1 00:00:08,440 --> 00:00:15,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 2 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:20,920 Thank you. 3 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,000 Thank you so much. Thank you very much. 4 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,280 Thank you at home for joining us as well. 5 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,680 Good evening, everybody. Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show. 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:29,560 We have got a fabulous Saturday night's entertainment 7 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,760 lined up for you. Let's have a look, 8 00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,880 first of all, as always, at who's in my green room. 9 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,280 First up, chatting and performing his new single 10 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:36,960 for the first time on British television, 11 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,520 it's Niall Horan. 12 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:44,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 13 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,720 Alongside him is the host of Love Island. 14 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,160 I'm gonna pull her for a chat, find out where her head's at. 15 00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:51,960 Get your grafting boots on, it's Maya Jama. 16 00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:57,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 17 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:00,200 Next up, she's come straight here from Hollywood - 18 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,560 Paul Hollywood. 19 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:04,960 Queen of the Bake Off tent, Dame Prue Leith. 20 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,760 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 21 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,960 Hello, Prue. Lovely to see you again. 22 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,440 Plus, and I'm very excited he's on the show, 23 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,960 we have a BAFTA award-winning actor, writer and comedian. 24 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,320 The very, very funny Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen. 25 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,600 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It's true. Yes, it's true. 26 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,040 It's all true, Tom. Enjoy it. Embrace it. 27 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,520 I'm buzzing. 28 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,800 We've also got one of my favourite comedians working today. 29 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,440 He's very funny. He's always great on the show. 30 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,360 I'm thrilled he's back. The hilarious James Acaster. 31 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:36,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 32 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,480 OK, but just before I get my guests out, 33 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,120 here's something quite unusual for this country. 34 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,920 Everyone's been talking about the weather this week. 35 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:45,440 It's freezing, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen? 36 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,680 AUDIENCE: Yes! Recently, it's been about as icy 37 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:52,160 as a Zoom chat between Charles and Harry. That's how cold it is. 38 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:54,160 However, some people have to venture out for work, of course, 39 00:01:54,160 --> 00:02:01,800 no matter what the weather, like this legendary delivery driver. 40 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,400 LAUGHTER 41 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:16,120 LAUGHTER 42 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:23,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 43 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,200 JONATHAN CHUCKLES 44 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,720 They should give him a raise, shouldn't they? 45 00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,600 Or at least some shoes with better grip. 46 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,920 Shall we get on with the show? CHEERING 47 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,760 Why don't we? Let's get my first guests. 48 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,960 It's Niall Horan and Maya Jama. 49 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:47,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 50 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,720 That's a good-looking couple, right there. 51 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:50,160 Hello, mate. 52 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,240 I don't know where we're supposed to go. 53 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,560 Well, thank you for coming on the show. 54 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:58,160 Hello. Lovely to see you both again. 55 00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,400 So, Niall, this is a big year for you. 56 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,800 I hope so. Big year for you. 57 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:03,280 You've got the album coming out, of course, 58 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:07,040 but this is the year Niall turns... 30. 59 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,280 CHEERING 60 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,720 The big 3-0. It's the big one. 61 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:12,800 It's a milestone, isn't it? 62 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,960 Yeah, I think so. I'm looking forward to it. 63 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,520 You got plans? You got a big thing planned for it? 64 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,880 Yeah, I'm not one for... 65 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,720 This may surprise you, I'm not one for attention. 66 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,400 LAUGHTER So I'm gonna share it, 67 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,520 do a little double birthday with my best mate 68 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,920 since we were, like, three years of age. 69 00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,680 We're gonna have a joint birthday. No idea what we're doing yet. 70 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,360 Hold on, were you that tall when you were three? 71 00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,360 LAUGHTER I was that tall when I was 14. 72 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,680 LAUGHTER 73 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,800 Maya, you're enjoying huge success at the moment on Love Island. 74 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,000 Isn't Maya great on Love Island? 75 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,800 CHEERING Thanks. 76 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,320 And I'm sure your life's changed in the same way, 77 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,000 and I'm relatively well-known, 78 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000 but neither of us know what it's like to be that level of famous. 79 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,280 Yeah, not Niall level. Yeah. Yeah. 80 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,800 So it must be almost impossible to go somewhere 81 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,880 without someone wanting to take a selfie, 82 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:57,960 without someone recognising you. 83 00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,560 You know where I was at the weekend? 84 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:03,720 I was in The Kop at Anfield watching Liverpool beat Man United... 85 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,160 CHEERING ..7-0. 86 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,720 And not one of them looked at me. It was brilliant. 87 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,640 The best day ever. LAUGHTER 88 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:15,320 And Man United got beat, so it was even better. 89 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,880 Let's talk about Love Island a bit. CHEERING 90 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:20,960 The final, Monday, 9pm. The big final of Love Island, 91 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,320 we'll see who's crowned this year's winner. 92 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,880 Do you watch Love Island? 93 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,160 Didn't see this season. Have you watched previous ones? 94 00:04:26,160 --> 00:04:28,760 I have, but I'll be watching it the next season. 95 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:30,640 Do you like the love side of it, or do you like the drama? 96 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,480 Drama. The drama. 97 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,240 Yeah, the drama's the best bit. You need the drama. 98 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,000 That's what people like the most? Yeah. 99 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,600 And it must be weird for you, cos you're in there, 100 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,240 and do you get to know the people a little bit? Not really. 101 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:44,000 We don't have full conversation until they're out. 102 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:46,080 I just come in, throw someone out, and leave, most of the time. 103 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:48,920 LAUGHTER And when you took on the job, 104 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,360 were you nervous about taking it on, because it's such a successful show? 105 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:53,640 Obviously, it's a very big show. 106 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,800 Everybody watches it, everyone's got an opinion, 107 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,160 and quite a lot of people online were like, "We want Maya to host." 108 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,640 So it felt a bit like I just don't want to let anyone down. 109 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:01,760 I don't want it to be like, 110 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,200 "You guys wanted me to do it, and now I'm shit." 111 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,760 So I felt that pressure, 112 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,840 and to get the slow-motion walk right, and to, you know... 113 00:05:10,840 --> 00:05:14,720 It's the big drama when you first enter, of course, isn't it? Yeah! 114 00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:15,640 It's the 115 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:16,680 It's the slow 116 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,960 It's the 117 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:19,240 It's the 118 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,040 slow-motion walk. It's shot from the front and the back. Yeah. 119 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:22,560 It's actually a bit weird having a cameraman go, 120 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:24,160 "I'm just gonna film your bum for a little bit." OK. 121 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,440 Obviously, you don't walk in slow motion. 122 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,560 No, you do not. You do a normal strut. 123 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,640 I was really nervous about it. 124 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,680 Me and my friends the night before I went had a big girls' night, 125 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,480 and they were like, "OK, show us how you're gonna walk." 126 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:32,920 So we had a couple of wines, and I was doing it. 127 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:34,640 And as soon as I got there and the camera crew were there, 128 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:35,800 I was like, "I can't do it!" 129 00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:37,760 You do it about five times and they choose the best bits. 130 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,400 Do you listen to a tune in your head when you walk? 131 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,640 N... Maybe, you know. I don't know. 132 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,800 It would be different each time if I did, but it's just more like... 133 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:45,920 SHE HUMS 134 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,680 Oh, like the theme from Jaws? Yeah! 135 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,720 LAUGHTER 136 00:05:49,720 --> 00:05:51,320 "I'm gonna throw someone out of the house!" 