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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
2
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
3
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Hello, everyone. Thank you.
4
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Hello, everyone. Thank you.
5
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Thank you very much. Thank you.
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Thank you for joining us at home.
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Thank you for joining us at home.
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That's very lovely.
Good evening, everybody.
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That's very lovely.
Good evening, everybody.
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Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show.
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Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show.
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Now, normally,
if you watch the programme,
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00:00:25,979 --> 00:00:27,579
I start the programme
with a few jokes,
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maybe a couple of clips.
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But we've got
such a packed show tonight,
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But we've got
such a packed show tonight,
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full of so many great guests,
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that we're just gonna
get straight on with it.
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So let me tell you that later on,
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we'll be joined by
Hollywood legend Jeff Goldblum,
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we'll be joined by
Hollywood legend Jeff Goldblum,
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and Mr Jack Whitehall's
in the house, ladies and gentlemen.
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and Mr Jack Whitehall's
in the house, ladies and gentlemen.
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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But first, we're gonna start with
a multi-platinum selling singer,
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But first, we're gonna start with
a multi-platinum selling singer,
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But first, we're gonna start with
a multi-platinum selling singer,
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along with the Queen of Strictly
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and one of
the quickest comedians around,
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it's John Legend, Shirley Ballas
and Lee Mack!
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it's John Legend, Shirley Ballas
and Lee Mack!
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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Looking so good, John. Sit down.
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Shirley, looking amazing.
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Shirley, looking amazing.
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In the back.
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You were in the back.
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You're in the front now.
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Here we are.
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How great to have you all here.
Thank you for being here.
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How great to have you all here.
Thank you for being here.
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John is over in the UK
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doing a couple of gigs,
a couple of very special gigs.
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doing a couple of gigs,
a couple of very special gigs.
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But also, I guess...
Are you travelling with your family?
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But also, I guess...
Are you travelling with your family?
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Do you bring them with you?
My family's with me.
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Do you bring them with you?
My family's with me.
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It's spring break for our kids,
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and so,
we're just travelling together.
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and so,
we're just travelling together.
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We flew... Our baby flew
for the very first time.
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We flew... Our baby flew
for the very first time.
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{\an8}Yeah, because since you were last
on the show, you've had a new baby.
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{\an8}Yeah, because since you were last
on the show, you've had a new baby.
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{\an8}How old is she?
She's just two months old.
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{\an8}How old is she?
She's just two months old.
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{\an8}Two months old!
Yeah.
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{\an8}Already getting
frequent flyer miles.
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Yes, this is her first...
That moment there, in America,
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Yes, this is her first...
That moment there, in America,
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that would have got a round
of applause, wouldn't it?
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that would have got a round
of applause, wouldn't it?
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LAUGHTER
In Britain, it's like...
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"You had a baby. Dunno."
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"You had a baby. Dunno."
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How is having a two-month-old
on a long flight like that?
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How is having a two-month-old
on a long flight like that?
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She was pretty well-behaved,
honestly.
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We couldn't have asked
for much better.
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She was crying
right at the beginning,
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and there was another gentleman
in first class with us,
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and there was another gentleman
in first class with us,
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and... and I was like,
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"I'm sorry in advance, you know,
we have a baby here."
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"I'm sorry in advance, you know,
we have a baby here."
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She behaved herself
once we got going,
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She behaved herself
once we got going,
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and we found out
he has a four-month-old as well,
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and we found out
he has a four-month-old as well,
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so he was used to it.
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He understood your pain.
He understood.
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And so how are the other two
getting on?
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Because you have Luna and Miles.
Luna and Miles.
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Luna is almost seven,
she'll be seven next week,
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Luna is almost seven,
she'll be seven next week,
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and then Miles will be five in May.
There they are.
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and then Miles will be five in May.
There they are.
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There they are. They have been
such good older siblings.
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There they are. They have been
such good older siblings.
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I was worried because they seemed
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kind of jealous
while Mummy was pregnant,
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kind of jealous
while Mummy was pregnant,
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and, like, they were,
like, jockeying for position,
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and, like, they were,
like, jockeying for position,
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making sure this new baby
didn't come and take over from them.
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making sure this new baby
didn't come and take over from them.
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But since she's come out,
they've been so good,
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But since she's come out,
they've been so good,
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they've been competing to see who
will be the best older sibling. Wow.
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they've been competing to see who
will be the best older sibling. Wow.
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They are beautiful children.
Thank you.
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They are beautiful children.
Thank you.
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Mine are monsters!
LAUGHTER
107
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Mine are monsters!
LAUGHTER
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Stop it, stop it.
Absolute monsters.
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Stop it, stop it.
Absolute monsters.
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But that's because, I mean,
let's look at John...
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But that's because, I mean,
let's look at John...
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And look at you.
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Wow.
No disrespect meant.
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No disrespect.
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No disrespect meant?
This is science.
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I'm not looking forward
to when you mean the disrespect.
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I'm not looking forward
to when you mean the disrespect.
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LAUGHTER
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Before we move on,
talking about your family,
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it's coming up, this year
is your tenth wedding anniversary.
121
00:03:06,939 --> 00:03:07,339
it's coming up, this year
is your tenth wedding anniversary.
122
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Yes, it's our
tenth wedding anniversary,
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00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:09,539
Yes, it's our
tenth wedding anniversary,
124
00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:11,579
and we're gonna go back to
where it all started.
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00:03:11,619 --> 00:03:13,619
We got married at Lake Como,
we're gonna go back there
126
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We got married at Lake Como,
we're gonna go back there
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and celebrate our tenth anniversary.
128
00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:16,499
and celebrate our tenth anniversary.
129
00:03:16,539 --> 00:03:18,539
We also put out All Of Me,
my big, romantic wedding song. Yeah.
130
00:03:18,579 --> 00:03:20,579
We also put out All Of Me,
my big, romantic wedding song. Yeah.
131
00:03:20,619 --> 00:03:21,419
We also put out All Of Me,
my big, romantic wedding song. Yeah.
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We put out the song that year.
That was ten years ago as well?
133
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We put out the song that year.
That was ten years ago as well?
134
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,499
That was ten years ago as well,
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00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,299
so it's the tenth anniversary
of All Of Me,
136
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and the first time I sang it live
was at our wedding.
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and the first time I sang it live
was at our wedding.
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Oh, wow. That's amazing.
AUDIENCE:Aw!
139
00:03:32,539 --> 00:03:32,859
Oh, wow. That's amazing.
AUDIENCE:Aw!
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Again, no claps.
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APPLAUSE
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LAUGHTER
We gotta get our crowd vibe...
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LAUGHTER
We gotta get our crowd vibe...
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00:03:38,779 --> 00:03:40,779
Welcome to the United Kingdom!
145
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Welcome to the United Kingdom!
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CHEERING
147
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Have you sung that
at many other weddings?
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Do you do that for people?
149
00:03:47,259 --> 00:03:49,259
I haven't sung at a lot of weddings.
Occasionally.
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I haven't sung at a lot of weddings.
Occasionally.
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I'm kind of expensive to book.
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Yeah.
LAUGHTER
153
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But, you know, I sang it at ours,
154
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and I've sang it
at a few since then,
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and it's been played at a lot
of weddings. It certainly has.
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and it's been played at a lot
of weddings. It certainly has.
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And I imagine it's been made
when people are having intercourse.
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And I imagine it's been made
when people are having intercourse.
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LAUGHTER
Probably.
160
00:04:03,339 --> 00:04:04,579
I would have thought...
161
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:06,619
I have other songs
that are a little more, you know.
162
00:04:06,659 --> 00:04:07,179
I have other songs
that are a little more, you know.
163
00:04:07,219 --> 00:04:09,219
Yeah.
This is more earnest and romantic,
164
00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:09,619
Yeah.
This is more earnest and romantic,
165
00:04:09,659 --> 00:04:11,379
and then I have other songs
that are more...
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00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:12,939
More sexy.
..for the bedroom.
167
00:04:12,979 --> 00:04:14,979
Lee, what's your go-to
having sex track?
168
00:04:15,019 --> 00:04:15,539
Lee, what's your go-to
having sex track?
169
00:04:15,579 --> 00:04:17,579
Well, for me...
What's your go-to John Legend song?
170
00:04:17,619 --> 00:04:17,779
Well, for me...
What's your go-to John Legend song?
171
00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:19,819
I'm actually often on my own
when I do it, so...
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I'm actually often on my own
when I do it, so...
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00:04:20,539 --> 00:04:22,539
so my song is
All Of Me Loves All Of Me.
174
00:04:22,579 --> 00:04:23,419
so my song is
All Of Me Loves All Of Me.
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00:04:23,459 --> 00:04:25,459
LAUGHTER
That's good, that's good.
176
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:25,699
LAUGHTER
That's good, that's good.
177
00:04:25,739 --> 00:04:27,739
And I mean ALL of me.
All of you.
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00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:28,179
And I mean ALL of me.
All of you.
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00:04:28,219 --> 00:04:30,219
I won't ask you, Shirley.
Why not?
180
00:04:30,259 --> 00:04:30,739
I won't ask you, Shirley.
Why not?
181
00:04:30,779 --> 00:04:32,419
I will do, if you want.
182
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:34,459
What do you listen to
when you're doing the banga-banga?
183
00:04:34,499 --> 00:04:34,819
What do you listen to
when you're doing the banga-banga?
184
00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:36,859
Ooh, I Will Survive, darling.
185
00:04:36,899 --> 00:04:37,459
Ooh, I Will Survive, darling.
186
00:04:37,499 --> 00:04:39,499
There's no other song than that one.
187
00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:39,979
There's no other song than that one.
188
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APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
189
00:04:42,059 --> 00:04:42,659
APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
190
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,699
So, Shirley, you've just been on
the big Strictly tour.
191
00:04:44,739 --> 00:04:45,859
So, Shirley, you've just been on
the big Strictly tour.
192
00:04:45,899 --> 00:04:47,899
I have. Which I know is huge.
Congratulations. What a great...
193
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:48,659
I have. Which I know is huge.
Congratulations. What a great...
194
00:04:48,699 --> 00:04:50,699
It must be a great experience
because it's such a popular show.
195
00:04:50,739 --> 00:04:51,259
It must be a great experience
because it's such a popular show.
196
00:04:51,299 --> 00:04:52,819
Well, it was an amazing experience
197
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:54,859
because Anton Du Beke
was on it this time,
198
00:04:54,899 --> 00:04:55,139
because Anton Du Beke
was on it this time,
199
00:04:55,179 --> 00:04:57,179
who I've known for over 35 years.
Yeah.
200
00:04:57,219 --> 00:04:57,379
who I've known for over 35 years.
Yeah.
201
00:04:57,419 --> 00:04:59,419
And that man is so funny.
202
00:04:59,459 --> 00:04:59,539
And that man is so funny.
203
00:04:59,579 --> 00:05:01,579
Actually comes across as
the perfect gentleman,
204
00:05:01,619 --> 00:05:01,899
Actually comes across as
the perfect gentleman,
205
00:05:01,939 --> 00:05:03,939
but he's very naughty
behind the scenes.
206
00:05:03,979 --> 00:05:05,139
but he's very naughty
behind the scenes.
207
00:05:05,179 --> 00:05:07,179
Give us an example.
What do you mean by that?
208
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:09,219
Well, he came to my room,
we were gonna eat,
209
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:09,779
Well, he came to my room,
we were gonna eat,
210
00:05:09,819 --> 00:05:11,619
and he was picking me up
after we'd eaten,
211
00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:13,659
and I had my big girl Marks & Sp...
212
00:05:13,699 --> 00:05:14,739
and I had my big girl Marks & Sp...
213
00:05:14,779 --> 00:05:16,779
My big girl
Marks & Spencer's knickers out.
214
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:18,099
My big girl
Marks & Spencer's knickers out.
215
00:05:18,139 --> 00:05:19,699
I had several pairs.
216
00:05:19,739 --> 00:05:21,379
And the next thing I know,
we're on set,
217
00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:23,219
and he pulled them out
of his top pocket
218
00:05:23,259 --> 00:05:25,259
and started to wipe his head,
in the middle of the show.
219
00:05:25,299 --> 00:05:26,019
and started to wipe his head,
in the middle of the show.
220
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,059
So, that's the kind of thing
that Anton Du Beke gets up to.
221
00:05:28,099 --> 00:05:28,859
So, that's the kind of thing
that Anton Du Beke gets up to.
222
00:05:28,899 --> 00:05:30,899
Shirley, how do you know...?
Good job they were clean, eh?
223
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:31,459
Shirley, how do you know...?
Good job they were clean, eh?
224
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,499
LAUGHTER
Just saying.
225
00:05:33,539 --> 00:05:34,419
LAUGHTER
Just saying.
226
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,459
I was gonna ask,
"How do you know they weren't his?"
227
00:05:36,499 --> 00:05:36,619
I was gonna ask,
"How do you know they weren't his?"
228
00:05:36,659 --> 00:05:38,659
But I think yours was better.
Don't go there.
229
00:05:38,699 --> 00:05:39,379
But I think yours was better.
Don't go there.
230
00:05:39,419 --> 00:05:41,259
We have a clip
of you two dancing on stage,
231
00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:43,299
and he tried something with you
which I guess you haven't done
232
00:05:43,339 --> 00:05:43,819
and he tried something with you
which I guess you haven't done
233
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:45,539
for a while,
would I be right in saying?
234
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:47,419
I've never done it at all,
to be quite honest.
235
00:05:47,459 --> 00:05:49,459
Never done this before?
No, it started off as a dare
236
00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:49,779
Never done this before?
No, it started off as a dare
237
00:05:49,819 --> 00:05:51,819
at the beginning of the tour,
and then one day, I said to Anton,
238
00:05:51,859 --> 00:05:52,499
at the beginning of the tour,
and then one day, I said to Anton,
239
00:05:52,539 --> 00:05:53,739
"You fancy doing it, babe?"
240
00:05:53,779 --> 00:05:55,739
Shall we just show it?
Yeah, show it.
241
00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:57,779
OK, so this is Anton doing something
to Shirley for the very first time.
242
00:05:57,819 --> 00:05:59,539
OK, so this is Anton doing something
to Shirley for the very first time.
243
00:05:59,579 --> 00:06:00,819
LAUGHTER
244
00:06:00,859 --> 00:06:02,219
{\an8}Up you go!
245
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:04,259
{\an8}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
246
00:06:04,299 --> 00:06:04,899
{\an8}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
247
00:06:16,619 --> 00:06:18,499
So, Shirley, here's the thing
I need to ask you,
248
00:06:18,539 --> 00:06:20,539
because there have been rumours
online, in the newspapers as well,
249
00:06:20,579 --> 00:06:21,539
because there have been rumours
online, in the newspapers as well,
250
00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:23,579
that you haven't yet been asked
to do the next series of Strictly.
251
00:06:23,619 --> 00:06:24,739
that you haven't yet been asked
to do the next series of Strictly.
252
00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:26,779
That's... Well... Well...
253
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:27,539
That's... Well... Well...
254
00:06:27,579 --> 00:06:29,579
Do we need to start a campaign
for this?
255
00:06:29,619 --> 00:06:29,819
Do we need to start a campaign
for this?
256
00:06:29,859 --> 00:06:31,859
Which would be a huge mistake on
their part, I can't help thinking.
257
00:06:31,899 --> 00:06:32,579
Which would be a huge mistake on
their part, I can't help thinking.
258
00:06:32,619 --> 00:06:34,619
I do believe it's in the process.
Is that the right way to say it?
259
00:06:34,659 --> 00:06:35,219
I do believe it's in the process.
Is that the right way to say it?
260
00:06:35,259 --> 00:06:36,979
So they are...?
It's in the process.
261
00:06:37,019 --> 00:06:39,019
Their people
are now talking to your people?
262
00:06:39,059 --> 00:06:39,179
Their people
are now talking to your people?
263
00:06:39,219 --> 00:06:40,899
Yes, I like that. Their people.
264
00:06:40,939 --> 00:06:42,859
That's awkward,
cos I've been asked.
265
00:06:42,899 --> 00:06:44,099
LAUGHTER
266
00:06:44,139 --> 00:06:45,499
Have you?
Yeah.
267
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,539
I don't hold out much hope,
but never mind.
268
00:06:47,579 --> 00:06:47,699
I don't hold out much hope,
but never mind.
269
00:06:47,739 --> 00:06:48,979
LAUGHTER
270
00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:50,699
Erm... You know the thing,
271
00:06:50,739 --> 00:06:52,419
Lee, very funny comedian,
we all agree,
272
00:06:52,459 --> 00:06:53,659
I love watching you on TV,
273
00:06:53,699 --> 00:06:55,699
but your career is going
from strength to strength.
274
00:06:55,739 --> 00:06:55,859
but your career is going
from strength to strength.
275
00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:57,899
You know, I saw you doing
a little bit of comedy earlier on,
276
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:58,259
You know, I saw you doing
a little bit of comedy earlier on,
277
00:06:58,299 --> 00:07:00,299
then some presenting, then there was
They Think It's All Over.
278
00:07:00,339 --> 00:07:00,939
then some presenting, then there was
They Think It's All Over.
279
00:07:00,979 --> 00:07:02,979
Your own show, Not Going Out,
which has been a huge success.
280
00:07:03,019 --> 00:07:03,659
Your own show, Not Going Out,
which has been a huge success.
281
00:07:03,699 --> 00:07:04,939
How many series have you done?
