1 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,910 (ELECTRONIC WHIRRING) 2 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:17,110 (FLATLINE TONE) 3 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:18,510 (CRACKING) 4 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,910 (MUFFLED CHATTER) 5 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,750 (DOOR OPENS) 6 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:45,510 (CLEARS HIS THROAT) They're ready for you. 7 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,310 - Gwendolyn Harris. We've met. - Bournemouth. 8 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,190 - But you don't know the others. - No, but I'm familiar with you. 9 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,700 Why do you want to be an MP? 10 00:00:57,760 --> 00:01:00,350 Because I'm not satisfied with the way things are, 11 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,390 and rather than sit back and moan, I'd prefer to do something about it. 12 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,150 - (BELL RINGS) - Go again from the top. 13 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,750 I don't know why anyone's surprised 14 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,510 the world's number one teen idol has become a Scientologist. 15 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,590 Speed up the autocue, please. Pop stars do believe in weird things. 16 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,950 Abba believed in angels. R Kelly believed he could fly... 17 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:19,220 They said show you this. 18 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,190 - This happened just now? - Mm-hm. 19 00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,300 Gladwell? 20 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,790 "Shamed Tory Jason Gladwell resigns" - 21 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,270 capitals - "over Twitter porn pics scandal." 22 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:28,750 Oh, so he wasn't hacked after all. 23 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,360 "Originally claimed his account had been hacked... 24 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,830 "Resignation statement admits 25 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:35,550 "inappropriate correspondence with a 15-year-old girl." 26 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,510 So tweeting dick photos is correspondence now, is it? 27 00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:40,390 "Departure triggers a by-election 28 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,430 "in his Stentonford and Hersham constituency." 29 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,430 - Well, you get to use the Gladwell stuff. - Mm-hm. 30 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:49,390 Bump it all up to the top of the monologue. Anyone seen Jamie? 31 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,350 (PHONE RINGING) 32 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:56,190 Rach? 33 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,150 You really shouldn't be calling me any more. 34 00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,990 You need to sort yourself out. 35 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,710 I am. 36 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,220 Focus on Waldo. That's going well for you. 37 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,350 - But it's not... - He's a hit, Jamie. 38 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:09,830 "He." Not me, "he". 39 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,470 Just do your show. 40 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:14,110 - I will. I mean, hon, if you'd just... - (KNOCK AT DOOR) 41 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,150 - (PHONE RINGS OFF) - WOMAN: Jamie? 42 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,510 Jamie, hurry up. 43 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,400 WOMAN: What do you know about Stentonford and Hersham? 44 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,150 Safe Tory seat. 45 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,590 So... realistically, I know there's not much of a chance, but... 46 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:30,390 So, it's a stepping stone for you? 47 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,270 Yes. 48 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:36,620 Obviously, I wouldn't say that outside of this room, but... 49 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,630 well, you want me to be honest. 50 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,270 There's no point in pretending. 51 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:44,670 Is there anything in your past that might conceivably cause problems? 52 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,190 No. 53 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,030 Except... 54 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,790 ...I did commit a series of murders in Huddersfield 55 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,750 between '99 and 2003. 56 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,390 But apart from that... 57 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,390 Well, thank you, Gwendolyn. 58 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,990 If you could leave via that door. 59 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:05,910 Oh, that door? 60 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,340 We like to keep the candidates separate. 61 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:10,950 Right, yes. 62 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,630 (MUTTERS) Idiot. 63 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,150 Idiot! 64 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,190 Shamed super groomer and all-round pillock of the community 65 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,310 Jason Gladwell has resigned as an MP, 66 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,830 saying he could no longer maintain his position. 67 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,260 That position, presumably, being hunched over, 68 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,510 - wanking madly at school kids. - (LAUGHTER) 69 00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,990 A pal of Gladwell said... 70 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,110 - Are you ready? - Uh-huh. 71 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,230 ...how old the girl wasn't. That's the sort of 72 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:51,670 feeble excuse only a naive school kid would swallow - 73 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,590 which, presumably, was the idea. 74 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:54,830 (GROANS AND LAUGHTER) 75 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,510 Anyway, the bad news is, he's resigned in disgrace. 76 00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,830 The good news is, he's now free to pursue a full-time career 77 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,510 in the disgraced paedophile industry. 78 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,150 (LAUGHTER) 79 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,710 Personally, I don't understand why anyone's surprised... 80 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,950 Um, small change to the intro. 81 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:10,980 What? 82 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:12,750 Nothing huge, just Conor wanted the Jacko gag 83 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,150 - for the monologue, so... - That was my bit. 84 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:15,750 There's the Chancellor stuff, you could use that. 85 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,830 Bit politics. 86 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,510 - You can do politics. - I do piss-taking. 87 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,310 Go be Waldo. 88 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,270 Yes, Commander. 89 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,670 R Kelly believed he could fly, 90 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,710 and Michael Jackson believed that his doctor was qualified... 91 00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,430 (DEEP VOICE) Big ball blue bear bollocks. 92 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,620 And now it's time 93 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:32,950 for our final visit to the world of educational children's programming 94 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,630 courtesy of everyone's favourite, 95 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:39,310 and only occasionally inappropriate cool kids' TV character, Waldo. 96 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,000 - Whose mum's in tonight, apparently. - (LAUGHTER) 97 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:47,750 Waldo, who have you had in your cave this week? 98 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,950 Well, Conor, in my big pink 99 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,150 cave this week, I had former 100 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,910 Minister for Culture Liam Monroe. 