1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:04,504 - Gandalf. - Aragorn! 2 00:00:04,587 --> 00:00:05,505 Gandalf! 3 00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:06,965 Denzel, there's no way 4 00:00:07,048 --> 00:00:09,175 Gandalf's dick was bigger than Aragorn's. 5 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:10,969 What? Not only was it bigger, 6 00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:12,887 he could shoot fireballs off that shit. 7 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,431 [Imitates gunfire] Look out! 8 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,224 That guy's burning down a village with his dick! 9 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,018 I know for a fact that Viggo Mortensen's hung 10 00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:19,144 like an elven horse. 11 00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,311 What, you seen it? 12 00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:22,814 Not in person. It was in a dream. 13 00:00:22,897 --> 00:00:26,317 Ooh, can you believe it's only three days until J.R.R. Tol-con? 14 00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:28,862 I can't wait to go with you, Denzel! 15 00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:29,863 ♪ Oh ♪ 16 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,698 ♪ Oh ♪ 17 00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,241 ♪ Lord of the rings is our favorite thing. ♪ 18 00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:35,201 ♪ Lords and orcs and magical kings. ♪ 19 00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,037 ♪ Look at that human and elf have a fling. ♪ 20 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,873 ♪ Gollum is trying to steal Frodo's bling. ♪ 21 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,333 Shut up, shut up, shut up! 22 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,669 Uh, what the hell are y'all talking about? 23 00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:45,920 Lord of the Rings convention. 24 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,797 You know, wizards and dragons and stuff. 25 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,466 Oh, before y'all arrested me, 26 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:53,344 I was on my way to a convention filled with wizards and dragons. 27 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:54,888 For real? Y'all dress up and stuff? 28 00:00:54,971 --> 00:00:58,183 Oh, hell yeah, we do. 29 00:00:58,266 --> 00:00:59,893 Still better than comic-con. 30 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:03,396 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,773 Aah! 32 00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:09,652 ♪ Brickleberry ♪ 33 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,824 [Grunting] 34 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,159 - What's the matter, Connie? - [Grunts] 35 00:01:16,284 --> 00:01:18,828 Malloy replaced my toilet seat with a bear trap. 36 00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,247 What? [Laughs] 37 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,083 What a prankster. 38 00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,085 Malloy's always been kind of an asshole, 39 00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,879 but is it just me, or is he, like, way worse recently? 40 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:29,589 Well, if he is, I haven't noticed. 41 00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,716 [Chain saw revving] Aah! aah! aah! 42 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,594 Ah, good, another doonesbury I don't get. 43 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,805 Why is Malloy acting out all of a sudden? 44 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:40,266 Because he's a wild animal and Woody never disciplines him. 45 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,185 He just gives him sugar and weapons. 46 00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,562 For your information, Dr. Phil, 47 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,106 I'm a harsh disciplinarian. 48 00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,941 Why, last night, Malloy said a dirty word, 49 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,610 I washed his mouth out with a bar of chocolate. 50 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,821 Stop it, please. Aah! 51 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:54,906 - Woody! - Fine. 52 00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:58,159 Malloy, stop trying to murder Steve, or else! 53 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,124 This will teach you to ruin my fun. 54 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,501 Okay, okay, I'm sorry. 55 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:11,965 "Well," he said, "I'm back." 56 00:02:12,048 --> 00:02:14,050 The end. God damn! 57 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,928 Now that is how you close out an epic fantasy trilogy! 58 00:02:17,011 --> 00:02:19,347 I can't believe you never read these before you met me. 59 00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,349 The only thing that gets read in Detroit is your rights. 60 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:24,352 Steve, I'm glad you opened my eyes to this fantastical world. 61 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:26,437 It helps me forget that I work in a boring-ass park 62 00:02:26,521 --> 00:02:28,815 And that my best friend is a nerd with a micro-phallus. 63 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,359 Best friend? Thanks, pal. 64 00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:33,403 Tol-Con's gonna be awesome! 65 00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,780 Ooh, you have no idea. Here's the best part. 66 00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:37,866 There's a costume contest? 67 00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:42,412 And the winner gets to meet V-V-V... 68 00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,831 [Grunts] Viggo Mortens! 69 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,708 I've got the perfect costume! 70 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,794 The Mythical Shadowfax! 71 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:51,880 [Whinnies] 72 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,799 The lord of all horses! 73 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,301 [Deer grunting] hey, wait, what the hell? 74 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:58,011 This ain't right! 