but we learned from this.
Yeah, I learned I don't need a father to make me a man.
These past few days, I learned how to ride a bike,
and I almost beat up a woman.
That's as manly as it gets.
Mmm, and I learned to be more open-minded.
After being intimate with a bear,
I'm almost ready to consider dating an Armenian.
Son, is that you?
[Triumphant orchestral music]
Oh, no, I'm not falling for that again.
Gaah! [Thud]
[Groans] My heart.
[Taser buzzing]
Oh!
[Breezy music]