1 00:00:07,274 --> 00:00:11,276 [ laughter ] 2 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:12,277 [ screams ] 3 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,079 Let's just get this started. 4 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,748 Are you [bleep] kidding me? 5 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:17,950 Who's a good girl? 6 00:00:17,952 --> 00:00:20,752 [ laughter ] 7 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,554 [ cymbals crash ] 8 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:26,090 [ laughter ] 9 00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:29,094 Narrator: With special guest michael ian black. 10 00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:31,296 That's awesome. 11 00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,298 [ laughter ] 12 00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,301 Today we are at the american dream mall 13 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,102 Asking people to sign up for a chance 14 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,973 To win a $25 gift card! 15 00:00:40,975 --> 00:00:42,975 Wow! But if you want to be eligible, 16 00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,709 You gotta give us your cellphone number, 17 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,178 And that's when the fun begins. 18 00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,512 That's because the other guys 19 00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:50,182 Will be sending weird text messages on our behalf. 20 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:53,352 Whoever gets the least amount of text messages back loses. 21 00:00:56,991 --> 00:00:58,457 I always feel like when we do these things, 22 00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:01,193 We're in, like, literally in the cia or the fbi, 23 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,928 'cause we have, like, people stationed all over. 24 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:06,331 You guys are like other cia agents. 25 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,266 Wouldn't it be crazy if we solved a crime? 26 00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,402 I solve crimes all the time. What crimes do you solve? 27 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,470 I look out my window with binoculars and I -- 28 00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,539 I search for minor crimes. 29 00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,408 Have you caught any? I've seen a couple, 30 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,876 But I didn't get out of the house 31 00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:19,211 In time to thwart them. 32 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,812 [ laughter ] 33 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,481 Sal, let's try this guy in the red hat. 34 00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:23,948 Hey, how you doing, buddy? Just so you know, 35 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,418 Every single 10 minutes, we give away a $25 gift card 36 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,752 That's good anywhere in this mall. 37 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,689 I take your number, and we text a winner. 38 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,224 Yeah! There we go! 39 00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:33,625 And what was your name? Vinny. 40 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,626 Vinny. And your number, vinny? 41 00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:35,960 201... 42 00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,295 Bam! Got it. 43 00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,097 Okay, so you'll get a text in a second 44 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,632 That you've been entered. Good luck, buddy. 45 00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:41,566 All right. 46 00:01:41,568 --> 00:01:42,701 All right. Thanks. 47 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,504 We got vinny's number. [ laughs ] 48 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:47,439 [ laughter ] 49 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:48,841 Oh, I don't like this. 50 00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:51,376 Oh, the game starts. Here we go. 51 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:52,511 What do we got, guys? 52 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,580 Vinny has "been hit by the sexy van. 53 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:57,982 If you don't forward to 16 people, 54 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:01,186 You will die of a disease." 55 00:02:01,188 --> 00:02:03,187 [ laughing ] oh, my god. Yeah. 56 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,256 Is he writing back? 57 00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:06,991 Oh, yeah, he is in. He is a-laughing. 58 00:02:06,993 --> 00:02:08,993 He wrote back, "what the f?" 59 00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,462 No, he didn't. Did he really? 60 00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:12,864 Well, I guess now he's gonna die of a disease. 61 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,999 [ laughter ] 62 00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,402 This one's exciting. This is a picture of sal. 63 00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,071 Oh, come on, now. You all know it. 64 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:21,539 No. It's a big picture of sal at his worst. 65 00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,275 You're gonna bring this old nugget back? 66 00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,476 I just texted him, 67 00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,344 "this is what I'd look like as a woman. 68 00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:27,612 Would you date me?" 69 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:30,282 And the photo I sent him was that. 70 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,816 [ laughter ] 71 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,485 Oh, my god. 72 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,288 Oh. 73 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:39,357 He wrote back, "you look better as a woman, lol." 74 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,826 [ laughter ] 75 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,962 Touché, vinny. 