75 00:02:58,094 --> 00:03:00,013 Stop! Help! 76 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,933 From now on, you getting in the back. 77 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,561 - What happened here? - Malloy did it. 78 00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:08,688 Where is your little prince charming? 79 00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:10,106 Don't ask me, I'm grounded. 80 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,860 [Groans] I saw him go that way with a flamethrower. 81 00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:16,696 Oh, I thought you were bobbing for french fries again. 82 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,406 Where did he get a flamethrower? 83 00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:19,824 What? It was Christmas. 84 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,534 Malloy is a troubled youth, Woody. 85 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,912 I should know. I used to be one. 86 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,956 See, back when I was a kid in Detroit, I was in a gang. 87 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,501 We called ourselves the cool friends gang. 88 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,920 And when I say we were hard-core, 89 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,589 I mean we were hard-core! 90 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,090 Get outta the sleigh, bitch! 91 00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:40,470 [All grunting, shouting] Oh, oh, oh, oh! 92 00:03:40,553 --> 00:03:42,764 Yeah! [Gunshots] 93 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,433 Whoa, Denzel was in a gang! 94 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,144 Let's all take a moment to soak in that startling revelation. 95 00:03:48,269 --> 00:03:49,938 This is serious, Woody. 96 00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,648 Ah, You're all overreacting. 97 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,734 Malloy hasn't gotten into any real trouble yet. 98 00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:58,863 [Indistinct radio chatter] 99 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,284 3 counts of grand theft auto, 137 moving violations, 100 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:05,161 12 counts of attempted vehicular homicide, 101 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,996 and he called my partner a [bleep] dipshit. 102 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:08,915 First of all, I don't know where 103 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,667 he could have heard language like that. 104 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,211 Second, your partner looks like a [bleep] dipshit. 105 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,088 If this bear steps foot in our town again, 106 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:16,547 we're throwing him in prison. 107 00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:18,091 Prison? Don't worry, officers. 108 00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:20,802 I'll make sure nothing like this ever happens again. 109 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:23,304 [Both screaming] 110 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,932 Oh, God. Maybe he is out of control. 111 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,767 What am I gonna do? 112 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,894 I think it's time I made a call to my boys in Detroit 113 00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:31,604 To scare this bear straight. 114 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:34,107 Right after I practice galloping as a mythical horse. 115 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:37,110 [Deer grunting] Aw, man! 116 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,155 There come my boys. 117 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:44,200 The baddest gangstas in Detroit. What? 118 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,705 Good afternoon, Denzel. 119 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:51,374 These urkels are gonna scare Malloy straight? 120 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,960 They're wearing Goddamn penny loafers! 121 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,878 Wow. You guys look different. 122 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:57,755 Y'all still gangbanging, right, Murder Bone? 123 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:58,715 Oh, no. 124 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:01,050 I teach students african-american studies 125 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,719 at the community college. 126 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,512 And I own a KIA dealership. 127 00:05:04,595 --> 00:05:06,723 Big-Eyes here does the marketing for me. 128 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,517 Iba beebe settum uppa theeba big wavy men 129 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,144 and inflatababull gobarillas. 130 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:15,106 Yeah, he never really recovered from that drive-by. 131 00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,442 [Door opens] 132 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,819 Oh great. Now we have four Denzels? 133 00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,869 So this is the little punk bitch 134 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,620 Who thinks he's a criminal. 135 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,248 Yeah, well, you eye to eye with some real criminals, bitch! 136 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,834 I assumed, but it sounds racist when I say it. 137 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,128 Back in the day, we got in some serious shit. 138 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,255 Carjacking, pushing dope, 139 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,342 breeding midgets and fighting them to the death. 140 00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,093 Okay, that last one caught me off guard. 141 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,095 Shit was for real, Malloy. 142 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,639 We had no rules and didn't respect the law. 143 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,017 We just ran around, doing whatever we wanted, 144 00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,769 - Whenever we wanted. - Yeahbada! 