Aw, look at my little cubs of anarchy.
Are you excited about your new bike?
Yes.
Here you go, buddy.
What the [bleep] is that?
I asked for a motorcycle.
Malloy, we both know you're not big enough.
Besides, this is just as cool.
I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.
I am not getting on that thing.
Not without your safety gear.
I look ridiculous. Everybody's gonna laugh at me.
Malloy, no one's gonna laugh at you.
[Laughter]
That's it.
I'm gonna go set up the kill room.
Don't forget your outside helmet.
Daddy's gotta protect his little therapy pet.
[All gasp]
- You're alive? - Yes. Why?
Oh, when you were two hours late, we assumed you were dead.
We even wrote your obituary.
Steve Williams. Lived, died, fat.
That's it?
Why didn't you list any of my accomplishments?
Uh, we said fat.
How about the fact that I've been ranger of the month
for years?
Steve, it's about time we told you
that award is meaningless.
Your medal is a snapple cap we painted gold.
Oh, my God.
I haven't done anything with my life.
When I'm dead, no one will remember me.
Nobody gives a shit, Steve. I'm out of here.
Don't forget your bubble armor.
I can't breathe!
[Chuckles] Have fun, little buddy.
Stay in the driveway.
[Crash]
♪ Brickleberry ♪
What do you onto pick for your stupid bedtime stories.
"Once there was a man with a big, yellow mustache,
and he had a curious little cubsy wubsy
who kept the man's brain demons at bay.
Without his cuddles, the man would have to accept
That during the war, he made a functioning piano
Out of Iraqi teeth and dicks."
The end.
At least it wasn't the Berenstain Bears.
I hate those jews.
P.S. daddy will not be here to tuck you in tomorrow
Cause he going to a strip club.
The strip club? I wanna go.
Whoa, slow down.
You're too small.
You say that about everything.
Is my cubsy afraid to be home alone?
Don't worry.
Daddy has a babysitter all lined up for you.
That always works out well.
That's what I'd do for a Klondike bar.
Hey, Steve.
Hey, what the hell are you doing?
I realized I have to make my mark in the world.
if Reggie got famous for making a sex tape with a horse,
then so can I.
Steve, that wasn't a horse. That was Kim Kardashian.
Ew!
I'll figure out some other way to make my mark.
Hello, Guinness?
I just broke a record.
I stuck 39 rolls of dimes up my ass.
What?
Shia labeouf did 40?
[Dimes hit the floor] Damn it!
What's the big deal?
It's called a fetish!
[Crash]
Eh, d-d-d-d.
Where do you think you're going little bear?
Well man with the accent I can't place.
I am here to see the titties.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You must be at least as tall as her c-section scar,
or else you [bleep] off.
But you are welcome to play
At Jorge's single mom stripper daycare.
Hey, look, it's a wish machine.
All right, Mr. No fly list. Here goes.
[Machine dings]
[Mechanical breathing]
I wish I was big.
[Mechanical breathing]
Damn.
See, this is why I don't trust brown people.
[Eerie music]
[Humming and strumming]
I don't know you played guitar.
it's what I do when I'm sad.
You're really good.
- Have you written any songs? - A few.
I'd like to perform them but, I'd be too embarrassed.
Too embarrassed?
Didn't you shove $195 worth of dimes up your ass?
Every time I fart, it's like I hit triple 7s.
Maybe your songs could put you on the map.
I got some contacts. I could get you a gig.
Okay, but first, I gotta drop a deuce.
We gotta find a coinstar.
Morning, Malloy.
Good morning.
What the [bleep]?
What happened to you, Malloy?
Magic is real!
All right, Steve.
I pull a lot of strings to help get you this gig.
Hey, baby.
It's my girlfriend's grandson's party, so don't screw it up.
Don't worry, the kids will love it.
I'm doing a song, I wrote about guys who work on a mountain.
Alright. Now go get 'em.
[Clears throat]
♪ Mountain men I love mountain men ♪
♪ Mountain Harry, Mountain Tom and Mountain Ben ♪
♪ Sharing a tent with my favorite dudes ♪
♪ I want to be mountin' men like you ♪
♪ They're sweaty, hairy, and hard as a rock ♪
Steve, what the hell?
You better play something else quick!
Song for the kids.
Ooh, I've got a cute rooster song.
Do it! Do it!