282
00:07:04,979 --> 00:07:06,979
Well, this is the series we reach
100 episodes. 100 episodes!
283
00:07:07,019 --> 00:07:07,939
Well, this is the series we reach
100 episodes. 100 episodes!
284
00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:09,859
APPLAUSE
Applause!
285
00:07:09,899 --> 00:07:11,899
That's amazing.
Look at that.
286
00:07:11,939 --> 00:07:12,059
That's amazing.
Look at that.
287
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,099
That's why you were doing it
earlier, isn't it?
288
00:07:14,139 --> 00:07:15,019
That's why you were doing it
earlier, isn't it?
289
00:07:15,059 --> 00:07:17,059
But what I was saying
is now, though, last year,
290
00:07:17,099 --> 00:07:18,299
But what I was saying
is now, though, last year,
291
00:07:18,339 --> 00:07:20,339
I saw you doing Royal Variety Show,
you hosted it,
292
00:07:20,379 --> 00:07:20,499
I saw you doing Royal Variety Show,
you hosted it,
293
00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:22,539
and then a big starring role
on the Queen's Platinum Jubilee.
294
00:07:22,579 --> 00:07:23,939
and then a big starring role
on the Queen's Platinum Jubilee.
295
00:07:23,979 --> 00:07:25,859
And it was somewhat controversial,
the joke.
296
00:07:25,899 --> 00:07:27,139
Yeah, because I got booked...
297
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:29,059
The thing is,
if you've got a Northern accent,
298
00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:31,099
people think, "He's family friendly,
he'll be all right."
299
00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:31,819
people think, "He's family friendly,
he'll be all right."
300
00:07:31,859 --> 00:07:33,859
I told a joke, and I just
thought it was a play on words,
301
00:07:33,899 --> 00:07:34,019
I told a joke, and I just
thought it was a play on words,
302
00:07:34,059 --> 00:07:36,059
I said, "Here we are
for the party of a lifetime
303
00:07:36,099 --> 00:07:38,099
I said, "Here we are
for the party of a lifetime
304
00:07:38,139 --> 00:07:38,579
I said, "Here we are
for the party of a lifetime
305
00:07:38,619 --> 00:07:40,379
"outside the palace gates.
306
00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:42,419
"Finally, the words party, gate,
307
00:07:42,459 --> 00:07:42,579
"Finally, the words party, gate,
308
00:07:42,619 --> 00:07:44,579
"and it's not controversial."
309
00:07:44,619 --> 00:07:46,619
Now, I didn't realise that Boris
was in the audience.
310
00:07:46,659 --> 00:07:48,139
Now, I didn't realise that Boris
was in the audience.
311
00:07:48,179 --> 00:07:50,139
LAUGHTER
312
00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:52,179
And genuinely,
this is how mad the press are,
313
00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:52,499
And genuinely,
this is how mad the press are,
314
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:53,939
just as a silly little joke, I went,
315
00:07:53,979 --> 00:07:55,859
"Tonight, we've got Rod Stewart..."
Hooray!
316
00:07:55,899 --> 00:07:57,899
"..we've got Diana Ross..."
Hooray!
317
00:07:57,939 --> 00:07:58,139
"..we've got Diana Ross..."
Hooray!
318
00:07:58,179 --> 00:08:00,179
"And closing the show -
who could close a show like that?
319
00:08:00,219 --> 00:08:00,499
"And closing the show -
who could close a show like that?
320
00:08:00,539 --> 00:08:02,219
"We've got The Krankies!"
321
00:08:02,259 --> 00:08:04,259
And the press said, "And he even
had a dig Nicola Sturgeon."
322
00:08:04,299 --> 00:08:06,299
And the press said, "And he even
had a dig Nicola Sturgeon."
323
00:08:06,339 --> 00:08:06,859
And the press said, "And he even
had a dig Nicola Sturgeon."
324
00:08:06,899 --> 00:08:08,899
LAUGHTER
They genuinely said that.
325
00:08:08,939 --> 00:08:10,019
LAUGHTER
They genuinely said that.
326
00:08:10,059 --> 00:08:12,059
Let me explain to John,
because he might not...
327
00:08:12,099 --> 00:08:12,619
Let me explain to John,
because he might not...
328
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,659
I'm sure you might have heard
of Nicola Sturgeon,
329
00:08:14,699 --> 00:08:15,019
I'm sure you might have heard
of Nicola Sturgeon,
330
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:16,979
you won't have heard
of The Krankies, I'm sure.
331
00:08:17,019 --> 00:08:18,859
I've heard of Partygate.
OK, Partygate.
332
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,219
OK.
So you've got the beginning.
333
00:08:20,259 --> 00:08:22,259
Let me lead you through the rest.
Let's show you a picture.
334
00:08:22,299 --> 00:08:22,979
Let me lead you through the rest.
Let's show you a picture.
335
00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:25,019
This is Nicola Sturgeon, who was
the former leader of the SNP.
336
00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:25,499
This is Nicola Sturgeon, who was
the former leader of the SNP.
337
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,539
OK.
She's now no longer the leader.
338
00:08:27,579 --> 00:08:27,699
OK.
She's now no longer the leader.
339
00:08:27,739 --> 00:08:29,339
And this is a famous comedy duo,
340
00:08:29,379 --> 00:08:31,379
The Krankies,
if you see them next to us,
341
00:08:31,419 --> 00:08:31,539
The Krankies,
if you see them next to us,
342
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:32,939
that's...
Oh!
343
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:33,979
LAUGHTER
344
00:08:34,019 --> 00:08:36,019
So, that's the person
Lee was referring to.
345
00:08:36,059 --> 00:08:38,059
In case you don't that photograph's
quite crazy enough, John,
346
00:08:38,099 --> 00:08:39,419
In case you don't that photograph's
quite crazy enough, John,
347
00:08:39,459 --> 00:08:41,459
the bloke behind, yeah,
is married to that small boy.
348
00:08:41,499 --> 00:08:43,219
the bloke behind, yeah,
is married to that small boy.
349
00:08:43,259 --> 00:08:44,699
LAUGHTER
350
00:08:44,739 --> 00:08:46,579
SHIRLEY:Really?
But he's not a boy.
351
00:08:46,619 --> 00:08:48,179
They genuinely are,
cos that's a woman.
352
00:08:48,219 --> 00:08:49,219
OK.
That's his wife.
353
00:08:49,259 --> 00:08:51,259
No, I got that that was a woman, and
she does look like the other woman.
354
00:08:51,299 --> 00:08:52,059
No, I got that that was a woman, and
she does look like the other woman.
355
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:54,099
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see where
the joke was coming from.
356
00:08:54,139 --> 00:08:54,779
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see where
the joke was coming from.
357
00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:56,819
And they're swingers,
and that's not...
358
00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:57,059
And they're swingers,
and that's not...
359
00:08:57,099 --> 00:08:58,899
No, you can't say that!
360
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,939
That's in the book!
361
00:09:00,979 --> 00:09:01,219
That's in the book!
362
00:09:01,259 --> 00:09:03,259
Let's talk to John
about his new album.
363
00:09:03,299 --> 00:09:03,419
Let's talk to John
about his new album.
364
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,099
LAUGHTER
365
00:09:05,139 --> 00:09:06,419
Please!
366
00:09:06,459 --> 00:09:08,459
APPLAUSE
Sorry.
367
00:09:08,499 --> 00:09:09,259
APPLAUSE
Sorry.
368
00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,899
John, new album out now, and it's...
369
00:09:10,939 --> 00:09:12,939
it's reimagining
of the Legend album.
370
00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:13,339
it's reimagining
of the Legend album.
371
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:15,379
Yes, so I put out a double album
in September called Legend,
372
00:09:15,419 --> 00:09:16,259
Yes, so I put out a double album
in September called Legend,
373
00:09:16,299 --> 00:09:18,299
and we wanted to do, like,
an intimate version of the album.
374
00:09:18,339 --> 00:09:19,499
and we wanted to do, like,
an intimate version of the album.
375
00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:21,539
All solo piano, just me by myself,
singing, playing piano.
376
00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:23,579
All solo piano, just me by myself,
singing, playing piano.
377
00:09:23,619 --> 00:09:23,739
All solo piano, just me by myself,
singing, playing piano.
378
00:09:23,779 --> 00:09:25,779
And we covered some songs
from the Legend album,
379
00:09:25,819 --> 00:09:26,859
And we covered some songs
from the Legend album,
380
00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:28,659
but I also did a couple covers
as well,
381
00:09:28,699 --> 00:09:30,699
Sade, a song called By Your Side.
Ah, you love Sade.
382
00:09:30,739 --> 00:09:31,699
Sade, a song called By Your Side.
Ah, you love Sade.
383
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:33,739
But then, I've never done
the Sade song before,
384
00:09:33,779 --> 00:09:34,299
But then, I've never done
the Sade song before,
385
00:09:34,339 --> 00:09:36,339
but I opened for her back in 2011,
we toured together in the States,
386
00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:38,379
but I opened for her back in 2011,
we toured together in the States,
387
00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:38,659
but I opened for her back in 2011,
we toured together in the States,
388
00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:40,419
and I always loved this song
389
00:09:40,459 --> 00:09:42,099
and thought it'd be a cool song
to cover.
390
00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:43,939
That's the song
John will be performing
391
00:09:43,979 --> 00:09:45,939
at the end of the show,
ladies and gentlemen.Yes.
392
00:09:45,979 --> 00:09:47,939
If you're a Sade fan,
you've got a treat.
393
00:09:47,979 --> 00:09:49,979
Yes.
I love Sade.
394
00:09:50,019 --> 00:09:50,139
Yes.
I love Sade.
395
00:09:50,179 --> 00:09:52,179
APPLAUSE
Love Sade.
396
00:09:52,219 --> 00:09:52,859
APPLAUSE
Love Sade.
397
00:09:53,979 --> 00:09:55,739
Erm...
So, that must be very different,
398
00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:57,539
being on stage,
just you and the piano,
399
00:09:57,579 --> 00:09:58,899
than when you have the big setup.
400
00:09:58,939 --> 00:10:00,939
That's what I just did
at Royal Albert Hall this week,
401
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:01,179
That's what I just did
at Royal Albert Hall this week,
402
00:10:01,219 --> 00:10:03,219
and it's really fun
because I perform,
403
00:10:03,259 --> 00:10:03,939
and it's really fun
because I perform,
404
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:05,979
but also tell a lot of stories,
people get to know me better,
405
00:10:06,019 --> 00:10:06,939
but also tell a lot of stories,
people get to know me better,
406
00:10:06,979 --> 00:10:08,979
learn a little bit more
about my life,
407
00:10:09,019 --> 00:10:09,139
learn a little bit more
about my life,
408
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:11,179
some fun stories that they might not
have known about me before.
409
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:11,819
some fun stories that they might not
have known about me before.
410
00:10:11,859 --> 00:10:12,899
What kind of stories?
411
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:14,939
Well, like how I got my name,
John Legend.
412
00:10:14,979 --> 00:10:15,099
Well, like how I got my name,
John Legend.
413
00:10:15,139 --> 00:10:17,139
Because you're not... You weren't
christened John Legend, were you?
414
00:10:17,179 --> 00:10:17,819
Because you're not... You weren't
christened John Legend, were you?
415
00:10:17,859 --> 00:10:19,419
Right. I was born John Stephens,
416
00:10:19,459 --> 00:10:21,459
but a friend of mine,
an artist named J Ivy,
417
00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:22,539
but a friend of mine,
an artist named J Ivy,
418
00:10:22,579 --> 00:10:24,579
started calling me John Legend,
and then Kanye kind of blew it up
419
00:10:24,619 --> 00:10:25,739
started calling me John Legend,
and then Kanye kind of blew it up
420
00:10:25,779 --> 00:10:27,739
when he put it
on one of his recordings.
421
00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:29,779
But then I found out that
someone else was named Johnny Legend
422
00:10:29,819 --> 00:10:30,819
But then I found out that
someone else was named Johnny Legend
423
00:10:30,859 --> 00:10:32,859
and he... the reason why it mattered
424
00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:33,859
and he... the reason why it mattered
425
00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:35,899
was because he was
a rockabilly performer. Yeah.
426
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:36,739
was because he was
a rockabilly performer. Yeah.
427
00:10:36,779 --> 00:10:38,779
But he also was
a porn producer, and...
428
00:10:38,819 --> 00:10:39,139
But he also was
a porn producer, and...
429
00:10:39,179 --> 00:10:40,299
LAUGHTER
430
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:41,979
I need to add something here.
431
00:10:42,019 --> 00:10:44,019
OK. I'm a friend of
the original Johnny Legend.
432
00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:44,819
OK. I'm a friend of
the original Johnny Legend.
433
00:10:44,859 --> 00:10:46,859
You know Johnny Legend?
I went to Mexico with Johnny Legend.
434
00:10:46,899 --> 00:10:47,339
You know Johnny Legend?
I went to Mexico with Johnny Legend.
435
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:49,379
Oh, my God. What is he like?
I've never met him.
436
00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:49,739
Oh, my God. What is he like?
I've never met him.
437
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:51,499
This is Johnny Legend.
OK.
438
00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:53,539
And he is exactly
what you think he might be like.
439
00:10:53,579 --> 00:10:53,699
And he is exactly
what you think he might be like.
440
00:10:53,739 --> 00:10:55,099
LAUGHTER
441
00:10:55,139 --> 00:10:56,779
I've never met him before.
442
00:10:56,819 --> 00:10:58,779
I've known Johnny Legend
for 30-odd years.
443
00:10:58,819 --> 00:11:00,819
OK. Well, my manager,
444
00:11:00,859 --> 00:11:01,059
OK. Well, my manager,
445
00:11:01,099 --> 00:11:03,099
once we found out we had to clear
the trademark with Johnny Legend,
446
00:11:03,139 --> 00:11:04,619
once we found out we had to clear
the trademark with Johnny Legend,
447
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:06,659
he reached out to him
and negotiated a deal,
448
00:11:06,699 --> 00:11:07,979
he reached out to him
and negotiated a deal,
449
00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:10,019
mutually exclusive,
so I would always be John Legend,
450
00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:11,339
mutually exclusive,
so I would always be John Legend,
451
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,379
he would always be Johnny Legend,
we would never cross.
452
00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:13,979
he would always be Johnny Legend,
we would never cross.
453
00:11:14,019 --> 00:11:16,019
I've seen you both work.
No-one would mix you up.
454
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:16,739
I've seen you both work.
No-one would mix you up.
455
00:11:16,779 --> 00:11:18,779
LAUGHTER
No-one's gonna think that's you.
456
00:11:18,819 --> 00:11:19,899
LAUGHTER
No-one's gonna think that's you.
457
00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:23,059
You've always been Shirley Ballas,
is that right?
458
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:23,339
You've always been Shirley Ballas,
is that right?
459
00:11:23,379 --> 00:11:25,139
Well, that's your married name,
isn't it?
460
00:11:25,179 --> 00:11:26,299
It's my married name.
OK.
461
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,339
My maiden name was Shirley Rich,
even though we were piss poor broke.
462
00:11:28,379 --> 00:11:29,819
My maiden name was Shirley Rich,
even though we were piss poor broke.
463
00:11:29,859 --> 00:11:31,859
Shirley Rich. That's nice, too.
Yeah!
464
00:11:31,899 --> 00:11:32,619
Shirley Rich. That's nice, too.
Yeah!
465
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:34,659
And, Lee, you weren't always
Lee Mack, where you?
466
00:11:34,699 --> 00:11:34,899
And, Lee, you weren't always
Lee Mack, where you?
467
00:11:34,939 --> 00:11:36,939
No, I'm not Lee Mack.
My real name is Lee McKillop.
468
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:37,419
No, I'm not Lee Mack.
My real name is Lee McKillop.
469
00:11:37,459 --> 00:11:39,459
McKillop?It's a bit of a mouthful,
isn't it, McKillop?
470
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:40,019
McKillop?It's a bit of a mouthful,
isn't it, McKillop?
471
00:11:40,059 --> 00:11:41,499
It's a mouthful.
Bit of a mouthful.
472
00:11:41,539 --> 00:11:43,539
So, yeah, my great-grandad
was a variety hall comedian
473
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:44,659
So, yeah, my great-grandad
was a variety hall comedian
474
00:11:44,699 --> 00:11:45,859
called Billy Mack.
475
00:11:45,899 --> 00:11:47,899
And we've got one little artefact,
476
00:11:47,939 --> 00:11:48,019
And we've got one little artefact,
477
00:11:48,059 --> 00:11:49,899
which is a signed photo that says,
478
00:11:49,939 --> 00:11:51,939
"To Gladys, yours terribly,
479
00:11:51,979 --> 00:11:52,339
"To Gladys, yours terribly,
480
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,339
"Billy Mack."
Wow.
481
00:11:54,379 --> 00:11:56,379
And he was dressed as a toff,
that was his act. Amazing.
482
00:11:56,419 --> 00:11:56,739
And he was dressed as a toff,
that was his act. Amazing.
483
00:11:56,779 --> 00:11:58,739
I always wondered why
we had the autograph card.
484
00:11:58,779 --> 00:12:00,779
Doesn't make sense, should be
in Gladys's family. Yeah.
485
00:12:00,819 --> 00:12:01,419
Doesn't make sense, should be
in Gladys's family. Yeah.
486
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:03,459
And when I did
Who Do You Think You Are?