145 00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,937 That sounds awesome! Why'd you stop? 146 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,148 Yeah, why did we stop? 147 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:59,817 Because we turned our lives around, fool! 148 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,569 But you may not be so lucky. 149 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:03,821 So you guys used to be bad asses. 150 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,032 Now you're the target demo for HGTV. 151 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,575 Where do I sign up? 152 00:06:07,658 --> 00:06:09,994 - We still know how to get down. - Yeah. 153 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:12,705 Just last week, I bought a bumper pool table! 154 00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,083 And last friday, my wife left for a conference in tulsa, 155 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,501 and I got to masturbate! 156 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,212 Iba collect recipes offba pinterest. 157 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,673 Aw he's right. Our lives suck. 158 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,259 Remember old officer Pulaski with the gimp leg? 159 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,803 Used to chase us like this? 160 00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,096 - "Hey, mother[bleep]! Get over here!" - [Laughter] "Hey! Hey!" 161 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,390 [Laughter] "Hey! Hey! Little mother[bleep]!" 162 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,767 [Laughter] 163 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,228 Then we shot him in the face. 164 00:06:35,311 --> 00:06:37,021 Feels good to laugh again. 165 00:06:37,105 --> 00:06:38,648 See? that's the spirit. 166 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:40,358 Guys, I don't mean to play doctor, 167 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:42,276 but you've all got a case of the "No Funsies." 168 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,278 That's what we get for sharing needles. 169 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,406 Man, the bear's right. I'm bored. 170 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,323 Meba tooba. 171 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:51,285 I drive a Goddamn minivan. 172 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,371 What do you say we hit the town and have some real fun? 173 00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,747 Hell, yeah! 174 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,208 Hold on, you're supposed to be scaring the bear straight, 175 00:06:57,291 --> 00:06:58,626 not declaring the bear's great! 176 00:06:58,709 --> 00:06:59,961 Don't be a punk, D. 177 00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,754 We about to tear shit up old school. 178 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,714 You in or out? Uh, in? 179 00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:07,051 So, Cubsy Wubsy, did my homeboys scare you straight yet? 180 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,761 - Suck it, Cracker! - [grunts] 181 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,638 Yeah, take it! 182 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,226 [Grunting] 183 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,019 Denzel, hey, there you are. 184 00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,354 I've been looking all over for you. 185 00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,064 You didn't show for Shadowfax practice. 186 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,149 Everything okay? 187 00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:22,567 Whoa, hold up. 188 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,777 Who the [bleep] is this honkey donkey? 189 00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:25,820 [Laughter] I get it! 190 00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:26,863 He's a honkey donkey. 191 00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:30,741 We're Shadowfax, the Lord of All Horses. 192 00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:31,909 Tell 'em, Denzel. 193 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,661 Denzel, you're friends with this guy? 194 00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,288 Oh, don't pay attention to Steve, fellas. 195 00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:36,664 He's just a local pedophile we keep around 196 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:37,832 to clean out the shitters. 197 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,917 Now let's go! Later, local pedophile Steve. 198 00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:42,170 [All grunting] 199 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,297 [Groans] 200 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,971 You guys have gotten pretty soft. 201 00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:53,931 You sure you still know how to commit crimes? 202 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,516 Of course we do. 203 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,728 I said, "I want a small business loan, mother[bleep]!" 204 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:02,648 What do you mean this zumba groupon's expired, Mother[Bleep]? 205 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,694 I sabida, "putta my child in your pribata schoobada, 206 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,404 Moboda fuboda!" 207 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,657 Someone please tell me what the hell he just said. 208 00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:13,701 Yo, your kids are gonna love it here. 209 00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:16,120 They got an excellent drama department... 210 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,955 Freeze, scumbags! 211 00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:20,333 I don't like this at all. 212 00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:22,460 Way too many blacks in here. 213 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,177 Turn to the right. Eyes forward. 214 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:40,436 Good afternoon, gentlemen. I'm Warden Smalls. 215 00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,981 - [Stifles laugh] - Electric chair! 216 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,942 [Electricity crackles] 217 00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:49,987 Anyway, I run a fair and honorable christian prison here. 218 00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:53,407 Rule number one...no sarcasm. 