101 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,670 Oh, he's quite handsome, isn't he? 102 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,670 I was hoping he'd nosh me off! 103 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,020 Want to see how it panned out? 104 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,390 I think we should. 105 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:03,590 Run VT! 106 00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:06,710 (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 107 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,550 (LAUGHTER) 108 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,430 Hey, everybody! 109 00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:20,510 It's Waldo time! Yeah! 110 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,750 Cool! Cool! 111 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,390 Waldo-rrific! 112 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:26,790 Ha-ha-ha! 113 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:30,270 Hey, kids, my guest this week is Mr Monroe. 114 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,870 Hello, Mr Monroe. 115 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,230 Hello, Waldo. 116 00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,350 Mr Monroe is a politician. 117 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,870 So, what is a politician, Mr Monroe? 118 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,870 Well, a politician is someone 119 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:47,510 who tries to make the world a fairer place. 120 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:48,750 Like Batman. 121 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,340 - Not exactly like Batman. - Do you beat people up? 122 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,350 No, I don't beat people up. 123 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,460 Are you a pussy, then? 124 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,110 (LAUGHTER) 125 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,670 Well, I'm not sure I know exactly what... 126 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:02,070 You don't know what pussy is? 127 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,550 (LAUGHTER) 128 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,430 OK, this is clearly some kind of joke. 129 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,110 No joke, sorry, let's move on. 130 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,350 Friends again? 131 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,700 (KISSES) 132 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:16,070 (CHATTERING) 133 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:23,500 Oh, hello, mate, great show. Well done, 134 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:24,620 really good. 135 00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:25,870 So, we'll bring him over. 136 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,670 You go and get him, I'll explain about... 137 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:28,670 Now, he comes across... 138 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,870 Jamie! 139 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,870 (WALDO'S VOICE) What you want, Miss Tamsin? 140 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,870 Behind me, man in glasses talking to Jack Napier. 141 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,830 - Jack freaks me out. - Yeah, ditto, 142 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:39,340 but he owns the company and the man he's with is important 143 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,390 - and wants to talk to you. - (SIGHS) 144 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:42,710 He's from the channel. 145 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,110 Go on. 146 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,670 - JACK: Honestly, all I'm saying... - JIM: Is he shy? 147 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,550 No, all I'm saying is, he's a terrific guy... 148 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,230 - Jim, Jamie, Jamie, Jim. - How do you do? 149 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,840 - Jim, Jack, James. - Jamie. 150 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,310 Jim was just talking about Waldo. 151 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:00,390 Yeah. Liam Monroe has lodged a complaint. 152 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,820 - Toys out of the pram. - And that's? 153 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,350 Good press. 154 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,750 It's so tough to get a breakthrough these days, 155 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,870 but when it does, well, it's just fantastic. 156 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,790 It's fantastic the way Waldo puts the piss up Monroe. 157 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,310 You know, all those twats, it's punk, it's... it's... 158 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,470 - Jack? - Excuse me. 159 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,310 Well, Twitter can't get enough of Waldo, loves him. 160 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,590 Look, I know the show's coming back again next year, but, um... 161 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,510 we want to see more of Waldo. 162 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,190 They want to do a pilot. 163 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:35,750 - A Waldo pilot? - Yeah. I mean, how does that sound? 164 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,310 Yeah. That sounds good. 165 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,310 Sounds stormin' Norman, fucking stormin'. 166 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,030 Going to give it to 'em. 167 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,670 (PHONE BEEPS) 168 00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,710 SHAUN: Yeah, but look, we can't do sketches without Waldo. 169 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:07,350 It's a Waldo pilot, it's a Waldo show, 170 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:08,910 it's got to be Waldo, Waldo, Waldo. 171 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,590 Realistically, there isn't the budget for other animations. 172 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,020 I mean live action, other characters I can do. 173 00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,590 What about the Brown Knight? 174 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,550 What, the crap crusader? 175 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:22,540 We can look into the Brown Knight. But right now let's find more Waldo ideas. 176 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:25,790 The problem is, any guests we book 177 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:29,460 will be in on it. They know that Waldo's a joke, the surprise is gone. 178 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,740 So, we think round that. 179 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,990 - But we can't just... - TABLET: Hey, boys and girls! 180 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:34,350 It's Waldo time! 181 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,150 Yeah! Ha-ha! 182 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,470 - (LAUGHTER) - He's awesome, isn't he? 183 00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,430 - I mean, look... - Hey, boys and girls... 184 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,910 ...sod name in lights, you're an app now, my brother. 185 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,150 Yeah! Ha-ha! 186 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,190 All right, Sara? How's the think-tanking going? 187 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,350 - Good shit? - Um... 188 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,110 - Yeah, we're making headway. - Good. 189 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:53,910 I see our friend Monroe is in the news again, 190 00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,630 running in the Stentonford by-election. 191 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,820 We should get Waldo down there. 192 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,550 Hey, that's not a bad idea, actually. 193 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,750 We get a van with a screen with the image of Waldo on the side. 194 00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,270 Like it. 195 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,750 And then, when Monroe's doing a meet and greet, we just 196 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:11,260 - turn up and just get under his skin. - I love that, I love it. 197 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:13,780 - We've done Monroe. - But it was a great bit. 198 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,630 I'm not dumb or clever enough to be political... 199 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,300 Why don't we get Waldo to stand for the by-election? 200 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,350 - Get people to vote for him? - He's not real. 201 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,510 But people have stood as fictional characters before. Do you think 202 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,390 Screaming Lord Sutch was his real name? 203 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,900 We just put "commonly known as" on the ballot. 