76 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:45,630 I just got an idea. 77 00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,832 Oh, no! Oh, no! All right. 78 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,701 I just sent a text to vinny, 79 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,703 And I cced casey, our director. 80 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,773 And I wrote, "vinny, I'm ccing my wife, susan. 81 00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:57,442 Sue, this is the cute guy vinny I told you about." 82 00:02:57,444 --> 00:02:58,710 [ laughter ] 83 00:02:58,712 --> 00:03:00,044 Wait. Give me your phone. 84 00:03:00,046 --> 00:03:01,580 [ laughing ] now we've got two phones 85 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,916 Texting vinny. No, no, no, no, no. 86 00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:06,118 Your wife just texted, "hi, vinny!" 87 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,386 [ laughs ] oh, my god. 88 00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,388 We in a group chat now? Yeah, we are. 89 00:03:10,390 --> 00:03:11,523 Oh, god. 90 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,391 All right, your wife just sent him, 91 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,794 "you've been hit by the sexy van. 92 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:17,329 If you don't forward to 15 people, 93 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,197 You will die of a disease." 94 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,732 [ laughter ] 95 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,667 Vinny's been hit twice by the sexy van? 96 00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:24,736 Vinny's getting slaughtered by the sexy van. 97 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,071 [ laughter ] 98 00:03:27,073 --> 00:03:29,407 [ laughs ] 99 00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:32,210 Murr: Vinny's got the thousand-yard stare now. 100 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,812 He's just staring at you. Sal: I know. 101 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:36,881 Sal, your wife just texted vinny a picture of herself. 102 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,617 I just forwarded it to you on your phone so you can see. 103 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,085 "just took a cute new profile pic." 104 00:03:41,087 --> 00:03:42,621 Oh, jesus christ. 105 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:44,556 [ laughter ] 106 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,558 Oh, his reaction! 107 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,826 He's putting his glasses on. 108 00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:49,961 Is he not gonna know this is a joke? 109 00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:51,496 It looks like a meth head. 110 00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,165 [ laughter ] 111 00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:55,299 Is he typing back? He just wrote back, 112 00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,969 "is there something wrong with you?" 113 00:03:56,971 --> 00:04:00,905 [ laughter ] 114 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,774 Just get it over with. Send him a dick pic. 115 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,377 [ laughter ] 116 00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,378 All right, q. 117 00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,579 Excuse me. Hi. My name is brian. 118 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:08,847 I'm giving away american dream gift cards. 119 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,114 I just need your phone number. 120 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:10,982 203... 121 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,184 Oh, immediately. 122 00:04:12,186 --> 00:04:13,317 Oh, oh. What is your name? 123 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:14,318 Gihani. 124 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,453 Okay. Thank you. 125 00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:16,188 Thank you so much. You're welcome. 126 00:04:16,190 --> 00:04:17,522 Sal: Okay, here we go, q. 127 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:20,725 We're gonna start off, "so while we're waiting, 128 00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:22,327 My parents are getting divorced." 129 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:23,728 Send. 130 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,931 [ laughter ] 131 00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,069 She's like, "what do you want me to do?" 132 00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,804 Murr: Q, we just sent a follow-up text -- 133 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,340 "not sure which one I'll wind up with." 134 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,676 [ laughter ] 135 00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,279 She's looking at her phone. 136 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,480 [ laughter ] 137 00:04:42,482 --> 00:04:45,884 She wrote, "lol." it's one text back, buddy. 138 00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:48,352 [ laughter ] 139 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:52,090 We wrote back, "they still gots custody you see. 140 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:55,427 I'm a big boy now, but they still gots custody." 141 00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:56,995 [ laughter ] 142 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,300 She's writing again, q. You're lucking out. 143 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,702 She wrote back, "mama's boy" 144 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,837 With a picture of a little boy. 145 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,040 Let's shift the focus back to her, yeah? 146 00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,241 Yeah, yeah. 147 00:05:09,243 --> 00:05:11,509 "are your parents still together/alive?" 