1
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,962
(siren wails)

2
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,591
License and regis... tration.

3
00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:09,926
Here you go, Rangers.

4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:13,763
Ugh.

5
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,849
I, uh... I...

6
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,100
Excuse us, Ma'am.

7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,729
-Oh, shit. Did you see how ug...
-Beautiful she is?

8
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,188
-Yeah.
-Beautiful?

9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,524
Steve, she looks just like you,
but with smaller titties.

10
00:00:24,607 --> 00:00:27,444
Keep it in your pants, Denzel.
I saw her first.

11
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,446
Oh, did I hit something?

12
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:32,657
Only my heart with your arrow of love.

13
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:34,200
And also all these animals.

14
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,203
(groans)
Help me.

15
00:00:37,954 --> 00:00:41,082
Sorry, I was just reading a book.
I get so bored when I drive.

16
00:00:41,166 --> 00:00:45,086
Viggo Mortensen and lasagna?
My two favorite things!

17
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,213
Hi. I'm Steve Williams.

18
00:00:47,297 --> 00:00:49,340
Ranger of the month.
I'm sure you've heard of me.

19
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,509
I'm ranger of the month. Steve Williams.

20
00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,179
I'm Stephanie Bridges.
I teach at Hazelhurst Elementary.

21
00:00:54,262 --> 00:00:56,264
I would love to have a big,
powerful ranger

22
00:00:56,347 --> 00:00:57,974
come and speak to my class sometime.

23
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,018
A Power Ranger? I want to see that.

24
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:03,271
A Power Ranger is speaking to my class?

25
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:06,066
I didn't know about that. Awesome.

26
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:11,446
If these mother(bleep) have a baby,
I'm hitting that bitch with a brick.

27
00:01:11,529 --> 00:01:13,573
(theme music playing)

28
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,159
Aah!

29
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:20,663
♪ Brickleberry! ♪

30
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,044
Thanks for helping me
with computer dating, Connie.

31
00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:29,422
-You're such a good friend.
-I'd do anything for you, Ethel.

32
00:01:29,506 --> 00:01:31,633
-I know.
-Anything.

33
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:32,717
Uh, yeah. Got it.

34
00:01:32,801 --> 00:01:34,636
-Anything.
-Got it!

35
00:01:34,719 --> 00:01:36,304
No. No, seriously.

36
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:39,933
-Anyth...
-I know! God, I hope this works.

37
00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:41,518
Why do I have such bad luck with men?

38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,603
Maybe you've just been dating
the wrong people.

39
00:01:43,686 --> 00:01:45,772
What? Don't be silly.

40
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,316
And that's why I worship Satan.

41
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,068
(laughs)
Kidding.

42
00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:52,946
I'd love to make
a hammock out of your skin.

43
00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:56,950
(singing)
♪ I like vagina ♪

44
00:01:57,075 --> 00:01:58,743
Hmm.

45
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,078
Is this kosher?

46
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,621
Ugh, you're right.

47
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:03,581
My sister has the perfect marriage,

48
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:05,959
and I'm on the Internet
playing date rape roulette.

49
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,877
Oh, you mean Craigslist.

50
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,046
Hey, wait. This guy seems perfect.

51
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,632
Strong, passionate, wants a family.

52
00:02:12,715 --> 00:02:15,135
-Willing to do anything.
-(mouths silently)

53
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,262
-Anything. Anything.
-(mouths silently)

54
00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:18,721
Wait a minute. It's you.

55
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,849
(chuckles nervously)
How'd that get on there?

56
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,350
Isn't that hilarious?

57
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,269
I mean, I thought
it was someone perfect for me,

58
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,354
and it was just you.
(laughs)

59
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,648
Yeah. That's hilarious.

60
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,066
I'll be right back.

61
00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:34,779
ETHEL: Connie, I really need you.

62
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,614
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Ugh!

63
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:37,615
Ow.

64
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:40,827
Look at this guy.
He's handsome, he owns a car.

65
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,663
Oh, and look. Only two roommates,
his mother and father.

66
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,958
And he wants to take me
to a fancy restaurant.

67
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,504
(sneezes)

68
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:53,965
You know, that reminds me.

