1 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:17,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:22,200 Thank you. 3 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,280 Thank you so much. Thank you very much. 4 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,560 Thank you at home for joining us as well. 5 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:28,960 Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show. 6 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,840 We have got a fabulous Saturday night's entertainment 7 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:32,040 lined up for you. Let's have a look, 8 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,160 first of all, as always, at who's in my green room. 9 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,560 First up, chatting and performing his new single 10 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,280 for the first time on British television, 11 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,840 it's Niall Horan. 12 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:45,680 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:49,000 Alongside him is the host of Love Island. 14 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,440 I'm gonna pull her for a chat, find out where her head's at. 15 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:53,280 Get your grafting boots on, it's Maya Jama. 16 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:58,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,520 Next up, she's come straight here from Hollywood - 18 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,840 Paul Hollywood. 19 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,280 Queen of the Bake Off tent, Dame Prue Leith. 20 00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:09,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 21 00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,240 Hello, Prue. Lovely to see you again. 22 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:13,720 Plus, and I'm very excited he's on the show, 23 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:16,240 we have a BAFTA award-winning actor, writer and comedian. 24 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,600 The very, very funny Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen. 25 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It's true. Yes, it's true. 26 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,360 It's all true, Tom. Enjoy it. Embrace it. 27 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:26,800 I'm buzzing. 28 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:29,080 We've also got one of my favourite comedians working today. 29 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,720 He's very funny. He's always great on the show. 30 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:32,680 I'm thrilled he's back. The hilarious James Acaster. 31 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:37,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 32 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,760 OK, but just before I get my guests out, 33 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:42,400 here's something quite unusual for this country. 34 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,200 Everyone's been talking about the weather this week. 35 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,720 It's freezing, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen? 36 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,960 AUDIENCE: Yes! Recently, it's been about as icy 37 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:53,440 as a Zoom chat between Charles and Harry. That's how cold it is. 38 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,440 However, some people have to venture out for work, of course, 39 00:01:55,440 --> 00:02:00,360 no matter what the weather, like this legendary delivery driver. 40 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:13,840 LAUGHTER 41 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:24,320 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 42 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,480 JONATHAN CHUCKLES 43 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,000 They should give him a raise, shouldn't they? 44 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:30,880 Or at least some shoes with better grip. 45 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,200 Shall we get on with the show? CHEERING 46 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,080 Why don't we? Let's get my first guests. 47 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:37,280 It's Niall Horan and Maya Jama. 48 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:46,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 49 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:50,040 That's a good-looking couple, right there. 50 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:51,440 Hello, mate. 51 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,520 I don't know where we're supposed to go. 52 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,840 Well, thank you for coming on the show. 53 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,440 Hello. Lovely to see you both again. 54 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,680 So, Niall, this is a big year for you. 55 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,080 I hope so. Big year for you. 56 00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:04,560 You've got the album coming out, of course, 57 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:08,360 but this is the year Niall turns... 30. 58 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,600 CHEERING 59 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:13,040 The big 3-0. It's the big one. 60 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,080 It's a milestone, isn't it? 61 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,240 Yeah, I think so. I'm looking forward to it. 62 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,840 You got plans? You got a big thing planned for it? 63 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,160 Yeah, I'm not one for... 64 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,000 This may surprise you, I'm not one for attention. 65 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,680 LAUGHTER So I'm gonna share it, 66 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,800 do a little double birthday with my best mate 67 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,200 since we were, like, three years of age. 68 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,960 We're gonna have a joint birthday. No idea what we're doing yet. 69 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,640 Hold on, were you that tall when you were three? 70 00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:35,680 LAUGHTER I was that tall when I was 14. 71 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,960 LAUGHTER 72 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,120 Maya, you're enjoying huge success at the moment on Love Island. 73 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,280 Isn't Maya great on Love Island? 74 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:45,080 CHEERING Thanks. 75 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,640 And I'm sure your life's changed in the same way, 76 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,280 and I'm relatively well-known, 77 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,280 but neither of us know what it's like to be that level of famous. 78 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,560 Yeah, not Niall level. Yeah. Yeah. 79 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,080 So it must be almost impossible to go somewhere 80 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,200 without someone wanting to take a selfie, 81 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,280 without someone recognising you. 82 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:00,840 You know where I was at the weekend? 83 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:05,000 I was in The Kop at Anfield watching Liverpool beat Man United... 84 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,440 CHEERING ..7-0. 85 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,000 And not one of them looked at me. It was brilliant. 86 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,920 The best day ever. LAUGHTER 87 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,600 And Man United got beat, so it was even better. 88 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,160 Let's talk about Love Island a bit. CHEERING 89 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,240 The final, Monday, 9pm. The big final of Love Island, 90 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,640 we'll see who's crowned this year's winner. 91 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,160 Do you watch Love Island? 92 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,440 Didn't see this season. Have you watched previous ones? 93 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:30,040 I have, but I'll be watching it the next season. 94 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,920 Do you like the love side of it, or do you like the drama? 95 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:33,760 Drama. The drama. 96 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,520 Yeah, the drama's the best bit. You need the drama. 97 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,280 That's what people like the most? Yeah. 98 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:38,880 And it must be weird for you, cos you're in there, 99 00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:43,520 and do you get to know the people a little bit? Not really. 100 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,280 We don't have full conversation until they're out. 101 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,360 I just come in, throw someone out, and leave, most of the time. 102 00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,200 LAUGHTER And when you took on the job, 103 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,680 were you nervous about taking it on, because it's such a successful show? 104 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,920 Obviously, it's a very big show. 105 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,080 Everybody watches it, everyone's got an opinion, 106 00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,440 and quite a lot of people online were like, "We want Maya to host." 107 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,960 So it felt a bit like I just don't want to let anyone down. 108 00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:03,040 I don't want it to be like, 109 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,520 "You guys wanted me to do it, and now I'm shit." 110 00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,040 So I felt that pressure, 111 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:12,120 and to get the slow-motion walk right, and to, you know... 112 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,840 It's the big drama when you first enter, of course, isn't it? Yeah! 113 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:16,960 It's the 114 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,000 It's the slow 115 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,520 It's the 116 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:22,320 slow-motion walk. It's shot from the front and the back. Yeah. 117 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,840 It's actually a bit weird having a cameraman go, 118 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,440 "I'm just gonna film your bum for a little bit." OK. 119 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,720 Obviously, you don't walk in slow motion. 120 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:27,880 No, you do not. You do a normal strut. 