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00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:13,278
[ laughter, screaming ]
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00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,413
Let's just get this started.
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Are you [bleep] kidding me?
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Who's your good guy!
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[ laughter ]
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[ cymbals crash ]
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♪♪
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Narrator: With special guest nba
superstar anthony davis.
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00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,364
[ laughter ]
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00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,299
♪♪
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Today we're playing hooky
from work.
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00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,103
But -- uh-oh -- our boss is
about a video conference in.
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00:00:39,105 --> 00:00:40,438
-Where are we?
-We won't know
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Until the other guys tell us.
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-And what do we have to do?
-We have to get a stranger
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To back up our lies
to our boss.
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00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,246
If you don't get the stranger
to back up your lie, you lose
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00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:51,316
And you probably get fired --
by that guy.
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Q: All right, pal.
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00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,791
Sal: Look how comfortable
he gets instantly.
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I'm playing hooky from work.
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All right, bud, your boss
is about to facetime you,
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And you're supposed to be
at physical therapy.
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The best way to prove that,
murr, is to have your
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Physical therapist actually come
on screen and help you out.
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Excuse me.
I'm sorry to interrupt you, man.
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I just got an email from my boss
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Who wants to do
a quick zoom with me.
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He thinks I'm at
physical therapy right now.
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I'm not, I just wanted
the day off.
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Could you do me a solid?
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Just play the physical therapist
behind me and --
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Me, physical therapist?
Yes. Just do me a solid.
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I cannot lose my job again.
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Okay.
Is that okay?
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Yeah.
You're the best, man.
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Q: He's in.
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He's agreed to help murray.
But is he going to touch murray?
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I don't think so.
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I'm going to try to frame
out the stores.
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It's got to look like --
that looks like an office.
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[ ringing ]
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Hey! Hey, boss.
-Hey, james.
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-Can you hear me?
-I can, you feelin' alright?
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This is ryan
my physical therapist?
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Look at this --
looks insane!
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I've been here all day.
He'll be back to work soon.
48
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,924
I thought it was just
your hamstring.
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00:02:05,926 --> 00:02:07,659
No. Yeah, we're about
to do that now.
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00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,728
If you want to get those,
get the legs for me.
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00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,996
Get the leg,
I'll frame it this way.
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Get that. Get that.
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Go higher? I can do more.
I can do more.
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Oh, my god!
I can't believe it!
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I was looking at the report
from the q2 sales.
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00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,208
And q4 ratings look great.
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00:02:23,210 --> 00:02:24,809
I think we're on track
for a record year.
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00:02:24,811 --> 00:02:26,144
Honestly.
Keep going with the calves.
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The calf.
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[ laughter ]
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So, luke, your wife needs
physical therapy.
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Can you get this guy's
business card or number?
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Can I get this guy's
information?
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Because my wife needs.
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Your wife needs
physical therapy.
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She does.
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You give your.
Your information?
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00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:46,498
Yeah. My email is
doctorryan@gmail.
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Doctorryan@gmail.
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What medical school
did he go to?
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What medical school
did he go to?
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Yale.
Yale.
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It doesn't get better than yale.
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My excuse checks out.
It's all legit.
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I'll see you tomorrow,
and, dr. Ryan,
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I will be calling you.
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Okay. Email, email.
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Email, right?
Doctorryan@gmail.
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Wow, murr!
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Saved my ass.
Thank you so much.
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Do me favor, I need to set up
that gmail account
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Tonight, okay?
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[ ding, laughter ]
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Sal: You couldn't make it
to work today
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Because the plumbing
in the house is out of control.
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Get the plumber.
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Tell your boss
the shitter's backed up
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And it's going to take
all day to clean up.
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Here we go.
I'm sorry, can I ask you --
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Hi, I'm brian.
Guy.
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Nice to meet you, guy --
can I ask you for a favor?
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I'm supposed to be at work
today, and I called my --
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[ ringing ]
I told my boss that I couldn't
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Because my plumbing is out
and stuff like that,
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And he's calling me right now,
so I'm going to --
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Long story short, could you
pretend you're a plumber?
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Oh, sure.
You'll do it?!
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I'll try.
Oh!
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[ ringing ]
hey, boss.
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00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,164
Hey, brian, how are things
going over there?
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00:03:52,166 --> 00:03:53,898
You alright?
-It's going pretty good.
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The plumber has been here, like,
working on it
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And stuff like that.
-Is there any reason you have to
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Be there while he's doing this?
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00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,572
Oh, he's right here.
Hold on a second.
106
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,507
This is my plumber guy.
This is my boss john.
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00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,042
-Hey, how are you?
-Hey.
