CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody.
Well, good evening, everyone!
Welcome to The Jonathan Ross Show,
and we're back for a brand-new series!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And we're kicking off 2026 in style, my friends.
This series is going to be hotter
than the first dance at Brooklyn Beckham's wedding.
It's gonna be... LAUGHTER
That's right, I'm gonna dance on you.
We've got a great show lined up for you tonight,
so let's have a look at who's in my green room.
First up is a British acting legend.
You'll know him from Paddington, Notting Hill
and, of course, Downton Abbey.
Basically, if a British global hit exists, he's probably in it.
It's Hugh Bonneville! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hugh Bonneville, ladies and gentlemen.
You're in for...
That's exciting.
And alongside Hugh is an Oscar-winning actor and musician
who was once named by Time magazine
as one of the most influential people in the world,
and I wouldn't disagree.
It's Riz Ahmed! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Riz is here. Good to see you, Riz!
My next guest is an Olympian, one of the stars
of the World Cup-winning England women's rugby team.
And many people think
probably the best rugby player in the world right now.
It's Ellie Kildunne! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ellie, it's great to have you on the show.
But also, we have a fabulously funny comedian with us this evening.
You'll know her from her brilliant appearances on Last One Laughing,
Live At The Apollo and Would I Lie To You?
I'm thrilled she's here.
This is, by the way, her first talk show.
So let's make her extra welcome.
It's the hilarious Harriet Kemsley! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And we have got music tonight you're gonna love
from a singer who's sold over 250 million singles worldwide.
The amazing Jason Derulo!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
He's a handsome man.
But just before I get my guests out, let me just share this with you,
because the Winter Olympics officially started last night.
And every year, they bring in new events.
This year, there's men's super team ski jump,
there's mixed team relay skeleton, and there's skimo,
which is a mash-up of skiing and sumo.
LAUGHTER
I made that up, I don't know what it is, but it's called skimo.
But my question is this - when are we gonna break that glass ceiling?
When are we gonna finally see something really different?
When are we finally gonna see animals at the Olympics?
LAUGHTER Stay with me.
Now, we've all seen dog frisbee, but if you took that and added snow,
just imagine how much better it would be.
This is dog frisbee on ice.
Oh! LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE Let's just...
I tell you what...
He was there for about 15 minutes, so let's just...
We're gonna fast-forward it, just fast-forward it a bit.
LAUGHTER OK. There you go.
CHEERING
He got there in the end. He got there in the end.
How about basketball?
Put that in the snow, mix up the rules a bit,
throw in some dogs, you're onto a winner.
'Are you ready?'
Oh!
CHEERING Oh!
LAUGHTER See? I'm a big fan of that one.
Shall we get on with the show? CHEERING
Let's get my first guest out.
He is a British icon,
and she is a rising star of the British comedy scene.
It's Hugh Bonneville and Harriet Kemsley!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
How were those stairs?
Hugh. Hi. Nice to see you again.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE CONTINUES
Thank you, sit down. OK!
Great to have you here. OK. Nice to be here.
So, Harriet, are you a fan of Hugh? Have you met Hugh before?
Do you know Hugh in the past? No, I don't know Hugh.
I'm a bit starstruck. It's Paddington's dad.
Yes. I don't know what to do.
It's crazy. Cos everyone loves the Paddington films.
Everyone loves the Paddington films.
It must have, I would've thought, opened up a new group of people
who like you and appreciate your work.
Well, it's been really wonderful.
I recently wrote a children's book,
and I've been on tour in schools and so on,
and I tell them in-depth things about my characters and the story,
and then I open to questions from the floor.
And the first question is always, "Where's Paddington?" Yeah.
LAUGHTER
I've heard tell they're making another Paddington film.
There's gonna be another one in the series, which is understandable,
but I've also heard you won't be reprising the role of Mr Brown.
No, I think I should put this in context.
I think I'm just too blooming old.
I can't do the splits any more like I did in the second film.
LAUGHTER So, erm...
No, never say never.
Maybe if Mr Brown comes back in a bath chair, I could...
Do people, though...? I mean, cos it's so convincing, the film.
There must be some people expect Paddington to be real
and want Paddington to be real?
Well, yeah, Hugh Grant tells the story.
I think it was his father or a relative,
who, after the first couple of minutes Paddington 2,
leaned over and said, "Is that a real bear?"
LAUGHTER
But it's that convincing. I know, it is.
I remember when I first saw the first images
of the bear being, you know, created in the editing room,
I was completely blown away.
It was when Paddington sticks his head down the loo in Paddington 1,
and I thought, "Wow, this is different."
It is amazing. Wait, what do you act with, then?
We have a variety of...
Paddington does come out of his trailer eventually in the afternoon,
but when he's on a big marmalade day, he...
we have to have a stand-in.
So, we've had Lauren, who's done all three films,
and she's the same height as Paddington.
She puts on his little duffel coat and his hat
and walks through all the scenes with us.
Then she'll leave the shot, and we'll do it again,
just imagining where he was.
And sometimes, it's a stick with a bit of sticky tape at 3'6".
You're a good actor. That's good acting.
And thanks for ruining the magic, Harriet. Sorry!
But then he comes out for his close-ups. Yeah. Yeah.
What other jobs you have had? Before you were a star, Hugh?
I worked as a loo cleaner in a lawyer's firm for a bit.
You know, for a while.
I got my hand right round the U-bend. I was pretty good at that.
I imagine, though, that's the sort of job where, at the end of the day,
you would feel a real sense of accomplishment.
Particularly if I dislodged what was there, yeah.
No, you know what I mean, though? You can see what you've done.
LAUGHTER And you can smell it as well.
You can see what other people have done that isn't there any more.
But you know what I mean? It's like, when you're acting,
I'm sure you know you've done a good performance on the day,
but it's got to be cut together.