487
00:12:03,499 --> 00:12:03,619
And when I did
Who Do You Think You Are?
488
00:12:03,659 --> 00:12:05,659
I discovered that
that was my great-grandmother,
489
00:12:05,699 --> 00:12:06,019
I discovered that
that was my great-grandmother,
490
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,059
so that might be
the first moment they met. Wow.
491
00:12:08,099 --> 00:12:09,099
so that might be
the first moment they met. Wow.
492
00:12:09,139 --> 00:12:11,139
Isn't that lovely?
It's a nice story until you realise,
493
00:12:11,179 --> 00:12:11,659
Isn't that lovely?
It's a nice story until you realise,
494
00:12:11,699 --> 00:12:13,699
you know, she's gone,
"Can you sign this?"
495
00:12:13,739 --> 00:12:13,859
you know, she's gone,
"Can you sign this?"
496
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,899
And he's gone,
"Yeah, want to go for a drink?"
497
00:12:15,939 --> 00:12:16,379
And he's gone,
"Yeah, want to go for a drink?"
498
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:18,419
LAUGHTER
Sullies the story a bit.
499
00:12:18,459 --> 00:12:19,059
LAUGHTER
Sullies the story a bit.
500
00:12:19,099 --> 00:12:21,099
All relationships
have to start somewhere, Lee.
501
00:12:21,139 --> 00:12:21,259
All relationships
have to start somewhere, Lee.
502
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:23,299
Yeah, but not at a stage door.
503
00:12:23,339 --> 00:12:23,459
Yeah, but not at a stage door.
504
00:12:23,499 --> 00:12:25,099
LAUGHTER
505
00:12:25,139 --> 00:12:27,139
I once asked to sign somebody's...
I don't know if you've had this,
506
00:12:27,179 --> 00:12:28,419
I once asked to sign somebody's...
I don't know if you've had this,
507
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:30,459
but someone's asked to sign
the breast, have you had that?
508
00:12:30,499 --> 00:12:30,859
but someone's asked to sign
the breast, have you had that?
509
00:12:30,899 --> 00:12:32,019
No.
And it's...
510
00:12:32,059 --> 00:12:34,059
Hold it.
LAUGHTER
511
00:12:34,099 --> 00:12:34,219
Hold it.
LAUGHTER
512
00:12:34,259 --> 00:12:36,259
It's a bit awkward.
513
00:12:36,299 --> 00:12:36,699
It's a bit awkward.
514
00:12:36,739 --> 00:12:38,739
But she didn't reveal her breast,
she sort of went like that.
515
00:12:38,779 --> 00:12:39,619
But she didn't reveal her breast,
she sort of went like that.
516
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:40,819
So just a little bit.
517
00:12:40,859 --> 00:12:42,659
She was showing bra,
but it was a bit awkward.
518
00:12:42,699 --> 00:12:44,699
It's very '80s hair metal band
kind of...
519
00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:45,259
It's very '80s hair metal band
kind of...
520
00:12:45,299 --> 00:12:47,299
You should see my act.
LAUGHTER
521
00:12:47,339 --> 00:12:49,299
So I got... This is genuinely true.
I got the pen,
522
00:12:49,339 --> 00:12:51,339
and it was very awkward,
I went to sign,
523
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:52,019
and it was very awkward,
I went to sign,
524
00:12:52,059 --> 00:12:53,459
the pen didn't work,
525
00:12:53,499 --> 00:12:55,499
and without thinking, I went...
on the other breast.
526
00:12:55,539 --> 00:12:57,379
and without thinking, I went...
on the other breast.
527
00:12:57,419 --> 00:12:59,419
On the other breast, I scribbled.
LAUGHTER
528
00:12:59,459 --> 00:13:01,459
On the other breast, I scribbled.
LAUGHTER
529
00:13:01,499 --> 00:13:03,499
You must have done that, John.
530
00:13:03,539 --> 00:13:03,699
You must have done that, John.
531
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,739
This is the era of no autographs,
it's all selfies now,
532
00:13:05,779 --> 00:13:07,779
This is the era of no autographs,
it's all selfies now,
533
00:13:07,819 --> 00:13:09,499
the selfie era, yeah.
534
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:11,539
Have you ever taken a selfie
with someone's breast?I mean...
535
00:13:11,579 --> 00:13:12,899
Have you ever taken a selfie
with someone's breast?I mean...
536
00:13:12,939 --> 00:13:14,779
LAUGHTER
537
00:13:14,819 --> 00:13:16,819
Possibly.
Well, there you go.
538
00:13:16,859 --> 00:13:17,299
Possibly.
Well, there you go.
539
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,859
Join us after the break,
540
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:20,899
and I will be showing you
that selfie, ladies and gentlemen.
541
00:13:20,939 --> 00:13:21,579
and I will be showing you
that selfie, ladies and gentlemen.
542
00:13:21,619 --> 00:13:23,619
And it was my left breast,
in case you're curious.
543
00:13:23,659 --> 00:13:24,059
And it was my left breast,
in case you're curious.
544
00:13:24,099 --> 00:13:25,859
But don't go away
because in a few moments
545
00:13:25,899 --> 00:13:27,739
we'll be joined out here
by Jeff Goldblum.
546
00:13:27,779 --> 00:13:29,779
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
547
00:13:29,819 --> 00:13:30,699
See you after the break.
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
548
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:38,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
549
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,760
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
550
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:43,400
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
551
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,440
He is the star of countless
Hollywood blockbusters
552
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:46,480
He is the star of countless
Hollywood blockbusters
553
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,520
and an accomplished jazz musician
as well.
554
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:49,000
and an accomplished jazz musician
as well.
555
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,040
It is the weird, the wonderful,
Mr Jeff Goldblum.
556
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,160
It is the weird, the wonderful,
Mr Jeff Goldblum.
557
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,200
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
558
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:54,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
559
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,920
Lovely to see.
Lovely to see you.
560
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:08,080
Lovely to see.
Lovely to see you.
561
00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:09,520
INDISTINCT CHATTER
562
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,840
Wow.
You. You.
563
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,440
Hey, thanks, John.
564
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,480
I've been a fan of yours
for over 30 years.
565
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,120
I've been a fan of yours
for over 30 years.
566
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,160
And we've known each other for a
long time. Yes, we have known...
567
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:23,720
And we've known each other for a
long time. Yes, we have known...
568
00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:25,760
And how amazing does Jeff Goldblum
look, ladies and gentlemen?
569
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:26,920
And how amazing does Jeff Goldblum
look, ladies and gentlemen?
570
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
571
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:29,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
572
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,320
You look so young.
573
00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:33,480
You look so young.
574
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,520
If I might, I went on Wikipedia,
it says you're 98, is that correct?
575
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,560
If I might, I went on Wikipedia,
it says you're 98, is that correct?
576
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:37,720
If I might, I went on Wikipedia,
it says you're 98, is that correct?
577
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:39,760
You look amazing.
I'll be 99 in three weeks.
578
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,200
You look amazing.
I'll be 99 in three weeks.
579
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,120
No, but, he's 70,
ladies and gentlemen.
580
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:44,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
581
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,920
I don't think I've seen a more spry
and attractive 70-year-old ever,
582
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,920
I don't think I've seen a more spry
and attractive 70-year-old ever,
583
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,960
in the history of humankind.
What's your secret, Jeff Goldblum?
584
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,000
in the history of humankind.
What's your secret, Jeff Goldblum?
585
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,000
I have no secret.
What do you do?
586
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,040
Well, I live nicely, you know,
I like to...
587
00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:55,720
Well, I live nicely, you know,
I like to...
588
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,760
I get my good sleep,
I like to sleep, don't you? Indeed.
589
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,280
I get my good sleep,
I like to sleep, don't you? Indeed.
590
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,320
You know, and try to eat reasonably
and, you know...
591
00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,960
You know, and try to eat reasonably
and, you know...
592
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,000
How many hours do you get to sleep?
593
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,040
Oh, now that you mention it,
I love eight hours. Eight?
594
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,360
Oh, now that you mention it,
I love eight hours. Eight?
595
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400
Yeah. Last night,
I got a little over.
596
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,400
Yeah. Last night,
I got a little over.
597
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,440
A little over eight, and then
I topped it off with a nap today,
598
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,080
A little over eight, and then
I topped it off with a nap today,
599
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:16,840
at lunch. Yeah. Yeah.
600
00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,880
Same, I had a nap today, too.
601
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:19,320
Same, I had a nap today, too.
602
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,360
Really? How long is your nap?
Can you power nap?
603
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:21,680
Really? How long is your nap?
Can you power nap?
604
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,720
It was like a little over an hour.
A little over an hour, really?
605
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:24,400
It was like a little over an hour.
A little over an hour, really?
606
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,440
That's not a nap, that's a sleep.
Nah! It's perfect.
607
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:27,640
That's not a nap, that's a sleep.
Nah! It's perfect.
608
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,840
Hey, can I do something?
609
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,880
Watch this... I'm very good at this.
610
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:31,280
Watch this... I'm very good at this.
611
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,320
LAUGHTER
Did I get?
612
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:34,360
LAUGHTER
Did I get?
613
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,400
I got it. I got it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
614
00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:37,080
I got it. I got it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
615
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,120
He got it.
My dad was a doctor.
616
00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:39,960
He got it.
My dad was a doctor.
617
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,000
Also, I don't know if you noticed,
but when you did that,
618
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:42,240
Also, I don't know if you noticed,
but when you did that,
619
00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,440
I broke wind at the same time.
620
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,360
So you have magnificent
knowledge of anatomy.
621
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,400
My doctor always does the
prostate exam right after that,
622
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:47,720
My doctor always does the
prostate exam right after that,
623
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,760
so I have weird memories.
LAUGHTER
624
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,640
so I have weird memories.
LAUGHTER
625
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,680
Shirley, are you a napper, Shirley?
I imagine you're a bit of a dynamo.
626
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,680
Shirley, are you a napper, Shirley?
I imagine you're a bit of a dynamo.
627
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,720
I am absolutely not a napper.
I do not take a nap,
628
00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,520
I am absolutely not a napper.
I do not take a nap,
629
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,560
I do not sleep eight hours a night,
I'm lucky if I sleep four or five.
630
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:03,600
I do not sleep eight hours a night,
I'm lucky if I sleep four or five.
631
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:03,960
I do not sleep eight hours a night,
I'm lucky if I sleep four or five.
632
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,000
Oh, no. No.
Four or five hours.Yes, I know.
633
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:06,800
Oh, no. No.
Four or five hours.Yes, I know.
634
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,840
I've just never been a good sleeper,
ever, never.
635
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:09,320
I've just never been a good sleeper,
ever, never.
636
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,080
Lee, you look like you
don't get any sleep.
637
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,920
LAUGHTER
638
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
How much sleep do you get?
639
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:15,200
How much sleep do you get?
640
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I don't.
641
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:18,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I don't.
642
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:20,680
Jeff, we've been talking to John
a little bit about his children,
643
00:16:20,720 --> 00:16:21,400
Jeff, we've been talking to John
a little bit about his children,
644
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,440
and you have two children as well.
Yes, I do. I've got two.
645
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,080
and you have two children as well.
Yes, I do. I've got two.
646
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,400
Don't expect a clap.
647
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
648
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
649
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,160
They're not brand-new,
you get a clap for a new one.
650
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:30,560
They're not brand-new,
you get a clap for a new one.
651
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,440
Oh, look, there's my whole family.
652
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,480
That's me, and that's Emilie,
my beautiful wife,
653
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:34,880
That's me, and that's Emilie,
my beautiful wife,
654
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,920
and that is, the big one with the
astronaut costume is Charlie Ocean,
655
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,960
and that is, the big one with the
astronaut costume is Charlie Ocean,
656
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:39,640
and that is, the big one with the
astronaut costume is Charlie Ocean,
657
00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:41,680
our now seven-year-old,
and that's River Joe
658
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,720
our now seven-year-old,
and that's River Joe
659
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:43,880
our now seven-year-old,
and that's River Joe
660
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,920
about to turn six any day now.
661
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:46,400
about to turn six any day now.
662
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,240
Wow, lovely family.
663
00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:49,920
APPLAUSE
Congratulations.
664
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:51,960
Sorry, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yes, Lee?
665
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:52,600
Sorry, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yes, Lee?
666
00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,640
How come you've got kids that age
and you're sleeping in the day?
667
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,760
How come you've got kids that age
and you're sleeping in the day?
668
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,800
How does that work?
LAUGHTER
669
00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:58,120
How does that work?
LAUGHTER
670
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,160
Oh, I see what you mean. Well...
I mean, they go to school.
671
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,680
Oh, I see what you mean. Well...
I mean, they go to school.
672
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,520
LAUGHTER
673
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,560
I'll have to try that.
Try that.
674
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,760
I'll have to try that.
Try that.
675
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,800
So Jeff is in the country with his
band, The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra.
676
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,840
So Jeff is in the country with his
band, The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra.
677
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:11,680
So Jeff is in the country with his
band, The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra.
678
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,720
OK, and he has a new EP out as well
with The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra
679
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:15,760
OK, and he has a new EP out as well
with The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra
680
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,760
OK, and he has a new EP out as well
with The Mildred Snitzer Orchestra
681
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,800
called Plays Well With Others.
Yes.
682
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:21,840
But there is no Mildred Snitzer
in the orchestra.No.
683
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:23,600
But there is no Mildred Snitzer
in the orchestra.No.
684
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,640
LAUGHTER
So don't go expecting that.
685
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:26,240
LAUGHTER
So don't go expecting that.
686
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,280
The Mildred, the name, she was a
friend of your mother's, wasn't she?
687
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,240
The Mildred, the name, she was a
friend of your mother's, wasn't she?
688
00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:31,280
She was a friend of my mother's.
What a great name, Mildred Snitzer!
689
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:32,200
She was a friend of my mother's.
What a great name, Mildred Snitzer!
690
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,520
That's a funny name.
691
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,560
She was a good egg,
she lived to be 104. Wow.
692
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:36,840
She was a good egg,
she lived to be 104. Wow.
693
00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:38,120
She saw us play once.
694
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,160
But we do have Mattiel Brown,
who's singing with us tonight.
695
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:40,720
But we do have Mattiel Brown,
who's singing with us tonight.
696
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,760
We have Kelly Clarkson,
who sings on the album.
697
00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,800
We love Kelly.
We have Freda Payne, you know?
698
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:46,280
We love Kelly.
We have Freda Payne, you know?
699
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,320
Band Of Gold.
Yes! Band Of Gold, can you sing it?
700
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,040
Band Of Gold.
Yes! Band Of Gold, can you sing it?
701
00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,080
Do you know that hit from the...?
Since you've been gone...!
702
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:51,840
Do you know that hit from the...?
Since you've been gone...!
703
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,880
# All I want is a band of gold. #
# Band of gold. #
704
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:54,120
# All I want is a band of gold. #
# Band of gold. #
705
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,160
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
706
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:56,680
Ah, yes, yes, yes.
707
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,720
Why have we got John Legend here,
and you and I are singing?
708
00:17:58,760 --> 00:17:59,440
Why have we got John Legend here,
and you and I are singing?
709
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,480
LAUGHTER
710
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,520
A very accomplished musician.
No-one wants to hear that.
711
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,640
A very accomplished musician.
No-one wants to hear that.
712
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,680
Early on,
I told John you were on the show,
713
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:05,960
Early on,
I told John you were on the show,
714
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,000
and he said,
"Of course I know Jeff,"
715
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:08,200
and he said,
"Of course I know Jeff,"
716
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,240
he said,
"He's a better pianist than I am."
717
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,280
Oh, no, not true.
I did say that. That's a fact.
718
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:12,560
Oh, no, not true.
I did say that. That's a fact.
719
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,600
I sit at your feet, I learned
from you. I'm a humble student.
720
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,640
I sit at your feet, I learned
from you. I'm a humble student.
721
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,680
But I like to play.
Hey, I like your shoes! Thank you.
722
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,200
But I like to play.
Hey, I like your shoes! Thank you.
723
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:21,240
Is that the way you go, you don't
tie them? You just leave them.
724
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,360
Is that the way you go, you don't
tie them? You just leave them.
725
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,400
That's how they design them, so you
didn't have enough to tie them with.
726
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,440
That's how they design them, so you
didn't have enough to tie them with.
727
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480
Of course,
they've got that Velcro shoe now.
728
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,520
My kids love a double knot.
729
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:29,800
My kids love a double knot.
730
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:31,560
On the shoe?
Yes, when I help them...
731
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,600
Because if you're running around,
it won't become loose.
732
00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:34,120
Because if you're running around,
it won't become loose.
733
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,960
I guess, and they do
a lot of running.
734
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,000
And if when you're asleep,
they want to tie you up,
735
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:38,160
And if when you're asleep,
they want to tie you up,
736
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,200
a double knot means
you can't get out.Yes, exactly.
737
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:40,640
a double knot means
you can't get out.Yes, exactly.
738
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,680
Well, that's funny you said that,
they like bondage of all sorts.
739
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,880
Well, that's funny you said that,
they like bondage of all sorts.
740
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,920
LAUGHTER
741
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,320
LAUGHTER
742
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:49,360
They love the idea.
No, nothing ribald about it,
743
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:49,800
They love the idea.
No, nothing ribald about it,
744
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:51,840
but they love the idea of getting me
incapacitated. Incapacitated.
745
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,880
but they love the idea of getting me
incapacitated. Incapacitated.
