1 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,046 I'm honored to introduce the woman 2 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:08,049 who's been an inspiration of mine for years. 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,634 She's shown the women of this state 4 00:00:09,718 --> 00:00:13,263 that if we put our minds to it, anything is possible. 5 00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:16,016 A female governor? Ew, yuck! 6 00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,685 Am I the only one who hates women? Huh? 7 00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,145 Ladies and gentlemen, 8 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:23,398 the current and future governor, Nina Melcher! 9 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:25,692 [Applause] 10 00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,819 Good morning, Brickleberry. 11 00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:29,696 It's such an honor to speak to... 12 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:30,739 Boo! 13 00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:34,284 I'm here to see the governor, not his frumpy housekeeper! 14 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,285 [Laughs] 15 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,328 Woody! What the hell is your problem? 16 00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,081 Shh! He drank his breakfast. Let's see where this goes. 17 00:00:40,165 --> 00:00:42,042 I'll tell you what my problem is! 18 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,044 I don't want some uppity she-governor 19 00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,879 telling me what to do! 20 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,548 I'm here to lodge an intelligent protest! 21 00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:52,761 Show your tits! Show your tits! show your tits! 22 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,221 I was talking to her, you idiot! 23 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,223 Hey, Steve, you got nice tits. 24 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,393 Sir, is there something you would like to say to me? 25 00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,604 Yes, Governor "Felcher," there is! 26 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:06,983 For 700 proud years, this country was run by men! 27 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:11,362 All courage, attitude, and big, swinging sausage. 28 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:15,909 But then women got put in charge. 29 00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:16,910 What's next? 30 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,162 Making the tampon the official state bird? 31 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,331 Or maxi pads. They have wings. 32 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:22,749 I suggest that you be quiet 33 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,126 and show a little respect or you'll regret it. 34 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:28,046 Run for cover, everybody! She's havin' a hot flash! 35 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:29,047 [Laughs] 36 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,549 Shut your sexist mouth! 37 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,219 Oh, what's she gonna do? 38 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,306 [Yawns] 39 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:42,143 [Horns honking] 40 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:43,103 What the hell? 41 00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:46,648 [Grunts and yelps] 42 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:55,406 "The Woody Johnson Is A Sexist Asshole Memorial Highway"? 43 00:01:55,490 --> 00:02:00,495 No! 44 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:03,498 ♪ ♪ 45 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:05,750 [Screams] 46 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:10,088 ♪ Brickleberry ♪ 47 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,009 [Horn honks] 48 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,348 She built a Goddamn highway through my Park! 49 00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:21,808 Well, maybe next time, you'll think twice 50 00:02:21,891 --> 00:02:23,309 about picking a fight with the governor. 51 00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,727 She's a pit bull. 52 00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:27,147 Well, you're just lucky that I can't think 53 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,899 of a derogatory term for a "female dog." 54 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,735 - I got one...Connie. - Oh... 55 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:34,320 If you want that highway gone, 56 00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:35,738 you should apologize to the governor. 57 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,741 I will never apologize to a woman! 58 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:42,245 And if that bothers you, Ethel, well, I apologize. 59 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,164 But you just apologized. 60 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:47,750 Oh, don't trap me with your goopy vagina logic! 61 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,587 Jesus Woody! What did your mother do to you? 62 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,630 My mother was a saint. 63 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:56,593 I'm so proud of you, son. Happy eighth birthday. 64 00:02:56,926 --> 00:03:00,138 Now, screw this hooker so you don't turn into a queer. 65 00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:03,391 And that's how Woody met his first wife. 66 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:05,351 Good morning, rangers. 67 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,936 Go back to Africa, Negro. 68 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:08,354 - Woody! - What? 69 00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,480 Reading his shirt. 70 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,316 Some Rednecks gave it to me. 71 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,692 They're outside, recruiting for their militia. 72 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,611 But why are you wearing it? 73 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,654 I don't give a shit what it say...It's a free t-shirt. 74 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,865 I like it. Does it come in Puerto Rican? 