But when you've cleaned a loo, and you look down and it's sparkling,
you go home with a spring in your step.
LAUGHTER Yeah.
What about you, Harriet? Other jobs before comedy took off for you?
Yeah, I worked as a waitress for a bit,
but I'm very clumsy, so I wasn't very good at it.
Once, I spilt soup all over this woman's head.
She was just out for lunch, and she was wearing this white suit,
and she was completely covered in soup.
And then she got really angry, like, quite rightly,
but then she started shouting at me.
But then I burst into tears, so then she had to apologise to me. Wow.
So it was quite unfortunate. Because you are...
Am I right in thinking you're dyspraxic? Yes.
And that is... I think most of us know what dyslexia is,
but dyspraxia is kind of like a balance thing, isn't it?
A bit clumsy. Medically clumsy. How did you find out?
I found out cos my sister, we were having lunch,
and my sister said, "I was watching Embarrassing Bodies last night,
"and I think you might have the same thing as the woman on it."
And I was like, "That's not a sentence you ever wanna hear."
You know?
So she did this test on me that they did on Embarrassing Bodies,
this clap test, and I did it at the table,
and I knocked over two glasses.
So then I had to get tested,
and this professor came to my house to test me,
and I was so nervous and worked up about this test and what it meant.
It was gonna take all afternoon.
And I opened the door to him, and I just burst into tears.
I started crying in his face, and I was like, "Come in." I was crying.
And then I got my foot stuck in a bowl.
So I was crying with my foot stuck in this bowl, and I was like,
"I'm so sorry, give me one moment while I get this bowl off my foot!"
And he was like, "No, thank you so much, Harriet,
"you've just saved us five hours." LAUGHTER
"I think you've got it, love."
So waitressing not for you any more?
No, not for me. No. OK.
Hugh, let's talk about Downton. We have to talk about Downton a bit.
Because Downton Abbey, what an amazing achievement.
What an incredible series.
What an incredible series of films as well.
And now, sadly, the story has been told.
There will be no more.
Certainly not with... Aw! Aww!
Certainly not with our, you know, cast. Yeah.
But the castle still stands, so who knows?
Maybe there'll be one set in 2060 or something, I don't know.
Remarkable success, though.
A global... A genuinely global success.
No way you could have predicted that
when you were doing the first few shows.
No, none of us thought it would last
beyond the seven episodes that were originally commissioned.
Because period dramas were dead, we were told, and, erm...
And so how wrong... You never know. Yeah.
You never know how it's gonna turn out.
We ended up doing, whatever it was, 52 episodes and three films
over 15 years. And great films.
I cried like a baby at the last one. Aw!
Yeah, it was a nice farewell. Yeah, it was beautiful.
And do people... Do you miss being Lord Grantham?
No. No, I don't. No. LAUGHTER
I have huge love for the show,
I have huge love for the people and for its legacy and all that,
but, no, I'm very happy not having to get up that early in the morning
and go to windy Highclere Castle.
Let's talk about CS Lewis and the play Shadowlands,
and now the exciting news is Hugh is back on stage
here in London's glittering West End performing it.
And it opens this week, doesn't it?
That's right, yeah. We're in previews.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Tell us about the story.
Cos it's quite a beautiful story, and a sad story as well.
Well, it's the story of CS Lewis,
who obviously wrote the Narnia Chronicles.
And he was an academic at Oxford,
living a rather sheltered, bookish life,
living with his brother on the outskirts of Oxford
and hanging out with Tolkien in the pub and being rather donnish.
And then into his life erupted someone
he had been in correspondence with,
this woman called Joy Gresham, who was from America,
and she was a very sort of fizzy, energetic character, very smart,
who sort of turned his rather donnish bachelor life upside down.
And then she got sick and eventually died.
And the central sort of story of the play...
CS Lewis was a devout Christian,
and so the central question of the play is,
if God loves us, why does he allow us to suffer so much?
And at the heart of this play, it's really a story about love.
Late-flowering love for CS Lewis and then coping with that loss that,
you know, let's face it,
we all have to face at some point or other - bereavement.
If I remember correctly... It's also very funny.
LAUGHTER
I remember it being funny in the early part of the play
when I saw it years ago, and so I guess you've got...
It must be a joy to perform because you do have that,
you're making the audience laugh, warming them up,
and then they go with you on that emotional journey.
It is. It is quite an emotional journey,
and it is quite satisfying when you've got big laughs,
and you sort of think, you know, "Wait till you see what's coming."
LAUGHTER But...
But it is, it's the yin and yang.
But being a stand-up is not dissimilar
cos you have to interact with the audience.
Do you feed off the audience?
Do you look out and see what reaction you're getting?
Does that help you?
Yeah, if it's a good reaction, it really helps.
LAUGHTER For sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If it's a bad reaction, it feels really bad.
Have you had bad reactions? Yeah. Yeah.
So, I filmed my special.
I've only... And so you do two make tapings of the special.
And the first taping, I looked into the audience,
and a man was asleep in the front row.
And I was like, "This is really not ideal."
But I was like, "It's fine, you have a second taping,"
you know, so you can make up for it.
It'll all be fine.
Second taping, I come out, I look down,
the guy's back, and he's asleep again.
LAUGHTER I was like, "How did this happen?
"I don't understand. Who let him back in again?"
He's just trying to find a place to sleep.
Well, he loved the experience so much the first time,
he came back for more!
He was like, "This is so soothing."
And I suppose also, with a live audience,
when I go to the theatre sometimes, you will see...
And they're very strict on it now.
You always get the coughing and that kind of thing,
and obviously, that's understandable,
but you hope if people are doing it too much,
they'll take them to the side.
And you will occasionally get people disrupt it.
I had a person go to the toilet halfway through a dramatic scene.
You must have to deal with that kind of thing.