746
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:54,200
but they love the idea of getting me
incapacitated. Incapacitated.
747
00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:56,240
When did you start, though, your
love of music? Cos I did not...
748
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,440
When did you start, though, your
love of music? Cos I did not...
749
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:59,360
I knew you played piano
from years ago,
750
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:01,400
I didn't know it was a serious love
of yours, and it clearly is.
751
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,120
I didn't know it was a serious love
of yours, and it clearly is.
752
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:03,680
What age did you start playing?
753
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,600
I started around ten, I think.
Nine, ten.
754
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,640
And, John, what age did you start?
I was four when I started.
755
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,280
And, John, what age did you start?
I was four when I started.
756
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:09,800
I started playing in church mostly,
757
00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:11,800
my grandmother
was a church organist.
758
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,840
You grew up around gospel?
Yeah, I grew up around gospel music,
759
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:14,440
You grew up around gospel?
Yeah, I grew up around gospel music,
760
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,480
and that's what I played mostly
as a kid. Where, where?
761
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,320
and that's what I played mostly
as a kid. Where, where?
762
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,360
In Ohio.
In Ohio. I'm from Pennsylvania.
763
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:19,600
In Ohio.
In Ohio. I'm from Pennsylvania.
764
00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,640
Oh, OK. We're neighbours,
I went to U of Pennsylvania.
765
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,640
Oh, OK. We're neighbours,
I went to U of Pennsylvania.
766
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,480
You did?
Hey, Shirley, how's your mum?
767
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Really great. Yep.
768
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Really great. Yep.
769
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,120
Yep, really great.
770
00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:30,360
Yep, really great.
771
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,400
I saw her down the spa
the other day. Lovely woman.
772
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:33,400
I saw her down the spa
the other day. Lovely woman.
773
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,440
I asked her...
We bought some potatoes, actually.
774
00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,080
I asked her...
We bought some potatoes, actually.
775
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,080
They're on special offer
at the moment.
776
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:42,560
I like your shoes, by the way.
CHEERING
777
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,120
I like your shoes, by the way.
CHEERING
778
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:45,160
Nice boots going on there. No laces.
779
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:45,640
Nice boots going on there. No laces.
780
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,160
APPLAUSE
781
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,200
Let me ask you about jobs before you
do what we know and love you for.
782
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,240
Let me ask you about jobs before you
do what we know and love you for.
783
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:51,440
Let me ask you about jobs before you
do what we know and love you for.
784
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,480
You all must have had jobs
when you were making your way
785
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:53,960
You all must have had jobs
when you were making your way
786
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,320
in your respective industries.
787
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:57,360
Jeff, you kind of hit the ground
running pretty early as an actor.
788
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,440
Jeff, you kind of hit the ground
running pretty early as an actor.
789
00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,720
So, did you have many jobs
790
00:19:59,760 --> 00:20:01,760
before acting became
a solid career for you?
791
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,560
before acting became
a solid career for you?
792
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:04,600
Er, no, I lucked my way
into show business jobs,
793
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,640
Er, no, I lucked my way
into show business jobs,
794
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:07,360
Er, no, I lucked my way
into show business jobs,
795
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:09,400
and a Broadway show early on,
and then other things.
796
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:09,560
and a Broadway show early on,
and then other things.
797
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,600
One thing led to another, and I just
kept working in show business...
798
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,400
One thing led to another, and I just
kept working in show business...
799
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,440
But... ..on stage, or in film.
800
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:14,840
But... ..on stage, or in film.
801
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,880
But, for one week,
when I went out to California...
802
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,240
But, for one week,
when I went out to California...
803
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,280
Four years after I was in New York,
I moved out to California.
804
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:20,720
Four years after I was in New York,
I moved out to California.
805
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,760
..I realised I was running
out of money, I needed a job,
806
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:23,000
..I realised I was running
out of money, I needed a job,
807
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,040
and I looked in the paper,
and I got a job selling,
808
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,480
and I looked in the paper,
and I got a job selling,
809
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,520
over the phone,
stationary equipment.
810
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:28,680
over the phone,
stationary equipment.
811
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,720
I lasted one week doing that.
812
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:31,480
I lasted one week doing that.
813
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,520
Either my system is
very sensitive... Which it might be.
814
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:35,040
Either my system is
very sensitive... Which it might be.
815
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,880
..uh, or it was coincidental,
816
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,920
but I wound up in the hospital
with a kind of a... Wow.
817
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:39,480
but I wound up in the hospital
with a kind of a... Wow.
818
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,480
..an illness, I made it out,
but that's...
819
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:43,520
And that's the last straight job
I ever had.
820
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,200
And that's the last straight job
I ever had.
821
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,760
LAUGHTER
John.
822
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,800
For my first job out of college,
I was a management consultant. Wow.
823
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:48,560
For my first job out of college,
I was a management consultant. Wow.
824
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,600
So, I worked at a company
called Boston Consulting Group
825
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:50,840
So, I worked at a company
called Boston Consulting Group
826
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:52,720
and just did, like, spreadsheets...
Yeah.
827
00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:54,760
So, just spreadsheets?
Spreadsheets, PowerPoint slides...
828
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:55,280
So, just spreadsheets?
Spreadsheets, PowerPoint slides...
829
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,160
But I get the feeling
you're the kind of guy
830
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,120
who likes a neat spreadsheet.
831
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,160
I do. You know,
I was a good math student,
832
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:01,720
I do. You know,
I was a good math student,
833
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,760
and I liked numbers,
and I wanted to do a good job.
834
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:04,320
and I liked numbers,
and I wanted to do a good job.
835
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:06,360
But I also wanted to get
a record deal and get out of there.
836
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:06,600
But I also wanted to get
a record deal and get out of there.
837
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,640
Yeah, the choice between the two
is fairly straightforward.
838
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:09,120
Yeah, the choice between the two
is fairly straightforward.
839
00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:10,600
And Shirley?
840
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,640
I worked at a solicitors'
when I was 15, as an office junior.
841
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,160
I worked at a solicitors'
when I was 15, as an office junior.
842
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:16,200
They sent me on day release,
I learnt shorthand and typing,
843
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,200
They sent me on day release,
I learnt shorthand and typing,
844
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:18,600
and at 16 and a half,
845
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:20,640
I wanted to move
to the bright lights of London.
846
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:21,400
I wanted to move
to the bright lights of London.
847
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,440
Had three days to find a job.
848
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:23,640
Had three days to find a job.
849
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:25,680
I found a job
I was underqualified for
850
00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:25,840
I found a job
I was underqualified for
851
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,880
because I was so not equipped
for the job.
852
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,200
because I was so not equipped
for the job.
853
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:31,240
I would do the filing, they couldn't
find anything in the filing cabinet.
854
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:32,600
I would do the filing, they couldn't
find anything in the filing cabinet.
855
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,640
I'd do the typing,
and the other secretaries would say,
856
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:35,400
I'd do the typing,
and the other secretaries would say,
857
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:36,680
"She can't spell."
858
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,720
I'd just say, "Correct it for me,
and I'll redo it again."
859
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:39,240
I'd just say, "Correct it for me,
and I'll redo it again."
860
00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,280
I had many jobs.
I was working from probably age nine
861
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:41,920
I had many jobs.
I was working from probably age nine
862
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,960
to help my mother
so that I could dance. Wow.
863
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:46,000
And I would never change
a single thing of that.
864
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:46,840
And I would never change
a single thing of that.
865
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,400
And of course, by the time I was 17,
866
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,440
I turned professional and earned
a living from dancing, so...
867
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:50,960
I turned professional and earned
a living from dancing, so...
868
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,000
Earned a living from dancing.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
869
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:53,160
Earned a living from dancing.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
870
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,400
You put the graft in first.
871
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,440
Lee, briefly,
let's have some of yours.
872
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:57,200
Lee, briefly,
let's have some of yours.
873
00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,920
My first job actually was, er...
874
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
I got thrown out of school,
I went home and thought,
875
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,000
"What am I gonna do
with the rest of my life?"
876
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:04,200
"What am I gonna do
with the rest of my life?"
877
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,240
I put the television on,
and horse racing was on.
878
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:06,560
I put the television on,
and horse racing was on.
879
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:08,600
And I thought, "I'll do that."
LAUGHTER
880
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:08,760
And I thought, "I'll do that."
LAUGHTER
881
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,800
Genuinely, I just thought,
"That can't be hard."
882
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:10,960
Genuinely, I just thought,
"That can't be hard."
883
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,520
It's the only sport I thought
you can do
884
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,560
where you don't have to do most
of the work, the horse'll do it.
885
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,160
where you don't have to do most
of the work, the horse'll do it.
886
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,200
You have to be short.
I used to be very small. Oh?
887
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:17,400
You have to be short.
I used to be very small. Oh?
888
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,440
So, my local stables
in my hometown was Red Rum.
889
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,480
So, my local stables
in my hometown was Red Rum.
890
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:21,640
So, my local stables
in my hometown was Red Rum.
891
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,680
Probably the most famous horse...
He was... He's our Seabiscuit.
892
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:24,480
Probably the most famous horse...
He was... He's our Seabiscuit.
893
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:25,560
OK.
Oh, no kidding.
894
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,600
I used to go and give
the other horses a walk round
895
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:27,760
I used to go and give
the other horses a walk round
896
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:29,200
like a dog on a lead.
897
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,240
Didn't get on their back,
just used to walk them round.
898
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:31,600
Didn't get on their back,
just used to walk them round.
899
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,360
Fresh air.
Fresh air, bit of a walk round.
900
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,400
The problem is, we didn't have
a gallops at these stables.
901
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:35,680
The problem is, we didn't have
a gallops at these stables.
902
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:37,720
It was famously...
He trained the most famous racehorse
903
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,000
It was famously...
He trained the most famous racehorse
904
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,040
behind a second-hand car lot,
trained them on the beach,
905
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:40,520
behind a second-hand car lot,
trained them on the beach,
906
00:22:40,560 --> 00:22:42,440
so I had to walk them
round the high street.
907
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,200
Just walk this horse
round the high street.
908
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:45,920
Little, skinny 16-year-old.
909
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:47,280
And a horse, when it gets...
910
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,040
..aroused...
LAUGHTER
911
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:51,440
..it's quite big.
912
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:53,480
LAUGHTER
913
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:55,520
This thing, I kid you not,
was swinging like this.
914
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:55,720
This thing, I kid you not,
was swinging like this.
915
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,840
It was then I regretted wearing my
My Little Pony T-shirt.
916
00:22:58,880 --> 00:22:59,720
It was then I regretted wearing my
My Little Pony T-shirt.
917
00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:00,960
LAUGHTER
918
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,000
It was swinging like this,
and I swear to God this is true,
919
00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,320
It was swinging like this,
and I swear to God this is true,
920
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,360
it took the wing mirror
off a Ford Anglia.
921
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:06,520
it took the wing mirror
off a Ford Anglia.
922
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:08,560
LAUGHTER
923
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:08,800
LAUGHTER
924
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,840
APPLAUSE
Wow.Wow.
925
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:11,400
APPLAUSE
Wow.Wow.
926
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,440
OK, well, you know, I hope that, er,
927
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:14,600
OK, well, you know, I hope that, er,
928
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,600
if you get the chance
to see John Legend live,
929
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,360
when he's chatting to you
in between songs,
930
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:19,920
he recounts that story
to you as well.
931
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,960
LAUGHTER
But John has to go and get prepared
932
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:22,320
LAUGHTER
But John has to go and get prepared
933
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:24,360
for his performance at the end
of the show, ladies and gentlemen.
934
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,120
for his performance at the end
of the show, ladies and gentlemen.
935
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,160
So, for now, will you join me in
saying thank you to Mr John Legend!
936
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:27,880
So, for now, will you join me in
saying thank you to Mr John Legend!
937
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,920
Thank you!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
938
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:30,240
Thank you!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
939
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,040
Thank you, John.
Thank you, thank you.
940
00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:34,080
Do you want to head backstage
and get warmed up?
941
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:34,240
Do you want to head backstage
and get warmed up?
942
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,160
Good to see you.
Great to see you.
943
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,400
Great to see you.
944
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,440
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
945
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:43,880
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
946
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,920
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
John Legend, ladies and gentlemen.
947
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
John Legend, ladies and gentlemen.
948
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,000
OK.
WHISTLING
949
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:50,560
But don't go away because up next,
950
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:52,600
we'll be joined out here
by Jack Whitehall!
951
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:52,960
we'll be joined out here
by Jack Whitehall!
952
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,000
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
953
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:55,160
See you after the break.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
954
00:24:00,519 --> 00:24:02,519
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
955
00:24:02,559 --> 00:24:03,399
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
956
00:24:04,999 --> 00:24:06,999
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
957
00:24:07,039 --> 00:24:07,999
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out.
958
00:24:08,039 --> 00:24:10,039
He's one of the country's
most popular comedians,
959
00:24:10,079 --> 00:24:10,199
He's one of the country's
most popular comedians,
960
00:24:10,239 --> 00:24:12,239
and now against, let's face it,
almost impossible odds,
961
00:24:12,279 --> 00:24:12,479
and now against, let's face it,
almost impossible odds,
962
00:24:12,519 --> 00:24:14,519
he's in LA making it
as a Hollywood movie star.
963
00:24:14,559 --> 00:24:14,679
he's in LA making it
as a Hollywood movie star.
964
00:24:14,719 --> 00:24:16,719
LAUGHTER
It's Jack Whitehall!
965
00:24:16,759 --> 00:24:16,919
LAUGHTER
It's Jack Whitehall!
966
00:24:16,959 --> 00:24:18,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
967
00:24:18,999 --> 00:24:19,079
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
968
00:24:20,639 --> 00:24:22,639
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
969
00:24:22,679 --> 00:24:23,559
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
970
00:24:23,599 --> 00:24:25,119
Lovely to see you.
And you.
971
00:24:25,159 --> 00:24:26,759
I thought you'd forsaken me!
972
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,239
Hello, love.
Hey, how are you, love?
973
00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:29,599
Nice to see you.
974
00:24:29,639 --> 00:24:31,639
Hello, how are you?
How are you? Nice to see you.
975
00:24:31,679 --> 00:24:32,119
Hello, how are you?
How are you? Nice to see you.
976
00:24:32,159 --> 00:24:34,079
Good to see you.
Hi.
977
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,119
Whitehall. Whitehall.
Jeff. Great to see you.
978
00:24:36,159 --> 00:24:36,519
Whitehall. Whitehall.
Jeff. Great to see you.
979
00:24:37,959 --> 00:24:39,439
It's so lovely to see you. Jack...
980
00:24:39,479 --> 00:24:41,479
Swapped out a legend for a bellend.
LAUGHTER
981
00:24:41,519 --> 00:24:42,119
Swapped out a legend for a bellend.
LAUGHTER
982
00:24:42,159 --> 00:24:44,159
I have missed you.
I haven't seen you for too long.
983
00:24:44,199 --> 00:24:44,319
I have missed you.
I haven't seen you for too long.
984
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:46,039
Oh, thank you.
I used to see you quite often...
985
00:24:46,079 --> 00:24:47,399
It's lovely to see you.
986
00:24:47,439 --> 00:24:49,439
It's genuinely nice to see you.
Do you like the homage?
987
00:24:49,479 --> 00:24:49,839
It's genuinely nice to see you.
Do you like the homage?
988
00:24:49,879 --> 00:24:51,279
I'm not sure.
LAUGHTER
989
00:24:51,319 --> 00:24:53,319
I asked for BBC One era
Jonathan Ross. Yes.
990
00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:53,959
I asked for BBC One era
Jonathan Ross. Yes.
991
00:24:53,999 --> 00:24:55,999
That's what I was going for.
Back when I looked like a kind of
992
00:24:56,039 --> 00:24:56,519
That's what I was going for.
Back when I looked like a kind of
993
00:24:56,559 --> 00:24:58,359
slightly sexually conflicted
weather girl.
994
00:24:58,399 --> 00:25:00,119
LAUGHTER
Yeah.
995
00:25:00,159 --> 00:25:01,759
Yeah.
I thought it was working for me,
996
00:25:01,799 --> 00:25:03,799
and then I got tweeted the other day
about my long hair.
997
00:25:03,839 --> 00:25:04,159
and then I got tweeted the other day
about my long hair.
998
00:25:04,199 --> 00:25:06,199
Someone said that I look like
a Tesco's value Richard Hammond.
999
00:25:06,239 --> 00:25:07,479
Someone said that I look like
a Tesco's value Richard Hammond.
1000
00:25:07,519 --> 00:25:09,119
LAUGHTER
1001
00:25:09,159 --> 00:25:10,639
Which I don't think
is a great review.
1002
00:25:10,679 --> 00:25:12,119
That's not a great review.
Nah.
1003
00:25:12,159 --> 00:25:14,159
But you're gonna stick with it?
Yeah. I'm gonna persist.
1004
00:25:14,199 --> 00:25:14,799
But you're gonna stick with it?
Yeah. I'm gonna persist.
1005
00:25:14,839 --> 00:25:16,679
So, congratulations
on your success, though,
1006
00:25:16,719 --> 00:25:18,719
because you are making it out
in the States, you're doing great.
1007
00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:19,239
because you are making it out
in the States, you're doing great.
1008
00:25:19,279 --> 00:25:21,279
Do you live there now,
or are you still living here?