204 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,070 No-one's actually going to vote for him, that's not the point. 205 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,550 The point is, we get to hang around, we're there for the count. 206 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,470 (CLICKS FINGERS) Well, go on then, Sara, whack it up there. 207 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,550 TAMSIN: He's with a mum and baby group. 208 00:09:55,600 --> 00:10:00,030 OK. Going live in five... four... three... two... 209 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,750 Thank you so much for joining me this morning. It's been incredibly informative 210 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,950 and I think we should have a little round of applause for the children, 211 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,910 who were fantastic. 212 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,180 Thank you, Naomi. 213 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,830 Um... thank you for your time. 214 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:17,540 Hey! 215 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,110 Hey, it's me, Waldo. 216 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,540 Oh, I like your trainers, man! 217 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,060 I'd wear trainers myself but I can't cos I haven't got feet. 218 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:27,580 - I've got stumps. - (ALL LAUGH) 219 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:28,700 He's out. 220 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,470 Hey, Mr Monroe! Mr Monroe! 221 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:32,980 Hey! Did you get off with any of the mums? 222 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,710 Where'd you look while they were breastfeeding? 223 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,390 They got big milky tits, Mr Monroe! 224 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,150 He said it! 225 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,390 Mr Monroe, don't walk away from me! 226 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,510 - I'm sorry about this, Liam. - Hey, I'm being snubbed! 227 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,020 Hey, don't ignore me. Don't just get in your car. 228 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,270 It's a death trap anyway, look at it! 229 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,430 Let's find out what we can 230 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,350 - about the idiot inside that thing. - Sure. 231 00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,990 Mr Monroe. Oi! 232 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,150 (PHONE RINGS) 233 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,710 WOMAN: Stentonford Labour Party. 234 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,830 Right, you've got a choice of styles, 235 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:06,950 so just choose one from there. Then you put your name... in there. 236 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,300 This is like bloody Moonpig. 237 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,470 Don't knock the free mail-out. 238 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,790 Bet Liam Monroe doesn't use some Fisher-Price leaflet app. 239 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,550 He doesn't have to. 240 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,070 Day one of the campaign in Stentonford and Hersham, 241 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,710 and Tory hopeful Liam Monroe hits the ground running. 242 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,270 The licence fee is something that's very close to my heart... 243 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,990 WALDO: Mr Monroe, ey! Ooh-ooh-ooh! Look at me, Mr Monroe, please! 244 00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,600 Hey, over here! Hey, over here! 245 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,590 Look over here, Mr Monroe, 246 00:11:39,640 --> 00:11:41,590 - look over here! - The Conservative Party have been, er... 247 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,830 have been arguing for a reduction in the licence fee for... 248 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,990 - Hey, hey! Good morning, everybody. - Pardon? 249 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,350 Why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe... 250 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,630 - I beg your pardon. - I'm sorry. It's rather loud. 251 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,190 - Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe... - We have argued for a further reduction 252 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:55,110 - in the licence fee... - Why you ignoring me? 253 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:56,910 Mum with a pushchair - drag her into it. 254 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,350 Hey, you. Mum with the pushchair. 255 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,350 Yeah, you. Ask Mr Monroe why he's ignoring me. 256 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,590 Why are you ignoring Waldo? 257 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:07,230 Mr Monroe, what's Waldo done to you? 258 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,270 - Yeah. Answer the lady. - Who's she? 259 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,070 We should probably just shift before this turns stupid. 260 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,950 I'm not walking away from a cartoon. 261 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,470 I'm not ignoring you. 262 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,670 Yeah, you were, you upset me. 263 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:21,910 You made Waldo 264 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,670 sad. Waa-a-a-a-a-ah. 265 00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,670 Well, obviously, I'm absolutely devastated that you're upset... 266 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:33,830 Wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah! 267 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:36,230 (CROWD LAUGHS) 268 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,750 Let him get a word in. 269 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,790 I'm not ignoring you because there is no you. 270 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,270 You are an image voiced by a comedian - 271 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,070 - an alleged comedian, more accurately. - If I'm not real, 272 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,630 why you talking to him? 273 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:51,430 And by "him" 274 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,670 I mean me, knobber! 275 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,150 (CROWD LAUGHS) 276 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,470 There's no point in attempting to converse with a cartoon. 277 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,270 Ooh, "converse", Your Lordship! 278 00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,670 Thy flowery language doth give me a right throbbing bone-on! 279 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,430 Uh-ha-ha-ha-huh! 280 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,950 (CROWD GASPS AND LAUGHS) 281 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,830 Uh-er-ha-ha! 282 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,830 Ha-ha-ha-ha-uh-uh-uh! 283 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,230 Uh-uh-uh-oh! 284 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,510 - Huh! Huh! - (SQUELCHING) 285 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,940 - Finished. - (CROWD LAUGHS) 286 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:24,790 Drink? 287 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:26,630 I've got e-mails. 288 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,310 You know that's Gwendolyn Harris? 289 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,820 The Labour candidate. 290 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,070 Did you read my background doc? 291 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,390 Yes. 292 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,540 Why don't you read it tonight? Alone. 293 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:59,340 I'll swing by about nine, so have your breakfast first... 294 00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,190 Are you my dad? 295 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,310 Apparently not. See you tomorrow. 296 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,150 TV: Waldo the bear left Monroe in stunned silence. 297 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,870 The colourful Waldo launched his own campaign 298 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:14,710 in typically loud and crowd-pleasing style... 299 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,790 Someone's bold. Do I know you? 300 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:22,140 Nice way to greet a voter. 