CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello! You are way too kind!
Good evening, everybody.
Good evening at home.
And welcome to a brand-new series of The Jonathan Ross Show.
You know, it seems like so much has changed since we were last on.
We've seen historic confrontations,
clashes that have changed the shape of the world as we know it.
Truss versus Sunak.
Biden versus Trump.
And, of course, Vardy versus Rooney.
Everything's changed. LAUGHTER
But one thing that hasn't changed
is we've got a great show lined up for you tonight.
So let's have a look at who's in my green room.
We've got a man who's in a league of his own,
the very funny Mr Romesh Ranganathan,
ladies and gentlemen. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
This is exciting as well.
We've got the hero of the Lionesses' Euro victory,
the wonderful Chloe Kelly! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Along with them, an incredible writer, performer and comedian,
the fabulous Daisy May Cooper! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hi, Daisy!
Plus, and this is different for us, we've got a man who's boldly gone
where very few people have gone before.
It is astronaut Tim Peake on the show, ladies and gentlemen!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
And if that weren't enough,
we've also got the smoothest voice in Scotland.
Chatting and performing tonight,
the brilliantly talented and very funny Mr Lewis Capaldi!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hi, Lewis!
So, that's the guests.
But before that, here's what caught my eye this week.
We're starting with, I think, is the biggest story of the summer,
surprisingly from the world of chess.
LAUGHTER Some of you know
what I'm gonna be talking about already.
Cos there was a scandal recently after a Grand Master,
a Chess Grand Master,
was accused by his opponent of cheating during the tournament.
And so far, you know, not that interesting.
Except when you find out how he was apparently cheating.
I'll put this delicately, but have a look at the headline.
READS HEADUNE
"And has likely cheated over 100 times in online games."
100 times! He's only played 70 matches!
I don't know what he was doing in all the others.
Here's the story, as I understand it.
This is what was happening, I believe.
He's accused of using anal beads that vibrated,
as a way of receiving information.
LAUGHTER He's sitting there playing,
no-one knows what's going on... LAUGHTER
...and they would buzz to tell him if a move he was going to make
was good or bad. So he'd reach for the Queen...
Ooh! And before he touched it...
Bishop. Ooh!
Pawn. "Oh, OK, definitely not pawn!"
LAUGHTER
Of course, it's important to point out
he has categorically denied cheating.
So we shall assume he is innocent until proven guilty.
I, for one, hope they finally do get to the bottom of it.
Now... LAUGHTER
We're always keen, though,
to embrace new technology on this show,
so I have been fitted with a similar device...
LAUGHTER
...to enhance my own performance this evening.
And if I'm going down the wrong direction with questions,
the producer will send me a little message...
BUZZER, LAUGHTER
...and I'll move on.
Before we started this new series, I spoke to a lot of our viewers
who said, "We love the show,
"but you do feature a lot of dog videos at the start."
And like Liz Truss, I get it.
LAUGHTER And I have listened.
So here's a cat video instead.
BABY BABBLES
LAUGHTER
Proper side eye! Even, Romesh doesn't look as judge mental as that!
LAUGHTER
There we go. APPLAUSE
Yep. proper side eye.
Let's start the show.
Please welcome my guests out here.
It is, of course, Chloe Kelly, Tim Peake,
Daisy May Cooper and Romesh Ranganathan.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Daisy, you look amazing.
Romesh, very suave.
Sit down, everyone.
Great to have you all here.
Thank you so much for joining me on the show.
Of course, we have a national hero with us.
Chloe Kelly, ladies and gentlemen!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
I'm very excited to have you here!
Thank you. Thank you having me.
Were you all watching the final?
Let me ask whether you were watching the Euro final.
Tim, where were you? Absolutely. I was up in Scotland
with the family on holiday watching it.
And, yeah, it was an amazing match. Absolutely fantastic.
Are you a fan? Absolutely!
But we were filming Buzzcocks here,
and the whole audience couldn't give a shit about Buzzcocks.
They were looking at their phone. LAUGHTER
You are fan, aren't you? I am.
I just wanna say, for full transparency,
I'm actually currently cheating at chess.
LAUGHTER
I mean, it was such a great, unifying thing, wasn't it?
Everyone was excited about it.
And, obviously, scoring the goal that won it for us,
especially after having a year-and-a-half off for injury...
Yeah, 11 months out for injury. To come back and score the winner,
it was amazing. Yeah.
Surreal. Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Are you someone who likes to relive it?
Have you watched that moment back often?
Yeah, I think I watch it every clay, to be fair.
But honestly, every time I watch it, everything that I see changes.
Ancl the noise of the crowd...
For me, in that moment, it was silent,
but every time I watch it back, the roar of the crowd
gives me goose bumps still today.
When you watch it back now, though, you pick up these other details...
Cos you didn't get it with the first kick, did you?
Yeah, it was a toe punt.
Probably the worst goal I've ever scored in my career.
Not an elegant goal. I've seen you score elegant goals.
That one was a scramble in the moment, wasn't it?
Yeah, I tried to hold off the defender,
and I felt like I was falling backwards,
and I just stretched out a toe and got anything on it.
Ancl in the moment, I was like, "Right, is she gonna give VAR?
"Is she gonna disallow it?"
So I was like, "Right, I need to make sure it's a goal first."
After that, I just...