75 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,241 Oh, crap. 76 00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,618 Now we got a militia to deal with? 77 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,537 This is not my week. Steve, go take care of it! 78 00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:26,789 Where the hell is Steve? 79 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,374 [Horns honking] 80 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,418 Um...Help? 81 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,546 Ah, screw Steve. Connie, go take care of it! 82 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:36,758 [Knocks on door] 83 00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:38,593 Uh, is this the militia meeting? 84 00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:39,594 I was sent here to... 85 00:03:39,677 --> 00:03:40,929 Yeah! You wanna join? 86 00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:41,888 Bodean, what the hell? 87 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:44,015 We need members, Bobby. 88 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:46,768 We're anti-gay, remember? 89 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,102 She's a gay. 90 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,646 Yeah Bobby, I remember, but she looks strong, 91 00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,231 and nobody else will join, 92 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:52,899 not even your crazy brother or your crippled sister 93 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:55,818 or your dirty whore aunt who tried to bite my Peter off. 94 00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:57,070 Good point. 95 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:59,113 Ok, I got an announcement to make. 96 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:01,908 You can join. We are now pro-gay. 97 00:04:01,991 --> 00:04:03,576 Oh, boy! Oh, boy! 98 00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,745 Nobody ever asked me to join a club before. 99 00:04:05,828 --> 00:04:07,205 And here is your free t-shirt. 100 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,958 Yay! Free t-shirt! 101 00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:13,211 How's the soup? 102 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,879 - What? - Soup! 103 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:18,049 - Poop? - No! Soup! 104 00:04:18,132 --> 00:04:19,509 I know! 105 00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,552 I'm saying your soup tastes like shit. 106 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:22,929 [Rumbling] 107 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,890 Ouch! Oh! Oh! Damn it! 108 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,725 You sure you don't want to apologize? 109 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,936 Never! We are gonna make the best of this! 110 00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:31,479 [Horn honks] 111 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,815 [Crash] 112 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:36,693 Where the [bleep] did that come from? 113 00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:40,697 [Horns honking] 114 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,449 [Doorbell rings] 115 00:04:45,451 --> 00:04:46,911 And who the hell are you? 116 00:04:46,995 --> 00:04:48,830 Man, I'm glad you're open. 117 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,832 This is the first rest stop for miles. 118 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,293 I gotta squeak a leak out of my crotch beak. 119 00:04:54,669 --> 00:04:57,088 [Horns honking] 120 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:58,464 What the hell? 121 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,883 Hey, are you the manager? I think I broke your shitter. 122 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,177 But don't worry. People are still using it. 123 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,429 Blegh! 124 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,348 What the... 125 00:05:07,432 --> 00:05:09,434 You said "make the best of it." 126 00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:11,853 [Cash register bell dings, door beeps] 127 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:14,939 That's it! I can't take it anymore! 128 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,191 Aabheer, your shift's starting early. 129 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,193 Jackpot. 130 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,946 ♪ ♪ 131 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,656 I think it's great that you're apologizing. 132 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,283 It shows your sensitive side. 133 00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,452 Hey, what kind of flowers are those? Pansies? 134 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,288 No, they're a bouquet of shut-the-[bleep]-upsies. 135 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,540 I'll do anything to get that highway out of my Park. 136 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,626 Wow! Nice mansion! 137 00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,920 Why don't we live in a place like this? 138 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:38,880 Oh, right! 139 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,298 Cause that lady governor 140 00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:42,467 Is more of a man than you are. 141 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,385 Hello, governor. 142 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,679 Oh, it's you. Make it fast, Johnson. 143 00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,765 I'm late for a very important speech. 144 00:05:48,848 --> 00:05:50,099 This will only take a second. 145 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:54,562 I just wanted to say I'm s-s-s-s-s-s... 146 00:05:54,979 --> 00:05:56,105 Such a pussy. 147 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,358 I'm sor...eeh-uhh! 148 00:05:58,441 --> 00:05:59,400 [Inhales deeply] 149 00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,777 I'm sorry that you felt threatened 150 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:02,153 by my manhood and got all weepy 151 00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,696 when I told the truth! 152 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:04,906 There. 153 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,741 That's your apology? 154 00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,825 Plus these. 155 00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:09,786 He ate most of the candy on the way here. 156 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,163 Judging by your ass, I did you a favor. 157 00:06:12,246 --> 00:06:13,748 [Laughs] Kidding. 