301 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,790 Oh, sorry, I thought you were... 302 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,190 Actually, I'm more of a rival. 303 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:30,430 "Hey, Mr Monroe, Mr Monroe, why you ignoring me, Mr Monroe?" 304 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,040 - You're good at that. - Because I am that. 305 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,910 - What? You're that thing? - Waldo's not a thing... 306 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,510 he's a bear. 307 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:39,710 Liam Monroe calls him worse. 308 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,870 Nice work there, by the way. 309 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,950 Yeah, well. It's dick jokes at his expense basically. 310 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,430 Another one? 311 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,190 OK. One. 312 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,550 The way you describe it, it's like you're doing this for a showreel... 313 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:56,580 No... 314 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:59,100 ...like this place is the equivalent of a walk-on in a sketch show... 315 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:00,350 Ssh! 316 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,790 ...but your party leader has to show up 317 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,030 - because it's a mid-thing... - Mid-term by-election. 318 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,590 Terminology tits. 319 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,230 - You are 12! - So, because leaderballs is there, 320 00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,070 suddenly it's walk-on in a Ricky Gervais sketch show 321 00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:14,110 so it's good exposure. You're not going to win, you know you're not going to win... 322 00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,790 - Come on, ssh! - You're not going to win, though. 323 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,230 Of course not. 324 00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:20,470 So, why not be honest? Say, "You arseholes aren't 325 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,900 "going to vote for me, so here's what I think anyway." 326 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,390 - It doesn't work like that. - Nothing does, 327 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,350 that's why everything's bollocksed. 328 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,860 You're angry, for someone who's doing well. 329 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,190 I'm the voice of a blue bear. 330 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,460 (SHE GIGGLES) 331 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,470 If that's "doing well", then we are doomed! 332 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,190 - I can't see! - Hang on, there's a thing. 333 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,030 Have you had a fox in here or do you live like a 14-year-old? 334 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,270 (SHE LAUGHS) 335 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,470 Well, don't get too excited, I'm not sleeping in it. 336 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,470 Shit. Really? 337 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,190 (PANTING AND GROANING) 338 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:15,750 You're amazing. 339 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,910 Sorry? 340 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,750 You're amazing? 341 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:19,990 Oh, thank you! 342 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:29,310 (RAIN PATTERS ON WINDOW) 343 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,780 (HE SIGHS) 344 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:45,990 What's up? 345 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,550 Nothing. 346 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:48,910 Are you sure? 347 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,350 It's just... 348 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:02,070 ...I haven't been happy in a while... 349 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,830 ...and this is good, you know? 350 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:07,860 Hm. 351 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,870 Can I... have your number? 352 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,350 Yes! (GIGGLES) 353 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,230 Where's our mark this morning? 354 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:46,670 - We're out on the road. - Oh... 355 00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,670 bien sur. 356 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,470 Oh, hello, I'm Mr Monroe. 357 00:17:56,520 --> 00:18:00,140 Vote for me and keep things shitty. 358 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,070 Ha-ha-ha-ha! 359 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,670 (PHONE BEEPS) 360 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:15,990 (PHONE BEEPS) 361 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,630 Vote Waldo! Vote Waldo! 362 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,590 Vote Waldo! 363 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,310 Vote Waldo! 364 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,950 - GWENDOLYN: You're right. Strong Tory. - ROY: I warned you. 365 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,300 You know you're on Monroe turf when they live so far apart. 366 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,390 (CAR HORN TOOTS) 367 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:42,910 MAN: I'm voting Waldo! 368 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,390 I met Waldo last night. 369 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,550 Jamie, the guy who plays him. 370 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,150 He's fun. 371 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,070 - Fun? - Mm-hm. 372 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,510 Did you tell him anything about our campaign? 373 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,110 Not really. 374 00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,590 Not really or no? 375 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,190 Er, not really. 376 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:07,620 Look, he's OK. 377 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:11,350 He's a comedian - he's mocking Monroe now, it'll be you next. 378 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,110 His act is all F-this and penis jokes. 379 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,030 - But... - Don't see him again. 380 00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:24,060 (PHONE RINGS) 381 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,630 OK. Job done till the husting tomorrow. 382 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,990 Some media students doing a Question Time type thing. 383 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,790 They've asked Waldo to join the panel. 384 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,870 Oh, come on. It's my nightmare, going on Question Time. 385 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,310 It's students, you'll walk it. 386 00:19:39,360 --> 00:19:42,070 - I can't answer serious questions... - No-one wants you to! 387 00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:43,950 You're the comic relief, lighten up. 388 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:59,620 OK. Um, just have a look. I'm sure you'll find lots in there... 389 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,350 (PHONE RINGS) 390 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,270 ROY: Are there any particular issues that you're concerned about at all? 391 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,510 (BEEPING) 392 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:24,140 Hey. 393 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,350 - Oh, hi. - I thought we were going to... 394 00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,790 - Sorry, I've had a tough day... - Right. 395 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,670 - Not even one? - Sorry. 396 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,430 Well, what about tomorrow? 397 00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,750 Look, I can't... When this is happening, I can't see you. 398 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,830 - What do you mean? - I'm sorry. 399 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,470 Do they think that looks like Question Time? 400 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,950 Yeah. It looks politics-y. 401 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,270 Check the host. 402 00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,030 Jailbait Dimbleby. 403 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:08,920 When it comes to addiction and addicts, 404 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,190 we should sympathise, but we shouldn't patronise. 