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00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:06,711
So what was it you were saying
about the pipes?
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00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:08,913
Oh, yeah, the pipes.
They're really clogged up.
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I couldn't get
the snake through them.
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The wax ring's a mess.
I mean, it's --
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We have to replace
the whole thing.
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-You need me here, right?
-Yeah.
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I can't have him go, because,
you know, we got to run out
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And get some stuff,
and, you know, whenever you mess
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With someone's house,
they really have to be there.
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-Are you guys out now?
-You know,
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It was so unsanitary there,
I had to bring him out to lunch
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00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,468
And get him out of there.
Let me get this straight.
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00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,069
Your plumber
took you out to lunch.
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00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:34,006
Your plumber took you
out to lunch?
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Well, we had to get out
because the fumes were horrible.
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Oh, my god!
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John, ask him what exactly
is wrong with the shitter?
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00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:45,617
But what is wrong
with the shitter? Like, what's--
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Well, because --
look, I mean --
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Hold that up, show him.
Look at this.
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00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,955
Look what he pulled out of
the pipe.
129
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,090
This is unbelievable.
130
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,026
Are those sealed beets?
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00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:56,161
Yeah. I've never seen that
before in my life.
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Actually, while I got you
on the line,
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Can I ask you a question
while I have
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00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,499
You on the line, can I ask you
a question real quick?
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00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,634
-Sure, sure.
-My back water valve keeps
136
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,236
Getting caught
on the closet flange,
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00:05:04,238 --> 00:05:05,838
My back water valve.
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00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:07,172
Keeps getting caught
on the closet flange.
139
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:10,242
-"what do you recommend?"
-what do you recommend?
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00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:13,378
It sounds like you got to change
that wax ring again.
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00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,113
The wax ring, bro.
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00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,981
-I got to look this up.
-Okay? No, that's cool.
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00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,316
But just, you know,
we're going to go, man,
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00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,519
Because we've got -- there's
a lot of [bleep] in pipes,
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Brother, we got to get out.
-It's -- it's --
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00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:23,588
Yeah, we got to get back there.
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00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,057
Are you at the mall
with your friend?
148
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:27,325
I just -- I have to --
got to go, got to go, boss,
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00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,927
Gotta get outta here, sorry.
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00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,995
He got away with it!
Were those real terms,
151
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,597
Any of them, or are you
making them up as you go?
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00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,399
I'm just making them up.
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00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,134
Murr: Oh, my god!
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00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,937
[ dinging ]
155
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,005
[ ringing ]
and here we go.
156
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,875
Oh, no.
Oh, no. Your boss.
157
00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:43,942
Where's your boss
think you are?
158
00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:45,410
Oh, at the car dealership.
159
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:47,079
Getting the new rental
for the company.
160
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:49,414
Yeah, right.
If only there was someone around
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00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,816
To pretend they work at
the car dealership
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00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:55,353
With no sleeves
and a baseball cap.
163
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,022
Surely your boss would buy
this excuse.
164
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:01,359
Excuse me.
Can you do me one small favor?
165
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:04,963
I'm supposed to be shopping
for a car lease for my boss,
166
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,631
For our company.
Okay.
167
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:09,167
I'm not. I'm here.
168
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,302
And I'm just taking
a quick facetime.
169
00:06:10,304 --> 00:06:12,104
Is there any way at all
you can just make believe
170
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:14,073
That I'm at the car dealership
and you're negotiating with me?
171
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:17,376
He's got him!
Oh, hey.
172
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,378
Here's johnna.
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00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,513
-Uh, sal?
-Hey, hey, hey.
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00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,448
-Hey! How's it going?
-I'm at the sales floor.
175
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:24,917
-Oh, okay.
-I'm here with chris,
176
00:06:24,919 --> 00:06:27,385
The sales manager.
-Johnna, "can I speak to him?"
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00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,454
-Can I speak to him?
-Yeah.
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00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,456
-Hi, chris?
We want a good deal.
179
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,992
Basically, we don't overpay.
So what's the best you can do?
180
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,196
Um...
I...
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00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:43,067
Murr: Johnna,
"can I speak to him?"
182
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,403
-Can I speak to him?
-Yeah.
183
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:47,339
Hi, chris? We want a good deal.
Basically, we don't overpay.
184
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,674
So what's the best you can do?
185
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:52,144
I, uh -- I just have to
look at a couple of things.
186
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:54,212
And what model are we
talking about again?
187
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,814
What model are we talking about?
188
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:58,083
Just say any model.
We're talking about a ford.
189
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,819
-Yeah, ford was a ford.
-36 months.
190
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,621
Murr: He's looking at
the sales numbers!
191
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,423
I mean, are there better terms
if we go higher, chris?