Yeah, that happened. I did a play at the National Theatre
years ago with Juliet Stevenson called Yerma,
and we were... it was in the round.
And we were in this really tense stand-off scene,
and this bloke just got up and literally walked between us.
Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go, you know?
And then you've gotta come back.
So did you just carry...? You just can't break character...
Yeah, we were there going on about, "Oh, our marriage. Ooh, our this.
"Are we gonna have children?" Boom-boom-boom-boom.
Did he say "excuse me" on the way through?
No, no! He was in a rush.
He knew what he wanted. He was going.
OK, and then he came back again? He came back again.
He complained about the cleanliness of the toilets.
Probably. But I hadn't cleaned that one.
THEY CHUCKLE
OK, so, you are now going on tour again soon, Harriet?
Yes. OK. And you're calling the tour Floozy?
I called it Floozy, yeah.
And my mum did look up what it meant. And, erm...
I thought the idea, the name is kind of aspirational.
Like, everyone's like,
"Oh, you don't wanna come across as a floozy."
And I'm, like, trying to be a floozy, you know what I mean?
It's not easy out there. You're trying to be a floozy.
So, OK, let's pin down the definition of floozy, in case...
So, "floozy" is a kind of a good-time girl.
Yeah, I'm trying to have a good time.
OK, that's fair enough. Yeah, thank you.
CHEERING Hold it... Jason.
HARRIET CHUCKLES
CHEERING CONTINUES
Jason, we're doing an interview.
What are we doing? I'm just going to the bathroom.
You going to the toilet in the middle of the show?
Oh, am I interrupting something? Go, it's over there.
It's over there. Jason Derulo. He'll be back later on.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hugh, you see what we did there?
I know, I did. I did see what you did there.
Where were we? We were talking about your flooziness.
Yeah, I'm trying to... But the problem is, I just...
Cos I'm at this stage in my life where I just got divorced, erm...
Aw! Thank you, everybody, yeah.
We got a no-fault divorce. I don't know if you heard of it.
It's quite new. It's called a no-fault divorce.
This sounds like a good idea to me. I think I've heard this.
You don't go to court, and it's as amicable as it can be.
Yeah, a no-fault divorce. You can just do it by paperwork.
It's called a no-fault divorce, but it is his. Erm...
But, yeah, so I'm divorced, and so now I should be trying to...
You know, there's a new stage in my life. Sure.
I should be having a fun time, but I just get attached, is the problem.
But it's about you experiencing the dating scene again, I guess?
Yes, I'm trying to get out there. I'm trying to date again.
And are you having success with this? No.
No. No, I'm trying... No, I am. I'm having...
The thing is, I think, because I've had my daughter,
and so I've got everything I need, you know what I mean?
Aw! I have everything I need, so I'm just looking for...
That's so lovely. And she's four, is that right?
Four, yeah. In the early days of your career,
didn't you take her on tour with you, when you were touring?
Yeah, so, I took her on tour at the beginning,
and then I had to start leaving her with a baby-sitter.
It was, like, the scariest thing that has ever happened.
The first time I left her, I was crying, and then I was like,
"I'll just message and see how she's doing.
"That'll make me feel better."
The baby-sitter was sweet, but her English wasn't great.
And I was like, I'll message, and that will make me feel better,
and so I messaged and said, "Is she sleeping?"
And she replied, and I think she meant to say, "Yes."
But her English wasn't great, so what she wrote was,
"Her eyes shut. She no move."
LAUGHTER
And then she followed up with the most terrifying message
I've ever received - "She angel now."
Hold it, she wrote, "She angel now," as well?
And then a little angel emoji!
But I suppose she meant she was behaving angelically.
Yes, of course! Yes!
OK. That's the worst thing you could possibly get.
The worst thing you could send, yeah!
Stick around. We'll chat some more. It's lovely to have you here.
Don't go away. Up next, we'll be joined here
by Riz Ahmed, so stick around.
See you after the break. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out, shall we?
He is an incredible actor,
he is a brilliant rapper, and he's a director as well.
A true triple threat. It is Mr Riz Ahmed!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
WHISTLING
You look incredible! You look amazing. Come on out.
Here's Hugh. Here's Harriet.
Sit down there. CHEERING CONTINUES
Nice to have you back, Golu.
Ooh, what? JONATHAN CHUCKLES
See, the only people who call me "Golu" are my parents
and Jonathan Ross. It's very strange...
What does Golu actually mean? Dad, is that you?
I wish. It's a weird moment, yeah.
What does it mean? Golu is my childhood nickname...
Does he do this to you guys? Bring you out and humiliate you?
Yes. Yeah. No! There's no humiliation here.
No, it's my childhood nickname, and it means "roundo".
"Roundo"? Round. Like, round circle.
And then everyone asks me, "Were you really overweight as a kid?"
And it's more embarrassing that I just had
an incredibly circular head. Wow. Wow.
Yeah. "He looks like a little football." I know, yeah.
If you took a look at the right angle. Yeah.
Now it's full of angles. It looks great.
Thank you. HARRIET LAUGHS
But with serious congratulations, though,
the fact that since last we met, you won an Oscar.
HARRIET GASPS, CHEERING
Riz won an Oscar for a brilliant short film.
It's called The Long Goodbye, and it is brilliant.
But I wonder, of course, something as important as an Oscar,
as incredible as an Oscar, where do you keep it?
My mum keeps it hostage.
LAUGHTER Yeah, basically. She keeps it.
But the thing is, every time I go there, I'm like, "Where is it?"
She doesn't put it out on display.
And, erm, she's like, "I've got it, don't worry about it."
It's literally like a hostage situation,
where it's like, "What? Do you wanna see the money first?"
Like, I need to see the Oscar. I need proof of life.
Is she worried that you're gonna take it back when she's not looking?
I tell you what, she's actually...