121 00:05:27,880 --> 00:05:28,920 I was really nervous about it. 122 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,960 Me and my friends the night before I went had a big girls' night, 123 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,760 and they were like, "OK, show us how you're gonna walk." 124 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,200 So we had a couple of wines, and I was doing it. 125 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,960 And as soon as I got there and the camera crew were there, 126 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,080 I was like, "I can't do it!" 127 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,040 You do it about five times and they choose the best bits. 128 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,720 Do you listen to a tune in your head when you walk? 129 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,920 N... Maybe, you know. I don't know. 130 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:46,120 It would be different each time if I did, but it's just more like... 131 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,200 SHE HUMS 132 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,000 Oh, like the theme from Jaws? Yeah! 133 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,000 LAUGHTER 134 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,600 "I'm gonna throw someone out of the house!" 135 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,720 Yeah. Sassy. Brilliant, yeah. 136 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,880 And do you know... Cos last year, they did... 137 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:00,400 This one's in South Africa, and they did one in Europe as well. 138 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:01,520 Yeah. They always do it in Spain, 139 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:04,000 but the winter one came back this year, so it's South Africa. 140 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,040 Are you doing one in Spain? 141 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,840 Yeah, I'm gonna be doing the summer one. That starts in... 142 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,680 I don't know if I'm allowed to even say that. It starts... 143 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:12,640 Is that an exclusive? No, I don't know! 144 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,400 It starts in summer. Summer. 145 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,000 LAUGHTER Yeah, yeah. 146 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,200 Maya, so we're talking about this new stage in your career. 147 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,680 Where's the weirdest place you've been recognised? Oh... 148 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,800 Where someone's had a fan engagement with you? 149 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,920 I had laser. The girlies will know. 150 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,160 You know, laser in the bikini line and your armpits and stuff. 151 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,120 And I've gone in there, and you have to have your fanny out. 152 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,360 LAUGHTER Yep. And, erm... 153 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:37,480 The girl's doing it, 154 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,600 we're having a little chat about something, 155 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,040 and then halfway through, like, literally, just in there, 156 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,200 she's like, "Oh, can I get a little selfie after?" Huh?! 157 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,360 LAUGHTER 158 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:47,760 "Yeah, but now you've just seen all over me, 159 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,000 "I feel shy!" 160 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,800 Cos then there's proof. "I touched her fanny." 161 00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:53,040 And then there's a picture of us. LAUGHTER 162 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,600 Do you know what I mean? Together, confirmed. 163 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,280 So, yeah. That was a bit strange. 164 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,280 But that's the weird thing, cos selfies. 165 00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:01,520 Where is the weirdest place you've been asked for a selfie? Oh, God. 166 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,320 Have you ever been asked in a toilet? 167 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,680 Has anyone ever asked you in the toilet? 168 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,000 That's not even weird to me now. LAUGHTER 169 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,520 That's how often it happens. 170 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,640 Football games... What, mid-piss? 171 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:12,880 Yeah! Really? Just standing there... 172 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,480 Willy's out? Willy's out. Crazy. 173 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:16,960 "Oi, Niall, mate. Can I get a photo with you?" 174 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,600 LAUGHTER 175 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:21,640 "Fuck off!" LAUGHTER 176 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,520 That was how we met, of course, wasn't it? 177 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:28,000 That was about 4 o'clock this afternoon. 178 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:30,640 But it must be hard for you to have been famous for so long. 179 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,360 From so young in that way, and are there ever times when you... 180 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,120 You kind of feel the need to get away from it? 181 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,720 You wanna kind of get away from Niall Horan, the public person, 182 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,200 and just be you? I try and do that as much as I can. 183 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,480 Like, I play a lot of golf. Get away from that. Erm... 184 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:47,040 Where else can I go? I tried... 185 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,320 Being back in Ireland's good. Yeah. 186 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:50,880 CHEERING Come on! 187 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,040 LAUGHTER 188 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,280 I guess at home, when you go back and see family. 189 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,320 Yeah, when I'm in behind the doors of the house, I can be... 190 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:01,160 Yeah. I'm just the son again, you know? 191 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,440 Which is nice, I would have thought. 192 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,440 Yeah, wholesome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 193 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:07,360 Where can you go if you wanna get away from being Maya Jama, 194 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:08,680 the glamorous star of television and... 195 00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,360 People don't really care that much. 196 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,320 People are more like, "All right?" And I'm like, "you OK?" 197 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:13,920 My friend will be like, "Do you know them?" "No." 198 00:08:13,920 --> 00:08:16,400 People are a bit more casual with me, I think. 199 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,160 They just, yeah... 200 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,680 "Do you wanna go for a pint?" "Yeah." Yeah. 201 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:21,800 You don't drink pints, do you? I drink loads of pints. 202 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,120 Drink pints? Yeah. Pints of what? 203 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:25,880 Cider. I'm from Bristol. 204 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,280 CHEERING Yeah. Is there any Bristolians? No? 205 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:31,280 Yes! Oh, there is! I love that. 206 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,760 BRISTOLIAN: All right, my love? LAUGHTER 207 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,720 Actually, you're good with accents, aren't you? 208 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,320 You're pretty good. That's a good Bristol. 209 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,360 IRISH: Yeah, I can do some Irish. I'm not too bad, actually. 210 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,960 It's all right. 211 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,800 Yeah, I love an Irish accent, so I pretended once 212 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,880 when I went to stay somewhere I was Irish, and they believed me. 213 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,600 That's good. It's not bad, actually. 214 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Amazing. That is amazing. 215 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,200 This... It's there. I think the husky voice helps with Irish. 216 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,240 Yeah, but some people... 217 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,400 POOR SCOTTISH: I cannot be fuckin' bothered. Scottish, as well. 218 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,520 That wasn't Scottish. Scot-tash. 219 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,200 Scot-tash? Are you crazy? Scot-tash! 220 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,600 An Angus burger. You carry on like that, 221 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,720 Lewis Capaldi's gonna phone me and bollock me. 222 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,680 LAUGHTER 223 00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,760 OK, so, here's the exciting news. 224 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,280 Niall has his third solo album coming out. 225 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:16,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 226 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:21,800 CHEERING 227 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,920 Coming out 9th June. 228 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,200 It's The Show. 229 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,520 We are not allowed to play you the tracks, 230 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:28,600 but I'm gonna sing every one of them for you. 231 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:32,680 LAUGHTER It's gonna be a long show, that. 232 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,960 I guess you have to guard that kind of thing very closely. 233 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,200 You've only released Heaven so far from it. Yeah. 234 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,480 And that's what Niall's performing at the end for us. 235 00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,120 But, I have heard some of it, and it's got a more mature sound. 236 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,240 It's got a kind of different sound to what came before, I think. 237 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:49,040 Yeah. I suppose it kind of comes with age. 238 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,080 The last time I... 239 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,960 wrote an album was probably when I was 24 or five. 240 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,320 So the fact that the pandemic happened 241 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,960 and then I had time afterwards to make the record, 242 00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,560 I've gradually, I've obviously got older, 243 00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,400 so yeah, I guess with that, 244 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,120 the sound has matured as well with it. 245 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,160 And who do you run your stuff by? 246 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,880 If you've written a track or you've got an idea, 247 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,800 who can you run it by? Because it must be hard to know 248 00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,040 whether something is as good as you want it to be, 249 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:15,200 as good as you think it is without getting a second opinion. 