137 00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,440 Yeah. Sassy. Brilliant, yeah. 138 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,600 And do you know... Cos last year, they did... 139 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:59,080 This one's in South Africa, and they did one in Europe as well. 140 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,240 Yeah. They always do it in Spain, 141 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,680 but the winter one came back this year, so it's South Africa. 142 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:03,760 Are you doing one in Spain? 143 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,560 Yeah, I'm gonna be doing the summer one. That starts in... 144 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:09,400 I don't know if I'm allowed to even say that. It starts... 145 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,360 Is that an exclusive? No, I don't know! 146 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,120 It starts in summer. Summer. 147 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,720 LAUGHTER Yeah, yeah. 148 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,920 Maya, so we're talking about this new stage in your career. 149 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,400 Where's the weirdest place you've been recognised? Oh... 150 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:25,480 Where someone's had a fan engagement with you? 151 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,640 I had laser. The girlies will know. 152 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,880 You know, laser in the bikini line and your armpits and stuff. 153 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:32,840 And I've gone in there, and you have to have your fanny out. 154 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,040 LAUGHTER Yep. And, erm... 155 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,200 The girl's doing it, 156 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,320 we're having a little chat about something, 157 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,760 and then halfway through, like, literally, just in there, 158 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,880 she's like, "Oh, can I get a little selfie after?" Huh?! 159 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:45,080 LAUGHTER 160 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,440 "Yeah, but now you've just seen all over me, 161 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,720 "I feel shy!" 162 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:49,520 Cos then there's proof. "I touched her fanny." 163 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,760 And then there's a picture of us. LAUGHTER 164 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,280 Do you know what I mean? Together, confirmed. 165 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,000 So, yeah. That was a bit strange. 166 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,000 But that's the weird thing, cos selfies. 167 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,240 Where is the weirdest place you've been asked for a selfie? Oh, God. 168 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,040 Have you ever been asked in a toilet? 169 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,400 Has anyone ever asked you in the toilet? 170 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:06,680 That's not even weird to me now. LAUGHTER 171 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,240 That's how often it happens. 172 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,360 Football games... What, mid-piss? 173 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:11,600 Yeah! Really? Just standing there... 174 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,200 Willy's out? Willy's out. Crazy. 175 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,640 "Oi, Niall, mate. Can I get a photo with you?" 176 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,320 LAUGHTER 177 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,360 "Fuck off!" LAUGHTER 178 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,240 That was how we met, of course, wasn't it? 179 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,720 That was about 4 o'clock this afternoon. 180 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,360 But it must be hard for you to have been famous for so long. 181 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,080 From so young in that way, and are there ever times when you... 182 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,840 You kind of feel the need to get away from it? 183 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,440 You wanna kind of get away from Niall Horan, the public person, 184 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,920 and just be you? I try and do that as much as I can. 185 00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,160 Like, I play a lot of golf. Get away from that. Erm... 186 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,760 Where else can I go? I tried... 187 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,040 Being back in Ireland's good. Yeah. 188 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:49,560 CHEERING Come on! 189 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,760 LAUGHTER 190 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,000 I guess at home, when you go back and see family. 191 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:57,040 Yeah, when I'm in behind the doors of the house, I can be... 192 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,840 Yeah. I'm just the son again, you know? 193 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,160 Which is nice, I would have thought. 194 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,160 Yeah, wholesome. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 195 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:06,080 Where can you go if you wanna get away from being Maya Jama, 196 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,360 the glamorous star of television and... 197 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,080 People don't really care that much. 198 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,040 People are more like, "All right?" And I'm like, "you OK?" 199 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,640 My friend will be like, "Do you know them?" "No." 200 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,080 People are a bit more casual with me, I think. 201 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,880 They just, yeah... 202 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,400 "Do you wanna go for a pint?" "Yeah." Yeah. 203 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,520 You don't drink pints, do you? I drink loads of pints. 204 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:21,800 Drink pints? Yeah. Pints of what? 205 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,600 Cider. I'm from Bristol. 206 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,000 CHEERING Yeah. Is there any Bristolians? No? 207 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,000 Yes! Oh, there is! I love that. 208 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,480 BRISTOLIAN: All right, my love? LAUGHTER 209 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,440 Actually, you're good with accents, aren't you? 210 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,040 You're pretty good. That's a good Bristol. 211 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,040 IRISH: Yeah, I can do some Irish. I'm not too bad, actually. 212 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,680 It's all right. 213 00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,520 Yeah, I love an Irish accent, so I pretended once 214 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,600 when I went to stay somewhere I was Irish, and they believed me. 215 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,320 That's good. It's not bad, actually. 216 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:51,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Amazing. That is amazing. 217 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,880 This... It's there. I think the husky voice helps with Irish. 218 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:54,960 Yeah, but some people... 219 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,120 POOR SCOTTISH: I cannot be fuckin' bothered. Scottish, as well. 220 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,240 That wasn't Scottish. Scot-tash. 221 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,920 Scot-tash? Are you crazy? Scot-tash! 222 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,320 An Angus burger. You carry on like that, 223 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,400 Lewis Capaldi's gonna phone me and bollock me. 224 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:08,360 LAUGHTER 225 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,480 OK, so, here's the exciting news. 226 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:11,960 Niall has his third solo album coming out. 227 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:14,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 228 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:20,480 CHEERING 229 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,600 Coming out 9th June. 230 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,920 It's The Show. 231 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,240 We are not allowed to play you the tracks, 232 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:27,320 but I'm gonna sing every one of them for you. 233 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:31,400 LAUGHTER It's gonna be a long show, that. 234 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,680 I guess you have to guard that kind of thing very closely. 235 00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:35,920 You've only released Heaven so far from it. Yeah. 236 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,200 And that's what Niall's performing at the end for us. 237 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,840 But, I have heard some of it, and it's got a more mature sound. 238 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,960 It's got a kind of different sound to what came before, I think. 239 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,720 Yeah. I suppose it kind of comes with age. 240 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:49,800 The last time I... 241 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,680 wrote an album was probably when I was 24 or five. 242 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,040 So the fact that the pandemic happened 243 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,680 and then I had time afterwards to make the record, 244 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,240 I've gradually, I've obviously got older, 245 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,120 so yeah, I guess with that, 246 00:10:00,120 --> 00:10:03,800 the sound has matured as well with it. 247 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,880 And who do you run your stuff by? 248 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:06,600 If you've written a track or you've got an idea, 249 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,520 who can you run it by? Because it must be hard to know 250 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,760 whether something is as good as you want it to be, 251 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,920 as good as you think it is without getting a second opinion. 252 00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:17,000 Who do you trust to get that advice from? 253 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:18,520 A few of, like... Some of the artists that I know 254 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,040 that I would, like, send stuff to sometimes, 255 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,200 not all the time, but, like you say, like Lewis or... 256 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:27,200 Like, Ed Sheeran, or if, you know, if he's about or whatever. 