219 00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,618 [Sarcastically] Aw, that's a great rule. 220 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,704 Well, looks like we got us a rebel here. 221 00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:00,957 Try this on for size. 222 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,208 Ow! Why'd you hit me? 223 00:09:02,291 --> 00:09:03,918 Because as the Bible says, 224 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,294 it's much more painful 225 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,172 to watch your friend suffer for your sins. 226 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,466 [Sarcastically] Oh, yeah, it is. 227 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,051 That sounds like more sarcasm, boy. 228 00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,386 Unh! 229 00:09:13,469 --> 00:09:15,388 [Sarcastically] Oh, no, please, stop. 230 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,390 I'll break you of that sarcasm, son, 231 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,267 If I have to break every Billy Club 232 00:09:19,350 --> 00:09:20,977 over your friend's head. 233 00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,645 Ah, stop! Oh! 234 00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,564 God damn! 235 00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,107 [Sarcastically] Um, hey, Warden, 236 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:28,109 That's a really nice tie. 237 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,360 Take that, Malloy! 238 00:09:29,443 --> 00:09:30,778 Ow! Wait, wait, wait! 239 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,822 I thought my friends had to suffer for my sins. 240 00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,991 I was being sarcastic, idiot! 241 00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,951 Welcome to Hazelhurst Prison. 242 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:39,954 I guarantee you boys are gonna stay in line, 243 00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,957 Or my name isn't Warden Tiny Smalls. 244 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,836 - [Stifles laugh] - Electric chair! 245 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,754 [Electricity crackling] 246 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,509 Scared me straight huh? good plan, Woody. 247 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,429 When we get home, I'm gonna spank the shit out of you! 248 00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,264 You're not going home, Malloy. 249 00:09:58,347 --> 00:09:59,890 You're staying here until you've learned a lesson. 250 00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,351 Oh! You're getting an angry spanking now! 251 00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,686 Get me out of here, Woody. 252 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:05,146 Well, I...no! 253 00:10:05,229 --> 00:10:07,356 No, I made my decision, and I'm sticking to it! 254 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,567 Good-Bye, Malloy! 255 00:10:09,650 --> 00:10:11,319 [Sniffles] Be strong papa bear. 256 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,987 Don't look back. 257 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,155 It's called tough love. 258 00:10:14,238 --> 00:10:16,240 [Crying] 259 00:10:16,324 --> 00:10:17,867 Oh, what the... 260 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,953 What the hell's wrong with you? Leave me alone! 261 00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:27,209 Damn, I don't remember prison being this scary 262 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,878 - Back in the day. - Oh, come on, Denzel. 263 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,004 It ain't that bad. 264 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:31,589 [Screams] 265 00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,591 Ohba, shibbit! 266 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:35,843 - Man, we're gonna die in here! - Chill out, D. 267 00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:36,969 There's four of us. 268 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,055 As long as we stick together, we'll be fine. 269 00:10:39,138 --> 00:10:40,598 That's right, suckas! 270 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,559 Nobody's gonna mess with the Cool Friends Gang! 271 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,187 Who wants to step to this, huh? Nobody? 272 00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:48,481 That's what I thou... 273 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,609 They call me "Meat Hammer," because I got a meat hammer. 274 00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:53,486 And I don't mean a tenderizing utensil. 275 00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:56,155 - Got it. - I mean a meat hammer. 276 00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,573 In my pants. 277 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,325 - Followin' you. - You know what? 278 00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,661 I'm just gonna go ahead and spell it out for you. 279 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,372 I'm referring to my dick. 280 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:09,043 [Indistinct chatter] 281 00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,837 Sup, bitch? Como se llama, ese? 282 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,422 Of course I'd like chips and salsa. 283 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,507 You guys got any queso? 284 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:16,050 Hey, watch your mouth, son! 285 00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:18,844 This is Bako! Leader of the Latin Kings. 286 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,138 That's a weird name for a landscaping company. 287 00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,598 What? I'm gonna kill... 288 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,892 - Knock, knock. - Oh, who's there? 289 00:11:25,059 --> 00:11:27,978 - Amish Hank. - Uh, Amish Hank who? 290 00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:28,979 I'ma shank you! 291 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:32,525 [Grunting] Hey! Hey! 292 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,651 [Thud] 293 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:37,113 Mm. 294 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:39,407 Yeah, it's been real lonely in here 295 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,243 - Dince my last cellmate died. - How'd he die? 296 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,828 The doc in the infirmary said 297 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:47,289 His anus got turned inside out...Somehow. 