158 00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,209 Your ass isn't that well, it's pretty big, 159 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:18,419 but, hey, I'd still do you with the lights off. 160 00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,796 So, friends again? 161 00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:22,173 I can promise you one thing, Mr. Johnson. 162 00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:24,425 As long as I'm governor of this state, 163 00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:26,844 That highway won't move an inch! 164 00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,639 What? You can't do this to me, you dirty c... 165 00:06:30,306 --> 00:06:32,308 Now if you'll excuse me. 166 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:34,936 So the truck stop stays. All right. 167 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,563 I gotta get home and patch up some glory holes. 168 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,900 Not so fast! I ain't done yet. 169 00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:43,069 Step aside, lady! 170 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,987 I got my own announcement to make. 171 00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:49,826 I, Woodrow Waylon Johnson, am running for governor! 172 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:52,370 Any question? yes, the lady dressed in black. 173 00:06:52,453 --> 00:06:55,540 Why are you announcing this at my son's funeral? 174 00:06:55,998 --> 00:06:57,959 [Crying] 175 00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:05,174 Uh-oh, Fox news just said that gay terrorists 176 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,301 are trying to replace our guns with abortions. 177 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,011 That's why Woody needs to be governor. 178 00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,013 Just make that donation check out to "Malloy." 179 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,890 [Radio static] Hey, guys! It's Steve! 180 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,226 I've been trapped for days in the middle of the highway! 181 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,227 Please send... 182 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:17,395 All right, team Woody! 183 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:19,272 How much money have we raised? 184 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:21,649 - $30,000. - Boom! 185 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,026 Oops, sorry. Negative $30,000. 186 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:24,944 What? 187 00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:26,320 There's the printing, the radio spots, 188 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:28,656 and that dolphin for your inauguration. 189 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,908 [Dolphin chatters] 190 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,244 It was an impulse buy, but I don't regret it. 191 00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,412 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 192 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,746 You've got a lot of nerve 193 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:37,915 Wearing that in my campaign office. 194 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,917 It is not you campaign office, Woody. 195 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,794 It's the ranger station. 196 00:07:41,878 --> 00:07:43,337 - "Burn in hell, Jew." - What? 197 00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:46,090 Oh, more free militia t-shirts, Denzel? 198 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,800 No, I got this at the Gap. 199 00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,093 Look, Woody, you don't stand a chance. 200 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:50,803 Governor Melcher cut unemployment, 201 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,054 she balanced the budget, and 202 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,764 won a congressional medal of honor. 203 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,267 You're a racist misogynistic war criminal! 204 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,436 Wow when you say it with that negative tone, 205 00:07:58,519 --> 00:07:59,979 it sounds bad, yeah. 206 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,355 - Ugh! - Woody, here's the deal. 207 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:02,815 I need you to win 208 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,358 So I can live in the governor's mansion. 209 00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:06,027 I'm running against a woman. 210 00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:07,612 Of course, I'm going to win. 211 00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:10,948 You're trailing in the polls by 99%! 212 00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,825 We need to do something drastic. 213 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:14,619 You're eight. We should buy another dolphin! 214 00:08:14,702 --> 00:08:17,413 No! Let's blackmail this woman. 215 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,915 Ooh, that's smart. Get some dirt. 216 00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,208 Hold it over her head. 217 00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:23,961 No. I said, "Black male," I.E., you. 218 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,588 You're gonna make a sex tape with her. 219 00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:27,048 Yeah, then we can whack off to it. 220 00:08:27,131 --> 00:08:29,217 No, we will send it to the press. 221 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,302 You do it your way, I'll do it mine. 222 00:08:31,385 --> 00:08:33,971 I do love sex and electronics, but how old is she? 223 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,097 Don't worry. She's old. 224 00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:36,557 Hey, did you hear that, dick? 225 00:08:36,641 --> 00:08:39,227 You excited? Looks like you are! 226 00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:43,981 Aah! 227 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,900 Aah-aah-aah-aah! 228 00:08:45,983 --> 00:08:47,401 No, no, no, no! 229 00:08:47,485 --> 00:08:50,905 [Groans] Damn it! 230 00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:52,573 Bodean, I'm not asking you to suck it. 231 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:53,824 Just hold it in your mouth. 232 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,076 Welcome, member! 233 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,619 Guys, I got great news. 234 00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,539 I brought a new recruit! He's my life coach. 