♪ I'm in the barn, I'm playing with my cock ♪
♪ All the boys line up to pet my cock ♪
♪ He's thick, he's red, he's got a big old head ♪
♪ Why don't I just show you instead? ♪
♪ Raise your hand if you want to see my cock ♪
- Kill him! - Let's get him!
Run, Steve, run!
What'd I say?
They hate me.
Why did they hate me?
Steve, did you think there was something...
Queer about those songs?
I just write wholesome country songs.
See?
Farmhand jobs.
Come in my back door, bubba.
Riding the bologna pony?
What'd I tell you?
Hmm. You know what?
I just think you need a change of venue
♪ You say love ♪
♪ Is easy ♪
♪ ♪
♪ But love is painful ♪
♪ But love can make you cry ♪
♪ But love can leave you bloody ♪
♪ It's not easy ♪
♪ But love fills you up inside ♪
[Crowd cheers and whistles]
[Strums]
Maybe America is ready
for my innocent, wholesome country songs.
And not dirty songs that are all about sex
like your people's music.
And with me as your manager, you're gonna be big.
Everybody loved me last night.
I got so many high fives and ass slaps.
Those guys over at Hogg Riders
they sure know how to have a good time.
They sure do, buddy.
Now you better be moseying on out of here.
You gotta practice up for your next gig.
Denzel booked me at this place called a bathhouse.
That's actually a...
A place where men can wash each other's dicks
in a heterosexual manner.
Why aren't you telling Steve the truth?
Steve thinks his songs are all pure and innocent.
if he knew there are about hard-core gay sex,
he wouldn't play them.
And you wouldn't be wearing a new panda skin jacket.
Oh, don't be a hater, it's faux.
Fo-Sho real panda skin.
Ha ha!
Listen up, rangers.
There is a problem with Malloy.
[Motorcycle revs]
Sup, squirts?
- Huh. - Cool.
Hey, I guess magic is real.
Malloy, what are you doing with that death machine?
Shut up Woody she's been tested.
You can't ride without a helmet.
Do you want a [bleep] up Gary beauty brain?
Don't be ridiculous.
These things aren't dangerous.
[Motorcycle revs]
Oh no! I'll give her mouth-to-mouth.
That's not her mouth.
It's okay. She's dead.
You okay, Woody?
I'd be better if a giant bear didn't maul me in my sleep.
It stopped your snoring.
Oh Malloy, you destroyed the bathroom!
Where's the toilet?
Check under that big pile of bear shit.
God damn it, Malloy, you've wrecked the place!
Is that Abortia-geddon?
No, it's Abortia-geddon two.
I told you that game was verboten!
I even used German to make it scarier.
I'm big. I can buy any game I want.
No more fetus games,
No more midnight maulings, and the motor cycle.
Has got to go!
My house, my rules.
Then I'll just move out of your house.
Ha!
You won't make it for a second in the real world.
You'll be crawling back, begging me to take you in.
I'll never come back here.
I'm done with you and your bullshit rules.
Little bear, you have no idea
how miserable you're gonna be out there.
You girls are so hot!
Okay, closing time!
Here's your bill, bear. That will be $700.
Oh. I am out of money.
Get outta here! And go get a job, you deadbeat!
I don't need a job or this place.
This is amazing!
How's everybody doing?
[Crowd cheers]
This song about my friend Pedro... [Unplugs mic]
Who rode my donkey all the way to Mexico.
Without a saddle. [Plugs mic in]
♪ Pedro's going bareback on my ass ♪
♪ I said skin on skin may give you an infection ♪
♪ But he slapped my ass ♪ ♪ Said he don't use no protection ♪
♪ Pedro's riding my ass raw ♪
♪ He's a real man without a doubt ♪
♪ But when Pedro's done my ass will be worn out ♪
Hyah!
[Crowd cheers]
Thank you, everyone!
Hey, get off me!
Hello, Denzel.
Who the hell are you?
I'm the head of the gay mafia.
We control Hollywood and all of entertainment.
You do exist.
Fox News was right.
Ya they're right about everything.
We wanna help you.
You've taken Steve Williams as far as he can go.
It's time for the gay mafia to take him to the next level.
Stadiums, record deals, Youtube.
Holy shit! Youtube?
- You can really do that? - Yeah!
Denzel, you seem like a man who likes money.
If you sign a contract with us right now,
we'll give you a cash signing bonus.
I am a man who likes money.
