CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you.
Hello, thank you for coming.
Thank you for watching.
Good evening, everybody.
Please sit down, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.
Good evening and welcome to the Jonathan Ross Show.
We're back for a brand-new series.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I know. I had to buy trousers and everything.
We've got a great show lined up for you tonight.
Who's in my green room?
First up, he's a brilliant comedian and talented actor,
and since he's last been on the show,
he is now a father, ladies and gentleman.
It's the always funny, and no doubt now always tired, Jack Whitehall.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, Jack. Welcome back to the show.
Alongside Jack, we have a star on both sides of the Atlantic.
You'll have loved her in shows like The Good Wife, Vera,
and the big new crime thriller Criminal Record, it's Cush Jumbo.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Here's some exciting news for the young folk.
We also have a man who's gone from playing FIFA in his bedroom
to having 24 million subscribers on YouTube,
releasing number one albums,
and selling over a billion pounds worth of his energy drink.
It is of course, the one and only KSI.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
KSI in the building.
JJ, you're looking good.
And finally, we have one of my favourite singers
and also one of my favourite guests of all time,
the platinum selling, Brit award-winning
and general music superstar that is Paloma Faith.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back, Paloma.
And Paloma will be chatting,
and she'll also be performing at the end of the show.
Before I get my guests out, it was Valentine's Day this week.
CHEERING
Did you all have a lovely Valentine's Day?
ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERING
Of course you did. Liars. LAUGHTER
I guess Valentine's Day means different things
to different people, of course.
Like whoever was putting the Valentine's Day signs up in Tesco.
Because you see, they put that... LAUGHTER
..by the cucumbers.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
Don't knock it, is cheaper than chocolates and healthier,
depending on what you do with it. But it's healthier, anyway.
And you know, often people, I know,
they want to take the opportunity to show they care,
like this next gentleman here has gone out of his way
to make Valentine's special for his partner.
He's got the flowers, he's got chocolates,
he's even bought a nice balloon with a message on.
What could go wrong? Have a look at this.
Ooh!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
Argh!
No! No, no, no!
APPLAUSE
I love the way, though, those chocolates weren't wrapped.
He's drops them, he's just putting them back in.
He's still going to give them to her.
He's not even giving them away.
He should have got her a cucumber!
LAUGHTER
Let's get my first guests out.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Jack Whitehall and Cush Jumbo.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you for coming. There we go.
Thanks. Jack, come on in.
Do I get a kiss, as well? OK, you get a kiss.
Come and sit down.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Fabulous to have you both here. Thank you so much.
So, Cush, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me.
First time ever. Thank you for coming on.Very excited.
And, Jack, welcome back. Yes.
And of course, it's exciting, as I said at the top,
Jack's become a father in the last few months.Thank you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
How old... It's a baby girl, isn't it?
Yeah, baby girl. Little Elsie, five months in,
so I'm very much still in the trenches.
AUDIENCE:Aaah! She is absolutely adorable.
We're still trying to work out who the father is,
cos she's far too cute to have anything to do with me.
She's adorable. And are you embracing this new role?
Are you enjoying fatherhood? Er... yes. I like...
I'm surprised how quickly I turned into a dad.
Like, it was like, the transformation was overnight,
and I was already telling, like, dad jokes.
I grew a little bit of a paunch for a stage.
Stopped cutting my hair.
I've just literally had to go to the barbers to cut it off.
You know the moment that I realised this has to stop?
Someone mistook me for you. Wow.
LAUGHTER Honestly, it's true, Jonathan!
I walking along the street with the dad bod and the long hair...
LAUGHTER No, it's true!
This white van drove past and went,
"Oi, look, it's that wanker off the telly!"
LAUGHTER
They're mistaking me for Jonathan!
Cush, you're a mum. You've got...
How old's your little one? Five. Mine's five years old.
I remember four months old very, very clearly.
Yeah, but he's five, yeah.
And any advice you would give Jack as a new parent?
One of the most useful things someone told me about,
do you know about fairy arguments? No.
OK, so fairy arguments are arguments you have
with your partner about the baby. Who got up with the baby?
If you fed the baby, who's keeping the baby alive?
What colour's the poo of the baby?
What are you doing wrong with the baby? Yeah.
Anything you have as an argument between 10pm
and four in the morning doesn't count.
You can't discuss it again.
It didn't make sense. It probably wasn't logical.
Of course you don't want a divorce.
You know, it's all that kind of stuff. So...
I used to call them fairy arguments,
because you find yourself arguing about the stupidest...
"Why's the door creaking? What have you done to it?
"Why's there no butter? Did you eat the last of the butter?
"What's wrong with you? I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!
"Why did get me pregnant?" Stuff like that.
It doesn't matter in the morning.
Fairy arguments. Fairy arguments.
Once again...
That is genuinely very good advice.
You're well-known over here, of course.
And by the way, I don't know if you've seen
Cush's new series, it's on Apple.
I've been watching it. I'm loving it.
We're gonna get into that in a moment,
but you're probably even better known in America, aren't you?Yes.
I think a lot of people still will see me on the train in South London
and be like, "You look a lot like that American actress that I know."
You started in The Good Wife. Yeah.
And then it became another show after that?
