1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:02,585
War is hell.

2
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,714
The object is to
destroy and demoralize.

3
00:00:05,797 --> 00:00:09,009
We will gouge out their eyes,
piss in their skulls,

4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,469
and anything left
breathing, we rape!

5
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:14,556
Damn, white people take
this softball shit serious.

6
00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,058
This is Brickleberry
versus Yellowstone.

7
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,852
I got two g's on this game!

8
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,438
Now, in the spirit
of baseball, let's pray...

9
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,023
that they all get
Lou Gehrig's disease.

10
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,107
Amen.

11
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,650
Shouldn't we wait for Ethel?

12
00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,527
I think she went to look
for her boyfriend.

13
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,195
Who's the lucky
fella this week?

14
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,613
[Coughs]
Slut.

15
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,907
Sorry, I had something in my
throat before I said, "slut".

16
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,909
[Knocking] Honey,
the game's about to start.

17
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,036
What are you doing
in there?

18
00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:37,996
Be out in a minute!
I'm taping up.

19
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:39,998
Oh, don't be so shy.

20
00:00:40,081 --> 00:00:41,499
[Smooching]

21
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:42,667
[Gasps]
Oh, my God!

22
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,502
You are cheating on me
with two women?

23
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,087
It's not what it
looks like.

24
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,881
See?
Only one woman.

25
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,799
They're conjoined twins.

26
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,468
[Sobs]

27
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:52,802
Aw, come on!

28
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,847
I don't even like the one
that controls the legs!

29
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,557
So, uh, where were we?

30
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,683
[Grunts]

31
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,102
I was the one who
uncrossed our legs for you.

32
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,020
Call me.

33
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:05,690
[Majestic music]

34
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:07,901
[Screams]

35
00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,863
♪ Brickleberry♪

36
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,742
[Organ fanfare]

37
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:18,369
Damn it, you bastards.
this is the bottom of the ninth!

38
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,579
It's our last chance.

39
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,499
Come on, rally bear.
Show some spirit.

40
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,584
Why can't you dance
like those black bears?

41
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:26,878
[Rap music]
♪ Go Yellow Go Yellowstone ♪

42
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,755
♪ Go Yellow Go Yellowstone ♪

43
00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:32,258
I'm fighting the urge to say
something horribly racist.

44
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,885
Oh, that reminds me.

45
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,887
Denzel!
Steal third base!

46
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,389
Pretend it's a car stereo.

47
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,433
I'ma kill that cracker
one day.

48
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,644
So, what are you doing
after the game?

49
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,687
I think you have
the wrong impression of me.

50
00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,523
I'm a lesbian, sir.

51
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,233
Ouch.

52
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:51,653
[Bat cracks, crowd cheers]

53
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:52,946
All right, next up?

54
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:55,156
Aw, christ, it's Steve.

55
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:58,326
Come on, easy out!

56
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,287
Go Steve!
Don't choke!

57
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,831
Let's hear it for Steve!

58
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,207
Don't choke, Steve!

59
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:07,335
Don't choke, Steve!
Don't choke, Steve!

60
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:09,254
Listen to that crowd, Steve.

61
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,215
You're their hero, and you're 0 for 9.

62
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,884
Statistically, you're almost
guaranteed to get a hit.

63
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:19,055
[Exaggerated grunt]

64
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,058
[Triumphant orchestral music]

65
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:27,981
♪ ♪

66
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:29,732
[Panting]

67
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:30,817
[Grunts]

68
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:32,152
- You're out.
- Out?

69
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:33,486
How am I out?

70
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,281
Because you sild
into the pitcher's mound, moron.

71
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,824
Yellowstone wins.

72
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,409
Steve sucks!

73
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,119
[Crowd booing, yelling]

74
00:02:41,202 --> 00:02:42,620
Ow! Ow! Ow!

75
00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:44,747
- Steve sucks!
- Loser!

76
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,167
[Screams]!

77
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,420
Burn!
Burning!

78
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:51,838
Thank god!

79
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:52,755
Ow!

80
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:56,259
So we lost the bet.
This isn't so bad...

81
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,470
One lap around the field naked
isn't the end of the world.

82
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:01,681
Oh, what is that?

83
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,309
Damn, I see your balls,
but where is...