I'm gonna be really real with you, since you called me Golu.
The real thing she's worried about is the evil eye.
Does anyone here know what the evil eye is?
Yeah. You know about the evil eye, right?
You're nodding. I don't think you do, Harriet.
OK, so the evil eye is, like, let's say if I got...
Oh, my God, Jonathan, such a nice watch.
Yeah, thank you. That's a wonderful watch.
And then you turn around two minutes later,
and your watch breaks.
Ah! Right? Exactly. So it's when...
And so there's this thing in our culture...
and a lot of cultures, actually.
I think it's in Greek people, Albanian, and it's a big thing
where you try and hide your successes
and just play a little bit low-key. Oh, I see.
Because if people go, "Oh, wow, that's amazing,"
then disaster will strike.
So the good fortune that you had, if you show it off, or...
it will attract ill fortune, it will attract something bad.
That's exactly the bizarre logic of it, yeah.
Is there a chance she sold it? LAUGHTER
I always wonder where that necklace came from that she's wearing.
You know, I do wonder, yeah. OK.
Look, primarily, you're an actor.
OK? But before we talk about your new project,
I must talk to you about your music a little bit.
Do you still do the music? Do you still rap much?
You know what, I've had a bit of a break from it for a little while,
because of life and family, and partly because I was so busy
trying to make this film, this passion project of mine.
But I'm coming back soon,
and, yeah, we've got some fun stuff lined up for this year.
Before we talk about your passion project,
do you know we have another former singer on the show?
Right here.
Hugh Bonneville used to sing in a band.
No! Yes!
No, no, no. Your researcher... Hugh did sing in a band.
For about four minutes. That's good enough.
Can you remember the name of the band or a song that you did?
I think it was called... The song was called No More Toby.
It was about beer. LAUGHTER
You mean like Toby Bitter? Yeah. Does it exist any more?
I don't know. I don't think it exists any more.
I think the chorus went, "No more Toby.
"No more Toby. No more Toby."
It was great stuff, Riz. It's catchy.
Shall we go for it? Let's do it. Let's collab.
Let's get to the meat of the matter. Riz has an amazing new film out.
As he said, it's a passion project,
and it might surprise some people that this is your passion project,
because it's Shakespeare.
So, it's a version of Hamlet set in British Asian community.
You're playing the title role, of course, which is something
most actors, I think, would love the chance to take on.
Of course, at the same time, it must be intimidating,
cos you know there have been so many great Hamlets in the past.
Yeah. You know what's interesting? Like...
When I first wanted to take this project on...
And it took 15 years, actually, for us to make this. Wow.
I first approached a writer in 2010.
It just meant a lot to me for many different reasons,
partly because of a relationship I had with an amazing schoolteacher
back at high school.
What was their name? His name was Mr Roseblade.
Mr Roseblade? Yeah. He was a white Jewish guy
from Wolverhampton, who spoke fluent Punjabi.
Hold on. Wow! Yeah.
We've all had an English teacher like that, right? Erm...
How did Mr Roseblade...? How did he learn Punjabi?
I think actually because his...
He told me. I hope he doesn't mind me sharing story.
His mother was a headmaster of a school in Wolverhampton in the...
it was the '50s or '60s,
and when the first wave of immigrants came into Wolverhampton,
there was the first, like, brown kid in the school joined.
His mum, the headmistress, said, "You're gonna be his best friend.
"Make sure he feels welcome. Make sure he doesn't feel alone."
Wow. And so he befriended this kid,
became a part of the community, got welcomed into it,
started going to the gurdwara and the temple
and just, you know, became steeped in the culture.
What an amazing story. He's an amazing guy, he really is.
And... Yeah. APPLAUSE
Mr Roseblade.
But, yeah, he's someone who kind of...
When he gave me the play, I was like, "Hamlet is the...
"This is... This is like growing up in Wembley." You know?
This is... It's... OK, Hamlet can't marry Ophelia.
She's from the wrong family. That is the first one.
Second, they're all squabbling over the family business
and what's gonna happen.
Third of all, your dead dad's ghost comes back to haunt you,
and he's disappointed in you. Right? LAUGHTER
Let me show you a little taste of it.
As I said, it's in cinemas now. Treat yourselves. Go and see it.
My good Hamlet,
we grieved your sickly father while he lived.
Let the world take note. You are the most immediate to our throne.
I pray you stay with us.
DEEP, EERIE VOICE: Hamlet.
Who goes there?
'My uncle is the cause of all this.
'There is a villain dwelling in our home here.'
To be or not to be?
ENGINE REVS
SCREAMING Woe is me to have seen
what I have seen...
to see what I see!
TRUCK HORN BLARES
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
A very different take of Hamlet.
Hugh, have you ever played Hamlet?
I know you've been in a Hamlet, but have...?
No, I've never played Hamlet.
I've played Laertes to Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet
in whatever it was, 1992.
That was the really long one where he did the whole text, wasn't it?
Yeah, I think we cut one line, so...
And he speaks very, very fast, Ken, so it was quite a swift production.
Right. But on the third preview at the Barbican Theatre,
it was a matinee, and I got this raging...
I woke up with this raging toothache. Oh, no!
And because it was a full production, a full-length show,
Laertes has about two-and-a-half hours off in the middle
while Hamlet's doing all the angsty stuff, you know,
and telling the main story.
So I went to the London Hospital emergency unit,
and they said, "Oh, yes, yes, we just need to yank that out now.
"And we'll give you an anaesthetic."
I said, "Well, I can't. I've got to go back onstage. And..."
And so they rubbed some cloves on it.
And I went back, and I was sweating, I had a temperature,
and came on to do the sort of last part of the play,
and Ken was looking at me a bit strange, cos I was dripping.
And the swordfight was sort of like that.
I was like, "Just... Just kill me. Just kill me."