The Good Fight. APPLAUSE
Big over here but huge over there.
But what I want to ask you about being in America is, I love America,
I go as a tourist and I've have only stayed there for brief periods,
but living there, there must be things you really missed?
I lived there for nearly six years,
and there was one main thing that I really, really, really missed,
and that was Greggs. LAUGHTER
Yeah, you can't get pastry.
You can get a cheese-and-onion slice like it. I mean...
Hold it. Your voice is cracking with emotion...
It really... ..over a cheese-and-onion slice!
It's very difficult to explain it, but a baked potato with cheese
and cheese-and-onion slice are really hard things to find.
I know you can find a baked potato,
but it's not the same kind of potatoes,
built in the same way from the British ground.
Built in the same way?
Grown with the water of the English...
Good British soil. Yeah. CHEERS
So what was the closest thing you found over there?
They don't really have... You can't really ask for a pasty
without someone looking at you really odd.
Because in America, pasties of those...
They go on your tits, yeah.
So you don't really want to say that too much.
You don't want a cheese and onion one of them?Cheese-and-onion pasty?
That would make a very bad Valentine's evening.It would.
But you've lived in America... When you made the Disney films
and some of the stuff you've done over there,
I guess you moved there for periods? Yeah, yeah.
You never totally relocated, did you?
No, no, never totally relocated.
I just miss the general, like, just the sensibility of Brits.
I think there's just too much enthusiasm in America.
LAUGHTER No, I do,
I genuinely like just apathy, and I think that in America...
Even as a comedian, which sounds counterintuitive,
as a comedian, you should want to go out
and have like, an audience that's like, "Yeah, whoo",
and whooping and hollering and enthusiasm,
but I genuinely quite like British audiences
when you walk out and they are like, "Come on, fucking prove yourself."
LAUGHTER
I found the biggest shift as well is...
cos when I was doing my tour in America this year,
I started saying on stage for the first time
that my girlfriend was pregnant,
and it was insane. Like, completely over-the-top.
Whooping and cheering. Like you were the first man
to ever impregnate someone? It was insane!
Couple at the back of the auditorium getting pregnant themselves,
they were so excited. I was like, calm down!
And then I came back to England for the first show
and said it, expecting that same reaction.
I was in a theatre in Leicester. Just complete silence.
A couple of people applauding,
and then one bloke in the front row with his arms crossed going,
"You know who else had a baby, Jack? Everyone."
LAUGHTER
OK, so let's return to your show at the moment,
because Cush has a very exciting, hugely watchable,
even gripping show at the moment.
It's called Criminal Record.
It's on Apple TV+ now,
and you can still catch up cos the series isn't ended yet.
They've been putting them out weekly?
Yeah, every Wednesday. The seventh one just dropped,
so the last one is next Wednesday. Next Wednesday.
And you've got time to catch up. Yeah. I've been loving it.
And this is your idea. You developed the show, didn't you?Yeah.
I do it with Peter Capaldi, who I met years ago.
We always wanted to do a show together,
and we decided to do this show together and got to develop it
from the very beginning, so it's the first show I've exec produced.
So, when did you meet him? When did you become friends?
Yeah, we don't seem like likely mates, do we?
We worked together on Torchwood,
which was a show that was connected to Doctor Who.
So that was the spin-off with John Barrowman.Yes.
He's hysterical. Like, he's really funny,
and I get on really well with him.
You're proper friends? We're proper mates.
We decided to be nemesis in the show and hate each other.
Because in the show, there's a real kind of enmity between you two.
You really sense this kind of like quiet simmering anger
between the characters. Yeah, yeah.
We absolutely hate each other on the show.
Probably because we're actually very similar
but from totally different generations.
He's finishing his career, I'm starting my career,
and I'm about to dig up where all the bodies are,
and he doesn't want me to,
and he's very scary and very Scottish.
You're talking about the characters in the show not real life?
Not in real-life, no.
So this is Criminal Record.
It's available on Apple TV+. Have a look at this.
I'm investigating a phone call.
DIALLING TONE Police?
'Listen, he's going to kill me.'
How can I help? They made an allegation.
It was an old case that you've worked.
A long time ago. My boyfriend... He stabbed her.
You are aware that he confessed?
What if he's innocent?
That case was investigated fairly.
I think he wants to fight. I can do that.
That's the guy. Collateral damage.
'Do you know the difference between order and chaos?'
Are you gonna stop me?
SCREAMS
Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Erm, let me ask you about the fight scene, then,
because the fight in one of the early episodes...
Don't want to give too much away, but in a lift.Yes.
It seems very, very intense. Yes. And do you do your own stunts?
I do a lot of my own stunts on this show.
I do have somebody that helps me with stuff
just cos I can't do everything all the time,
but I'm quite a physical actor.
I like knife fights, I like shooting,
I like anything where I can roll off a car,
kick someone in the balls, get punched in the face... on the show.
Wow. Have you done any such training?
JACK CHUCKLES
I've done a couple of fight scenes. I'm not very good at it.
Were you the aggressor? Or were you...?
I was meant to be the aggressor.
I actually did one fight scene where they then had to fly me
back out six months later to do a reshoot,
because the director said that I throw a soft punch.
LAUGHTER He showed me the footage,
and it was the limpest punch you've ever seen in your life.