84
00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,519
it looks like you have
a vagina with balls.

85
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,771
- You have a ball-gina.
- Okay, okay.

86
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,399
I don't know to be grossed out or horny.

87
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,984
I'm really confused right now.

88
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:16,279
The point is
we're still a team, right?

89
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:19,365
Aw, okay. There it is.

90
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:21,826
Damn, man. Looks like
your dick is stuck in quicksand.

91
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,369
[Sighs]
Come on.

92
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,038
You guys can't be mad at me.

93
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,206
Here you go, little fella.

94
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,874
Grab on to this and
I'll pull you out.

95
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,459
I'll get you to safety.

96
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:32,420
[Nervous chuckle]
I'm not mad at you, Steve.

97
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,464
I just can't believe
Carl cheated on me.

98
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,549
I am so done with him.

99
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,009
I do have self-respect, you know.

100
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,303
Oh, I know you do,
Sugar snatch.

101
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:42,597
[Giggles]
Oh, carl.

102
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,641
Are you losers ready to do your lap?

103
00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,142
[Engine turning over]

104
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:49,771
[Overlapping grunts, groans]

105
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,190
[Continued grunting, groaning]

106
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:53,650
All right, good warm-up lap.

107
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,401
Now take 'em out
on the pavement.

108
00:03:58,279 --> 00:04:00,156
Who agreed to that bet?

109
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,741
Ah, Steve did.

110
00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,576
I didn't think we could lose.

111
00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,620
- We'll get 'm next week!
- Next week?

112
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,081
I lost two grand
on that game, Steve!

113
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,250
I don't know how I'm gonna pay up, Steve!

114
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,585
Oh, you'll find a way to pay me.

115
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:13,795
They always do.

116
00:04:13,878 --> 00:04:15,755
[Nut crunching]

117
00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,800
Guys, it's not my fault
I can't play baseball.

118
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,343
No one ever taught me.

119
00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,805
You gotta remember.
I grew up without a father.

120
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,932
- Aw, Christ.
- Blah, blah, blah.

121
00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:26,849
Gay.

122
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,644
It's true.
My father, Jonah Williams,

123
00:04:29,727 --> 00:04:33,564
was the greatest park ranger,
Brickleberry had ever seen.

124
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:34,732
[Inhaling deeply, blowing]

125
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:38,194
He was a hero to both
man and beast alike.

126
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,696
[Kids cheer]

127
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,114
There was nothing
he couldn't do...

128
00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:42,448
[Kids cheer]

129
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,826
And he never failed
to amaze us.

130
00:04:44,909 --> 00:04:47,328
[Kids cheer]

131
00:04:47,578 --> 00:04:48,913
But tragedy struck
when he took me

132
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:50,039
on my first camping trip.

133
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,874
It all started very innocently.

134
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:55,670
"The doctor says Steve needs
anti-psychotic medication.

135
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,380
We are christian scientists!

136
00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:01,301
I'll snap your neck, woman.
Aah! you're hurting me!"

137
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,802
Aw, take that in the back!

138
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,637
That [bleep]ing
goddamn Mother[Bleep].

139
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,639
Aah!

140
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,641
But things took a dark turn,

141
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,727
and someone needed his help.

142
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,937
My dolly!

143
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,565
[Heroic music]

144
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,899
♪ ♪

145
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,234
[Grunts]

146
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,778
[Tree snaps]

147
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,740
I'm okay, son.

148
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:28,536
[Screams]

149
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,539
I'm okay, son!

150
00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:35,251
[Muffled]
I'm still okay, son!

151
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,378
[Chain saw buzzing]
[Thud]

152
00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:39,589
That one hurt a little!

153
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,299
[Crane engine rumbling]

154
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:43,634
[Saw buzzing]

155
00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:47,555
The only comfort I get
is that he died peacefully.

156
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:49,599
- Wow.
- Aw, please.

157
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:52,435
Steve use not having a Dad
as an excuse for everything.

158
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:56,314
Damn! Ow!
Ouch! ow! oh! oh!

159
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,524
My father never taught me how to fight.

160
00:05:58,608 --> 00:05:59,609
Sorry, Denzel.

161
00:05:59,692 --> 00:06:01,361
My father never taught me
how to post bail.

