[ laughter, screaming ]
Let's just get this started.
Are you [bleep] kidding me?
Who's your good guy!
[ laughter ]
[ cymbals crash ]
♪♪
Narrator: With special guest nba superstar anthony davis.
[ laughter ]
♪♪
Today we're playing hooky from work.
But -- uh-oh -- our boss is about a video conference in.
-Where are we? -We won't know
Until the other guys tell us.
-And what do we have to do? -We have to get a stranger
To back up our lies to our boss.
If you don't get the stranger to back up your lie, you lose
And you probably get fired -- by that guy.
Q: All right, pal.
Sal: Look how comfortable he gets instantly.
I'm playing hooky from work.
All right, bud, your boss is about to facetime you,
And you're supposed to be at physical therapy.
The best way to prove that, murr, is to have your
Physical therapist actually come on screen and help you out.
Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you, man.
I just got an email from my boss
Who wants to do a quick zoom with me.
He thinks I'm at physical therapy right now.
I'm not, I just wanted the day off.
Could you do me a solid?
Just play the physical therapist behind me and --
Me, physical therapist? Yes. Just do me a solid.
I cannot lose my job again.
Okay. Is that okay?
Yeah. You're the best, man.
Q: He's in.
He's agreed to help murray. But is he going to touch murray?
I don't think so.
I'm going to try to frame out the stores.
It's got to look like -- that looks like an office.
[ ringing ]
Hey! Hey, boss. -Hey, james.
-Can you hear me? -I can, you feelin' alright?
This is ryan my physical therapist?
Look at this -- looks insane!
I've been here all day. He'll be back to work soon.
I thought it was just your hamstring.
No. Yeah, we're about to do that now.
If you want to get those, get the legs for me.
Get the leg, I'll frame it this way.
Get that. Get that.
Go higher? I can do more. I can do more.
Oh, my god! I can't believe it!
I was looking at the report from the q2 sales.
And q4 ratings look great.
I think we're on track for a record year.
Honestly. Keep going with the calves.
The calf.
[ laughter ]
So, luke, your wife needs physical therapy.
Can you get this guy's business card or number?
Can I get this guy's information?
Because my wife needs.
Your wife needs physical therapy.
She does.
You give your. Your information?
Yeah. My email is doctorryan@gmail.
Doctorryan@gmail.
What medical school did he go to?
Yale. Yale.
It doesn't get better than yale.
My excuse checks out. It's all legit.
I'll see you tomorrow, and, dr. Ryan,
I will be calling you.
Okay. Email, email.
Email, right? Doctorryan@gmail.
Wow, murr!
Saved my ass. Thank you so much.
Do me favor, I need to set up that gmail account
Tonight, okay?
[ ding, laughter ]
Sal: You couldn't make it to work today
Because the plumbing in the house is out of control.
Get the plumber.
Tell your boss the shitter's backed up
And it's going to take all day to clean up.
Here we go. I'm sorry, can I ask you --
Hi, I'm brian. Guy.
Nice to meet you, guy -- can I ask you for a favor?
I'm supposed to be at work today, and I called my --
[ ringing ] I told my boss that I couldn't
Because my plumbing is out and stuff like that,
And he's calling me right now, so I'm going to --
Long story short, could you pretend you're a plumber?
Oh, sure. You'll do it?!
I'll try. Oh!
[ ringing ] hey, boss.
Hey, brian, how are things going over there?
You alright? -It's going pretty good.
The plumber has been here, like, working on it
And stuff like that. -Is there any reason you have to
Be there while he's doing this?
Oh, he's right here. Hold on a second.
This is my plumber guy. This is my boss john.
-Hey, how are you? -Hey.
So what was it you were saying about the pipes?
Oh, yeah, the pipes. They're really clogged up.
I couldn't get the snake through them.
The wax ring's a mess. I mean, it's --
We have to replace the whole thing.
-You need me here, right? -Yeah.
I can't have him go, because, you know, we got to run out
And get some stuff, and, you know, whenever you mess
With someone's house, they really have to be there.
-Are you guys out now? -You know,
It was so unsanitary there, I had to bring him out to lunch
And get him out of there. Let me get this straight.