He throws his head back. I'm just doing that.
It was pathetic, so I had to reshoot just my side of the punch.
Well, this is an opportunity we shouldn't waste.Yeah.
Cos Cush, you seem to be pretty well-versed in all this.
Oh, God! And it sounds to me that...
I'm not punching Cush! No! No!
He's just had a baby! Cush should punch you.
Oh, OK, yeah. Yeah, that would be fine.
I'll take a punch! OK, yeah. LAUGHTER
Do you want to be punched or strangled or slapped?
What would you prefer? Wow.
It's like a menu, can I tick all of them?
Yeah, I'll take a punch. Yeah.
Shall we do a punch? Yeah, that would be great.
The thing with punching is,
it's really much more about the receiver than the giver.
As is so much in life. LAUGHTER
I walked right into that one.
Do we have any sound effects? Do we have a punching sound effect?
PUNCH Oh, that's a good one!
I've got to go here.
I don't want to go on my knees. LAUGHTER
Shall we have a practice? Yeah.
Shall we have a line? Yeah.
OK. Shall I say... Erm...
"Don't show me that cucumber again!" Shall I say that?
LAUGHTER
Can I... I think I should have a line, as well? Yeah.
LAUGHTER
OK, I'm ready. OK. OK.
JACK LAUGHS Sorry...
I'm laughing at my own shit jokes.
And action!
But it's one of your five a day.
Don't show me that cucumber again! PUNCH
APPLAUSE
I love that! That sells it! That sells it!
That was good. Can we watch that one again?
Do we have that on a camera where it's... OK.
PUNCH
AUDIENCE:Ooh! Oh, yes! Pretty good! Really good!
APPLAUSE
Pretty good! That was great. Yeah.
That's amazing. OK, why don't we take a break.
But don't go anywhere because up next,
we'll be joined by Paloma Faith. See you in a couple of minutes.
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out.
She is a multi-platinum selling, multi-award-winning,
multitalented artist.
It is of course the one and only Paloma Faith.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Come on, Paloma. Hello.
Hello again.
You all right? Hello again.
Lovely to see you. Lovely to see you.
Paloma, it's great to have you here.
Obviously, everyone thinks of you primarily as a singer.
You've done acting, as well, and you're successful as an actor,
but I didn't realise until recently, I found out you did some stand-up
when you were starting out. Oh, stop it!
What? You did some stand-up comedy, didn't you?
Well, no. I mean, I was delusional at the time.
I was working in a bar, which is where most of my stories start,
cos I did 14 years as a barmaid,
and they were like, "What do you want to do?
We've got to put events on."
And I was like, "I wanna do like a stand-up pub quiz."
And I called myself Pavlova the Tart.
LAUGHTER
But it was just terrible. It didn't work.
And nobody laughed ever, and I had no material.
Never held me back!
LAUGHTER
I feel like now I do shows, and people are always like,
"I love your stand-up."
And I'm like, "It's not stand-up. That's just me."
I feel like...
I feel like it's much easier to be funny
when nobody expects you to be funny.
Well, also, I guess...
It's, like, awful when you're like, "I'm a comedian."
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Like Jack.
LAUGHTER
You are naturally funny. I mean, you have a sense of humour.
I like to think I've got a sense of humour.
I mean, in the face of adversity, I definitely do.
I'm like, everything goes wrong, and it's me going...
SNORTS
..really uncomfortably. Like what? Does stuff go wrong on stage?
Just... Oh, no, that doesn't bother me.
I mean like awful things like death and...
Just, yeah, like terrible, harrowing situations.
I mean, sometimes, we all react differently.
We all have a different way of processing.
It's just like, yeah, too much trauma.
It's, like, the trauma response is like, "ha-ha!".
But how's the acting going?
You've been in Pennyworth for quite a while now, haven't you?
Yeah, but it got axed. Oh, did it?
Yeah, I'm a failing actor now.
So, it's... Ha-ha-ha-ha!
I was in Pennyworth for three seasons, and I loved it.
She was quite a kick-arse character that I enjoyed.
It was, like, a nice change from being a mum of two kids
to going and beating the shit out of men constantly.
I can see why that would be attractive.
It's appealing. And did you...
I was talking to Cush about this, did you do your own stunts, as well?
I did do quite a lot of them, but then when I was pregnant,
cos I filmed one season pregnant,
I wasn't allowed to do my stunts, and I had to have two body doubles.
So why did you have two stunt doubles?
Because I had to have one that was the size of me pregnant
and one that was the size of me before I got pregnant. Right, I see.
So they could edit between and sort of... cheat the camera.
Right, right. So there was three of us on set,
and it was really confusing for everyone.
I think you shared a photograph.
This is a photograph of you with the stunt doubles.
That's quite a scary gang to see walking down the street towards you.
But, Jack, when you've done film work,
have you ever had a stunt person doubling for you?
Had a double once for... I was shooting a sex scene.
And they hired a... Because you can't have sex very well?
Because I can't have sex with somebody.
"Yeah, he's gonna need some assistance."
"He's so bad in bed, we need to call in a sexy guy."
Well, it definitely worked once.
They hired this guy, and he turned up on set,
and they stripped him down, and he was quite hairy,
and then apparently they shaved him in the make-up truck.