And, you know, then they took my temperature,
it was 102 or something, so I was sent off,
and the understudy had to do the evening.
But my old friend Tom Hollander came to see the show that afternoon,
and because I just was literally bumbling my way through it,
he came round afterwards and said,
"Hugh, I've never seen you be so good! You were so still!
"You were so controlled." You know, awful.
Congratulations, though. I'm thrilled you got it made.
I know how much it meant to you.
Also, it's a fabulous piece of work, and it's so uniquely yours.
And, you know, one sequence which is particularly well done,
and once again, it's quite hard to get this sequence right, I think,
is the scene when Hamlet sees the ghost of his father.
And that, you know...
And it's quite easy to, I think, make mistakes with that.
And yet, yours, it really catches it brilliantly.
I won't give away where it is or when,
but something about the setting
and something about the distances involved,
very, very effective, very powerful.
And it must be quite an interesting thing,
cos obviously, it's a supernatural element, or is it?
You're not sure. Do you believe in that kind of thing?
Do you believe in ghosts and spirits?
Do I believe in ghosts? Yeah.
I don't know if anyone - maybe my generation - remembers,
the BBC once showed this fake documentary
back in the day called Ghostwatch. Oh, yeah.
SCATTERED CHUCKLES, MURMURS
You remember Ghostwatch?
There's a chill gone through the crowd of everyone 40 and over.
I've been totally traumatised by Ghostwatch.
And so, yes, I believe in ghosts. Have you ever seen one?
Er, I've seen Ghostwatch. No, but that's...
LAUGHTER That's all I need to see, man.
Have you ever had a supernatural experience, Hugh Bonneville?
Yeah, I did sleep in a friend's house once,
where there were no windows,
which isn't a good start to the evening anyway.
And I woke up in the middle of the night,
and I just had this terrible feeling of dread
that if I stepped out of bed, I would just keep falling.
And so I went down for breakfast, and he said, "How did you sleep?"
And I said, "It was a bit weird, to be honest."
He said, "I didn't tell you - that is the haunted room, but..."
But I haven't yet... I'm really up for it.
I'd really wanna have a chat with a ghost, I'd really like to.
Harriet, have you either seen or dated...?
I was gonna say, if he wants to talk to a ghost, he should join Hinge.
LAUGHTER There's loads on there.
Absolutely loads on there.
APPLAUSE There you go, ghosting.
Thank you. I... Yeah.
Congratulations on Hamlet. Thank you.
And I do hope you all go and see it. I think it's a great film.
APPLAUSE I think it's an amazing achievement.
Don't go away. We're gonna take a short break.
But up next, we'll be joined by Ellie Kildunne,
and Jason Derulo will be performing at the end of the show.
See you after the break. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. Let's get my next guest out.
She's one of the standout stars of England's Red Roses,
who won the World Cup, of course.
Let's have a look at her in fantastic action.
Let it go for Ellie Kildunne.
And she's not gonna get caught.
Kelly Arbey is coming across to try and make the tackle.
The swerve from Ellie Kildunne is good!
By Zoe Harrison, which is dangerous,
because now Ellie Kildunne has picked it up.
Ellie Kildunne using her feet.
Ellie Kildunne still going!
Ellie Kildunne, you beauty!
Who's the person to take it?
Ellie Kildunne. Little bit of footwork.
Dicing around one, then two,
and Ellie Kildunne lights up the Allianz!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ladies and gentlemen, the amazing Ellie Kildunne!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Ellie!
Thank you for coming. Wow. Sit down.
Ellie, take a seat.
Ellie, I'm genuinely so excited to have you here. I'm a big fan.
I'm sure everyone else... Are you a fan of Ellie's?
CHEERING Yes. I know you guys are as well.
Congratulations on winning the World Cup. What a moment.
Yeah, it was, er, something... I've said it plenty of times.
I think there's a difference between something that you can imagine
and something that you can dream.
And the difference is you can imagine being in that,
because you can see yourself in those shoes.
Something you can dream is something
that you think someone else is gonna do.
But this is everything that we've dreamed.
I've always said I want it to exceed our expectation,
and it's exactly what happened.
There's plenty of memories that come from it,
but, obviously, winning the World Cup is very, very special.
I underplay it, but it is very special.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So, how did you get into rugby? Cos it's not... Back then...
Now, there will be a whole generation of girls, young women,
I would've thought, inspired by you, inspired by the team, thinking,
"OK, rugby is something for me, and we can excel at this."
But when you were, there weren't...
It really wasn't that well-known, women's rugby, was it?
It wasn't, but I think this is the thing.
I think people often assume that barriers are something
that holds you back.
But when you're six years old, you don't understand barriers.
So there was nothing that was ever gonna hold me back.
It was purely because I was playing out with my neighbours,
and they were going down to rugby training.
And I thought, "There's not many games I know I can play by myself."
You definitely can't play tig, and you definitely can't play football,
cos it's easy to score a goal if there's no-one in the net.
So, erm, I went down to the session with them,
and the one thing that I remember
and I loved the most was the fact that...
Turning up to the session,
all the boys that would turn around and go,
"Is that a boy, or is that a girl with really long hair?
"I don't really know."
But at the end of the session, they were saying one of two things.
It was either shaking my hand and saying, "Welcome to the team,"
or, "I didn't tackle you cos I'm a boy and you're a girl."
But it was because I scored all the tries. Yeah.
And I loved it. So you were naturally sporty, then.
I guess you were athletic, and you were kind of...
And you obviously had a fire in your belly, even then.
So you said you were six then? Yes.
Started playing at six. We've got some footage of you.
I don't know if it's when you're six or shortly afterwards.
But this is amazing. Have a look. This is young Ellie playing rugby.
And it's against all boys, I guess. You were the only girl in the team?
Amazing. Look at this.
She's against her rival there, look. She's done him.