Your plumber took you out to lunch.
Your plumber took you out to lunch?
Well, we had to get out because the fumes were horrible.
Oh, my god!
John, ask him what exactly is wrong with the shitter?
But what is wrong with the shitter? Like, what's--
Well, because -- look, I mean --
Hold that up, show him. Look at this.
Look what he pulled out of the pipe.
This is unbelievable.
Are those sealed beets?
Yeah. I've never seen that before in my life.
Actually, while I got you on the line,
Can I ask you a question while I have
You on the line, can I ask you a question real quick?
-Sure, sure. -My back water valve keeps
Getting caught on the closet flange,
My back water valve.
Keeps getting caught on the closet flange.
-"what do you recommend?" -what do you recommend?
It sounds like you got to change that wax ring again.
The wax ring, bro.
-I got to look this up. -Okay? No, that's cool.
But just, you know, we're going to go, man,
Because we've got -- there's a lot of [bleep] in pipes,
Brother, we got to get out. -It's -- it's --
Yeah, we got to get back there.
Are you at the mall with your friend?
I just -- I have to -- got to go, got to go, boss,
Gotta get outta here, sorry.
He got away with it! Were those real terms,
Any of them, or are you making them up as you go?
I'm just making them up.
Murr: Oh, my god!
[ dinging ]
[ ringing ] and here we go.
Oh, no. Oh, no. Your boss.
Where's your boss think you are?
Oh, at the car dealership.
Getting the new rental for the company.
Yeah, right. If only there was someone around
To pretend they work at the car dealership
With no sleeves and a baseball cap.
Surely your boss would buy this excuse.
Excuse me. Can you do me one small favor?
I'm supposed to be shopping for a car lease for my boss,
For our company. Okay.
I'm not. I'm here.
And I'm just taking a quick facetime.
Is there any way at all you can just make believe
That I'm at the car dealership and you're negotiating with me?
He's got him! Oh, hey.
Here's johnna.
-Uh, sal? -Hey, hey, hey.
-Hey! How's it going? -I'm at the sales floor.
-Oh, okay. -I'm here with chris,
The sales manager. -Johnna, "can I speak to him?"
-Can I speak to him? -Yeah.
-Hi, chris? We want a good deal.
Basically, we don't overpay. So what's the best you can do?
Um... I...
Murr: Johnna, "can I speak to him?"
-Can I speak to him? -Yeah.
Hi, chris? We want a good deal. Basically, we don't overpay.
So what's the best you can do?
I, uh -- I just have to look at a couple of things.
And what model are we talking about again?
What model are we talking about?
Just say any model. We're talking about a ford.
-Yeah, ford was a ford. -36 months.
Murr: He's looking at the sales numbers!
I mean, are there better terms if we go higher, chris?
Yeah. Yeah, we could -- we could definitely go higher.
Murr: Oh, my god. He's lying!
$3,000 due at signing and $411 a month.
Oh, my god! This guy's great.
"oh, my god. My business is saved."
We've had a really hard time getting a loan,
And this means a lot and the company is saved.
Awesome. That's... That's great.
[ laughter ]
"you know how many lives we're going to save
With this car lease?"
I mean, chris, you're literally saving lives.
That's -- that means a lot, yeah.
Johnna, explain that you deliver transplanted organs.
Chris, you know what organ transplantation is?
-Yeah. -Yeah, that's what we do.
Can I get a lower rate knowing that?
I just have to ask, does that get us a better rate?
I can at least see, you know.
Sal, have him go talk to his manager!
He's going to talk to his manager real quick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get up -- get up and walk away and come back.
I'll be right back. Thank you.
[ laughter ]
So, anything.
I think we could drop to $380. $380, he said!
Yeah. Johnna, "we are going to deliver
So many kidneys."
We are going to deliver so many kidneys.
That -- that's great. Thank you so much.
And you have the keys?
Yeah, here you go. He's giving me the keys now.
So...
Well done, sal! Pulls it off!
I hope I didn't dig too deep a hole on this one!
I have to go get that deal right now somewhere.