298 00:11:47,373 --> 00:11:48,874 You boys are free to go. 299 00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:50,334 Yeah, That's what I thought! 300 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:52,378 Can't no prison contain the Cool Friends Gang. 301 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:54,672 - Outta my way. - Not you, son.! 302 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:57,383 Just your friends. Yeah, man, sorry about that. 303 00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:59,885 I could only call in favors for the three of us. 304 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,262 Hey, what about sticking together? 305 00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:03,013 The only thing you need to be concerned 306 00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,391 about sticking together is your butt cheeks. 307 00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:06,851 Mm. 308 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:09,311 You gonna be doing a hard 12 in here. 309 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,064 And I don't mean 12 years of hard time. 310 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,316 I mean 12...I know! 311 00:12:15,943 --> 00:12:17,069 All right, everyone, 312 00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,446 Thank you for coming to audition. 313 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,282 As you know, my ex-best friend Denzel 314 00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:23,743 is rotting in a prison because he's a class-a jerk, 315 00:12:23,826 --> 00:12:26,078 which means one of you is going to replace him 316 00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:29,707 in the Tol-Con costume contest. 317 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:32,960 Contest? Craigslist said "Horse Costume." 318 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:35,713 I thought this was a furry freak sex party! 319 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:38,382 This is not a furry freak sex party. 320 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:41,177 [All muttering] 321 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,803 Jorge, wait! 322 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:46,348 What I meant was, we're going to a furry sex party. 323 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:48,017 Yes! You haven't lived 324 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:51,812 till you've contracted herpes from a gigantic squirrel! 325 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,815 [Whistling] 326 00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:58,819 ♪ ♪ 327 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:01,989 ♪ Gonna visit my Cubsy Wubs in the big, scary prison ♪ 328 00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,241 ♪ Gonna bring him home 'cause he has learned his lesson ♪ 329 00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:05,868 What the hell? 330 00:13:07,244 --> 00:13:09,872 Okay, so look Bato. Tuco over in cell 31? 331 00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:12,166 He shows me no respect. He's gotta go. 332 00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,834 Yo, I'll take care of it. 333 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,170 Wait, but I am Tuco. 334 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:19,006 [Both grunting] 335 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:19,965 [Thud] 336 00:13:20,049 --> 00:13:21,175 Cubsy Wubs? 337 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,177 What'd you call our leader, ese? 338 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,387 You want for me to make this bitch ass dead? 339 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,056 No, that's cool, dog. 340 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,182 I think I remember this fool from back in the hood. 341 00:13:28,265 --> 00:13:30,810 What happened to you, Malloy? 342 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,019 Nothing happened to me, gringo. 343 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,896 This is my family now. 344 00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:36,857 Julio, is that my moon pie? 345 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,025 I knew it, Malloy! 346 00:13:38,108 --> 00:13:40,319 I knew tough love was a bad idea! 347 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:42,947 I never should've listened to those asshole rangers. 348 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,073 Don't you worry. 349 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,200 Daddy is gonna bust you outta here. 350 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,702 Bust me out? This is my home, homes. 351 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,037 I ain't going nowhere. 352 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,456 Brah, I heard Vato killed Julio and Tuco. 353 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:55,918 He is out of control. Take him out. 354 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:59,213 [Grunting, choking] 355 00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,721 Okay, Jorge, there's the line for the costume contest. 356 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,140 When does the furry sex commence? 357 00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,768 My sacro's tied with anticipation! 358 00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,019 In a minute. Come on. 359 00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,188 [Grunting] Left. Right. Left. 360 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,731 [Grunting] Shorten your gait. 361 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:19,483 What the...what the [bleep]? 362 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,986 Denzel could do it. What's so hard about this? 363 00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:25,906 Because my eyes sting from the fumes coming from your anus. 364 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:28,158 You smell like the middle east! 365 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,247 Hey, great Gollum costume. 366 00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:36,166 I have progeria. 367 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,377 Okay, we're next! 368 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,920 I think we've still got a shot at winning. 369 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,213 I'm sorry. You're disqualified. 