69
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,259
I'm hitting the age
where I'd like to have kids.

70
00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:58,052
Yeah, I like hitting kids too.

71
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,264
Who do I gotta (bleep) up
the ass to get some corn bread?

72
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,434
(munches)

73
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:07,520
So the bride gives birth
as I'm banging her.

74
00:03:07,604 --> 00:03:08,730
(laughs)

75
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:10,190
That counts as a threesome, right?

76
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,483
You're late on your child support
payments, Ken.

77
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,444
What? I don't even know you.

78
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:17,614
Tell Alopecia daddy said happy birthday.

79
00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,783
You know what? I'm out of here!

80
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:23,828
Baby, baby. I'm sorry.
I just made that up to impress you.

81
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:27,123
Can we start over?
I'll treat you the way you deserve.

82
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,710
Hurry up. I'm harder than Chinese math.

83
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,004
-Sit on my penis.
-MOM: What's that, Ken?

84
00:03:33,087 --> 00:03:35,924
Shut up, ma! I'm about to get some!

85
00:03:36,007 --> 00:03:37,926
Oh. Oh, baby.

86
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,762
I'm gonna make love to you all ni...

87
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:42,305
I... ah... ah...

88
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,265
Ech... eek... agh. Ugh.

89
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,475
Okay, I'm done.

90
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,686
-Can I at least get a ride home?
-Jeez, fine.

91
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:49,854
Mom!

92
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,648
Give her a ride home!

93
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:56,444
I am a...

94
00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:59,030
(stammers)
Pa... pa... park...

95
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,282
What the hell are you two idiots up to?

96
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:04,369
We've had three snake attacks,
a camper vandalized a moose,

97
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,579
and I found a human head in the fire pit!

98
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,707
Did you say "human"?
Aw, I was hoping it was Connie's.

99
00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,626
I'm gonna kill you one day, Malloy.

100
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:12,835
-What?
-Uh, nothing.

101
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,254
Guys, could you keep it down?

102
00:04:14,337 --> 00:04:16,923
I'm trying to practice my speech
for Stephanie's school.

103
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,633
Good morning, boys and girls.

104
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:21,261
-My name is...
-Hanukkah Jizz Tonsil?

105
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:23,429
Yes. My name is Hanukkah Jizz Tonsil.

106
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,098
Wait. No, it's not.

107
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:27,725
Wait. Is it? Shoot.

108
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:30,645
He's awful at literally everything.

109
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:33,564
(sighs)
I am a park ra...

110
00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,401
(retches)

111
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,779
-I think the kids are gonna love it.
-Sorry I'm late.

112
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:43,574
-Ugh, we hear that once a month.
-So how did it go last night?

113
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:46,327
Typical. We had soup,
and he spooged in his pants.

114
00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:47,620
(cell phone rings)

115
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,872
Hello? Lucy!

116
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,249
(whispers)
It's my bitch sister.

117
00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:53,793
It's been years. How are you?

118
00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,503
I've... I've been meaning to call you.

119
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:58,965
Just traveling with the family
on Al Pacino's private jet.

120
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,301
Our son, Randy,
is going to be in Al's next movie.

121
00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:04,429
-Oh, wow. That's...
-And then, of course, my husband, Hubert.

122
00:05:04,512 --> 00:05:05,555
He just sold his business,

123
00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,307
so now we're in the market
for a new island.

124
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,767
We were going to buy Haiti,
but it's too much of a fixer-upper.

125
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,853
Speaking of poor black people,
how are you?

126
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,896
Oh, I'm married with a great family too!
(gasps)

127
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,148
You have a family?

128
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,734
Did you bite a hole in the condom
or have a five-guy cream pie?

129
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,694
Just kidding. I can't wait to meet them.

130
00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:22,488
We're turning this plane around.
We're coming to see you.

131
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,282
Oh, no, no. Don't!
Uh, uh... don't... don't do that.

132
00:05:24,365 --> 00:05:25,867
-(dial tone beeps)
-Oh, my God!

133
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:27,744
-(cell phone rings)
-Lucy, listen. I...

134
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,912
Nah, it's Ken. Sorry about last night.