257 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,440 And I'll... LAUGHTER 258 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:32,360 And I'll see if I can get, like, some sort of an opinion 259 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,560 cos they're so used to, like, releasing stuff all the time and... 260 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:39,040 And how honest are they with you? Well, I remember, like... 261 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,760 Ed... I didn't send Ed anything from this album, 262 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,240 but I remember, like, during lockdown, 263 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:45,640 I was, like, really struggling 264 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,080 to, like, get any sort of creative juices flowing, 265 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,800 and Ed just said to me, 266 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:53,760 "Listen, you're gonna have to swim through some of the shitty water 267 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,320 "to get to the clear stuff at some point." 268 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:57,200 LAUGHTER 269 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,480 So keep writing, keep making stuff 270 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,680 until the creative juices flow properly? Yeah. 271 00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,160 I think you're a very talented songwriter. 272 00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,080 You are a very clever songwriter. Thanks very much. Appreciate it. 273 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,920 What's Lewis like? What's Lewis Capaldi's kind of...? 274 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,720 I imagine he's fairly straightforward? 275 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:13,280 He's just... AS LEWIS: Yeah, man, I've got a... 276 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:17,160 I've got a fucking sneaky feeling about this one. 277 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,360 NORMAL VOICE: That's what he said the night before Heaven came out. 278 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,800 He text me, saying, "How are you feeling?" 279 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,120 Look at the photo. That is hilarious. 280 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:25,360 He just started sniffing my neck. LAUGHTER 281 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,440 Just that's what he was doing there. You can see it in his eyes. 282 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,360 LAUGHTER You're meant to be touring. 283 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,680 Before the pandemic, you were gonna do a tour with Lewis, weren't you? 284 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,200 I'm glad we didn't. Yeah. LAUGHTER 285 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,520 Why? I would have needed a new liver. 286 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,240 I was gonna say, I've partied with Lewis before, 287 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:42,000 I feel like he is on my level of going for it. 288 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,920 Oh, he's different. He's a different league. 289 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,720 Have you recorded with Lewis? 290 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,240 We've written a couple of things before. 291 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:50,400 Erm, there's obviously a reason 292 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,480 why it hasn't seen the light of day as we spoke. 293 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,880 You've toured Ireland with him, didn't you? 294 00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,080 You went round, not on tour, 295 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:58,720 but you did a kind of film tour of Ireland, didn't you? 296 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,480 Yeah, we did a... It was called The Homecoming. 297 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,160 It was, like, three days in a car with Lewis, 298 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,440 stopping off at different parts of Ireland, started in Belfast... 299 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,320 CHEERING 300 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:10,200 There's the girls from Belfast! LAUGHTER 301 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,200 That was the guess-where-we're-from screen. 302 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,240 LAUGHTER Down to Dublin, 303 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,680 and then the whole idea of getting back to my hometown of Mullingar, 304 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:21,320 and we kind of just drove around, having the best laugh of all time. 305 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,960 And now are you gonna...? We've got a clip from that, 306 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,480 but are you gonna repeat the favour? 307 00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,720 You gonna do Scotland with him and go round his hometown? 308 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,800 That would be good. We'd go up to Bathgate. 309 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,960 Bathgate. That could be our next trip. 310 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,120 Yeah. You'll have to come to that one. 311 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,840 All right, let's have a look. 312 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,840 This is a clip of when Lewis joined Niall, and they went around Ireland. 313 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,080 We pulled up at the B&B for the night. 314 00:12:41,080 --> 00:12:44,880 And here is the bedroom. 315 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,520 Number 12. DOOR SQUEAKS 316 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:52,640 Ooh. A bit creepy. 317 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,960 There's the bed. It's a double. 318 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,440 There's... 319 00:12:56,440 --> 00:13:01,600 NIALL LAUGHS 320 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,720 Where did you get that thing?! 321 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:04,800 Think it looks good? 322 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,920 Oh, my God. I've never looked better (!) 323 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:10,840 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 324 00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,320 Oh, dear! 325 00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,480 So, we're gonna take a break now. 326 00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:16,920 But don't go away, because in a few moments, 327 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,120 we'll be joined by Dame Prue Leith. See you in a couple of minutes. 328 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:27,320 APPLAUSE 329 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:31,480 APPLAUSE, CHEERING 330 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:35,400 Welcome back to the show, everybody. Let's get my next guest out. 331 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,880 In a week of fantastic guests, she is the icing on the cake. 332 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:39,200 I am delighted she's back on the show. 333 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,720 Who doesn't love Dame Prue Leith? 334 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:55,160 CHEERING, APPLAUSE 335 00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:58,960 Thank you so much for coming back on. Here we are. 336 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:04,320 You've met Maya, and you've met Niall, I think. 337 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,400 Prue, lovely to have you back on. Thank you for joining us again. 338 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,320 Thank you. I think congratulations are in order 339 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,400 because last time, you were Prue Leith, 340 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,840 now you are Dame Prue Leith. 341 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:16,800 You've had the damehood put upon you. 342 00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,360 Am I right in thinking that when you become a dame, 343 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,640 you get given a coat of arms? 344 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,200 Yeah, you can have a coat of arms, yes. 345 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280 If you are a knight or a dame, or all sorts of things. 346 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:28,040 And it's not just... They don't take one off the shelf. 347 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,120 It's specially for you. Yes. And you have... 348 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:34,200 I went with my husband to the heralds... 349 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,520 who control all of this. 350 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,080 And they said, "What do you want for your motto?" 351 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:42,680 And I said, "I want JFDI," 352 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,680 by which I meant, "Just eff-ing do it!" 353 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,680 LAUGHTER And they said, "Mm! 354 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,760 "I don't think the "F" will go down well in higher places. 355 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,360 "You can't have that." 356 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,320 So, I had, "Nothing in moderation." 357 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:58,360 Nothing in moderation, which are great words to live by, 358 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,160 and it's the name of your current tour, of course. It is. 359 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:02,520 But you know, what is all wrong about this 360 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:05,240 is that if my husband had been made a knight, 361 00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:09,000 I would be Lady Playfair. Yeah. 362 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,680 I'm made a Dame, and he just stays what he is. 363 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:15,480 LAUGHTER And he calls himself a damsel. 364 00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,640 LAUGHTER 365 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:25,640 APPLAUSE 366 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,960 Neither of you has done Bake Off before, 367 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,520 but we have Tom coming out in a moment, and James, 368 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:32,080 and they've both done Stand Up To Cancer, of course. 369 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,960 If you were asked to do Bake Off, can you cook, Maya? 370 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:35,320 Me? I'm really not a cooker. 371 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,040 It doesn't matter on Bake Off. It doesn't?! 372 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,320 You don't have to be able to cook? 373 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,080 On proper Bake Off, you do. OK. 374 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:44,520 With Celebrity Bake Off, you can be... 375 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,280 You can be rubbish. LAUGHTER 376 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,680 Have you ever cooked for or prepared a meal for someone? Yeah. 377 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,480 One of my earlier boyfriends, I... 378 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,320 I don't know why, I was trying to impress him, 379 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,000 so I lied and said I could cook. 380 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,800 And so I ordered from Deliveroo and Uber Eats every ingredient, 381 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,560 but from a different restaurant, so potatoes from somewhere... 382 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:02,720 Already cooked? Already cooked. 