So you are not very hairy? Well, here's the problem.
I then came into the make-up truck, took my shirt off,
they didn't realise I am also quite a hairy man.
Yes, like, from the neck down it's like Chewbacca.
And, so then, without my knowledge,
one of the producers then sent the guy home.
Then I found out about that, I was like, "You can't do that.
"Like, that's the worst day's work ever.
"You've literally got up at six o'clock,
"you've driven into set, you've been shaved,"
and I was like, "It's fine. I will now shave myself
"to match the double that no longer matches me."
That's a good thing to do.
But I got the worst note ever, cos I was doing the sex scene,
and I thought in my head I was looking all sensual and sexy,
and the director came in after the first take, and he said,
"I don't how to put this any other way,
"it's coming across a bit Benny Hill.
"You look very eager,
"and your face is doing something really weird,
"so can you stop doing it?"
I was like, "That is the worst review."
It's hard to know what to do, isn't it?
No. In real-life?
Yes. It's like,
cos if you think you've got to do a sort of sexy face...
Yeah. Do you ever just, while you're doing it,
all those years ago when you did, do you ever...
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE Did you ever just think...
You're clapping that? You're clapping that?
Did you ever...
You know what's really bad is my wife's at the back clapping.
She started the applause.
So, Jack's got a new special out, as well, ladies and gentlemen,
I'm pleased to say.
Tell us about it, Jack. It's on Netflix?
There are no sex scenes in it, don't worry.
It's all about this sort of shift in my life,
and how I'm now becoming old and boring
and begrudgingly becoming a little bit more of an adult.
This is... Have a look at a clip.
This is Jack Whitehall: Settle Down. It's out on Netflix now.
Right, cos if I walk into a room sober,
the voice in my head is like a cross between
my dad and Severus Snape.
I walk into a room sober, it's like...
"Nobody in this room likes you.
"Look how disappointed they are
"that you didn't bring your daddy with you.
"Most of these cheapskates probably don't even know who you are
"now that Netflix have clamped down on password sharing.
"They're all looking over at your ridiculous new haircut.
"You thought by growing it out,
"you'd look like Kit Harrington from Game Of Thrones.
"Instead, you won't up looking like a Tesco's value Richard Hammond."
APPLAUSE
Very good.
When you filmed that, you'd become a father,
it's a new phase in your life,
but you've recently entered a new phase in your life, as well.
Yeah, the MILF phase. Well...
PALOMA LAUGHS
Welcome. Thank you.
Have you been one?
So, yeah, but you talked about this. The new album.
It's kind of more personal, isn't it? It seems to be...
They're all personal, but it's just that the worst thing
that could ever happen to me happened,
and I wrote an album about it.
It's called The Glorification Of Sadness.
And it sort of chronicles the stages of grief that I went through
breaking up with my partner of ten years
that was father to my two children.
But I think it's quite a feminist album,
cos it deals with issues that are about social pressures on women,
especially mothers,
that we feel that unless we are sacrificing everything
and feeling guilty all day long every day,
we don't feel we've contributed enough.
We're always like, "I could do more. I could do more."
And now, we're doing too much.
It's impossible to do everything.
It's physically impossible to do everything.
Having it all does not exist.
Like, something always goes, and always feel like you're either
not working hard enough or not parenting well enough or whatever,
but I don't know if men feel that same pressure.
Well...In fact, I know they don't, but I'm being polite.
Yes, girl. Girl, listen.
Jonathan doesn't... APPLAUSE COVERS SPEECH
Jack and I were sitting here
terrified we'd have to answer that rhetorical question.
But it's very...
I mean, brave is the wrong word, but I admire you for being that honest
and digging into what's going on
and actually, you know, using it in this way, because obviously,
it's important for you that you share those opinions
and those beliefs you have and that experience you've had.
Yeah, and I felt like when I was writing the record,
it was really therapeutic, it was really cathartic for me,
but since then, now having to promote it,
I just keep leaving interviews feeling devastated and sad,
like it's just digging up all these awful feelings again.
So... We can stop if you want.
No, but think it's important to say, because people, you know,
50% of marriages in this country end in divorce.
Like, it's a common theme, and not enough people talk about it.
It's like... It takes two people to start a relationship,
and it does take two people to end it.
You're going to be touring, are you?
Yeah, touring in April all around the UK. Excited as hell.
It's my favourite thing on earth to do.
Do you take the kids? The only time I'm not anxious.
So you're anxious the rest of the time?
I just find real life really overwhelming,
and I think going on stage is, like, the only time
that I have to just fully commit to the moment.
I can't do anything about what's happening at the same time,
and I just love that. It's like relief.
Because that's your job. I think most people when they go to work,
often they do find they've got something to do
which is outside of their own experience.
They're not worried about the energy bills,
not worried about an argument.
And they actually, you know, it does,
it allows it to switch that area off.
Yeah. Would you like to punch Jack?
Yeah, OK.
LAUGHTER
Can I knee you? Yeah, yeah.
Sure. Like, in the head? Yeah.
I am the patriarchy. Directed.
All right, so, you go behind his neck like that,
but you're not gonna put any weight on him.
Then you're gonna look like...
Jack's really gonna come down to your knee.