You can see me, like, going to take my top off,
but that felt like for ages. Ancl then after that, yeah, wild.
So you were planning to do that?
That was the celebration you were planning to do?
No, it was never planned. just in the moment, I was like,
"Wow, I'm just taking my top off."
LAUGHTER As you do!
Shall we enjoy that goal again? AUDIENCE: Yeah!
Here's Chloe in action at the Euro final.
CROWD ROARS
APPLAUSE Amazing.
Thank you. And so...
I've got the medal. I don't mean I got given the medal.
They gave me your medal just before the show.
Classic man, taking the medal. LAUGHTER
There it is. Will you show that to everyone?
That is the medal you get for winning the European Championship.
Where do you keep it at home?
Do you have it somewhere special on display?
Do you know what? I keep it in my underwear drawer.
If anyone came in my house,
I'm sure that's not the first place they're gonna go.
You can take your eyes off. I'm not gonna...
LAUGHTER Have you ever won anything?
Er, I came second in the Amused Moose
New Comedian of the Year competition.
You've won a BAFTA. I know you've won a BAFTA.
I have won a BAFTA. I did win a BAFTA. I won a BAFTA, and Mum...
God, it's amazing. ..well, my mum sort of ruined it.
Basically, got the BAFTA, and it came to my house
and my mum phoned me up because, you know, she said,
"I created you, so in its essence, the BAFTA is mine."
LAUGHTER
She said, "Can I come round and have a photo with it?"
So I said, "Yeah, sure." So she came round, took a photo.
Then she went home and posted a picture on her Facebook saying,
"A picture of me with my son's BAFTA.
"I asked if I could keep it in my house, and he said no."
Which wasn't true. She'd not asked me that at all.
So all these comments from her friends were going,
"What an ungrateful son."
LAUGHTER "You did everything for that boy.
"You came over to this country, you struggled,
"and he's showing you absolutely no recognition."
And I was just like, "Why am I getting absolutely rinsed here?"
Sol ended up having to comment. I had to, like, respond
like it was a Daily Mail article.
"Just for clarity, she never asked me this.
"You can have it at your house if you want."
Daisy, you have won a BAFTA as well, haven't you?
Oh... four! Four?
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE just one?
And where do you keep yours?
Right in the hallway so, like, the electrician sees it.
Yeah. Everybody. You have to put on display, though.
Mum's weirdly got Charlie's in her front room,
and she lets all her budgies fly around.
It's covered in budgie shit. LAUGHTER
He's the good son, he gave it to his mum.
He did, actually, yeah, give it to Mum.
Well, I imagine his mum makes him feel good about himself.
LAUGHTER And, Tim,
you've won countless awards. Not a BAFTA, I imagine. Or have you?
I won a chess competition at school. LAUGHTER
But no cheating.
Right, let's go into football a bit, though, because, in a way,
it must be nice for you because I know so many young women
look at what you've achieved, and your teammates have achieved,
and just to be representing in that way must be a huge thing?
Yeah, definitely.
I think, before the tournament, we set out to inspire young girls,
and we actually came away and inspired the nation,
so that was really special for every one of us.
What we can impact on girls' careers now,
and looking at how we can impact PE in schools,
for girls to access football in schools, is huge.
Cos it's still not quite as even. There still aren't as many chances
for girls to play football in schools?
Yeah. I think that's what we're trying to do.
We're trying to equal the opportunity
for young women and girls to have the opportunity to play.
WHOOPING AND APPLAUSE
You work with your mum a lot, OK? And she's in The Ranganation.
If you're not watching The Ranganation... Me and my wife,
it's one of our favourite shows on TV. And it's back on BBC Two,
Sunday nights at ten? 10pm, yeah.
If people haven't seen The Ranganation,
how would you explain it to them?
Well, it's me talking to 20 members of the public,
they're all on a Zoom,
about the things that have been happening that week.
It's a topical show, but it doesn't get too heavy.
We just talk about what everyone's been talking about.
So we might talk about people getting the ick
with people on dates, and stuff like that. We talk...
Hold on a second. Tim, do you know what that means, "the ick"?
No. No idea. LAUGHTER
We're a similar age. The ick is when someone does something,
and it could be a minor thing,
but it's enough to turn you off them.
Primarily sexu-ally... sexually, I believe.
"Sexu-ally?" Sexu-ally.
That's an ick right there, mate.
Have you heard the way Jonathan says "sexually"?
But that's what "the ick" means. It's a real...
All young people use this now, don't they? "I've got the ick."
Yeah, cos it's, like, once you see...
Once you get the ick, you can never un-ick the ick.
You can't unsee it. It's really random stuff.
It's not, like, legitimate stuff. It's not like...
It's not even something as legitimate
as somebody eating disgustingly. One of them that was quite a big one
is a girl was going out with a guy, and they were on a train together,
and the train started to move and he stumbled a little bit.
And she said, "I could never see him again."
LAUGHTER
What must be going on here is,
already there's something you think isn't right with that person.
And that's just enough... Cos it can't just be that one thing.
Have you encountered this? Oh, God, with so many things.
I know that I'll have given the ick to so many people
cos I get ghosted a lot. Yeah.
But one thing for me was blokes that...
When they're bowling and they bowl a strike,
the walk from the kind of alley to the seat gives me the ick!