235 00:08:59,622 --> 00:09:00,623 Hola. 236 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:02,792 No mexicans!! 237 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:05,795 We are definitely anti-Mexican! 238 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,421 But he brought chimichangas! 239 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,173 These are real good, Bobby. 240 00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,425 Okay, fine. You can join. 241 00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:13,094 Gracias, amigo. 242 00:09:13,177 --> 00:09:16,264 That's "burrito Christmas" in Mexican. 243 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:21,894 Hey, hey, sexy governor. 244 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:25,231 Oh, I'm not the governor. That's the governor. 245 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,774 W-W-W-W-What? 246 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,402 I got some bad news for you, dick. 247 00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,866 How far are you going, friend? 248 00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:36,993 Across the street. 249 00:09:37,076 --> 00:09:39,203 Cool. I'll take you there. 250 00:09:39,287 --> 00:09:40,371 Say, do you mind 251 00:09:40,454 --> 00:09:43,541 If we make a quick stop by my parents' house? 252 00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:46,335 Aah! 253 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:53,301 Crazy weather we've had lately, huh? 254 00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:54,802 Where did you say you were going? 255 00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,804 Uh, across the street. 256 00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:00,391 Cool! That's on the way to my sister's house. 257 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,354 Governor Melcher has dropped out of the race 258 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:08,232 After the release of a sex tape with a Black male. 259 00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:11,152 Damn, your breasts are so firm and perky. 260 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,612 Oh, thank you. 261 00:10:13,237 --> 00:10:14,697 No compliment! 262 00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,365 Denzel, how could you? 263 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:17,575 It wasn't easy. 264 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:18,701 I had to close my eyes and think 265 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,578 about Queen Elizabeth scissoring Barbara Bush. 266 00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:23,080 Damn it, Woody! This is low, even for you. 267 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:25,374 You want to see low, Ethel? Wait till I'm governor. 268 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,960 You'll be lucky tp go outsite without a Goddamn burqa! 269 00:10:28,044 --> 00:10:30,087 There's no way I'm letting you run unopposed. 270 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,256 Well, who's going to challenge me? 271 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,843 I would like to announce my candidacy for governor! 272 00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:39,430 Why won't you people leave our family alone? 273 00:10:42,224 --> 00:10:44,143 ♪ I'm the governor, look at me ♪ 274 00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:46,270 ♪ Everybody loves me, I'm the governor ♪ 275 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,606 ♪ I'm the governor, I'm the governor ♪ 276 00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:52,443 ♪ I'm the governor! ♪ 277 00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:54,654 Can you please shut up? 278 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:56,155 I'm trying to pick out a 90-inch tv 279 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,198 for the governor's mansion. 280 00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,991 Whoa, Malloy. 281 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,409 Do you really think you're going to live 282 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,870 In the governor's mansion with me, do you? 283 00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:03,871 What do you mean? 284 00:11:03,954 --> 00:11:05,122 I'm sorry, little buddy, 285 00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,458 But governors don't live with bears. 286 00:11:07,541 --> 00:11:10,002 You backstabbing turncoat. I made you. 287 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,463 Malloy, we just have to keep our relationship 288 00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:13,881 on the down-low, that's all. 289 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:15,841 Everybody already thinks it's weird. 290 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,552 Weird? Lincoln sucked off a kangaroo. 291 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:19,929 Read a history book. 292 00:11:21,597 --> 00:11:23,307 And so, if you want a state 293 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:27,228 where all races live in peace and harmony without war, 294 00:11:27,311 --> 00:11:28,813 rich people, or red meat, 295 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,272 and the only violent acts committed 296 00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:31,982 are against unborn babies, 297 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,694 - You should vote for me. - That's great, Ethel. 298 00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,321 Connie, come on, you're supposed to pretend to be Woody. 299 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,989 Oh, sorry, that's right. 300 00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,367 [Imitates Woody] Aaargh! I'm Woody! 301 00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,785 Connie, you stupid [bleep]! 302 00:11:42,868 --> 00:11:44,370 Go get rid of that militia! 303 00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,205 [Normal voice] No, Woody. They're my friends. 304 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:47,790 Shut the hell up, Connie! 305 00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:49,166 Everybody hates you! 306 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,168 [Crying] 307 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,546 All that running and crying, you'd think she'd be thinner. 308 00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:55,715 Ethel, how are you? 309 00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,466 - What do you want? - Just thinking. 310 00:11:57,550 --> 00:12:00,094 I could see us actually becoming pretty good friends, 311 00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,512 you know, when you're governor 312 00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:03,556 and we're both living at the governor's mansion. 