370 00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:43,090 What? why? 371 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,383 Yeah, you're disqualified because you're missing 372 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:47,094 - The back half of your costume. - Jorge! 373 00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:49,847 You are the biggest, sexiest furry in here. 374 00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:52,266 Tell me, what are you, a bear? Huh? 375 00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:53,350 A gorilla? 376 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,436 I'm Peter Jackson. 377 00:14:57,938 --> 00:15:01,066 Here, relax. Have some toilet wine. 378 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,109 Nah, nah, I'm good. 379 00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,861 I had a bunch of shitter sake earlier. 380 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,738 Now, I don't want to just make love. 381 00:15:05,821 --> 00:15:06,864 We should get to know each other. 382 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,407 Ooh, good idea. 383 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,784 We should have lots of long conversations. 384 00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,286 - What's your favorite color? - Blue. 385 00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:14,455 - Okay, let's do it. - What? Aah! 386 00:15:14,538 --> 00:15:16,624 Hey, hey, that's not gonna fit! It ain't gonna fit! 387 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:18,167 Not so fast! 388 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,503 You cannot have sex with this man. 389 00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:24,048 Oh, thank you, baby Jesus! 390 00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:28,135 - Until after you marry him. - Wait, come again? 391 00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,554 I run a good Christian prison here, 392 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:34,016 and I don't allow any intercourse under my roof 393 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:38,020 unless you share a union in the eyes of God. 394 00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,105 Call the caterer, boys. 395 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,524 We're having us a gay prison wedding! 396 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:45,235 Oh boy. We're getting married! 397 00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:48,697 - W-wait, what's the rush? - I'm a romantic. 398 00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,157 And I got aids. 399 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,452 Alright. Brickleberry's finest. 400 00:15:53,535 --> 00:15:55,496 Denzel's about to become a human condom, 401 00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:57,331 and my poor little baby has been brainwashed 402 00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:58,874 by a gang of landscapers. 403 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,876 And we are gonna bust 'em both out. 404 00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:02,127 Bust them out? 405 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,380 That prison is harder to get into than a sheep's panties. 406 00:16:04,463 --> 00:16:07,883 True, Hazelhurst Penitentiary is notorious for two things... 407 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,344 one, its airtight security, and two, 408 00:16:10,427 --> 00:16:12,763 it's famous for forced homosexual weddings. 409 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,349 We're gonna pose as a wedding events crew, slip in, 410 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,059 and be gone with our friends 411 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:19,019 before the rice pilaf is even cold. 412 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:21,772 Oh my God! I've always wanted to plan a wedding! 413 00:16:21,855 --> 00:16:24,441 Easy there, bridezilla. You're on cake and flowers. 414 00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,859 Connie, you're the photographer. 415 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,862 Can I grab a couple titty pics of Ethel? 416 00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,656 Firecracker jim, you're on demolition. 417 00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,449 When you hear "dun, duh, dun, dun, dun," 418 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:33,492 blow us an escape route! 419 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,952 Hell, yeah! 420 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:37,413 Blowing shit up was my major in college! 421 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,581 I didn't know brickleberry had a college. 422 00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,208 That's 'cause I blew it up! 423 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,210 Them prison guards are gonna be packing a lot of heat, 424 00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:44,461 But so will we. 425 00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,672 When they start firing at us, poom! 426 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:49,299 Hey, look at me! I'm like a stripper with guns! 427 00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:50,801 Just like granny possumcods. 428 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,303 She used to hold us at gunpoint and give us lap dances. 429 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,555 I love Christmas. 430 00:16:54,638 --> 00:16:56,682 Alright team, let's do this. 431 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,976 [All cheering] 432 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,562 Hola, negro. 433 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,188 Me and my boys just wanted to come down 434 00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,024 A little wedding present. 435 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,944 - Sweet, a shank. - No, it's a toothbrush. 436 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,779 I figured you should have fresh breath 437 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,365 While meat hammer turns your asshole inside out. 438 00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:15,868 Oh, no! 439 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,536 How are we gonna get past the guards? 440 00:17:17,619 --> 00:17:19,204 Now everybody just stay cool. 441 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:20,998 I got a whole backstory worked out. 442 00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:22,499 Good day, mate. 443 00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:23,959 Name's Rick Swordfire. 