162
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,279
My father nevet taught me
how to ride a bike!

163
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,073
Look out,
look out, look out!

164
00:06:05,156 --> 00:06:06,449
[Glass shatters]
Double paned!

165
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,618
[Glass continues shattering]
Tempered, stained glass.

166
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,203
Storm window!
[Glass continues shattering]

167
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:11,454
Glass ceiling!
[Thud]

168
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:12,622
That one stopped me.

169
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:14,791
Enough excuses, Steve.

170
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,834
Denzel never had a dad,
and he's not a wuss.

171
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,628
Woody, my father
raised me.

172
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:21,172
By "father"
you mean "grandmother," right?

173
00:06:21,255 --> 00:06:23,800
Look, guys,
I know I let you down.

174
00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:26,052
But those days are over.

175
00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:28,763
The next chance I get,
I'm gonna prove

176
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,515
That I'm more of a man
than anyone here

177
00:06:30,598 --> 00:06:32,350
including her.
[Knock at door]

178
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,311
Uh, Hi. I've got
a real problem here.

179
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,563
My campsite is littered
with half-eaten goats.

180
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,190
Half-Eaten goats?

181
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,650
[Goat bleating]

182
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,404
Crap. Looks like
it's that rabid cougar again.

183
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,322
Which one of you
is gonna hunt him down?

184
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,408
You know what?
I've been looking for opportunity

185
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,701
to prove my manhood
since about 30 seconds ago.

186
00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,037
I'll do it.
[Knock at door]

187
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,290
Sorry, I guess you didn't know
that I wasn't finished speaking.

188
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,292
I'd like my 10 dollar camping fee back.

189
00:06:58,376 --> 00:07:00,586
No problem, I'll just
run your credit card.

190
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,214
[Machine sounds with mouth]
Done.

191
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:05,925
Check your statement
by end of the month.

192
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,054
You suck.
You are a pile of shit.

193
00:07:10,304 --> 00:07:12,515
And I want you to know that
your parents just called,

194
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:13,933
and they're getting a divorce.

195
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,602
They said it's your fault,
because you have leukemia,

196
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,146
And all your hair's gonna fall out.

197
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,772
Who are you
talking to?

198
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:21,899
Son, we have something
to tell you.

199
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,276
We're getting divorced.

200
00:07:23,359 --> 00:07:24,902
And you have leukemia.

201
00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:27,989
Molloy, I know it's
past the deadline,

202
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:30,366
But I've almost got
your 2,000 dollar together.

203
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,909
I just need 1,900 more dollars.

204
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,619
You worry too much, Woody.

205
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,912
We'll work something out.

206
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,372
Okay, so what
are you thinking?

207
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,833
- Some kind of installment plan?
- Will you relax?

208
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,543
Here.

209
00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:42,462
Sniff this for me.

210
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:46,716
[Screams]

211
00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:51,512
Don't look at me like that,
it's just business.

212
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,764
[Victory trumpet]

213
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,433
How am I ever gonna
find this cougar?

214
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,018
Follow the dead goats.

215
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,519
Good idea, voice in my head.

216
00:07:58,686 --> 00:08:00,521
You sound cooler
than when I talk out loud.

217
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:02,106
It's me, dumbass.

218
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:04,734
You picked the wrong time
to start acting like a man.

219
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,569
That cougar gonna
eat you alive, Steve.

220
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,779
Thanks for the tough love, namaste.

221
00:08:08,863 --> 00:08:10,114
Nah, I'ma stay right here

222
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,617
I'ma stay right here
where there ain't no cougars.

223
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:18,039
[Goat bleats]

224
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,415
Your suffering is over.

225
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:20,500
[Gun shot]

226
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,336
Mercy is upon you.

227
00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:24,420
[Gun shot]

228
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,464
[Goat bleats]

229
00:08:26,547 --> 00:08:28,049
Uh, sorry about that.

230
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,300
Now, mercy will be upon you.

231
00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,426
[Gun shot]

232
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,761
[Goat bleats]

233
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,054
Almost done.

234
00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:34,514
You'll be with Jesus soon.

235
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:35,640
[Grunting]
Die!

236
00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:37,391
[Goat bleats loudly]

237
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,853
[Goat bleating]

238
00:08:40,978 --> 00:08:43,147
Save a place for me
in heaven, friend.