148 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:12,977 [ laughs ] 149 00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:16,248 Oh, what if you get a horrible response, though? 150 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,250 She's writing back! 151 00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:21,986 She's saying, "both alive not together." 152 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,187 All right. Ready? 153 00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:25,323 Ooh! "ooh, dish, bish." 154 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,725 [ laughing ] oh, no, no, no, no. 155 00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,928 [ laughter ] 156 00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:36,268 She literally laughed out loud. 157 00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:38,870 "little princess only child." 158 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,605 Oh, she -- got it. Ah. 159 00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,540 Okay, so we'll answer that with, 160 00:05:42,542 --> 00:05:43,675 "getting my vasectomy tomorrow. 161 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,943 Pretty nervous. What if they cut off 162 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:48,012 The whole ting?!" send. 163 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,247 [ laughter ] 164 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:55,019 Okay. Full tide change. Full tide change. 165 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,021 [bleep] her eyes are like, 166 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,957 "what the [bleep]?" 167 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,225 [ chuckles ] 168 00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:04,228 I-I'm a-gonna go give her the gift card... 169 00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,698 [ laughter ] 170 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,633 You won! 171 00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,568 There you go. There you go. 172 00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,703 Oh, what was funny? 173 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,038 [ laughter ] 174 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:18,376 Q: All right, murr, get this woman sitting next to dan cast. 175 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,044 Oh, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt. 176 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,580 Every 15 minutes, we give away another $25 gift card. 177 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,816 "so I can win 25 clams? [bleep] yeah." 178 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:28,586 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 179 00:06:28,588 --> 00:06:30,522 [ laughter ] 180 00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,258 Hi. What's your name? 181 00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:35,660 Cindy. Hi, cindy. Murr. 182 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:36,995 "you heard about the clams?" 183 00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,998 I don't know if you heard about the aforementioned clams. 184 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,734 We give away 25 clams every 15 minutes. 185 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,602 [ laughter ] 186 00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,671 Would you like to be entered into the contest? 187 00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:47,605 Okay. 188 00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:49,607 [ laughter ] 189 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:52,076 Game's afoot. 190 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:55,880 We're just sending clam, like, gifs and emojis. 191 00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:59,351 "25 clams can be yourz!" 192 00:06:59,353 --> 00:07:00,819 Oh, my god! 193 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,287 [ laughter ] 194 00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,890 She could -- she texted back! What'd she say? 195 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:10,228 "lol. I don't think I want 25 clams, haha." 196 00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:15,633 "I got clams for dayz. I'm the clam man, cindy." 197 00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:19,637 [ laughter ] 198 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:23,041 "lol. More power to you, clam man!" 199 00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,377 That's what she wrote? Yeah. You're the clam man. 200 00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:27,111 The clam man. 201 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,047 Hey, murr, I just sent it. 202 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:31,716 "my grandmother had a clam allergy and it killed her. 203 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,819 First christmas without her this year." 204 00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:37,522 Oh, here we go. Here we go. 205 00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:40,192 [ laughter ] 206 00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:44,862 "oh, man. I'm sorry to hear that." 207 00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:46,398 [ chuckles ] 208 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:49,133 Oh, now that's sincere. 209 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,669 I'll take care of it. 210 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,072 All right, murr, and now we're writing, 211 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,842 "bitch died how she lived -- with a clam in her mouth." 212 00:08:00,346 --> 00:08:02,681 [ laughter ] 213 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,621 "now, that's not nice to say about grammy!" 214 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,424 This is no problem. She's texting up a storm. 