135
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,123
Why don't you come over now
and I'll make it up to you?

136
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,458
I'll bend you over and...

137
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:37,337
Ah, ah, ah, ah... oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Ugh!

138
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,921
Okay, done. No need to come over.

139
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,256
(cell phone beeps)

140
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,718
(moans)

141
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:50,266
And that's what it means
to be a Park Ranger.

142
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:52,226
(children cheer)

143
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:53,686
(school bell rings)

144
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,480
That was great, Steve.

145
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,856
I want to thank you.

146
00:06:00,234 --> 00:06:02,320
What are you waiting for, Power Ranger?

147
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,323
Go ahead, Steve. Stick it in me.

148
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,950
-Ah...
-Aah! Oh, my God.

149
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,160
(panting)

150
00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,621
I was having the best dream!

151
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:12,997
I am so screwed.

152
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,165
My sister and her husband

153
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:16,250
are on their way
to Brickleberry right now.

154
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,293
I didn't know you had a sister.

155
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,213
That's because I've been trying
to wish her out of my life.

156
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:24,217
Psst. Hey, Ethel. For 100 bucks,
I can make that wish come true.

157
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:27,387
It's been a while
since I fed my dark passenger.

158
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:32,433
So anyway, my sister makes me crazy.

159
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:35,103
I mean, our whole lives,
she's always had it better than me.

160
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:39,273
Congratulations. You're the parents
of a perfect, beautiful baby girl.

161
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,110
And this thing. Uh, should I toss it?

162
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,573
-(unicorn neighs)
-What could we do? Santa loves her more.

163
00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,784
-You look beautiful, Lucy.
-(camera shutter clicks)

164
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:53,830
(singing)
♪ I like vagina ♪

165
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,125
Oh, she's on her way. What am I gonna do?

166
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:59,669
I know. One of you
could pose as my husband.

167
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:00,920
-Woody?
-No!

168
00:07:01,003 --> 00:07:03,756
-Steve?
-Sorry. Already in love.

169
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,427
(sighs)
Where am I gonna find a husband?

170
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,304
Racist bitch. Treating me like
I'm a Mexican or something.

171
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,226
Where am I gonna find a husband?

172
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,812
(gasps)
Ugh! And I need a kid.

173
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,315
ETHEL: Hey! Psst. Little boy.

174
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,610
Do you want some candy?

175
00:07:25,653 --> 00:07:26,654
Gotcha!

176
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,531
(screams)
Help, daddy!

177
00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:30,825
Get away from my kid!
What's the matter with you?

178
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,452
I want your son. Bad!

179
00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,578
I've got money!

180
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:37,331
No! Wait! You can join in
and play my husband!

181
00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:38,958
(crying)
Please.

182
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,461
That's good to see you're dating again.

183
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,171
STEVE: Welcome to Brickleberry Park.

184
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:44,839
Thank you.

185
00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:47,341
It's so nice they hire
the mentally challenged.

186
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,635
Not really. I hate them.

187
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,179
Oh, my God, they're here.

188
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,265
What?

189
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:56,225
MALLOY: Aah! No! No!

190
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:57,935
No, what are you doing?

191
00:07:58,019 --> 00:07:59,312
-(razor buzzes)
-Get away from me!

192
00:07:59,395 --> 00:08:01,105
Help! Oh!

193
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,566
(knock on door)

194
00:08:04,442 --> 00:08:07,862
Ethel. Oh, my God.
It's so nice to see you.

195
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:10,114
This must be my nephew.

196
00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:12,408
-You are dead.
-Ugh!

197
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,035
(grunting)

198
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:17,997
(laughs)
Little cranky pants didn't have his nap.

199
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,875
I am gonna (bleep) claw your eyes out!

200
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,919
Tantrums are normal for gifted kids.

201
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,421
I'm not a kid. I'm a wild animal.

202
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:28,758
And he has such colorful imagination.
Well, and ADHD.

203
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,468
Ow! Go play, honey.

204
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,094
-(glass shatters)
-MALLOY: Oh!

205
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:34,305
Uh, okay.

206
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:37,183
Now where's that husband
you were telling me so much about?