313 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,725 You want to move into the governor's mansion with me? 314 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,394 Think of all the late nights we'd spend in our pjs, 315 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:09,812 binging on Haagen-Dazs, 316 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,856 rubbing our beavs to Ryan Gosling. 317 00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:14,859 You do realize that there's absolutely no way 318 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:17,737 I'd ever live with you, ever. 319 00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:20,573 You've been trying to ruin my life ever since I got here. 320 00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:23,367 Girl, you so crazy. It was all in fun. 321 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,035 The answer is "hell, no." 322 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,538 The streets will run red with your blood. 323 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:33,294 So, when they said Pluto was no longer a planet, 324 00:12:33,377 --> 00:12:35,463 well, that really ticked me off! 325 00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,922 Am I crazy? 326 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:39,133 [Whimpers] Not from where I'm sitting. 327 00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:43,179 You know who else likes Pluto? My sister. 328 00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,889 Guess what, big brother. 329 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,182 [Normal voice] What, little sister? 330 00:12:46,265 --> 00:12:47,433 [Imitate female voice] Pluto's not even 331 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:48,934 a planet anymore. 332 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,352 [Normal voice] Shut your lying mouth, 333 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:51,312 You bitch! 334 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,981 Sorry. Sibling rivalry. 335 00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:57,026 [Laughs awkwardly] Oh! 336 00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:58,986 She...She seems nice. 337 00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,823 [Sighs] 338 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,742 Goddamn it! 339 00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,082 Wow, you guys. 340 00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:14,251 What a great militia meeting, right? 341 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:16,378 Look at all these new members. Yeah, yeah. 342 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,714 Shut your face and pass the militia mac and cheese. 343 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:19,882 [Gobbles food] 344 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,383 Who the hell invited this guy? 345 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:25,304 We are definitely anti...anti...uh... 346 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,723 What the hell are you, anyway? 347 00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,892 I have no idea! 348 00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:31,393 This is awesome, Bobby. 349 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:33,646 Our membership is at an all-time high. 350 00:13:33,729 --> 00:13:36,148 And isn't having a multicultural militia 351 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:37,399 So much nicer? 352 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,235 Yeah, I guess so, 353 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,195 but don't militias need to make some sort of statement? 354 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:42,571 Yes, you do. 355 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,116 First of all, militias don't have picnics. 356 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,910 Well, what do militias do? 357 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,286 Violent acts. 358 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,663 How do you not know this? 359 00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,290 You guys look more like the Ellis Island Book Club. 360 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,792 Malloy, what are you doing? 361 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,460 Quiet, militia Etheridge. 362 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,587 Let the talking bear finish talking. 363 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,589 If you want to be a real militia, 364 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,383 You need to stand up and do something big, 365 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:03,884 something destructive, 366 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:06,303 something that puts you in the history books. 367 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:10,266 Like that guy who invented the double-donged dildo! 368 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,142 Can he not talk? 369 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,062 It's timethe world will hear! 370 00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:17,064 [Cheering] 371 00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:19,400 - Hell, yeah! Count us in! - Yes! 372 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:24,363 It's time we started acting like a real [bleep] Militia! 373 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,408 Our children's test scores 374 00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:29,535 have been dropping at an alarming rate. 375 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,537 - What is your plan, Mr. Johnson? - Listen, Chuckles. 376 00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:33,539 I'll be asking the questions around here. 377 00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,457 Uh, no, you won't. He's the moderator. 378 00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:37,751 Not anymore. I'm the moderator now. 379 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:40,296 ♪ I'm the moderator, look at me ♪ 380 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:42,423 ♪ everybody loves me, I'm the moderator ♪ 381 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,925 ♪ I'm the moderator ♪, 382 00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:50,639 ♪ I'm the moderator! ♪ 383 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,142 Let's just take some questions 384 00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,310 from the audience. 385 00:14:54,393 --> 00:14:55,311 I'll allow it. 386 00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,770 Hello, everybody. 