215 00:08:12,426 --> 00:08:14,759 Ohhh! Ohhh! 216 00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:16,494 What'd you text? 217 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,696 Oh! Oh, this is changing the game. 218 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,032 Oh, yeah, man. This is changing everything. 219 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,700 [ text message whooshes ] 220 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,668 [ laughter ] 221 00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:28,473 Q: Ohhh! Sal: Ohhh! 222 00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,275 What'd you text? 223 00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,878 I put, "I feel close enough with you. 224 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,413 Does this look infected?" 225 00:08:34,415 --> 00:08:36,482 And it is a disgusting 226 00:08:36,484 --> 00:08:38,884 Puss-y pimpled back. 227 00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:39,886 Come on, guys. 228 00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:44,423 [ laughter ] 229 00:08:44,425 --> 00:08:46,692 Okay. She's stopping. 230 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,494 She looks a little exasperated. 231 00:08:48,496 --> 00:08:49,828 Oh, no. 232 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:52,165 Oh, she's in, buddy. She began to write back. 233 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,767 She goes, "ahhh yah!" 234 00:08:54,769 --> 00:08:55,968 [ laughter ] 235 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,837 Give her the card, man, I guess. 236 00:08:57,839 --> 00:08:59,372 Yeah, just go up to her and -- just give her the card. 237 00:08:59,374 --> 00:09:00,706 Go up to her and give her two gift cards. 238 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:04,109 Cindy, you won the cards. $25 gift card. 239 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:06,045 I am the clam man, and I'm gonna -- 240 00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:09,181 Yes, and I am gonna go "shell-ebrate." yeah. 241 00:09:09,183 --> 00:09:10,716 [ laughter ] 242 00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:13,186 Narrator: Message received. 243 00:09:13,188 --> 00:09:17,256 Sal's first up on the loser board. 244 00:09:17,258 --> 00:09:18,991 Today we are playing security guards 245 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,726 At lot less close-outs. 246 00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,729 And while we're on watch, ready to snap shoplifters' necks 247 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,130 If we have to. We've gotta do and say 248 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,331 What the other guys tell us. 249 00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,001 And if you refuse anything, you lose. 250 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,736 Ahh! 251 00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,038 He wasn't even shoplifting. 252 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:36,675 Sal: All right, baby, 253 00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:38,877 You're a security guard at lot less. 254 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,279 You know that little remote-control device 255 00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:41,480 We put in your pocket? 256 00:09:41,482 --> 00:09:43,015 Yeah. Okay, so take that out. 257 00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:45,684 Ask this woman if she wants to see something really cool. 258 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:46,752 Okay. 259 00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:49,088 -These are $9.99? -$9.99. 260 00:09:49,090 --> 00:09:50,423 Oh, that's cute. 261 00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:51,957 I think so. 262 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,626 You want to see something really cool? 263 00:09:55,362 --> 00:09:57,362 They gave me this new security device here. Mm-hmm. 264 00:09:57,364 --> 00:10:00,165 "it's a microwave infrared sonar sensor." 265 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,368 It's a microwave infrared sonar sensor. 266 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,503 Oh, okay. Yeah. 267 00:10:04,505 --> 00:10:07,840 "with it, I can control anyone in the store." 268 00:10:07,842 --> 00:10:09,642 And it, like, influences the brain a little bit, 269 00:10:09,644 --> 00:10:11,110 Controls them a little bit, like, give it, 270 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,445 You know, minor things. Give it a little -- 271 00:10:12,447 --> 00:10:14,513 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to see it work? 272 00:10:14,515 --> 00:10:16,381 Oka-- no. No. 273 00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:17,583 [ laughter ] 274 00:10:17,585 --> 00:10:19,985 Murr: Q, we got cha coming in as a customer, okay? 275 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,254 Point it at cha. Cha, [indistinct]. 276 00:10:22,256 --> 00:10:24,723 See that girl over there? Watch this. 277 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,325 Cha, go! 278 00:10:26,327 --> 00:10:27,793 [ laughter ] 279 00:10:29,530 --> 00:10:30,930 Isn't that crazy? Yeah. 280 00:10:30,932 --> 00:10:32,698 Murr: She believes it! 281 00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,935 No, no, no. She doesn't know. 282 00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,004 Q, point at her, and cha, knock everything over, cha. 283 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:41,340 And if you hit this other button, watch this. 284 00:10:41,342 --> 00:10:43,075 [ device beeps ] cha, go! 285 00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:46,679 [ laughter ] 286 00:10:46,681 --> 00:10:48,915 It's a security device. Yeah. No, no, it's cool. 287 00:10:50,618 --> 00:10:51,817 Cha: I don't know what's going on. I'm sorry. 288 00:10:51,819 --> 00:10:53,352 Oh, this is crazy! 289 00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,020 It's a theft-prevention device. 