This is really... But you're really gonna...
Get really... OK.
This is not how I...
Jack, you're in control, remember?
This is really not how I saw my Valentine's Day panning out.
Look at me romantically first.
Yeah, give me a line. OK.
I'm not gonna, I'm just gonna try and kiss you
and then knee you.
But you're doing it. And my head's going down and then getting kneed?
You're doing the action. I'm not gonna pull you.
Shall I do that to cue you? Yeah, that's a good queue.
OK. Yeah.
PALOMA GRUNTS, WHACK
APPLAUSE
Very good. Have you done that before?
What, in real life? Yeah, yeah.
She's definitely done that before.
I may be too scared.
And if at home you'd like the chance to punch or knee Jack,
there's a 1-800 number...
OK, don't go away, because we going to take a break,
but up next, will be joined by KSI.
See you in a couple of minutes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show.
Let's get my next guest out here.
He is one of the greatest YouTubers of all time.
A musician, of course, very successful,
and, believe it or not, a boxer.
It is KSI.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ow! Ow!
That's painful. That's a powerful pat on the back you gave me there.
How are you? It's great to see you again.
I'm surprised you got me back. You're not.
Cos you're a very successful young man, a huge star.
Of course we'd want you back.
Oh, that's so nice. Aw!
KSI's part of a group called the Sidemen.Yes.
So, we're seven people who play games
as well as do random things on YouTube.
And lots of people just watch us.
So much to the point we have our own Netflix doc.
Yeah. We made it. We're gonna get to that in a minute.
The Sidemen, though.
Normally, traditionally, when I hear the phrase "sidemen",
I would have thought it would be...
They were the sidemen to someone else.
Yes. So, like, Jack would have sidemen,
and I would think, well, Jack is the lead guy.
I thought if you're cheating, you've got a sideman.
That's what I was gonna say, yeah. Is that what it is?
Are you men on the side?
Well, I mean, we're kind of sidemen to each other.
If that makes sense. Ooh, that's kinky.
Well, no, no, no.
I'll be watching this documentary.
Is it anything to do with cider, the drink?
No. Definitely not.
Anyway, we've somewhat disrailed.
What's his next of questioning going to be after sidemen?
YouTube, is that to do with the underground?
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
It's a very long tunnel.
Start at the beginning.
Last time, I was coming to terms
with the whole YouTube explosion, which is huge,
and of course, everyone knows there are huge stars on YouTube,
and we were talking about your parents.
And I asked you whether your mum had been kind of like happy with you
pursuing that as an actual career and doing that.
At the time, she wasn't.
She wasn't too keen, whereas now, she saw the money and was all in.
So, you look after your mum and dad? Yeah, yeah. They're good.
They're chilling up in Peterborough.
Do you take them on holiday? Yes, I actually took them to Dubai.
Dubai? Yeah. So, we went to the Atlantis.
I took them to the same room that Kendall and Kylie Jenner were at.
Yeah, it was so crazy. I've got to be honest with you,
I'm not remotely excited by that fact.
OK, fine.
But for us, it was like, this was wow. It was a big thing.
It got to point where we were logged into their Netflix.
They left their Netflix login? They left it.
See, that is exciting.
No, it was lit. Even Kanye was on there.
You went on Kanye's?
Yeah, and it was just "Ye" as in Y-E.
What was he watching? The Crown. So...
Is there porn on there?
No, no, no, I don't think so. What was the King of Ye's watching?
Erm... Jack Whitehall: Settle Down.
He gave it a thumbs down. Did you like this? No.
And you've got the documentary,
and the documentary is about how you guys started out,
and then how you split up, as well, because you, rather, I think...
Well, I basically... You left the Sidemen.
PALOMA GASPS Traitor.
Because I... We have a traitor in our midst.
Thank you! Thank you, Claudia.
So, yeah, I actually did... leave.
It was because I kinda wanted to make it big.
I wanted to make it big in America.
As a solo. You were prepared to drop your friends.
Yeah.
You make it sound so bad. Well, it is.
Yeah, fine.
Oh, don't do that.
No, it's OK, cos they're all back together.How did you drop them?
Did you take them out to dinner?
No, it's even worse. Tell them what you did.
I made a video about it.
And I said, "Yeah, I just want to leave the Sidemen,"
mainly because of one of the guys, Ethan.
I was like, yeah... So, you and Ethan had beef.Yeah, we had beef.
So he then saw that video and made a diss track.
So he said... A diss track is based on...
LAUGHTER
What? I'm explaining for some people.
Everyone knows except you.
We have some...Just every... The whole country knows.
Diss is a disrespect, so you'd say something like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa,
"Your mum is no good."
That sort of thing. That's it, right?
That is it. APPLAUSE
That's it. That's a diss track.
Perfect.
But then you dissed him back.
So, I saw that, and I was very, very annoyed,
angry, insulted,
and I decided to, you know, make my own diss track.
And then, one of the other Sidemen, he waded in.
Yeah, he thought, "I want a piece of the action."
He dissed you, as well. And he just randomly dissed me.
There was a lot of diss tracks. Too many diss tracks went on.
Who was the one who dissed you, who you had no...
had no reason to diss you whatsoever?
Harry. Harry dissed you, as well. Wroetoshaw.