1009
00:25:21,319 --> 00:25:23,279
Er, no, I'm mainly living here,
1010
00:25:23,319 --> 00:25:25,319
but, yeah, I just did a tour
in the States,
1011
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:26,599
but, yeah, I just did a tour
in the States,
1012
00:25:26,639 --> 00:25:28,639
and, yeah, I finished in a venue
in San Francisco
1013
00:25:28,679 --> 00:25:30,679
and, yeah, I finished in a venue
in San Francisco
1014
00:25:30,719 --> 00:25:30,999
and, yeah, I finished in a venue
in San Francisco
1015
00:25:31,039 --> 00:25:32,679
called the Palace of Fine Arts.
1016
00:25:32,719 --> 00:25:34,199
Wow.
Which was very prestigious.
1017
00:25:34,239 --> 00:25:35,719
But life comes at you fast.
1018
00:25:35,759 --> 00:25:37,759
I then came back, and the first show
I had back in England
1019
00:25:37,799 --> 00:25:38,199
I then came back, and the first show
I had back in England
1020
00:25:38,239 --> 00:25:40,119
was in a leisure centre
in Colchester.
1021
00:25:40,159 --> 00:25:41,399
LAUGHTER
1022
00:25:41,439 --> 00:25:43,439
Where they had badminton nets
in my dressing room,
1023
00:25:43,479 --> 00:25:45,439
and it all smelled of Deep Heat,
and I was like...
1024
00:25:45,479 --> 00:25:47,399
It's good to keep yourself grounded
in that way.
1025
00:25:47,439 --> 00:25:48,679
Keep yourself grounded, yeah.
1026
00:25:48,719 --> 00:25:50,719
But before we talk
about the stand-up, then...
1027
00:25:50,759 --> 00:25:50,879
But before we talk
about the stand-up, then...
1028
00:25:50,919 --> 00:25:52,719
But you have,
you've been making movies.
1029
00:25:52,759 --> 00:25:54,359
You've been making lots of movies.
Yeah.
1030
00:25:54,399 --> 00:25:55,599
Successful movies.
Yeah.
1031
00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:57,639
Clifford The Big Red Dog...
Yep.
1032
00:25:57,679 --> 00:25:59,119
LAUGHTER
He's in that film...
1033
00:25:59,159 --> 00:26:01,039
What, why are you laughing?
LAUGHTER
1034
00:26:01,079 --> 00:26:03,079
It's popular family entertainment.
Yep.
1035
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:03,319
It's popular family entertainment.
Yep.
1036
00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,119
I am not saying anything negative
about it,
1037
00:26:05,159 --> 00:26:06,959
I like that kind of film.
They're hard to make.
1038
00:26:06,999 --> 00:26:08,679
It took over...
It made over $100 million.
1039
00:26:08,719 --> 00:26:09,719
Yes.
AUDIENCE:Ooh...
1040
00:26:09,759 --> 00:26:11,759
I mean, that's a lot of money.
Yeah, that is a lot of money.
1041
00:26:11,799 --> 00:26:11,999
I mean, that's a lot of money.
Yeah, that is a lot of money.
1042
00:26:12,039 --> 00:26:13,879
How much of that do you get?
Not a lot!
1043
00:26:13,919 --> 00:26:15,079
LAUGHTER
1044
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,119
But how great to be
in successful films like this?
1045
00:26:17,159 --> 00:26:17,279
But how great to be
in successful films like this?
1046
00:26:17,319 --> 00:26:19,319
Yeah, no, it's great. I mean, I...
LEE:Was the costume very hot?
1047
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:19,879
Yeah, no, it's great. I mean, I...
LEE:Was the costume very hot?
1048
00:26:19,919 --> 00:26:21,919
LAUGHTER
1049
00:26:21,959 --> 00:26:22,919
LAUGHTER
1050
00:26:22,959 --> 00:26:24,959
Everyone assumed
I was the dog as well.
1051
00:26:24,999 --> 00:26:25,599
Everyone assumed
I was the dog as well.
1052
00:26:25,639 --> 00:26:27,639
Even after, you know,
they'd seen the trailer,
1053
00:26:27,679 --> 00:26:27,839
Even after, you know,
they'd seen the trailer,
1054
00:26:27,879 --> 00:26:29,879
people were coming up to me, going,
"Are you the dog in that?"
1055
00:26:29,919 --> 00:26:30,319
people were coming up to me, going,
"Are you the dog in that?"
1056
00:26:30,359 --> 00:26:32,359
I was like, "No, you can literally
see me in the poster!"
1057
00:26:32,399 --> 00:26:32,839
I was like, "No, you can literally
see me in the poster!"
1058
00:26:32,879 --> 00:26:34,879
Well, you give off the vibe
of someone who would be employed
1059
00:26:34,919 --> 00:26:35,399
Well, you give off the vibe
of someone who would be employed
1060
00:26:35,439 --> 00:26:37,279
more for their voice
than their looks.
1061
00:26:37,319 --> 00:26:39,319
OK...
LAUGHTER
1062
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:39,599
OK...
LAUGHTER
1063
00:26:39,639 --> 00:26:40,959
The dog doesn't even speak!
Wow.
1064
00:26:40,999 --> 00:26:42,999
So I would just be woofing
and grunting!
1065
00:26:43,039 --> 00:26:43,359
So I would just be woofing
and grunting!
1066
00:26:43,399 --> 00:26:44,639
LAUGHTER
1067
00:26:44,679 --> 00:26:46,679
So, let's talk
about the new stand-up tour
1068
00:26:46,719 --> 00:26:46,839
So, let's talk
about the new stand-up tour
1069
00:26:46,879 --> 00:26:48,839
because the new stand-up tour
is called Settle Down,
1070
00:26:48,879 --> 00:26:50,879
and this is you, as always,
talking about your life.
1071
00:26:50,919 --> 00:26:51,199
and this is you, as always,
talking about your life.
1072
00:26:51,239 --> 00:26:53,239
Real things that have happened
to you, with a comic spin on.
1073
00:26:53,279 --> 00:26:53,639
Real things that have happened
to you, with a comic spin on.
1074
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:55,679
This is about this new stage
in your life, which is...
1075
00:26:55,719 --> 00:26:55,839
This is about this new stage
in your life, which is...
1076
00:26:55,879 --> 00:26:57,719
Well, explain.
Well, I guess, yeah.
1077
00:26:57,759 --> 00:26:59,759
I mean, since I did stand-up last,
quite a lot of life has happened.
1078
00:26:59,799 --> 00:27:01,159
I mean, since I did stand-up last,
quite a lot of life has happened.
1079
00:27:01,199 --> 00:27:02,879
I've met my life partner,
1080
00:27:02,919 --> 00:27:04,919
I've got a house,
the mortgage, the dog,
1081
00:27:04,959 --> 00:27:05,159
I've got a house,
the mortgage, the dog,
1082
00:27:05,199 --> 00:27:06,879
and I'm, yeah,
settling down in my life,
1083
00:27:06,919 --> 00:27:08,359
so I'm sort of reflecting on that.
1084
00:27:08,399 --> 00:27:10,159
It's nice.
So you're growing up, basically?
1085
00:27:10,199 --> 00:27:12,199
You're settling down as a mature,
sophisticated adult male.
1086
00:27:12,239 --> 00:27:13,039
You're settling down as a mature,
sophisticated adult male.
1087
00:27:13,079 --> 00:27:15,079
I would say, reluctantly,
but, yeah.
1088
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:15,479
I would say, reluctantly,
but, yeah.
1089
00:27:15,519 --> 00:27:16,799
Like, attempting to adult.
1090
00:27:16,839 --> 00:27:18,519
Well, how old are you now?
I've forgotten.
1091
00:27:18,559 --> 00:27:19,719
Thirty four.
Thirty four.
1092
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:21,559
So... Teetering...
You're still a young man.
1093
00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,599
Well, I don't feel...
I don't think of that as young.
1094
00:27:23,639 --> 00:27:23,759
Well, I don't feel...
I don't think of that as young.
1095
00:27:23,799 --> 00:27:25,359
I wouldn't get
on Love Island any more. No.
1096
00:27:25,399 --> 00:27:26,799
LAUGHTER
1097
00:27:26,839 --> 00:27:28,839
I mean, mainly cos I've read a book,
but also the age thing...
1098
00:27:28,879 --> 00:27:29,599
I mean, mainly cos I've read a book,
but also the age thing...
1099
00:27:29,639 --> 00:27:31,639
LAUGHTER
1100
00:27:31,679 --> 00:27:31,759
LAUGHTER
1101
00:27:31,799 --> 00:27:33,519
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That's true.
1102
00:27:33,559 --> 00:27:35,119
I mean...
Harsh.
1103
00:27:37,519 --> 00:27:39,359
And you're writing about
your new partner,
1104
00:27:39,399 --> 00:27:41,399
you said it's your life partner,
which is a lovely thing to hear,
1105
00:27:41,439 --> 00:27:41,919
you said it's your life partner,
which is a lovely thing to hear,
1106
00:27:41,959 --> 00:27:43,039
Roxy.
Roxy, yeah.
1107
00:27:43,079 --> 00:27:44,999
Is she happy?
Does she mind you sharing on stage?
1108
00:27:45,039 --> 00:27:47,039
Why...? Not that picture.
LAUGHTER
1109
00:27:47,079 --> 00:27:47,639
Why...? Not that picture.
LAUGHTER
1110
00:27:47,679 --> 00:27:49,679
Look, you know what?
You're licking her like a dog would.
1111
00:27:49,719 --> 00:27:51,679
Look, you know what?
You're licking her like a dog would.
1112
00:27:51,719 --> 00:27:53,719
LAUGHTER
1113
00:27:53,759 --> 00:27:55,759
Touche. Yeah.
1114
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:55,879
Touche. Yeah.
1115
00:27:55,919 --> 00:27:57,919
That's why
we thought that about you.
1116
00:27:57,959 --> 00:27:58,079
That's why
we thought that about you.
1117
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,119
But is Roxy OK?
She's cool with that?
1118
00:28:00,159 --> 00:28:00,439
But is Roxy OK?
She's cool with that?
1119
00:28:00,479 --> 00:28:02,039
I presume she must be.
Yeah, she's fine.
1120
00:28:02,079 --> 00:28:04,079
Actually, weirdly,
the show in Colchester,
1121
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:04,279
Actually, weirdly,
the show in Colchester,
1122
00:28:04,319 --> 00:28:05,919
I invited all of her family to,
1123
00:28:05,959 --> 00:28:07,759
and I had some routines
about my girlfriend,
1124
00:28:07,799 --> 00:28:09,799
but then I remembered that
her family are in the audience,
1125
00:28:09,839 --> 00:28:10,319
but then I remembered that
her family are in the audience,
1126
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:12,359
and I pulled out of a couple of them
because I got too nervous.
1127
00:28:12,399 --> 00:28:12,919
and I pulled out of a couple of them
because I got too nervous.
1128
00:28:12,959 --> 00:28:14,799
There was one specific routine,
which...
1129
00:28:14,839 --> 00:28:16,839
My girlfriend has diabetes,
and I was talking about
1130
00:28:16,879 --> 00:28:18,599
My girlfriend has diabetes,
and I was talking about
1131
00:28:18,639 --> 00:28:20,639
how the main way that diabetes
affects our relationship is
1132
00:28:20,679 --> 00:28:21,839
how the main way that diabetes
affects our relationship is
1133
00:28:21,879 --> 00:28:23,879
that diabetes is when your pancreas
doesn't produce enough insulin
1134
00:28:23,919 --> 00:28:25,599
that diabetes is when your pancreas
doesn't produce enough insulin
1135
00:28:25,639 --> 00:28:27,639
so you have to monitor
your blood sugar levels,
1136
00:28:27,679 --> 00:28:27,799
so you have to monitor
your blood sugar levels,
1137
00:28:27,839 --> 00:28:29,839
and if you do strenuous exercise,
they dip very dangerously low.
1138
00:28:29,879 --> 00:28:30,639
and if you do strenuous exercise,
they dip very dangerously low.
1139
00:28:30,679 --> 00:28:32,679
So, in a relationship,
what that translates to is that
1140
00:28:32,719 --> 00:28:33,759
So, in a relationship,
what that translates to is that
1141
00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:35,799
I can now tell exactly how good
of a performance I've put in...
1142
00:28:35,839 --> 00:28:36,999
I can now tell exactly how good
of a performance I've put in...
1143
00:28:37,039 --> 00:28:38,199
LAUGHTER
..in the bedroom
1144
00:28:38,239 --> 00:28:40,239
by what my girlfriend's
snacking on afterwards.
1145
00:28:40,279 --> 00:28:40,479
by what my girlfriend's
snacking on afterwards.
1146
00:28:40,519 --> 00:28:42,399
LAUGHTER
So if I roll over
1147
00:28:42,439 --> 00:28:44,439
and she's tucking in to
an entire Colin the Caterpillar,
1148
00:28:44,479 --> 00:28:45,119
and she's tucking in to
an entire Colin the Caterpillar,
1149
00:28:45,159 --> 00:28:47,159
I'm like,
"Well played. Bravo, Jack."
1150
00:28:47,199 --> 00:28:47,319
I'm like,
"Well played. Bravo, Jack."
1151
00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:48,919
And if she's popping in
a single Skittle,
1152
00:28:48,959 --> 00:28:50,719
I'm like,
"OK, I could try harder next time."
1153
00:28:50,759 --> 00:28:52,319
LAUGHTER
1154
00:28:52,359 --> 00:28:54,359
And then I saw her family, her aunt,
her mum, her dad,
1155
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:55,079
And then I saw her family, her aunt,
her mum, her dad,
1156
00:28:55,119 --> 00:28:56,839
and I just gave up
halfway through the joke.
1157
00:28:56,879 --> 00:28:58,319
LAUGHTER
Cos I was so scared...
1158
00:28:58,359 --> 00:29:00,279
How do you rescue yourself
from that situation?
1159
00:29:00,319 --> 00:29:02,319
Do you say, "You know what..."?
Do you just change the subject?
1160
00:29:02,359 --> 00:29:02,799
Do you say, "You know what..."?
Do you just change the subject?
1161
00:29:02,839 --> 00:29:04,839
I literally just said,
"My girlfriend has diabetes,"
1162
00:29:04,879 --> 00:29:04,999
I literally just said,
"My girlfriend has diabetes,"
1163
00:29:05,039 --> 00:29:07,039
and then I saw them
and knew where the joke was going
1164
00:29:07,079 --> 00:29:07,239
and then I saw them
and knew where the joke was going
1165
00:29:07,279 --> 00:29:09,279
and then just moved on to
the next joke, so there was no joke.
1166
00:29:09,319 --> 00:29:09,639
and then just moved on to
the next joke, so there was no joke.
1167
00:29:09,679 --> 00:29:11,679
I just told the whole audience
about her medical history...
1168
00:29:11,719 --> 00:29:12,759
I just told the whole audience
about her medical history...
1169
00:29:12,799 --> 00:29:14,199
It sounded...
..and then moved on.
1170
00:29:14,239 --> 00:29:15,839
Sounded more like
a cry for help from you.
1171
00:29:15,879 --> 00:29:17,199
LAUGHTER
1172
00:29:17,239 --> 00:29:19,239
Let's go back
to Clifford The Big Red Dog.
1173
00:29:19,279 --> 00:29:20,359
Let's go back
to Clifford The Big Red Dog.
1174
00:29:20,399 --> 00:29:22,399
Yeah.
Because there wasn't...
1175
00:29:22,439 --> 00:29:23,879
No.
LAUGHTER
1176
00:29:23,919 --> 00:29:25,799
Because there wasn't actually
a big red...
1177
00:29:25,839 --> 00:29:27,839
There isn't a real
Clifford The Big Red Dog, is there?
1178
00:29:27,879 --> 00:29:28,279
There isn't a real
Clifford The Big Red Dog, is there?
1179
00:29:28,319 --> 00:29:30,319
No (!) No (!)
LAUGHTER
1180
00:29:30,359 --> 00:29:30,639
No (!) No (!)
LAUGHTER
1181
00:29:30,679 --> 00:29:32,439
So I'm curious, when you're acting,
1182
00:29:32,479 --> 00:29:34,479
was there a person
in a big red dog suit
1183
00:29:34,519 --> 00:29:35,679
was there a person
in a big red dog suit
1184
00:29:35,719 --> 00:29:37,719
or was it, like, a man
with just a dog's head on a stick?
1185
00:29:37,759 --> 00:29:39,759
or was it, like, a man
with just a dog's head on a stick?
1186
00:29:39,799 --> 00:29:41,399
LAUGHTER
Or just your own imagination?
1187
00:29:41,439 --> 00:29:42,559
Nothing there at all?
1188
00:29:42,599 --> 00:29:44,599
Well, weirdly, they had
all manner of different things.
1189
00:29:44,639 --> 00:29:44,879
Well, weirdly, they had
all manner of different things.
1190
00:29:44,919 --> 00:29:46,919
There was one big puppet
that had two people in it,
1191
00:29:46,959 --> 00:29:48,079
There was one big puppet
that had two people in it,
1192
00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:49,879
like a sort of pantomime horse.
1193
00:29:49,919 --> 00:29:51,919
Then there was also, like,
body parts of Clifford,
1194
00:29:51,959 --> 00:29:53,399
Then there was also, like,
body parts of Clifford,
1195
00:29:53,439 --> 00:29:55,439
so there was a guy
that would hold his head on a stick,
1196
00:29:55,479 --> 00:29:55,719
so there was a guy
that would hold his head on a stick,
1197
00:29:55,759 --> 00:29:57,759
there was a man
that operated a giant tail.