239
00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,066
[Boom]

240
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,235
[Flute chimes]

241
00:08:47,735 --> 00:08:50,738
[Footsteps]

242
00:08:53,115 --> 00:08:55,159
That must be
where it lives.

243
00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:58,913
Be a man, Steve.

244
00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:02,792
Be a man, be a man, be a man,

245
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,044
Be a man, be a man,
be a man, be a man.

246
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,671
[Creature growling]

247
00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,589
[Screams]

248
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:10,550
I don't want to be a man!

249
00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:13,177
[Grunts]

250
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:18,182
[Victory trumpet]

251
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,392
Dad?

252
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:21,644
Oh, my God!
Dad!

253
00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:22,937
It's you!

254
00:09:23,020 --> 00:09:24,772
[Grunts]

255
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:27,066
I have one
question for you, Dad.

256
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,859
Why do I have a ball-gina?

257
00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:36,075
[Growling, grunting]

258
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:37,994
- That's your dad?
- Yeah.

259
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,538
[Leash retracts]
Dad, meet Denzel.

260
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,123
- [growls]
- Aah!

261
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,333
No!
Eh, eh, eh, Dad!

262
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:47,587
Jonah, listen.
Sorry I never looked for you.

263
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,464
I meant to, but your wife
was in dire need of comforting.

264
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:53,217
Way down deep
in her uterus.

265
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:54,719
I've held my tongue
long enough.

266
00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:57,513
Your dad smells like shit.

267
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,641
Don't tell me you still
pissed about this kidney thing,

268
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,268
because I've moved on.

269
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,812
The important thing is
my dad is back

270
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,647
And he hasn't changed a bit.

271
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,774
[Grunts]

272
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,860
[Chewing loudly]

273
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,738
- Well, that's kind of cute.
- That's messed up.

274
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:15,573
I'll tell you
what's messed up...

275
00:10:15,656 --> 00:10:17,366
Your judgmental attitude.

276
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:20,369
Father just needs a little help
readjusting to society.

277
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,704
[Grunting]

278
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,166
Dad's new comedy bit.
He's almost done.

279
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,834
Okay, that's enough.

280
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,337
[Chuckles]
Okay, Pops, we get it.

281
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:30,421
[Loud groan]

282
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,506
- Please don't finish.
- Aah!

283
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,841
[Growls weakly]

284
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:36,969
[Sighs]

285
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,055
Why do I always fall for the wrong guy?

286
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,474
I just want a nice guy,

287
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,517
someone who will treat me with respect.

288
00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:45,770
I bet that person's
closer than you think.

289
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,021
Oh, Connie.

290
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:49,940
I'm so lucky to have
a platonic friend like you.

291
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,777
Stop being so chicken shit, Connie.

292
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,195
Tell her how you feel.

293
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,613
Tell her
you want to start a fire

294
00:10:55,696 --> 00:10:57,198
by rubbing your 'ginas together.

295
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:59,158
Don't talk about her
like that.

296
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,701
Talk about who like that?

297
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,578
Ellen's on.

298
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:07,375
Now, Father, since you've
returned to the civilized world,

299
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,377
it's crucial
that you learn the difference

300
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:12,046
between a salad fork and a dessert fork.

301
00:11:12,129 --> 00:11:13,130
[Chomping]

302
00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,717
No, no, no.
Salad fork.

303
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:17,843
Hmm?

304
00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,429
[Groans]

305
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,806
[Gasping]

306
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,265
What is going on here?

307
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,143
Armando, these are people trying
to have a nice meal.

308
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,728
Why you bother them?
[gasps]

309
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,605
Allow me to apologize
on Armando's behalf.

310
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,066
He is new,
but he is very good boy.

311
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,402
[Gasps]
Armando, why don't you go

312
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,612
and get these nice people
some free breadsticks?

313
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,655
[Gasps]

314
00:11:37,738 --> 00:11:39,532
You come back anytime.

315
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,200
Anybody you want
to stab him in the neck,

316
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:42,326
You go right ahead.