[ bell dings, laughter ]
Narrator: It was no work and all play
For murr, q, and sal,
Keeping them safe from the loser board.
Today we're a j.Sweets playing entrepreneurs,
Pitching our new ideas to focus groups.
While pretending to be our business partner.
Our longtime friend and comedian steve byrne
Will be playing the moneyman
Who will actually be trying to throw us under the bus
By chiming in with terrible facts about the business.
Then we'll need to defend those terrible facts
As if they're good ideas.
And if they feel your business pitch
Is not ready to take on investors,
You lose.
All: Wow! Casual!
Murr: Have a seat. Welcome.
My name is james. This is my compatriot, steve.
So we've brought steve in and all he's got to do
Is just try and trip up murray while he's selling his product.
Okay, so the idea is,
St. Roggies medical center, newark.
Now, what do two guys that have no medical experience at all
Doing opening a hospital? I'm going to throw it to my guy.
The worst part of a hospital or a clinic is you go in,
You check in, paperwork, forms.
No, no, no. Not at saint roggie's.
No, no, no. And by the way, a benefit of our hospital --
If you don't get seen within 5 minutes,
All your bills are free. Free?
[ laughter ]
I know what everybody's thinking.
How is this sustainable?
I'll explain. Tell them about the needles.
We're going to reuse needles.
"my boy." steve doesn't need us.
He's on his own.
And tell him about guactoberfest.
Guactoberfest! I know what you're thinking.
What does guactoberfest have to do with st. Roggie's?
[ laughing ] computing, computing.
It has everything to do with saint roggie's!
The more terrible the accident, the more guac you get.
Imagine you wake up from an accident,
You come out of a coma,
Your loved ones are around you and you see them,
And then there's also guac.
[ laughter ]
Oh, that's exactly why we brought stephen, right?
How many you think our pitch is ready to bring to investors?
One. Sal: Oh, my god!
I didn't even think you'd get one!
Come on, dude.
That's fair.
Thanks for the help, steve!
All right, here we go, gentlemen.
It's steve byrne versus brian q.
So I brought something that would help us
Get into the middle of this, my friend.
I know what this is, I can tell right now.
-What's this? -Without a doubt.
It's irish whiskey.
Be careful which byrne you're asking for right now.
[ murr laughing ]
Have a seat. So this is the business
That we are going to present to people across america
To see if they can get involved, and that is...
That is the -- yep.
Rubsam and horrmann ranch.
It's a bar and petting zoo
Sal: He's already like, "nah."
The only place on staten island that you can
Legally get drunk and pet animals.
Tell them about how we're going to get animals to
Mate with each other to create new animals.
Yeah, they keep telling me that this is not possible.
One of the animals is a dog and a cat -- "dat."
And another one, called a "cog."
Cat and a dog.
Murr: Whisky's hitting.
There's assets to this, quote-unquote, petting zoo
That most zoos do not have: See-through bathrooms.
Do you want to walk 'em through that?
Steve's going rogue. Whiskey steve has gone rogue.
[ laughing ]
Whiskey steve has gone rogue.
See-through bathrooms.
Do you want to walk 'em through that?
Have you ever gone to the zoo and seen, like, a monkey peeing?
It's fascinating. So, at the rubsam and horrmann
Bar and petting zoo, you just go into the thing
And you just pee wherever you want.
Oh, well, that's, you know- - we'll have services there
To take you home.
Would you guys excuse us just one second?
Can I talk to you one second in my office?
Sure. Thank you.
Whiskey steve is behind the wheel right now.
I brought you here not to mess with me...
[ murr laughing ] they're still drinking!
Get it together.
[ murr laughing ] they just kissed on the lips!
Nobody said to do that.
Steve [bleep] get it together and stop doing shots of whiskey.
He's seducing you with spirits.
I'm drunk.
[ laughter ]
What'd you just say? I'm stoic. I am --
My feet can't move.
But I'm not going to lie, I'm a little --
Okay. I'm drunk.
"raise your hand if you want to invest in the zoo bar."
Please raise your hand if you would invest in
The rubsam & horrmann ranch bar and petting zoo
On staten island.