Anything too showy. SHE FAKE RETCH ES
No, because they can't walk normally.
Any bloke jogging in a backpack, running with a backpack on.
I mean, just awful. Oh, God, I got so many.
I have one with my wife where I get the ick
when she shags her personal trainer.
LAUGHTER
So, Tim, now you know what it means... Yeah. Yeah.
...have you encountered anything, possibly in space,
possibly of this Earth, that has given you the ick?
Erm, in space, the ick is when somebody takes their socks off
in a public space... Right.
...because what happens in space is,
all the dead skin... AUDIENCE GROANS
...at the bottom of your feet falls off, cos, you know,
after about three months, it's like having the best pedicure,
but it's all gathered in your socks.
Do you know what? Tim, you telling me that story
has just given me the ick with you.
Also, Tim, we're just looking for a small thing,
not someone decomposing in front of you!
Feeling their foot skin, it really puts you off, doesn't it?
You know when their eyeballs float in your mouth?!
Space sounds... I mean, space sounds quite horrible.
Yeah. It can be. It can be.
Chloe, what about you? Any ick stories?
I don't think I have one. Not that I know yet.
So nothing... an ex has done?
Nothing... I don't know anything, by the way!
You looked at me like you thought I knew something. I don't think...
It's when people talk too much... Oh, thanks (!)
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
Wow.
I've got to suck that up because you're who you are.
We've got a clip. This is The Ranganation.
This is Romesh talking to his mum and others.
BBC Two, Sunday nights, 10pm.
It's a very funny show. Have a look at this.
Mum, how do you stay active? I do Pilates. That's another word.
PANEL LAUGHS
Are we supposed to celebrate every time you use a word now, yeah?
Unfortunately, I'm losing weight, my boobs are getting bigger...
LAUGHTER
What? Women's dream.
Ask me again if I've been exercising.
James, have you been exercising? Yeah, I've been doing Pilates.
I lost a lot of weight, and my dick's massive.
LAUGHTER
You are my kind of man!
Mum, you loved that, didn't you? I do. I do love it.
She's amazing.
Yeah. She is amazing.
APPLAUSE
You just don't want to hear that, man. Yeah.
Know what I mean? I don't want to hear that
in a private conversation, let alone on a TV show.
It's nice that she's still excited by life.
LAUGHTER
That's not the type of excited I want her to be, man.
Daisy... Well, look, we'll chat some more.
Why don't we take a break, and when we come back,
I'll chat to Romesh more, Daisy, Tim and Chloe. Don't go away.
We'll be back in a couple of minutes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show. All my guests are still with me.
So, Tim, I've got to talk.
When I was a little boy, I wanted to go to space,
I wanted to be a spaceman.
It still hasn't happened. I live in hope.
Tell me it's not too late.
Not at all. More and more people are flying to space,
and it's getting easier to do so, so there's always a chance.
Is there a cut-off age that I should worry about?
We're working on 60 as a cut-off for long duration,
but that's a six-month mission. LAUGHTER
Well, I'm fine, then.
So, I've got Tim's book here. This is a new book.
Tim's had a few books.
So, this is Tim Peake, The Cosmic Diary Of Our Incredible Universe.
And it's a very different... It's sort of a science book,
but it comes in a very fun angle, doesn't it?
Yeah, it's basically for youngsters,
but also hopefully parents to enjoy,
and it's a diary written by the universe itself,
but it's really a diary about us. It's your diary,
cos it's a diary of how we got here.
His it got a happy ending? It's got two endings.
Because we don't really know how the story ends.
One of them is not that happy.
In fact, both of them are not that happy,
but that's kind of like...
Oh, can't wait to read that book, Tim (!)
LAUGHTER
Read it to your kids at bedtime.
Here's the thing. I tried reading this book, Tim.
I'm not a stupid person, despite how I seem sometimes.
I'm reasonably well-educated. I couldn't understand most of it.
It's written for eight-year-olds, Jonathan. I know.
LAUGHTER
I know, but before you're so quick to judge,
let me read you a bit. See if you understand this, right?
Doesn't make any sense.
Here's a question for the universe.
"Can you ever reach the edge of the universe?"
A fair enough question, isn't it? What do you think, Daisy?
Oh, I'm stressing out. Already?
Wait till you hear the answer.
"The universe doesn't have real edges.
"That would imply that the universe has a centre, too...
"..like an enormous mat.
"But the universe isn't built that way
"because the Big Bang was not like a real explosion
"that starts from a single point.
"The Big Bang happened everywhere, all at once.
"The universe is expanding equally from every point."
Bullshit. LAUGHTER
How can it happen everywhere, all at once?
What does that mean? I can't understand it.
It's like putting a bit of dough in the oven.
Wherever you're sat inside that bit of dough,
it looks like everything is expanding around you. Right.
So, effectively, it looks like you're the centre of the universe
wherever you are, and that's actually pretty true.
But you know, the dough analogy,
when you go from the centre of the dough, further out,
where do you arrive at?
Well, if you could get there... The edge of the dough.
...there'd be an edge. So there IS an edge.
But that's something we really don't know,
and that will actually affect those two endings that I...
Are you really taking him on on this?
LAUGHTER He's written a book on it.
He's been to space, he was there for six months.
And you sit there and you think
you're gonna go toe-to-toe with him on the universe?
Well, may I suggest, next time you're up there...