250 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,280 Who do you trust to get that advice from? 251 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:19,800 A few of, like... Some of the artists that I know 252 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,320 that I would, like, send stuff to sometimes, 253 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,480 not all the time, but, like you say, like Lewis or... 254 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:28,480 Like, Ed Sheeran, or if, you know, if he's about or whatever. 255 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,720 And I'll... LAUGHTER 256 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,640 And I'll see if I can get, like, some sort of an opinion 257 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,840 cos they're so used to, like, releasing stuff all the time and... 258 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:40,320 And how honest are they with you? Well, I remember, like... 259 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:43,040 Ed... I didn't send Ed anything from this album, 260 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,560 but I remember, like, during lockdown, 261 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,920 I was, like, really struggling 262 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:50,400 to, like, get any sort of creative juices flowing, 263 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,080 and Ed just said to me, 264 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:55,040 "Listen, you're gonna have to swim through some of the shitty water 265 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,640 "to get to the clear stuff at some point." 266 00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:58,520 LAUGHTER 267 00:10:58,520 --> 00:10:59,760 So keep writing, keep making stuff 268 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,960 until the creative juices flow properly? Yeah. 269 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,440 I think you're a very talented songwriter. 270 00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:08,360 You are a very clever songwriter. Thanks very much. Appreciate it. 271 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,200 What's Lewis like? What's Lewis Capaldi's kind of...? 272 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,000 I imagine he's fairly straightforward? 273 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,560 He's just... AS LEWIS: Yeah, man, I've got a... 274 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,440 I've got a fucking sneaky feeling about this one. 275 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:20,640 NORMAL VOICE: That's what he said the night before Heaven came out. 276 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:22,080 He text me, saying, "How are you feeling?" 277 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,400 Look at the photo. That is hilarious. 278 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,640 He just started sniffing my neck. LAUGHTER 279 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,720 Just that's what he was doing there. You can see it in his eyes. 280 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,640 LAUGHTER You're meant to be touring. 281 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,960 Before the pandemic, you were gonna do a tour with Lewis, weren't you? 282 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,480 I'm glad we didn't. Yeah. LAUGHTER 283 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,800 Why? I would have needed a new liver. 284 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,520 I was gonna say, I've partied with Lewis before, 285 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:43,280 I feel like he is on my level of going for it. 286 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,240 Oh, he's different. He's a different league. 287 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,000 Have you recorded with Lewis? 288 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,560 We've written a couple of things before. 289 00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:51,680 Erm, there's obviously a reason 290 00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,760 why it hasn't seen the light of day as we spoke. 291 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,200 You've toured Ireland with him, didn't you? 292 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,360 You went round, not on tour, 293 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,000 but you did a kind of film tour of Ireland, didn't you? 294 00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,760 Yeah, we did a... It was called The Homecoming. 295 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:04,440 It was, like, three days in a car with Lewis, 296 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,760 stopping off at different parts of Ireland, started in Belfast... 297 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:08,600 CHEERING 298 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:11,480 There's the girls from Belfast! LAUGHTER 299 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:14,480 That was the guess-where-we're-from screen. 300 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,520 LAUGHTER Down to Dublin, 301 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,960 and then the whole idea of getting back to my hometown of Mullingar, 302 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,600 and we kind of just drove around, having the best laugh of all time. 303 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,280 And now are you gonna...? We've got a clip from that, 304 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:25,760 but are you gonna repeat the favour? 305 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,000 You gonna do Scotland with him and go round his hometown? 306 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,080 That would be good. We'd go up to Bathgate. 307 00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:33,240 Bathgate. That could be our next trip. 308 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:34,440 Yeah. You'll have to come to that one. 309 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:36,120 All right, let's have a look. 310 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,120 This is a clip of when Lewis joined Niall, and they went around Ireland. 311 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,400 We pulled up at the B&B for the night. 312 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:46,160 And here is the bedroom. 313 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,840 Number 12. DOOR SQUEAKS 314 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:53,960 Ooh. A bit creepy. 315 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,280 There's the bed. It's a double. 316 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,760 There's... 317 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:02,920 NIALL LAUGHS 318 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,040 Where did you get that thing?! 319 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,080 Think it looks good? 320 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:10,200 Oh, my God. I've never looked better (!) 321 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,160 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 322 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,640 Oh, dear! 323 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,760 So, we're gonna take a break now. 324 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,200 But don't go away, because in a few moments, 325 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,440 we'll be joined by Dame Prue Leith. See you in a couple of minutes. 326 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:23,320 APPLAUSE 327 00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:33,285 APPLAUSE, CHEERING 328 00:13:33,285 --> 00:13:37,205 Welcome back to the show, everybody. Let's get my next guest out. 329 00:13:37,205 --> 00:13:39,685 In a week of fantastic guests, she is the icing on the cake. 330 00:13:39,685 --> 00:13:41,045 I am delighted she's back on the show. 331 00:13:41,045 --> 00:13:43,525 Who doesn't love Dame Prue Leith? 332 00:13:43,525 --> 00:13:53,565 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 333 00:13:56,965 --> 00:14:00,765 Thank you so much for coming back on. Here we are. 334 00:14:00,765 --> 00:14:06,125 You've met Maya, and you've met Niall, I think. 335 00:14:06,125 --> 00:14:08,205 Prue, lovely to have you back on. Thank you for joining us again. 336 00:14:08,205 --> 00:14:10,125 Thank you. I think congratulations are in order 337 00:14:10,125 --> 00:14:12,245 because last time, you were Prue Leith, 338 00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:13,645 now you are Dame Prue Leith. 339 00:14:13,645 --> 00:14:18,605 You've had the damehood put upon you. 340 00:14:18,605 --> 00:14:20,205 Am I right in thinking that when you become a dame, 341 00:14:20,205 --> 00:14:22,445 you get given a coat of arms? 342 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:25,005 Yeah, you can have a coat of arms, yes. 343 00:14:25,005 --> 00:14:28,085 If you are a knight or a dame, or all sorts of things. 344 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:29,845 And it's not just... They don't take one off the shelf. 345 00:14:29,845 --> 00:14:31,925 It's specially for you. Yes. And you have... 346 00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:36,045 I went with my husband to the heralds... 347 00:14:36,045 --> 00:14:39,325 who control all of this. 348 00:14:39,325 --> 00:14:40,925 And they said, "What do you want for your motto?" 349 00:14:40,925 --> 00:14:44,485 And I said, "I want JFDI," 350 00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:47,485 by which I meant, "Just eff-ing do it!" 351 00:14:47,485 --> 00:14:50,485 LAUGHTER And they said, "Mm! 352 00:14:50,485 --> 00:14:52,605 "I don't think the "F" will go down well in higher places. 353 00:14:52,605 --> 00:14:55,205 "You can't have that." 354 00:14:55,205 --> 00:14:57,125 So, I had, "Nothing in moderation." 355 00:14:57,125 --> 00:15:00,165 Nothing in moderation, which are great words to live by, 356 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,965 and it's the name of your current tour, of course. It is. 357 00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:04,325 But you know, what is all wrong about this 358 00:15:04,325 --> 00:15:07,045 is that if my husband had been made a knight, 359 00:15:07,045 --> 00:15:10,805 I would be Lady Playfair. Yeah. 360 00:15:10,805 --> 00:15:13,485 I'm made a Dame, and he just stays what he is. 361 00:15:13,485 --> 00:15:17,325 LAUGHTER And he calls himself a damsel. 362 00:15:17,325 --> 00:15:20,485 LAUGHTER 363 00:15:20,485 --> 00:15:27,445 APPLAUSE 364 00:15:27,445 --> 00:15:28,765 Neither of you has done Bake Off before, 365 00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,325 but we have Tom coming out in a moment, and James, 366 00:15:30,325 --> 00:15:33,885 and they've both done Stand Up To Cancer, of course. 367 00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:35,805 If you were asked to do Bake Off, can you cook, Maya? 368 00:15:35,805 --> 00:15:37,125 Me? I'm really not a cooker. 369 00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:39,885 It doesn't matter on Bake Off. It doesn't?! 370 00:15:39,885 --> 00:15:41,125 You don't have to be able to cook? 371 00:15:41,125 --> 00:15:43,885 On proper Bake Off, you do. OK. 372 00:15:43,885 --> 00:15:46,325 With Celebrity Bake Off, you can be... 373 00:15:46,325 --> 00:15:49,085 You can be rubbish. LAUGHTER 374 00:15:49,085 --> 00:15:51,525 Have you ever cooked for or prepared a meal for someone? Yeah. 375 00:15:51,525 --> 00:15:53,285 One of my earlier boyfriends, I... 376 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:55,165 I don't know why, I was trying to impress him, 377 00:15:55,165 --> 00:15:56,805 so I lied and said I could cook. 378 00:15:56,805 --> 00:16:00,605 And so I ordered from Deliveroo and Uber Eats every ingredient, 379 00:16:00,605 --> 00:16:03,365 but from a different restaurant, so potatoes from somewhere... 