383 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,800 Like, salad from somewhere else, and then I just fried garlic 384 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,480 and said, "You need to go out the house 385 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,240 "because it's gonna be a big surprise," 386 00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,080 and then put it all on a plate, and I never, ever told him 387 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:14,000 that it was fake. LAUGHTER 388 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,160 Niall, what's your go-to meal? 389 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,520 If you have to cook for someone else, 390 00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,960 if you have a romantic evening at home, what do you cook? 391 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,800 What am I making? Erm... 392 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,520 I do love, like, one-pot stuff, 393 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,520 and then I also like making, like, pasta, 394 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:30,960 canned tomatoes with, like, fried bacon, a bit of garlic, 395 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,760 a bit of chilli, and a whole block of Parmesan. 396 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,880 AUDIENCE: Whoo! 397 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,040 OK, you know I mentioned Prue has a one-woman show at the moment - 398 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,760 Nothing In Moderation - which is also on her... 399 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,040 It's her heraldic... What do they call it? Motto? 400 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,760 It's just the... Yeah, motto. Motto. 401 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,680 Tell us about the tour, though. What does the tour involve? 402 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,880 If people see you live, what do you talking about? 403 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,440 Well, I mostly tell funny stories about catering disasters, 404 00:16:55,440 --> 00:17:00,800 feeding the Royal family, a few personal stuff, and so on, 405 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,320 and then in the second half, the audience ask me questions. 406 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:06,520 Anyway, so, what are we doing is 407 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:09,920 I'm touring all over England and the UK, 408 00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,360 and I end up at the London Palladium... Wow. 409 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:14,360 ..and I'll tell you what? That is terr... 410 00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:17,280 I mean, I'm absolutely... scared. 411 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:18,760 LAUGHTER What kind of...? 412 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,480 What do people most want to know about the show? 413 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,200 When they ask you the questions in that part of the show, 414 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,000 what, or who, do they ask you about? 415 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,200 They always ask me about Paul Hollywood, inevitably. 416 00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,360 They ask me, 417 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:32,800 "Are Paul Hollywood's eyes really that blue?" 418 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,920 LAUGHTER Answer - yes. 419 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,840 "Is his tan fake?" Because he's always so tanned. Yeah. 420 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,480 He's like a dark mahogany, isn't he? Yeah, he's dark mahogany. 421 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,600 And if he goes and lies in the sun for ten minutes between takes, 422 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,960 he's a darker mahogany. So he just tans? 423 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,080 He just tans like that. 424 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,000 It upsets the make-up girls a lot. LAUGHTER 425 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,200 And it upsets me, too, 426 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:55,320 because I don't want to look like his ghost, 427 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,560 so I'm always... LAUGHTER 428 00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:59,880 And the other day, somebody on my show asked me, 429 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:05,520 "What does Paul Hollywood smell like?" 430 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:07,360 LAUGHTER So I said, "Crumpet!" 431 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,880 LAUGHTER 432 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,800 Could you give me a better answer than...? 433 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,520 Crumpet means "fanny" sometimes as well. 434 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,240 LAUGHTER 435 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:24,920 I don't think he's like one of them! 436 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,120 I knew crumpet meant... 437 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:29,480 I knew crumpet meant girth or sex, but... 438 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:30,880 Like, "Oh, let's have a look at your crumpet. 439 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,720 LAUGHTER 440 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,160 I'll have to change that answer. Next time somebody says... 441 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:37,680 Next time they ask you what he smells of, say, "Despair!" 442 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,960 LAUGHTER 443 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:42,280 Maybe. Maybe. 444 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,960 Well, I had Lewis Capaldi on a while ago, 445 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,920 and he told me that Niall was one of the most fragrant men... 446 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,720 Fragrant? ..he's ever been near. 447 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,000 Would you have a sniff of Niall for me? 448 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,320 Hold on - good fragrance or bad fragrance? 449 00:18:55,320 --> 00:19:02,480 LAUGHTER, CHEERING 450 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,160 I tell you what - that smells quite good! 451 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,240 LAUGHTER 452 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,440 What was...? Did you smell, or was that just a lunge? 453 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,360 LAUGHTER It was a loud sniff in my ear. 454 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,240 I bet he's got a candy-floss quality to him. 455 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,600 I did actually manage to resist kissing him, 456 00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,720 but it was... close. 457 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,960 I mean, I nearly, nearly did because... Gutted! 458 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,200 ..he does smell good. LAUGHTER 459 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,760 He is very kissable. He's kissable. 460 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,440 Do you kiss him a lot? 461 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,360 LAUGHTER 462 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:30,400 It's consensual. 463 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,840 LAUGHTER 464 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,320 It's not. 465 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:36,800 JONATHAN GUFFAWS 466 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,120 Well, OK, but I let you anyway. Yeah. 467 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:45,840 LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE 468 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,160 Now, seeing as we have Prue, who has lived a very full and very rich life 469 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:50,120 and, as you heard, she has amazing stories and experiences, 470 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,600 we might play a game of Never Have I Ever. 471 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:55,440 LAUGHTER 472 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,360 We might get Niall and Maya to join in as well. Oh, Jesus! Yeah. 473 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,840 Cos we did this once before, didn't we, Niall? Yep, yep. 474 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,200 OK, so... I'm still hearing about it now! 475 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:07,840 JONATHAN LAUGHS OK, pass those along. 476 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,240 And so, do you know how this works, Prue? 477 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:11,280 You have to answer truthfully. Yep. I know you will. 478 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,560 I'm just gonna hold it here. 479 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,240 LAUGHTER 480 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,560 Right, here we go. Part one question. You ready? Oh, no. 481 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:21,800 Never Have I Ever... attended an orgy. 482 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:28,800 WHOOPING AND CHEERING 483 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,640 APPLAUSE Mine was... 484 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:33,480 Mine was for work, though, it was for work, it was for work. 485 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,880 CHEERING 486 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:38,680 What's the matter with you two guys? 487 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,680 I'll be honest with you, no-one saw it going that way, did they? 488 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,560 LAUGHTER 489 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,000 We did it together, actually, that's the funny story. 490 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,360 Cos an orgy, technically, is more than four people. 491 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:48,600 Yeah. No, mine was actually for a show. 492 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,080 I went to Killing Kittens for a documentary 493 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,600 and that was, it was, everyone was shagging everyone. OK, and Prue? 494 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:56,360 LAUGHTER 495 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,080 I went to a party, and I didn't know it was going to be an orgy, 496 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,680 but it was. It was everybody shagging everyone. Yeah. 497 00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:03,920 And I was so embarrassed, 498 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,920 because people kept coming and tugging my clothes and saying, 499 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:10,760 "Don't you realise this is meant to be an orgy? Get your kit off." 500 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:12,000 So, finally, I took my kit off 501 00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,080 because it would stop people... Yeah. 502 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,800 And I spent the whole evening walking around, 503 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,840 pretending I wanted a drink, pretending I was going to the loo, 504 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:22,840 pretending, you know, I'm waiting for somebody. 505 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:26,240 You know that thing when you're at a party and you don't know anybody 506 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,240 and you're trying to pretend you're cool about it? Yeah. 507 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,680 And you're naked. I was gonna say! 508 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,120 LAUGHTER Have you ever been invited to one? 509 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,680 An orgy? No. 510 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,040 LAUGHTER Can we have another question, please? 511 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,240 We can have another question, but I'm trying to arrange our weekend! 512 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,960 LAUGHTER 513 00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,400 He's turning 30 this year, we've got to get him experienced! 514 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,760 I'm sweating here at the thought! 515 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:50,720 You'll be all right when you get your clothes off for the party! 516 00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,800 LAUGHTER, CHEERING 517 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,120 Can I just confirm that I didn't take part, 518 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:57,360 cos that would be a crazy headline. 