APPLAUSE No, no. I...
No, don't encourage that.
He doesn't ask you questions on the science of chatting shit, does he?
LAUGHTER
Chloe, let me ask you, would you like to go to space?
No. Why?
I'm a bit scared of flying, so...
Would you like to go to space, Daisy?
No, the thought of...
No, I'd like to know that I could get an Uber back. Yeah.
That would just stress me out. No.
That's probably what Elon Musk is gonna start doing, though.
LAUGHTER
There are so many dangers that you think of in space,
of course, and you worry about, but I believe...
Were you with someone who nearly drowned in space?
Well, I was on a spacewalk with Tim Kopra, my NASA crew mate,
and yes, he had water starting to come into his helmet.
Ancl this had... Where from?
It's from the cooling system.
So, we carry quite a lot of water in the cooling system.
The spacesuit has to keep us out there for eight hours at a time,
and so this water should never get into the ventilation system,
but it had, and so he started taking on water.
It was going into his helmet? Yes.
Man! I mean, that would be the worst luck in the world, wouldn't it?
You're in space and you drown in space,
where there's no water around. That's our primary concern.
The water you took up with you is what you've drowned in. Yeah.
Is it super hot out there?
It can be. If you're in direct sunshine, yes, super hot,
up to 200 Celsius.
But then you go into the shade and you're straight to minus 150.
He survived, didn't he?
We got Tim back in quite quickly.
The reason we knew what to do was because a few years ago,
the same thing had happened to Luca Parmitano,
my Italian classmate, and he ended up with
a litre and a half worth of water in his helmet.
In the helmet? Yeah, which was really bad.
Why did you give the other guy the same helmet?
LAUGHTER
Actually, Tim was wearing the same suit,
so maybe that was something we could have learned.
But the funny thing was, after Luca's incident,
NASA implemented two changes to the suit,
and one was a breathing tube from the helmet down to the torso,
so at least you could put your mouth over this breathing tube.
Even if it completely filled with water,
in theory, you could snorkel out of it? Yeah.
Ancl the other was a nappy that we shove in the back of the helmet
to try and absorb water. just a regular nappy?
Just a snorkel and a nappy. That was NASA's solution to the problem.
I mean, the space industry is not what I thought it was.
You think it's these geniuses coming up with solutions.
"I know what to do. Bung a nappy in the hat."
But Tim's on tour at the moment, ladies and gentlemen.
So, an astronaut on tour sounds a bit strange,
but you're on tour to give people a taste, to give them the stories.
Yeah, that's right. I mean, it's a show that's very immersive,
so it's to try and take people to space, you know,
as close as I can, without actually getting people up to space.
But it's got lots of audio-visual content in there,
it tells you about astronaut training,
how we're selected, what we do to prepare,
what it's like living and working in space,
and take you on an orbit of planet Earth.
I'm curious. What do astronauts do when they hang out socially?
Just the usual stuff.
I mean, lots of us are from an ex-military background,
so, you know, we're not shy of a drink or two,
and letting our hair down and having a good time.
When you have kids and you've got a family,
it is harder to have a big night out.
Daisy, do you manage it still? Oh, God, no.
I just sit in front of the... I do really depressing drinking.
I just drink a bottle of wine and watch The Bodyguard and cry.
LAUGHTER That's it.
It's interesting, cos this kind of stuff you're talking about,
it happens in your new series. Cos the woman you play
in Am I Being Unreasonable?,
which is Friday nights on BBC One, I think... Yes.
But it's all on iPlayer, so you can binge-watch it now.
And you play... She's a very modern character, isn't she?
She's just me, really. LAUGHTER
But it's a great show. And you star in it, of course,
and you co-wrote it as well.
Yeah, with my best friend, Selin.
Has she been your best friend for all your life?
We met at drama school. I remember, when I first met her,
you know how you can make your mind up on someone
within about three seconds? Ancl I thought, "I hate you."
She was just really arrogant, she was like,
"I got into RADA when I was about 18."
I thought, "Oh, fuck off."
And, er, I don't know how, but it's always those...
Weirdly, it's always those people that I dislike at the beginning
that I end up becoming really close with.
There's a great cast in it,
and one person in particular - I'm gonna show you a clip -
is a young boy. How old is he? He's incredible.
Called Lenny, I think his name is. Is that right? Yeah, Lenny Rush.
I mean, he steals the show,
which is annoying because I'm the main one, but, I mean...
He really is tremendous. Have a look at this.
This is Am I Being Unreasonable?
As I said, it's on BBC. Friday night?
And it's all on iPlayer. Have a look at this.
Yes, he's here!
Here's Nanny!
Hi, Nan.
Yeah, I loved it. It's...
It's just... Yeah, the present, it's just amazing.
Yeah. I'm wearing my hat. Er... for a picture for you.
You know, when I opened it, I was just like, "Whoa!"
It's just so good!
Yeah.
Erm...
It's... Er... PAPER RUSTLES
Oh...
Eh... Ba...
Er...
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.
Don't be sorry for that. That's...
I'm unbelievably proud of you.
That was quite good. That was good, wasn't it?
That was really great.
APPLAUSE
He's amazing.
You said it's you being you in there,
but some of the characters are based on...
ls the cleaner... You have a strange cleaner in that,
and she's based on someone real?
Yeah, my actual cleaner, Viv, who's in the audience.