192
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:07,492
Yeah. Yeah, we could --
we could definitely go higher.
193
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,094
Murr:
Oh, my god. He's lying!
194
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,230
$3,000 due at signing
and $411 a month.
195
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,833
Oh, my god!
This guy's great.
196
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:18,236
"oh, my god.
My business is saved."
197
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:20,773
We've had a really hard time
getting a loan,
198
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:24,376
And this means a lot
and the company is saved.
199
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:26,511
Awesome. That's...
That's great.
200
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:29,247
[ laughter ]
201
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,983
"you know how many lives
we're going to save
202
00:07:30,985 --> 00:07:32,451
With this car lease?"
203
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,052
I mean, chris,
you're literally saving lives.
204
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,455
That's --
that means a lot, yeah.
205
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:40,258
Johnna, explain that
you deliver transplanted organs.
206
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:43,462
Chris, you know what organ
transplantation is?
207
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,130
-Yeah.
-Yeah, that's what we do.
208
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,665
Can I get a lower rate
knowing that?
209
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,334
I just have to ask,
does that get us a better rate?
210
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,869
I can at least see,
you know.
211
00:07:50,871 --> 00:07:53,205
Sal, have him go talk
to his manager!
212
00:07:53,207 --> 00:07:54,807
He's going to talk
to his manager real quick.
213
00:07:54,809 --> 00:07:56,274
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
214
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,076
Get up -- get up and walk away
and come back.
215
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,478
I'll be right back.
Thank you.
216
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,014
[ laughter ]
217
00:08:02,016 --> 00:08:03,415
So, anything.
218
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:06,218
I think we could drop to $380.
$380, he said!
219
00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:08,220
Yeah.
Johnna, "we are going to deliver
220
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:11,223
So many kidneys."
221
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:14,359
We are going to deliver
so many kidneys.
222
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:17,029
That -- that's great.
Thank you so much.
223
00:08:17,031 --> 00:08:18,963
Thank you so much.
And you have the keys?
224
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,633
Yeah, here you go.
He's giving me the keys now.
225
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,568
So...
226
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,038
Well done, sal!
Pulls it off!
227
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,173
I hope I didn't dig too deep
a hole on this one!
228
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:31,043
I have to go get that deal
right now somewhere.
229
00:08:31,045 --> 00:08:33,978
[ bell dings, laughter ]
230
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,980
Narrator: It was no work
and all play
231
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,582
For murr, q, and sal,
232
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:40,052
Keeping them safe
from the loser board.
233
00:08:40,054 --> 00:08:42,521
Today we're a j.Sweets
playing entrepreneurs,
234
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,989
Pitching our new ideas
to focus groups.
235
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:46,525
While pretending to be
our business partner.
236
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,661
Our longtime friend and comedian
steve byrne
237
00:08:48,663 --> 00:08:50,195
Will be playing the moneyman
238
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,731
Who will actually be trying
to throw us under the bus
239
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,534
By chiming in with terrible
facts about the business.
240
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,136
Then we'll need to defend
those terrible facts
241
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,938
As if they're good ideas.
242
00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:01,206
And if they feel
your business pitch
243
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,542
Is not ready
to take on investors,
244
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:05,009
You lose.
245
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,846
All: Wow! Casual!
246
00:09:11,485 --> 00:09:12,951
Murr: Have a seat. Welcome.
247
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:15,954
My name is james.
This is my compatriot, steve.
248
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:17,890
So we've brought steve in
and all he's got to do
249
00:09:17,892 --> 00:09:21,560
Is just try and trip up murray
while he's selling his product.
250
00:09:21,562 --> 00:09:23,161
Okay, so the idea is,
251
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:26,164
St. Roggies medical center,
newark.
252
00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:30,302
Now, what do two guys that have
no medical experience at all
253
00:09:30,304 --> 00:09:35,840
Doing opening a hospital?
I'm going to throw it to my guy.
254
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:39,177
The worst part of a hospital
or a clinic is you go in,
255
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,045
You check in, paperwork, forms.
256
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:43,248
No, no, no.
Not at saint roggie's.
257
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,385
No, no, no. And by the way,
a benefit of our hospital --
258
00:09:46,387 --> 00:09:48,386
If you don't get seen
within 5 minutes,
259
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,323
All your bills are free.
Free?
260
00:09:51,325 --> 00:09:54,192
[ laughter ]
261
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,795
I know what
everybody's thinking.
262
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,297
How is this sustainable?
263
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,935
I'll explain.
Tell them about the needles.
264
00:10:02,937 --> 00:10:05,870
We're going to
reuse needles.
265
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,872
"my boy."
steve doesn't need us.
