1 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:10,008 [ laughing ] 2 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,276 [ screams ] 3 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,745 ♪♪ 4 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,279 Let's just get this started. 5 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,880 Are you [bleep] kidding me? 6 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:16,749 Who's a good girl? 7 00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,484 [ laughing ] 8 00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,153 [ cymbals crash ] 9 00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,422 ♪♪ 10 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,090 [ laughter ] 11 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:28,761 With special guest actor and director kim fields. 12 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:31,696 We're gonna get a little fields joke-ified up in this mother. 13 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,833 [ laughter ] 14 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:36,100 Sal: Hey. 15 00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:37,101 We are here at the liberty science center 16 00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,837 For "lsc after dark," 17 00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,173 Which is basically an adult party in a museum. 18 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,509 While mingling with guests in the wild about animals exhibit, 19 00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,510 We're gonna have to do and say 20 00:00:45,512 --> 00:00:46,911 Whatever the other guys tell us to. 21 00:00:46,913 --> 00:00:50,515 And if you refuse, you lose, and you don't get to party. 22 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,452 That is how he parties, unfortunately. 23 00:00:57,992 --> 00:00:59,791 Guys, you got to come to lsc after dark. 24 00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,126 It is jumping. 25 00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,461 Q: Behind the bar, buddy, 26 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,529 I hid some -- some homemade jell-o shots. 27 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,465 Could you go grab them for me? 28 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:09,534 You got to offer them around the room. 29 00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:10,769 That's it, bud. 30 00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,540 Murr: Hey, guys. 31 00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:17,209 I don't know if you want, but we have jell-o -- 32 00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:18,543 There's jell-o shots 33 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,013 They're giving out to people, if you want them. 34 00:01:21,015 --> 00:01:23,882 And I have more later, if you need them, okay? 35 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,283 Sal: "homemade recipe." 36 00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:26,618 It's a homemade recipe. 37 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,086 That's making me feel like I shouldn't eat this. 38 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,288 I'm sorry. I don't know who you are. 39 00:01:30,290 --> 00:01:31,623 My name's james. 40 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,493 That's wonderful. 41 00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:38,030 I don't typically do jell-o shots from people I've just met. 42 00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,097 You don't have to drink it. 43 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,499 You can have it if you want. 44 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,700 I just have -- I have more. 45 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:42,967 "what am I saying, 'drink it.' 46 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:45,370 You have to kind of chew it and swallow it." 47 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:46,971 No, that's fine. I don't need more. 48 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:48,573 I mean, you don't -- you don't drink it. 49 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,775 You kind of, you know, put your finger in and -- 50 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:51,844 I'm gonna be honest. 51 00:01:51,846 --> 00:01:53,378 You're making me a little uncomfortable. 52 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,646 I just ask that -- 53 00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,048 Would this help? 54 00:01:56,050 --> 00:01:57,049 Would this help, if I... 55 00:01:57,051 --> 00:01:58,050 No. No. 56 00:01:58,052 --> 00:01:59,251 Honestly, it would make it worse. 57 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,585 Oh, it would make it worse. 58 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:03,121 Maybe leave us alone, that would be great. 59 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,123 Okay. No problem. Okay. No problem. 60 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,591 Q: Come back, and be like, 61 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,994 "well, can I have it back if you're not gonna drink it?" 62 00:02:09,996 --> 00:02:11,996 Could I -- could I have them back, then? 63 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:12,865 Sure. 64 00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:16,534 Great. Okay. 65 00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,637 'cause there's other people that might want them. 66 00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:25,209 This is so uncomfortable. 67 00:02:25,211 --> 00:02:27,612 Q: Cole, get one of the jell-o shots from murray, 68 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,715 And then just be like, "ugh! Oh!" 69 00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:36,354 Oh, my god. 70 00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,823 These are terrible. 71 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,292 [ laughter ] 72 00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,429 I love lsd after -- lsc after dark. 73 00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,131 [ laughter ] 74 00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:52,304 Sal: Cole, cole, cole -- "who let the turtles out of the cage?" 75 00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,206 Who let the turtles out of the cage? 76 00:02:56,843 --> 00:03:01,446 Q: Murr, under your breath, go, "[bleep] freak." 