290 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,221 "want to see something else cool?" 291 00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,356 Want to see something else cool? 292 00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:58,357 No. 293 00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:00,826 Watch this. No, I really don't. 294 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:02,227 Murr: Cha, dab. 295 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,863 [ laughter ] 296 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,301 [ laughing ] oh, oh, no! 297 00:11:09,303 --> 00:11:10,636 Oh, [bleep] 298 00:11:11,172 --> 00:11:12,705 Yeah. Do you want to try it? 299 00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:14,239 No, no, no. 300 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,375 Cole, can you walk through? 301 00:11:16,377 --> 00:11:17,843 Q, say, "you see the white guy?" 302 00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,378 See the white guy over there? Watch this. 303 00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:20,846 No, don't do that. Mnh-mnh. 304 00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,381 Murr: Go! Drop! 305 00:11:22,383 --> 00:11:23,883 [ laughter ] 306 00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:26,052 Q, hit him again. 307 00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:29,188 Drop, cole. 308 00:11:29,190 --> 00:11:30,890 [ laughter ] 309 00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,159 [ laughs ] 310 00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:36,929 Q, use it on yourself. 311 00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:39,198 Say, "shamone," dab, and fall to the ground. 312 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,599 [ laughter ] 313 00:11:40,601 --> 00:11:42,201 Yeah, I understand. 314 00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:43,869 You know what? I'm gonna put it away. 315 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,470 Shamone! 316 00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,740 [ laughs ] what?! That was not a dab. 317 00:11:47,742 --> 00:11:49,474 She just walked away. 318 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,276 [bleep] I actually hit myself. 319 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,611 [ laughter ] 320 00:11:52,613 --> 00:11:55,680 All right, sal. Security sal. 321 00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,016 Q: Turn to this woman that just walked in and say, 322 00:11:57,018 --> 00:11:58,483 "if you want to shoplift, that's fine. 323 00:11:58,485 --> 00:11:59,818 I just gotta wet my beak a little bit. 324 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,086 I gotta get a taste." 325 00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,888 [ laughter ] 326 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,625 Excuse me, miss. 327 00:12:06,627 --> 00:12:08,627 Straight up, just so you know, straight up, 328 00:12:08,629 --> 00:12:10,629 If you want to take anything, you can. 329 00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:12,231 I'm not gonna stop you. 330 00:12:12,233 --> 00:12:14,833 I just want just a little piece of it. 331 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,202 I gotta wet my beak. 332 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:18,971 Okay? Okay. 333 00:12:18,973 --> 00:12:20,039 All right. 334 00:12:20,041 --> 00:12:22,274 [ laughter ] 335 00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:27,312 Q: Oh, who's this child? 336 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:30,649 Talk to the child. Make sure that's his mom. 337 00:12:30,651 --> 00:12:32,517 Sal, make sure this kid's okay, man. 338 00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:36,255 You'll mess up his "mom" if he needs you to. 339 00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:38,257 Psst! 340 00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:39,592 You good? You're okay? 341 00:12:39,594 --> 00:12:40,793 "you want me to [bleep] her up?" 342 00:12:40,795 --> 00:12:42,461 I'll [bleep] her up, you know? 343 00:12:42,463 --> 00:12:44,997 [ laughter ] 344 00:12:44,999 --> 00:12:47,800 Sal, you're just looking for somebody to [bleep] up today 345 00:12:47,802 --> 00:12:49,668 In the store. [ laughter ] 346 00:12:49,670 --> 00:12:51,670 You're a hammer just looking for a nail. 347 00:12:51,672 --> 00:12:54,006 Ma'am, if anybody troubles you 348 00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:55,540 Or anything like that, just let me know. 349 00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,743 I'm security. I'll [bleep] them up bad. 350 00:12:57,745 --> 00:13:00,613 [ laughter ] 351 00:13:00,615 --> 00:13:02,615 Another kid? Is that her mom? 352 00:13:02,617 --> 00:13:03,616 Is that your mom? 353 00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:05,618 Okay, 'cause if it's not, I'll [bleep] her up. 354 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:07,686 [ laughter ] 355 00:13:07,688 --> 00:13:09,888 Ma'am, if anybody looks at you cockeyed, 356 00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,223 I'll [bleep] them up for you. 357 00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:13,758 Oh... All right. Okay. 358 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,962 Sal, adopt a signature [bleep]-up move. 359 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,765 If anybody here gives you a little bit of a weird feeling, 360 00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,700 Let me know. I'll [bleep] them up. 361 00:13:21,702 --> 00:13:22,835 [ laughter ] 362 00:13:22,837 --> 00:13:25,037 Anybody in here bothers you, let me know. 363 00:13:25,039 --> 00:13:26,038 I'll [bleep] [bleep] in... 364 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:27,239 Appreciate it. Yeah, man. 365 00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:28,907 Thank you, sir. Let me know. 366 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,776 [ laughter ] 367 00:13:30,778 --> 00:13:32,111 Can I get my umbrella? 368 00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:33,178 Yes. Your umbrella. Uh... 369 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,313 Murr: If people want their umbrella back, 370 00:13:34,315 --> 00:13:35,514 They gotta give you the claim ticket. 371 00:13:35,516 --> 00:13:37,249 [ sighs ] 372 00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,917 [ laughter ] 373 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:41,186 Do you have the ticket? 374 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,254 Never give that umbrella back 375 00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,388 Or you lose. 376 00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,589 Let me tell you, I'm in a bad way. 377 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,459 You know, everybody today is yelling at me. 378 00:13:46,461 --> 00:13:48,327 This is where I gotta draw the line. 379 00:13:48,329 --> 00:13:50,262 "no ticket, no umbrella." 