I didn't even bother changing the name. It's exactly the same.
Where is she?
There she is. You know what, I was so drained
on the way down in the taxi, listening to her talking about
how she finds the rest of her crystal healing group boring.
LAUGHTER Oh, my God.
Oh, God, they're gonna know now! LAUGHTER
Serves you right!
She's so funny.
She will say to me,
"Look, I've just seen a Roman walk through your wardrobe,
"and we're out of bog roll."
LAUGHTER So she...
But you believe in ghosts, don't you? I believe in ghosts.
Do I believe that Viv sees ghosts?
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
Tim, do you believe in ghosts?
I don't believe in ghosts, no.
But you do believe there's life on other planets?
I do, yeah, yeah. I think you look at the statistics,
how many billions of stars there are in every galaxy,
hundreds of billions of stars,
and how many trillions of galaxies there are,
there's got to be life out there.
Even if they're right at the edge.
There is no edge, Jonathan.
LAUGHTER
So, the show's great, I really love it.
You're not going to do any more This Country, are you? That's done?
I don't know. Maybe we'll come back to it.
I just needed a bit of a break, I think.
But, yeah, we'll have to go back.
Maybe a Christmas special or something. Yeah.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Yay! Why not?
APPLAUSE Make a bit of money.
LAUGHTER
We're gonna take a break now, and we're gonna say goodbye to Tim
cos he's got to head off, he's got a show today tomorrow.
I love the book, and the tour sounds phenomenal.
Do you know yet whether you're going to be going to space again?
Hopefully find out in November this year.
And where will that be to? I mean, obviously space, but where? Yeah!
LAUGHTER Well, we're...
LAUGHTER
You know what I mean? You'd want to know, wouldn't you?
So you know what to pack.
We're starting the Artemis missions very soon,
which is returning to the Moon, so I'd love to get a Moon visit.
So there's a chance you might get to walk on the Moon?
There is a chance. Wow.
APPLAUSE Oh, my God!
I hope you get to go. If you go to the Moon, that's amazing.
Thank you. I hope that happens for you.
Lovely having you. Tim Peake, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you very much. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
The rest of you, stay put, if you will.
We're gonna take a break, and because Tim's leaving us,
there's space now for Lewis Capaldi to come and join us. Don't go away.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's get my next guest out.
He's one of the biggest-selling artists of the past few years.
He's been on the program me before. He is a brilliant talent.
It is Mr Lewis Capaldi!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, hello. Hello, hello.
Hello, hello.
Come round here.
Thank you for having me. Sit down, Lewis.
So, congratulations. New single, Forget Me,
straight in at number one. Yeah.
That must be a good feeling, isn't it? Yeah.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Congratulations.
I mean...
It's not number one any more. Nothing stays.
It was a rapid decline.
So, thank you for reminding me of my loss.
Your moment of glory. Thank you.
No, I didn't intend to bring you down with that.
Well, it's too late, you've fucked it. OK.
Where is it in the charts now?
Number three. Oh, it's hardly bad, is it?
Well... in this economy...
So that's an exciting year for you,
but there's also some other news because, er,
about five or six weeks ago,
you went public with the fact you discovered you have Tourette's.
Yes, I have Tourette's. I didn't mean for it to be a big thing.
Why did you decide to go public with it?
Cos people think that I am on cocaine quite a lot.
It's a joke, but that's true, because you twitch sometimes.
Yeah, a lot. My left shoulder goes up like this,
and I kind of do this with my head,
and it looks like I'm sort of like... Buzzing.
It does look... Ancl I'm in show business, baby,
so I can understand people thinking I'm...
Sorry, I'm sitting quite relaxed. I feel at home.
Good. I want you to. Erm... I...
Yeah, no, I fucking, er... LAUGHTER
Erm...
What was I fucking talking about? LAUGHTER
You say people think you're on cocaine?
Yeah, people... Sorry. People think I'm on cocaine a lot.
Ancl I'm not. I'm not. WHISPERS: At least not right now.
No. I'm joking.
We have to clarify it.
People were thinking that you were behaving in a certain way
because you were probably on something?
Yeah, no, it's not. Ancl I just have Tourette's.
I kind of set it on an Instagram Live,
I kind
of
said
I kind of said it on an Instagram Live,
and I didn't expect it to be this big thing, but peoples picked it up.
Ancl now I am poster boy for Tourette's, which I'll take,
I'll gladly accept that.
But it must have been...
So, the diagnosis for this was fairly recent?
Yeah, yeah, it was seven or eight months ago, I think.
So, previously... So, was it a relief,
knowing what was causing...?
It was like, "Oh, that makes a lot of fucking sense." Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? One of those things where, like,
I was like, "Oh, why am I like this?"
What had you thought previously?
I thought I had a degenerative disease.
So, to be told it was, in fact, that I have Tourette's was,
as you can imagine, quite the relief. Erm...
Yeah, it's fucking... Look, it's fine.
Erm, I am... Everything works.
LAUGHTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well, Lewis... It must be a good thing to come out
and be able to say something like that
because there must be lots of other people with Tourette's.
To see someone as successful as you, as high-profile as you,
as confident as you to be able to come out and say that,
it's a good thing, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I feel...
Again, I didn't mean for it to be like,
"Oh, I'm, like... the champion of this." The poster boy.