Go on, Ellie! Go on, Ellie!
CROWD CHEERING
Ellie! Ellie! She didn't even step there.
WOMAN CHEERING
APPLAUSE It's amazing, isn't it?
Can we, erm...?
Let's put the photograph up of Ellie at that stage,
when she was that age.
Aw! That is great, isn't it? Oh, my God.
My legs are just the same size, to be honest.
And look at the size of the ball compared to you.
This is a different question altogether here,
but is it true you gave your a coach tattoo?
Yes, I did. Erm...
Now, we should point out it was consensual. He said yes.
He wasn't... You didn't creep in. He wasn't asleep?
No, no, no, no. I didn't drug him, I didn't do any of that.
Yeah, one of the things with me is I pick up hobbies outside of rugby,
and I think it's really important to have different obsessions.
But... I'm also one of those people
that gets so obsessed with something,
and then it lasts two weeks.
I realise I'm not very good at it, and then I drop it.
I've got a keyboard at home, I've got three guitars.
Erm, I've got 20 kilos of clay sitting in the corner of my room.
So if anyone wants to come over... we'll have stuff to do!
Can I just say, when you're trying something out,
you normally buy a small amount of something - not 20 kilos.
LAUGHTER It was so stupid.
I don't know why I did it. You bought 20 kilos of clay?!
Yeah, I was set on... I thought... What were you gonna make with it?
I thought, "You know what? It'll be really great.
"For everyone's birthday, I can make them a coffee mug."
And then I made it, and it wouldn't even hold a glass of water,
so I realised that wasn't gonna last very long.
But one of those obsessions was I was away with the sevens,
we were in New Zealand,
and all the girls had tattoos and stuff.
And I thought, "I want a tattoo.
"I want something that's a little bit different."
So we went to a tattoo shop, and I got two lines on my wrist.
Right. And I spent 50 quid on two lines.
Two lines? So that's 25 quid a line!
Yeah, exactly that. And it took 20 seconds.
Anyway, when it came to being in camp,
one of the girls said, "Oh, we'll go to the tattoo shop."
And I thought, "This is what I can do.
"I'll do tattoos." So I bought a tattoo kit.
Right. LAUGHTER
It cost me 20 quid. Yeah.
20 sterling pounds, for those from London.
To put that in other terms, that's about 50 kilos of clay. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And I just remember that first time, we were in one of the rooms,
and I had this kit,
and I was like, "Oh, shit, we need to make this hygienic."
So we ran down to the physio room, got some of the latex gloves,
got some Vaseline, because you need it to be lubricated on the area.
And got some hand sanitiser to make sure it was sterile.
So this is a professional setup! It was a professional setup.
We had someone on the torch with their iPhone.
Wow! I mean, this is amazing. Yeah, and then...
Who was your first victim?
The first victim was my roommate, and we didn't quite get it right
cos we didn't lubricate the area quite well enough.
So I was trying to do this cross,
and I was like, "Why is it bleeding so much?"
LAUGHTER Anyway, next person comes,
and she said, "Can I have my cap number?"
We did that, and I am very good at numbers.
And that's, to this day, the best one I've ever done.
Next girl, she was sat there, and she went,
"I've got an idea. Can I have a camera?"
I thought, "A flipping camera, are you kidding me?!"
I can't do a tattoo. I've never done a tattoo before, let alone draw.
Anyway, I did this little rubbish camera on her.
Fast forward, so I said to John Mitchell,
our new coach, as a joke...
Because we've got a bit of tongue in cheek,
and I tend not to take life very seriously anyway.
I said to him, " 'Ey, I've got a proposition for you.
If I... "I"! "If we win the World Cup,
"and I'm part of it, can I tattoo you?"
And obviously, this is, like, eight months before.
And he went, "Yeah, yeah, sure."
I take that very seriously.
And it went straight into my notebook.
A reminder for the day of the final.
The day after the World Cup, that night everyone got leathered,
as you can imagine.
Erm, the next day, people were still leathered,
and we were going to Battersea to celebrate with fans
and people who wanted to be there with us.
So the drinks kind of carried on.
And when we got back to the hotel, everyone went back to sleep.
Cos we were going out that night again. Everyone was napping.
And I thought, "This is my chance."
Hold it, so you've had very little sleep for 48 hours...
And quite a lot of alcohol, yeah. A lot of alcohol.
"This is my chance to permanently mark someone's skin."
Why not? Why not? But not only I'm in that position,
but also my head coach is, so he can't say no.
Anyway, so I went into the bar where he was, and I said,
"Mitch, it's your time." LAUGHTER
And, bless him, he said, "You're gonna have to check with the boss."
Which, of course, as everyone knows, is the wife.
Went to his wife, and I said, "Is it OK if I do this?"
And they said, "Yes."
So we went into a room, got my latex gloves on.
I said, "Have you ever had a tattoo before?"
And he said, "Never." I thought, "Brilliant, OK."
Can we just bring the camera over? And I tattooed on him "2025".
But the really funny part about it, which circles, is he said,
"Ooh, what those two little lines on your wrist?"
Of course, I wasn't gonna say, "This is a random thing
"cos I wanted it for the first time."
So I said, "Oh, it means equality. LAUGHTER
And he went, "I love it. I love it!"
So he said, "Can I have equality, and then 2025?"
Since then... I've seen him since then, and he was trying to show me,
"Oh, the tattoo's still there, it's looking good."
And his friend was there with him.
And his friend said, "Oh, the tattoo..."
And I was about to tell that story - it means jack shit,
but he thinks it means equality.
But before the words came out, he said,
"My favourite part is 'equality'."
I said, "Oh, yeah, no... Equality's my best bit as well."
APPLAUSE That's a terrifying story!
Here's a photograph.
Here's the image of the tattoo. Can we move in on it?