380 00:16:03,365 --> 00:16:04,525 Already cooked? Already cooked. 381 00:16:04,525 --> 00:16:07,605 Like, salad from somewhere else, and then I just fried garlic 382 00:16:07,605 --> 00:16:09,285 and said, "You need to go out the house 383 00:16:09,285 --> 00:16:11,045 "because it's gonna be a big surprise," 384 00:16:11,045 --> 00:16:12,885 and then put it all on a plate, and I never, ever told him 385 00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:15,845 that it was fake. LAUGHTER 386 00:16:15,845 --> 00:16:16,965 Niall, what's your go-to meal? 387 00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:18,325 If you have to cook for someone else, 388 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:20,805 if you have a romantic evening at home, what do you cook? 389 00:16:20,805 --> 00:16:22,645 What am I making? Erm... 390 00:16:22,645 --> 00:16:25,325 I do love, like, one-pot stuff, 391 00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:27,325 and then I also like making, like, pasta, 392 00:16:27,325 --> 00:16:32,765 canned tomatoes with, like, fried bacon, a bit of garlic, 393 00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:36,605 a bit of chilli, and a whole block of Parmesan. 394 00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:39,685 AUDIENCE: Whoo! 395 00:16:39,685 --> 00:16:41,845 OK, you know I mentioned Prue has a one-woman show at the moment - 396 00:16:41,845 --> 00:16:44,565 Nothing In Moderation - which is also on her... 397 00:16:44,565 --> 00:16:46,845 It's her heraldic... What do they call it? Motto? 398 00:16:46,845 --> 00:16:49,565 It's just the... Yeah, motto. Motto. 399 00:16:49,565 --> 00:16:51,485 Tell us about the tour, though. What does the tour involve? 400 00:16:51,485 --> 00:16:53,685 If people see you live, what do you talking about? 401 00:16:53,685 --> 00:16:57,245 Well, I mostly tell funny stories about catering disasters, 402 00:16:57,245 --> 00:17:02,605 feeding the Royal family, a few personal stuff, and so on, 403 00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:06,165 and then in the second half, the audience ask me questions. 404 00:17:06,165 --> 00:17:08,325 Anyway, so, what are we doing is 405 00:17:08,325 --> 00:17:11,725 I'm touring all over England and the UK, 406 00:17:11,725 --> 00:17:14,165 and I end up at the London Palladium... Wow. 407 00:17:14,165 --> 00:17:16,205 ..and I'll tell you what? That is terr... 408 00:17:16,205 --> 00:17:19,085 I mean, I'm absolutely... scared. 409 00:17:19,085 --> 00:17:20,565 LAUGHTER What kind of...? 410 00:17:20,565 --> 00:17:23,285 What do people most want to know about the show? 411 00:17:23,285 --> 00:17:25,045 When they ask you the questions in that part of the show, 412 00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,805 what, or who, do they ask you about? 413 00:17:26,805 --> 00:17:31,045 They always ask me about Paul Hollywood, inevitably. 414 00:17:31,045 --> 00:17:32,165 They ask me, 415 00:17:32,165 --> 00:17:34,605 "Are Paul Hollywood's eyes really that blue?" 416 00:17:34,605 --> 00:17:37,725 LAUGHTER Answer - yes. 417 00:17:37,725 --> 00:17:41,645 "Is his tan fake?" Because he's always so tanned. Yeah. 418 00:17:41,645 --> 00:17:44,285 He's like a dark mahogany, isn't he? Yeah, he's dark mahogany. 419 00:17:44,285 --> 00:17:47,405 And if he goes and lies in the sun for ten minutes between takes, 420 00:17:47,405 --> 00:17:48,805 he's a darker mahogany. So he just tans? 421 00:17:48,805 --> 00:17:49,885 He just tans like that. 422 00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:51,845 It upsets the make-up girls a lot. LAUGHTER 423 00:17:51,845 --> 00:17:55,005 And it upsets me, too, 424 00:17:55,005 --> 00:17:57,125 because I don't want to look like his ghost, 425 00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:59,365 so I'm always... LAUGHTER 426 00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:01,685 And the other day, somebody on my show asked me, 427 00:18:01,685 --> 00:18:07,325 "What does Paul Hollywood smell like?" 428 00:18:07,325 --> 00:18:09,205 LAUGHTER So I said, "Crumpet!" 429 00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:10,685 LAUGHTER 430 00:18:10,685 --> 00:18:14,605 Could you give me a better answer than...? 431 00:18:14,605 --> 00:18:16,365 Crumpet means "fanny" sometimes as well. 432 00:18:16,365 --> 00:18:19,085 LAUGHTER 433 00:18:19,085 --> 00:18:26,765 I don't think he's like one of them! 434 00:18:26,765 --> 00:18:27,925 I knew crumpet meant... 435 00:18:27,925 --> 00:18:31,285 I knew crumpet meant girth or sex, but... 436 00:18:31,285 --> 00:18:32,725 Like, "Oh, let's have a look at your crumpet. 437 00:18:32,725 --> 00:18:34,525 LAUGHTER 438 00:18:34,525 --> 00:18:36,965 I'll have to change that answer. Next time somebody says... 439 00:18:36,965 --> 00:18:39,525 Next time they ask you what he smells of, say, "Despair!" 440 00:18:39,525 --> 00:18:41,805 LAUGHTER 441 00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:44,085 Maybe. Maybe. 442 00:18:44,085 --> 00:18:47,765 Well, I had Lewis Capaldi on a while ago, 443 00:18:47,765 --> 00:18:49,725 and he told me that Niall was one of the most fragrant men... 444 00:18:49,725 --> 00:18:52,525 Fragrant? ..he's ever been near. 445 00:18:52,525 --> 00:18:54,805 Would you have a sniff of Niall for me? 446 00:18:54,805 --> 00:18:57,125 Hold on - good fragrance or bad fragrance? 447 00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:04,285 LAUGHTER, CHEERING 448 00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:06,005 I tell you what - that smells quite good! 449 00:19:06,005 --> 00:19:09,045 LAUGHTER 450 00:19:09,045 --> 00:19:12,245 What was...? Did you smell, or was that just a lunge? 451 00:19:12,245 --> 00:19:15,165 LAUGHTER It was a loud sniff in my ear. 452 00:19:15,165 --> 00:19:18,045 I bet he's got a candy-floss quality to him. 453 00:19:18,045 --> 00:19:20,445 I did actually manage to resist kissing him, 454 00:19:20,445 --> 00:19:22,525 but it was... close. 455 00:19:22,525 --> 00:19:24,765 I mean, I nearly, nearly did because... Gutted! 456 00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:26,005 ..he does smell good. LAUGHTER 457 00:19:26,005 --> 00:19:27,605 He is very kissable. He's kissable. 458 00:19:27,605 --> 00:19:29,285 Do you kiss him a lot? 459 00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:31,205 LAUGHTER 460 00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,245 It's consensual. 461 00:19:32,245 --> 00:19:34,685 LAUGHTER 462 00:19:34,685 --> 00:19:36,165 It's not. 463 00:19:36,165 --> 00:19:38,605 JONATHAN GUFFAWS 464 00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:39,965 Well, OK, but I let you anyway. Yeah. 465 00:19:39,965 --> 00:19:47,645 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 466 00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,965 Now, seeing as we have Prue, who has lived a very full and very rich life 467 00:19:49,965 --> 00:19:51,925 and, as you heard, she has amazing stories and experiences, 468 00:19:51,925 --> 00:19:54,445 we might play a game of Never Have I Ever. 469 00:19:54,445 --> 00:19:57,245 LAUGHTER 470 00:19:57,245 --> 00:20:00,165 We might get Niall and Maya to join in as well. Oh, Jesus! Yeah. 471 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:03,645 Cos we did this once before, didn't we, Niall? Yep, yep. 472 00:20:03,645 --> 00:20:05,005 OK, so... I'm still hearing about it now! 473 00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:09,645 JONATHAN LAUGHS OK, pass those along. 474 00:20:09,645 --> 00:20:11,045 And so, do you know how this works, Prue? 475 00:20:11,045 --> 00:20:13,125 You have to answer truthfully. Yep. I know you will. 476 00:20:13,125 --> 00:20:16,405 I'm just gonna hold it here. 477 00:20:16,405 --> 00:20:18,045 LAUGHTER 478 00:20:18,045 --> 00:20:20,365 Right, here we go. Part one question. You ready? Oh, no. 479 00:20:20,365 --> 00:20:23,645 Never Have I Ever... attended an orgy. 480 00:20:23,645 --> 00:20:30,605 WHOOPING AND CHEERING 481 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:32,445 APPLAUSE Mine was... 482 00:20:32,445 --> 00:20:35,325 Mine was for work, though, it was for work, it was for work. 483 00:20:35,325 --> 00:20:38,725 CHEERING 484 00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:40,485 What's the matter with you two guys? 485 00:20:40,485 --> 00:20:42,525 I'll be honest with you, no-one saw it going that way, did they? 486 00:20:42,525 --> 00:20:44,365 LAUGHTER 487 00:20:44,365 --> 00:20:46,805 We did it together, actually, that's the funny story. 488 00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:49,165 Cos an orgy, technically, is more than four people. 489 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,405 Yeah. No, mine was actually for a show. 490 00:20:50,405 --> 00:20:52,885 I went to Killing Kittens for a documentary 491 00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:56,445 and that was, it was, everyone was shagging everyone. OK, and Prue? 492 00:20:56,445 --> 00:20:58,165 LAUGHTER 493 00:20:58,165 --> 00:21:00,885 I went to a party, and I didn't know it was going to be an orgy, 494 00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:04,525 but it was. It was everybody shagging everyone. Yeah. 495 00:21:04,525 --> 00:21:05,725 And I was so embarrassed, 496 00:21:05,725 --> 00:21:07,725 because people kept coming and tugging my clothes and saying, 497 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:12,565 "Don't you realise this is meant to be an orgy? Get your kit off." 498 00:21:12,565 --> 00:21:13,805 So, finally, I took my kit off 499 00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:15,885 because it would stop people... Yeah. 500 00:21:15,885 --> 00:21:18,605 And I spent the whole evening walking around, 501 00:21:18,605 --> 00:21:20,645 pretending I wanted a drink, pretending I was going to the loo, 502 00:21:20,645 --> 00:21:24,645 pretending, you know, I'm waiting for somebody. 503 00:21:24,645 --> 00:21:28,045 You know that thing when you're at a party and you don't know anybody 504 00:21:28,045 --> 00:21:31,045 and you're trying to pretend you're cool about it? Yeah. 505 00:21:31,045 --> 00:21:34,485 And you're naked. I was gonna say! 506 00:21:34,485 --> 00:21:35,925 LAUGHTER Have you ever been invited to one? 507 00:21:35,925 --> 00:21:37,485 An orgy? No. 508 00:21:37,485 --> 00:21:39,845 LAUGHTER Can we have another question, please? 509 00:21:39,845 --> 00:21:42,085 We can have another question, but I'm trying to arrange our weekend! 510 00:21:42,085 --> 00:21:44,765 LAUGHTER 511 00:21:44,765 --> 00:21:47,245 He's turning 30 this year, we've got to get him experienced! 512 00:21:47,245 --> 00:21:50,565 I'm sweating here at the thought! 513 00:21:50,565 --> 00:21:52,565 You'll be all right when you get your clothes off for the party! 514 00:21:52,565 --> 00:21:56,605 LAUGHTER, CHEERING 515 00:21:56,605 --> 00:21:57,965 Can I just confirm that I didn't take part, 516 00:21:57,965 --> 00:21:59,165 cos that would be a crazy headline. 517 00:21:59,165 --> 00:22:01,365 Maya did not take part in the orgy. Didn't touch anyone. 518 00:22:01,365 --> 00:22:03,925 Officially, she did not take part. Yeah. 519 00:22:03,925 --> 00:22:08,045 Unofficially, probably had a wild afternoon... 520 00:22:08,045 --> 00:22:09,685 Yeah, it was an edited documentary. 521 00:22:09,685 --> 00:22:11,685 LAUGHTER 522 00:22:11,685 --> 00:22:14,605 Never Have I Ever... been on a blind date. 523 00:22:14,605 --> 00:22:19,525 I've never been on one. Yeah. I've never been on a blind date. 524 00:22:19,525 --> 00:22:21,165 Did it go well? Um, yeah, yeah, it did. 525 00:22:21,165 --> 00:22:23,445 Did it? Yeah. Nice person? Lovely person. 526 00:22:23,445 --> 00:22:26,685 See him again? Yep. 527 00:22:26,685 --> 00:22:28,885 But is blind where you've never seen any... I saw a photo beforehand, 528 00:22:28,885 --> 00:22:30,565 so it's not really BLIND blind. No, if it's blind, 529 00:22:30,565 --> 00:22:33,325 you don't know at all who's going to be there. 530 00:22:33,325 --> 00:22:35,405 Yeah, like, a friend set us up. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. 531 00:22:35,405 --> 00:22:37,045 I've been set up, but I haven't been on a blind date. 532 00:22:37,045 --> 00:22:38,845 So you're the same as me. Who were you set up with? 533 00:22:38,845 --> 00:22:40,805 Was it a good night? My current girlfriend. Oh, wow. Yeah. 534 00:22:40,805 --> 00:22:44,325 AUDIENCE: Awww! Kinda... to be honest. 