1 00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:04,337 Woody, I have the results of your colonoscopy. 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:07,590 Be honest, doc. Do I have the ass cancer? 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,217 I'm not going to sugarcoat it, Woody. 4 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,219 I found something alarming in there. 5 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,471 No! [Alarm clock ringing] 6 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,182 Oh, yeah, I accidentally sat on that. 7 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,851 Really? These too? 8 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,603 Looks like somebody fell ass-first into a yard sale. 9 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:24,232 I just like to be organized. I call it Bung-Shui. 10 00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,860 Besides some mild tearing and what I swear was an Oompa Loompa 11 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:29,612 that I was never quite able to get a hold of, you're all clear. 12 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,364 Great. Now, if you'll kindly 13 00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,450 return those things to my ass, I'll be on my way. 14 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,826 Oh, Woody, you're still under the influence 15 00:00:34,909 --> 00:00:36,161 of the anesthetic. 16 00:00:36,244 --> 00:00:37,495 I can't let you drive yourself home. 17 00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:39,247 I gave you a bunch of emergency contacts. 18 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:40,457 Didn't you call 'em? 19 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,333 Yes. I got four wrong numbers, 20 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,169 three hang-ups, and a "[bleep] my mother." 21 00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,254 She's been dead for three years, so that would be difficult 22 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,589 but not impossible. 23 00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,507 Okay. So what does this mean? 24 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:51,384 Medically speaking? Well, you have no friends. 25 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:53,470 And since there's no one here to pick you up, 26 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,763 I'm going to have to put you down. 27 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,598 Wait, wait! Can't I just call a cab? 28 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,183 Hmm, I never thought of that. 29 00:00:58,266 --> 00:00:59,809 Guess I didn't need to put all those people down 30 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,977 after all. 31 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,353 Boy, is my face red. 32 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,189 Kidding! I can't feel emotion. 33 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,690 Get me out of here! 34 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:08,109 Tommy! Shut up and play your trombone! 35 00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:11,988 [Sad trombone plays] 36 00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:16,785 Aah! 37 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:21,122 ♪ Brickleberry ♪ 38 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,211 Wow. Your chest hair really does look like 39 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,212 burnt taco meat. 40 00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:28,463 I told you. 41 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,173 My pubies look like cheese curls. 42 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,802 Oh, wait! These are cheese curls! 43 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,887 Oh, wait. They're not. 44 00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:38,556 Ugh! You guys are making me hungry. 45 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:42,143 Hi, I'm looking for the "Hairy, Horny, Hung Virgin." 46 00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,062 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! 47 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,313 Shut up, Connie. She's here for me. 48 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:46,689 You're a bear? 49 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,483 You never mentioned that you were a bear. 50 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,318 - You lied to me. - Lied? 51 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,153 You answered an ad on Craigslist. 52 00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,863 You're lucky I'm not murdering you. 53 00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:55,573 Well, we're not having sex. 54 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,034 Murder it is. 55 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,912 Malloy can't get laid! 56 00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:03,331 Steve has rabies! 57 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,916 No, I... [Screams] 58 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,335 Wait a second, that's weird. 59 00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:08,795 Malloy, bite him again. 60 00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,380 But harder this time. What? 61 00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:11,923 [Screams] 62 00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,633 Yay! Let's eat each other! 63 00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,009 Dibs on Ethel. 64 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:16,886 Hmm, fascinating. 65 00:02:18,429 --> 00:02:19,639 [Groans] 66 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:21,975 Malloy. You have four incisors. 67 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:24,352 And you have dick on your breath. 68 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:25,687 Do you know what that means? 69 00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,021 Your dad's in town? 70 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,858 No, it means you're a rare breed of bear. 71 00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:31,776 You may even be the last one alive. 72 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:33,778 Ursus Loquacious. 73 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,197 Ursus Loquacious? He plays for the falcons. 