Look. There you go. LAUGHTER
Well, that's a very long story. Edit that. Edit it shorter.
We got every single detail.
Have you ever played rugby, Riz? Erm, they did play...
I was supposed to play rugby. I skipped school. Yeah.
Generally, when they were playing rugby. Yeah, yeah.
Hugh played a bit of rugby back in the day, didn't you?
Well, in my dreams, I was a fantastic full-back.
In fact, I was an incredibly slow, lumbering second row.
LAUGHTER What's next for you?
I think it's the Six Nations about to start, is that right?
Yeah, so, the men's Six Nations is kicking off this weekend.
Our Six Nations is just after. I just think life's crazy right now.
I just couldn't believe I was talking to Jason Derulo.
What the hell?!
Let me ask you about Sports Personality of the Year,
cos you were a runner-up in that. What an achievement!
You seemed genuinely surprised when they read your name out.
There was two things. Was I more nervous about the outcome,
or was I happy with it, or was I more nervous
that I was gonna flash everybody with my stupid dress I had on?
It looked lovely. It looked lovely.
The dress was gorgeous, but it had a split right up to my hip,
and I didn't have any knickers on!
LAUGHTER So that's all I was thinking,
"I don't know what I'm more nervous about."
I got up, and that whole experience was something that you dream.
I said the year before, "I'm gonna do this."
But when I really come away from that and think about it,
I just can't believe it.
Yeah. Lando Norris...
I beat Lando Norris?! What?!
And where's the award? Do you have it at home?
It's with my mum and dad back in Yorkshire.
They have begun to get a bit of a shrine of...
I was speaking to my mum before this.
She said, "Don't say that, cos it's quite embarrassing."
But, you know, the past couple of years,
I've had quite a lot of awards and things like that,
and mementoes and stuff like that.
I just always say, "Oh, this is for the shrine."
And the latest one, yeah, is the Sports Personality of the Year,
there's the World Player of the Year.
The latest one, during the World Cup,
they did something in London, which was a bed of roses.
And when we went back into camp a couple of weeks ago,
they said, "You can have your roses."
And we all thought they were like this.
And they're, like, five foot tall. They're massive.
Well, your mum's gonna be even more embarrassed,
cos we got a picture from your dad of the shrine at home, I believe.
Including the two giant roses.
ELLIE LAUGHS There it is.
They are big roses!
OK, disclaimer, it doesn't look like this when I come home.
So this is definitely for the show.
Oh, there's Riz's Oscar. LAUGHTER
I could chat all night. I loved meeting you.
We're gonna have to take a quick break now,
but please don't go away because, as just previously mentioned by Ellie,
Jason Derulo is here.
He will be performing right here in the studio in just a few moments.
I'll see you after the break. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show.
I'm still here with all my fabulous guests.
Ellie, let me ask you about your brother.
Because your brother plays rugby professionally as well.
Yeah. And that must be quite...
I would have thought, not tricky, necessarily,
but to be competing against someone else in the family
who's in the England squad
and who is runner-up for Sports Personality of the Year.
That must be quite tricky for you? I mean...
Look, me and my brother Sam, he's... We've always been super close.
We've always been super competitive as well.
That competitiveness was always there,
whether it was playing cops and robbers in the garden,
running away from each other, or fighting each other.
You know, we're kids, and we do fight.
And I remember one time, we used to have this thing growing up
that we'd fight all the time. It would be like,
"Oh, we're a bit bored, shall we just have a fight?"
Might have made me the rugby player I am today, I don't know.
But one time, I went to clock him...
The one rule was you're not allowed to punch.
So I went to clock him, and I thought, "Oh, God, that's the rule."
So I pulled away, and I ended up clocking him with my nose.
With my elbow, sorry. Blood everywhere.
It was... It was... Yeah, it was horrible.
Hugh, you didn't get on well with your sister, did you?
I remember reading in your book,
quite an extraordinary exchange you had with her.
Well, you know, she's older than me,
and there's a sort of contractual obligation
for brothers and sisters to wind each other up, obviously.
And she'd done something like stick her tongue out at me or whatever.
So I ended up chasing her around the back garden one time,
and then she was quicker than me
and ran back inside and shut the back door.
And then did that or something.
And I can remember it so... I was about eight, seven, maybe.
And in slow motion, this happens in my memory.
There was a sledgehammer by the glass back door...
LAUGHTER We should just say in advance...
LAUGHTER
...this doesn't end as badly as you might think.
And so I did somehow pick up this heavy sledgehammer
and launch it through the glass panel of the...
But, you see, it had 12 panes on it, this back door. The kitchen door.
And so, actually, I thought I was doing people a favour in retrospect,
because afterwards, it was a single pane.
It was much easier for Mum to clean. Very thoughtful
You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And didn't you...? Wasn't there...?
And this sounds daft, but didn't you dig a grave for your sister?
There had to be further retribution. LAUGHTER
So I just said to Mum one day,
"I'm going to dig a grave for Claire in the garden."
And she said...
Mum said, "That's fine. Tea's at half past five."
And unfortunately, the soil in Blackheath, South East London,
isn't that... You know, there's not a lot of give. Clay-ey?
Yeah, so I got about seven inches down, and that was it.
I love my sister very much, by the way.
LAUGHTER Here's some exciting news.
We're changing the subject somewhat now.
But Riz has just finished making a movie with none other than
Thomas Mapother Cruise IV. Tom Cruise.
Ooh! How was the experience?
How did you find the force of nature that is Tom Cruise?
He's a force of nature.
Yeah, he's really an incredible...
Similar to... Like, you know, honestly, like an athlete.
Like an athlete, you know, speaking to you backstage,
speaking to you here as well,
there is that kind of single-minded belief, that drive,
that athleticism that is kind of inspiring to be around.
What's the film? It's called Digger.
SCATTERED LAUGHTER About a JCB?