207
00:08:37,266 --> 00:08:39,769
Uh, yeah. He's, um... uh...

208
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:42,396
-I'm right here, honey.
-(muffled speech)

209
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:45,149
Hi, I'm Conner.

210
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,235
Ethel's loving husband.

211
00:08:47,318 --> 00:08:48,361
(muffled screaming)

212
00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:51,280
(slaps)

213
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,911
Well, I see Malloy's
calmed down quite a bit.

214
00:08:56,994 --> 00:09:01,249
That's our Malloy. Playful one minute,
a perfectly well-behaved child the next.

215
00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:03,251
(groans)

216
00:09:03,334 --> 00:09:06,337
I can hear my blood.

217
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,589
He's hypoglycemic.

218
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:10,258
So, Conner, what do you do for a living?

219
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,635
-Brain surgeon.
-Gynecologist for supermodels.

220
00:09:12,718 --> 00:09:13,719
Well, which is it?

221
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:15,930
You do brain surgery on gynecologists

222
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,182
or gynecology
on supermodel brain surgeons?

223
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:20,518
I build robots.

224
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,896
So how about those packers this week?

225
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,774
Packers? Football season
doesn't start for five months.

226
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,735
I know. I was talking about the, uh...

227
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:31,112
Fudge-packers.

228
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:33,364
Stupid homos want to get married.
Am I right?

229
00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:35,783
(forced laugh)

230
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:38,619
Conner! Isn't it time
to get Malloy to school?

231
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,539
Like, right now?
It's a school for the gifted.

232
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:44,709
-He's a prodigy.
-Num, num, num, num, num.

233
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:46,544
(blows raspberry)

234
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:49,046
(laughs)

235
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,216
Oh, I'd love to see his school.
Mind if I tag along?

236
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,927
(growls)
I don't see why the hell not.

237
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:57,930
-(brakes screech)
-Okay, here we are. Have a good day, baby.

238
00:09:58,014 --> 00:09:59,724
-(Malloy groans)
-(tires squeal)

239
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,563
BOY: Hey, look who it is.

240
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:06,981
It's the new kid.

241
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,651
Hey, new kid. Ugly town called.

242
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,570
You just got voted Mayor.

243
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,238
(children exclaim)

244
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,657
Think about how ugly that means he is.

245
00:10:16,741 --> 00:10:19,827
You're also Mayor of diarrhea town.

246
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,746
-Ooh!
-Aw, snap!

247
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,998
That's the worst town I ever heard of.

248
00:10:24,081 --> 00:10:25,791
My boyfriend is so funny.

249
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:29,045
This is called a girlfriend.
Something you'll never have.

250
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,921
(children exclaim)

251
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:34,550
Either he called him gay
or he's got a fear of commitment.

252
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,552
Listen, buddy. Here's what's gonna happen.

253
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,179
First, I'm gonna take your friends.

254
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:39,680
Then I'm gonna take your girlfriend.

255
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:43,017
And when you have nothing left,
I'm going to kill you.

256
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,728
You know what?
Think I'm gonna like school.

257
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,691
As a Park Ranger, it's pin-port-tint...

258
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,402
Important to know
how to (bleep) out a fire.

259
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,029
Ah! Put out a fire.

260
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:57,156
Damn it! I'm gonna blow it with Stephanie.

261
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:59,283
Aw, come on. Steve.
Think about what I said.

262
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:00,493
I don't know, Denzel.

263
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:03,037
Imagining the audience naked
really doesn't work for me.

264
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,372
Just trying to help.

265
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,165
All right, time for Plan B.

266
00:11:06,248 --> 00:11:09,377
I'm gonna pump the kids up for you.
Trust me, it's all about showmanship.

267
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,337
Aw. Thanks, man. Woody?

268
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,297
You're here to help me with my speech too?

269
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,091
What speech?
(yelps)

270
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,510
Either I drank way too much
last night or...

271
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,594
Or I'm a werewolf!

272
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:21,639
(howls)

273
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,939
So bottom line, I'm gonna go along
with Ethel's charade

274
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:32,149
long enough to destroy this bully's life.

275
00:11:32,233 --> 00:11:33,693
Hey, Malloy. I've been there.