317
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,870
[Upbeat music]

318
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:45,871
♪ ♪

319
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,374
[Crunches]

320
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:54,672
[Fishing line retract]

321
00:11:55,673 --> 00:12:02,138
[Camera shutter clicking]

322
00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,849
[Mechanical arm whirring]

323
00:12:05,599 --> 00:12:07,268
[Mocking]

324
00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:09,937
[Surprised]
Yippee!

325
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:15,317
[Grunts]

326
00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:17,111
[Shrieks]

327
00:12:17,194 --> 00:12:18,279
Aah!
Aah!

328
00:12:19,488 --> 00:12:21,198
[Screaming]

329
00:12:21,866 --> 00:12:23,033
[Growls]

330
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,452
[Toy train whistle blows]

331
00:12:24,535 --> 00:12:27,121
All aboard the williams
and son railroad!

332
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:30,624
Now departing for happily ever after!

333
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:33,085
You know what would
make this even better?

334
00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,879
Snow cones!

335
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,632
Hey, Steve, I'm doing
my Match.com profile,

336
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,968
And I need a polite way
to say "no Armenians".

337
00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:43,137
Now, do you think
they'll take a hint

338
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,889
if I say like I don't like unibrows,

339
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,433
or should I also throw in
"no white BMWs"?

340
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:50,686
Oh, hello, you must be Steve's father.

341
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,812
[Low growl]

342
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,064
Excuse me.
I just said 'Hello!'.

343
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:55,858
Is that any way to treat a woman?

344
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,693
You're rude,
you're disrespectful,

345
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:00,404
You're...
just my type.

346
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,240
Do you want tutti-frutti
or goo-goo gra...

347
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,575
[Gasps]

348
00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,285
[Grunts]

349
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:09,246
[Sobbing]

350
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:13,334
[Groans]

351
00:13:13,542 --> 00:13:15,503
Are you gonna sit there and do nothing

352
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,546
while that creep bangs your true love?

353
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,881
Ethel's a grown woman.

354
00:13:19,006 --> 00:13:20,341
She can date whoever she wants.

355
00:13:20,424 --> 00:13:21,258
You're pathetic.

356
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,470
You don't even deserve
an evil alter ego.

357
00:13:24,553 --> 00:13:26,055
I'm not listening to you.

358
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,599
Why are we yelling
at deer piss?

359
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,479
It's not fair.

360
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,022
My father and I
were just starting

361
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,899
to rebuild our relationship.

362
00:13:36,982 --> 00:13:39,193
I shouldn't have
to share him with her.

363
00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:40,444
[Growls]

364
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,737
Darling,
I'll handle this.

365
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,739
Steve, you're going
to have to accept

366
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,533
that what your father
and I have is real.

367
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:46,700
Real kinky.

368
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,536
Anything you can imagine,
we've tried it.

369
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:49,995
Think about that
for a minute.

370
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,373
See?
She's driving me crazy.

371
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,166
And how does that make you feel?

372
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,126
Crazy.
Wow, you're good.

373
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:58,504
Doctor, I understand Steve's pain,

374
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:00,548
but Jonah's unlike any man
I've dated before.

375
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,508
Sure he doesn't say much but so what?

376
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,343
My banter is charming enough
for two people.

377
00:14:04,426 --> 00:14:05,261
[Laughs]

378
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:06,929
That's a good one, Ethel.

379
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,180
Oh, it certainly is.

380
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,932
[Grunts]

381
00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,809
No, now it's not the right time,
sweetheart.

382
00:14:11,892 --> 00:14:13,811
- [grunts]
- Fine, I'll tell him.

383
00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,980
Steve, your father and I,

384
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:18,107
- We're getting married.
- What?

385
00:14:18,190 --> 00:14:19,775
I'm sorry you had to
learn this way.

386
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,777
I was hoping you'd
find out on Facebook.

387
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,778
I can't handle this.

388
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,238
You need to choose, Dad.

389
00:14:24,321 --> 00:14:25,865
It's her or me.

390
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,658
[Grunts]

391
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,618
I see you've made
your choice.

392
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:32,079
[Groans]

393
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,082
Good news.
I'm getting two grand

394
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:36,834
For your kidney on the
Jamaican black market.

395
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:38,460
As far as I'm concerned,
we're square.

396
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,047
Come on, snuggly-wubs,
don't sell my kidney.