519 00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,560 Maya did not take part in the orgy. Didn't touch anyone. 520 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,120 Officially, she did not take part. Yeah. 521 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:06,240 Unofficially, probably had a wild afternoon... 522 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,840 Yeah, it was an edited documentary. 523 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,880 LAUGHTER 524 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,800 Never Have I Ever... been on a blind date. 525 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,720 I've never been on one. Yeah. I've never been on a blind date. 526 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:19,360 Did it go well? Um, yeah, yeah, it did. 527 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:21,640 Did it? Yeah. Nice person? Lovely person. 528 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,880 See him again? Yep. 529 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,080 But is blind where you've never seen any... I saw a photo beforehand, 530 00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:28,760 so it's not really BLIND blind. No, if it's blind, 531 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,520 you don't know at all who's going to be there. 532 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,600 Yeah, like, a friend set us up. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. 533 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,240 I've been set up, but I haven't been on a blind date. 534 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,040 So you're the same as me. Who were you set up with? 535 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,000 Was it a good night? My current girlfriend. Oh, wow. Yeah. 536 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,520 AUDIENCE: Awww! Kinda... to be honest. 537 00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:43,880 What do you mean? It happened, and then... 538 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,800 Listen, she won't really like this 539 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,720 when she sees that you said, "kind of" girlfriend. 540 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,560 No, no, she's definitely my girlfriend! 541 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:51,480 JONATHAN LAUGHS 542 00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:54,960 She's "kind of" my girlfriend! Yeah! No, she's, she's behind there! 543 00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,240 Is she there? I hope she is, after this! 544 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,560 This is the new Blind Date, come on out! 545 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,400 She'll not, she's left! She's gone now, yeah! 546 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,560 Right, let's do this one. 547 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:06,880 Never Have I Ever... named one of my body parts. 548 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,000 MAYA: Oh. 549 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,480 Do you mean like given it a name? 550 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,200 Yeah, like a nickname, for a little part of your body. 551 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:16,400 Like... like Molly, or... Jim? GALES OF LAUGHTER 552 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,840 Yes. Like crumpet. Like crumpet. 553 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,360 It can be any name... Any name you want, 554 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:21,960 it can be any part of the body, any name. 555 00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:23,680 Maya, you have a nickname for what part of your body? 556 00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,520 Yeah, I've got a bent toe called Pete. 557 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:29,880 He hides behind the rest of them. Bent Pete. 558 00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:32,360 I tell you what, I'm glad I don't have my toes out tonight. 559 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:35,800 Are yours bent too? Oh, God, I look like I got two toes. 560 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,240 What? Are they joined? 561 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,160 They're not great, now, to be honest with you. They're ugly. 562 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,360 What part of your body have you named and what's it called? 563 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:47,840 Niall. Can't say it. You can't say either? 564 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,920 Er... GIGGLES 565 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,720 Go one. Give one. No. Big boy. 566 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,640 What's the name of the part? "Big boy", she said! 567 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,240 You can't tell us the name of the part? 568 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,320 It's pri... my life. It's private. 569 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,240 This is crumpet! It's private. OK, well, I won't... 570 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,760 It's my life, Jonathan. 571 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,240 OK, well, in that case, in that case, 572 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,120 I'm not gonna tell you what part of my body I called Zayne. 573 00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,360 LAUGHTER 574 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,720 APPLAUSE 575 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,440 You have to use your imagination, how do you like that? 576 00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,560 Yeah, yeah, true life. 577 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,880 All right, OK, we're going to take a break. 578 00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,480 Ladies and gentlemen, Niall is gonna head off now 579 00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,760 to get ready for his performance at the end of the show. I am. 580 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,360 He's gonna be doing Heaven, first time ever on British TV... 581 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:26,680 WHOOPING AND CHEERING 582 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:28,680 ..so please join me in saying thank you to Niall Horan, 583 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:29,880 the other guys are gonna stay out here 584 00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:32,080 and we'll have Tom and James joining us as well. We'll see you in a bit. 585 00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:41,486 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 586 00:24:41,485 --> 00:24:45,085 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 587 00:24:45,085 --> 00:24:48,045 Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out here. 588 00:24:48,045 --> 00:24:49,965 You will have seen him, I'm sure, in any number of things 589 00:24:49,965 --> 00:24:52,485 including Paddington 2, King Gary 590 00:24:52,485 --> 00:24:54,565 and the BAFTA-winning Murder In Successville - 591 00:24:54,565 --> 00:24:56,165 the very funny Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen! 592 00:24:56,165 --> 00:24:59,245 CHEERING 593 00:24:59,245 --> 00:25:05,565 POP MUSIC PLAYS 594 00:25:05,565 --> 00:25:08,405 I get a hug? How are you? I'm very good. 595 00:25:08,405 --> 00:25:13,365 THEY ALL GREET EACH OTHER 596 00:25:13,365 --> 00:25:15,885 Come and sit down, Tom. You good? You're a big unit, aren't you? 597 00:25:15,885 --> 00:25:18,565 How big are you, Tom? Er, 6' 7". Wow, that's a lot. 598 00:25:18,565 --> 00:25:20,565 I'm about 6' 8", I got a little lifted heel on. Wow. 599 00:25:20,565 --> 00:25:22,565 Cos I knew Prue was on. 600 00:25:22,565 --> 00:25:24,165 You know you get smaller as you get older, though. 601 00:25:24,165 --> 00:25:25,805 I used to be 6' 1.5", I'm only about 6 foot now. 602 00:25:25,805 --> 00:25:27,645 Your spine goes: MAKES CRUNCHING NOISE 603 00:25:27,645 --> 00:25:29,565 I can't wait, I hate being this tall. Do you really? 604 00:25:29,565 --> 00:25:31,845 I guess you do stick out, don't you? Yeah, there's no hiding anywhere. 605 00:25:31,845 --> 00:25:33,165 I mean, they're talking about selfies, 606 00:25:33,165 --> 00:25:36,405 I just stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go. Yeah. 607 00:25:36,405 --> 00:25:37,805 With the bald head, you look like a big thumb. 608 00:25:37,805 --> 00:25:40,805 LAUGHTER 609 00:25:40,805 --> 00:25:42,605 I love the Paddington films. Did you see Paddington 2? 610 00:25:42,605 --> 00:25:44,845 Oh, it was so good. And you were so much fun in it. 611 00:25:44,845 --> 00:25:47,205 I know, I think they're talking about doing a third Paddington 612 00:25:47,205 --> 00:25:50,165 at the moment. Do you know if you will be in it? 613 00:25:50,165 --> 00:25:52,645 Have you been invited to take part? I've, I don't know. 614 00:25:52,645 --> 00:25:55,045 I've sort of, I've not heard much from Paddington 615 00:25:55,045 --> 00:25:56,965 since we wrapped the last film. 616 00:25:56,965 --> 00:25:58,925 We hung out a lot during the making of that film. 617 00:25:58,925 --> 00:26:00,445 Used to go to down the Wetherspoons at lunch... 618 00:26:00,445 --> 00:26:01,525 LAUGHTER 619 00:26:01,525 --> 00:26:06,485 ..few drinks after work, and I texted him a couple of times 620 00:26:06,485 --> 00:26:09,645 when we finished filming and got nothing back. No. 621 00:26:09,645 --> 00:26:11,445 I slipped into his DMs and said, 622 00:26:11,445 --> 00:26:13,725 "Have you changed your phone number?" Nothing back. 623 00:26:13,725 --> 00:26:15,485 So, no, Jon, I don't think I'm gonna be in it. 624 00:26:15,485 --> 00:26:18,245 LAUGHTER 625 00:26:18,245 --> 00:26:20,165 But, Prue, you worked with Tom a bit, sort of, didn't you? 626 00:26:20,165 --> 00:26:22,085 Cos Tom did, as I said earlier, Stand Up To Cancer, Bake Off. 627 00:26:22,085 --> 00:26:26,125 How was Tom's cooking? Can you remember what he served up for you? 628 00:26:26,125 --> 00:26:28,925 Do you know, I can't tell you, cos it hasn't aired yet. 629 00:26:28,925 --> 00:26:30,845 It hasn't aired yet! No. 630 00:26:30,845 --> 00:26:32,885 Look at the height difference, that is crazy! 631 00:26:32,885 --> 00:26:37,045 I was gonna say, that's not Prue! LAUGHTER 632 00:26:37,045 --> 00:26:42,205 Matt is so tiny and you are so huge. 633 00:26:42,205 --> 00:26:44,365 It looks like you're telling off a son that you're disappointed in. 634 00:26:44,365 --> 00:26:46,805 LAUGHTER 635 00:26:46,805 --> 00:26:49,085 Before you started showbiz, before you did the comedy and the acting, 636 00:26:49,085 --> 00:26:50,525 you were working, you did labouring work, 637 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:51,765 you did building work, is that right? 638 00:26:51,765 --> 00:26:54,045 Well, I was a labourer. Wherever I could go and carry something, 639 00:26:54,045 --> 00:26:56,125 I was scaffolding labourer for a lot of the time, 640 00:26:56,125 --> 00:27:00,445 but I was scared of heights. Yeah. So I was great on bungalows! 641 00:27:00,445 --> 00:27:02,285 I did a little bit of removal work and decorating, 642 00:27:02,285 --> 00:27:03,365 but I used to love those days, 643 00:27:03,365 --> 00:27:05,085 I used to really enjoy the camaraderie 644 00:27:05,085 --> 00:27:07,965 of working with just a bunch of other guys, in a job like that. 645 00:27:07,965 --> 00:27:10,285 It was some of the most fun I've had in my life. 646 00:27:10,285 --> 00:27:13,485 I think the people, it's a matter, I did it from a really young age, 647 00:27:13,485 --> 00:27:15,245 so it's the people you meet, 648 00:27:15,245 --> 00:27:19,125 the characters and sort of the banter that you'd have round. 649 00:27:19,125 --> 00:27:20,205 I used to work with a guy... 650 00:27:20,205 --> 00:27:24,285 I used to love the bullshitter on a building site 651 00:27:24,285 --> 00:27:26,405 and you'd come in on a Monday and he'd always have a story like, 652 00:27:26,405 --> 00:27:29,725 "Yeah, I was out at the weekend. Won about fucking five grand 653 00:27:29,725 --> 00:27:31,045 "on the Grand National, 654 00:27:31,045 --> 00:27:34,165 "ended up pulling these two twins, sisters, 655 00:27:34,165 --> 00:27:36,925 "going back to their house, having a bit of a fumble about, 656 00:27:36,925 --> 00:27:38,325 "their husbands'd come 'ome... 657 00:27:38,325 --> 00:27:39,765 "I've pulled my arm back about half a mile, 658 00:27:39,765 --> 00:27:42,245 "knocked the two of them out then I ate their Chinese takeaway." 659 00:27:42,245 --> 00:27:44,325 LAUGHTER 660 00:27:44,325 --> 00:27:47,045 And then, erm, one weekend I see him in Asda's with his nan. 661 00:27:47,045 --> 00:27:49,925 JONATHAN GUFFAWS 662 00:27:49,925 --> 00:27:51,685 And he was walking round with his shoulders slumped 663 00:27:51,685 --> 00:27:53,845 and I sort of felt really sad for him 664 00:27:53,845 --> 00:27:55,405 and then on the Monday, I said, "Good weekend?" 