74 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,615 Ah! Why the hell 75 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:39,617 did you all give me fake contact numbers? 76 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:40,952 Some friends you are. 77 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,787 Friends? We don't even like you. 78 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,164 Huh? Why? 79 00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,582 Simple. You're an asshole. 80 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,876 That's not true, bitch. 81 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:50,461 Woody, can I get a new uniform? 82 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,839 - I outgrew another one. - [Bleep] You, lard ass. 83 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:54,507 I'm not buying you another uniform! 84 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,717 Lose some weight, or better yet, blow your brains out, 85 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,302 you fat tub of monkey shit! 86 00:02:57,385 --> 00:03:00,013 Honestly now, you guys really think I'm an asshole? 87 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,684 I can't believe I don't have any friends. 88 00:03:04,767 --> 00:03:06,603 Nobody gets me. 89 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,855 Both: One shot of Goldschlager. 90 00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:11,691 I thought I was the only one who enjoyed Goldschlager. 91 00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:14,485 You kidding? This is the finest gold-flecked schnapps 92 00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:16,863 that money can buy for under $12 a bottle. 93 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:19,282 One night, I drank so much of this stuff, 94 00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:23,453 I panned my diarrhea, and I made $80. 95 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,540 That might be the most awesome thing I've ever heard. 96 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,250 Mayor Todd Ford. 97 00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:31,628 The crackhead mayor of Hazelhurst? 98 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,630 Ah, don't believe the media. 99 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,256 They just gave me that nickname 100 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,717 because I smoke crack all the time. 101 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,843 Woody Johnson. 102 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,888 The whore-punching head ranger of Brickleberry. 103 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:45,141 And they say you can't give yourself a nickname. 104 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,186 Barkeep, another round! 105 00:03:49,145 --> 00:03:51,648 My friend said he wanted another drink! 106 00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,859 Oh, shit, you better chill out 107 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:55,944 before he calls the cops! 108 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:58,112 Ha ha ha! I'm mayor. 109 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,531 The cops work for me. 110 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,533 Drinks are on the house! 111 00:04:02,617 --> 00:04:03,910 [Laughter] 112 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,664 To the start of a beautiful friendship! 113 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,300 [Alarm ringing] 114 00:04:19,384 --> 00:04:21,636 Yeah! [Siren wails] 115 00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,347 [Laughter] 116 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,724 Help! Help! 117 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,689 [Laughing] 118 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,150 [Laughing] 119 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,821 Malloy, I have amazing news. 120 00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,322 I did some research, and found out... 121 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,949 You're not actually the last of your species. 122 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,618 Turns out there's one more, and it's a female! 123 00:04:45,702 --> 00:04:47,287 Way to step on my dick, Connie. 124 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:48,496 Sorry. 125 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:49,914 I'm having the bear 126 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,457 flown into the Brickleberry wildlife sanctuary, 127 00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,126 so you can continue the species. 128 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:54,711 Let me check to see if I give a shit. 129 00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:55,628 I don't. 130 00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:56,796 You know what this means? 131 00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,548 It means... you get to have sex with her! 132 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,718 And not just once, as much as you possibly can. 133 00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:02,719 God damn it, Connie! 134 00:05:02,802 --> 00:05:04,053 Sorry! 135 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,138 Interesting. 136 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,723 Tell me more about this 137 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,017 having sex as much as I possibly can. 138 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:09,976 All right. 139 00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,853 But first there's a complex mating ritual 140 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,730 that you're gonna have to learn. 141 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,733 Okay, now, you circle around her seven times, 142 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:18,651 and her labia will become engorged. 143 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:19,777 Check. 144 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,529 This is the worst furry party ever. 145 00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:23,948 And then begin to growl and cup the buttocks 146 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,158 of the female... 147 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:27,910 - Urgh! - [Groans] 148 00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:31,039 I think I just lost my deposit on this bear suit. 149 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:32,749 [Squish] 150 00:05:33,374 --> 00:05:36,169 I don't get it Denzel. How do you stay so thin? 151 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,171 I burn a lot of calories having sex. 152 00:05:38,254 --> 00:05:40,298 Does it work if it's with yourself? 