535 00:22:44,325 --> 00:22:45,725 What do you mean? It happened, and then... 536 00:22:45,725 --> 00:22:47,605 Listen, she won't really like this 537 00:22:47,605 --> 00:22:49,525 when she sees that you said, "kind of" girlfriend. 538 00:22:49,525 --> 00:22:51,405 No, no, she's definitely my girlfriend! 539 00:22:51,405 --> 00:22:53,285 JONATHAN LAUGHS 540 00:22:53,285 --> 00:22:56,765 She's "kind of" my girlfriend! Yeah! No, she's, she's behind there! 541 00:22:56,765 --> 00:22:59,045 Is she there? I hope she is, after this! 542 00:22:59,045 --> 00:23:01,365 This is the new Blind Date, come on out! 543 00:23:01,365 --> 00:23:04,245 She'll not, she's left! She's gone now, yeah! 544 00:23:04,245 --> 00:23:05,365 Right, let's do this one. 545 00:23:05,365 --> 00:23:08,725 Never Have I Ever... named one of my body parts. 546 00:23:08,725 --> 00:23:09,845 MAYA: Oh. 547 00:23:09,845 --> 00:23:11,285 Do you mean like given it a name? 548 00:23:11,285 --> 00:23:13,005 Yeah, like a nickname, for a little part of your body. 549 00:23:13,005 --> 00:23:18,205 Like... like Molly, or... Jim? GALES OF LAUGHTER 550 00:23:18,205 --> 00:23:19,645 Yes. Like crumpet. Like crumpet. 551 00:23:19,645 --> 00:23:21,165 It can be any name... Any name you want, 552 00:23:21,165 --> 00:23:23,765 it can be any part of the body, any name. 553 00:23:23,765 --> 00:23:25,485 Maya, you have a nickname for what part of your body? 554 00:23:25,485 --> 00:23:27,325 Yeah, I've got a bent toe called Pete. 555 00:23:27,325 --> 00:23:31,685 He hides behind the rest of them. Bent Pete. 556 00:23:31,685 --> 00:23:34,165 I tell you what, I'm glad I don't have my toes out tonight. 557 00:23:34,165 --> 00:23:37,605 Are yours bent too? Oh, God, I look like I got two toes. 558 00:23:37,605 --> 00:23:40,045 What? Are they joined? 559 00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:42,965 They're not great, now, to be honest with you. They're ugly. 560 00:23:42,965 --> 00:23:45,165 What part of your body have you named and what's it called? 561 00:23:45,165 --> 00:23:49,645 Niall. Can't say it. You can't say either? 562 00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:51,725 Er... GIGGLES 563 00:23:51,725 --> 00:23:54,525 Go one. Give one. No. Big boy. 564 00:23:54,525 --> 00:23:56,445 What's the name of the part? "Big boy", she said! 565 00:23:56,445 --> 00:23:58,045 You can't tell us the name of the part? 566 00:23:58,045 --> 00:24:01,125 It's pri... my life. It's private. 567 00:24:01,125 --> 00:24:03,085 This is crumpet! It's private. OK, well, I won't... 568 00:24:03,085 --> 00:24:04,565 It's my life, Jonathan. 569 00:24:04,565 --> 00:24:06,045 OK, well, in that case, in that case, 570 00:24:06,045 --> 00:24:08,965 I'm not gonna tell you what part of my body I called Zayne. 571 00:24:08,965 --> 00:24:10,205 LAUGHTER 572 00:24:10,205 --> 00:24:13,525 APPLAUSE 573 00:24:13,525 --> 00:24:15,285 You have to use your imagination, how do you like that? 574 00:24:15,285 --> 00:24:18,365 Yeah, yeah, true life. 575 00:24:18,365 --> 00:24:20,685 All right, OK, we're going to take a break. 576 00:24:20,685 --> 00:24:22,285 Ladies and gentlemen, Niall is gonna head off now 577 00:24:22,285 --> 00:24:24,565 to get ready for his performance at the end of the show. I am. 578 00:24:24,565 --> 00:24:27,205 He's gonna be doing Heaven, first time ever on British TV... 579 00:24:27,205 --> 00:24:28,485 WHOOPING AND CHEERING 580 00:24:28,485 --> 00:24:30,485 ..so please join me in saying thank you to Niall Horan, 581 00:24:30,485 --> 00:24:31,685 the other guys are gonna stay out here 582 00:24:31,685 --> 00:24:33,925 and we'll have Tom and James joining us as well. We'll see you in a bit. 583 00:24:33,925 --> 00:24:38,845 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 584 00:24:43,331 --> 00:24:46,891 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 585 00:24:46,891 --> 00:24:49,851 Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out here. 586 00:24:49,851 --> 00:24:51,811 You will have seen him, I'm sure, in any number of things 587 00:24:51,811 --> 00:24:54,291 including Paddington 2, King Gary 588 00:24:54,291 --> 00:24:56,371 and the BAFTA-winning Murder In Successville - 589 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,011 the very funny Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen! 590 00:24:58,011 --> 00:25:01,091 CHEERING 591 00:25:01,091 --> 00:25:07,371 POP MUSIC PLAYS 592 00:25:07,371 --> 00:25:10,251 I get a hug? How are you? I'm very good. 593 00:25:10,251 --> 00:25:15,171 THEY ALL GREET EACH OTHER 594 00:25:15,171 --> 00:25:17,691 Come and sit down, Tom. You good? You're a big unit, aren't you? 595 00:25:17,691 --> 00:25:20,371 How big are you, Tom? Er, 6' 7". Wow, that's a lot. 596 00:25:20,371 --> 00:25:22,411 I'm about 6' 8", I got a little lifted heel on. Wow. 597 00:25:22,411 --> 00:25:24,371 Cos I knew Prue was on. 598 00:25:24,371 --> 00:25:25,971 You know you get smaller as you get older, though. 599 00:25:25,971 --> 00:25:27,611 I used to be 6' 1.5", I'm only about 6 foot now. 600 00:25:27,611 --> 00:25:29,451 Your spine goes: MAKES CRUNCHING NOISE 601 00:25:29,451 --> 00:25:31,371 I can't wait, I hate being this tall. Do you really? 602 00:25:31,371 --> 00:25:33,651 I guess you do stick out, don't you? Yeah, there's no hiding anywhere. 603 00:25:33,651 --> 00:25:34,971 I mean, they're talking about selfies, 604 00:25:34,971 --> 00:25:38,211 I just stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go. Yeah. 605 00:25:38,211 --> 00:25:39,651 With the bald head, you look like a big thumb. 606 00:25:39,651 --> 00:25:42,611 LAUGHTER 607 00:25:42,611 --> 00:25:44,411 I love the Paddington films. Did you see Paddington 2? 608 00:25:44,411 --> 00:25:46,651 Oh, it was so good. And you were so much fun in it. 609 00:25:46,651 --> 00:25:49,011 I know, I think they're talking about doing a third Paddington 610 00:25:49,011 --> 00:25:51,971 at the moment. Do you know if you will be in it? 611 00:25:51,971 --> 00:25:54,451 Have you been invited to take part? I've, I don't know. 612 00:25:54,451 --> 00:25:56,891 I've sort of, I've not heard much from Paddington 613 00:25:56,891 --> 00:25:58,771 since we wrapped the last film. 614 00:25:58,771 --> 00:26:00,731 We hung out a lot during the making of that film. 615 00:26:00,731 --> 00:26:02,291 Used to go to down the Wetherspoons at lunch... 616 00:26:02,291 --> 00:26:03,331 LAUGHTER 617 00:26:03,331 --> 00:26:08,291 ..few drinks after work, and I texted him a couple of times 618 00:26:08,291 --> 00:26:11,491 when we finished filming and got nothing back. No. 619 00:26:11,491 --> 00:26:13,251 I slipped into his DMs and said, 620 00:26:13,251 --> 00:26:15,531 "Have you changed your phone number?" Nothing back. 621 00:26:15,531 --> 00:26:17,331 So, no, Jon, I don't think I'm gonna be in it. 622 00:26:17,331 --> 00:26:20,051 LAUGHTER 623 00:26:20,051 --> 00:26:21,971 But, Prue, you worked with Tom a bit, sort of, didn't you? 624 00:26:21,971 --> 00:26:23,891 Cos Tom did, as I said earlier, Stand Up To Cancer, Bake Off. 625 00:26:23,891 --> 00:26:27,931 How was Tom's cooking? Can you remember what he served up for you? 626 00:26:27,931 --> 00:26:30,731 Do you know, I can't tell you, cos it hasn't aired yet. 627 00:26:30,731 --> 00:26:32,651 It hasn't aired yet! No. 628 00:26:32,651 --> 00:26:34,691 Look at the height difference, that is crazy! 629 00:26:34,691 --> 00:26:38,891 I was gonna say, that's not Prue! LAUGHTER 630 00:26:38,891 --> 00:26:44,011 Matt is so tiny and you are so huge. 631 00:26:44,011 --> 00:26:46,211 It looks like you're telling off a son that you're disappointed in. 632 00:26:46,211 --> 00:26:48,611 LAUGHTER 633 00:26:48,611 --> 00:26:50,891 Before you started showbiz, before you did the comedy and the acting, 634 00:26:50,891 --> 00:26:52,331 you were working, you did labouring work, 635 00:26:52,331 --> 00:26:53,571 you did building work, is that right? 636 00:26:53,571 --> 00:26:55,851 Well, I was a labourer. Wherever I could go and carry something, 637 00:26:55,851 --> 00:26:57,931 I was scaffolding labourer for a lot of the time, 638 00:26:57,931 --> 00:27:02,251 but I was scared of heights. Yeah. So I was great on bungalows! 639 00:27:02,251 --> 00:27:04,131 I did a little bit of removal work and decorating, 640 00:27:04,131 --> 00:27:05,171 but I used to love those days, 641 00:27:05,171 --> 00:27:06,891 I used to really enjoy the camaraderie 642 00:27:06,891 --> 00:27:09,771 of working with just a bunch of other guys, in a job like that. 643 00:27:09,771 --> 00:27:12,091 It was some of the most fun I've had in my life. 644 00:27:12,091 --> 00:27:15,331 I think the people, it's a matter, I did it from a really young age, 645 00:27:15,331 --> 00:27:17,051 so it's the people you meet, 646 00:27:17,051 --> 00:27:20,971 the characters and sort of the banter that you'd have round. 647 00:27:20,971 --> 00:27:22,011 I used to work with a guy... 648 00:27:22,011 --> 00:27:26,091 I used to love the bullshitter on a building site 649 00:27:26,091 --> 00:27:28,211 and you'd come in on a Monday and he'd always have a story like, 650 00:27:28,211 --> 00:27:31,571 "Yeah, I was out at the weekend. Won about fucking five grand 651 00:27:31,571 --> 00:27:32,851 "on the Grand National, 652 00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:35,971 "ended up pulling these two twins, sisters, 653 00:27:35,971 --> 00:27:38,771 "going back to their house, having a bit of a fumble about, 654 00:27:38,771 --> 00:27:40,131 "their husbands'd come 'ome... 655 00:27:40,131 --> 00:27:41,571 "I've pulled my arm back about half a mile, 656 00:27:41,571 --> 00:27:44,091 "knocked the two of them out then I ate their Chinese takeaway." 657 00:27:44,091 --> 00:27:46,131 LAUGHTER 658 00:27:46,131 --> 00:27:48,891 And then, erm, one weekend I see him in Asda's with his nan. 659 00:27:48,891 --> 00:27:51,731 JONATHAN GUFFAWS 660 00:27:51,731 --> 00:27:53,491 And he was walking round with his shoulders slumped 661 00:27:53,491 --> 00:27:55,651 and I sort of felt really sad for him 662 00:27:55,651 --> 00:27:57,211 and then on the Monday, I said, "Good weekend?" 663 00:27:57,211 --> 00:27:58,931 And he went, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, 664 00:27:58,931 --> 00:28:00,731 "ended up having a bit of a kickabout with this fellow, 665 00:28:00,731 --> 00:28:04,211 "Stevie Gerrard." I didn't have the heart to say, 666 00:28:04,211 --> 00:28:08,891 "I see you in Asda's this weekend. 667 00:28:08,891 --> 00:28:10,491 Well, it's coloured your writing somewhat as well 668 00:28:10,491 --> 00:28:12,051 cos now, specially in The Curse, 669 00:28:12,051 --> 00:28:14,051 what you're writing about is a kind of funny take 670 00:28:14,051 --> 00:28:17,971 based on, not a kind of necessarily accurate... 671 00:28:17,971 --> 00:28:21,611 I've got to get the word right, it's an amalgaNATION... 672 00:28:21,611 --> 00:28:22,851 amalganation, is that right? 673 00:28:22,851 --> 00:28:25,131 Tell you what, you just step in. It's a... Amalgamation. 674 00:28:25,131 --> 00:28:27,291 Of many different stories from that time period. 675 00:28:27,291 --> 00:28:30,091 It's a real, yeah, 676 00:28:30,091 --> 00:28:32,251 I think it's my favourite thing we've written and we've made. 677 00:28:32,251 --> 00:28:34,651 It's called The Curse, it's on Channel 4 and All 4, 678 00:28:34,651 --> 00:28:37,051 you can see it all, and you play a kind of a... 679 00:28:37,051 --> 00:28:39,851 a rather useless criminal, don't you? 680 00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,011 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I sort of play, I guess... 681 00:28:43,011 --> 00:28:47,651 growing up around sort of these, sort of, like, characters 682 00:28:47,651 --> 00:28:48,891 and so when we started writing this, 683 00:28:48,891 --> 00:28:51,491 it was always trying to think who do you base this on, 684 00:28:51,491 --> 00:28:53,451 you want to base it on a little bit of reality. 685 00:28:53,451 --> 00:28:55,611 And I always remember an old boy that used to drink 686 00:28:55,611 --> 00:28:59,051 in the boozer I went in, and he was like the most useless criminal ever. 687 00:28:59,051 --> 00:29:01,291 And he had that voice that I do as Mick, and he'd sort of... 688 00:29:01,291 --> 00:29:02,971 I remember one time, he turned round, and he goes... 689 00:29:02,971 --> 00:29:06,291 DEEP VOICE: "I remember one of the worst things what happened to me. 690 00:29:06,291 --> 00:29:10,691 "I robbed the post office, and I was driving the getaway van, 691 00:29:10,691 --> 00:29:12,771 "I go under this bridge, and the van gets stuck under the bridge. 