But I imagine, with that,
comes a lot of, you know, financial gain.
So I will be that...
I will gladly lead my twitchy brothers and sisters, erm...
You're chasing that sweet Tourette's cash.
Yeah, there's a lot of money to be made in this game.
To be honest, it's nice to hear people are like, are able to take...
something from it. Cos I thought I was quite alone
in the fact that I was twitchy.
But then loads of people came out and were like, "Oh, I've got
"the exact same switch that you've got, and this and that."
"The exact
same
twitch that you've got, and this and that."
"The exact same twitch that you've got, and this and that."
So, erm... Yeah, it's fine, it kind of ebbs and flows.
If I look after myself, if I exercise, if I go to the gym,
if I... Which is the same thing, by the way.
LAUGHTER If I...
You know, if I, like, sort of, you know, like,
don't drink too much or, like,
take a walk in the park and breathe in a nice summer's air...
Mindfulness, that kind of thing. Yeah. Which, as you can tell,
I'm not doing much of. I was gonna ask...
Cos that's a commitment, isn't it?
Yeah, and I fucking hate commitment. I'm a loose guy. Come on!
LAUGHTER Whoo! Can't tie me down.
Loose and limber.
OK. Let me ask you a different question.
Er, you're Scottish. Yeah.
That's not the question. OK.
Did you watch the Euros?
Did you cheer on the English Lionesses?
No.
Ancl I won't lie to you. That's all right.
I'm very nice... Very honoured to meet you.
Erm, but what I found about the Euros, the Women's Euros,
was that watching...
the Lionesses, the English women's team,
excel in such a way
inspired a huge bitterness and jealousy...
LAUGHTER ..in me,
as a Scottish person.
The same as the men's game.
So it just shows you how far we've come, I think.
Lewis has given you a very honest response.
But a lot of famous people reached out to you afterwards.
Who are the sort of people that called you...?
Now I feel like a click. No. Not Lewis.
No, erm, the likes of Anthony Joshua,
David Beckham, huge names, and... It's amazing. All right!
So, what did Beckham say when he called?
Just congratulations on such a huge...
huge summer and, I think, yeah, he reached out to many of the girls.
On the pitch, Prince William spoke to you afterwards?
Yeah. I can't remember what he said, though.
You can't remember?
No. In the moment, like I said earlier,
everything was so silent.
I could see his lips moving, and I don't know what he said.
Normally when that happens, people use lip readers afterwards.
Yeah, I read on Twitter someone did a lip reading of it,
and it said, he said, "You are so powerful."
So, I hope that's what he said. Wow!
That is a really weird thing to say.
Maybe that's why he whispered it, cos he was a bit embarrassed.
In the moment, he went, "God, you're so powerful!"
You are so...
So... If somebody said that to me, like, "Come on, mate."
Romesh, what's the chance of anyone ever saying that to you?
It's unlikely.
Since last time you were on the show, which was 2019, I think,
you've moved out of your parents' house.
I have. OK. So, how's that been for you?
How was that experience, how's the new house,
how's it all going? It's been fucking horrible.
LAUGHTER
I got sent this house from Ed Sheeran, of all people. Wow.
Thank you. He bought your house?
Did he fuck. No.
I fucking wish!
No. He sent me an email.
Cos we became quite close over lockdown and stuff,
and we're FaceTiming and stuff like that.
Nothing weird. Erm...
He sent me this email. I told him I was looking for a house.
He was like, "This place looks brilliant,
it's in Scotland..." And I was like, "You're Ed Sheeran,
"you obviously know lots about property." Erm...
It's the first thing I thought when I heard Galway Girl.
I says, "This guy knows the housing market."
No, but he, erm...
He sent me it, and it looked beautiful.
Sprawling hills, Jonathan, very green. Lovely.
Like, a nice farmhouse aesthetic. Beautiful.
Ancl then I moved in,
I kinda was blinded by the outside of it,
and I thought the interior wasn't up to scratch,
but I was like, "I can change that, I've got big plans." Yeah.
Ancl I moved in, and it was an absolute fucking shithole.
Ancl it smelled of smoke and wet dog.
Ancl there was a bag of live frogs in the cupboard.
Now, a box of live frogs, I can stand by.
But a bag? I can have no part in it.
A bag of live frogs?
Yeah. I don't know what they were there for,
if it was like some weird... sex thing. Or...
So, I don't live there any more. I moved out.
So, Ed Sheeran, wherever you are, fucking, you owe me money.
LAUGHTER
So where do you live now? You've found another house?
I have found another house in Glasgow. Yes.
In the West End of Glasgow.
Erm, it's the posh part. Erm...
Yeah, and life is... Life's good?
All right, yeah. I mean, not good. It's not good?
Well, there's a war on, Jonathan. No, I know.
LAUGHTER
Sorry. You can live in your bubble.
APPLAUSE
Traitor.
But for you personally, regardless of the global situation,
what I meant was, life is good for you?
Yeah. I mean, I'm still overweight
and have a small penis, but it's fine.
Those things, I guess I've learnt to reconcile with.
Are you seeing anyone at the moment? Are you with anyone? Erm... yeah.
No, I'm not, I'm single. Look at me.
LAUGHTER AUDIENCE: AW!
All right, don't "aw".
We can have a joke. I know I'm fucking hot stuff.