387 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,607 I'm the leader of the Ellis Island Book Club Militia, 388 00:14:59,690 --> 00:15:02,943 and we have decided to assassinate the new governor. 389 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,988 So, whichever one of y'all wins, you're dead! 390 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,364 Y'all have a nice day. 391 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:10,326 Listen here. I don't respond to threats. 392 00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:13,203 All my life, I've been told that because I'm a woman, 393 00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,371 I should give up. 394 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,123 Well guess what! I'm... 395 00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:17,499 [All gasp] 396 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:19,501 Dropping out of the race for governor immediately. 397 00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:21,629 No, no, no, no. I'm dropping out of the race. 398 00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,838 No, you're not! I dropped out first. 399 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,341 I'm much more qualified to drop out of this race than you! 400 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,635 You can't tell me that I can't drop out of this race. 401 00:15:27,968 --> 00:15:30,346 Would someone please call me an ambulance? 402 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,515 Jesus! This guy asks a lot of [bleep] questions! 403 00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:42,149 - Uh, Malloy? - Yes, Connie? 404 00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:44,526 I'm really happy you joined our militia and everything, 405 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,363 but, uh, I'm not so sure about your idea 406 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:50,532 to violently assassinate the governor. 407 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:54,161 Relax, Connie. No one's gonna get hurt. 408 00:15:54,244 --> 00:15:55,663 - Really? - Really. 409 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:58,290 I just want to scare them into dropping out of the race. 410 00:15:58,374 --> 00:15:59,959 If I can't live in the governor's mansion, 411 00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,001 Neither can they. 412 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,461 Trust me. No one's gonna die today. 413 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,713 Someone's definitely going to die today, 414 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,924 As Woody Johnson and Ethel anderson's names 415 00:16:07,007 --> 00:16:10,135 Will remain on the ballot whether they drop out or not, 416 00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,638 Which means one of them will be elected governor 417 00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,640 and swiftly assassinated. 418 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,684 Ain't I a stinker? 419 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,394 Hi, I'm Ethel anderson, 420 00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,146 And there's no way that I should be elected governor. 421 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:22,439 Why, you say? 422 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,984 Because I'm a raging, unrepentant alcoholic, 423 00:16:25,067 --> 00:16:27,569 and I believe the holocaust never happened, 424 00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,779 but I wish it did. 425 00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,531 Vote Woody Johnson for governor. 426 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,616 Hi, I'm Woody Johnson, 427 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,743 and there's no use beating around the bush. 428 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,413 I molest kids, and I love it. 429 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:38,622 And I promise to make this state 430 00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:40,499 a safe haven for terrorists. 431 00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,751 Hey, can I just say, "[bleep] our troops"? 432 00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:49,008 Look where I can stick the statue of liberty! 433 00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:52,052 Domestic violence isn't a problem. 434 00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:53,554 It's a solution. 435 00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:56,932 ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song ♪ 436 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,977 ♪ Do-dah, Do-dah ♪ 437 00:17:03,981 --> 00:17:05,733 [Horns honking] 438 00:17:05,816 --> 00:17:07,651 And the election results are in. 439 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,945 If I win, I am dropping off the grid. 440 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,740 I'll change my name to something inconspicuous, like... 441 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,074 Rick Swordfire. 442 00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,617 Yeah, good thinking. 443 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,121 The winner and the new state governor is... 444 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:20,164 Woody Johnson... 445 00:17:20,247 --> 00:17:21,665 - What? - Whoo-hoo! 446 00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,542 In your face, dead man! 447 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:27,254 By the remarkably low count of two votes to none. 448 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,173 Wait. You voted for yourself? 449 00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,884 Well, I wasn't gonna vote for a Goddamn woman. 450 00:17:32,968 --> 00:17:34,511 Hello, Mr. Governor. 451 00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:36,138 [Australian accent] You've got the wrong guy. 452 00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:37,431 My name is rick swordfire. 453 00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:39,683 I knew Rick Swordfire, 454 00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,561 and you, sir, are no rick swordfire! 455 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:46,523 [Normal voice] Ohh... Et tu, Malloy? 456 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:48,609 Hey, you wouldn't let me live in the governor's mansion. 457 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:51,361 Okay! You can live in the governor's mansion! [crying] 458 00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,280 You can have the master bedroom! 459 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:55,991 I'll sleep in the shitter! 