Why not? Yay!
Get drunk themselves by association.
[ laughter, bell dings ]
I'm sal. This is steve.
I'm the creative guy. He's my money guy.
It is important to note that steve and q are now drunk.
Yeah. And sal's up.
So the business we are starting today is called tramps.
You see there, it's adult trampoline center.
I know most folks out there would be thinking,
"how does ja rule fit into all this?"
And I'm gonna throw it to my guy sal.
[ laughter ]
Get him, steve! Get him, steve!
Ja rule? You're talking about the artist?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's that?
No.
[ laughter ]
Gonna have this be multifaceted, a social space,
You get the tax break, but on off hours, we're also --
We could do physical therapy.
No, no, not at all.
[ laughter ]
Let me -- hold -- hold on.
The best part, which we've never mentioned:
Pregnant teens get half off.
Oh, my god.
Murr: Oh, my god!
Sal, get this guy under control.
Let me explain that.
We are not going to charge people that can't jump on
The trampolines full price.
Q: Great, sal, great.
Do you have anything else to add?
Best part? No breastfeeding.
Why not?
On the trampoline, it's called a milkshake!
[ laughter ]
"I'm the money guy!"
I'm the money guy.
[ laughter ]
By show of hands,
How many of you guys think that we're in good shape
To bring this presentation out to investors?
-Fair enough. -Nothing! No one!
You were great. Thanks.
I flew out to nashville for this [bleep].
[ buzzer ]
[ laughter ]
Narrator: Sal got burned,
Making him tonight's big loser.
This week on "impractical jokers,"
We have the one and only anthony davis.
You guys wanna play some three-on-one?
So, sal, is our loser.
Well, fun fact,
He's also a sneakerhead.
Absolutely correct.
For your punishment, anthony davis wanted to give you a gift.
These are yours.
That's crazy!
These are thousands of dollars. They might not be for long.
Aw, what -- no, you can't.
You get to take these home, sal...
But you'll need to make
A number of increasingly difficult decisions
To determine what condition you take them home in.
Oh, my god. Sally's choice.
What do I have to do? Swipe.
All right. First sally's choice.
Yes, I can see scissors.
So I get to cut both tongues,
Or cut both your pant legs.
Cut my pants right away. It was that quick?!
I've been wanting these for so long.
-All right. -Let me take the first.
-Okay. -Here we go, sal.
Just be careful.
I'll start working over here.
Careful, murr!
I'm not near the penis, am I?
Stop!
[ laughter ]
This is what he wanted.
Who taught you how to cut daisy dukes?
[ laughter ]
There we go!
Swipe! All right.
For the next sally's choice,
You can either sell the sole
Of the sneakers to me
Or sell your mortal soul to me.
[ menacing laughter ]
This is where we're going?
Selling my soul to this son of a bitch?!
You don't have to. You can give him
The soles of the sneakers.
What is the process of selling your soul?
It's your soul.
What does that mean going forward?
This means when you die,
Your soul will belong to james murray.
I'm going home with these. I'm selling my soul.
You'll sell your soul to me. I guess. I don't know.
Sal, but listen, like, even the devil
Wouldn't sell his soul to murr.
Think about this!
Real careful. Think about it.
You don't know what I'm going to do with that soul.
Nothing's going to happen.
Bring in the notary.
So, you know my cousin helen?
She's a notary. She brought the contract for you, bud.
You're just going to want to read this over real quick.
Oh, wow. "I, salvatore volcano, junior, of staten island,
Do immediately give my eternal soul to james s. Murray
Of princeton, new jersey." eternal?
Yeah, sounds bad, doesn't it?
"in return, I will receive a gift of rubber, foam,
Cotton and polyester --"
When you put it that way! Keep going.
"use of mine own human blood to certify the deal."
Or I rip those soles out. Soles out of the shoe.
All right. Take my soul.
[ laughing ] you fool! You fool!
Gonna need you to prick your finger.
Get a little blood going.
And then after that, helen will notarize it for you.
Blood! That's blood! There you go!
Sal: Where do I put my blood?
Q: It's right next to the line.