405 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:14,940 You know, serious drug use is a criminal offence, 406 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:18,230 that is committed voluntarily and for pleasure... 407 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:21,110 - (AUDIENCE MUTTERS) - Look, I'm sorry, these are the facts. 408 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,990 - Waldo, what do you think? - Mr Monroe, 409 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,420 - are you addicted? - No. 410 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:27,990 Sorry, I mean, are you a dickhead? 411 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,190 (LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE) 412 00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:32,710 I think we have to ask ourselves... 413 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,910 I think we have to ask ourselves, what is this for? 414 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,150 And why do we waste our time with animated trivialities 415 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,260 like him? 416 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:43,620 - I mean, why? - Why? 417 00:21:43,680 --> 00:21:47,150 (ON A LOOP) I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? I mean why? 418 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,670 This is just the kind of thing... 419 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,710 - Rather than see you laugh... - They laugh at you, 420 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,190 Limbo. 421 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:55,150 You laugh, you're laughing at someone who won't engage, 422 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:59,350 who is scared to engage, who hides behind a children's cartoon. 423 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,030 Who you calling a kiddy toon, fool? 424 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:07,100 I'm... I'm... I'm speaking about James Salter. 425 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:08,630 Hm? 426 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,230 - It's your name, isn't it? - Don't worry about it. 427 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:16,790 A James Salter, this is the man who's behind all this. 428 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,990 He's 33 years old, 429 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,990 a man whose career can be summed up surprisingly quickly. 430 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,270 You were in a sketch troupe 431 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,230 that enjoyed minor success about six years ago, 432 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,870 and the others moved on to better things, 433 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,150 but your main achievement seems to have been 434 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:33,950 playing the part of a corn on the cob 435 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,070 in a high-interest personal loan commercial. 436 00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:40,270 - (LAUGHTER) - I notice you keep that pretty quiet. 437 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,430 And now of course operating this sort of teddy bear thing. 438 00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:46,070 Which by the way is easier than it looks. Anyone could do it. 439 00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,270 See, this is... this is the thing. 440 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,150 It's easy, what he does. 441 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,230 He mocks. 442 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,150 And when he can't think of 443 00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,070 an authentic joke, which is actually quite often, he just swears. 444 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:04,470 I think that this puppet's inclusion on this panel 445 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:05,910 debases the process of debate, 446 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,670 and smothers any meaningful discussion of the issues. 447 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:13,110 So I return to my original question - is that really what this is for? 448 00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:17,510 He has nothing to offer and he has nothing to say. 449 00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:19,630 Prove me wrong. Hm? 450 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:21,230 Speak, Waldo. 451 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:23,580 Please. 452 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,710 Come on. Speak up. 453 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,470 There, you see, nothing. 454 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,310 Oh, go fuck yourself. 455 00:23:32,360 --> 00:23:34,350 (LAUGHTER) 456 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:36,230 It's more swearing. 457 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,550 You're a joke. You look less human than I do 458 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,790 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise cock. 459 00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,350 (LAUGHTER) 460 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,110 What are you? You're just an old attitude with new hair. 461 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,550 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? No-one 462 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,980 takes you seriously, that's why no-one votes. 463 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:55,390 - The vast majority do vote. - It's bullshit. 464 00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:56,870 Surely this is enough? 465 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,550 - You think you deserve respect. - Just common courtesy. 466 00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:00,740 Because you went to public school 467 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,710 and grew up believing you're entitled to everything. 468 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,830 - Perhaps we could get back... - Ad hominem nonsense... 469 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:05,860 Gwendolyn Harris... 470 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,670 Something's got to change. No-one trusts you lot 471 00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:10,630 cos they know you don't give a shit 472 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:13,270 about anything outside your bubble. What about your mate Gladwell, 473 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:16,990 the kiddy-flasher? You knew him for 20 years - did you not know what he was like? 474 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:18,790 No, of course not. 475 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:23,230 Yeah, cos you're all just front, like him, sly and pretending, 476 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,550 and in that way you're all the same. 477 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,990 Gwendolyn Harris, is all of politics a waste of time? 478 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:32,150 Well, of course I think no... 479 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,660 Oh, shut up, you're worse! 480 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,710 - Seriously, she's faker than him. - For once, I find myself 481 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,140 agreeing with Liam Monroe in that this really doesn't get us anywhere... 482 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,910 - Are you going to win? ...and there's no point 483 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,070 ...in us continuing... - Tell them why you're here. 484 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,990 ...if we can't have anything... - Tell them why you're here. 485 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,790 ...can't have anything resembling... - Tell them why you're here! 486 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,520 She's here to build a showreel. 487 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,070 I'm not kidding, that's literally it. 488 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:59,710 No, she's not going to win. This is all experience, to get herself on telly. 489 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,070 She actually gives less of a shit about anyone round here than he does, 490 00:25:03,120 --> 00:25:05,990 because he'll actually have to represent you. Am I wrong? 491 00:25:06,040 --> 00:25:08,230 A career politician. 492 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,270 Someone else less real than me, 493 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:11,870 and I can do this. 494 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,870 (LAUGHTER AND WHOOPING) 495 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:16,350 Can I just make a couple of points? 496 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:18,310 Oh, shut up, you pebble! 497 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,190 What is this for? That's what you wanted to know, Mr Monroe. 