665 00:27:55,405 --> 00:27:57,125 And he went, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, 666 00:27:57,125 --> 00:27:58,925 "ended up having a bit of a kickabout with this fellow, 667 00:27:58,925 --> 00:28:02,365 "Stevie Gerrard." I didn't have the heart to say, 668 00:28:02,365 --> 00:28:07,085 "I see you in Asda's this weekend. 669 00:28:07,085 --> 00:28:08,645 Well, it's coloured your writing somewhat as well 670 00:28:08,645 --> 00:28:10,245 cos now, specially in The Curse, 671 00:28:10,245 --> 00:28:12,245 what you're writing about is a kind of funny take 672 00:28:12,245 --> 00:28:16,165 based on, not a kind of necessarily accurate... 673 00:28:16,165 --> 00:28:19,765 I've got to get the word right, it's an amalgaNATION... 674 00:28:19,765 --> 00:28:21,045 amalganation, is that right? 675 00:28:21,045 --> 00:28:23,325 Tell you what, you just step in. It's a... Amalgamation. 676 00:28:23,325 --> 00:28:25,445 Of many different stories from that time period. 677 00:28:25,445 --> 00:28:28,285 It's a real, yeah, 678 00:28:28,285 --> 00:28:30,445 I think it's my favourite thing we've written and we've made. 679 00:28:30,445 --> 00:28:32,845 It's called The Curse, it's on Channel 4 and All 4, 680 00:28:32,845 --> 00:28:35,245 you can see it all, and you play a kind of a... 681 00:28:35,245 --> 00:28:38,045 a rather useless criminal, don't you? 682 00:28:38,045 --> 00:28:41,205 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I sort of play, I guess... 683 00:28:41,205 --> 00:28:45,805 growing up around sort of these, sort of, like, characters 684 00:28:45,805 --> 00:28:47,085 and so when we started writing this, 685 00:28:47,085 --> 00:28:49,685 it was always trying to think who do you base this on, 686 00:28:49,685 --> 00:28:51,645 you want to base it on a little bit of reality. 687 00:28:51,645 --> 00:28:53,805 And I always remember an old boy that used to drink 688 00:28:53,805 --> 00:28:57,245 in the boozer I went in, and he was like the most useless criminal ever. 689 00:28:57,245 --> 00:28:59,485 And he had that voice that I do as Mick, and he'd sort of... 690 00:28:59,485 --> 00:29:01,165 I remember one time, he turned round, and he goes... 691 00:29:01,165 --> 00:29:04,485 DEEP VOICE: "I remember one of the worst things what happened to me. 692 00:29:04,485 --> 00:29:08,885 "I robbed the post office, and I was driving the getaway van, 693 00:29:08,885 --> 00:29:10,925 "I go under this bridge, and the van gets stuck under the bridge. 694 00:29:10,925 --> 00:29:13,565 "And I just sit there. 695 00:29:13,565 --> 00:29:15,765 "I hear the police sirens coming, and I just sit there, thinking, 696 00:29:15,765 --> 00:29:18,445 'You're done. You're gonna do a stretch for this.' " 697 00:29:18,445 --> 00:29:20,085 And I said, "Why didn't you just get out the van?" 698 00:29:20,085 --> 00:29:23,525 And he went, "Oh, yeah." LAUGHTER 699 00:29:23,525 --> 00:29:25,205 "I could've done with you there at the time." 700 00:29:25,205 --> 00:29:27,845 LAUGHTER And we've got a clip from that, 701 00:29:27,845 --> 00:29:29,605 and so I'm gonna give a bit of a warning in advance here. 702 00:29:29,605 --> 00:29:32,485 This does involve you in Speedos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 703 00:29:32,485 --> 00:29:33,565 OK. Whose choice was that? 704 00:29:33,565 --> 00:29:35,885 Was this an ambition of yours for many years, to be filmed in Speedos? 705 00:29:35,885 --> 00:29:39,565 I sort of thought... Speedos were big in the '80s, right? 706 00:29:39,565 --> 00:29:42,205 They certainly were. And actually, I think, in the clip... 707 00:29:42,205 --> 00:29:44,805 LAUGHTER Hold it, Prue's woken up. 708 00:29:44,805 --> 00:29:47,925 LAUGHTER 709 00:29:47,925 --> 00:29:51,245 Like we've got Niall back. 710 00:29:51,245 --> 00:29:54,845 So, I was kind of into the... I was like, "Yeah, I'll wear them. 711 00:29:54,845 --> 00:29:56,085 "That'll be fine." Yeah. 712 00:29:56,085 --> 00:29:57,405 It's not until you've got Speedos on 713 00:29:57,405 --> 00:29:59,325 and you look round and there's other people in Speedos, 714 00:29:59,325 --> 00:30:02,245 you realise you're not necessarily equipped for a pair of Speedos. 715 00:30:02,245 --> 00:30:05,085 It was, yeah... You genuinely... 716 00:30:05,085 --> 00:30:06,645 If when you watch this clip we're about to show, 717 00:30:06,645 --> 00:30:09,325 I think it's the one, you can see I've actually got a bit of swag. 718 00:30:09,325 --> 00:30:10,845 I'm feeling quite confident about the Speedos 719 00:30:10,845 --> 00:30:12,885 until I see other lads in Speedos, and then I actually sort of, 720 00:30:12,885 --> 00:30:16,605 like, start going, "Oh, no." Like that. 721 00:30:16,605 --> 00:30:18,245 LAUGHTER I start... My confidence. 722 00:30:18,245 --> 00:30:22,245 You can watch my confidence just slowly diminish. We're gonna watch. 723 00:30:22,245 --> 00:30:24,085 You can watch his confidence, and other things, shrivel. 724 00:30:24,085 --> 00:30:27,405 OK. Right. Let's have a look. This is Tom in The Curse Series 2. 725 00:30:27,405 --> 00:30:29,605 It's on Channel 4 and All 4, and it'll be April 726 00:30:29,605 --> 00:30:31,125 you think it's gonna be coming out. End of April. 727 00:30:31,125 --> 00:30:32,645 Plenty of time to catch up on the first series. 728 00:30:32,645 --> 00:30:34,965 Very funny. Look at this. 729 00:30:34,965 --> 00:30:37,605 LAUGHTER 730 00:30:37,605 --> 00:30:39,085 Oi, oi! Look who's back. 731 00:30:39,085 --> 00:30:44,405 Yeah, mate. Had a piss, mate... 732 00:30:44,405 --> 00:30:47,405 'Mick's arrival, let's say, rocked the boat a bit. 733 00:30:47,405 --> 00:30:51,925 'Slightly spoilt the equilibrium we'd created out in Spain.' 734 00:30:51,925 --> 00:30:56,285 Easy! I was talking, you mug! HE LAUGHS 735 00:30:56,285 --> 00:31:00,765 'What am I talking like? It was a total fucking shit show.' 736 00:31:00,765 --> 00:31:02,325 Look at the corey on this lad. Have a seat, mate. 737 00:31:02,325 --> 00:31:03,925 Take the weight off there. Look at that. 738 00:31:03,925 --> 00:31:05,685 Talk about the elephant in your pants. 739 00:31:05,685 --> 00:31:08,005 Making me hungry, looking at that thing. 740 00:31:08,005 --> 00:31:09,605 'The waterpark plans were taking shape, 741 00:31:09,605 --> 00:31:12,085 'but it felt like they could ruin it all, 742 00:31:12,085 --> 00:31:16,245 'bringing this unwanted attention from the wrong eyes.' 743 00:31:16,245 --> 00:31:19,965 Thing about being an international criminal of celebrity nature 744 00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:22,085 is everyone wants a little piece of you. 745 00:31:22,085 --> 00:31:24,045 I start getting letters from all round the world. 746 00:31:24,045 --> 00:31:25,885 A lot of big stars are writing to me. 747 00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:29,045 Ronnie Kray, Sammy Fox, her with the big lils out the paper. 748 00:31:29,045 --> 00:31:31,125 Who has the best handwriting in the world? Nigel Mansell. 749 00:31:31,125 --> 00:31:33,845 The best penmanship I've ever seen within my life. 750 00:31:33,845 --> 00:31:35,605 All in my little bumper. 751 00:31:35,605 --> 00:31:39,645 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE That's The Curse on Channel 4. 752 00:31:39,645 --> 00:31:42,085 You know, Maya's here, of course. 753 00:31:42,085 --> 00:31:44,085 Love Island's what we're talking about with Maya primarily. 754 00:31:44,085 --> 00:31:46,045 Do you watch Love Island? Are you a Love Island fan? 755 00:31:46,045 --> 00:31:47,485 I've got a bit of a funny one with Love Island. 756 00:31:47,485 --> 00:31:49,965 I was obsessed with Love Island for a long time, and then, 757 00:31:49,965 --> 00:31:52,605 last year, I got a little sort of look at myself. 758 00:31:52,605 --> 00:31:55,085 I would be texting mates, I would be sitting with my wife watching it, 759 00:31:55,085 --> 00:31:57,485 and essentially watching a bunch of 20-year-olds 760 00:31:57,485 --> 00:31:59,685 copping off with each other. LAUGHTER 761 00:31:59,685 --> 00:32:01,285 And I just started looking at myself, thinking, 762 00:32:01,285 --> 00:32:03,605 "What the f'in hell are you...? How creepy are you now?" 763 00:32:03,605 --> 00:32:06,925 Like, genuinely, in any other scenario, 764 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,565 I can't go out to a bar or a club or a pub with a couple of mates 765 00:32:09,565 --> 00:32:11,285 and go, "Do you think they're gonna get it on tonight? 766 00:32:11,285 --> 00:32:13,125 "Do you think they'll get it on?" LAUGHTER 767 00:32:13,125 --> 00:32:14,725 I'll tell you when I'll start watching, 768 00:32:14,725 --> 00:32:16,805 they're doing one with normal, older people. 769 00:32:16,805 --> 00:32:18,845 That's when you'll get involved. I wanna see a geezer rock up 770 00:32:18,845 --> 00:32:21,845 with a sort of polo shirt with a bit of back hair coming out. 771 00:32:21,845 --> 00:32:25,965 Although, you know what I'd love to see... Yeah, bigger. Back hair? 772 00:32:25,965 --> 00:32:27,845 Someone... A sexy shot of a guy pulling off his T-shirt 773 00:32:27,845 --> 00:32:30,485 and just have a big load of back hair. Yeah. 774 00:32:30,485 --> 00:32:31,525 LAUGHTER 775 00:32:31,525 --> 00:32:33,605 With the woman he fancies the most shaved in it. 776 00:32:33,605 --> 00:32:36,285 That'd be a real decoration laugh. Romance. Romance. 777 00:32:36,285 --> 00:32:38,045 I genuinely... That's when I'm gonna really get 778 00:32:38,045 --> 00:32:40,685 back into it, when it's just real people. 779 00:32:40,685 --> 00:32:42,565 For your generation, for my generation. Yeah, exactly. 780 00:32:42,565 --> 00:32:44,245 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 781 00:32:44,245 --> 00:32:45,965 Tom is also on tour cos he's an actor, 782 00:32:45,965 --> 00:32:48,445 and he's a stand-up comedian as well. 783 00:32:48,445 --> 00:32:50,885 The tour's called Underdog, starts again in September, doesn't it? 784 00:32:50,885 --> 00:32:52,245 What do you talk about on it? 785 00:32:52,245 --> 00:32:54,165 I do a lot of talking about being a new dad, which is... 786 00:32:54,165 --> 00:32:56,685 At 43. Congratulations. We were talking backstage. 787 00:32:56,685 --> 00:32:58,125 Yeah, how old's your baby? 15 months. 788 00:32:58,125 --> 00:33:00,205 A lovely, sweet little 15-month-old baby. Yeah. 789 00:33:00,205 --> 00:33:03,285 COOS, APPLAUSE Yeah, she's a little cracker, yeah. 790 00:33:03,285 --> 00:33:04,805 Yeah. Thank you. Crazy, though. 791 00:33:04,805 --> 00:33:06,725 You have a thing of... I was like... 792 00:33:06,725 --> 00:33:10,525 I wasn't really thinking about going back to stand-up, 793 00:33:10,525 --> 00:33:11,805 and about six months in, I thought, 794 00:33:11,805 --> 00:33:14,165 "I've got no social life at all here. 795 00:33:14,165 --> 00:33:16,725 "Maybe I should do a tour." LAUGHTER 796 00:33:16,725 --> 00:33:17,805 So, a lot of the tour tends to be 797 00:33:17,805 --> 00:33:19,605 me just going out having a few drinks with people. 798 00:33:19,605 --> 00:33:22,725 And also to get a night's sleep in a hotel is nice. 799 00:33:22,725 --> 00:33:26,005 Yeah. So, don't worry about your wife. You're having a great time. 800 00:33:26,005 --> 00:33:27,685 Yeah, actually, I'm really now genuinely worried 801 00:33:27,685 --> 00:33:30,725 of her sitting there, watching this, going, "You prick." 802 00:33:30,725 --> 00:33:33,045 LAUGHTER 803 00:33:33,045 --> 00:33:35,485 And you talk about having... You talk about life with a baby now? 804 00:33:35,485 --> 00:33:37,325 The way your life has changed? Yeah, I talk about, yeah, 805 00:33:37,325 --> 00:33:39,525 life with her, and talk about life from sort of... 806 00:33:39,525 --> 00:33:42,125 I talk about the building site, I talk about, you know. 807 00:33:42,125 --> 00:33:43,685 I remember when I first got sort of started, 808 00:33:43,685 --> 00:33:45,645 turning around to geezers on sites, 809 00:33:45,645 --> 00:33:47,605 saying, "I want to do stand-up." "I'm gonna give it a try." 810 00:33:47,605 --> 00:33:49,285 They'd go, "Why the fuckin' hell would you try that? 811 00:33:49,285 --> 00:33:51,245 "It's just something else you're gonna be shit at." Yeah. 812 00:33:51,245 --> 00:33:53,165 And then, to be here now, you think... 813 00:33:53,165 --> 00:33:56,165 And I was awful. I used to have awful gigs. 814 00:33:56,165 --> 00:33:59,365 So, what were the early gigs like? Oh, God. Awful. Terrible gigs. 815 00:33:59,365 --> 00:34:01,645 I remember doing one when I got a phone call saying, 816 00:34:01,645 --> 00:34:03,805 "Look, do you want a gig tonight at Warwick University?" 817 00:34:03,805 --> 00:34:05,525 And I was like, "Wow, yeah. Just my crowd." 818 00:34:05,525 --> 00:34:08,325 Erm... LAUGHTER 819 00:34:08,325 --> 00:34:10,685 And I turn up. It was last-minute, I turn up that night, 820 00:34:10,685 --> 00:34:13,005 and I'm walking through the halls sort of 821 00:34:13,005 --> 00:34:15,125 and going to the student union, and there's pictures, 822 00:34:15,125 --> 00:34:16,725 there's posters everywhere of Sara Pascoe, 823 00:34:16,725 --> 00:34:18,445 who's a good pal of mine, Sara. 824 00:34:18,445 --> 00:34:20,245 And it's saying, "Sara Pascoe, here tonight," 825 00:34:20,245 --> 00:34:22,765 with the date of that day. 826 00:34:22,765 --> 00:34:26,445 So I'm like, "This is a bit weird. Sara Pascoe's playing here as well?" 827 00:34:26,445 --> 00:34:27,685 So I turned round to the geezer and said, 828 00:34:27,685 --> 00:34:29,765 "Is Sara Pascoe performing here tonight?" 