77 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,115 [bleep] freak. 78 00:03:03,117 --> 00:03:05,184 [ laughter ] 79 00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:10,054 Murr, turn around. Go up to this guy. Ready? 80 00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,123 Can I ask you a question? 81 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,125 "[bleep], marry, kill, you go first." 82 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,059 Unrelated -- [bleep], marry, kill. 83 00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,662 You go first. 84 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,398 [ laughter ] 85 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,767 Oh, my god. 86 00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,604 'cause I would, uh... 87 00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:27,005 'cause for me... 88 00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:30,142 "I'd [bleep] the turtle." 89 00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:33,111 I would [bleep] the turtle. 90 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:37,149 "I'd marry the naked mole rat." 91 00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,884 I would marry the naked mole rat over there. 92 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,019 "and I'd kill you." 93 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,487 [ laughter ] 94 00:03:44,959 --> 00:03:48,227 And I...Would kill you. 95 00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:54,366 [ laughter ] 96 00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:57,936 Cheers. 97 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,105 Murr: All right, sally. 98 00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:03,908 Q: Nothing says "party" like a wool cap and a flannel. 99 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:04,976 Here we go. 100 00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:08,046 [ imitates party horn] 101 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,182 Sal, you're here for a blind date. 102 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,716 You think she might be the one. 103 00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:14,086 When you find out she's not, be relieved. 104 00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:18,990 Oh, my god. Oh. 105 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:21,459 "are you julia?" 106 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,395 -Are you julia? -No. Sorry. 107 00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,796 -You're not julia? -No. 108 00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,398 Oh. I was here for a blind date. 109 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,599 -Oh. -You're not julia? 110 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:28,867 Woman: I'm not julia. 111 00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,334 Oh, thank god. 112 00:04:30,336 --> 00:04:31,870 [ laughter ] 113 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,272 Q: Oh, my god. 114 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,208 Oh! 115 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:37,976 [bleep] you, brother. 116 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:43,415 Murr: Sal, grab rene, our security guard right there, 117 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,283 And approach a couple with a drink in their hands. 118 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,752 Tell rene that that guy's been drinking too much, 119 00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,221 He should not drive home. 120 00:04:54,228 --> 00:04:57,095 Rene, that's the -- that's the guy I was saying. 121 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,230 Excuse me, sir. 122 00:04:58,232 --> 00:05:00,565 Yeah, that's him. That's him. 123 00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,766 Hi. I'm security here. 124 00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,902 And unfortunately, this gentleman says 125 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,203 You've been drinking too much tonight. 126 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,240 Yeah. 127 00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,241 Sal: Are you driving? 128 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:12,377 -Really? -Yeah. 129 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,546 Do you have proof of the uber? 130 00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,250 Murr: "can I see your uber history?" 131 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:19,584 Can I see a receipt? 132 00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:21,853 Q: He's doing it. 133 00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,791 This is my safety for you. 134 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,493 "why don't we call you an uber home now?" 135 00:05:32,532 --> 00:05:34,399 I'll tell you what, it might be best for everybody 136 00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:36,501 If we called you an uber home now. 137 00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,075 [ laughter ] 138 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,811 Thank you. Hey, stay safe, okay? 139 00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:49,414 And just think about others. 140 00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,616 Rene, go give him his drink back, and be like, 141 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:52,684 "sorry about that. 142 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,418 That guy [bleep] does this all the time." 143 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,554 Excuse me, sir. Sorry about that. 144 00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,256 This [bleep] guy does this all the time. 145 00:05:59,293 --> 00:06:00,492 Enjoy your beer. 146 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,427 [ laughter ] 147 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,401 Q: Dude, he is hiding the drink from you. 148 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,171 -Take care, man. -No problem. 