498 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,030 And the truth is, none of us know any more, thanks to you. 499 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:26,110 What are you for? 500 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,710 What are you for? 501 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,070 Thank you 502 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:32,870 - and good night. - (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) 503 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:20,870 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 504 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:22,350 TAMSIN: Jamie. 505 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,350 Jamie? 506 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:28,630 Jack's here. He wants to see us. 507 00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:32,630 You can't avoid it. 508 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,430 Get dressed, he'll meet us outside. 509 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,990 TV: And yet accusations of vapidity aside, 510 00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,950 it's clearly tapped a nerve. 511 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,030 In just three days, Waldo has gone viral. 512 00:27:03,080 --> 00:27:07,940 The video of his clash has already been viewed over a million times on You Tube. 513 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:12,670 There are Facebook groups calling on Waldo to form a national party. 514 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,830 WALDO: You're a joke. You look less human than I do 515 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:19,390 and I'm a made-up bear with a turquoise (BLEEP). What are you? 516 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,070 You're just an old attitude with new hair. 517 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,990 Assuming you're my superior because I'm not taking you seriously? 518 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,590 No-one takes you (BLEEP) seriously. 519 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,550 (CHATTERING) 520 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,230 Oh, look, here he is, the man of the moment! 521 00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:40,950 How does it feel to be a phenomenon? 522 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:42,270 Shit-ifying. 523 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:44,590 You are everywhere, my son. 524 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,200 Twitter, the news... Have you seen the poll? 525 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,390 You're in third place, mate. 526 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:50,950 You overtook that Lib Dem prick... 527 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,670 - Yeah, well, he's a glass of water. - This is an opportunity, Jamie. 528 00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:55,430 He knows my name now. 529 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,510 We could really do something here. 530 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,860 You know, everyone's pissed with the status quo. 531 00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:01,590 And Waldo gives that a voice. 532 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,670 Waldo's a bear. A blue bear. 533 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:07,390 Tell him, Tams. We've been asked on Consensus. 534 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:11,710 It's a ten-minute one-to-one interview with Phillip Crane. 535 00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:12,630 Pitbull Crane? 536 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:15,510 - Big guns for big guns. - Hello? I'm not a politician, OK? 537 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:16,910 I don't want to be a politician. 538 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,590 We know that you hate politics. 539 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:19,990 I don't hate them, I'm just not interested in them. 540 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,550 You don't need to be interested in them. 541 00:28:22,600 --> 00:28:24,110 You just need to be Waldo. 542 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:27,030 And when Crane asks something tricky 543 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,030 and I look stupid because I don't know how to answer? 544 00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,390 You'll know the answer because you have a producer. 545 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:36,190 Look... I can tell you what to say. 546 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:37,670 I can live Google any facts, 547 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,310 give you stats, quotes, whatever else you need. 548 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,590 So you've got a safety net for the concrete stuff 549 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:44,990 and the rest is Waldo, and you can do that in your sleep. 550 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,670 You'll piss all over Crane. 551 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:49,280 He'll know there's a team around me, he'll see it. 552 00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:51,590 Yeah, good. I hope he does. I hope he points a camera at it. 553 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,790 All the other MPs have got teams, we're just more honest about it. 554 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,400 Now, come on. What d'you say? Eh? 555 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:03,470 - Jamie! Jamie! - Why would I want to do this? 556 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,510 Look, the world is knackered and you can do something about it. 557 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:07,990 I don't know what you're on about. 558 00:29:08,040 --> 00:29:10,950 Waldo has got the attention of the young, and the young don't give a shit 559 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,990 about anything except trainers and pirating films. 560 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,750 Do you have any other astounding theories about young people? 561 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:20,270 Yeah, yeah, I do, actually. Look, they care about Waldo. 562 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,110 They'll vote for Waldo. The video was a hit for a reason. 563 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,430 The video's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed by it. 564 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,350 I was lashing out. I wasn't even articulate. 565 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,550 - It doesn't matter. - Or funny, which is almost worse. 566 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:30,870 We can build on that. 567 00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:32,470 - Waldo's not real. - Exactly! 568 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,710 That's what you said that really hit home. He's not real, 569 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,270 but he's realer than all the others. 570 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:38,990 He doesn't stand for anything. 571 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:41,390 Yeah, well, at least he doesn't pretend to. 572 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:43,740 Look we... we don't need politicians, 573 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:46,390 we've all got iPhones and computers, right? 574 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:50,310 So any decision that has to be made, any policy, we just put it online. 575 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:54,060 Let the people vote - thumbs up, thumbs down, the majority wins. 576 00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,950 That's a democracy. That's a... that's an actual democracy. 577 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,750 So's YouTube, and I don't know if you've seen it, 578 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:04,070 but the most popular video is a dog farting the theme tune to Happy Days. 579 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,910 Well, today it's Waldo. 580 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,630 No. It's still the dog. 581 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:13,270 Listen, can you imagine all the things we can change 582 00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,510 if we fuck the politicians out of the equation? 583 00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,120 I've said what I've said and now I'm shutting this door. 584 00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:24,030 Do you know who owns Waldo? 585 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,070 I do, I own the rights. 586 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,590 He's my character. 587 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,990 Yeah, written for my show. 588 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:36,910 You're too frightened to take it to the next level. Fine. I understand. 589 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,350 But also... 590 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:39,510 fuck off! 591 00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:41,350 And watch me fly. 592 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,950 You own Waldo, you can't be Waldo. 