Erm, no, I'm single. I'm on Hinge.
I'm on Hinge. Are you one Hinge? Come on, then.
CHEERING
So, you're back in Glasgow. Back in Glasgow.
So, do you hang out still with the people you grew up with?
No fucking chance, my man.
Soon as I saw, like, an open door, I was fucking out of there.
I saw Ed Sheeran waving at the end of a tunnel.
So, I just... Yeah, no, I still speak to all my friends and stuff
from back home, and I still hang out with the same people.
I live with one of my friends from...
Sorry, I'm cutting you out a bit.
I live with one of my friends from school. His name's Niall.
Niall, hello. He works in student recruitment.
Niall, if you're watching this, fucking... your rent's clue.
LAUGHTER
But, erm...
He, er... Yeah, so I still know them all,
good friends with them all. It's hard to shake those people.
But it's strange, cos if you move away,
you do inevitably lose touch. You're still in the Cotswolds?
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm still in the village that I've, you know...
The village you grew up in?
Well, yeah, lost my virginity in, you know...
Didn't ask that. LAUGHTER
But, yeah, I can't move away from it.
I don't know what it is. Ancl I still, you know...
But people don't say, "Oh, that's Daisy May Cooper."
People go, "Oh, my God, she, right, pissed on the gym mat in Year Six."
That's how people know me. Keeps you grounded.
Yeah. Look how down-to-earth I am.
So humble.
So, where did you grow up, and where do you live now, Romesh?
Well, I grew up in Crawley. Crawley, Sussex.
Yeah. And I now live in Crawley.
LAUGHTER
I did move for a bit, but I ended up coming back.
I sold the house to this Scottish singer. Erm...
LAUGHTER
APPLAUSE
Lewis's new single, as I said earlier on,
Forget Me, is out now. It went to number one.
It's not at number one any more. Put it back, if you wanted to.
Yeah, fucking put it back, Britain.
But the video for it is fabulous. I love the video.
Tell me, explain to those who haven't seen it,
the concept behind this video before we show you a burst.
So, we just copied Club Tropicana. by Wham!.
And, er, yeah, it was two clays in Ibiza.
I was in little white pants.
In the same club they shot it at? Same places.
Same... I don't know if I rode the same donkeys,
but, erm... I was riding them, all right.
LAUGHTER
OK, we've put them side by side.
So, you can enjoy just how close it really is.
Have a look at this. This is amazing. It's Forget Me.
# Drag my name through the dirt
# Somehow it doesn't hurt, though
# Guess you're still holding on
# You told your friends You want me dead
# And said that I did everything wrong
# And you're not wrong
# Well, I'll take all the vitriol
# But not the thought Of you moving on
# Cos I'm not ready
# To find out You know how to forget me
# I'd rather hear how much You regret me... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
ROMESH: Amazing, amazing. So much fun.
So good, isn't it? So good.
You must have had fun shooting that?
Erm...
No, shooting it was awful.
I had sickness and diarrhoea during it. Wow.
I know that sounds like something I made up,
but I swear on all that is Holy
that my hole was unholy.
And, yeah, I had to wear those white pants all the time.
LAUGHTER
I bet everyone in that pool in the video were absolutely buzzing.
LAUGHTER Yeah!
But we didn't have spares, Chloe.
So, I just had to, like, clench cheek the whole time.
It's a very strange feeling to know that, at any moment,
you may be betrayed by your arsehole.
LAUGHTER
We're gonna take a break, but don't go away,
because after the break, Lewis Capaldi will be performing
in this studio. See you in a couple of minutes.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Welcome back to the show.
I'm pleased to say Romesh and Daisy May are still here,
Chloe's still here, Lewis is here. Let me ask about life in general.
First of all, being recognised.
Because you are, you know, quite recognisable.
But people seem to mix you up with a lot of other people, don't they?
Yeah. In particular... My hair looks dreadful.
...female politicians.
Female politicians? Yeah, yeah.
Who have you been compared to?
Angela Merkel. LAUGHTER
We've got some examples that people have put online of you.
Let's have a look and see whether we think there's any...
LAUGHTER
Angie! Yeah, there is something...
There is a little bit of something there. There she is.
LAUGHTER
The other one was Liz Truss. I get Liz Truss a lot.
That's young Truss. That does look...
To be fair... To be fair, since that's went up,
I've realised me and Liz Truss have a lot in common.
I also would make an awful prime minister.
LAUGHTER Yes!
Yeah'. Come on, come on. Whoa'.!
Political comedy.
Chloe, do you get recognised much? Do you get compared to other people?
Has anyone ever said, "My friend looks like you" or...?
Erm, no, but after the tournament,
a girl got upgraded at British Airways
cos she looked like me, apparently.
So, it wasn't you? No. I wish it was.
OK, I think we saw this story. We have this picture.
I mean...
LAUGHTER
Daisy, what do people shout at you?
People say... Well, I used to get Honey G a lot. Oh!
I tell you what, though, it used to be really upsetting
cos I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about.
They'd say, "I hate the stuff Simon Cowell says about you."
And I thought, "Why the fuck is he slagging ME off?!
"What have I done to him?" Yeah. Yeah.
Do you rap?
Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do a bit of rap.
What, kind of Cotswolds-style rapping?
Sort of, er... Mostly So Solid Crew sort of stuff.