266
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,541
He's on his own.
267
00:10:09,543 --> 00:10:11,343
And tell him about
guactoberfest.
268
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:14,947
Guactoberfest!
I know what you're thinking.
269
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:19,017
What does guactoberfest have to
do with st. Roggie's?
270
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:22,687
[ laughing ]
computing, computing.
271
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:25,690
It has everything to do
with saint roggie's!
272
00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:29,561
The more terrible the accident,
the more guac you get.
273
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,296
Imagine you wake up
from an accident,
274
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,631
You come out of a coma,
275
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,366
Your loved ones are around you
and you see them,
276
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:36,969
And then there's also guac.
277
00:10:36,971 --> 00:10:39,171
[ laughter ]
278
00:10:39,173 --> 00:10:41,906
Oh, that's exactly why
we brought stephen, right?
279
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:46,244
How many you think our pitch
is ready to bring to investors?
280
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:48,647
One.
Sal: Oh, my god!
281
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,115
I didn't even think
you'd get one!
282
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,316
Come on, dude.
283
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,985
That's fair.
284
00:10:52,987 --> 00:10:55,253
Thanks for the help,
steve!
285
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,389
All right,
here we go, gentlemen.
286
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:59,792
It's steve byrne versus
brian q.
287
00:10:59,794 --> 00:11:01,794
So I brought something
that would help us
288
00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:03,395
Get into the middle of this,
my friend.
289
00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:04,797
I know what this is,
I can tell right now.
290
00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:06,198
-What's this?
-Without a doubt.
291
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,867
It's irish whiskey.
292
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:11,536
Be careful which byrne
you're asking for right now.
293
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:15,340
[ murr laughing ]
294
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,076
Have a seat.
So this is the business
295
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,412
That we are going to present
to people across america
296
00:11:20,414 --> 00:11:22,614
To see if they can
get involved, and that is...
297
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,216
That is the -- yep.
298
00:11:24,218 --> 00:11:25,617
Rubsam and horrmann ranch.
299
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:28,553
It's a bar and petting zoo
300
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,222
Sal: He's already like, "nah."
301
00:11:30,224 --> 00:11:32,691
The only place
on staten island that you can
302
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:36,495
Legally get drunk
and pet animals.
303
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:44,503
Tell them about how we're going
to get animals to
304
00:11:44,505 --> 00:11:46,971
Mate with each other
to create new animals.
305
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:51,043
Yeah, they keep telling me
that this is not possible.
306
00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:54,046
One of the animals
is a dog and a cat -- "dat."
307
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:57,182
And another one,
called a "cog."
308
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,051
Cat and a dog.
309
00:11:59,053 --> 00:12:02,054
Murr: Whisky's hitting.
310
00:12:02,056 --> 00:12:05,790
There's assets to this,
quote-unquote, petting zoo
311
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:08,260
That most zoos do not have:
See-through bathrooms.
312
00:12:08,262 --> 00:12:10,863
Do you want to walk 'em
through that?
313
00:12:10,865 --> 00:12:14,999
Steve's going rogue.
Whiskey steve has gone rogue.
314
00:12:15,001 --> 00:12:16,568
[ laughing ]
315
00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:21,539
Whiskey steve
has gone rogue.
316
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,941
See-through bathrooms.
317
00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:26,078
Do you want to walk 'em
through that?
318
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,148
Have you ever gone to the zoo
and seen, like, a monkey peeing?
319
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:33,085
It's fascinating.
So, at the rubsam and horrmann
320
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:35,487
Bar and petting zoo,
you just go into the thing
321
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:37,289
And you just pee
wherever you want.
322
00:12:39,427 --> 00:12:41,960
Oh, well, that's, you know- -
we'll have services there
323
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,561
To take you home.
324
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,163
Would you guys excuse us
just one second?
325
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:46,698
Can I talk to you one second
in my office?
326
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,366
Sure.
Thank you.
327
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:51,503
Whiskey steve is behind
the wheel right now.
328
00:12:51,505 --> 00:12:53,839
I brought you here not to mess
with me...
329
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,841
[ murr laughing ]
they're still drinking!
330
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,310
Get it together.
331
00:12:58,312 --> 00:13:00,712
[ murr laughing ]
they just kissed on the lips!
332
00:13:00,714 --> 00:13:02,448
Nobody said to do that.
333
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:07,919
Steve [bleep] get it together
and stop doing shots of whiskey.
334
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:10,656
He's seducing you with spirits.
335
00:13:10,658 --> 00:13:13,125
I'm drunk.
336
00:13:13,127 --> 00:13:16,528
[ laughter ]
337
00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:19,397
What'd you just say?