593 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,780 (MIMICS WALDO) Eh, Jamie, Jamie, Jamie, what's 'appenin'? Eh-eh-eh! 594 00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:53,430 Pretty close, I'd say. 595 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,790 (AS WALDO) What's happenin'? Ahh! 596 00:31:00,840 --> 00:31:03,220 Waldo-rrific, yeah! 597 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:04,260 Yeah! 598 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:05,910 (OWN VOICE) Why is he going off left again? 599 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,260 - Because the... - I know! I've got my... 600 00:31:08,320 --> 00:31:10,510 - Put your thumb in the white thing. - In there? OK. 601 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,590 That's not how that works. 602 00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:25,870 First tonight, a figure - or more accurately a character - 603 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,190 who's been causing an upset in the Stentonford by-election. 604 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,790 Unlike the other candidates, 605 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:34,750 he has no party affiliation. He doesn't even have a surname. 606 00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:39,350 He is Waldo. A few weeks ago, just a cult character in a comedy show. 607 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,940 Today, an official mascot for protest voters. 608 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:44,550 Vote Waldo. 609 00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:47,590 Cartoons don't play by the rules, and Waldo's open disdain 610 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,200 for his opponents has clearly struck a chord. 611 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,750 Ha-ha-ha! 612 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,470 Waldo, as a mascot for the disenfranchised, aren't you 613 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:59,390 ultimately neutralising seriously effective dissent? 614 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,590 Can I have subtitles for Mr Crane, please? 615 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,430 By encouraging people not to care, you're actively dangerous. 616 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,510 Dangerous? 617 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:08,350 - You think the public can't be trusted? - No. 618 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:10,070 Isn't that basically you calling them twats? 619 00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:11,510 - No, I... - Bell-ends, then? 620 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:13,670 Did you actually come here for a discussion or... 621 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,750 You're snooty for a glorified Punch and Judy man, Phil. 622 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:19,430 You know you're gonna get your best ratings in months cos I'm here. 623 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:22,390 To even get close to the figures I'm gonna pull in for you tonight, 624 00:32:22,440 --> 00:32:25,230 you'd have to fuck a prawn sandwich live on air. 625 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,740 - Make a nice prawn cocktail. - Could we make a serious 626 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:28,940 political point that is... 627 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:30,590 I've got one big blue point to make, fool. 628 00:32:30,640 --> 00:32:32,940 - Would you like to have a look at it? - Oh, God. Thank you. 629 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:35,510 Great work tonight. Look at... Look at this, look at this. 630 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:38,790 It's the Waldo polling app. Now, this can pinpoint you with GPS 631 00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:42,070 so that when you're at a polling station, it unlocks loads of free shit, look. 632 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:43,710 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 633 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:45,830 Thanks for voting, dickhead! 634 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:47,230 It's good, isn't it? 635 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,710 Who's this guy we're meeting? 636 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,060 I dunno. But he's from Washington 637 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:53,110 and he's got my restricted number. 638 00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:58,910 Jeff Carter, from the agency. 639 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,630 - Hey. - And I'll leap right in. 640 00:33:00,680 --> 00:33:02,710 I think what you're doing with Waldo is fascinating. 641 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,030 - From "the agency"? - Yeah, listen. 642 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,310 Waldo may be the perfect political figurehead. 643 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:09,500 Waldo the Bear. 644 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,310 The bear people like. The fact he's a bear is an assist. 645 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:13,670 An assist? 646 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:15,150 - It helps. - Right. 647 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:16,910 You look at human politicians, 648 00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,110 you're instinctively like, "brrrr" - uncanny, right? 649 00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,510 Like the girls in porn. 650 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:22,790 You just know something's wrong, cos why else are they doing it? 651 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:26,540 - It's usually daddy issues, eh? - Just like politics. Waldo bypasses that. 652 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,060 You already know he's not real, so no personal flaws. 653 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,990 I'm a person. 654 00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:32,910 With respect, Waldo's more than you. 655 00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,830 He's a team, and you're open about that, 656 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,180 which is fantastic. The honesty thing works. 657 00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:42,750 Waldo is a construct people not just accept, but embrace. 658 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,150 At the moment he's anti-politics, 659 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:47,760 which is a political stance in itself, right? 660 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,670 But he could deliver any brand of political content, 661 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,150 minus the potential downsides of a human messenger. 662 00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:57,510 In a debate, your team could Google every word the other guy says, 663 00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,670 then let Waldo hit him with debunk stats 664 00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,790 and spit a Twitter-ready zinger into the next sentence. 665 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,070 He's the perfect assassin. 666 00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,510 We won't win, though. 667 00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:11,910 You guys are so British. 668 00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,420 No, of course he won't win. 669 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,550 You started out too coarse off the bat. 670 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,160 There's no substantial basis to what you offer, 671 00:34:19,200 --> 00:34:24,110 and the whole nihilist "democracy sucks" thing, yeah, is kind of wack-a-doo, 672 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,590 but with a targeted, hopeful message, which we of course can provide, 673 00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:31,710 energising the disenfranchised without spooking the middle, 674 00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,630 via your new platform... 675 00:34:34,680 --> 00:34:38,830 You got a global political-entertainment product people actually want. 676 00:34:40,360 --> 00:34:42,350 You could roll this out worldwide. 677 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:43,670 Like Pringles. 678 00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:45,390 Absolutely. 679 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:53,710 It's, er... It's interesting stuff though. 680 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,710 When you're done with Stentonford, 681 00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,320 there may be an opportunity in South America. 682 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,110 Se puede hablar espanol? 683 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:02,540 Viví en Madrid tres anos. 684 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,270 Excelente. 685 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:10,470 TV: Yet another viral hit for Waldo 686 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,630 and his encounter with Phillip Crane racked up more... 687 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:24,590 What? 688 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,260 He's not coming. 689 00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:29,070 But he's the party leader! 