692 00:29:12,771 --> 00:29:15,371 "And I just sit there. 693 00:29:15,371 --> 00:29:17,571 "I hear the police sirens coming, and I just sit there, thinking, 694 00:29:17,571 --> 00:29:20,251 'You're done. You're gonna do a stretch for this.' " 695 00:29:20,251 --> 00:29:21,891 And I said, "Why didn't you just get out the van?" 696 00:29:21,891 --> 00:29:25,331 And he went, "Oh, yeah." LAUGHTER 697 00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:27,011 "I could've done with you there at the time." 698 00:29:27,011 --> 00:29:29,651 LAUGHTER And we've got a clip from that, 699 00:29:29,651 --> 00:29:31,411 and so I'm gonna give a bit of a warning in advance here. 700 00:29:31,411 --> 00:29:34,331 This does involve you in Speedos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 701 00:29:34,331 --> 00:29:35,371 OK. Whose choice was that? 702 00:29:35,371 --> 00:29:37,691 Was this an ambition of yours for many years, to be filmed in Speedos? 703 00:29:37,691 --> 00:29:41,371 I sort of thought... Speedos were big in the '80s, right? 704 00:29:41,371 --> 00:29:44,011 They certainly were. And actually, I think, in the clip... 705 00:29:44,011 --> 00:29:46,651 LAUGHTER Hold it, Prue's woken up. 706 00:29:46,651 --> 00:29:49,771 LAUGHTER 707 00:29:49,771 --> 00:29:53,051 Like we've got Niall back. 708 00:29:53,051 --> 00:29:56,651 So, I was kind of into the... I was like, "Yeah, I'll wear them. 709 00:29:56,651 --> 00:29:57,931 "That'll be fine." Yeah. 710 00:29:57,931 --> 00:29:59,211 It's not until you've got Speedos on 711 00:29:59,211 --> 00:30:01,131 and you look round and there's other people in Speedos, 712 00:30:01,131 --> 00:30:04,091 you realise you're not necessarily equipped for a pair of Speedos. 713 00:30:04,091 --> 00:30:06,891 It was, yeah... You genuinely... 714 00:30:06,891 --> 00:30:08,451 If when you watch this clip we're about to show, 715 00:30:08,451 --> 00:30:11,131 I think it's the one, you can see I've actually got a bit of swag. 716 00:30:11,131 --> 00:30:12,651 I'm feeling quite confident about the Speedos 717 00:30:12,651 --> 00:30:14,691 until I see other lads in Speedos, and then I actually sort of, 718 00:30:14,691 --> 00:30:18,411 like, start going, "Oh, no." Like that. 719 00:30:18,411 --> 00:30:20,051 LAUGHTER I start... My confidence. 720 00:30:20,051 --> 00:30:24,051 You can watch my confidence just slowly diminish. We're gonna watch. 721 00:30:24,051 --> 00:30:25,891 You can watch his confidence, and other things, shrivel. 722 00:30:25,891 --> 00:30:29,211 OK. Right. Let's have a look. This is Tom in The Curse Series 2. 723 00:30:29,211 --> 00:30:31,411 It's on Channel 4 and All 4, and it'll be April 724 00:30:31,411 --> 00:30:32,931 you think it's gonna be coming out. End of April. 725 00:30:32,931 --> 00:30:34,491 Plenty of time to catch up on the first series. 726 00:30:34,491 --> 00:30:36,811 Very funny. Look at this. 727 00:30:36,811 --> 00:30:39,451 LAUGHTER 728 00:30:39,451 --> 00:30:40,931 Oi, oi! Look who's back. 729 00:30:40,931 --> 00:30:46,211 Yeah, mate. Had a piss, mate... 730 00:30:46,211 --> 00:30:49,211 'Mick's arrival, let's say, rocked the boat a bit. 731 00:30:49,211 --> 00:30:53,731 'Slightly spoilt the equilibrium we'd created out in Spain.' 732 00:30:53,731 --> 00:30:58,091 Easy! I was talking, you mug! HE LAUGHS 733 00:30:58,091 --> 00:31:02,571 'What am I talking like? It was a total fucking shit show.' 734 00:31:02,571 --> 00:31:04,131 Look at the corey on this lad. Have a seat, mate. 735 00:31:04,131 --> 00:31:05,731 Take the weight off there. Look at that. 736 00:31:05,731 --> 00:31:07,491 Talk about the elephant in your pants. 737 00:31:07,491 --> 00:31:09,811 Making me hungry, looking at that thing. 738 00:31:09,811 --> 00:31:11,411 'The waterpark plans were taking shape, 739 00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,891 'but it felt like they could ruin it all, 740 00:31:13,891 --> 00:31:18,051 'bringing this unwanted attention from the wrong eyes.' 741 00:31:18,051 --> 00:31:21,771 Thing about being an international criminal of celebrity nature 742 00:31:21,771 --> 00:31:23,891 is everyone wants a little piece of you. 743 00:31:23,891 --> 00:31:25,851 I start getting letters from all round the world. 744 00:31:25,851 --> 00:31:27,691 A lot of big stars are writing to me. 745 00:31:27,691 --> 00:31:30,851 Ronnie Kray, Sammy Fox, her with the big lils out the paper. 746 00:31:30,851 --> 00:31:32,931 Who has the best handwriting in the world? Nigel Mansell. 747 00:31:32,931 --> 00:31:35,691 The best penmanship I've ever seen within my life. 748 00:31:35,691 --> 00:31:37,411 All in my little bumper. 749 00:31:37,411 --> 00:31:41,491 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE That's The Curse on Channel 4. 750 00:31:41,491 --> 00:31:43,891 You know, Maya's here, of course. 751 00:31:43,891 --> 00:31:45,891 Love Island's what we're talking about with Maya primarily. 752 00:31:45,891 --> 00:31:47,851 Do you watch Love Island? Are you a Love Island fan? 753 00:31:47,851 --> 00:31:49,291 I've got a bit of a funny one with Love Island. 754 00:31:49,291 --> 00:31:51,771 I was obsessed with Love Island for a long time, and then, 755 00:31:51,771 --> 00:31:54,411 last year, I got a little sort of look at myself. 756 00:31:54,411 --> 00:31:56,891 I would be texting mates, I would be sitting with my wife watching it, 757 00:31:56,891 --> 00:31:59,291 and essentially watching a bunch of 20-year-olds 758 00:31:59,291 --> 00:32:01,491 copping off with each other. LAUGHTER 759 00:32:01,491 --> 00:32:03,091 And I just started looking at myself, thinking, 760 00:32:03,091 --> 00:32:05,411 "What the f'in hell are you...? How creepy are you now?" 761 00:32:05,411 --> 00:32:08,731 Like, genuinely, in any other scenario, 762 00:32:08,731 --> 00:32:11,371 I can't go out to a bar or a club or a pub with a couple of mates 763 00:32:11,371 --> 00:32:13,091 and go, "Do you think they're gonna get it on tonight? 764 00:32:13,091 --> 00:32:14,931 "Do you think they'll get it on?" LAUGHTER 765 00:32:14,931 --> 00:32:16,531 I'll tell you when I'll start watching, 766 00:32:16,531 --> 00:32:18,611 they're doing one with normal, older people. 767 00:32:18,611 --> 00:32:20,651 That's when you'll get involved. I wanna see a geezer rock up 768 00:32:20,651 --> 00:32:23,651 with a sort of polo shirt with a bit of back hair coming out. 769 00:32:23,651 --> 00:32:27,771 Although, you know what I'd love to see... Yeah, bigger. Back hair? 770 00:32:27,771 --> 00:32:29,651 Someone... A sexy shot of a guy pulling off his T-shirt 771 00:32:29,651 --> 00:32:32,331 and just have a big load of back hair. Yeah. 772 00:32:32,331 --> 00:32:33,331 LAUGHTER 773 00:32:33,331 --> 00:32:35,411 With the woman he fancies the most shaved in it. 774 00:32:35,411 --> 00:32:38,091 That'd be a real decoration laugh. Romance. Romance. 775 00:32:38,091 --> 00:32:39,851 I genuinely... That's when I'm gonna really get 776 00:32:39,851 --> 00:32:42,491 back into it, when it's just real people. 777 00:32:42,491 --> 00:32:44,371 For your generation, for my generation. Yeah, exactly. 778 00:32:44,371 --> 00:32:46,051 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 779 00:32:46,051 --> 00:32:47,771 Tom is also on tour cos he's an actor, 780 00:32:47,771 --> 00:32:50,251 and he's a stand-up comedian as well. 781 00:32:50,251 --> 00:32:52,731 The tour's called Underdog, starts again in September, doesn't it? 782 00:32:52,731 --> 00:32:54,051 What do you talk about on it? 783 00:32:54,051 --> 00:32:55,971 I do a lot of talking about being a new dad, which is... 784 00:32:55,971 --> 00:32:58,491 At 43. Congratulations. We were talking backstage. 785 00:32:58,491 --> 00:32:59,931 Yeah, how old's your baby? 15 months. 786 00:32:59,931 --> 00:33:02,011 A lovely, sweet little 15-month-old baby. Yeah. 787 00:33:02,011 --> 00:33:05,131 COOS, APPLAUSE Yeah, she's a little cracker, yeah. 788 00:33:05,131 --> 00:33:06,651 Yeah. Thank you. Crazy, though. 789 00:33:06,651 --> 00:33:08,531 You have a thing of... I was like... 790 00:33:08,531 --> 00:33:12,371 I wasn't really thinking about going back to stand-up, 791 00:33:12,371 --> 00:33:13,611 and about six months in, I thought, 792 00:33:13,611 --> 00:33:15,971 "I've got no social life at all here. 793 00:33:15,971 --> 00:33:18,571 "Maybe I should do a tour." LAUGHTER 794 00:33:18,571 --> 00:33:19,611 So, a lot of the tour tends to be 795 00:33:19,611 --> 00:33:21,411 me just going out having a few drinks with people. 796 00:33:21,411 --> 00:33:24,531 And also to get a night's sleep in a hotel is nice. 797 00:33:24,531 --> 00:33:27,811 Yeah. So, don't worry about your wife. You're having a great time. 798 00:33:27,811 --> 00:33:29,491 Yeah, actually, I'm really now genuinely worried 799 00:33:29,491 --> 00:33:32,571 of her sitting there, watching this, going, "You prick." 800 00:33:32,571 --> 00:33:34,851 LAUGHTER 801 00:33:34,851 --> 00:33:37,291 And you talk about having... You talk about life with a baby now? 802 00:33:37,291 --> 00:33:39,131 The way your life has changed? Yeah, I talk about, yeah, 803 00:33:39,131 --> 00:33:41,331 life with her, and talk about life from sort of... 804 00:33:41,331 --> 00:33:43,931 I talk about the building site, I talk about, you know. 805 00:33:43,931 --> 00:33:45,531 I remember when I first got sort of started, 806 00:33:45,531 --> 00:33:47,451 turning around to geezers on sites, 807 00:33:47,451 --> 00:33:49,411 saying, "I want to do stand-up." "I'm gonna give it a try." 808 00:33:49,411 --> 00:33:51,091 They'd go, "Why the fuckin' hell would you try that? 809 00:33:51,091 --> 00:33:53,051 "It's just something else you're gonna be shit at." Yeah. 810 00:33:53,051 --> 00:33:54,971 And then, to be here now, you think... 811 00:33:54,971 --> 00:33:57,971 And I was awful. I used to have awful gigs. 812 00:33:57,971 --> 00:34:01,171 So, what were the early gigs like? Oh, God. Awful. Terrible gigs. 813 00:34:01,171 --> 00:34:03,451 I remember doing one when I got a phone call saying, 814 00:34:03,451 --> 00:34:05,611 "Look, do you want a gig tonight at Warwick University?" 815 00:34:05,611 --> 00:34:07,331 And I was like, "Wow, yeah. Just my crowd." 816 00:34:07,331 --> 00:34:10,131 Erm... LAUGHTER 817 00:34:10,131 --> 00:34:12,491 And I turn up. It was last-minute, I turn up that night, 818 00:34:12,491 --> 00:34:14,811 and I'm walking through the halls sort of 819 00:34:14,811 --> 00:34:16,931 and going to the student union, and there's pictures, 820 00:34:16,931 --> 00:34:18,571 there's posters everywhere of Sara Pascoe, 821 00:34:18,571 --> 00:34:20,251 who's a good pal of mine, Sara. 822 00:34:20,251 --> 00:34:22,091 And it's saying, "Sara Pascoe, here tonight," 823 00:34:22,091 --> 00:34:24,571 with the date of that day. 824 00:34:24,571 --> 00:34:28,251 So I'm like, "This is a bit weird. Sara Pascoe's playing here as well?" 825 00:34:28,251 --> 00:34:29,491 So I turned round to the geezer and said, 826 00:34:29,491 --> 00:34:31,571 "Is Sara Pascoe performing here tonight?" 827 00:34:31,571 --> 00:34:33,571 And he went, "Oh, yeah, she was. She was, but she's pulled out, 828 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:35,011 "so we've got you instead." 829 00:34:35,011 --> 00:34:36,571 MAYA GASPS Oh, no. 830 00:34:36,571 --> 00:34:38,051 And I said, "Right. Have you told the crowd? 831 00:34:38,051 --> 00:34:41,171 "Have you told the audience that Sara's not here?" 832 00:34:41,171 --> 00:34:43,051 And he went, "No, we haven't. We haven't told them." 833 00:34:43,051 --> 00:34:45,411 LAUGHTER 834 00:34:45,411 --> 00:34:47,571 And I said, "Well, there might be quite a few disappointed people 835 00:34:47,571 --> 00:34:49,891 "when I walk..." 836 00:34:49,891 --> 00:34:51,611 Cos me and Sara are very different acts. 837 00:34:51,611 --> 00:34:53,571 I don't know if you've ever seen Sara's stuff. 838 00:34:53,571 --> 00:34:56,611 And I was like, "Don't you think they might clock 839 00:34:56,611 --> 00:34:58,251 "that I'm not Sara Pascoe?" 840 00:34:58,251 --> 00:34:59,971 And he went, "Well, we've got a smoke machine." 841 00:34:59,971 --> 00:35:03,331 LAUGHTER 842 00:35:03,331 --> 00:35:05,891 I said... Add some drama for you. Bit of spice. 843 00:35:05,891 --> 00:35:07,371 Yeah. At some point, the smoke's gonna clear. 844 00:35:07,371 --> 00:35:09,251 And to be fair, I think as soon as I say, 845 00:35:09,251 --> 00:35:10,931 "Hello, ladies and gentlemen," they might go... 846 00:35:10,931 --> 00:35:12,131 Sara? "I don't think that's Sara." 847 00:35:12,131 --> 00:35:13,771 LAUGHTER 848 00:35:13,771 --> 00:35:14,891 It's great to have you here. 849 00:35:14,891 --> 00:35:17,531 As I said, The Curse is on soon on Channel 4 and All 4, 850 00:35:17,531 --> 00:35:19,491 but also make sure you catch him on tour. 851 00:35:19,491 --> 00:35:21,211 He's a very, very funny man. We're gonna take a break. 