I'm stoic. I am --
338
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,532
My feet can't move.
339
00:13:20,534 --> 00:13:22,400
But I'm not going to lie,
I'm a little --
340
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:25,737
Okay.
I'm drunk.
341
00:13:25,739 --> 00:13:28,540
"raise your hand if you want
to invest in the zoo bar."
342
00:13:28,542 --> 00:13:30,676
Please raise your hand
if you would invest in
343
00:13:30,678 --> 00:13:33,011
The rubsam & horrmann ranch
bar and petting zoo
344
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,746
On staten island.
345
00:13:34,748 --> 00:13:37,082
Why not?
Yay!
346
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,151
Get drunk themselves
by association.
347
00:13:41,689 --> 00:13:44,356
[ laughter, bell dings ]
348
00:13:44,358 --> 00:13:46,358
I'm sal. This is steve.
349
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:47,959
I'm the creative guy.
He's my money guy.
350
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:51,429
It is important to note
that steve and q are now drunk.
351
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,833
Yeah.
And sal's up.
352
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:59,971
So the business we are starting
today is called tramps.
353
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:03,375
You see there,
it's adult trampoline center.
354
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,643
I know most folks out there
would be thinking,
355
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,046
"how does ja rule
fit into all this?"
356
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,581
And I'm gonna throw it
to my guy sal.
357
00:14:09,583 --> 00:14:11,449
[ laughter ]
358
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,451
Get him, steve!
Get him, steve!
359
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:15,521
Ja rule? You're talking about
the artist?
360
00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:18,056
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
361
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,658
What's that?
362
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,659
No.
363
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,896
[ laughter ]
364
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,535
Gonna have this be multifaceted,
a social space,
365
00:14:29,537 --> 00:14:32,137
You get the tax break,
but on off hours, we're also --
366
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:34,873
We could do physical therapy.
367
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,141
No, no, not at all.
368
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:39,611
[ laughter ]
369
00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,413
Let me --
hold -- hold on.
370
00:14:41,415 --> 00:14:44,416
The best part,
which we've never mentioned:
371
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:47,085
Pregnant teens get half off.
372
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,286
Oh, my god.
373
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,088
Murr: Oh, my god!
374
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,557
Sal, get this guy under control.
375
00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:52,891
Let me explain that.
376
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:56,494
We are not going to charge
people that can't jump on
377
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:58,496
The trampolines full price.
378
00:14:58,498 --> 00:14:59,631
Q: Great, sal, great.
379
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,433
Do you have anything else
to add?
380
00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:02,834
Best part?
No breastfeeding.
381
00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:04,436
Why not?
382
00:15:04,438 --> 00:15:07,573
On the trampoline,
it's called a milkshake!
383
00:15:07,575 --> 00:15:09,107
[ laughter ]
384
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,842
"I'm the money guy!"
385
00:15:10,844 --> 00:15:12,844
I'm the money guy.
386
00:15:12,846 --> 00:15:16,982
[ laughter ]
387
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:18,784
By show of hands,
388
00:15:18,786 --> 00:15:21,119
How many of you guys think
that we're in good shape
389
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:24,356
To bring this presentation
out to investors?
390
00:15:26,460 --> 00:15:29,194
-Fair enough.
-Nothing! No one!
391
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,262
You were great. Thanks.
392
00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:31,463
I flew out to nashville
for this [bleep].
393
00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:33,398
[ buzzer ]
394
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,800
[ laughter ]
395
00:15:34,802 --> 00:15:36,534
Narrator:
Sal got burned,
396
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:40,205
Making him tonight's big loser.
397
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,740
This week on
"impractical jokers,"
398
00:15:41,742 --> 00:15:45,010
We have the one
and only anthony davis.
399
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:47,545
You guys wanna play
some three-on-one?
400
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,947
So, sal, is our loser.
401
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,215
Well, fun fact,
402
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,750
He's also a sneakerhead.
403
00:15:51,752 --> 00:15:53,151
Absolutely correct.
404
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:56,622
For your punishment, anthony
davis wanted to give you a gift.
405
00:15:56,624 --> 00:15:58,490
These are yours.
406
00:15:58,492 --> 00:16:02,094
These are yours.
That's crazy!
407
00:16:02,096 --> 00:16:05,163
These are thousands of dollars.
They might not be for long.
408
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:08,766
Aw, what --
no, you can't.
409
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,168
You get to take
these home, sal...
410
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:11,769
But you'll need to make
411
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,972
A number of increasingly
difficult decisions
412
00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,374
To determine what condition
you take them home in.
413
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,376
Oh, my god.
Sally's choice.
414
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,112
What do I have to do?
Swipe.