690 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,390 It's too toxic. 691 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:38,270 TV: Meanwhile, as support for Gwendolyn Harris appears to be dwindling, 692 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:42,190 Labour denies the party is losing faith in their young candidate. 693 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:45,510 But Miss Harris spent most of the day locked in crisis talks 694 00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:46,590 at party head... 695 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:47,620 (TV OFF) 696 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:54,310 RADIO: In the Stentonford by-election, Waldo the cartoon bear continues... 697 00:35:55,560 --> 00:35:57,750 Did you see Gwendolyn Harris yesterday? 698 00:35:57,800 --> 00:35:59,830 She looks like she's been poisoned. 699 00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,230 Because he's gonna overtake her. 700 00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:03,630 We're still way ahead. 701 00:36:03,680 --> 00:36:06,990 If that thing is the main opposition, then the whole system looks absurd. 702 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,590 Which it may well be. 703 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:13,670 But it built these roads. 704 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:21,750 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 705 00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,750 Just come in, Roy. 706 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:32,790 I'm sorry, OK? 707 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,510 It was wrong to speak to you like that and... 708 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:37,790 After the campaign, I would've called you. 709 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,230 After the campaign! 710 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,510 All you've done is strengthen Monroe. 711 00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:48,180 You won't win either, but I was at least attempting to represent... 712 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:51,350 Well I don't know! Not just "bollocks to everything". 713 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,910 If you were preaching revolution, well, that'd be something, 714 00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:56,030 but you're not because that would require courage 715 00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:57,390 and a mindset. 716 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:59,590 And what have you got? 717 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:02,430 Who are you? 718 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:05,590 What are you for? 719 00:37:12,360 --> 00:37:13,630 Morning. 720 00:37:23,720 --> 00:37:25,390 So, final push. 721 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,030 You remind everyone that's got the app 722 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,830 that if they recommend it to a friend it unlocks a little fez for Waldo. 723 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:32,870 TAMSIN: We're here. 724 00:37:34,840 --> 00:37:37,110 Attention, shoppers. 725 00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:40,630 I'm here to ask you an important favour. Gather round. 726 00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:43,350 Come over here and listen. 727 00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:47,620 Don't vote for me. I'm an insult. 728 00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,750 Seriously. Vote for Monroe 729 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,780 or Harris 730 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:53,110 or, I dunno, UKIP, 731 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:54,220 or even that 732 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:55,070 Lib Dem guy. 733 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,630 - He's a prick! - Seriously, 734 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,140 only an arsehole would actually vote for me. 735 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,180 What is this? Irony? 736 00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:03,350 I'm worse than a wasted vote. 737 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:04,620 He's from the Harris campaign. 738 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,310 I mean it, you idiots! Don't vote for me! 739 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:09,270 Don't vote for me! Don't vote for me! 740 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:10,380 Don't vote for... 741 00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,350 (MUFFLED SHOUTS) 742 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:15,350 (CROWD BOOS) 743 00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:16,350 Shut up. 744 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:17,430 No. Don't boo him, 745 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:19,430 - he's right, He's right! - What are you doing? 746 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,470 - Resigning. - Jamie! 747 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:25,110 Look! It's me, I'm Waldo. 748 00:38:25,160 --> 00:38:27,230 This guy, whoever this guy is, he's a hero. 749 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:29,310 You should throw stuff at Waldo, 750 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:30,580 - he's bad bloody news. - WOMAN: He's funny! 751 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:31,550 He's not. 752 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,230 Don't listen to that man, he's a lesbian. Ahh! 753 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,070 - So remember, the polls are open. - (LAUGHTER) 754 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,030 And if you've got my app, you can unlock new stuff, like catchphrases 755 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:41,390 and a little hat 'n' that. 756 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,470 Only an idiot wouldn't vote for me, so question the status quo! 757 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,270 - Kill it! Kill it! - Kick them where it hurts. 758 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,780 The first man to hit him 759 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:51,110 gets 500 quid! 760 00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:54,630 Yeah, that's right. Knock him down. Knock him down. 761 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,510 Smash it! 762 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,860 Yeah! Yeah! 763 00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:02,460 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah... 764 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:14,230 TV: I, the undersigned, being the returning officer 765 00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:16,580 for the Stentonford and Hersham constituency, 766 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:20,030 hereby give notice that the total number of votes recorded 767 00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,310 for each candidate at the election is as follows. 768 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,950 Finch, Simon Arthur. Liberal Democrats. 769 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,270 2,449. 770 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,350 (APPLAUSE) 771 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:35,870 Harris, Gwendolyn Jodie. Labour. 772 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,350 11,237. 773 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,750 (APPLAUSE AND BOOING) 774 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,030 Monroe, Liam George Tennyson. Conservative. 775 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,640 19,161. 776 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,790 (JEERING) 777 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,830 Waldo, Independent. 778 00:40:00,120 --> 00:40:03,470 16,784. 779 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:06,030 (BOOING AND SHOUTING) 780 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,270 Ladies... Ladies and gentlemen, please! I declare that Liam Monroe 781 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,910 is duly elected member of Parliament for the constituency. 782 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:15,750 (BOOING) 783 00:40:15,800 --> 00:40:17,020 Hey, hey! 784 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,380 Everyone! 785 00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,790 500 quid to anyone who can lob a shoe! 786 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,400 (CHEERING AND SHOUTING) 787 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:52,790 Up you get, come on. 788 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:55,270 Come on! 789 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:00,630 (MECHANICAL WHIRRING) 790 00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:05,430 Come on. Out you go. 791 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:19,900 Go on! 792 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,710 (TV COMMENTARY IN JAPANESE) 793 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,310 Oi! 794 00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:05,870 Agh! 795 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,140 - (DULL THUDS) - (GROANS)