153 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,674 No. 154 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,470 Ha ha! I don't have friends 'cause I'm an asshole, huh? 155 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,890 See what you know, I made a friend who's a bigger asshole 156 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:49,891 than me! 157 00:05:49,974 --> 00:05:50,850 Daniel Tosh? 158 00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,226 Who? Never heard of him. 159 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:55,063 No, my bff is the coolest guy on the planet: 160 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:56,647 Mayor Todd Ford. 161 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,108 Really, Woody? He's a corrupt drug addict. 162 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,027 He's not a drug addict. 163 00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:02,987 I got the drugs! 164 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,238 Whoo! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! 165 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,866 We've gotta keep this meth off the street. 166 00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:08,701 [Gobbling] 167 00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,704 [Babbling] 168 00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:15,583 I'm all right. 169 00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:19,879 He's fine, I had to do this three times last night. 170 00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:22,131 Ahhh! 171 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:24,008 I feel awesome! 172 00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,468 Did I die again? 173 00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,929 Did I die again? I love this guy! 174 00:06:28,012 --> 00:06:29,222 Makes me want to be mayor. 175 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,556 So, what are we doing tonight? 176 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,393 Oh, yeah. Me and some high-powered friends 177 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:34,977 are playing poker. But it might be 178 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,687 a little too high-stakes for you. 179 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:39,482 You kidding? High-stakes is my middle name. 180 00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:41,526 All right, Woody, if you insist! 181 00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,444 We're going to party tonight! 182 00:06:43,528 --> 00:06:44,695 Yeah! Yeah! 183 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,823 Yeah... [Groans] 184 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:52,036 Now remember, the continuation of your entire species 185 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,538 depends on this. 186 00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:56,207 Here we go, let the banging begin. 187 00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:58,709 [Sultry music] 188 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,586 [Music winds down] Hello. 189 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:04,048 Nope. No way. I am not [bleep] that. 190 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,133 You can't leave. 191 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,427 Your species depends on the two of you mating. 192 00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,429 Yeah, Malloy, she's not that bad. 193 00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:11,264 Oh, yeah. She looks like a movie star. 194 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:16,602 Steve BuscemI's eyes and the teeth of... Steve Buscemi. 195 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,732 God damn it! I fold. 196 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,484 Ha! Ha! Ooh, yeah! 197 00:07:23,568 --> 00:07:26,028 I haven't seen this many unnecessary folds 198 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,739 since I binge-watched season one of girls. 199 00:07:28,823 --> 00:07:30,450 Ha ha! 200 00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,368 So, you're a bit of a hunter, eh, Ford? 201 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,745 I do love big game hunting. 202 00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:37,415 It's too bad there's no good place to do it around here. 203 00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:38,749 Yeah, [bleep] Obama, 204 00:07:38,833 --> 00:07:40,751 putting all the good animals in Africa. 205 00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,587 Anyway, thanks for inviting me and letting me 206 00:07:42,670 --> 00:07:44,088 take all your money, fellas. 207 00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,715 And you, Bruce Jenner, 208 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,092 you are either a very ugly man 209 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:51,137 - or a very attractive woman. - Thank you. 210 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:54,724 Actually, Bruce lost a lot of poker games. 211 00:07:54,807 --> 00:07:57,101 The first bet was "wear this dress," and then it was 212 00:07:57,185 --> 00:08:00,605 take these Estrogen pills so on and so on. Would you care to make 213 00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:04,192 this hand "A little more interesting," Woody? 214 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,489 Yes! Yes! I mean... Eh, maybe. 215 00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:10,823 What do you have in mind? 216 00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:13,618 Well, I know your dream job is to be mayor. 217 00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:16,787 How about, if you win, you get to be mayor? 218 00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:20,041 If I win, I get control of Brickleberry. 219 00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:22,043 Oh, I don't know. 220 00:08:22,126 --> 00:08:24,712 What's the matter, Woody? Got no balls? 221 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,214 You want to borrow mine? 222 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:27,882 They're in a dumpster in Glendale. 223 00:08:27,965 --> 00:08:30,134 So, Woody, are you going to take the bet, 224 00:08:30,218 --> 00:08:33,137 or are you not man enough to be my friend? 