415
00:16:20,114 --> 00:16:22,448
All right. First sally's choice.
416
00:16:22,450 --> 00:16:24,316
Yes, I can see scissors.
417
00:16:24,318 --> 00:16:26,318
So I get to cut both tongues,
418
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:28,386
Or cut both your pant legs.
419
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:29,855
Cut my pants right away.
It was that quick?!
420
00:16:29,857 --> 00:16:31,657
I've been wanting
these for so long.
421
00:16:31,659 --> 00:16:33,591
-All right.
-Let me take the first.
422
00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:35,127
-Okay.
-Here we go, sal.
423
00:16:35,129 --> 00:16:36,594
Just be careful.
424
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,397
I'll start working
over here.
425
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,532
Careful, murr!
426
00:16:40,534 --> 00:16:42,400
I'm not near the penis,
am I?
427
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,535
Stop!
428
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:48,006
[ laughter ]
429
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:50,208
This is what he wanted.
430
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,943
This is
what he wanted.
431
00:16:51,945 --> 00:16:54,212
Who taught you how to cut
daisy dukes?
432
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:58,350
[ laughter ]
433
00:16:58,352 --> 00:17:02,554
There we go!
434
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:03,555
Swipe!
All right.
435
00:17:03,557 --> 00:17:04,890
For the next sally's choice,
436
00:17:04,892 --> 00:17:06,892
You can either sell the sole
437
00:17:06,894 --> 00:17:08,694
Of the sneakers to me
438
00:17:08,696 --> 00:17:12,230
Or sell your
mortal soul to me.
439
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,832
[ menacing laughter ]
440
00:17:13,834 --> 00:17:15,367
This is where we're going?
441
00:17:15,369 --> 00:17:16,634
Selling my soul
to this son of a bitch?!
442
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:17,903
You don't have to.
You can give him
443
00:17:17,905 --> 00:17:19,304
The soles of the sneakers.
444
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:21,573
What is the process
of selling your soul?
445
00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:23,375
It's your soul.
446
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:25,243
What does that mean
going forward?
447
00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:26,244
This means when you die,
448
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,646
Your soul
will belong to james murray.
449
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,248
I'm going home with these.
I'm selling my soul.
450
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,450
You'll sell your soul to me.
I guess. I don't know.
451
00:17:32,452 --> 00:17:34,119
Sal, but listen, like,
even the devil
452
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:35,587
Wouldn't sell his soul
to murr.
453
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:37,389
Think about this!
454
00:17:37,391 --> 00:17:38,790
Real careful.
Think about it.
455
00:17:38,792 --> 00:17:42,260
You don't know what I'm going to
do with that soul.
456
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:43,995
Nothing's going to happen.
457
00:17:43,997 --> 00:17:47,132
Bring in the notary.
458
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,734
So, you know my cousin helen?
459
00:17:48,736 --> 00:17:51,403
She's a notary. She brought
the contract for you, bud.
460
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:53,939
You're just going to want
to read this over real quick.
461
00:17:53,941 --> 00:17:58,676
Oh, wow. "I, salvatore volcano,
junior, of staten island,
462
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,747
Do immediately give my eternal
soul to james s. Murray
463
00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:04,082
Of princeton, new jersey."
eternal?
464
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,951
Yeah, sounds bad,
doesn't it?
465
00:18:05,953 --> 00:18:10,688
"in return, I will receive
a gift of rubber, foam,
466
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:13,225
Cotton and polyester --"
467
00:18:13,227 --> 00:18:15,761
When you put it that way!
Keep going.
468
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:19,965
"use of mine own human blood
to certify the deal."
469
00:18:19,967 --> 00:18:23,435
Or I rip those soles out.
Soles out of the shoe.
470
00:18:23,437 --> 00:18:25,503
All right. Take my soul.
471
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:29,775
[ laughing ]
you fool! You fool!
472
00:18:29,777 --> 00:18:30,776
Gonna need you
to prick your finger.
473
00:18:30,778 --> 00:18:32,244
Get a little blood going.
474
00:18:32,246 --> 00:18:34,346
And then after that,
helen will notarize it for you.
475
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:39,117
Blood! That's blood!
There you go!
476
00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:40,318
Sal:
Where do I put my blood?
477
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,654
Q: It's right next to the line.
478
00:18:42,656 --> 00:18:44,390
Is this what you feel like
at a contract signing?
479
00:18:44,392 --> 00:18:47,659
Yes, yes.
Yes.
480
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:50,728
All right.
We just need that notarized.
481
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:53,064
He owns your soul.
Congrats, murr.
482
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:56,201
Congrats.
483
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:58,670
For sneakers.