829 00:34:29,765 --> 00:34:31,725 And he went, "Oh, yeah, she was. She was, but she's pulled out, 830 00:34:31,725 --> 00:34:33,205 "so we've got you instead." 831 00:34:33,205 --> 00:34:34,765 MAYA GASPS Oh, no. 832 00:34:34,765 --> 00:34:36,245 And I said, "Right. Have you told the crowd? 833 00:34:36,245 --> 00:34:39,365 "Have you told the audience that Sara's not here?" 834 00:34:39,365 --> 00:34:41,205 And he went, "No, we haven't. We haven't told them." 835 00:34:41,205 --> 00:34:43,605 LAUGHTER 836 00:34:43,605 --> 00:34:45,725 And I said, "Well, there might be quite a few disappointed people 837 00:34:45,725 --> 00:34:48,085 "when I walk..." 838 00:34:48,085 --> 00:34:49,805 Cos me and Sara are very different acts. 839 00:34:49,805 --> 00:34:51,765 I don't know if you've ever seen Sara's stuff. 840 00:34:51,765 --> 00:34:54,765 And I was like, "Don't you think they might clock 841 00:34:54,765 --> 00:34:56,445 "that I'm not Sara Pascoe?" 842 00:34:56,445 --> 00:34:58,125 And he went, "Well, we've got a smoke machine." 843 00:34:58,125 --> 00:35:01,525 LAUGHTER 844 00:35:01,525 --> 00:35:04,085 I said... Add some drama for you. Bit of spice. 845 00:35:04,085 --> 00:35:05,565 Yeah. At some point, the smoke's gonna clear. 846 00:35:05,565 --> 00:35:07,445 And to be fair, I think as soon as I say, 847 00:35:07,445 --> 00:35:09,125 "Hello, ladies and gentlemen," they might go... 848 00:35:09,125 --> 00:35:10,285 Sara? "I don't think that's Sara." 849 00:35:10,285 --> 00:35:11,925 LAUGHTER 850 00:35:11,925 --> 00:35:13,085 It's great to have you here. 851 00:35:13,085 --> 00:35:15,725 As I said, The Curse is on soon on Channel 4 and All 4, 852 00:35:15,725 --> 00:35:17,685 but also make sure you catch him on tour. 853 00:35:17,685 --> 00:35:19,405 He's a very, very funny man. We're gonna take a break. 854 00:35:19,405 --> 00:35:22,925 Mr Tom Davis, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. 855 00:35:22,925 --> 00:35:24,445 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Don't go away, though. 856 00:35:24,445 --> 00:35:25,805 Don't go anywhere because coming up next, 857 00:35:25,805 --> 00:35:27,725 James Acaster will be here and Niall Horan performing live 858 00:35:27,725 --> 00:35:29,405 at the end of the show. See you in a couple of minutes. 859 00:35:29,405 --> 00:35:37,884 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 860 00:35:37,884 --> 00:35:42,764 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 861 00:35:42,764 --> 00:35:45,044 Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out. 862 00:35:45,044 --> 00:35:48,364 He is as hilarious as he is unusual. It is the brilliant James Acaster. 863 00:35:48,364 --> 00:35:59,364 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 864 00:35:59,364 --> 00:36:02,524 CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH 865 00:36:02,524 --> 00:36:04,444 Hello. 866 00:36:04,444 --> 00:36:06,164 Hello. How are you? Hello, mate. 867 00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:09,244 Hello, Tom. Hello, James. Come and sit down, James. 868 00:36:09,244 --> 00:36:10,724 Nice to see you. Thank you for coming back on. 869 00:36:10,724 --> 00:36:12,364 I love having you on the show. Thank you, Jonathan. 870 00:36:12,364 --> 00:36:14,284 Last time you came on, you came on without really telling us 871 00:36:14,284 --> 00:36:16,164 why you came dressed as this sort of thing. 872 00:36:16,164 --> 00:36:18,404 A crocodile? Alligator? Duck? I'm not quite sure what it is. 873 00:36:18,404 --> 00:36:21,644 It's a Party Gator. OK. LAUGHTER 874 00:36:21,644 --> 00:36:24,324 You were dressed as the Party Gator. Yes. Never really understood why. 875 00:36:24,324 --> 00:36:27,644 LAUGHTER Yes. 876 00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:28,764 So, who is the Party Gator? 877 00:36:28,764 --> 00:36:29,924 And is this a new act? Does he speak? 878 00:36:29,924 --> 00:36:34,244 No, he doesn't speak because I can't do the voice. Right. 879 00:36:34,244 --> 00:36:37,124 But, erm, this is the baby Gator, that is the original Party Gator 880 00:36:37,124 --> 00:36:39,444 that I was wearing there up on the screen. 881 00:36:39,444 --> 00:36:41,084 Let's put that photo. That's what he came dressed as. 882 00:36:41,084 --> 00:36:43,044 Yeah. I felt bad at the time 883 00:36:43,044 --> 00:36:45,164 because it was for a project I was working on, 884 00:36:45,164 --> 00:36:48,244 but I couldn't speak about it yet, so I thought, 885 00:36:48,244 --> 00:36:50,724 "I'm just gonna go out of context." 886 00:36:50,724 --> 00:36:53,284 If I'm fully honest with you, Jonathan, I suspected... 887 00:36:53,284 --> 00:36:56,284 I thought that if I said I wanted to do that, 888 00:36:56,284 --> 00:36:59,284 you and your team who make this show would say no. 889 00:36:59,284 --> 00:37:03,484 Well... I was as shocked as anyone when you went, "Yeah, all right." 890 00:37:03,484 --> 00:37:04,724 I was like, "Oh, I've got to do that now." 891 00:37:04,724 --> 00:37:07,004 LAUGHTER 892 00:37:07,004 --> 00:37:09,484 Because I thought, "There's a reason why he's doing this..." Yes. 893 00:37:09,484 --> 00:37:11,444 "..and it'll be some big reveal and hilariously funny," 894 00:37:11,444 --> 00:37:13,844 but nothing really happened. No. 895 00:37:13,844 --> 00:37:16,004 And now we're waiting for the... 896 00:37:16,004 --> 00:37:18,764 And also, we had Tom Jones on the show, there's a picture. 897 00:37:18,764 --> 00:37:20,044 Tom Jones hadn't expected that. He was... 898 00:37:20,044 --> 00:37:24,364 LAUGHTER 899 00:37:24,364 --> 00:37:25,844 I had to talk to him for half an hour afterwards 900 00:37:25,844 --> 00:37:29,044 to explain to him he wasn't being pranked! 901 00:37:29,044 --> 00:37:30,604 In all honesty, Tom Jones was one of the only... 902 00:37:30,604 --> 00:37:32,444 Everyone else that day kept on asking me what I was doing. 903 00:37:32,444 --> 00:37:35,124 Tom Jones has seen it all. So, I was backstage in that, 904 00:37:35,124 --> 00:37:37,284 everyone else going, like, "What is this?!" 905 00:37:37,284 --> 00:37:39,244 And Tom Jones just appeared and went, "All right?" 906 00:37:39,244 --> 00:37:41,364 LAUGHTER That was it. 907 00:37:41,364 --> 00:37:44,244 So, what does the Party Gator mean to you, 908 00:37:44,244 --> 00:37:47,044 and what will he/it/they mean to us one day? 909 00:37:47,044 --> 00:37:48,844 I'm a serious musician now, Jonathan. 910 00:37:48,844 --> 00:37:54,284 I've left stand-up comedy behind me, and now I primarily make music. 911 00:37:54,284 --> 00:37:56,764 The Party Gator is the muse, and as a result, 912 00:37:56,764 --> 00:37:59,604 I have made myself a mascot outfit and had a glove puppet made 913 00:37:59,604 --> 00:38:02,404 to show everyone how much I've turned my back 914 00:38:02,404 --> 00:38:05,604 on anything remotely humorous. 915 00:38:05,604 --> 00:38:07,764 LAUGHTER And this is you being... 916 00:38:07,764 --> 00:38:11,404 Your grab for serious credibility. 917 00:38:11,404 --> 00:38:13,684 Yeah, yeah. I want the world to start taking me seriously. 918 00:38:13,684 --> 00:38:16,324 LAUGHTER And know that I... Shut up. 919 00:38:16,324 --> 00:38:18,244 LAUGHTER 920 00:38:18,244 --> 00:38:21,564 Er, and so, what... 921 00:38:21,564 --> 00:38:23,524 You weren't doing that to Niall earlier! No. 922 00:38:23,524 --> 00:38:25,204 LAUGHTER 923 00:38:25,204 --> 00:38:26,564 And so, what sort of music are you making? 924 00:38:26,564 --> 00:38:29,964 Does he sing on the album or anything, or...? 925 00:38:29,964 --> 00:38:31,764 No, no. I've got loads of other singers on it. 926 00:38:31,764 --> 00:38:32,964 Right. It's like... 927 00:38:32,964 --> 00:38:35,364 I describe it as, like, the best music. 928 00:38:35,364 --> 00:38:37,044 Yeah. LAUGHTER 929 00:38:37,044 --> 00:38:39,244 Compared to all other music? Compared to... 930 00:38:39,244 --> 00:38:42,884 With all due respect, compared to all other music. Wow. 931 00:38:42,884 --> 00:38:45,244 Except for Niall. Right. LAUGHTER 932 00:38:45,244 --> 00:38:50,284 Number two. OK. So, we have a copy... 933 00:38:50,284 --> 00:38:52,364 Is this out yet? This is the album. That's out in May. I drew that. 934 00:38:52,364 --> 00:38:54,764 LAUGHTER 935 00:38:54,764 --> 00:38:58,604 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 936 00:38:58,604 --> 00:39:00,124 And so, the Gator doesn't sing. 937 00:39:00,124 --> 00:39:02,764 No, Gator doesn't sing, I don't sing. OK. Who sings? 938 00:39:02,764 --> 00:39:05,164 I play the drums, I'm a producer, I've got, like, loads... 939 00:39:05,164 --> 00:39:08,964 There's 40 of us in the group. Yeah. Wow. 940 00:39:08,964 --> 00:39:10,404 I had to organise it all during... 941 00:39:10,404 --> 00:39:12,364 If you want to know how I spent my lockdown, this is the result. 942 00:39:12,364 --> 00:39:16,204 LAUGHTER 943 00:39:16,204 --> 00:39:18,524 But here's the thing. He's not really joking, are you? 944 00:39:18,524 --> 00:39:22,564 I never am. OK. LAUGHTER 945 00:39:22,564 --> 00:39:24,524 No, there is an album, isn't there? Yeah, there's an album. 946 00:39:24,524 --> 00:39:27,564 And you did play drums on it? I did play drums on it. 947 00:39:27,564 --> 00:39:29,684 I did produce it, I worked with 40 musicians over lockdown. Yeah. 948 00:39:29,684 --> 00:39:32,644 I drew that, I wore that, I've got this on my hand. 949 00:39:32,644 --> 00:39:36,444 I really can't emphasise enough how much this is not a joke. 950 00:39:36,444 --> 00:39:39,004 OK. LAUGHTER 951 00:39:39,004 --> 00:39:41,044 We'll play you a little bit of the music, 952 00:39:41,044 --> 00:39:42,684 it's out on the 19th of May. 953 00:39:42,684 --> 00:39:45,404 This is... It's a real thing. Have a listen. 954 00:39:45,404 --> 00:40:04,884 MUSIC: 'Party Gator Resurrection' by James Acaster 955 00:40:04,884 --> 00:40:08,724 APPLAUSE 956 00:40:08,724 --> 00:40:11,404 It has a modern beat to it, I like that sound. Stunning. 957 00:40:11,404 --> 00:40:12,644 It's a real project. 958 00:40:12,644 --> 00:40:14,444 It's a real project and it was boiling hot that day. 959 00:40:14,444 --> 00:40:15,804 Absolutely boiling. 960 00:40:15,804 --> 00:40:17,124 So you're suffering for your art as well. 961 00:40:17,124 --> 00:40:18,204 It was horrible. I was like... 962 00:40:18,204 --> 00:40:21,204 It was like a slip and slide inside that costume. 963 00:40:21,204 --> 00:40:23,564 Are you always in the Gator suit or can another people be the Gator? 964 00:40:23,564 --> 00:40:26,324 Yeah, weirdly, I've always been in the Gator suit. 965 00:40:26,324 --> 00:40:27,604 And then everyone asks me that and I go, 966 00:40:27,604 --> 00:40:29,284 "Oh, yeah, I could've got someone else to do that." 967 00:40:29,284 --> 00:40:30,684 I don't know why I volunteered every time. 968 00:40:30,684 --> 00:40:32,764 What kind of reaction do you get when you go out in the Gator suit? 969 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:34,524 Bearing in mind, people don't yet know who the Gator is. 970 00:40:34,524 --> 00:40:36,684 It's quite nice actually because, like, you go out 971 00:40:36,684 --> 00:40:38,524 in the Gator suit and it's a full range... 972 00:40:38,524 --> 00:40:40,964 Little kids will see the Gator and they'll wave, 973 00:40:40,964 --> 00:40:42,924 and if you wave back, the kids are all happy 974 00:40:42,924 --> 00:40:46,364 and sometimes they wanna come and shake your hand, have a photo. 975 00:40:46,364 --> 00:40:48,404 And then, you know, builders call you a wanker. 976 00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:52,684 LAUGHTER 977 00:40:52,684 --> 00:40:54,244 Don't look at me, I've not seen you in it. 978 00:40:54,244 --> 00:40:55,644 I will say this, if you walk... 979 00:40:55,644 --> 00:40:57,964 Yeah, that's a good lunch break, that. 980 00:40:57,964 --> 00:41:00,884 Yeah, yeah. An absolute field day. 981 00:41:00,884 --> 00:41:04,164 But you're not singing on it, but can you sing? I can't sing, man. 982 00:41:04,164 --> 00:41:05,604 You used to be in a band years ago, didn't you? 983 00:41:05,604 --> 00:41:06,924 Used to be in bands before I did stand-up 984 00:41:06,924 --> 00:41:09,044 and I really wanted to learn how to sing for one of the bands 985 00:41:09,044 --> 00:41:11,324 and I went to someone to do singing lessons 986 00:41:11,324 --> 00:41:14,124 and, erm, 30 seconds into the singing lesson, 987 00:41:14,124 --> 00:41:16,404 she was playing scales on the piano, 988 00:41:16,404 --> 00:41:19,324 I was trying to sing along and she stopped and said, 989 00:41:19,324 --> 00:41:21,324 "Look, I've never done this before, but I can't teach you." 990 00:41:21,324 --> 00:41:23,084 LAUGHTER That bad? 991 00:41:23,084 --> 00:41:24,204 Yeah. And I said, 992 00:41:24,204 --> 00:41:29,204 SINGS: "Fair enough. I'll see myself out." 993 00:41:29,204 --> 00:41:30,364 You can't sing, can you? No. 994 00:41:30,364 --> 00:41:32,124 LAUGHTER 995 00:41:32,124 --> 00:41:33,244 Prue, have you ever been in a band? 996 00:41:33,244 --> 00:41:35,084 Never, and I can't sing. 997 00:41:35,084 --> 00:41:39,804 And I have to say that, this is... I really do feel 100 years old 998 00:41:39,804 --> 00:41:43,364 because I didn't understand a word of your... 999 00:41:43,364 --> 00:41:45,284 LAUGHTER ..whole thing. 