276
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,820
I used to get bullied too.

277
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:39,740
My old man would show up at school,
take the lunch money my mom gave me,

278
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:41,909
beat the piss out of me
with an extension cord.

279
00:11:41,992 --> 00:11:43,869
Was it humiliating? Sure.

280
00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:45,246
But I showed him.

281
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,331
I started to enjoy the beatings.

282
00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:49,166
(whispers)
Sexually.

283
00:11:51,085 --> 00:11:53,337
Okay. I'm gonna get off your lap now.

284
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:57,675
Great talk, son.
Hey, by the way, did you get a haircut?

285
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,638
All right, kids. Settle down.

286
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:06,392
We're about to bring out
a remarkably handsome Park Ranger to...

287
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,769
Zip it, Beav-Steve.
I'll take it from here.

288
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,229
Yo, drop that beat!

289
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:12,690
(singing)
♪ Yeah, mother(bleep)! ♪

290
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:16,777
♪ It's time to get krunk up
in this bitch! ♪

291
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:20,030
♪ Ass and titties, ass and titties ♪

292
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,824
♪ Ass and titties, ass and titties ♪

293
00:12:21,991 --> 00:12:23,743
♪ Shake that ass, drop that ass ♪

294
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,786
♪ Shake that ass, drop that ass ♪

295
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,621
♪ Slide, dip, slide, dip ♪

296
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,458
♪ Touch the ground, doo doo brown! ♪

297
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,251
And here's Steve.

298
00:12:32,334 --> 00:12:34,378
(microphone feedback)

299
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:37,882
Uh... Okay.
(clears throat)

300
00:12:37,965 --> 00:12:40,342
Uh, I'm Ran... Ranger Steve.

301
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,554
And I, I'm gonna tell you all
about being a Park Ranger.

302
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:46,140
You look more like a pork ranger.

303
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:47,224
(children exclaim)

304
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,518
Oh, snap! He said pork ranger!

305
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,228
That's a play on words, yo!

306
00:12:51,812 --> 00:12:53,314
Uh, okay.

307
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:58,402
As a... as a ranger,
fire safety is important.

308
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:01,322
Forest fires are extremely dangerous.

309
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,865
Is that what (bleep) your face up?

310
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:03,949
CHILDREN: Ooh.

311
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:07,411
Oh! New kid dropped an HBO word.

312
00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:09,789
Picture everyone naked.
Picture everyone naked.

313
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,957
-Picture everyone naked.
-Picturing kids naked?

314
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:14,502
Don't you do enough of that
at home, you pudgy pedophile?

315
00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:17,254
-(all gasp)
-Oh, no! No, no, no!

316
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:20,090
He's saying pork ranger's
a pee-pee toucher.

317
00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,592
-(urine trickling)
-(yelps)

318
00:13:21,675 --> 00:13:24,470
-(crying)
-(students laugh)

319
00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:26,555
He is the King!

320
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,307
New King!

321
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,643
(whispers)
Got your friends. That's one.

322
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:33,479
-Let's get out of here, baby.
-Can't. Play rehearsal.

323
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:34,772
Play, huh?

324
00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,524
Initiate phase two.

325
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:37,650
Play me out, Denzel.

326
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,693
(singing)
♪ Ass and titties, ass and titties ♪

327
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:41,362
♪ Hump dem hos, hump dem hos ♪

328
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,364
♪ Ass and titties, ass and titties ♪

329
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:45,157
(classical music paying)

330
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,701
Well, Malloy. How was school today?

331
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,204
Not bad. I'm auditioning
for a part in a play.

332
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:51,288
I don't like plays.

333
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:54,124
I'm just trying to get in
this girl's guts in my class.

334
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,962
So... Conner.

335
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,798
I'm sure Ethel told you
about our amazing wedding

336
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,299
in the Amazon Rainforest.

337
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:05,094
That's nothing.
We got married on the moon.

338
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,304
Uh, Moon Palace. Cancun.

339
00:14:07,388 --> 00:14:08,681
It was very pricey.

340
00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,058
I thought you said you
got married in Hawaii.

341
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:13,602
Uh, we had two ceremonies.