484
00:18:58,672 --> 00:19:00,939
How do you feel about this?
485
00:19:00,941 --> 00:19:02,540
Swipe.
486
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,075
So, sal's mom adele
is here,
487
00:19:04,077 --> 00:19:05,677
He brought her
to the set today.
488
00:19:05,679 --> 00:19:08,013
Swipe.
No, no, undo that swipe!
489
00:19:08,015 --> 00:19:10,416
I just want let you know
490
00:19:10,418 --> 00:19:13,952
I will definitely, definitely go
with option one
491
00:19:13,954 --> 00:19:16,154
Which is pour
this bottle of wine
492
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:18,356
On these beautiful pair
of sneakers.
493
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,492
Option two, which we really,
494
00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,160
Really recommend you not do.
495
00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,362
My mom has to drink
a whole bottle of wine?
496
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:27,165
No, no. You got to pour the wine
on your mom.
497
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,301
Whole bottle or a glass?
The bottle.
498
00:19:29,303 --> 00:19:31,437
The bottle?!
499
00:19:31,439 --> 00:19:33,439
Ma!
500
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:35,040
You're not going to do this.
501
00:19:35,042 --> 00:19:37,375
So this -- these are tough
to get on --
502
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,311
On the --
on the open market right now.
503
00:19:39,313 --> 00:19:42,247
Sal, what do you think your
mom's worth on the open market?
504
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,049
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it.
505
00:19:44,051 --> 00:19:45,917
I'm going to do it.
Gonna do it?
506
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:47,118
This is your mom.
507
00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:48,787
Adele, I want you
to have a seat.
508
00:19:48,789 --> 00:19:52,324
And we know that sal's gonna
make the right choice here.
509
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:54,259
Oh, god.
510
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,995
I'm making you sweat, huh?
511
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:59,064
I love you.
512
00:19:59,066 --> 00:20:01,133
Oh, sal! Sal!
513
00:20:01,135 --> 00:20:05,137
Why is this one so tough?
514
00:20:05,139 --> 00:20:06,738
[ groans ]
515
00:20:06,740 --> 00:20:08,006
There's no way
he's doing it.
516
00:20:08,008 --> 00:20:09,274
I don't believe it.
517
00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:11,009
I love you so much.
I'm here to do this.
518
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:12,077
I love you.
519
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:13,479
And... Pshh...
520
00:20:13,481 --> 00:20:15,013
Don't do it, sal!
521
00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,348
Come on!
522
00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:18,016
I love you. I'm sorry.
523
00:20:18,018 --> 00:20:20,952
Oh, my god!
No, no, no!
524
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,420
I'm sorry! I love you!
525
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:24,857
[ all screaming ]
526
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,528
Don't do it, sal! Come on!
527
00:20:29,530 --> 00:20:31,864
I'm sorry, I love you!
528
00:20:31,866 --> 00:20:35,800
I love you! I love you, mom,
I'm sorry!
529
00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:38,537
Mom, anthony davis
did this to you!
530
00:20:38,539 --> 00:20:41,540
Anthony davis
did this to you!
531
00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:44,476
I'm so sorry!
532
00:20:44,478 --> 00:20:47,812
I'm sorry!
I'm so sorry!
533
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,281
I'm so sorry!
534
00:20:49,283 --> 00:20:51,950
I love you!
I'm so sorry!
535
00:20:51,952 --> 00:20:53,952
I feel horrible.
536
00:20:53,954 --> 00:20:55,487
You've got no soul!
537
00:20:55,489 --> 00:20:58,623
I'm so sorry, ma!
I'm so sorry!
538
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:01,360
Swipe
539
00:21:01,362 --> 00:21:05,430
All: Sally's choice!
Sally's choice!
540
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:06,965
Anthony: You know what you gotta
do now.
541
00:21:06,967 --> 00:21:08,901
You guys are [bleep] kidding me
right now.
542
00:21:08,903 --> 00:21:12,104
You either walk across the coals
543
00:21:12,106 --> 00:21:14,506
In these beautiful,
so expensive --
544
00:21:14,508 --> 00:21:17,910
In them?!
Or walk across barefoot.
545
00:21:17,912 --> 00:21:20,445
Oh, god!
Now, we saw that you were
546
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,314
Already willing
to sacrifice your mother.
547
00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:27,519
Are you willing to sacrifice
thine own feet?
548
00:21:27,521 --> 00:21:29,187
Yeah, that's hot.
549
00:21:29,189 --> 00:21:31,056
You got this, buddy.
550
00:21:31,058 --> 00:21:33,191
Sal: Oh, my god.
551
00:21:33,193 --> 00:21:34,560
Okay.
He's going for it.