225 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,765 All right, I'm in! Four aces. 226 00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:39,519 That's an impressive hand, but does it beat my... 227 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,978 Straight flush? 228 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,396 Oh, shit. 229 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,565 I lost the park to a straight flush! 230 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:45,816 Cry me a river. 231 00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:48,361 I lost my dick to a pair of Queens. 232 00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:50,905 Hello! We have names, you know. 233 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,495 One... Whew! 234 00:08:57,620 --> 00:09:00,831 Okay, I jumped the rope, I did half a sit-up. 235 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,458 Why can't I lose weight? 236 00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,544 All I've been eating are these rice cakes. 237 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,587 Those are rice krispie treats, dumbass. 238 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:07,672 Morning, rangers! 239 00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:10,132 So, I got a little overextended last night 240 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:13,052 and, uh, lost the park to the mayor in a poker game. 241 00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,720 - Moving on. - You what? 242 00:09:14,804 --> 00:09:17,014 Don't judge me. I had four aces.. 243 00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,141 All of you would've done exactly the same thing, 244 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,352 so this is as much your fault as it is mine. 245 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,896 See, Woody. This is why no one likes you. 246 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,357 You think that's why no one likes him? Ha! 247 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,901 Oh, don't worry about it. The park will be fine. 248 00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:30,194 Nothing's going to change. 249 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:31,279 [Rumbling] 250 00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:33,739 [Elephant trumpets] 251 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:37,743 [African music] 252 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:42,164 ♪ ♪ 253 00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,750 [Lion roars] 254 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,627 [Elephant trumpets] 255 00:09:46,794 --> 00:09:50,172 It's going to be so much more convenient to hunt them all 256 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,425 in our own backyard. 257 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,595 [Gunshots] 258 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,017 Well, this is great. 259 00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,269 All these wild animals are going to be a huge draw 260 00:10:03,352 --> 00:10:04,270 for the tourists. 261 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,771 Uh, Woody, 262 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,773 the animals are eating the tourists. 263 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,984 [Screaming] 264 00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,777 I just thought of a great way for you to lose wieght. 265 00:10:11,861 --> 00:10:12,862 Really? 266 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,364 It's called running fast as you mother [bleep] can! 267 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:19,952 [Screaming] 268 00:10:20,036 --> 00:10:21,954 Worst case scenario they rip your leg off. 269 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,456 That's still losing weight! 270 00:10:23,539 --> 00:10:25,249 Thanks, buddy! 271 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:27,168 Woody, what are you going to do about this? 272 00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,670 Hmm, would you accept "[bleep] you" as an answer? 273 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,882 - No. - Fine! I'll go talk to the mayor. 274 00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,305 Oh, no Bobby. Rhinoceroseses! 275 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:42,058 I told you we shouldn't have played Jumanji! 276 00:10:44,935 --> 00:10:46,604 Listen, Fordles, can we talk? 277 00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,315 Uh, some of the other rangers... Not me, of course... 278 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,484 Think the animals you flew into the park 279 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,612 are destroying the place. Crazy, right? 280 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,823 Tell them I'm calling the shots at Brickleberry now. 281 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:01,744 If it get destroyed, so be it, as long as I get to 282 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:07,583 hunt down and kill those animals the only way a man should... 283 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,919 High on crack! 284 00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:13,798 Yeah, but why do you have to do it at Brickleberry? 285 00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,383 Well, it beats going to Africa. 286 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,009 I hate flying. 287 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:19,303 And skinny kids with fat bellies scare me. 288 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:20,388 I know, right? 289 00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:23,099 Pick a body type, you fat skinny bastards. 290 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:26,727 I'm just lucky you picked up those two aces on the draw. 291 00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,355 Yeah, if only I'd...[gasps] How'd you know I picked up 292 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,981 two aces on the draw? 293 00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,900 Wait a second. You cheated! 294 00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,820 Oh, no. A politician who cheats? 295 00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:36,904 What's next? 296 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,448 An eskimo that [bleeps] coconuts? 297 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,828 Sorry, I'm very high. 298 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,830 But... But we're best friends. 