1198
00:29:57,799 --> 00:29:58,119
there was a man
that operated a giant tail.
1199
00:29:58,159 --> 00:30:00,159
There was even a man with a tongue,
who had his arm in a tongue,
1200
00:30:00,199 --> 00:30:00,639
There was even a man with a tongue,
who had his arm in a tongue,
1201
00:30:00,679 --> 00:30:02,679
and he dunked it in a, like,
a bucket of, like, gunk...
1202
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:04,559
and he dunked it in a, like,
a bucket of, like, gunk...
1203
00:30:04,599 --> 00:30:06,599
Which bit did they use to take
the wing mirror off the Ford Anglia?
1204
00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:07,679
Which bit did they use to take
the wing mirror off the Ford Anglia?
1205
00:30:07,719 --> 00:30:09,399
LAUGHTER
1206
00:30:09,439 --> 00:30:11,439
Giant lipstick.
LAUGHTER
1207
00:30:11,479 --> 00:30:12,599
Giant lipstick.
LAUGHTER
1208
00:30:12,639 --> 00:30:14,639
So, Jeff, have you... got a dog?
1209
00:30:14,679 --> 00:30:16,399
So, Jeff, have you... got a dog?
1210
00:30:16,439 --> 00:30:18,439
Have I got a dog? Yes.
1211
00:30:18,479 --> 00:30:18,759
Have I got a dog? Yes.
1212
00:30:18,799 --> 00:30:20,279
Did I just have a blackout?
1213
00:30:20,319 --> 00:30:22,319
LAUGHTER
1214
00:30:22,359 --> 00:30:23,079
LAUGHTER
1215
00:30:23,119 --> 00:30:24,839
I'm changing the subject.
1216
00:30:24,879 --> 00:30:26,839
Oh. I was worried then,
I'd gone for ten seconds.
1217
00:30:26,879 --> 00:30:28,879
LAUGHTER
1218
00:30:28,919 --> 00:30:29,399
LAUGHTER
1219
00:30:29,439 --> 00:30:30,639
But I... Erm...
1220
00:30:30,679 --> 00:30:32,599
We do have a dog.
1221
00:30:32,639 --> 00:30:34,639
Woody! Woody! French poodle.
1222
00:30:34,679 --> 00:30:35,239
Woody! Woody! French poodle.
1223
00:30:35,279 --> 00:30:37,279
Red-haired standard poodle, big dog.
1224
00:30:37,319 --> 00:30:37,879
Red-haired standard poodle, big dog.
1225
00:30:37,919 --> 00:30:39,919
People love that dog,
stop the dog more than me,
1226
00:30:39,959 --> 00:30:40,799
People love that dog,
stop the dog more than me,
1227
00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:42,839
and take pictures of the dog.
I love a dog.
1228
00:30:42,879 --> 00:30:43,159
and take pictures of the dog.
I love a dog.
1229
00:30:43,199 --> 00:30:45,199
I love a dog. Lee.
I have a dog, I have a Labrador,
1230
00:30:45,239 --> 00:30:45,999
I love a dog. Lee.
I have a dog, I have a Labrador,
1231
00:30:46,039 --> 00:30:47,199
but he's a silver Labrador.
1232
00:30:47,239 --> 00:30:49,239
I've never seen one of those.
They're quite unusual.
1233
00:30:49,279 --> 00:30:49,439
I've never seen one of those.
They're quite unusual.
1234
00:30:49,479 --> 00:30:51,119
Do we have a picture of Lee's dog?
1235
00:30:51,159 --> 00:30:53,119
Could we see it?
There's my dog.
1236
00:30:53,159 --> 00:30:55,159
As you can see,
he's a bit like Jack, actually,
1237
00:30:55,199 --> 00:30:56,759
As you can see,
he's a bit like Jack, actually,
1238
00:30:56,799 --> 00:30:58,559
distinct blue eyes, and very inbred.
1239
00:30:58,599 --> 00:31:00,599
LAUGHTER
1240
00:31:00,639 --> 00:31:00,879
LAUGHTER
1241
00:31:00,919 --> 00:31:02,359
APPLAUSE
1242
00:31:02,399 --> 00:31:04,239
I would say handsome.
1243
00:31:04,279 --> 00:31:05,599
Handsome and inbred.
1244
00:31:05,639 --> 00:31:07,519
I mean, that's a fair assessment,
right, Jack?
1245
00:31:07,559 --> 00:31:09,559
You're very posh.
You've got beautiful eyes.
1246
00:31:09,599 --> 00:31:09,719
You're very posh.
You've got beautiful eyes.
1247
00:31:09,759 --> 00:31:11,759
LAUGHTER
Jack, do you have a dog?
1248
00:31:11,799 --> 00:31:12,599
LAUGHTER
Jack, do you have a dog?
1249
00:31:12,639 --> 00:31:14,639
Yes, I have a toy poodle,
which is...
1250
00:31:14,679 --> 00:31:15,319
Yes, I have a toy poodle,
which is...
1251
00:31:15,359 --> 00:31:17,359
What?!
..a deeply emasculating dog.
1252
00:31:17,399 --> 00:31:17,719
What?!
..a deeply emasculating dog.
1253
00:31:17,759 --> 00:31:19,439
I wanted, like, a guard dog.
1254
00:31:19,479 --> 00:31:21,479
That's a very pretty dog.
It's so embarrassing.
1255
00:31:21,519 --> 00:31:21,639
That's a very pretty dog.
It's so embarrassing.
1256
00:31:21,679 --> 00:31:23,679
And she wanted to call it Beyonce,
as well, which I had to shut down.
1257
00:31:23,719 --> 00:31:24,279
And she wanted to call it Beyonce,
as well, which I had to shut down.
1258
00:31:24,319 --> 00:31:25,639
LAUGHTER
1259
00:31:25,679 --> 00:31:27,679
That does look like
you're a very bad ventriloquist.
1260
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:28,799
That does look like
you're a very bad ventriloquist.
1261
00:31:28,839 --> 00:31:30,719
It looks like a pillowcase.
1262
00:31:30,759 --> 00:31:32,759
It's the most ridiculous dog,
as well,
1263
00:31:32,799 --> 00:31:33,799
It's the most ridiculous dog,
as well,
1264
00:31:33,839 --> 00:31:35,839
and she keeps referring to it
as a rescue dog, as well,
1265
00:31:35,879 --> 00:31:36,319
and she keeps referring to it
as a rescue dog, as well,
1266
00:31:36,359 --> 00:31:38,359
which it's not. I paid a woman
on the internet for it.
1267
00:31:38,399 --> 00:31:38,519
which it's not. I paid a woman
on the internet for it.
1268
00:31:38,559 --> 00:31:39,919
LAUGHTER
1269
00:31:39,959 --> 00:31:41,879
She's like,
"No, but the dog rescued me."
1270
00:31:41,919 --> 00:31:43,919
That's not what rescue dog means.
LAUGHTER
1271
00:31:43,959 --> 00:31:44,479
That's not what rescue dog means.
LAUGHTER
1272
00:31:44,519 --> 00:31:46,519
She calls me its daddy as well,
which I can't stand.
1273
00:31:46,559 --> 00:31:46,719
She calls me its daddy as well,
which I can't stand.
1274
00:31:46,759 --> 00:31:47,999
You ARE its daddy.
1275
00:31:48,039 --> 00:31:50,039
I'm not its daddy, I'm its master.
We will have standards.
1276
00:31:50,079 --> 00:31:50,839
I'm not its daddy, I'm its master.
We will have standards.
1277
00:31:50,879 --> 00:31:52,879
And... Cos she sees it
as a sort of surrogate
1278
00:31:52,919 --> 00:31:53,559
And... Cos she sees it
as a sort of surrogate
1279
00:31:53,599 --> 00:31:55,239
for us having a kid one day,
and she goes,
1280
00:31:55,279 --> 00:31:57,279
"No, you should treat the dog just
like you treat our actual child."
1281
00:31:57,319 --> 00:31:58,159
"No, you should treat the dog just
like you treat our actual child."
1282
00:31:58,199 --> 00:31:59,559
So I'm straight on Google.
1283
00:31:59,599 --> 00:32:01,599
"Are there boarding schools
for dogs?"
1284
00:32:01,639 --> 00:32:01,759
"Are there boarding schools
for dogs?"
1285
00:32:01,799 --> 00:32:03,799
LAUGHTER
1286
00:32:03,839 --> 00:32:03,999
LAUGHTER
1287
00:32:04,039 --> 00:32:05,559
APPLAUSE
And there are.
1288
00:32:05,599 --> 00:32:07,519
Kennels. Yeah.
There you go.
1289
00:32:07,559 --> 00:32:09,079
APPLAUSE
1290
00:32:09,119 --> 00:32:11,119
Shirley, do you have any animals?
Do you have a dog?
1291
00:32:11,159 --> 00:32:13,159
I have a dog, a Lhasa Apso dog.
1292
00:32:13,199 --> 00:32:13,719
I have a dog, a Lhasa Apso dog.
1293
00:32:13,759 --> 00:32:15,759
Wow, that's a fancy one.
Do you have a picture of my dog?
1294
00:32:15,799 --> 00:32:16,359
Wow, that's a fancy one.
Do you have a picture of my dog?
1295
00:32:16,399 --> 00:32:18,399
Here's a picture of Shirley's dog.
CHEERING
1296
00:32:18,439 --> 00:32:19,959
Here's a picture of Shirley's dog.
CHEERING
1297
00:32:19,999 --> 00:32:21,999
Delightful. He can talk.
1298
00:32:22,039 --> 00:32:22,199
Delightful. He can talk.
1299
00:32:22,239 --> 00:32:24,239
He can talk?!
I'm telling you!
1300
00:32:24,279 --> 00:32:24,839
He can talk?!
I'm telling you!
1301
00:32:24,879 --> 00:32:26,879
He comes up when he wants to eat,
he does all sorts of little...
1302
00:32:26,919 --> 00:32:27,919
He comes up when he wants to eat,
he does all sorts of little...
1303
00:32:27,959 --> 00:32:29,959
What does he say to you?
SHE LAUGHS
1304
00:32:29,999 --> 00:32:30,319
What does he say to you?
SHE LAUGHS
1305
00:32:30,359 --> 00:32:32,359
Woof, woof!
LAUGHTER
1306
00:32:32,399 --> 00:32:33,279
Woof, woof!
LAUGHTER
1307
00:32:33,319 --> 00:32:35,319
He's just...
So, he communicates.
1308
00:32:35,359 --> 00:32:35,479
He's just...
So, he communicates.
1309
00:32:35,519 --> 00:32:37,239
He communicates with me.
Ah!
1310
00:32:37,279 --> 00:32:39,279
Does he understand you?
And I get down when he has his food,
1311
00:32:39,319 --> 00:32:39,799
Does he understand you?
And I get down when he has his food,
1312
00:32:39,839 --> 00:32:41,799
and I eat by the bowl with him.
1313
00:32:41,839 --> 00:32:43,839
I do because...
LEE:What, on all fours?!
1314
00:32:43,879 --> 00:32:44,319
I do because...
LEE:What, on all fours?!
1315
00:32:44,359 --> 00:32:46,359
Because I feel he is much better
than a husband,
1316
00:32:46,399 --> 00:32:47,519
Because I feel he is much better
than a husband,
1317
00:32:47,559 --> 00:32:48,999
let me tell you!
1318
00:32:49,039 --> 00:32:50,719
That is loyal, he is kind,
1319
00:32:50,759 --> 00:32:52,759
he is wonderful, he is cuddly,
1320
00:32:52,799 --> 00:32:53,679
he is wonderful, he is cuddly,
1321
00:32:53,719 --> 00:32:55,719
he is snuggly, he is popular.
1322
00:32:55,759 --> 00:32:55,879
he is snuggly, he is popular.
1323
00:32:55,919 --> 00:32:57,919
We're loyal, kind, cuddly, popular.
1324
00:32:57,959 --> 00:32:59,279
We're loyal, kind, cuddly, popular.
1325
00:32:59,319 --> 00:33:00,719
LAUGHTER
1326
00:33:00,759 --> 00:33:02,119
I am gonna change the subject
1327
00:33:02,159 --> 00:33:04,159
because this is exciting news...
Cats!
1328
00:33:04,199 --> 00:33:06,199
LAUGHTER
1329
00:33:06,239 --> 00:33:06,519
LAUGHTER
1330
00:33:06,559 --> 00:33:08,559
Do you have a mouse?
1331
00:33:08,599 --> 00:33:08,919
Do you have a mouse?
1332
00:33:08,959 --> 00:33:10,919
Shirley Ballas,
ladies and gentlemen,
1333
00:33:10,959 --> 00:33:12,959
is now an author as well
as all the other things she does.
1334
00:33:12,999 --> 00:33:14,039
is now an author as well
as all the other things she does.
1335
00:33:14,079 --> 00:33:16,079
She has her book,
which you can pre-order now.
1336
00:33:16,119 --> 00:33:16,399
She has her book,
which you can pre-order now.
1337
00:33:16,439 --> 00:33:18,439
It's called
Murder On The Dance Floor,
1338
00:33:18,479 --> 00:33:20,479
am I correct?That's correct.
Tell us about it, Shirley.
1339
00:33:20,519 --> 00:33:20,719
am I correct?That's correct.
Tell us about it, Shirley.
1340
00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:22,719
Well, Murder On The Dance Floor
is loosely based
1341
00:33:22,759 --> 00:33:24,759
on every story that I have witnessed
1342
00:33:24,799 --> 00:33:25,319
on every story that I have witnessed
1343
00:33:25,359 --> 00:33:27,359
that has gone on in my industry,
with fictitious characters.
1344
00:33:27,399 --> 00:33:28,319
that has gone on in my industry,
with fictitious characters.
1345
00:33:28,359 --> 00:33:30,359
So there's murder, lies, intrigue,
1346
00:33:30,399 --> 00:33:31,959
So there's murder, lies, intrigue,
1347
00:33:31,999 --> 00:33:33,999
sex, bed-hopping,
1348
00:33:34,039 --> 00:33:34,239
sex, bed-hopping,
1349
00:33:34,279 --> 00:33:36,279
ending in all sorts of...
1350
00:33:36,319 --> 00:33:38,319
Some of it's fun,
some of it's really intriguing.
1351
00:33:38,359 --> 00:33:38,919
Some of it's fun,
some of it's really intriguing.
1352
00:33:38,959 --> 00:33:40,479
Very sensual.
1353
00:33:40,519 --> 00:33:42,519
Shirley, have you... you've actually
seen someone murdered
1354
00:33:42,559 --> 00:33:43,599
Shirley, have you... you've actually
seen someone murdered
1355
00:33:43,639 --> 00:33:45,399
on the dance floor?
LAUGHTER
1356
00:33:45,439 --> 00:33:47,439
Well, that's...
The lady that drops dead
1357
00:33:47,479 --> 00:33:47,679
Well, that's...
The lady that drops dead
1358
00:33:47,719 --> 00:33:49,479
is Oksana Bondarenko,
1359
00:33:49,519 --> 00:33:51,519
while she's doing a tango,
closely entwined with her partner.
1360
00:33:51,559 --> 00:33:52,759
while she's doing a tango,
closely entwined with her partner.
1361
00:33:52,799 --> 00:33:54,639
And then all of a sudden, she dies,
1362
00:33:54,679 --> 00:33:56,679
and the mystery is you have
to find out who is the murderer.
1363
00:33:56,719 --> 00:33:58,079
and the mystery is you have
to find out who is the murderer.
1364
00:33:58,119 --> 00:33:59,639
Yes.
Who murdered...?
1365
00:33:59,679 --> 00:34:01,679
She's entwined limb to limb
on the dance floor,
1366
00:34:01,719 --> 00:34:02,679
She's entwined limb to limb
on the dance floor,
1367
00:34:02,719 --> 00:34:04,719
and suddenly she just keels over...
LAUGHTER
1368
00:34:04,759 --> 00:34:05,519
and suddenly she just keels over...
LAUGHTER
1369
00:34:05,559 --> 00:34:07,559
..and dies right there in the tango.
1370
00:34:07,599 --> 00:34:08,759
..and dies right there in the tango.
1371
00:34:08,799 --> 00:34:10,799
That one's based
on Ann Widdecombe, right?
1372
00:34:10,839 --> 00:34:10,959
That one's based
on Ann Widdecombe, right?
1373
00:34:10,999 --> 00:34:12,999
LAUGHTER
1374
00:34:13,039 --> 00:34:13,439
LAUGHTER
1375
00:34:13,479 --> 00:34:15,079
I've seen that dance.
1376
00:34:15,119 --> 00:34:17,119
I've seen that dance on YouTube.
APPLAUSE
1377
00:34:17,159 --> 00:34:17,639
I've seen that dance on YouTube.
APPLAUSE
1378
00:34:17,679 --> 00:34:19,039
LAUGHTER
1379
00:34:19,079 --> 00:34:21,079
I mean, it sounds... engrossing,
1380
00:34:21,119 --> 00:34:22,319
I mean, it sounds... engrossing,
1381
00:34:22,359 --> 00:34:24,359
enthralling and exhilarating.
Yeah.
1382
00:34:24,399 --> 00:34:24,599
enthralling and exhilarating.
Yeah.