Why did Harry diss you?
Cos he just wanted a piece of the action. He felt left out.
Was it all planned?
It sounds a bit planned. So, it was meant to be planned.
It was actually meant to be planned. So I didn't actually leave.
I was just, you know, doing it... Manipulating.
CUSH:They didn't know that?
But then Harry got involved.
No, because I think they did know, but the dissing got too serious.
But you patched this up.
Yeah, yeah. It got the awkward when we met up.
Crucially, did you apologise to each other's mothers...Yes.
..for the shots that were fired?
So, I... I did eventually meet Harry's mum.
And I did apologise.
What's nice about the documentary is,
it details that, but it's not just fans of the group
and of the kind of phenomenon,
but it also, you talk about how you've grown and changed as people.
That's what is fascinating about that,
and what makes it work and worth watching,
because you then deal with the kind of area struggles you have with
not just that and how that made you feel,
but mental health issues and being trolled online,
all that kind of stuff, which of course takes a huge...
has a very large impact on people when they go through it.
Yeah, it's crazy what people say online.
They're ruthless.
One of the Sidemen, they were going for his weight?
Yes. Yeah, so Ethan was, you know, at the time, very big.
He hates watching the doc, because he's there like, "That's not me.
"I'm a completely different person now."
And... To the point where people don't even recognise him.
He's literally, like, transformed tremendously.
But he obviously went through a really bad time.
Yeah, to the point where he almost killed himself.
Wow. Yeah. It was...
Yeah, really sad, but, you know, he's much better now.
But that's why it's important, this sort of thing,
cos people, especially kids who look up to you guys,
they see you and see the massive success
you've created for yourself and enjoyed,
but to see you go through those things and talk about it honestly,
I think is a very positive thing. It just shows that we're human.
I know a lot of people just see us on this YouTube screen
or whatever screen that we're on,
and they just think, "Oh, these people are just always performing,
"da-da-da-da."
But, like, behind closed doors, we go through the normal things.
Yeah, it can get very tough.
OK, so, the documentary is called The Sidemen Story.
It's on Netflix now,
and even if you're not familiar with the Sidemen or KSI,
I think you'd benefit from watching it,
cos it is a fascinating look at what's going on in media today
as well as the effect it can have both positive and negative.
Have a look at this.
I was just this kid in my bedroom with a dream, thinking,
"Oh, it would be cool to make a few videos online
"and see where it gets me."
Hey, guys!
I was a broke-arse uni student living off of Subway points.
It changed the course of the next ten years of all of our lives.
CHEERING
Ultimately, they're my boys, man.
Make some noise for the Sidemen!
I'm so glad I've seen this footage. It's amazing.
LAUGHING
I don't think there's anyone doing it bigger or better than them.
There'll be a lot of massive things that will occur
in this next ten years.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The Sidemen Story, it's on Netflix now. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
And I knew a bit about you,
I'd met the Sidemen when I filmed something with you
years ago, so I like them. Very nice young bunch of men.
Interesting, though, cos the trolling you go through online,
everyone experienced that in a different way.
In traditional media, and different forms of performance...
As a stand-up comedian, obviously, your gigs get reviewed,
but you get heckled onstage sometimes, don't you?
Sometimes. Sometimes it can be disruptive,
but sometimes it's great.
I mean, one of my favourite heckles that I had,
and it shows the kind of audience that I attract,
I was doing a show in Putney where I'm from,
and it was a very posh audience,
and I was doing some routine, and in the routine I said,
"Oh, my mum was in the kitchen, and she switching on the Aga..."
And carried on doing this joke, and this man at the back of the room
shouted out, "You can't switch on an Aga, that's the point."
LAUGHTER
Paloma, what about you? Do you read reviews?
Do you take to heart what people say?
When I put my first album out, I had the worst review of my career.
It said, "Sometimes you go into a shop
"and you see beautiful wrapped confectionery
"in an amazing glistening foil,
"and you feel so drawn to that chocolate bar,
"and then you unravel it and realise it's just a piece of shit."
LAUGHTER
But, like, I thought this was so funny, cos at the time,
I didn't sort of know I was going to be a singer.
It wasn't, like, a thing I thought was going to happen to me,
so I was already thinking it's all a bit weird anyway.
And I just went, "Ha-ha-ha!"
I told you I laugh everything. That reaction, there you go.
And then I framed it and had it on my wall,
but I've lost it.
I just thought it was so funny. I'm glad you've lost it, though,
cos even though it's a way of dealing with it,
it's a horrible thing for someone to write.
The law of attraction. Yeah, but now I'm six albums in.
If everyone at home buys this one.
LAUGHTER
Well, let's go back to your life, JJ,
because I knew you as a YouTube phenomenon,
I knew you were having great success there,
and then I saw you'd moved into music.
Yes. And you enjoyed success there, as well.
And then, it surprised all of us, boxing.
Yeah, I just felt like I wanted to punch some people, right.
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
He is available.Where? Where would you like to punch him?
Well... No, seriously, was it you wanted to test yourself in that way?
Well, yeah, I feel like boxing
is one of the hardest things a man can do.
Or a woman, like. I just feel like the training is so intense.
And, you know, getting punched in the face hurts.
It does.