460 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:57,534 Just talk them down! 461 00:17:57,618 --> 00:17:59,453 Really? Okay, guys, great news. 462 00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:00,871 Put down your guns. 463 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,248 The assassination is a no go. 464 00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,249 Oh, hell, no! 465 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,251 You can't get a militia all hot and bothered 466 00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,878 and leave 'em hanging like that. 467 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,380 It's time to bust a nut in his ass! 468 00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,132 Uh, I mean cap. 469 00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,468 - We can do both! - Stop! 470 00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,637 - Ethel? what are... - Shut up, Woody. 471 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,181 Let a woman talk some sense into these idiots. 472 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,476 Out of the way, two tits! We have a message to send! 473 00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:25,270 What kind of message could you possibly want to send 474 00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,815 by killing this pathetic piece of shit? 475 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:28,941 We're gonna kill him because 476 00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,651 He represents a government 477 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:32,694 Controlled by the Zionist Jew threat! 478 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,947 Uh, Bobby, we're okay with Jew people now. 479 00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:38,450 Chaim got us these uniforms from his garment factory. 480 00:18:38,534 --> 00:18:40,953 Fine, what I meant to say was, we gonna kill him 481 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,830 cause he wants to flood our shores 482 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,081 with dirty immigrants. 483 00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:46,542 Psst, immigrants are good, remember? 484 00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:47,918 Professor Chin did all our laundry, 485 00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:49,795 And Dr. Patel drove us here in his cab. 486 00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:53,257 Aw, shit, are we anti-anything anymore? 487 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:54,675 I know what we are! 488 00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,594 We're anti-White garbage trash man! 489 00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:58,887 Oh! 490 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,098 [Gunfire] 491 00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:03,684 Guys! Stop! I got an idea. 492 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:04,893 How about if we make our militia 493 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,146 all about being anti-violence? 494 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:10,566 [Gunfire] 495 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:11,900 Screw it. 496 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,735 [Gunfire] 497 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,195 You think we can just leave? 498 00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:17,239 I don't see why not. 499 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,202 Ethel, you saved my life. 500 00:19:22,286 --> 00:19:25,581 You've proved to me that women are capable of great things. 501 00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:28,458 I was wrong. I'm sorry. 502 00:19:28,542 --> 00:19:31,628 Your first female apology. Wow. 503 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,547 I did act like a misogynist asshole, 504 00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,883 yet you still saved me. Why? 505 00:19:35,966 --> 00:19:38,051 Because even though we may be different genders, 506 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:40,512 Deep down inside, we're both red-blooded... 507 00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,014 White people. High five! 508 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:43,724 No, actually, I was going to say... 509 00:19:43,807 --> 00:19:45,851 Shh-Shh. We'll leave it at that. 510 00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:49,188 I am pleased to announce that 511 00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,398 My first act as your governor 512 00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:52,774 Is to remove the highway 513 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,484 running through Brickleberry Park. 514 00:19:54,568 --> 00:19:56,195 The wrecking crew is already on its way. 515 00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,199 Ah, well, Phil, your family is great company, 516 00:20:00,282 --> 00:20:03,660 but we've been playing for six straight days. 517 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:05,954 Oh, we're just getting started. 518 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,664 Uh-oh. you forgot to say, "Uno"! 519 00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,249 [Helicopter flying overhead] 520 00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:12,753 Oh, a helicopter! Thank God! I'm saved! 521 00:20:12,836 --> 00:20:15,297 Aah! 522 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,757 Uno! 523 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:19,968 And with that done, I'm stepping down as governor. 524 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,720 As a thank-you to my friend Ethel, 525 00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,263 My last act is to pardon Governor Melcher 526 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:25,182 For her having sex on tape with a Black guy 527 00:20:25,265 --> 00:20:26,892 and hand the job back to her. 528 00:20:26,975 --> 00:20:29,311 - Thank you, Woody! - It's good to be back. 529 00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,562 She governor again? 530 00:20:30,646 --> 00:20:32,231 You made me rob the cradle for nothing? 531 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:35,192 Wait a minute. You were behind that sex tape? 532 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,528 [Chuckles nervously] Water under the bridge, right? 533 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:45,077 [Yawns] 534 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:48,247 [Door slams] 535 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:52,459 "The Woody Johnson Prison For Criminally Insane Man-Rapists?" 536 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:53,710 Uh-oh. 537 00:20:53,794 --> 00:20:55,921 [Groans] 538 00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:58,090 Aah!