552
00:21:36,731 --> 00:21:38,130
All right, go!
Count!
553
00:21:38,132 --> 00:21:40,465
Three, two, one!
554
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:43,135
Get it, sal!
555
00:21:43,137 --> 00:21:46,805
[ slow-motion groaning ]
556
00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:48,607
God! Aah!
557
00:21:48,609 --> 00:21:51,676
[ cheering ]
558
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,346
I burned my [bleep] toe, bro!
559
00:21:54,348 --> 00:21:57,950
Yeah, sal!
Wow!
560
00:21:57,952 --> 00:22:00,753
All right, sal, now this is
normally where we would end
561
00:22:00,755 --> 00:22:03,221
The punishment, right?
But a.D. Had one more choice
562
00:22:03,223 --> 00:22:04,823
For you to make.
I just got one word
563
00:22:04,825 --> 00:22:06,358
For you, sal.
I know what it is, go 'head.
564
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,694
Swipe!
565
00:22:09,696 --> 00:22:12,096
Q: All right, so, sal doesn't
know this, but while we were
566
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:14,232
Outside we threw a little
free throw contest indoors
567
00:22:14,234 --> 00:22:15,900
With the boys and girls club
of hoboken.
568
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:18,303
Murr: That's right, and sal
doesn't know that
569
00:22:18,305 --> 00:22:21,239
The winning child was promised
his exact pair of sneakers.
570
00:22:21,241 --> 00:22:24,509
What to do?
Sally's choice!
571
00:22:24,511 --> 00:22:27,780
Sally's choice!
Sally's choice!
572
00:22:27,782 --> 00:22:30,849
First, I want to say
congrats to the winner.
573
00:22:30,851 --> 00:22:32,451
Winner?
Yeah. That kid just won
574
00:22:32,453 --> 00:22:34,119
A free throw contest, sal.
575
00:22:34,121 --> 00:22:36,188
Anthony: But I also want you
guys to give it up
576
00:22:36,190 --> 00:22:39,358
For the guy that donated
these great sneakers.
577
00:22:41,061 --> 00:22:43,127
[ cheering and applause ]
578
00:22:43,129 --> 00:22:47,199
Oh, wow!
Your final choice, buddy.
579
00:22:47,201 --> 00:22:49,334
Do you give the kid
the sneakers?
580
00:22:49,336 --> 00:22:51,736
Or do you take the sneakers?
What's your choice?
581
00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:54,739
Well, kyle, are you excited
for the sneakers?
582
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:57,275
Do you understand
what the sneakers are?
583
00:22:57,277 --> 00:22:59,544
Because I am a sneaker guy.
So these are --
584
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:03,348
These are rare. Like, really
cool. Like, really...
585
00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:07,820
No, sal, you have -- we promised
the kid the sneakers.
586
00:23:07,822 --> 00:23:09,888
[ stammering ]
sally's choice!
587
00:23:09,890 --> 00:23:13,625
Sally's choice!
Alright, alright, alright.
588
00:23:13,627 --> 00:23:15,494
You are young right now,
589
00:23:15,496 --> 00:23:19,164
And you probably
wouldn't appreciate them.
590
00:23:19,166 --> 00:23:21,166
Murr: Oh!
591
00:23:21,168 --> 00:23:22,634
I -- I -- I --
592
00:23:22,636 --> 00:23:24,036
What I'm going to do
is I'm going to get.
593
00:23:24,038 --> 00:23:28,173
I'm going to get you a pair that
will probably be better for you.
594
00:23:28,175 --> 00:23:30,042
Murr: Oh, no, sal!
595
00:23:30,044 --> 00:23:32,044
I have to go,
but I have to --
596
00:23:32,046 --> 00:23:33,645
You're not donating
them anymore?
597
00:23:33,647 --> 00:23:36,849
[ jeering ]
oh, [bleep] me.
598
00:23:36,851 --> 00:23:38,917
I'll make sure
I get another pair.
599
00:23:38,919 --> 00:23:41,119
Boo, we don't
wanna hear it, sal!
600
00:23:41,121 --> 00:23:43,856
I love the youth!
601
00:23:43,858 --> 00:23:46,391
What a piece of [bleep].
He is a garbage human.
602
00:23:46,393 --> 00:23:48,661
You can have these right here.
603
00:23:48,663 --> 00:23:51,463
[ cheering and applause ]
okay. Congratulations.
604
00:23:51,465 --> 00:23:55,400
Anthony davis gave this kid
his own shoes!
605
00:23:55,402 --> 00:23:57,269
Now, that's a gentleman!
606
00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:59,738
Swipe!
607
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:02,541
Give it up for anthony davis.
Anthony davis!