LAUGHTER
You had... You were undefeated. Yes.
Until you fought, and you will know him from Love Island, Tommy Fury,
in the ring, and then you lost on points.
Well, I technically don't believe that I lost.
I still think I won.
What did the...You're like the Donald Trump of boxing.
LAUGHTER
Yeah, no, I just... I don't believe it.
You don't believe it? I don't believe I lost.
Delusion is a great thing.
Yeah. It definitely is.
But I did lose.
The question...
So, in this fight, which you may or may not have won or lost...
Yes, of course.
..would you like a rematch to settle this definitively?
Is that gonna happen? Cos I know people out there
were saying that's what should be next. If you wanna...
Well, I mean, for Tommy, that's all he does, the boxing.
That is his whole thing, whereas for me,
I was this YouTuber that I wanted to try out the boxing
and ended up reaching decision, and obviously he...
got the judges on his side.
Like...
I mean, the full public... Or possibly he won.
Or possibly, yeah, yeah. But...
CUSH:What you're saying is he only has boxing.
You have other strings to your bow. So you need to give him a chance.
Let less talented people have some things.
Well, exactly. Yeah, yeah.
So, you're not going back to boxing at all?
You never know. You never know. I might dibble and dabble.
I might fight again this year. JACK:You could fight his brother.
Uh... LAUGHTER
Yeah, maybe put on a few more pounds.
You don't have anything concrete planned that you can tell us?
At the moment, no, but I'm still training.
I don't want to see you box again.
Why? Cos I used to go to boxing matches,
and I saw a couple of people seriously hurt in boxing matches.
Well, I mean, with my previous fight against Tommy,
I didn't really get hit much.
Yeah, and that's kind of my style.
I have, like, this elusive style that allows me
to not get hit much.
What is that? This fairy thing.
Can... Can I show? Please do show. Please do show us.
My style is more, it's kind of like this.
LAUGHTER
It's quite elegant. Yeah.
Then I just come in... Whoo!
CUSH:Like a... Like a pond skater. Or like a...
I don't know what that is. But sure.
Those flies that jump on the water and levitate on the water.
They move around.
That... I just... I feel really safe.
LAUGHTER
Cush doesn't.
Well, I'm sat next to Jack.
We're gonna take a break, but don't go away,
because the exciting news is Paloma Faith will be singing for us
right here in the studio, an amazing track from her amazing new album.
See you after the break. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Welcome back.
Let's carry on chatting, cos I wanted to speak to you, Cush.
I was talking to you before the show about your son.
And you were saying that in part,
he's inspired you to put on a show for kids in London.
Yes. I'm directing my first show at Regent's Park open air theatre.
This is the show, Bear Snores On.
Which is essentially based on a kids book that my kid loved,
and it's a really easy, straightforward read.
It's about a bear asleep in a cave, some animals come in,
they have a party, the bear doesn't wake up.
He wakes up, gets total FOMO, they've had a party without him,
and then he cries, so they all have a rave in a cave,
and then it's finished.
Right.So I wanted to write that show and direct that show.
So we're building this massive bear's cave on Regent's Park stage.
And you crawl inside it for an hour,
and you have a rave in a cave with a six-foot bear,
and then you crawl back out again.
I wanna go. What age children...
You are welcome. I'll leave the kids at home.
No, it's for the children. You should take your children.
They'll have a good time. I don't want to. OK.
It's from babes in arms right up to...
So you could take Elsie.
You could take yours, and I could take JJ.
LAUGHTER
Paloma, we're gonna have to send you away
to get ready to perform, but before you do, though,
I read up on guests before they come upon the show
so I know what they've been up to and maybe find out things
I didn't know about them.
But for all of you, there are rumours about you online.
And some of them, I'm sure, are true, and some are not,
so I thought wouldn't it be a nice way
to disperse some of those rumours - let's play a game.
True or false with these rumours.
I'll get you to read them out, and the rest can decide
whether it's true or false. Are you up for that?
OK, so if you want to hand these down. These are some paddles.
It says true on one side, false on the other side.
OK, and we've got the rumours written down here.
So just read the first one out. Let's start with Jack.
We decide whether it's true or false, and you tell us.
Don't give it away, though.
I have a glass eye.
I so want this to be true.
It might not be in his eye socket, though.
Maybe he's got one he carries around with him for luck.
It is false.
Which one did you think was the false eye?
I mean, it could be any of them. Yeah, yeah.
That's a genuine rumour online about you.
I read that rumour.
When I first did television, I did Celebrity Big Brother's Big Mouth.
And I was the host of it, and I foolishly went online afterwards
and read in the forum a thing about me, and the line at the top was,
"Does Jack Whitehall have a glass eye?"
And underneath it was all these people debating
whether or not I had a glass eye.
Which then genuinely gave me such a complex, and then the next night
when I had to host the show, I was moving my eyes around.
To try and show them that I didn't.
Cush, have you got another one for us?
I once had a wee next to Beyonce.
JACK GASPS Well, we've all done that!
That is true. True? And where was this?
At the Met Gala. Oh, you've been there?
I have been there, and there's only really one toilet,
cos the rest of it's taken up with decorations.
So you end up in the queue for the toilet like...