RAPS: # Thug of the family Who could I be?
# M with the A to the C That's me... #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
So, Romesh is back on tour.
You're back. The Hustle tour is starting when?
It's starting in over a year's time.
But you advertise it now? Yeah, just because, I guess,
nobody had faith that I could sell the tickets.
But all of the tours are doing it way in advance.
Yeah. We give it a long lead time.
Chloe's not gonna play football tonight, obviously,
and we don't want you to get any injuries.
Romesh sort of fancied himself as a bit of a sportsman back in the day.
What the...? Where...?
You trained with the English team, for football, briefly?
Yeah. For Rob And Romesh Vs.
And how did you do on that? Awful.
Rob and I did a bit of training with Jude Bellingham and Mason Mount.
Rob's pretty good. And I'm dreadful.
I mean, what I can do, in a penalty,
I can send the keeper the wrong way with that.
LAUGHTER
But in terms of actual physical coordination,
I haven't really got it.
Midway through, Mason and Jude Bellingham, they go to me...
I was really going for it, and then they said to me,
"Are you... are you doing this to be funny?"
I went, "What do you mean?"
He goes, "The way you're kicking the ball,
"are you doing it for comedy?" I went, "No, that's... I'm trying."
Ancl he honestly... They honestly looked at me
like I was a different species.
But honestly, every time I kick a football,
it looks like the first time I've kicked a football. OK.
Tonight, we're gonna ask Chloe
whether she'll give you some pointers.
And we'll join in as well, but, Romesh, it's you
that were trying to help here. Thank you.
So, if we want to bring out the gear now. Come on over.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE We'll give this a go with Chloe
telling us what we're doing wrong. Chloe, you're judging us here.
Give us tips as well.
So, Romesh, I'm gonna put the ball down.
Look at that. I know how to do that. It feels quite...
They're hard, aren't they? OK. If you would like to...
What should he do?
How does he approach the ball, what should he do?
I wouldn't take as big run up, cos you'll probably hit the crowd.
We've got a net there, it's OK.
But with his eyes, it's probably gonna go over there anyway.
I'd side-foot it, but... Why have you gotta...?
Why have you got to do that?
I was just joining in cos you were doing it earlier.
I didn't even fancy myself as a sport...
You've stitched me up here. I agreed to do it.
I think this might be a good new career for you,
and God knows you need something.
LAUGHTER
So, if you study the form and tell us what's going right...
Well, what's going wrong. Get behind him, audience.
Sorry.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Go on. Go on.
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. It's not... I'm not...
These are like... You can't blame the shoes!
All right, OK. I'm so s...
Lewis, you want to have a go? Yeah, fuck it.
Which one are you going for, Lewis?
Lewis?
Lewis, which one? Which one?
Top... Top left? Top left?
OK, go on. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Oh, my God! This is so stressful. Wow. Lewis, Lewis...
Daisy, do you want to have a go?
ROMESH: Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up, guys. One go.
Go on, Daisy. Do you want to have a go? Oh, God.
Daisy, which one are you going for?
Bottom right?
Bottom right. OK.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
Lewis, come forward. Lewis, come forward.
Lewis...
Yes! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Very good. Very good. Come on.
OK, Lewis, if you'd like to head over to perform.
Lewis Capaldi, ladies and gentlemen.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Thank you to all my fabulous guests tonight.
Join me again next week, when we've got Rosie Huntington-Whiteley,
Chris McCausland, Sara Pascoe, Dame Kelly Holmes,
legendary film composer Hans Zimmer,
and the return of the Arctic Monkeys right here on the show.
But now, with Forget Me, it's Lewis Capaldi.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
# Days ache and nights are long
# Two years Ancl still you're not gone
# I guess I'm still holding on
# Drag my name through the dirt
# Somehow it doesn't hurt, though
# I guess you're still holding on
# You told your friends You want me dead
# And said that I did Everything wrong
# And you're not wrong
# Well, I'll take all the vitriol
# But not the thought of you Moving on
# Cos I'm not ready
# To find out you know How to forget me
# I'd rather hear How much you regret me
# And pray to God That you never met me
# Than forget me
# Oh, I hate to know I made you cry
# But love to know I cross your mind
# Babe, oh, I
# Even after all It'd still wreck me
# To find out you'd know How to forget me
# Even after all this time
# Days ache and nights are grey
# My heart is still your place, babe
# I guess I still feel the same
# Know you can't stand my face
# Some scars you can't erase, babe
# I guess you still feel the same
# Well, I'll take all the vitriol
# But not the thought of you Moving on
# Cos I'm not ready
# To find out you know How to forget me
# I'd rather hear how much You regret me
# And pray to God That you never met me
# Than forget me
# Oh, I hate to know I made you cry
# But love to know I cross your mind
# Babe, oh, I
# Even after all It'd still wreck me
# To find out You'd know how to forget me
# Even after all this time
# I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me
# Yeah
# I'm not ready to let you forget me # Even after all this time
# I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me
# Yeah
# I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me
# Cos I'm not ready
# To find out You know how to forget me
# I'd rather hear how much You regret me
# And pray to God That you never met me
# Than forget me
# Oh, I hate to know I made you cry
# But love to know I cross your mind
# Babe, oh, I
# Even after all It'd still wreck me
# To find out You'd know how to forget me
# Even after all this time. #
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com