149 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,839 I know a hidden drink when I see one, sir. 150 00:06:14,841 --> 00:06:18,109 [ laughter ] 151 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:21,780 He is a grown man who just walked by me 152 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,115 Hiding a tall boy in his trench coat. 153 00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:26,050 Like he was an underage drinker. 154 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,085 [ laughter ] 155 00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:31,856 Murr: All right, q. 156 00:06:31,858 --> 00:06:33,858 I don't see any [bleep] monkeys. 157 00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:36,594 I'm looking at one. 158 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,330 Sal: "oh, I love a silly [bleep] hat." 159 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,467 [ laughs ] go back. 160 00:06:43,469 --> 00:06:44,536 Here we go. 161 00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,238 I don't think there's any monkeys in there. 162 00:06:48,342 --> 00:06:51,475 Oh, I love a silly [bleep] hat. 163 00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,744 -Oh, thank you. -That's cool. 164 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,746 [ laughter ] 165 00:06:56,616 --> 00:06:58,116 I can't believe he did it. 166 00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,418 I'm crying. 167 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:01,520 I'm crying. 168 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,559 Q, ask this lady in front of you if she's single. 169 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:08,760 And if she's not, 170 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,828 The second she starts to say no," 171 00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,164 You turn around, and you walk away. 172 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,232 [ laughs ] 173 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,900 Don't even let her finish "no." 174 00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:16,701 One syllable. 175 00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:17,903 She's not interested in you. 176 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:21,639 I don't want to do it. 177 00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:22,841 Here we go. 178 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,616 Sal: Q, ass this lady in front of you if she's single. 179 00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:32,418 And if she's not, you turn around, 180 00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:35,153 And you walk away. 181 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,622 Don't even let her finish "no." 182 00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,756 One syllable. 183 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,991 Murr: She's not interested in you. 184 00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:43,429 Man, this is some crazy line. 185 00:07:43,431 --> 00:07:44,963 I didn't realize it would be this popular. 186 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,165 This -- this is awesome. 187 00:07:47,836 --> 00:07:50,036 I know. [ both chuckle ] 188 00:07:50,038 --> 00:07:51,504 Are you -- are you single? 189 00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:59,245 I said "if she says 'no.'" 190 00:07:59,247 --> 00:08:02,048 You said "before she stops speaking," so I just left. 191 00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:04,050 I said, "if she says 'no,' 192 00:08:04,052 --> 00:08:06,118 Walk away as soon as you hear the 'n.'" 193 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,921 Murr: You screwed up. 194 00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:11,657 But I don't even know. I think that's more insulting. 195 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:12,859 It is. 196 00:08:12,861 --> 00:08:15,294 The second her mouth started moving, I walked away. 197 00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:20,599 Q, behind the bar, we put some mistletoe, 198 00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:21,800 Thank you. 199 00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,469 Walk up to the people at the exhibit, 200 00:08:23,471 --> 00:08:25,404 Slap the mistletoe on the wall in front of them, 201 00:08:25,406 --> 00:08:26,672 And go, "eh?" 202 00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:28,407 All right. Here we go. 203 00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:31,878 Do you see any monkeys in here? 204 00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:38,084 Eh? 205 00:08:40,288 --> 00:08:42,221 [ sal and murr exclaiming ] 206 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:46,024 Eh? 207 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,493 I'm gay. 208 00:08:53,768 --> 00:08:55,501 I can't believe it! It's a christmas miracle! 209 00:08:55,503 --> 00:08:57,503 Q, put it -- put it in your belt. 210 00:09:06,180 --> 00:09:07,313 Does he have an earpeice in? 211 00:09:07,315 --> 00:09:08,914 'cause murray just wanted you to do that. 212 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,249 Are you single? 213 00:09:10,251 --> 00:09:11,250 Woman: Me? No. 214 00:09:14,122 --> 00:09:16,589 Announcer: No losers were invited to this party. 215 00:09:16,591 --> 00:09:20,126 Murr, q, and sal are safe from the loser board. 216 00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:21,860 Today, we are in tompkins square park 217 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,596 Pitching new products and services to pet owners. 218 00:09:23,598 --> 00:09:26,198 And for the first time ever on the tv show, 219 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,933 The catch is the products have been created 220 00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:29,335 By the other guys. 221 00:09:29,337 --> 00:09:31,670 If you can't get someone to sign up for further information 222 00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,606 On that product or service, you lose. 223 00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,678 Get your dog treats here. 224 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,079 Dog treats. 225 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,349 All right, q, you're manning the table. 226 00:09:43,351 --> 00:09:46,819 You've got to lure over dog owners. 