I was, like, in front of Bette Midler and behind Beyonce,
and she was in, like, a plastic dress
that was just plastic stuck to her,
cos it was plastic year or something, whatever they were doing.
And then she went in the toilet, and I could hear them peeling, peeling,
till she goes to the toilet,
and I just concentrated and just did my wee,
not wanting to disturb her,
and I just tried to wee as quietly as possible
so as not to disturb the magic
or annoy her or, you know, maybe we could be friends.
Queen B. Yeah. So I just quietly weed
and thought about how lucky I was to be in that situation.
I served her, you know. I served her once in the knicker shop.
In the... Yeah, I know the one you mean.
The famous knicker shop that I worked in.
So Beyonce came in. With a group or on her own?
She came with an assistant, and I was just a shop assistant,
and it was a day when everyone had called in sick,
and there was no staff except for me and one other person,
and I was serving some awful customers that were really bossy.
And she walked in, Queen B, like, oh!
You are absolutely my idol.
And I tried to keep it cool, and I was just like,
"Hello, madam, can I help you?" Like, treat her normally,
cos I knew that's what she would have wanted.
And then... And then she went in,
and she came to the till at the end to sort of sign her bill.
Extortionate.
And... And then she just, like, held my hand.
She went, "What else do you do?"
And I went, "This is really lame, but I do sing."
And she held my hand and she went,
"I wish you all the luck in the world with your career.
"You're a special person." And I was like...
WHIMPERS
So, thanks, B.
APPLAUSE That's amazing.
You've got one more for us?
OK, I...
I spent £40,000 on a diamond encrusted mouthguard.
I mean, horribly, I suspect that's true.
OK.
I mean, how often are you gonna wear it?
Paloma. Would you... Yeah.
I'll do one.
I gave Alan Carr, Adele and Adele's dog food poisoning.
Sorry.
WHIMPERS
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Too you.
How did that happen? How did that happen?
It was an accident.
I love them both, but I've known Adele for a long, long time,
and I met Alan sort of through her.
And I was like, "I'll cook everyone dinner."
And then I bought some meat from a local supermarket,
which I won't name, but I blame them, cos it did,
it wasn't past its sell by date, and I know it was that meat,
cos you know when you get food poisoning,
and afterwards you know exactly what it was that gave it to you.
When it comes out. Just whoo!
But the problem was the dog had a little bit, as well,
and the dog got the shits.
Wow.
The positive is, it's inspired Adele to write her next album.
And that album is gonna be called 42.
Which is how many hours she was strapped to the shitter for.
LAUGHTER.
OK, so, ladies and gentlemen, it's an exciting part of the show,
because were almost at the point where Paloma's going to sing for us,
but before that, she wants to get changed.
Something for the song.
Gonna slip into something a bit more comfortable.
OK, so let's say thank you to Paloma Faith.
Paloma, if you like to head off and get yourself ready,
we'll see you in a moment.
Paloma Faith.
What's the next thing for the Sidemen?
What's the next Sunday, which you'll be dropping tomorrow?
Every Sunday, they do a special called Sidemen Sundays.
So, our next video is us being abandoned in Ireland.
So we were basically blindfolded, put in a car
and just taken to random places in Ireland.
And we have to find our way back.
And, yeah, it was definitely a challenge.
Did you enjoy the experience?
Uh, no.
LAUGHTER
So, yeah, it was definitely quite a challenge,
but, you know, you can watch to see who wins.
Oh, well, I'll watch, because I like you and the Sidemen.
You are one of the Sidemen?
Yes. I shouldn't say "you and the Sidemen."
Yeah, yeah. It's kind of mean for them.
Cos it makes them look like the Sidemen. But you quite like it.
You know what, I like being the Beyonce of the group.
Thank you also much being on the show.
Join me in saying thank you to the guests. Mr Jack Whitehall.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Cush Jumbo. Of course, the fabulous Cush Jumbo.
And the one and only JJ, KSI.
Time for me to say I hope you'll join me again next week.
I'll be joined by Katherine Ryan. Noel Fielding will be here.
The governor himself, Ray Winstone, Eddie Kadi,
and The Vaccines will be performing.
But now, with Sweatpants from her new album
The Glorification Of Sadness, it's Paloma Faith.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Nobody's perfect
# And least of all me
# Don't think I'm worth it
# It's hard to believe
# And then I go on and on and on
# 'Bout how I might let you down
# Will you still love me
# With my heels off?
# Will you still love me
# When I'm old and no longer young?
# You still love me
# When I'm crazy and undone?
# When my hair's up And I've got my sweatpants on?
# I know I say things
# I don't always mean
# Push you away when I
# I need you with me
# Will you still love me
# With my heels off?
# Will use still love me
# When I'm old and no longer young?
# Will you still love me
# When I'm crazy and undone?
# When my hair's up And I've got my sweatpants on?
# I'm dancing round dreams
# Looking for perfect
# Whatever that means
# I'm dancing round dreams Looking for perfect
# Will you still love me
# With my heels off?
# Will you still love me
# When I'm old and no longer young?
# Will you still love me
# When I'm crazy and undone?
# When my hair's up And I've got my sweatpants on?
# La, la-da-da-da
# La-da-da-da, la-da-da-da
# La-da-da-da la. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you so much.
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com