852 00:35:21,211 --> 00:35:24,731 Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. 853 00:35:24,731 --> 00:35:26,251 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Don't go away, though. 854 00:35:26,251 --> 00:35:27,611 Don't go anywhere because coming up next, 855 00:35:27,611 --> 00:35:29,531 James Acaster will be here and Niall Horan performing live 856 00:35:29,531 --> 00:35:31,251 at the end of the show. See you in a couple of minutes. 857 00:35:31,251 --> 00:35:36,011 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 858 00:35:39,730 --> 00:35:44,570 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 859 00:35:44,570 --> 00:35:46,850 Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out. 860 00:35:46,850 --> 00:35:50,210 He is as hilarious as he is unusual. It is the brilliant James Acaster. 861 00:35:50,210 --> 00:36:00,250 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 862 00:36:01,210 --> 00:36:04,370 CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH 863 00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:06,250 Hello. 864 00:36:06,250 --> 00:36:07,970 Hello. How are you? Hello, mate. 865 00:36:07,970 --> 00:36:11,050 Hello, Tom. Hello, James. Come and sit down, James. 866 00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:12,530 Nice to see you. Thank you for coming back on. 867 00:36:12,530 --> 00:36:14,170 I love having you on the show. Thank you, Jonathan. 868 00:36:14,170 --> 00:36:16,090 Last time you came on, you came on without really telling us 869 00:36:16,090 --> 00:36:17,970 why you came dressed as this sort of thing. 870 00:36:17,970 --> 00:36:20,210 A crocodile? Alligator? Duck? I'm not quite sure what it is. 871 00:36:20,210 --> 00:36:23,450 It's a Party Gator. OK. LAUGHTER 872 00:36:23,450 --> 00:36:26,130 You were dressed as the Party Gator. Yes. Never really understood why. 873 00:36:26,130 --> 00:36:29,490 LAUGHTER Yes. 874 00:36:29,490 --> 00:36:30,570 So, who is the Party Gator? 875 00:36:30,570 --> 00:36:31,730 And is this a new act? Does he speak? 876 00:36:31,730 --> 00:36:36,050 No, he doesn't speak because I can't do the voice. Right. 877 00:36:36,050 --> 00:36:38,930 But, erm, this is the baby Gator, that is the original Party Gator 878 00:36:38,930 --> 00:36:41,250 that I was wearing there up on the screen. 879 00:36:41,250 --> 00:36:42,930 Let's put that photo. That's what he came dressed as. 880 00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:44,850 Yeah. I felt bad at the time 881 00:36:44,850 --> 00:36:46,970 because it was for a project I was working on, 882 00:36:46,970 --> 00:36:50,090 but I couldn't speak about it yet, so I thought, 883 00:36:50,090 --> 00:36:52,530 "I'm just gonna go out of context." 884 00:36:52,530 --> 00:36:55,090 If I'm fully honest with you, Jonathan, I suspected... 885 00:36:55,090 --> 00:36:58,090 I thought that if I said I wanted to do that, 886 00:36:58,090 --> 00:37:01,090 you and your team who make this show would say no. 887 00:37:01,090 --> 00:37:05,290 Well... I was as shocked as anyone when you went, "Yeah, all right." 888 00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:06,570 I was like, "Oh, I've got to do that now." 889 00:37:06,570 --> 00:37:08,810 LAUGHTER 890 00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:11,290 Because I thought, "There's a reason why he's doing this..." Yes. 891 00:37:11,290 --> 00:37:13,250 "..and it'll be some big reveal and hilariously funny," 892 00:37:13,250 --> 00:37:15,690 but nothing really happened. No. 893 00:37:15,690 --> 00:37:17,810 And now we're waiting for the... 894 00:37:17,810 --> 00:37:20,570 And also, we had Tom Jones on the show, there's a picture. 895 00:37:20,570 --> 00:37:21,890 Tom Jones hadn't expected that. He was... 896 00:37:21,890 --> 00:37:26,170 LAUGHTER 897 00:37:26,170 --> 00:37:27,650 I had to talk to him for half an hour afterwards 898 00:37:27,650 --> 00:37:30,850 to explain to him he wasn't being pranked! 899 00:37:30,850 --> 00:37:32,410 In all honesty, Tom Jones was one of the only... 900 00:37:32,410 --> 00:37:34,250 Everyone else that day kept on asking me what I was doing. 901 00:37:34,250 --> 00:37:36,930 Tom Jones has seen it all. So, I was backstage in that, 902 00:37:36,930 --> 00:37:39,090 everyone else going, like, "What is this?!" 903 00:37:39,090 --> 00:37:41,050 And Tom Jones just appeared and went, "All right?" 904 00:37:41,050 --> 00:37:43,170 LAUGHTER That was it. 905 00:37:43,170 --> 00:37:46,050 So, what does the Party Gator mean to you, 906 00:37:46,050 --> 00:37:48,850 and what will he/it/they mean to us one day? 907 00:37:48,850 --> 00:37:50,650 I'm a serious musician now, Jonathan. 908 00:37:50,650 --> 00:37:56,090 I've left stand-up comedy behind me, and now I primarily make music. 909 00:37:56,090 --> 00:37:58,570 The Party Gator is the muse, and as a result, 910 00:37:58,570 --> 00:38:01,410 I have made myself a mascot outfit and had a glove puppet made 911 00:38:01,410 --> 00:38:04,250 to show everyone how much I've turned my back 912 00:38:04,250 --> 00:38:07,410 on anything remotely humorous. 913 00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:09,610 LAUGHTER And this is you being... 914 00:38:09,610 --> 00:38:13,210 Your grab for serious credibility. 915 00:38:13,210 --> 00:38:15,490 Yeah, yeah. I want the world to start taking me seriously. 916 00:38:15,490 --> 00:38:18,170 LAUGHTER And know that I... Shut up. 917 00:38:18,170 --> 00:38:20,090 LAUGHTER 918 00:38:20,090 --> 00:38:23,370 Er, and so, what... 919 00:38:23,370 --> 00:38:25,370 You weren't doing that to Niall earlier! No. 920 00:38:25,370 --> 00:38:27,010 LAUGHTER 921 00:38:27,010 --> 00:38:28,370 And so, what sort of music are you making? 922 00:38:28,370 --> 00:38:31,770 Does he sing on the album or anything, or...? 923 00:38:31,770 --> 00:38:33,570 No, no. I've got loads of other singers on it. 924 00:38:33,570 --> 00:38:34,770 Right. It's like... 925 00:38:34,770 --> 00:38:37,170 I describe it as, like, the best music. 926 00:38:37,170 --> 00:38:38,850 Yeah. LAUGHTER 927 00:38:38,850 --> 00:38:41,050 Compared to all other music? Compared to... 928 00:38:41,050 --> 00:38:44,690 With all due respect, compared to all other music. Wow. 929 00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:47,050 Except for Niall. Right. LAUGHTER 930 00:38:47,050 --> 00:38:52,090 Number two. OK. So, we have a copy... 931 00:38:52,090 --> 00:38:54,210 Is this out yet? This is the album. That's out in May. I drew that. 932 00:38:54,210 --> 00:38:56,610 LAUGHTER 933 00:38:56,610 --> 00:39:00,450 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 934 00:39:00,450 --> 00:39:01,930 And so, the Gator doesn't sing. 935 00:39:01,930 --> 00:39:04,570 No, Gator doesn't sing, I don't sing. OK. Who sings? 936 00:39:04,570 --> 00:39:06,970 I play the drums, I'm a producer, I've got, like, loads... 937 00:39:06,970 --> 00:39:10,810 There's 40 of us in the group. Yeah. Wow. 938 00:39:10,810 --> 00:39:12,210 I had to organise it all during... 939 00:39:12,210 --> 00:39:14,210 If you want to know how I spent my lockdown, this is the result. 940 00:39:14,210 --> 00:39:18,010 LAUGHTER 941 00:39:18,010 --> 00:39:20,330 But here's the thing. He's not really joking, are you? 942 00:39:20,330 --> 00:39:24,370 I never am. OK. LAUGHTER 943 00:39:24,370 --> 00:39:26,330 No, there is an album, isn't there? Yeah, there's an album. 944 00:39:26,330 --> 00:39:29,370 And you did play drums on it? I did play drums on it. 945 00:39:29,370 --> 00:39:31,490 I did produce it, I worked with 40 musicians over lockdown. Yeah. 946 00:39:31,490 --> 00:39:34,450 I drew that, I wore that, I've got this on my hand. 947 00:39:34,450 --> 00:39:38,250 I really can't emphasise enough how much this is not a joke. 948 00:39:38,250 --> 00:39:40,810 OK. LAUGHTER 949 00:39:40,810 --> 00:39:42,890 We'll play you a little bit of the music, 950 00:39:42,890 --> 00:39:44,490 it's out on the 19th of May. 951 00:39:44,490 --> 00:39:47,210 This is... It's a real thing. Have a listen. 952 00:39:47,210 --> 00:39:57,250 MUSIC: 'Party Gator Resurrection' by James Acaster 953 00:40:06,730 --> 00:40:10,530 APPLAUSE 954 00:40:10,530 --> 00:40:13,250 It has a modern beat to it, I like that sound. Stunning. 955 00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:14,450 It's a real project. 956 00:40:14,450 --> 00:40:16,290 It's a real project and it was boiling hot that day. 957 00:40:16,290 --> 00:40:17,610 Absolutely boiling. 958 00:40:17,610 --> 00:40:18,970 So you're suffering for your art as well. 959 00:40:18,970 --> 00:40:20,010 It was horrible. I was like... 960 00:40:20,010 --> 00:40:23,010 It was like a slip and slide inside that costume. 961 00:40:23,010 --> 00:40:25,370 Are you always in the Gator suit or can another people be the Gator? 962 00:40:25,370 --> 00:40:28,130 Yeah, weirdly, I've always been in the Gator suit. 963 00:40:28,130 --> 00:40:29,410 And then everyone asks me that and I go, 964 00:40:29,410 --> 00:40:31,090 "Oh, yeah, I could've got someone else to do that." 965 00:40:31,090 --> 00:40:32,490 I don't know why I volunteered every time. 966 00:40:32,490 --> 00:40:34,570 What kind of reaction do you get when you go out in the Gator suit? 967 00:40:34,570 --> 00:40:36,330 Bearing in mind, people don't yet know who the Gator is. 968 00:40:36,330 --> 00:40:38,490 It's quite nice actually because, like, you go out 969 00:40:38,490 --> 00:40:40,330 in the Gator suit and it's a full range... 970 00:40:40,330 --> 00:40:42,770 Little kids will see the Gator and they'll wave, 971 00:40:42,770 --> 00:40:44,730 and if you wave back, the kids are all happy 972 00:40:44,730 --> 00:40:48,170 and sometimes they wanna come and shake your hand, have a photo. 973 00:40:48,170 --> 00:40:50,250 And then, you know, builders call you a wanker. 974 00:40:50,250 --> 00:40:54,490 LAUGHTER 975 00:40:54,490 --> 00:40:56,090 Don't look at me, I've not seen you in it. 976 00:40:56,090 --> 00:40:57,450 I will say this, if you walk... 977 00:40:57,450 --> 00:40:59,810 Yeah, that's a good lunch break, that. 978 00:40:59,810 --> 00:41:02,690 Yeah, yeah. An absolute field day. 979 00:41:02,690 --> 00:41:05,970 But you're not singing on it, but can you sing? I can't sing, man. 980 00:41:05,970 --> 00:41:07,410 You used to be in a band years ago, didn't you? 981 00:41:07,410 --> 00:41:08,730 Used to be in bands before I did stand-up 982 00:41:08,730 --> 00:41:10,850 and I really wanted to learn how to sing for one of the bands 983 00:41:10,850 --> 00:41:13,130 and I went to someone to do singing lessons 984 00:41:13,130 --> 00:41:15,970 and, erm, 30 seconds into the singing lesson, 985 00:41:15,970 --> 00:41:18,210 she was playing scales on the piano, 986 00:41:18,210 --> 00:41:21,130 I was trying to sing along and she stopped and said, 987 00:41:21,130 --> 00:41:23,130 "Look, I've never done this before, but I can't teach you." 988 00:41:23,130 --> 00:41:24,930 LAUGHTER That bad? 989 00:41:24,930 --> 00:41:26,010 Yeah. And I said, 990 00:41:26,010 --> 00:41:31,010 SINGS: "Fair enough. I'll see myself out." 991 00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:32,210 You can't sing, can you? No. 992 00:41:32,210 --> 00:41:33,930 LAUGHTER 993 00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:35,090 Prue, have you ever been in a band? 994 00:41:35,090 --> 00:41:36,890 Never, and I can't sing. 995 00:41:36,890 --> 00:41:41,610 And I have to say that, this is... I really do feel 100 years old 996 00:41:41,610 --> 00:41:45,170 because I didn't understand a word of your... 997 00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:47,090 LAUGHTER ..whole thing. 998 00:41:47,090 --> 00:41:49,610 I mean... Of which bit, my interview or the song? 999 00:41:49,610 --> 00:41:50,610 LAUGHTER 1000 00:41:50,610 --> 00:41:52,890 All of it. 1001 00:41:52,890 --> 00:41:55,970 The way he speaks or just what he was saying? 1002 00:41:55,970 --> 00:41:59,250 No, I know about the way he speaks and I love him, 1003 00:41:59,250 --> 00:42:04,410 but I don't understand that whole business about the Gator. 1004 00:42:04,410 --> 00:42:06,610 Prue, thank you, I'm still struggling a little bit here. 1005 00:42:06,610 --> 00:42:09,650 I don't think I can be any clearer. 1006 00:42:09,650 --> 00:42:13,530 I like it. It's the real you, right? 1007 00:42:13,530 --> 00:42:15,210 That's the you inside of here that's bursting out, 1008 00:42:15,210 --> 00:42:19,370 you've always been the Gator. 