And do we have to tell Steve about the signing bonus?
That is up to Steve's manager.
That's me. So the answer is...
Aw, hell no!
This is a huge arena.
How did you pull this off?
I, have a few new connections.
Thanks, man.
You're really helping me make my mark on the world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now put this on and get out there.
[Cheers and applause]
This song is all about a guy... [Unplugs mic]
Couldn't make it home for Christmas,
because the transmission went out on his pickup truck.
[Plugs mic in] What'd he say?
Mm-Mm-Mm.
♪ Honey, tell the kids ♪
♪ I won't be home today ♪
♪ Got something to tell you ♪
♪ That's really hard to say ♪
♪ I blew a tranny last night ♪
♪ This might hurt you, but there's nothing I can do ♪
♪'Cause I blew a tranny last night ♪
♪ I blew a tranny last night ♪
♪ This might hurt you, but there's nothing I can do ♪
♪ 'Cause I blew a tranny ♪
♪ Last night ♪
Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve! Steve!
And I'm not supposed to say it,
but George Clooney had sex right where you're standing.
Wow! I need this place.
Great! It's a steal at 8,000 a month.
What can I get for 4 bucks
And a rough hand job without bear paws?
Nice, huh?
Bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, all in one room.
Plus...
Central air!
Uh, is he dead?
Don't worry not murder, poisonous spiders.
- You take it? - Guess I have no choice.
Great. And tell your roomate to stop giving me the stink eye.
[Spider hisses]
[Whistling]
Wow, Woody. You're in a good mood.
Why wouldn't I be?
'Cause we thought you'd be skunk shit crazy now that Malloy's gone.
What are you talking about? Malloy's not gone.
He's right here.
- Jesus! - Aah!
Incoming! Eat the women and children first!
Aah!
Uh-Oh.
[Imitating gunfire]
- We need to get Malloy back... - [Screaming]
To calm Woody down before he gets worse.
What the hell is Charlie doing in Iraq?
[Camera clicks] Ha ha!
We like Brickleberry Park!
- Why am I riding a guy again? - Look, it's all CGI.
They're gonna turn that guy into a horse later.
That's how they did it in Lord Of The Rings.
Don't you think this is kinda graphic?
We've got a lot riding on Steve's success
so let me make this clear:
Go tell Steve that we want it to be more graphic,
or you wind up in a ditch with your dick in your mouth.
More graphic it is.
Hey Steve, smack your horse on the ass a few times.
Whatever you say, Denzel.
Now pretend your shaking a thick ketchup bottle
On your face.
- Like this? - No, it's stuck.
You gotta shake it harder!
Oh, the cap is still on.
Try to take it off with your butt.
This is gonna be a cool video.
Congratulations, Denzel.
We've booked a huge concert for Steve at Brickleberry Amphitheater.
Ooh, that's great.
Now I'll be able to pay off this.
We'll need Steve to debut a hot single at the concert.
Done.
We're also gonna need him to promote the concert on Ellen.
Oh no. Steve can't do tv.
He doesn't even know his songs...
Oh! I mean all right!
Which has less calories?
The chicken-zilla or the beef St. Helens?
Like it matters.
Why don't you just get a yummy meal?
It comes with a mirror, so you can find your cooch.
Marroy!
You mean to customers.
You fired!
I need this job, man. I have bills to pay.
Oh, wah.
You fired!
By the way, I jerked off in the silly sauce.
Enjoy.
[Upbeat music]
Please welcome
Country music icon Steve Williams.
[Applause]
♪ ♪
Steve, you're a brave man.
Thank you sir. So are you, Alan.
Uh, we are just so honored
to have the first gay country music artist on our show today.
Oh! Kenny Chesney's here?
[Laughter]
You are such a hoot.
We have a little clip of your latest music video.
I hope I can awkwardly dance to it.
No, shit. Not the video.
You want to tell us anything about it?
I opened an invisible bottle of ketchup with my butt.
Amazing. Let's roll the video.
[Country music]
Oh, my God.
What am I doing? that's not ketchup!
Why would they squirt that on me?
Close your mouth, Steve!
No!
Aah!
Why?
[Upbeat music] Why?
Hey! What are you doing?
Kicking you out! You're late on your rent!
Seriously?
- Seriously? - Ahh.
Uh, yes, sir.
I wish you were here to tell me a bedtime story.