397
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,258
Just give me a chance to win it
back, double or nothing.

398
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,677
- I don't know.
- Please, give me a chance!

399
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,513
I'll bet on anything you want!
I bet you will.

400
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:51,140
- Okay, let's bet.
- We just did.

401
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,767
- Did I win?
- Ooh, you lost.

402
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:54,977
Goddamn it!

403
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,730
Oh, man, he's on a roll.

404
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:01,775
That was such a fun night.

405
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,861
Sounds like we both have a problem.

406
00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,404
Who are you?

407
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:07,197
Oh, connie.

408
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,741
Here's the thing, Steve.

409
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,076
Neither of us want
this wedding to happen.

410
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,120
Perhaps we should join forces.

411
00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:15,623
Yeah, join forces.

412
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:19,960
Do as I say,
and we'll both be very happy.

413
00:15:20,044 --> 00:15:21,754
[Laughs]

414
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,088
Yeah, yeah.

415
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,089
You're... You're...

416
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:25,841
You're not gonna
hurt my Dad, are you?

417
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,343
Of course not.
He'll be fine...

418
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,345
In hell.

419
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,596
How did you do that?

420
00:15:30,679 --> 00:15:33,307
Sorry.
I farted on your candle.

421
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,185
Are you with the bride
or the groom?

422
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,896
She's with the bride,
she's with the groom.

423
00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:41,190
Anybody got a chain saw?
[laughs]

424
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,983
Sorry I dragged you to this.

425
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:45,569
Actually,
I dragged you to this.

426
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,367
- [grunts]
- Well, I'm happy for you, Dad.

427
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,869
No ulterior motives here.
[Grunts]

428
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,704
Ha! Good one.
would you excuse me, Father?

429
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,914
I need to sabotage the wedding.

430
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,749
Not this wedding, a different one.

431
00:15:58,832 --> 00:16:00,209
The Finklesteins, Bob and Jill.

432
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,418
You don't know them,
nobody knows them.

433
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,128
They're made up.
Damn it!

434
00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:07,091
So here it is. My life savings.
Just like you wanted.

435
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:08,384
400 dollars.

436
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,469
So, what are we
spending it on?

437
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,888
No, don't tell me.
I want to be surprised.

438
00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:14,598
Whoo!

439
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:15,975
[Middle eastern music playing]

440
00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,102
Uh, I got it.

441
00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,937
We're gonna hit Ethel with this crate.

442
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:29,697
Oh, Malloy, you make
the cutest "ring-bear-er".

443
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,323
[Laughs]
Oh, you are funny.

444
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:33,867
Is that why you're wearing white
on your wedding day, you whore?

445
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,829
I cannot believe you
brought that thing here.

446
00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,414
Talk about
passive-aggressive.

447
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,457
Come on,
let me get even.

448
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,209
One more shot,
double or nothing.

449
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,586
You need help, Woody.
You've got a disease.

450
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,256
I know that because when
I tried to sell your kidney,

451
00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,341
They said,
"that man has a disease".

452
00:16:49,425 --> 00:16:51,427
Well, I need to get
this wedding started.

453
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,303
I've only got five minutes
of clean blood left.

454
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,389
Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today

455
00:16:55,472 --> 00:16:57,141
to legitimize
the fornication

456
00:16:57,224 --> 00:16:58,976
between this beautiful woman
and this man, who...

457
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,519
Oh, God,
he's eating a rat.

458
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:02,479
[Chomping]

459
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,898
My God.

460
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,608
Connie's totally lost it.

461
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,193
She's planning on murder.

462
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,278
I need to do something.

463
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:12,364
Dad, why don't you and Ethel
switch places?

464
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:14,950
Crisis averted.

465
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:17,828
Damn, she's good.

466
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:19,705
Would you, uh, excuse me, everyone?

467
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:23,500
I have to make a number two.

468
00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:27,588
[Straining]
Come on.

469
00:17:27,671 --> 00:17:28,630
[Toilet flushes]

470
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:30,841
And now, to save my Dad!

471
00:17:36,096 --> 00:17:38,849
Marriage is the sacred union
of man and woman,

472
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:42,519
not man and man, and certainly
not between the races,

473
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,271
except for Spaniards
and Asians.