227 00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:47,953 Sal: You didn't... 228 00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,288 You didn't just eat that. 229 00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,224 Stop it right now. 230 00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,892 Have you ever eaten a dog treat before? 231 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:54,961 No. 232 00:09:54,963 --> 00:09:56,963 Why would you subject yourself to that? 233 00:09:56,965 --> 00:09:58,630 It's a treat. 234 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,499 Yeah, but that might not be for human consumption, necessarily. 235 00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:02,902 Eh. [ laughs ] 236 00:10:04,572 --> 00:10:06,104 Hey. How are you doing, sir? 237 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,373 Murr: Here we go, buddy. 238 00:10:07,375 --> 00:10:08,907 We're giving away free pet toys -- 239 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:11,577 And free pet toys and doggie treats. 240 00:10:11,579 --> 00:10:12,778 I'm here with the manduke group. 241 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,180 We're offering -- we're just let everybody know 242 00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:15,581 About our new service we have for pets, 243 00:10:15,583 --> 00:10:16,915 Which is zoobereats. 244 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,116 Zoobereats. 245 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:19,451 This is how it works -- 246 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:22,588 Each month, you'll be shipped a curated box of exotic meat 247 00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,857 So your pet could dine on the flesh of some 248 00:10:24,859 --> 00:10:26,192 Of the world's rarest animals -- 249 00:10:26,194 --> 00:10:29,261 Animals like peacocks, rhinos and sperm whales 250 00:10:29,263 --> 00:10:30,997 Delivered straight to your doorstep. 251 00:10:33,668 --> 00:10:35,401 This is very important -- don't believe the media. 252 00:10:35,403 --> 00:10:37,736 Zoober meat collectors are not poachers. 253 00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:40,472 These guys are out there doing their job legally. 254 00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:42,074 Our collecting partners have high standards. 255 00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:43,542 Some of them even have a license, 256 00:10:43,544 --> 00:10:45,477 Like, to hunt these creatures. 257 00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:46,745 There's no way someone's signing up for this. 258 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:48,680 I mean, geez, man, order today 259 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,883 And get a free pound of gibbon meat. 260 00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:53,686 "we offer reindeer meat during christmas." 261 00:10:53,688 --> 00:10:56,355 During christmas, we have reindeer meat. 262 00:10:56,357 --> 00:11:00,759 You know, donner and vixen right down the hatch. 263 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,294 Let's put the nail in the coffin. 264 00:11:02,296 --> 00:11:04,563 Q, behind the desk is some raw meat. 265 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,833 Murr: Go get that panda meat. 266 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,101 And then, you can take this, over here. 267 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:10,836 This is -- this is some panda meat 268 00:11:10,838 --> 00:11:12,504 That you could just bring home to your cat. 269 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:14,040 That's free. That's panda meat. 270 00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:15,974 That's shipped fresh from australia. 271 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,043 That's shipped fresh from australia. 272 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,245 Pandas are from china, 273 00:11:19,247 --> 00:11:20,779 But there's a whole black market in australia 274 00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:21,847 That we send them to. 275 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:22,848 Murr: Don't forget to get the signature. 276 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,050 Okay. 277 00:11:24,052 --> 00:11:25,384 And then, before you go, if you are interested, 278 00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:26,719 If you could just sign up. 279 00:11:26,721 --> 00:11:27,853 Murr: Oh, q. 280 00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,521 Well, I need more information. 281 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:32,124 Do have a page, also? Business card? 282 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:33,391 Oh, a business card. 283 00:11:33,393 --> 00:11:34,393 I see. 284 00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:35,594 So, you'll call me. I won't call you. 285 00:11:35,596 --> 00:11:37,529 [ both exclaiming ] 286 00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,998 -Sorry, buddy. -Classic deflection. 287 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,734 Just to be clear, you're passing on the chance 288 00:11:41,736 --> 00:11:43,135 For your dog to eat a peacock. 289 00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,339 Q: You always go for little dogs. 290 00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:48,807 You're a little dog guy. -Yeah, I'm a little dog guy. 291 00:11:48,809 --> 00:11:50,609 Why? What's up with that? 292 00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:54,613 I have two first cousins that have both had 293 00:11:54,615 --> 00:11:58,350 Their noses bitten off by german shepherds. 294 00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,352 Really? I didn't think that -- 295 00:12:00,354 --> 00:12:03,421 Wherever that sentence was going... 296 00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:05,291 Do you have a dog, buddy. You want a free dog bag? 297 00:12:05,293 --> 00:12:06,692 -I do. -You do? 298 00:12:06,694 --> 00:12:08,093 We are the manduke group. 299 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,363 We have a new dog service we're providing. 300 00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:13,432 It is... 301 00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:14,633 Go ahead. 