Once upon a time,
I stabbed my [bleep] Pimp to death
With a broke-off buick antenna!
Good night, baby.
Look, Steve, I just wanna...
No. I don't wanna hear more of your lies.
You made me a fraud.
Nothing against gay sex,
I mean, it's on my bucket list,
but these songs were innocent, and you betrayed me.
I'm sorry, Steve.
I just wanted to help you leave your mark.
I promise I'll never lie to you again.
It's too late. I quit
You can't quit!
Oh, yeah? They said I couldn't spell either,
but watch me l-e-v-e.
You're not going anywhere.
Who are these effeminate thugs?
Oh, uh, I may have signed your life away to the gay mafia
Without telling you.
That's an omission of fact. Not a lie.
Big difference.
That little freak-out on Ellen
Better not mean trouble for your concert,
because if you don't show up with a new single, you are both
♪ Dead ♪
If I'm gonna get a death threat,
I do prefer show tune-style.
Oh. We've searched for hours.
Where could he be?
[Metal banging]
Stupid machine. I hate you.
Malloy!
I never thought I'd say this,
but I'm really happy to see you guys.
I hate being big.
I know exactly what you mean.
I said "big," not "Kathy Bates."
Woody needs you.
He's gone crazy without you around.
There's nothing I can do.
This machine only grants one wish per customer.
I can make a wish.
[Harp music]
Oops, sorry.
That's the first thing i popped into my head.
Connie, this isn't about you.
[Harp music]
Oh, it didn't work.
Yes, it did.
Guess who's HPV-free.
Give it a week.
We need to get Woody.
He's the only one who would use his wish
to make Malloy small again.
[Harp music]
Oh, Ray-Ray, you alive!
Oh, I'm so happy.
I get to kill you again mother[bleep]!
Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
Woody!
Oh, he could be anywhere.
[Suspenseful music]
Say hello to my little friend.
I'll say.
Hey, the water's cold, all right?
We all know I'm packing 12 when I'm hanging right.
Now prepare to die!
[Imitating gunshots]
[Grunts]
You'll never take me alive!
Um... Bang?
[Screams]
Come on, man, you got another song in you.
Okay,Okay, I can do this.
♪ I wanna put my butt ♪
♪ In your butt ♪
We're [bleep].
To do now honourable thing
is to change our names and start a new life.
Good thing I keep a couple of emergency disguises just in case.
Steve, what in the hell are we supposed to be?
Duh. The Lone Ranger and Tauntaun.
We'll blend right in.
Steve, Steve Williams?
Uh, no.
I'm a Tauntaun.
[Babbles]
My entire life I've been bullied for being gay.
I was about to end it all before I heard your music.
You're my hero.
You're telling me your life was saved
by the song butt love?
Be quiet, chemotherapy.
This kid just gave me an idea for a song.
What's your name, son?
Billy Black.
[Cheers and applause]
My biggest fan inspired me to write a touching new song.
Come up onstage here, Billy.
[Cheers and applause]
Billy, I promise it gets better,
eventhough sometimes people can be cruel.
This school up to you Billy Black.
[Soft country music]
♪ ♪
♪ I'm so sorry, Billy ♪
♪ bBack, people suck ♪
♪ It's not your fault, Billy ♪
♪ Black, people stink ♪
♪ Don't worry,Billy ♪
♪ Black, people are animals ♪
♪I'd like to tie 'em to my pickup truck ♪
♪ And drag 'em down the road ♪
Gay riot!
That's it. You guys are finished.
[Crowd yells and boos]
[Screams]
Oh, man.
What kind have been named Billy Mexican?
I'll give you anything you want.
Just don't kill me!
Ow!
Cubsy wubsy.
Is that you?
Woody!
Woody, I was wrong.
Being big sucks.
Please wish me smaller.
Anything for you, little buddy.
[Harp music]
I love magic.
[Harp music] Ah, shit, what's happening?
Aww!
My cubsy wubsy is even cuter wuder when he's tiny whiney.
Goddamn irony. Magic sucks.
That was a disaster.
Why did they hate my song so much?
Don't sweat it, Steve.
You just need a change of venue.
♪ I'd like to tie 'em to my pickup truck ♪
♪ And drag 'em down the road ♪
[Crowd cheers]
Denzel was right.
His angry cansurpicians love my Billy Black song.
All: Heil, Steve!
Hi back to you!
Aah!