1009 00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:21,450 But now the Gator's taken over James and I think that, in my head, 1010 00:42:21,450 --> 00:42:23,770 I've known this guy years, I've always seen the Gator in him. 1011 00:42:23,770 --> 00:42:26,090 And I'm like, "Oh, good, thank you." 1012 00:42:26,090 --> 00:42:29,010 I'm gonna start bringing Tom along with me to translate for me. Yeah. 1013 00:42:29,010 --> 00:42:31,010 LAUGHTER 1014 00:42:31,010 --> 00:42:34,090 You also have done Stand Up To Cancer with Prue, Bake Off. 1015 00:42:34,090 --> 00:42:35,730 How was his cooking? Good. 1016 00:42:35,730 --> 00:42:38,650 LAUGHTER 1017 00:42:38,650 --> 00:42:39,610 Good. Was it good? 1018 00:42:39,610 --> 00:42:41,050 Er... 1019 00:42:41,050 --> 00:42:42,930 LAUGHTER 1020 00:42:42,930 --> 00:42:48,290 How can I put this politely? 1021 00:42:48,290 --> 00:42:52,090 Put it this way, you remember Prue's reaction to me earlier? Yeah. 1022 00:42:52,090 --> 00:42:54,610 That was... better than her reaction to my baking. 1023 00:42:54,610 --> 00:42:56,410 LAUGHTER 1024 00:42:56,410 --> 00:42:58,210 What did Paul make of your stuff? Did he enjoy your food? 1025 00:42:58,210 --> 00:43:00,130 That guy is a piece of shit. 1026 00:43:00,130 --> 00:43:02,450 LAUGHTER 1027 00:43:02,450 --> 00:43:04,650 I've gotta say, I agree with James on it. I agree with James on that. 1028 00:43:04,650 --> 00:43:06,610 MAYA: What happened? Was he horrible? 1029 00:43:06,610 --> 00:43:09,330 He's up himself. He wants it all to taste nice. 1030 00:43:09,330 --> 00:43:12,010 LAUGHTER 1031 00:43:12,010 --> 00:43:13,570 But you used to work in a kitchen, didn't you? 1032 00:43:13,570 --> 00:43:15,570 Yeah, I used to work in kitchens. So you know how to cook? 1033 00:43:15,570 --> 00:43:18,330 No. Cos, I mean... That's not the... 1034 00:43:18,330 --> 00:43:20,770 Weirdly, that's not the qualification 1035 00:43:20,770 --> 00:43:22,090 for working in the kitchen. 1036 00:43:22,090 --> 00:43:24,210 You've just gotta be able to take a lot of gyp from head chefs, 1037 00:43:24,210 --> 00:43:25,610 and whatever. 1038 00:43:25,610 --> 00:43:27,850 I was good at making mash, I was the mash king. Right. 1039 00:43:27,850 --> 00:43:28,930 AUDIENCE MEMBER: Whoo! 1040 00:43:28,930 --> 00:43:29,930 Thank you. LAUGHTER 1041 00:43:29,930 --> 00:43:32,370 I can make mashed potato like no-one's business. 1042 00:43:32,370 --> 00:43:33,970 What's the secret to good mashed potato? 1043 00:43:33,970 --> 00:43:37,210 Er, loads of cream, loads of cheese, loads of pepper. 1044 00:43:37,210 --> 00:43:38,930 PRUE: Butter. Loads of butter. 1045 00:43:38,930 --> 00:43:39,970 Just basically loads of... 1046 00:43:39,970 --> 00:43:43,490 As much beige stuff as you can possibly get your hands on. 1047 00:43:43,490 --> 00:43:45,290 Put it in there and when you think you've mashed enough, 1048 00:43:45,290 --> 00:43:46,290 keep on mashing. 1049 00:43:46,290 --> 00:43:48,330 LAUGHTER 1050 00:43:48,330 --> 00:43:49,730 I would say that is the perfect description 1051 00:43:49,730 --> 00:43:51,210 of how to make mashed potato. 1052 00:43:51,210 --> 00:43:53,010 First thing I've ever said that Prue understands. 1053 00:43:53,010 --> 00:43:55,370 LAUGHTER 1054 00:43:55,370 --> 00:43:58,410 That's right. Unfortunately... 1055 00:43:58,410 --> 00:44:01,050 She endorses that 100%. 1056 00:44:01,050 --> 00:44:03,530 I read online, you know, cos Matt Lucas is leaving Bake Off, 1057 00:44:03,530 --> 00:44:05,490 and I read online that your name was being considered, 1058 00:44:05,490 --> 00:44:08,170 and possibly... Would you do Bake Off? 1059 00:44:08,170 --> 00:44:09,730 Have they spoken to you about joining as a host? 1060 00:44:09,730 --> 00:44:12,850 No-one's spoken to me about it and rightly so. 1061 00:44:12,850 --> 00:44:14,890 I think they've kind of, like, predicted that... 1062 00:44:14,890 --> 00:44:18,250 Prue, kind of, quite kindly underplayed it earlier. 1063 00:44:18,250 --> 00:44:20,930 But it was traumatic what happened to me in that tent 1064 00:44:20,930 --> 00:44:22,930 and I think if I was one of the hosts, 1065 00:44:22,930 --> 00:44:26,170 I would be constantly having flashbacks and full meltdowns, 1066 00:44:26,170 --> 00:44:28,770 and I don't think that's very relaxing for the contestants. 1067 00:44:28,770 --> 00:44:30,770 So, was it genuinely traumatic, what, for you or for them? 1068 00:44:30,770 --> 00:44:33,130 For me. I don't think it was... 1069 00:44:33,130 --> 00:44:35,450 Prue can tell me if everyone else is still reeling from it in the tent, 1070 00:44:35,450 --> 00:44:38,450 but like... I can't remember most of the stuff that happened. 1071 00:44:38,450 --> 00:44:39,730 I talked to Rylan about it recently, 1072 00:44:39,730 --> 00:44:43,370 who was there on the same day as the baker, and he told me, he went, 1073 00:44:43,370 --> 00:44:44,890 "Do you remember when Prue lost her wedding ring 1074 00:44:44,890 --> 00:44:46,810 "and we had to stop production and look for it for ages?" 1075 00:44:46,810 --> 00:44:50,850 I was like, "I have no memory of that whatsoever." 1076 00:44:50,850 --> 00:44:53,170 Because I was like, literally had my head against an oven crying... 1077 00:44:53,170 --> 00:44:55,170 LAUGHTER 1078 00:44:55,170 --> 00:44:57,610 ..thinking how am I going to make these cream horns? 1079 00:44:57,610 --> 00:44:59,410 LAUGHTER 1080 00:44:59,410 --> 00:45:02,050 Did you find the ring, by the way? Yeah, we did. Yeah. 1081 00:45:02,050 --> 00:45:03,530 TOM: Where was it? It was in the car park. 1082 00:45:03,530 --> 00:45:04,970 LAUGHTER 1083 00:45:04,970 --> 00:45:06,410 It had fallen off. 1084 00:45:06,410 --> 00:45:08,290 Take it off before you go to one of your famous orgies. 1085 00:45:08,290 --> 00:45:12,970 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 1086 00:45:12,970 --> 00:45:14,250 It fell off. 1087 00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:16,970 APPLAUSE 1088 00:45:16,970 --> 00:45:18,010 Are you... 1089 00:45:18,010 --> 00:45:19,930 We were talking earlier on to Niall, 1090 00:45:19,930 --> 00:45:21,170 and Niall is gonna play in just a second, 1091 00:45:21,170 --> 00:45:22,770 but we were talking about what he does to unwind, 1092 00:45:22,770 --> 00:45:25,010 he likes golf at the moment. Oh, yeah? 1093 00:45:25,010 --> 00:45:26,570 Are you sporty? Are you a golf person? 1094 00:45:26,570 --> 00:45:29,050 Because you look quite healthy, you look quite sporty. 1095 00:45:29,050 --> 00:45:31,290 MAYA LAUGHS Sorry. Sorry. 1096 00:45:31,290 --> 00:45:32,370 LAUGHTER 1097 00:45:32,370 --> 00:45:33,570 Got a bit of a laugh, I didn't mean that. 1098 00:45:33,570 --> 00:45:35,330 I'm sorry I'm not one of the Love Island boys. 1099 00:45:35,330 --> 00:45:36,530 LAUGHTER 1100 00:45:36,530 --> 00:45:39,210 You look lovely, James. You look lovely. 1101 00:45:39,210 --> 00:45:40,690 Thank you, Mum. 1102 00:45:40,690 --> 00:45:42,570 LAUGHTER 1103 00:45:42,570 --> 00:45:45,890 Are you sporty, though, do you play sports? Not really. 1104 00:45:45,890 --> 00:45:48,010 I've tried golf once... 1105 00:45:48,010 --> 00:45:50,650 Well, I didn't try golf, I went to a driving range once 1106 00:45:50,650 --> 00:45:53,410 when I was like... I was 18 and just had a break up 1107 00:45:53,410 --> 00:45:56,570 and found out that they were going out with someone that I knew, 1108 00:45:56,570 --> 00:45:59,330 and, very immaturely, didn't take it well, 1109 00:45:59,330 --> 00:46:03,170 so in order to, like, try and take my aggression out 1110 00:46:03,170 --> 00:46:05,650 in a place that might be a bit healthier, 1111 00:46:05,650 --> 00:46:08,010 I went to the driving range and I thought, 1112 00:46:08,010 --> 00:46:09,650 "I'm gonna smack these golf balls so hard 1113 00:46:09,650 --> 00:46:12,530 "and then no-one will ever leave me again." And... 1114 00:46:12,530 --> 00:46:14,010 LAUGHTER 1115 00:46:14,010 --> 00:46:17,090 ..I put it on a golf tee and I was just like, all my might, 1116 00:46:17,090 --> 00:46:18,450 I was like, "Fuck you, ball." 1117 00:46:18,450 --> 00:46:21,290 And I smacked it, and instead of going forwards, 1118 00:46:21,290 --> 00:46:23,650 it went sideways. LAUGHTER 1119 00:46:23,650 --> 00:46:24,890 And sideways is a dividing wall, 1120 00:46:24,890 --> 00:46:26,970 ricocheted, I don't need to tell you, right in the dick. 1121 00:46:26,970 --> 00:46:31,250 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 1122 00:46:31,250 --> 00:46:33,210 It was the most pain I'd ever felt before. 1123 00:46:33,210 --> 00:46:34,690 And it really put heartbreak in perspective. 1124 00:46:34,690 --> 00:46:36,570 LAUGHTER 1125 00:46:36,570 --> 00:46:40,690 James, thank you, as always, for coming on the show. 1126 00:46:40,690 --> 00:46:42,850 Thanks to all my guests tonight, they've all been so much great fun. 1127 00:46:42,850 --> 00:46:44,930 We'll be back next week with Liam Neeson, Mel Giedroyc, 1128 00:46:44,930 --> 00:46:47,930 Munya Chawawa, and Lady Blackbird performing on the show. 1129 00:46:47,930 --> 00:46:50,570 But now, with Heaven, here he is, it's Niall Horan. 1130 00:46:50,570 --> 00:46:55,530 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1131 00:46:55,530 --> 00:47:05,570 BACKING SINGERS VOCALISE 1132 00:47:10,850 --> 00:47:13,090 # Strange light revolves around you 1133 00:47:13,090 --> 00:47:15,290 # You float across the room 1134 00:47:15,290 --> 00:47:17,130 # Your touch is made of something 1135 00:47:17,130 --> 00:47:20,810 # Heaven can't hold a candle to 1136 00:47:20,810 --> 00:47:26,570 # You're made of somethin' new 1137 00:47:26,570 --> 00:47:28,130 # Let's not get complicated 1138 00:47:28,130 --> 00:47:30,770 # Let's just enjoy the view 1139 00:47:30,770 --> 00:47:32,610 # It's hard to be a human 1140 00:47:32,610 --> 00:47:39,410 # So much to put an answer to 1141 00:47:39,410 --> 00:47:41,930 # But that's just what we do 1142 00:47:41,930 --> 00:47:45,850 # God only knows where this could go 1143 00:47:45,850 --> 00:47:51,130 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1144 00:47:51,130 --> 00:47:54,490 # And you and me go up in flames 1145 00:47:54,490 --> 00:48:00,050 # Heaven won't be the same 1146 00:48:03,250 --> 00:48:05,450 # I'm havin' revelations 1147 00:48:05,450 --> 00:48:07,570 # You dance across the floor 1148 00:48:07,570 --> 00:48:09,690 # Beyond infatuation 1149 00:48:09,690 --> 00:48:16,930 # How I obsessively adore you 1150 00:48:16,930 --> 00:48:18,650 # That's what I do 1151 00:48:18,650 --> 00:48:23,530 # I believe, I believe I could die in your kiss 1152 00:48:23,530 --> 00:48:29,050 # No, it doesn't get, Doesn't get better than this 1153 00:48:29,050 --> 00:48:32,850 # God only knows where this could go 1154 00:48:32,850 --> 00:48:37,730 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1155 00:48:37,730 --> 00:48:42,210 # And you and me go up in flames 1156 00:48:42,210 --> 00:48:44,770 # Heaven won't be the same 1157 00:48:44,770 --> 00:48:48,570 # God only knows where this could go 1158 00:48:48,570 --> 00:48:53,370 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1159 00:48:53,370 --> 00:48:57,130 # And you and me go up in flames 1160 00:48:57,130 --> 00:49:08,650 # Heaven won't be the same 1161 00:49:08,850 --> 00:49:08,970 # I 1162 00:49:08,970 --> 00:49:09,130 # I believe, 1163 00:49:09,130 --> 00:49:09,290 # I believe, I 1164 00:49:09,290 --> 00:49:10,890 # I believe, I believe, 1165 00:49:10,890 --> 00:49:12,770 # I believe, I believe 1166 00:49:12,770 --> 00:49:15,570 I could die in your kiss 1167 00:49:15,770 --> 00:49:15,890 # No, 1168 00:49:15,890 --> 00:49:16,010 # No, it 1169 00:49:16,010 --> 00:49:16,210 # No, it doesn't 1170 00:49:16,210 --> 00:49:16,530 # No, it doesn't get 1171 00:49:16,530 --> 00:49:18,330 Doesn't get better than, 1172 00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:23,850 # Better than this 1173 00:49:23,850 --> 00:49:27,610 # God only knows where this could go 1174 00:49:27,610 --> 00:49:32,530 # And even if our love 1175 00:49:32,530 --> 00:49:36,970 # And you and me go up in flames 1176 00:49:36,970 --> 00:49:39,610 # Heaven won't be the same 1177 00:49:39,610 --> 00:49:43,130 # God only knows where this could go 1178 00:49:43,130 --> 00:49:48,650 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1179 00:49:48,650 --> 00:49:52,690 # And you and me go up in flames 1180 00:49:52,690 --> 00:49:56,850 # Heaven won't be the same. # 1181 00:49:56,850 --> 00:50:00,690 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1182 00:50:00,690 --> 00:50:08,650 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com