302 00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:16,568 ...The gay dog summer camp. 303 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,170 Oh. Okay. 304 00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:19,505 Any questions you may have 305 00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:22,040 Is pretty much just answered in the title. 306 00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,242 It's a gay dog -- what's that? 307 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,177 Yeah. Sure. 308 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:26,278 Are your dogs gay? 309 00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:31,049 [ laughter ] 310 00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:32,384 Okay, well, here. 311 00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:35,053 We are offering a service. It's a gay dog summer camp. 312 00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,722 There's arts and crafts. 313 00:12:36,724 --> 00:12:38,256 There's swimming for dogs. 314 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,592 You can see how happy and gay they look. 315 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:44,730 There's equestrian sports, and so many balls. 316 00:12:44,732 --> 00:12:47,933 There's just balls everywhere in the gay dog summer camp. 317 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:51,937 And I mean, there's just -- there's just gay. 318 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:55,207 There's not much more to say, as you can see. 319 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:56,408 Q: Keep going, murr. 320 00:12:56,410 --> 00:12:59,611 It was founded by dr. Marla gay. 321 00:12:59,613 --> 00:13:00,879 I see. 322 00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:02,782 It's owned by someone named "gay." 323 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,153 Are you guys fans of dr. Marla gay? 324 00:13:07,155 --> 00:13:08,620 I don't know who that is. 325 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:10,622 Marla gay is also a homosexual. 326 00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,758 She's a famous homosexual veterinarian. 327 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,793 [ laughter ] 328 00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,763 Would either of you like more information 329 00:13:17,765 --> 00:13:19,097 About gay dog summer camp? 330 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,566 Okay, you an just sign up right there. 331 00:13:20,568 --> 00:13:21,700 There you go, sir. 332 00:13:21,702 --> 00:13:24,436 Wow, buddy. Wow, wow, wow. 333 00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:25,637 Oh, my god. 334 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:28,040 You guys are the cutest gay dogs I've ever seen. 335 00:13:28,042 --> 00:13:29,308 [ laughter ] 336 00:13:31,445 --> 00:13:32,511 All right, sal. 337 00:13:32,513 --> 00:13:33,846 You know the routine, here, buddy. 338 00:13:33,848 --> 00:13:37,049 -You want some dog treats? -This is gonna be good. 339 00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:37,983 Here we go, buddy. 340 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,118 The one thing is, I just got 30 seconds 341 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,119 To tell you about what we do. 342 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:42,320 Okay. Yeah. 343 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,122 This is called a "pet naming registry." 344 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,592 When a beloved family dog dies, 345 00:13:46,594 --> 00:13:48,594 It's important to memorialize them, of course. 346 00:13:48,596 --> 00:13:49,795 Right? 347 00:13:49,797 --> 00:13:51,197 So we've created a beautiful and meaningful way 348 00:13:51,199 --> 00:13:52,398 To remember your pet. 349 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:53,732 Here it comes. 350 00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:56,602 We allow the bereaved to name a... 351 00:13:56,604 --> 00:13:58,204 [ laughter ] 352 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,777 So we've created a beautiful and meaningful way 353 00:14:05,779 --> 00:14:07,179 To remember your pet. 354 00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,113 Here it comes. 355 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,916 We allow the bereaved to name a... 356 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,317 [ laughter ] 357 00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,253 We allow the bereaved to name a child 358 00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,922 From a third world country after their departed animal. 359 00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:19,724 Oh. 360 00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:20,592 Okay. 361 00:14:20,594 --> 00:14:22,527 Meet the kids. That's sarge. 362 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:23,661 Aww. 363 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,130 [ laughter ] 364 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,666 That's potato. 365 00:14:27,668 --> 00:14:29,734 He doesn't actually go by "potato." 366 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:30,735 No, well, they do -- 367 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,870 "the child says yearly updates." 368 00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,671 The child sends yearly updates. 369 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:34,806 Wow. 370 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,075 Yeah, it's like almost adopting a child, but, like, 371 00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:39,143 So she's ravioli now. 372 00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,478 That is crazy. 373 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,880 Yeah. I know. 374 00:14:41,882 --> 00:14:46,218 And snickerdoodle is one of our newest. 375 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,352 This is bark twain, 376 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,020 Which is funny 'cause of the first and last name. 377 00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,022 Yeah. 378 00:14:50,024 --> 00:14:51,556 "bark twain." 379 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,691 The good news is, children from flint, michigan, 380 00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:55,227 Are now available for naming. 