444 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,628 I'm a bisexual pisces who loves analingus. 445 00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,213 How do you spell your last name? 446 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,717 Uh, uh, uh, uh... 447 00:17:33,218 --> 00:17:34,595 All right. Let's go! 448 00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:43,103 [Crying] 449 00:17:43,187 --> 00:17:46,023 - Hey, buddy, you okay? - No, not really. 450 00:17:46,106 --> 00:17:48,484 I got screwed over by my best friend. 451 00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,444 Now I'll probably never get to meet my hero. 452 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,738 Come on, man. Sure you will. 453 00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:56,575 Viggo Mortens... [Grunts] 454 00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,620 Life is too short to be mad at your best friend. 455 00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:00,871 You're right, viggo. 456 00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:02,456 And now he's in a lot of trouble. 457 00:18:02,539 --> 00:18:04,541 He's being forced to marry this guy in prison. 458 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:06,543 What? You need to help your friend. 459 00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,087 Think like a hobbit, man. 460 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,548 You think that, uh, "Fredo" would allow "Gandar" to... 461 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,593 Huh, he'd use the invisibility uh-necklace. 462 00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,261 All right, I'm sorry. 463 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,305 I never saw those Goddamn movies. 464 00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:22,518 ♪ ♪ 465 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,269 [Snaps] 466 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:28,524 ♪ ♪ 467 00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,526 When that guy's done with Denzel's rectum, 468 00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,320 people will pay to see evel knievel jump it. 469 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:38,909 ♪ ♪ 470 00:18:41,245 --> 00:18:45,290 Okay, Firecracker Jim, blow it! 471 00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,960 [Coughs] 472 00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:50,712 Those inbred hillbillies [bleep] up their cue! 473 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:51,964 Yeah, sorry 'bout that. 474 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,258 What the hell are you guys doing here? 475 00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:57,261 Well, yeah, we kinda got arrested on the way over here. 476 00:18:57,344 --> 00:19:01,056 Turns out smoking meth while driving is a parole violation. 477 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,600 God damn it. Well, at least we've still got 478 00:19:03,684 --> 00:19:05,602 A giant wedding cake filled with guns. 479 00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:07,146 Yeah, about that, 480 00:19:07,229 --> 00:19:08,856 There was just no way to get the guns inside 481 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:11,108 Without messing up the lavender buttercream frosting. 482 00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:12,401 Sorry. 483 00:19:12,484 --> 00:19:13,777 Ethel, are you telling me 484 00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,697 That rather than springing Malloy and Denzel, 485 00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:20,033 We're actually here to cater a Goddamn wedding? 486 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:23,704 No, a beautiful God damn wedding! 487 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,543 [Clears throat] 488 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:32,588 Dearly incarcerated, we are gathered to witness 489 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:36,383 the union between meat hammer and Denzel, 490 00:19:36,466 --> 00:19:38,510 Which shall last forever, 491 00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:43,599 for while gay marriage may be legal in our fine state, 492 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,726 gay divorce is not. 493 00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:48,520 Meat hammer, do you take Denzel 494 00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,565 to be your lawfully wedded gay prison partner? 495 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,025 You bet I do. 496 00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:56,153 And, Denzel, do you take meat hammer? 497 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,407 Say it. You better say it. 498 00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:02,659 I, uh...I d... 499 00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:05,495 [Galloping] 500 00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,831 [Whinnies] 501 00:20:07,915 --> 00:20:10,083 Holy shit! Is that Viggo Mortensen? 502 00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,544 Man this career is in the shitter! 503 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:16,006 I, Lord of the Rings, command you...stop this wedding! 504 00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,592 [Grunting] 505 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:24,056 Steve, you saved me! 506 00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,891 That's what best friends are for! 507 00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,602 - Look, Steve, I'm sorry for... - Already forgiven. 508 00:20:28,685 --> 00:20:30,729 Now let's get you out of here the quickest way possible... 509 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:33,440 As two grown men in a horse suit. 510 00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,275 I'll take it from here. 511 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,860 Wait a minute! 512 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:39,571 A furry fook fest either! 513 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:40,989 Let's ride, Steve! 514 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,450 Giddyup, partner! 515 00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:46,536 No, no, leave me! I love it here! 516 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,622 Shadowfax, away! 517 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,458 [Whinnies] 518 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:53,460 Now, somebody could only explain to me 519 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,879 What the [bleep] just happened? 520 00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,339 Aah!