342
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,479
They didn't want blacks
at the good wedding.

343
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:16,897
Right. No!

344
00:14:16,981 --> 00:14:18,148
Mommy's got a temper.

345
00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:19,775
(whispers)
She beats me.

346
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,734
At checkers.

347
00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:21,694
KEN: Ethel?

348
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:22,820
Who is this?

349
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:24,488
-Mommy's boyfriend.
-Pardon?

350
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,407
You're married? That's hot.

351
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,785
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,
uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, ugh...

352
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,413
I'll call you later.

353
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,206
You better explain yourself, Ethel.

354
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,624
Oh, there's a good...

355
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,084
Oh, you see, what happened...

356
00:14:37,626 --> 00:14:39,253
(screams)
You know what?

357
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,297
-I can't lie anymore.
-You're right.

358
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,840
Let's not lie anymore.

359
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,050
This isn't just any ordinary night.

360
00:14:45,134 --> 00:14:46,886
Tonight's our anniversary.

361
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:49,680
And I'd like to give something
to the woman I love.

362
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,181
Oh, my God.

363
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,641
It's beautiful.

364
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:56,020
Well, it's just like grandma's necklace.
I thought that was one of a kind.

365
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,272
How did you know I always
wanted one like this?

366
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,608
I stole your diary. I mean, I listen!

367
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,527
Oh, and I found your missing diary.

368
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,404
He's so thoughtful, Ethel.

369
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,864
You've got a good man there.

370
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,324
Yeah, I do.

371
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:13,037
Aw. Mommy and Daddy
are gonna rub holes tonight.

372
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,583
Well, I wish we could stay, but you know.

373
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,585
Al Pacino's in a holding pattern.

374
00:15:19,668 --> 00:15:21,378
Lucy, come on. Let's go.

375
00:15:21,462 --> 00:15:23,422
We gotta let these two lovebirds
rub holes.

376
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,383
Oh, well. Back to our normal lives.

377
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:28,177
I hate our normal lives.

378
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:30,262
Wait! You can't leave.

379
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,473
You'll miss Malloy's big part
in the play tomorrow.

380
00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:34,183
He had to fill in last minute.

381
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,268
He said something happened
to the lead actor.

382
00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,480
(gasping)

383
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,358
Help! Help!

384
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:44,068
You can just spend the night with us.

385
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:45,402
(growls)
Great idea, Conner.

386
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:47,821
Oh, yes. I'd love to see
my nephew in a play.

387
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,282
-I just adore the theater.
-Well, let's do it.

388
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:51,575
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

389
00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,953
That means I get to sleep
in the bed with Ethel.

390
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,205
Like we always do.

391
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,790
Because we're married.

392
00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:01,502
And we've explored every wet,
dark crevice of each other's bodies.

393
00:16:01,585 --> 00:16:02,628
-Ow!
-(crashes)

394
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,883
-Good night, you three. Sleep well.
-Good night.

395
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,220
-Uppity bitch.
-Sorry I pulled this on you, Ethel.

396
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,305
I just don't want this to end.

397
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,640
You know what, Connie?

398
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,434
It's okay. You've helped me out so much.

399
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,938
Actually, this is kind of... nice.

400
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:24,149
I know. I don't think
I've ever been this happy.

401
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:26,402
You know, in a sad way, me too.

402
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:29,488
There's only one thing
that could make this better.

403
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,743
Ew! Connie!

404
00:16:35,619 --> 00:16:37,204
Jesus! What the hell is that?

405
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:39,331
But I thought we were a real family.

406
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,166
Connie, wake up!

407
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,085
This is not real.

408
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,921
You're a lesbian,
and our child is a shaved bear.

409
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,673
We are nothing like a family.

410
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,467
Pre-jack Ken would have
a better shot at me than you ever will.

411
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:51,927
Is everything okay in here?

412
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:52,845
No.

413
00:16:52,928 --> 00:16:55,597
Ethel, I want a divorce!

414
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,183
-What?
-And I'm taking that necklace back.

415
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,894
-What are you gonna do? Return it?
-Yes, I am.

416
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:05,107
I'm gonna dig up your grandmother again
and put it back on her (bleep) neck!