381 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,229 And first person named in flint, 382 00:14:57,231 --> 00:14:58,563 We have gagootz. 383 00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:00,565 Interesting. 384 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:03,101 "there's an option to meet the children later in life." 385 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,636 There is also -- check this out. 386 00:15:04,638 --> 00:15:06,037 One of the coolest features -- 387 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,972 There's an option to meet the children later in life. 388 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:08,973 Oh, wow. 389 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:09,974 So, let's say, in five years 390 00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,976 You can arrange to meet ravioli. 391 00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:13,778 [ laughter ] 392 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:14,913 If you'd like to put an e-mail, 393 00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,781 I can send you more information about it. 394 00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,050 Sure. Can you just write it for me? 395 00:15:18,052 --> 00:15:20,585 -Sure, sure. -Oh, he got her. 396 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:23,521 Is that e-mail fake@fake.Com? 397 00:15:23,523 --> 00:15:25,123 I got that sig, though. 398 00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,260 [ laughter ] 399 00:15:28,262 --> 00:15:33,131 Announcer: Looks like q signed himself up as tonight's big loser. 400 00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,266 All: Hey! 401 00:15:34,268 --> 00:15:35,733 Q lost, so to help us punish him, 402 00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:39,671 We have actress, director and my dream guest, kim fields. 403 00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:41,539 Kim: So, q, you know that there are times 404 00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:44,276 When a woman can say something, but if a man said 405 00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:48,813 The exact same thing, it sounds a little different. 406 00:15:48,815 --> 00:15:49,948 Yeah. Of course. 407 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,350 So, q, all you have to do is repeat after kim. 408 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,352 For example... 409 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,820 I can't get it up. 410 00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:56,821 So, just hold on one second. 411 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,357 [ laughter ] 412 00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,759 -Hey, guys. -Hi, guys. 413 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:02,961 Both: Hey. 414 00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:04,629 We are so excited that you're on the show. 415 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,898 We've heard for a long time that you're such a massive fan. 416 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:09,968 Listen, I can't wait to put this on my imdb. 417 00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:11,436 Yeah? 418 00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:15,039 I don't like how happy you are about this. 419 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,908 Murr: All right. So, kim, let's get started. 420 00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,176 Please find a lady. 421 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,444 And when you feel like you have one, 422 00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,647 Just get on that escalator with her. 423 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:23,982 She's in. 424 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:27,652 Okay, here we go. "girl, you look so bad." 425 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,920 Girl, you look so bad. 426 00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:30,254 Ooh. You too, girl. 427 00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,789 [ laughter ] 428 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:32,857 Murr: Immediately. 429 00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:35,193 Dude, I see the wash that's come over your face? 430 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:36,394 You do understand exactly how 431 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:37,595 You're delivering that one, right? 432 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:40,131 It's not gonna be, "girl, you look so bad." 433 00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:41,399 No. 434 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,400 I want you to deliver a little bit more like, 435 00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:44,469 "girl, you look so bad." 436 00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,805 [ laughter ] 437 00:16:46,807 --> 00:16:48,673 Are we concerned. 438 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,075 That I'm gonna make her feel bad? 439 00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,345 And then, she'll sign a release, and feel good. 440 00:16:53,347 --> 00:16:56,881 [ laughter ] 441 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,016 I love this. 442 00:16:58,018 --> 00:17:00,885 All right. On the phone. On the phone. On the phone. 443 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,955 All right, q, go. Get her attention. 444 00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:05,489 Here we go. 445 00:17:05,491 --> 00:17:07,559 Excuse me. I'm so sorry. 446 00:17:07,561 --> 00:17:09,227 Girl.... 447 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,895 You look... 448 00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:13,498 So bad. 449 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:16,768 Sal: Oh, my god. Oh, my god. 450 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,307 You asshole. 451 00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,577 Even kim was like... 452 00:17:25,579 --> 00:17:27,779 Reminder -- that was the first one. 453 00:17:27,781 --> 00:17:29,714 Yeah. We started easy. 454 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:32,850 She just looked at me like I was just disgusting. 