380 00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,665 [ laughter ] 381 00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,667 No ticket, no umbrella. 382 00:13:54,669 --> 00:13:56,335 [ sad music plays ] 383 00:13:56,337 --> 00:13:57,870 Can't do it. 384 00:13:57,872 --> 00:14:00,405 My hands are tied. I can't do it no more. 385 00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:02,141 "I got two weeks left on the job. 386 00:14:02,143 --> 00:14:04,209 Just give this one to me." 387 00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:08,013 I retire in two weeks. I'm looking for a small win. 388 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,748 "just give me the small win, sir. 389 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,484 My dick don't work." 390 00:14:11,486 --> 00:14:13,418 [ laughter ] 391 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,287 If I'm being honest, 392 00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,222 I don't know, man. My dick don't work. 393 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,291 After a certain age, nobody's dick working. 394 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,494 [ laughter ] 395 00:14:23,764 --> 00:14:25,630 I'm ready to protect lot less. 396 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:29,301 Murr, we're sending in a greased-up boy. 397 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:31,303 Catch him. [ laughter ] 398 00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,772 It's your nemesis. He's back in the store. Get him. 399 00:14:33,774 --> 00:14:35,240 What are you talking about? 400 00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,841 Where is he? 401 00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,511 [ laughing ] oh, there he is. 402 00:14:38,513 --> 00:14:40,179 You gotta catch the greased-up boy. 403 00:14:40,181 --> 00:14:41,446 [ laughter ] 404 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,048 Why are you so greasy? 405 00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:43,883 [ laughter ] 406 00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:49,168 Sal: Murr, we're sending in a greased-up boy. 407 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,103 Catch him. [ laughter ] 408 00:14:51,105 --> 00:14:52,971 Q: It's your nemesis. He's back in the store. 409 00:14:52,973 --> 00:14:54,206 Get him. 410 00:14:56,043 --> 00:14:57,376 Gets to movin'. 411 00:14:57,378 --> 00:14:58,711 Murr: Sir, you can't -- 412 00:14:58,713 --> 00:15:00,513 You can't walk around shirtless in the store, 413 00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:02,581 Greased-up like a boy. 414 00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:04,249 [ laughter ] 415 00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,318 You can't be greased in here, sir. 416 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,186 You have to -- you have to leave. 417 00:15:07,188 --> 00:15:08,721 Well, stop me! 418 00:15:08,723 --> 00:15:11,991 Excuse me, sir. Can't be greased up in -- 419 00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:14,660 You can't -- sir. 420 00:15:14,662 --> 00:15:17,930 Excuse me. I'm security here. 421 00:15:17,932 --> 00:15:19,598 "guys, I may need backup." 422 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:20,733 Security. I need backup here. 423 00:15:20,735 --> 00:15:21,800 Come on, help me out. 424 00:15:21,802 --> 00:15:23,468 Why are you so greasy? 425 00:15:23,470 --> 00:15:26,005 [ laughter ] 426 00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:27,873 Sal: Galloping like a greased-up gazelle. 427 00:15:27,875 --> 00:15:29,141 Does this guy live here? 428 00:15:29,143 --> 00:15:30,543 Look at these two. 429 00:15:30,545 --> 00:15:32,411 Ma'am, can you help me with this? 430 00:15:32,413 --> 00:15:33,412 He's so grea-- 431 00:15:33,414 --> 00:15:36,481 It's impossible to grab onto. 432 00:15:36,483 --> 00:15:38,283 [ laughs ] ah... 433 00:15:38,285 --> 00:15:41,686 [ both humming "yakety sax" ] 434 00:15:41,688 --> 00:15:43,756 [ laughter ] 435 00:15:43,758 --> 00:15:45,157 Oh, my god. 436 00:15:45,159 --> 00:15:53,466 ♪♪ 437 00:15:54,969 --> 00:15:56,168 Can you believe this guy? 438 00:15:56,170 --> 00:15:58,103 "yeah, well, I'm a greased-up boy." 439 00:15:58,105 --> 00:16:00,705 I'm a greased-up boy. 440 00:16:00,707 --> 00:16:02,507 All right, murr, go get him. 441 00:16:02,509 --> 00:16:06,711 ♪♪ 442 00:16:06,713 --> 00:16:08,847 [ laughter ] 443 00:16:08,849 --> 00:16:16,188 ♪♪ 444 00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,189 [ laughter ] 445 00:16:17,191 --> 00:16:19,191 Murr: This is not funny, man! 446 00:16:19,193 --> 00:16:21,093 [ laughter ] 447 00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,264 "don't grease shame me!" 448 00:16:25,266 --> 00:16:28,133 Don't grease shame me. It's 2022! 449 00:16:28,135 --> 00:16:30,269 This is gonna air in 2023. 450 00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:32,805 [ laughter ] 451 00:16:32,807 --> 00:16:34,873 "I will never un-grease!" 452 00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:36,675 I will never un-grease! Why?! 453 00:16:36,677 --> 00:16:38,677 Because I'm a greased-up boy! 454 00:16:38,679 --> 00:16:41,346 -But why?! -Because that's who I am! 455 00:16:41,348 --> 00:16:43,081 [ laughter ] 456 00:16:43,083 --> 00:16:44,483 Q: "I'm just a greased-up boy." 457 00:16:44,485 --> 00:16:45,884 I'm just a greased-up boy. 458 00:16:45,886 --> 00:16:47,286 "standing in front of a security guard." 459 00:16:47,288 --> 00:16:48,754 Standing in front of a security guard. 460 00:16:48,756 --> 00:16:49,888 "wanting him to love me." 461 00:16:49,890 --> 00:16:52,157 Wanting him to love me. 462 00:16:52,159 --> 00:16:53,959 When you say it like that... 463 00:16:53,961 --> 00:16:59,498 ♪♪ 464 00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,500 You son of a -- 465 00:17:01,502 --> 00:17:03,168 I can't catch him. 466 00:17:03,170 --> 00:17:03,969 Come here. 467 00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:05,237 Son of a... 468 00:17:05,239 --> 00:17:06,739 [ laughter ] 469 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:10,375 Narrator: Sal secured himself a loss, 470 00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:13,512 Making him tonight's big loser. 