Is this what you feel like at a contract signing?
Yes, yes. Yes.
All right. We just need that notarized.
He owns your soul. Congrats, murr.
Congrats.
For sneakers.
How do you feel about this?
Swipe.
So, sal's mom adele is here,
He brought her to the set today.
Swipe. No, no, undo that swipe!
I just want let you know
I will definitely, definitely go with option one
Which is pour this bottle of wine
On these beautiful pair of sneakers.
Option two, which we really,
Really recommend you not do.
My mom has to drink a whole bottle of wine?
No, no. You got to pour the wine on your mom.
Whole bottle or a glass? The bottle.
The bottle?!
Ma!
You're not going to do this.
So this -- these are tough to get on --
On the -- on the open market right now.
Sal, what do you think your mom's worth on the open market?
I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.
Gonna do it?
This is your mom.
Adele, I want you to have a seat.
And we know that sal's gonna make the right choice here.
Oh, god.
I'm making you sweat, huh?
I love you.
Oh, sal! Sal!
Why is this one so tough?
[ groans ]
There's no way he's doing it.
I don't believe it.
I love you so much. I'm here to do this.
I love you.
And... Pshh...
Don't do it, sal!
Come on!
I love you. I'm sorry.
Oh, my god! No, no, no!
I'm sorry! I love you!
[ all screaming ]
Don't do it, sal! Come on!
I'm sorry, I love you!
I love you! I love you, mom, I'm sorry!
Mom, anthony davis did this to you!
Anthony davis did this to you!
I'm so sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
I love you! I'm so sorry!
I feel horrible.
You've got no soul!
I'm so sorry, ma! I'm so sorry!
Swipe
All: Sally's choice! Sally's choice!
Anthony: You know what you gotta do now.
You guys are [bleep] kidding me right now.
You either walk across the coals
In these beautiful, so expensive --
In them?! Or walk across barefoot.
Oh, god! Now, we saw that you were
Already willing to sacrifice your mother.
Are you willing to sacrifice thine own feet?
Yeah, that's hot.
You got this, buddy.
Sal: Oh, my god.
Okay. He's going for it.
All right, go! Count!
Three, two, one!
Get it, sal!
[ slow-motion groaning ]
God! Aah!
[ cheering ]
I burned my [bleep] toe, bro!
Yeah, sal! Wow!
All right, sal, now this is normally where we would end
The punishment, right? But a.D. Had one more choice
For you to make. I just got one word
For you, sal. I know what it is, go 'head.
Swipe!
Q: All right, so, sal doesn't know this, but while we were
Outside we threw a little free throw contest indoors
With the boys and girls club of hoboken.
Murr: That's right, and sal doesn't know that
The winning child was promised his exact pair of sneakers.
What to do? Sally's choice!
Sally's choice!
First, I want to say congrats to the winner.
Winner? Yeah. That kid just won
A free throw contest, sal.
Anthony: But I also want you guys to give it up
For the guy that donated these great sneakers.
[ cheering and applause ]
Oh, wow! Your final choice, buddy.
Do you give the kid the sneakers?
Or do you take the sneakers? What's your choice?
Well, kyle, are you excited for the sneakers?
Do you understand what the sneakers are?
Because I am a sneaker guy. So these are --
These are rare. Like, really cool. Like, really...
No, sal, you have -- we promised the kid the sneakers.
[ stammering ] sally's choice!
Sally's choice! Alright, alright, alright.
You are young right now,
And you probably wouldn't appreciate them.
Murr: Oh!
I -- I -- I --
What I'm going to do is I'm going to get.
I'm going to get you a pair that will probably be better for you.
Murr: Oh, no, sal!
I have to go, but I have to --
You're not donating them anymore?
[ jeering ] oh, [bleep] me.
I'll make sure I get another pair.
Boo, we don't wanna hear it, sal!
I love the youth!
What a piece of [bleep]. He is a garbage human.
You can have these right here.
[ cheering and applause ] okay. Congratulations.
Anthony davis gave this kid his own shoes!
Now, that's a gentleman!
Swipe!
Give it up for anthony davis. Anthony davis!