417
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,735
Fine. Wait, what?

418
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:17,036
(kids laugh)

419
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:20,080
I can't believe that
you made us come to this, Woody.

420
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,041
I can't show my face around Stephanie.

421
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:25,419
Zip it and sit down.
It's my Cubby Wubb's first play.

422
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,670
And you're gonna love it!

423
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:29,423
Steve, your speech was awesome.

424
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,925
The kids loved it.
They never laughed so hard.

425
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,178
Are you serious? But I peed my pants.

426
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,804
That was the best part.

427
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,849
I can't tell you how many kids
want to be Rangers now.

428
00:17:38,932 --> 00:17:40,559
Really? How many?

429
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:43,228
No, I can't tell you.
I didn't ask any of them.

430
00:17:43,312 --> 00:17:46,607
-What should I do, Denzel?
-I know what you should do, buddy.

431
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:48,358
Go (bleep) yourself.

432
00:17:48,442 --> 00:17:50,069
Thanks for the kind words, bro.

433
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:53,155
Con... ner. I'm surprised to...

434
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:56,366
Save it, Ethel.
I'm just here to support our son.

435
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,077
Oh, there's no shame in divorce.

436
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,454
As long as you don't mind
burning in hell with the queers.

437
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:02,998
Everything is fine. Right, honey?

438
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,249
-(grunts)
-Ha.

439
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,376
His tongue is tired.

440
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,795
(whispers)
Tons of oral.

441
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:10,839
(applause)

442
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,716
What? No previews?

443
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,344
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

444
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,347
How did he get in the play?

445
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,973
What happened to Jeremy?

446
00:18:20,641 --> 00:18:22,434
Aah! Aah!

447
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,560
Aah!

448
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,688
Whew. Well, at least the water stopped.

449
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,025
No!

450
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,610
Denzel, make it happen.

451
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,196
(romantic music playing)

452
00:18:39,993 --> 00:18:42,037
This should put a little hot sauce
on your taco.

453
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,580
(upbeat music playing)

454
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:44,581
Uh.

455
00:18:46,667 --> 00:18:48,043
You can look, but you can't touch.

456
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:50,838
You like that?

457
00:18:51,338 --> 00:18:53,298
I bet you like this sweet ass.

458
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:54,216
Ugh!

459
00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,179
Mmm.

460
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,057
-(gasps)
-(applause)

461
00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,268
Got your girl. That's two.

462
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:07,396
Magic Malloy stole your lady!

463
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:08,772
Get off her!

464
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,942
(growls)

465
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:13,235
Uh-oh.

466
00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:16,655
(yelps)
Ow!

467
00:19:16,738 --> 00:19:18,740
(rock music playing)

468
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:19,700
(screaming)

469
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:20,993
(laughs)

470
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,411
This play's awesome.

471
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:23,787
(screaming)

472
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:26,039
Everyone, please calm down.

473
00:19:26,123 --> 00:19:28,208
-(music stops)
-Malloy, break it up!

474
00:19:28,667 --> 00:19:30,127
-(yelps)
-(screams)

475
00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,629
(screaming)

476
00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:34,673
Here comes three.

477
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:39,303
Ow! Help! Help! Help!

478
00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,305
Encore! Encore!

479
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:44,600
-(crashes)
-(both moaning)

480
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:48,061
Turn it off! Turn it off!

481
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,773
Sorry my boobs popped out, Ethel.

482
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,942
Ethel, I can't believe you lied to me.

483
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:57,446
This is the sorriest excuse
for a family I've ever seen.

484
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:59,948
You'd be lucky to have a family
as great as this.

485
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,993
-Do you really mean that, Ethel?
-Probably not, Connie.

486
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:06,371
Aw, that is sweet. How pathetic you are.

487
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:09,208
-Talk to you never.
-You're gonna let her get away with that?

488
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:13,754
You know, Malloy, sometimes
it's better just to be the bigger person.

489
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,549
(both gasping)

490
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,468
(screaming)

491
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,553
(bubbling)

492
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:25,891
Malloy!

493
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:27,392
Ahh...

494
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,862
(closing theme music)