471 00:17:13,514 --> 00:17:14,513 -Hey! -Hey! 472 00:17:14,515 --> 00:17:15,714 It's time for sal's punishment. 473 00:17:15,716 --> 00:17:17,650 So helping us out today is comedian, actor, 474 00:17:17,652 --> 00:17:19,452 Writer, and friend, michael ian black. 475 00:17:19,454 --> 00:17:20,919 -Okay, sal. -Yes. 476 00:17:20,921 --> 00:17:23,922 Tonight, we're throwing a christmas-themed 477 00:17:23,924 --> 00:17:25,724 Charity event for kids and their parents. 478 00:17:25,726 --> 00:17:28,727 And we have hired you and some catering staff 479 00:17:28,729 --> 00:17:31,463 To work as elves for the event. Okay. 480 00:17:31,465 --> 00:17:33,131 Q: And before the event, michael's gonna throw 481 00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:34,533 A little orientation and make sure 482 00:17:34,535 --> 00:17:36,268 That you elves stay in character. 483 00:17:36,270 --> 00:17:37,202 I'll teach you how to be an elf. 484 00:17:37,204 --> 00:17:39,604 You'll be oriented. Okay. 485 00:17:39,606 --> 00:17:42,341 Murr: [ laughing ] sal, look at you. 486 00:17:42,343 --> 00:17:43,475 Hey, michael. Hey, everybody. 487 00:17:43,477 --> 00:17:44,677 How's it going, bud? 488 00:17:44,679 --> 00:17:46,211 Hey, everybody. I'm michael. 489 00:17:46,213 --> 00:17:47,412 Thanks for being here. 490 00:17:47,414 --> 00:17:50,883 All right, michael ian black has entered the fray. 491 00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,284 Today you guys are gonna be the elves. 492 00:17:52,286 --> 00:17:54,753 Staying in characters obviously important around the kids. 493 00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:56,621 So that's why we have these elf costumes. 494 00:17:56,623 --> 00:17:59,758 Murr: These are people hired to work as caterers tonight, 495 00:17:59,760 --> 00:18:02,227 But they gotta go through the training first, right? 496 00:18:02,229 --> 00:18:03,962 This is gonna be a great group, I can tell already. 497 00:18:03,964 --> 00:18:05,964 So if everybody could just get on their feet. 498 00:18:05,966 --> 00:18:07,366 Thanks so much. 499 00:18:07,368 --> 00:18:09,301 It helps to have a character, to have your back story, 500 00:18:09,303 --> 00:18:10,635 Just because these kids -- 501 00:18:10,637 --> 00:18:12,437 They want to know what your elf name is. 502 00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,507 They want to know where you're from. 503 00:18:14,509 --> 00:18:15,774 "can we just skip this shit 504 00:18:15,776 --> 00:18:18,176 And jump straight to handing out cocktail wieners?" 505 00:18:18,178 --> 00:18:19,578 I mean, I wouldn't mind skipping the improv shit 506 00:18:19,580 --> 00:18:21,046 And going straight to learning how to serve 507 00:18:21,048 --> 00:18:23,549 The cocktail wieners or whatever the hell. 508 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,052 [ laughter ] 509 00:18:27,054 --> 00:18:30,723 I'm -- I'm, uh, I'm peppermint snaps. 510 00:18:30,725 --> 00:18:33,626 I-I'm the one who makes the ornaments. 511 00:18:35,462 --> 00:18:38,463 Great. Thank you, peppermint snap. 512 00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:40,299 [ laughter ] 513 00:18:43,070 --> 00:18:44,937 He's [bleep] with sal. 514 00:18:44,939 --> 00:18:47,005 Q: Yeah. Really subtle, too. 515 00:18:47,007 --> 00:18:49,808 All right, so why don't we get two people up 516 00:18:49,810 --> 00:18:51,209 Just to role play the kind of things 517 00:18:51,211 --> 00:18:52,611 You can expect with the kids. 518 00:18:52,613 --> 00:18:54,947 Sprinkle, you're asking snowflake 519 00:18:54,949 --> 00:18:57,216 About life on the north pole. 520 00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:59,418 Sal, interject at the top and say, 521 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:01,220 "okay, and we see they're both naked." 522 00:19:01,222 --> 00:19:03,021 Hey, how are things at the north pole? 523 00:19:03,023 --> 00:19:05,758 We notice both elves are naked. 524 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:07,092 Wait, what? 525 00:19:07,094 --> 00:19:08,493 [ laughter ] 526 00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:10,829 Like a technique to paint the scene. 527 00:19:10,831 --> 00:19:12,831 "we see both elves are jewish." 528 00:19:12,833 --> 00:19:15,367 [ laughter ] 529 00:19:15,369 --> 00:19:18,437 We notice both elves are jewish. 530 00:19:18,439 --> 00:19:19,972 Jewish? Is that what you said? Yes. 531 00:19:19,974 --> 00:19:22,241 It's a -- we're not gonna bring religion into it. 532 00:19:22,243 --> 00:19:24,376 Sal, isn't michael ian black jewish? 533 00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:25,978 Aren't you jewish, though? 534 00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:27,112 Yeah. 535 00:19:27,114 --> 00:19:29,114 Accuse him of cultural appropriation. 536 00:19:29,116 --> 00:19:31,283 I'm just saying, cultural appropriation a little bit. 537 00:19:32,453 --> 00:19:33,786 Probably. 538 00:19:33,788 --> 00:19:35,187 I'm just trying to help kids, so... 539 00:19:35,189 --> 00:19:37,389 Yeah. Mazel. Mazel. 540 00:19:38,592 --> 00:19:42,194 [ laughter ] 541 00:19:42,196 --> 00:19:44,463 She's crying, literally. 542 00:19:44,465 --> 00:19:46,498 Crying tears. 543 00:19:48,002 --> 00:19:50,335 Do you role play? You want to role play more? 544 00:19:50,337 --> 00:19:51,936 Okay. Do you want to give us a suggestion? 545 00:19:51,938 --> 00:19:54,739 September 12th. [ laughs ] 546 00:19:54,741 --> 00:19:56,274 Well, I'm a new yorker. 547 00:19:56,276 --> 00:19:59,411 My example was September 12th, you know? 548 00:19:59,413 --> 00:20:01,546 September 12th? 549 00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:04,016 Murr: Look at their faces! Look at their faces. 550 00:20:04,018 --> 00:20:06,218 Peppermint snap, why don't you come up 551 00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:08,553 And you can do the September 12th thing? 552 00:20:08,555 --> 00:20:09,554 Come on up. 553 00:20:09,556 --> 00:20:12,024 [ laughter ] 554 00:20:12,026 --> 00:20:14,026 Is it the year 2001? 555 00:20:14,028 --> 00:20:15,294 No, not necessarily. 556 00:20:15,296 --> 00:20:16,629 Okay. 557 00:20:16,631 --> 00:20:19,097 Start the scene by saying "how about yesterday, huh?" 558 00:20:19,099 --> 00:20:21,366 [ laughter ] 559 00:20:21,368 --> 00:20:23,101 Yeah, and scene. 