1383
00:34:24,639 --> 00:34:26,639
Well, there's lots
of books out there,
1384
00:34:26,679 --> 00:34:28,679
but I wanted to bring, like,
the back door to ballroom dancing.
1385
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:29,519
but I wanted to bring, like,
the back door to ballroom dancing.
1386
00:34:29,559 --> 00:34:30,639
LAUGHTER
1387
00:34:30,679 --> 00:34:32,679
It's always interesting
when it comes from behind.
1388
00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:33,719
It's always interesting
when it comes from behind.
1389
00:34:33,759 --> 00:34:35,759
Yes, I know.
LAUGHTER
1390
00:34:35,799 --> 00:34:35,919
Yes, I know.
LAUGHTER
1391
00:34:35,959 --> 00:34:37,959
Everything that's going on
inside the book.
1392
00:34:37,999 --> 00:34:38,439
Everything that's going on
inside the book.
1393
00:34:38,479 --> 00:34:40,479
So I absolutely have
covered everything.
1394
00:34:40,519 --> 00:34:41,959
So I absolutely have
covered everything.
1395
00:34:41,999 --> 00:34:43,119
LAUGHTER
1396
00:34:43,159 --> 00:34:45,159
How many of these events
are based on experiences
1397
00:34:45,199 --> 00:34:46,159
How many of these events
are based on experiences
1398
00:34:46,199 --> 00:34:47,559
you yourself have enjoyed
1399
00:34:47,599 --> 00:34:49,599
on or by the back door
of the ballroom?
1400
00:34:49,639 --> 00:34:49,759
on or by the back door
of the ballroom?
1401
00:34:49,799 --> 00:34:50,999
LAUGHTER
1402
00:34:51,039 --> 00:34:52,759
I would probably say about 90%.
1403
00:34:52,799 --> 00:34:54,799
90%?
90%!
1404
00:34:54,839 --> 00:34:54,959
90%?
90%!
1405
00:34:54,999 --> 00:34:56,599
APPLAUSE
1406
00:34:56,639 --> 00:34:58,039
Yes.
What a...
1407
00:34:58,079 --> 00:35:00,079
Some of those scenes
are gonna curl your toes.
1408
00:35:00,119 --> 00:35:00,759
Some of those scenes
are gonna curl your toes.
1409
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:02,799
Well, what a film
that's going to make,
1410
00:35:02,839 --> 00:35:04,839
and I know just the man to be in it.
1411
00:35:04,879 --> 00:35:04,999
and I know just the man to be in it.
1412
00:35:05,039 --> 00:35:07,039
And if you need a...
Oh, wow.
1413
00:35:07,079 --> 00:35:07,559
And if you need a...
Oh, wow.
1414
00:35:07,599 --> 00:35:09,399
APPLAUSE
Ooh, you read...
1415
00:35:09,439 --> 00:35:11,439
Yes.
LAUGHTER
1416
00:35:11,479 --> 00:35:12,079
Yes.
LAUGHTER
1417
00:35:12,119 --> 00:35:14,119
OK, so, that book,
you can pre-order now.
1418
00:35:14,159 --> 00:35:14,279
OK, so, that book,
you can pre-order now.
1419
00:35:14,319 --> 00:35:15,919
It's not out till October,
though, is it?
1420
00:35:15,959 --> 00:35:17,759
October.
But I've got an advance copy.
1421
00:35:17,799 --> 00:35:19,559
I'm gonna read it.
You have. You have.
1422
00:35:19,599 --> 00:35:21,599
Shirley, we're gonna talk to you
a bit later on about dancing
1423
00:35:21,639 --> 00:35:22,119
Shirley, we're gonna talk to you
a bit later on about dancing
1424
00:35:22,159 --> 00:35:24,159
cos I know we might see
the stuff you're shooting at home,
1425
00:35:24,199 --> 00:35:24,399
cos I know we might see
the stuff you're shooting at home,
1426
00:35:24,439 --> 00:35:26,399
but first of all,
we have with us Jeff Goldblum,
1427
00:35:26,439 --> 00:35:28,439
one of the greatest actors
of his generation.
1428
00:35:28,479 --> 00:35:28,879
one of the greatest actors
of his generation.
1429
00:35:28,919 --> 00:35:30,519
Yes, I believe that to be true.
The best.
1430
00:35:30,559 --> 00:35:32,559
APPLAUSE
1431
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:32,919
APPLAUSE
1432
00:35:32,959 --> 00:35:34,959
Also an amazing performer.
He's in town with his band.
1433
00:35:34,999 --> 00:35:36,599
Also an amazing performer.
He's in town with his band.
1434
00:35:36,639 --> 00:35:38,639
We're gonna have him perform
this evening, ladies and gentlemen,
1435
00:35:38,679 --> 00:35:39,279
We're gonna have him perform
this evening, ladies and gentlemen,
1436
00:35:39,319 --> 00:35:41,319
so that's a treat for you.
APPLAUSE
1437
00:35:41,359 --> 00:35:41,519
so that's a treat for you.
APPLAUSE
1438
00:35:41,559 --> 00:35:43,559
So, Jeff, I'm gonna ask you
to head on over,
1439
00:35:43,599 --> 00:35:44,239
So, Jeff, I'm gonna ask you
to head on over,
1440
00:35:44,279 --> 00:35:46,279
here with your band, Jeff Goldblum,
ladies and gentlemen.
1441
00:35:46,319 --> 00:35:46,759
here with your band, Jeff Goldblum,
ladies and gentlemen.
1442
00:35:46,799 --> 00:35:48,799
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1443
00:35:48,839 --> 00:35:50,759
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1444
00:35:51,919 --> 00:35:53,919
So, here they are,
1445
00:35:53,959 --> 00:35:54,039
So, here they are,
1446
00:35:54,079 --> 00:35:56,079
with the wonderful song Moon River,
1447
00:35:56,119 --> 00:35:56,359
with the wonderful song Moon River,
1448
00:35:56,399 --> 00:35:58,159
it's the fabulous Jeff Goldblum
1449
00:35:58,199 --> 00:36:00,199
and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra
with Mattiel Brown.
1450
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:00,719
and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra
with Mattiel Brown.
1451
00:36:00,759 --> 00:36:02,759
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1452
00:36:02,799 --> 00:36:04,799
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1453
00:36:04,839 --> 00:36:06,839
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1454
00:36:06,879 --> 00:36:07,479
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1455
00:36:07,519 --> 00:36:09,519
SONG: 'Moon River'
1456
00:36:09,559 --> 00:36:11,559
SONG: 'Moon River'
1457
00:36:11,599 --> 00:36:11,679
SONG: 'Moon River'
1458
00:36:16,999 --> 00:36:18,999
# Moon River
1459
00:36:19,039 --> 00:36:21,039
# Moon River
1460
00:36:21,079 --> 00:36:23,079
# Wider than a mile
1461
00:36:23,119 --> 00:36:23,799
# Wider than a mile
1462
00:36:24,839 --> 00:36:26,839
# I'm crossing you in style some day
1463
00:36:26,879 --> 00:36:28,879
# I'm crossing you in style some day
1464
00:36:28,919 --> 00:36:29,959
# I'm crossing you in style some day
1465
00:36:32,799 --> 00:36:34,799
# Oh, dream maker
1466
00:36:34,839 --> 00:36:36,839
# Oh, dream maker
1467
00:36:36,879 --> 00:36:38,279
# Oh, dream maker
1468
00:36:38,319 --> 00:36:40,319
# You heartbreaker
1469
00:36:40,359 --> 00:36:42,119
# You heartbreaker
1470
00:36:43,199 --> 00:36:45,199
# Wherever you're going
1471
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:46,919
# Wherever you're going
1472
00:36:46,959 --> 00:36:48,959
# I'm going your way
1473
00:36:48,999 --> 00:36:50,719
# I'm going your way
1474
00:36:51,919 --> 00:36:53,919
# Two drifters
1475
00:36:53,959 --> 00:36:55,959
# Two drifters
1476
00:36:55,999 --> 00:36:56,559
# Two drifters
1477
00:36:56,599 --> 00:36:58,599
# Off to see the world
1478
00:36:58,639 --> 00:37:00,319
# Off to see the world
1479
00:37:00,359 --> 00:37:02,359
# There's such a lot of world to see
1480
00:37:02,399 --> 00:37:04,399
# There's such a lot of world to see
1481
00:37:04,439 --> 00:37:06,319
# There's such a lot of world to see
1482
00:37:10,439 --> 00:37:12,439
# We're after
1483
00:37:12,479 --> 00:37:13,799
# We're after
1484
00:37:13,839 --> 00:37:15,839
# The same rainbow's end
1485
00:37:15,879 --> 00:37:17,879
# The same rainbow's end
1486
00:37:17,919 --> 00:37:19,879
# The same rainbow's end
1487
00:37:21,599 --> 00:37:23,599
# Waiting around the bend
1488
00:37:23,639 --> 00:37:25,239
# Waiting around the bend
1489
00:37:25,279 --> 00:37:27,279
# My Huckleberry friend
1490
00:37:27,319 --> 00:37:29,319
# My Huckleberry friend
1491
00:37:29,359 --> 00:37:29,559
# My Huckleberry friend
1492
00:37:32,039 --> 00:37:34,039
# Moon river
1493
00:37:34,079 --> 00:37:35,719
# Moon river
1494
00:37:35,759 --> 00:37:37,759
# And me. #
1495
00:37:37,799 --> 00:37:37,959
# And me. #
1496
00:37:54,199 --> 00:37:56,199
APPLAUSE
1497
00:37:56,239 --> 00:37:57,919
APPLAUSE
1498
00:37:57,959 --> 00:37:59,959
Beautiful.
1499
00:37:59,999 --> 00:38:00,119
Beautiful.
1500
00:38:00,159 --> 00:38:02,159
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1501
00:38:02,199 --> 00:38:04,199
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1502
00:38:04,239 --> 00:38:05,559
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1503
00:38:05,599 --> 00:38:07,599
Thank you, Jeff Goldblum
and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra,
1504
00:38:07,639 --> 00:38:08,679
Thank you, Jeff Goldblum
and the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra,
1505
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:09,919
with Mattiel Brown.
1506
00:38:09,959 --> 00:38:11,959
Don't go away because we've got
more from my guests,
1507
00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:12,359
Don't go away because we've got
more from my guests,
1508
00:38:12,399 --> 00:38:14,399
and John Legend will be performing
at the end of the show.
1509
00:38:14,439 --> 00:38:14,639
and John Legend will be performing
at the end of the show.
1510
00:38:14,679 --> 00:38:16,359
See you after the break.
1511
00:38:16,399 --> 00:38:18,399
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1512
00:38:18,439 --> 00:38:20,439
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1513
00:38:20,479 --> 00:38:22,479
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1514
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:25,880
APPLAUSE
1515
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:27,920
APPLAUSE
1516
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:28,040
APPLAUSE
1517
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,080
Welcome back to the show,
ladies and gentlemen.
1518
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:30,280
Welcome back to the show,
ladies and gentlemen.
1519
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,200
I've still got my fabulous guests
with me here,
1520
00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,160
Lee Mack, Shirley Ballas,
Jeff Goldblum
1521
00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,160
and of course Jack Whitehall
is here.
1522
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:38,200
I've got... This is a mistake,
I've got one of your question cards.
1523
00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:39,040
I've got... This is a mistake,
I've got one of your question cards.
1524
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:41,080
"Do you have a dog?" Thank you.
I will use that.
1525
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:41,560
"Do you have a dog?" Thank you.
I will use that.
1526
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:43,600
LAUGHTER
1527
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:43,760
LAUGHTER
1528
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:45,800
APPLAUSE
1529
00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:47,440
APPLAUSE
1530
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,840
I don't see...
I don't see what's funny about that
1531
00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:52,200
I don't see...
I don't see what's funny about that
1532
00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:54,240
because that's a good question.
It's a good question.
1533
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,240
because that's a good question.
It's a good question.
1534
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:57,280
That's a relatable question.
1535
00:38:57,320 --> 00:38:57,880
That's a relatable question.
1536
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,920
If anything, the text is even bigger
on the actual cards
1537
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:00,360
If anything, the text is even bigger
on the actual cards
1538
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:02,400
that you have to read from.
LAUGHTER
1539
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:02,640
that you have to read from.
LAUGHTER
1540
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:04,680
Jack very unkindly... I...
His phone is unbelievable!
1541
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:05,920
Jack very unkindly... I...
His phone is unbelievable!
1542
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,960
I got a text, he went,
"What's that?!"
1543
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:08,160
I got a text, he went,
"What's that?!"
1544
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,600
I went, "It's a text."
1545
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:11,560
He went,
"Why are the letters so big?"
1546
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,600
LAUGHTER
1547
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:14,720
LAUGHTER
1548
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,760
Jack, you know what
you may have missed in our country,
1549
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:17,120
Jack, you know what
you may have missed in our country,
1550
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,040
we have a very big
hit new quiz show,
1551
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,000
here on ITV, called The 1% Club.
1552
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,000
Do you watch The 1% Club,
ladies and gentlemen?
1553
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,040
APPLAUSE
LEE:I've never seen it. Any good?
1554
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:25,640
APPLAUSE
LEE:I've never seen it. Any good?
1555
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,680
The 1% Club is hosted by Lee Mack.
It's a great quiz show,
1556
00:39:27,720 --> 00:39:28,360
The 1% Club is hosted by Lee Mack.
It's a great quiz show,
1557
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,400
and it's a quiz show where,
to be smart helps,
1558
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:31,480
and it's a quiz show where,
to be smart helps,
1559
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:33,040
but sometimes you don't...
1560
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:35,080
It's not the smartness
that gets it right
1561
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,120
because some smart people
get the questions wrong.
1562
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:37,280
because some smart people
get the questions wrong.
1563
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,160
Yeah, so it's not
a general knowledge quiz.
1564
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,200
It's about logic.
It's a sort of logic-type question,
1565
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:41,960
It's about logic.
It's a sort of logic-type question,
1566
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,000
and the format is,
we start off with a 90% question
1567
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,160
and the format is,
we start off with a 90% question
1568
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,200
that 90% of people that they tested
the questions on got right,
1569
00:39:47,240 --> 00:39:48,680
that 90% of people that they tested
the questions on got right,
1570
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,720
then the 80% question,
then the 70%,
1571
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:50,880
then the 80% question,
then the 70%,
1572
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:52,920
all the way down to the 1%.
If you get it wrong, you're out,
1573
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:53,240
all the way down to the 1%.
If you get it wrong, you're out,
1574
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,280
we start with 100 people,
we usually at end up with one.
1575
00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:55,560
we start with 100 people,
we usually at end up with one.
1576
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,560
You have to get all the way through
to win.
1577
00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,600
Have to get the last question right,
or you win nothing.Nothing.
1578
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:00,240
Have to get the last question right,
or you win nothing.Nothing.
1579
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:02,280
You can keep your 10,000
before you gamble,
1580
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:02,440
You can keep your 10,000
before you gamble,
1581
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,240
or whatever you've got.
1582
00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:06,240
So there's no shilly-shallying
with the truth,
1583
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:07,760
you don't give anybody the answers.
1584
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,800
I don't know what you said,
but I tell you now...
1585
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:10,080
I don't know what you said,
but I tell you now...
1586
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:11,160
LAUGHTER
1587
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:13,200
I am going to use that as
my catchphrase for the next series.
1588
00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:13,600
I am going to use that as
my catchphrase for the next series.
1589
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,640
Welcome to the show where
there's no shilly-shallying.
1590
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:15,920
Welcome to the show where
there's no shilly-shallying.
1591
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:17,120
LAUGHTER
1592
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,160
What's great about the show is,
it is a brilliant idea for a show.
1593
00:40:19,200 --> 00:40:19,960
What's great about the show is,
it is a brilliant idea for a show.
1594
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,000
I've played along home,
and it's infuriating,
1595
00:40:22,040 --> 00:40:22,200
I've played along home,
and it's infuriating,
1596
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:24,000
but there is one constant
in the show,
1597
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,040
which is Lee is there, and he makes
it very funny. Look at this.
1598
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:26,520
which is Lee is there, and he makes
it very funny. Look at this.
1599
00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:28,320
Let's have a look at it.
1600
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,360
READS QUESTION
1601
00:40:30,400 --> 00:40:31,400
READS QUESTION
1602
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:33,440
And your 30 seconds starts now.
1603
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:33,560
And your 30 seconds starts now.
1604
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,640
Blimey. I was not expecting that.
1605
00:40:41,680 --> 00:40:42,200
Blimey. I was not expecting that.
1606
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:44,080
We've lost 11 of you.
1607
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,120
I probably should say that
with more warmth, shouldn't I?
1608
00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:46,640
I probably should say that
with more warmth, shouldn't I?
1609
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:47,680
LAUGHTER
1610
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:49,720
Well done to those of you
whose lights are still on.
1611
00:40:49,760 --> 00:40:50,040
Well done to those of you
whose lights are still on.
1612
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,640
Let's have a look at the answer.
1613
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,000
It's bee's knees.
1614
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:54,680
Never has the phrase
"say what you see"
1615
00:40:54,720 --> 00:40:56,720
been more appropriate
than for that answer.
1616
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:57,160
been more appropriate
than for that answer.
1617
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:58,840
Unfortunately,
if your lights are out,
1618
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:00,880
you are out of the game,
just like... Ronnie Hudson.
1619
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:02,520
you are out of the game,
just like... Ronnie Hudson.