299 00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:49,083 We're not friends! You're an asshole! 300 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:53,254 I played you like a bitch just to get my hands on that park. 301 00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,255 This means war! 302 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,465 You are now a sworn enemy of Woody Johnson. 303 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,260 Unless you want to start over and try to be friends again? 304 00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:00,720 No, I don't. 305 00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,889 Jesus, who wrote this shit? 306 00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,851 And then, he could [bleep] a coconut! 307 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,686 Hello, Emmy. 308 00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,397 Come on out, Mallory. 309 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,940 Don't be shy. 310 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,067 I know what it's like to be the ugly one. 311 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,610 But it gets better. 312 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,863 [Whispering] It doesn't get any better. 313 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,453 I can work with this. 314 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:28,205 [Funk music] 315 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:32,209 ♪ ♪ 316 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:36,172 ♪ ♪ 317 00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:44,805 [Romantic music] 318 00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:48,184 ♪ ♪ 319 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,561 Ethel, Connie, gotta say, nice work. 320 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:51,812 I actually have half a chub here. 321 00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:53,773 So, Mallory, you've been quiet. 322 00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:55,524 Tell me something about yourself. 323 00:12:56,317 --> 00:12:57,526 Be yourself, Mallory. 324 00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,988 Wanna take this train to [bleep] town? 325 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:02,072 I'm sorry? 326 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,657 Can I taste yo' juice? 327 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:05,326 I'm not even sure what we're talking about. 328 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,912 I want to punch you in the b-hole. 329 00:13:07,995 --> 00:13:09,246 All right. 330 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,457 And the word of the day is "extinction." 331 00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:15,211 Hang me upside down and speed bag my tits! 332 00:13:17,004 --> 00:13:19,548 Oh, my best friend betrayed me, and I have no way 333 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,091 of getting my park back. 334 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,511 What do I do Malloy? I got my own problems. 335 00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,514 Some cock-eyed woodchuck wants me to punch her in the b-hole. 336 00:13:26,597 --> 00:13:28,265 No wonder I'm the last of my species. 337 00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:30,559 That's it. You're a genius, Malloy. 338 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,269 No, but I still make Steve look dumber 339 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,146 than a sack of dry shit. 340 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,357 Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! 341 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,359 Sack. 342 00:13:38,442 --> 00:13:40,236 Malloy, why'd you run off? 343 00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,112 I thought you and Mallory had a real moment there. 344 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:43,531 What moment was that? 345 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,407 When she asked me to fist fight her lady lips? 346 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:49,411 Yeah, that was [bleep] hot. Mmm. 347 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,163 Malloy, you have a responsibility 348 00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,748 to continue your kind. 349 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,124 You have to have sex with her. 350 00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:55,251 I'd rather die. 351 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,961 Then you leave me no choice. 352 00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:01,048 Whoa! I wasn't serious! Whoa! 353 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,551 Aw, what a cute little coma. 354 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,553 What are you doing? 355 00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,347 I was able to extract an egg from Mallory last night. 356 00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:11,725 Now I just need to get Malloy's sperm, and I can fertilize it. 357 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:13,727 It's okay, Ethel. Just close your eyes 358 00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:15,437 and pretend you're tugging your way 359 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,897 out of another speeding ticket. 360 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,901 Connie, I got the semen! 361 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,486 Yeah, it's about time. 362 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,572 I got tired of watching after two hours. 363 00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,157 Yeah, whiskey dick's nothing compared to tranq spank. 364 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,659 Pretty sure I have carpal tunnel now, 365 00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:31,161 but you know what, it was worth it. 366 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:38,168 Steve! You gained 10 pounds! 367 00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,880 Damn it. I'll never fit in this uniform. 368 00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:42,423 Looks like diet and exercise aren't your thing. 369 00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:44,008 We need to try something new. 370 00:14:44,091 --> 00:14:47,177 I've tried everything. not even liposuction worked! 