560 00:20:23,103 --> 00:20:24,569 Hi. Hey. 561 00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:25,638 How are things going? 562 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,107 All right, but... How about yesterday? 563 00:20:29,109 --> 00:20:31,510 [ laughter ] 564 00:20:33,313 --> 00:20:34,847 The world isn't always a good place, 565 00:20:34,849 --> 00:20:36,515 But we keep the lists of naughty and nice. 566 00:20:36,517 --> 00:20:38,984 I feel like you are setting this in 2001. 567 00:20:38,986 --> 00:20:42,521 [ laughter ] 568 00:20:42,523 --> 00:20:44,523 Why don't we just start the scene one more time? 569 00:20:44,525 --> 00:20:45,991 Let's refresh. Okay. Okay. 570 00:20:45,993 --> 00:20:48,193 And nothing to do with September 11th. 571 00:20:48,195 --> 00:20:49,862 Yeah, of course. Of course. 572 00:20:49,864 --> 00:20:52,264 Murr: "if we don't get into the holiday spirit..." 573 00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:54,333 If we don't get into the holiday spirit... 574 00:20:54,335 --> 00:20:56,134 "...The terrorists have won." 575 00:20:56,136 --> 00:20:57,602 The terrorists have won. 576 00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:59,271 Again, stop, stop. No, not from September 11th. 577 00:20:59,273 --> 00:21:01,406 No, I understand. 578 00:21:01,408 --> 00:21:03,075 I was thinking of a movie that I just watched. 579 00:21:03,077 --> 00:21:05,210 And that was a mistake. It was a mistake. 580 00:21:05,212 --> 00:21:07,145 Q: Sal, "I was talking about pearl harbor that time." 581 00:21:07,147 --> 00:21:09,081 I was talking about -- did you ever see "pearl harbor"? 582 00:21:09,083 --> 00:21:11,350 Again, like, I-I -- let's take a seat. 583 00:21:11,352 --> 00:21:13,418 And that was great. 584 00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,020 [ laughing ] "that's great." 585 00:21:15,022 --> 00:21:17,890 Does anybody have any questions before we... 586 00:21:17,892 --> 00:21:19,157 Yeah, sal, you've got a question. 587 00:21:19,159 --> 00:21:19,958 Raise your hand. 588 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,293 I don't want to be that guy. 589 00:21:21,295 --> 00:21:22,561 Well, you kind of are. 590 00:21:22,563 --> 00:21:23,828 "whose candy cane do you have to suck 591 00:21:23,830 --> 00:21:25,698 To get the santa job next year?" 592 00:21:25,700 --> 00:21:27,900 [ laughter ] 593 00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:33,546 Murr: Yeah, sal, you've got a question. 594 00:21:33,548 --> 00:21:34,681 Raise your hand. 595 00:21:34,683 --> 00:21:36,617 Sal: A question. I don't want to be that guy. 596 00:21:36,619 --> 00:21:37,818 Well, you kind of are. 597 00:21:37,820 --> 00:21:39,352 "whose candy cane do you have to suck 598 00:21:39,354 --> 00:21:40,621 To get the santa job next year?" 599 00:21:40,623 --> 00:21:43,290 [ laughter ] 600 00:21:43,292 --> 00:21:45,892 Are you santa every year? Yes. 601 00:21:45,894 --> 00:21:47,961 Ah, I'm just -- your job seems the most fun. 602 00:21:47,963 --> 00:21:50,630 So I'm wondering... We do -- we have a great time. 603 00:21:50,632 --> 00:21:51,764 ...Whose candy cane do I have to suck 604 00:21:51,766 --> 00:21:53,233 To get that job next year? 605 00:21:53,235 --> 00:21:56,969 [ laughter ] 606 00:21:56,971 --> 00:21:58,639 I guess it would be mine. 607 00:21:58,641 --> 00:22:02,375 [ laughter ] 608 00:22:02,377 --> 00:22:06,513 ♪♪ 609 00:22:06,515 --> 00:22:08,581 [ sighs ] 610 00:22:08,583 --> 00:22:10,117 Any more questions? 611 00:22:12,387 --> 00:22:13,786 Q: All right, sal, we got a surprise for you 612 00:22:13,788 --> 00:22:15,922 Coming in right now. 613 00:22:15,924 --> 00:22:16,857 -Oh, hi. -Hi. 614 00:22:16,859 --> 00:22:17,858 -Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. -Hi. 615 00:22:17,860 --> 00:22:19,392 -Can I help you? -I'm so sorry. 616 00:22:19,394 --> 00:22:22,395 I was hoping he can see santa a little early. 617 00:22:22,397 --> 00:22:23,596 Murr: Sal, no. 618 00:22:23,598 --> 00:22:25,866 Shut them down. 619 00:22:25,868 --> 00:22:27,734 We're just getting ready for the party. 620 00:22:27,736 --> 00:22:30,203 It'll be -- it'll be just a little while. 621 00:22:30,205 --> 00:22:33,940 Break the kid's heart, sal. "get out!" 622 00:22:33,942 --> 00:22:35,542 Get out! 623 00:22:35,544 --> 00:22:38,144 [ laughter ] 624 00:22:38,146 --> 00:22:40,480 Tell her to get out in your elf voice. 625 00:22:40,482 --> 00:22:41,814 [ high-pitched voice ] get out! 626 00:22:41,816 --> 00:22:43,349 Get out! 627 00:22:43,351 --> 00:22:45,151 [ laughter ] 628 00:22:45,153 --> 00:22:47,420 Peppermint snap, thank you. 629 00:22:47,422 --> 00:22:49,089 [ laughter ] 630 00:22:49,091 --> 00:22:51,224 Oh, my god! 631 00:22:55,497 --> 00:22:58,698 [ chuckles softly ] 632 00:22:58,700 --> 00:23:00,901 Look at this dead silence. 633 00:23:00,903 --> 00:23:05,037 Oh, my god. It's so uncomfortable. 634 00:23:05,039 --> 00:23:06,506 It's so uncomfortable. 635 00:23:06,508 --> 00:23:08,841 Q: Holy [bleep] this room! 636 00:23:08,843 --> 00:23:11,377 Sal, maybe just get up and leave. 637 00:23:11,379 --> 00:23:13,179 Probably maybe I should go. 638 00:23:13,181 --> 00:23:15,848 So maybe I'll just go. 639 00:23:15,850 --> 00:23:17,117 Leave the ears. 640 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:18,318 [ laughter ] 641 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:19,986 Have him take everything off one by one. 642 00:23:19,988 --> 00:23:22,389 And the smock. 643 00:23:22,391 --> 00:23:24,190 The shorts. 644 00:23:24,192 --> 00:23:25,792 The shorts are mine. 645 00:23:25,794 --> 00:23:27,661 Those are elf shorts. Take them off. 646 00:23:29,731 --> 00:23:31,331 Okay. 647 00:23:31,333 --> 00:23:36,269 ♪♪ 648 00:23:36,271 --> 00:23:38,271 The socks, too. No, no. 649 00:23:38,273 --> 00:23:40,206 The socks. No. 650 00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:41,674 I'm not doing that. 651 00:23:41,676 --> 00:23:43,944 Murr: [ laughing ] this is so uncomfortable. 652 00:23:43,946 --> 00:23:46,879 Look at sal's legs. 653 00:23:46,881 --> 00:23:48,181 Dude, you're going the wrong way. 654 00:23:49,217 --> 00:23:51,284 [ laughter ] 655 00:23:53,956 --> 00:23:56,889 Look at their reactions! 656 00:23:56,891 --> 00:23:58,358 Well done. Ah! 657 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,293 Michael ian black. Oh! 658 00:24:00,295 --> 00:24:01,495 Well done.