1620
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,560
Hey.
Hello, Ronnie.
1621
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,000
What did you put, mate?
1622
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:08,040
I put "bees, bees, hairy knees".
LAUGHTER
1623
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,000
I put "bees, bees, hairy knees".
LAUGHTER
1624
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:10,840
Bees, bees, hairy knees?
It's a saying.
1625
00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:11,960
I've heard that saying.
1626
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,480
Are you from Northern Ireland?
Yeah.
1627
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:15,280
In Northern Ireland,
that might be a phrase,
1628
00:41:15,320 --> 00:41:17,320
but I've never heard it in England.
1629
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:19,120
ULSTER ACCENT:
Bees, bees, hairy knees.
1630
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:21,160
LAUGHTER,
APPLAUSE
1631
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,200
LAUGHTER,
APPLAUSE
1632
00:41:23,240 --> 00:41:23,760
LAUGHTER,
APPLAUSE
1633
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,040
Is that a phrase?
1634
00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:27,080
Bees, bees, hairy knees.
I've never heard it, no.
1635
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:27,760
Bees, bees, hairy knees.
I've never heard it, no.
1636
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:29,800
So, The 1% Club is coming back
on ITV next Saturday, 9:25,
1637
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:31,840
So, The 1% Club is coming back
on ITV next Saturday, 9:25,
1638
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:32,080
So, The 1% Club is coming back
on ITV next Saturday, 9:25,
1639
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:33,920
so make sure you tune in for that.
1640
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,920
I'm genuinely thrilled,
Shirley Ballas,
1641
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:37,960
I've met her a few times,
I'm very enamoured of you.
1642
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:38,120
I've met her a few times,
I'm very enamoured of you.
1643
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,160
I think you are a lovely woman,
a very talented woman.
1644
00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:40,320
I think you are a lovely woman,
a very talented woman.
1645
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,360
I like all of you, but my favourite
right now is Shirley.
1646
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:42,640
I like all of you, but my favourite
right now is Shirley.
1647
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:44,680
And, Shirley, of course,
is known mainly for dancing,
1648
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:46,040
And, Shirley, of course,
is known mainly for dancing,
1649
00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:48,080
and I've noticed
if you follow Shirley online,
1650
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:48,320
and I've noticed
if you follow Shirley online,
1651
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,360
she posts TikTok videos at home
of herself with various...
1652
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:52,400
she posts TikTok videos at home
of herself with various...
1653
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:53,080
she posts TikTok videos at home
of herself with various...
1654
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:54,400
Sometimes family members,
1655
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,400
sometimes just young topless men
1656
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,360
who seem to be hanging
around your house.
1657
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,400
That's my gay gaggle.
I lived with them for 12 years.
1658
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:00,600
That's my gay gaggle.
I lived with them for 12 years.
1659
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,640
The gay gaggle.
Oh, yeah.
1660
00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:03,200
The gay gaggle.
Oh, yeah.
1661
00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:05,240
But I wanted to show one
very successful TikTok dance routine
1662
00:42:05,280 --> 00:42:06,360
But I wanted to show one
very successful TikTok dance routine
1663
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,400
that Shirley's done, with the hope
that you could perhaps teach us...
1664
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:09,600
that Shirley's done, with the hope
that you could perhaps teach us...
1665
00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,640
Yes.
..your four willing associates here,
1666
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:12,640
Yes.
..your four willing associates here,
1667
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:14,680
this routine, so look at this.
1668
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:14,960
this routine, so look at this.
1669
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,000
# I can buy myself flowers
1670
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:18,120
# I can buy myself flowers
1671
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:20,160
# Write my name in the sand
1672
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:21,440
# Write my name in the sand
1673
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,960
# Talk to myself for hours
1674
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:25,400
# Talk to myself for hours
1675
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:28,680
# See things you don't understand
1676
00:42:28,720 --> 00:42:29,280
# See things you don't understand
1677
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:32,800
# I can take myself dancing
1678
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:33,800
# I can take myself dancing
1679
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,240
# And I can hold my own hand, yeah
1680
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:38,800
# And I can hold my own hand, yeah
1681
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,840
# I can love me better
Than you can. #
1682
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:42,880
# I can love me better
Than you can. #
1683
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:43,040
# I can love me better
Than you can. #
1684
00:42:44,240 --> 00:42:46,240
Will you show us the routine...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1685
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:46,760
Will you show us the routine...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1686
00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:48,720
..then we will perform it
for everyone here,
1687
00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:50,640
and I think this would be
a fantastic finale.
1688
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,120
I'll have a couple of you over here,
1689
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:54,160
and a couple of you over here.
There you go.
1690
00:42:54,200 --> 00:42:54,520
and a couple of you over here.
There you go.
1691
00:42:54,560 --> 00:42:56,240
No, Jeff, you're that side.
1692
00:42:56,280 --> 00:42:58,240
How come you've got the two...?
1693
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,680
The two slim ones on that side...
1694
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:01,720
I'm gonna stay on the spot.
We're not gonna move forward.
1695
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:02,320
I'm gonna stay on the spot.
We're not gonna move forward.
1696
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,360
Change weight,
we're gonna go right, left,
1697
00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:05,000
Change weight,
we're gonna go right, left,
1698
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,040
right left, right, left,
right, left, right, left.
1699
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,080
right left, right, left,
right, left, right, left.
1700
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:09,240
right left, right, left,
right, left, right, left.
1701
00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:11,280
That's for the count of eight.
That's it, is it?
1702
00:43:11,320 --> 00:43:11,560
That's for the count of eight.
That's it, is it?
1703
00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:13,600
Try that again.
One, two, three, four,
1704
00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:14,320
Try that again.
One, two, three, four,
1705
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,360
five, six, seven, eight.
1706
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:17,080
five, six, seven, eight.
1707
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,040
We're gonna swing the arms
to the right.
1708
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,080
One, to the left, two, to the right.
1709
00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:21,200
One, to the left, two, to the right.
1710
00:43:21,240 --> 00:43:23,240
Three, to the left,
four to the right.
1711
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:23,480
Three, to the left,
four to the right.
1712
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:25,520
Five, to left, six,
1713
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:25,880
Five, to left, six,
1714
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:27,920
seven, eight...
You're out of time.
1715
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,640
Now we're going to do
a little birdie.
1716
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,600
Going to...
Looking at each other. Look at me.
1717
00:43:31,640 --> 00:43:33,640
Look at me with your birdie.
Do your birdie to me.
1718
00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:34,000
Look at me with your birdie.
Do your birdie to me.
1719
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,040
Do your birdie to...
No, look at me. Look at me.
1720
00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:36,720
Do your birdie to...
No, look at me. Look at me.
1721
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,160
LAUGHTER
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1722
00:43:38,200 --> 00:43:39,880
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1723
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:41,920
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1724
00:43:41,960 --> 00:43:42,760
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1725
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,240
Yeah? Have you all got that?
Yeah.
1726
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,280
Yeah. I've forgotten the rest,
but let me try it with steps.
1727
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:47,160
Yeah. I've forgotten the rest,
but let me try it with steps.
1728
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:49,200
Then you have to meet where it
goes with the eyes. Yeah. I hope.
1729
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:49,920
Then you have to meet where it
goes with the eyes. Yeah. I hope.
1730
00:43:49,960 --> 00:43:51,920
I feel like I'm visiting
a care home.
1731
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:53,480
LAUGHTER
1732
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,280
Fuck off!
1733
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,320
Will we be exercising with beans,
tins of beans?
1734
00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:58,640
Will we be exercising with beans,
tins of beans?
1735
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:00,680
And then down your own body,
sensually. Oh, yeah.
1736
00:44:00,720 --> 00:44:00,960
And then down your own body,
sensually. Oh, yeah.
1737
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:03,000
Then you're gonna have some dancing,
so you can turn round and play.
1738
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:04,080
Then you're gonna have some dancing,
so you can turn round and play.
1739
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:05,880
You can go the other way, lovely.
Yep.
1740
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:07,920
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
1741
00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:08,040
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
1742
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:10,080
Maybe I should
add something for difficulty.
1743
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:10,440
Maybe I should
add something for difficulty.
1744
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:12,480
Hold a flower. Oh, thanks (!)
Hold a flower.
1745
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:12,760
Hold a flower. Oh, thanks (!)
Hold a flower.
1746
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,000
Hold a flower.
1747
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:16,040
And on the count of eight,
you have to chuck the flower
1748
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:16,520
And on the count of eight,
you have to chuck the flower
1749
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:17,840
forward to the TV screen.
1750
00:44:17,880 --> 00:44:19,760
And tonight, Matthew,
I'm gonna be Morrissey.
1751
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:21,800
It looks easy, but you have to
coordinate it on time, OK?
1752
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:22,440
It looks easy, but you have to
coordinate it on time, OK?
1753
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,280
JEFF:On eight.
Shall we try it? Yeah.
1754
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,560
Are you ready to try it?
Yes.
1755
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,600
Like a load of Welsh protesters.
Let's do it.
1756
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,400
LAUGHTER
OK.
1757
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:32,520
# Started to cry
But then remembered I... #
1758
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:33,920
# Started to cry
But then remembered I... #
1759
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,040
AUDIENCE CLAP IN TIME
# I can order some flowers
1760
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,240
AUDIENCE CLAP IN TIME
# I can order some flowers
1761
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,280
# Write my name in the sand
1762
00:44:41,320 --> 00:44:43,040
# Write my name in the sand
1763
00:44:43,080 --> 00:44:45,080
# Talk with myself for hours
1764
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:46,840
# Talk with myself for hours
1765
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:48,880
# Say things you don't understand
1766
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:50,200
# Say things you don't understand
1767
00:44:51,320 --> 00:44:53,320
# I can take myself dancing
1768
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:54,200
# I can take myself dancing
1769
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,280
# And I can hold my own hand
1770
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:58,200
# And I can hold my own hand
1771
00:44:58,240 --> 00:45:00,240
# Yeah, I can love me better than
You can
1772
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,280
# Yeah, I can love me better than
You can
1773
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:03,480
# Yeah, I can love me better than
You can
1774
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,520
# Can love me better... #
1775
00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:05,640
# Can love me better... #
1776
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1777
00:45:07,720 --> 00:45:07,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1778
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,520
SPEECH DROWNED OUT
BY APPLAUSE
1779
00:45:13,560 --> 00:45:14,000
SPEECH DROWNED OUT
BY APPLAUSE
1780
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,040
I am genuinely out of breath.
Fantastic.
1781
00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:16,200
I am genuinely out of breath.
Fantastic.
1782
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:17,520
Fantastic.
1783
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,560
Ladies and gentlemen, what a
fabulous teacher Shirley Ballas is.
1784
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:21,240
Ladies and gentlemen, what a
fabulous teacher Shirley Ballas is.
1785
00:45:21,280 --> 00:45:22,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1786
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:24,680
OK, let's go and sit back down.
1787
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:24,800
OK, let's go and sit back down.
1788
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:26,760
We've got the song, and then...
we're almost done.
1789
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:27,920
Almost!
1790
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:31,000
Wow, what an exhausting and
challenging evening this has been.
1791
00:45:31,040 --> 00:45:31,960
Wow, what an exhausting and
challenging evening this has been.
1792
00:45:32,000 --> 00:45:34,000
The only person, the only man
doing that that's not panting
1793
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:34,640
The only person, the only man
doing that that's not panting
1794
00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:35,880
is the 70-year-old.
1795
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,920
Yes.
Excuse me, I'm not panting.
1796
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:38,440
Yes.
Excuse me, I'm not panting.
1797
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:40,480
You're not a man!
LAUGHTER
1798
00:45:40,520 --> 00:45:40,640
You're not a man!
LAUGHTER
1799
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:41,720
I forgot!
1800
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,200
Will you join me in saying thank you
1801
00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:45,240
to all my guests tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.
1802
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:45,400
to all my guests tonight,
ladies and gentlemen.
1803
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:47,440
The fabulous Lee Mack,
of course, Shirley Ballas,
1804
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,480
the wonderful Jeff Goldblum,
and the one and only Jack Whitehall.
1805
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:51,000
the wonderful Jeff Goldblum,
and the one and only Jack Whitehall.
1806
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:52,680
Make sure you go
and see him on tour.
1807
00:45:52,720 --> 00:45:53,760
APPLAUSE
1808
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:55,800
Before we go, we've just got time
for some great music for you.
1809
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,160
Before we go, we've just got time
for some great music for you.
1810
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,120
We promised this earlier,
and here it is at last.
1811
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,160
The fabulous John Legend
with By Your Side.
1812
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:01,760
The fabulous John Legend
with By Your Side.
1813
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:03,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1814
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:04,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1815
00:46:06,440 --> 00:46:08,440
MUSIC: 'By Your Side'
by John Legend
1816
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:09,840
MUSIC: 'By Your Side'
by John Legend
1817
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:16,320
# Oh
1818
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:16,440
# Oh
1819
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,800
# You think I'd leave your side
Baby
1820
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,400
# You think I'd leave your side
Baby
1821
00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,040
# You know me better than that
1822
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:29,280
# You know me better than that
1823
00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:34,240
# You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees
1824
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,280
# You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees
1825
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:37,560
# You think I'd leave you down
When you're down on your knees
1826
00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:42,320
# I wouldn't do that
1827
00:46:42,360 --> 00:46:43,120
# I wouldn't do that
1828
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:48,400
# I tell you you're right
When you want
1829
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:50,080
# I tell you you're right
When you want
1830
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:53,360
# Ah
1831
00:46:53,400 --> 00:46:54,400
# Ah
1832
00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:56,440
# Ah
1833
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:56,760
# Ah
1834
00:46:58,520 --> 00:47:00,520
# And if only
1835
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:00,960
# And if only
1836
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,000
# You could see into me
1837
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:04,040
# You could see into me
1838
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:07,880
# Whoa
1839
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:09,840
# Whoa
1840
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:11,880
# Oh
1841
00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:12,440
# Oh
1842
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:14,480
# When you're cold
1843
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:15,680
# When you're cold
1844
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,720
# I'll be there
1845
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:19,080
# I'll be there
1846
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,120
# To hold you tight to me
1847
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:22,640
# To hold you tight to me
1848
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,120
# When you're on the outside, baby
And you can't get in
1849
00:47:26,160 --> 00:47:27,920
# When you're on the outside, baby
And you can't get in
1850
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:31,120
# I will show you
1851
00:47:31,160 --> 00:47:33,160
# You're so much better
Than you know, yeah
1852
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:35,200
# You're so much better
Than you know, yeah
1853
00:47:35,240 --> 00:47:35,920
# You're so much better
Than you know, yeah
1854
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:37,960
# When you're lost and you're alone
1855
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,160
# When you're lost and you're alone
1856
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:41,200
# You can't get back again
1857
00:47:41,240 --> 00:47:41,840
# You can't get back again
1858
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:43,880
# I will find you, darling
1859
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:45,800
# I will find you, darling
1860
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:47,840
# And bring you home
1861
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:48,400
# And bring you home
1862
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,440
# And if you wanna cry
1863
00:47:52,480 --> 00:47:53,600
# And if you wanna cry
1864
00:47:53,640 --> 00:47:55,640
# I'll be there to dry your eyes
1865
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:57,680
# I'll be there to dry your eyes
1866
00:47:57,720 --> 00:47:59,480
# I'll be there to dry your eyes
1867
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,040
# Yeah
1868
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:03,080
# And in no time
1869
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,320
# And in no time
1870
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:06,360
# You'll be fine
1871
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:06,520
# You'll be fine
1872
00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:09,480
# Oh
1873
00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:12,760
# When you're cold
1874
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:13,880
# When you're cold
1875
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:15,920
# I'll be there
1876
00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:17,120
# I'll be there
1877
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:19,160
# To hold you tight to me
1878
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,200
# To hold you tight to me
1879
00:48:21,240 --> 00:48:21,320
# To hold you tight to me
1880
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,360
# Oh
1881
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:23,680
# Oh
1882
00:48:23,720 --> 00:48:25,720
# When you're alone
1883
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,200
# When you're alone
1884
00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:29,240
# I'll be there
1885
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:30,200
# I'll be there
1886
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:32,240
# By your side, baby
1887
00:48:32,280 --> 00:48:34,200
# By your side, baby
1888
00:48:34,240 --> 00:48:36,240
# Oh
1889
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:36,720
# Oh
1890
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,760
# When you're cold
1891
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:38,960
# When you're cold
1892
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,120
# I'll be there
1893
00:48:42,160 --> 00:48:42,240
# I'll be there
1894
00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,520
# To hold you tight to me
1895
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:47,560
# To hold you tight to me
1896
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:47,680
# To hold you tight to me
1897
00:48:47,720 --> 00:48:49,720
# Oh
1898
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:50,080
# Oh
1899
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,120
# When you're alone
1900
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:53,480
# When you're alone
1901
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,520
# I'll be there
1902
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:56,800
# I'll be there
1903
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,840
# By your side, baby
1904
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,880
# By your side, baby
1905
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:01,000
# By your side, baby
1906
00:49:08,280 --> 00:49:10,280
# I'll be there
1907
00:49:10,320 --> 00:49:12,320
# I'll be there
1908
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:12,600
# I'll be there
1909
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:14,640
# By your side. #
1910
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:16,680
# By your side. #
1911
00:49:16,720 --> 00:49:18,080
# By your side. #
1912
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1913
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:23,760
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1914
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:26,760
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