371 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,013 [Slurping] 372 00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,056 I can't believe you were going to throw this out. 373 00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,808 It's delicious! 374 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:55,436 [Gunshot] [Groans] 375 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,770 Where are you taking me? 376 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,481 I was having the best tug job dream. 377 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:00,774 You're going help me save this park. 378 00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:02,026 Now be quiet. 379 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,990 Well, mayor, I guess you really tickled his ivories. 380 00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:09,950 What do you want, Woody? 381 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:12,578 Well, I thought you might be interested in a little wager, 382 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,788 since you call yourself a betting man. 383 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,583 What could you possibly have that I want? 384 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,877 I've already taken everything from you. 385 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,254 Oh, not everything. Look at these gums. 386 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,089 What is this, roots? 387 00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:27,343 Oh, my God! Ursus Loquacious! 388 00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:30,346 The rarest animal on the planet, 389 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,222 the holy grail. 390 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:33,307 Here's the bet. 391 00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:35,184 - I'll let you hunt Malloy... - What? 392 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,311 But only for one hour. 393 00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:39,355 If you can't kill him, I get my park back. 394 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,732 Can we think of a plan that doesn't involve my death? 395 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,108 Nah, too much trouble. 396 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:44,985 The hunt starts at noon tomorrow. 397 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,612 You got a deal. 398 00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:48,906 Get ready to mount that rhino. 399 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:52,868 Get in line. Oh, I like these exotic women. 400 00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,209 Ugh! This diet is making me hungry. 401 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,379 [Sniffs] 402 00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:07,257 I don't know who See-mon is, but I'm eating his yogurt. 403 00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:09,301 Mmm-Mmm! 404 00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:10,636 It's got a kick to it! 405 00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:12,429 Steve! What the [bleep] are you doing? 406 00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,015 I know! I'm cheating on my diet. 407 00:16:15,099 --> 00:16:18,310 Cheating on your diet? You eating bear jizz! 408 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,646 Oh, my God! 409 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:23,440 Oh, my God! 410 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,944 Why would See-mon write his name on a cup of bear jizz? 411 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,365 [Groaning] 412 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,033 Steve, do you feel okay? 413 00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:35,953 Uh, just got a hold of some bad yogurt. 414 00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:37,371 I'm trying not to think about it. 415 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:41,208 Wanna split my tapioca pudding? 416 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,210 You could've just said "no." 417 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:46,588 So Woody's big plan is to sacrifice my life 418 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,382 to get his stupid park back. 419 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,218 Cubsywubs, there's no way daddy's gonna let you die. 420 00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,594 I've got it all planned out. 421 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:55,305 What? My funeral? Eat my jizz, Woody. 422 00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:57,224 Shut up! 423 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:59,893 First, I'm going to use bear track to lure Mayor Ford 424 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,354 to the Brickleberry briar patch where stage one 425 00:17:02,438 --> 00:17:03,772 of my plot begins... 426 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:08,110 And that brings us to little ol' stage 238: 427 00:17:08,193 --> 00:17:12,865 Batman'll come swinging in and say, [mumbling] "justice!" 428 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,909 So as long as we do this all before noon, you'll be fine. 429 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,745 Uh, it's 12:45. 430 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,706 You see, that's why I need an alarm clock in my ass! 431 00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:22,666 Wow, Malloy! 432 00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,419 I didn't know you were in the triple nipple club too. 433 00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:26,754 Oh, crap! Move! 434 00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,172 [Gunshot] 435 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:31,341 I'm outta here. Great plan, Woody. 436 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,136 Where are you going? It's dangerous out there. 437 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,512 It's dangerous in here. 438 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:38,057 And if I'm gonna die, I'm not gonna die a virgin. 439 00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:42,269 Someone spilled bleach in my warm salted mayonnaise. 440 00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,812 You smell it, Steve? 441 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,273 That's so specifi... 442 00:17:46,356 --> 00:17:48,484 Ew, gross! 