455 00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,053 Well...I mean... Based on what you said... 456 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:36,688 [ laughter ] 457 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,862 That was so amazingly genuine. 458 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,664 Murr: Here we go. Here we go. Ready? 459 00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,133 "bitch, you look so hot in these clothes." 460 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,203 Bitch, you look so hot in these clothes. 461 00:17:51,205 --> 00:17:52,470 Q: No. 462 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:53,938 [ laughter ] 463 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,474 No. Absolutely. Come on, man. 464 00:17:56,476 --> 00:17:59,343 This line didn't even work for kim. 465 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:02,146 Kim: Bitch, you look so good in that outfit, and that purse. 466 00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:04,082 Work, bitch, work. 467 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,550 [ laughter ] 468 00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,351 She got you on the flip side. 469 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:08,953 Oh, my god. 470 00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:10,288 Okay, q, so that's your line -- 471 00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:12,156 "bitch, you look so good in that outfit. 472 00:18:12,158 --> 00:18:13,825 Work, work, work." 473 00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:15,827 Oh, my god. 474 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,228 I got to call a woman "bitch." 475 00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:18,562 Yes. 476 00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:19,464 All right. Here I go. 477 00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:22,667 -Okay. -Here we go. Here we go. 478 00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:28,172 Hustle it up. Hustle up. 479 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,407 Sal: Oh, god. 480 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:33,912 [ laughter ] 481 00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,149 [ laughter ] 482 00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:40,852 Pussy. 483 00:18:40,854 --> 00:18:42,053 [ laughter ] 484 00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,459 You are the worst. Oh, my goodness. 485 00:18:47,461 --> 00:18:49,594 Come on, q. 486 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,130 He's gonna have to keep riding the escalator. 487 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,999 Dude, I can't get the words out of my mouth. 488 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:57,869 If you strike out again, we're giving you a worse one. 489 00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:58,870 Okay. All right. 490 00:18:58,872 --> 00:19:00,138 I'm gonna say it to this woman. 491 00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,506 -Go fast with it. -Okay. 492 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:08,546 Excuse me. 493 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,614 Yeah? 494 00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,650 -Ooh. -Oh, my god. 495 00:19:16,089 --> 00:19:17,155 Q: Okay. All right. 496 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,390 I'm gonna say it to this woman. 497 00:19:23,897 --> 00:19:26,565 Excuse me. 498 00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:30,034 Bitch... 499 00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:32,503 You look so good in that outfit. 500 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,975 Work. Work. Work. 501 00:19:36,977 --> 00:19:40,979 Work. Work. Work, bitch. 502 00:19:40,981 --> 00:19:45,049 [ laughter ] 503 00:19:45,051 --> 00:19:47,452 Sal: You sound like a serial killer. 504 00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:51,256 "work. Work. Work. Work, bitch. 505 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:53,591 Work. Work, bitch. 506 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,927 Work, bitch. Work. 507 00:19:55,929 --> 00:19:58,062 Work. Work, work. 508 00:19:58,064 --> 00:20:01,132 Work. Work. Work, bitch." 509 00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:05,069 [ laughter ] 510 00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:07,672 Who told you to put an ellipses after "bitch"? 511 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:08,873 Nobody. 512 00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,809 I couldn't get it out. 513 00:20:10,811 --> 00:20:13,478 You barked the command at her, q. 514 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,612 Yeah. Should I change? 515 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,015 -Yes, you should. -What? 516 00:20:17,017 --> 00:20:19,818 Kim, come back here and change, real quick. 517 00:20:19,820 --> 00:20:23,488 All right, q, we did a little costume change for kim. 518 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:24,656 Oh! 519 00:20:28,028 --> 00:20:29,494 She's about 13 months pregnant. 520 00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:30,761 Oh. 521 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,763 This opens some doors for us, as they say. 522 00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,565 Yeah. Are you ready for this? 523 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:35,700 [strained] I'm ready for this. 524 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:36,901 All right, kim, we're ready. 525 00:20:36,903 --> 00:20:39,037 Find somebody, and I'll tell you what to say. 526 00:20:39,039 --> 00:20:41,772 [ groans ] 527 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:42,974 I'm so scared of what I'm gonna have to push 528 00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,709 Out of my body soon. 529 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,444 I'm so scared of what I'm gonna 530 00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:48,179 Have to push out of my body soon. 531 00:20:48,181 --> 00:20:49,580 Ugh. 532 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:50,781 Two big ones. 533 00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:51,916 I got two big ones. 534 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,652 Watch your step. 535 00:20:53,654 --> 00:20:56,921 It's the kicker. It's the kicker every time. 536 00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:00,991 Let's hear you say that to somebody. 