Can you give us any info, or not?
I can't, no. You can't? OK.
Have you seen how fast Tom Cruise runs? I don't want him chasing me.
No! LAUGHTER
Have you made...?
The ultimate accolade for those who work with Tom Cruise, I believe,
and I know a few who are lucky enough to be on this list.
For example, Simon Pegg, who's a friend of mine.
You get a Christmas cake from Tom personally.
Have you made that list, or is this gonna be a sore point for you?
I don't wanna put evil eye on the fact that
I get the Christmas cake... But?
...but I get the Christmas cake. You get it.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And I've been told, I've not been lucky enough to try it,
but I've been told it is a very fine cake.
I don't want to break your heart, but it's a banging cake.
Yeah, it's a really...
You know, it's a sponge cake, which I'm not a sponge cake guy.
It's coconut. I'm not a coconut cake guy.
And yet, it is really something special.
Wow. It's amazing, yeah.
What kind of cake guy are you, then? I'm a carrot cake guy.
Fuck off! LAUGHTER
Carrot cake in the house, yeah! Make some noise!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It's not even a cake!
OK, so we thought we might try a bit of rugby, seeing as we got Ellie.
Ellie's gonna teach us how to catch the rugby ball
when it is hurling towards you at some considerable speed.
Are you up for this, Riz? Let's do it.
LAUGHTER
Harriet, I fear the worst...
Have we got medics? We've got medics.
Hugh, we will now see the prowess of your youthful rugby dream...
OK. ...brought to life
in all its elegant and poetic beauty.
So, let's bring in the machinery. We're gonna try and do this.
If you guys would like to head over there,
I would suggest you stand quite a long way away.
LAUGHTER
Watch it, sound guys.
I can crank this up, can't I?
OK, I'm worried about my rings. Let me...
Wait, pause, pause, pause. This is why we've got Hugh here.
Yeah, he'll show me how it's done. It's on 40, it goes up to 80.
Wait till we get to Bonneville, you're gonna see some magic. OK...
Are you ready? CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Straight in the gut.
Riz! Riz! Come on, Riz. You're not doing it at 40, are you?
I'll leave it at 40. Oh, for fuck's sake!
OK, ready? Here we go. Three, two, one...
Oh! ALL GROAN
OK. You went for my face!
I didn't! No, no! Hey, Riz, do another one, do another one.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Yes! Come on!
OK. Bonneville, you could handle 45, couldn't you?
No, I can't! Come on! Two lines. Equality!
Harriet, looks like you're getting that. Harriet's getting that...
Hugh! Hugh! Hugh, Hugh, Hugh, Hugh!
ALL GROAN
Hugh, Hugh, Hugh, Hugh!
Yay! OK. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
OK. And now...
And now the moment so many of us have been waiting for...
LAUGHTER
...as we see Harriet finally put to rest those dyspraxia rumours.
Oh, man. What is this?
Harriet, you ready? You're not gonna catch it like that.
I suggest you look at the ball.
Where are you going? I don't know, I'm stressed.
I'm really stressed about it. OK, throw!
LAUGHTER Watch your back, watch your back.
OK. Do you want to count me down? OK.
20... LAUGHTER
Five, four, three, two, one!
SHE SCREAMS, LAUGHTER
Harriet, do you wanna throw one at me?
Yeah, I'll fire one at you, yeah. OK.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
How do you turn it up? You don't turn it up.
Wait...
Oh, fucking hell!
Holy mother of...
Hugh, you didn't tell me it was that fast!
I've decided I'm not going pro. OK, let's sit down again.
Let's hear it for everyone, though. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
That was really hard. I didn't know it was so hard!
All right, I'm afraid that's all we have time for.
Will you join me in saying thank you to all my guests,
ladies and gentlemen?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
But now, performing Sexy For Me from the new album
The Last Dance (Part 1), it's the fabulous Jason Derulo!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Jonathan Ross Show, are you ready?!
'Sexy For Me'
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
♪ I love that she a dancer She said her name was Upgrade
♪ Talk big, but she back it up
♪ But she poppin' it Like some Champagne, yeah
♪ Ass up, face down When she dancin' on me
♪ Ain't no other girl here Gon' even try to compete
♪ Way too fine to be dancin' For free
♪ But I'm glad you're mine cos You're too sexy for me
♪ Too sexy for me Sexy, sexy
♪ You're too sexy for me
♪ Too sexy, sexy, sexy for me
♪ Truth be told, you're the truth Truth
♪ I can't lie, tryna lie next to you Talk that shit, girl, you're rude
♪ But I got somethin' For that bad attitude
♪ Ass up, face down When she dancin' on me
♪ Ain't no other girl here Gon' even try to compete
♪ Way too fine to be dancin' For free
♪ But I'm glad you're mine cos You're too sexy for me
♪ Hey! Too sexy for me
♪ You're too sexy for me Too sexy, sexy, sexy for me
♪ God took his time on your sexy
♪ Sexy, sexy
♪ It's not your body It's your mind makes you sexy
♪ Sexy, sexy
♪ Them other girls mad I ain't even lyin'
♪ Cos you ain't even tryin' to be Sexy, sexy
♪ Can't even call you fine You're too sexy
♪ You're too sexy
♪ Ass up, face down When she dancin' on me
♪ Ain't no other girl here Gon' even try to compete
♪ You're too sexy for me Come on!
♪ Too sexy for me
♪ You're too sexy for me Sexy, sexy
♪ Too sexy, sexy, yeah!
♪ If you're sexy and you know it Say hell yeah!
♪ You're too sexy for me So sexy for me
♪ You're too sexy for me
♪ Too sexy, sexy, sexy for me
♪ Come on, gettin' sexy
♪ Yeah, gettin' sexy, yes
♪ Get, gettin' sexy, hey!
♪ Get, get, get. ♪
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com