443 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,405 There's not much time. We have to make love. 444 00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,157 Shit, yeah, we do. 445 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:58,744 It's time to serve up some panny pudding. 446 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:00,621 No. 447 00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:05,292 Oh, hell, you gonna tape me up before you split these guts? 448 00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:08,837 That gets my overies clapping and my bung hole flapping 449 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,714 cause... 450 00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:13,342 All right. Let's get this over with. 451 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,470 Come out, little bear. This won't hurt much. 452 00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,388 It's just a little genocide. 453 00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,475 [Grunting] 454 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:24,228 I've got you now. 455 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:27,481 Nothing like killing an animal at his moment of climax. 456 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:32,236 Don't you shoot my bear! [Gunshot] 457 00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:35,656 No! 458 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,117 I wish I knew what it was like to lose a child. 459 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,201 Khloe? 460 00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:41,620 Yeah, Khloe. I hate that hairy ape. 461 00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:48,252 Malloy, you were my best friend. I loved you. 462 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:51,463 Why did I try to find a new friend when my true friend 463 00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:54,633 was right here, and now my fake friend killed my only friend? 464 00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:56,343 [Sobbing] 465 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,554 - Jesus, you're a pussy. - [Gasps] 466 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,056 But if you're here calling me a pussy... 467 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,267 Who is... What is... 468 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,394 Ew, God damn it, that's ugly. 469 00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,187 Why the hell is she wearing a strap-on? 470 00:19:07,271 --> 00:19:10,858 Had to save my ass by giving up my ass. 471 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:13,277 Yeah, I'm the only kinky freak around here. 472 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,822 1:00 on the dot. You lose, Woody. 473 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,783 The deal was to kill Malloy within one hour. 474 00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:23,287 You killed another bear who was way too ugly to live anyway. 475 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,164 I'll give you this much, Woody. 476 00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,332 You sure know how to get lucky. 477 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:29,293 The park is yours. 478 00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:32,045 I beat you, you son of a bitch! 479 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,173 [Grunting] Hey, Woody. 480 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,718 Well look who finally decided to show up... Batman. 481 00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:40,053 You do know that's not Batman, right? 482 00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,680 I think I know Batman. 483 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,558 He's been sneaking in my window and fingering my bat cave 484 00:19:44,641 --> 00:19:47,269 ever since I was a little boy. [Grunts] 485 00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,982 Today I learned a valuable lesson about friendship. 486 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:54,443 It is better not to have any friends, 487 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:56,570 so I'm just going to continue being an asshole. 488 00:19:56,653 --> 00:19:59,239 Oh, and I also learned that some guy dressed in a Batman suit 489 00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,616 molested me as a child. 490 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:02,576 Now that Mallory's gone, I'm pretty excited to be 491 00:20:02,659 --> 00:20:03,702 the last of my species. 492 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,537 People will pay big money to see me. 493 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:08,540 Well, you're not exactly the last, Malloy. 494 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,959 Thanks to the artificial bear womb I got on Skymall, 495 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,420 Malloy's child will be born any second. 496 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:15,797 Uh, I'm going to be a grandfather! 497 00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,426 Uh, Woody, can I get a smaller ranger uniform? 498 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,011 This one doesn't fit me anymore. 499 00:20:21,094 --> 00:20:23,597 Oh, Jesus. What the hell happened to you? 500 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,140 What do you got all, the aids? 501 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,059 No, I've been throwing up every day 502 00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:28,936 since I ate Malloy's semen. 503 00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:30,187 You did what? 504 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,022 Don't worry, I knew you'd be mad, 505 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:34,483 so I replaced it with my semen. 506 00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:35,734 Oh, my God. 507 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:38,195 [Shrieking] 508 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:42,783 Kill me! 509 00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:46,286 [Gunshot] 510 00:20:46,370 --> 00:20:50,582 Got the only one. I am a God now. 511 00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:53,460 Uh, that's definitely for the best. 512 00:20:53,543 --> 00:20:55,963 I [bleep] love that guy. 513 00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:57,506 [Screaming] 514 00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:00,717 [Easy music instrumental] 515 00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:01,760 ♪ ♪