474
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,190
They make Filipinos,
who are great looking

475
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:47,357
and desperate for cash.

476
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,694
What are you waiting for?
pull the trigger.

477
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,154
I don't know
if I can do this.

478
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,364
You're a weak,
bloated land whale.

479
00:17:54,448 --> 00:17:56,450
Why did I even lug
that stupid boudoir up here?

480
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:57,451
[Door slams open]

481
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,661
Freeze, you weak,
bloated land whale.

482
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,663
Why is everyone
picking on me?

483
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,208
Gimme!
Gimme!

484
00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,043
[Gunshot]
Oh my God!

485
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,419
[Overlapping shouts
and screams]

486
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,463
[Gunshot]

487
00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:12,591
[Overlapping screams]

488
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,051
- No!
- Aah!

489
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,386
I'm such a dick.

490
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,930
[Screaming]

491
00:18:18,055 --> 00:18:20,057
[Grunting]

492
00:18:20,140 --> 00:18:21,058
[Clatter]

493
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:25,604
Gimme that!
Gimme that!

494
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:26,730
Uhh!
Gimme!

495
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,399
I don't usually hit women,
but I have no other choice.

496
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:31,068
Aah!
[Groans]

497
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,071
Hey, let me go!
[Crunch]

498
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:36,115
Aah!
Aah!

499
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:37,491
Kegels.

500
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,368
[Grunts]

501
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:42,496
[Grunting]

502
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:44,289
[Gunshot]

503
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:48,836
This is terrible.

504
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,630
I'll never look in a mirror again.

505
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,674
It's gonna make it really tricky
when you shave.

506
00:18:53,757 --> 00:18:55,551
I just want Jonah
to be okay.

507
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:57,469
Well, I want him to be
more than okay,

508
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,263
because I love him
more than you do.

509
00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,014
Oh, Steve, we're not
in competition.

510
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:02,683
We love him
in different ways.

511
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:04,309
You love is innocent and simple.

512
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,604
Ours is nasty and dirty,
violent and sexual.

513
00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,107
Good news, everyone.
The patient's going to make it.

514
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,984
[Cheering]
Yay, he's alive.

515
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,610
- Oh, thank God.
- Hell yeah!

516
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:15,445
Oh, one minor detail.

517
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:17,489
- He's not your father.
- What?

518
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:19,449
- How do you know that?
- [laughs]

519
00:19:19,533 --> 00:19:21,118
I know that because he's a bear.

520
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,744
- A bear?
- I [bleep] a bear?

521
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:24,788
Ooh, even I think
that's bad.

522
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:26,707
Yes, he had a bad case
of the mange.

523
00:19:26,790 --> 00:19:28,625
Most of his fur fell out,
but now he's as good as new.

524
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:30,919
Damn it.
I bet he was a human.

525
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,421
I thought that was a lock.

526
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,006
You definitely have a gambling problem.

527
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:35,090
[Whistles]

528
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:36,550
When we're done with you, mon,

529
00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:38,844
You're gonna be nothing but a mustache.

530
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,472
Well, at least he didn't
get me pregnant.

531
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:46,518
[Forced laugh]

532
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:47,728
[Stops laughing]

533
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,314
[Grunting]

534
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,153
Good-Bye, old bear.

535
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:58,238
Just so you know,
I'm not mad at you

536
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,990
for lying to me and breaking my heart.

537
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:02,451
Steve, we both saw things
in this bear that we wanted to see,

538
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:03,827
but we learned from this.

539
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:06,663
Yeah, I learned I don't need
a father to make me a man.

540
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:09,499
These past few days,
I learned how to ride a bike,

541
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,293
and I almost
beat up a woman.

542
00:20:11,376 --> 00:20:13,337
That's as manly as it gets.

543
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:15,589
Mmm, and I learned
to be more open-minded.

544
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,216
After being intimate
with a bear,

545
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,718
I'm almost ready to consider
dating an Armenian.

546
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:22,930
Son, is that you?

547
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,765
[Triumphant orchestral music]

548
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:27,267
Oh, no, I'm not
falling for that again.

549
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,393
Gaah!
[Thud]

550
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,729
[Groans]
My heart.

551
00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,022
[Taser buzzing]

552
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:36,944
Oh!

553
00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:41,240
[Breezy music]