537 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:03,928 I got to tell you, I am... 538 00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:07,399 So scared about what I have to push out of my body soon. 539 00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,735 Two big ones. 540 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:16,274 All right, kim. Get back into your normal clothes. 541 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,410 Wouldn't it be great, since you're here... 542 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,611 Yeah? 543 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,681 ...To do a turn with dan kass instead of me. 544 00:21:22,683 --> 00:21:24,148 Wouldn't it be great? 545 00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:25,683 You want the full "impractical jokers" experience, 546 00:21:25,685 --> 00:21:26,817 You know? 547 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:29,020 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 548 00:21:29,022 --> 00:21:30,955 Yeah, so I'm gonna go rogue. 549 00:21:30,957 --> 00:21:32,156 Oh, boy. 550 00:21:32,158 --> 00:21:34,025 Yeah, we're gonna get a little fields joke-ified 551 00:21:34,027 --> 00:21:35,093 Up in this mother. 552 00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,027 Oh, my god. 553 00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:38,362 All right, kim's doing one on her own. 554 00:21:38,364 --> 00:21:39,364 She's going rogue. 555 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:44,368 Wait, what? 556 00:21:44,370 --> 00:21:46,304 What was that? 557 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:47,772 What was that? 558 00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:49,640 I wish you can see the face I'm getting right now. 559 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:52,243 Don't do it. Just don't do it, man. 560 00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:53,778 Kim, just say whatever you want, okay? 561 00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:55,246 We'll follow your lead. 562 00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:57,716 No. Well, you're getting on my nerves. 563 00:21:57,718 --> 00:21:59,049 I'm starting to sweat. 564 00:21:59,051 --> 00:22:00,451 Stop it. 565 00:22:00,453 --> 00:22:02,721 Stop it! 566 00:22:02,723 --> 00:22:04,855 She was getting on my nerves. 567 00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:06,558 So I had to fire her black ass. 568 00:22:08,729 --> 00:22:11,262 Her stank black ass. 569 00:22:11,264 --> 00:22:12,597 No. 570 00:22:12,599 --> 00:22:14,199 There is no world. 571 00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,401 There's no universe. 572 00:22:17,403 --> 00:22:19,870 -Oh, my god. -You got, "fired her ass." 573 00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,406 You got, "fired her black ass." 574 00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:24,875 Then, you've got, "fired her stank black ass." 575 00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,412 There's no way that I... 576 00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:29,080 Can say that. 577 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:31,282 If you say this one, it's over. 578 00:22:31,284 --> 00:22:33,818 I am so nervous. 579 00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:37,155 I just feel like I need a panel... 580 00:22:37,157 --> 00:22:39,090 Of people to tell me this is okay. 581 00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:41,326 You have all the panel you need right there. 582 00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:44,963 I don't have a phone on me. 583 00:22:44,965 --> 00:22:47,298 Okay. Great. 584 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,633 "she was getting on my last nerve, 585 00:22:48,635 --> 00:22:50,234 So I had to fire her black ass." 586 00:22:50,236 --> 00:22:51,369 Yeah. No. 587 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:53,304 -Here we go. -No. 588 00:22:53,306 --> 00:22:55,640 Murr: Go, go, go, go, go. 589 00:22:55,642 --> 00:22:58,309 You're getting on my last nerve. 590 00:22:58,311 --> 00:22:59,510 You're getting on my last nerve. 591 00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:01,579 Murr: Okay, hang up. Deliver the line. 592 00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:04,983 No, I had to -- I had to. I had to fire her black ass. 593 00:23:04,985 --> 00:23:07,318 [ yelling ] 594 00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:12,256 Oh, my god! 595 00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:15,059 Her stank black ass I had to fire. 596 00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,594 [ yelling ] 597 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:20,665 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 598 00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:23,201 Oh, my god! 599 00:23:23,203 --> 00:23:25,203 Oh, my god. 600 00:23:25,205 --> 00:23:27,538 Murr: I can't believe you said it. 601 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,807 Work, bitch. Work, bitch. 602 00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:30,875 Work, bitch. 603 00:23:30,877 --> 00:23:34,278 If it's the last thing I ever do, fields, 604 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:35,746 I'm getting you for this. 605 00:23:35,748 --> 00:23:37,015 Oh, my god. 606 00:23:37,017 --> 00:23:38,082 -You're done. -You are done-done. 607 00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,685 -You're done. You're done. -You are done. 608 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:41,819 You work, bitch. 609 00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:44,755 -Did you see their faces drop? -Yes. 610 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:48,226 I don't know if I've ever, ever, ever, ever felt that way 611 00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:50,028 On this show in my entire life. 612 00:23:50,030 --> 00:23:51,562 I win. 613 00:23:51,564 --> 00:23:53,898 [ cheering and applause ] 614 00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,300 Sal: One more time for kim. 615 00:23:57,303 --> 00:23:58,369 Devil. 616 00:23:58,371 --> 00:23:59,970 You're like the devil. 617 00:23:59,972 --> 00:24:02,907 [ laughs ]