1000 00:41:45,284 --> 00:41:47,764 I mean... Of which bit, my interview or the song? 1001 00:41:47,764 --> 00:41:48,764 LAUGHTER 1002 00:41:48,764 --> 00:41:51,084 All of it. 1003 00:41:51,084 --> 00:41:54,164 The way he speaks or just what he was saying? 1004 00:41:54,164 --> 00:41:57,444 No, I know about the way he speaks and I love him, 1005 00:41:57,444 --> 00:42:02,604 but I don't understand that whole business about the Gator. 1006 00:42:02,604 --> 00:42:04,764 Prue, thank you, I'm still struggling a little bit here. 1007 00:42:04,764 --> 00:42:07,804 I don't think I can be any clearer. 1008 00:42:07,804 --> 00:42:11,724 I like it. It's the real you, right? 1009 00:42:11,724 --> 00:42:13,364 That's the you inside of here that's bursting out, 1010 00:42:13,364 --> 00:42:17,564 you've always been the Gator. 1011 00:42:17,564 --> 00:42:19,644 But now the Gator's taken over James and I think that, in my head, 1012 00:42:19,644 --> 00:42:21,924 I've known this guy years, I've always seen the Gator in him. 1013 00:42:21,924 --> 00:42:24,284 And I'm like, "Oh, good, thank you." 1014 00:42:24,284 --> 00:42:27,164 I'm gonna start bringing Tom along with me to translate for me. Yeah. 1015 00:42:27,164 --> 00:42:29,204 LAUGHTER 1016 00:42:29,204 --> 00:42:32,284 You also have done Stand Up To Cancer with Prue, Bake Off. 1017 00:42:32,284 --> 00:42:33,884 How was his cooking? Good. 1018 00:42:33,884 --> 00:42:36,844 LAUGHTER 1019 00:42:36,844 --> 00:42:37,764 Good. Was it good? 1020 00:42:37,764 --> 00:42:39,204 Er... 1021 00:42:39,204 --> 00:42:41,084 LAUGHTER 1022 00:42:41,084 --> 00:42:46,484 How can I put this politely? 1023 00:42:46,484 --> 00:42:50,284 Put it this way, you remember Prue's reaction to me earlier? Yeah. 1024 00:42:50,284 --> 00:42:52,764 That was... better than her reaction to my baking. 1025 00:42:52,764 --> 00:42:54,604 LAUGHTER 1026 00:42:54,604 --> 00:42:56,364 What did Paul make of your stuff? Did he enjoy your food? 1027 00:42:56,364 --> 00:42:58,284 That guy is a piece of shit. 1028 00:42:58,284 --> 00:43:00,644 LAUGHTER 1029 00:43:00,644 --> 00:43:02,844 I've gotta say, I agree with James on it. I agree with James on that. 1030 00:43:02,844 --> 00:43:04,804 MAYA: What happened? Was he horrible? 1031 00:43:04,804 --> 00:43:07,484 He's up himself. He wants it all to taste nice. 1032 00:43:07,484 --> 00:43:10,204 LAUGHTER 1033 00:43:10,204 --> 00:43:11,764 But you used to work in a kitchen, didn't you? 1034 00:43:11,764 --> 00:43:13,724 Yeah, I used to work in kitchens. So you know how to cook? 1035 00:43:13,724 --> 00:43:16,524 No. Cos, I mean... That's not the... 1036 00:43:16,524 --> 00:43:18,924 Weirdly, that's not the qualification 1037 00:43:18,924 --> 00:43:20,284 for working in the kitchen. 1038 00:43:20,284 --> 00:43:22,364 You've just gotta be able to take a lot of gyp from head chefs, 1039 00:43:22,364 --> 00:43:23,804 and whatever. 1040 00:43:23,804 --> 00:43:26,004 I was good at making mash, I was the mash king. Right. 1041 00:43:26,004 --> 00:43:27,124 AUDIENCE MEMBER: Whoo! 1042 00:43:27,124 --> 00:43:28,124 Thank you. LAUGHTER 1043 00:43:28,124 --> 00:43:30,564 I can make mashed potato like no-one's business. 1044 00:43:30,564 --> 00:43:32,164 What's the secret to good mashed potato? 1045 00:43:32,164 --> 00:43:35,404 Er, loads of cream, loads of cheese, loads of pepper. 1046 00:43:35,404 --> 00:43:37,084 PRUE: Butter. Loads of butter. 1047 00:43:37,084 --> 00:43:38,164 Just basically loads of... 1048 00:43:38,164 --> 00:43:41,684 As much beige stuff as you can possibly get your hands on. 1049 00:43:41,684 --> 00:43:43,444 Put it in there and when you think you've mashed enough, 1050 00:43:43,444 --> 00:43:44,444 keep on mashing. 1051 00:43:44,444 --> 00:43:46,524 LAUGHTER 1052 00:43:46,524 --> 00:43:47,884 I would say that is the perfect description 1053 00:43:47,884 --> 00:43:49,404 of how to make mashed potato. 1054 00:43:49,404 --> 00:43:51,164 First thing I've ever said that Prue understands. 1055 00:43:51,164 --> 00:43:53,524 LAUGHTER 1056 00:43:53,524 --> 00:43:56,564 That's right. Unfortunately... 1057 00:43:56,564 --> 00:43:59,244 She endorses that 100%. 1058 00:43:59,244 --> 00:44:01,724 I read online, you know, cos Matt Lucas is leaving Bake Off, 1059 00:44:01,724 --> 00:44:03,684 and I read online that your name was being considered, 1060 00:44:03,684 --> 00:44:06,364 and possibly... Would you do Bake Off? 1061 00:44:06,364 --> 00:44:07,924 Have they spoken to you about joining as a host? 1062 00:44:07,924 --> 00:44:11,044 No-one's spoken to me about it and rightly so. 1063 00:44:11,044 --> 00:44:13,084 I think they've kind of, like, predicted that... 1064 00:44:13,084 --> 00:44:16,444 Prue, kind of, quite kindly underplayed it earlier. 1065 00:44:16,444 --> 00:44:19,124 But it was traumatic what happened to me in that tent 1066 00:44:19,124 --> 00:44:21,124 and I think if I was one of the hosts, 1067 00:44:21,124 --> 00:44:24,364 I would be constantly having flashbacks and full meltdowns, 1068 00:44:24,364 --> 00:44:26,964 and I don't think that's very relaxing for the contestants. 1069 00:44:26,964 --> 00:44:28,924 So, was it genuinely traumatic, what, for you or for them? 1070 00:44:28,924 --> 00:44:31,324 For me. I don't think it was... 1071 00:44:31,324 --> 00:44:33,644 Prue can tell me if everyone else is still reeling from it in the tent, 1072 00:44:33,644 --> 00:44:36,604 but like... I can't remember most of the stuff that happened. 1073 00:44:36,604 --> 00:44:37,924 I talked to Rylan about it recently, 1074 00:44:37,924 --> 00:44:41,564 who was there on the same day as the baker, and he told me, he went, 1075 00:44:41,564 --> 00:44:43,084 "Do you remember when Prue lost her wedding ring 1076 00:44:43,084 --> 00:44:45,004 "and we had to stop production and look for it for ages?" 1077 00:44:45,004 --> 00:44:49,044 I was like, "I have no memory of that whatsoever." 1078 00:44:49,044 --> 00:44:51,324 Because I was like, literally had my head against an oven crying... 1079 00:44:51,324 --> 00:44:53,364 LAUGHTER 1080 00:44:53,364 --> 00:44:55,764 ..thinking how am I going to make these cream horns? 1081 00:44:55,764 --> 00:44:57,604 LAUGHTER 1082 00:44:57,604 --> 00:45:00,244 Did you find the ring, by the way? Yeah, we did. Yeah. 1083 00:45:00,244 --> 00:45:01,684 TOM: Where was it? It was in the car park. 1084 00:45:01,684 --> 00:45:03,124 LAUGHTER 1085 00:45:03,124 --> 00:45:04,604 It had fallen off. 1086 00:45:04,604 --> 00:45:06,444 Take it off before you go to one of your famous orgies. 1087 00:45:06,444 --> 00:45:11,124 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 1088 00:45:11,124 --> 00:45:12,404 It fell off. 1089 00:45:12,404 --> 00:45:15,124 APPLAUSE 1090 00:45:15,124 --> 00:45:16,164 Are you... 1091 00:45:16,164 --> 00:45:18,124 We were talking earlier on to Niall, 1092 00:45:18,124 --> 00:45:19,364 and Niall is gonna play in just a second, 1093 00:45:19,364 --> 00:45:20,964 but we were talking about what he does to unwind, 1094 00:45:20,964 --> 00:45:23,204 he likes golf at the moment. Oh, yeah? 1095 00:45:23,204 --> 00:45:24,764 Are you sporty? Are you a golf person? 1096 00:45:24,764 --> 00:45:27,244 Because you look quite healthy, you look quite sporty. 1097 00:45:27,244 --> 00:45:29,444 MAYA LAUGHS Sorry. Sorry. 1098 00:45:29,444 --> 00:45:30,564 LAUGHTER 1099 00:45:30,564 --> 00:45:31,764 Got a bit of a laugh, I didn't mean that. 1100 00:45:31,764 --> 00:45:33,484 I'm sorry I'm not one of the Love Island boys. 1101 00:45:33,484 --> 00:45:34,724 LAUGHTER 1102 00:45:34,724 --> 00:45:37,364 You look lovely, James. You look lovely. 1103 00:45:37,364 --> 00:45:38,844 Thank you, Mum. 1104 00:45:38,844 --> 00:45:40,764 LAUGHTER 1105 00:45:40,764 --> 00:45:44,044 Are you sporty, though, do you play sports? Not really. 1106 00:45:44,044 --> 00:45:46,204 I've tried golf once... 1107 00:45:46,204 --> 00:45:48,844 Well, I didn't try golf, I went to a driving range once 1108 00:45:48,844 --> 00:45:51,604 when I was like... I was 18 and just had a break up 1109 00:45:51,604 --> 00:45:54,764 and found out that they were going out with someone that I knew, 1110 00:45:54,764 --> 00:45:57,524 and, very immaturely, didn't take it well, 1111 00:45:57,524 --> 00:46:01,364 so in order to, like, try and take my aggression out 1112 00:46:01,364 --> 00:46:03,844 in a place that might be a bit healthier, 1113 00:46:03,844 --> 00:46:06,204 I went to the driving range and I thought, 1114 00:46:06,204 --> 00:46:07,844 "I'm gonna smack these golf balls so hard 1115 00:46:07,844 --> 00:46:10,684 "and then no-one will ever leave me again." And... 1116 00:46:10,684 --> 00:46:12,204 LAUGHTER 1117 00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:15,244 ..I put it on a golf tee and I was just like, all my might, 1118 00:46:15,244 --> 00:46:16,644 I was like, "Fuck you, ball." 1119 00:46:16,644 --> 00:46:19,484 And I smacked it, and instead of going forwards, 1120 00:46:19,484 --> 00:46:21,844 it went sideways. LAUGHTER 1121 00:46:21,844 --> 00:46:23,084 And sideways is a dividing wall, 1122 00:46:23,084 --> 00:46:25,124 ricocheted, I don't need to tell you, right in the dick. 1123 00:46:25,124 --> 00:46:29,444 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 1124 00:46:29,444 --> 00:46:31,404 It was the most pain I'd ever felt before. 1125 00:46:31,404 --> 00:46:32,844 And it really put heartbreak in perspective. 1126 00:46:32,844 --> 00:46:34,764 LAUGHTER 1127 00:46:34,764 --> 00:46:38,884 James, thank you, as always, for coming on the show. 1128 00:46:38,884 --> 00:46:41,044 Thanks to all my guests tonight, they've all been so much great fun. 1129 00:46:41,044 --> 00:46:43,124 We'll be back next week with Liam Neeson, Mel Giedroyc, 1130 00:46:43,124 --> 00:46:46,124 Munya Chawawa, and Lady Blackbird performing on the show. 1131 00:46:46,124 --> 00:46:48,724 But now, with Heaven, here he is, it's Niall Horan. 1132 00:46:48,724 --> 00:46:53,684 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1133 00:46:53,684 --> 00:47:09,004 BACKING SINGERS VOCALISE 1134 00:47:09,004 --> 00:47:11,244 # Strange light revolves around you 1135 00:47:11,244 --> 00:47:13,444 # You float across the room 1136 00:47:13,444 --> 00:47:15,284 # Your touch is made of something 1137 00:47:15,284 --> 00:47:18,964 # Heaven can't hold a candle to 1138 00:47:18,964 --> 00:47:24,724 # You're made of somethin' new 1139 00:47:24,724 --> 00:47:26,284 # Let's not get complicated 1140 00:47:26,284 --> 00:47:28,924 # Let's just enjoy the view 1141 00:47:28,924 --> 00:47:30,764 # It's hard to be a human 1142 00:47:30,764 --> 00:47:37,564 # So much to put an answer to 1143 00:47:37,564 --> 00:47:40,084 # But that's just what we do 1144 00:47:40,084 --> 00:47:44,044 # God only knows where this could go 1145 00:47:44,044 --> 00:47:49,284 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1146 00:47:49,284 --> 00:47:52,644 # And you and me go up in flames 1147 00:47:52,644 --> 00:48:01,404 # Heaven won't be the same 1148 00:48:01,404 --> 00:48:03,604 # I'm havin' revelations 1149 00:48:03,604 --> 00:48:05,724 # You dance across the floor 1150 00:48:05,724 --> 00:48:07,844 # Beyond infatuation 1151 00:48:07,844 --> 00:48:15,084 # How I obsessively adore you 1152 00:48:15,084 --> 00:48:16,844 # That's what I do 1153 00:48:16,844 --> 00:48:21,724 # I believe, I believe I could die in your kiss 1154 00:48:21,724 --> 00:48:27,204 # No, it doesn't get, Doesn't get better than this 1155 00:48:27,204 --> 00:48:31,044 # God only knows where this could go 1156 00:48:31,044 --> 00:48:35,884 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1157 00:48:35,884 --> 00:48:40,364 # And you and me go up in flames 1158 00:48:40,364 --> 00:48:42,924 # Heaven won't be the same 1159 00:48:42,924 --> 00:48:46,764 # God only knows where this could go 1160 00:48:46,764 --> 00:48:51,524 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1161 00:48:51,524 --> 00:48:55,284 # And you and me go up in flames 1162 00:48:55,284 --> 00:49:01,444 # Heaven won't be the same 1163 00:49:01,444 --> 00:49:07,004 # Heaven won't be the same 1164 00:49:07,004 --> 00:49:07,124 # I 1165 00:49:07,124 --> 00:49:07,284 # I believe, 1166 00:49:07,284 --> 00:49:07,444 # I believe, I 1167 00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:09,044 # I believe, I believe, 1168 00:49:09,044 --> 00:49:10,724 # I believe, I believe 1169 00:49:10,724 --> 00:49:10,924 # I believe, I believe 1170 00:49:10,924 --> 00:49:13,924 I could die in your kiss 1171 00:49:13,924 --> 00:49:14,044 # No, 1172 00:49:14,044 --> 00:49:14,164 # No, it 1173 00:49:14,164 --> 00:49:14,364 # No, it doesn't 1174 00:49:14,364 --> 00:49:14,564 # No, it doesn't get 1175 00:49:14,564 --> 00:49:14,684 # No, it doesn't get 1176 00:49:14,684 --> 00:49:16,484 Doesn't get better than, 1177 00:49:16,484 --> 00:49:22,004 # Better than this 1178 00:49:22,004 --> 00:49:25,764 # God only knows where this could go 1179 00:49:25,764 --> 00:49:30,684 # And even if our love 1180 00:49:30,684 --> 00:49:35,124 # And you and me go up in flames 1181 00:49:35,124 --> 00:49:37,764 # Heaven won't be the same 1182 00:49:37,764 --> 00:49:41,324 # God only knows where this could go 1183 00:49:41,324 --> 00:49:46,804 # And even if our love Starts to grow outta control 1184 00:49:46,804 --> 00:49:50,844 # And you and me go up in flames 1185 00:49:50,844 --> 00:49:55,004 # Heaven won't be the same. # 1186 00:49:55,004 --> 00:49:58,844 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE